ace-adore

[ace-adore]

This is a quick read and I highly recommend it. What does it mean to be ace? How to we contextualize aceness? Are we doing each other a service by taking an almost voyeuristic lens to asexuality — evaluating each other’s identities by the deeply personal ways we do or don’t pursue pleasure? What are we losing by doing that? Things to think about.

Asexuality and sex. Asexuality and if aces have sex. Asexuality and a sex drive, the spectrum of asexuality, the spectrum of different attitudes on sex… these are all important topics. I’ve written a lot about them already. I was driven to write them initially because my own experience didn’t fit what I read about and I couldn’t seem to find something that talked about the nuances. I found lots of people, but one collective source — I didn’t find that until later. I wanted to make one; I wanted to sort it out and write it down. So I did.

Read the full post here

[ace-adore]

To all acespec knights, this week belongs to you! I want you to know that you deserve to take space, to be recognized, and you deserve to be seen. This week is the ideal time to remember that asexuality is a valid and wonderful part of our world - shout it loud and clear! And, above all, stay proud ⚔️����

[ace-adore]

[ace-adore]

here’s an updated group pic including the genderqueer frog !

[ace-adore]

Your allowed to try out ace and aro labels even if you're not sure if you're going to stick with them or not. It's OK to try on a label to see if it fits, and if it doesn't it's OK to let it go.

[ace-adore]

Week 2 of Pride Month means that we are covering various identities under the aspec umbrella! We are covering some of the more popular ones, but this is in no way reflective of all the ace-spec and aro-spec microlabels that are out there, and definitely is not a statement as to which are more valid or important (they are all equally valid and important!). Today we are starting with demiromantic and demisexual. 

If you’d like to learn more about microlabels than what we can fit onto social media-friendly graphics, we recommend checking out our website, where we have a Spectrum 101 resource (https://taaap.org/learn/spectrum-101/). We have many more resources coming to our site this Pride Month, so stay tuned! 

Keep reading

[ace-adore]

Pride month has made me feral for information, and so if you are on the asexual spectrum, I would love it if you could fill out this short survey!

If you have the capability, it would be appreciated if you could spread this around to get as many responses as possible!

Thanks, Lyra

Survey!

[ace-adore]

asexual men are incredible and deserve more recognition.

[ace-adore]

Awhile ago I drew an enbee, so for pride I decided to draw some more bees!!

Feel free to use these as icons or in edits as long as you give credit!

I'll also have them available as stickers on my Redbubble soon.

If you don't see your flag, dont worry! I plan on drawing more!! (Genderfluid, Agender, and genderqueer are next on the list! And feel free to suggest some in the replies!)

[ace-adore]

I find your answer to that anon kind of reductive. My partner of many years is aroflux and because of this, our relationship genuinely is not romantic from her end at times. It’s genuinely not a problem for our interactions because we also happen to be best friends (from several years further back before beginning to date), but emotionally it can be unsettling at times to know that I am feeling unreciprocated romantic love within my relationship. This is upsetting to people in relationships between two alloromantic people who grow apart or have problems, as well.

The only two options aren’t ‘the person is aro and 100% romance-repulsed and wants nothing to do with any form of relationship’ and ‘the person is aro-spec, but is feeling the same kind, amount, and duration of love as their allo partner’. It is entirely possible to date a romance-positive aro-spec person who sometimes (or always!) feels absolutely no romantic feelings.

I understand your point, anon. I’m well aware that the aro experience is more diverse and colorful than I could ever hope to explain in one ask. It was for the sake of simplicity that I phrased it the way I did — I find that getting down into the nuanced details in the early stages of educating someone is often unproductive. Start simple, risk some reductiveness, but hopefully leave them taking more away from the interaction.

But even then, I’m well aware that I’m less equipped to tackle aro things than I am ace things! I am an ace blog after all. I too am still always learning. I will be thinking of better ways to respond to asks like those in the future.

[ace-adore]

Animal Crossing LBGTQ+ Pride Pins made by Teasuii

[ace-adore]

[ID: Pair of reddit comments. One person says “People are to labels what boxes are to cats. You try to put a cat in a box and it hates it and it hates you. You leave some boxes out for the cat and it will gladly sit in one.” The second person comments “This is an amazing analogy.” End ID]

[ace-adore]

Is it arophobic that I don’t want to date someone who’s aro, even they were into romance? I don’t want to be with someone who is incapable of reciprocating my emotions in the same way that I have them (romantically).

I debated whether I wanted to answer this one. For the sake of my "mission statement" for this blog I am going to answer this in good faith.

I want you to examine what you said here.

Someone who's 100% strictly aro isn't interested in dating to begin with, so let's set them aside for now. You are operating on the assumption that aro-spec people who do experience romantic attraction in some capacity are incapable of reciprocating your feelings. Why? If an aro-spec person told you that they loved you romantically would you doubt them? Question them? Assume it doesn't measure up to what you feel?

I'm not here to act as judge. But know, anon, that if this is the mindset that you carry you won't have to worry about dating an aro-spec person. Because they will not want to date you.

I hope you'll reflect on this a little. Overcoming our inherent biases is a part of life. The fact that you reached out to me about this shows a desire to learn and that is wonderful.

[ace-adore]

Umm...so I had a doubt here and I want your help. I read smut but only of the characters I don't know and whenever I even encounter a smut of the characters I know I flee. So like, why does this happen? Do you know?

Purely looking at this, I'd say it's just a matter of preference. But it might also be a fraysexual mood – losing interest when you feel connected to a character. Maybe try doing some research on that?

[ace-adore]

(24yo, aro/gray-pansexual, romance-repulsed/sex-favorable) So something that may be helpful for some of the younger folks wondering if losing your virginity can affect your sexuality- I have personally found that gaining sexual experience, ie "losing my virginity", gave me new perspective on sex, BUT I wouldn't say it at all affected my attraction to people! I know what those physical sensations feel like now, which to me is both useful & enjoyable information, but... I still don't find myself experiencing allosexual attraction. I do very rarely experience some sexual attraction (hence, gray-pan) based on specific factors, but it is extremely infrequent. Other people may find that having sex affects them differently, this is just how it's affected me.

It's also good to remember that you can change labels, if you feel that something has changed or wasn't quite accurate in the first place. These labels describe an aspect of you, but they don't define you. Sometimes people define themselves by their labels and make that a large part of their identity, which can be empowering, but it can be a jarring change if, (to use a non-aspec example), you identify as gay for a long time and are very vocal about it and later decide you're bi, or vice versa. And these things happen all the time! And it's normal and okay. Ultimately, the labels you choose are a means of describing you and how you relate to the world, and communicating that to others. It's completely your choice on how you want to do that.

Wonderfully put.

[ace-adore]

It is 23:40 and I am questioning again...

So I am a female and nearly 19 and ever since my late teens I have been confused as hell. Because most of the time (the older I get the more this happens) when I am looking at people where everybody else says 'they are so hot' whereas I just think "Yeah they are conventionally attractive, but that's it". I just don't care about it. I don't really develope crushes or anything of that sort.

Sometimes when I listen to songs about love I have a hard time imagine ever feeling that strong for one particular person. And romances portrayed in regular media (especially films and series) pretty much bore me.

The idea of marriage seems kinda weird to me. Like how do I know that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? How do I even differentiate between strong friendship and love?

I feel repulsed by the thought of sex.

But then on the other hand I do enjoy the idea of casual intimacy (is that even the right term?) like hand holding, cuddling on the sofa while reading a book or being held while falling asleep.

And when I try to take into consideration if i am more attracted to a certain gender or multiple or none at all, it becomes even more confusing.

Yet I am anxious about taking on a particular label because I am unsure if i am/was wrong or if it will change again in a couple of years.

This probably seems and reads like a convoluted mess, but I needed to get this out.

Let me tell ya something, anon. Labels are not a limited resource that we need to conserve! Go through those things without a care in the world! If you change from one day to the next, who cares? When you get older it's kinda fun looking back on all the times you switched flags.

Pay attention to your feelings when you experience them in the moment. Maybe take notes on the context of them. Don't give yourself too much grief analyzing yourself. Answers will take as much time as they please and won't move any faster by feeling anxious over them. It sucks. I know. But you're gonna be okay.

[ace-adore]

Hey I’m in a bit of a sticky situation and I was wondering your take on it! I’m 16, soon to be 17, and I’ve been on a low dose of lexapro since I was literally 8. (I have GAD and I’m on the autism spectrum) Because the main side effect of lexapro is a low sex drive, and I started it before I went through puberty, I’ve literally never experienced sexual attraction before. Like, ever. I’ve never done anything sexual in my entire life I am literally just sitting here. I didn’t even realize this until last year when all of a sudden my friends started talking about stuff like this a lot. And my friends are great don’t worry! They don’t peer pressure me into anything and them talking about sex doesn’t bother me at all. But it made me feel really upset? Because it made me realize all of a sudden, “oh. I’m way past the age where sex drives develop and I. I don’t have one.” Like it was the first time I’d ever realized that me and my friends weren’t like 11 anymore if that makes sense? Like, I had “dated” one of my friends back in early middle school, and all we ever did was hold hands and stuff, and I was fully convinced until last year that that’s STILL how relationships worked. But then I realized “oh my one straight friend is definitely doing things with her boyfriend and my multitude of fellow lesbian friends are ACTUALLY sexually attracted to women instead of just like. Getting warm and fuzzy when they see a pretty lady or when a girl is nice to them like me.” LIKE I HAD SERIOUSLY NOT REALIZED BEFORE!! AND IT MESSED ME UP!!! But a year has passed since this revaluation and I’ve been doing a lot of research and rolling around in my head and I think I’m an asexual lesbian? And I’ve wiggled my way onto asexual positivity blogs like yours and I feel really safe and loved in the ace community. And the label makes me feel so happy? Like I finally understand myself. But then I circle back around to the lexapro thing and it’s like. This was probably just caused by it, what if I ever get off lexapro and suddenly I’m sexually attracted to people? But also, I was off lexapro recently for an extended amount to time, (if you stop taking your lexapro I think you can get sick, so please don’t do it unless instructed by a doctor.) and during that whole time nothing changed. Still just absolutely no interest in anything sexual at all. So I think I’m actually ace, but I still feel like I’m somehow faking. It’s awful. Sorry for the HUGE info dump, but my friends aren’t really helping and I feel like I just need a second opinion. Sorry again, but love your blog!! 💕

Hey anon! I'm delighted you've found your happy niche here. That's exactly what community is supposed to accomplish and I couldn't be more thrilled for you.

There's no need to feel like an imposter. Even if your orientation was purely caused by medication you would still be a welcome member of the community who belongs here. Not everyone takes the same path to us: some people slide in after new medication, some people make the switch after a traumatic event, some people have been here all along and others show up later in life.

For what it's worth, you sound pretty darn ace to me! I would confidently vouch for you in front of the Official Asexual Council. (Which doesn't exist. You're the best authority on whether this is your home or not. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.)