abandonedrobot

[abandonedrobot]

I recently got out from an abusive household. I had little access to resources, a lot of self blame, and trauma from being in a cult. I was desperate. I wanted to be heard, I wanted to be understood.

I got a message from kokobot, and I used it for a while. It's mostly used by children-- like I was a child-- so the advice you get doesn't amount to much, and all of the content is concerning. There's no linking to potential resources or anything.

Using it consistently, I got invited to a "koko community." I don't know if it's still active. I might still have access to my old email, and I could look for records there. I stopped using it pretty quickly. It was very standard positivity stuff, like smiling emojis and inspirational quotes are going to help me get over my PTSD.

It all felt very predatory. Add to this the fact that kokobot mines user data and is owned by Airbnb (notoriously ethical company)? We live in a hell scape. There are so many people crying out for help, and where is the solution?

[abandonedrobot]

I stopped watching James Somerton about a year ago because I got fed up with his misogyny. Back then I tried looking to see if anyone else had criticism of him, but I did not find anything. To say the least, I've felt vindicated the past week.

James Somerton was doing harm, and it was largely left unchallenged. Yes, Somerton is struggling with this. Yes, some people are indulging in hating on the guy for things like appearance etc. But largely the conversation has been about recognizing harm, and while it's in the context of what this specific man has done, I think people will take it forward and be more mindful about who they're watching in the future. This is a productive conversation to have.

I would not call this drama and I would not call this cancel culture. Are we not allowed to criticize people with platforms spreading misinformation?

[abandonedrobot]

Why should I believe in God when there's no reason to? I believe in things that have a factual basis. Faith was defined to me as continued belief in spite of life, but that just sounds like a delusion.

Comfort is not worth it if it's obscuring your view of reality.

[abandonedrobot]

Mostly I think it's a form of gaslighting. You try to point at the reality that some people (who self identify as proshippers) are doing harm, correctly associate said harm with proshippers, and call it out. The response is "well actually you got the definition wrong. we aren't necessarily into porn of children, incest, etc. we're just anticensorship!"

"Antis don't actually know what proshippers are," proshippers say, as they proceed to make claims that all antis doxx/send death threats/harass

Maybe just maybe people would have a greater understanding of the meaning if they'd stop changing the definition every other week( we all know that won't happen cause then more people will see how gross they are)

[abandonedrobot]

I think fandom is fine. I think fandom is fun. I think people gathering around to talk about art they enjoy is important to the human experience.

I think if you're writing sexual content about children and it's clear that the intent is to enjoy it, I have an issue. No I don't care what your justification is. It's done my younger brother harm, and I love him. Protecting children will always be more important to me than you calling me a puritan, a term you misuse. Badly.

If you think it's conservative to protect children, think again. I'm from a cult and many girls in my family tree were forced to marry men. They were children. The cult was patriarchal and religious. It was about power and ownership, as it often is for conservatives.

For fuck's sake, I'm a leftist because I care about people and reducing harm in the world. Sure, be kinky, enjoy the freedom of sexuality. Being attracted to children is not the same and you should not equate them.

[abandonedrobot]

Nothing happens for a reason. Everything has an explanation, but nothing happens because it was supposed to in some divine, greater picture sense. Believing things happen(ed) for a reason gives comfort but not truth.

[abandonedrobot]

Part of controlling what women wear is implying that our bodies are inherently sexual. As a 5 year old girl, I was told that I needed to cover my shoulders because a man might see them and find me attractive. Now whenever men flirt with me, all I can feel for my body is disgust. I'll wear an outfit I think is cute with sexiness being the last thing on my mind, and then suddenly a man I thought was a friend is flirting, or a man is catcalling me, or anything, and I'm not thinking about what I want anymore. I only feel disgust, and it's mostly for myself. I wish people didn't see me as inherently sexual.

[abandonedrobot]

Making this blog not because I expect anyone to reply, but because I'm a person and have a desire to put my words somewhere they might be seen. Hello, internet void. I used to avoid you. Now I feel I have nowhere else to turn.

[abandonedrobot]

The most tiring thing is that I used have such confidence and surety in the world. Now I just have all the memories of what it felt like to be a child with a purpose. Now I'm left with all the trauma of it and nothing to gain and it was *for* nothing since God isn't even real, and I just feel so alone.