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[aghaseven]

11: 27 a.m. - h. joshua

a/n: thinking about this instead of my degree LOL

it’s another day of trying to get work done in your university’s doing hall. you like it here because the bustling noise of people around you starts to blur out at some point and you enjoy the rays of sunlight that filter through the windows.

in your second hour of writing a paper, you see a figure in your peripheral start to move from your side to right in front of you.

“is this seat taken?”

you glance up from your laptop to the standing boy in front of you. you take a quick glance to see that the cafeteria is at that state where it’s quite packed and most seats are either taken or nearby louder groups of friends.

“no, you can go ahead” you reply, beginning to go back to your laptop and your third body paragraph.

he pulls out the chair to sit down, soon taking out a notebook and his own laptop, plugging in his headphones.

you usually don’t mind sharing a table with anyone, you’re usually too busy to pay attention to them and before you know it, they’re usually getting up to leave anyway. but not with this boy.

you find yourself stealing glances with him somehow piquing your interest. for someone dressed so casually he looked pretty. even in just a black crew neck, even in the university lighting that you had to try to romanticize for yourself to study sometimes. trying to not be so obvious with your stares, you made yourself look away after a couple of seconds.

this one moment you saw him run his hand through his hair as he stretched back in his seat. a little yawn escaped his lips as he returned to sitting normally, but not before he caught your eye- even for a fleeting moment. this made your heart skip a beat and you quickly averted your eyes, acting like you were in the middle of typing something.

you didn’t notice how he chuckled at your antics as you were too embarrassed to look back up.

the next hour or so passes by without you looking back at him, you wanting to avoid even that little moment of embarrassment. through this avoidance you did manage to get work done, but at a much slower pace because a small part of you wanted to peak at him again. but if you did, you might not look away.

when you hear the chair in front of you scoot away, a part of your heart sank. it felt a little too awkward to start conversation but a part of you didn’t want him to go either.

from your peripheral, you could see him get up and pack his stuff away. you wondered if you’d see him again as your university was relatively big and there as no way you’d know everyone.

but before he fully leaves, he places a post-it to the left of your laptop. when you look up at him he gives you a little smile before walking away.

when you look at the post-it, it says i’m joshua, here’s my insta! with with his handle and a little squiggly smiley face next to it.

[aghaseven]

Oh I’m glad you are 🥰.

Anyways can I request some were Yugyeom and y/n are in a relationship but Yugyeom shares everything to bambam to the point he basically knows everything that is going on with them and haves seen her nudes ( you don’t have to add the part if your not confortable ) and they get in a argument you can decide on the one ending 💕

Everything Changed

Pairing: Yugyeom x Reader x BamBam Genre: Established Romance, F2L, Angst Rating: T Summary: You notice a change in BamBam’s behavior during an ordinary game night. A few questions later and the ground is dropping from underneath your feet. Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: mentions of sexting and a nude, lmk if i missed something

A/N: Sorry I took so long to do this! 😭 I tweaked some bits, but I hope this fits what you were looking for.

BamBam knew it was an accident. Yugyeom was always texting him stupid memes and gifs. “Copy Image” was his second best friend. Waking up to duplicate messages or screenshots meant for others was nothing new to him.

But a nude was.

There was no telling what the hell Yugyeom was doing when he did it. Maybe sitting on his phone wrong or drunk sexting. He was sure there was a logical reason for getting a nude of his best friend’s girlfriend. There had to be.

[Yug:] shit my b

[Yug:] delete that

[Yug:] like rn

See? An honest mistake.

[Bam:] yea no prob

[Yug:] this never happened

[Yug:] or else 🔪

[Bam:] bet 😅

BamBam shook his head and scrolled up to the picture. Time slowed to a stop as he glanced at it, committing the image to memory before long-pressing on it and choosing delete. Like Yugyeom said, no one needed to know. It was a secret he would take to his grave.

Or so he thought.

Saturday nights were reserved for hanging out with friends. If the crowd was big enough, then there’d be club-hopping or going to the movies. This time nearly everyone had called off save for BamBam. When Yugyeom suggested the three of you staying in with games and pizza, you didn’t object. The two of them were more than enough to keep the night entertaining. They were clowns who couldn’t drive, barely good enough to keep up with you in Rainbow Six, and terrible at teamwork based play.

You were sandwiched between them on the couch waiting on their last round of a Mortal Kombat match for your turn. So far, they were tied and this would declare the winner. Both were leaned forward with their elbows on their knees, concentration at its highest. You had to admit. Yugyeom never looks hotter than when he gets that look in his eyes. With his body in full contact of yours from shoulder to knee from sitting on the tiniest sofa he could find in IKEA, you were getting distracted with thoughts of the things you could do once the night started to wind down.

“Oh, come on!” Yugyeom spat and dropped his control upon defeat. “You kept doing the same bitch move.”

BamBam shrugged. “If it’s in the game, it’s fair play.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Yugyeom shot up from his seat, inadvertently pushing you against BamBam.

Your breast brushed along the length of his bicep before you caught yourself with a hand on his thigh. “Yug!”

“Bullshit.” Yugyeom muttered as he stomped off to the kitchen.

BamBam’s hands trembled as he gently righted you. “What a sore loser.”

“No, for real.” You frowned at Yugyeom’s back, missing the way BamBam bit his bottom lip before pulling away. When your boyfriend disappeared, you turned back to his bestie with a weak smile. “Ready for another match? I get to play against the winner.”

He swallowed and looked away. “Uh, sure. Just let me run to the bathroom first.” He was up before you could reply, accidentally giving you a face full of his crotch before disappearing down the hall. You blinked a few times. Was he…hard? You knew your brush against him was more than the usual contact you two ever had, but popping a boner like he was a preteen was a bit much. It was nothing like the confident flirt you’d come to know him as.

Yugyeom returned first, face still as sour as when he left, and plopped down with three bottles of soju. “Where’d fuckface go?”

“Um, bathroom.” You pointed with your thumb. “Is he…” How did you ask this without sounding weird? “Is he okay? I mean like, getting laid and stuff?”

Yugyeom’s eyes snapped to your face. “What?”

You groaned. Honestly, you should’ve just pretended nothing happened. “You pushed me on him and he ran off to the bathroom with a…boner. Did he take a vow of celibacy or something?” Of all the reactions you expected, it wasn’t Yugyeom blushing. First, the tips of his ears before spreading to his cheeks. His eyes were wide, every bit of a deer caught in headlights. Better known as his guilty face. Your eyes narrowed with suspicion. “What did you do? And do not lie to me.”

His bottom lip quivered, and he bit it before turning away and looking down at his hands. “You’re gonna get mad.”

“Okay, but the longer you take to spit it out determines how mad I’ll be. What could you have done to cause that?”

“Cause what?” BamBam cut in, awkwardly taking his seat next to you, this time doing his best to avoid touching you.

It only made you double down and poke Yugyeom’s neck. “What. Did. You. Do?”

Yugyeom flinched and spared an apologetic look to BamBam before he spoke in a tiny voice. “I accidentally sent your nude to him.”

“You what?” Your voice was eerily flat, devoid of emotion as the words replayed in your head. Yugyeom started to repeat himself, but you were quick to shut him up. “How the hell do you accidentally send a nude?!”

“I do it all the time!”

“WHAT?” You shot up to your feet and backed away from them.

“No! Not like that.” BamBam held up his hands. “He accidentally sends me stuff all the time. This was the first time a pic of you came up.”

“R-right! Please, it was an accident. I’d never do that on purpose. You know I love you.” Yugyeom slid off the couch and onto his knees rubbing his hands together. “I’d never disrespect you like that.”

Seeing him like this was enough to douse your outrage. “Okay, well then, why is BamBam afraid to touch me now?” You looked at him and addressed him directly. “You deleted it, right?”

Now it was BamBam’s turn to be sheepish and guilty. “I did. I just…can’t forget what I saw. I thought things would be the same as before,” he spared Yugyeom a sad look of his own, “but being around you fucks my head up now. I’m honestly having a hard time keeping a ‘friend, off-limits’ label on you.” He covered his face with his hands and exhaled hard. “I just—I know it’s fucked up and I’m sorry, you guys.”

Stunned silence filled the room and for the longest no one spoke. You could feel the comfortable life you’d come to have with them start to crack, and as the silence wore on, knew it wouldn’t be long before it all fell apart. But what to do? They were best friends long before you came into the picture. You couldn’t say for sure Yugyeom wouldn’t choose BamBam over you, and even if he did, it’d tear him apart in the long run. BamBam would sacrifice their friendship for Yugyeom’s happiness, but it’d set him decades back to his old, standoffish teen ways. You could leave and never look back, but you’d be leaving a large chunk of yourself in their hands. They’d become a large part of your life and starting over from scratch was a scary prospect.

Unable to come up with something to say, you sank to the floor and hugged your knees. Just a little longer, and there’d be nothing anyone could say or do.

“What if—” Yugyeom whispered, barely louder than the background noise of the tv, “What if you dated BamBam, instead?”

Your neck popped with how fast you looked up at him. “What?”

“Are you insane?” BamBam grimaced. “Why the fuck would she do that?”

Yugyeom picked at his fingers, head bowed as he blinked rapidly. “This is my fault. I-I fucked up, right? So I should be the one punished. I could back off and let you two see how things go. I could.”

“But I was the one who memorized the pic!” BamBam immediately ducked his head once the confession was out. “I’m the one who made everything awkward and weird.”

You rolled your eyes. “By that logic, it’s my fault for even taking the pic in the first place. You’re both dorks when it comes to women. You’re acting the way I’d expect him to react if we weren’t dating.” You looked at Yugyeom. “And if we broke up, what will you do? Sit on his couch while he cuddles with me like nothing’s wrong? I thought you loved me. How could you let me go so easily?”

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t hurt me!” Yugyeom finally looked up, eyes watery as his lips trembled. “I just don’t want you two to be unhappy. If you at least had each other, I could try to move on. You both mean the world to me.”

Silence followed again, but it was much heavier than before. Yet, in that heaviness, there was a spark of hope. Your throat ran dry at the thought, the absolute madness, of the idea. You had to swallow around the lump that suddenly formed. “Yug?”

He looked at you, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Yeah?”

“Think you could share?” You chuckled nervously, licked your lips and tried again. “I mean, might as well. I know you tell him everything, anyway.” You turned your attention to your pants, picking at a stray thread. “It’s better than us falling apart and not speaking or whatever. What’s one more dork to deal with gonna hurt—”

“Do you mean it?” Yugyeom cut you off. “You’re not just saying it, are you? Because if you’re okay with it, I don’t mind at all.” His eyes were wide yet still watery, as if he wanted to hope but didn’t dare tip over just yet. “You don’t have to do—”

“I do.” You said firmly. “Like you said. I love both of you. If nothing else, we should try.” You gave a little shrug. “Love’s messy like that.”

[aghaseven]

think it’s a game masterlist

series info:

↠ pairing: baseball team captain!jinyoung x fucc girl!reader ↠ genre: angst | fluff | smut | college au | enemies to lovers | enemies with benefits | cam boy!jinyoung | rich kid!reader  ↠ summary: You and Jinyoung clash like fire and ice. But surprisingly, you do have something in common. Like you, Mr. Prince Charming has some skeletons in his closet that most would kill to discover. Unfortunately for him, what he does in the dark could cost him his future and his clean image. If he wants to keep that big mouth of yours from spilling his little secret, he’ll just have to keep it…occupied. ↠ rating: 18+  ↠ current word count: // ↠ series warnings: contains mature and explicit scenes in every chapter. not suitable for audiences under the age of 18. ↠ taglist info: You will find the taglist form linked below. Before filling it out and submitting, please make sure you are of age and that you reblog this post. Those who do not follow the rules will not be added.

chapters:

↳ coming soon

drabbles:

↳ coming soon

extras:

main masterlist | moodboards/visuals | reviews/updates/character and story questions | taglist form | mail box | playlist

tracking tags: #multiheaux-house (author tracking) | #fic: think it’s a game (story tracking) | #camkandii (visuals)

Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work.

[aghaseven]

Just so y’all know: I can’t speak for every other fic author but I can say that I remember when people leave me kind comments. I recognize your urls and/or usernames on AO3. I remember you and sometimes in writing my fics I think to myself, “Oh, I hope this person sees this because they liked x in this other fic I did.”

Not only that—I go back and reread comments when I’m feeling low. I look at tags and reblogs and asks and wish I could hold them in my hand like a note from a friend on an old, torn piece of notebook paper.

Your comments have so much more impact than you know. So thanks to those who use the comment section to spread love and encouragement. We appreciate you.

[aghaseven]

Beautiful Thing | 07

Pairing: Jackson x Reader, Yugyeom x Reader, Future GOT7 x Reader Genre: Angst, Soulmate AU, Poly AU, Enemies to Lovers AU Rating: T (explicit language) Summary: GOT7 is promoting SeoulMate by wearing their device and going to “search” for their soulmate. While their devices are active, they’re not allowed to contact their soulmate. That is until they pair with you. Word Count: 6.5k Warnings: None really, just some time with a lawyer, more grumpy Jin and good ol’ ot7 quality time.

A/N: I’m gonna line edit this first thing when I wake up. Look over the errors until then! 🙏🏾 It was close to 8k but I moved a scene to the next chapter since it is more Yug-centric. After this, we’ll be in the member-centric romance arcs! Woo!

Tag List: @screechingaussie @forever-svtt @stitchattacks @xanny91 @jiminslye​ @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3​ @etaerealboy​ @esplosionedicoloriintesta​ @heatofmyexoheart​ @bunnyrhe​

Previous | Masterpost | Next

Kristen’s apartment always smelled like a garden in bloom. She heavily favored floral scented candles and incense sticks. The swirling mixture of jasmine and smoke greeted you when you approached her door, her opening it before you could even knock. If she’d been in the window waiting for you, you missed it. Then again, your mind was a mess, a labyrinth of torment and confusion. She pulled you in for a tight hug.

“I know you’re tired,” she sighed as she rubbed your back, “so I set up the air bed for you.”

Keep reading

[aghaseven]

This Dance

Word Count: 0.4k Warnings: None. Tis nothing but fluff. Pairings: King!Jaebeom x Reader Summary: When the newly crowned King approaches you for a dance.

The ballroom was decorated in extreme detail. The flowers were freshly picked. Every string of garland was hand-crafted with the finest materials. The food was prepared by the kingdom’s most talented chefs. The kingdom’s most famous orchestra played with flourish upon a stage.

All for King Jaebeom’s coronation.

There was a stunning mix of colors that swirled about the dance floor in the form of ball gowns. Every hue imaginable and yet just one stood out to him. Stole his breath and attention with one glance.

His favorite dress was green.

Maybe it was the way it clung to your curves whenever you stood up to accept a dance. Or maybe it was the way it floated around you as you twirled about. Jaebeom had seen you in lots of dresses, all different. But this one was his favorite, hands down. You looked like a fairy-tale princess. Ethereal and elegant. The second the song began to fade, he found himself rising from his chair. He cut through the crowd, ignoring those who politely bowed to him. His eyes were on you. The way your eyes sparkled as you danced with yet another man who’d been brave enough to ask.

Jaebeom tapped the gentleman’s shoulder and cleared his throat. The man turned, nearly breaking his neck as he did a double take. “Y-your Majesty!”

Jaebeom smiled. “Hello.” He turned to you. “May I cut in?”

“Of course!” He bowed slightly and backed away from you.

Jaebeom quickly took his place, gently taking your hand as he placed one of his on your waist. He was aware he should’ve asked first, but knew he would’ve kept asking until you caved. He took a step closer. “You look stunning tonight.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” You were nervous. He wished he knew you well enough so you’d relax. “As do you.”

The world seemed to fall away as you both continued to sway back and forth. The conversation was polite chit chat that dissolved into a comfortable silence as the orchestra transitioned to a new piece. Jaebeom couldn’t recall the last time he’d been this calm and content with someone. It was then that he knew his search was over. He’d finally found his queen.

“What’s your name?” He asked softly, eyes glued to your lips.

“_____.” Your voice was music to his ears, soothing like a lullaby.

“Mmm, _____.” He savored the way his lips formed each syllable. “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

[aghaseven]

Like Sand Running Through An Hourglass And Our Fingers

Group: GOT7

Rating & Genre: General Audiences & Fluff and Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Mentioned Transphobia, Mentioned Queerphobia, Mentioned Military Service, Gender Dysphoria

Tags: transguy!Jaebeom, bisexual!Mark, asexual!Youngjae, pansexual!BamBam, bi-curious!Yugyeom

Words: almost 4k

Summary & Notes: A brief oneshot about GOT7's ( alternate ) history from transguy!Jaebeom's perspective. — I wrote this as a comfort fic more than anything else, but my friends liked it enough so I decided to post it on here as well. Hope you enjoy! ♥

It was hard, keeping this on the down-low. 

On the one hand, sure, nobody who looked at him ever suspected anything, and why would they have? It had been years since he'd taken the summer off of promotions and returned a changed man. Literally. Nobody had ever managed to dig it up, mostly because nobody had thought to look for that kind of dirt, and the company? Well. 

He remembered the months leading up to the auditions. The nervousness. The repeated talks with his parents. That they would support him as best as they thought to be able to. Hiding such things for months, if not years—the idea of it had loomed over him when stepping into the room, dressed in baggy clothes and ready to give it his all. He'd been young enough for his parents to get away with filling out the registration form wrong on purpose, but between the time where he'd be issued his ID and the legal age where he could change this very important entry for good, lay two years. One year, if he let it get done somewhere not in South Korea but safe enough to be worth it. Someone else probably would've realized how impossible this likely was. How risky. It wasn't like Jaebeom had gone into this with the naïve idea, that nothing could possibly happen that would ruin everything, either, but maybe his confidence in his dancing and singing skills, and the sheer unbreakable determination to fulfill his dreams of making it big in spite of the people who'd told him No. ever since he'd been born, had been enough to carry him through the auditions, and the training, and the countless times he almost would've been found out about, pre-debut. 

He also remembered the fateful day in 2010, a few days before the end of the calendar year, two or so weeks before he'd turn 17. Before it would become basically impossible to white-lie his way out of this. How he had talked to his parents over and over again, anxiety spiking into unknown heights at the formerly and aggressively-so denied possibility of all of this ending today. His dream of becoming an idol squashed beneath the rigid societal expectations and limitations of his home country. He had been betting all of his wishes and dreams on a single horse: his established reputation and skill—and there had been nothing to say that horse would ever even stand a chance against all the other horses the company had currently been training for their races. Weird metaphor? Maybe. It had felt appropriate at the time. 

The company CEO had gladly taken the time to talk to him and his parents, after all the kid had been showing great skill so far—secretly the company had been preparing him and another kid for their debut planned for 2012, even—and whatever important issue one of the company's best trainees had to discuss, he'd make time to sort it out. Or that was what Jaebeom assumed had been the man's initial stance on the matter. There'd been shock. Pointed words about lying on the registration form and not correcting that mistake for nearly two years now, and about the situation they had put him in for something 'so selfish'. About how he could very well sue them for this.

Then, there'd been silence, a good minute of it. Mr. Park pacing the office and groaning in regular intervals, as if that alone would make the trainee and his parents reconsider the whole thing, or jump up and admit to this being an elaborate prank for the fun of it all. None of that happened. Jaebeom remembered wanting to leave, give up the fight, pretend it didn't matter and he'd find a place where he belonged somewhere else. Not even wanting to say goodbye to Jinyoung, the other trainee with whom he had won first place in the auditions and had become close friends since; just up and leave and disappear and forget it ever happened. Not that he would ever have been able to do any of these things unless they'd have forced him to, but what did that knowledge matter to a teenager heart being squeezed to a pulp by anxiety? 

"This can't get out. Ever." He remembered the man's voice as if all of it had happened last week. "You're too good." Tentative relief had started flooding his veins, and then the man had told them Jaebeom could stay. That all the legal things would go through the CEO himself from now on to keep it under wraps, tightly so. And that nobody could know about it, not Jinyoung or any other of his friends, not the fans when he would debut at some point, nobody. Otherwise, that would constitute a breach of contract as Mr Park would be forced to officially remove him from the company. "PR would never be able to handle this otherwise."

Training hadn't really been the same after that; Jaebeom remembered how he had intensified his efforts, if only to show them, to show the CEO specifically, that he was worth it. Scared that Mr Park would change his mind if he didn't. Even after their successful debut. It had always felt like walking on eggshells, except when they were on the stage. He had always given everything and then some, and by the end of the show the only thoughts in his head had been: 'This is what I want to keep doing for the rest of my life.' and 'Nobody can take this very concert away from me anymore. It's aired. It's out there. And even if tomorrow the CEO decides to kick me out, he can't pry this out of my hands, and much less out of my heart.' For a while that had been all that had carried him. That, and the plans to get surgeries in the summer after their debut. To legally change his ID half a year later.

He had hoped the anxiety would subside after that. With the legal changes, and the physical ones, it had obviously become much less likely for anyone to even just accidentally find out. The only one who had known had been Jaebeom's parents, he himself, Mr Park, and the people who'd done the surgeries, and those who'd changed all the documents. He should've felt safe. He hadn't. Despite the sheer relief of having gotten through it all without any hiccups or complications, despite the joy of seeing what he'd always felt inside reflected in the mirror, and despite knowing how utterly unlikely anyone ever finding out was. Anxiety had by then firmly settled into his chest. What if one misstep, one fuck-up, one anything would prompt the CEO to change his mind? Declare everything null and void? He hadn't been able to fathom what that would've meant, and even these days, years later, Jaebeom could hardly imagine what would've happened if the wrong people had gotten wind of it.

It'd been the summer of 2013, he remembered it vividly, Jinyoung and him taking a few weeks off before they'd be officially introduced to their new band members and begin prepping for their debut, the second round for them. 18 and 19 at the time, feeling so young and yet so burdened with responsibility. The sticky summer heat so typical for South Korea had made it impossible to not go to the beach. "Whoah, hyeong, I don't think I've ever seen you without a shirt on." Jinyoung had laughed softly like he always did, teasing in his voice but not meaning anything by it. There'd been no reason to explain, then. The other had most likely simply assumed his bandmate didn't like being shirtless because of whatever reasons and had elected not to pry, and if Jaebeom had kept quiet and simply played along, Jinyoung would've been none the wiser. 

"I had a reason," he remembered hearing himself say. Quietly, seriously, sitting near the edge of the river in the sandy patch of grass they'd thrown their blankets and bags onto. He'd felt his friend turn his head and watch him for a moment. Had been able to see the frown spread across the other's face. Jaebeom's arms had wrapped around his knees, still getting used to there not being any cushion between them and his chest anymore. 

"Is it because of those scars?" He hadn't needed to see Jinyoung pointing with his chin to know which scars he'd meant. 

A nod. A hum. "Sort of." Somehow he had trusted Jinyoung. Had taken a leap of faith. Four years of knowing each other had made questions of trust unnecessary, but his heart had still beaten loudly in his chest. "It's because of what they... What's happened to- It's because of what was there and isn't anymore now." A beat later he had dived straight into his story, how he'd known and how his mum and stepdad had taken the news. How he'd picked his name. How those auditions had been the first step to achieving his life-long dream and lying on the registration form had been necessary since he might as well have not participated at all if anyone would've forced him to train with the girls. "The CEO knows," he'd told him, "but nobody else does except for my parents." 

There'd been silence, stunned one, Jaebeom had thought, somehow suddenly feeling anxiety stretch out its ice-cold fingers, thinking Jinyoung would turn out to be an ass after all. "I knew." It was quiet and lacking in judgment, and yet it prompted the older of them to glance up in surprise—Jinyoung's eyes had settled onto the gentle waves of the river in front of them. "I noticed a package of tampons, that one year. And a sports bra sometime later. I think it just clicked at some point when I realized how you always changed somewhere nobody could see you. It...didn't really stick out on its own, but..." He paused, shrugging. "I just had a hunch, but I figured it wasn't my place to judge, and you never felt to me like anything other than a guy. Like my hyeong." 

Jaebeom remembered feeling the sudden relief dissolve the mountain of stones weighing down on his shoulders and loosen the tight knot sitting in the pit of his stomach at the sheer calm acceptance echoing from the other’s words. He remembered crying, Jinyoung hugging him, whispering Shh, hyeong, it's okay. over and over into his bleached hair. He'd never again doubted their friendship after that. 

It hadn't come up with their new members for a while. They'd been busy training, recording, prepping for debut and at least two more comebacks before Jaebeom had ever even thought about telling them at all. There hadn't really been a necessity there, after all. Really, telling them might just have made it more likely for them to mess up and spill it on accident—and honestly, Jaebeom would've loved to simply forget that anything prior to his transition had happened at all. That there had ever been someone else when he had looked into the mirror. That some of his relatives still hadn't gotten the memo about it. That he almost not would've auditioned at all, scared they would immediately see right through him and call him out on it. Group him with the girls, make him a rapper if necessary to gloss over his boyish looks, or something. 

Yet, on the other hand it was hard to keep it on the down-low, when he was constantly confronted with people's more-than-uncomfortable views and stereotyped opinions about people like him. When he couldn't even say anything in his defense, scared to accidentally reveal his own identity but too angry to entirely shut up about it either. Not even mentioning variety shows' love for drag. Jackson loved being the center of attention on these, always, going all out and leaning fully into the role. He'd seemingly always loved the make-up and the clothes—and the reactions of their fans somewhere between screeching and laughing and finding it really funny to see them dressed in dresses and long-haired wigs. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" he remembered Jinyoung asking while he was fixing the hair bow into his own black wig, meeting Jaebeom's gaze through the mirror they were sharing in the backstage dressing room of the concert hall. BamBam had suggested it, more or less jokingly, Youngjae had been vehemently against it and Jackson in absolute favour; the rest of them had fallen somewhere on that scale between them, Yugyeom simply thinking it a funny and ultimately harmless idea, Mark not really having an opinion on it—though judging by how he had been excitedly jumping through their dressing room after Jackson had helped him with the blonde pigtails, Jaebeom had figured he couldn't have been all too opposed to it—and Jinyoung had only really mentioned the acting experience it could give him and not said anything about it since. Jaebeom hadn’t been sure whether that was the truth, even if Jinyoung had made it seem like it with the shrug and the blank expression he'd worn on his face, or whether he had just played into what the others were expecting of him anyway because he didn't really incredibly mind at the end of the day. 

Jaebeom himself had sighed and expressed a decent amount of distaste that nobody had really questioned, maybe half assuming him to side with Youngjae so that the younger one wouldn't be alone in his corner, or because he'd sort of adopted him the moment they had been introduced to each other years back. It hardly mattered to anyone else, and in the end they'd decided democratically whether to do it or not, which was to say they rock-paper-scissor-ed the thing and called it democracy like they usually did. Now, standing in front of this floor-length mirror and nervously fixing the fabric of his dress and strands of his wigs that absolutely did not need fixing in the first place, he had wondered whether he should've said something before BamBam had talked to their manager about it. "You don't look like a girl," he remembered Jinyoung adding, quietly, patting Jaebeom's shoulder. He likely hadn’t known how else to help his friend, and the mere attempt had been appreciated. 

It even had made him feel a bit better—until Jackson had wrapped his arm around their leader's shoulders, a bright smile on his face. "Wow, you're the prettiest girl in this room, hyeong." It had been pure teasing. It hadn’t been meant genuinely. Jaebeom knew that . He had told himself that he knew that. Had reminded himself. One time. Two times. Three times, in the hopes of it getting easier to swallow, but it was like a stone having lodged itself into his throat.

Jinyoung had pushed the other's shoulder: "Jackson-ah!" Giggles had erupted from the other man's throat, and he had taken off, chased by an angry bundle of lilac dress and black wig. Their leader had been left in front of the mirror, arms wrapped around himself and sighing deeply as to hide his discomfort behind the justified annoyance everyone would've expected from him. 

"Let's just...not think about it, yeah? I'm sure it's...going to be funny enough, right, hyeong ?" 

Whether Youngjae had been looking to give comfort or receive it, hadn’t entirely become clear, but his exasperated voice had resonated deeply within the marrow of Jaebeom's bones. He had nodded, patting the younger's shoulder. "Yeah, totally. Let's just focus on the music." With a glance around the room settling onto their maknaes who had been—gently—bothering their stylists to give them flashier make-up, he had attempted to swallow the dysphoria another time and sort of felt like he was succeeding, finally, reminding himself that he was their leader and wanted to lead with a good example. That Youngjae needed his reassurance. "I'm sure the others will play with it enough for the seven of us." 

Jaebeom remembered the day he had told them after all. The anger he'd felt raging in his chest after that discussion with Mr. Park about the songs he'd written. How the man had barely listened to the demos arguably one of his best idols had made before dismissing nearly all of them. How he'd bitten his tongue to not get into a serious argument with the CEO of their company. How the same CEO had taken him aside after the cameras had been turned off and reminded him of how much he'd done for him. That Jaebeom owed him for that alone. That any other company boss would've laughed and turned him away at the doorstep. How Mr. Park had joked for Jaebeom to be careful not to become too famous or else someone would surely at some point dig it up.

All Jaebeom had heard was "You don't deserve to have this fame." and, if he was being honest to himself, "You're better than me and I don't want you to become more famous than I am." When Jackson had found him on the rooftop, crying and shivering in the evening cold, soon after there'd been a blanket, a comfortable couch, a can of tea, Jackson wrapped around him in a tight hug, and the whole group listening to their leader rightfully calling their CEO selfish and unfair and a prick. 

It had simply spilled out of his mouth, then: How Mr. Park was holding him back and using the secret they were keeping against him, knowing full well about the power he had over him. There'd been confusion, at first, requests to clarify—"Wait, what secret?" he remembered Mark asking, interest having been piqued enough to say something where he usually tended to stay quiet—and a single supportive glance from Jinyoung who had been refusing to weigh in otherwise. Then, more questions, admiration from their two youngests, Youngjae renewing his pledge of loyalty, and Jackson genuinely getting angry at their CEO for daring to be an absolute prick about this in any capacity. 

Then Mark, very quietly, had admitted that he was bi and hadn't known how to tell anyone; the relief radiating off of him had been palpable. Then Youngjae had explained that he had only found out a few months ago that being into someone, physically, wasn't actually a practical joke everyone else but him was in on, and Bam had shrugged, telling them he didn't think he cared much about which gender someone belonged to: If he liked them, he liked them. Yugyeom, with a smile and a giggle and a blush rising into his cheeks had added that Jay Park was, like, really hot, but that he didn't really know what to make of that yet. 

Their leader had felt weirdly comforted, suddenly realizing he wasn't as alone in this as he'd thought. Knowing that his whole group would have his back if push came to shove, either because they themselves would be targeted by this kind of discrimination, or because they would not allow their friends to be bullied by anyone; Jackson had mentioned how he just didn't compute any sort of bigotry. He'd been raised to be a gentleman, and if there was any sort of situation necessitating him protecting anyone, he would. Sure, that usually only pertained to women: To especially their female fans, and to female idols and artists—at which point Jinyoung had weighed in to agree. Still, queer people? Were only an extension of that, no matter how the industry they were a part of would've loved for them to rather not say anything at all on the matter.

Looking back, it seemed as if that had been the moment they had collectively decided to not renew their contract when it would run out. To stay together as a group even in different agencies.

"Thank you for telling me." He remembered how Jay Park had smiled and patted his shoulder, and then had decided otherwise and pulled his newly-signed artist into his arms for a tight hug. "Not that it changes anything, but I appreciate the trust." Trust the man had earned himself, Jaebeom had thought, in this short time already. He felt safe here. No walking on eggshells any longer. No anxiety and being kept small artificially. "If you ever feel the desire to tell your fans about it, let me know." And that had been all of their conversation.

So, Jaebeom was left to feel weirdly relieved about how likely it was that he wouldn't have to do the regular military service, and exasperated and angry about it at the same time.

He wanted to believe the sand felt the same when he and Jinyoung sat back down at the river's edge—dressed warmly this time, hot tea and soup in thermos flasks stood between them—even if only to his fingertips. "I don't think they'll let me do the regular service." It was insane to think that it had been nearly ten years since the sunny afternoon way back. Jinyoung scoffed but didn't reply. They were well aware, the both of them, and Jinyoung had expressed his distaste for that a couple of times already. How stupid and ridiculous it was to draw any sort of distinction there when everything else matched up. A beat passed, silently. "Eh, I'll just blame it on my mental state. Taemin-sunbaenim was also allowed to switch to social services because of his depression, right?" 

A mumbled attempt at nonchalance. At not caring about this. Yet, the truth was Jaebeom was incredibly torn on the matter. Half of him wanted to serve if only to prove even the last voices in his head and from his relatives' lips wrong about their perception of him; to prove that he was, in fact, a real man and nothing was going to question and doubt and change that anytime soon. On the other hand, well, yeah. His mental state wasn't the greatest, anxiety and clinical depression having settled in years ago already, and it didn't take a genius to realize how not great military service was going to be for him; and, honestly, who wanted to serve in the first place? At least among his artist and idol friends? Barely anyone, was who. Not that any of them had attempted to get around it, ever, their companies had and were making sure of it, and their careers were too precious to even think about it.

"Once I'm back I'm gonna give you flying lessons, hyeong." A beat. "In a regular plane, I mean." Jinyoung glanced at his friend, and Jaebeom could feel the man's care wrap around him like a warm blanket. His attempt at making him feel better. 

The older of them held that gaze with big eyes for a moment of mental buffering, then he smiled brightly and nodded, reaching for the soup flask. "You better."

[aghaseven]

about me

name: talvi or faon age: 25+ pronouns: they / them sexuality: aro-spec, asexual lesbian

kpop stan since: 2021, but I listened to SHINee a lot when I was younger ult group: GOT7 other groups: NCT, ateez, SHINee, oneus, EXO, momoland, seventeen, ... ult bias: im jaebeom other biases: choi youngjae, nakamoto yuta, xiaojun, park seongwha, nancy mcdonie, choi minho, kim leedo, oh sehun, hong joshua, lee woozi, ... ult wrecker: mark tuan other wreckers: kang yeosang, johnny suh, lee taemin, ten lee, zhang yixing, ravn, hoshi, choi vernon, ...

writing since: 2010, give or take favourite genres: urban fantasy, spy thrillers, queer slice of life stories, urban sci-fi, ... will write: mostly AU & OC!idol stuff, headcanons / what if's, shippy stuff won't write: explicit smut; fics involving idols' potential children, their military service, or underage idols; most but not all y/n stuff, unless it's with one of my OCs ( no hate at all tho! ) — please be kind and understanding when requesting! I might decide to veto certain requests out of personal reasons. edits: I might make some edits like halloween wallpapers and stuff in between

requests ( longer scenes+ ): open asks ( short headcanons, etc ): open drafts: 1 current requests: 0