ace-aro-tearoa

[ace-aro-tearoa]

AUREA recently launched the first English-language aro census in 2020. The survey will be closing in November and AUREA is putting together a team of analysts to look at the data collected. We plan to conduct data analysis over 4 to 5 months, beginning around December and then will be working on modifying the census according to feedback we received. If you are interested in helping out, please fill out this form.

[ace-aro-tearoa]

shout out to ace and aro kids who are constantly bombarded with the opinion that sex and romantic love are directly connected to living a happy life.

[ace-aro-tearoa]

psst… you should check out the new aromantic spectrum awareness week website

arospecweek.org

[ace-aro-tearoa]

Lots of ace people find romantic or queerplatonic relationships incredibly fulfilling, but that doesn’t mean you need a partner to be happy. In fact, many people are perfectly content without a partner, and that’s completely valid!

[ID: A graphic with pink and purple images and text. The top has a box that says “A partner is not a requirement.” Below, there are stick figure images of various couples and families, with a single person highlighted in the middle. End ID.]

[ace-aro-tearoa]

Writing Asexuality in Fiction - Masterpost

I’ve finally built up a nice series of essays on writing asexuality and asexual characters in fiction. Here they are, all together in one place. They’re intended to be useful for asexual and non-asexual writers alike. They are also meant to be inclusive of gray-asexual and demisexual characters, although my knowledge is limited there.

These essays assume you already have a basic knowledge of what asexuality means: a general lack of sexual attraction to other people. This is not Asexuality 101; for that, check out the links on my resources page.

Character Development Questions

Demisexual Characters and Relationships

Glossary of Words and Concepts Used in Asexual Communities

Fetishization of Asexuality

How to Show That a Character is Asexual

Negative Responses Asexual Characters May Get When Coming Out

Plot Ideas

Potential Sources of Conflict For Asexual Characters

Sex Scenes with Asexual Characters

Stereotypes to Avoid

Other potentially relevant topics

Aromanticism 101

Aromantic Representation, or Lack Thereof

Lithromantic Story Prompts

Relationships That I Want to See More of in Fiction

This post may be updated in the future as I write more stuff on this subject; I’ll link to it from my blog’s homepage so it’s easy to find.

[ace-aro-tearoa]

The differences under the ace umbrella

[ace-aro-tearoa]

We are just 8 days away from asexual awareness week and I just want to say that regardless if you think aces are lgbt or not at least have some decency to let us celebrate our identity without discourse, especially if you're not ace yourself.

[ace-aro-tearoa]

When you’re trying to figure out if someone could be ace or aro

Aspeculation

[ace-aro-tearoa]

Asexual/A-Spec YouTube List!

I think we can all agree that it’s nice to see yourself and people like you in media. It’s also great to hear the experiences and knowledge of others. So, here’s a big ass list of YouTube a-specs! 

The descriptions for each channel are pretty much just copied and pasted from their channel descriptions. Unless they didn’t have a description, in which case I just wrote ‘vlogger’.

Please note: All the content of the channels below might or might not reflect the views or opinions of this blog or it’s moderators. Nor is all of it safe for work or free of problematic elements. Please use your own desecration. Enjoy!

Amelia Ace: Vlogs about asexuality, her life, LGBTQ issues and nerdy stuff; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram

Queer as cat: An American living and working in Japan. Vesper is a black, queer, non-binary, asexual (ace) vlogger and blogger. They strive to help raise awareness of the intersections of sexuality, gender, and race and to increase visibility and representation for people like themself who are in the crosshairs of such intersectionality.; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat

Evan Edinger: Describes himself as ‘near demisexual’, Edinger is an  American YouTuber living in London. known for puns and British–American comparisons; Twitter

swankivy (AKA: Julie Sondra Decker): Novelist, creativity junkie, singer, musicals nerd, activist, jellybean fiend, pencil scribbler, serial rambler. She literally wrote the book on asexuality called, The Invisible Orientation; Tumblr, Twitter, Website

Quinn Creates: Trans man YouTuber based in Toronto, Canada; Instagram

Celeste M: Nonbinary, aromantic, and asexual. Talks about gender and sexuality as well as other aspects of their identity. Also makes videos about vegan cooking, geeky stuff like conventions and cosplay, and all kinds of other stuff; Instagram, Website

OnlyAliceMitchell: UK based ace vlogger

Tatiana Danielle: Vlogger

saskia and lily: A vlog channel by two a-spec girls in a relationship together

NotJustBlonde: An ace UK based vlogger; Tumblr, Twitter

simply_kenna: An aro/ace American vlogger. Her channel is very cute and whimsical. Mostly vlogs about make-up, fashion, DIY projects, poetry, and writing; Tumblr, Instagram

HeyoDamo: Gay/a-spec Australian dancer and actor who just has too many things to say really… Sometimes it’s about mental health, sometimes it’s about sexuality, sometimes it’s about curtains; Tumblr, Twitter, Intsagram

Kiki Vlogs: Gay/Ace vlogger and sketch comedy creator; Twitter, Instagram, Etsy

The Ace Space: Friends that got to know each-other on the internet because of their asexuality. 

Cookee Monsterr: An a-spec UK based vlogger

DumandsONE: A-spec Non-binary Canadian vlogger; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram

eched P: Talks about different aspects of being asexual, random movies(a lot of horror!) and just fun junk. 

Egg & Neko: Edwin and his friend Jennifer make funny skits 

maximalist: Cosplayer and vlogger; Tumblr

Hiten Mitsuru: Makes commentaries and speedpaints; Tumblr, Twitter, Picartio

peerieweirdo: UK vlogger. Talks about memes and music and life; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram

JulianGreystoke: Book reviews, Videos about writing, Vlogs, and epic Fanfiction!

JoeeJayy: Demiboy homoromantic asexual Cambridge Geography Graduate from the West Country. Vlogging and academic discussion.

youngblossom: American trans male aroace vlogger; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Etsy

ThatGirlWithTheCurl: Aromantic vlogger

mikadocious: Asexual Vlogger

Lauren Harkins: American aroace vlogger; Twitter, Instagram

enchantology: American a-spec gamer, writer, and book reviewer; Twitter, Tumblr, Goodreads

ChandlerNWilson: American agender a-spec vlogger. They make different videos ranging anywhere from educational videos about different LGBTQ identities to vlogs of what’s going on in their life; Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Shop 

hatlittlegeorgia: UK asexual biromantic vlogger; Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest

En Español 

Danitza628: Mexican lithromantic vlogger. Su propia descripción: Hola, soy Danitza y me gusta contar historias sobre mi vida. ¡Escúchame y conviértete en un buñuelo!; Twitter

Weirdizm: Spanish a-spec vlogger.  Makes videos about travels to different countries 

Andrea F: Aroace Spanish book reviewer 

asadaf: A-spec Spanish vlogger. Discusses feminism, art, and social issues. Porque la revolución será feminista o no será; Twitter, Instagram

Chaoko: A-spec makeup and cosplay artist. (Warning: Some of this channel is NSFW); Instagram, shop

Purple Unicorn:  En este canal hablaré sobre temas queer mayormente.

dibadibae: Information channel and vlog

Chrysocolla Town: Chile based Spanish language asexual information and listing channel ;Tumblr, Twitter, Wordpress Blog, Asexuales Chile blog

SomosACEs: Canal de vlogs de la Asociación ACEs, una asociación interseccional de personas dentro del espectro asexual y arromántico en España. Aquí podréis encontrar vlogs educativos y entretenidos sobre la asexualidad, demisexualidad, grisexualidad etc. http://www.asexual.es/ ;Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, http://www.asexual.es/

Archive channels:

Asexual Media Archives: An archive channel, collecting all things asexual. Features videos in different languages, including Spanish, Finnish, and German

Aces Wild: Aces Wild is a YouTube Channel reporting on news and updates within the Asexual Community, along with informational videos and the occasional joke; Tumblr, Twitter

[ace-aro-tearoa]

Don’t change us. Write better.

I feel like a big reason why people change an aromantic asexual character’s identity for “shipping” reasons, is that they don’t know how to navigate those ships when one of them is (canonically or coded) aromantic asexual…

However, changing a character’s canon or coded aromantic asexual identity isn’t a solution to that “problem.” Doing so is pretty hurtful too, considering how limited our representation is in our popular media. 

So, here are a few things to remember:

An aromantic asexual person in a same gender relationship is still an aromantic asexual person, if that’s how they identify. Being aromantic asexual doesn’t make their relationship less authentic, just different. 

An aromantic asexual person in a different gender relationship is still an aromantic asexual person, if that’s how they identify. Being aromantic asexual doesn’t make their relationship less authentic, just different. 

There are relationship challenges that are specific to an aromantic asexual person that should not be ignored, especially how a partner being aromantic asexual shapes conversations about consent.  

An aromantic asexual person does not experience (sexual and romantic) attraction, but they may still participate in sexual or romantic acts for reasons outside of attraction to their partner. 

Performance also does not absolutely determine one’s identity. Performing sexual or romantic acts doesn’t invalidate one’s aromanticism and asexuality, especially when “expressing attraction” can feel compulsory.  

This is not an excuse to put aromantic asexuals in unnecessary sexual or romantic situations. We are still less likely to participate in sexual or romantic acts, compared to people who are not aromantic asexual.

How romantic attraction is expressed is socioculturally specific. For example, a kiss on the cheek can be a platonic greeting, or it can be a romantic gesture depending on the context of the character’s society or culture. 

Consent is a relevant issue to every “ship,” but it’s also important to understand that discussions around consent need to be conscious of aromantic and asexual experiences and why we may or may not want something. 

If you’re uncertain of how to approach consent when one of the characters is aromantic asexual, please consult an aromantic asexual person first. Please let us read over what you intend to write first. 

I’ve read far too many aromantic and/or asexual characters put in situations where their boundaries weren’t respected and they were pressured into doing things they did not want in order to be “good partners.”

Know the difference between aromanticism and emotional abuse. Being aromantic does not make someone an emotional abuser, and being romantic doesn’t make someone less abusive. 

Be conscious of the fact that just like no one owes you sex in a relationship, no one owes you romance in a relationship. This goes for your characters too. No one should be punished or villainized for not returning romantic feelings. 

Stop using and misusing tropes like these to change or “cure” aromantic asexuals: The Power of Love, What Is This Thing You Call Love?, Love Redeems, Good People Have Good Sex, Sex is Good, and more. 

The majority of aromantic asexual characters are villains, monsters, aliens, and/or robots. If you choose to write an aromantic asexual character who is one of these things, subvert the stereotype through nuanced representation. 

So, what’s the take away here?

Don’t change aromantic asexual coding or canon representation just because you think it’s inconvenient for you. If you are that interested in seeing aromantic asexuals in relationships, make the effort to understand how they work. 

[ace-aro-tearoa]

The History of Asexuality

Obviously, this timeline is not exhaustive, but hopefully you learn something new anyway! A lot of asexuality’s history is pretty recent - but that just means we’re still creating it! 

If you like my videos, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.com http://ko-fi.com/ameliaace

[ace-aro-tearoa]

About being asexual and sex-favorable

I’ve been from sex-averse to sex-indifferent to sex-favorable throughout the years. It’s been hard to imagine ever giving that ‘’enthusiatic yes’’ consent, but I am in a place right now where I can. I’ve been asked to explain how sex-favorable and ace can coexist and here’s the best way I can put it: The way I like to explain it to others is that, for me, it’s about sensations. When you get a good massage, it feels good wether you’re sexually attracted to the person giving the massage or not, right? Sex is just an extra good massage. And when someone I love gives me a massage, I like to return the favor and make them feel as good as they make me feel! Just like I dont look at people and think “man, I’d really like to massage them/them to massage me” I don’t look at them and think “man, I really wanna have sex with them”. I’m not sexually *attracted* to them. But yes I can think “Man, I could really go for a massage right now”.

[ace-aro-tearoa]

How To Know You're Aromantic

Trying to figure out if your aromantic can be hard, and recently one of my friends had a thought that they could be aromantic so this post is for them. We will first try to define romantic attraction.

What Is Romantic Attraction? To put it simply, when you are romantically attracted to someone, you want to do romantic things with them. Now this definition doesn't really give us much information. To use a better definition, romantic attraction is when you desire to be emotionally close to someone. This desire to be emotionally close shouldn't be confused with the desire to be emotionally close with friends. To distinguish the two, desire to be emotionally close with friends is when you want to share secrets with someone and cuddle and be able to tell anything. The desire to be romantically emotionally close with someone is the desire for them to be there no matter what and like the previous relationship, want to do romantic coded things with them. Also, romantically emotionally close is when you want to be closer than friends are. Not everything is coded with romance. Wanting to hold hands could be sensual (wanting to just touch someone 'cause you can) or it could be romantic (wanting to be emotionally close with them).

How To Know You're Aromantic ° You are fine with not having a relationship at all except for friends

° You don't understand when people (not media) talks about falling in love

° You often think that love just isn't for you

° People call you cold hearted when you reject them because you do it with no regard to their romantic feelings

° You don't see the point of romantic relationships

° You see a long term partner as more of a friend

° You think that you might have commitment issues

Things That Don't Make You Not Aromantic • Wanting to touch someone (hold hands, cuddle, etc). That can come under sensual attraction

• Feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone. Butterflies happen when your nervous and you can get nervous for events or around people your sexually attracted to

• Not minding being in a romantic relationship. For some aromantics, we are fine with doing romantic things as often it involves no emotions for us

• Liking romantic media. You can read and watch romantic books and shows and that doesn't make you any less aromantic

• Liking the idea of romance. To quote Cavetown "often I am upset that I can not fall in love" and this is definitely true for aromantics who like the idea of romance.

Disclaimer!!! You could be aromantic and not experience any of this or on the flip side you could be alloromantic (not aromantic) and experiences all of this. Some people are late bloomers and if you are a teenager you should keep this in mind. I'm not saying to can't identify as aromantic as a teenager, just that you should keep in mind that some people are late bloomers.

Cavetown song I quoted:

[ace-aro-tearoa]

Worst fear: finding out that I really am just a late bloomer or something and I’m no longer asexual/aromantic and having to tell everyone and them being like told ya it was just a phase therefore giving people more “proof” asexuality/aromanticism doesn’t exist gah

[ace-aro-tearoa]

“how can you be intimate with someone if you’re aromantic??”

sharing secrets, trusting them with your life, telling them about that stupid thing you did when you were 14 and haven’t told anyone else since, being there for them any time day or night, talking til three in the morning, letting yourself cry around them, sharing grief, sharing joy, getting excited about the things they’re excited about just because you love to see them so happy about something

[ace-aro-tearoa]

being ace is a huge part of some people’s identity and is a small part of other people’s identity and both are okay

[ace-aro-tearoa]

I'm interested in 1970s zines that mention asexuality! I'm really excited to learn that there's some form of asexual history that predates AVEN!

Im glad you are, and i can definetly point you in that direction!

So basically something you have to keep in mind is the mentions of asexuality by name are sparse; they exist but theyre sparse. Part of the reason is for a long time, until sometime in the 90s i believe, asexuality was considered part of bisexuality because “bisexual” was often defined as “neither straight or gay.” Most zines you will find that specifically cover asexuality by name are from the 90s onward, and mostly in the early 2000s.

So i guess what im trying to say is your ask means there’s gonna be a lot of different links for different things. I can point you to scans of queer zines that mention asexuality by name from the 70s, but it will be a light read. There is, however, many other resources for 1) reading queer zines, 2) reading zines about asexuality, 3) seeing asexuality included in queer history, 4) reading about the history of asexuality, but they will be all different sources!

Zines from the 70s that mention asexuals: http://autismserenity.tumblr.com/post/162576992806/averylargecat-lvxiuwendono

General queer zines: qzap.org (queer zine archive project) is gonna be your go-to.

Other queer history and materials: https://www.loc.gov/rr/main/lgbtq/lgbtqgeneralguide/digitalcollections(.)html

Asexual zines: acezinearchive on wordpress is gonna be your best friend.

Overviews of ace history/seeing asexuality in queer history: @historicallyace is a blog that specifically covers this and has many good resources. Check the “history” tag specifcially.