abbeyctt - Tumblr blog

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] because i panicked. i thought that all i had done to you was hurt you by making you feel second best. i thought if i pushed you away, you would find someone who made you feel better and happier. maybe i still do.

[txt]; i just wanted you to prove me wrong, and then you broke up with me. but if it was all bad, why would I be this..insane about it? this miserable? it just..fanned the fears and made them seem painfully real. I just .. I don't get why you've made it seem or feel so far fetched or one sided, even now?

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] i haven't been keeping my options open? i honestly don't remember new years eve. i believe you that i did that and i'm sorry. i couldn't tell you why i would besides the fact that i was a drunken mess. so i'm not saying i've never given you a reason to think that but... i just want you.

[txt]; why haven't you ever even thought to try starting there? why didn't you fight me more on it when I said I was feeling like this and was going to go home for a bit? u told me we needed space, this is why things don't add up to me.

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] the problem is that you were my first choice. you still are. but if you didn't feel it before, i don't want to keep making you feel like shit. so, that's why i don't know where to go from here.

[txt]; when? now? can u honestly say that's been the case before i left? or that you..idk haven't seemed to keep your options open? it's something that we've just never spoken about. not really. not since the end of last year..but you make me feel like I've made it all up in my head. bc have I? bc if I have, if you tell me I 100% have and truly don't think i have even 1 argument to stand on thinking that way? I'll believe you. and know I have a much bigger problem on my hands and will probably admit myself somewhere.

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] i am still in love with you. and i said it's not something people who are broken up should be doing. which is true. it wasn't that i wasn't... wanting to reciprocate. and i don't want to be broken up. but how can we just move forward when nothing's changed? you've even said i can't help you.

[txt]; idk. mostly i think i only ever wanted to feel like your first choice. and that's -- idk.

[txt]; and idk is a fucked up answer, I know that. but if I knew, I'd probably have tried and tried again to fix it a long time ago

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] oh. okay. wasn't obligation... was honestly trying to figure out what to say to you so, it just worked. but if what you want to let go, i'll respect that.

[txt]; rudy..I don't know what you want from me? and it's killing me. you tell me you don't want to let me go, and that I should know you're in love with me. and then I put myself out there and make a move, and it's wrong? it's not what we should be doing and it's not reciprocated or whatever the fuck you said..I just feel confused and..lost. even more so now, if I'm being honest?

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] well yeah. it was rather surprising. besides... could have texted me too. [text] i didn't know what to say

[txt]; I know.

[txt]; I figured you didn't want the drama after I saw you -- can't exactly blame you -- so, I just..didn't. idk.

[txt]; I've missed you even more since I've seen you, and I know that's not fair, and I'm tired. so I just finally gave up holding on. you don't have to say anything.. I know you texted out of concern or obligation rudy, but you have none. ur good, and I'll be fine. it wasn't some vailed message or attempt to get your attention, I promise.

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] you liking her post? i mean, far be it for me to discourage it...

[txt]; if I liked her post it was probably from scrolling on accident, I didn't even know I did?

[txt]; this is really what you decided to text me after all this time?

[txt]; that was dickish, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. or to stir anything up.

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

[abbeyctt]

[text; rudy] going for sabrina now?

[txt]; I'm sorry?

@pankowtt

[abbeyctt]

♡ SABRINA CARPENTER short n' sweet tour ( tiktok : worldtoursgirlstour )

[abbeyctt]

[abbeyctt]

abbeycowen: I blame both of us, don't worry 😂 full house, too!! classic @/bensplatt at this point, might have to take what I can get 🤷‍♀️

bensplatt: i prob could've worded it better. boy meets world was a rly good one! @.abbeycowen he might be. but i also think he might be old enough to be ur dad.

[abbeyctt]

*ants and/or cat

[abbeyctt]

abbeycowen: now I feel like an idiot, I thought you meant..nm. but this is such a niche category and I love it sm? I instantly think boy meets world, lol. DREAM. MAN. @/bensplatt I wonder if he's single 🤔

bensplatt: if it had a Disney episode, I wanna see it. i think of those are 2000s, but i'm still down. also.. can't sleep on sabrina the teenage witch. harvey, amirite? @.abbeycowen

[abbeyctt]

abbeycowen: let's talk shows, Phil of the future? Kim possible? family matters? lizzie Mcguire? ps, me too.

bensplatt: i just wanna watch the disney episodes of 90s family sitcoms and cuddle.

[abbeyctt]