addelayse

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Cat from Silent Hill

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i was born inside an airpod case 3 minutes ago your honor and i love abortion

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Number 1: Youtube Poop Editor

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Mixed signals.

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puter

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They’re having a moment

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what would you do if they killed cas

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Füsun Ürkün

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NIGHT LIGHTS

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I tried to slip CBD gummies into some kids halloween candy like i saw on the news but the kids recognized them and laughed at me for not having any real weed

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there's been a horrible almost accident at the hypervigilance factory

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okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

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It seems as though everybody else gets a fun little musical flourish of flute when they accomplish a task Except for me because i never am rewarded

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