ahhhitssamwise

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Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

You really have lost control of your life.

[ahhhitssamwise]

Did someone say ‘competition’

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crunch crunch munch munch

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Prey spotted.

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(photo by seathian)

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all i ever think about is how birds are dinosaurs 

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i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 

most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 

im not a pissbaby

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when a stupid slut asks if there’s going to be a swimming pool

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This dude just discovered hockey DURING GAME 7 OF THE BLUES-HAWKS SERIES and his twitter feed is the funniest thing I have ever seen

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At the Justice League Headquarters

Batman: So what do you do?

Aquaman: I fight all the villains of the sea.

Batman: I've never heard of any villains in the sea.

Aquaman: yeah

Aquaman: because I do my JOB