accordingtojefferson

[accordingtojefferson]

“Is that Jack from Titanic?!?!”

… I was watching Heartstopper. It was Nick / Kit Connor. Same hair different generation I guess?

[accordingtojefferson]

“PIP and NUT?? Alvin & the Chipmunks from WISH?!!”

- British food items, according to Jefferson

[accordingtojefferson]

“I feel bad for everyone that’s been murdered.”

- Random thoughts from Jefferson

[accordingtojefferson]

Ad on tv: 🎶 Take your turkey higher 🎶

Jefferson: But I don’t WANT turkey that’s been injected with drugs!

Me: ……

Jefferson: You know, drugs?? Higher??

[accordingtojefferson]

These controls are ABSOLUTE DOO-DOO FARTS.

- commentary on Roblox gameplay, by Jefferson, age 11.

[accordingtojefferson]

🎶 “I’m a koala para-a-a-ade” 🎶

- Omobolasire, according to Jefferson

[accordingtojefferson]

“These people’s voices are, like, my childhood”

- Jefferson, age 11, re: Buck Martinez and Dan Shulman calling the Blue Jays game

[accordingtojefferson]

And I was like, COLON CAPITAL O.

- what? I’m speaking in like, text speak.

[accordingtojefferson]

‘All that walking through walls for nothing”

- Jefferson after Gronk missed his field goal kick again this year.

[accordingtojefferson]

“You can *SAY* bad things, mama. I’m *grown up* now.”

- whether I can swear when talking about a politician I don’t like, according to Jefferson, age 11.

[accordingtojefferson]

Watching Avengers and the helicarrier takes off.

“That looks like the Avengers version of something the Paw Patrol would have!”

[accordingtojefferson]

Jefferson came downstairs in a sleepy daze, declared

“I’m going to put my icon in your bed.”

answered zero follow up questions, and disappeared back upstairs.

I just came up and found them asleep in our bed so that’s apparently what they meant?!

[accordingtojefferson]

“I can’t act like a turd unless I’m standing still and being in a toilet.”

[accordingtojefferson]

Jefferson, listening to a woman sing “Sonny’s Dream”:

Sonny, don't go away, I am here all alone

And your daddy's a sailor who never comes home

… “then why did you marry him?!?!”

[accordingtojefferson]

Me: hey Jefferson do you know what this is??

Jefferson: Something old 🙄🙄

Me: ok but really do you know what it is?

J: a telephone??

Me: Do you know how to make it work?

J: Do you have to put *money in it*….. IS THIS A PAY PHONE?! 😮🫨

[accordingtojefferson]

Siri: *reads out text, containing opinion, over the car speakers*

Jefferson, to me: in *today’s language*, you should reply to that with “I…K…R.”

[accordingtojefferson]

“Random roast I came up with:

‘Your mother was a donkey and your dad was a hill giant!’

… you know, because hill giants are like really really ugly.”