abe-at-sea

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Nov 14

1 am

Abe thoughts 💭

Comparison, Change and Luck.

These are the three major aspects that affect our life

and of course, many more but let's focus on these three first kasi ynot.

Comparison.

Why start with this? Why even this? Yeah, I'm arguing with myself.

Well, for me who lived in a household being compared to almost anyone, by the tiniest bit even possible, comparison is inclined to me as always.

This can start from being little to big. We can't live without it, we use it to choose. To have an option, a leverage, something to say that it's better in here or worse in there.

You can be either aware, unaware, conscious, unconsciously experiencing it. By the mouth of the place you grew up with and until to the society you are in.

It's there. Lingering with you.

If only people used the power of comparison to contribute necessity more than using it to degrade something.

Change.

Following the phrase, "change is the only constant thing" it sure does affect us huh.

Be it self - explanatory.

I mean, hello, change. How can you remove change, not even inanimate objects are safe from it. They do die too. common sense.

Luck.

Well, well, if you are reading this without disturbances then you are lucky.

Bypassing you, got a detour to someone else. You can't force it not until you already did have it in the very first place, now that's what we call a privilege. Well, that's by only. And fyi, only blamed privileged people if and only if they used it to inflict morally bad and unfairness to others. common sense = if only it affects your selfishness and self-watcha problems, go lick your own shit, babe.

Luck can be your handrail once you get a grasp on it. So, make sure to ensure the deal.

Conclusion

Woah, what the fuck.

Comparison, change and luck. Actually, all of them have a level of control. Ranging from high to lowest (Comparison, change, luck).

How much can you control it? Really? Well, it depends.

How big is the risk, the cause, the prize?

The responsibility?

Dang.

P.s. I hope people try to look more at subtopics, indexes, footnotes, branches, roots, those little corners of our rooms, a detailed back of the shampoo bottle, the slight scent of the yesterday bow instead of the big picture. Don't judge hastily. We can be judgementally infused with standard. Improve your understanding, your reading comprehension, analysis of what it's about before anything else.

It's one basic thing.

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Nov 7

1 am

Heh. I was about to sleep when a certain post on facebook made me remember something. A random page of history, the subject is Abe and her state of lutang mind.

Lutang, is a filipino word which means, absentminded, or head afloat, just you drifting mindlessly.

She said, "/comma/" in between other words. And I wrote,

One afternoon, I was in my class in Culinary Arts. The teacher asked someone to recite what we will be writing on our notes. Our room's incapable of boards to write on. We just decided to listen to someone who speaks clearly and jotted the lessons down on our notebook.

We write, and write until I let my consciousness float like an airballoon.

or rather draw

this:

a fucking bed.

Now, now, now.

And kama means bed.

The thing is here. The word 'comma' had the same sound with the Filipino word, 'kama'.

A BED.

I keep writing every word with a drawing of kama instead of a comma.

hah.

I'm goddamn dumbstruck. It takes time for me to realize that. Oh! I'm glad no one saw that 'cause I will be calling all the angels to burn me away for real. Just a wild shit.

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Oct 15

1 pm

For all the fights I've had with my mother, this one is emptiest.

I don't know how to feel, I'm glad that she's ignoring me now and I can do whatever I want.

But, I feel so empty. Did I get used to her harsh words that I feel so shallow without it?

I hate what she did to me. The pain and aftermath of her cruel ways of degrading me, insulting me. It lingers on me.

She really gave me a scar, it ichs me every time, she doesn't know it. She doesn't know how my nails scrape the layer of my skin. She only thinks about her own.

It's been 6 days since the fight. But why do I feel so wrong where she is the one at fault here?

I have always wondered, if I'm finally away from this house, will I heal? Finally?

Abe, I don't know what or how you are right now, but I hope that you are healed now.

It's not your fault. For sure, you'll be saying that too. It's not my fault.

We're not at fault here. We are just unfortunate.

But I don't know how long I can take this pain. I want to disappear. I want to die.

How I call for all the accidents to follow me.

Cruel.

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Oct 08

2 pm

I created this poem back when I was on twitter:

It's about menstruation.

And I always, repost or share it again whenever I had mens.

Guess what?

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Oct 08

12 pm

I know that this word 'automated response', is for machines or programs but sometimes I feel like I have it.

Like, for some reason, I will definitely give an automated response to someone, especially if it manages to tick my stillness. For example, pet peeves.

that's just me.

Or anything bullshitting or cowpooing.

But who knows,

[abe-at-sea]

2023, Oct 08

11 am

I am writing all my life events here because I want to create a memory I can go back to.

A thought, commentary or anything, everything that touches me. Whatever on ever.

It's not like I will do this everyday, I won't.

I may have written some weird and confusing combination of words here for sure & a bunch of questions for my future self yu kno. I wonder how abe will react to it.

That is, I do what I can do.

I have thought of using an IG for my little journaling moment actually but it's not like I will have a photo to add always so, yet I might have as well create one, why not.