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quick doodle

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One of the best and most helpful things anyone ever said to me was: Don’t advertise your mistakes.

You will often notice when you’ve made an error, or when there’s something you could have done better, or etc, and sometimes other people will notice too. But often, they won’t. So don’t point it out.

It’s really a sign of a lack of self confidence – you think that if you point out the error first, it will save someone else from having to point it out for you. That by being self-depreciating, no one else will feel obliged to point out your flaws.

But here’s the thing. People don’t notice jack shit, most of the time. Sure, yeah, sometimes you’ll fuck up and people will notice and mention it, and thats fine, but 95% of your errors will go unnoticed. Unless you choose to point them out, in which case, you ensure that 100% of your errors get noticed.

The above sentence was said to me during a dance rehearsal. I’m not a pro dancer by any stretch of the imagination – this was a fun little between-friends dance that we were going to perform at a medium sized function full of people we knew. Half the people in the group did have dance experience, which made me - a non-dancer - feel self concious. So every time I messed up the steps, I would laugh at myself or made an “agh” sound or be verbally frustrated with myself that I was struggling to get that move, or whatever. Which drew peoples attention to the fact that I’d made an error.

There were like 10 of us doing this dance; me missing one step went largely unnoticed in the scheme of things, because with ten of us, anyone watching the dance had so much to look at that the likelihood of them seeing me misstep was extremely low. Unless I made a big deal about it, which would draw their attention to me, and ensure that they were made aware.

I used to point out my mistakes all the time. Not just with the dance, but across the board in general life, too. “Agh, whoops,” or handing over a completed project like “I know I could have done [thing] better, but hopefully the rest is ok,” or whatever. People were often frustrated with me, and I feel, in hindsight, that they were frustrated with me because in their eyes, with me constantly highlighting my own errors, they knew I could do better but instead here I was, giving them a shoddy, half-assed, error-filled effort. By me pointing out my every mistake, they were aware of how many I was making, and they were frustrated by my seemingly endless errors.

Then I got told to “stop advertising your mistakes,” and it was a bit of a revelation moment for me. I made a concious effort that day to minimise my reaction to my own mistakes – for the rest of the rehearsal and into the final performance – and you know what happened??

After the performance, countless people said some iteration of the phrase, “I didn’t know you could dance!!”

They thought I was a dancer. That I’d been dancing for years. They hadn’t noticed any of my missteps.

I messed up multiple times during the final performance. If I watch the recording and focus on me, I can see my missed steps, the time I span clockwise on the spot instead of anticlockwise, the time I was slightly out of alignment with the other dancers, etc. But if I watch the dance as a whole, watching all 10 dancers instead of just me….. I dont notice the mistakes I made. They blend in. Theres too much other stuff going on for anyone to notice the one dancer who spun on the spot in the opposite direction to everyone else.

And everyone thought i was brilliant. All I noticed, while dancing, were my mistakes, but no one else saw them, and everyone who saw the dance was super impressed with it and with me. That would not have been the case had I reacted to every one of my errors as I’d made them.

So I took that concept and applied it to the rest of my life. And you know what???? People were less frustrated with me. Because they weren’t noticing my minor errors, and I wasn’t pointing them out any more, so from their perspective, it looked like my output had improved. It looked like I was making “less errors.” I wasn’t, its just that before, I was pointing every one of them out, and now, I was letting people notice them on their own. And they didnt notice them.

You are always going to be hyperaware of yourself and your own mistakes, but other people are way too distracted by their own crap and have too much other stuff drawing their attention to notice your every misstep. So stop pointing your mistakes out. Stop being your own worst critic. Everyone fucks up now and then, its fine. You fix the error if you can, and you move on. You dont have to pre-empt someone else pointing out your mistakes, because its extremely likely that they wont notice your errors. Unless you point them out.

So stop advertising your mistakes, people.

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A story which will bring tears to the eyes.

Worth reading all the way.

Someone beat us to Allah,

A beautiful lesson taught to us by Fudhayl ibn Iyadh, Abdullah ibn AlMubarak, and a servant of Allah who was close to him, and unknown to us.

Abdullah ibn AlMubarak said, “I came to Makkah while it had been stricken by drought and the people were praying istisqaa in the Masjid Al-Haram, and I was by the gate of Bany Shaybah, when a I saw a young black boy who was wearing two pieces of burlap, one piece wrapped around his waist and the other tossed over his shoulder. He stood at a secluded place next to me and I heard him say, “My Lord, the faces are worn due to their sins and the evil of their deeds, and you have prevented us from rain to discipline the creation, I ask you oh patient and forbearing One, You who His slaves know nothing of Him except that which is beautiful, give them rain, in this moment…in this moment..”

Ibn AlMubarak said, “He continued to say, “at this moment” until the sky became filled with clouds, and the rain descended from every direction, and he sat in his place making tasbih, and I began to cry. When he left I followed him to mark his residence, and I returned to Fudhayl ibn Iyadh who said to me,

“Why do you look so depressed?”

I said to him, “Someone beat us to Allah, and so He took him as an intimate companion other than us.”

He said, “How so?”

So I told him the story, and he cried out “Woe be to you, oh Ibn Mubarak! Take me to him!”

I said, “There’s no time at the moment, I’ll find out more about him.”

So the next morning I prayed Fajr and I went to his residence and there was an old man at the door, when he saw me he recognized me, and said, “Welcome of Abu Abdulrahman, what do you need?”

I said, “I am in need of a black boy.”

He said, “I have many, and so he cried out “Boy!” and a strong young man emerged, and he said, “You’ll have a good result with this one, He would be good for you.”

I said, “I have no need for him” So he continued to bring out boy after boy, until I saw the boy that I recognized, so when I saw him my eyes teared. He said, “Is this the one?”

I said, “Yes” but he said, “There’s no way I can sell him.”

I said, “Why not?” He said, “Because I see his presence in this house as a blessing, and he does not cost me anything!” I said, “where does he eat from?”

He said, “He earns from some food that he sells and that is his sustenance, and if he does not sell he eats it and that is sufficient. And the other boys tell me that he does not sleep these long nights, and he does not mix with them but is busy with himself, and my heart has loved him.”

I said, “Do I go back to Fudhayl ibn Iyadh and Sufyan Al-Thawri without having fulfilled their need?”

He said, “Your coming to me is a great occasion for me, you can have him for whatever price you wish.”

“So I purchased him and took him towards Fudhayl, we walked for a moment before he said, “My master,”

I said, “At your service.”

He said, “Please don’t say ‘at your service’ to me, for the slave is the one who should be at the service of his master.”

I said, “What do you need my beloved.”

He said, “I am physically weak, and don’t have the strength to serve, and you had options other than me, others were brought out who were stronger than me.”

I said, “May Allah never see you serving me, rather I will purchase for you a house and wed you, and I will serve you myself.”

He cried in that moment, and I said, “What makes you cry?”

He said, “You didn’t do that except that you saw one of my communications with Allah, otherwise why would you choose me over the others?”

I said, “Don’t worry about it.” But he insisted, “I ask you by Allah to tell me.”

I said, “The response to your supplication”

He said, “I estimate that you are- in sha Allah- a righteous man. Allah has a chosen group amongst his creation, he does not expose their status except to whom He loves from amongst his slaves.” Then he said, “Is it alright if we stop for a moment, I have some rak’at that I owe from yesterday.”

I said, “The house of Fudhayl is near.”

He said, “No, here is more beloved to me. The commands of Allah should not be delayed.” He entered the masjid from the door of the merchants so he continued to pray and when he finished he looked towards me and said, “Oh Abu Abdulrahman do you need anything?”

I said, “Why?”

He said, “Because I want to journey on.”

I said, “To where?”

He said, “The hereafter.”

I said, “Let me enjoy your company!”

He said, “Life was only sweetened when my interaction was only with Allah. Now if you have been exposed to it, other will as well, and I have no need for that.”

He then collapsed onto his face and said, “Oh my Lord, take me to You in this moment, in this moment.” I came near to him and found that he had passed away.

By Allah I never remembered him except that a long sadness would envelope me and that the dunya would become insignificant in my eyes.

-Mentioned by Ibn Al-Jawzi in AlMuntatham fi Siyar AlMuluk wal Umam

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gentle reminder in this cold-n-flu season to not take mucinex if you’re also taking an SSRI (antidepressant)

always google “drug interactions [insert drug names]” to make sure that combining meds won’t make you more sick

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12 Dozen Places To Educate Yourself Online At No Cost

“All education is self-education.  Period.“

It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting in a college classroom or a coffee shop. We don’t learn anything we don’t want to learn.

Those people who take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on their own are the only ones who earn a real education in this world.  Take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur or historical figure you can think of.

Formal education or not, you’ll find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education.

If you’re interested in learning something new, this article is for you.  Broken down by subject and/or category, here are several top-notch self-education resources I have bookmarked online over the past few years.

Note that some of the sources overlap between various subjects of education.  Therefore, each has been placed under a specific subject based on the majority focus of the source’s content.

Keep reading

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Under capitalism, we are all the April Fool

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Robert Sapolsky about his study of the Keekorok baboon troop from National Geographic’s Stress: Portrait of a Killer.

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the end of The Big Short isn’t fucking around

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Bioluminescent algae flash in the water as the MIlky Way pivots overhead on a clear night, St. Marks National Wildlife Refuge, Florida

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Sun Halo

Sun halos, or 22-degree halos because they can form around the sun and the moon, form when thin, high-level cirrus clouds are present, along with the millions of tiny ice crystals that are within them. The resulting ring is always 22-degrees, hence the name 22-degree halos.

Keep reading

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Farewell online privacy

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Never in my life have I ever felt such an intense urge to just leave everything and disappear off somewhere.

Just like how Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم used to leave everything and just go to cave of Hira from time to time and seclude himself away from this world, and spend time with His Lord, free from all the hassle of this dunya.

This dunya can really eat at your heart, getting a break from it to just simply contemplate on life and after life would be so refreshing for the soul wallahi.

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When a honeybee dies it releases a death pheromone, a characteristic odor that signals the survivors to remove it from the hive. This might seem a supreme final act of social responsibility. The corpse is promptly pushed and tugged out of the hive. The death pheromone is oleic acid [a fairly complex molecule, CH3(CH2)7CH=CH(CH2)7COOH, where = stands for a double chemical bond]. 

What happens if a live bee is dabbed with a drop of oleic acid?

Then, no matter how strapping and vigorous it might be, it is carried “kicking and screaming” out of the hive. Even the Queen bee, if she’s painted with invisible amounts of oleic acid, will be subjected to this indignity.

Do the bees understand the danger of corpses decomposing in the hive? Are they aware of the connection between death and oleic acid? Do they have any idea what death is? Do they think to check the oleic acid signal against other information, such as healty spontaneous movement? The answer to all these questions is, almost certainly, No. In the life of the hive there’s no way that a bee can give off detectable whiff of oleic acid other than by dying. Elaborate contemplative machinery is unnecessary. Their perceptions are adequate for their needs.

Ann Druyan & Carl Sagan, Shadows Of Forgotten Ancestors: Who Are We?, What Thin Partitions