aidansshittyfanfictions

[aidansshittyfanfictions]

Reach out your hand

Pairing - Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category - hurt/comfort

Warnings - mentions of rape/past trauma, shitty writing

Word count - 1384

Episode - Aftermath (2x5)

Summary - You're working on the serial rape case and keep getting flashbacks to when you got raped. You can't sleep and don't want to be alone, so you go to Spencer.

Notes - This is kinda also for me to vent throught stories. I changed it though, just so it fits the story more and I dont have to talk about it exactly. Please don't ask.

I laid in the hotel bed, looking at the ceiling. I can't sleep. And I don't want to look at the case anymore. It reminds me of that day too much. The day I will never forget. I thought it was better now, but this case made me think about it - obsess over it - again.

I felt like I needed to get back to my old habits again. I felt the hands grabbing me again. I felt like I needed to push them away again. Even though I knew they were not there I still brushed my body, as if they actually were. But I couldn't get them off of me.

It made me feel dirty again, but now I know I am not the dirty one, he was. He still is.

I looked at the ceiling, trying to get my head empty. But I couldn't. The memories kept coming back, as if it never ended. I hid my face in my arms. And being like this reminded me of the day again too much. I sat up and curled into a ball. Just now I realized tears were running down my face.

I tried to fight it, but I couldn't anymore. I got up, took my towel and went straight into the bathroom. I was glad there was a bath and not just a shower. I got the water running and sat down on the floor, waiting for the bathtub to fill up.

I don't want to be like this anymore. I wish I never had to be like this. I wish people would just stop doing bad shit. But that's why I'm here.

I listened to the water, hoping it would calm me down. I'm not sure if it did. I had a mixes reaction. Crying more, but feeling like it was going to be okay. After the tub was filled I stopped the water. I got my clothes off, getting reminded of it again. I got inside. I stayed there for maybe an hour, still thinking of everything that happened.

I realized there is only one thing I actually wanted to do. I got out of the tub and back in my clothes and went to Reids room. I stood before the door, getting the courage to knock. I needed to see him, but I didn't want to bother him.

The door next to me opened. It was Elles room, but Elle wasn't the one to come out. It was Reid. He looked shocked to see me. "Oh hey, Y/N, do you need something?"

I didn't know what to say, I was just staring at him.

He looked into my eyes "Have you been crying? Are you okay?"

"I'm not" I replied "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

He opened his door to let me in. I came and sat on one of the chairs that was in the room. He sat in front of me. I was getting the courage to start talking, while Reid just stared at me. He knew he didn't have to say anything yet. That I would start talking.

"This case is kind of messing me up" I started. "I've been having a lot of flashbacks" I told him. This wasn't the first time I've talked about this with someone from the team. I've talked about it with Hotch before we got here, because I felt like he needed to know as my supervisor. He told me that if I wasn't well I could just stay in my room. I couldn't stop working this though. I wanted to protect them.

A tear ran down my face as I thought about how I also thought I could be safe there. I ran my hands through my hair and put them on the table. I decided to tell him. To finally tell someone in detail.

"When I was seventeen I had a boyfriend. He was tall, strong jaw, dark hair, brown eyes, smart, sweet" I looked up at him and realized that my type hasn't hanged. "At least I thought he was sweet. I was head over heels for him" I awkwardly laughed, remembering how stupid in love I was. "One day I was staying at his house for a few days" thinking about it made me shiver, but I needed to talk about it. "The third day he went out with some friends to drink. When he got back, I was already sleeping" I felt like my arms froze and I realized I couldn't talk anymore, but I had to, I had to say it. "I got woken up when he grabbed me by the neck." And I realized I still couldn't do it. I couldn't say the word. Not in this context. "It was the longest two hours of my life."

I looked up at him and he obviously understood. "Y/N, I'm so sorry that happened to you." Reid reached out to me and firmly took my hand.

"Can I stay here tonight?" I asked him. I'm not sure if that is why I came here or not.

He looked shocked for a moment "Of course" he said. "Can I do anything else for you?" he offered.

"No" I declined "this is more than enough." I realized how tired he must be. How tired I actually was. I let go of his hand to wipe my tears. "Can we go sleep?" I asked him.

He got up with his usual anxious behaviour when it came to situations like this. He reached into his bag. "I can lend you a shirt" he handed me a short sleeved gray t-shirt.

I took it and thanked him.

"I would also give you pants, but I think they'd be too big."

I laughed and nodded. "It's good. The shirt is big, it will be okay."

He took his own pyjamas. "I'll change in the bathroom" he said and before I could respond he disappeared.

I put on the shirt after taking off my clothes. I folded it and put it on one of the chairs. I sat on the bed and waited for him. After a moment I heard him "Hey, can I come in?"

"Yeah" I shouted back at him. He came out and sat next to me.

"I can sleep on the floor if you want" he proposed.

"No, it's fine" I said "I think we both can fit." That wasn't it all. "I want to feel protected." I added, realizing moments later.

He smiled at me. "I will do that." He got up and went on the other side of the bed.

I laid down and turned to see him and he did the same. He gave me a reassuring smile. Or maybe he wanted a reassuring smile back.

And I gave it to him. "Can I hold your hand?" I asked him.

He reached his hand to me again and I took it, holding it tightly. I was really tired. I didn't have a filter anymore. "Spencer" I said. This was probably the first time I called him by his first name. "I love you."

He sweetly smiled at me. "I love you too, Y/N." I couldn't remember anything after that. I fell asleep. I just knew I had nothing to be afraid of. That I would be fine.

In the morning I woke up to see Spencer looking at me and smiling. He brushed my hair out of my face. I'm assuming he did that every time the hair got there. Or I hope so. I hoped he liked looking at me.

"Good morning" I whispered. I could get used to this, looking at that beautiful face.

Before he could say anything we got interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Reid, have you seen Y/N?" It was Hotch.

I think he was worried about me and went to look for me. Reid jumped out of the bed to open the door and I followed him. When he opened the door Hotch looked around. When he saw me he looked relieved. "Oh" was all he managed to say.

"She didn't want to be alone" Spencer explained.

"I know" Hotch said. He looked happy that I reached for help. And I think he knew Reid was the only one I trusted enough.

[aidansshittyfanfictions]

Marked with your fingers

Pairing - Spencer Reid x reader

Category - drama, gender neutral

Warnings - shitty writing, non-explicit talk about sex, sexual choking, workplace affection

Word count - 1161

Summary - You wake up after a night of kinky sex with your coworker, but you are left with marks to remind you (and tell everyone else) about it.

Notes - I started watching the show a few days ago, I'm at the end of season one and I'm in love with Reid.

I woke up with no one besides me. I got up and went straight into the bathroom, hoping it was empty, or at least unlocked. He wasn't there, I'm guessing he was making breakfast.

I ran some cold water over my hands and cleaned my face. I looked into the mirror while drying it. I saw how bad my bruising was. I wouldn't care as much if it was just the hickeys, what actually bothered me was the hand print. I took out my makeup bag, looking for a concealer.

I felt the hands that did this to me around my waist. The man standing behind me pulled me closer and kissed my neck. "Good morning, darling" he greeted me, kissing me again. I could get used to this.

He pulled away and looked at my neck, feeling awkward. "Sorry for this" he brushed his finger tips on the purple parts of my neck. It quite comforted me.

"You got a little too into it" I chuckled.

"Does it hurt?" he asked worryingly.

"Not anymore" I smiled. I could see he felt bad for doing this to me. It hurt a little when he started, but thankfully he understood my gestures and went a little softer, still not completely right though. "Hey, stop this. I asked for this" I laughed, trying to make him feel better and less guilty. "I'm the one who didn't tell you how to do it properly."

He turned me around. "Show me then" he asked me.

Now I understand why he hesitated at first. He didn't want to hurt me, just like I don't want to hurt him. I can't imagine how he must feel right now after actually hurting me. But at least I know what I'm doing. "It's not as much about restricting breath" I started explaining, putting my hand on his neck "I mean, it is, just don't do it as hard." I found the veins on the side of his neck with my fingers. "It's more about the oxygen in your blood." I put some preassure on them, while putting very little preassure on his throat. "Sort of like this" I let go of him.

I tried to make out his expression. Did he like it? I thought I heard a soft moan. He was probably just surprised.

I gave him a quick peck. "Let's get breakfast" I offered. "I can make us pancakes."

"I already ate" he told me "I have to go soon. I have some errands to run." I realized he was already dressed. And that I already knew he ate. He wasn't in bed, not in the bathroom. I'm an idiot when I'm in love.

"Okay, I'll see you at work" I gave him one last quick kiss on the cheek before he disappeared. It felt like he almost ran out of the apartment, considering how fast he was gone. He didn't even kiss me back. Maybe he thinks this was a mistake. And maybe he's right about that.

I put on my makeup, trying to hide my bruises. It didn't really work. I don't have any clean turtlenecks at the moment. I put on a sweater with the highest collar I've got. I got my bag and when to work.

When I got there, Spencer was already at his desk with his nose buried in a file, but as if he sensed me, he looked up to say hi. I only smiled at him in response.

I took my own file I was working on with Morgan. He came to my desk right when he noticed me. "Hey did you make any progress-" he stopped and pulled down my collar. "Oh my god, what happened to you?"

I gulped loudly. This is exactly what I didn't want. "It's nothing, I'm fine" I smiled.

"Hey, if someone hurt you... I can help you" he's always like this to me. He always tried to protect me, as if he was an older brother I've always wanted. A guardian angel.

I sighed "I can reassure you, I'm fine." I looked up and met Spencers eyes. We both couldn't hold our smiles.

Morgan followed my stare. "Holy shit" he gasped "you slept with Reid" he whispered to me "AND you're kinky."

I lightly punched his arm. "Shut up" I grained through my teeth "at least not here!"

He laughed. "Okay, lover bird, just go work on our case." It was just some finishing paperwork. Adding some details, re-wording the report to look and sound better. I was done in about two hours.

I finally got up to go to the bathroom. In the mirror I saw that it was still pretty visible, but there's nothing I can do now. I stared at it for a while, getting reminded of last night. Was it really bad? Did I do something wrong? Did he get scared that next time I'd want something worse? I scared him away. Why am I like this?

I got out and got greeted by Spencer standing next to the door.

"Oh, hi" I said surprised.

"You haven't said a word the whole morning" he said.

I realized he was right. I usually talked to him almost non-stop. I was in love with him for the past four years and it was hard to admit to myself or to him, so I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I was scared this was just a onetime thing and I didn't want it to hurt even more.

"I'm sorry" I couldn't get myself to say anything else. "We were drunk and I just..."

He cut me off: "Why does that matter? Are you scared I don't actually like you?"

I nodded. "You left so soon and I just- I thought you thought it was a mistake."

"No! I've liked you for years!" he defended himself. "And I really had to go, I was even late for my appointment, because I wanted to spend time with you." He sighed. "I didn't want to do this but..."

I looked up interested in what he was going to do. He took my face and pressed his lips against mine. I closed my eyes to feel it. This kiss was better than our first. This one felt real, not just like an animal-like need. It felt like real butterflies. It felt like flying.

He pulled away. "Do you still think I don't like you?"

I brushed his hair. "Inappropriate" I laughed.

"I'll see you today at my place" he invited me.

I smiled and nodded: "I'll make us dinner" and left to go back to my desk.

"Not even a kiss?" he complained.

"You didn't give me one in the morning either" I reminded him.

"Please, just one." I could tell he was doing puppy dog eyes just by the sound of his voice. I can never resist him.

I turned around and kissed his cheek. "You'll get more after dinner."