absurdlylong-neckedmallard

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

You know, I think I could use more breast cancer awareness.

My plan for learning more in lives watching the Super Bowl commercial dozens of times a day. This is a great personal sacrifice, but I think it will be worth it. I'll watch it in the living room, watch it in the bedroom, watch it a whole lot in the bathroom, for weeks on end until I feel properly aware of the plight.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Go home, Lincoln Town Car, you're drunk

Should you really be driving?

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Some products really just don't need an illustration.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

All day i come.up with interesting things to post.

then I get here and have absolutely freaking nothing.

Darn you brain.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

the guy who invented urinals fr woke up one day and went, "What if we made a toilet that could do less things then a normal toilet? Also, walls between them are optional."

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

They say There's a first time for everything

but I never thought I would have to whisper-yell at my friend, "stop telling me about your dad's penis!"

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

What's a similarity between a Amish dude and a Boeing engineer?

They both train horses to plow.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

there is no sensation on earth quite like noticing a new pimple, only to realize it is a tasty morsel that can be captured quite easily with one's tongue.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Welcome to Tumblr!

You can talk about your interests, share your art, ⓦⓐт₡Ｈ ғ𝐄тἳѕＨ ṗ𝕆ⓡἠ, look at cute animal pictures, and more!

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

i love how this is actually a fairly reasonable haiku

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

"Oh my God, that's blasphemy!"

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Thanks, Tumblr ads! How did you know I needed gallons of refrigerant?

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Two, let me show them to WHERE THE F@&# DID THEY GO

how many knees do you have?

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

do we really write tunes? Or are we just discovering a set of notes that sounds good together? The words are ours, of course, but the combinations.of sounds have always sounded good, and are older than mankind itself. We don't "make" islands. We discover them. So why do we "write" tunes instead of "discover them?"

Don't worry I'll be back to my normal stupid content in just a bit.

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Me: *walks up to my mom, holding my arms at a weird angle*

My mom: What do you want?

Me: Your boness

Me, whispering to my dad: I'm going to take her bones

My dad: skeletons skeletons skeletons skeletons

[absurdlylong-neckedmallard]

Do I get some sort of reward if it does happen to wander across my dash? Like, thirty-seven minutes of good luck or something? Or at least a "fun size" Mr. Goodbar?