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some thoughts on holy water (and hearts too)

I’ve been thinking a lot about a certain line. This one, said by Crowley in 1862: What if it all goes wrong? We have a lot in common, you and me.

It fascinates me because it’s the first time we see Crowley addressing what they are doing. He doesn’t have words for it really. Either he isn’t sure what to name what they are or he doesn’t want to. Might be terrified of it, of giving this something between them a name. Of making it real. 

We see, also, that he is scared. Aziraphale’s been shown to be cautious and nervous throughout history, so it comes as no surprise that he approached The Arrangement much in the same way. The surprise with Aziraphale is in the moment in 1601 where his concern isn’t for himself at all but for what Hell will do to Crowley if they find out. 

In 1862, they’re still having that same conversation. Crowley isn’t joking. He isn’t teasing. He’s terrified and deadly serious and is saying yes, they might try but I will do everything I can to fight. Give me this, the holy water and I’ll fight Hell (for you). He’s saying I’m serious and I know the risks and I will take them. I’m ready and I’m willing. Please.

Aziraphale isn’t ready. He may not have realized exactly what Crowley meant in the first part of the request but he’s sharp. He’s dangerously intelligent and knows what Crowley is asking. He pushes Crowley away a little, pushes him back. Do you know what trouble I’d be in? he asks and is also saying you’re ready, I know, but I’m not. I might never be. Do you know what they’d do to me? I can’t risk that. You cannot ask that of me. 

At this point (and really, long before) it isn’t about The Arrangement. They’re both completely inept at points, yes, hilariously so. But neither is foolish enough to risk death just to be a bit lazy at their jobs. The Arrangement, for most of its existence, has been an excuse to see each other. A reason they can both string along to flit in and out of each others’ lives. Dropping in and out over and over and over again with increasing frequency. 

They don’t stop having this conversation. We see the moment in 1941 when Aziraphale stands there in a church, realizing the depth of his feelings while holding a leather satchel of books. A moment where he realizes how deeply he loves Crowley. A moment where he sees this kindness (”Little demonic miracle of my own.”) and it’s nothing nothing nothing that Heaven would have ever extended to him. Crowley is the only creature in the entirety of Creation who would have thought not only of Aziraphale but of the things dear to Aziraphale. There is no reason for him to have saved the books but from kindness. Love.

It takes a while for Aziraphale to process this. He needs to come to terms with it, to fully understand what this means and to lay it against what Crowley had asked of him in 1862. Crowley had said what if it all goes wrong? We have a lot in common, you and me.

It could go wrong, Aziraphale knows. It could and it very very very likely will. And this is the moment, here in 1967, where he shifts his shoulders and begins to commit to Crowley. He’s not fully ready to reject Heaven. It takes time to unlearn this kind of cruelty. It takes time to peel off the abuse that they have laid against him. They have constantly gaslit him, doubted him, belittled him. But here, in 1967, Aziraphale gathers up the holy water and meets Crowley in his Bentley, bathed in Soho’s orange light.

Here it is, he hands it over. Nervous swallow in the throat, a thermos held in two hands. Don’t go unscrewing the cap. (Be careful with that, be careful with yourself, be careful with me.) In handing over the holy water, Aziraphale is acknowledging this truth of what they have. That uncertainly-put “we have a lot in common, you and me”. 

He’s saying we do have a lot in common. He’s saying yes, there is something to fight for. (Let’s take it slow, I’m not certain how to get there but I’m with you. Be patient with me.)

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the difference between michael sheen and neil gaiman’s reactions to the general oddity that comes out of the good omens fandom is so fucking funny

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“why is good omens making you so completely hogwild”

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Crowley x Chair is my otp 

Bonus pic:

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WRITERS OF GOOD OMENS FANFICTION:

Recommend 1 fic you’ve written in an answer to this post, including the link to the fic, the number of words, and if possible a short summary of said fic. If you’re a reader and want to recommend a fic you’ve read, I’ve made a different post for that

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Crowley Soundboard™

Bonus:

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I wrote a thing and liked the words, but it looked rather bare without an illustration, so I drew something to go with it. Here’s the text if it’s too hard to read on the image: Even humans dream of falling, and Crowley dreamed, too, of bombs over London, of guillotine blades, of fallen Empires, Rome burning, the first drops of the Deluge piercing the dust. Falling. Ruin. Falling. Catastrophe. He dreamed of his fall, and his fall, too– shattering like a cup on the floor when Pompeii shook. 

“I don’t want you to fall,” he said.

“My dear, it is not your choice to make. My darling, it is too late. I fell for you long ago. I fell like a leaf in autumn. I fell like the first snow in winter. I fell like rain in springtime. It happened so softly I never felt it. I fell like Hamlet’s sparrow. I fell like Newton’s apple. Nothing in Heaven or Earth could have prevented it. I fell like a law of nature. I fell for you and I’m still falling, like the moon caught in orbit. Let me keep falling forever.”

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#dumbasses

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but Aziraphale as a chow chow

just think its the most bougie of dogs

exceedingly loyal, tolerant of a specific few, described as royal

also described as lion-like (LIKE AN ANGELIC FORM)

FLUFFIEST DOG

kind of a bitch

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at St. James

Aziraphale: oh god hes so pretty im in love how does someone so beautiful and perfect exist

Crowley, throwing bread at Aziraphale's head: fucking notice me

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Hastur: So, someone has lost the antichrist.

Crowley:

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when i watched good omens, i didn’t expect to love tv crowley, and it fuckin blindsided me. all at once, i thought, oh gosh, damn, and fuck, roughly in that order, and here’s why.

where tv crowley and book crowley most significantly diverge is the bookshop fire. in the book, “Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” in the tv show, instead of cursing him, he calls out for him desperately before falling to the floor with a quiet “you’ve gone.” for book crowley, az is “Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend.” for tv crowley, aziraphale is his “best friend.” naturally, in the bookshop fire, tv crowley is in fucking agony. this is not how book crowley reacts.

see, one of book crowley’s most basic traits is his optimism. “Because, underneath it all,” the book says, “Crowley was an optimist. If there was one rock-hard certainty that had sustained him through the bad times—he thought briefly of the fourteenth century—then it was utter surety that he would come out on top; that the universe would look after him.”

it’s a really beautiful passage. and i can’t relate to it at all. 

after the fire, book crowley thinks he might “get completely and utterly pissed out of his mind while he waited for the world to end.” where book crowley only considers it, tv crowley actually does it. he does go to wait out the end of the world while drunk, and does give up, and he does break down, and he is not an optimist; he is a mess. that struck me. i’ve never seen a heroic character so blatantly need help before. but crowley gets help; he finds a friend and confesses how much aziraphale means to him; he gets back in the car and forges onward through the fire, even though he’s clearly Not Okay.

and there, on the flaming m25, book crowley and tv crowley diverge again. tv crowley is not an optimist; he’s not holding the bentley together with the hope that it’ll all work out. but he does it anyway. tv crowley doesn’t have optimism, but he has something that is, to me, even more important. in the show, “Crowley has something no other demons have, especially not Hastur: an imagination.”

an imagination. strangely enough, in the book, crowley admits to lacking it: “They’ve got what we lack. They’ve got imagination,” book crowley says. but tv crowley has that imagination, and that is what saves him–and that, to me, makes so much sense.

tv crowley is traumatised. when he fell, some part of him broke, and while he claims he “sauntered vaguely downwards,” he really took a “million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur,” and it hurt. tv crowley is hurt. and so am i. 

i also give up. i also break down. i don’t, and can’t, ever believe that the universe is looking out for me–or for anyone. i am not an optimist. but you know what? i have imagination. i have friends. and if it came down to me to help save the world, that is exactly what i would rely on.

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Canonical facts that made me question the mental process that Aziraphale’s mind did in exactly 5 seconds from “I don’t think my side would like it” to “I will grab your hand!!!!!!Fast as fuck boiiiiii”

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It’s why he never eats.

He watches Aziraphale though - to learn.

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Congratulations 🍼

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(I wasn't sure if you wanted a more hollywood, or a more authentic style, so I mixed a bit of both ♡)

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God: Aziraphale learned the gavotte in a discreet gentlemen's club

me: oh ok so he is cannon gay