abhikasach-blog

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Time Traveller

Time traveller, yes I have become one. Last evening I visited 1930s of somewhere. Last year, same time I was somewhere else which can easily be 2030s of here. This back and forth in time is magical. Some five years ago when I landed (drove) to this village, the first pan shop I stopped at was playing a cassette of a movie from 70s. This village is locked in time in a strange way. Some parts of it is pre independence and some advanced pockets have reached the 80s. After a month when I went to a city, the street lights were hurting my senses and the motion sensor lights caught my attention and I imagined the century when this village will see something like this. Often times I imagine the look on the face of the ba (old man of the village) if he would ever see a mall or travel by a metro train. It's as big as NASA finding a house in Mars. Some people never get a chance to travel at all. There are many such trees in this village.

Years ago, during my first interaction with a group of women of this area I was asked in the local dialect “whose are you?” I touched my forehead to feel the horns, lock or any symbol which gave them a hint that I was either cattle or a metal suitcase travelling with an owner. Having found none I told them I did not understand their question. “who do you belong to”, “sorry” “who is your husband/father/brother/son?” Son? Now that took me by surprise. Living here I came to know that even if seven or seventeen women have to go from one village to the other, the only mode of transport apart from the vehicle is a male person, it really doesn’t matter if he is just six years old. They are allowed to travel, it reminds me of that iron knife some people keep under their bed to ward off evil.

So last evening I was craving human interaction, my eyes wanted to see flesh, of course appropriately covered. They wanted to see the shadows of the people as they walk. My ears wanted to eavesdrop to conversations I was not party to. I wanted hear emotions, expressions, tones. I wanted to see, smell, and hear at the same time, which the gadgets have taken away.

I drove up to a village a few kilometers away and parked my car at the bus stop. I started walking in the narrow alleys which wind deep inside like the arteries going to some internal organ. More like those fine branches drawn from one of the branches when one doodles. My feet kept taking me deeper into the village. Sound of drums from quaint little temples were coming from almost all directions. These temples were made either under old trees, or were just a piece of stone. As I approached one such temple, there was only a pujari and no one else, he was still absorbed in beating the drum to the loudest. The entire village was echoing with beats from different corners.

There were two children on the street, as I looked at them I was reminded of my childhood. Just before dinner time my mother would realise there is no salt, and my brother and I would walk down to the closest shop to get it. On our way back from the shop we would have looked like these two, with gait in their strides, tossing their heads to some silent music. Laughing like they are watching a Stand up comedian in a bar. Settling some deep life changing conversations oblivious of the fact that salt has to reach the pan on time.

As I moved further down the lanes, there were matchbox size shops. Without selling anything through the day the old men were holding the fort of their little shops, busying themselves repairing or rearranging inventory. Disinterested crows and bats were sleeping on the trees. A solo slipper was left behind to become a part of the road.

I peeped in a silver shop which seemed to have some activity. In the shop was a man, who looked like he was in his early 90s, he was getting his walking stick repaired, yes it was a pure silver walking stick. He was crouching near the silversmith and instructing him in details, I interrupted them asking the price of a toe ring, well they didn’t have time to engage with me, some millions were on fire at that moment. Sitting there, I kept marvelling at the difference between need and want . A stray cat attracted my attention and I followed it to narrower lanes.

Houses in these lanes had as much dirt on their walls as there was on the mud path I was walking on. Some of these houses have not even been opened even once in the last fifty years. The windows have fought time, got injured and opened themselves to see some life, but only to see the locked attic of the houses in front of them. Some torn kite hanging on some or a dead bat on others. Only in years of good monsoon does the earth from these windows and those attic walk down the lanes surveying the other lanes collecting the mob of mud from all the houses.

After an hour or so I traced my steps back to the hub of the village. There used to be a very enterprising guy who kept provisions of 2018, I thought I must buy some cheese. When I reached the place where his shop was, only a closed door met me. I asked the neighboring shop “where is that guy” his remark “whatever he used to keep is available here” had the underlined hatred which is very visible in the country these days and it was completely obvious that like most of the people from ‘other religion’ his only option was to leave the village. Some people need to travel to live. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend. Once we were sitting and I was telling him that when people ask me about my caste and religion I tell them I have none. His reply was “it's easy for you to do that as you come from the privilege of your birth in a certain family, if I do jj same it will be read as cowardice, or a plea of inclusion”.

An unaccompanied woman walking in the village this late in the evening attracts audience. How they were looking at me reminded me one time when I and another friend had accidently drove into a naxalite village. It was three in the afternoon and there were very few people on the street. There was a man apparently repairing his cycle and keeping an eye on my car. As we approached the man and asked him the way out, he responded “I am new here” we moved further down on and there was a man washing his auto rickshaw. There were two three children playing with a tyre and a stick. They had the same look in their eye as the cycle man, the auto man and a couple of women we had crossed on the way. The women had the same piercing look but they refused to talk to us. We stopped near the auto guy and asked him the way out. He responded “I am new here”. After some 30 minutes we hit the highway, but the look in their eyes follow me still.

So, while I was standing there, I knew everyone was observing me, its less intimidating than how I felt in that trip. If you have seen any Guru Dutt movie, or a movie of that time, imagine a village market from there. People were sitting together in groups of three and five, discussing important things, there was this one man six feet tall, well built and he had a noticeably sharp nose. He was absorbed in the newspaper which had arrived a few hours ago with the bus that comes from the city. As he heard my voice he turned around and acknowledged my presence. I sat with them on the stair of the shop and we started talking about education. The old man on the edge of the stair kept peering through his broken spectacle without moving even an inch. Another person asked me,”since you are a teacher I want to ask you a question if you promise that you won't be offended”. I told him I can promise him that I won't be offended but the nature of the question will determine whether he would get an answer or not. He asked me “why are the people from your State so short in height?” It was easy, I told him about how genetics and geography along with nutrition and chance work on people’s physical built. The man with the broken spectacles just moved enough to readjust his glasses.

This person who was reading the newspaper told me that he teaches veda and upanishads to young boys holding residential camps. For him education means educating the young men and boys about the veda and the richness and exactness and applicability of all of it in present day. Well, you have to remember we were in 1930s and it was making complete sense to him. He actually looked like a freedom fighter. He spends millions of rupees annually to conduct these residential camps where more than 400 boys stay for a week in each camp and learn the vedas. He wanted to understand my perspective on education. I had recently, as a time traveller touched the meteorite iron which is billions years old. The children in the village only get to read one passing sentence about it in their textbook. Whereas the children in that city of that country have the luxury to see it, touch it and feel it. They also know about the vedas and the richness of the culture of not only India but also other countries. When I ask the children of this village about the country they live in, they happily name the state. These saplings need to be transplanted soon otherwise they will end up as trees here.

After talking to them for a while I went to the shop and bought the cheese cubes, which the shopkeeper had stored in an ice cream freezer. As I left the place I heard the old men started a fresh conversation on what cheese is.

As I approached my car I met someone from 1970s and as I reached the car there were more people from 2018. Finally when I reached Ayaad I came to my timeless zone of here and now.

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The truth about here and now J

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Tell me, who on Earth poisoned your mind and infected your heart with the idea that you were not worth a thing without the promise of somebody else’s undying love?

infectixn (via wnq-writers)

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With the body you need to put in effort to get anything. But with the mind - only effortlessness gets you anywhere!

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Soul Groups

I was wondering one evening why there are some people that I just am not able to like. They are nice enough and there is no reason for me to dislike them. Yet I just keep judging them for no reason. Then this thought came to me. We are all part of a soul group - we have spent many lifetimes together, we naturally like each other, get each other - understand and have empathy for each other. These other people in our lives are not a part of our soul group. That's all. We need to stop being judgemental about them. They are just different that's all.

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Soulmates

In India when two people get married and the boy starts doing very well in his career afterwards - they say that the girl is very lucky for him. She is the Laksmi and has brought him luck. I feel this phenomenon happens only when two soul mates meet in this life. There is no guarantee of meeting and marrying our soul mates - sometimes we see marriages where the couples look happy but they don't reach their life's potential. That happens only with the meeting of soul mates. 14.11.2016 Mumbai.

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Spring Cleaning The Mind

So this arose as a need of the hour. It sounded so simple. And so much worth trying. Funny thing is both me and J thought of it together. Without consulting the other. It was about keeping the mind clean. Spring cleaning it of the years of dust we had accumulated. Mostly, it was about keeping our thoughts clean of the people who were no longer a part of our lives anymore. Almost felt as if we were carrying with us dead bodies in our minds. So many, even though we still felt for them, served no purpose in our lives. The lessons they had come to teach we're learnt and done with. We needed to feel light and fresh once more. And why not? I love my life - I feel for it deeply - I want to be able to live as mindfully as possible. It seemed very tough in start. J said she tried to focus on her breathing whenever the thoughts intervened. I decided to try the same. And it worked! Rather it's working! I feel more creative than ever! In a new innocent kind way!

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The world is the Womb...

Me and J were talking about how God is probably both male and female. I had always felt the god was male and connected with that energy since childhood. Suddenly a few days back I realised that god is female energy too. The moment i realised that god felt like an energy I had known all my life, one I had felt always yet never given words to. As the thought of the energy both male and female grew in our thoughts J came up with the idea of the shivling. It's both male and female. And it's the union of both that we worship- not one alone. The world is the womb. Where male and female have come together to form a delicate balance. We are all growing here in the womb. We are all safe here. Provided all we need for our growth. We are as safe and as connected to gd as the unborn baby is connected to the mother. And in a sense to the father too. Imagine now what being born would mean? It would mean coming out of the womb. Being strong enough to break through the cervix. Coming put would mean breathing for the first time. Feeling the air for the first time. Being free. So far we had only been in fluid - now we will be in the atmosphere. So being born essentially would mean finding enlightenment. Makes sense?

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lenses

Story 1 - She was eleven when she decided to start an organisation to support homeless children when she grew up. After completing her studies she worked for charities for almost a decade before starting her own organisation. Today, her organisation supports hundreds of children.  

Story 2 - eleven years is too young an age to have a first crush, but the moment She saw him she knew what love was. As children grow out of their fantasies soon, it took a while for her to realize that he and she had very different aspiration from life. Without a formal engagement or breakup they fell apart. Exploring her sexuality was not the top priority for her when all the youngsters her age were trying to break the virginity bubble. She aspired to become a banker and was focused on cracking a management exam and he was her inspiration. Someday, she hoped to meet him on a crossroad of life and she was ready to wait for him till eternity. Today, she is single and is waiting for him, may be not the one she met in school. 

Story 3 - She was known for her infectious gurgle laughter. Pranks and jokes were all that made her day. Her principle was never to take life seriously because nobody came out of it alive. Her house was always full of friends and a perfect host she was. She fell in love with a man who left her for his religious beliefs. She kept falling in and out of relationships in a loop for a decade till she met him. Years of togetherness and years of separation were all acceptable to her as she knew the bond is more than just physical. Today, she came to know that he has moved on in life and she is where she was a year ago. Stuck. 

Story 4 - Her paintings speak volumes and her poetry is thought provoking. She started writing at a young age of eleven. She has started a cafe’ where people can draw, play or drown in books. Her passion is cooking and her cafe exhibits all her art work. Today, she is serving food which is art itself. 

It is up to her to pick a story and move ahead. The lenses change and an infinitesimal change in thought will change the whole canvas. the lens has to be chosen carefully. And this is the reality of the moment (abhi ka sach). all of it is true but the truth is that the facts picked up will tweak her reality. 

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Is is is 

There is a possible past and a possible future but that is only in the realm of possibility. What if? If? Was it? Would it?... and the mind takes different trajectories of assumed reality. The moment I look at a thing I commit to memory and associations. And do I see a thing or do I look at the bag of memorized data? For example right now I am in a room with a blanket near my feet. Okay, so what I actually see is a blue and white folded thing in front of me. I am relying on my memory that five minutes ago, when I held  it it was a cotton sheet with cotton inside, and last night it kept me warm. Now the question is, is it still a blanket? What if it changed, as every thing changes, over time?

The power of being in the moment is an ultimate power to have. In life we assume a lot of things and take many things for granted. I am trying to see things for the first time and take them for what they are now. I am planning to take life as it comes. A and I are practicing to experience the truth of the moment, so Abhi ka sach (अभी का सच = the truth as I am experience it now) has come to existence. 

J

21.04.2016

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J - This is very exciting!!

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कुछ ख़याल जो बस ऐसे ही अपने आप आ जाते हैं उनको यहाँ लिखें… हम और J. शायद कभी यही बिखरे हुए से ख़याल आकर ले कर अपना अस्तित्व ढूँढने लगें…

20.4.16

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20.4.16

So during our conversation today we had a spontaneous thought. Both me and J have people in our lives that we recognise from other lives but they don’t see it like that. Like 8 - his current “avatar” is of someone who won’t ever understand me. He doesn’t have the capacity to do that. He never will see what I can see. So in a sense we carry “ irrelevant data” with us. I can see his soul - but he has forgotten it - strangely I remember it. My memory of him or his soul means nothing to him. It’s irrelevant information for him in this lifetime. He will gain nothing from it. He doesn’t even connect to it. He doesn’t relate to it.

The memory of his own soul is irrelevant to him. He in this life has decided to not remember- but the fact that I do - and I am sure it’s not a small thing - is a happenstance that he doesn’t care about.

20.4.16 Felicitas.

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So I am going to write ideas today more like bullet points. I am sleepy but I still want to write down these thoughts.

- Some of us can’t get over the glory of our past selves. We keep harping back to the past. The past feels brighter, the past self feels truer. Some of us instead immerse ourselves in the present and live our lives totally in the present. For us our past does not seem especially attractive and our past selves just seem like a continuum - as a journey where no place is more imp than the other.

- It is very imp to accept all of our selves. The past and the present.

- If we feel we were more giving in the past and now are not maybe it just means that our situations have changed and not necessarily US.

A 21.4.2016 Felicitas