how did you survive ? how much did they have you bleed; how long did they make you suffer; how low did they force you down; how dark did they tint your dreams? how did you survive ? independent, private & selective multi-muse written by gen.
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daevastating·:
❛ i’m surprised you’re still here … ❜ ———— spoken in lieu of a greeting, body hovering in the doorway though her mind remains somewhere else entirely. it’s late, though she’s hardly a stranger to long nights and longer hours, bound by ceaseless expectations — being an alpha only got her so far, being a woman all but put her back at square one. ❛ mariko, it’s late. i understand you feel you have something to prove but . . . my boss will be quite upset with me if i lose an intern to stress and exhaustion. ❜ with the cards stacked against her, heeyoung can’t imagine the pressure mounting, threatening to cave in and crumble at the mere thought of one wrong move. still, the girl works far too hard. ❛ at the very least, let me help you finish for the night. when you’re done, i’ll drive you home — i’ll buy you a late - night snack as a thank you for staying well past your requirements. ❜
6 : 34 , blinks , 9 : 29 , blinks ——— ❛ huh . . . ? ❜ focus snaps , heaps of paper scatter across more than occupied desk , movement of arm disrupting the delicate balance of the pile . teeth catch sigh between her lips , jaw clenches in slight exhaustion at the mere thought of cleaning everything up . won’t complain , no , never does . she knows it’s a test , one she’s more than determined to ace . ——— not that it’ll matter , they’ll never see her their equals . only brings more satisfaction , however , smug smirks fading off when they see how they can’t break her . shortened sleeping patterns don’t bother her , not if it means doing something she wants . ❛ i don’t want to prove anything , there’s just a lot left to do . and it’s not that late , only . . ❜ dares a look at the clock on her wrist , words fall short . how did she not realize it had struck midnight ? ❛ you won’t lose me to some paperwork , i can handle it . and it’s late for you too , then . you worked the whole day , i won’t ask you to help . i appreciate the offers , thank you . but . . . ❜ always a certain , apprehension , that precedes any denials to an alpha . brown gaze still locks with the older woman’s , that damned stubborn head of hers . ❛ i’ll . . have to say no . ❜
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❛ there you are ! ❜ the picture she had received might’ve help just a bit to spot the right set of hair as the other girl turns the corner , not that mary would’ve forgotten how the stranger ( friend ? ) looked . walks —— no , skips forward to close the gap , lips curling into a greeting smile . ❛ i’m really happy you came ! are you sure you’re okay with it being only us ? ❜ she’d be perfectly fine waiting for josie’s friends to come over if it would make her more comfortable .
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daevastating·:
[ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 43 pm ] — hmm . . . in that case : hello gorgeous. [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 43 pm ] — any chance you’ll let me see ? 👉👈 you have to redistribute the wealth somehow, sweetheart, or i’ll have to start saying lets guillotine the rich. [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 44 pm ] — can you believe i thought the lyrics were going to be ‘ so sweet then i get a little nasty ’ ? i have to admit . . . i’m disappointed that’s not it. had a whole mental breakdown right there on the tl, and maybe i tweeted a couple of unsavory memes . . . maybe tweeted a little bit about your strap energy, but i cannot confirm or deny ! [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 46 pm ] — i like everything you do ! it’s a problem. [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 48 pm ] — so the industry’s good girl is admitting she’s looked at my onlyfans ? this is so scandalous . . .
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 50 pm ] — you have a way to hide your demands as questions , i’ll give you that !
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 4 : 00 pm ] — pants are ON , in case you’re wondering .
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 4 : 00 pm ] — angry and nasty aren’t mutually exclusive , you know . though if you want to sing along , be free to say nasty . it sounds great , actually . oh ? what in my energy says i have strap ? i’ll have to change it !
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 4 : 02 pm ] — you’re too much , but i appreciate it , really ��♥♥
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 4 : 02 pm ] — is this what you guys are calling me now , the industry’s good girl ?
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 4 : 03 pm ] — and i did not admit to anything , i’m merely SAYING that i have access to it and that you probably noticed an increase in followers .
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[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 33 pm ] — ‘ hey beautiful ’ is always nice , but a meme could work .
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 33 pm ] — also a white oversized sweater , maybe or maybe no pants 😳
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 34 pm ] — aw , can’t believe i missed your breakdown !! give me the tl;cr ( too late , couldnt read ) version ?
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 34 pm ] — thank you , though . i’m glad you liked it !! 🥺👉👈
[ TO → #1 sour candy stan 🍬; delivered 3 : 36 pm ] — oh but honey , why would i mention your onlyfans when i can go look at it ? i’m more into practice than theory . .
[ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 23 pm ] — how am i supposed to start conversations with you ? [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 23 pm ] — should i start with a nice conversation starter or should i jump straight into ‘what are you wearing’ territory ? [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 24 pm ] — also, unclench ! it was a joke. [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 26 pm ] — i saw your new video though. you were cute ! 🥺 may or may not have sent thirty - six tweets about it in a twenty minute span but don’t go looking for them because i already deleted them. my dignity is in tact ! [ TO → mary sakamoto ; delivered 3 : 28 pm ] — don’t say anything about that. if you mention the time i sent you my onlyfans as a dare, i will not hesitate to block you !
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daevastating·:
❛ mmm — you smell different. ❜ ———— voice honey - soft, a whisper against silk sheets, pressed to the bed - warmed crux of mary’s neck, nosing at the mark tying their futures together. her fingers venture the curve of her spine, palm flattening against the length of her ribs, pausing to ghost over the high point of her cheek, stopping to brush her bangs from her forehead. ❛ is it stress ? — are you feeling okay ? ❜ desire strikes quick, pooling in the pit of her stomach, a moment caught between breaths ; she leans in, brushes her lips across the gentle jut of her jaw, nuzzling if only to relish in the closeness. ❛ i love you — is it your heat ? ❜
allows light browns to close in the midst of doting embrace , pleased sigh makes a swift exit through parted lips . ❛ i’m fine , everything’s perfect . ❜ everything truly is . yet even sugar sweet whispers dripping from her tongue can’t stop the heat from tinting ears and cheeks a bright red . doesn’t know which is the cause : hormones , caring questions , traveling touch . . heeyoung’s touch . . . heeyoung’s hands . . . heeyoung’s lips . it’s an instinct —— not embarrassment —— to bury a burning face into bare shoulder , to hum in affirmation . not her first , nor would it be her last . she should see them coming by now , she blames it on getting lost in the moment . ❛ i love you , too . it’s just beginning , i’m good . ❜ doesn’t require peculiar attention just yet . won’t stop her lips from laying feather - like kisses on silk skin , body betraying words as it shifts forwards , closing on an already faint gap . ❛ okay , now i’m good . don’t worry about it for now , honey . ❜ she would add a part about telling her if it becomes unbearable , but they’ll both feel it .
#mary.#mary : heeyoung.#if you see me reusing icons bc it's late and i dont want to open photoshop#mind your business
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❛ i want ———— a baby . . . ❜
❛ i’m your baby though . . ———————————— oh ! you mean a baby baby ? . . . like , right now ? with . . me ? ❜
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daevastating·:
❛ don’t start something you can’t finish … ❜ ———— voice honeyed, eyebrow arched with the intent to challenge. she ducks her head only to press her lips to a bed - warmed shoulder, lingering only for a moment before she pulls back, arm curling around the curvature of the girl’s waist. she’s playing a losing game, battle over before they’d ever begun, but haven is content to let her girl have her fun. ❛ you can leave whenever you’d like, mary. you know you’re not obligated to stay. — but, i don’t think you want to go, do you ? you like being here just as much as i like having you here. ❜
fingers come to rest atop haven’s hand far too eagerly , gentle is the grip they’ll hold around it . deceiving is the innocent smile curving the corner of her lips . gauging the fairness of battles is something she still needs adjustments in , thinks she has the leverage for this one . ❛ so if i was to leave right now . . . ❜ moves girl’s hand with hers , has haven’s fingers trail slowly , painfully so . trail travels across the soft skin of her abdomen , hip , thigh —— then sudden stop , lifts hand in the air , depriving them both of something they want . ❛ you wouldn’t even try to stop me . . ? ❜ while the other’s right about mary’s desire to go , young girl is curious to see if she holds power over haven the way she has on her .
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daevastating·:
nose upturned, the air of indifference ———— she isn’t interested in ownership ; she says as much : ❛ i don’t own you, baby girl . . . ❜ lithe fingers find a tender spot to sink into, the tense muscle of the back of the neck. fingertips work deftly until there’s little resistance, a push and pull they’ve become quite good at. ❛ mm, you’re still here though, aren’t you ? you know what they say . . . you can’t keep a girl who doesn’t want to be kept. ❜
wishes for the shiver running down her spine to go unnoticed , whimper stays buried in the back of her throat for now . victory won’t be claimed so easily . although the bite of a lip might betray her . ❛ maybe you could . . . ❜ mumbles in a moment of weakness . then an idea : head turns so mischief can be seen shining through light browns , though no efforts are made to distance herself . ❛ hmm , is that an invitation for me to leave , then ? ❜
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daevastating·:
❛ isn’t is weird how we … romanticize possession ? ———— people shouldn’t belong to other people. we’re not things to be had, and yet . . . ❜ lips graze the exposed skin behind the shell of mary’s ear, daring to leave a mark in feeling only. ❛ i like saying that you’re mine . it’s quite bewildering. ❜
❛ you say this like you’ve branded me . ❜ voice drips of tease , leans into slender figure as sigh can’t do anything but come out shaky from slightly parted lips . futile would be any attempts to hide how those words make her feel . ❛ until you do that , who’s to say i’m yours ? ❜ pushing it , she’s a little too good at it .
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daevastating·:
❛ i promise, there’s not a problem. it’s just . . . ❜ honeyed voice trails off, lacquered nails tapping idly against the desk, simper replaced with the beginnings of a frown. the hunter / the hunted. she plays the game particularly well, gaze trailing the softened lines of mary’s figure before she steels herself, mouth pursed —— check and mate. ❛ as one of the brightest students in this class, i’ve come to expect . . . more from you. given that we’re reaching the long stretch of the semester, i’m worried you’re growing complacent. this paper wasn’t like you —— i’m not disappointed, mary. i’m concerned. ❜
the corners of her mouth tug upwards, front teeth digging into the plush fullness of her bottom lip. ❛ i know you can try harder. ❜
it’s funny , how quickly a smile can f a d e . complacent , she scoffs . jaw ticks in annoyance . at heeyoung , at herself , at the thought of not reaching expectations . she knows she’s been . . . taking some shortcuts in this class , but nothing too extreme to make a real difference . or so she thought . ❛ are you telling me it’s not good enough ? ❜ beginning of talking back , she bites her tongue . steps closer , attention going back on said paper , skims through the first few paragraphs , delicate fingers turning the first page . mary knows heeyoung’s right : it’s not like her . ❛ i won’t be able to redo it by the due date . . ❜ hates asking for extensions , but with other classes , there’s no way she can turn in a better paper than what she already did in so little time .
she’ll rework it , though , she will . she takes her studies seriously , to have someone say she’s not trying hard enough , it’s irritating , hurtful . she values her ta’s opinions , which is why it makes it all the much harder to receive . ❛ is that what you think , that i’m not trying ? ❜ it’s not what she said , yet it’s what mary heard .
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daevastating·:
❛ i’m sorry . . . do you mind if i cut in ? ❜ voice honeyed and light, a silken simper tugging the very corners of her mouth upwards —— the picture of unassuming innocence. she offers the smallest hint of a bow, nothing more than a formality and show of faux respect, when the man nods and allows her to fall into his place, lithe fingers settling on the curve of her girlfriend’s waist, her other hand poised to lead. ( it’s been a week and a half since they saw each other, since the world they belong to tore them apart. it’s almost funny, she thinks, how quickly their world can throw them back together. ) a tilt of the head, a grin on her mouth ——— she won’t say she’s in love, but perhaps she’s always been close to it.
❛ i thought your assignment was taking you to japan, sweetheart. how on earth did you end up with me in paris ? ❜
blending in when eyes are on her , master in her element . sweet smile deceives most , alluring stance have them all eating out the palm of her hand . he’s no different , perfect cover to fit in . interruption doesn’t put a dent in professional mindset , the person causing it , however ——— grin directed towards taller man really is for the woman taking his place . light brown eyes shine with unmatched fondness for a moment , thankful for dim lighting for no one other than her can see the slight blush on her cheeks . ❛ hey , beautiful . ❜ allows herself a step closer , taking in the comfort heeyoung’s perfume brings her . hand itches to reach her cheek , her neck , to pull her closer . she can’t , she settles to melt , if only for a second , into her touch .
❛ it has , then it lead me somewhere else . ❜ god , her jaw is about to give her hell tomorrow , fighting back the urge to smile ear to ear . ❛ i wasn’t planning on seeing you here . ❜ later , as a surprise , sure . but now in the middle of a mission .
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HEEYOUNG !
❛ ———— if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to send me an email. next week, we’ll go over everything professor kim wants you to know for the midterm. remember : answers to the last practice set will go up this weekend ! ❜ a nod of her head signals dismissal, back turned to the collection of students packing up and trying to flee en masse. a beat passes as her lips quirk upwards, honeyed simper tugging at the corners of her mouth as her gaze falls on an all too familiar face.
❛ mary ———— do you have a minute ? i’d like to discuss your paper . . . ❜
reassuring smile flashes for puzzled friends , signals to not wait up for her , she has everything under control . leaving her for questions is something they’ve grown accustomed to this semester , they’re not too worried . fingers tuck strand of black hair behind her ear , challenging brown eyes turn soft as soon as they rise from the academic work on the desk to meet her ( sexy ) ta’s . they always betray her bluff .
❛ you know i always have a minute . what seems to be the problem with it ? ❜ the curl at the corner of her lips is almost too smug .
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HEEYOUNG !
nerves. it’s unsettling to feel so off - kilter as a girl who is always perfectly composed, carefully put together. yet she sits with lithe fingers wrapped tight around a warm mug, fresh cookies on the tray atop the stove, ( im ) patiently waiting for her roommate to stroll through the door. ——— it’s not an unfamiliar sight, though never quite like this. ( it’s just that she feels terrible for kicking hana out only a few days before the start of midterms week, feels the need to go above and beyond to make it up to her. )
her head snaps up when the front door opens, damp hair falling down her back. ❛ hey . . . ❜ it’s gentle, the breath of a whisper, the beginnings of an apology settled on the tip of her tongue. ❛ i’m so sorry, han. i didn’t think today would take so long, but i won’t have time for a show next week and i wanted to . . . i baked you cookies, actually, as a thank you and an apology. forgive me ? ❜
subtle shade of pink colors fair cheeks , light pants huffing past lips , feet climbing up flights of stairs as quickly as they can . if any neighbors peek out when she finally reaches the their floor , they’d understand one thing : she’s late ! ever only looked at her phone a full hour after missing the text that always sends her on her way home . books and papers practically flying out of poorly sealed backpack —— they’d been thrown in there without any care once the clock of her phone flashed before horrified eyes . and only when door cracks open that she remembers something else : dinner .
❛ i know i’m —— ❜ that’s all of the apology she can get out before heeyoung showers her of her own mea culpa . intrigue flashes in dark eyes , head turn to the kitchen area , fond smile warms pink cheeks to red . ❛ nam heeyoung , you didn’t have to . ❜ it hits her , the vanilla & chocolate , expert nose picking up caramel , even . her favorites . ❛ especially since i forgot to bring back chinese like i said i would , i’m sorry . ❜ her turn . shoes come off , bag drops next to them ( she’ll pick it up later , don’t worry ) . lithe steps take her to the stove , picking the most inviting cookie and closing the space separating the two roommates . splits the treat in half , hand extends . ❛ i’ll make something , so we’re even . what do you want ? ❜ white teeth bites down on her own piece , dessert before dinner never hurt .
#everytime i come back i never remember my fucking tags yikes#hana.#hana : heeyoung.#hana : heeyoung / 002.
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JIWON !
❛ you know, if you scowl any harder . . . your face is going to freeze like that. then you’ll just be walking around looking angry all the time ———— whatever they said, sor, it’s not worth being upset over. you know they’re stupid. ❜
❛ if i read one more ‘ go back in the kitchen ’ , i might start publishing under a masculine alias . ❜ hard scoff , lid of laptop shut — nearly slammed down . stupidity isn’t strong enough to describe some comments brown eyes has the desolation to read . computer slides on the side table before her back falls against the couch , arms crossed over chest . ❛ i’m not upset ji , just —— frustrated . ❜ says the pouting , sulking girl — god she’s such a child !
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HEEYOUNG !
❛ hey angel . . . ❜ her voice is a whisper as she closes the door behind her, squinting against the shadow of the room. it’s become her new routine over the past few weeks : go to class, grab a to - go box from the dining hall, sneak upstairs to mary’s room —— if anyone questions why, they never ask. she never tells.
heeyoung drops her bag by the door, crossing the room carefully to perch herself on the end of mary’s bed. lithe fingers graze the curve of a shoulder, frown tugging at the corners of her lips. the death of amelia took two people that day —— the lights are on, mary isn’t home. ❛ we don’t have to talk, but i brought you something to eat. i even grabbed a second brownie for you. ❜
shell of a girl . pathetic view to whoever knew her just weeks ago . there’s a reason why her mirror’s off the wall ( not that she gets up much ) —— she’s a sight she can’t stand . ❛ hi . . ❜ familiar voice pulls her from thoughts , soothing her mind immediately . she can’t help but feel sorry for the older girl . clearly , that’s not how you want to spend your last year : picking up some broken freshman’s pieces .
❛ thank you . ❜ soft even if the warmth of a smile is cruelly missing , the appreciation behind her words isn’t any less genuine . she always forgets how hungry she is , food far in a corner of her mind these days . half crawl / half lean forward makes specs fall on her nose , that’s more movement from her in a minute than in the last three hours . ❛ is it good today , or did you not eat yet ? ❜ box opens , she feels like filling the silence today .
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❛ i just want to thank you again for the opportunity you’re giving me . ❜ and what an opportunity it is . gigs aren’t dry these days , her set of skills always in high demand for exclusive clientele . there’s just something so appealing about not only infiltrating a cyber security corporation’s system , but doing it from the inside ? you can’t get that level of entertainment anywhere else . ❛ i know it’s only my first day , but i’ll prove you right away that you made the right choice . ❜ / @daevastating
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CHASE !
❛ are you fucking nuts ? ❜ perhaps not the brightest course of action, cautious gaze darting around the space in search of an exit. FLIGHT OR FIGHT ——— head over heart ; to fight would be foolish, to run would be cowardly. exasperation takes hold, tongue darting out to wet dry lips, shoulders heaving with yet another sigh. ❛ there’s nothing happening to my body ——— i don’t even know what you’re talking about, okay ? ❜ it’s willful ignorance, how he claims to know nothing of the biological mutation wrecking havoc on his body, nothing of the way his genes were shredded so the BITE could put them back together, bit by bit. piece by piece. it’s better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. ❛ do you own the area ? it’s free fucking real estate ! ❜ teeth dig into the plush fullness of his bottom lip, hands lifting in careful surrender. there’s no use in fighting the fight you can never win. ❛ dude, i know you don’t give a shit, but some of us don’t have anywhere else to go. give me a couple of days to figure shit out & i’ll dip — no questions asked. i just need a couple of days. ❜
smile graces his lips . it doesn’t take a degree to know there’s nothing genuine about the show of pearly teeth . he has to give credits , the youngster is ballsy . finally , something he can show an ounce of respect towards . maybe he’ll get to partake in some entertainment tonight , or maybe he’s only being set up for disappointment . he doesn’t deal well with the latter . ❛ next time you take me for an idiot is going to be the last you do it , i don’t have time for games . ❜ the stench on the newly - turned boy is too distinct for philip to be taken for a fool . if the other is in denial , that’s his own problem . ❛ days ? do i look like i’m running a charity ? i told you , i don’t care for your sob story . news flash dumbass , you’re not special , everybody has one . now will you get the hell out , last time i’m asking . ❜ dominant steps are taken forward , ready to throw the other boy out himself . he’s never had any complex about getting his hands dirty .
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