agretfethr

[agretfethr]

Accurate Description of my First Listen to End of an Era

First minute: Yes, I can hear the similarities to No Place Like Home. A CAPELLA THINGS.

Masterpiece Theatre melody begins to play: alright, yes ,, i was told there would be references but who said they could be this early into the song *initiates tears*

Astoria melody plays while I silently listen through my tears. JOSH BEGINS INCREASING HIS VOLUME UNTIL HE REACHES “GOODBYE ASTORIA” WHICH I WAS NOT WARNED ABOUT aND EVERYTHING BREAKS FREE AND I’M CONFUSED ABOUT WHATS COMING NEXT oh noo

I’m so afraid of trying something new: well this is pretty

cause every start begins with saying goodbye to you: well this is very pretty

our heart divides and unrequited view: THIS IS REACHING A HIGH LEVEL OF PRETTY THAT I AM NOT OKAY WITH

but my heart is overdue: STILL PRETTY!! but i feel sadness coming

familiar background sounds: *me speaking to myself in a whisper* they are not going to pull an ever after on us, are they?

familiar four notes fade in: THEY’RE PULLING AN EVER AFTER ON US how could they *initiates too many tears*

i feel so ashamed wish this was easy…this never was the man i hoped to be BY NOww....:::: ur telling me josh ramsay just quoted Low, Alibis and By Now in only two lines. do u lie?

how did we survive: i don’t think i did

PORCELAIN MELODY STARTS WITH NEW LYRICS THEN BAM U HAVE GUITAR SOLO MASTERPIECE THEATRE+EVER AFTER EDITION

AT THIS POINT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

it’s time now astoria: TIME FOR WHAT I’M NOT READY (music reaches a large screaming climax plus primetime)

end of the line now astoria: cries loudly in my chair

music stuff repeats still crying in my chair

NEVER SAY DIE IN ASTORIAAAAAA

if we shadows have offended, i hope your heart can still be mended, I hope you know that I don’t blame you my dear friend.,,,

always will. love you still.

but Astoria must end

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Man I love the new JoJo characters

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DM: You guys have been doing exceptionally well, so you know what? I’ll help you out a bit. After walking a while, you find a path in the woods.

Player: I eat the path.

DM: What? No, you can’t eat the path.

Player: I eat the path.

DM: You can’t eat the path. A path is literally just a cleared area.

Player: I EAT. The path.

(After a solid ten minutes of arguing)

DM: FINE. ROLL D20 TO EAT THE PATH.

Player: (Rolls a 4)

DM: You swallow a handful of dirt and rocks. Take 5 points of damage.

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DM: So your party encounters a gray slime. Me: a slime, huh? Cleric: Like— like… a slime? Knight: *brief pause* I swim in it. DM: Uh. Okay, so you swim in it. It starts to envelop you a little. Knight: Oh, uh. I get out. DM: Strength check. Knight: 15? DM: Yeah, that’s good. You, you get out of the slime but not without having some of it stick to you. It’s kind of gross. Knight: Well I— Me, at the top of my lungs: I FLIRT WITH THE SLIME!!!!!! DM: You what? Wh— okay, you know what? Roll. I’ll allow it.

(I roll a nat 20. Everyone at the table goes batshit insane)

DM: The slime takes on a humanoid shape, gets down on one knee, and proposes. What do you say?

Me, sweating nervously: Um. I say yes?

DM: congratulations. You’re fifteen and engaged to a slime.

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My goal as DM is to sketch a portrait for every notable NPC in my campaign.

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I’m not a furry, but my character will have sex with anything that moves and is above 7/10. 

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Just wondering, are you still looking? And what is your character?

Looking for D&D Artist

I’ve been meaning to commission someone for some art of my D&D character so I’ll finally have something to use for my roll20 token. If anyone is accepting commissions or knows someone who is please point me in their direction!

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I know I never (personally) post things like this but I saw this on the news and I really wanted to share it.

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LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FUCK YOU BY THE WRITERS IN THE HISTORY OF SHIPPING.

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Uncoiling All Of My Plans

Context: I dm a group of players in a heavily homebrewed game and we were coming to their characters end of the mission sequence so that they could make new characters and all of that. One of my friends used to play an elven bars that never really did much, but they always collected items that boosted charisma.

They make it to the cave entrance

Me: you come across a large cave entrance and-

Bard: I’m going to start drinking all of my charisma potions as we walk down.

Me: ok go ahead then.

Final fight rolls around:

Me: as you walk into the end of the cave, you are met by… the bones of ancient dragon. You see a woman riding atop the creature, staring down at you all.

Me as Boss: Leave here, retched creatures. You need not know the power that you try to best.

Me OOC: everyone roll initiative

The elven bard gets the highest initiative.

Bard: Why leave now when I’m struck by your everlasting beauty?

Bard OOC: and I say that to seduce her

Me OOC: I mean if you want to… roll everything plus those potions you’ve been drinking. How many of those did you have?

Bard: 287…

Me: *wideyed* what?

Bard: yeah… plus I have all my charisma gear… my whole armor set is dedicated to boosting my charisma…

After a solid minute or rolling all of his die

Bard: the final score comes down to… 363

Me: I still have to roll a check to see if she defeats that score…

*rolls Nat 1*

Me: YOU CHARISMATIC ELVEN SON OF A GNOMISH WHORE!!!!

Long story short, they married and had 8 children…

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So I came up with this great idea for a fake beard using fiber mascara and I realized there were no tutorials out there for this already. So I made one myself. It works really well and is very realistic!!

here are some links to some fiber mascaras as well as the type I used (I’m sure you guys can find one at a cheaper price though)

here is the absolute best crossplay makeup tutorial I highly recommend it

I’m so sorry for my handwriting I did my best I swear

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i love him

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Disintegration Water

DM (me): *describes how what the player thought was water burns and that they see mostly disolved bodies in it* *basically describing acid*

Player ooc: Ah. I see. Disintegration water.

DM: Or as some call it…acid.

Player: Oh.

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so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.

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Literally the D&D Instagram chat last night

me: *sends friend a message at 3 am*

friend: *responds*

me: woah woah there what are you doing up go the fuck to sleep this isn’t healthy