adropofelixir

[adropofelixir]

𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 - 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒐 𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒍𝒆

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨): mattheo riddle x fem! reader

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: when a girl with a consuming mental illness meets the boy with the immense childhood trauma, toxicity arises between their relationship. there's already enough communicational issues between the two of you, but somehow, everything always manages to get worse.

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: TOXIC! reader, mentions of borderline personality disorder (i'm writing from my personal experiences with it), reader and mattheo are in their fifth year at hogwarts, self-sabotage, crude language, lots of yelling, very angsty, let me know if i missed anything!

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: this fic is going to have a few triggering ideologies and themes to it, please DO NOT continue on if you are not comfortable with the subject matter. as someone with the disorder that i am writing about, i will not tolerate any hate speech or assumptions being made about the disorder itself, please be kind and head the warning that although this is fiction, this disorder is very real and something a lot of people deal with. feel free to send me suggestions for writings! much love, lea.

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

daphne.

the one name you thought you could go one day without hearing, and yet here it comes to haunt you once again. she's become a recurring theme being mentioned in the same sentence with your boyfriend.

she's just tutoring him. he needs help with his studies.

it couldn't drive you any more crazy than it already was. it just had to be her, didn't it? the girl everyone in the entirety of your bloody magic school thought was breathtaking.

it took a lot for you to accept being with someone like mattheo. he's more than just conventionally attractive, and you knew that before you had even caught his eye. between his undeniable good looks, his sultry voice every other girl including you gets to hear, and his mannerisms, it's not a secret that he drives almost every girl in the school mad.

with all of this being a factor in your every day life, knowing that she's his tutor couldn't bother you more. he has tried to tell you that he's not interested, and his old habits aren't a problem in your relationship as he had made the effort to change for you, but it does nothing to calm the rage boiling under your skin.

you're sitting in the library, theodore at your side as you both try to focus on your potions project that's due within the next few weeks. his focus is undivided on all of the notes he took earlier that day, meanwhile your eyes burn holes into the bookshelf that barely manages to hide her body sitting awfully close to mattheo's.

"you know, one of these days, you might kill her with your stare." the voice breaks you out of the trance you found yourself falling into, snapping your head to meet the familiar italian's eyes as you looked at him with furrowed brows.

"what are you on about?" there was attitude abundantly clear in your voice.

he gestures with his quill towards the pair that sit three rows ahead of you two before his eyes find yours again, "daphne. she's just helping him study, y/n. you know how important grades have become to him since his argument with his father over summer."

"he cares that much that he could ask her instead of his own girlfriend?" you snapped, staring at theodore with fire behind your eyes.

his lips purse together, just nodding to acknowledge your feelings as he didn't want to anger you further. "don't worry about the project for a couple days, i'll handle it and get it set up. just, don't drive yourself bloody crazy with obsessing over if she has a crush on him or not." he parted ways with you after finishing his statement.

you thought getting away would help, so you grabbed your own bag that remained unpacked the entirety of your study session, before making your way out of the library. you were sure to shove daphne's shoulder on the way out before you made your way up to your dormitory.

you looked at pansy and smiled a tight smile. pansy, knowing what's going on just by the look in your eyes, is quick to sit up and give you her full undivided attention.

"does she have to be such a bitch and be so close to him all the time? it's pathetic really, how badly she wants his fucking attention."

her response is in a softer tone than yours, almost comforting, "i can agree, she does get awfully close, but you don't need to worry about that y/n. mattheo's with you, and every since he's met you he's been wrapped around your finger."

"that doesn't mean that she can't reel him in if she starts acting like a whore." that comment was uncalled for, you knew it was deep down, but your emotions weren't allowing you to calm down.

pansy almost hissed at the vulgar word you chose, before hearing the door being fumbled with as her eyes watched mattheo enter your shared dorm room.

"i'm going to hope that i didn't hear what i think you just said." his eyes are locked on yours as he stands in front of you.

your eyes roll quickly. pansy, sensing the argument brew, is quick to make her exit to give you both some privacy.

"here you go, fucking defending her once again." your tone is laced in venom, knowing that if you hear about her one more time you're certain you'll want to take care of her yourself.

"i will defend someone who hasn't done a single thing wrong yet she's being called a name like that. she hasn't flirted with me once, nor has she touched me in any way, y/n we haven't even brushed hands or shoulders. she's just tutoring me."

"yeah, she's tutoring you right? on a subject that i'm higher than her in the class? sure thing mattheo, try to convince me you didn't go to her because you found her hot."

you knew his reasoning for wanting to be tutored by her instead of you; the two of you were inseparable. mattheo wanted your relationship to work out, and he knew in order to do that, he had to retire old habits. one of them included being codependent on each other for everything.

however, when it comes to you, you rely on him to function properly. it's far from healthy, but what can you do to control it? absolutely nothing. you were helpless. you didn't want to act like this, you wanted to be normal. you didn't want to need him around you at all times in order to feel secure in your relationship.

"you know that's far from the truth, y/n. the photos of you i've painted are littered in my notebook, if i was letting her tutor me so i could be around her due to her looks, i wouldn't keep those in there. that's common sense."

his words weren't helping calm you down, in fact, those were your breaking point. before you knew it, you were attacking him.

"then take out the fucking photos mattheo. take out the photos, go on your fucking study dates with her in her skimpy little fucking outfits, and let her take up your time. i'm clearly never going to be enough for you and that's final. i'm done wasting my time with someone who needs another person despite already having a girlfriend. get out."

his eyes scanned your face with utter disbelief. he knew you had episodes, but you had never told him to get out or that you felt like your time was wasted with him. his heart was hurting, and he needed space. without another word, just a singular nod of his head, he opened the door and left.

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

it's been days since you and mattheo have spoken. you're going crazy, and you knew you more than likely had blown your chance. you didn't mean for any of it to happen that way. you didn't understand why you had grown into such an awful person, let alone partner.

you haven't gotten out of bed in what felt like ages. you could be another year older, for all you knew. you had told him you felt like your time was wasted.

fuck.

it never was. time with him was the only thing that kept you sane. him being around you made your senses heightened and feel like you were on cloud nine. he was the love of your life, there was no doubting that.

all he's ever tried to do was love you. yet, you blew it by acting like he's against you, as if he's your enemy. you never got the chance to open up and tell him what was wrong. every time the conversation would come up you'd go into an episode by creating false narratives as to what his response could end up being.

none of this was how it was supposed to go. you weren't supposed to push him away. you weren't supposed to ruin this.

but, that's all you ever seemed to do.

mattheo had retired his usual ways just for you to give him a chance. he had confided in you numerous times about how you've become his safety net, especially due to his upbringing. he never trusted anyone the way he trusted you.

now, you were sure you had blown everything up.

there was a soft knock at your door. you were so caught up in your mind that you almost didn't hear it. you opened your mouth to speak, your voice sounding hoarse as you haven't used it in days.

"it's open." the sound level of your voice is almost at a whisper, but you can't muster to get the energy for it to be any louder.

the door slowly creaks open, illuminating your dark room with a sliver of light as the person squeezes in through the doorway.

"hi, love."

your heart stops beating, your body freezes, goosebumps arise on your skin at the sound of his voice. it can't be him right? surely, you're mistaken.

you sit up as you look at him. "mattheo?" your voice is breaking as you speak his name, your eyes turning doe-like as your hopes rise.

he steps closer so that way he comes into your view, a sad smile adorning his features. his head tilts softly as he takes in all of your features, and fuck does he take his sweet ass time doing so.

the words start spilling out of you before you can control yourself. tears are rushing down your face as if they were running a marathon for a prize.

"i'm so, so fucking sorry matty. i don't know why i say the things that i do. i don't want to be this way. i want to be normal. you don't deserve to be treated like that. i don't want to be another burden in your life, i'm so sorry-"

his voice cuts in through yours, "pansy explained everything to me, you don't have to apologize. you can't control any of it, i know."

your lip quivers as you stare at him, his eyes full of understanding which makes you start sobbing uncontrollably. your hands cover your face as you sob into them, feeling warm arms wrap around you as he pulls you onto his lap when he sits down next to you.

"i-i thought i blew it.."

"shhh, we're okay, everything's okay. i would never leave you. i just needed you to talk to me, love. that way i can understand you and what you need during your episodes."

his fingers push your messy hair behind your ear as you peek up at him, your face now puffy and pink from your tears.

"i don't mean to be difficult, i'm sorry you have to deal with all of this."

a smirk finds his lips now, as he takes in your apologetic state. "now, now, where's the fun in dating if you can't keep me on my toes every now and then?" he kisses your forehead before he finishes, "i love you, y/n. no amount of arguments is going to change that."

you felt like you can breathe once again as he pulls you even closer, laying down with you wrapped up in his limbs. his gentle voice hums your favorite song as he plays with your hair, trying to soothe your nerves and help you get rest. your eyes are fluttering shut before you can notice, and your breathing mellows out as he smiles contently down at you.

"off to sleep you go, pretty girl. see you in the morning."

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: hello again! i haven't proof-read this, as i'm currently sick while writing it! i may come back and edit it if need be, but i hope you enjoyed this angsty attempt at displaying one of many examples of living with borderline personality disorder in a relationship. i can't wait to come back and write again! i love you all!

[adropofelixir]

ｓｏｆｔ ｃｏｎｆｅｓｓｉｏｎ - ｗａｎｄａ ｍａｘｉｍｏｆｆ

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨): wanda maximoff x fem! reader

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: when sexuality starts to become something in the forefront of your mind, you can’t help but start to shut everyone out. nobody knows what’s going on with you, but a specific telekinetic woman finds the perfect way to get you to open up to her.

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: internalized homophobia, avengers compound/civil war! era, hallway crush vibes, reader not really knowing wanda all that well at first, wlw!au, wanda being perfect, i think that’s it?

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: nice to meet you, i’m lea! since this is my first fic it won’t be perfect, but i’ll get better as time goes on! this is super fluffy… and gay. i hope you all enjoy, happy (ending) pride month!!

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

everything about you recently had felt off. nothing was right. waking up felt like you were out of place, your insomnia was out of the roof, you were only eating your safe foods for the past few weeks. all the avengers could tell there was something bothering you.

tony had tried first. saying some words along the lines of, “cmon, kid. you can talk to me — you won’t be shut out.” although his attempt was nice, and oddly caring for the stark man, you didn’t budge. thor and bucky hadn’t really been the best at speaking to girls your age, so they didn’t really attempt much.

next was peter and natasha, they had teamed up to see if they could get you to crack. the two had purchased a large pizza and your favorite sweets in an attempt to see how much they could get out of you; long story short, it didn’t work. you just took the food, thanked them for going out of their way for you, and excused yourself to bed for the night.

cap was last to try. he had been the one person who seemed to get through to you every single time you were acting weird. this time however, he had never seen you so puzzled. after trying for about an hour of poking and prodding to get even an inch of what was on your mind to come to your surface, you practically pushed him out of the room asking for peace and quiet.

ever since you turned 18, everything about love had been on your mind. there was no doubting that you were envious of your friends that were in healthy, happy relationships. hell, some of the people you went to high school with were getting engaged already. however, every single post that you happened to scroll past on social media, you couldn’t help but feel yourself cringe a little bit.

seeing your friends happy, and other happy, made your heart flutter. that was no secret, but when you stared at the pairs of man and wife, or girlfriend and boyfriend, your heart banged with confusion as to why it didn’t feel right to you. that was, until you went on a coffee run.

walking into the small coffee shop that had become your recent hyperfixation, you noticed two women in the corner. there was something different about this pair. they were closer than just friends seemed to be, they were holding hands, the shorter blonde leaning her head against the taller ginger. you were captivated by them, they were fucking 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮. then, as if the universe was watching you searching for answers, the two girls’ lips connected.

your heart fluttered and your eyes suddenly went a bit wide with awe. everything about the image in front of you felt so right. it was everything that you had been craving, all of the confusion about seeing the straight couples had fizzled away from your mind. it all made fucking sense. you liked women, there was no denying that, but how would you be accepted knowing everyone around you was always asking when you were going to get a boyfriend?

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

ever since that trip to the coffee shop and seeing the lesbian couple, your mind had been running circles every second of every minute. you had tried your best to avoid everyone, being conflicted with yourself and wondering if it was just a phase or if you could change your feelings for something so trivial.

it was 1am, and you hadn’t gotten an inch of sleep. you were laying on your bed with your phone in your hand, scrolling on google at photos of lesbian relationships. there was a knock at your door, suddenly jolting you away from your obvious daze. shutting off your phone, you got off your bed and cracked the door open to see who could possibly need you at this time of night.

staring back at you was the quiet sokovian, with her brows slightly taut with worry. “wanda?” you had spoken, your voice a little broken from not speaking much the past few days. you cleared your throat as she offered you a small smile. her accent slipping through her pink lips as she spoke, “i wanted to check on you. i-i know we don’t know each other hardly at all but, you’ve seemed like you need some company.”

her voice was softer than you’d ever heard it. you tilted your head as you studied her for a few moments, debating on whether you should allow her to try and pick your brain, assuming that she’s going to be talking to a wall like the rest have. noticing you’ve been taking a while, you open the door just enough and step aside for her body to fit through before shutting the door once again.

“i know talking about your life isn’t easy, so i won’t push,” she starts off as she takes in your room, before gesturing to the trinkets you’ve made and the fully finished rubix cube that sits on your bedside table. “these are cool, did you make them all?” you looked over at them and hummed softly before nodding your head in agreement. “yeah, yeah i did.”

she hums as she spares you a slightly bigger smile than she had outside your door just minutes prior. “did one of them… tell you to come talk to me?” you couldn’t help but ask, you were mutual with each avenger but there were a handful of them that didn’t spare you more than small talk if you happened to run into each other.

her brows furrow slightly before she meets your eyes. “no, not at all. i’ve actually been worried about you myself. a very bright soul that’s comfortable around everyone in this building suddenly became a bit too quiet. i wanted to make sure you didn’t need help with something.” her words were swirling in your ears as she spoke them, her voice taking over you as if it was made of vanilla.

you contemplated for another moment, feeling a weight heavy on your chest as you thought about everything that you had been feeling the past few weeks. letting out a sigh, you took a seat on your messy bed. “i guess, there is… something, that’s been on my mind lately.”

wanda nodded as she took in your posture, before deciding to take a seat next to you on your bed while also keeping enough space for you to not feel suffocated by her presence. you didn’t know why she was the one you had chosen to share your problems with, you barely know the girl. but something about her made you feel like you could trust her with this information.

she eyed you curiously as you struggled to find the words, eventually giving up and deciding just to speak from your mind. “i’ve been having…. feelings lately. they’re different than normal feelings, you could say. all of my friends are, getting married and in really healthy relationships, which is great for them but, that’s not my issue..” you trailed off as you started to get nervous knowing you were just about to come out for the first time.

wanda placed her hand over yours softly, reminding you that she’s listening and that it’s okay. your heart did a somersault at the feeling of her skin against yours, and your stomach erupted in butterflies. all be damned, you realized why you had started feeling this way. what made you question in the first place.

you stared at her for a moment before you started again, “i went down to the coffee shop at the end of the street that i really like, and there was this couple. they were gay, two girls, and they were addicting to look at. i never felt happy staring at a couple until that moment and i…. i think it’s because i’m lesbian.” you looked down, not knowing what sort of reaction to prepare for.

she squeezed your hand softly, a small smile forming on her lips as she chuckled. “that’s okay, i’m gay too. i like girls just like you do, and i didn’t understand why i couldn’t be in love with vision like he is with me, until you came around.” your eyes blew wide at her statement before staring at her once again.

“me? why me?” you were confused. you weren’t anything special, at least not that you knew of. she smiled even wider. “from the second i saw you i was attracted to you. your energy felt good, every time i was near you i could feel you in my veins and it was like magic. not to mention, you’re pretty hot too.” you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

you bit your lip nervously as you contemplated before thinking to yourself, fuck it. “i started questioning because of you too.” you squeezed her hand back this time and smiled softly at her, both of your voices were only audible to each other. her smile spread even wider as she looked at you.

“it’s okay to feel this way. it’s not out of ordinary either, so don’t say you’re not normal. don’t worry about everyone else either, if you don’t wanna tell them, it’s none of their business. this stays between you and i, okay?” she tilted her head at you as you processed the delicate reassurance.

you let out a breath of relief. “t-thank you, wanda. it means a lot that you let me talk to you.” she scrunches her nose before quietly speaking again, “you’re welcome.” she delivered a kiss to your cheek, which prompted yours to turn pink.

she got up from your bed beside you and walked towards your door, looking at you one last time for the night. “see you in the morning, y/n.” she smiled at you and departed your room, leaving you to your own feelings. you touched your cheek and could feel all kinds of adrenaline rush through your veins. what was she doing to you?

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: thank you all for reading! i was just blotting words on the screen at 3 am but i hope it was a least a little enjoyable. as i get back into writing again i’ll have better ideas, but i thought this was a decent start. i love you all! <3