adoringdanvers

[adoringdanvers]

currently crashing out over the fact that the other yellowjackets pushed misty into defending ben the same way they passed off all the worst chores no one wanted to do onto her as a form of bullying (see van's derisive little "isn't he your boyfriend" remark). they were ready to declare ben guilty from the get go and set misty up to fail.

but not nat. even if she isn't particularly fond of misty's eccentricities, she earnestly believes in her intelligence (hence why she tried her best to distract misty from ben's snare traps, because she knew she'd put the pieces together) and her affection for ben, no matter how twisted. she truly believed misty was the best shot ben had and trusted her with that duty.

and nat knew exactly how to convince her, too. she appealed to misty's helper instinct, her incessant need to be needed, and her status as a misunderstood outsider (one shared by ben and nat as well).

[adoringdanvers]

CRUSH | ACT TWO: IF YOU'RE TOO SHY (LET ME KNOW)

pairing: natalie scatorccio/fem!reader

summary: Two weeks since the night at the party, you find yourself at Natalie's side, again. Nothing ever seems to go wrong when you're together.

wc: 5970

warnings: mentions of drug usage, threatening behaviour, mentions of violence (nothing actually depicted), lowkey some spiraling thoughts towards the end

a/n: i have angst in my pants! sorry this took so long lmao I'm a chronic procrastinator

ao3 / masterlist

PREVIOUS - ACT TWO: RIBS

NEXT - ACT TWO: SMOKE SIGNALS

"We're gonna get stabbed." Are the first words out of your mouth when you turn down a very… unbecoming street.

"We are not gonna get stabbed." Nat snorts, flicking out her switchblade, "If anyone is doing the stabbing, it'll be me." She makes some stabbing motions for effect, her grin wide and goofy at the sound of your laughter.

You two have been hanging out more frequently since that night at the party, and it's been easier than expected. You aren't sure if she feels bad for flirting so aggressively, feels bad for ignoring you the entire party, or something else entirely, but it's been nice getting to know Nat.

"You know, that is not as comforting as you think it would be." You roll your eyes, but the corners of your mouth tug upward in a small smile. "Because nothing says 'safe' like my friend waving a knife around while we walk down a sketchy street."

"Friend?" She echoes, raising an eyebrow and twirling the blade once before closing it with a satisfying click. "That what we're calling this now?"

A scoff leaves your mouth in an attempt to hide the blush that's appeared on your cheeks, "Well, I don't know. What else would I call it?"

She shrugs, shoving the knife back into her pocket. "I dunno. Just feels weird to hear someone like you call me a friend."

"Someone like me?"

Nat shoots you a look, "See, I know you're smart. So why you're playing dumb…" She trails off, and you roll your eyes. "Whatever. Here we are, anyways." 

A beat passes before curiosity gets the best of you as you walk past the third building with boards in the windows, "Speaking of… where is here?"

She nods towards a gap in the chainlink fence that looks like it's been cut open with bolt cutters, "Just trust me, Princess."

You aren't sure when you started trusting her. Maybe it was that night she walked you home, and you had an epiphany. Maybe it was the Monday after the party when she showed up at your locker with a cup of hot coffee and acted like it was no big deal. Maybe it was when she started texting you memes at ungodly hours of the night with dumb captions. Or, maybe… it's simply been building over the course of the two weeks since that party.

Whenever it started, you're grateful that it did. Your friends have started telling you that you've been more confident recently, and your parents have noticed that you've been coming home later after school than usual and on days that you'd usually come straight home. They haven't asked why, but even if they did, you'd probably just tell them you've been spending it in the library. 

Well… you're pretty far from the library right now, aren't you?

"Hey," Nat cuts off your train of thought, "You're being quiet. Thinking about me?" She teases, bumping your shoulder before moving the chainlink to the side.

"Thinking about how you still haven't told me where we're going," you shoot back, hoping it's enough to convince her that you were not, in fact, thinking about her.

"Why would I tell you when you can just see?" She shoots you a wide grin, "We're almost there. C'mon."

You make a noise of disagreement as you move through the hole, Nat following close behind you. 

"I'm really hoping this isn't all part of a long scheme to murder me." 

"Oh, trust me." The blonde chuckles as she starts walking down the makeshift path that's begun to form in the ground, "If I wanted to kill you, I would've done it that night we went to the skatepark. Or the night I walked you home. Or any of the occasions I've had you alone. Spending more time with you is a terrible way to draw attention to myself, Princess." She turns her head to look at you, "You've been around me often enough—have you not learned anything?" Nat clicks her tongue and turns her head back.

"No. I don't pay attention to your delinquent activities, Natalie." You grin, taking a few quick strides to catch up with her.

"Oh, yeah?" She shoots a smirk at you that has you almost tripping over a rock, "Well. We're just gonna have to start spending more time together then, Princess."

Natalie doesn’t wait for you to respond. She strides ahead, her boots crunching against the gravel path as if she knows you’ll follow. And you do—because, of course, you do.

You sigh (although it's more of a huff, really) at her comment and continue to trail slightly behind her. "We already spend far too much time together." A beat of silence and a low laugh from Nat prompts you to keep talking, “Are you actually going to tell me where we’re going, or is this another one of those ‘just trust me’ things?”

The blonde shoots you an infuriating grin over her shoulder, continuing those long strides. “It’s always ‘just trust me,’ Princess. Keeps you on your toes.�� She turns around to face you, walking backwards. "Plus, surprises are fun, yeah?"

A huff escapes your lips at that comment, "First of all, you're gonna walk backwards into a tree. Second off, I hate surprises." You cross your arms defiantly, "I thought you knew this by now."

"If you hate surprises, you sure keep picking the wrong person to hang out with." She sidesteps a tree behind her without even thinking about it—like she's taken this path enough to know it like the back of her hand, and she probably has. "Because I am just full of surprises. Shit, you still got a bunch more just… waiting to be uncovered. Like Pandora's Box!"

"...isn't Pandora's Box mostly bad things?"

Nat nods in agreement to your statement, that dumb grin reappearing on her face. "Yep. Released evil into the world, or something." A dismissive wave of her hand, "But it's the curiosity that kills. And we both know you are very curious, Princess." 

You huff, glancing away briefly in an attempt to hide the blush that burns up your neck at the tone she uses, "I don't—" Another huff, "Whatever. What's your point, Natalie?"

She shrugs, spinning back around to keep walking, "Nothin', nothin'. Just wondering how bad it's killing you right now to not know where we're going."

The scoff that leaves your lips is far too forced to escape the notice of the girl walking in front of you, and you can almost imagine the grin on her face as you reply, "Not that much." 

Nice. You sound like a whiny child. Good on you, really showing her.

"Sure, sure," Nat says, pushing some overgrown bush out of her path. "C'mon. Almost there. Promise."

You follow her through the bush, almost getting smacked in the face with a branch when you lose your attention for half a second, but successfully make it out unscathed, and you find yourself standing in front of what looks like an abandoned house. The white paint has long since peeled away, revealing weathered and rotted wood underneath. With the way the windows are bordered up, door hangs half-open in the wind, and roof looks half-caved in, you're starting to wonder if you were right about the whole 'her murdering you' thing.

"I can't remember if my tetanus shot is up to date…" You murmur as you carefully step over a broken bottle, a far contrast to how Nat is walking right now, all confidence and swagger. You'd be lying if you said you didn't envy the air of it that she seems to carry with her at all times.

Nat laughs lowly at the comment, shaking her head as she approaches the front steps to the house, "Never gotten one, and I've been fine so far." She briefly glances at you and gestures to the steps, "Watch your footing. It's rotting. Step on the spots that look dry."

You cringe at the comment about the steps rotting and watch carefully which parts she presses on. "I'm starting to think you have a thing for sketchy places." 

"Yeah, well." She shrugs and stops the front door from clattering against the frame, "They’re quieter than most places, y’know? No one bothers you out here.”

"That's because no one wants to come out here."

"Exactly." As you carefully walk up the stairs, she grins at you, "You're getting it, Princess. Pick the places people don't want to come, and you won't be bothered." 

Despite the steps protesting with every step you take, you make it to the top without falling through a rotten wooden plank. Nat gestures for you to enter first, which makes you hesitate for a few seconds, but you ultimately enter before she does.

The interior is… not terrible, surprisingly. Sure, it's abandoned and worn down, but it doesn't smell like death, and the grattifi on the walls gives the place some weird charm.

Nat drops her bag on the ground and stretches, cracking her neck. "Welcome to the 'Not-A-Crack-Den' Crack Den."

You stare blankly at her, blinking a few times. "The… 'Not-A-Crack-Den' Crack Den." You parrot, nodding slightly. "Right. That is… very reassuring, Nat. Thanks so much."

She grins at you as a particularly satisfying crack from her lower back sounds, "What can I say? I pick good names for things." A beat passes before she glances around, gesturing toward a few crates pushed up against a wall with peeling paint, "C'mon, sit. Promise you won't get stabbed by a shard of broken glass or whatever." With a grunt, she hoists herself onto one of the crates, nodding towards one pushed against an adjacent wall.

With great trepidation, you drop your backpack onto the crate before moving to sit on it, glancing down at the dirty floor before meeting her gaze again. "So…" You trail off, waiting for her to tell you why she brought you here.

"So…?" Nat repeats back, glancing at you with a curious expression as she pulls out her pack of smokes, tapping it on her wrist a few times before opening it up. "You gonna finish that thought, or just waiting for me to speak?"

A huff leaves your lips as you cross your arms, "No, well, yes, but—" You groan and rest your head against the wall behind you, "I just… why show me this place?"

Nat scowls to herself at your comment, clearly taking some form of offense to it. "What? Don't want me showing you my hangout spots anymore? Because I don't have to. We can go back to sitting around the school or the skatepark."

"No, no, wait, that wasn't what I meant. I just meant that—" You cut yourself off with a sigh, clearly just as terrible with words as she is. "Like… why this spot in particular? Just… uh… curious. Is all. Sorry. I didn't mean to…" You let yourself trail off again and rub a hand over the back of your neck in frustration at yourself and lack of proper communication skills. 

Cigarette smoke fills the room around you as Nat puffs on the end of a Marlboro Red, a sigh leaving her lips at your words. "No, I…" She scowls again, but this time more to herself than you. "I just wanted to bring you to another one of my spots, is all." She feigns nonchalance, but you can almost physically see the underlying sincerity behind her words.

"Oh." You say quietly, not quite sure how to respond to that.

The silence blooms between the two of you for a moment as Nat pulls drag after drag from her smoke, clearly also unsure where to go from here. 

Eventually, it's clear Nat can't take the silence anymore, and she speaks again with a low grumble, "Don't you have… like… your sketchbook or whatever?" She grunts and stubs the smoke out on the crate before flicking the butt to the ground. "You can, like, draw some inspiration from this place or whatever."

That, surprisingly… isn't the worst idea.

So, you unzip your backpack, pull out a pencil alongside your sketchbook and flip open to a fresh page. An unsure sigh leaves your lips as you glance around the decrepit house, a slight frown tugging at the corner of your lips. "I mean… it's definitely… atmospheric? I guess?"

A scoff parts from Nat's lips as she crosses her arms and leans back against the wall, "Atmospheric?" She chews on the word for a moment, "So… fancy art school talk for 'kinda shitty,' yeah?"

Your frown deepens for a moment before you realise she's just fucking with you, and you roll your eyes as a smile finds its way onto your lips. "No, I mean it. It's… abandoned, but not… forgotten?" You muse, tapping your pencil on the page, "Like there's still some life left in it."

"Shit, Princess." She raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest, "Didn't take you for a poet, too."

"Shut up." You mumble, glancing down to the page as you start sketching the first thing that comes to mind: Nat.

By now, she's pulled out another cigarette (because, of course, she has). She's idly smoking it as her attention shifts between her phone and you, seemingly just enjoying being in your presence without worrying about ulterior motives.

The first thing you sketch is how she holds it between her fingers, loosely but firmly enough that it won't slip from her them—an interesting juxtaposition, you think. Something about it feels similar to her character, in a way. Regardless, you choose not to linger too long on the thought. 

With the general shape of her hand done—slightly soft but still with visible definition—you start focusing on the finer details. The way her nails are cut so short you can't see the white tips on the ends of them. The slight boniness she has on the knuckles of her fingers. The rings she wears—mismatched with different shapes and colours. The prominent bones of her ring and middle fingers that appear when her hand flexes as she returns the butt of the cigarette between her parted lips. 

This brings you to the next thing you draw—how her lips wrap around the end. Soft and full but chapped. You imagine she's the type to lose every chapstick she's ever had.

You get so lost in this daze of sketching her features, the features that a part of you wishes you could learn more intimately, that you barely even notice Nat hopping off of her crate and walking up towards you, leaning forward to look at your page.

"Whatcha drawing?" She asks, peering over your shoulder to get a better look.

Her sudden appearance shocks you slightly, and you can't help it when you jump and almost send your pencil flying across the room. "Oh, uh!" shit. "I was just, uh, drawing, uh, the—"

"Ho-ly shit. This is wicked." She grins toothily, taking a long glance at the page that you fail to hide from her gaze, "I think you were drawing me, Princess." She points to the small sketch of the cigarette between her lips, "You even got the teeth right. Nice to see you aren't just turning me into a Barbie." Nat slaps your shoulder with her hand as she properly looks at your work once you stop attempting to hide it. "It's good. Real good." Her voice lowers to something more genuine and soft, mirroring the way her expression shifts. "It's, uh, nice. Seriously."

Your face heats up at the compliments, quickly turning your attention away from her. "You're only saying that because you don't know anything about art."

Nat hums, considering that. "Maybe. But I know what I like." She taps the page with her index finger, "And I like this."

A mumble leaves your lips, something that sounds like a meek 'thanks,' but it's quickly becoming clear that the smoker isn't done yet. "I don't show people my spots, you know? Most of the time, they either ruin it or just… don't get it."

A beat passes before you glance back up at her, "I… you think I get it, then?"

She meets your gaze, her expression shifting into something you can't quite place, and leans in slightly. "I think you get a lot of things about me that other people don't."

You swear time pauses, but that could very well just be your heart ceasing its beating, but the moment is gone all too quickly when you hear the creaking of wood and hushed chatters of… what sounds like a group of men.

"Fuck." Nat hisses, immediately pulling back and darting her eyes towards the door, "I didn't fucking think we'd have company right now. Shit."

You shake your head in confusion, "Wait, wait, company? Other people come here, then? Should I be—" Your words are cut off abruptly when a trio of men step into the house one by one. 

The first one, evidently the leader, sports a battered leather jacket and stone-washed jeans. His dark unkempt hair frames a crooked scar that stretches from the corner of his left eye to the bridge of his nose.

A low laugh spills from his lips when his steely eyes land on Nat, and the grin that splits his features is nothing short of feral. "Oh, shit! Scatorccio! Was wondering when we'd see you again."

Nat scowls at him, one of her hands reaching to rest on the handle of her pocket knife by habit. "Denny." She spits, "I was wondering when you'd end up dead. Shame it hasn't happened yet." The venom that drips from her words makes you shrink into yourself, genuinely surprised to hear her speaking with such a tone when she's been mostly calm with you.

The man, Denny, laughs again and scratches his chin as he speaks, "Yeah, bet you'd like that. Would be real convenient for you." 

He's about to keep speaking when one of his goons—a shorter man who honestly looks twelve—nudges him and points to you, sitting idly on your crate, sketchbook clenched tightly in fear.

"Oh, shit." Denny takes a step in your direction, and Nat's hand tightens around the handle of her blade, but she makes no effort to step in his way. "When did you start hanging around the…" He gestures vaguely to you and your form, "Loser type?"

A laugh spills from his lips, immediately echoed by the two men standing in his shadow, and this time, Nat does step forward. "Who the fuck I hang out with is none of your business, Denny." Her eyes flash to the man who nudged him, "At least I pick the ones that don't act like they need to fucking live in my shadow, Jackson."

Jackson, you assume, scowls at Nat but doesn't bite back with a comment of his own. 

Denny’s grin falters ever so slightly, a shadow passing over his features as his eyes dart toward Nat. "Careful, Scatorccio. Wouldn’t want you getting too comfortable running your mouth, yeah? Might get you into trouble."

Nat scowls at him again, "I don't give a shit where my mouth gets me, Dennis. I've spent more than a few nights behind bars. I'll do it again."

The man chuckles, but it’s colder now, devoid of humour. "Right, right. That's real cute, Scatorccio. But we both know I'm not talking about being in a prison cell. What's it been now, huh? A month? Two?" He tsks and shakes his head, "I'm keeping track. Are you?"

You see the way Nat tightens her jaw at the comment, "I don't owe you shit." 

Denny—Dennis?—lets out another cruel laugh, "See, that's the funny thing about debts, yeah?" He takes a step towards her and, by extension, you. "They don't just… handle themselves. And your old man… well, I don't see him handling them anymore. Not that he ever really did, anyway." He spits on the ground as he looks towards you, nodding his head in your direction. "Say, your little friend here know about daddy's little tab? Or you keepin' that piece of information to yourself?"

"This isn't about her." She says immediately, "Leave her out of it. This is about us."

"Mm, no." He shakes his head, "I think you got things mixed up here. You brought her here, so now she's involved. You know we like to come 'round here. You seriously telling me it's such a shock we did?" He scoffs and crosses his arms, "But hey, I’m a reasonable guy. You hand over what you owe—or come up with a reason for me to walk out of here without making a mess—and maybe we won’t have to get anyone else involved."

Nat stands her ground, but the way her fingers curl tighter around the knife’s handle tells you just how thin the ice is beneath her. You catch her glancing at you out of the corner of her eye, and the faintest trace of panic flickers across her face.

Which, in turn, makes you panic. Not that you weren't already, but it becomes far more visible on your features now. 

"You should leave." Nat mumbles to you, nodding her head to a rear door, "You shouldn't have to be involved in my shit."

Seeing Nat's head move, Denny nudges the remaining unnamed man who came in with him, and the guy heads towards the rear exit. "Nah. We're here, and we're gonna work somethin' out. Ain't that right, boys?" The two men nod their heads, and the one that looks like a literal child cracks his knuckles, and although it really isn't that menacing, it scares you all the same.

"So," Denny speaks after a moment, clearing his throat as his grin returns, "what's happening, Scatorccio? 'cus I doubt you got the cash on you to pay this off right now."

Nat fidgets, eyes darting between you and him nervously. "I told you I was working on it." She mumbles under her breath, which earns her a cruel laugh from Denny.

"Yeah, and you've had two months to work on it, sweetheart." The pet name comes out as an insult, and the unnamed man snorts at the use of it. "And, honestly? I'm done fucking waiting for you to pay up. I'm a reasonable man, Natalie, but even I have my fucking limits."

The blonde swallows nervously, knowing damn well she's outnumbered and you are far from a fighter, so she removes her hand from the handle of her blade and tentatively approaches Denny, speaking low enough that you can only make out a handful of words, most of which are swears.

It's a solid two minutes of them talking, and you trying not to actively have a panic attack with the way the other two men are looking at you before Denny claps his hands and steps back from Nat.

"I expect you to be there, Scatorccio. If you aren't?" He clicks his tongue, "I think that I'll be paying the trailer a visit next time. Maybe say hi to Vera, yeah?"

Nat doesn't say anything back to that as the men filter out of the house, but it's more than clear that she's shaken from the encounter. 

She doesn't face you again for thirty seconds after they leave, and she can't meet your eyes when she does. You see her jaw set uncomfortably tense, and her eyes flicker from point to point, but never to yours.

"Nat…" You trail off, not even noticing that you've clenched your notebook so tight that the page has started to rip, "Who… who were those guys? What… debt?"

"It's none of your business." She snaps immediately, eyes meeting yours now, "You weren't supposed to see or hear any of that. Just wrong place at the wrong time."

"But I have seen it." You murmur, glancing away from her and down to the ripped page, "I just… I don't know what it means—"

"And you won't." She cuts you off, "Because this point of conversation won't ever be brought up again, yeah? A one-time thing."

You frown and stand up from the crate, still clenching the book tightly. "It didn't seem like a one-time thing—"

"Drop it." Nat says, her jaw tightening.

"But I can't." You shoot back before you can stop the words spilling from your lips. You take a shaky breath, and everything you just witnessed is sinking in. "I can’t just pretend I didn’t see that, Nat. They… they threatened you. Your mom.” Your voice cracks slightly, but you push through. “And I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I care about you, okay? I can’t just let it go."

She laughs, cruel and sardonic. "Care about me? You don't fucking know me. You don't know shit. All you think you know is what you've pieced together from a few hangouts and some rumours. That's it."

“That’s not fair,” you counter, your voice rising slightly. “you don’t let anyone know you, Nat! You hide behind all this—this bullshit bravado and sarcasm because you think it’s easier than letting someone in.”

"Yeah?" Nat sneers, her voice cutting through the stale air surrounding you, "Well, maybe it is. Maybe it's easier to keep people like you at arm's length so I don't have to deal with�� shit like this." She gestures between you, movements sharp and erratic, "You don't want to be a part of this world, Princess," The pet name rolls off her tongue in a way that makes you cringe and recoil into yourself, the once gentle name being used as something far more cruel, "so stop trying to be."

"You don't get to decide that for me!" You finally snap, stepping towards her in frustration as you throw your sketchbook down onto the crate you were sitting on, "I'm standing right here, Nat! I'm not going anywhere. And, yeah. Maybe I don't know everything about you. But I want to!"

Her breath catches slightly at your words, and for a brief moment, the mask she wears slips. But it’s back just as quickly, replaced with a hardened expression as she hisses, “You’re wasting your time.”

"Maybe." You murmur, taking another tentative step towards her, "But I don't think you get to decide that for me."

The words hang in the air, heavy with unspoken meaning. Nat doesn't move, eyes boring into yours, and for a long moment, you worry she's going to say something scalding or just leave; the distance between the two irreparable. 

But, then, she's moving, crossing the short distance between the two of you in a single stride. Her hands grip your arms, both firm and uncertain, and before you can process what’s happening, her lips crash against yours.

You have no idea what's happening if you're being honest. Sure, you've had a few kisses before, but they have been like this. This passionate and intense, this filled with emotion. 

Nat kisses you with an urgency you've come to expect from her, and she doesn't half-ass anything; it's all or nothing, and this is no different. 

At least, at first. 

Then, she realises that you aren't kissing her in return, and she releases her hold on you, stumbling back a few steps and swiping at her mouth. 

Silence blossoms again as you stand there and stare at her, lips still tingling from the sudden crash of hers against yours, and you stare at her with your jaw slack. You aren't sure if you're even breathing at this point. Everything feels like it's balancing on a knife edge, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Fuck!” She hisses under her breath, raking her hands through her hair. “Why the fuck did I—God, why are you like this?”

You blink and shake your head a few times, still in shock, but now even more so. "Wait, wait, hold on, what?" Finally, when you get your head back on, you only get more confused. "Why am I like this?" You snap at her, expression shifting from surprised to hurt. “Why are you like this, Natalie? One second, you’re—” You cut yourself off, throwing your hands in the air. “You’re impossible!”

Her laugh is sharp and humourless. “Me? I’m impossible?” She takes a step forward, frustration etched into every line of her face. “So what’s the point of you coming out with me if you’re just gonna be a fucking uptight bitch about everything, huh?”

"Wasn't it you that told me I needed to live a little, Natalie?!" You yell back, equally as frustrated. "And wasn't it you that said I should learn to say no?! God, why are you being like this?!"

She scoffs, "Has it occurred to you that maybe I would like you better if you just fuckin' took your clothes off, Princess? Huh?" She takes a step forward, "Even you aren't thick enough to see that I've been flirting with you for weeks."

That stings in a way you weren't expecting it to. You take a momentary step back, face contorting, "Fuck you, Scatorccio." You hiss at her, taking a step forward again and jabbing a finger into her chest, "Has it occurred to you that maybe I would like you better if you actually opened up about shit? Huh? Even you aren't thick enough to see, I've been trying to get you to open up for weeks!" You say, throwing her own words back at her.

"Listen, Princess," She sneers, jabbing her finger in your chest, "I'm just tryna fuck. Maybe you should get that through your fucking skull." But, even as she says it, and as much as the words sting, there's a waver in her voice as she says it like she doesn't really mean it but doesn't know what to say in this situation.

"Well, I'm not. And if that's all you want, then you have the wrong fucking person." You cross your arms defiantly, "You should have known that from the start, burnout."

Natalie's lip twitches in displeasure, but she seems to hesitate before saying whatever she is going to and instead opts to scoff and take a step back. "Whatever, nerd. Have fun with your fucking calculus textbooks and your neat little bubble." Then, she turns around and stalks off, slinging her backpack over her shoulder before burying her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket.

And then she’s gone, turning on her heel and stalking off into the shadows, leaving you standing there, raw and reeling, wondering how the hell it all went so wrong so fast.

You glance around the decrepit house, the air feeling much colder than when Nat was with you. The building no longer feels like there's life left in it—but rather, devoid of it. Empty and barren, mirroring the way you feel right now. You hate the place your thoughts take you to—the dark void that plagues you from time to time.

You look back down at your sketchbook, pages half torn and splayed wildly across the top of the crate you formerly used as a chair, and a shaky, weary sigh leaves you.

Gingerly, trying to stop the shaking in your hands, you slowly pack up your belongings, actively avoiding the way you etched her likeness into your book (and mind) as you do. Every move you make echoes in the space; the ruffling of pages and closing of your backpack zipper might as well sound like a plane taking off. 

You hadn't even spent that long with her today. You two had plans; she said after this that the two of you would go to that diner on fifth that serves breakfast all day. Maybe eat some shitty pancakes and get a milk-stache from a milkshake. 

But… the longer you think about it, did she even want that? Did she truly just… want one thing? Did she just see you as a body to use to pass the time with? A fleeting attraction that would fade once she got her fill? Playing the long game, just to see if it changes how the sex is?

Was that all she wanted?

The wooden steps protest under your weight as you leave the house, the wind picking up and pushing the door shut behind you—almost like a metaphor for something you'd rather not think about right now.

Gravel crunches beneath your feet as you step off the rotting porch, the cool evening air biting at your exposed skin. You pull your jacket tighter around yourself, wishing it could shield you from the ache settling deep in your chest.

Your feet carry you, almost on autopilot, down that same path that Nat had taken you through earlier, but it doesn't feel nearly the same. What was once exciting, thrilling, something out of your comfort zone… now just feels like a harsh reminder of what transpired between you. Empty and desolate. 

Fuck. When did you become so… tragic?

The streets are quiet. It’s almost eerie, the way the world seems to hum with an indifference that mirrors the hollow ache inside you. Your mind keeps replaying her words, the venom in them, the hurt you saw behind her eyes that she so desperately tried to mask with anger.

Why did it feel like she was pushing you away the second it felt like there would be any form of struggle within your relationship?

Better to hurt than be hurt, you suppose.

You stop under the dim glow of a streetlamp, your breath visible in the cool air. Your phone buzzes in your pocket, startling you from the train of thought you were stuck in. You fish it out, half expecting it to be her, even though you know better. It’s just a notification about some school assignment being due soon—something that feels insanely trivial right now.

Shoving your phone back into your pocket, you continue to let your brain send you down a path of thoughts you really shouldn't be letting it take you down. When she had leaned in earlier, voice uncharacteristically soft, telling you that you understood her in a way that others didn't… for a moment, you believed that maybe this could be something more.

But now? Now, you aren't quite sure what to believe.

You let your feet guide you down streets that are both familiar and foreign, not even registering the houses or buildings you walk past. 

Maybe this is who she is, you think. Chaotic, unpredictable, and closed off. And perhaps you can't change that, no matter how much you want to.

Maybe you don't want to. You just want to know why she is the way she is. An insight into the brain of Natalie Scatorccio. Something that people would likely pay to see.

Maybe… maybe she's just scared. Like you, but confronting her fear differently. 

When you finally reach your door, you linger on the porch, staring at the peeling paint on the frame and letting the silence stretch. The sound of the Monroe kids across the street playing basketball, the dog tied to the post a few houses down barking, and the wind shaking the leaves in the trees fill your ears and give you some clarity in this strange situation.

By the time you finally crack the front door to your house open, your mother is cooking something over the stove while idly bickering with your father as he leans against the countertop, neither of them noticing your entrance.

You'll eat your food and try to sleep, but realistically, you'll just stare at your ceiling and replay every aspect of your interaction with Nat for hours, and sleep will never come.

Fucking Natalie Scatorccio.

Fuck Natalie Scatorccio.

Fuck Natalie Scatorccio and the way you still fucking care about her.

Fuck.

a/n: man, when i said this chapter would be hard to write, next chapter... oof. next chapter is gonna be heavy in so many different aspects. you will both hate and love me, if you don't already. <3333333333

[adoringdanvers]

— 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 | 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐂𝐈𝐎 ౨ৎ

↳ now playing : text book by lana del rey

pairing : natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

fluff

warnings : weed

𝐓he textbooks lay scattered across you like fallen leaves after a particularly brutal October wind. you chew on the end of your pen, your brow furrowed in concentration as you try to decipher the math equations in your textbook. Natalie, sprawled on the floor beside you, isn’t even pretending to study. she’s fiddling with the lighter, flicking it open and shut with that practiced ease, the tiny spark a brief flash of rebellion in the dim light of the bedroom.

“seriously, Nat,” you sigh, nudging her leg with your foot. “we have a test tomorrow. i need to actually learn this stuff.”

Natalie glances over at you, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “relax, doll. you’re smart, you’ll ace it.”

“that’s not the point.” you retort, but you can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips. you low how effortlessly Nat seems to navigate life, how she radiates a confidence you sometimes envy. even surrounded by textbooks and the pressure of impeding exams, she manages to exude a cool, detached energy.

“okay, okay,” she concedes, setting the lighter down. “how about we take a… study break?” she winks, reaching under her bed and pulling out a small, intricately carved wooden box.

your heart gives a little thump. you know exactly what’s in the box. you’ve shared its contents with her many times before, a quiet rebellion against the suffocating expectations of life in New Jersey.

“Nat,” you say, trying to sound stern but failing miserably. “we really shouldn’t. not tonight. i need to focus.”

Natalie moves closer, her eyes pinning you with an intensity that makes your breath catch in your throat. “just a little,” she whispers, her voice low and husky. “just enough to make math… interesting.”

she brings the box closer, the aroma of dried herbs filling the air. the smell is familiar, comforting, and undeniably alluring. you know you should resist. you know you should stick to the plan, study for the test, and try to get a decent night’s sleep.

but then Natalie’s rolling a joint with practiced fingers, the movements graceful and hypnotic. the lighters flares again, and the room fills with the sweet, hazy smoke. she takes a long drag, holding it in before slowly exhaling, her eyes closing in contentment.

she offers it to you, her lips curving into a knowing smile. “c’mon,” she murmurs. “do it for me, yeah?”

you hesitate for a moment, then reach out and take the joint. the familiar warmth spreads through you with the first inhale, easing the tension in your shoulders, quieting the frantic voice in your head that’s been screaming about the test.

“okay,” you say, returning the joint to Natalie. “but after this, we actually study. deal?”

Natalie laughs, a low, throaty sound that sends shivers down your spine. “deal.”

the textbooks are quickly forgotten. the air thickens with smoke and the sound of your laughter. you find yourself sprawled on the bed next to Natalie, the math equations suddenly seeming hilariously absurd. you’re giggling about the most random topics that enter your mind.

later, your head is resting on Natalie’s chest, the rhythmic beat of her heart a soothing lullaby. the math textbook is discarded on the floor, replaced by the soft murmur of her voice as she tells you about a ridiculous conspiracy theory she read somewhere. the world outside the small bedroom fades away, leaving only the two of you, entangled in a haze of smoke and shared laughter.

you know this isn’t the most responsible thing to do. you know the test is important. but in this moment, wrapped in the intoxicating warmth of Natalie’s presence, you can’t bring yourself to care. you just want to stay here, lost in her eyes, forgetting, just for a little while, all the pressures and anxieties that lie ahead.

[adoringdanvers]

she’s gone and it’s all my fault.

prints + merch + commission info pinned to profile :)

[adoringdanvers]

Mistynat mind virus

[adoringdanvers]

what if Hilary swank is adult Melissa?

—🏛

i’m like 86 percent sure it’s her but i do like the idea of that last scene being a red herring….. in the new trailer jackie tells shauna that this person is after her for what she did AFTER they got rescued so my little reddit theory is that shauna killed melissa and this is melissa’s sister yupp. or you know what? even her identical twin!! sure!

[adoringdanvers]

Lights, camera…oh

summary: making a sex tape with nat

warnings: modern!collage!au, smut/what plot, n!receiving, filming- obviously, bondage, strap referred to as cock/dick, afab!reader but no pronouns, very crude, I’m sorry if there’s anything else and i forgot it

a/n: this is a complete ovulation thought and is probably bad but i know you’re all a bunch of freaks anyway soo…also anon who requested the sister paxton fic/ oneshot, it’ll likely be out tomorrow. english isn’t my first language!!

word count: 1.7k

“And you wanna do this how?” You asked, a bit skeptical to her bright idea

“Well we could just like- set up a phone or hold it. It’s fine if you don’t want to, I’ve just thought about it for a while, so…” She said with uncertainty

You thought for a moment, your eyes narrowed as you looked at her. “Okay.” Slipped from your lips, your shit eating grin growing more and more as you thought about it.

At first you sure were hesitant, making a video like that was extremely risky, and it made you a bit queasy, knowing you’d be able to watch yourself in your most vulnerable state, as well as the fact that it could be a bit uncomfortable, managing a phone while you dicked your girl down. But honestly, it also seemed very hot. Just the thought of being able to watch all of it back while she was in class or at work was indeed more than appealing.

“Uh, really? Oh, cool! You wanna do it right now?” She stammered, almost bubbling with excitement, as much as she tried to hide it.

“I mean- sure. You want me to spruce up a little or something?” You asked, a little nervous

“No no, you’re perfect.” She said, before hurrying into your shared bedroom to get her phone, and a few other things.

After a minute or two she came back with the device, as well as a sleek black bullet vibrator, lube and your famous and beloved strap, along with her very favorite dildo. She prefers girth over length, you learned on your fifth or sixth date a couple years ago, when she begged you to stuff a fourth finger into her already very stretched hole.

“Okay so first we can just- put it there and later if we wanna do a close up or something we can pick it up.” She explained, already setting the phone down.

As she did, she walked over to where you sat on the couch, sitting beside you. “Don’t stress, okay? We can stop anytime if you want.” She said, though she didn’t have the chance to say much before you leaned in, pressing a slow kiss to her lips.

It was passionate, a bit of tongue and no roughness of your teeth. In seconds you found yourself leading her to wrap her legs around your hips as you softly pushed her down onto your sofa, which was thankfully for this endeavor- leather.

The feeling of her lips on yours was familiar, yet strangely exciting every time. You cupped one side of her face while you disconnected your lips from hers for a moment. You did it to catch your breath, but when you looked down at her flushed form, it was gone again. Your lips started trailing her jawline as her fingers tangled in your hair, pulling it softly (for now, at least).

“You feel so good.” She breathed out, desperately trying to hold on to any thread of dignity she had left.

“Say it louder for the camera, baby.” You mumbled teasingly, smirking against the column of her neck.

She mewled under you, already rocking her hips upwards. She never was patient, always wanting to get to it right away, but it just made it funner for you to tease her. You finally pushed her shirt up, delivering a sloppy, open mouthed kiss to her stomach before pulling it all the way off. She looked beautiful, really- already fucked out, even though you barely touched her.

“Fuck, stop teasing.” She panted above you, which was very much in vain.

You climbed back up, giving her a chaste kiss and slipping your thigh between her legs, also swallowing her little whimper.

“That good huh?” You teased against her lips

Natalie shamelessly ground upwards, chasing the friction that your leg was providing, so she was very much unable to answer.

“Sit up.” You instructed, biting your lip and moving over so you weren’t in the shot, and-

Oh.

Oh.

She realized exactly what you were planing, doing as she was told and teasingly dragging her sweatpants down. Her lower half was the part of her body the camera now caught, and she seemed to take control of it perfectly.

“Spread those legs, c’mon.” You said, brushing some hair out of her face.

Safe to say, she did part them, showing off a ridiculously big wet patch on her white cotton panties. You shot her a small nod for permission to take those off too. She dragged them down her legs oh so slowly, revealing her puffy pussy, which was directly facing the camera. The erotic sight made your mouth water, so you barely noticed that she threw her underwear somewhere across the room.

“Play with it a little, show me how much you want it.” You said in a low tone, and practically witnessed all her breath leaving her lungs.

She didn’t need to be told twice, her hand traveling south to spread her lips, rubbing her clit in slow, taunting motions. You cursed under your breath- sure, you wanted to tease her for longer, but it was becoming too much for you as well. So you got on your knees, pressing hot kisses to her thighs. Soon enough, you pressed a small one to her clit, making the girl suck in a sharp breath, and you shoot her a mocking glance.

“You’re such a good girl, Nat.” You spoke, inches away from her heat

“Oh, uh- thank- thank you.” She stammered, it was obvious that words weren’t her best bet right now.

However, you did decide to stop agonizing her, dwelling your tongue across her, licking up her wetness. Your lips found her clit, nipping the bud before wrapping your lips around it. Your tongue traced it softly as your middle finger poked and prodded at her inviting hole, just begging to be inside of it. She seemed to think so too, jerking her hips in order to get more and more.

You finally entered her, dragging your digit across her and curling it up inside her sweet spot. You could already feel her walls fluttering around you- but you weren’t gonna let it happen so easily. The second your ministrations stopped she let out a pathetic whine in protest

“Oh you know you’ll get what you want, do you really wanna cum before the fun even starts?” You asked, looking up at her, to which she shook her head and gave you an eye roll.

“Okay, then be good and lay down again.” You said, hovering on top of her immediately, guiding her hand to your belt, which she unhooked. She probably thought you would just take off your jeans and scissor her to death. Wrong.

You straddled her as you pulled your belt out of the loops, leaning down to tie her hands. She let out a soft gasp as you tightened it.

“Keep ‘em above your head, not much you can do anyway.” You said with a chuckle, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

Over at the coffee table, right next to her phone rested the forementioned vibrator that you grabbed, bringing it to Nat’s quivering pussy and dragging it across the sweet folds. She’s usually not loud or all that whiny, but right now is a different story.

Under you, she made the prettiest sounds you’d ever heard from her. Her hair was mussed up and eyeliner smudged, making her look even more fuckable. Not that she wasn’t- almost always.

“I want you so bad. Fuck Y/N, I need your strap, now.” She whimpered, breathing heavily.

You chuckled softly- how could you deny her anything? She was definitely too cute to resist, and honestly- you wanted to see her ruined.

So you swiftly went off camera again, slipping your the harness on and tightening it. She was sprawled across the couch, rubbing her thighs together for any hope of friction.

You got back, hovering on top of her, before you could even ask her anything she nodded in encouragement, raising her head to kiss your lips.

“Tell me to stop whenever.” You reassured firmly, knowing it most likely will not happen.

The tip of the purple dildo finally entered her, and she seemed to be ecstatic, as if she’d been hungry for years and you were her first meal. It didn’t take long for you to start thrusting into her just the was she liked it- slow and hard. You reached for the phone, now filming her close up.

You were almost too excited for future you, getting to watch this when she was away, and sending her a little text about it so she couldn’t stop thinking of you. But hey- live in the now, right? And the now is fucking amazing.

Since you were focused on recording, she was fucking herself onto your cock, aching to rub her abandoned clit as her pleasure grew. You could see it in her face- her half lidded eyes and slack jaw.

Pointing the camera down, you caught, on video, Natalie Scatorccio’s cunt hungrily taking all of your thick dick and getting drunk on it. Her pussy was making obscene wet sounds, chasing its twisted pleasure. Taking the almost forgotten vibe, you placed it down on her clit, finally earning an honest to god moan from her. Recorded it too.

“Pl- please please, I’m so close-“ She stammered out desperately, sounding genuinely scared for you to not let her finish. Now, you let the video focus on her face while she looked right at it. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Go on baby, cum for me” You spoke above her, witnessing her face contort in pleasure just seconds after.

And you wouldn’t let out, you fucked her right through it, probably rougher then the whole time. After she rode out her high, you pointed the camera way down again, slipping your strap out of her fucked out pussy- seeing at actually drip. You filmed it winking and stuttering for a few more seconds before cutting the tape off, unbuckling the harness, as well as your belt that was around her wrists and laying on top of her.

“That was fucking amazing.” Nat spoke out in a rough, raspy voice

“Yeah, really fun. Maybe you should do me next time, even it out.” You joked, nuzzling your head into her barely covered chest- mind you, apart from your belt, you were fully clothed whereas she, apart from her bra, was completely naked

“Hm, that’d be nice huh? But uh- Chipotle first?” She asked

“Yeah. Sure.”

[adoringdanvers]

☆ Natalie Scatorccio SFW Alphabet Headcanons ☆

Warnings: cursing, substances

A/n: my first real Tumblr post, so sorry if my rambling writing sucks

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Natalie loves affection once close. I think it's safe to say she didn't get much affection from her parents, so when she got with you, she couldn't get enough.

She not as affectionate in public, but she'll still hold your hand and fiddle with fingers.   When you're alone, like lying in your bed, she will be physically on top of you. She'll trace your skin and twist your hair, and give little kisses.

She's also an amazing listener.

She gives you really shitty gifts, like random stuff she finds on the literal street. Like a little chiped dino, or a note written on a random card she stole from her dad's old deck (oops).

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

A friendship with Natalie would probably start with bonding over music or just you always showing up. You'd definitely have to work hard to be friends with her, not because she doesn't want to be friends, but cuz she's not very open. Once you're close, she never thinks it's real, and she'll act nonchalant, but she really loves you.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

DEFINITELY A CUDDLER. Like I said earlier, she will lay on top of you, all sprawled out. She likes laying between your legs with her face buried into your stomach, while you mess with her hair. Or if you need to be held, she'll be big spoon, and when I say her arm and legs are around you tight, I mean tight. There is not moving. Her face will be in your neck and her hand on your stomach.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Her idea of being settled looks a lot different than others. Being settled with her would look like a beat up place, probably apartment, with you, with a job that gets things paid, but still leaves time for you. She doesn't need a luxurious place, it's not what she's used to.

Cooking, she's alright. She aways had to fend for herself and make food, but its nothing special, and its normal for it to be a little burnt with her.

Cleaning does not exist to her. I mean, she's not disgusting, she changes her sheets and sweeps, but it is not organized. Clothes, makeup and other various shit all over the floor, the bed is never made, and a grimy ass mirror, etc.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

She would probably break up when she's pissed, at you, something else, or both, and storm away. She definitely regrets it and her methods.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

At first they hate the idea of commitment, but then she falls in love with you for the first time and she'll give you everything.

I don't think she give a shit about being married, but that doesn't mean she isn't committed. After a few years if you really wanted to get married, she'd do that for you, but in her head she doesn't get marriage or deem it necessary.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She's definitely a rough houser, but she never hurts you, at least not on purpose. One time you were messing around and you hit your leg on your nightstand and got a huge bruise. She could not stop apologizing, she felt so bad. She's also gentle with you, with soft touches, especially when she's high.

Emotionally she's surprisingly gentle. If your upset, she there and supportive. She doesn't say much, just listens and hugs you, or anything else you need.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Natalie loves when she gets hugs. She's either really excited, with a big grin on her face, or she's burying her face in your shoulder. Those last awhile.

I don't think hugs are everyday, but whenever she needs it or you need, there's definitely hugs. Or when she's won a game, celebratory hugs!

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not quick. She's too scared to say it. So either you'd have to say it first and she would blush and say, "Love you too..." Or it will come out during some happy moment, and she didn't even mean to say it. She's so happy when you say it back.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Natalie is not a jealous person. When Jackie and Travis hooked up, the only thing she gave a fuck about was his well-being. Not to say if you were flirting with someone she wouldn't be jealous, she'd probably be more sad than anything and worrying she did something wrong.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

You definitely get the taste of alcohol and pot, which isn't always the greatest, but you get used to it. The skill makes up for it, she knows exactly what to do for the mood, but she usually takes it slow. Sometimes she breaks though and giggles.

She obviously loves kissing your mouth, but also: your neck, jaw, stomach, and shoulders.

She likes kisses on her: mouth, neck, forehead/head, cheek, and back.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

She's not very acquainted with Kids, and has never wanted them. But one time you guys were out and found a kid that got separated from their mom. You'd never seen her so gentle and caring while you looked for their parents. She gave them a little paper star.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Asleep, she'll stay in bed as long as possible, especially with you. She's definitely right up against you, hogging the bed, and her breath is terrible. Her eyeshadow also smudged, cuz she never takes it off before bed.

Once she's up, she's in the bathroom all morning, doing, God knows what. No breakfast.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Cuddling and smoking. She smokes almost every night, because it helps her sleep. Sometimes you guys go out an just walk the streets or go to the park and just talk and take pictures with your shitty camera. The night always ends with passing out in whatever shirt she'd been wearing all day, sometimes she's still in her jeans.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

She's not someone to drop her whole past on you immediately, its something that gradually happens. You figure out her family life pretty quickly though since she struggled with letting you come over after what happened with her dad. If you ask her something, she'll answer, maybe not immediately, but she will when she's ready.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

They don't get angry at you often as long as you don't make assumptions about her. If you say something that upsets her, she will make it known. She doesn't get mad for no reason though, even if she can get a little aggressive with others, not you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Natalie is a very good listener. Sometimes it doesn't look like it when you're rambling, and it looks like she's fallen asleep, but she listens. She will bring up details that you don't even remember telling her.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

One summer you brought her on your family vacation, and the two of you snuck out to the pool in the middle of the night. For some reason it holds a special place in her heart. You swam, laughed, and made out. She just never got to do shit like that with someone.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

What really gets her is when people talk shit. If you're not one to stand up for yourself she'll definitely tell them to shut the fuck up, along with some other not nice words. If you can do it she'll watch and pat you on the back after and ask if you're alright.

She doesn't expect anyone to be protective over her, and she prefers to stand up for herself. It makes her feel more in control, all she needs is your support. If someone said something behind her back, she'd be fine with you giving them a word.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She's not someone to make a rose petal path. All she cares about is having fun.

On dates, which she doesn't love cuz she's broke, her only goal is to make you laugh and smile

Anniversaries, a little more effort, like picking some flowers that will be dead the next day. She'd make you a cassette tape with music that makes her think of you.

Gifts, like I said above, and those little trinkets she finds and gives you randomly. Its basically trash, but you love it.

She won't do any tasks unless you ask or they bother her. And she'll probably complain the whole time, but she'll do it for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Obviously addiction. If it bothered you, she wouldn't do them around you, but she likely wouldn't stop. Maybe she tried at first, but she couldn't quit.

She also chews her nails til they bleed. And she impulsively cuts her hair, she always has new layers. She's also bleached her hair ever since her dad's death, and it's also dead.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

She puts effort into her makeup and outfits for herself and no one else. She spent forever perfecting her eye makeup, to something she likes. To hear how she presented herself unsettled people, she'd be proud of herself. The eyeshadow is just a part of her now, she never washes it off, only touches it up in the morning.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

In other relationships, she didn’t give a shit, but you...if you left her you would be the one to break her heart. You guys separated for a week, and it was the worst week of her life (dramatically). She tried really hard after that.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I heard someone say she's secretly good at math, and I totally see that. She doesn't tell anyone, but one day you see her math homework, and you make her help you. She complains the whole time and doesn't show her work. She sucks at explaining, so you just stop asking her for help.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Anyone who talks shit. If her partner is gonna talk behind her back or be disrespectful, she's done. Warning and she's done.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

I said before she always smokes at least a little before bed. She also never undresses or only partially. She doesn't own pajamas. I guess we saw her in pajama like clothes in the cabin, but she wore them like all day too. So I stand by what I said, she doesn't give a shit. She lays on her stomach and takes up the whole bed, which is in total disarray.

A/n: thx for listening to my ramble♡💋🙊

[adoringdanvers]

nat with reader who gets wet easily and so.. much?

all nat could do is just press against reader and bam readers underwear is completely ruined 😭 or nat is fingering reader and the sticky sloppy sounds are so loud reader gets embarrassed but nat is addicted to it

mdni

you're always so, so embarassed about how loud it is whenever nat fingers you. the squelching noises are somehow almost louder than your moans, your wetness running down nat's hand and soaking the bed. you definitely need more than just one towel to not accidentally ruin the sheets.

nat loves it more than anything and she's not ashamed to tell you. in fact, the second she slides a hand under your panties and she feels how wet you are, doesn't matter if she's already expecting, she always ends up moaning, wetting her fingers and bringing them to her mouth to clean it right off. "fuck, you taste so good baby. i love it when you get so wet for me."

it doesn't even take much, either. sometimes, just a slap on the ass or a particularly long kiss on the back of your neck is enough to do it for you. nat likes to see how wet she can get you with the smallest touches, sometimes barely even putting a hand on your thigh just to watch them clench as you try to not soak through your underwear.

her favorite thing by far is leaving you soaked and desperate all day. she'll give you little treats, a few touches and kisses here and there, but never giving you what you actually need until you're actyally begging. it's torture of the sweetest kind.

[adoringdanvers]

oh hello

perhaps anyone have any one shot requests or thoughts about the yellowjackets

[adoringdanvers]

adult Van taking care of you when you’re not doing well - headcanons

(physically + mentally)

some nsfw mentions here and there, other than that this is just what I imagine her to be like as a caring partner! kind of a continuation of my gf headcanons for her <3

physically:

she is usually not a clingy person - she prefers you to do the clinging - but whenever you are sick, that energy switches completely and she refuses to leave your side

when you’re not fully sick yet but already feel a bit off, you sometimes try to hide it from her so she doesn’t worry, but she’s way too in tune with you, she notices it immediately - when you rub your temples or let out a pained groan - and doesn’t let you pretend it’s fine

your body is sacred to her. she might come off as chill and nonchalant to others, but she is very devoted to you, which includes the careful way she handles your body, so that only intensifies when you’re sick! (she’ll draw baths for you, will put on your lotion for you when you’re too tired, will put a fresh cold towel on your head when you’re feverish, etc.)

during the first few days when your illness is at its worst she keeps the store fully closed to stay in bed with you - then when you are feeling a bit better but still aren’t fully recovered yet, she opens the store again but comes upstairs to check up on you every half hour or so (you tease her a bit sometimes by saying things like “yeah, still alive” when she overdoes it)

you haven’t fully moved in with her yet but when you’re sick she insists upon you staying at her place until you’re better again! regardless of whether it’s two days or ten days, she will not let you sleep alone in that state, no chance, you’re moving in temporarily

she is NOT a home remedy person, whatsoever. she makes you tea of course but she wants you to get better as fast and as painlessly as possible, so she turns into a nurse whenever you’re sick. she reminds you when to take which pills, pays attention to your pain level and always has the philosophy of "we have modern medicine for a reason, we will fucking use it" (19 months out in the wilderness without it gave her a lifelong appreciation I think)

she doesn’t love to cook but when you’re sick she always buys fresh ingredients to make you a nice veggie soup, exactly the way you like it (partially because she loves watching you eat things she made when you’re trying to regain your strength, makes her feel useful)

she usually has very strong preferences about the films you two watch together, but! that flies out of the window when you’re sick - she will put on your favorite films and keep her usual comments to herself (she’s too busy stroking your hair and looking down at how you’re laying your head in her lap anyway)

she uses humor to make you feel better, for sure! Van always offers you the exact kind of jokes that get tired but genuine laughs out of you, even when you’re aching and exhausted, she knows exactly how to lighten up the mood without overdoing it! you’re always grateful for her skilled way of taking your mind off the pain for a few minutes

for example: when you feel self-conscious about looking unappealing to her in that sick state, she makes a point of jokingly coming onto you really strong, gently feeling you up and saying “you always look hot to me, I’m really restraining myself, you know. don’t wanna hurt your frail body but I’d do whatever you want right now”

you like to tease her a bit about your age difference by saying stuff like “you’d have been a good mom, you know” when she does your laundry or the other chores you can’t do when you’re sick, which earns you a look of disgust and a definitive “okay easy on the incest jokes and absolutely not. I enjoy doing this for you because you’re hot, not because I’m maternal”

she hates to see you suffer, of course, but.. selfishly she does love the domesticity that you share when you have to abandon school/work for a whole week and you two spend nearly every waking moment together! she’s a homebody and loves snuggling and napping together during the day, the lazy, soft kind of intimacy that a sickness will bring out

another thing that she loves when you’re under the weather, is how theatrical you get with your expression of affection. you will lay on the couch and watch her while she’s busy in the kitchen, admiring her and saying things out of nowhere like "you’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky", clearly a bit dazed from lack of sleep, and it always makes her feel warm and makes her smile, when you’re all sweet and vulnerable

when it gets too bad she will take you to the doctor or ER, it doesn’t matter how much you protest or insist that you’re okay, she does not play about your health even though she doesn’t take great care of her own at times…

the people you interact with daily (friends/colleagues/classmates) know about your relationship but you definitely haven’t told your parents.. so when you get a call from one of them when you’re sick and they ask if you’re fine, you lie and say that a “friend” is taking care of you, which makes her tease you when you hang up like “friend. interesting. is this where you tell me that you fuck your friends?.” it does turn her a on a bit, to be a secret

she’s not a very sappy person but when you’re on her bed, face down and letting out intense sounds of pain because it’s that bad, her voice turns all soft and high-pitched and she loses all of her usual cool, cooing things like “hey it’s okay, shh, I’m right here” and “I know baby, I know”, while trying her best to guide you through the worst of it

Van is the type to watch you sleep. she’ll just lay down next to you on the bed and look at you in silence for a few minutes while you’re taking a nap (she definitely traces your facial features when you’re fully asleep and won’t be woken up by it, she’s tender as fuck in secret)

it definitely happened a few times that she went to the bathroom to cry when you weren’t doing well because she didn’t want you to pity her when you were the one in pain - it just really gets to her because she cares for you so deeply and sometimes gets flashbacks from everyone starving/hurting in the wilderness, so she has to remind herself that you’re just dealing with a regular illness, that you’re okay, that she won’t lose you.

she doesn’t want you to shower on your own when you’re too weak to stand properly - she’s scared of you slipping and falling - so you always shower together on those days <3

when you miss being intimate with her after a few days of being sick, she tries to find ways to touch you that won’t be too hard on your body, like kissing you all over, having you lay down and relax while she caresses you

if you’re feeling a bit better already, she will gently give you head or jerk you off, slower and softer than usual, to help you release some tension, and it’s somehow a particular kind of turn-on, to be pleased when you’re weak and a bit delirious

she knows you find her voice soothing, so she will find something to read to you while you fall asleep, either from a book you’ve been meaning to finish or one of her own favorites

she makes you sleep on her chest and falls asleep holding you, there is no way around it when you’re sick, she needs to feel you as close as possible to make sure that you’re warm and comfortable <3

mentally:

Van might come off as unserious at times but! with a partner she is definitely eager to drop that act and to connect on a very deep level, she wants to be trusted with your fears and worries (she hides her soft core well but not with the person she loves)

when you’re really going through something, she always makes a point of sitting you down and really listening with intent, holding your hands and giving you reassuring nods. patience is one of her strong suits for sure!

the first few times you cried in front of her she was slightly overwhelmed by how much it affected her and almost teared up herself :( but over time she got better at staying calm and just letting you get it all out while she whispers sweet things and rubs your back, not a care in the world whether it takes five minutes or an hour for you to stop tearing up

she wouldn’t admit this but her being considerably older than you definitely makes her feel an urgent sense of protectiveness, to her it’s a given that it’s her job to make sure you feel safe, as someone who already has that tough period of early adulthood behind them

late night drives. whenever she senses that you’ve been stuck in the house for too long and can’t stop thinking about what´s bothering you, she drags you out for a drive to a gas-station to get some drinks and snacks and it always manages to get your spirits up, you always come back with a brighter and livelier expression on your face

she has a very good instinct for when you need space and when you need comfort. sometimes, she lets you sleep in her bed while she is downstairs working, because she knows you need to be left alone for an afternoon; other times she can tell that you’re fragile and need physical closeness to feel better, so she makes you lay on the couch with her, or makes you take a shower before she gives you a massage <3

Van always tells you reassuring things like “it’s okay to not see the positives right now, sometimes everything just feels awful, I know, but tomorrow things will already look very different, I promise, baby” - she never does cheap consolation, ever, what she says is always realistic and actually helpful

she believes that sometimes simple things can go a long way! so instead of giving you big motivational speeches when you’re a bit depressed, she’ll just take you out for a really good meal and desert, followed by a little visit at whichever store you like (getting you a nice scented candle or a book or a new shirt) and that usually does the trick of getting your mind back into the present moment

she had a good amount of practice with dealing with bad moods when she was your age and depressed as hell, so she’s glad she can use some strategies she learned to help you a bit

Van is always a steady presence in your life when everything feels chaotic because she learned early on how to navigate the toughest situations imaginable, so you often end up showering her in affection whenever she manages to be perfect at soothing you after a stressful event, and she loves it: knowing that the shit she went through might not have been for nothing after all

because of the crash and her traumatic home-life before that, you noticed very early on that nothing you could tell her would ever shock her or make you feel judged by her, which is a uniquely freeing thing about being with her

she sometimes jokes about how therapy didn’t work out for her at all.. and that she’s a horrible person to ask about her opinion all that because she’s generally very suspicious of psychiatry, she doesn’t trust therapists one bit (and she despises the whole self-help scene) but she’ll let you make up your own mind of course

sometimes she can tell that you’re a bit down but don’t wanna make it a big deal, so she just pulls you in a for a hug or nudges you lovingly and says “what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, hm?”, which makes you suppress a grin and admit that you’re in fact frustrated by something (sometimes it ends in her straight up offering to give you head, so you can relax and stop thinking and more often than not it works)

similar as with physical health: she neglects her own issues at times and thinks “whatever I’ll figure it out” but yours are deeply serious to her! regardless of how minor they seem to you. when you say something like “I don’t even know why I’m upset, it’s not that deep” she always disagrees like “if you’re hurt by it then it is that deep, absolutely”

in general she’s definitely a “do as I say, not as I do” type - she doesn’t always follow her own advice and you tease her about it at times by echoing her own advice to her when she’s the one in need of some support

she was on her own for a bit too long before you, so she truly never feels burdened by anything you require help with, she’s just glad to share her life with someone she loves, both the highs and the lows

she’s very chill and never makes a tough situation worse by urging you to do a million different things to feel better - Van never erratically tries to “fix” what’s bothering you because she knows that some things can’t magically be fixed, which makes you feel at ease: the fact that she’s not delusional about what she can and can’t help you with, that sometimes a shoulder to lean on is more than enough to feel better!

bonus headcanons for when you’re both just not feeling it:

over time you developed a basic formula of take-out from your favorite spot + something playing on the tv in the background + bitching to each other about your problems which is safe to lift your spirits every time you both need to vent and feel better after a stressful week! (often followed by a few drinks or some ice-cream or both)

when you’re both in a bad mood you’ll text each other throughout the day and try to cheer each other up with little jokes or exaggerated intense sexting

some of the best sex happens whenever you both had a long day and feel annoyed by everyone because when you come back to her place those nights it is always a shared feeling of "god I am so fucking glad to have you back and just forget about everything else". you will go for hours with breaks in between, until both of you are in a good mood again, so that is the one upside when you are both going through it at the same time!

in general you both make each other feel capable of handling any kind of pain or stress because you know the other person is only one drive or phone call away <3

[adoringdanvers]

thinking about adult Van taking care of you at the end of a long day where you got your period :( ❤️‍🩹🛁🕯️

you texting her in the middle of the day while at work or during your break between classes, saying something like "god I just got my period and it hurts so bad.. I wish I could come home right now". her getting protective and calling you to say “tell me if it gets too bad, I can pick you up - otherwise, text me fifteen minutes before you get here, I’ll run a bath for you, okay?"

you coming home to her apartment later that evening and her immediately hugging you tight as you cry a bit from the pain and exhaustion, her holding you while saying “it’s okay baby, the day is over now, I got you”

her helping you undress while making sure that you’re not dizzy or at risk of passing out, endeared by the way you just close your eyes and let her pull off your clothes - her quickly soaking your blood-stained underwear in cold water, your jeans too if you bled through them earlier, making sure that you know she’s never put off by any of it, no matter how bloody or messy

Van sitting down next to the bathtub and handing you some pain killers, something sweet to drink, a snack, pleased as she sees you indulge in it (joking about being your servant for the night) - her watching you with a lovestruck expression as you relax and let the warm water engulf your aching body, groaning as you try to breathe through the cramps - her reaching out to caress your damp face lovingly, to soothe you, quiet and patient, leaning over the tub to give you a lingering kiss <3 whispering sweet things like “my angel”, extra romantic and soft with you whenever you’re suffering or in any physical discomfort

you whining to her about how badly it hurt all day once you feel a bit better, reaching out to hold her hand and Van not minding at all that yours is dripping wet, pulling your fingers up and giving you a kiss on your knuckles, smiling and saying "I know, it always somehow comes at the worst moment, hm? poor thing."

(maybe you take her hand and put the tip of her index finger between your lips, to tease her, Van blushing a bit, teasing you back by saying "oh right, I forgot how you get on your period" as she pushes her finger a bit further in, against your tongue, referencing the few times you basically jumped her bc the hormones were making you needy as hell)

Van distracting you from a sudden rush of sharp pain that made you wince, by telling you something about her day and making you laugh, running her fingertips over the surface of the water absentmindedly, her chin resting on the edge of the tub to be close to you

you messing with her a bit by splashing some water onto her face or moving your body in the water to show off your chest, your legs, flirting a bit, her being like "you’d have made a great siren, you know. I would be fucking toast if you tried to lure me to my death", reaching under the water and squeezing your hip lightly, making sure you know that you’re still hot to her even when you feel weak and unappealing

Van making you a raspberry leaf tea afterwards, which she started keeping on hand when she found out that you deal with bad period pain at times - promising you a lavish breakfast the next morning to get some strength back into your system (some head before that, if you happen to wake up in the mood for it)

Van giving you a massage <3 laying you down on her bed as she gently tries to relieve you of any leftover tension in your muscles, really taking her time with it, kissing your warm skin, kneading your flesh, gently, until you’re fully relaxed and ready to go to bed

her getting her laptop from the living room, so you can continue to watch the show you usually watch together or pick a film to put on while you cuddle up against each other - her caressing her your back, you running your hand up and down her side, under her shirt, wherever you can reach when you are pressed against her <3

you eventually leaning up to kiss her while playing with her hair a bit, kissing her neck lightly, thanking her for being sweet to you, making you feel much better - Van smiling and holding onto you as her breath grows a bit heavy from your lips on her skin, whispering to you "no need to thank me, I feel spoiled, having you here with me all the time"

Van caressing your lower stomach under the blanket as you drift off with your head against her chest, keeping her hand there to help with the bit of pain you’re still dealing with

yeah. just Van being a soft gf🩷

if you are struggling with your period rn, I hope you feel better soon <3

[adoringdanvers]

being adult taivans controversially young lover - headcanons 🤎

some thoughts about what it might look like if they had stayed together and invited someone else into that dynamic! I just wrote down whatever came to mind, hope u enjoy <3 (nsfw, minors dni)

I think it started with them regularly fantasizing about what it would be like: to have someone join them, preferably someone younger - they kept pointing people out to each other in public, it became a fun game for them, until they eventually caved and set up a profile, where they made it very clear that they were looking for someone who was attracted to both of them!

you stood out to them because you actually seemed serious about it and didn’t seem scared - it would’ve turned them off if they’d felt the need to hold back and be tame, but you matched their energy right away, because you were tired of boring dates and wanted something different, thrilling, new (it helped that their photos together were very hot)

you really enjoyed your first date because they were wild in the best way, they made you laugh a bunch, they were even cooler and funnier than expected, they intrigued you a lot both as a couple and individually - they flirted with you shamelessly the entire night - without ever being creepy about it - so by the end of the night, you tried something you had never done before: kissing two people goodbye at the end of a date <3 you definitely drew it out a bit to have the other person weak from watching..

they definitely gushed about it the entire way back home and used that energy to have sex while dreaming of what it would be like once you were in bed with them: turning each other on by saying “she’ll touch you like this I bet” and mimicking what they imagined you doing to them <3

the first time you fucked they were definitely a bit nervous, but that stopped immediately once you undressed and were clearly eager for them to do whatever they wanted to you - both of them touching and caressing you in awe as they watched you close your eyes to soak up all the attention, the thrill of having two people lust after you👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 your sighs were their new favorite sound, them looking at each other like "oh.. this will be fun." and it was, you were with them for hours, each of you getting exactly what you wanted out of it, them worshipping you and doing it wellll..

I think Tai would lean into the mommy aspect way more, she would be pretty playful with it and definitely overdo it with the nicknames like "baby" and "our girl" once you have been seeing them for a while - Van would find all of that a bit intense, so I think she would get jealous as fuck whenever Tai kisses you hello and says something like that, her just standing there like well. I want a kiss too even though I am not being overly dramatic about it (you secretly think it makes her even hotter, that she is so different in that regard, a bit shier, the contrast between them is very hot to you)

on that note: Tai is definitely the one to push for buying you gifts, whereas Van says stuff like "Tai she will feel like a hooker if we buy her jewelry or fancy underwear" - Tai disagreeing and being like "she will love it, you know she will, might as well spend our money on someone who deserves it" she doesn’t argue with that last part, so I think you definitely get spoiled (they get competitive too, I think they give you something outrageously nice for your birthday, to make sure nobody gave you a better gift)

they try to be your favorite, both of them, they even get into fights over it at times.. I think they get so obsessed and insane about it all that they get pissed off when the other one texts you behind their back. I think they would also get competitive in bed, for sureee, they would fight over it, Tai being like "she prefers to receive, clearly" Van hitting her back with "uh, it doesnt feel that way when she fucking begs to taste me before you get your turn with her." them even asking you at one point to tell them what you prefer in bed and you just shrugging and grinning, letting them continue their psycho fights about it

you play peacemaker a lot - sometimes when the air between them is charged with frustration, you tell them that you won’t let them touch you until they have made out in front of you, maybe even fucked a bit. you sitting close enough to hear and see it all as they get into it, touching them to turn them on even more, them eventually breaking the kiss to pull you in and get their hands on you finally (if you saw that Challengers kiss.. perhaps they do that. both of them kissing your neck and trying to kiss you on the lips at the same time which just ends in a messy three-way kiss <3)

on that note: tit-sucking. Van on your left, Tai on your right, them just fully overwhelming you by biting and kissing and sucking on your tits at the same time... moaning as they get sloppy with it and push their hands between your legs... you almost finishing just from that..

Tai eating you out as Van kisses you and feels you struggling to kiss her back 😵‍💫 <3 smiling and breathing into your open mouth, soaking up the moans from up close.. being all sweet and watching you, kissing your neck, caressing you.. Van licking up your mess once Tai has made you finish. Tai moving up to kiss you as she does that..

I think Van lovees to whisper sweet things to you that Tai cant hear while she is busy pleasing you, Van loves holding your face and covering it in kisses and telling you how pretty you look, how good youre doing, that she cant wait to have you between her thighs again, that she dreamed of you all week, things that are just between you and her <3

I think Tai is a voyeur for sureee.. I can see it so clearly: her after a long stressful day just sitting there and telling you and Van how to fuck, so she can lean back and enjoy it, masturbate to it. her telling you "she’s been dying to have you back all week, she’s probably soaked already" so you give in, gladly - Van getting so so turned on from having Tai watch as she gets ruined by you💘 Tai jerking herself off aggressively bc she loves nothing more than to have you both all to herself like that, giving her a good show <3

you sitting on Vans face as Tai eats her out... yeah. Van moaning pathetically from the double pleasure, you getting off on the sound she makes, Tai getting off on the sight of you on top of Van as she is between her legs. if you finish before Van, you might help Tai out and take over to be the one to make her cum, which she lovees..

I think Tai definitely got spiteful after they had a fight once and gave you three orgasms in a row, wrecking you, fully, until Van finally got fed up from having to watch it all and pushed her away while saying "ease the fuck up Tai, she has tears in her eyes", to act like a kind of savior, taking over and giving you head more gently, slowly, letting you catch your breath a bit, soothing your worn out body (she clearly loves to see you overstimulated, otherwise she wouldnt have tried to give you yet another orgasm.. it was just a way for her to interrupt Tai and have you to herself. I can see Van becoming more of a giver as time goes on, refusing to let Tai have all the fun with that)

I think Van discovered her more dominant side with you, she once pushed her fingers into your mouth and you sucked them off and the whole thing turned her on so much that she kept trying out little things like that - Tai fucking lovees it too, because she usually doesnt get to see that side of Van much, it is hot beyond belief to her, when Van gets intense with you and manhandles you a bit.

I think they would love to have you ride one of them while the other sits right behind you and guides you, cups your tits from behind, kisses your shoulder, supports you through it😵‍💫that intense physical closeness between all three of you turns them on immensely I think.

they definitely begged to watch you jerk off at least once, they couldnt contain themselves... you on their bed, touching yourself, hearing them whimper and breathe heavy at the sight, maybe touching each other too, you eventually giving them a cue for them to join and help you out, them getting all over you like starved animals, their hands all over you, Tai pushing her fingers into you as Van rubs your clit for you <3 both of them cooing at you how pretty you look like that

Tai definitely has a possessive/alpha vibe within your trio! she likes to treat you both as her sweethearts that nobody else can have, she will wrap one arm around each of you and and feel really smug about having two hot lovers🫶🏻 so she doesn’t even mind it all that much when you and Van have inside jokes or kiss without always including her bc she knows that she will have both of you weak for her again eventually

Van joking with you and being like "she’s getting a bit too cocky, huh?", grinning and pushing you to tease Tai too, you two “ganging up” on her one night and leaving her a shaking mess by the end bc you switched roles and made her surrender for once (she loves it. even when she tries to deny it.)

I think they would be endearingly nervous about how much they should call you or how intimate they should be with you etc. - Van asking Tai "should we ask her to sleep over the next time? or is that too weird? us three in the bed together?" Tai being like "I dont know.. let’s just try, right?" her laughing and Van asking "what??" so Tai says "well it’s kind of mommy/daughter, huh, to have her sleep between us" Van pushing her arm and being like "you are fucking disgusting. count yourself lucky she doesn’t know", Tai cracking up because Van is so easy to rile up, answering "oh she does, she loves it. balances out your whole coy act"

driving in their car means: you in the passenger seat, Van behind the wheel, and Tai touching you from the backseat, Van shoving her hand away and saying "jesus ever heard of personal space??", almost swerving really hard because of it, you just sitting there and enjoying them bickering over you <3 (god knows Tai shouldn’t be driving anyone.)

them taking care of you when you are sick <3 Tai running errands (medicine, your favorite take out, tea, etc.) while Van helps you get comfortable in their bed and holds you until Tai is back and joins you - them on either of your side and letting you cry or complain as they comfort you

them taking you on a trip with them - people being really confused whenever they try to figure out whether you are their daughter or niece or friend or lover (realizing it’s the last option when they keep touching you over the table, both of them ready to jump the second anyone gives you trouble, they are your guard dogs for sure. if a man has the guts to stare at you... oh its over. they get so possessive its crazy, Van holding onto you and glaring at them as Tai takes a step towards them and dares them to keep gawking at you)

they definitely brag about you to their lesbian friends, their friends teasing them like "oh right, you can’t come next weekend because youre busy keeping a pretty girl captive in your house, how could I forget". them getting so pissed off when one of their friends makes a joke along the lines of "if you ever need a fourth...", even just the thought of that sending them into a jealous fit.

on that note: you definitely tease them sometimes by lying like "yeah I have to go, I have a date later" just to watch their faces drop and to fuck with them for a moment, only to say "oh wow you’d hate it that much?" them immediately nodding, saying "yeah obviously."

whenever one of them gives you a hickey, the other one has to make up for it and leave their mark too: if Tai bruises your chest, Van bruises your thigh or your neck, they refuse to let you leave their house only claimed by one of them, no way.

they dont expect you to have sex with them every single time you’re there, they genuinely care for you, so whenever you had a rough day and just need some love, they are more than glad to have you relax on the couch while they gently feel you up or give you a massage together or cover you in soft kisses <3 I think Van especially is in tune with your moods, she can tell instantly when you feel off, immediately

Tai definitely helps you out with work or school whenever youre having issues, whether its a bureaucratic thing or a personal issue with a boss/professor, she is definitely protective in that sense, always making sure that nobody is screwing you over or using it against you that youre young and not that experienced yet, she has a "no bullshit" attitude that she also applies to your issues!

Van is the one who will listen and soothe you whenever you dont need a solution but just a bit of comfort and humor to cheer you up, she knows exactly how to lift your spirits, how to support you emotionally

if you ever meet up with them individually I see Van taking you out for walks and coffee and movie dates, while Tai likes to splurge on fancy dinners or cocktails, they both have their rituals with you after a while and try to keep their jealousy in check, but sometimes it is just very convenient, when one of them is busy for the other one to have you to go out with instead 🫶🏻

once you started sleeping over at their place, your new favorite thing was spending mornings with them <3 snuggling in bed, still half-asleep, sandwiched between them as they feel you up under the blanket and breathe in your warm scent, you all warm and safe, them telling you to get a bit more beauty sleep as they prepare breakfast downstairs <3

I think neither of them love to cook (they are decent at it but its not something they enjoy all that much) so once you figured that out you offered to make them a nice three course meal one night - both of them watching you closely as you moved around their kitchen, enamored, Tai whispering to Van "yeah we should have done this much sooner.." Van nodding and saying "definitely. no idea why she puts up with us but thank god"

you can’t help but mess with them sometimes by saying things like “oh by the way I told my parents about you, they’d love to meet you”, their faces fully frozen in fear for a second because they genuinely can’t tell if you’re being honest and have oddly chill parents or if you’re just fucking with them, until you laugh and they realize you’re joking (it does turn them on, to think that some people in your life would be absolutely scandalized by what you do with them, the taboo is hot to them)

even though they compete over you, truly nothing makes them happier than when you affectionally address them as a duo like "my loves", when you half-jokingly call them your "girlfriends" - one time someone who was supposed to pick you up from the airport bailed on you, so they came and got you and when you said "you’re my guardian angels" to them that night, they definitely melted on the spot.

one casually intimate thing that they adore is when they’re sitting on the couch and you drape yourself over both of their laps <3 Tai playing with your hair as Van caresses you, you happy and comfortable on top of them 🤍

one of your favorite things to do once you get to their house is to sit one one of their laps and kiss them, while the other one grows impatient and jealous - most of the time you start with Tai because you loveee how it gets Van to be a bit more aggressive than she would usually be, it breaks down her composed facade so fast: she will grab you and hold you so tightly after you just kissed Tai

I think Tai would be very open to learning about pop culture from you whereas Van is always more skeptical, Tai saying “oh yeah she’s a lost cause, don’t even try, I had to plead and beg for her to agree to a flat screen tv instead of an old thing from the 80s” Van giving whatever you’re talking about a chance, just out of spite

you steal their clothes and not just the obvious things like sweaters and hoodies, you’ll take socks or underwear if you unexpectedly stayed the night and need a fresh pair - neither of them ever say a thing, both of them are just glad when it’s their clothes that you’re reaching for, again, a bit of competition there 😌

in general I think you bring a balance to their relationship without even trying - their fights were often about Tai’s stubbornness/inability to be chill, and you softened her temper a bit, loosened her up a bit, while Van often provoked fights by being closed off, which you helped her with by lovingly coaxing her out of her shell a bit, showing her that it is worth it to be open - they sat down and talked about it one night, how good it feels to be changed by your presence

through watching you desire the other person, Tai and Van also both got reminded of why they fell for each other in the first place - Van watching you blush whenever Tai says something openly desperate, Tai watching you melt into Van’s steady embrace, both of them watching you enjoy forms of intimacy they also share with each other - it strengthened the appreciation for their relationship that they had maybe lost a bit for a while - you are a mirror for them, a mirror for their love for each other, and for that they spoil the fuck out of you, they love you for it, what you did for them in that regard!

they are for sure huge hypocrites, they think it’s corny and weird when others have "thirds" or call themselves poly, they are convinced what they have with you is different and special and much cooler 😭

that’s it’s for now 💌

[adoringdanvers]

𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕙𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕦𝕤 ✧ ˚ · .

Van Palmer/Taissa Turner x fem!reader (smut)

some ideas about what a threesome with them might look like if they were still a couple as adults

minors dni. warnings: bottom!reader, oral, strap

(disclaimer: let´s be real, they´re the kind of couple you´d wanna join, for obvious reasons... this is mostly pure filth, not much of a story, so if you´re in the mood for that: this one´s for you)

the way it happens is that Van keeps eyeing you across the bar and Tai immediately clocks it, amused by how horrible her poker face is, watching her look back at you three, four, five times until she finally says "you´re into her, aren´t you?" with a smile that gives away that she´s not jealous, but getting an idea

Van is reluctant at first, so Tai is the one to talk to you, noticing that you looked back at them multiple times, she´s smooth, she mentions how pretty they both think you are, how they don´t do this often but would love to take you home with them, how they´d treat you really well

once you´re at their place, it starts out on the couch, they sit on either of your side, touching you, feeling you up, showering you with compliments "you´re so beautiful" both of them cooing at you, "look at that face Van, perfect, isn´t she?" as Tai runs a finger over your lips, "hmm, can´t remember the last time we saw anyone as hot as you " as Van squeezes your thigh, before they kiss your neck from both sides, both instinctively placing one of their hands on your chest, grabbing, as they leave kisses all the way down your throat, all of you turned on from hearing not one but two people in the room making noises of pleasure

you all get needy very fast so Tai takes charge and pulls you up, telling you and Van to follow her to the bedroom, you grab Vans hand, she smiles, interlocking her fingers with yours

they see you trying to take your clothes off but immediately intervene, Tai pulls off your shirt while Van pulls down your pants, Tai tearing off your bra and grabbing your tits the second the shirt is off, Van kneeling for a moment and kissing your legs

they make you get on the bed before them, watching you, looking at each other for a second, excited, thrilled by the feeling of pursuing someone as a team, "let me see you kiss" you tell them, enjoying the sight of them together, which turns them on even more, they get on the bed and make out for a second, which switches something in you

you crawl over to them and interrupt them, immediately pulling Van in for a kiss, barely letting her catch her breath, her hands wandering to your exposed back, yours to her face, Tai breathing heavy as she watches Van being devoured by you, seeing how much she likes it, praising you "god you look so hot", you turn to her and give her a kiss too, just as eager, hearing Van panting next to you, catching her breath, her hand lingering on your thigh

Tai bites your lip a little and kisses you very aggressively for a while before you both need air and all three of you stare at each other trying to figure out what to do next

"come on baby, I know you want to, let me watch you eat her out," Tai says to Van who smiles because it´s true, she´s dying for it, "is that something you want, hm?" Van asks you, eyes burning into you, "yes, please" you get out, your voice a little unsteady from uneven breath, "so polite, what a sweet girl you are" Tai whispers, as she makes you get comfortable, while Van positions herself between your legs, holding you by your thighs, Tai settling down behind you, cupping your tits with her hands from behind, letting you lean against her, kissing your neck for a moment, "just lay back and relax, she knows what she´s doing, trust me"

Van´s initial shyness gone at that point, she´s hungry and looks like it, her gaze intense as she pulls down your underwear and gets to see you entirely naked for the first time, she takes it in for a second, "your body is perfect, you know that right?", making you blush a little, before she kisses your inner thighs, fingers digging into the smooth flesh, sucking here and there, probably leaving some marks, until she finally just goes for it, no hesitation, her tongue starting out by licking up the wetness that had collected, savoring the taste and feeling, until she pushes her tongue between your lips, fast needy movements, hearing you moan, feeling your body react, as Tai watches in awe, her hands still caressing your chest, your waist, your stomach, "feels good, hm?" she whispers, leaving a kiss on your cheek, "let her hear it, how much you like it, she´ll reward you" she says, knowing how much Van loves hearing her partners make all kinds of sounds, so you obey, not biting your lip but being louder, sounding more desperate as Van enters you with her tongue and increases the pressure, letting you push yourself against her face, enjoying the feeling of being used by you, your hips moving upwards

your first orgasm approaches and they can tell, Van firmly holds you in place as she sucks on your clit, hard, making you lose the last bit of composure you had, refusing to stop until she´d feel you cum against her mouth, Tai talking you through it, "it´s okay, we got you", you move against Van´s mouth pretty hard a few last times until you finish from the feeling of her relentlessly stimulating your clit while her fingers gave you that pleasurable kind of pain of being forced to stay in place, Van licking up your juices as come down from the climax, panting and laying there unable to think, "god you taste so fucking good, i could do that for hours" she said, wiping her mouth, adjusting her hair, grinning at the sight of you all messed up

"but I´ll let her continue. you can take more, right? because she´ll give it to you" she teased, you loved the sound of that, your body aching for it, "i can take it", Tai moved down, switching places with Van, "can i fuck you, baby? is that what you want?" she cooed, her fingers teasing your still aroused and sensitive cunt, "hm, yes, please I need more.." you begged

just what she needed to hear, Tai walks over to their drawer getting out the strap, putting it on while Van stays next to you, using the moment to kiss you, hard, the two of you making out sloppily for a few seconds, moaning and turning Tai on even more from across the room, Van´s hand lingering near your core as she pushes her tongue in your mouth, feeling you surrender to it, whimpering a little, until Tai approaches the bed again, "jesus... i could watch you two all night" she says, spreading your legs, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed, Van taking the cue and letting you breathe for moment, watching Tai guide the strap to your entrance, "you ready?" she made sure, you nod, "yes, please, i need -" Tai takes the hint, wasting no time, pushing into you, not all at once but fast enough to hear you let out a cry, Van still next to you, her eyes on your face, her hand on your chest, soothing you as Tai slowly pushes herself all the way into you, letting out a low groan

Tai quickly abandons restraint, building up a pace, her thrusts deep and hard from the start, leaving you no time to get used to the intense pleasure, a mix of whining and moaning from your lips, a hint of pain to the sensation, making your head spin with how good it feels to have Tai fuck you like that, all desperate and overcome with want for you, hearing her praise you "hmm, such a good girl", her hands on your hips to push you down onto herself, to make it as passionate as possible, "you´re doing so well", Van encouraging you,"so beautiful", her hand caressing your face, admiring the sight of your eyes shut in pleasure, your mouth parted, using the moment to put two of her fingers between your lips, feeling you suck on them, momentarily stifling your sounds, Tai barely able to contain herself, the sight of that mixed with the satisfaction of having her way with you making her dizzy with lust, fucking you the way she fucks Van when they´re really into it, the newness of having you there making her want to show off, leaving no ounce of her strength unused, her strong hands gripping you hard, denying you the ability to move away even an inch, feeling you come undone

Van´s hand wanders to your clit, applying pressure to eventually make you cum even harder, while Tai continues fucking you, lost in the rush of her power over you, Van adding to it with her touches, completely overstimulating you in the best way, "yes, fuck, right there" you moan, as Tai angles herself upwards to really hit the right spot, "don´t stop" you beg the both of them, Van´s fingers slick with your wetness, teasing you, while Tai gives you a few final deep thrusts to send you over the edge "just like that, baby, just like that, cum for us" she uttered, Van not letting her hand move away until they could both hear and feel you orgasm for second time that night, your legs tense, your body shuddering, a few final cries, before Tai slowed down, pulling out once your muscles went slack and you laid there spent and exhausted, freeing herself of the strap to join you and Van on the bed again

both of them were out of breath but they had enough energy left to shower your flushed body in kisses, all over, worshipping you in a way

"god. you two are killing me...once i catch my breath, it´s one of your guys´ turn. tell me what you want and I’ll do it" you announced, meaning it, eager to please, they were stunned "how did we get this lucky? first girl we take home and she´s an angel" Van said, half joking, half serious, looking up at Tai, then at you, "i guess i have to thank you for that, you were the one blatantly checking her out earlier" Tai teased, all three of you smiling, touching each other. it would be a long night...

[adoringdanvers]

no need to be brave

adult Van x fem!reader

as your lover deals with a hangover, which is only made worse by her illness, she insists that you leave her to deal with it by herself, but you have other plans -with a bit of tenderness and heat, you manage to make her feel it: that you want to be with her, always, not just on her good days

authors note: hi! I was on a break from posting these fics but that promo clip where adult taivan are bickering gave me some inspiration, so I just took the idea of being sweet with her while shes suffering and this came from that, hope you enjoy <3 (5.8k words)

warnings: some smut (both receive in certain ways), mentions of cancer/grief etc.

it was a sunny winter afternoon as you laid on Van´s couch and listened to the outside noise, cars driving by, the day going unfolding while you relaxed with your legs stretched out, your eyes closed, your breathing slow and steady.

you´d been dating Van long enough by that point to feel like her apartment had become your second home, and she was more than glad to leave hers years of solitary living behind, but in that moment she had no idea that you were still there.

the night before, you had gone out to a nice dinner and against all better judgment she had insisted on getting a few drinks at the bar next door; you were aware of her diagnosis, unlike when you´d first started dating, and asked her if she was sure, to give her a chance to change her mind, but she did not budge, she wanted a proper drink for once, a few even, so, instead of playing mother and telling her that she was forbidden, you caved and indulged her. for the next few hours you joined her in enjoying the present moment, regardless of consequence, soaked up the atmosphere of the dimly lit room as you stole touches under the table and both got tipsy from a few shots and two drinks, kissing to taste the citrusy booze on each others lips.

as you walked home, arm in arm, you were glad that you hadn´t dragged her home, that you got to see her face glow pink as she smiled at you under the light of the moon, paused on your way back to kiss you in an empty street, to feel you up against a wall until you heard a group of people approaching and ran, or rather stumbled, away. you had fallen asleep later on in a tight embrace while caressing each others hair, whispering sweet drunken thoughts, "my baby..", "I´m so lucky..", falling into a dazed slumber.

that burst of sparkling euphoria was replaced by a dull dread the next morning, at least on Vans part.

she couldn´t blame anyone but herself for the banging migraine she woke up to, she knew this, so she refrained from complaining to you, even though she radiated a palpable air of "I am gonna die today. not in the near future, this is it, I´m fucking done for.", her body punishing her for her recklessness, her joints and muscles aching with every move.

you were already familiar enough with her physical makeup to know exactly what she needed on mornings like that: an ice cold coke, some strong pain killers, a flaky pastry, and you doting on her, even though she denied it. Van felt embarrassed from the moment she woke up, aware of how beyond rough she looked, her hair disheveled, her face puffy, failing to suppress her groans of discomfort, and yet, you weren´t put off by it, any of it, even when she was convinced you were surely losing all of your attraction to her by the minute, it never happened, not once; you had yet to see Van in a state that didn´t elicit feelings of adoration or warmth in you, her freckled nose and cheeks, the shape of her lips, her voice, her flame colored hair, that distinct sweet warm scent she had in the morning, they were never diminished in their effect on you by a cranky attitude or signs of her sickness, ever.

you knew that she did not always believe you, that she often wondered why on earth you stayed with her, through everything, even though you weren´t even girlfriends, not officially, not really. you knew Van well enough to know that she would not ask you to be exclusive, much too afraid of the unbearable sense of guilt of locking you down, when she might die within the year, when she might evoke widow-like feelings in someone who had barely just started their adult life.

you had no way of knowing, but in her darkest moments when she was cruelest to herself her mind told her "youre a fucking monster. you already knew you had a few months at most and still looked for a lover. you tell yourself that you werent looking for more than sex but you know its not true. you were too selfish to die without having anyone wrecked by your death. you wanted someone to really grieve your loss. and now youve found a poor soul. enjoy it."

still, even when she kept things undefined and told you you were free to date other people - while dying of envy at the mere thought - in your head, and in hers, Van was your girlfriend, she was, you didn´t need her to say it because her behavior sufficed, she treated you like a partner, not just a a hook-up, she was far from detached and you let her believe that it was casual, that you weren´t at risk of having your heart shattered by her death, that you weren´t already in love with her.

the way you´d found out about her cancer had been less than ideal.

during your first date, her attitude was "no need to tell her about it, I doubt I will see her more than a few times" at the time still very attached to her idea of keeping her love life non-committal, unromantic, only allowing hook-ups and maybe a few low-key dates here and there. this plan was abandoned fast when your first date went so beautifully that you ended up kissing her goodbye in her car, which inevitably turned into a heated make-out, which turned into you asking her to come up to your room, both of you a little shocked by how deeply into each other you were after just a few hours of talking over a dinner table.

one of your fondest memories from that night was after you´d gotten lost in each other for hours, laying there tired but far from sleepy, exhilirated by your natural chemistry, when she laughed and shook her head, still breathless, and said "what the fuck are you doing to me..", since she was not used to it: a stranger being as overtly sweet and intense during sex as you´d been, kissing her not just in the obvious places but on the back of her hand, wherever you could reach in the heat of the moment, still reeling from the way you´d begged to taste her after she´d done it to you, the way you´d caressed her sides, had given her a type of intimacy that she usually felt like she’d have to earn by being more open, more vulnerable during a date - but you didn´t care to hear her life story, you were eager to feel her, fully, and it broke her down, hit her at her weak spot, the romantic in her, that she´d kept buried, coming back up to hold you as you slept together that night.

you saw each other again two days later and you ended up spending the weekend at her place, which went so smoothly that Van abandoned her rule of "no sweet stuff, nothing relationship adjacent" : she started inviting you out for breakfast, always offered to drive you to work or to meet up with a friend, picked you up at night, listened and calmed you down whenever you seemed worried or stressed; you returned the same energy by randomly showing up at her store with flowers for her place or her favorite take-out or to just keep her some company and sit near the counter while she talked to you about her recent film discoveries, gossiped about some customers, pulled you into the back-room to make out until the bell rang, you pushing her away as she groaned and uttered "I´m not done with you" as she left the room and prayed that the person would leave within a few minutes.

this honeymoon period made her feel an acute sense of shame. she had tried again and again to find the right moment to tell you, to just say it: "I am so sorry. I have been keeping something from you." but the love she had so unexpectedly stumbled into with you, that light she felt in her chest, that unfamiliar warmth that had wrapped its soft arms around her soul, she was too desperate to keep it in tact, so weeks passed before the moment came, unplanned, she didnt want it to go the way it did.

one night as you laid on top of her, still breathing heavy, still trembling a bit from the way she´d wrecked you, her hands drawing soft circles on your back, her heartbeat under your ear, you had fantasized about possibly going on a summer vacation that year, to get away from everything, to have a few days just to be together and lounge around and jump into the ocean together, eat good food, be at ease. it hit her then, the inability to picture her future because she did not know how long she still had, so she went quiet and burst into tears.

at first, you were shocked, unable to speak, since you´d never seen her shed a single tear up until then, but you quickly recovered and held her face and tried to soothe her in any way you could as the confession came spilling out: "I´m so sorry, I´m so fucking sorry, but I don´t even know if I´ll.." she choked up in the middle "if I´ll..." you coaxed it out of her, rubbed her shoulders, listened quietly as she cried, "if I´ll still be alive in summer. I have cancer. terminal."

Van had expected you to be angry with her, to feel blind-sided and betrayed by her stringing you along for weeks without ever mentioning her severe predicament, but all you could think to do then was to pull her head against your shoulder and assure her that you weren´t going anywhere, that you would figure it out together, that she had no reason to apologize.

you put on a brave face for her but later that night the other person who was home with you had to stop you from almost hyperventilating at the thought of having to watch her lose her physical strength and suffer til her premature death, which you would have to survive, somehow. you allowed yourself one night of fully falling apart and grieving the loss you were being asked to face in the near future, but the next day a determination took over, you told yourself, "I love her. I love being with her. and I will make the most out of every second. I will ease her pain in any way I can, until the end."

Van could sense this energy from that point on, your protective spirit, and it humbled her while also making her feel a bit uneasy about her being older and yet being taken care of by you, almost shedding tears when you did things for her like massage her temples and joints with essential oils to relieve some of the pain or when you clocked her lies about having eaten enough during the day and cooked her elaborate meals at night, when you made her switch during sex to keep her from exhausting herself just to make you come again and again, a sweetness to it, the way you´d sometimes move away from under her and push her back into the pillows with a pleased smile that said "your turn now, I´m very satisfied, no need to prove yourself".

that morning, the guilt had come back to haunt Van, so she told you to leave her to deal with her aching bones and hangover by herself, to go out and have a fun Saturday, to enjoy yourself and stop worrying about her, to not turn into her "unpaid nurse", as she put it.

she´d insisted quite aggressively, her mood not helping at all with her self-loathing, so you´d assuaged her by saying "okay fine, I´ll go, call me if you need any help though" and left her room, walked down the stairs, loudly, on purpose, to make it sound like you´d left, only to quietly creep up again and stay.

you refused to leave her to her own devices in a state like that. it was out of the question. not when you were afraid she might pass out on her way to the bathroom or in the shower. about two hours after she´d fallen asleep again, around 3pm, you heard some noise coming from her room that signaled to you that she was awake.

you wouldn´t just sit there and listen, so you got up from the couch and made your way over to her room, cracking the door open and preparing yourself for her to tell you off, which of course, only took a few seconds to happen, a barely suppressed grin on your face as you saw her laying there, her eyes still half-closed, her cheeks pink from sleep, and heard her voice crack as she whined your name and said "noo come on, you said you´d go, what the fuck are you still doing here??".

you smiled as you took a few steps further into the room and crossed your arms, eyeing her with an unmistakably loving gaze, "oh, perfect way to be greeted while walking into the room" an air of smugness to you as you walked over to her nightstand and popped an aspirin into the glass of water you´d left there for her earlier. Van shook her head as she rubbed her eyes and let out a "fucking hell..", clearly still out of it, so you sat down on her side of the bed to get a closer look at her, your hand resting over the blanket, a twist in your heart when you saw how tired she still looked, but a bit of life had thankfully come back into her from the nap.

"this isn´t funny... take a fucking look outside!" Van told you, gesturing wildly at the window "it´s so nice out today, you should be with friends, moving your body, enjoying the sun, whatever, not staying inside to take care of an old decrepit woman." her tone low, an attempt at sternness that wasn´t unattractive to you, still, her pout took away from her ability to seem intimidating, to seem anything but sweet to you. you watched her, brushed a strand of hair out of her face, tucked it behind her ear and said "uh, would you mind pointing to the woman you´re talking about because I dont see anyone decrepit here".

Van rolled her eyes and squeezed your arm then for emphasis, trying not to be charmed, "listen to me lady, I told you, I don´t want to feel guilty all the time, I really don´t, this is my fault, I chose to drink, so you go, be free, have fun, please, I will call you when I am better again, I promise".

she was trying her best to sell it to you, the simple idea of: let us part ways, let me deal with it, and get back to you when I am fit again. but what you heard was "abandon me" and you never would. so it was pointless. she couldn´t sway you and maybe deep down she was secretly glad for it, your unwavering loyalty, the way you never seemed fazed or annoyed by her ailments, her moods, her little moments of melodrama.

"do you really think I am doing all of this out of pity? really? that I secretly hate this and just put on a brave face? come on. Van. you know me by now" you said, earnest, holding her hand then, clasping it tightly as she softened from your impact, felt touched by your gentle way of handling her. "yeah... yeah I do" she agreed and squeezed your hand, her voice barely above a whisper, a wistfulness to her tone, her eyes drawn to where your fingers were interlaced, a light kiss to her cheek from you before you took the glass with the dissolved aspirin and ordered her "drink.", which made her drop the tough act and smile, genuinely, pleased by that subtle sound of authority.

she obeyed and drank about half of it before pausing to take a breath and then finish the rest, a pleased "good, there you go" from you, which made her laugh as she wiped her mouth and lightened up a bit.

"do you have some kind of savior complex kink going on, is that it?" she teased, nudging you in the side as you sat closer to her and took in the sight of her eyes finally getting that familiar sparkle again.

"oh I see, you think I am getting off on all this, huh?" you joked, pretending to be offended, which only amused her more. Van leaned back against the headboard, stretched her limbs a bit and shrugged, "you tell me." a pause before she added "I´m sure you loveee seeing me all frail and helpless, hm". she´d slipped into the playful tone she often used when she was trying to get you to come onto her, to make her pay for some out of pocket comments by grabbing her and rendering her weak with certain kisses and touches.

Van was not in a state that allowed you too much aggression, but you had your ways, so, you nodded and said "hm sure, I love having you at my mercy", which made her flush, a hit to her core, her utter weakness for being overpowered by her lover, being toyed with, flustered by them.

you eyed her and saw it, that she was getting turned on as she responded "yeah. you could do whatever you want, couldn´t even fight back, not like this".

"hmm" you sighed and moved from the side of the bed to take your place on her thighs instead, carefully, making sure she was fine as you slowly settled on her and straddled her, your hands on her shoulders then, smiling at her as her face got colored in both surprise and arousal, her hands immediately on your hips, holding you in place, a soft groan as she felt your weight pressing down on her and sighed "okay. maybe I dont want you to leave.." her hands wandering up to your waist, a sound of pleasure from you as you nodded, pleased that you´d won, that she was finally surrendering, going quiet, letting you be good to her, make her feel wanted, even then.

"see, that wasn´t so hard hm" you cooed at her, your finger tracing her facial features in awe, the way you always did in intimate moments, her eye briefly closed as she leaned into your hand, let you caress her for a moment, sounded like a purring cat, until she grew eager for a little more skin contact and said "take this off" while tugging at your shirt.

within a few seconds you were topless, and to give her a bit more you also freed yourself off your bra, leaving you on her just in your jeans, a sight that enticed her to no end, the contrast of your fully covered legs and the soft flesh of your chest, all for her, her hands running down your shoulders over your collarbones down to your tits, your head falling back, a pleased "hmm" sound as she teased you a little, kept her hands over your tits while pressing her fingertips down, feeling you up, savoring the sight of you on her like that.

"come here" she whispered and beckoned you forward, so you leaned close enough for her to wrap her arms around your back and press kisses to your neck, quiet moans from you as she breathed in your scent and kissed her way up your pulse point, sighed to herself, kept a tight grip on your back, holding you as if she was afraid you leave, after she´d begged you to do just that mere hours before.

after a minute or so of letting her have her way, you grew too needy to restrain yourself and grabbed her face to give her proper, deep kiss, to run your tongue over her lower lip and bite it lightly before turning it more intense, slowly making out with her as she caressed your hair and sighed into your mouth, your hands on her face, your hips moving a bit from sheer need, a heat between your legs as you felt her desperation, the way she moved under the blanket to sit more securely and have a stronger grip on you, her tongue soft and warm against yours, her hands firm as they wandered from your hair to your neck, pulled you closer, until you both lost your breaths and separated for a moment, shaking, deeply turned on.

"god.. I want you so fucking bad right now. but I´d pass out, I´m already dizzy... " she confessed, her head resting against your arm, her breath hot on your skin, "the second I am stronger again, I swear to god..." she uttered and gave your hips a squeeze, another wave of heat to your core from the words, the touch, her sudden intense need for you, your hand on the back of her head, cradling her almost.

"we can still do something..." you said, unable to leave it at kissing, so she nodded eagerly and asked "oh yeah? like what?".

"I could.. help myself.." you said, which made her perk up, so you went on "I could jerk off and you could watch, if you want. help me out a bit, touch me.. my chest, your fingers in my mouth, anything", a pleased smile when you saw that the image alone thrilled Van from the way her expression changed, that look she always got when she was hungry for you. she hadn´t considered it before, watching you masturbate, adding to it, when she was too weak to follow her instinct to please you, and it moved her as much as it got her hot, your way of finding moments of deep pleasure and joy to offer her even on her worst days.

"hm.. yes please..." she said and waited, giving you a light slap of encouragement, looking at you with eager eyes as you climbed off her and took your place next to her on the empty side of the bed, pulled your jeans and underwear down, and got comfortable, spread your legs apart, ran your hand over your thigh, a sound of desperation from her as she took it all in, turned her body to face you more directly, leaned over to give you a kiss while whispering "show me, show me what you do when you´re alone", "when I´m thinking of you?" you corrected and smiled while moving your hand between your legs, a nod from her, "yes, yes that´s right..", a groan when she saw you part yourself to slick your fingers up to start rubbing your clit, slowly, taking your time with it, enjoying the act of performing for a devoted witness, for her. you let out a moan as you increased the pressure and felt yourself grow even wetter, already swollen and sensitive from before, the effect that making out with Van had had from you right from the start, you regularly soaking your underwear just from messing around on the couch a bit.

Van´s gaze remained your cunt, what your fingers were doing, how you were playing with yourself, salivating almost, until she moved her eyes up to your stomach, your chest, your face, and sighed "my angel.." as she felt overcome with affection and desire from hearing your sweet sounds, the vulnerability of it all, letting her see you the way you looked when you touched yourself in the privacy and dark of your own room, the distinct sound of your wetness almost making her black out for a second, stirring her need, her mouth watering.

she ran her hand over your chest, squeezed the flesh and got you to moan louder, teased your nipple, hardened it, felt your body shudder and react, "fuck.. please yes.." you whined and nodded, begging for more of her touch, as you rubbed yourself more aggressively, still, not too hard to come already, drawing it out, the ache, to have Van lavish you with her attention, so she did, gladly, her fingers digging into the swell of your breasts, hard, until she traced a path up to your neck, your jaw as she whispered "so fucking pretty..." and swiped her thumb over your lower lip, slowly, touching the tip of your tongue, which got a pathetic moan from you, so she took the cue and smiled as she pushed her index and middle finger into your mouth, slowly sliding them over your tongue, until you closed your lips around them and started sucking, intensely, as if you were giving her fingers a blowjob, perverse with it as you sucked and swirled your tongue over them, as she lost her mind from the feel and view of it and groaned "jesus christ...", trembling as you shut your eyes and savored the feeling of her fingers in you, as you felt your cunt throbbing with the need for release and picked up the pace of your fingers again to really come hard, to use that moment of double pleasure, both your face and lower half stimulated, rushing with blood.

Van licked her lips and let you keep her fingers wet and enclosed by your lips, an appraising "god look at you baby.. always so sweet for me...", only to move her fingers once you were close to finishing and touch your inner thigh, tracing a path up to where you were a soaking mess and helping you out by touching you below your clit, while you focused on your most sensitive spot, her fingers teasing your entrance lightly, which gave you the final push and made you shudder and come undone, the orgasm hitting you hard, your face twisted to the side, sounds muffled by a pillow, Van also moaning as she felt and heard and saw you come for her, to make not just yourself but her feel good, which she did, shaking as if she´d been the one to come as you went slack and laid there, bare, panting, flushed, smiling up at the ceiling as she kept caressing your thigh while you came down form the intense high.

you reached over to pull her hand to your mouth and lick yourself off her fingers, which made her laugh to herself in a resigned way while muttering "you know I might just die from this before the cancer has a chance to kill me.." which made you laugh too, still breathless, trembling. you kissed her hand before letting it go and rolled over to prop yourself up and look at her, "you good there, love?" you asked, grinning as she fussed with your hair and smiled back at you, "oh yeah, perfect, look at me, the picture of vitality" clearly alluding to her tired, worn out state but to you she was beautiful as ever, so you leaned in closer and said "I am looking yes, and enjoying it very much" a tap to the tip of her nose before you gave her a brief kiss, a scoff from her at your comment, which didn´t conceal the pleasure she took in being admired by you, earnestly.

"I am pretty fucking spoiled... some other chronically ill lesbians would kill to be in my position" she joked as you rested your head on her lap for a moment, felt her play with a strand of your hair. "well, I think some others would love to be in mine as well, so" you countered, smiling, but Van shook her head, a bit emotional all of a sudden. "I don´t know about that..." she said quietly "god. sometimes I feel so fucking sorry that I let things get this far. really. it was pretty selfish of me to keep you to myself like this.. like I should´ve told you from the jump, I should´ve made you -" she was falling into that familiar spiral of guilt so you interrupted her, "shhh" you said while moving your head up again and looking at her "easy there, take a breath, okay? and not to be morbid but even if you died right now you´d have still already given me way more than anyone else I´ve been with, and they were younger and fitter, so..." you told her, not lying, still, playing it up a bit, to amuse her.

"well they must´ve been doing something really fucking wrong if I of all people blew your mind" she said, raising her eyebrows, her tone dry, which got a genuine laugh out of you "maybe" you said, cocking your head, touching her arm "or maybe I just love you".

you didn´t plan on saying it but it was true and you had no desire to waste your time pretending you didn´t love her when you had for weeks and weeks already. it was natural, to say it, matter of fact, and it resonated deep within her should, the utter seriousness of your words. "love", she hadn´t heard anyone tell her that in years. she couldnt help it. she teared up, "please..." she begged, almost as if to say "I don´t deserve it.. don´t.. not me..not like this.." but she knew there was nothing she could do to stop you from doing so, so she leaned in and buried her head in the crook of your neck while shedding a few tears, clinging to you, as you held her close and whispered "I love you, I do, I´m not leaving, not today, not next week, not ever. so you can stop trying to convince me."

you sounded determined in a way that cooled her burning mind, so she wiped her tears and held your face in her hands, kissed you, a faint taste of salt from her tears, an urgency to her lingering kiss before she pulled away and said "I love you too. so much." her thumb running over your cheek, your eyes closed, a smile, a reversed image of what she´d done earlier, your turn to melt into her open palm.

you felt the need to be closer again so you laid on her more directly, which got a suppressed groan from her as she laughed and said "ah, careful there.." her hand gesturing at where you were laying, only the blanket and her sweatpants separating your elbows weight from pressing against the spot where she felt the effect of the previous actions. you knew Van was sensitive, but the idea that she had gotten wet from it, that she was soaked enough for it it hurt when you applied too much force, made you want to alleviate her from the ache, to taste her, to have her relax from your mouths work. you loved being devoured by her but sometimes nothing satisfied you more in bed than knowing that you were reminding her that her body was not just diseased but deeply desired, capable of giving her deep pleasure, giving had become more intense for you after youd found out about her illness, and at times she did almost cry from it, your energy of "I will heal whatever part of you I can, I will".

"let me help you with that" you told her as you slowly moved the blanket down her legs and tugged at her waistband, smiling, "I´ll be gentle, don´t worry" assured her when you saw that she feared she might react in an undignified way, lose her composure, faint from it.

she nodded as she felt you kiss her forehead once, twice, before you moved down between her legs and pulled her pants down, glad that she wasn´t wearing underwear, getting comfortable, softly licking and kissing over her freckled thighs before doing anything else, easing her into it, enjoying the intimate, sacred vibe of having her in that weak state, in bed, while the winter sun was casting a golden hue over your bodies tangled in the sheets, your lips glued to her inner thigh, perhaps your favorite part of her, the divine tenderness of the skin there that made every little touch from you send shivers down her spine.

Van was at peace then, free of the earlier intense pain, lulled into a full bodied warm state of arousal, one that wasn´t overwhelming but got some soft moans out of her as she laced her fingers through your hair, a deep sigh of relief and pleasure as you held true to your promise and ever so gently ran your tongue over her, gave her kisses and soft licks, teased her, tasting her just on the outside at first, slowly, only the tip of your tongue, before you felt her open her legs further, silently begging for more, so you moved your tongue in deeper, your arms firmly hooked around her thighs, holding her in place, caressing her stomach, more romantic with it than in moments of a shared urgent hunger, your hands eventually moving up to find hers, staying like that as you savored her taste, the deep, barely suppressed groans from her that always drove you to go a bit harder, to hear more of that, her voice strained from what you were doing.

you remained down between her legs were for a while, both of you sinking into the delicious rhythm of it, the faint sighs and whimpers, her encouraging you "feels so good... don’t stop", finally able to let you show her how much you always wanted her without pushing you away but pulling you closer, asking for more, receiving it with a smile, her head pressed back against the pillow as you made "hmm" sounds from the pleasure of eating her out for that long, a brief pause when she looked down at you, tapped your shoulder, met your eyes and said "thank you, for staying."

Van didn´t just mean that exact moment, you could tell, so you kissed her lower stomach before looking up at her again and said "always" as if you had years and years ahead of you, because in moments like that, it felt like you did, everything was forgotten, love collapsed time and made the threat of her death vanish into thin air.

[adoringdanvers]

diversity win! the person running the local cult is a lesbian māori woman!

[adoringdanvers]

LAUREN AMBROSE as VAN PALMER YELLOWJACKETS (2021— ) — Season 2, Episode 5