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acatinatoaster · 2 years

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Bro this is golden. My English teacher discusses murder with our class a lot lmfao

Things my English teacher has said

(keep in mind this is on Zoom and we only have English class twice a week right now. Also I’m changing his name to Mr. Smith just in case haha.)

”This young boy was actually a type of cat.”

”I promise this isn’t a threat, it’s just a fact.”

*giggles hysterically* “I’m getting excited now!”

“Would you want to be protected if you murdered someone?”

“That doesn’t mean you can just go around and murder people!”

“Have you ever murdered someone?”

“Hiding a murder isn’t usually a good option.” ~We read a lot of short stories about murders okay~

“Make sure you purchase some of that sweet Mr. Smith merch.”

“…make sure to like and subscribe!” *ends Zoom meeting*

“For school purposes, I just drew an inflatable spear.”

“When do you see someone with red eyes?”

“A really long list of two basic items.”

“This video is required by law and it’s 40 minutes long, so that really sucks for you guys.”

“Skateboards will be finnessed.”

“You’re all absolutely riveted, right?” because everyone had their cameras off and mics muted.

“Gangs in school may cause destruction.”

“Good cavorting, excellent cavorting.”

“Focus on his cheeks, best cheeks in DHS.”

“No drugs on the bus.”

“That’s what happens when you stand up on a moving bus.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw one or two people fall asleep on camera.”

“I thrive in awkward silence.” *entire class proceeds to be silent for fifteen straight minutes*

“SHI–OOT, I was muted!”

“She basically looks like Angela from The Office.”

“That’s a new problem!”

We’ll measure your brain with our measuring cups.”

“If you don’t like the book, you can burn it!”

“I actually have no idea how any of this works.”

“I don’t know, ask your homeroom teacher. If I’m your homeroom teacher….good luck with that. I’m sorry.”

“Feel free to interrupt me; I’m talking nonsense anyway.”

“I want to wrinkle your brain as much as possible.”

“Come to the front of the class and we’ll measure your brain.”

“It would be helpful if I knew how to use my computer.”

“Some sort of connection is back, and I have no idea what happened, but it’s fine.”

“It’s not a wallet chain, it’s a scrunchy chain! God!”

“This song is comparing high-schoolers to soldiers, and it has a point. That’s the bad part.”

“You have a measuring cup for someone’s brain. Because that’s how that works.”

“Gimme a second.” *off screen* “Get outta here!” *throws cat*

“Two a.m. in the morning.”

“I don’t know how much depth Luigi really has as a character.”

“What the heck is water?”

“How many times do you use the English language?”

“Do you speak more than once a day?”

“Whoooo! That’s not so bad!” *after drawing something that no one could interpret*

“Gotta add some wiggles here.”

“That’s so bad. That’s not how lines go.”

“I’ve got twenty minutes left to do everything else.”

“You could try, but you’re also very wrong.”

“We could ‘TLAK’ about characters.” (yes, TLAK, I did not misspell that)

“Mr. Smith on the whiteboard drawing really…COOL things.”

“Ahh that’s a joke.”

“If you ever want to sound, uh, cultured.”

“That’s a tree, should have been a house.”

“Nature doesn’t give you second chances. Nature is the cruellest antagonist of all.”

“The author has this thing where he just kills everyone all the time.”

“Senores, channel your inner Justin Timberlake.”

“The character is kind of an idiot. It’s not their fault.”

“I hear myself talk too much.”

“It’s just a rat that knows how to cook, right?” *nervous laugh*

“Oh no! Oh yes! NOOOOOO! Oh wait, it’s fine.”

“Don’t call him a ginger. That’s kind of not. Nice.”

“I swear to God. I know ‘life’ doesn’t have two L’s in it.”

“That’s stupid. I’m erasing that.” *draws smiley face*

“Only $99 is not a tone.”

“Politicians have to sell themselves for votes…that didn’t sound right. Politicians are not prostitutes.”

“Words put together make a phrase.”

*loud sigh* “That was a good pun.”

“If birds and humans switched places, would we also switch sizes? ‘Cause I don’t think most branches could hold me.”

“No offense to anyone who likes…fishy milk.”

“You don’t want to use the wrong word because that’s called ‘being embarrassing.’“

“His eyes that are way up on his head, so Nick…doesn’t have a forehead.”

“Not that I’m biased or anything, but he’s a terrible person.”

“I don’t think the sun should be called Kanye West. I don’t think Kanye needs a bigger ego.”

“The sun should be named after Kanye West so he’s finally outshined.”

“But what if you guys were wrong?” *dramatic gasp*

*sends 1000 boat emojis into the chat*

“This seems like a terrible idea. Let’s do it.”

“How do we show wealth? MONOCLES.” and then a few that are actually good advice

“Don’t judge your week based on how you feel Monday morning.”

“We should always seek to understand those who are different.” I might add more to this later

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