ah-theartofpoetry

[ah-theartofpoetry]

I forgot about this poem I wrote… What a work of art✨

Warm on a cold night.

Limbs tangled in heavy sheets.

Your world is silent but your mind is alive.

When the thoughts come flooding in you bury them beneath the covers.

The memories of injustices done to you from people that were supposed to love you.

That you gave your heart to.

Shadows fall in mysterious ways.

You can try to predict where they will cast themselves but no amount of observation or knowing can amount to a perfect prediction.

No wonder shame is rooted to your core.

One doesn’t know how pain leaks through until it becomes the shadow that follows you wherever you go.

The memory of that night takes over your mind when you least expect it.

The voice inside your head tells you it was all your doing, if only you were sober enough.

Their hands seem to grasp you as if to still suffocate the air from your working lungs.

The mind is coherent to a shadow.

Just like your mouth was taught to keep shut even before you had words to speak.

-AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Sodden eyes, sodden hair, sodden lips of despair.

No more looks on awakening.

No more head upon your chest.

Just a clouded mind, lined with distress.

Sodden looks, sodden smiles, sodden truths that last a while.

Agony of the soul.

Empress of my heart.

Livid, listless, lushes art.

Flowers are planted.

Slowly in bloom.

Only a whisper,

Silence that looms and words that crept.

Too close to take a breath.

A painted smile, a modest touch.

The warmth in a rosy blush.

Words spoken softly like honey dew, a slow slough to the blue of the moon.

Sodden cheeks, a sodden tongue, a taste so bitter, the air stuck in her lungs.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

6:55 pm - feeling depressed.

I’m a little bit empty, a little bit full.

A lotta bit lost within this world for sure.

I don’t know where I’m going or what lies ahead.

I only hope I can be more than this forsaken shadow of dread.

I try and I try.

I seek and I find.

I get better, I heal.

But something in me always reals, at my tendency to hate my own self more than I should ever feel.

I try again, I fail.

I start a new.

But this time with hopes that one day I’ll succeed at being the person I’d like to be.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

12:11 pm now Tuesday- still missing you.

Today wasn’t as long as it could have been but still it was long.

I woke up later than I usually do, probably around 11:00. I don’t know why I slept in just the thought of getting out of bed kept seeming dismal, so I stayed covered in the warm essence of my blanket. Wrapped in the idea that everything was ok.

But it’s not.

Well, it is.

It’s just like it’s always been.

I’m me and you are you.

Except we don’t say “good morning” or “good night” or “I love you” or “how was your day” or “my baby.”

We actually aren’t even a we.

I is just you and me not we.

Similar to the point of destruction.

Paradoxically opposites in a world of similarities.

It is laughable how much I miss your touch, your voice, the freedom in a phone call, the love of calling you mine.

I am alone and there is so much grace in that statement.

It’s not that I want to be. It’s that I need to be because you need to be you and our worlds stopped working together in reality, as one.

A sigh, of sadness and relief that honoring myself and who I am becoming…

I love you always.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

The sun has set but the moon is still shining bright.

Tuesday, 12:00 am

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Morning thoughts, Sunday 10:45 am

I haven’t written about you.

Nothing about your smile or the way you make my heart feel lighter or how your touch seems to soothe the depths of my soul.

I haven’t written about you because you are different than the boys of my past. I trust you to care for my heart, my soul, my being.

You. Who was so easy to fall for.

We fell together just like waking up late and Sunday mornings go together.

You. A landslide of love that grew with every breath of you, every laugh with you, every dance in the shower, every infinite moment spent beside you.

You. Who grew my heart and cradled my soul. You allowed me to bloom and wilt and grow.

You. Who I still love. Deserves more than just scribbles on paper. More than the tears that flow effortlessly when memories float to the surface.

I enjoyed all of you. Every part, every moment.

Your being filled me in more ways than I can conceive. I am lucky, blessed to have those moments of tenderness, of friendship, of tranquility, of being wrapped in your arms.

I haven’t written about you. In hopes that this isn’t the end of our story…

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

I have forgotten how to write.

My pen is stuck on the paper.

No spilled ink.

A blank page.

Shadows,

Building up within my head.

I have forgotten how to write.

And yet my soul knows it is almost home.

Lay down in a field of golden dandelions.

Hold my hand until you reach the end of the darkness.

My dear,

Dream a dream that no one else can conceive.

For it is by forgetting that one truly finds.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Cascaded in blue.

Oh how I am afraid to forget you.

Searching for a new beginning.

A happy ending.

A rude awakening.

Something to make my heart feel something other than this.

Since sadness is never everlasting,

though when your in it, everlasting is the one thing that seems to ring true.

Because after you,

I have no idea what to do,

My hands are now empty,

My heart is no longer full.

I gloss over days,

I pretend not to fade.

To be apart, of this moment.

Apart of my searching.

Apart of my finding.

But I am cascading down.

Into the depths,

Of where my heart may never mend.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Residue left on my skin of you,

Purple, green, black and blue.

My soul is all I can turn to.

Blue with envy.

Black with poison.

My heart has become all but frozen.

Slip back into reality ever so gently.

You’re touch is now imprinted on my memory.

I must remember that I am all but empty.

Sunlight dances,

Moon beams fall,

And I am the epitome of them all.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

A sad look.

A smile of pity.

As if to say they understand.

As if they know how hard I am trying to just be.

Not sink into the blankness.

The blackness.

The void of familiarity.

That is comforting, only when the pain becomes too much.

I long for some salace.

Some peace of mind.

Where your smile doesn’t exist and where mine blooms towards the light again.

I long for your touch, in the darkness that has overtaken my being.

I long for your eyes to graze mine again and for our bodies to fit into one perfect piece.

My being is torn.

Aching, for something other than the sadness that washes over me.

Today was different.

It was like I could feel you again.

But you are not there.

You are no where to be found.

And I, I am lost in this void.

Of saddened looks and pity smiles.

Of half measured attempts to make sure I know, I am enough.

But the thing is, you are no longer within my touch.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Kindred spirit.

Willfull souls.

Lips soft against the cold.

Mascara smudges.

Heads held high.

Hazel eyes.

Words are left there to hide behind.

Moon beams on our skin.

Being from within.

Hands clasped.

Prayers spoken.

This frigid air must be broken.

Warm sheets.

And somehow I feel more complete.

Cup half empty or glass half full.

Or maybe just about to overflow.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Gut feeling.

A punch to the throat.

As if to knock all the words from my head and have them tumble out of my mouth.

All meaning goes out the window.

Only knowing that this,

this isn’t right.

Isn’t working.

But why?

Why, does my heart hurt this much, knowing.

Knowing, what’s best for both of us is no longer being an us.

Gut punches.

Heart aches.

Knotted throat.

It didn’t feel right with you.

It doesn’t feels right without you.

Loneliness.

Fallen tears.

I am who I am.

The thing that made you disappear.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Tired eyes,

Tired soul.

Heart no longer beating beside yours.

Foot steps that lead me farther away, from your arms where I am craving to stay.

Missing pieces,

Nothing fits.

Conceptualizing you within my midst.

I am tired,

You are too.

I am just trying to move on but maybe it’s too soon.

Because these new eyes and his new voice,

only making me think of you.

You’re arms, your touch, I know I just didn’t get enough.

Head in the clouds, but reality is coercing me down.

To where I stand, devoid.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Eyes closed, to the notion of the truth.

I love you.

But no amount of love can feel safe in your arms.

I miss you.

But you’re now just someone I loved once a little too much.

A love like ours was a rarity in this landscape of forgotten promises.

Your world whispers at mine as if to say we could make it someday.

But I know deep down I am worth more than your crown, could offer.

Your eyes imprinted on my mind.

A foolish embodiment of what it could be like to be by your side.

No longer enwrapped in your smile,

No words left to be spoken.

Our hearts will never beat the same.

You and I are now as empty as my gaze.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Let the hurting set in.

The pain behind your eyes when they finally become dry.

No more tears left to cry.

I am suffocating in the miseries of becoming.

A heavy head, swollen cheeks.

Help me come up for air.

Your shallow words, tear into my self worth.

No, love.

No, light at the end of this tunnel.

Help, for I am drowning in your malus.

Your distain for my being is insensitive to who I am,

you must have never known me or my love for you.

Pull me away from this misery.

This saddness that aches me to my core.

Pull me away from the love I must have dreamt up.

Help me escape from your grasp.

For my love is unadulterated.

Untethered, untamed and now unbound.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

Together we shall meet, with toe touches in the dark.

Lonely in warmth.

No amount of love can deny these inevitable truths.

Shaken to the core.

Tempestuous and chasing the idea of forever together.

I have lived through earth quakes and heart breaks, that only make my soul stronger.

No longer my forever, you could never meet my eye.

Beyond words, that lifted my gaze to everything I hold dear inside.

Corruption of the mind.

Can never hide behind the truth inside.

Toe touches in soft morning light.

Wrapped in flowered sheets.

I will be, beyond your reach.

~AH

[ah-theartofpoetry]

“There is a beauty in the forest

When the trees are green and fair,

There is beauty in the meadow

When wild flowers scent the air.

There is beauty in the sunlight

And the soft blue beams above.

Oh, the world is full of beauty

When the heart is full of love.”

-Anonymous