oh shit, are we in love? || Jongho (m.)
đ pairing ⢠cheerleader! (fem) reader x best friend/basketball player! Jongho
đ summary ⢠youâve called Jongho your best friend all your life. You were attached at the hip for ages, and even as you take on college together. With no other relationship experience other than with him, when you decide to go after a cute classmate, you look to Jongho for some help. Asking him to practice âthingsâ with you seemed like nothingâthat is, until kissing him made you think that you couldnât kiss anyone else.
đ genre/au ⢠best friends to lovers, college au, smut, fluff
đ warnings/tags ⢠18+ MINORS DNI, unprotected sex, oral sex (male recieving), cum shot, Jongho is a virgin, also is a slut for y/n, drinking, mentions of knee injury, best friends to lovers, college love, cheerleader x basketball player
đ word count ⢠15.8k (so sorry I just couldnt stop)
đ taglist ⢠@jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @daegale @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii @yeoyeoland @pink-hwaberry @wooyoluvrr @maru-matt @pearltinyy @loveuwoo @m3chigo @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 @interweab @skz1-4-3 (if I missed you please lmk!! bold = canât tag)
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When you were kids, Jongho gave you a ringâa ring made out of straw paper he kept after a trip to get milkshakes after school.
With the paper straw ring, he stuck it on your ring finger. The wrong one, but that didn't matter to him, anyway. He declared to you that he would marry you someday. Someday, whatever that meant to a young kid. With the ring already on your finger, you couldn't exactly decline his proposal, so you just shrugged and told him, âWhy not?â
At seventeen, you went to prom together. Not because you liked each other, no. Because it was convenient, it made sense. How could you go with someone else? You wore a beautiful red gown, Jongho matching you with a patterned red tie. You had a great time, went home together, and nearly kissed at your doorstepâyou didn't think too much of it. You blamed it on the atmosphere. So did he.
You sat at your desk in your cramped dorm room, your bed pushed up on the left side of the room and a mess of pillows and blankets covering it.Â
Suddenly, as you were finally getting to the good part in your book, Jongho barged into your room, dropping his basketball bag onto the floor with a groan. He tossed his slides off, not even meeting your gaze before walking like a zombie towards your messy bed, throwing himself on top.
âWell hello to you too,â you blinked, losing your page in your book. âGet out of my damn bed, you're sweaty as fuck.â
He huffed, crossing his muscular arms across his chest, staring up at the glow stars you put on the ceiling. âLeave me be. My roommate is fucking some chick right now. I just need to lay down.â
âSan seems like he gets around a lot,â you scoffed, picking up your book again. You were currently reading a very, very smutty bookâalthough you were supposed to be studying your literature anthology text for the exam you had in the morning. You flipped a page.Â
âOh, he does,â Jongho sniffed. You looked over at him, his cut-off t-shirt revealing a good bit of skin on his side, his sweat gleaming on his body. âI mean, practice just ended. He had to have the damn girl in there even before he got back. Itâs ridiculous.â
He sat up now, putting his back against his headboard. He winced a bit as he moved, his hand going to the brace around his knee.
You paused, completely forgetting the smut you were reading. âWhat is it? Is it hurting again?â
âJust a little, itâs no biggie.â Jongho offered you a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. âDon't give me that look, y/n. I hurt it a while ago. It's normal for it to ache occasionally.â
Back in your senior year, he tore his ACL before the season, causing him to never have his final year of basketball. He was a mess, but at least he had you. He got surgery, had physical therapy, but yet, he still has pain to this day.
You met his eyes for a moment, sighing when that gorgeous smile of his poked through his lips. âFine, fine. Just get outa here when you can. I got someâŚimportant things to do alone tonight.â
He furrowed his brows, confused. âWhat could you possiblyâŚ..oh,â he shut his eyes painfully. âPlease, I don't want to imagine it.â He scooted back down on the bed and tossed your blanket on top of him. âMy eyes, my eyes.â
âOh, shut up, you pussy.â You set your book down, crossing your legs. âA girl gotta live out her fantasies somehow, alright?â
âLa la la,â he repeated, trying his best to ignore the conversation. âI don't wanna hear it.â
You let out a chuckle, stood up from your seat, and tossed yourself onto the bed with him, tackling him as he thrashed from your grip.
âStop it, stop it,â he groaned, wriggling away from your hands as you tickled him. He giggled, childlike. You giggled right along with him, not even caring about the damn sweat that coated his skin, his clothes. You tangled together under the blanket, and after a good couple minutes of a tickle fight, you grabbed your laptop to watch your favorite TV show.
Jongho stayed under the blankets with you, his leg strewn on top of your body, his head in the crook of your neck as you watched the show together. He let out a few snide commentsâearning a slap from you, but he just chuckled and nuzzled closer into you.
And after a few episodes, he fell asleep on you, legs tangled in yours, your arm wrapped around him.
â
âDude, you wouldn't answer your phone last night,â Wooyoung mumbled as he stuffed a couple of chips into his mouth. âDo you literally have a new bitch every night?â
You and your friends were sitting at a table in the dining hall, munching on some lunch before you had class. Wooyoung, San, and Mingi sat across from you and Jongho, all of them in workout gearâthey were going to the gym after lunch.
âListen, last night wasn't even that good,â San hummed dully, taking a sip of his protein shake. âShe was too damn loudââ
âI thought you liked them whiny,â Mingi deadpanned.
Sanâs eyes narrowed on the giant. âYour point? She was loud, not whinyâthereâs a difference.â San looked to Jongho now, a slight smirk on his pretty little lips. âWhereâd you go? You could've joined us.â
Jongho waved his hands sporadically. âNo, no, Iâd rather not, thank you.â
San huffed playfully, eyes dancing to you. They glimmered knowingly. âAh, youâd rather be in her bed, right?â he nodded his head towards you, earning a harsh glare from Jongho.
âSo what if I'm in her bed, itâs not like we do anything.â Jonghoâs eyes went frantic, and his fists balled. âWeâve always slept with each otherâwait, that came out wrongââ
âWhat heâs trying to say is that weâve slept in the same bed since we were little, that nothing is ever gonna happen,â you interjected, crossing your arms across your chest.
San laughed at that. âAh yeah, that nothingâs gonna happen, gotcha,â he said, taking the last sip of his protein shake. Iâm going to the gym if you guys are ready. Jongho, y/n, you coming?â
You shook your head, but stood up with everyone else, anyway. âI have class, but you guys have fun. Iâll walk out with you.â
As you and your friends left the dining hall, the cool, winter air breezed through you, sending chills down your spine. Your winter coat wasn't enough. You shoved your hands into your pockets, walking stiffly next to jongho, who simplyâpossibly even without thinking, tossed his arm around your shoulder, warming you up instantly. Your friends continued to talk and carry on, and you snuggled up into Jonghoâs warm side.
â
Class was a bore. As per usual. The spring semester had just started, and the new classes you had were far from entertaining. Anything to get through school, though.
As you packed up your things, a phone fell from the seat in front of you, landing right by your feet. You picked it up, but when the person was no longer sitting there, you quickly tossed your bag over your shoulder to follow him.
âHey, excuse me!â you huffed, chasing after the guyâdamn, his legs were long. He moved way too fast for you. âYour phoneâŚ.dude!â you finally reached him, tapping him on the shoulder, only for the most gorgeous man to grace the earth to turn around.
You forced yourself to keep your jaw from falling to the floor as you met his dark eyes. His hair was even darker, his lips a soft pink, curling up slightly.Â
âIâm sorry,â you breathed, holding up the phone. âBut you dropped this.â
The pretty guy blinked, smirking. The classroom emptied as you stood staring at each other, oblivious to the professor giving you a side-eye as he left.
âI don't think thatâs mine,â he said blandly, but his eyes glimmered mischievously. He looked a bit olderâdefinitely older than you, at least.
You furrowed your brows, looking at the phone in your hands. âI could've sworn you were the one sitting in front of me,â you wondered, confused. You pushed it forward into his chest. âJust take it I don't have time to find the owner if it's not yours.â
He smiled down at you, his thick eyebrows raising. âI won't take it.â
âWhy the hell not?â your patience was running thinâyou had to get the cheer practice. This stupidly pretty guy was not allowed to make you late. You were not running laps. Not today.Â
You were about to just shove it into his pockets until his mouth opened. âNot without your number.â
You frowned. âIs thatâŚ.is that supposed to be a pickup line?â
He shrugged. âIf you want it to be, then yes.â
God, the smile this damn boy had. You were gonna crumble under his gaze like some schoolgirl, but you kept your cool.
His eyes were so bright, so clear. He was tall, much taller than you, much older. You watched as he looked around, away from you. âIf not, then Iâll just take the phone backââ
âNo, no,â you laughed awkwardly, looking at the phone in your hands. âYou justâŚyouâll just need to unlock it.â
He smiled gorgeously. âI can do that.â
He took the phone, typed in a few numbers, and gave it right back to you. âWhatâs your name?âÂ
ây/n,â you hummed, forcing your blush away. This was the first time you had been asked for your number, the first time a guy other than Jongho or your friends had looked at you. âYou?â
âSeonghwa,â the pretty boy smiled, a name now to the face. You couldn't help but grin at his expressionâand the utter insanity that just happened. It was totally random; a pretty guy asking for your number? Thatâs never happened in all your years. Never.Â
âIf I ask to buy you a coffee,â he started as you fumbled on your phone number. âWould you say yes?â
âDepends,â you shrugged, unable to look up at him. âIf you get me food, too.â
âDeal.â Goddamn, that smile, those teeth. âTomorrow, after class? Before class?â
You bit your lip, handing the phone back to him. âBefore, I have practice after class.â actually, you had practice like, right now. You probably looked crazy, eyes wide as you realized where you needed to be. âI gotta goâspeaking of whichââ
Before you could leave, he called for you. âHey, where should we meet?â
âOutside the library?â you tossed out, hoping he answered hastily.Â
He nodded, giving you that smile once again.Â
âPerfect.â
â
You were in bed after practice, and Jongho was sitting quietly on your desk chair, slowly taking off his knee brace and hissing.Â
âGod, this thing sucks,â he groaned, the velcro tearing as he peeled it off. The brace was like a metal cage, going from his thigh to his lower calf, looking like a deathtrap.
âAnd it stinks,â you mumbled dramatically, staring up at your ceiling, hands folded on your stomach as your mind wandered. You sat up quickly, startling your best friend.Â
âWhat? What is it?â he spat out, running a hand through his sweaty hair. âYou just sat up like a goddamn zombie.â
âIf, letâs just say, hypothetically,â you wondered, looking out into space. âThat I got asked out on a date to a coffee shop, how would I dress?â
Jonghoâs eyes widened. âYou got asked out? You?â he asked incredulously.
You scoffed, looking over at him with a playful sneer. âIs that so hard to believe?â
He laughed, finally taking off his brace and setting it on the side of your desk. âOh yeahây/n, youâve never once gone on a date in all of our years of friendship. It's shocking.â
You blinked at him, gripping a pillow from behind you and tossing it at him. Of course, he caught it.Â
âIâm just sayingââ
âOkay, but for real,â you groaned, shifting to get comfy again. âYouâve been on some dates, how did the girls usually dress for them? Did you ever go on a coffee dateââ
âWhoâs the guy?â he huffed out, completely ignoring your worries.
You flattened your lips. âDoes that matter?â
âUh, yeah. What if the guy is a scumbag?â Jongho leaned back in the chair, stretching out his arms.Â
âHeâs definitely not a scumbag,â you sighed, thinking of how dreamy he looked, missing Jonghoâs worried expression. âAnyway, you didn't answer my question.â
You couldn't figure out the look on your best friendâs face. He knitted his brows, his eyes raising to yours. âJust dress normally,â he spoke softly. âWhenâs your date?â
âTomorrow.â You hopped off your bed and walked towards your closet across from Jongho. He followed you as you moved and hesitated to look as you tore off your top, leaving you standing in your sports bra.
Jongho gulped but rolled his eyes playfully. âWhy do you always undress in front of me?â His eyes naturally dropped to your hips as you slid off your sweatpants. âI am a man, too, you know.â
âPfft, man, my ass,â you turned your back to him as he tried his best not to look. You grabbed a t-shirtâhis t-shirt that you kept from a while agoâand tossed it on. You didn't even bother with pants.
Jongho gave you a look as you turned to face him. âMy shirt? Really?â He groaned, mouth parted as he looked at you. âWhere the hell are your pants?â
âI don't like pants.â
âThen put shorts onââ
âIs it a crime to sleep in my underwear? God, at least I have something on, dammit.â you walked past him and hopped back onto your bed. âI could be completely nakedâthis is my room, remember?â
Jongho didn't change his expressionâhe blinked at you while you sat on the bed, bare-legged, the skin up to the top of your thigh visible. He took in a gulp. âI, uh, I got an assignment due at midnight. Iâm gonna head back to my room.â
You shrugged and shuffled into bed to get comfy. âHave fun with that, babycakes,â you said, giving him a wink, but he ignored it and left your room without another look.
â
Maybe it was a bad idea to wear jeans on a day like today.
A day when you woke up painfully bloated, bleeding, and aching from your period. Out of all the days, you had to get it today.Â
You stood outside the library, your back against the red brick building. You wore a cute pink top with the flared jeans you were struggling with, and you added a cute little bow to hold your hair back.
You saw Seonghwa walk up to you. His lower half was also dawned in wonderfully-fitting jeans. They hugged his thighs, loosening a bit at his knees, and fell over a pair of sparkling clean white sneakers that looked like they were worth more than your car.Â
The white shirt was also slim against his lean frame. You held back any reaction you had like a damn cat in heat. âHey,â he started as he neared. âReady to go? We can go to the coffee shop on campus since we have class coming up.â
You nodded, hoping to god the smile on your face was not grimace-like.Â
âYep, letâs go.â
You sat with your hands in your lap, fiddling with your fingers anxiously as Seonghwa waited for your drinks. You looked over at him, watching his figure lean against the closest wall, how his long, long legs looked in those damn pants, how his fingers tapped against his arm as he waited. You barely knew him, nothing much other than knowing his name and now his coffee order, and you wondered what it would be like to get to know him.Â
When he sat down in front of you, he handed you your coffee, a bright, blinding smile on his face. âI pegged you as the type to like ridiculously flavored seasonal drinksâŚ.â he paused, smirking, as you froze mid-sip on yourâŚ.seasonal drink. Highly, highly sugary seasonal drink. âGuess Iâm a good judge of character.â
You swallowed the party of sugar and cinnamon before giving him a shy smile. âIâm a sucker for them, to be honest.â
You sat quietly for a good while, sipping on your drink, him sipping on his. The feeling wasâŚnice. However, you were a bit anxious as he looked at you, at your lips, as you drank from the straw.Â
âYouâre a cheerleader for the basketball team, right?â He tilted his head slightly, looking at you. âI feel like Iâve seen you somewhereâbesides class, I mean.â
You nodded. âYep, I cheer for the basketball team,â you took another sip of your drink. âDo you play? I think I would've seen you before, though.â
âActually,â he started, offering you a kind smile. âI just transferred in from another university. I start official practice today, but Iâve been to many games already.â
Oh, so heâd seen you and known that you were on the cheer squad even before he approached you?
Cute.Â
âOh, wow,â you smiled, leaning closer without realizing it. âSo, will you be playing in the next game, then?â
âYes,â he looked ecstatic, like he can't wait. âWeâll see how much playing time I actually get, though. Those guys are very goodââ
âOh, I know!â you didn't mean to interrupt him, but you would take any chance to brag about your Jongho. âMy best friend is the point guard.â
âYou know Jongho?â Seonghwa smiled, but it looked a bit weary. âHeâs a great guy.â
âHe really is.â you took a large sip of your coffee, meeting Seonghwaâs gaze as you did it. His gaze fluttered to your lips once more, and he licked his own.Â
He tapped against the wooden table. âWould youâŚ.want to do this again?â
You raised your brows. âThis? You mean, getting coffee?â
âNot exactly,â he blinked, letting out a little chuckle. âAnything, justâŚwe can hang out more, if you're down with that.â
Your heart fluttered a bit. âAh, yeah, I would like that.â
He smiled. âGood,â he looked at the clock on the wall near your seat. âWe gotta get to class.â
âClass, yeah, thatâs right,â you were lost in his gaze, not even realizing how captivating his entire being was. You followed him out of the coffee shop, walking next to each other, until you got to the classroom.
He took the seat next to you this time, and you were beginning to suffocate from the feeling of his body being so close.
â
âI think Iâm doomed.â
Jongho, like always, is in your room when you come back from practice. He sat up from his lazy position on your bed, eyebrows raised.
âWhyâs that?â
You huffed, tossing your cheer bag onto the floor next to your desk. âWhat if he kisses me? Iâve never kissed anyone, fuck, I bet Iâll look like a fish trying to gulp fucking waterââ
âGod, youâve been here for not even a minute, and you're blabbing on like a maniac already.â He blinked, his face deadpanned as he looked at you. âWhy are you so concerned? Did the date go well?â
You groaned dramatically, tossing off your sneakers, and balancing yourself on the back of your desk chair. âHe asked me for another date, but I know damn well what that means, and I can't let him find out that I am a twenty-something-year-old virgin thatâs only ever kissed books and my mother.â
Jongho looked like he was about to burst out laughing at your desperate words, biting the inside of his cheek. He managed to squeak out, âOh, I think youâre a lost cause,â he giggled. Giggled.
âThis is not funny. You're no help,â you groaned, tossing your head back as you walked to your closetâwhen a perfect idea came to you.Â
âWait a damn minuteââ
âWhat is it now?â Jongho sat up on your bed, legs dangling off the side.
You turned around sharply, facing him, eyes wide with mischief. His eyes widened at your expression.
âLend me your lips,â you said, walking up to him, but he leaned back in confusion, his arms holding himself behind him.
âWhat?â He scoffed, unable to meet your gaze. âThe hell do you mean?â
You leaned over him on the bed, him unable to lean any further back without falling. You held yourself up on both sides of him. âOh, come on. Just once. You can help me learn how to kiss. Who else could?â
He furrowed his brows. âYouâre crazy.â
âI know,â you shrugged. âBut Iâd rather die than embarrass myself.â
âYou do know,â He started, letting out a sigh. âThat friends don't kiss each other? Or did you miss that memo?â
âI swear it won't mean anything,â you pleaded, knowing you were acting crazy, immature, whatever.Â
Jongho huffed, leaning forward, but grabbing your shoulders to move you away. âListen,â he sighed, meeting your eyes. âWhy don't you go ask San or Mingi?â
âBecause San scares me,â you shrugged. âHeâd probably eat me. And Mingi isâŚ.MingiâŚ.â
âWhat does that even meanââ
âFor fuckâs sake, Jongie,â you grabbed his shoulders. âIs this asking too much? Weâve been best friends for so long. How would something so trivial as a kiss mess with it?â
Jongho looked like he had something to sayâa lot to say, actually. But he stayed quiet, sighing, as he looked up at you from his seated position on the bed. Â
âOkay, but if I have to kiss someone as filthy as you,â he huffed, crossing his arms. âWhat do I get out of it?â
You hummed. âHmm. well, what do you want?â
He smiled mischievously. âDo my paper for me. For my lit class.â
âEasy, done,â you leaned forward. âNow gimme your lipsââ
âAh ah ah, slow down,â he scoffed. âYou can't just toss yourself into the kiss. You have to lead into it.â
âGot it,â you blinked, looking into his golden brown eyes, noticing howâŚnice they were. âHow do I do that?â
âWell, I bet heâll try to kiss you first,â Jongho ran a hand through his fluffy brown hair, matching his eyes. You took note of it, too. He stood up, causing you to subconsciously step away from him. You both now stood in the middle of your dorm room, the room dimly lit by your desk lamp, the warm hue coloring the tanned skin of his face.
âOkay,â you nodded, almost freaking yourself out for noticing his details, the slight curve of his lips, the way his hair fell across his forehead.Â
Jonghoâs calloused hand slowly, hesitantly, moved towards your face. You watched his eyes as his fingertips brushed your skin, watching them scrunch, watching them focus on his movements. âMaybe heâd hold you like this,â he spoke softly, eyes jumping to yours, his hand twitching slightly.
âBut what do I do?â you weakly jutted out, biting the corner of your bottom lip. âDo IâŚtouch youâtouch him, too?â
He shrugged, swallowing hard. âI mean, you do what comes naturally.â
He was so close. So close. It's not like youâve never been closer to him, because you have, but something was suffocating. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
Maybe this is just how itâs supposed to feel.
You stared into his eyes, those brown eyes, thoseâŚ.sparkling, pretty eyes. You swallowed as his hand slid down to your chin, tilting it up softly.
There was an unknown emotion dancing in his gaze. You were extremely aware of the spark that was setting off from his touch.Â
He leaned in closer, and as he got closer and closer, you felt your heartbeat flutter in your chest. You heard it in your ears, felt your stomach tighten.Â
âIâm going to kiss you now,â he said hushedly. You noticed that the tips of his ears were flushed red, and a dusting of the color was across his cheeks. When he pressed his lips to yours, you widened your eyes from the feeling, then shut them to savor it.
His mouth moved across yours, you felt the warmth of his lips, the softness of them. His other handâthe one that wasn't holding onto your chin, rested around your hip, his grip tightening.Â
You froze under his lips, unsure of how to do this. You moved your mouth against his, then, trying to move with his movements. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck, unsure of what to do with them if you didn't do that. You felt a small smile in his kiss.
You pressed your body into him as his lips parted against yours. You felt the soft tickle of his shaky breaths against your skinâyou could only imagine what you felt like to him.
He parted from you, only slightly, and took a sharp inhale. You still had your eyes shut tight, lips parted, as you got lost in the feeling.Â
You opened them, meeting his gaze, meeting that heart-shattering look he had. His lips were red like his ears, like his cheeks. His eyes were hazy, his hands still on you. You felt your heart crumbling inside you.Â
Without another word, you leaned back up to him, awkwardly wrapping your hand around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair. He shut his eyes, and let out a pleasured sound, stirring something, awakening something inside.
You kissed him this time, even knowing that you had no idea what you were doing. You just trusted these instincts you were feeling, the emotions that were overtaking your mind. Your body told you to part your lips against his sweet lips, to savor the slightly salty taste against them. To lean into his body. You couldn't help but allow yourself to touch his waist, gliding your hand down his abs, his stomach, feeling his muscles tighten under your touch.Â
He sighed into your mouth, his hands gripping your waist, his fingertips brushing the bare skin under your blouse. His lips felt so good, so soft, so electrifying. This feeling was unlike any other, you were beginning to lose your breath, your senses, your mind.
And when you let out a little moanâwithout intending to, you were shocked back to reality. You pulled away from him quickly, moving your hands to your sides, trying to catch your breath. Jongho was also huffing, begging for oxygen, as he stood in front of you. His lips were bright red now; his eyes were wide.
âAh, um,â you cleared your throat, forcing out a laugh. âSo, did I do a good job?â
Jongho blinked, still looking out of it. âHuh? Oh, uh, yeah.â He swallowed, nodded, and crossed his arms across his chest. âMhm. For your first kiss, you did good.âÂ
Good? Good? God, that felt euphoric. Like you were drugged, high, out in space. You still couldn't get your heartbeat to slow. âGreat.â That was all you managed to squeak out, now that you were suddenly aware of the ability to just kiss him again. You realized that the air was odd now, that something felt different.Â
âYou tasted like sweat,â you playfully added, letting out an awkward laugh as you gave him a shoulder punch. âMaybe I should've kissed San or Mingi instead.â
âI am a great kisser, Iâll have you knowââ Jongho boasted, but you interrupted him.Â
âPfft,â you waved a hand as if you weren't just about to hyperventilate from his kiss, his touch. âYou sucked, youâre a horrible teacherââ
âOh?â he huffed, gripping your arms just below your elbows. âIâll kiss you again, Iâll prove it, Iâll do you one betterââ
âFine! More practice for me, anyway.â
Jongho let out a grumble of incoherent words before grabbing you by the back of the neck and pressing his mouth to yours once more, his lips gliding against yours.Â
You grabbed the fabric of his shirt, tightening your grip as he pushed his tongue through your lips, into your mouth. You let out a sigh as he did it, his fingertips gripping your hair on the back of your head.
After a long few minutes of eating each other, He pulled away this time. He let go of you, his hands falling at his sides. âThere,â he breathed. âNow you know how to handle a kiss like that. You know, just in case.â
You licked your bottom lip, sparks still flying around your body. You tasted him still, the saltiness of his sweat. You smelled the woodsy cologne he used, the minty taste of gum.Â
âThanks,â you smiled, trying your best not to let these thoughts of him overtake you. âFor helping me with this. Youâre such a good best friend.â
âAh, yeah,â he sniffed, forcing a smile. âI should, uh. I should go, I have something to submit before midnight, so,â He gulped, taking a step away from you. âBut happy to help, of course. Now you owe me my paper.â
âAye, aye, captain,â you scoffed, smiling playfully as he walked to the door to put on his shoes.
âIâll see you tomorrow, yeah?â he called out as he opened the door, leaving after you offered him a wave goodbye.
And once the door shut, you nearly lost your breath, falling onto your bed.
âOh god,â you breathed, putting a hand to your mouth. âWhat was that? Iâugh!â you groaned, thrashing your legs around. âWhy the fuck was he so hot? Get a grip, get a grip.â you ran your hands aggressively through your hair and gripping it. âFuck I think my brain lost too much oxygen.â
You couldn't sleep one bitânot at all. Every time you closed your eyes, all you saw was Jongho, and all you felt was him.
â
A few days pass and you barely see your best friend.
It's not that heâs ignoring you or vice versa; it's that he had an away game a good distance away and was off campus for a good few days.Â
While he was gone, you wondered if he was thinking the same way you were, if he felt something, too, or if it was just normal to have feelings during a kiss.Â
Irritated by your stupid mind, you were unsure about the feeling in your chest when you saw Jongho in the library; his baseball hat flipped backwards over his soft brown hair.
You would look odd if you ran away, right? Right.
You strutted over to where he was sitting. He always loved the window seats, mainly to people watch. You sat down in the seat across from him.
âWhenâd you get back?â
He lifted his eyes to yours. âLast night,â he grumbled, flipping a page in the book in front of him.
âWhat are you reading?â you leaned forward on your elbows.
He reacted much worse than you thought, flying backward into his chair, a terrified look on his face.Â
âYo, Iâm not gonna bite you, Jeez,â you raised a brow, moving your gaze to the book. âOh, ew, anatomy. No thanks.â
He scoffed, picking off an invisibleâor maybe an extremely smallâpiece of lint from his black hoodie. He didn't say anything in response, he just continued what he was doing.
âSo,â you tried to continue the conversation with him without it turning to mush. âIâm gonna be going to Seonghwaâs frat tonight. There's a party or something.â
He looked at you with shock. âYouâre going to a party?â
âIs that so hard to believe?â you rolled your eyes, leaning back to cross your arms around your chest. Jonghoâs vision dipped to the movement.
âWell, given that you hate crowded places,â he trailed off, not really having another excuse. âI just can't see you going toââ
ây/n?â a voice softly murmured from your left, and both you and Jongho turned to see Seonghwa walking up to your table, a bag slung across his broad shoulder. His hair was pulled up in a half up half down do, little black strands framing his unfathomable face.
Jongho, in the corner of your eye, looked away from the tall basketball player, opting for the view outside the library.
âSeonghwa?â you smiled, uncrossing your arms to look less like a grumpy bitch. âWhatâs up?â
You didn't even look to see the irritation on Jonghoâs face.
âI was coming in to study but then I saw you in the corner of my eye,â he smiled, beamed, really, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. He then nodded to Jongho, offering him a smile, too. âHey, Jongho.â
Your best friend managed to give him a smile back, although you knew his face all too wellâthat was a damn grimace. âHey.âÂ
You looked between the two boys as seonghwa spoke again. âHey, me and y/n are gonna be at the party tonight. You wanna come? The other guys on the team will be there, too.â
âWell, I can't imagine San missing a function,â Jongho scoffed, cracking his knuckles aggressively. âBut I guess Iâll come, too.â
You nearly dropped your jaw onto the floor.
âReally?â you interjected, shocked. âI can't imagine you going to a partyââ
âAnyway,â Jongho cleared his throat, ignoring you. âWhat time?â
Seonghwa furrowed his brows as he tried to recall. âUh, I think ten? It goes till two, no later,â He looked to you then. âDo you wanna go for some lunch?â
You blushed. Jongho huffed. âOh, yes. That would be nice,â you smiled, to which Jongho rolled his eyes in response. You stood up from your seat and offered your best friend a playful wink. âSee you tonight, jongie.â
When you walked away, seonghwa slugged an arm around your shoulder on the way out. Jongho, still in his seat, tightened his grip on the textbook as he watched you leave.
And then he couldn't even enjoy people-watching when he saw you walk down the sidewalk with that string bean.
â
You didn't hear from jongho the rest of the day, and even when ten oâclock came, he was M.I.A. You shrugged it off, trying too hard to ignore the tug in your chest, the desire to go to his room and kiss him again.Â
You made it to the frat house that sat on the end of the Greek life strip in town. It was a tall, skinny building that looked way too nice to be lived in by a bunch of boys. You made sure to wear your filthy Converse, knowing damn well whether booze, puke, or a plethora of other fluids would end up all over them. Despite not going to many parties in your lifetime, you still had common sense.Â
You walked into the house, getting bombarded with tons of odd smells, some good and some bad. The interior was dark, lit with random colored lights that danced all over the walls, the people.Â
Loud, ungodly music blared through oddly positioned speakers in the wall, and there was a sea of people talking and carrying on. You weren't sure how the fuck they could hear each other over the awful music.
You walked further into the house, making a B-line to where you assumed the alcohol was. There was a bunch of beer cans, and you grabbed one with ease, cracking it open and chugging it like a champ. However, the beer sucked ass, leaving an awful taste in your mouth. You must've made a face.
âIcky?â Seonghwaâs smooth voice envelopes you with comfort.Â
You turn to him, offering him a sincere smile. He looked great, as always, with his hair growing even longer. âVery, but if it gets me drunk, Iâll handle it.â
âSo brave,â he chuckled, standing closer to you by the second. Your mind wanders to the thought of him touching you. Would it feel as good as it did with Jongho? Would his hands be gentle? Would his lips taste as sweet?Â
His hand on the small of your back interrupted your thoughts.
You needed to be drunk. Quick, so you can handle these stupid ideas.
âItâs good to see you here,â he starts, but you can't help but look at his lips. You weren't thinking about themâno, rather, you were thinking of Jonghoâs. Would Seonghwa feel the same?
You took another sip of your drink to get the last drop before grabbing another. âDo they have something else? This shit sucks.â
Seonghwa looked at you for a long moment before nodding in a direction. âThereâs vodka in the cabinet if you want it?â
You let out a sigh of relief, but still, you kept drinking the shitty beer. âYes, god, yes.â
After you got ahold of the vodka, you regretted your choice against the beer.
You must've blacked out for a bitâyou don't remember how you got in the living room, how you got onto Seonghwaâs lap, how his lips were on your neck. You delightfully craned your neck to feel it better, to feel his hot breaths, his hands on your waist. However, when you opened your eyes, you realized that you were imagining someone else under you.
You pulled away from him, but you didn't get off him. You looked into his eyes, seeing the desire drip from them. You were too messed upâblame that on your shitty tolerance, to care what you were doing right now. âCan I try something?â you fluttered your eyelashes, not meaning it in a sultry way, but it came out that way.
âOf course,â Seonghwa mused, a little smile prickling at his lips.
Lips that you wanted to kissânot because you needed to, but because you needed to see something, feel somethingâhave something to compare to that ethereal experience you had with your best friend.
And at his approval, you leaned forward, doing everything that you were taught, and pressed your lips to Seonghwaâs. He responded well, gripping the back of your head as he kissed you back, and you slid your tongue in his mouth, half expecting to feel something, anything.
But there you were, imagining Jongho, his smell, his taste, the way he cautiously touched you and held you. Nothing can compare, not even this.
You pulled away from him, eyebrows raised, mouth agape. He looked confused at your reaction but put on a sloppy smile. âEverything okay?â
You were going to say no. you were going to cry out and say that you were going to die because you kept thinking about Jongho. You couldn't even kiss a hot guy, a guy you wanted to date, without thinking how much better it felt with Jongho. Everything felt better with him. It was comfortable, unnerving, exciting, all at the same time.
You smiled, but with how drunk you were, you could assume that it looked like a grimace. âI uh, yeah, I just gottaâŚ.go do somethingâ-bye,â you huffed out, offering him a little, awkward wave, before you ran out of the spinning room.
You ended up on the back porch, not sure how you got there, but the world was spinning. Your chest was aching. You needed air, anything, you needed to breathe.
The cool air hit you just right, enveloping your lungs, helping you breathe. Your skin was hot, flaming underneath your clothes, and you were sure your cheeks were bright red. After noticing a couple making out in the corner, you grimaced and ran back into the house.
God, what a shitshow.
You avoided seonghwa narrowly, making your way up the creaky, thin staircase to get your own space. You opened the first door you got to, tossed yourself in, and slammed your back against the door with a sigh of relief.
That relief didn't last long.
ây/n, what the hell?â Jongho nearly screeched, turning his body slightly as he stood over the toilet, zipping up his pants in a frenzy. âThe fuck? Don't you know how to knock?â
You didn't say anything. You just took a deep breath, your gaze falling over him.
ây/n?â He repeated, standing a bit awkwardly on the other side of the room, leaning over to flush the toilet. He looked a bit rough around the edges as he washed his hands quickly, looking over at you as he dried them. He walked up to you now, hesitantly, unsure about your expression.
You fiddled with your fingers as the world slowed around you.
âAre you gonna talk?â He scoffed playfully, his eyes raking your body, forcing themselves up to your face. âAre you okay?â
âNo,â you swallowed, shaking your head, the door behind you the only thing holding you up.
He gave you a concerned look, running a damp hand through his silky hair, and you couldn't help but think about how wonderful it would be to rake your hands through it, too. âNo, that you're not okay, or no, that youâre not gonna talk?
You blinked. â....yes.â
He sighed. His eyes looked hazy, not quite to the extent yours probably looked, but still, he was not in his right mind, either. You took a shaky breath, watching those brown irises fall to your lips, to your chest.Â
You clench your fingers together, your body, dying to do something your heart would regret. You swallowed hard, sighing.
âArenât you acting like this because you have something to say?â He asked, his words dripping like honey from his lips.
You shook your head. âNo.â
He looked like he was fighting a smile. âI think you are.â
âNo, Iâm notâIâm not acting like this because I have something to say.â Your mind was already screaming at you, begging you not to do anything. Begging you not to say anything. âBecause I want to do something.â
The air was stuffy. The bathroom was filthy, the window was cracked open, blowing in a slight breeze, gently running up your arms, sending chills down your spine.Â
Jongho tilted his head. âTo do what?â
The vodka in your basically vodka-virgin body was bubbling under your skin, infiltrating your mind, your blood. It was taking control over your every move, every idea, everything. So when he asked you that, when he looked like the most beautiful person in the world as he spoke, with his pretty ass hair and his lips and his flushed cheeks, you knew what you wanted to do.
âTo kiss you,â you didn't stutter. You stayed put against the door despite your words. âI just wanna do it again. Every time I look at you, I want to do it.â
Jonghoâs eyes widened, but he didn't run away like you thought he would. He just stood there, breathlessly, his hands at his sides and his mouth parted. Itâs like he wanted to do it too, with the way his fingers twitched as you spoke, with the way his lips almost curled up completely.Â
You pushed off the door, taking a step towards him. When he didn't back away, you took another step. You were so close to him that you were able to feel the soft, hot breaths he was letting out against your skin. His breath smelled like that disgusting beer, but it didn't matter at allâactually, you wanted to taste it on his lips, on his tongue.
You reached out a hand, the room spinning around you. Your fingertips met his cheek, his hot skin. You felt a surge of electricity run through your body as you touched him, as you looked into his eyes. His gaze was unlike anything else you have ever seen. His eyes were zeroed in on you, shutting slowly as you rubbed your hand against his skin. He let out a soft breath, a content sigh, and his eyes were on yours again.
He took in a breath, eyes on your lips. You were too drunk to think about how the look on his face made no senseâfriends shouldn't look at each other the way he was looking at you.
You leaned forward, and when he didn't flinch away, when he actually leaned forward as well, you smiled to yourself, and pressed your lips to his.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his body to yours. His hips knocked into yours, his mouth parting, swallowing you whole. He shoved you against the sink, the countertop stabbing the small of your back, but you felt absolutely no pain. You arched your body into his, as if it were instinct, and his hands ravaged your bare skin. He was desperate, trying to catch his breath as best he could while he kissed you.Â
Your hands found the nape of his neck, fingers tightening in his brown hair. He let out a little moan into your mouth, his hands caging you in against the sink. Accidentally, his forehead bumped yours, causing you to bite his lip.Â
You pulled away, but just for a moment, smiling at him, at the redness of his lips from your gloss and your bite. He looked breathtaking in front of you, so human, so perfect. So you leaned in to kiss him again, nose knocking into his, but it didn't matter if you were sloppy. It just mattered that he was the one you were kissing.Â
ây/n,â he breathed against your lips, his hands now on your hips, one curving around your ass. âWe shouldn't be doing thisââ
âShh,â you hissed, slapping his shoulder, keeping your lips against his. âI don't care right now.â
You deepened the kiss, and as he pressed up against you, you felt something hard press into you; you felt a deep rumble from him into your mouth. The pool between your thighs.
Suddenly, the door to the bathroom opened. Mingi stood there, his jaw down to the floor, as he took in the scene in front of him. Jongho must not have heard the door, as his hands were still clawing at you like a goddamn animal, his lips on your neck now. You quickly gripped Jonghoâs shoulders and pushed him away.
âWhat? You just saidââ He took notice of where you were looking, turning his head to see Mingiâs shocked expression. âOh.â
âOh, dear god!â Mingi looked like he couldn't hide the smile peeking through his lips. âI knew it!â
Jongho took a whole century taking his hands off you, finally stepping away, leaving you cold, empty. âItâs not what you thinkââ
Mingi threw his hands up in the air, smirking. âAy, I didn't see anything. Carry on.â
With one last look, Mingi shut the door, leaving you alone with Jongho. The feeling in the room was completely different from a moment ago.
âIâŚ.â he started, then sighed, unable to look at you. âI gotta go.â
âJonghoââ You went to move toward him, but he left the bathroom as quickly as he could, stumbling into the doorframe, and out of sight. You were left to your own devices, standing in the middle of the bathroom, hair a mess, lips bright and painful, and a mark on your neck from your best friend.
If you could call him thatâŚ
â
Itâs as if he disappeared.
You haven't seen Jongho in days. You were even too nervous to go to his room this time, not knowing how to approach him after kissing him like that. After you felt the hardness of his cock against your stomach. The wetness between your thighs. Something you have never felt before.
After a few, empty, lonely nights in your room, you took the initiative to go find him at the late hour of midnightâTo ask if he feels this intense craving for you just like you do for him. But when you arrived at his dorm, San told you he wasn't there.
âHeâs been super sick. I thought he was with you,â He shrugged, confused.
âHeâs sick?â your eyes widened.Â
San nodded, messy hair from sleep. âSorry, maybe heâs with Mingi?â
After your encounter with San, you made your way to Mingiâs dorm. But, once again, Jongho was nowhere to be found.
So you went to the only place you thought to look.
And there he was, under the bright lights, taking a shot at the three-point line on the courts near the rec center. He missed the shot and stood there a moment before going to grab his rebound.
But the ball rolled to where you were, as if it meant to. Jongho stood still as you grabbed the ball.
He stayed silent. You weren't sure whether to move closer or just pass him the ball back.
âAre you going to give me it?â He spoke blandly, sweat dripping down his forehead despite the cold air surrounding him.
You sighed, putting the ball under your arm. âJongho, itâs cold out here.â
He sniffed, his nose red. He didn't look at you. âJust give me the ball, dammit.â
You blinked, watching the cold air show as you exhaled. âWhy are you ignoring me?â
He rolled his eyes, taking in a breath. âDammit, y/nââ
âYouâre doing it on purpose,â you began to dribble the ballâvery sloppily, but it didn't matter. You dribbled past him towards the hoop, tossing the ball up, watching it go through the net. âIgnoring me, I mean.â
âNo, Iâm not,â he huffed, moving to grab the ball from your shot. He made his way back up to the top of the key, away from you.
âYes, you are.â you walked up to him, putting your hand out so he couldn't shoot. âJust be honest!â
With a huff of cold air, jongho tossed the ball away, an aggravated look on his face. âFor fuckâs sake, y/n, Yes. Iâm annoyed.â
You blinked, standing only a few feet away from him. âWhy?â you asked, probably stupidly, given the irritated look on his face.
He sighed, tightening his hands into fists. â...BecauseâŚ.because Iâm a man, too, you know.â he started, running his hands through his hair aggressively, clenching his jaw. â You change in front of me, kiss me, do everything that causes my brain to spin. Iâm sick of acting like I'm okay with it.â
You stood there, frozen. The air felt even colder as winter wrapped its arms around your bare skin.
âDoes that mean you didn't like it?â you wondered out loud, possibly too immature, too inexperienced. You had no idea what you were feeling, why you felt this way. All you knew is that you wanted to spend every moment with him, to kiss him, to lay in bed with him. Things you did normally, but things felt different.Â
âDidn't like what?â He asked, his eyes wide.
âThe kiss,â you looked into his eyes. âThe kisses.â
Jongho stood tensely, unsure of what to do. You watched his eyes flicker up to the sky as little flurries fell, catching themselves in his hair.
ây/n,â he took a sharp breath in. âdon't you get it? I can't kiss you. You can't kiss me. You can'tâŚ.touch me like that, change in front of me, and not expect me to get flustered!â He nearly shouted the last part, and turned to the side away from you, aggravated beyond words.
âIâŚ.Iâm sorry,â you spoke out, taking a step towards him. âIâm sorry that I feel this wayââ
âFeel what?â he scoffed, turning back to you, a pained smirk on his lips. âYou should be sorry for making me feel thisâŚ.for causing me so many headaches, for god sake why the fuck am I out here when itâs fucking snowing, jesus christ you piss me offââ
âJongho,â you interrupted his freakout, his word vomit. He stared at you with those beautiful eyes of his. âWhat are you trying to say?â you spoke in a small voice.
His eyes were frantic, going back and forth from eye to eye. âIâŚ. can't do this.â
âDo what?â you felt the flurries dance against your skin, dance as they fell around you.
âI can't act like your friend anymore.â He bit his lip. âYou have no idea what you do to me. What youâve been doing to me.â
You took a step closer, but he backed away.
âI don't understandââ
âJust go,â He pleaded.Â
âYou do things to me too!â you groaned, finally done with his attitude. âWill you knock it off? Youâre not the only one confused hereââ
âOh, I confuse you?â He looked at you like you had two heads. âIâm sorry, I only kissed you because you were trying to get another guy. I kissed you so you could know how to do it, but you want to know something?â He paused, suddenly right up on you, the space gone between you. âI haven't kissed anyone either. I justâŚyou. Itâs just been you! I didn't know what I was doing, either!â
âIs that so bad?â you pleaded, your eyes bleeding into his. âIs it so bad that you had to kiss me? Should I apologize for wanting to do it again? That I haven't stopped thinking about you since?â you frantically looked into his eyes.Â
âJustâŚâ Jongho sighed, his eyes a bit watery. âLleave me be.âÂ
The look on his face was enough. You took a step back, and then another.Â
âI won't apologize for my feelings, for whatever this feeling is,â you admitted. âBut I am sorry I caused you trouble.â before you left him there, you looked up to him once more, snow falling around you. âGood luck at your game, tomorrow.â
You turned on your heel, not understanding a single thing that just unfolded, that was just said. He made no sense; you made none, either. It was just a bunch of words, unnecessary words, rifting your friendship. But one thing was for certainâyou couldn't repair this without a few missing pieces.Â
Jongho stood as still as a statue as he watched you walk away.
â
You sat on the bench in your cheerleading uniform, your heart beating a mile a minute as you watched the game unfold in front of you.Â
It was approaching halftime. Jongho was sprinting down the sideline, limping slightly as he moved. He passed the ball beautifully to San, who was wide open for the layup.Â
You couldn't focus on anythingâdidn't even cheer when San made the shot. You just sat and stared into space, your eyes following jongho, watching his wince as he backed up down the court.Â
âHeâs hurt,â you muttered under your breath, stomach tightening.Â
Jongho continued playing his heart out, but you knew something was wrong. However, as halftime came, he walked away from the court just fine and into the locker room, not giving you a single passing glance as he walked past you. Seonghwa did, however, but you weren't even paying attention to that.
After a few long moments, the team came back out. You had to cheer, but your heart wasn't in it. Jongho, once again, walked right by you, and when you were about to jump up and ignore everything that was said yesterday to make sure you were okay, the buzzer rang.Â
The game went on, the score going back and forth until the last quarter. Jongho stood at mid-court, calling a play, but the guy guarding him was aggressive. He tried to make a move around him, squeaking his sneakers against the hardwood, but it was no use. The defender followed him with ease, sliding his feet in perfect position.
The gym was in hysterics as Jongho pushed for the bucket, taking a side step into a euro step, but suddenly, oh so suddenly, Jongho crashed to the ground in a thud before getting the shot off.
The gym went silent. Jongho hissed in pain, his eyebrows knit tight. The athletic trainer ran out to see him as the game was put on hold with less than a minute to go. You stood up, not even realizing what you were doing. All you could feel was a pain in your chest as you saw him hurt, the intense feeling to take his pain away. You watched in despair as he was lifted off the floor, as he was carried out of the gym.
You swallowed hard, your ears ringing. Your teammates tried to get you focused, as the game was going to continue, but you jumped up and pushed through, making your way to the locker room desperately.Â
âJongho?â you panted, turning the corner to enter the boy's locker room. You sucked in a breath as you see him in pain, lying down on the bench, a few others around him as he nearly cried in pain.Â
âJongho!â you cried out, rushing to his side. His eyes were frantic, wide, a mess. The trainer took off his knee brace slowly as you approached. âOh my god, are you okay?â
Jongho met your gaze through his watery eyes, every other emotion gone other thanâŚwhatever this was. He almost let out a sigh of relief as he saw you. You knelt down next to him, gripping his hand, and he held yours tighter.Â
ây/n,â he murmured, sucking in a sharp breath as the trainer surveyed his leg. âDid IâŚdid I do it again? Please tell me I didn'tââ
You looked at the man who was assessing his injury. âDid he tear it again?â you panicked, remembering how awful this was for him back then. How traumatizing it was, how horrible it was for him to gain his strength again. You couldn't stand to see him in pain.
âIâŚI don't know,â the man admitted. âItâs too swollen to tell. Youâll need to get this checked outââ
âGoddammit,â Jongho hissed, shutting his eyes tightly, and swallowing hard. That was when you realized that it might not even be the pain from the injuryâno, it was his trauma. The memory of his hard work all down the drain.Â
âIâm here,â you breathed, tucking his hair behind his ear and away from his face. âItâll be okay.â
The buzzer rang, and screams followed. Jongho looked at you, not a care in the world other than that you were there with him, just like before.
âYouâll be alright,â you repeated softly, your heart aching at his pain. âThis will be okay.â
â
âFrom the MRI, it looks like everything is still intact,â the doctor spoke with a tone of arrogance. âYou did weaken your surgical graft, however. Youâll need some PT and rest.â
Jongho stared down at his leg, his hand still gripping yours. He breathed a sigh of relief but didn't say anything else.Â
âIâll write up a referral for that, so just hold on a moment.â
You were left in silence in the middle of the emergency room, Jongho sitting up straight on the bed with a big icepack on top of his knee. He was starting right at it, his lips downturned.
You wanted to ease his troubles. To make him feel better. Nothing felt worse than seeing him like this.
You didn't know what to say. You really couldn't say anything. You were so overwhelmed with the pain you felt as you looked at him as if it were your own. You hated his tears that begged to fall and never did.
âHey,â you mumbled softly, squeezing his hand. It took him a minute to move his gaze to you, and when he did, his eyes spoke a thousand words. âSee? It will be okay.â
He sighed, his face contorting as he fought his tears. âIâŚIâm sorry.â
âFor what?â you weren't thinking of anything else other than what was in front of you. You rubbed your thumb against his knuckles, trying to soothe him.
âFor how I acted.â He looked down at your hands, how yours was touching his, how his fingers were tight around yours. He didn't want to let goâneither did you. âI was just upset.â
âI know,â you nodded, swallowing. âI was, too.â
He looked into your eyes. ây/n, IâŚâ he paused, the beeping of his heart rate speeding up in the background. âI just don't know why I acted like that IâŚI guess I got caught up in how I feel about you, and it confused me.â
You blinked. âHow do you feel about me?â
He let out an uneasy laugh. âIsn't it obvious?â
You shook your head. âI⌠don't really know much of anything. Much of these feelings,â you acknowledged, biting your bottom lip anxiously.Â
He let out a genuine laugh. âMe too.â
âSo, how do you feel?â You tucked a piece of your hair that fell loose from your bow, suddenly aware of how much of a wreck you probably looked like. You were still in your cheer uniform, Jongho in his basketball one, and you were sure you had smeared mascara everywhere. âAbout me, I mean.â
He took in a sharp breath. âThis isn't fair, Iâm like, high from pain meds. I don't know what iâm saying.â
You smiled widely, feeling such immense love for the man in front of you.
Oh shit.
Are youâŚ.in love?
âAll I know is that I haven't stopped thinking about you since I met you,â He chuckled anxiously. âI don't understand why, and it's just increasingly worse after you keep kissing me, it's making my head spin.â
Jongho yawned slightly after his somewhat confession, his eyes fluttering.Â
He was so pretty. So, so pretty. You wanted to sleep with him. Next to him, cuddle with him, kiss his face, his eyelids, his cheeks, his everything. You wanted him to do everything to you that you dreamed of.
Oh fuck, you definitely are in love with him.
âHoly fuckââ you paused, staring at him, wide eyed at your realization.
âWhat?â He furrowed his brows.
You tried to control your overwhelming thoughts. âI just realized somethingâŚâ you met his gaze, holding onto it tightly. âAre weâŚare we in love? I mean, I think at least I might beââ
âHoly shit, we might be,â Jongho gulped, a knowing smile curling at his lips. As if he knew this, at least on his end, for much longer than you have. He looked at you, then at his leg, and back at you. âAre you in love with me?â
âI think so?â you questioned, your chest aching. Jonghoâs heart began to beat faster and faster, as seen on the monitor next to him. You leaned towards him, blushing as his heart rate jumped over one hundred.Â
Jongho let out an anxious laugh. âYou sound super confident.â
You would've kissed him right then and there, prove to him that you loved him, if it wasn't for that awful doctor.Â
You helped jongho hobble out of the hospital, his leg wrapped in ice and his arms wrapped around you. You were hyper aware of the smell of sweat, the light remnant of his woodsy cologne. You heard his breath hitch as your fingertips curled around his arm as you walked toward the street for a cab.
âGod, standing up really messed me up.â he wobbled a bit. âI don't know what they gave me, but fuck, I feel wonderful,â he giggled, nudging his head into the crook of your neck.
There was a mix of comfort and chaos as you got in the cab, his head on your shoulder, his hair a mess. His arm was slung over you, his eyes closed, his lips parted against your collarbone. He felt comforting, yes, but also his damn lips started to move against your skin.
âJongho,â you breathed, trying to keep quiet as the cab driver carried on. âStop itââ
âMmmh,â he groaned into your neck, kissing it again, trailing up towards your jawline.Â
âThe fuck, did they give you viagra?â you nearly choked as his hand that was around your shoulder fell to your waist, tightening on the curve above your hip. His hand moved lower, past your hip, meeting the curve right before he could reach yourâ
âHey,â you whisper yelled, smacking his cheek lightly.Â
He opened his eyes, those brown irises sparkling despite the dark car. âOh, its y/n,â he smiled, meeting your gaze, but you watched it fall to your lips. âYou look pretty.â
You scoffed. âYou don't know what you're talking about right nowââ
âOh, I do,â he smiled lopsidedly, his hand now coming up to cradle your cheek. âI know what iâm doing.â
You smirked. âI think youâre loopy.â
âMaybe a little,â he shrugged, smiling, his eyes curving into smiles too. âBut I know what I want to do.â
You tilted your head, raising your brows. âAnd whatâs that?â
He smiled villianously, teeth barred. âDo you really want to know?â
You held in your laugh, but managed to nod.
He took in a breath, letting it out in an exaggerated sigh. âI want to fuck you so bad,â he huffed, his head falling right back onto your shoulder. âSo, so bad. Iâve always wanted toââ
âJongho,â you blinked. âYouâre high from pain meds, you don't know what you'reââ
âOh, but I do know,â he sat up quickly, eyes dazed, hair a mess on top of his head. He reached out a hand, tucking your hair behind your ears with a boyish smile. He focused on your face, on your eyes, your lips. His expression changed, his smile falling. âI wanted to tell you about how I feel about you.â
You bit your lip. âYou did.âÂ
He waved a hand, flopping it around. âNah, I didn't.â
âYes, don't you remember?â you scoffed playfully. âWe just had this whole talk like twenty minutes agoââ
âAye, stop it, I had something to say but now I forgot!â he groaned, tossing his head back against the headrest. He then turned his head to your direction. âDid I ever tell you how pretty you are?â
âYou just did,â you smiled.
âOh, thatâs right.â he swallowed, looking at your lips. âDid I ever tell you that I want to kiss you? Like, all the time?â
You shook your head, giving up on the fight against his high ass.Â
âWell, I just want to kiss you, over and over again, and then when you started kissing me, I think I went crazy,â he blinked slowly, eyes covering every inch of your face. He leaned forward. âYou really fucked me up, you know?â
You frowned. âDid I?â
âPfft,â he huffed. âAre you kidding? You would change in front of me, lay in bed with me, touch me, everything IâŚ.â he swallowed hard. âHow was I supposed to react to your tits? Your ass? You think iâve never gotten hard from it?â you wanted to shut his nonsense up, but he kept going on. âIâve had to literally leave just to jack off so you didn't find outââ
âWoah, woah,â you rose your eyebvrows. âYouâre a mess right now, youll regret what youâre saying tomorrowââ
âI wont,â he sniffed, eyes meeting yours. âIâm done with acting like I don't think about you nakedââ
âJongho, shut it, weâre not aloneââ
âWe should be alone so I can do everything I want to you,â he pressed a sloppy kiss to your temple. âGod, I want to do everything to you.â
You wanted to push him away. You wanted to tell him noâbutâŚhis lips, his words, his breath felt so good, so intoxicating. He pressed a kiss to your jaw, to the corner of your lips. âCan we fuck now?â
You closed your eyes, taking in a breath. âThe hell is wrong with you? Weâre in a cabââ
He ignored you, his lips continuing to find their way around your face. âWhen we get back?â
You looked down at his knee, how it was wrapped, how much pain it had caused him. âYou just hurt your leg, and youâre not in your right mind.â
âOh, iâm completely in my right mind,â he kissed your ear, letting a little breath of air tickle you. âIâve wanted this forever.â
You sighed, your breath shaking, your chest tight. You had absolutely no experienceâyouâve never had sex, never did anything with a man other than what you were doing now, and the little kiss you gave seonghwa.Â
âIâm a virgin,â you whispered softly, embarrased. However, you felt the most comfortable with jongho. He was your everything.
âSo am I,â he admitted, smiling. âWe can learn together.â
âGod, weâre so lame,â you breathed, smiling.Â
Jongho, however, did not care about any words. He nuzzled into your collarbone, pressing a kiss there, over and over again.Â
âSo, does that mean we can have sex?â
â
You assisted jongho into your building, helping him into the elevator and pressing your floor while he leaned against the wall.Â
The silence was deafening. You were sure he was able to hear your heart beat through your chest.
As the doors closed, you let a sigh out.Â
ây/n,â he breathed. Behind you, his eyes were on you.
âHm?â you hummed, afraid to turn to him, afraid of what you would do, what he would do.Â
âI love you,â he spoke.Â
Youâve both basically said it only an hour before. Only then, it didn't feel real. Now, maybe it was the fact that Jonghoâs eyes have cleared up, his expression was raw. He looked nervous, he looked anxious. This was all new, all foreignâbut Jongho wasn't new, wasn't different. Heâs always been him, been by your side, your rock, your everything.
âIâŚ.love you too, dummy.â
When the elevator reached your floor, it took you a second to move. You helped him down the hall, and when you reached your door, you paused.
âDo youâŚwant toâŚâ you trailed off, unsure if that was only the drugs talking earlier.
When you turned to jongho, he had a sinister smile on his face.Â
âYou mean,â he nodded toward your room. âWhat I think you mean?â
âWell, jeez,â you scoffed, turning around to open your door. âAs if you weren't the one all over me in the cabââ
A second later, you both stood in the entrance of your room, both of your hearts beating like crazy.
He entered the room after you, slowly shutting the door. The room was darkâyou weren't even trying to turn the lights on.
You turned to jongho, watching him stand with his fists at his sides, his fingers gripping the fabric of his basketball shorts.
âHow do weâŚâ you took in a sharp breath, meeting his gaze. His eyes were wide, dripping with love, lust, with so much. You weren't sure if they always looked like that, if they looked at you like that. Those eyesâŚ.
âLetâs just, he winced a bit as he stepped closer. âJust stay where you are.â
When he got close enough, you saw the worry in his expression. The hesitancy, the love. He looked up, and his eyes spoke a thousand unspeakable words. His hand reached out, pausing at the hem of your cheerleading uniform.Â
You let out an anxious laugh at his face, as he looked so conflicted. You didn't say anything though, and after a moment, he tugged your top right over your head, grinning like a goofball at the red lacy bra you had on.
âFor me?â he murmured, his hand subconsciously drifting to run over your skin, his fingertips pressing against the thin fabric of your bra. He met your gaze, his jaw tightening.
You reached for his top now, the loose jersey easily pulling over his headâthe jersey that was hiding the soft curves of muscle. Youâve seen him shirtless many times, an unimaginable amount of timesâbut this time, it was different. You ran a hand down the pane of his chest, across the mounds of muscle, down his soft but muscular frame. He was perfect, absolutely sexy, breathtaking, gorgeous.Â
He shivered under your touch, meeting your gaze. He moved to take his shorts off, but winced. âHold on, iâll take them offââ but you both leaned down at the same time, crashing your heads together, causing a storm of laughter.
âGod, weâre so not good at this,â He chuckled, smiling bright even in the dark room.
âNo, not really,â you grinned, reaching down at his hips, pulling his shorts off, tugging a bit at the erection that bulged out. You held in your pride, the fact that he was already so turned on by just taking your clothes off.
His shorts fell down to his ankles, his underwear with them, leaving him completely naked, completely vulnerable in front of you. He looked at you with those damn eyes, those irises that held every emotion possible for you.
You took a second to take him in, his thickness, his length. You swallowed hard, suddenly aware thatâŚthat would go inside you, and it would probably tear your virgin self to shreds.
He then gripped the waistband of your skirt, tugging you to him. He was slightly taller than you, so when your body hit his, you felt his cock against your lower stomach, feeling a pulsing ache in your body. His fingers glided against the bare skin of your waist as he pulled your skirt over your hips, and when they fell, you were left standing in your mismatched underwear, begging him to take it off of you, too.
However, he just stood there like a deer in headlights, staring at the curves of your body, and the smoothness of your skin. His mouth parted, his eyes grew wide, and his hands twitched to touch you, to ravage you, to swallow you whole as if you were roadkill and he was a vulture.
An anxious vulture.
He reached around you, the heat of his body warming you, and his hands clasped around the clip of your bra. He fiddled with it for a good moment, and as he started getting irritated that he couldn't get it, you laughed. âGoddamn this thing has you locked up like fort knoxââ
âDo you want me to get itââ
âNo, no, iâll be extremely embarassed, let me do it.â he continued to try to get it off you, and finally, it fell off you, onto the ground, and Jongho stood with a proud smile on his lips. âFuck yeah, finally.â
But, right after his words of triumph, his eyes fell to your full breasts. His eyes widened, and he gave into his desires, letting himself grab one, calloused fingers gliding against your nipple.
âOh, fuck y/n,â he breathed, both his hands coming up to cradle your breasts, to feel you up. He took in a breath, eyes unable to leave your body. âYouâre absolutely beautiful.â
He dipped his head, taking in a breast into his mouth, flicking his tongue over your nipple. You felt your stomach tighten, felt your wetness pool at your thighs. He looked up to your eyes as he sucked, and when he saw your ecstatic expression, he quickly pulled away.
He didn't spare an extra second to claw at your underwear, satisfyingly watching them fall to the ground, leaving you both completely naked in the middle of the room. He looked at you, love dripping from his chocolate eyes.
And thats when you gripped the back of his neck. âIâm sorry if I don't do this very well,â you admitted, twirling your fingers in his hair. He didn't seem to even hear what you said as his eyes remained on your lips.
âGod, we cant be friends anymore,â he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours, he hesitated, lips hovering over yours, his breath shaky, tangling with yours. âDefinetly not, fuck.â
You tilted your chin forward, lips so close, so so close. His hands found your hips, fingernails leaving marks in your skin.Â
And with one last look into your eyes, jongho sighed, letting go of everything. He pressed his soft lips to yours, taking you in like he hasn't kissed you before. Like heâs always wanted to. He breathed into you, moving his hands to cradle your face, to get as close to you as possible.Â
You arched your body against his, bucking your hips into his, and he grunted in response. You fell backwards onto the bed, him on top of you, but as you fell, he bit your lip so hard you let out a little yelp.
âOh shit,â he gasped, parting from you, eyes wide with worry. âAre you okay? Did that hurt? I didn't mean to do thatâ-â
âShh, shut your face,â you patted him on the cheek, giggling at his reaction.Â
He adjusted himself on top of you. âHere, make sure youâre headâs on your pillow, I want you to be comfortable.â he adjusted you, too, and he looked so sincere and serious it made you laugh. âWhy are you laughing?â he asked, but couldn't help but let out a little chuckle, too. âStop, this is serious.â
You laughed even more. âSorry, sorry, youâre just really cute.â you watched his eyes twinkle as he looked at you. âAnd you look so pretty on top of me.â
He smirked, holding back his giggle. âStop it.â
âIâm just saying,â you reached a hand out to wrap around his neck, tugging his lips right back down to yours, kissing him softly. âMhm. I cant get enough of this.â
He smiled into the kiss. âMe neither, I cant believe youâre under me right now.â
You couldn't help the blush that heated your cheeks. You were suddenly aware of his dick against your thighs, of your skin against his. You looked into his eyes, looked at how they were looking at you, how he held himself over you.Â
And then, after a look of utter love, he smiled and kissed you. This time, he stuck his tongue into your mouth, running over the ridges of the roof of your mouth. You opened your mouth wider, deepening the kiss, knocking your nose against his.Â
His lips parted as he gasped for air, his chest heaved against yours. His hand delicately glided up your ribs, meeting the skin of your breasts. He gripped your breast in his hand, moaning into your mouth, hips bucking into yours. You couldve sworn you felt his heartbeat through his chest as he made out with you, as his hands covered you. He pulled away only to make sure you still wanted this, and when you nodded, he reached down to line himself up with you. The concept of sex always felt so difficult. So worrisome, so new. But with jongho, it felt like you've done this forever.
âIf it hurts, tell me,â he whispered against your lips, kissing you gently. âIâll take care of you.â
You literally couldve came at those words. You swallowed hard, and forced out a nod.
He pecked your lips, smiling, kissing them again. His hands hesitated, not knowing what to touch as his tip pressed into your cunt, his breath shortening, sweat dripping down his forehead.
You reached out, gliding a hand across his cheek, across his lips, smiling up at him.
âIâŚ.â he hesitated before entering you. âAre you wet enough? Should I spit?â
He looked terrified. Absolutely terrified. So you ran a hand soothingly through his hair, watching his eyes shut tight in pleasure, in delight. âDon't worry about anything and just do it.â
âOkay,â he mumbled, letting out a little laugh. âOkay, okay.â
And then, his eyes bled into yours as he tilted his hips, pushing his cock slowly into you, so gently, as if he was terrified of hurting you. You watched his mouth part, watched his expression change to euphoria as he filled you, every inch sparking a new feeling.Â
He snapped his hips, his length fully in you, and you nearly cried out from the feeling. You moaned as he moved slowly, clawing at his shoulders, this feeling unlike anything elseâyour damn vibrator held nothing on Jongho.
He relaxed his expression, his eyes fluttering open, looking right down on you. You met his gaze as he moved in and out of you.
âDoes it hurt, if it hurts, I can stopââ
âShut the hell up and fuck me, jongho,â you grumbled, your hands finding a home on his hips, the feeling of them snapping under your hands sent you spiraling. You moaned as his dick reached a new spot, as you felt your walls tighten around him. You wanted to cry out, rip your hair out, tear at his skin as you felt the intense crave for him. The way he looked down on you fueled the fire in your hips, in your back. You felt an ache in your hips, slamming your head back, fighting the urge to claw the bedsheets.
But then you sae his grimace, and you frowned. âOh my god, youâre knee, youâre in pain.â
He kept moving, but he was definitely in pain. âI-I think the meds wore offââ
Without thinking, you pushed him off you, making him roll over so now he was the one on th bottom. You straddled him, looking at his shocked expression, how his breaths quickened, how his cock twitched for you. To be inside you.Â
You had an unimaginable amount of knowledge from all your smutty books, so you might as well try to use what you know, right?
ây/n, what are youââ
âLet me please you,â you breathed, and with a slow, calculative movement, you sat on his dick, sliding his length into you, once again gaining the extreme pleasure of his expression and the absolute desperation he expressed. He gasped as you moved up and down on his cock, and he watched you, watched him dissapear into you. He slammed his head back into the pillow, his face contorting, moans fluttering through his lips, his eyebrows knitting together in pleasure and a million other things.
âGod, fuck,â his hands gripped your hips as you rode him, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his breaths shallow. He gasped for air. âYou feel so good, oh my god. So fucking good.â
You tossed your head back, resting your hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin, the smoothness of it. He blinked up at you, a smile on his lips, completely in bliss.
He moved his hands with you, nearly lifting you up as you moved on his cock, moved on his body. You forgot how strong he was.
âYou sure youâve never done this?â he gasped, his eyes shut tight. âBecause fuck, this is better than I ever imagined.â
You smiled down on him, giddy at his words. You moved even faster, causing him to moan, and moan, and moan.
You didn't even know what to sayâyou just enjoyed his little commentary as he took you in, his gaze dripping like honey.
âGodamn,â he hissed, eyes meeting yours. He looked frantic. âFuck, fuck, Iâm gonna cum,â he seethed, hips slamming up into yours. âFuck, youâre so hot, so so hot.â
You felt him twitch inside you, felt your walls collapse. You began to see spots in your vision as he moved his hips, too, just as you were. You felt so much pride as he looked absolutely pathetic underneath you, his gaze hazy, his lips bright red from your kisses.
âI love you, IâŚlove you,â he hissed out. âI love you.â
You reached your climax just from looking at him, crying out in a moan, leaning forward over his body. His hands flooded all over you, sending sparks at every touch, every spot of your body. And when you came, when you felt the rush of cum, the rush of the high finally hit, you continued to move as he did. Then, suddenly, his eyes grew so wide, he lifted you off his cock hastily, gasping for air.
You leaned back on his legs, onto your heels, trying to breathe, trying to see, as his hands grasped his own dick, moving up and down before he came, his cum shooting onto you, over your chest, your boobs, your stomach. You watched him gasp as it happened, his lips curling up in an embarrassed smile.
âOh, oops,â he laughed, looking absolutely delectable with the hair stuck to his forehead and his eyes wide with pleasure. âTotally meant to do thatâŚ.â
Something burned under your skin, something foreign, something you never felt before. Youâve only read about this feeling, this moment. But now, here you were. You just had sex, sex with your best friend, and it was the best thing youâve ever felt before. You needed more, so so much more.
âPlease tell me we can do that again,â you breathed, falling onto him, sticking to him, feeling the beat of his heart as you pressed your ear to his chest.
âOh, fuck yes,â his hand wrapped around you, holding you to him. He pressed a gentle, exasperated his to the top of your head. âYou don't even have to ask that, iâm planning on doing that all night.â
You moved a bit so you could lay against his side, totally forgetting about the cum on you that now got all over the place. âYou seemed like you knew what you were doing for a virgin,â you side eyed him. âYou have to be lying.â
He smirked, a light blush on his cheeks. âUh, well,â he swallowed, eyes looking all over your face. âI mean, I have been thinking about what I would do if I ever got to sleep with you.â
You furrowed your brows. âYouâre so cheesy.â
âWell I didn't get to do exactly what I wanted,â he looked down at your lips, at your body pressed to his. âBecause of my damn knee, but,â he pressed a kiss to your nose. âThat means we have to do this again.â
âOh, baby,â you pinched his cheek. âWeâll be doing this way more than we probably should.â
He smiled, that blush still on his face, across his nose. He looked so beautiful, so so pretty, it actually hurt you to look at him.
You kissed him, kissed his lips, his nose, his flushed cheeks.Â
And you looked at him, at his eyes, the same eyes youâve known forever.Â
âI love you, Jongho.â
â
The next morning, you parted ways with a sleepy jongho, late for your early class. You couldn't stop thinking about him all day, that is, until you ran into Mingi and San in the library cafe.
Mingi grinned like the cheshire cat, an eye smile brighter than the sun. âWell, hello there, you.â
You rolled your eyes as the line for the coffee moved. San and Mingi stood behind you, giggling like little kids.
âSo, Jongho didn't come back last night,â San started, and you quickly cut in.
âSo? He always stays in my room, its not anything oddââ
âOh, sweetie,â Mingi crossed his arms, grinning. âBut it is odd.â
âWhy?â you crossed your arms, too, facing him. San stood by with a little chuckle.
âBecause he came back to the room before his class and his jersey was on inside outââ
âSo? He likes to sleep shirtlessââ
âHis lips were covered in red lipstickââ
âI don't know what you were talking aboutââ
âOh, and he told me that he had sex with youââ
You slammed a hand against Sanâs mouth, giving him a death glare while mingi giggled like a school girl. You grimaced, pulling your hand away. âShut up, or iâll make you.â
âOoh, so scary,â San waved his hands in the air dramatically. âAnyway, are you dating him now? You better date him, heâs been dreaming of that for so long.â
You blinked. âI mean, we said we loved each other, but nothing about datingâŚ.â
Mingi smirked. âWelp, guess you better go figure that out.â
After class, you found yourself in front of Jonghoâs door, a shake in your breath as you knocked. He opened the door, shirtless, a smile on his face the minute he met your gaze.
And then he grabbed you by the waist and planted a big kiss onto your lips, smiling into it, and then pulled away.
âHi,â you smiled.
âHi.â he tilted his head, looking you up and down.
âI heard you told San everything.â
He bit his lip. âWas I supposed to keep it to myself?â
You shook your head, smiling.
âDo you want to come in?â he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck.
âMhm,â you nodded, following him in.
The minute the door shut, Jongho slammed you up against it, swallowing you whole with his mouth as he kissed you. His hands gripped the side of your head, tugging at your hair, causing you to let out a hiss. He took the opportunity of your open mouth to shove his tongue into you, exploring your mouth with pleasure. He moaned into you, and you couldn't help but moan yourself.
His hands gripped your thighs, lifting you up, slamming your back into the door as he held you to him. He then started to walk towards his bed, but you realized his injury.
âJongho, youâre leg,â you breathed with worry, trying to get him to put you down. âYouâll hurt yourselfââ
âShut up,â he spoke into your mouth, indeed shutting you up immediately. You sighed as he kissed you, as he touched you. He gently set you down onto his bed, and you went under his duvet since he kept his room like an icebox.Â
He followed you suit, crawling on top of you under the covers, but you had a better idea. Once again, you flipped him so he was on his back, and with one quick look at the shock in his gaze, you kissed his collarbone, then his chest, down his sternum, over the soft muscle of his stomach. You slowly pulled his pants down over his cock, his underwear along with them.
You felt his muscles tighten underneath your lips, you heard his breath hitch as you moved lower and lower, until your lips met the soft skin of his hard cock. He gasped his hands searching for you under the covers, his legs moving in pleasure as you licked his tip.
âOh myâŚohâŚâ he arched his back against your kiss, your hands holding onto his hips as you surrounded your mouth around his erection. He thrashed against you, absolutely liquid in your embrace.
But before you could take him fully, the door of his room opened, and in came san blabbing about god knows what.
You quickly moved, trying to lay flat the best you could to hide. Jongho sat up fast, pulling the blanket up and bunching it around his dick, making sure it wasn't so obvious that you were under thereâŚ.and that he was literally throbbing hard.
âI ran into y/n earlier, she admitted to it!â san roared, and you assumed he was taking his shoes off considering the sound. âGood for you buddy, I know how long you wanted to tap thatââ
âAh, yeah,â Jongho awkwardly laughed. You wish you could see the look on his face, the embarrassment. Just how long did he want you?
You couldn't help but stroke your hand against his dick, causing him to gasp.
âYou alright?â San questioned, now making his way to the other side of the room.Â
You continued to rub him. Jongho gripped the blanket tight.
âPeachy,â Jongho grunted.
San didn't speak for a while.
âAre you gonna finally ask her out?â
You paused.
Jongho sighed. âHuh?â he was totally out of it.
âI mean, youâve been in love with y/n for ages, you might as well make if official while you can.â
âAm I?â Jongho swallowed hard. âAm I in love with her?â
âAh shut up, you know it,â San scoffed,and a bed creakedâassumingly his. You decided to continue to suck Jongho off, taking him in your mouth, causing him to jolt.
âI uh, iâll ask her out later,â Jongho took in a breath. âBut, um, do you think you couldâŚ.you know, give me a moment?â
âA moment, whyââSan paused, then gasped. âAre you beating your meat right now? Oh fuck man, my bad!â
You nearly cackled against Jongho at the way they conversed with each other, how normal it seemed. It made you wonder how often this happened, how often Jongho did this to himself, how many times he thought about you while doing itâŚ
That turned you on even more.
The minute you heard the door shut, you tossed the covers over your head, meeting Jonghoâs shocked, mind-boggled expression.
âJeez, y/n, fuck,â he couldn't help but smile as he looked at you, as you sucked him. âYouâre a freak.â
âWell, you should see the things I read,â you chuckled, and then licked up the column of his cock, causing him to take hold of your head.
He shoved you up and down on his dick, his fingers tearing into your scalp, causing you to choke on him. He groaned, moaned, hummed every note possible, and then without warning, he came into your mouth, his body going still, his eyes open wide as he watched you swallow his load.
Oh, he tasted better than you ever imagined.Â
His saltiness still coated your lips as you leaned over to kiss him, his eyes lost in you. He looked so in love, so in lust, in everything.
âAre you gonna ask me out?â you asked in between kisses.
âMhm,â he leaned into your kiss, not wanting to break apart.Â
âAre we dating now?â
Kiss.
He blinked, looking up at you. His smile defined beauty, his lips desire.Â
âIf youâd like.â
âOf course.â
You kissed him once more, wrapping your arms around his neck, rolling around in bed with him. He chuckled, smiled, nuzzled his head into you.Â
âI have practice,â you kissed his cheek, trying to get up, but his arms wrapped around you, holding you to him. âI have to go.â
âOne more minute,â he mumbled into your ear as he nibbled it, then kissed it. âJust a minute.â
You smiled. âOkay, fine, I guess I can spare a minute.â
He held you, breathed in your scent, his scent on your lips. He didn't let go, even after the minute, and you hand to force yourself out of his hold.
âMeet me in my room tonight?â you raised a brow,
He nodded. âOf fucking course.â
You quickly tried to fix your hair up, tucking it behind your ears, before you gave your boyfriend a wink while you walked out.
And, funny enough, when you shut the door behind you and turned around, San stood there, smirking devilishly.
âWell damn, whenâs it my turn?â
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iâm not one to make serious announcements, but this is serious. Moon Taeil, Oldest member of NCT, has been kicked out of the group due to SERIOUS sexual assault allegations. If you thought Lucas was bas, this is even worse. Removed from the group in mere seconds. Me being a Taeil stan, iâm more than disgusted. disappointed. But just because you may like him, doesnât mean defend him. The things that he has possibly done is wrong and disgusting and if you defend him, youâre disgusting too.
The statement reads:
This is SM Entertainment.
We have recently confirmed that Taeil has been implicated in a criminal case related to sexual crimes.
While looking into the situation, we recognized that the issue is very serious, and we have decided that Taeil could no longer continue team activities. We have discussed this matter with Taeil and it has been decided he will be removed from the group.
Currently, Taeil is faithfully cooperating with the police investigation. We will share additional statements as the investigation progresses.
We deeply apologize for the controversy caused by our artist.
More is to come out about the case, stand with the victim, not with your idol.
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r u still gonna continue break in đĽšđĽš i js read it awhile ago nd it was so cute
omg i literally have an unfinished draft of break in pt.5, but i sadly couldn't complete these past days cuz of college đ i'm going to continue writing it soon if i have time, it's on hiatus for now. sorry đ
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the parent trap | KHJ
part 1 of the Night in Hollywood!series
â trope: exes to lovers!au, divorced!au
â pairing: producer!hongjoong x designer!reader, dad!joong x mom!reader
â warnings: nsfw (mdni), swearing, mentions of food, mentions of food poisoning, female desc. reader, drinking, suggestiveness, smut, slight!breeding kink, oral sex (f. receiving), overstim, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!) nipple play, titty sucking, marking, praise, slightdom!joong, blond!joong bc that itself is too much for me, mentions of (early) pregnancy, youâre both in your early thirties and make an unbelievably stubborn couple in this!
â synopsis: AS DIVORCED PARENTS to two twin daughters, you and hongjoong have your fair share of work cut out. Driving to piano lessons, cheering at hockey games, drop offs at each otherâs houses, it can all be a little much. But could a relaxing summer retreat as a whole family possibly rekindle past emotions youâve swept under the rug? . . .
â word count: 18.1k
â playlist: soulful strut by young-holt unlimited, l-o-v-e by nat king cole, just the way you are by billy joel, slipping through my fingers by abba, this will be (an everlasting love) by natalie cole
â a/n: itâs finally here. I canât believe Iâm writing this and saying itâs finally here oh my goodness. first off, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me with the series so far (shoutout to @kitten4sannie , @byuntrash101 and especially @desirehorizon for being amazing!) everyoneâs sweet comments have been greatly appreciated, and I just hope this silly little fic brings a smile to your everyday lives.
ty for making writing worth it as a writer. now cue the opening credits!
âABSOLUTELY NOTâ Hongjoong says.
âBut dadd,â she whines, clutching the wrinkled pamphlet closer to her chest. Eunseoâs small hands are covered in purple doodles her sister drew using a glitter pen.Â
âWhy not?â the girl complains, shrugging her shoulders.Â
He sighs, pushing his glasses up with one hand as he continues typing away at the important document the producing company sent him on his laptop. He tries his best to reason with the child.
âBecause, babyâŚâ pausing to think for a moment before responding. âIt would be hard for your mom and I to find a time that fits into our schedules. Iâve got work, and she must be busy as well.âÂ
Eunseo glares at her fatherâs excuse.Â
Okay, yeah, the man knows itâs somewhat of a lie, himself.Â
She continues to protest by shoving the advertising pamphlet in her dads face and blocking his view of the screen. Thankfully, Hongjoong is used to these sort of work distractions, expertly avoiding her by craning his neck sideways and continuing to type away.
âBut dad, itâs an amazing cottage resort! Theyâve got a lake where you can go swimming in, a forest hiking trail, a bonfire to roast marshmallows and even a diner less than fifteen minutes away! So if you end up burning the camp food like last time, we can just order and eat in! Isnât that great?â She beams.Â
He stops typing for a second, fingers hovering over the keyboard as he gives his first born a look that makes her immediately break into a sweet smile, batting her lashes and flashing him a look of innocence.Â
âPlease?â She begs, standing on the edge of her feet as she gazes up at him. âThe last time we went was when Eunbyul and me were toddlers.âÂ
And how on earth could any dadâs heart not melt at the sight of his daughter trying to convince him about one harmless vacation?Â
Hongjoong wheels his office chair back, turning so he could look her in the eyes properly and tuck a stray hair behind her ear.Â
âListen honey, Iâm sorry, I really wish I could, butâŚâ he trails off, looking back at the open tabs and file documents displayed on his computer.
Turning his head around and upon seeing a frown form on his daughter's face, he quickly reassures her.Â
âOnce you finish your final piano recital tomorrow and your mom picks your sister up to take her to her hockey game, how about we go fishing the weekend afterwards?â he suggests, brows raising. âThatâll mean I have just the two of you all to myself.â
Eunseo mumbles under her breath, quiet but insistent enough that he catches it.Â
âBut weâre supposed to be a family of four.âÂ
She sulks, thinking of how that would leave you, her mother, left out of their plans. The arms holding the pamphlet up, ultimately fall down in defeat.Â
He places a peck on her forehead, patting her on the back. âYou know, if you can get your mom to say yes, then Iâll think about itâ he chuckles, knowing the highly unlikely probability of the event.
Adjusting his glasses, the producer goes back to his work, peeking his daughter slugging away from the corner of his eye.Â
Eunseo slumps her shoulders in defeat as she walks out of her dads office, turning the corner to see her twin sister, Eunbyeol, pressing her ears near the door with her neck outstretched. Clearly sheâs been caught in the middle of trying to overhear their conversation.Â
The twin younger by fifteen seconds quickly rushes over, waiting expectantly.
âSo? What did dad say?â
Eunseo exhales, throwing the information pamphlet away on the wooden floors and slumping against the living room couch.Â
âHeâs totally not buggin. Said he wants to take us fishing next weekend instead. Just us three.â she grumbles.Â
Eunbyeol scrunches her nose at the idea.Â
âBut dad sucks at fishing.â
Her sister groans, kicking her small feet against the couch in frustration. âI know!â Eunbyeol starts to worry, coming to sit beside her.
âThen how on earth are we going to get mom and dad to get back with each other again? They havenât been in the same room since we were like, five!â
Her twin sister scoffs, âFirst, we gotta get them to have a proper conversation with each other. They barely even talk when they drop us off at each other's houses.â
Nobody truly knows why you and Hongjoong had divorced so suddenly when the girls were young. Not even themselves.
All they were used to were cold stares and one word replies shared amongst their parents, refusing to find harmony in their co-parenting.
Frankly, your girls have had enough of the performance you were both trying to maintain, looking past your expressions to realize you and your husband still held feelings for the other. It was only a matter of time and place in order to set you two up together, thus, the idea of an intimate, family getaway came into their minds.Â
After a few moments of letting her words hang in the air, Eunbyeolâs eyes widened to the size of saucers.Â
âThatâs it!â
The older twin looks up quizzically, watching her sister jump off the couch and gaze at her excitedly.Â
âWeâll just have to force them to meet each other! We can always guilt trip them for dropping us off at their houses and making us play alone!â
Eunseo rolls her eyes at the idea. âRight, and how are we going to do that dummy? The only reason theyâd do that, was if it was an emergency.â
Whoever said twin telepathy wasnât a thing was a liar, because the second Eunseo catches onto what her sister is saying, the twins share a look of pure mischievousness, the gears in their brains working together as one.Â
With hushed whispers and quiet giggles, the twins immediately begin conducting their plan in secrecy near the corner of the living room, backs turned and in the middle of discussion when Hongjoong walks out of his office with an empty coffee mug.Â
âWhat are you guys doing over there?â
âLeave us alone! Family man traitor!â Eunbyeol shouts, holding a slightly hostile grudge to her father before turning back to whisper to her twin.Â
Hongjoong shakes his head, sighing as he heads into the kitchen.Â
âThen itâs perfect! Iâll stay here with dad once my piano recital is over, and then when Mom picks you up for your hockey game tomorrow, weâll try convincing them together!â
Eunbyeol nods her head in agreement, eyes lighting up with excitement as she whispers in a hushed tone.Â
âAnd once both events end, weâll pretend to be so sick that they have to take us to the nearby hospital.â
The other twin smirks. âWhere weâll end up guilt tripping them into taking us to the cottage.â
They double high five in victory at their flawless plan, already waiting for tomorrow to come as soon as possible.
âA summer cottage?â you repeated, brows raising at the idea as you made a left turn onto your street.Â
Eunbyeol nods eagerly from the back seat after getting picked up, having ranted on and on about the ad in the pamphlet since the moment you saw her.
âIt's an amazing establishment mom,â She boasts, making you laugh at her words while parking the car and unbuckling your seatbelt.
âThey have everything you could possibly think of!â
âOh, really?â You say skeptically, opening the door for her.Â
Eunbyeol is lost in the middle of passionately describing all the relaxing activities you could do by yourself, or rather per se, with a special partner together.Â
âThereâs couples hiking retreats, couples canoeing, couples yoga⌠did I mention couples hiking retreats?â She confuses, retracing her words.Â
You roll your eyes and smile, keys jangling as you walk through the entrance of your apartment flat while balancing the bags and items in your hands.
Being a wedding dress designer and yet picking up your daughter from your ex-husband's house couldâve been ironic to some people. But after having split with Hongjoong since the girls were so young, you came to grow fond of having some independence as a divorcee, channeling your main focus into setting up your own bridal shop downtown.
It was through that hard work and focus that you did it all by yourself with no additional help.
Youâd be lying if you said you haven't opened a bottle of red wine some nights due to loneliness as a divorced single mother, but at least that was what you had your daughters for.
You made sure to work just as hard as you did enjoy playing and spending time with them. After all, they were the light of your life and purpose for living.
Balancing the pizza you picked up on the way home, you set it down on the kitchen island, telling Eunbyeol to go wash her hands in the sink. The girl doesnât stop ranting.
âThereâs usually only two rooms in the cottage, so youâll have to sleep together with dad, but I guess you won't mind, would you? After all, you were once marriedâ She rolls her eyes, reaching for the soap.
You shake your head with a sigh. âWhat is up with you and getting me and your father together in the same room?â you muttered as you took out the plates and utensils.Â
Eunbyeol eventually walks back to you, wiping her hands on her baggy jeans before sitting on the kitchen stool.Â
âItâs not that Iâm obsessed, Mom. Actually, Eunseo and I are just dying to get away this summer now that school is over.â
Turning around from plating the pizza and salad, you chastise your daughter, telling her to sit with her bum flat on the stool so she doesnât fall. She immediately listens, carrying on with her persuasion.Â
âWe just want you and dad to get the chance to relax as well, thatâs all!â her mouth full from a bite of hot, greasy pizza.Â
You smile, wiping your washed hands on the kitchen towel and coming over to wrap your arms around her affectionately.Â
âSpending time with you and Eunseo every week is how I relax,â you assured her, smothering your baby with kisses on her cheek.
Byeol lets out a squeal of annoyance, taking another bite of her pizza. âYouâre squishing me!â She tries hiding her smile, failing when you lean in closer.Â
You pull back in laughter, ruffling her hair as you walk away while reminding her.
âOh! Donât forget youâve got your hockey game tonight!â
Byeol chews faster, munching on the soft crust and counting down the hours on the kitchen clock.Â
She smiles to herself.Â
âDonât worry, I know!â
âWhat do you mean you need to go to the hospital?â Hongjoong asks in a worried voice, standing against the womenâs washroom stall. He holds Eunseoâs congratulatory flower bouquet for first place in hand, feeling the stares of multiple women passing by, clearly judging him for being in the ladies room with them.Â
âHoney, is everything all right?â He asks worriedly. A string of groans come from behind the door.
âYou need to leave!â one old lady thrusts her walking cane at the father, lips pursed in dissatisfaction.Â
Eunseo did such a phenomenal job tonight for her piano recital, that Hongjoong was shocked to see his daughter clutch her stomach first thing after running down the steps of the stage, dashing to the washrooms.
He whips his head back. âMy daughterâs having a bit of a situation in here, okay miss? Have a bit of understanding!â He barks frustratedly out loud to the onlookers before speaking softly back to the stall door.Â
âEunseo, baby, talk to me, is everything alright in there? Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Is it that bad?âÂ
The girl continues her acting performance, letting out fake groans while typing furiously on her cellphone.Â
âOh the pain! I think I might have food poisoning, dad!â
Seolie: How far along are u
Byeolie: Momâs outside, banging to come in.Â
Seolie: same, I told dad I needed to go to the hospital.
Eunseo lets out another groan of pain, causing Hongjoong to worry even more.Â
âThatâs it, Eunseo. Let me in and help youâ he decides, searching his bag for a painkiller or at least some sort of medication for relief.Â
The girl frantically checks her phone, eyes lighting up at the new message.Â
Byeolie: Momâs getting the car to take me to the hospital. Iâve got her convinced to call dad soon.
Eunseo types as fast as her small fingers can move, even faster than when she performed her piano solo from before.Â
Seolie: Then what do I do????
Hongjoong gets slightly suspicious at the lack of sound coming from the stall, calling to his daughter again.
âEunseo? Everything alright?â
At the next notification, the girl makes up her mind, getting the signal from her sister.Â
Byeolie: play dead. Mom calling soon. See ya there.
The actress gets into character, gaining her composure before unlocking the washroom stall and holding her stomach as she stumbles into her dadâs surprised arms.Â
âEunseo!â
She wails, falling limp. âOh, dad! Please! Take me to the hospital, it hurts too much!â
Itâs truly a mystery which parent she got her acting skills from.
But she doesnât have to tell him twice at that point. The man is already piggy backing his fainted daughter and sprinting out of the ladies washroom, reassuring her with soothing comments as he makes a beeline for the parking lot.
âStay with me baby!â He huffs, unbeknownst to Eunseo who peeks one eye open.Â
Only after he straps his daughter in the backseat and is turning on the engine does he receive a sudden phone call from you, pressing the speaker for the whole car to hear your panicked voice. You break the news to him first.Â
âEunbyeolâs severely sick. She fainted right after her hockey game.â
Hongjoongâs eyes widened. âWhat?â
You sighed, running a hand through your hair. âShe was holding her stomach saying she ate something wrong. Is Eunseo okay?âÂ
Hongjoong puts the stick into drive, backing out of the parking lot and replying in a hurry.
âSheâs hit with the same thing right now. Iâll meet you at the Hospital in tenâ he grunts, sweat forming on his brow as he speeds through traffic, not caring if he gets a ticket.Â
Had he looked in his rear view mirror, he would have seen Eunseo sagging near the car door, clutching her stomach with a small grin on her face.
You never liked the hospital.Â
The sounds of babies crying and hospital beds wheeling become the background noise, shifting nervously in your seat that was in the emergency pediatrics unit waiting area.Â
Hongjoong has his eyebrows furrowed, hunched over one seat beside you as he hangs his head in his hands, knees bouncing up and down. A middle aged nurse nasally calls on the next family waiting from the front desk, boredom laced in her voice.Â
You sigh, uncrossing your legs and choosing to bite at the fingernail on your right hand once realizing youâve already done the same to all the ones on your left.Â
âItâs all my fault.â Hongjoong confesses, suddenly sitting still.Â
You glance to your left, watching as he sits up slowly.Â
âLast thing they ate together wouldâve been at my house. I probably made them sick with something I fed them,â he dejects, hanging his head down in shame.Â
âItâs all my fault, god Iâm so stupid!â He beats himself up.Â
You have half the mind to snap at your ex-husband, anger already filling up inside you earlier when you heard Eunbyeol suggest it was something she ate at her dadâs house. You really did want to yell at him for being so bad of a chef that he sent his own daughters to the emergency pediatrics unit, undeniably relieved that Seonghwa was working tonightâs shift.Â
But those cruel words sitting on the tip of your tongue are thrown away when you glance down to see your ex-husband missing a shoe on one of his feet.Â
Hongjoong rushed over here so fast with Eunseo that he left his shoe behind like some sort of fairytale, Cinderella. He hasnât even realized he wasnât wearing one right now.
You exhaled, knowing that if there's one thing youâve learned while parenting, it was that to have patience and understanding was a virtue. Even for your ex-husband.
âItâs not your fault,â you sighed, staring at your hands folded in your lap.Â
It feels awkward when Hongjoong stops tugging at his blond locks to look at you in surprise, continuing to speak as you place a gentle hand on his thigh.Â
âThat couldâve happened to anyone. We donât know yet if it was because of the food. Letâs just pray and wait and seeâ your voice being a sign of reliability to him.Â
The man is a little shocked at your supportive nature to tell you truthfully. He delivers all the things he needs to say through his grateful gaze alone, reciprocating a small smile.Â
âDidnât think Iâd see you guys tonight.â Seonghwa chuckles, walking in before Hongjoong has the chance to reply. He comes from the patient's room wearing his dashing, white doctor's coat. âTogether, at thatâ he mumbles under his breath before looking up and flashing you a polite smile while giving his worried friend a soft pat on the back.
Hongjoong holds his breath when he asks: âHow are they?â
âBetter,â he tells him, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. âBut it was a big shock to their bodies. They need some rest at the moment.âÂ
The pediatrician tries not to show his smile, standing in front of you and Hongjoong while hiding his expression behind his clipboard as per his nieceâs request.
To be fair, if someone had told Seonghwa earlier that evening that he would receive a fifteen minute pep talk from his best friend's twin daughters that day in the emergency unit, he wouldâve laughed in their faces.Â
Alas, life was always filled with surprises. Hereâs what went down thirty minutes earlier in the hospital room:
âWeâre trying to get them back together,â Eunseo announced confidently, sitting next to her sister on the hospital bed.Â
Eunbyeol nodded, eyeing the dumbfounded medical professional standing in front of them with his clipboard tucked under his arm, hands in his pockets.Â
âSo.. you guys donât need an IV drip?â
âItâs this whole entire thing, Uncle Hwa, weâll explain to you later.â
It took a minute before Seonghwa reclaimed his composure as an adult, chastising the twins for pulling a false alarm over something like this. He made sure to make them promise him they wouldnât do something stupid like this again. But after that, of course Seonghwa is immediately pairing to help them with their plan on getting his best friend back together with his ex-wife. The man is just tired of watching Hongjoong beat himself up half the time about missing you.Â
âSo you essentially want me to lie about the fact that you guys donât have food poisoning, and were just faking this whole thing so your mom and dad would have a reason to see each other.âÂ
The twins nod, one of them pointing out. âAnd make sure to tell them weâre fine of course. Maybe throw in weâre like, really sick, but that weâll live so itâs best if we get rest.â
âAt like a cottage or somethingâ the other chimes in, wiggling her eyebrows at the hint.Â
The doctor sighs, scratching his neck sheepishly.Â
When Seonghwa leads you and Hongjoong into the hospital room, both of you feel awful seeing your babies laying in their beds, dressed in the childrenâs gowns.Â
Eunbyeol peeks open her eyes first, voice hoarse (she practiced).Â
âMom? Dad? Is that you?â she groans, pretending to clutch her stomach in pain.Â
Both you and Hongjoong rush to each child, grasping their hands and stroking their heads softly with sympathy.Â
âHey baby, Iâm hereâ you coo.
âIâm so, so sorry girls, it was probably all my fault. I shouldâve never cooked for you guys earlier today.â their dad cries out painfully, looking down in shame.
You come to stand beside him, reassuring them both. âBut whatâs important is that you guys get better now. We want to make sure you get the rest you needâ you say, making eye contact with your ex-husband.Â
Seonghwa clears his throat, crossing his arms as he flashes a wink to the girls behind your backs.Â
âThey seemed to have been mentally exhausted as well,â He asks on purpose, watching as you and Hongjoong share a look with each other. âHave they been receiving proper familial support at home?âÂ
âI canât even remember the last time I saw my parents in the same room together.â Eunseo weakly admits, showing a faint smile.Â
As parents, you and Joong feel the most amount of guilt anyone could ever feel. You realize how exhausting and stressful the pickups and drop offs to each other's houses couldâve been, especially when you two were so busy with your respective jobs to spend time with your daughters now that it was summer break for them.Â
Hongjoong smiles, holding both their hands and making a promise to them.Â
âMake sure to rest you two. Tell me, is there anything you guys need right now? Anything you guys want I'll make sure to get it for you.â
âDo you guys have crunchy ice?â Eunbyeol blurts out loud, breaking her weak facade.Â
Eunseo almost wants to shoot a glare at her sister but she realizes both of you are still looking at them.Â
âI can get you some ice!â Seonghwa quickly assures you and his nieces, mouthing to them good luck for support as he shuts the door behind him.Â
You sigh, coming over to stroke Eunseoâs hair and caress Eunbyeolâs hand.Â
âWell? Is there anything else you guys need from us?â Hongjoong states, eyes soft in sympathy. You nod, waiting to hear their response.
âLet us know girls, anything at all.â
Eunbyeol and Eunseo finally take their chance, sharing a hesitant look before speaking at the same time.Â
âWe want to go to the cottageâ
âTogether,â Eunseo says.
âAs a family.â Eunbyeol adds in.
You and Hongjoong share a silent look.Â
Later into the night, the twins are finally discharged from the hospital, deciding that they would stay at Hongjoongâs mothers apartment which was closest nearby, considering they were both tired and immediately needed a place to rest.Â
The car ride home is awkwardly silent, even as the kids are (what you think) to be fast asleep, hockey gear and a bouquet of flowers riding with them in the backseat.
It was at their request for you to drive them to their grandmother's house, wanting both their parents with them till the ride home. Hongjoong settled on driving your car and dropping all of you off, planning to take a taxi back home and pick up his own car in the morning. Despite your protest on how inconvenient that was, he insisted as he didnât want to disappoint the twins.
But suddenly the man begins to regret his offer, currently driving in complete silence on the highway, eyes facing forward and shoulders tense. Quiet FM nightly jazz plays from the radio.Â
Youâre sitting passenger seat up front with him in what feels like forever, looking solely at the reflections in the window, the street lamp lights scattering across your face as you travel through the nighttime traffic. Itâs awkward being together like this.
You hear him clear his voice, speaking softly so he doesnât wake up the girls.
âSo, are we really considering that cottage retreat?â he glances back at you.Â
You sit up, straightening your back and exhaling as you secretly wanted to have avoided that topic of discussion.
âWe canât Hongjoong,â you reasoned, shaking your head. âI couldnât possibly take a whole vacation from the dress shop. Not unless I had someone take care of it for me, which my staff probably arenât ready to do.â you explained, voice tense.
Hongjoong nodded, understanding your point of view. âI realize that. Iâve got a few projects I have to record and demo with Eden.â he tells you, an arm placed on the wheel with his sleeve rolled up. His veins become perfectly outlined as he passionately tells you about his producing job.
Heâs so hot like that.
Jesus what were you thinking? Cursing your mind as you clear your voice and try to change the topic.
âHowâs everything been going then?â you say stiffly. He nods, still awkward with sharing conversation with you.Â
âUm, it's going good. You?â he asks. Â
âFine.â you swallow.Â
Silence prevails. Heâs first to speak again, building the courage to say the next thing in his mind.Â
âIâm willing to put things on hold if I need to.â He confesses.Â
Hongjoong continues to drive normally after having said that. Now it becomes your turn to stare at him now, watching how he glances at the side mirror, switching lanes swiftly like the pro-driver he was.Â
âWhat do you mean?â
âHonestly, I think it would be good for the girls,â he admits, calling you by your name. Even hearing him call you your name feels weird. It feels foreign, like it almost wasnât yours.Â
âHongjoong-â you warn, shaking your head at the warry possibility.Â
âJust hear me out, alright?â He states firmly, making you quiet.Â
He glances back into the rear view mirror, watching your girls peacefully asleep with their heads leaning against each other.Â
âItâs been almost seven years. Seven years since theyâve last seen their parents speak to each other without breaking into a fight. Tonight was the first time they saw us together without having to plan a drop off and pick up in god knows how long.â
Hongjoong licks his lips, gripping the wheel as he emphasizes. âSeven years since theyâve gotten a goodnight hug and kiss from us at the same time in one place.â
You scoff, turning to face him properly this time. âI donât know why youâre acting as though we can make this request of theirs come true Hongjoong. This is a big deal-â
âIt is a big deal!â he exclaims, trying to get his point across. âI can see how badly our daughters want us to both be in their lives more, to acknowledge the fact that the other still exists after splitting apart.â
He sighs. âUs, not acknowledging each otherâs existence at all is worse than if we had to see each other regularly.â
You bite your lip, getting angry. âSo what Hongjoong? Youâre saying you want to suddenly play family with them at the cottage?â
You shrug your shoulders. âDo you really think we can pretend to be normal parents to them without fighting like we are now? Thereâs a reason why our current schedules work. Donât make me seem like the bad guy for not wanting to take them.â You glared, pointing a finger at him. His jaw locks.Â
âYou fully knew the lifestyle changes we would need to make as a couple when you signed those legal papersââ
âWell then did you also predict everything that happened after you brought me those papers?â He spits like venom, gaze hard as he clenches the wheel.
You blink your eyes at his words, pressing your knees together at his sudden attack.Â
You donât remember clearly if you even meant what you said at the time when you threw those papers at him seven years ago. But all you still know is that Hongjoong was just as stubborn as you were, making up his mind to sign them in the end regardless.
Looking in the rear view mirror, you muttered to him quietly.Â
âDonât raise your voice. The kids are sleeping.â
Their dad scoffs, muttering a sure, under his breath as he switches lanes.Â
The kids were in fact, not sleeping, and very much awake. Eyes closed but ears wide, as they were listening in to the first real discussion their parents were having in so long. Or perhaps it was an argument?
At the right turn into his motherâs apartmentâs underground parking lot, Hongjoong shuts off the engine, getting out of the car without another word and shutting the door in your face.Â
You pinched the bridge of your nose, hear the back door open.Â
You watch in the corner of your vision as his demeanor immediately changes, softly caressing Eunseo and Eunbyeolâs hair.Â
âHey girls, weâre here now. You gotta wake up.â He coos.
They yawn theatrically, pretending to stretch their arms.Â
âSo soon?â Eunbyeol mumbles.
A few feet ahead, you see your mother in law walking out from the elevators, a knit cardigan wrapped around her small frame. You smiled, getting out of the car and greeting her first.Â
âWeâll leave Eunbyeolâs hockey gear with you for the night if thatâs alright Mom-âÂ
Hongjoongâs words are cut off as the woman who birthed him walks straight past him, ignoring him and immediately taking you in her warm embrace, eyes forming crescent moons.Â
âHow are you my dear?â she asks, causing you to smile and hug your mother in law affectionately. âItâs been so long, Iâve missed you so much!â
Despite the break up between you and Hongjoong, you were thankful for one thing, and that was the fact that your relationship with Hongjoongâs family stayed strong, especially with Mrs. Kim.
âIâve missed you tooâ you tell her genuinely. âIâve been good, Iâm just sorry for dropping them off so suddenly at your place,â You say, feeling apologetic for waking her up late into the night.Â
âWe had a bit of a situation,â you explain, watching as Hongjoong collects their things.Â
She shakes her head, reassuring you. âNonsense! Why would you be sorry for that.â she grins, turning her head at the car. âAnd where are my girls, may I ask?â
At the sound of her voice, Eunbyeol and Eunseo dash out from the back seat and into their grandmother's welcoming arms, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks.
Hongjoong is the only person that stands all alone, awkwardly holding the bouquet of flowers with heavy hockey gear and a duffle bag perched on his shoulder.Â
âOh, how Iâve missed my little squirrels!â she exclaims using their signature pet name and happily reuniting with her grandchildren.Â
She turns her head, face falling at the sight of her son and lips pursing into a frown.Â
âAnd where on earth have you been? Not giving me a call!â she snaps, slapping her son on his back. Eunbyeol laughs out loud while Eunseo tries to keep her giggles in.Â
You hear your ex husband protest to her while you close the back seat door.Â
âOW! Iâve been busy alright?â he mumbles, massaging his sore arm.Â
Your mother in law takes both the twins handâs on each side, nodding her head to you.Â
âLeave all the kidâs stuff to Hongjoong, heâll take care of it darlingâ she smiles sweetly, sending a glare to her son to take a hint and be more of a gentleman to you. She walks away with her smiling granddaughters, exchanging light-hearted giggles and excitement. âBye, mom!â The twins wave back.Â
Hongjoong cranes his head up, sighing at the ceiling before taking Eunseoâs piano bag that you were holding in your hand in one swift motion, walking reluctantly behind the three.Â
âStay here. Iâll drop them off.â he briskly walks away, leaving you stunned.Â
Hongjoongs words from before canât help but replay inside your head as you wait for him to come back down.Â
Before you guessed it, it was already the ride back home, and the car was painfully silent once again. In reality, you were each thinking deeply to yourselves about the possibility of the cottage retreat. Could you really be a mom and dad together as a couple to your kids?
âAre you giving your plants enough water?â He brings you out of thought, the car slowing down as he turns onto your street.Â
You look up, giving him a confused look.Â
Hongjoong nods in direction, following his eyes to look at the measly, dying flower pot perched on the steps of your flatâs entrance as the car stopped to a halt. âYou know, itâs really hard for plants to die when theyâre outside.â He says in amazement at your shit gardening.Â
You scowl at him, asking him when he became such a plant expert all of a sudden.Â
He continues to poke fun at you, smirking when he undoes his seat belt. Hongjoong suddenly leans over to help you unbuckle your own, face dangerously close to yours as he lowers his voice.Â
âUnless their owner just really sucks at taking care of them.âÂ
His eyes gaze into yours for a split second, feeling your face heat up from the proximity. You let out a tiny gasp for air when he leans back in his own seat.Â
âFuck offâ you replied harshly.Â
âYou should give them some more care,â he suggests, ignoring your swearing.Â
You donât reply to his stupid comment, refusing to look at him as you get out of the car.Â
âI can go in by myselfâ you press, adjusting the strap of your purse on your shoulder. You didnât think it was necessary to draw out your time with this man any further.
Hongjoong straightens his dress shirt as he moves to your side of the car, shoving his own car keys in his trousers as he locks your doors and hands over the keys. You take them hesitantly, watching as he rests against the car door, strong arms crossing against his chest.Â
âThink about it at least.â he mutters to you.Â
You look at him, eyes shutting softly when you realize he was still talking about the cottage getaway. Sighing his name is exasperation, you run a hand through your hair.Â
âHongjoong-â
âWould it kill you to spend a week with me and our daughters?â He scoffs as he asks you straight up, looking at you in a way that makes you hesitate to say your next words. You observed one hand come to shuffle with the silver lighter in his trouser pockets.Â
You stayed silent for a moment, genuinely thinking back to your daughters and what this meant to them if you went. What this would mean for you two as well.Â
Finally, you look up to him, returning his gaze.
âI need time.âÂ
He nods, face serious. âI understand.â
âLet me think about it.â You mumbled.Â
And with that you turn around, walking up the steps to your front door. At the sight of your flowerpot, you quickly remember his comment and snatch it in your hands, slamming the door shut to Hongjoong as he finally lets a soft grin break out on his face. Letting his back come up from leaning against the door, Hongjoong nods his head, satisfied enough at that answer, as he walks silently down the road while opening his Uber app.Â
At least youâd give it some thought.Â
Okay, maybe now youâve given it too much thought.Â
Sipping your fifth glass of wine of the night, youâre sitting, back hunched over with your knees tucked into your chest on the breakfast table chair, zoning out as your best friend Sophie continues barking at you and your inconsistent commitment.Â
âI donât even understand why youâre considering going! Does the man realize what it takes to leave your own shop for a full week?â she fumes, adjusting her royal jelly sheet mask while cursing at your ex-husband for pressuring you into going to the family retreat.Â
âNot everyone can just pack their bags and go swimming at the cottage, Jesus Christâ she rolls her eyes.Â
âHe didnât pressure me,â you told her pouting. âHe wants to do it for the kidsâ you mumbled looking down as you defended him.Â
You invited your best friend Sophie over to your apartment that evening for your weekly slumber party, a time you each looked forward to dedicating a bottle of wine and chardonnay over some gossip, spilling all the uneventful drama in your lives.Â
Perhaps you revealed too much drama to your best friend tonight.Â
âI donât think I would mind going, to be honestâ you hiccup, words slurring. âI havenât had a vacation in so long, Sophie, and the girls really want to go! I would feel bad for leaving them with nothing to do this summer.â confessing through the alcohol.Â
Cheeks flushed, you sigh as you play with your silk robe mindlessly while Sophie shakes her head at you, one hand coming up to snap at you and bring you back to reality.Â
âHello? Earth to Ms. Divorcee?â She sighs, rolling her eyes in frustration. âYou said you wanted to set boundaries with him! To cut the line straight and keep your distance so you could get over your feelings for him! Show him whoâs boss!âÂ
âHe said heâs willing to put his music projects on hold for us,â you muttered quietly, the thought making your heart weak as you smiled at the memory of Hongjoong teasing you about your flower pot. Your chest blossomed with warmth now.Â
Sophie sighs, shaking her head as she thinks just how differently you were feeling four wine glasses ago.
âListen, honey, Iâm just warning you in advanceâ she sips the golden liquid in her glass before placing it on the table.Â
âTake it from a girl whoâs had three divorces. I mean look at me! Iâm still somewhat young, Iâve got no kids, no responsibilities, filthily rich, and not once have I had to pay for my own divorce settlement fees!âÂ
You nod mindlessly, eyes blinking softly under the bright kitchen lights.Â
âWhat you need is a provider, sweetheart,â she crooned, caressing your head.Â
âA guy who wonât leave you stressed and unimpressed like Hongjoong does.â
You continue mindlessly nodding your head at her words, ears perking up when you hear small footsteps come down the stairs.Â
âHi mom, Hi aunt Sophie.â Eunbyeol greets, eyes glued to her iPad that Eunseo trails after from behind, whining how it was now her turn to play Super Mario. Â
âHi girls,â Sophie replies like the cool, hot aunt she is, eyes shut as sheâs concentrating on giving herself a collarbone massage right now.Â
âHey sweetheart,â you mumbled, smiling at your daughters standing near the fridge getting a glass of water.Â
âSay, did your dad tell you guys anything about the cottage?â You blurt out loud, avoiding the look that Sophie gives you. Eunbyeol looks up from the glowing screen, ears perking in interest. âNo, not much, why?âÂ
Eunseo snatches the iPad from her twin, coming over to you. âDid Dad say weâre going?â She asks enthusiastically, eyes widening. Sophie is quick to assure them.Â
âNow of course not girls, your mother here was just-â
âOh fuck it, why not?â you say confidentially, shining a bright smile. âLetâs go to the cottage!â You exclaimed in drunk excitement, all three girls staring at you with their jaws hanging at your sudden profanity as well as your final decision.Â
Oh, how dangerous the effects of a bottle of wine were.Â
Eunseo and Eunbyeol immediately embrace each other in a passionate hug, squealing in excitement that their plan actually worked. You and Hongjoong were now both convinced. âOh my gosh, weâre going to go as a family!â They cried in happiness. You giggled at their joy, reciprocating their enthusiasm. Â
Sophie leans back in her seat defeated, shaking her head with pursed lips as she picks up the whole Chardonnay bottle and sips it.Â
âOh whatever. . . This isnât my problem anyways.âÂ
When Hongjoong drops by the next morning to pick up Eunbyeol and Eunseo from your house for the weekend, he canât lie but be a little heartbroken at the way his daughters ignore his kiss to them first thing. They instead, immediately shove the cottage advertising pamphlet in his face with victorious grins.Â
âSee! We told you mom would say yes!âÂ
âSay yes to what?â He pouts, avoiding the paper and obsessively trying to peck a kiss to each of his daughter's cheeks. The idea of going to the cottage almost slipped the busy manâs mind after almost a week of no news from you.Â
âWhatâs so important that you guys donât even say hi to me anymore?â he sulks.
Eunseo giggles, fighting back her laughter when her dad tries to tickle her with his kisses.Â
âWeâre going to the cottage!â
Hongjoong stills himself, leaning back to make sure he heard her correctly.Â
âWeâre what?â
Eunbyeol, taking after her mother, has a cheeky expression on her face as she places her hands on her hips and sasses her father.Â
âPack your bags and swimming shorts, daddy, weâre going on a family vacation!âÂ
In perfect timing, you manage to stumble out your front door, coffee mug in hand and mid-yawn when you realize Hongjoong is already staring at you in shock.Â
âWhat?â you snap, still grumpy from your slight hangover. âYouâve never seen a woman wake up before?â You replied, asking your kids if they packed all their stuff.Â
The twins watch as their dad stands up from his crouched position.Â
âYouâre going to go to the cottage?â
At Hongjoongs words you freeze, everything coming back to you all at once. The wine, the twins, the promises, it hits you like a moving truck.Â
âWellâŚâ
âNo take backs mom! You said it yourself last night that you were excited to go to the cottage!â One of the twins pointed out.Â
Hongjoong doesnât take his eyes off of you.Â
âI-I did say that, didnât I?â You chuckled sheepishly, toes curling at the rookie mistake you made in parenting 101: saying yes when you shouldâve said no.Â
Your ex-husband quickly tells the kids to put their things in the trunk, promising heâll be right with them after talking to you. As Hongjoong dashes up the stairs in his white polo golf shirt, you feel slightly exposed being in only your silk slip dress and robe.Â
âI didnât realize youâd be here so earlyâ you mumbled, looking down at your toes.Â
He ignores you. âSo Iâm guessing weâre going then?â He smirks, looking at you with an expression of undeniable cockiness and peaked interest.Â
You shrug nonchalantly. âLetâs surround the focus of this trip towards the kidsâ you remind him, straightening your back.
Hongjoong nods, agreeing with you wholeheartedly. âOf course, that was my intention from the beginning,â he smiles.Â
You swallow the lump in your throat, unnoticing his stare drop at your breasts perking up from the cool morning air. You jump in surprise as you hear the honking of the car.Â
âCome on, love birds! We gotta go back to dadâs to get our swimming stuff!â Eunbyeol cackles, leaning from the backseat into the driver's seat window. Eunseo already begins journaling in her hello kitty note book, an organized list of what sheâll need to bring to the cottage.
Hongjoong looks back at his daughters, before looking back at you with a smile.Â
âLetâs keep in touch about details, alright?â
You nod silently, gripping your mug. At the sound of your nextdoor neighbor coming out, Hongjoong contemplates for a moment before quickly leaning forward, shielding you from their view with his backside. Clearing his throat, Hongjoong nods his head to the inside of your house, leaning forward to whisper to you.Â
âThink, um, you should get inside, itâs getting cold,â he mutters, his dimples faintly showing. You glare up at him, âIâm going to say goodbye to my own daughtersâ. Still clueless to what he was referring to. He grins, shrugging his shoulders before looking at you.Â
âIf you insist. Just thought you wouldnât want your neighbor to see what I can see, would you?â
You gasp at his words, looking down at your chest to see what he means before wrapping your robe around you. You quickly waved goodbye to your girls before you shut the door in Hongjoongâs smug face.Â
Itâs now become the second time youâve done that.
Thankfully, the next time you see Hongjoong youâre wearing a much more appropriate outfit. In a white cotton blouse and casual jean shorts, your effortlessly chic vacation outfit was the only highlight today, considering the day you had been internally dreading for so long was finally here.Â
You tried to take deep breaths while scurrying all over your house and finishing some last minute packing. Reassuring yourself that a family getaway couldnât kill you.Â
Right?
Reservations at the cottage were made over the phone last week, booking a house with the perfect lake side view, access to the forest trail and close proximity to the offered activities. It would only be a seven day stay, both in your respective rooms, (you clearly emphasized you and Hongjoong had to have separate ones) while the twins would lodge together. You had no intention of interacting with your husband alone together on this trip, apart from the quote on quote, âfamily bonding timesâ you promised your daughters. And yet why were you here sweating nervously like a sinner in church?
âWhat a hot lady!â Eunbyeol wolf-whistles at your outfit when she walks through your bedroom doors. You jump at the sudden entrance, realizing Hongjoong was already here to pick you up with the girls.
A pair of black designer sunglasses slightly too big for her sat perched on her nose. Eunbyeol smiles before jumping onto your bed of clothes. You already know Hongjoong mustâve spoiled her and her sister with those, buying them a pair each.
âCâmon Byeol, off the bedâ you quipped, packing your toothbrush as she reluctantly slugged off the covers.Â
Your suspicions of Hongjoong buying them designer items are correct when Eunseo walks in, classily perching her matching white ones on her head before chastising her sister's tasteless compliment.Â
âElegant. Sheâs Elegant, Byeol. You donât just go around wolf-whistling at people.â she rolls her eyes.Â
âYou look very pretty by the way, momâ
You smiled, nevertheless pleased at both their compliments and thanking them before going back to doing a last minute check of your things.Â
Sun cream, clothes, makeup bag, swimsuitâŚ
At the thought of your swimsuit you immediately blush, thinking back to how Sophie forced you to borrow her yellow bikini that left very little to the imagination. Despite your protests that you wouldnât be needing it, she insisted.Â
Hongjoong is last to walk through your front doors, swinging his car keys around his index finger and calling to his three girls from the downstairs foyer of your apartment. The man is clearly excited for the trip, he canât lie.Â
âCome on ladies, weâre gonna miss the chance to swim in that lake if we don't leave soon!âÂ
Hongjoong is your typical dad, except for the fact that he does not mess with dad!fashion. The producer is dressed classily from top to bottom in a loose-fitting designer button up with a pair of reformed denim pants, his pearl earrings and gold piercings complementing his outfit perfectly.Â
Kim Hongjoong didn't play when it came to fashion. Even as a father.Â
âComing!â You exclaimed, ushering your kids out of your bedroom and making your way down the stairs with your suitcase. Seeing that it would only be a week at the cottage, you tried to pack light, though you may have to reconsider that thought with the way you struggled to lift the case properly.Â
âNeed some help?â
A strong hand comes to help you, immediately inhaling the scent of Hongjoongâs cologne as he brushes his knuckles near yours. âHere, Iâve got itâ he assures, making you step back and admire your undeniably fine husband.Â
Ex-husband. You meant Ex-husband. Scratch out the fine as well.Â
You watch from behind as he struts out the foyer, smiling and joking playfully with his twin daughters, carrying your luggage out the door with them.Â
What was this trip doing to you?
Once youâre on route to the cottage resort and the GPS is set, the car is blissfully quiet, each and every one of you surprisingly at peace. Jittery excitement still lays deep in your daughters' minds as you overhear them talk about what they want to do first once they arrive.Â
Hongjoongâs 2000s soft rock and ballad playlist is playing quietly throughout the speakers right now, relishing in the music as luscious, green trees flash by you from the passenger window.Â
While Byeol and Eunseo distract each other on their own, Hongjoong turns to talk to you.Â
âIâm not going to lie, itâs been forever since Iâve been on a road tripâ he smiles.
You copy him, feeling good in the moment. âSame, I donât remember the last time I went to one.â you confessed, thinking only of all the times you had in the past when you were a child and as a teenager.Â
Even back to when you were a young college student, wide eyed and so innocent to the chaos of your first college retreat with Hongjoong. That was the summer you two began dating, and boy were you fools in love. You cautiously look to your husband driving, bringing up past memories.
âDo you remember that one college retreat we went on during second year?âÂ
The corners of Hongjoongâs lips are already grinning upwards, smiling as he reciprocates your expression.Â
âRight, like I could forget that summerâ he replies sarcastically, gripping the steering wheel.Â
Itâs an easy memory to digest. A time when you were both so young, filled with nothing but dreams and passionate love for one another. Love so deep, that you remember the nights youâd spend locked up with Hongjoong under the sweaty bed sheets inside your cabin, blissfully making love until the sun would rise and he would finally kiss you to sleep. Perhaps, it was that summer when you realized you were going to marry and be with Kim Hongjoong forever someday.Â
Though itâs too bad, someday already passed.Â
âDo you remember when Seonghwa got so drunk he ended up confessing to Jieun in front of all the girlâs sleeping cabins?â Hongjoong snickers, relishing in the embarrassing memory his friend always hates him for bringing up. You laugh out loud, remembering the memory. âOh my god, yes!â You turned to face him, shaking your head. âIn nothing but his underwear, right?âÂ
Hongjoong nodded, smiling with one hand on the steering wheel as he drove.
âDidnât he end up jumping into the lake afterwards? With you having to go in and save him as well?â You share your laughter with one another, catching up on past memories as your twin daughters listened attentively in the back, reliving them with you together.
That's what makes the hour and half drive from the city into the wilderness feel so short, finally pulling into the graveled parking lot of the vast cottage resort. White suburban cottages lined along one another, a good amount of distance in between each for every family staying.Â
As Hongjoong parked the car, the view outside was so glorious you had to hold your breath. Glistening clear blue waves in the lake reflect the bright sunshine from above. A light breeze is present today with the way the willow and oak trees swayed gently.Â
âItâs beautifulâ you gasped from as far as you got out of the car, stretching your upper body with eyes closed as you inhaled the fresh air.Â
Hongjoong stills his movements, shutting the door before replying with his gaze caught at your backside.
âYeah, it isâ he smiles.
Both of you turn around at a loud voice coming from behind. âWeâre gonna explore the campsites and souvenir shops first!â Eunbyeol shouts as she runs away with her sister's hand in hers, towards the wooden cabin that's settled further away.Â
âWhat about lunch?â you call to them.Â
âWeâre not hungry!â
Hongjoong tells them to be safe, and to stick around nearby. You smirked, helping him unload the trunk as you told him. âTheyâll be fine. Theyâre probably too excited to even think right nowâ you giggled, bumping shoulders with him.Â
You feel the tension that was once so strong between you two fade slowly, walking up the wooden steps of your lodge and exchanging conversation with each other.
âHey, I just want my babies to be safeâ he admits, a grin on his face as he holds the cooler in his hands. You chuckle, shaking your head at his protectiveness.Â
âHere it is!â he exclaims, setting the suitcases in the front foyer as he opens the door. âLodge number 1117â
The two story cottage is larger than it appears from the outside, having a modern yet rustic interior that you and Hongjoong admired. It had everything you would need, from a well designed kitchen area to a cozy living room space.
âItâs perfect, the kids will love itâ you beam, looking at the hanging hammock chair in the corner of the living room and the gray stone fireplace. It fit perfectly for your family.Â
Hongjoong smiles, sunglasses perched on top of his head as he sets the luggage down near the kitchen. Walking up beside him, you help him unload the cooler and ice boxes first, settling into your new home for the next few days.Â
âIâm guessing you still drink?â you ask, looking in his direction as you unloaded the case of beer you saw him bring from the trunk.
He gestured to the booze. âCâmon, it wouldnât be a vacation without it, would it?âÂ
You wholeheartedly agreed, placing a few in the fridge before you shut it closed.Â
âHopefully, this time we wonât end up shit faced like we did back in collegeâ you laugh, turning to face him.Â
âI can already picture that time we got so drunk from that bottle of tequila my friend brought, we snuck out of the campsite and went to the forest and got lost.â you spoke, the memory a little foggy but nonetheless fresh in your mind.Â
Hongjoong smiles, listening as you speak. Â
âThere wasnât anything but trees and bushes in that forest!â You exclaimed, shaking your head. âWhat did we even do there?âÂ
Hongjoong replies nonchalantly, folding the cardboard box in his hands.
âIâm pretty sure we fucked.â
You momentarily freeze at his words, before letting out a soft awkward laugh, causing him to look up.Â
âNo we didnât, Hongjoongâ you immediately deny, not believing his words. But your brows began furrowing at the foggy memory, starting to realize you really couldnât trust your alcohol tolerance, now as an adult and even back when you were a college student. Did you guys have sex? In a forest out of all places?
Hongjoong leans against the kitchen counter, across from you as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and smirks smugly.Â
âNope, I distinctly remember itâ he recalls, taking a step closer so he was now in your space.Â
âI held your hand in mind as we walked up that trail by the cliff. And gosh, were we horny that night, because I remember you complaining about all that dirt you got on your knees from giving me the greatest head i've ever experienced in my entire life-âÂ
Slapping your hands over his mouth to stop him from going on, you blushed as you glared at him.Â
âJesus christ,â you mumbled, rolling your eyes before confessing.
âI get it, we fucked.â
Suddenly, you and Hongjoong break out into giggles like varsity sweethearts again at the story. Though embarrassed and cringing internally from the way you acted as young adults, it was nice to share them together now. At the proximity in which youâre standing in, you can't help but stare at each other softly. A hand wraps around your waist, making your breath hitch as he pulls you closer.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you grin, watching him.
He looms over you, able to tell that something sits right at the tip of his tongue that he hesitantly decides to say. âIâm pretty sure,â he mutters, staring at your face and cautiously grazing the skin under your blouse. You feel your breathing speed up.Â
âI also held you like this in my arms as you were leaning against that treeâ his grip gentle and immediately transporting you back to the scenery that night. His sharp tone contrasts his touch.Â
âYknow, the one we fucked against?â he teases to you one more time.
The scent of burning campfire. A cold, midnight breeze. The feeling of the rough cedar tree against your back as Hongjoong thrusted inside you with every delirious snap of his hips, holding you close while he fucked you to oblivion with only the forest animals standing witness to your sinful actions. The film replays like a cheesy R-rated romance movie in your mind.Â
âDid you, now?â You gulp, looking up at him as you adjust to the foreign feeling of his touch on your hips.Â
âYeah. I remember it allâ he states, smirking down at you with an intense gaze.
The memory dies down when you catch yourself staring at his lips, arms finding their way around his neck as he dives down to whisper softly to you.
âDo you remember too?â He asks.
How he held you in his arms. How he whispered in your ear while you came around his cock, drool and traces of cum littering the corners of your mouth while Hongjoong didnât care if you were stretching his flannel from how hard you were tugging at the material.
You nod. âI do,â you muttered, lashes fluttering as you felt as though your heart wouldnât stop beating. âI remember you kissed me on the lips,â you confessed.Â
Perhaps you wanted him to do it again right now.Â
He looks in your eyes, searching for your approval that you desperately give, breath hitting each other's faces as he slowly leaned down to try and connect your lips. His chest is pressed against yours, and you begin to realize you havenât shared the same breath like that in so long. You were so close to kissing right then and there.
If only you leaned in closerâŚ
âWeâre back!â
You push Hongjoong across the kitchen, shoving his hip painfully into the marble counter and ignoring his high-pitched groan of agony as you immediately look away to avoid suspicion, continuing to grab the beer from the icebox in front of you.
âGirls!â you exclaimed, voice wavering.Â
Of course, Eunbyeol and Eunseo walk in with matching postcards and goodies from the souvenir shop in their hands, their sunglasses perched on their heads as their eyes lit up with excitement. They were still oblivious to the fact that they almost caught their parents about to make out in the kitchen.
âDad, this place is amazing!â Eunbyeol deadpans, telling her father. âThey even have jet skiing on the other side of the lake! We gotta go now!â
Hongjoong clutches his hip, pursing his lips as he hides his expression of pain and surprise.Â
âReally? That's great sweetieâ
Eunseo however, is quick to catch on.
âWhat were you guys doing?â she looks at you suspiciously. Her words hang in the air for a moment.Â
âWere you guys about to kis-â
Hongjoong and you frantically scurry to find a plausible excuse, shuffling awkwardly.Â
âI was helping your dad unload the coolerâÂ
âI was helping your mom get something out of her eyeâ
Both girls stare at you meekly. Eunbyeol scrunches her nose. âHuh?â
Plastering on a fake smile, you briskly leaped over the luggage nearby, ushering them upstairs before they had the chance to ask anymore questions.
âI think itâs time to unpack your things.â you watched their eyebrows quirk at the way you pushed them out the kitchen.
âWe can do it on our own, mom! Itâs really no big d-â
You clamp Eunbyeolâs mouth shut with your hand, blushing profusely as you walk away with them.Â
Hongjoong stands there alone in the kitchen, rubbing his hip and wondering what the hell just almost happened.
The next few days, you and Hongjoong donât discuss the incident between you two. Rather, the beginning of the trip after that event has become a painful performance trying your best to be eerily polite yet distant to each other in front of your children, as if that would make you forget the fact that you two almost kissed in the kitchen.
âCould you pass the sunscreen, honey?â Hongjoong would say awkwardly, turning his back to flash you a cheery smile on the lake deck as Eunbyeol and Eunseo watched you interact while floating in the cool, summer waters.Â
You passed the bottle to your ex-husband while maintaining awkward distance. âOf course, darling!âÂ
âThanks honey!â
âNo problem sweetheart!â
This resulted in Eunbyeol and Eunseo looking at their parents in horror, the youngest twin muttering under her breath as they discussed an urgent change of plans.
âWe have to get them to stop being weird.â
Apart from that, the âfamily bonding timeâ promise to your daughters was maintained, and each day was an adventure for all of you in terms of what you would do together next. An accumulation of forest trekking, water-skiing and outdoors barbeques on the patio of your cottage made everyday feel more and more special for your girls, seeing how they relished in having both their parents with them at the same place and time. It became moments of peace and resolution that eventually became special for you and Hongjoong too.Â
âI hope we stay here forever,â Eunseo blurted out one evening after a blissful day near the lakeshore, watching as the sun began to go down. She was busy licking the sticky sides of her melting ice cream cone in one hand, the other one held in yours.Â
Hongjoong and Eunbyeol were a few feet ahead, laughing loudly and holding hands as they compared their fruit popsicles with one another to see whose was bigger.Â
âYou and Byeol would eventually get sick of going to the lake all the timeâ You smiled, the corners of your mouth turning up before her next words made the strings of your heart tug.Â
âSure, but at least you and dad could be together with us too.â
You watched as she ran up to her sister and dad, joining in on their fun as she began boasting that her ice cream was better than theirs. Hongjoongâs smile is the biggest youâve ever seen it to be, looking down at his girls with a golden tan from the past few days spent outside, and hair slightly damp from swimming.Â
Any person could tell the love in his eyes was as pure a fatherâs love for his girls could be.Â
Her words stuck with you until that very night, where after dinner, board games, and much pacing back and forth in your own room before getting into bed, you decided to cautiously approach Hongjoongâs room on the opposite side of the second floor.
Bare feet padded across the wooden floors as you peeked through the sliver of the open door.
He's wearing an oversized sleep tee and blue pajama pants, getting in some nighttime reading before bed. His glasses are perched on his nose, intently reading his paperback novel. He looks as domestic as a husband gets.Â
At the sound of your steps though, he sits up from his relaxed state on his bed, one arm that was supporting his head coming out as the other hand settles the book down on his abdomen. He looks surprised to see you.Â
âHiâ he states, looking at you.Â
âHeyâ
Hongjoongâs expression immediately softened at your figure, watching as you shuffled awkwardly in front of him. The room is quiet.Â
âCan I come in?â
âOf course,â He nods, setting his bookmark in the spine of the cover and turning his attention to you, offering you to take a seat on his linen covers. You see his polaroid camera with photos taken of Eunbyeol and Eunseo perched on a desk nearby.Â
You donât see the ones he secretly took of you, as those are in his drawers.Â
âDonât tell me you canât sleep by yourselfâ he gently teases before watching as your smile doesn't reach the ends of your eyes. You wrap your silk robe closer to your body, feeling sort of vulnerable.Â
âHow do you like the resort so far?â He asks, watching as you played with your fingers absentmindedly. âIs the room okay?â
âItâs wonderful Hongjoong, better than I could ever have hoped for.â You spoke up, telling the truth.
Itâs hard to arrange your thoughts in your head when itâs just the two of you in his room. The kids were already fast asleep. Now was your chance to just tell him how you felt. Why were you hesitating so much?
âHey, look at me.â Hongjoongâs soft voice calls out to you, a protective hand coming out to caress the back of your head in habit. He can tell you want to say something, and the gesture makes you emotional, remembering how he always used to do that to ease your nerves when you were younger.Â
âWhatâs wrong? Am I making things uncomfortable on the trip?â he worries about the boundaries you established with him at the beginning, watching as your lip begins to quiver and the emotions suddenly overcome you.Â
âI just wanted to tell you Iâm sorry.â you sniffled, tears forming near the brim of your eyes as you looked up at the father of your children.Â
Hongjoongâs eyes widened, shifting through the covers over to you. âWoah, hey, shh thatâs alright I got youâ he coos, immediately going into dad mode and embracing you in his arms, letting your head rest against his chest.Â
The action is natural, no longer foreign or weird, and you silently thank him for leaving reassuring circles on your back. Husband or not, Hongjoong would always be your best friend first. You had forgotten how much you missed this comforting side to him. Â
âTell me what youâre sorry aboutâ he states, chest tightening at your wet cheeks before he slowly raises your chin to look him in the eyes.Â
âFor being mean to you for so longâ you sniffle, a weakened state of emotional guilt eating away at you. You let him watch you carefully.
âIâve been thinking about how happy the girls have been during this trip. A-And it kills me that weâve been fighting for the past seven years, and that theyâve grown up seeing such bad parts of ourselves, of my own selfâ you ramble, confessing how you felt.Â
You look up. âTheyâre happy because weâre together Joong. Because weâre not fighting or avoiding each other like we used to do before.â
He watches as you look up at him with tears forming in your eyes.Â
âYouâre such a good dad. And I realized you deserve to hear that.â
At the sounds of more sniffles, Hongjoong finally speaks, smiling as he brushes stray hair from your face.Â
âI wouldnât want anyone else but you to be the mother of our children, I hope you know thatâ
His truthfulness throws you off guard.
âIâm sorry tooâ he sighs, letting you sit up straight and look him in the eyes properly. âI havenât been the best partner either, baby. We were both mean to each other.â he says, brushing a tear away from your face.
âIâm pretty sure youâve thrown a hair dryer at me once before as wellâ he attempts to make you laugh, affection blooming in his chest when he sees he succeeds, wiping your tears.Â
âBut I already knew how you felt, sweetheart. I always knowâ he smiles, eyes mirroring a weak ache in his heart. Â
âMarried or not, we were once friends. And now weâre familyâ His voice turns deep, strong and dependable like the father heâs become.
âWe can start overâ you tell him, smiling as he folds his hands over your palm. âWe can always do better from now and going forward. For ourselves, and for Eunseo and Eunbyeol.âÂ
Hongjoong nods, hesitantly for a split second before he leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek, showing a gesture of affection that you longed for so long.
You shut your eyes, the kiss making your heart flutter.Â
âFriends again?â He whispers, though silently wanting something more.Â
You sighed, pulling him in closer to embrace in a hug. âFriendsâ you nodded while inhaling his comforting scent.Â
The next morning, and for the rest of the remaining trip onwards, you and Hongjoongâs relationship dynamics did the equivalent of a 180 degree turn.Â
Itâs hard to believe you two really just wanted to be âfriendsâ
Eunbyeol and Eunseo could tell by the way you talked to each other more, noticing you share more secret glances and fleeting touches that were innocent to the eye, but concealing a longing that you both tried to hide. You knew you couldnât get carried away. You and Hongjoong were simply resolving a rough patch in your parenting. Not getting back together in a relationship.Â
But after spending more time together while Eunbyeol and Eunseo became occupied on their own, it was hard keeping the interactions to a justified amount. Long walks in the forest, evenings spent cooking together, even cuddling together on the couch during family movie night. Thinking your kids were too busy watching the vintage Disney movie play on screen, when in fact, the real love story they were more invested in was happening right in front of their eyes, watching their parents falling in love again.
This led to the last event in their plan that they hoped would finally seal the deal.Â
On Saturday night, the last night of your trip before you had to go back to the city, you and Hongjoong are surprised to find mini invitations left on your beds, scribbled in glitter pen and cursive handwriting reading out the following:
Gourmet Dinner Date for 2
Time: 7:30 pm
Location: Outdoor patioÂ
Dress code: Formal and Classy
You and your husband chuckled at the cards left on your beds, suddenly finding a twin each by your side and ushering you to get ready.Â
âDo you and your sister even know how to cook dinner, Eunbyeol?â You questioned as your daughter rushed to push you into your walk-in closet, forcing you to get ready.Â
She huffs, placing her hands on her hips looking offended.Â
âAt least my cooking skills donât take after Dadâs, mom.â She mumbled, choosing your shoes for you. âHave some trust in a girl!â
Meanwhile, Hongjoong gets pampered by Eunseo in the other room, though in reality, her blunt critiques on her dads fashion are bruising his pride at the moment.Â
âDad, you have many normal clothes to wear. You have to chill with the ripped baggy jeans.â she demands, trudging through his closet to find something formal for him to wear.Â
He begins to protest but his daughter shakes her head. âYouâre supposed to look good for mom!â she huffs, searching on her own. At Eunseoâs words, the man starts to slightly worry, scratching the back of his head.Â
âYou and Byeol are gonna join too, right?â
She stops for a second, looking back to her father as she avoids the question and instead retorts back.Â
âItâs just a date, Dad. Relaxâ
Back to what was happening in the other room at the end of the hallway, you huffed in frustration when you walked back into your closet after Byeol rejected another one of your outfits for the dinner date.Â
âI have nothing else to wear, sweetie, these are all the clothes I have.â you came to terms with a hand coming to your forehead after having searched in despair.Â
The ten year old shakes her head before pushing you out of the way and digging deep into your suitcase. She reveals a delicate piece of material you didnât even realize you packed.Â
âWe got some help from Aunt Sophie and Uncle Hwa to pack you guys clothes that you could wear for a special occasion.â she wiggles her eyebrows, a smug grin on her face as you gap in shock.Â
You inspect the dress, lips parting in disbelief as you feel the material.Â
âI havenât worn this since I was in college.â You uttered softly to yourself.Â
At one longing look of the short dress, you shake your head, walking back into the closet to find something else. âI-I canât wear this Byeol, what would your dad think?â you asked nervously.
âDad said he thinks your boobs looked hot in this dress so Aunt Sophie and I picked it speciallyâ she looks up at you, proud of what she just said. Â
You whip your head around, mouth hanging open in shock.
âByeol! Where did you hear that from?âÂ
She sighs. âDad had one too many drinks this one time and started talking about you guys back in collegeâ she explained before shoving the infamous black dress in your hands.Â
âTalked a lot about how pretty you were,â she draws out her words in a teasing voice. You curse your husband for his mistake.
You bite your lip as you stare down at the fabric in your hands.Â
It was undeniable. You knew you looked amazing in this dress. You could testify from the amount of times Hongjoong ripped it off of you after countless night outâs filled with sexual tension and playful flirting. For god's sake, Eunbyeol and Eunseo couldâve almost had another sibling thanks to that dress.
âFine.â you muttered bashfully, turning away as you walked into the closet to change.Â
âBut Iâm just gonna try it on.â
Thirty minutes, one mental breakdown and too many outfit changes to count later, you walk down the stairs wearing the dress Eunbyeol had successfully persuaded you to wear.Â
What do you know, the kid was right. Your boobs looked amazing in that dress.Â
Not just your boobs, your whole body looked incredible with its strong curves and the beautiful fill it gave to the dress, making it slightly tighter than when you wore it as a twenty year old, but still all the more mature and sophisticated. You really did look hot.
Eunbyeol rushes down the stairs before you, catching up with her sister to inspect her job on their fathers preparation.Â
âWell?â She says expectedly, looking at her dad. âLetâs take a look!â
He sports a simple yet timeless white collar dress shirt, the first few buttons undone as he wears a form fitting black dress-vest that accentuates his waist, dress pants paired to go along with it. Though simple, his silver rings pulled the outfit together, making him just as good looking and sophisticated as you were.Â
Hongjoongâs back faces towards your front, watching as the man nervously shuffles his hands in his pockets.
âHow do I look guys?â He gulps, adjusting his collar and sweeping his blond hair back.Â
Eunseo rolls her eyes, a grin on her proud little face. âDo you even have to ask, dad?â Sheâs more than confident in the outfit she and Seonghwa coordinated together.Â
He chuckles, shaking his head as he nervously tells them.Â
âI want to look good for your mom, you know what I mean? She's a difficult woman to impress sometimes.â
âIâm difficult?â You tease, walking down the last few steps of the stairs.Â
The man turns his head around, losing his breath at the sight of you standing there in front of him, wearing that dress that he hadnât seen you wear for so long, looking breathtaking in every possible way.Â
âHiâ you grinned softly, feeling sort of shy.
The way you fit in that dress made an insatiable hunger fuel inside Hongjoongs chest, eyes gazing at the way you strutted over in the black, lace covered material with your hair tied back and glossed lips turned upwards as your dimples showed. He breaks from his admiration when you quirk a brow at him, making the man almost fall to his knees and stutter uncontrollably.Â
âI-I No I didnât mean that-â
You giggle as you bravely take Hongjoongs hands in your own, shutting him up as you turn to your daughters standing in front of you, starstruck at your aura.Â
âOutside, right?â you winked at them.Â
âRight this way!â Eunseo enthusiastically leads you out back to the outdoor patio, a perfect view of the garden and lakeside coming into effect. Hongjoong slips his hand from yours, and slides it across your waist, pulling you into his side.Â
âMy parents are too coolâ Eunbyeol sighs under her breath, watching from behind in awe.
Your ex-husband makes you swoon when he leans in to whisper softly. âYou look breathtaking, sweetheart.â feeling an immense sense of pride at how lucky he was to make you the mother of his children.Â
You blush, turning to him to whisper playfully back.Â
âNot bad yourself.âÂ
You both look forward when you come to a stop at the patio steps, sheer amazement at the full preparation your daughters did for this event. Fairy lights were hung around the area, a table with two chairs on either side placed with a white table cloth and a bouquet of freshly hand picked flowers from the forest, battery powered candles that were sold at the souvenir shop lit in the middle and glowing softly.Â
Eunbyeol dashes to the door when it rings, making you and Hongjoong furrow your brows.Â
âIs someone here?â he asks, watching Eunseo fold a napkin over her arm like the pro waiter she was. The other one walks out, an oily fast food paper bag in her hands as she smiles. âDinner is served!âÂ
âTurns out that diner 15 minutes away also delivers!â She chuckled, helping her sister plate the two cheeseburgers, fries, and vanilla and strawberry milkshakes.Â
You and Hongjoong continue to watch in stunned amazement as the girls prepare the not exactly gourmet(?) but still impressive meal in front of you, their small hands working swiftly.Â
âYou guys prepared all of this?â You asked, getting a little emotional. They grin proudly, nodding their heads. âWe called the place earlier and planned it all by ourselves!â
You pressed a kiss to each of their soft cheeks, thanking them both as Hongjoong did the same.Â
âWhat did I do to get so lucky with my girls?â he smiles, ruffling their heads.Â
âWhat about you guys?â You asked, watching as they slowly backed away to give you two some privacy.Â
âNatalie and her mom invited us over for dinner and a sleepover tonight at her cottage,â Eunbyeol smiles. At the mention of their newly made friend that they had gotten close to over the week, Hongjoong looks at you then back at them.Â
âWhat? But- â
She cuts him off, rolling her eyes. âHer mom said itâs totally fine with her. Sheâs only two cottages down, and sheâll make sure weâre back in time again for tomorrow when we leave!âÂ
The two girls smile in excitement, though the both of you have your parental instincts kick in.Â
âPlease?â they begged, wanting you to let them go so that they could do this for you guys as much as they wanted to do it for themselves. âSheâs waiting for us now!â
Hongjoong feels guilty. âCâmon, you guys should still join us!â
Eunseo immediately shakes her head, declining the offer.Â
âTonight is all about you guys. We donât want to intrudeâ she chuckles, bumping shoulders with her sister who chips in.
âWeâll text you guys in the middle to let you know everythingâs good of courseâÂ
You and Hongjoong smile, a feeling of immense proudness overwhelming you from seeing your daughters act so grown up. There wasnât anything else you felt grateful for more.Â
âThank you girls.â you muttered softly, watching as they flashed you a wink before hurrying out through the backyard door.Â
âDonât get all kissy in the backyard!â Eunbyeol teases, making cheesy smooching sounds with the back of her hand as her sister rolls her eyes and shoves her out.Â
Before you know it, youâre left standing with just the sound of smooth jazz playing on the patio speakers and the buzzing of the summer cicadas.Â
âShe takes after you, I hope you know thatâ You told Hongjoong softly. Â
He chuckles, âNot as much as you.â He gestures to the table. âShall we?âÂ
And thatâs how the next few hours seem to pass by without even realizing.Â
You see, there was a reason why you fell in love with the man sitting in front of you, and youâre just beginning to remember it now. Being with Hongjoong felt as if the moment was everlasting, and you could testify that from the amount of laughter and deep conversation that was shared over dinner, bringing you to sit on that patio until the sun had set. Every so often youâd smile again at the thought of the twins preparing this all for you.Â
âI donât remember the last time Iâve been on a date like thisâ You blurted out after laughing about something, taking a sip of your strawberry milkshake through a straw.Â
âOh, so weâre going on dates now, are we?â Hongjoong grins, making you roll your eyes at him.Â
You lean forward on the table cloth, watching as a glimmer passes through your husbandâs eyes while he sits back in his chair, cocking his head to the side as he clears his voice.Â
âBut youâve gone on dates after we split, havenât you?â he asks, leaning forward in interest now, letting his chin rest on his palm.Â
You shook your head slowly.
âNope. Not since signing those papersâ you revealed.Â
Hongjoong furrows his brows in surprise. âAnd whyâs that?âÂ
You suddenly didnât have an answer. âI-I donât know, I justâŚâ You began, watching how he looked at you with an unreadable expression. You smiled, looking down and suddenly feeling embarrassed.Â
âI guess I was too focused on running the bridal shop, I couldnât find the time to.â You use as a cliche excuse.Â
âBullshitâ he retorts back immediately.Â
âItâs true!â You protested, throwing a fry at him that he dodges, landing on his finished plate.Â
âYou always did say back when we were younger that you wanted to be a designer. And look at you nowâ he admires, letting the candle lights shine a youthful glow to your face.Â
âYou always said you wanted to become a music producer and write your own songs.â you reciprocated, smiling as you soaked in the presence of one another. âAnd here you are now.âÂ
You think for a moment before asking the same question.Â
âHow about you?âÂ
Hongjoong silently shakes his head as his answer, though silently thinking about something else. The music changes to some old Billy Joel song in the back. You donât realize it, but Hongjoong smiles to himself when he realizes the girls added it to the playlist. Of course they had to, it was one of the songs you played at your wedding.Â
âWhat were we thinking when we got married like that?â You asked out loud, looking at how far youâd both come. You definitely skipped some of the order of the stages of a normal relationship.Â
âI mean, we had no money, no prospects. Hell, we didnât even have a car, Hongjoong!â you realized.
Your husband laughs, sitting straight and letting some skin show through his unbuttoned collar.Â
âWe were youngâ he justifies.Â
âYeah, and stupid too,â you pointed out, feeling the summer breeze pass by. It felt good to sit here like this with him.
You wondered, could sitting here like this with Hongjoong be a regular thing? After this trip, would you be able to walk back into each otherâs lives again like this?Â
As both parents and lovers?
Hongjoong brings up something you wouldnât have expected him to.Â
âDo you remember when we first found out about Eunseo and Eunbyeol?â he questioned softly, looking at you.Â
You blink, taken aback. Suddenly youâre back in your college dorm washroom, sobs wracking through your body as Hongjoong who had only just sent his first few mixtapes to recording stations and companies nearby, pulled you close into his chest, eyeing the two lines left on the counter while he caressed your back. Only twenty years old and figuring out what you wanted to do with your lives, you were suddenly stuck in a sudden situation that had made you feel like your dreams would have been given up on completely.Â
âI do,â you told him, pulling yourself from the memory.Â
âI remember because in that moment I felt like the whole world was caving inâ. You laughed, though it wasnât fully cheerful.
âI donât regret it, thoughâ Hongjoong replies after some thought, gazing at you with truth in his eyes.Â
You shook your head. âOf course. Neither do I.âÂ
It was a blessing to have two beautiful daughters as the product of your love.
âI donât regret you either.â Hongjoong states.
You lock gazes, unable to take your eyes off of his face.Â
âI loved you when I first met you and I still loved you when we divorced,â he says all at once, making your breath hitch and heart waver.Â
âDonât say that.â you tell him, looking away and suddenly reminding yourself youâre still divorced from the man sitting in front of you.Â
How could he still love you after all this time? How could you feel the same about him?
Hongjoong continues, shaking his head as he bites back the lodge in his throat and makes up his mind. He has to tell you.Â
âTruthfully, I donât think Iâll ever stop loving you.âÂ
Donât do this to me you begged silently.
âIâve hurt you just as much as youâve hurt me.â He swallows, thinking back to the times you already knew he was referring to. The times where you fought to the point where there wasnât even anything worth fighting for anymore.Â
âBut you have given me the greatest gifts of my life.â He smiles, holding his tears back.
âAnd for that I will always love you.â
You push your seat from the table, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and wanting to avoid him.
âI canât do this anymore.â you dejected, walking away from the patio and from Hongjoong.
There wasnât anything else you could fake anymore. You couldnât bear to hear the man you once loved, possibly even still love, say these things like he had a dagger lodged in his heart. Didnât he know he was only going to do the same to you?
Hongjoong is quick to catch up, holding onto your wrist and turning you around, that your back collides with the nearest wall inside, pressing your fronts together and closing the distance.
âWhy do you always run away from me? From the possibility of us?â He exclaimed, voice breaking. His heart crushed at the way you turned your head, hot tears already clouding your vision.Â
âBecause âusâ canât happen again, Hongjoong!â You cried, staring up at the man you once promised your life to.
âDonât you get it? Us going on this trip isnât a sign to get back together. What would we do seven years after breaking up?â
âWe could do itâ He states firmly, staring you down, both your chests heaving.
You bite your tears back again. âNo we couldnât, honey. We would be pretending to think we solved our marriage. What would we do about our daughters? After putting them through our constant fightingâ â
He slams his lips to your own, shutting you up as you painfully resist his touch. Your hands came up to push him away, but at the sudden gesture, youâre already giving in and sobbing softly, letting him hold you for just one last time.Â
Your lips mold so perfectly, it almost hurts how much you missed this feeling. To have him slot his arms around your waist, pull you in close, and cherish you. You almost forgot this feeling.Â
He pulls away softly, watching your lashes flutter, pleading to you for a chance as he leans closer, making your breath hitch.Â
âWe could be together as a family again,â he states firmly, your name leaving his lips in a desperate plea. âWe never know if we tryââ
You drown out his words, looking up with tears falling as you cut him off.Â
âSeven years ago I gave you those papers to sign, thinking that you wouldâve chased after me,âÂ
Hongjoong holds his breath, watching as the next words stumble from your mouth.Â
âI realize now, how stupid I was to think that.â
âI didnât know you wanted me to chase youâ
Shoving his chest away while mustering the last of your strength you uttered. âOf course I wanted you to chase me.â You let go of his hands. âItâs too late either wayâ, walking away from the defeated man.
Hongjoong stands alone near the patio entrance, watching his tears fall to the wooden floorboards. Holding the ring he had kept hidden in his trouser pocket, he plays with it in his fingers, silently wishing he had given it to you sooner.Â
It rains the next morning on your departure back to the city. Perfect, considering it reflects the sudden storm of utter depression that falls upon your family. Long gone are the cheerful giggles and longing stares that were shared between you and Hongjoong during the ride to the cottage.Â
There was no room for that, not after last night.
Eunbyeol and Eunseo sat slumped in the backseat, rain hitting the roof of the car as they mindlessly played on their cell phones. Really, they were peeking from behind every so often and watching their parents sit in the front seat with tension so thick, you couldâve cut it with a knife.Â
What had they done wrong? They planned the trip, the activities, the dinnerâ it was all perfect. And yet why were you still fighting with each other?Â
These questions racked in their brains, baffled to have witnessed the sight of their parents refusing to talk to each other after walking back from their friends' sleepover.Â
Eunbyeol and Eunseo felt as useful as matchmakers without a couple, feeling their efforts all gone down the drain.Â
At the sudden ring of your cell phone, you pick up, answering at the voice of your assistant.Â
âIâm driving back up right nowâ
Hongjoong continues focusing on the road, the occasional wiping of rain from the windshield wipers on the front window.Â
âYes. Thatâs okay, I'll take care of it.â You muttered, glancing at the rear view mirror for a moment. Your twin daughters immediately sigh, having an idea of what to expect when you say those familiar words.Â
âThanks for letting me know.âÂ
You hang up the phone,Â
âOne of us isnât going with you, are we?â Eunseo asks, making you look back at her with a sigh.Â
âNo, youâre notâ You confess, apologetic. âIâm sorry honey. I really am.â
You look back facing the front, swallowing as you told Hongjoong.Â
âYouâll have to drop me off at the studio. Some things arenât working out with the client so they need me to come in and take care of it.â
He nods, unphased as he continues to look straight.Â
âWill you be fine with the girls?â You asked carefully, watching them as they were slumped in the backseat.
Hongjoong grips the wheel before turning to you.Â
âIâll be fine. Donât worry about itâ sending a small smile, though it doesnât fully reach his eyes.Â
The twins thank god that at least neither of them had to choose to go back home with either parent.Â
They wouldâve hated that more.Â
After barely being able to depart and say goodbye to your daughters in front of your studio, holding them close for a warm embrace and thanking them for an unforgettable weekend, Hongjoong drives off with his daughters, an empty feeling cascading his thoughts. He puts on a smile still, trying to cheer up his girls.Â
âWhat do you want to do first when we go home? Want to unpack and then eat? We can eat and then unpack. Or we could- â
Eunseo crosses her arms, having been fed up for far too long.
âDad, you must be out of your mind.âÂ
Hongjoong stills, furrowing his brows and peeking at the first born who crosses her arms, holding an attitude.Â
âEunseo, what are you- âÂ
âYouâre telling me you and Mom just spent a whole entire week together at the cottage, had the best time of your lives since separating with one another, and now youâre just going to go back to not speaking or talking to each other again?â
Hongjoong blinks at his daughterâs sudden outburst, already making a turn into the driveway of his house. Â
Eunbyeol now reciprocates her twin, looking at her dad as she slouches beside him, coming near the front seat area.Â
âSheâs got a point dad. Do you really just not love mom anymore?â She worries, looking up at him genuinely concerned.Â
Hongjoong doesnât know how to answer these sudden questions right now, stuttering to reply.
âMe and your mother are fine!â He lies, trying to reassure them. âThat trip wasnât just for us, it was also for you two to enjoyâ â
Eunseo asks the million dollar question.Â
âIf you still love Mom, why are you letting her go a second time?âÂ
With the engine turned off, it's gone silent. Two pairs of eyes staring at their father, awaiting his response.Â
âWell? Are you going to chase after her or not?!â Eunbyeol groans, her fathers lack of response making her pull her hair.Â
They were right. How could he have made the same stupid mistake twice?
Hongjoong struggles to put the keys back in the engine, telling them to put their seat belts back on. Their eyes begin to glow with hope.
âDo you girls mind staying at your uncleâs for a bit?â He asks hurriedly, punching into his cell phone to call his brother for a favor as he pulls out of the driveway. Eunbyeol squeals, hands clamping over her mouth as her sister speaks on behalf of them both.Â
âDad, if you donât drop us off and get your butt over to momâs right away, Iâm gonna report you to child services.â she threatens, watching as he steps on the accelerator, heart pumping so fast as he smiles through the rear view mirror.
You sighed, holding up your cellphone to your ear.Â
âCall me once she approves the design then,â you told your assistant through the receiver, one hand looking over the sheets of paper, highlighting the changes to the new blueprint.Â
âAlright then, bye.âÂ
After hanging up the phone, you rubbed your temples, head pounding as you tucked the files back into the folder.Â
The clock in your studio showed the hands about to reach seven pm. A few hours had already passed since coming back from your trip to the cottage, trying to forget everything by burying your focus into the new dress prints a client of yours requested, remodeling them after the original was rejected.Â
Fingers worked away swiftly, comparing textiles and fabrics as you looked at the piles of papers and messy sticky notes in front of you. But yet the gears in your mind seemed to churn achingly slow, sighing as you repeatedly told yourself the same thing.Â
Just focus on the dress, focus on the dress, focus on the dress.
Donât think about him.Â
The task is impossible. Your mind canât help but slip back to what your relationship has become with Hongjoong, and what you were going to do now that those seven days were over. For so long you had deprived yourself from indulging in your love life, prioritizing taking care of Eunseo and Eunbyeol while juggling your job as a designer. Had you been doing it all wrong?Â
Hongjoongâs words repeat in your head like a broken record player.Â
I will always love you
Lies. That promise couldnât be kept. Your divorce was a clear outcome of it. You and Hongjoong were two people not meant for one another. You were too different, all you would do is hurt one another, make life an unbearable living hellâ
And yet you missed him. You missed Hongjoong so much.Â
What was fucking keeping you from loving him? Was it your stubbornness? Was it really the fact that he didnât chase after you? Or was it none of that and just your own self being stupid?
The front door of the studio opens, pulling you from your thoughts as you got back to the sketches. You called up from your desk as you worked quietly.Â
âThe studios closed for the- â
Heavy breathing. The man who just walked in catches his breath from dashing out of his car and up the three flights of stairs, driving through almost an hour of traffic in pouring rain to be here in this moment with you.
âHongjoong?â
Heâs drenched, making a mess on the floor of the studio as the droplets fall softly one by one.Â
Suddenly he's striding over to where youâre sitting in long steps before slamming his lips against yours. The kiss throws you off guard, the shock of his cold hands cradling your face makes you close the gap unknowingly.Â
Linking your arms around his neck while kissing back passionately, you let your hands rest on his shoulders, pulling back for air as you panted heavily, catching your breaths and looking at each other with pure love and lust.Â
âWhy are you here?â you asked, feeling dumb because your heart already knew the answer. His hands wrap around your waist, desperate as if you would leave him again.Â
But heâs just so fucking tired of that now. He just wants to love you now.
âI lost you once.â He breathes, eyes watering.
âIâm not going to lose you againâ.Â
Suddenly, everything that kept you from being with each other is thrown away.Â
That hate, that fear, everything is gone because you realize you still needed each other. Youâre still the same twenty year old couple standing in that dorm washroom, holding each other close and knowing itâll be okay because at least you had each other.Â
You grasp onto his damp shirt, pulling him down with such force that your lips meet again, taking charge as you finally allowed him to have you.Â
âYouâre a fucking idiotâ you whined between kisses, curses escaping your lips when he softly bites the flesh of your neck to test the waters. âI hope you know thatâ
He agrees wholeheartedly, nodding as if he was already getting pussydrunk.
âIâm an idiotâ he mumbles to himself, letting it escape his lips like a mantra. Well, he was stupid enough to only chase after you this late, so if his wife told him he was an idiot, then so he was.
âLet me prove how much I love you,â a hand comes to graze near the collar of your shirt.Â
You gasped, watching as Hongjoong lifted you from your seat and rutted his hips against your core pathetically, your ass digging into the edge of the table.
âHere?â Your eyes widened, watching his expression turn dark. He presses kisses on your collarbone, making your hands grasp the wood for support. âHongjoong wait,â you exhaled in a deep breath, heart beating against your chest.
But he doesnât give a shit. Heâs tired of waiting.Â
âItâs been too fucking longâ he protests, ripping your top off. Youâre dizzy from how abruptly heâs stripping you, latching onto his shoulders for support as you wobble from him unzipping your jeans and pushing them down, exposing you in nothing but your underwear and bra.Â
And like the good little whore you are, you immediately spread your legs, letting Hongjoong get a view of the embarrassingly wet patch leaking through your panties as heâs crouched down to let you step out of the denim near your ankles.
Holy fucking shit
You stand bashfully, toes curling from how exposed and vulnerable you were being the only one naked.Â
âPlease?â you asked nicely, letting your foot rest on his shoulder as your pussy was now on full display for him.
You donât have time to even finish the last word before Hongjoong dives in, lapping at your soaking cunt and humming in pure ecstasy at the taste. The muffled vibrations make you throw your head back, tugging on his locks to shove his face further.Â
Hongjoongâs hands press into your thighs that cage his head in, leaving a grip that you guarantee with littering the flesh with red splotchy bruises. Did you mind? Not at all.
When his tongue pokes at the gummy flesh of your walls, you let out a full moan, echoing throughout the studio as the air begins to smell like sex.Â
âRight there, yesâ you urged him, leg beginning to shake from how weak it was getting.Â
He's so invested, you fear he might suffocate any longer if he doesnât pull back for air. So you grasp his head, pushing him away from his meal while you both gasped lightly.
You watch him wipe his slick covered chin with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact as he stares.Â
âYou were just begging to be fucked for all these years, werenât you sweetheart?â He teases.Â
Though you wanted him to lap at your juices until you came, you knew you needed to still feel his cock inside after so long.Â
Your fingers played with the hem of your underwear, smiling back at your husband.Â
âAnd you were just begging to get a taste of this pussy, werenât you, Joong?â wiping that smug grin off his face.
âLay down for meâ he demands, getting up so that one hand finds its way to the back of your bra to unclasp it. The other clears half your desk covered in wedding dress blueprints and sketches, making sure nothing would make you uncomfortable before he fucked you on that mahogany surface so all youâd remember would be his name.Â
And people said romance was dead.Â
When the bra slides off and your bare back hits your desk, you suddenly realize what Hongjoongâs intention was when he ordered you to do that.Â
Soft mounds spill out as your breasts take their natural form, giving Hongjoong the perfect view of your tits. Pervert.Â
He immediately latches his tongue on a nipple, taking his hand and playing with the other, twisting painfully.Â
A cry escapes your lips, parting them open as you let him play with them as much as he wanted to. He smiles against the motherfuckers, knowing that shut you up perfectly.Â
âAre you ready for me to fuck you now?â
âPlease, Joong, I need youâ you whined, submitting yourself to your husband. He already knows youâre in need of one last kiss, coming up to give his wife what she wants by slotting his lips against yours again, this time much harsher.Â
âTell me so that I treat you good, babyâ he mumbles, pulling back and making you clench your thighs together. He undoes his shirt in the meantime, unbuckling his belt and pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek when you sobbed.Â
âFuck me, pleaseâÂ
His fingers slide your panties to the side to press his aching tip to your wet core.Â
âLike this?â He teases.
âInside, Hongjoongâ you emphasized, meaning what you said with the way your nails dug into a pile of papers nearby. Biting your lip from how sensitive and needy your cunt was.Â
âI know, I know,â he murmured, smiling to himself after messing with you.Â
âI just missed this pretty cuntâ before in one strong thrust, Hongjoongâs bulging tip enters inside your walls, giving you a stretch you forgot how much you loved. You whined softly.Â
âShitâ he curses, relishing how the buildup finally led to this moment.Â
The man is ravenous, but heâs genuinely trying his best to ease the painful stretch as you adjust to his thickness, nipping your neck in a trail of hickeys and love bites posessively.
With every thrust he makes, you arch your back, pencils and papers shuffling near by you.Â
âFucking look at my wifeâ he admires proudly, watching the woman he loves bounce her tits at every thrust of his cock.Â
âSâtoo muchâ you caved in, shaking your head at the stimulation.Â
You claw at his arms, head turning to the side as your eyes roll back from pleasure.Â
âI know, mama, I knowâÂ
He grabs a tit in his left hand, the right one coming down to play with your clit, pressing slow circles near where you were connected.Â
âFuck, I missed theseâ He rasps, savouring the feeling of your soft flesh in his hand, making you throw your head back.Â
âMissed how they looked when you were pregnantâ he says, thinking of how ethereal you looked when you were knocked up with his kids.Â
âGod, at this point Iâm gonna get you fucking pregnant againâ Hongjoong grunts, snapping his hips deliriously back and forth. He envisions you round and full, fulfilling his inner fantasy.Â
âShut up.â You spat, breaking the mood as you bit your lip to suppress a moan. He almost laughs when you then crane your hips back to give him easier access to keep penetrating you. The desk shuffles.Â
âYour mouth is saying one thing, honey, but your body is saying something elseâÂ
After hearing his words, you suck him in further, both of you now getting close.Â
âMâclose. Mâso close!â you whimpered, sitting up so that now Hongjoong could hold you in his arms, caging your body so his cock could stuff you better.Â
Your mouth hangs open in silent bliss, hands scratching his back. You leaned into his ear, making the final chord inside him snap.Â
âMake me cum, daddyâÂ
And just like that, youâre clenching around Hongjoongâs massive cock as a creamy white ring begins to form. Hot ropes fill you up inside, tangled in a sweaty mess as he purrs, caressing the back of your head again in habit.Â
âSo fucking good, sweetheart. You did so good for meâ
The sounds of your breathing fill the studio, a pencil or two rolling quietly away on the ground from being shoved off the desk. He shakes his head when you try to pull your sweaty bodies away, hair sticking to your neck but feeling the way he refuses.Â
âJust let me love you,â he mumbles into your shoulder, dick softening inside you. âJust for a moment.â
Youâre too tired to say anything back, so you finally give in.Â
Seven years passed by you two without even realizing how much you still loved each other. Though you wouldnât be able to get that time back, for once, there was something that you and Hongjoong agreed upon.Â
You had no intention of wasting that time any more.Â
đđđđđđđđ:
Months later, and it still takes everything in Eunbyeol and Eunseo hearts to not scream at the sight of their parents when they walk hand in hand, smiling happily in public as they pick their daughters up from the first day of school.Â
The girls jump into their parentâs embrace, eying the two silver rings they now wore proudly together.Â
âHow was school, darlings?â Hongjoong asks, pressing a kiss to Eunseo and Eunbyeol.Â
âIt was fun! We watched a documentary about lovebirdsâ she smiled, looking back up. You laughed softly.
âWhich reminded me to tell you,â she grins, watching as you, her sister, and father all looked at her.Â
âI hope you know that getting you and dad back together was my plan from the start.â she confesses, smirking at Eunbyeol who scoffs, crossing her arms.Â
âNuh uh, this was my idea first!âÂ
Before her sister could yell at her twin, you jumped in.Â
âPlan? What plan?â You asked quizzically, both you and Hongjoong standing there confused.
âTo get you guys to fall back in love again, of course!â Eunseo smiles, both her and her sister now giggling softly together. Â
âHow am I just finding out that there was a plan?â Hongjoong mutters, scratching his neck in confusion. You turned to the two girls, stopping in your tracks on your way to the car
âWhen did you two even think of all this?â grinning in astonishment as you felt Hongjoong slot his hand and intertwine it with yours. It felt natural now.
âYeah, I'm curious tooâ he states, leaning close and becoming intrigued.
Your daughters look at each other before smiling.Â
âItâs a long story.â
But at last, time is something you finally now have as a reunited family of four, walking back to your car, holding hands with a twin on each side.
Listening carefully, as your daughters start from the very beginning.
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Interminable || mark lee
No matter how much you claim you donât want someone, or force your feelings away, you can never hide the truth
Genre- non idol au, friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff, slow burn
paring- mark lee x fem!reader
Warnings- heavy angst, protected sex (mdni), mentions of alcohol, sex under the influence of alcohol (consensually), heartbreak, swearing, tw- mentions of death.
Mark is green and reader is blue/ white !
Word count- 12k
Playlist- kingston - faye webster / take a chance with me - niki / intro (end of the world) - ariana grande / a new kind of love - frou frou, imogen heap, guy sigsworth / a night to remember - beabadoobee, laufey / teddy bear - nct dream / bad religion - frank ocean / hurts me too - faye webster / yume utsutsu - lamp / promise - laufey / moonlight on the river - mac demarco / love - wave to earth / only - leehi
Authors note- omg hi, so this is one of my first angst, plz tell me what you think <3 and also⌠sry for any spelling or grammar errors lol.
July 11th, 9:00 am- beautiful stranger
"Hi! How can I help you today?"
Was the first thing he's ever said to you, a little anticlimactic yes, but you found yourself infatuated.
This was a smoothie shop that you were trying for the first time after moving, so you took some time browsing the menu, the nameless employee asking if you needed any help with anything here and there.
"Well what's your favorite thing?" You asked, looking at him deeply for the first time.
His eyes twinkled like no other, gleaming like the evening star in the night. All you could do was stare as he spoke, taking in all of his delicate features: the way his dark brown hair laid on his forehead, the way he was so expressive as he talked, oh wait, what was he talking about again?
"That's why it's my favorite drink and the large is simply better, sorry I didn't mean to talk your head off." He giggled.
"I'll take that." You grinned softly with him, eyes lighting up as he smiled brightly.
"In a large right?"
"Mhm!"
"Great! One large watermelon smoothie for you, thatâll be 7 dollars."
Your face dropped as he punched your order in on the register. You fucking hate watermelon smoothies, the actual fruit is ok, but the texture of the smoothie you can't do it, like at all.
"Is everything okay?" He asked, looking up at you with concerning eyes.
"Yea, all good!" You forcefully smiled, pulling out your card to pay.
âAll set, Iâll get that ready for you asap!â He smiled, handing back your card.
You found somewhere to sit, making yourself comfortable as you scrolled on your phone, distracted by images of his smile popping up in your head. The smoothie shop was quiet, peaceful really, you being the only customer there.
âHere you go maâam.â You heard from beside you, knocking you out of your thoughts.
âOh thank you, you really didnât have to bring it to me though.â You grinned, grabbing the smoothie from him.
âNo problem really, thereâs no one here anyways.â He smiled back, nodding reassuringly before turning away.
âWait!â You interrupted, tapping the side of your drink nervously.
âWhatâs up?â He asked. His stare made you nervous, eyes so pure it made you want to melt on the spot from looking for one second.
âI was just wondering if um, if I could have your number? You know, Iâm just new to the city and I would love some people to talk to.â You asked.
Your voice was so shaky and filled with anxiety it was so easy to read your nervousness, but he didnât mind it, he found it somewhat cute actually.
âYes, I would love to give you my number. May I see your phone?â You nodded persistently, a small smile on your face from the relief and the excitement, handing him your phone.
âWhatâs your name?â He asked, dialing the number in your call pad.
âItâs Y/n, what about yours?â You said, a smile on your face as he gave the phone back.
âItâs Mark, nice to meet you Y/n.â He stuck out his hand.
His voice, his eye contact, his manners, everything about him made you blush like a little teenager in love with your high school sweetheart, and you had only exchanged a few words.
âNice to meet you too.â You smiled, your hand meeting with his soft hand, shaking gently and slowly, his eyes locked with yours.
âWell I have to get back behind my station, Iâll talk to you later, yeah?â He said as you removed your hand from his, nodding gently, waving as he walked back behind the counter.
You decided to sit there, the vile large smoothie in front of you tasting disgustingly good now knowing who made it. You drunk awfully slow, not just because of the eye candy that worked in front of you, glancing at you and smiling on occasion, but because how the smoothie dreadfully slithered down your throat, holding in a gag every swallow, but you finished it, every last drop. God how a pretty smile could make you do anything, you hated it, but here you were.
You got up from your chair, Mark noticing you, interrupting you before you collected your trash: âOh, I got it!â
You turned to him smiling as he quickly walked over, collecting your trash.
âThank you Mark, Iâll see you later.â
âYouâre welcome Y/n!â He beamed as you walked out the smoothie shop
You had gained three things leaving that shop: a bright smile on your face from happiness, a bittersweet hatred for large watermelon smoothies, and a new, great person in your life.
July 11th, 10:53 pm- more than words
It had been a few hours since your first encounter with Mark, you trying to get him off your mind after the blue message you sent earlier never delivered.
You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling as your hopes got shot down. Your phone went off beside you, but you just ignored it, trying to sulk in your feelings.
You soon got bored though so you decided to take a peek at your lock screen, jumping up as a familiar unknown number appeared in your Notification Center.
Hi y/n, donât know if my number is saved yet, but itâs Mark from the smoothie shop.
You lied on your stomach, face lighting up as you grabbed your phone, instantly opening the message.
Oh hey, how was work lol?
It was good, other than the fact I left my phone at home, and dead⌠most boring double shift ever lol. How was your day after you left?
It was good, just went home and watched a movie with my roommate.
Oh cool. You said you were from a different city right?
Oh yea, actually out of the state!
Oh thatâs cool, but why here. ^.^?
Just trying to explore more places, I like this place so far.
Ohh nice. Well I hope I have the pleasure of showing you around the city and making you love it :) Howâd you like the smoothie?
I might take you up on that haha ;) and omg it was so delicious. Very refreshing to have after my morning runs. Youâll be seeing me a lot more in the mornings lmao.
Oh awesome, I basically work every morning so itâll be a pleasure seeing you and making my morning a tad bit better.
You sprung up with a smile on your face, running around your room hectically. Did he really mean he what said, did you make his morning better? Your mind started flooding with a million thoughts, calming as you settled down, realizing that you never texted back. You grabbed your phone again, the message still opened as you started to text back.
Lol, well I guess I'll see you tmr then, hope to brighten up your day :)
You responded, sitting waiting for a response, 5 minutes passing, then 10, and nothing. You figured he mightâve just went to sleep, he did say he had a double shift, but you couldnât wait to see him tomorrow and the anticipation was eating you up inside all night.
July 12th, 9:13 am - it's a date! i think...
You were on your run, the smoothie shop on your mind the whole entire way.
Finally, you were there, Mark cleaning the counters, eyes lighting up as you walked through the doors.
"Good morning!" He excitedly said.
"Good morning!" You said in response, a bright smile on your face as you made your way to the register to order.
"Wait I made something for you." He said, grabbing the most despise-able , yet refreshingly large watermelon smoothie. You felt your eye twitch at the sight.
"You shouldn't have." You smiled, not forcefully, but you felt a hint of pain behind it.
"Ah, it's the least I could do." He said, handing you the drink , wiping the condensation of the cup on his white apron.
You didn't think you could gobble down another one of these, you almost died at the thought, but there you were, sitting down at the same table you were at yesterday, drinking the smoothie painfully slow.
"So like, have you been anywhere around here yet?" You turned to him as he finished cleaning the counters.
"I've only been to like a few food places, but that's all." You answered.
âWell, Iâm off next Wednesday. If youâre not busy then I can take you to like my favorite park?â
Your face lit up, did he like just ask you out on a date?
âYes, I would love to, just text me what time.â You smiled.
âYea for sure!â
For an hour the conversation kept on flowing, you two chatting it up while he worked, unfinished conversations floating in the air when other customers came into the shop pausing the long talks.
âMark Iâm so sorry to cut this short, but I have to get to my online class so Iâll see you later.â You smiled, a little sad because you felt like you couldâve stayed and talked to him for hours.
âNo worries, Iâll text you later about plans. Have a good rest of your day Y/n!â
âYou too Mark!â You said, throwing the finished cup away.
On your walk home all you could think about was Mark, yes you only knew him for like 2 days, but his impression had left a stamp on your heart. He would definitely be someone you would be interested in having a relationship with, and he seemed like he thought of you in the same manor.
While walking home, your phone vibration went off, Marks name appearing on the lock-screen.
Hey Y/n know we just talked lol, but Iâm thinking maybe like 12:00pm next Wednesday? How does that sound?
You opened the text, a smile on your face as you typed quickly.
Hey Mark, sorry but I have my online class, but I can do 1pm if thatâs ok?
Oh yea, that works for me, I can come to your house and we can walk to the park? That sound ok?
Yea thatâs perfect!
Great, well then itâs a date! :p
Itâs a date lol
Itâs a date!
July 19th, 12:55 pm - are you falling in love?
You were panicking you and your roommate running around trying to find your favorite perfume that decided to get lost at a time like this.
Hey! Iâm outside, just come out whenever youâre ready Iâll be waiting :)
Fuck, you didnât want him to just sit out there.
âI FOUND IT I FOUND IT.â Your roommate screamed, throwing you your perfume.
âThank you youâre the best.â You grinned, rushingly spraying the perfume on your body.
âOk Iâm going now.â You said, grabbing your purse and slipping on your sneakers at the door. You rushed out the door, rushing downstairs your eyes scanning the outside, stopping on a familiar figure wearing a T-shirt, some blue jeans, and a small tote bag.
âMark!â You shouted, causing him to turn around. Your eyes meeting his face then the two large smoothies in his hand.
You tried to keep a smile on your face, but it seemed like the watermelon smoothies had faces of their own looking at you with snarky expressions.
âY/n!â He smiled, jogging over to you.
âWere you at the wrong complex?â You giggled, an awkward smile painting his face as he nodded.
âMaybe⌠oh here I got you something.â He said laughing, handing you the dreadful smoothie.
âOh thank you.â You smiled.
âWow my first time seeing you out of your workout clothes, I think I like these better. Not that I donât like how you look in your workout clothes, you look amazing in your workout clothes, but Iâm just, you look good now too.â
âThank you Mark, and this is the first time Iâve ever seen you without your uniform Mr. Smoothie King. You look good too.â You giggled as he blushed.
âAh I try my best, I guess we should walk to the park now.â
âAfter you.â
You guys walked to the park, which happened to only be 5 minutes away, sitting on a bench.
âI donât know if youâre gonna like it, I shouldâve asked, but I got you a ham sandwich.â You smiled taking the sandwich from him.
âI love it thank you.â You said, removing the sandwich out of the packet and taking a big bite.
You two sat on the bench for a while talking each otherâs heads off, a smile on both of your faces as you chatted and laughed together for a few hours, the time passing by so fast.
âIâm starving, do you wanna grab dinner?â He said.
âWell, I mean my place is close by we can just go there and cook something really quick.â
âOh, I would love that.â He smiled.
âOk let me just text my roommate to make sure.â He nodded as you pulled out your phone, your roommate responding almost immediately saying you could go ahead and she was in her room anyways.
âOk she said sheâs fine we can go!â You said, standing up and grabbing his hand, pulling him up to stand with you.
For any other man, you would never let them go into your apartment this early, but you just felt so different about him, like you would trust anything he says. I guess thatâs not a good thing, but for fucks sake ever since youâve met him youâve seen him almost everyday, and he always makes it a point to text you throughout the day and after work so you felt like at that point, you had known him long enough to trust him.
You had made it to your house, opening the door and removing your shoes, prompting him to do the same. You sat your things down near the dining table rolling up your sleeves and heading to the kitchen, and he followed right behind you.
âI was just gonna make spaghetti tonight, do you want?â You asked, getting out your pot and pans, setting them on the stove.
âIâd want anything you cook.â He laughed, a small grin appearing on your face as he stood beside you. In past conversations it has come up that you did love cooking and actually had a bachelors in culinary arts, associates in education, hence the online cooking classes you taught, so it wasnât strange to make a comment like that, it was actually quite flattering.
âHere can you make the sausages?â You asked, handing him the already prepped meat, Mark grabbing the bowl pouring it into the pan almost immediately, causing a loud sizzling sound to erupt in the kitchen.
âMARK!?â You turned, laughing as he backed away from the pan, looking at you like a toddler getting scolded by their parent.
âUh oh.â He said, a smile appearing on his face before you handed him a box of noodles, signaling him to cook them instead. You two stood beside each other, talking as you watched the food.
âMark taste this.â You said, grabbing a clean spoon and scooping some of the homemade tomato sauce you made on it, holding it up to his mouth.
âYo, this honestly may be the best spaghetti sauce Iâve ever tasted.â
You smiled, setting down the spoon, pouring the rest of the sauce with the sausages.
âThank you.â
You finally finished cooking, plating your beautiful creation together.
âLetâs watch a movie in the living room while we eat.â You suggested, him following behind you as you took a place on the couch.
âWhat should we watch?â You asked.
â What about La La Land?â He suggested.
âStop that movie makes me cry.â You pouted playfully, a grin painting his face.
âWell if you really donât want to then we can watch something funny, but Iâll be here to wipe your tears just saying.â He shrugged, causing you to smile, looking down, then back up at him.
âFine.â You said, causing him to take a happy sigh of relief.
You turned on the movie, both of you guys eating while making small comments every now and then. Fortunately, you didnât cry, but he was your shoulder to lie on during the movie, and unfortunately it was time for him to go home.
âAre you sure you can walk home by yourself, itâs dark out now?â You asked concerned, walking him to the door.
âYes Iâm good, you only stay like 10 minutes walking distance from me, Iâll send you my location if youâre that scared.â
âOk fineâ You said dragging out your words, trying to be serious, but all you could do was melt, it seemed like everything he did, everything he said was so cute and made you smile.
âWell Iâll see you tomorrow, right?â He questioned, looking at you from outside the door frame.
âYeah, 9:00am like always!â
âOk, bye Y/n.â He smiled, waving before turning away.
âBye Mark.â You shut the door, turning away.
You decided to clean up before knocking on your roommates door.
âHeâs gone.â You said before walking into your room, her busting in shortly after, a smile on her face.
âGirl.â She said, bouncing on your bed with a mischievous smile.
âYou heard everything didnât you?â You asked.
âI heard enough, and girl he sounds so fucking romantic I thought I was listening to a romcom.
âUghh tell me about it, heâs so dreamy.â You smiled, face lighting up as you thought about the string of events that happened that day, your phone vibrating before your roommate could respond.
âOmg shut up he just texted me now.â You looked at her with sparkling eyes.
âWhatâd he say?â
âśď¸ mark<3 started sharing location with you.
Hey, just wanted to text and lyk that I had such a fun time, and we should definitely do this again :) have a great night and Iâll see you tomorrow morning.
You looked at your roommate, a smile painted so brightly on your face it hurt your cheeks.
âGirl he fucking wants you oh my god.â
âHe fucking wants me!â You screamed, a bright smile on your face as you ran all over your room.
âText back text back.â Your roommate said.
I had a great time too, thank you for showing me the park <333. Have a great night mark, see you tmr!
You and your roommate just sat talking, you really seeing how deep you were in your feelings after practically bragging to her about him. You just hope he was in as deep as you.
August 2nd, 10:35 am - surprise!
You woke up, excited to get the day started, you were even too excited to go on your morning run, putting on a simple outfit just to run errands, your first one obviously the smoothie shop.
âHappy birthday Mark!!!â You ran inside, a big smile on your face as you made your way to him. He looked up surprised, cleaning the tables, setting down his washcloth as you pulled him into a hug.
âYou remembered my birthday, I thought you werenât coming today?â He smiled as he went behind the counter, going to the register before you shook your head.
âMark, Iâm not ordering anything⌠but I did come to ask you for a favor.â He looked at you with questioning eyes, not responding, waiting for your favor.
âWell, my uh drawer is jammed and I really need whatâs in it like tonight, my roommate isnât there so I could use your help when you get off?â
âOh yeah sure, Iâll head over there when I get off.â He said, a small grin on his face.
âThanks Markie youâre the best! See you at 5. Happy birthday again!â
âThanks.â He mumbled, going to clean again as you left.Â
Itâs go time.
Hey Iâm otw, might be there at like 5:30 or 5:45 because Iâm starving, so Iâm gonna stop to get some food.
No Mark, I really need this drawer unjammed, can you plz come right away? You can get food after. plzzzzzzz :(
Alright alright, Iâll come straight there.
Yayyy!
After a few minutes you finally heard a knock on the door. You got up excitedly, making sure everything looked good before opening the door, blocking the view of the living room.
âOk, letâs see whatâs wrong with this drawer.â He said.
You let him in, a big smile on your face as he walked, eyes in shock as he looked at the decorated living room, along with the dinner and cake sitting on the dining room table.
âSurprise!â You smiled seeing his eyes light up, looking at you, then the decorations, and back at you again.
âYo⌠you really⌠omg I donât even know what to say. Thank you bro oh my god no one has like ever done anything for me like this before. Thank you Y/n, youâre like the best.â
âYouâre welcome Mark and Happy birthday again. Now you said you were starving so letâs eat!â
You both ate, resting on the couch after the delicious homemade chicken and rice, and cookies and cream ice cream cake.
âDo you wanna watch a movie now?â He asked.
âIf you want to then we will birthday boy, but I have something for you first.â You said, pulling out a small blue gift bag.
First he pulled out the card, opening it to see a message in bright red ink, reading it in his head.
Dear Mark, I hope you have the most wonderful birthday and Iâm very grateful that I could spend it with you. I hope we can spend more and more birthdays together and I want to say that Iâm very grateful that I met you!Â
- With love Y/n :)
He looked up at you, a smile on his face as he pulled you into a hug. âThank you so much Y/n.âÂ
He pulled the other gift out the bag, jumping up out of the seat as he saw what it was.
âY/N YOU GOT ME A LIMITED EDITION SPIDER-MAN COMIC BOOK?â His smile was so wide and full, you felt like you could climb it.
âYo Y/n⌠Iâm actually, oh my fucking god I⌠I honestly could kiss you right now oh my goodness. Thank you.â He squealed, your eyes sparkling as you looked at him.
âYouâre welcome Mark. I guess we should watch Spider-Man now huh?â You giggled, pulling out the extra cushions on the couch to make more room so you both could lay down.Â
You both got comfortable, watching the movie, your head on his shoulder as you both laid under the blanket. I guess you could say that you both got a little too comfortable, passing out before the movie was even over.
You woke up, unsure of what even happened and how you even got here in the first place. Mark was no where to be found, but a notification on your phone let you know his whereabouts.Â
Hey, sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but you were like sleeping beauty lol. I had work and Iâm for certain youâre not coming tdy so Iâll just swing by later on when I get off. Oh, and thank you so much again. I really appreciate you :D
Oh no worries, Iâll see you later, and no problem!Â
You set your phone down, you couldnât even believe how far you have gotten with him.
Seriously, your first sleepover with him, cuddled up at that. And of course you didnât let that comment about kissing you slide, it was pretty much on your mind all night, and the moment kept repeating itself in your head, driving you almost crazy. Thatâs what you want more than anything, just a kiss, one kiss.
You were certain that you were almost there, but of course you didnât want to rush things and you liked the pace of this relationship so far so I guess it is what it is right now⌠but it should come soon, hopefully it comes soon.Â
October 27th, 9:08 am- i think im in love.
Today was like any other day, going on your morning run, then stopping by your absolute favorite place.
"Good morning Y/n!" Mark said, smiling as he acknowledged you, sticking his head back under the counter.
"Good morning Mark!" You said, walking to the register.
"I'm a little busy right now Y/n, do you mind just waiting at your table so I can finish this?" He asked.
"Sure." You grinned, going to your normal seat, scrolling on your phone as you waited for Mark. You looked to your side, noticing him holding a large mango smoothie with a birthday candle in the cap, your eyes lighting up as you realized what was happening.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday my dearest Y/n, happy birthday to you!" He sung, bringing the smoothie over to you, his cheekbones defined as he smiled.
"You remembered?" You laughed, blowing out the candle.
"How could I forget? So, I hope you're not busy tonight because I want to do something for you at my apartment." He answered.
"Perhaps I could swing by, I'd have to check my schedule." You said sarcastically, a smirk on your face as your cheeks went hot.
"Well, stop by at 7pm if you're able to Ms. Hollywood."
"I'll see what I can do." You rolled your eyes playfully, a smile on his face as he made his way back to the smoothie counter.Â
You thought about what he had planned all day. Doing random task to try to take your mind off of it, daydreaming about what it would be, what it would look like, goodness 7pm couldn't get here any quicker.
Finally it arrived, the time you anticipated for all day. You knocked on his door, waiting for a few seconds before you heard the door handle rattling, him sitting awkwardly in the door frame after he opened it. You two stared at each other for a second in silence, an awkward smile on your face as you stared at him.
âHey.â He coughed.
âHey, itâs cold, can I come in?â You grinned, an awkward laugh sounding from him as he let you in, shutting the door behind you.
âSurprise!â He mumbled as you stood quietly, eyes twinkling as you took in all the decorations.
The first thing you saw was a big projector screen in the living room with your favorite show âkitchen nightmaresâ paused. Your eyes slowly observed the room to see sugar cookies and decorative frosting on the coffee table, a large box with a bow sitting next to it. You were quiet, breathless really, couldnât even find the words to say, just staring blankly.
âDo you like it, I know itâs not much, but-â
âItâs perfect.â You interrupted, looking at him with the most glistening eyes.
He smiled condescendingly, guiding you to the dinner that was on the dining table, the homemade chicken pasta, which happened to be your favorite food.
âMark oh my goodness.â You said, taking a seat while he grabbed some drinks from the fridge.
âYeah, once you told me that you taught how to make it on your course, I just bought the course and learned how to perfect it.â Your eyes widened as you turned to him.
âThatâs like a $150 course Mark, I couldâve just taught you.â
âThen it wouldnât have been a surprise, would it?â He said, sitting down across from you looking at you with a smug smile.
âPlus, youâve helped me learn how to cook too, Iâve saved so much money cooking at home.â
You nodded, taking a bite out of the food he made, your eyes widening as you grinned.
âYouâre good at it too. This is delicious Mark.â
âAh thank you man, but I learned it from you.âÂ
You guys finished eating, and started decorating the cookies together, the show playing in the background, but Mark rushed you two, hesitant about you opening up your gift.
âFine, Iâll open it.â You said, grabbing the card off the box, opening it, a nice purple hand written note on the card. You read it slowly, taking in every word.
Dear Y/n, thereâs so much I want to say, but I donât think words could explain it, and I know Iâm probably harassing you about this present right now arenât I haha? But itâs only because I want to show how much I care about you. Im so glad that we met and I hope you have the best birthday and many more after that.
- Love Mark
âAw thank you Mark.â You said, pulling him into a hug before you grabbed the box, opening it slowly. He sat there a huge smile on his face, breathing deeply, looking at you with anticipated eyes, his leg bouncing as your eyes widened.
âMARK NO YOU DIDNT, SHUT THE FUCK UP.â You screamed, pulling the pot and pan set out of the box, looking up at him, mouth wide as you looked back at the box.
âMark this set goes for like 400 dollars- Mark I canât- Mark how did you- nobody has done anything like this for me before.â You spoke, each sentence shortening with hiccups as your eyes started tearing up.Â
âIt didnât take me long to save up for, and itâs the least I could do for messing up one of your pans.â He said.
âThe most you shouldâve done is get a cheaper pan.â You wiped your tears with your hands, looking at the box again wondering it was all just a dream.
âThe amount of times youâve forced me to binge Hellâs Kitchen with you, you really thought I wasnât gonna get you your favorite chefs pots and pans set that you talk about all the time?â
âNo.â You snuffled, vision blurry.
âWell you deserve it Y/n, happy birthday!â He smiled brightly.
âThank you so much Mark.â You smiled, blinking quickly trying to stop your tears, pulling him into a hug.Â
âYouâre welcome Y/n.â
You didnât know what love felt like. Always used your whole life, taken for granted. Doing everything yourself with no help, no one to call on, but now you knew, you knew it for sure, you were in love.
February 14th, 9:10 am- a night to remember.
After complaining to Mark about how you've never had a valentines, he suggested that he'd be it this year, and of course you agreed. He told you not to stop by the smoothie shop, or even go on your run today, but to stay and pamper yourself before your going out later the night.
You better not be up running right now.
I was sleep actually before your loud notification woke me up -.-
Oh sorry... go back to sleep â˘.â˘
You giggled at the message, obviously you were already up, you were too excited not to be. He said that he planned to take you to a fancy restaurant, then just to go back to his apartment and bake cookies, watch movies, little things like that, but no matter what you do, no matter how cheap, you still were so excited. This was your first Valentine, and your biggest crush.Â
The time passed fairly quickly as you prepped yourself for what you thought was going to be the best night of your life. You slipped on your red dress and black heels, soon hearing a knock at your door.
Excitedly you rushed to the door, opening it to see Mark in a white button down shirt and black slacksâ and god his scent hit you like a speeding car.
âHappy Valentineâs Day.â He smiled, a bouquet of roses in his hand.
âHappy Valentineâs Day.â You responded, your lips turning into a smile, cheeks hurting from smiling so hard as he handed you the flowers.
âYou look good.â He spoke, clearing his throat, an awkward smile painting his face.
âThank you, I could say the same about you.â You said, smiling brightly as you sat down your flowers, grabbing your purse and a red gift bag before turning to him again.
âThis is for you.â You said, handing him the gift bag, a grin on his face as he accepted it.
âLetâs open our gifts later together, ok?â He said.
You nodded, closing the door behind you.Â
The dinner was very much delicious, and you two had a great time baking cookies. It was a little bit messy, just because you both were a bit tipsy, well⌠very tipsy, but it was fun nevertheless.
âMark letâs open our gifts.â You giggled, as he nodded, grabbing his small gift bag.
He grabbed his gift first, pulling it out and examining it.
âYou told me that you wanted to learn how to cook more meals when im not around, and I canât have you buying my courses again, so I just made you a homemade cookbookâ with like only foods that we make together, the ones nobody else has.â You smiled infectiously, Mark feeling a smile curling on his lips just from looking at yours.
âThank you Y/n, I love it.â He smiled genuinely, handing you the small bag that he had in his hands. You opened it slowly, taking out a small black velvet box.
You looked up at him, an impatient look glimmering in his eyes as you opened it slowly, a beautiful silver diamond necklace sparkling in your eyes.
âWell damn, maybe I shouldâve gotten you a better gift.â You giggled, still a little taken aback.
He laughed in response, inching closer to you.
âDo you like it?â He asked, eyes burning into your face for some kind of approval.
âLike it? I love it.â You said, eyes sparkling as you looked up at him.
âCan you help me put it on?â You said, removing the necklace from the box, handing it to mark.
You turned around, lifting up your hair, the necklace wrapping around your neck nicely. His hands rubbing against your skin as he fastened the jewelry. You turned around, your bodies close, Mark looking at the necklace as it sparkled on your skin.
âItâs beautiful.â He murmured, looking at you with a smile, but all you could do was stareâ stare deeply into his eyes, god you just wanted to taste him so bad.
Your stares remained interlocked, no one breaking the eye contact, no one saying anything either.
So you did it, leaning in and finally taking his lips onto yours. It wasnât as magical as you thought though, in all honesty it seemed like it wasnât even reciprocated.
You broke the kiss, an awkward silence shattering around you as he just stood staring at you.
âIâm- Iâm sorry.â You stuttered, breaking the silence.
Your eyes burned from holding back the tears that wanted to desperately be let out, you turning and walking away to avoid itâ thinking about how your walk home would be, how you would cry deeply regretting how you ruined the day that was supposed to be perfect, but that all got interrupted as you felt a tight grasp on your wrist, turning you back around, a silent tension surrounding the two of you once again.
You looked at him with glossy eyes, a million thoughts rushing around in your brain, but your mind went blank again as his lips crashed back onto yours.
Your shoulders dropped, letting go of all the tension in your body as his hand found your face, pulling you deeper into the kiss.
The kiss grew deeper as you wrapped your hands around his neck, his free hand wrapping around your body, slowly backing you into his room, not breaking the kiss once.
His hands found the zipper of your dress, slowly pulling it down, slipping you out of the tight fabric, you pulling him out of his shirt shortly after.
There were no words exchanged, only heavy breathing as you two kissed passionately, tongues exploring each otherâs mouths as he pushed you onto his bed.
You sat there, chest heaving up and down as you looked at him pull a condom out of his nightstand, eyes lighting up as you came to your senses about what was really going on.
He pulled down his pants and underwear, ripping the plastic to the condom with his teeth, wrapping it around himself before getting on top of you.
He planted another messy kiss on your lips before pulling down your underwear, lining up his tip to your aching hole.
You breathed heavily in anticipation, you practically have dreamt of this moment. He looked at you once more for reassurance before pushing himself into you. You let out a gasp, your walls wrapping tightly around him. He started to thrust at a slow pace, making sure you were comfortable before speeding up.
Your skin flushed as you squirmed under him, beautiful sounds of lust filling the room as his head rested on your shoulder, face nuzzling into your neck.
Loud moans filled the room as your bodies pressed into each others as he thrusted even faster, letting out moans and curses as your walls sucked him in.
You wrapped your hand around his bare back, scratching and itching at his bare skin as your bodies thrashed together.
âFuck Iâm almost there.â You whimpered out, clenching around him, breath hitching causing him to let out a low moan into your neck.
âMe too Y/n.â He moaned, desperately thrusting.
His hands found your arms, removing them from his back and holding onto them tightly, fingers interlocking with yours as his thrust became messier and messier by the second.
âFuck Iâm coming.â He cried out, your legs shaking in sync as he forced himself to do a few more aimless thrust, both of you moaning loudly as he rode out your highs.
The room filled with heavy breathy, you sitting there silently trying to fathom what even just happened.Â
You two got cleaned up and went to sleep right after, well he did.
You couldnât sleep though, the realization struck a cord in your brain, your mind racing from the thought that he wanted you just as bad as you wanted him, it was obviously so exciting.
You couldnât wait to wake up togetherâ wake up together knowing that he was yours and you were his.
You wonder what that conversation would sound like, what the moment would feel like when you two could finally call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, it had your cheeks growing warm. I guess you could say it was the best night of your life.
You shut your eyes, vivid pictures of him filled the dark void until you finally found yourself asleep.
February 15th, 11:25 am - he loves me, he loves me not.
You woke up, Mark sleeping soundly beside you, smiling strongly as you realized it really wasnât a dream.
You hopped up excitedly, going to his kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the both of you, Mark waking up shortly before the food was ready.
âGood morning.â He said, taking a seat at the dining table.
âGood morning.â You smiled, plating the food and bringing it to him, taking a seat across from him.
You two sat awkwardly, Mark avoiding eye contact as he ate his food. You couldnât wait any longer, couldnât just sit around and wait till he brought up the topic.
You were so curious as to what you guys were nowâ and you werenât going to technically ask him out, but you just wanted some clarity, just wanted to hear him say that you were more than friends, so you took a deep breath interrupting the silence: âMark, I have a question.â
He looked at you, his eyes looking into yours as if he knew what was coming.
âWhatâs up?â He said, moving the food around on his plate with his fork.
âWhat- what are we?â You asked, titling your head, looking at him, but only being returned with broken eye contact.
He chewed his food silently, his body shifting in his chair. He looked back up at you, playing with his food once again, the fork scrapping on the plate somehow louder than the silence that surrounded the both of you.
âWell, weâre friends, arenât we?â He swallowed, looking at you with a slight frown on his face.
âYou donât wanna be more than that though?â You asked, speaking softly as you innocently glanced at him.
He held his breath, looking everywhere except for your eyes as he answered agonizingly slow, and quietly: âNo, not really.â
You felt your heart shatter as he still avoided eye contact, a million thoughts flooding your mind as you bit your lip.
âSo why did you- why did we do that last night?â You asked.
âWell, I thought it was a friend thing, just us being tipsy.â He finally looked into your eyes, his answer only making your heart shrink smaller.
You held your composure well, but he noticed the subtlest shift in your eyelids along with the gloss that coated your eyes.
âFriends donât fuck, or use each other when theyâre horny and drunk â You spat out, growing less patient of his answers by the second.
âWell, you kissed me first- I didnât know what to do.â He shrugged, voice going a few octaves higher.
âThe kiss where I apologized after I thought it wasnât reciprocated? The kiss where you fucking pulled me back when I was trying to leave? That kiss Mark?â Anger spurred inside you as your voice grew more and more aggressive.
He grew quiet, silence filling the room once again as he looked at you with eyes full of pityâ it drove you almost insane.
âFuck this.â You said, storming to his room to grab any of your belongings.
âI didnât wanna lose you Y/n.â He said, rushing after you.
âOh so you decided to lead me on for what- fucking months? You thought that wouldâve kept me here Mark? Flirting with me, watching me fall in love with you, then rejecting me and blaming it on me kissing you- AFTER I APOLOGIZED AND LITERALLY TRIED TO LEAVE? Not losing me was the last thing on your mind.â You picked up the remaining items, stuffing your bag rushingly.
âYou- you fell in love with me?â He mumbled, standing in the doorway looking at you in sorrow.
âYes Mark, I fell love you. I fell in love with your eyes, your smile, your fucking everything, and I thought you felt the same way about me, but obviously Iâm nothing but a pity party to you.â You looked at him, tears finally spurring from your eyes as you started to break down from his silence.
âFucking say something.â You said in a painful whisper.
âWhat do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie and say I love you? I canât lie to you like that Y/n, you deserve better than that.â Your eyes winced in pain as you stared at him silently.
âWait no Y/n, thatâs not what I meant, I do love you, youâre my best friend I love you a lot, but-â
You interrupted him, grabbing your bag and walking to the door where he was standing, removing your necklace.
âStop Y/n, I didnât mean it like that.â He spoke in deep sympathy and guilt.
âYou looked me directly in my eyes when you said that, you meant every word. I hope youâre happy.â
Your last words almost squeaked out as your throat tightened, tears streaming down your hot cheeks as you handed him back the necklace.
âPlease Y/n, stayâ so we can talk about it.â He spoke lightly, blocking the doorway.
You could hear he was being genuine, but you didnât care at that point.Â
âThereâs nothing to talk about, move Mark.â
âY/n-â
âmove.â You spoke sternly, all he could do was move out of the way and watch as the person he cared for the most walk out his life.
The walk home has probably been the worst and most embarrassing one ever. Your vision blurry as tears violently streamed down your face, wailing as the scene played over and over in your head. You thought he was different, but you guess everyone was the same. You promised to yourself that night that you will never ever deal with that ever again, and no matter what youâre done with him.
February 21st, 9:47pm- please, I love you.
It had been a week since the incident, and to say that you were exhausted was an understatement.
You were more numb than anything right now, finding a new route to run so you didnât have to run into the smoothie shop, avoiding places that you were most likely to run into each other at, trying to forget about the incident, forget about himâ but oh no he didnât let you.
He would send messages every day, every hour, and it drove you almost insane, but for some reason you couldnât block him, and deleting his number out of impulse didnât do anything.Â
Good morning, I hope youâre doing ok, again Iâm so sorry.
You bet he isâŚ
Hey, can we please talk?
Nope.
Plz just respond and tell me youâre okay.
Did he really think you were?Â
You can be mad at me, you can hate me, but please let me apologize in person
Ugh, for someone who wasnât in love with you, he would not leave you alone.Â
But you would just ignore it, leave him on delivered for hours, opening the message when you felt like it. Sometimes you would even act like you were responding to the message when you felt him watching your text bubble, just to mess with himâ you deserved to fuck around with him after all.
One day you got another message. Â
 Iâm outside, please come out, Iâll wait for hours if I have to.Â
Was he serious, this was starting to get obsessive. Why couldnât he just take the hint.Â
You did what you always did, left him on read, and went on about your business, but 30 minutes later you were curious about if he was actually still waiting.
After beating yourself up for caring so much you decided to check his location, and there he was, sitting in the same place. You sat there for a minute, contemplating if you should go outâ for goodness sakes it was like 40 degrees outside so this was some serious commitment on his part, plus this could be a good way to get rid of him, right?Â
RightâŚ
You grabbed your coat and slipped on your boots, making your way outside to where he was sitting. He jolted up, eyes widening from the fact that you did come outside.
He stood up, trying to hand you a flower.
âI donât want it.â You declined, shaking your head before sitting on the bench. He nodded his head understandingly.
âHow are you?â He asked, sitting beside you on the bench.
âWhat do you have to say?â You replied curtly, looking forward to avoid his gaze on you. You knew if you looked at him in his sorry eyes you mightâve just folded right then.
âWell, I just want to say that Iâm so sorry Y/n. I truly am. I never meant to hurt you and Iâm so stupid for leading you on, and making you feel like you mean so little to me. I- I guess I was just scared to lose you, which I know is not an excuse and Iâm very sorry. I love and care for you a lot ok. You deserve so much more than what I gave you, and Iâm so sorry that I didnât act that way. I shouldâve told you that I didnât want a relationship from the jump and Iâm so sorry that Iâm realizing that now when itâs too late. Youâre my best friend and by your side is where Iâm meant to be. You have the right to be selfish and I know that I donât deserve someone as amazing as you, but please, please just give me one more chance. I care about you so much and I need you in my life. Please.â
You sat there, a tear rolling down your cold, numb cheeks.
You didnât want to trust him again, and youâve said this before and it went terribly wrong, but no one has ever done or said anything to you like this before.
âMark, listen.â You gulped down the sadness that lingered in your throat and began to speak clearly.
âI love you more than anything, and I would be willing to forgive, but do you realize how embarrassing this is? To be rejected like thatâ to be told those words, those excuses, and take you back, even as a friend this quickly, this fast. Sorry, but I would have no self respect for that. So that being said, I have to think about this.â
You paused, turning to him.
âBut you have to leave me alone, you have to let me figure this out myself. I feel grateful that you feel pity and that you feel enough remorse to be here right now on a cold winter night, but you have to give me space, do you understand me? I need space from you.âÂ
âI understand. Iâll give you space.â He said nodding, looking at you with a frown on his face.
âAnything else?â You asked, standing up as he shook his head no, grabbing your wrist before walking off.
âThank you, for coming out and talking.â
You said nothing, only nodding in response, pulling his fingers off your wrist, walking back up to your apartment.
February 28th, 8:36 pm- forgiveness, could you imagine?
It had been about a week since you and Mark talked, and trust it was the most confusing week.
You didnât know whether to be sad, happy, or relieved.
Didnât know if you would forgive, or just forget and move on.
He respected your wishes, no more annoying text anymore, but that didnât make you feel goodâ and honestly made you think about him more, worried about if he was ok or not.
You knew it was bad, and you knew he didnât even deserve to be thought about right now, but you cared for him and you couldnât deny that.
So⌠after sitting for hours, thinking, you decided to forgive.Â
Hey, I wanted to reach out so I wouldnât leave you hanging on the matter, even tho you deserve it lol. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I decided to forgive you and would like to continue on as friends. I will never forget this and will take every comment you make seriously and correct you if I think something is misleading. It might not go back to the way it was right away, so donât force it. And I guess that being said, Iâll see you tomorrow morning during my run.
Thank you so much Y/n, I really appreciate it, and Iâll try my best to be the best friend to you ever. Iâll try not to cross any boundaries and take your feelings deeply into consideration. Iâll see you tomorrow :)
So, I guess you broke your promise. You honestly just wanted your friend back, and even though youâre heartbroken, you still love him. This is your problem actually, too nice for this world, always forgiving, but you would work on that later, but right now you had to deal and learn from it. You know it sounds stupid, but even though heâs the one that broke your heart, heâs also the one who gave you a shoulder to lie on while you cry to him about it, so youâll be okay. The things you would do for love.Â
May 16th, 9:00 am - for me.
I had been 3 months since the whole incident happened between you and Mark. After a while you got tired of correcting his comments, and got the hint that was just being nice, so you let it go, along with your feelings for him. Basically, everything was back to normal, but he was way moreâ how do you say? Kinder, which seemed impossible given the fact of how your friendship has always been, but now it was very noticeable. You just chopped it up to him wanting to proof himself to you, and redeem himself from⌠past situations.
Unfortunately you had to break some bad news to him though.
Hey, can we meet at the park?
Yea sure, is everything ok?
You didnât respond.Â
You two were sitting on the bench that shared so much history, talking and getting off track per usual, but you finally had to spill the news.Â
âMark, Iâm-â You took a deep breath, turning to your body towards him.Â
âMark Iâm moving back home.â You said, Marks eyes glistening a mournful sparkle as he heard the words come out your mouth.
âW-why?â He asked, voice cracked a little as he stared at you.Â
âWell, my mom is dead ok. And I- I feel like Iâve messed everything up and I need to go back to find myself, like find myself fully and heal instead of running away from my problems.â Your voice was confident, yet stuttered as you spoke.Â
âWhen did your mom die, why didnât you tell me?â He asked, voice curious and worried.Â
âShit I didnât even know she died until a week ago. I feel like even though we didnât have a good relationship, I couldâve at least been there you know, not just for my mom, but for my whole family.âÂ
âI understand, and Iâm so proud of you for trying to heal and be the bigger person, even though your family wasnât the bigger person for you. When do you leave?â He asked.
You took another deep breath, biting your lip. âNext week.âÂ
âThat soon!?â He said, his voice clamorous.Â
âThat soon⌠but letâs make this last week fun, and memorable and not mourn about it, ok?âÂ
âOk.â He nodded.Â
You both just sat in silence as you let the date sink in.
You claimed that you wanted to heal, and that you couldnât stop running away from your problems, but here you wereâ running away from your biggest one. You thought that you wanted to keep in contact when you left, but in all honesty, you werenât so sure. But you guess time would tell.
May 20th, 2:00 pm - this is goodbye
So here it is, your last hangout, the last time you would probably see him for a while, and it was memorableâ you guess?
You two decided to go to an amusement park, and then the aquarium. You were having a great time, but you kept noticing his stares, exchanging glances every once in a while, it was very weird.Â
âWhat?â You kept asking, his eyes widening in, obviously forceful confusion and innocence.
âNothing, nothing. Nothing at all man.â He would respond each time, shrugging his shoulders.Â
You were in the aquarium, holding the stuff animal that he bought you tightly in your arms.Â
âY/n, I have to tell you something.â He spoke, clearing his throat.Â
âWhatâs up?â You turned to him, a wide smile on your face as you looked him in the eyes.Â
âI um-â he paused, gulping and biting his lip nervously as you stared at him with curious eyes. Â
âI just wanted to say that Iâm gonna miss you and I hope we stay close.â He smiled, sticking his thumb up awkwardly.
âAww me too Mark.â You smiled in return, pulling him into a hug.
Finally you were back to your apartment after a long, but fun day with him. He wanted you to come over so he could prepare some dinner for you, but you knew that you were going to be exhausted tomorrow from the move so you respectfully declined, letting him know that you needed rest.Â
âWell, I guess this is goodbye then huh?â You said, a bittersweet smile on your face as you looked at his gleaming eyes.
âI guess it is. Youâll visit right?â He questioned.
âOf course I will, and you can come visit me whenever you want too. Thereâs a lake nearby that I think youâd love.â You smiled. Â
âOk, Iâll definitely visit for sure.â He nodded. A comforting silence surrounding the two of you as you just stared at each other.
âWell, I have to get going.â You said, breaking the silence, a grin on your face.Â
âOk. Iâll see you later⌠bye y/n!âÂ
âBye Mark!â You smiled, turning away to walk to your apartment, looking behind you once more, a smile on his face as he waved.
You never thought that your story would end this soon. Even, thoughâ or, if you, remained friends, you knew it would never be the same no matter how much you visit or text each other, but thatâs okay, you were fine with it⌠right?
May 21st, 8:36 pm - Iâm home.
Hey, just checking to see if you got there smoothly?
Yep, all moved in lol
Great Iâm glad, Iâll definitely be coming soon;) but anyways, Iâll let you get some rest. Talk to you later
Talk to you later :)
May 21st, 12:23 am - hate me forever.
⼠1 new voice message from - mark
I know you might hate me forever after this, but I was thinking about it and itâs best if I just told you. Youâve been nothing but kind to me and it seems like all I do is fuck your life over, but Ive gotten it all wrong anyways, so I might as well confess now. Fuck Y/n, I think- I think Iâm in love with you. Youâre going to be so pissed off with me and I was about to tell you yesterday before you left, but you looked so happy and I didnât wanna ruin it with my own personal feelings like I always do. I thought I didnât want to be with you, I thought I never would want to be with anyone ever, but you made me realize that I do and I feel like there was a reason that I kissed you, tipsy or not. Well I did more than just kiss you, but nevermind that. Sorry. I donât know why I said that sorry. Anyways sorry, I um dude Iâm actually like, this is like frustrating, but I hope that we can still be close even though we donât live near each other anymore. And yeah, I thought to tell you this so you could reject me and get your revenge you know? Sorry I donât know why I said that either- sorry for saying that- whyd I- anyways, man I just- ok turn this off actually, but I- I love you Y/n and I hope we stay close, wait dude didnât I just say that? I donât know anymore man ok bye- love you- bye.
Donât listen to that I was drunk :/
Getting drunk the day I leave, miss me already? ;)
Ha youâre funny. Donât listen tho seriously
Ok fine I wonât .-.
What the fuck.
You obviously listened to it, the first thing you heard in the morning and all you could do was sit in your bed shocked.
You never thought this day would ever come, nor prepared yourself for it.
There was nothing you could do, he fumbled, and you had lost feelings. That was his fault sorry not sorry, but as the week went on you could only think about that message.
It ran through your mind over and over again, and the more you thought about, the more you wanted him.
No matter how much you tried to force your feelings away and tell yourself that you didnât have them anymore, you can never deny love you feel for someone else, never.Â
You loved Mark, and you needed to talk to him.
May 30th, 8:00 pm - we can't be friends.
It had been about a week after the voice message, and you tried to ignore everything. Tried to ignore your feelings, your families nagging and constant toxicity, and tried to ignore him running through your mind. You both havenât talked since then, I guess he was too guilty to even try and you just let it go.
âY/n, thereâs someone here for you.â You heard screaming from downstairs.Â
Your brows furrowed in curiosity as you made your way downstairs.Â
You went to the front door, opening it to see Mark standing there. Your eyes widening as he stood at the door with a cheeky smile.Â
âMark what are you doing here!?â You asked, slipping on your sandals and walking outside, shutting the door behind you.
âI told you I would come soon.â He smiled.Â
âHow did you even find my address?â Your forehead crinkled as you looked at him with questioning eyes.Â
âWe share locations.â He answered quickly, swirls of passion in his eyes.Â
âMark, thatâs like- kinda weird.â You answered, a chuckle escaping your lips as he scratched the back of his head.
âMan, I just be checking sometimes, just to make sure youâre ok. Now can you show me this lake that you talked about, itâs all thatâs been running through my mind.âÂ
âYes mark I can show you the lake.â You said, grabbing a blanket and your phone.Â
You two sat at the lake, watching the sunset, talking like you havenât seen each other for months.
As you two talked, him confessing kept crossing your mind, really it was all that you could think of actually.
You didnât know if you should just leave it alone like he did, tell him that you knew and that it was ok, or just tell him you like him first to see if he says anything.
You honestly didnât know how it would affect the relationship between the two of you, but you just wanted to say something at least, and you werenât upset like he thought.Â
âMark.â You begun, swallowing the anxiety that crawled up your chest into your throat.Â
He didnât even respond, just looked at you blankly, his eyes hinting a bit of worry.Â
âI listened to the voice message.â You mumbled.Â
His face dropped, ears turning red as he opened his mouth to say something, lip quivering as the words got stuck.
You could feel his heart race even though you werenât even touching him. He paused for a second, then his voice sounded in fast and high pitch words.Â
âY/n, Iâm seriously like so sorry. I know that had to be confusing and I honestly wish that I deleted it before you listened dude, swear. You did not deserve to be tangled up in my feelings-âÂ
âDonât worry, itâs mutual.â You interrupted.Â
âAnd I just- wait what?â He paused, looking at you with confusion in his eyes, but a bit a relief in his voice.
âItâs mutual.â You nodded, just as surprised of your words as Mark at that point.Â
âBut I thought you stopped liking me?â His said, his voice sounding flabbergasted. Eyes twinkling as he looked into yours.Â
âI did, but I never stopped loving you, and I guess that counts right?â You said, a small grin on your face as his face lit up.Â
âSo- so would you be with me? Would you be my girlfriend Y/n?â He asked, turning to you, voice high pitched and excited as his eyes went brighter and wide.Â
âI would⌠if you promise to never leave me alone, if you promise to always be there with and for me?â You answered, eyes sparkling as a smile crept on your face from just looking at him.Â
âI promise Y/n. Iâm not letting you go again. I want us to be together forever if itâs possible.â He spoke, scooting closer to you and grabbing your hands, holding them tightly.Â
âOk, well then- I would love to be your girlfriend Mark.â Your cheeks hurt as you smiled strongly, your words full of warmth.Â
âBut wait, thereâs something weâre forgetting.â He paused, you humming in response as he grabbed something from his coat pocket.Â
He held up the shimmering diamond necklace, your eyes sparking as you looked at it with a smile.Â
âDo you just carry that around with you? Thatâs weird.â You asked, giggling to yourself.Â
âCall me what you want bro, but itâs yours.âÂ
He smiled, signaling you to turn around so he could put it on you.Â
âWow this is so excited I could just kiss you.â He squealed as you turned around.
You raised your eyebrows, a smirk painting your face as you starred at him. He blinked quickly, a smirk appearing on his face shortly after yours.Â
âCan I kiss you?â He asked, cheekbones defined from blushing.Â
âYes. You can kiss me.â You responded, nodding as your cheeks grew warm as the smile on your face began to hurt from how big it was.Â
He smiled, grabbing your face and pulling it to his, looking at your eyes before leaning in. The taste was familiar, yet so much sweeter. You wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him even closer to you, lips not leaving each others.Â
Now this is what you could call magicalâ no regrets, no alcohol, just love.Â
July 7th, 9:38 am. - my darling.
âHappy one year- meetiversary?â He spoke.Â
You giggled, meeting him at the counter, giving him a kiss on the cheek as he handed you a mango smoothie.
âWhatever happened to the watermelon ones?â You asked.Â
You were relieved for sure, but still curious because after your birthday he stopped giving them to you.Â
âI thought you didnât like them?â He asked, his eyebrow raised as he titled his head.Â
âDid I tell you that?â You paused, looking at him with confused eyes.Â
âNo, but I could tell from like the first day I gave you one.âÂ
âSo if you could tell I didnât like it, whyâd you keep making them for me?â You questioned, head titling.Â
âOh I just wanted to mess with you, see how long it would take for you to crack, but you didnât, surprisingly.â He said, a smirk appearing on his face.
âSo why Mangos now?â You raised your eyebrow questionably.Â
âItâs your favorite fruit.âÂ
âHow do you know that?âÂ
âY/n It was in your 4 hour cooking course. You mentioned how it was your favorite fruit.â He answered, you nodding in response understandably before tilting your head once again.Â
âBut you bought the one with my favorite meal, the 2 hour one?â You said, causing his lips to curl into a smile.
âOops.âÂ
You hit him playfully, scolding him about not buying your classes anymore and that you were right there to teach him, but he never listened regardless so you stopped wasting your breath.Â
You two were long distance for a tad bit, but he finally convinced you to come back so you could be closer again, and trust you took it deeply into consideration after you kept getting in fights with your family when you moved back home. So youâre back.
Sometimes you just sit and think about what if you never moved in the first place. How would your life be? Nevermind that, you just felt grateful to have him and he felt the same about you. Itâs been a year since you and Mark have met, and to say that itâs been an emotional rollercoaster was an understatement. Your connection was for sure a journey, and every step of the way, no matter if it was sad or happy, it brought the two of you where you meant to beâ together.Â
September 15th, 5:39 pm (5 years later) - Iâll never let you go.
Sorry to bother you on your run, but do you think you can pick her up some diapers otw home?
Delivered at 8:30 am
Y/n omg sheâs crying so hard, she misses her mom, come back soon :(
Delivered at 9:30 am
Sorry, Iâll leave you alone, but Iâm telling the truth about her crying.
Delivered at 9:31 am
Y/n, itâs been an hour, where are you? Why is your location off?
Delivered at 10:42 am
Y/n where are you? Iâm becoming very upset, text back.Â
Delivered at 12:38 pm
baby, are you okay? Why arenât you picking up my calls?
Delivered at 2:09 pm
Did I do something to upset you? Iâm sorry if I did, plz come home so we could talk about it.Â
Delivered at 5:00 pm
About 30 minutes, I got a call that sent a shiver down my spine.
âHello is this the husband of Y/n L/n?â
You always told me that you would list me first for your emergency contacts, but I didnât think anything of it.Â
âIâm sorry to inform you, but she was involved in a very bad hit and run car accident. Please come down here as soon as possible so we can discuss the matter with you.âÂ
My heart trembled at the call, I couldnât even stand straight.
Your long time friend, your roommate met me at the hospital, taking our baby girl out of my hands before I went into the hospital room, hands shaking every step of the way to you.
When I saw you, my heart sunk, it had to have been a nightmare, no way this was real.
I couldnât even make it fully in the room before turning and walking out the door. Screaming, tears streaming down my face as I tried to find who did this to you. Thank god our baby was there, gave me a reason to not find him and kill him myself.
The doctors helped me calm down and I finally walked in fully, trying to hold my composure as I got closer to you.
They had you hooked up to all this complicated equipment, but all I could see was you.
I took a seat by your side, tears falling from my eyes as the doctors gave me a minute to spend with you quietly.Â
âSheâs brain dead. The impact of the car sent her into cardiac arrest and the impact from the fall added severe damages to her brainâ
I heard that from beside me, a sorrowed voice that just sunk into my brain, carving the words harshly into my heart.
My eyes shut as I wrapped my hand around yours.
You were cold, and that only made my heart shatter more.
âIs there anyway sheâll wake up? Anything?â
I tried to speak, but my voice cracked and squeaked as I saw the doctorâs forcefully cold expression, sympathy in his eyes as he shook his head.Â
âIâm sorry, but thereâs really nothing we can do but pull the plug, but thatâs a decision for you Mr. Lee.âÂ
Tears were in my eyes, my face focused as I stared at you. I was in my right mindâ I think, but I couldnât help my emotions that began to flow out.Â
âCan- can she feel anything?â
I asked, my voice cracked as I looked at your face.
No matter how cut up it was you still looked so beautiful.Â
âNo.â The doctor spoke.Â
âSo then, I guess thatâs the only thing to do right?â
I mumbled, small hiccups escaping my throat as the doctor nodded in agreement, leaving me in the room with you alone for a few more minutes.Â
I felt numb when I heard that long agonizing beep, couldnât feel anything but tickling tears rolling down my cheek as I looked at your face.
I could hear faint sounds of your roommate crying, along with our babies cries ringing in my ear, but I couldnât do anythingâ I couldnât move, I couldnât talk, I was shattered.Â
I love you y/n. I will love you forever, and the day that I die, Iâll look for you, and only you.
May 30th, 6:46 pm (4 years later) - interminable
Happy anniversary y/n
itâs been 9 years since I asked to be your boyfriend haha time flies so fast doesnât it?
Oh, our precious baby girl is 5 years old now, whatttt.
She loves you so much, always ask for stories about her mom, wants to be a chef just like you.Â
Itâs funny because guess what? she hates watermelon smoothies too. She tried to lie, but I saw it in her face. Reminds you of someone huh?Â
Yk I still remember laughing to myself every time I gave you those smoothies, you tried so hard to act like it was good, but I could tell.
I still listen to your voice messages, the ones you always told me that your laugh sounded ugly, remember? Well I think it sounds beautiful, your laugh never fails to crack me up.Â
Oh and guess what? I have a surprise. Are you ready? youâre gonna be so happy.
I met Gordon Ramsey! Are you jealous lol? Donât worry I bragged to him about you, he said you sounded lovely. It always amazes me how talented you are.
I know youâre smiling so hard arenât you? You wouldnât leave me for Gordon Ramsey right?
Wait also before you get mad at me, of course I still have the cookbook
And yes I still cook every recipe out of that book, even the one with the sauce that always made me fart, god you hated that one.Â
I still think about you everydayÂ
And I still miss you so much
Like really really miss you.Â
Y/n, I really really really fucking miss youÂ
And I still love you, I will never stop loving you.Â
Happy anniversary.
I love you too Mark, happy anniversary.
So, yes youâre not here anymore, but he made a promise to you, and he kept it. You will always love him, and be there for him and watch over him and your child. You don't always need a body to live on, all you need is a heart, and as long as he's living, your heart resides with his.Â
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(67) Days of Whatever the Fuck that Was (PART 2.)
Summary: Chenle wasn't interested in committed relationships until he met the one. The problem is that now she is the one who doesn't want to commit to him.
Pairing: Werewolf! Chenle x Siren! Female reader
Warnings:Â OOff where do I start. Things get dubious, and even a bit non-conish sometimes so do not read if that's not something you're into. A lot of mind games, manipulation, gaslighting, and all the red flags you can think of. Y/N is MEAN. Also, this is super long so i had to make two separate posts. Read both if you want to know how it started! SMUT.
(PART 2)
âWhyâs Jisung crying?â Kun asked when he saw the youngest member of the pack trying to hide how glossy his eyes were a few days later.
âIâm not,â Jisung replied stubbornly, but the words came out broken.
âHe watched (500) Days of Summer,â Renjun deadpanned.Â
âYou watchedâ,â Kun burst out laughing. âItâs a romantic comedy! How did you end up crying?â
âItâs not romantic, nor funny,â Jisung disagreed.
Renjun sighed. âHeâs worried about Chenle.â
âOhâŚâ Kun frowned. âIs he still hiding in his room?â
Renjun and Jisung nodded.
Kun sighed and hesitantly walked to Chenleâs room, knocking on the door and letting himself in when he heard a monotonous âcome inâ from the other side.
âHey, LeleâŚ,â he greeted awkwardly. âHow are you feeling?â
Chenle was sprawling in bed, with dark circles under a pair of eyes stuck to the laptop screen.
âHm,â he replied, without elaborating.
âWhat are you up to?â Kun asked casually, walking closer to take a look at the screen. âOhâŚYouâre watching that movie tooâŚâ
Chenle barely nodded. âIâve watched it 6 times. Each time it becomes more obvious that they would never end up together. Funny, isnât it?â his dull voice said.
âLele, Iâm so sorry,â Kun said sincerely. Not only for what happened to the younger werewolf, but also for even mentioning that stupid movie.
âIt was gonna happen sooner or later,â Chenle closed his laptop and finally looked at the oldest. âShe didnât want me. Not the way I want her, at least.â
Kun looked at him sadly.
âMaybe I could make my own movie,â Chenle joked unenthusiastically. âThe title would be (67) Days of Whatever the Fuck that Was.â
âIs there anything I can do to help?â the older offered.
âSure, you could convince her to take me back,â Chenle chuckled humorlessly. âForget it, gege. Thereâs nothing anyone could do,â he said, before putting his laptop away and pulling the covers all the way up until they covered his head. âCan you close the door when you leave, please?â
âIâŚsure,â Kun murmured, walking out and closing the door quietly. He stood in the corridor for an entire minute as he considered his options. âFuck it,â he murmured, for once not caring about his manners.
He went back to the living room where Jisung and Renjun were waiting expectantly. âGet up, you two,â Kun told them. âWeâre going to the bar.â
âYeosang, Iâm fine,â you insisted after he begged you to go rest for the 5th time.
â You havenât seen your mate in a week, and you know that can affect your health. You shouldnât abuse your body.â
âItâs almost time to close. There are like 5 people here. It canât be that hard, â you laughed.
âI can handle it for the last half of an hour,â he offered. âYou havenât been looking too good latelyââ
âItâs getting better,â you lied before turning to the customer to take his order. âHi! What can I get you?â
âThree glasses of Eternal Dusk, please,â a handsome man with a charming smile said, handing you his credit card.Â
âRight away,â you replied with a smile, scanning the card and handing it back to him before preparing the drinks skillfully and handing them to him.
 He thanked you and took the drinks to the table where his friends were waiting for him. You thought you recognized one of them, but he quickly looked away, suddenly being very interested in the wall behind him. Over the course of the night, they kept stealing glances at you, quickly looking away and talking secretly in their tiny group. Eventually, the same guy who had ordered the drinks earlier approached the bar again.
âAnother round?â you offered.
âUh, actuallyââ he stopped mid-sentence with a wince and hesitantly grabbed a pendant that was hanging from a chain, tucked under his shirt. He inspected the relic suspiciously like it wasnât his own.
âEverything okay?â you asked.
He looked at you and then back at the pendant, which he quickly hid back under his shirt. âY-yeah sorry,â he smiled politely. âI was wonderingâ... youâre not from around here, are you?â
âNo, Iâuh, Iâm from the Scarlet Islands,â you disclosed. âWhy?â
âFigures. Your beauty isâŚdefinitely not something you see in this town,â he said cheekily, looking at you like he had found out your biggest secret.
âAre you going to order something or not?â Yeosang interrupted the conversation, standing in between you and the customer.Â
The man smiled at Yeosang before shaking his head and waving goodbye. âI think weâre done for tonight,â he said, going to his table and hurrying his friends out of the bar.
âWhat a creep,â Yeosang said.Â
âY-yeah,â you chuckled nervously and started cleaning up now that the last customers were gone.
âHeeey, Sangie,â Wooyoung greeted cheerfully approaching the bar. âCan I steal Y/N away for a little bit?â
Yeosang glared at Wooyoung suspiciously.Â
âIt wonât be anything stupid, I promise,â Wooyung said, trying to look as innocent as possible.
âIâll be okay, Sangie,â you chuckled, walking away with Wooyoung when Yeosang finally nodded hesitantly.
Wooyoung guided you out of the ship, to the dock that connected it to land. It was late at night and the place was deserted. The only sound you could hear was the water splashing the wooden ship and the distant voices of the crew members coming from inside the ship.
When you looked at Wooyoung you were surprised to see him taking his shirt off.
âWhat are you doing?â you asked, astonished.
âIâm getting undressed,â he said, unbuckling his belt.
âI can see that. Why?â
âWeâre going swimming!â he exclaimed, stepping out of his pants to present himself in front of you in his underwear. âWhy are you just standing there? Do you need me to take your clothes off for you?â he asked suggestively.
âWoo, itâs lateâŚâ you tried to reason.
âIâll push you. Donât test me.â
You saw a mischievous glint in his eyes and you couldnât help but laugh. âFine, I guess it wonât hurt to swim a little bit,â you said, undressing yourself until you were only wearing your bra and panties. The crew had seen you in a swimming suit before, so this was basically the same. And it was dark, so you werenât worried about him seeing through the fabric once it got wet
You followed Wooyoung into the water and sighed at the feeling surrounding you.
âFeel good?â Wooyoung asked, apprehensively.
âReally good,â you admitted, surprised. Your body had felt heavy and ached for the last few days, but you were suddenly feeling so relieved.
âSeawater restores sirensâ vitality,â Wooyoung commented, very proud of himself. âI read about it.â
âAaw, were you worried about me?â you teased.
He splashed water on your face as a response. You gasped and splashed him back, starting a childish battle that ended with him holding you tightly against his own body to prevent your attacks.
You were laughing brightly when you felt the soft presence of his lips on yours. It barely lasted a second, but it made all laughter stop.
Your confused eyes met Wooyoungâs untamed ones. He wasnât laughing, nor did he seem embarrassed or regretful.
âDid that feel good too?â he asked. His voice was thick with implication.
You stared back at him, speechless.
âDonât worry, this isnât a love confession,â he said, gently pushing a strand of wet hair from your face. âThis is just me saying that I know youâre going through a hard time, and that your body isnât taking it well. Youâre tired, in pain, and so sensitiveâŚâ he trailed off.
You blushed. âWooââ
âI know itâs someone else that you want,â he continued. âBut I can help you forget, even if itâs just for a little bit.â
âYou donât have toââ
âYou think I get nothing out of it? You may not know this but I have a thing for sirens. I dated one, actuallyâŚbut things didnât end up well. I recently found out through Yeosang that she met someone knew,â he chuckled but his laugh sounded empty, hurt. âI should be happy for her. But I canât bring myself to. Childish, huh?â
âIt was you?!â you asked, astonished. âThe friend Yeosang told me aboutââ
âSheâs my ex,â Wooyoung confessed. âWellâŚif you could call that a relationship. We barely held hands or kissed. She was afraid if weâŚconsummated, she would follow me wherever I went. That was smart of her; following a pirate around isnât anyoneâs dream life.â
âWooâŚIâm so sorry,â you whispered sympathetically.
âYouâre in no position to be sorry about someone elseâs love life,â he laughed, earning a playful punch on the shoulder. âWhat Iâm trying to say here is that none of us is with who we want to be, but we have each otherâŚâ
âI donât know if thatâs a good ideaâŚâ you hesitated.
âIsnât it tiring to have to pleasure yourself?â he taunted, caressing your waist with intent and making you shiver, suddenly very aware of the proximity and nakedness of you both. âYou canât let the man you love make you cum, and I couldnât make the woman I loved cumâŚâ he murmured, moving his hands skillfully to give you goosebumps. âWouldnât it be poetic if we cum together?â
âThe mental gymnastics to get to that conclusion are out of this world,â you joked.
âY/N,â he groaned. âWeâre both lonely and horny, and weâre stuck in a lifestyle that wonât let us have a stable relationship with anyone outside this damn ship. Is it really that crazy to propose we help each other out?â
You considered it for a second. He was making sense; you couldnât be with Chenle if you wanted to continue your current lifestyleâŚbut Wooyoung would always be there.Â
âCaptain said no relationships within crew members,â you murmured, holding onto the last argument against this reckless idea.
âCaptain doesnât need to know,â he assured you, closing the distance between your lips and kissing you. You kissed him back, focusing on Wooyoung and trying to forget all about Chenle. Without knowing that you would see him sooner than expected.
âCHENLE!â Kun yelled, bursting into the depressed wolfâs room and yanking the covers away from his limp body. âYOU STUPID BOY!â
After getting over the initial shock, Chenle gave him an unamused glare. âWe already established that. No need to yell,â he murmured, reaching for the cover again.
Kun took the cover from his hand and threw it on the floor. He then unclasped from around his neck a golden chain with a doubloon hanging from it and waved it in front of Chenleâs face. âDo you know what this is?âÂ
âNo,â deadpanned Chenle.
âItâs a siren detector,â he replied proudly.
âWhy do you even have one of those?â Chenle asked, still uninterested.
âI got it from my time in the navy, of course. All sailors get one for safety.â
âPff, you were not in the navy,â Chenle scoffed.
âYes, I was? I sent you postcards?â Kun reminded him offendedly. âWhatever, thatâs not the point. The point is we went to the bar where your mate worksââ
âYou did WHAT?!â Chenle asked outrageously.Â
âWe were going to convince her to take you back,â Kun continued.
âNooo,â Chenle groaned, mortified. âHow did you even know which bar it was?â
âJisung led the way,â Kun informed.
Chenle glared at Jisung who was standing awkwardly next to Renjun.
âSorry,â Jisung mumbled. âDidnât want you to be sadâŚâ
Chenle sighed. âYou should have asked meâ did you steal that glass?â
Jisung looked at the glass he was holding, still half full of alcohol. âWe left in a hurry and I kinda panicked.â
âAs I was saying,â Kun demanded everyoneâs attention. âWhenever I got near your mate the detector started burning my skin. I asked her where she was from and she named an island that is located in the Forbidden Sea, which is where you can find the biggest population of merpeople.â
Chenle stared at him dumbly.
âYou imprinted on a siren!â Kun exclaimed exasperatedly. âWell, probably a half-sirenâŚshe seems to be able to spend long periods of time on land.â
ââŚThatâs ridiculous. I would have noticed if my mate had a fishtail.â
âI guess they donât teach you guys anatomy in school anymore,â Kun said. âThatâs a myth. Sirens look like any other human. Some historical jerk assumed they had tails because the lower part of their bodies often remained hidden under the water. They have legs just like us, and they sometimes come to land, but they need sea water to survive. My guess is Y/N gets easy access to the water by traveling with pirates.â
âBut⌠it canât beâŚâ
âIt makes perfect sense,â Renjun interjected. âSirens are famous for their mind control. Think about it: isnât it weird that you always agreed to everything she said?â
Again, Chenle glared at Jisung, who must have spilled the beans about that too.
 âI donât know, man,â he sighed tiredly. âMaybe Iâm just a simp.â
âNo butââ Jisung spoke nervously. âThat night when you met her you were so out of it. All you kept saying was that you didnât want to mark her. Isnât that weird?â
Chenke knitted his brows. It was kind of weird. âMaybe it was the fever.â
âJust try to remember,â Renjun insisted. âDid you ever have any disagreement that ended with you saying something out of character? Something that you didnât understand why you were saying?â
Chenle froze. Every encounter with you had ended like that. Suddenly it all made sense.
Holy fuck. He had been played.
 He groaned and pulled his hair. âSo Y/N is a master manipulator. Why does it matter? She doesnât want to see me.â
âThatâs the weird part,â Kun says hurriedly. âI heard her speaking with the other bartender, saying something about not seeing her mate for a week. Your relationship,â he said that word making air quotes with his hands, âended a week ago. So that has to be referring to you, right? That means she imprinted on you too. But if thatâs really the case then she wouldnât be able to stand being away from you after you guys slept together,â he ranted nonsensically.Â
Chenle wasnât really following. He was still trying to process that he imprinted on a siren, and now Kun was saying that you probably imprinted on him too. He didnât even know sirens imprinted.
âMaybe sexual relationships arenât that important for her,â Renjun said, trying to make sense of the situation.Â
âSex is a sacred ritual between siren mates,â Kun contradicted Renjunâs theory. âWhen a siren is brought to their climax by the one they imprinted on itâs game over. The bond is sealed for eternity. Seriously, guys, what are they teaching you in school?â
âNot how to mate with sirens, clearly,â Renjun replied sarcastically, making Jisung choke on his drink.
âOrgasms seal the bondâŚâ Chenle mumbled, sitting up as he pieced together everything he heard. âGame overâŚâ
âExactly,â Kun said, excited that at least one of them was paying attention and learning from him. âBut then she probably wasnât talking about you when she mentioned a mate because she shouldnât be able to live without you after two months ofââÂ
âI didnât make her cum,â Chenle admitted.
The room was silent.
âYou meanâ last time you were together?â Renjun offered.
âEver,â Chenle deadpanned.
Jisung gasped. âYou never told me that!â he accused.
âYeah, thank god, or you would have told everyone!â Chenle rolled his eyes.
âI get nervous when interrogated!â Jisung defended himself.
âChenle!â Kun shrieked. âAre you saying that in two months of being fuckbuddies,â he stressed, â you didnât make her cum once?!â
âIt wasnât my fault!â Chenle replied.
âRight,â Renjun said sarcastically.
âShe kept telling me that I wasnât good enough. That I didnât deserve to touch her!â Chenle huffed, incredulous at what he was learning. âWhenever she was about to cum she would stop me with that sickeningly sweet voice of hersââ
âThe siren voice,â Kun nodded, starting to understand what was happening.
âAnd I would always end up doing as she said andâI donât know I thought it was like a weird kink of hers, or that I really was that bad in bed,â Chenle groaned.Â
âShe was stopping you from consummating the bond,â Renjun breathed out, catching up.
âWait what?â Jisung asked.
âShe imprinted on Chenle and she knew if he made her orgasm she would be bonding with him forever,â Kun explained. âShe literally hypnotized him to make sure he never made her cum.â
âThatâs a whole new level of commitment issuesâŚâ Jisung said incredulously. âAnd gaslighting,â he added, not believing that someone would go that far.Â
But Chenle didnât doubt you would do all that and more to get what you wanted. You were literally insane. Â
âFucking bitch,â he grunted, getting out of bed and exiting the room.
âWhere are you going?â Jisung asked.
âWhere do you think?!â Chenle yelled back.
âThatâs a terrible idea,â Renjun warned, running after him, followed by Jisung and Kun.
âYou either wait here or you come with, but youâre not stopping me,â Chenle grunted, opening the front door and walking out of the house in his pajamas.
The three werewolves exchanged worried looks before following Chenle to his car. Kun ended up driving because Chenleâs hands were shaking with rage, and the car was barely parked near the port when Chenle sprinted toward the imposing ship.Â
The bar was closed, and everyone was probably asleep, but Chenle didnât give a damn. He was going to wake up the entire town if he had to.
But he didnât have to, because he heard you.
It was distant and weak. You were giggling and whimpering, and at some point, he even thought he heard his name. But whereâ?
He almost tripped when he stepped onâŚpants? And there were other pieces of clothing tooâ Was that your top?!
âYou okay?â asked an unfamiliar male voice.
âF-fine,â you croaked.
âThat good, huh?â the stranger asked.
âShut up,â you replied playfully.
The voices were getting closer and Chenleâs enhanced vision could see you swimming toward the dockâŚwith a man.Â
âIt must have been good,â the man insisted. âYou were so out of it that you called me a totally different name.â
âWoo,â you whined, ashamed. âIâm sorryââÂ
He pecked your lips. âItâs fine,â he assured you with a smile, reaching for the wooden surface. âYouâll get it right next timeâ,â his sentence was interrupted when out of nowhere someone grabbed him and pulled him out of the water aggressively.Â
Your eyes widened in fear when you saw Chenle, manhandling Wooyoung with murderous intent. The pirate landed on his back on the dock with a loud thud and winced, but that was only the beginning of the pain Chenle had planned for him.Â
âC-chenle!â you shrieked, getting out of the water. âChenle, stop!â
âIâll deal with you later,â he growled at you, getting back to beating the shit out of the man who had dared to kiss you.
Desperately, you yelled at him to stop, tried to pull him away from Wooyoung, and finally screamed for help, hoping at least one of your crew members would hear you.
Luckily, Yunho came running out of the ship, closely followed by Mingi, who looked half-asleep. They quickly assessed the situation and charged in to separate the two men. San and Yeosang joined the scene right after, helping Wooyoung get up and trying to get him away from the threat.
âIâll teach you not to touch what isnât yours,â Chenle growled, breaking free from Yunho and Mingiâs grasp, but thankfully Kun, Renjun and a terrified Jisung stepped in, not letting him reach the poor man.Â
âLeave right now or Iâll call the police,â Seongwha spoke authoritatively, standing between his crew and the werewolves.
âCall the police then!â Chenle challenged petulantly. âSee if I care. One of my pack is fucking a police officer so they canât do shit to usââ he suddenly fell on the floor completely unconscious. Behind him, there was Jongho.
âI hit a pressure point so heâll be asleep for a bit,â Jongho explained calmly. âNot for long though, so you should get him out of here fast.â
The three werewolves nodded quickly, and mumbled a thousand apologies while they grabbed his unconscious pack member and dragged him away.Â
Seungwha quickly instructed the crew to take Wooyoung inside and tend to his wounds before turning to you. âY/N, Captain wants to see you.â
The crew turned to look at you, failing to mask the fear in their eyes. They knew that if the Captain asked you to go to his cabin, it meant you were in huge trouble.
You lowered your head and nodded obediently, grabbing your clothes and boarding the ship. You quickly dried your body and put on some clothes before walking to the Captainâs cabin with trembling legs.
âCome in,â he said before you could even knock.
The antique door opened with a quiet squeak.
Captain Hongjoong was standing by a small window while playfully tossing his spyglass from one hand to the other.
âDid you ask to see me?â you asked nervously.
âI did,â he hummed calmly. âHad fun with Wooyoung?â
Your blood ran cold. There was no way he could have found out this fast, could he?
He chuckled. âCome here, Y/N.â
You took hesitant steps toward him until you were face to face.
âLook outsideâ he instructed,positioning so you were looking out the window. âWhat do you see?â
You saw the dock where the fight had happened and if you moved a bit to the right you could see the exact spot where you and Wooyoung had been fooling around. Could he have seenâ?
âSaw it all,â he purred next to your ear, answering your unvoiced question. âCanât say Iâm surprised. If someone was going to break that rule it was Wooyoung.â
âIt wasnât his faultââ
âPlease,â Hongjoong laughed, sitting on a chair made out of a barrel. âYou want me to believe that Wooyoung wasnât the one who started this? I know my crew,â he said, gesturing at the chair in front of him for you to take a seat too.
âHe was only trying to help,â you explained, sitting down.
âYeah, because you broke up with rich boy, right? Maybe if you hadnât used your siren voice on him things wouldnât have ended like that.â
You gasped in surprise. He knew about that?!Â
He gasped too, mocking you. âTold you, Y/N. I know my crew,â he informed you, changing his tone to a more serious one. âRelationships within the crew are a rule that could be bent if necessary⌠but I strictly forbade you from bewitching people.â
âIâI knowâŚâ
âWooyoung and you hooked up, alright, no problem. Youâre both adults. But what you did to that man,â he said pointing at the window, âwas take away his autonomy for your benefit.â
You nodded slowly, ashamed.Â
âIâve been waiting to see if you would solve things on your own, but now one of my men is hurt. You did that,â he accused.
You winced. âI understand. Iâll pack my things,â you said.
Hongjoong frowned.âWhy would you do that?â
âI broke the rules and I put the crew in danger. So I gotta leave, right?â
âThat would be the easy way out,â he said sternly. âYou canât abandon people whenever you fail them.â
âThen what should I do?â
âApologize.â
âIâm sorry,â you said immediately.
âNot to me. To Chenle Zhong.â
Wow. He even knew his full name.
âI ended things with him,â you explained.
âBut did you apologize?â
âHeâll move on and find someone better.â
âDid.you.apologize?â
You sighed in defeat. â...No.â
âDo it,â he commanded. âIn person.â
You nodded right when someone knocked on the door softly.
âCome in,â Hongjoong said.
Seongwha walked in. âWooyoung will be fine. Only a few bruises, but no broken bones.â
âGood,â Hongjoong sighed. âTell him heâs grounded.â
âOf course,â Seongwha said, but shot you a worried look. âWhat about Y/N?â
âShe has her own task to complete, isnât that right?â he said, looking at you solemnly.
And thatâs how you found yourself unblocking Chenle and texting him, asking him if you could meet. The message showed as read for hours until he finally replied setting a time and date.
He picked you up like he often did in the past, before shit hit the fan. At first you refused to get in the car.
âIâll be quick,â you said.
âI wonât,â he countered angrily. âI have a lot to say, and youâre gonna listen. Get in.â
His voice left no room for disobedience, so you nervously got in the car. This time he drove in a totally different direction.Â
âWhere are we going?â you asked.
He didnât reply. He remained silent even when the car stopped in front of a huge modern building, taking you into the elevator and, once again, pressing the button to go to the highest floor.Â
You were in awe when you entered a place as luxurious as the presidential suite, but more homelike. It was a spacious penthouse, with minimum decoration, like it had been recently purchased, with enormous windows that allowed you to see the ocean.
âIâm listening,â Chenle said dryly, standing in front of the window and watching the striking view.
You stood behind him, taking a deep breath in to brace yourself. âThereâs something you must know,â you started saying.
He kept his eyes on the view, waiting for you to continue.
âIâm part siren. Sirens can control peopleâs minds with their voicesâŚand I did that to you.â
He clenched his jaw but remained silent,Â
âEverytime you came too close I made you believe that you didnât actually want that. I treated you like shit to keep you under control, but the truth was that I was afraid of what would happen if we went further. Iâm sorry,â you finally said.Â
He turned around, glaring at you. âYouâre sorry? Do you think you can use and humiliate someone repeatedly and then just say youâre sorry?â
You shook your head. âI know what I did was awful. Thatâs why I ended things; so you can forget about me and move on.â
âThatâs your way of fixing things?â He laughed humorlessly. âImagine someone broke your leg and then they put a fucking sticker on it, telling you to forget about it. Can you go run a marathon?â
â...Thatâs not the sameââ
âThatâs what it felt like to me,â he insisted. âYou broke me every time you told me I didnât deserve you. Everytime you made me say what we had wasnât special. You donât get to step on me like that and then tell me to move on.â
âIâm trying to do whatâs right.â
âNo. Youâre doing whatâs easier.âÂ
âChenle Iâ,â you sighed. âIâm leaving in three days. Thereâs nothing I can do for you at this point.â
He met your gaze with eyes that reflected a storm of emotions.Â
âThereâs something,â he said firmly. âKiss me.â
A shiver ran down your spine. There was nothing you would like more than to kiss him. âWouldnât that make things worse?â you asked apprehensive.
âThe person I imprinted on used me for months and is leaving in 3 days. Things canât possibly get worse for me,â Chenle deadpanned. He stared at your lips and took one of your hands tenderly. âCan you let me have just one moment with you that feels real? Without the lies and the mind games?â
You breathed out against his lips. âO-okayâŚâ
Chenleâs lips were on yours, slow and hot. You felt like you were floating. It had been so long since the last time you were this close to him, you had forgotten how well his lips fit into yours, how gratifying his body felt against yours, how easily he could turn you on with his fingertips barely grazing your skin.
You couldnât remember why you turned down his touch in the past when it was clearly what you needed the mostâeven the body ache you had woken up with was subsiding thanks to his ministrations.
It was the little moan that escaped you what brought you back to reality by the time he had taken your shirt off and was kissing your chest while playing with the strap of your bra.
âChenle,â you moaned when he unclasped your bra and attached his lips to your tits. âI t-think we should stop nowââ
He ignored your concerns, sucking on your nipple languidly.Â
âOohâ Chenle Iâm serious,â you started to panic at how dangerously good you were starting to feel. With how sensitive you were since you imprinted on him and how much you had been craving for him it wouldnât take long for you to climaxâŚand thatâs a luxury you couldnât afford if you were to leave with the crew in a couple of days.
âDonât be like that,â he cooed, unbuttoning your jeans. âYou hardly ever allowed me to touch you during our encounters. You canât expect me to be satisfied with just a kiss when this could be the last time I see you.â
âT-then how about I make y-you feel good instead?â you offered nervously, trying to pull his hands away from you, but he quickly slapped your hands away.
âI donât think so. We did things your way many times already. Itâs my turn to make you cum,â he declared, pulling your pants down hastily.
âNO! WAIT!â you shrieked, grabbing his hands with all your strength.
Chenle stared into your eyes intently. âThereâs that terrified expression again,â he uttered. âItâs almost like you donât want to cum. But that would be ridiculous, wouldnât it?â he taunted. âUnless thereâs something you arenât telling meâŚâ
You gulped.You indeed hadnât told him you imprinted on him and what the consequences of an orgasm would be. âIâŚI justâThatâs n-not why I came hereââ
âWhatâs so terrifying about me making you cum, hmm?â he inquired darkly, like he already knew the answer, cornering you against the window glass. âIf you donât give me a good reason I wonât stop.â
You couldnât tell him, because if you did then you were 100% sure he wouldnât stop. You didnât want to do this again, but you didnât see any other way out right now.
âPup, listen to meââ you spoke sweetly but he clasped his hand on your mouth firmly.
âNo, you wonât,â he spoke through gritted teeth. âYou apologize for bewitching me, but you try to do it again the second things donât go as you planned?â he asked incredulously.Â
You squirmed but he didn't budge.
Chenle hummed, placing his free hand on the front of your neck and tracing his fingers over your throat, drawing what felt like random figures. âWhat a shame. That was your last chance.âÂ
You gasped for air when he finally uncovered your mouth, but when you tried to speak again no words came out.
You cleared your throat and opened your mouth again, but even though you were saying words, they didnât materialize into sounds.
You looked at Chenle in shock, and he smirked back at you.
âItâs not nice, huh? Not being able to say what you want,â he asked rhetorically.
âWhat did you do?!â you tried to ask, but of course once again nothing came out of your mouth.Â
Chenle understood your voiceless question though and he chuckled. âHere goes my first confession: I found out about what you were a few days ago. Iâve been thinking of ways to stop you from using that voice on me since then. At first I thought about choking you, but I was so fucking mad at you I was afraid I would end up breaking your neck, so I learned how to cast this little spell on your vocal chords.â
Your eyes widened, remembering how you thought that he was just caressing your neck seconds ago.
âI also know you imprinted on me,â he continued speaking, caressing your face. âAnd I know what will happen if I make you cum so, naturally, I will make it happen.â
Your instinct kicked in and you pushed him, trying to get away as fast as you could, but he quickly caught you and turned you around, pushing you against the window glass with him hugging you from behind. You shivered when the cold material made contact with your bare chest, and the beautiful city view reminded you of how embarrassingly exposed you were.
Chenleâs hand had already found its way into your panties, and he was pleasuring you skillfully and fast, with only one objective in mind.
âHere goes my second confession: I regret not killing that friend of yours,â he whispered next to your ear, while two of his fingers were buried inside of you. âCanât believe you let him have you like this before me. It drove me mad to find out what you sound like when youâre cumming while in another manâs arms. But what made me even more furious was that you moaned my name. How fucking shameless can you be?â
You wanted to dig a hole and hide in it forever, but first you needed to run away.
He clicked his tongue when you kicked your leg back aimlessly trying to get him off you. âYouâre being so rude when Iâm making you feel so good youâre dripping down my hand?â He asked, adding a third finger and making you tighten around him.
You shook your head and tried to look at him over your shoulder, giving him your best puppy eyes.
âDo you really want me to stop?â he asked, stilling his fingers inside of you.
You nodded promptly.
He sighed. âI guess I should respect your wishes just like you respected mineâOh, right,â he pretended to suddenly remember something important. âYou didnât,â he concluded, fucking his fingers into you fast and hard.
You would have screamed if you could. You were so close and it was both marvelous and horrifying. If you gave in it would change your life forever, so you tried to even your breath and will yourself to think of something else.
âWould you look at that?â Chenle taunted. âI can see your ship from hereâŚItâs a shame theyâre too far to see how much of an obedient girl youâre being for me, taking my fingers so well, about to give yourself to me completely.â
You did not want anyone to see you like this, but you tried to remind yourself that this penthouse was on the highest floor in an exclusive neighborhood. Surely no one could see you.
âMmâŚshould I bite you before or after I get you off?â Chenle asked, placing a wet kiss on your neck.
You squirmed helplessly. At this point you knew you wouldnât break free, and that your efforts were in vain, but you were too stubborn to accept your fate.
âIâm tired of waiting,â he said, abusing that spot that had you rolling your eyes while using his other hand to rub your clit roughly. âGive it to me now.â
Your ears rang and the city lights in front of you became blurry. You felt like the world was spinning around you while the tingly feeling that sometimes you experienced in your fingertips expanded through your body.Â
âChenle, Chenle, Chenleâ was the only thought in your mind. His firm hands on your body, his warm respiration on your neck, his expensive cologne invading your nostrils, his luscious voice murmuring words you couldnât comprehend right nowâhe was everywhere. The feeling was so overwhelming, unlike any orgasm any man had ever given you before. There was no way back now. You wereâ
âAll mine,â Chenle chuckled, removing his hands from your underwear and placing one of them on your throat to remove the spell. âWas that really so bad?â he asked, turning you around to face him.
You glared at him. âY-youâ,â you coughed and spoke shakily, still riding the neverending aftershoks of your orgasm. âDo you k-know what you just d-did?!â
âIâm fully aware,â he replied nonchalantly.
âI wonât be able to leave, you asshole!â you yelled at him as tears started forming in your eyes. âYou ruined my life!â
The hand that was on your neck squeezed your throat.
âLike I said, I know what I did. Thatâs why I did it,â he grunted. âAnd just for your information, I only reversed the spell to hear you moan. Not for you to get bratty and annoying, so if you try to bewitch me or yell at me one more time you wonât be speaking until the end of my rut.â
You paled. âY-your rut?!â you choked out.
âThird confession,â Chenle whispered against your lips. âI chose this night to meet because my rut is scheduled to start anytime soon. And youâre gonna help me through it.â
You kicked his leg just out of pettiness. You knew it probably didnât hurt much and it wouldnât get you out of this predicament, but you didnât know how else to voice your anger.
He gave you an unamused look. âThatâs it,â he growled, lifting you in his arms and throwing you over his shoulder unceremoniously. You squirmed, kicked, and hit whatever part of him you could reach but it only seemed to add to the punishment that was coming.Â
He opened the door to a bedroom, which was also surrounded by wide windows. Like the living room, it wasnât fully furnished or decorated, but there was a king size bed in the middle and a nightstand, which was all that Chenle needed right now.Â
He sat on the bed and manhandled you so you were lying on your belly on his lap, and before you had the chance to ask anything or complain you felt a sharp pain on your ass.
âYouâre going to behave,â he guaranteed, landing another slap that made you gasp. âEven if I have to force you to.â
You tried to keep your mouth shut. If he had reversed the spell because he wanted to hear you moan then you wouldnât give him the satisfaction of hearing a single sound from you.
After spanking you a couple more times he noticed what you were trying to pull.
âReally?â he asked, giving you a particularly hard smack that almost made you give in. âWeâll see about that,â he murmured.
He moved you onto the bed, removed your panties hastily and positioned you so your legs were hanging off the bed while still on your belly. You turned your head around suspiciously but you didnât see him. You were going to sit up when you felt a pair of firm hands gripping your asscheeks and something warm and wet grazing your inner labia.Â
You yelped and Chenle chuckled against your center before diving in.
It had been a long time since someone ate you out from behind; usually you were the one in charge, so being in such a compromising position was humiliating yet he was making you feel so goodâŚ
No. You couldnât let him know you were enjoying this. You bit your lip and grasped onto the bed sheets desperately.
His tongue slid inside of you and he landed another slap on your ass, feeling you clench around the wet muscle. He pulled away for a second to say some cheeky comment, but a malicious kick almost landed on his face.
Furiously, he stood up and climbed on the bed, grabbing you as you were crawling away and forcing you to turn around to face him.
âWhat the fuck was that?â he growled.Â
âFuck you!â you hissed in response.
âFucking brat,â he spat, unbuckling his belt and straddling you. âAfter all youâve done you think you have the right to be angry?â
âOh and youâre any better?â you asked indignantly. âYou forced an orgasm out of me even though you knew what that impliedââ
âAgreed,â he conceded, unbuttoning his pants. âWeâre both terrible people and now weâre stuck together, so you might as well get used to itââ
âI may be bonded to you but you donât own me! Iâm sure Yeosang can help me find a way to undo thisâHhmp!â your ranting was interrupted by Chenle grabbing your jaw firmly and shoving his cock in your mouth, absolutely not in the mood to listen anymore.
âMm, yeah thatâs better,â he hummed, thrusting the head of his cock in and out slowly. âSuch a beautiful voice but all that comes out of your mouth is poisonous.â
You tried to complain, but the vibrations only pleased Chenle even more.Â
âYeah, go on, princess,â he encouraged you mockingly, sinking some more of his length into your mouth.Â
You shot him a dirty look and hollowed your cheeks to give a hard suck, tasting the salty liquid that the tip oozed.
He moaned and his body bent in pleasure. âOh yeah?â he sneered, pulling out slightly to thrust back in. âDo your worst, princess, fuckââ
âHmm,â you moaned around him, stretching your lips and straining your neck to bob your head.Â
Chenle felt like his head was spinning. You had pleasured him with your mouth before, but this was different. He had never had so much power over you. It made him feel euphoric. He placed his hands on your head to keep you in place, pulling your hair unintentionally. His mouth hung slack and he fucked your mouth rhythmically.
It took you choking when his cock hit the back of your throat for him to cum in your mouth with a guttural moan, trapping your head between his pelvis and the mattress until you drank every single drop.
With a jaded sigh, he climbed off your chest to start going lower, kissing every corner of your body on the way until he positioned himself with his face between your legs to continue what he had started.
You let out a broken moan when he captured your clit with his mouth and sucked insistently.Â
Your legs kicked his back and you pulled his hair angrily but you couldnât refrain from moaning, much to his delight. He sucked, and sucked until the stimulation was painful, and almost wished he moved his mouth somewhere else but he was suctioning your clit with obsessive intent, wanting it to feel so good it hurt, wanting to break you.
He alternated between flattening his tongue against you while shaking his head and going back to harsh sucking until your stomach contorts and your mind goes blank, making your legs shake in pleasure.
âŚExcept he doesnât stop.Â
It was the first time he had you cum in his mouth and now he was captivated. He wished you had let him do this sooner. How dare you keep this away from him all this time?!Â
âDo it again,â he grumbled against your core between sloppy licks.
âAre y-haaâŚare you insane?!â you whined, trying to push him away.
He looked up at you with reddened eyes and growled, slapping your inner thigh.
âI said,â he spoke roughly. âDo it again,â he commanded, getting back to work.
This time he was all over the place, licking and slurping every drop of your release and making you shriek in pleasure and embarrassment. He wouldnât let any of it go to waste. This belonged to him. You belonged to him. And he would take it as many times as he wanted.
You trembled when he once again focused your clit, like it was his new favorite toy, and circled it with his tongue going clockwise and then counterclockwise, and then flicking it barely with the tip of his tongue.
You whined and the death grip you had on his hair to push him away ended up pushing his head closer to your center.
He moaned appreciatively and let you fuck his face until he heard you gasp brokenly, so he sucked hard, bringing you to yet another orgasm.Â
Your body relaxed on the bed while he cleaned you up with his tongue languidly, making you wince and convulse sporadically.Â
Once he finally licked all he could find, he climbed back up so he was face to face with you.
âI hate you,â you croaked.
âYeah?â he purred, kissing you, letting you taste yourself on his lips. âI donât think you doâŚAnd even if you did, thatâs too bad, because Iâm obsessed with you,â he concluded, diving in for another kiss.
He was right, you didnât hate him. You were just mad, and scared, but you loved his lips on yours, and the way his body rocked against yours, and his hard cock pushing against your entranceâ
âAhâhaaa, fuckâChenle!â you moaned loudly when he pushed in slowly, stretching you out delightfully.Â
He swallowed your moans with his kisses, between hushed praises for taking him so well.Â
âMy pretty princessâŚâ he breathed out once he bottomed up completely. He grabbed one of your thighs and pushed it up and outwards before rolling his hips experimentally. He starts very slowly, allowing you to feel every vein of his cock dragging against your inner walls and you have no words to describe how good it feels.
His eyes lit up when he hit a spot that made you arch your back, aiming to hit it harder.
âWhat happened to that fierce attitude?â he teased when you let out a strangled moan.
You only looked at him with wide eyes, grabbing onto his shoulders clumsily without knowing what to do with yourself. Having him inside of you after having consummated the bond made everything feel 10 times more intense. There was nothing you could possibly say to express how good it felt to have your mateâs cock kissing your cervix so divinely.Â
âPoor Y/N,â Chenle spoke condescendingly, using his thumb to wipe some drool off the corner of your mouth. âCock so good you canât speak?â
You try to think of a comeback. You really do, but how could you when he was filling you all the way up and hitting all the right placesâat the same time?
He chuckled darkly, snapping his hips hard once, twice and then building up a steady rhythm that had you screaming like he always wanted you to.
âOh g-godâŚâ was the first coherent sentence you said, throwing your head back.
 âThatâs my princess,â he praised, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. âSubmitting for her mateâhaaâŚ,â he moaned as he nosed along your neck, looking for the right spot to leave his mark.
âC-chenleââ you whined, feeling yourself getting closer the more his pelvis grinded against your clit.
He sank his teeth into your skin and you saw that white pleasure consume you again, making you cum with a silent scream and your legs shake around Chenleâs waist.
He winced when you contracted around his cock, murmuring nonsense about how tight and perfect you were for him while licking the fresh wound on your neck.
You were shaking like a leaf, whispering his name like it was the only thing you knew and he just didnât stop.
âFuck! P-please!â you cried out when he pressed his hips against yours harshly and moved them in a circular way before resuming his unrelenting assault.Â
You didnât think you could take any more so you tried to push him away weakly, but he pinned you down by your wrists.Â
Both of you knew you werenât actually trying to rebel anymore, but his wolf loved to show off his strength, making you submit. He had wanted to dominate you the moment he met you, but his rut had turned that want into a need.Â
âC-canât,â you sobbed, but the more you squirmed, the harder he fucked you.
âYouâre g-gonna take it,â he grunted, squeezing your wrists and thrusting fast enough to make you see stars.Â
Tears slid down your face but you nodded obediently and that sent Chenle into a frenzy. He let go of your wrists to grab onto your waist, sitting up and ramming into you at a speed he didnât know he was capable of.
âAahâŚHaa, fuck, Y/Nâmy obedient little mate, yeahâŚâ he moaned.
You whined at the praise, letting him fuck every coherent thought out of your head.
âAll you have t-to do is take it,â he spoke with slurred words as he impaled you into his cock like a ragdoll. âLet me have you like this,â he emphasized the last word with a hard thrust. âLet me m-make you feel good mmâŚâ
You nodded dumbly while he pounded you on the bed.
âLook this prettyâoh fuck, so pretty for me,â he sounded strained, and his movements were haltering. âLet me g-give you anything you couldâŚoooh anything y-you could possibly want,â he was getting desperate, feeling his knot starting to form was pushing him over the edge. âL-let meâŚ,â he gulped, forcing his knot into you and making you scream. âOooh Y/N, fuuuckââ
You couldnât breathe. It was too much. He was too deep, and he was trying to pull you impossibly closer as his cock throbbed inside of you and he finally came with a shaky sigh, shooting endless spurts of cum inside of you.
Your eyes rolled back as he convulsed on top of you, once again pinning your wrists just for show, to remind you he was in charge.
Once both of you came down from your high, Chenle took in the view and beamed with pride.Â
You were sprawled out on your back, with his mark on your neck, fucked dumb, submissive, completely overstimulated, impaled on his cock, and full of what soon would be his pups.Â
This was what he would wake up to everyday, in this very apartment he had bought for both of you.
Meanwhile, on the ship, Captain Hongjoong put his spyglass down and walked away from the window, letting out an impressed whistle.
âSeongwha, make preparations for a farewell party,â he requested, sitting on his chair and putting his feet on the table. âLooks like Y/Nâs staying in this town.â
âYouâre so mean,â Seongwha replied, unimpressed. âYou knew this would happen when you sent her to speak with him.â
âSheâll thank me one day,â Hongjoong assured him, winking playfully.
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(67) Days of Whatever the Fuck that Was (PART 1.)
Summary: Chenle wasn't interested in committed relationships until he met the one. The problem is that now she is the one who doesn't want to commit to him.
Pairing: Werewolf! Chenle x Siren! Female reader
Warnings:Â OOff where do I start. Things get dubious, and even a bit non-conish sometimes so do not read if that's not something you're into. A lot of mind games, manipulation, gaslighting, and all the red flags you can think of. Y/N is MEAN. Also, this is super long so i had to make two separate posts. Read both if you want to know how it ends! SMUT.
Chenle didnât understand why everyone said they had such a hard time trying to get their mates to accept them. All his pack brothers told horrendous stories about how hard it was to approach, confess, and get together with their destined person (except for Haechan, who found the whole âbugging her every day until she says yes´ approach normal). So far, all their mates had not been wolves like them, so it made sense that they didnât immediately believe them, nor did they want to compromise to be with them for life.Â
But Chenle? Chenle had his mate in his arms right now, not even five minutes after first laying eyes on her, kissing him and giggling playfully at his dumbfounded but eager state.Â
He can barely remember how he got there. He remembers going to this bar that Jisung was ridiculously excited to check out. It was literally inside a ship that was (supposedly) safely anchored and that was accessible through a wooden bridge connected to the port. Rumor had it they served the most exquisite liquors from all around the world and they never stayed in the same town for more than a couple of months. Chenle found the concept of a wandering floating bar clever, especially because paying for a spot to park a ship wasnât as expensive as renting a place on land and getting it ready for the business. He had some concerns regarding the legal permits to sell alcohol in different cities and countries, though.
 He was thinking about all the technical details that opening a business like this required while trying to decide what to order when he locked eyes with the bartenderâ the most beautiful creature he had ever seenâ and he forgot how to speak, so he just looked at you dumbly as your lips moved delicately, asking him who knows what.Â
You thought maybe he was new to drinking, so you leaned forward over the bar and pointed at some options on the menu, avoiding the ones that contained hard liquor.Â
âAre you a beer-only type of person? This one is a little bitter but a lot of our regulars like it,â you tried to speak over the loud music. When he didnât reply you tried again. âIf you prefer something sweet there are a few cocktails that I could recommend but they are kinda strongâ,â You looked up and saw that you had been talking to a wall the entire time; he wasnât even looking at the menu. Instead, his eyes moved hesitantly from your lips to your neck and finally, your breasts, which were barely covered by your low-cut top, and had him salivating.Â
He finally looked up when you scoffed.Â
âThatâs not really on the menu,â you teased him. You werenât mad. You often got hit on during your shift, and you quite enjoyed the attention when it came from attractive young men. And this one was incredibly attractive.Â
He cleared his throat. âS-sorry, I didnât mean to stareââ
âDo they look good?â you asked, tilting your head and crossing your arms under your chest, making your tits look even prettier.Â
He swallowed a groan and forced his eyes to look back into yours after taking a quick look. So you were a tease, huh? He could deal with that. âYes,â he said, suddenly sounding very confident. âBut they would look prettier with my mouth on them.â
You were taken aback by the change of demeanor, but you couldnât deny it sounded tempting. You had had your fair share of one-night stands, most of them fun, some of them not so much, but you had never wanted to kiss someone you had just met this badly.Â
âSangie,â you turned and called for your coworker who was cleaning some glasses. âCan I take a short toilet break?â
Yeosang smirked knowingly and nodded. There werenât many customers right now, so he could handle them just fine. Plus, it was the first time he saw you taking the initiative to go with someone, which had to mean you really liked that lucky guy.Â
âThanks! Love ya!â you said, leaving your workstation and grabbing the strangerâs hand, who let you guide him without even thinking about his friend waiting for him at the table.Â
And now he was pressed against the wall of a restroom as you assaulted his lips until he felt light-headed. The way the ocean waves rocked the ship didnât help. He felt drunk already and he hadnât tried a single drop of alcohol.Â
âWhatâs your name?â he asked in between kisses.
âY/N,â you replied, pecking his lips. âAnd you areâŚ?â
âChenle,â he said, chasing your mouth. âZhong,â he added. He thought you had to know his family name as well since it would be yours one day.Â
You giggled against his lips and his heart skipped a beat.Â
And then he almost had a heart attack when you placed his hand on your breast.Â
âI thought you were gonna make them look prettier, Chenle Zhongâ you taunted.Â
He let out a sound that was between a laugh and a scoff. He would fix your attitude later, right now he was feeling too good to be mad about it.
He squeezed your breasts while he trailed your neck with wet kisses.
You sighed and closed your eyes in delight, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, but he was taking his sweet time with your neck.Â
âHey,â you tried to get his attention to no avail. âI canât be here all night, you know?â you informed him, laughing.Â
Either he didnât hear you or he decided to completely ignore you because he seemed fixated on nibbling the soft skin on the crook of your neck. Â
You normally wouldnât mind some of that for foreplay, but you had to get back to work at some point. Not only that, but the constant licking and sucking on the same spot was starting to get painful.
âChenle,â you hissed, tapping at his shoulder insistently, but instead of stopping he opened his mouth wider and you felt sharp teeth scratching the surface his tongue had abused before. âChenle, stop!â you demanded, grabbing a handful of his hair and finally pulling his head back. âWhat are you doing?!â you asked him, holding him in place and using your other hand to soothe the sensitive patch of skin.Â
He groaned and stared at you defiantly. âLet me go.â
â Youâve been sucking on my neck for five minutes.â
âI found the right spot,â he argued, trying to dive in again, and grunting when you pulled his hair harder.Â
âRight spot for what?â you asked, baffled.Â
âTo bite you,â he replied, rolling his eyes like you had asked the dumbest question ever.
â...Nice, but that wonât get me off,â you explained. âSo can we move on?â
His reddened eyes (had they always been red?) squinted at you. âMy mate has a sassy mouth, huh? Let me make it official and then Iâll get you off all you want,â he offered, aiming for your neck and letting out a frustrated sigh when you stopped him again.
âIâm no oneâs mate. What the fuck are you on about?â you asked in disbelief.
âYou asked for my ID before I could order a drink, right? What species did it say I was?â he tried to explain as kindly as he could, but he sounded like an exhausted elementary school teacher. He was losing his patience and it was getting really hard to be coherent.Â
âA werewolf, butâ,â you stopped mid-sentence and your eyes widened in realization. âOhâŚâ
âYes, âOhâ,â he echoed. âSo why do you think I need to bite your neck?â
ââŚYou imprinted on me?â you whispered, gulping.
âSmart girl,â he cooed, pecking your lips and making you blush at the unexpected praise.
Once again he started kissing your neck, teeth grazing against the skin threateningly. When you tried to pull his hair again he growled, opting for pinning both your hands on the wall.
âThis is whatâs going to happen,â he whispered next to your ear. âAfter I mark you, weâre going somewhere moreâŚhygienic and comfortable, where we can mate properly. Once my rut is over, if you can walk, weâre going on a date to discuss the details of our future together. Marriage is a must, but pretty much everything else is negotiable. Do you like diamonds?â he recited like he had been preparing this script for a long time.
âAbsolutely noââ
âNo diamonds?â He asked skeptically, thinking you were rejecting his gemstone choice instead of his whole plan. The way you squirmed didnât seem to give him a clue of your thoughts either, because all he did was pin both your hands together on top of your head with one of his hands while the other grabbed your jaw firmly to keep you in place. âI guess there are other options, but diamonds are the most durableâŚâ he mumbled.
âI have no intention ofââ
âWhat type of house would you like? If you donât like any of the properties on sale we can get one designed and built to suit your taste. Anything for you. Youâll get anything you want as long as youâre mine,â he continued like he couldnât hear you. He wasnât one to lose his mind easily, but you smelled of sea salt, coconut, and vanilla and he couldnât think of anything else besides having you by his side and spoiling you.
Your heart sprinted. This stranger was about to make you his for the rest of your life. He was certainly handsome, but you had no intention of settling down. There was a reason you worked in a wandering bar! You couldnât stay in just one place and belong to one person.Â
You tried to reason with him, but your pleas fell on deaf ears. All he did was whisper reassuring words as he prepared to sink his fangs on you.
âC-can you at least look at me first?â you begged.
You donât know if it was your desperate tone or the way your body was trembling but he miraculously decided to grant you something, lifting his head to look into your eyes.
And his eyes were so full of adoration.
It almost made you feel guilty for what you were about to do.
âŚAlmost.
You had promised your captain not to lure anyone into doing something you wanted again, but this was an emergency.Â
âChenle Zhong,â you called his name sweetly, the sweetest heâs heard from you so far. âYou donât want to mark me,â you assured him.
His brows furrowed.
âI⌠I wantâ,â he tried to look at your neck again.
âLook at me,â you commanded, still using your luring voice. âYou donât want to be with me.â
He shook his head, opening his mouth dumbly without being able to formulate a word. He seemed confused, like he couldnât remember what he wanted to say but refused to let you go still. You were impressed. No one had been able to resist your hypnosis and you were sure he would give in soon, but he was putting up a fight. How sweet.
âLet me go,â you instructed softly.
He didnât reply, but he reluctantly let go of your arms.
âI will get back to work and you will go home,â you informed him.
He nodded slowly, lost in your eyes.Â
âWhat will you do?â you asked.
âI will go home,â he replied monotonously.
âGood boy,â you replied, caressing his cheek. He was so pretty⌠totally your type but you two didnât want the same thing, so it was better to end things right now. Ideally, you would have been able to reason with him without bewitching him⌠but you doubted he would agree with you when his rut was clearly about to hit. âIâm leaving first,â you finally said before unlocking the restroom door and stepping out.
As soon as you walked out you bumped into the guy Chenle had arrived with. His panicked expression made him look like a mom who lost her child at a supermarket and you wondered if he was the reason Chenleâs phone kept vibrating in his pocket while you two made out.Â
His widened eyes looked at your neck and his mouth fell open comically.Â
âI think your friend had too many drinks,â you said casually, walking past him and pointing at the restroom. âYou should take him home.â
The man looked at you suspiciously before rushing into the restroom.
âHad fun?â Yeosang asked casually once you got back to work.
âNot really,â you sighed.
âHe wasnât that good, huh?â he offered you a sympathetic smile after handing a customer a freshly prepared cocktail.Â
âNoâI meanâŚI donât know,â you shrugged. âWe just werenât compatible.â
âHmâŚit was certainly quick,â he replied as he saw the man he was talking about being dragged out of the restroom by another guy. âThere he goes. Not a heavy drinker I guessâoh,â he stopped mid-sentence to let out a soft gasp and locked eyes with you. âYou did not,â he said in disbelief.Â
âI did not what?â you asked, feigning innocence and keeping yourself occupied cleaning the already clean bar top.
âDid you do the thing?â he whispered, looking around like he was afraid someone would hear.Â
âNo,â you lied.
âI donât remember preparing a single drink for him. And he walked into that restroom with you just fine. Why does he look so lost and dazed?â
You sighed. Of course, Yeosang would be able to tell. He had been raised by merpeople before he was recruited by Hongjoong. Many would believe Yeosang was a siren himself because of his bewitching aura and appearance, but he was human alright. A human who grew up mirroring and understanding siren behavior. It was thanks to him that the captain accepted you as part of the crew when he caught you stealing from him some years ago. Hongjoong would have never been reckless enough to take a half-siren in, but Yeosang seemed so excited to meet you and spend time with someone who wasnât a complete brute. He gave the crew the most devastating puppy eyes as he asked if they could âkeepâ you ⌠How could Hongjoong say no to him?Â
You had tried to escape a couple of times but Yeosangâs sad face when you got caught always made you feel terrible. You ended up growing fond of him and it didnât bother you when he asked you if you wanted to help him make a seashell necklace or if you would let him brush your hair. Soon you started feeling comfortable around the others too as you understood that you werenât a prisoner and that no one had any ill intention toward you. They saw you as part of the team. All you had to do was work at the bar, help keep the ship clean, and follow the captainâs rules.
 Speaking of rulesâŚ
âY/N! Captain said not to!â Yeosang reprimanded you, looking from you to the exit as Chenle and his friend left.Â
âIt was an emergency!â you hissed.
âDid he hurt you?â he asked, scanning you with alarmed eyes but besides the purple marks on your neck, you seemed fine.Â
âNo,â you rolled your eyes. âI just shouldnât have tried anything with a werewolf in the first place.â
â...Oh, wellâŚuh-,â he blinked twice, trying to understand the problem. âI didnât take you for a human supremacistâŚâ
âWhaâ Iâm not a human supremacist, Yeosang!â you exclaimed, frustrated. âIâm not even fully human myself!â
âThen what was the problem?â
âHe imprinted on me,â you disclosed before heading towards a new customer to take their order.
Yeosangâs widened eyes followed your movements. He was still silent even after you prepared the requested drink.
âWhat?â you asked when you noticed a tiny smile forming on his lips.
âDo you feel the same for him?â he asked you, failing to hide his excitement with the way his eyes glimmered. âIs that why you wanted to be alone with him?â
âWhat? No! I just wanted to have some fun tonight,â you replied. âHumans donât have mates.â
âBut sirens do,â he said.
Your neck almost snapped as you turned to look at him. âThey do?!â you asked in shock. You grew up on land and didnât know as much as Yeosang about sirens so this was new information for you.
He nodded. âAnd you are half siren,â he reminded you.
âIâm mostly human, though,â you shrugged, pretending to inspect the bottles on the shelf. âBut just out of curiosity, what does imprinting feel like for sirens?â
Yeosang hummed. âWell, besides the expected attraction and hornyness, you may feel kinda weak if youâre not with your partner. Some sirens get sick.â
You nodded. It should be fine, since you felt perfectly fine, besides the obvious sexual frustration. If you were lucky enough, the effect of the hypnosis would last enough for Chenle to leave you alone until the boat sailed to its next destination.
Meanwhile, Jisung finally managed to get Chenle home. Chenle was cooperating, but his body was acting kind of clumsy and he was running a fever that kept getting worse.Â
Thanks to his friendâs zombie-like curt answers, Jisung figured out that Chenle had imprinted on the woman who worked at the bar and that she âsmelt really goodâ, but he âdid not want to mark her at allâ which was very odd for any werewolf who just had his rut triggered due to a fated meeting with their real mate. When Jisung tried to get some clarification, Chenle would simply reply that he needed to get home.
 What scared Jisung the most was that Chenleâs eyes looked empty, like he was dead inside. They had turned red like they usually did when they experienced strong emotions, but they didnât express anything.Â
So as soon as the front door opened and the two youngest were met with the familiar faces of their pack, Jisung asked for help.
âI think we need an exorcist,â he blurted out, fighting tears of terror and holding onto his probably demon-possessed friendâs arm.
âFinally,â Haechan murmured as he sprinted to his room to get his exorcism kit. âMy time has come!â he yelled from a distance.
âWhat would you need an exorcist for?â Jeno asked skeptically.Â
âChenle is not Chenle,â Jisung answered, pointing at Chenle who was standing like a statue next to him.Â
âHe looks like Chenle to me,â Jeno said.Â
âNo, no,â Jisung insisted. âThere is something wrong with him!â
âHey, man,â Mark greeted, walking up to Chenle. âYou good?â
âYes,â Chenle said in a monotonous voice.
âUhâŚâ Mark halted at the unfamiliar tone and exchanged a look with Jisung before continuing. âHow was your night?â
âGood,â Chenle murmured, his eyes were on Mark but he wasnât really looking at him.Â
âReally? Uh, t-tell me more,â Mark insisted, trying to get some information.Â
Chenleâs eyes squinted momentarily in confusion, not knowing how to answer.
âHe doesnât reply to open questions, ever since I found him in the restroom and dragged him out of the bar,â Jisung clarified. âYou have to be specific. Watch this; Chenle, who is Y/N?â
âMy mate,â Chenle replied without hesitation, his eyes lighting up for a second.Â
âWoah! You found your mate?!â Mark almost screamed. âCongratulations!â
Haechan came back in that moment with a box full of enchanted objects ready to expel the devil from his friendâs body. âWhat?! Then heâs not possessed, Jisung! Heâs probably just daydreaming!â
Jeno laughed and gave Chenle a friendly punch on the arm. âCongratulations!â he said before turning to Jisung and patting his head. âYou got us worried for no reason, pup.â
âNo, guys, you donât understand,â Jisung insisted. âListen to this: Chenle, did you mark Y/N?â
âI donât want to mark her,â Chenle replied.âI donât want to be with her.â
Jenoâs eyes widened, Markâs eyebrows furrowed and Haechan, who was about to walk away with his exorcism kit, turned back, thinking that he may need to intervene after all.
âYou donât want to be with the person you imprinted on?â Haechan repeated.
â I donât want to be with her,â Chenle echoed.
âThose are the only full sentences he says,â Jisung whispered with urgency. âThat, and that he wants to go home.â
âWell, you are home now,â Jeno informed, placing a gentle hand on Chenleâs shoulder.
Chenle let out a relieved exhale and collapsed on the floor with a loud thud like he had been waiting for that piece of information to shut down.
All four men looked at their passed-out friend in shock until Haechan broke the silence with urgent commands: âJeno, Mark, hold him still!â
âWhat for?â Jeno asked, confused.
âI d-donât think heâs going anywhereâŚâ Mark said.
âOh, youâre right, why donât we just let Mr. Demon take their sweet time to consume Chenleâs soul? â Haechan replied sarcastically. âJUST GRAB HIM!â
Mark and Jeno pinned Chenleâs arms and legs down hesitantly.
âJisung, help me draw a pentagram around him,â Haechan instructed, handing Jisung a piece of chalk that he took with a trembling hand.
  Jaemin entered through the front door and stared blankly at the scene in front of him. âIs this another episode of âjust boys being boysâ?â he asked, still standing under the doorframe.Â
Jeno, Mark, and Haechan exclaimed a bunch of incoherent answers, while Jisung continued sobbing and drawing a circle around Chenle, but somehow Jaemin got the idea and rushed toward Chenle.
âHe fainted because he has a fever,â Jaemin sighed after taking his temperature and checking his pulse. âVery intense ruts can cause that. Didnât you say he just imprinted on someone?â
âBut he didnât sound normal!â Jeno insisted. âHe was speaking like he had no soul!â
âBECAUSE A DEMON TOOK IT!â Haechan yelled, making Jisung cry louder.
Jaemin rolled his eyes. âHis brain was probably not working properly because of the fever. How many of you can have a normal conversation while in rut?â
The boys sat on the floor in silence, looking at Chenle and then at each other, embarrassed of the collective hysteria that took over them. Jisung was still hiccupping but he calmed down a little.
âHeâs not possessed,â Jaemin declared, holding back a laugh. âNow put those candles away and go get him some suppressants and water.â
After that, Chenleâs rut was quite uneventful. Too uneventful.
Taeyong was the first to notice something was off, deciding to enter Chenleâs room after an entire day of not hearing any noise coming from the inside.Â
Instead of being met with an incredibly horny and incoherent Chenle humping whatever he could find, he found him lying on the bed as he stared at the roof absentmindedly.Â
He called the youngerâs name twice. Then he grabbed his shoulders and shook him softly, but Chenle only let out a pathetic whine.
Typically, the best way to reduce the fever that comes with a rut is to get off, as a way to trick their wolf into thinking they were breeding. But Chenle wasnât interested in getting relief, despite his visible erection.Â
He was unresponsive, burning up, and not even trying to do something about it.Â
âChenle, this isnât your first rut. You know what you gotta do to feel better,â Taeyong reminded him.Â
Chenle turned around to lay on his side, looking away from his leader.
âI heard you met your mate. Y/N, wasnât it?â Taeyong tried a different approach, smiling when Chenle tilted his head towards him slightly with interest. âWhat is she like?â
âS-sheâ,â Chenleâs voice was hoarse, so he cleared his throat before speaking again. âSheâs perfectâŚâ
Taeyong nodded. âThen whatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â Chenle replied curtly.Â
âYou donât look like someone who just met the love of his life.â
âWhy? Because Iâm not behaving like a horndog?â Chenle spat angrily. âI have more class than that.â
âI see,â the leader replied, unimpressed. âIs that the reason you donât want to mark her or even be with her? Not classy enough for you?â
Chenle groaned. âI just donât want to! Why do I have to commit to someone I just met?!â he asked defensively.Â
The truth was he did not understand why he kept repeating that. He could hear his wolf whimpering painfully in disagreement and his heart throbbing whenever he said he didnât want to mark you, but for some reason, his brain kept telling him thatâs what he wanted. The constant fight between his mind and his body made his head hurt, and his rut was making everything worse. Taeyongâs voice was fading away and his head hurt so much he felt like he would throw up. He couldnât understand a word that was said to him and honestly, he didnât want to understand right now. He just wanted to rest, but the room was so hot and it was getting hard to breathe.
He doesnât know when he fell asleep, but when he woke up he felt less hot than before. As he opened his eyes slowly, he saw Doyoung hovering over him, gently rubbing his face and neck with a wet cloth.
âHey,â the older one greeted. âHow are you feeling?â
Chenle gulped and blinked a couple of times. He was still in pain but he could think a bit more clearly. He noticed he was wearing different clothes, so he assumed his previous clothes were probably drenched with sweat and his pack members had changed him into clean, dry ones. âG-good.â
âWe were going to take you to the hospital if your condition didnât improve,â Doyoung said. âThe entire pack is worried.â
âSorry,â Chenle said. âIâm fine, itâs just my rut.â
Doyoung, always so perceptive, could tell that something was bothering Chenle, but when he opened his mouth to ask, an enthusiastic knock on the door interrupted him.
âItâs my turn to babysit the pup,â Yuta said energetically, entering the room.
âI donât needââ Chenle sighed but was quickly cut off by Doyoung.
âThanks, Yuta! I canât miss this meeting so I really have to go. He needs to take some medicine at 4. Did you check the group chat? I textedââ
âYeah, yeah,â Yuta replied, pushing Doyoung out the door. âJust go!â he exclaimed, closing the door and turning towards Chenle.Â
Then Chenle heard him lock the door.
âWhat are you doing?â Chenle asked.
âWhy arenât you jerking off?â Yuta asked straight to the point, asking the question no one had dared to.
âI beg your pardon?â Chenle deadpanned, sitting up and glaring at the older.Â
âWhy arenât you making it snow?â Yuta rephrased.
Chenle gave him a disgusted look.Â
âYou had no problem doing it during past ruts. So what was that about suddenly having too much class for that?â Yuta continued the interrogation.
Great. Taeyong had told everyone.
âI just donât want to!â he insisted stubbornly. âIâm capable of making my own choices whether my wolf wants it or not.â
âIf you wonât listen to your wolf, then at least listen to your body,â Yuta sighed. âThe fever will keep coming back unless you take care of yourself.â
âA fever wonât kill meââ
âDoyoung didnât sleep all night because of how worried he was.â
That shut Chenle up. He didnât mean to cause trouble. He also wanted his rut to be over but for some reason, it felt wrong to touch himself to the thought of you. After all, you werenât his. He didnât want you to be his, right?
âYou need to cum, Chenle,â Yuta said firmly.
â...Iâm fine,â Chenle murmured, staring at his lap.
âIâll get you off myself if you donât.â
Chenle looked up, surprised and enraged. âWhaâ,â he yelped, jumping off the bed when he saw Yuta walking towards him. âHyung, whatâs your fucking problem?!â
âYou need to cum,â Yuta repeated.
Chenle gulped. âY-you wouldnât. Youâre mated,â he reminded him.
Yuta nodded. âI already called my mate and asked her for permission. I explained that it was an emergency and I would only do it if you didnât cooperate. She found it weird, but in the end, she agreed as long as I only used my hand and never mentioned it again.â
Chenleâs eyes were wide with bewilderment. Yuta was not fucking around. He really was that guy who would help a bro out. âYouâre crazy.â
âSo Iâve heard,â Yuta conceded. âNow, get over here. The faster we do this, the faster your rut will be over,â he said while he rolled up his sleeves like he was about to perform some surgical procedure.
âNO!â Chenle exclaimed. âIâll do it myself!â
Yuta raised his eyebrows expectantly. âGo on, then.â
They stared at each other in silence for a whole minute.
âDo you mindâŚ,â Chenle asked vaguely, pointing at the door.
âNah, I ainât leaving until you do it.â
âHyung,â Chenle spoke through gritted teeth. âI promise you Iâll do what I have to do, but please give me some privacy.â
Yuta seemed to think about it for a second and then he made his way to the door, unlocking it and opening it. As he was leaving he spoke again.âJust know that if I donât hear any fapping sounds Iâm coming backââ
âGET OUT!â Chenle yelled, throwing a pillow at the door which closed right in time.âHeâs so weird,â he murmured to himself.Â
âI heard that!â Yuta yelled from the other side of the door. âThatâs not the sound Iâm waiting for!â
Chenle groaned. He was incredibly embarrassed to have to touch himself while someone listened, but he knew Yuta wasnât bluffing and that he wouldnât leave until he did what he promised he would.Â
He stood in the corner of the room that was the furthest from the door and hesitantly palmed himself over his pajama pants. Immediately his back arched and his eyes rolled back.
âF-fuckâŚâ he whispered, pressing his palm against his erection harder. It felt so good to get some friction after holding out for so long.
Why was he avoiding this again?
No, what he was avoiding was not the pleasure itself, but thinking of you to feel said pleasure. He felt like he had no right.
âNo right?!â huffed an incredulous voice in his head. âWho else would have that right if not me? Sheâs my mateââ
He shook his head and his hand stopped moving. You werenât his. He didnât want you to be his, right?
Thatâs what he had been telling everyone since he met you.
But why did he keep saying that? Why didnât he want you?
He remembered the taste of your soft lips and his hand resumed its movement as he let out a shaky breath.
How could he not want those lips?
And the way you whimpered when his teeth grazed your neck?Â
Oh, hell no. He definitely wanted you.
He pulled his pants down and thrust into his fist.
âMmâŚY/Nâah!â he moaned.
He remembered it now. You had told him that he didnât want youâŚand he just went with it?
He let out a sound between a scoff and a laugh as he remembered the conversation. You had dared to tell him what he wanted?
Next time he saw you he would fuck that pretty mouth. That way you wouldnât repeat such insolent words.Â
He gasped, imagining you on your knees with those beautiful eyes glaring at him, full of defiance.Â
 You were attracted to him. It was obvious. Otherwise, you wouldnât have dragged him into the restroom and kissed him stupid. You only showed resistance when he straight-up told you he wanted to mark you.
Okay, maybe that wasnât the right thing to say to someone he had just met, but Chenle never had been one to beat around the bush. He probably would have told you all that even if he hadnât entered his rut.Â
He wouldnât let you go that easily next time.
You would be his.
âI want youâŚâ he murmured like he was talking to you. âI want you,â he repeated, this time louder and more secure. âI want you, I want you, I want youâOooh!â He gasped and his legs trembled as he reached his long-overdue orgasm and white liquid covered his hand.Â
He continued stroking his cock lazily as he slid down the wall.Â
That was the best orgasm he had ever had. And it had just been a quickie with his hand.
Oh GodâŚhe hoped Yuta had left already. He must have, because he couldnât smell him anymore.
âY/N,â he whispered. âI want you,â he declared, practicing what he would say next time he saw you.Â
His head was clear now and he knew that he had to have you. Whatever possessed him to say he didnât was gone.Â
His hand sped up again, this time without a single ounce of guilt or hesitation, aiming to enjoy every sensation the thought of you was giving him and finishing his rut fast to go back to that damn bar.
And he did just that.
A couple of days later you were taking orders and preparing drinks as usual when a familiar ID card was slid toward you on the counter.
Chenle.Â
You tried not to show your nervousness. After all, you had hypnotized him, so he surely wasnât back for you. He probably just wanted a drink.
You cleared your throat and tried your best to avoid eye contact. âWhat can I get you?â you asked curtly.
âI want your number,â the familiar voice said.
You looked up, surprised.Â
There he was, glaring at you with such intensity you just knew he had managed to escape your spell. In just two days.
âNo,â you replied, trying to hide your agitation.Â
âNo?â he echoed.
âIâm not interested,â you half-lied. Were you interested in him? Yes. Were you interested in a commitment to life with him? No.
âYou were interested when I offered to suck on your tits,â he reminded you, making a few people turn their heads in shock.
You were mortified.
âY/N, Can you get some whiskey from the storage room?â Yeosangâs voice called as he stood in front of you. âIâll be taking your order, sir.â
You nodded, mentally thanking Yeosang and making your way to the storage room, just to see Chenle trying to follow you by walking around the counter.Â
âSir,â Yeosang spoke harshly this time, as he positioned himself in front of Chenle again. âI said I would be taking your order.â
âIâm not done talking to her,â Chenle said.
âI think you are,â Yeosang replied with a polite smile, crossing his arms and displaying perfectly sculpted muscles.
Chenle didnât work out as hard as some of his pack members and he had no experience fighting so he knew this guy would probably knock him out with a single hit. But his wolf kept telling him to fight this bartender guy who dared to hide his mate from him.Â
âI just want to talk to her,â Chenle spoke through gritted teeth, trying his best to calm himself down.
âDo you want to talk to him?â Yeosang asked you.
You looked at Chenle and then at Yeosang, before sighing and giving Yeosang a short nod.Â
âFine. But over there, where I can see you,â Yeosang warned him, pointing at an empty table in a corner.
âThank you,â Chenle mumbled before walking to where he was told to go and taking a seat to wait for you. He was a nervous wreck, but he would never admit to it.
âHere,â you said, placing a glass of water in front of him before sitting on the chair next to him.Â
âThanks,â he replied curtly and took a sip of water, trying to remember what he had come to say. It was hard to concentrate when you were looking at him with those captivating eyes.
You also drank some water to calm your nerves as anxious thoughts invaded you. Had he figured out what you had done? If so, you should probably apologize now that he seems to be open to dialogue.
âSorry,â you both said at the same time.
Both of you seemed surprised at what they heard from the other.
âUhâŚ,â you stuttered trying to figure out how to continue from there.
âSorry, did you want toâ...â Chenle vaguely gestured for you to speak first.
âNo! You first,â you urged.
âOkay, uhâŚ,â he cleared his throat. âIâm sorry if I scared you the other day.â
â...Scare me?â you echoed.
He nodded.
âThat whole biting thing and the things I saidâŚI wonât lie and say I didnât mean them. I meant every single word. But I understand thatâs not how normal conversations go when you just meet someone. I got carried away.â
You nodded too.
âI would like to start over if youâre okay with that,â he offered hopefully. âWe donât have to do anything like that night. We can justâŚtalk and get to know each other.â
You took another sip of your drink while Chenle waited for your answer.
âI donât think so,â you finally said, looking away when you saw Chenleâs eyes widen in distress. âI donât date.â
âYou d-donâtâŚ,â Chenle repeated dumbly. âWhat?! Like at all?!â
You shrugged. âItâs not my thing.â
âThen what did you want from me that night?! A quick fuck?!â
âYes. Exactly,â you admitted. âYou thought you could find a wholesome relationship at a bar? How cute,â you teased him.
âIt wouldnât have mattered where I met you. I would have wanted you regardless,â he replied assertively.
âMm, thanks,â you replied casually like your heart didnât beat faster at his words. âBut my answerâs still no.â
Chenle froze. What did you mean no? That was ridiculous! How would a wolf survive after being rejected by their mate?!
âWe donât have to call it dating,â he quickly said when he saw you standing up to leave.
You hesitated and looked at Chenle.
âWhat would you call it, then?â you asked him just out of curiosity, sitting down again. You wouldnât change your mind regardless.
âWhatever you want,â he bargained, trying to look uninterested when he was actually desperate.
âWhatever I want,â you hummed. âSo youâre okay with being fuckbuddies?âÂ
He was conflicted. He didnât want that exactly, but if that was his only hope to win you over, he would take it. He would take anything as long as you didnât cut him off completely.Â
âYes,â he spoke through gritted teeth.
âHmm.. I donât know,â you teased him a little more. He was just so cute when he was annoyed. âYouâre not really my type.â
He poked his tongue on his cheek. âWhy not?â
âYouâre not very tallââ
âIâm not short either.â
âYou're too impulsive.â
âSays the one who dragged me to the restroom.â
âAnd youâre younger than me.â
Chenle opened his mouth to speak and then he closed it again. He never told you his ageâOh, right, his ID!Â
âSo what?â he asked.
âYou wonât even ask how old I am?â you taunted him.
âDoesnât matter. I bet youâre barely a couple of years older. And I would want you even if you were 10 years older. I donât care.â
âBut I care,â you lied.
He leaned closer to you. âBullshit,â he laughed. Sounding confident for the first time in the conversation. âYou knew my age that night when you had me pressed against the restroom wall.â
Your smirk dropped.Â
âYou were moaning and humping my leg like you couldnât get enough of me, but now Iâm not your type?â he mocked. âI like that youâre playing hard to get. Itâs cute,â he admitted. âNow can you drop the act and let me ruin you?â
You gulped.
âWhat makes you so sure thatâs what I want?â
âOh, please. Your pupils dilated when I said that,â he scoffed. âBut what really gave you away was how wet you got as soon as you heard my voice. I can smell it, you know?â
You bit your lip and glared at him. âHow do you know it wasnât because of someone else?â
âBecause the scent gets stronger whenever I speak,â he said hoarsely, making you shiver. âI have never met someone soâŚsensitive to sounds,â he purred, dangerously close to your ear.
 You had to fight the urge to roll your eyes back in bliss. Sirens were indeed sensitive to sound and just like they used their voice to tempt their prey, they felt attracted to melodic voices too.
âItâs not bad, I guess,â you admitted.
âI like your voice too,â Chenle said. âWould love to hear you screaming, though.â
You inhaled sharply.
Chenle smirked triumphantly. Admittedly, he had come to see you to ask you out romantically, not sexually. But this approach seemed to work better with you and he was getting turned on too. âLetâs get out of here,â his sultry voice suggested and by your scent, he knew he had won.
âYouâll have to wait until closing hours,â you said, trying to act coyly even though your legs visibly shook when you stood up. âIf you wanna wait here then you have to order something.â
âIâll get a glass of whichever your favorite liquor is.â
Smooth. He was quite confident now that he was sure you liked him back.
âI only drink luxurious brands,â you lied, trying to intimidate him. âCan you afford it?â
Chenle handed you a black card and chuckled when you gasped.Â
âI think Iâll survive,â he said. âBy the way, what did you want to apologize for?â He asked, remembering how the whole conversation had started.
âO-oh, just forâŚleaving you alone in the restroom that night,â you lied. âIâll go get your drink,â you added and left before he had the chance to reply
âYou okay?â Yeosang asked when you went back to the bar counter.Â
âYeah, Iâm fine.â
âYou guys looked close,â he commented teasingly. âAre you sure heâs not your mate?â
âI told you itâs not like that.â
Yeosang shrugged. âYou looked tired and kind of pale these last two days but now you suddenly look like you slept 12 hours and had a four-course meal.â
âYouâre seeing things, Sangie,â you laughed nervously.Â
âHm⌠and you havenât been feeling a tingle on your fingertips right?â Yeosang asked casually.
You almost dropped the glass you were holding. Your fingertips had started tingling the day before for no apparent reason so you had assumed you had an allergic reaction to something.
âWhy do you ask?â You inquired.
âItâs one of the signs of siren imprinting,â he replied distractedly as he handed a drink to a customer.
âWhy didnât you mention it when I asked you the other night?!â You asked him urgently.
âI forgot,â he said simply.
âAny other symptoms I should be aware of?â You asked in an irritated tone.
âYou said you were sure you werenât mates, so I donât think so.â
âOkay, but what if we were mates? What else would I need to know?â You insisted. âHypothetically,â you added when he gave you an inquisitive look.
âWell, I guess hypothetically, you should be aware that for sirens pleasure is very important and that orgasms strengthen the bond,â he commented. âOnce your mate makes you orgasm then youâll be tied to him forever,â he said.
You scoffed. âSo I would belong to any man who makes me cum? Thatâs ridiculous! Iâve never felt that way after sex.â
âBecause none of them was your mate. None of them made your fingers tingle in a funny way, or feel energized as soon as you saw them, or made you feel like you would explode if you didnât kiss themââ
âChenle doesnât make me feel like that either!â You lied, feeling called out.
âThen you have nothing to worry about, right?â he agreed. âThis is all hypothetical.â
âBut, hypothetically, if Chenle and I were mates and I wanted toâŚhang out with himâŚâ
âHang out as inâŚhaving sex?â Yeosang clarified.
âUh,y-yes,â you replied. âLetâs say I want to have sex with him but I donât want to consummate the bond. How should I do it?â
âPleasure, especially orgasms, are what seal the bond between mates. If Chenle is your mate and you want to fool around with him but you donât want to be tied to him, then all you gotta do is make sure he doesnât make you cum,â he explained like he had a PhD in this stuff.Â
You looked at him, dumbfounded. âI donât get to feel good?â
âYou can if youâre willing to accept him as your forever mate,â he shrugged. âHypothetically,â he added mockingly.Â
He always knew when you were lying, so he was sure you were crazy about Chenle even if you denied it.Â
You sighed. âFuckâŚâ
âY/N, would it really be that bad?â Yeosang sighed too, trying to understand why you were so against the idea of being in a romantic relationship. âYou imprinted on him, and he imprinted on you too. Why not accept and enjoy it?â
âAnd being stuck in a boring town with a stupid mutt as a companion for the rest of my life?â you hissed. âSangie, you know me! I canât stay in one place or be with one person! Iâm a free spirit!â
âThen donât get involved with someone who clearly is serious about you?â Yeosang offered, confused at your dilemma.Â
âBut I want him so bad!â you whined.
âThen go get him?â
âBut I donât want him forever.â
Yeosang clicked his tongue, expressing disapproval. âYouâre so selfish sometimesâŚâ
âIâm literally just a girl,â you countered. âIâm allowed to have funâOh, thatâs right! I can just stop before I cum, right?â you gasped, excited at the discovery of a loophole.
Yeosang didnât reply. He shook his head in disbelief and went back to preparing drinks.Â
You were too excited to worry about his criticism. Taking orders and stealing glances at Chenle who wouldnât look away from you during your entire shift. He waited patiently for you to finish working but the anticipation was killing him, and when you finally approached him after cleaning your workstation, he grabbed your hand and took you out of the bar in a hurry, observed by a very conflicted Yeosang.Â
Considering he had a black card, you werenât surprised when you found yourself sitting in a luxurious car that screamed rich. You knew nothing about cars, yet you knew this one was expensive. This guy was a big deal.
âAre you even allowed to drive, pup?â you teased him when he sat in the driverâs seat. It was a dumb question, just aiming to make him feel smaller as a way to gain back your power.
âPut on your seat belt,â he commanded, ignoring your question.
âAh, I guess youâre still a learner driver,â you said, chuckling. âItâs okay, donât be embarrassed.â
Before you could blink he was hovering over you, looking into your eyes sternly.Â
âDo you have any idea of how hard it is to focus on driving when youâre soaked sitting next to me?â he asked slowly, threateningly. âIâm suffocating on your scent, so sorry if I want to keep you safe while I speed to get us somewhere private.â
Blank.
You couldnât think of anything to say.
No smart comebacks. No teasing.Â
You were sure all that would leave your mouth right now was a pathetic moan, so you opted to keep quiet.Â
That seemed to please Chenle.Â
âGood girl,â you heard him whisper before a clicking sound told you he had successfully fastened your seat belt.Â
He accommodated himself and put on his seat belt before starting the car and driving in complete silence. He was gripping the steering wheel with so much strength that his knuckles were turning white. His jaw was tense and he kept his eyes strictly on the road because he knew if he looked at you he would stop the car and take you right there.
You didnât say anything either. Aroused yet annoyed at the power he effortlessly held over you. You would find a way to gain control again soon.
When the car stopped, Chenle quickly got off and walked around the vehicle to open the door for you.Â
âWhat a gentleman,â you cooed, back in the game, allowing him to help you out of the car.
âNot for long,â he spoke under his breath, once again taking your hand to drag you into the fanciest hotel you had ever seen.Â
You tried not to let it show that you were impressed.
 âI guess your place wasnât good enough to take me thereâŚ,â you taunted once you reached the elevator and he pressed the button with the highest number on it.
âMy place is too crowded. But we can go there if you donât mind the entire pack listening,â he commented, still holding your hand firmly.Â
âLike you could make me moan,â you scoffed.Â
Chenle huffed. He was so ready to fuck that attitude out of you. âWeâre about to find out,â he said, guiding you out of the elevator and into the room he had booked.
You couldnât help your gasp.
âIs this the presidential suiteâ?â you turned to ask but were interrupted by Chenle kissing you hotly, pressing your back against the door you had just entered through.
The kiss was wet, unpractised, desperate. He tasted like liquor and his skill wasnât perfect, yet it was somehow the best kiss youâd ever had. The lack of air in your lungs and the way his hands held your waist with his hips pressed against yours firmly, made you feel deliciously dizzy and craving for more.
You let out a broken moan and Chenle chuckled.Â
âYou said Iâm not your type and that I canât make you moan, huh? â he whispered, pressing his hips harder against yours and making you whine. âI havenât even done anything, yet youâre enjoying yourself so much,â he cooed, licking your earlobe.
You shivered. âS-shut upââ
âLook at you, so precious,â he continued, moving his hips in a circular motion that had you closing your eyes and moaning louder. âAre you gonna cum just from this?â
Your eyes snapped open in realization and you pushed him away abruptly, almost making him fall on the floor.Â
He looked at you with wide eyes, confused and worried. âWhat? Was I too rough?â he asked.Â
You exhaled shakily and tried to regain some composure. If what Yeosang said was true, then you absolutely couldnât cum. Not by Chenleâs doing. You were going to have some fun with him, make out, and maybe torment him a little bit, but you wouldnât let him get you off.Â
âDid you bring me here to hump me and cum in your pants? What was I expecting from a dumb pup,â you sighed, feigning disappointment.Â
He squinted his eyes and clenched his fist.
âIâm feeling charitable today, so Iâll offer you a deal,â you said, smiling sweetly and walking towards the master bedroom, with Chenle tailing you. âIâll get you off and then youâll drive me home,â you declared, sitting on the huge bed.
âGet me off?â he repeated dumbly, standing in front of you. âWhat about you?â
âYou think you can get me off?â you sneered.Â
âI was about to before you pushed me away,â he growled.
âPlease, that was not me about to cum,â you lied. âItâs just a little act us women put on to make guys feel good.â
âIâm sure you were about toââ he insisted.
âYeah? Do you think you know my body better than me? Why would I have stopped you if I was feeling that good?â
Chenle blinked a couple of times, processing that maybe he had read your body language wrong and disappointed you. He wasnât crazy experienced, but the few lovers he had had hadnât complained. Surely he couldnât be that badâŚ
Or could he?
Oh noâŚYou had agreed to meet with him only for sex and he couldnât even do that, right? Fuck, he couldnât lose you now. He would do anything.
âLet me try again,â he proposed, climbing on the bed and trying to kiss you, but you turned away.
âIf youâre not going to follow my rules, Iâm leaving,â you threatened.
His eye twitched. He wanted to spank you until your ass turned red and pound you on the bed until you behaved. He wasnât one to take orders. But he wanted to do things right with you. Now that he was thinking somewhat clearly, he wanted you to be with him willingly, instead of biting you and forcing you into a relationship. He wanted you to want him. And if that meant he had to lower his head for now and re-learn all he knew about sex, then so be it.
âWhat do you want me to do?â he finally asked.Â
âJust be a good pup and take your pants off for me, will you?â you asked and giggled. That little giggle that drove Chenle crazy.
He cringed at the pet name but he did as he was told, standing up and unbuckling his belt. You loved your men obedient, but even if his actions were compliant, his eyes failed to hide his obstinate nature. Anyone could tell he wasnât used to submitting to anyone.
You smirked, willing yourself to pester him with some other brazen comment when the sound of his belt and pants hitting the floor brought your attention toward his barely covered center.Â
Shocking. Scandalous. Massive.
The pair of gray boxers could barely contain what was in there.Â
You had seen big before, but not this big.Â
âWhat now?â Chenle deadpanned. He wasnât loving this situation.
âWhat now?â you laughed, swallowing back the saliva that pooled in your mouth when you were daydreaming about his cock. âThereâs already a stain of precum on your underwear. I think you could cum without me doing anything at all.â
Chenle sighed, frustrated. âLook, if you donât want to do thisââ
âCome closer,â you commanded.
Chenle bit his lower lip. He wanted to say so many things, but he controlled himself and walked until he was mere centimeters away from you.Â
Ignoring his blazing glare, you hooked your index fingers on the elastic of his boxers and lowered them lazily, hearing his breath stutter.Â
There it was. Hard, thick, and huge right in front of your face.Â
You hoped Chenle hadnât noticed your thighs rubbing, or that he magically couldnât smell your wetness, but when you looked up at him his eyes were glimmering with mischief. He had noticed alright.
Before he could say anything smart, you blew the reddened tip of his cock, making him groan. You gave him a sickeningly sweet smile. âYou okay, pup?â
He glared at you, gulping audibly, and gave you a short nod.
âIf itâs too much for you,â you purred, tracing the length softly with your fingernails and making him shiver. âWe can stop, you know?â
He shook his head. âN-no.â
 You laughed, finally circling him with your fist and giving him a firm tug that made him groan. When you built up a steady rhythm, his knees buckled and his hands quickly landed on your shoulders to avoid completely collapsing.Â
Noticing how difficult it was for him to stand while being so overwhelmed with pleasure you stopped your caress to make him an offering. âClimb here,â you instructed, patting at your lap.Â
Chenle, who had gasped dramatically at the sudden lack of stimulation, looked at you like you were crazy.Â
âYou donât wanna sit on mommyâs lap, pup?â you faked a pout, sitting further back on the bed to make more space for him.
âIâm not a fucking pup!â he snapped. He had tried to be good, but you were stepping over the line. âIâm not a fucking virgin either so stop treating me like one and I donât care if youâre older than me Iâm not calling you mommy.â
You glared at him, unamused. You could just threaten to leave, but seeing how annoyed he was, he would probably let you. And that wasnât the plan. You still wanted to have some more fun.Â
âWhat a shame,â you sighed, parting your legs just enough for him to catch a whiff of your arousal. âI was getting excitedâŚâ
Chenle forgot immediately about his anger, keeping his eyes on your hands that were slowly pulling your skirt up your thighs.Â
âThought that maybe you could make me feel good,â you pouted. â But I guess I was wrong.â
Chenle shook his head and climbed on the bed. âNo, no, I can,â he whispered, pecking your lips. âIâll make you feel good, â he promised.
You bit back a smirk, which soon turned into a yelp when Chenle pushed you so you lay flat on your back with him on top of you and slid his hand under your skirt and right into your panties. âC-chenle!â
âYes,â he whispered against your lips, drunk on your scent. âYes, Iâm here. Iâm here for you.âÂ
âO-oh!â you moaned when his index went straight for your clit and stroked it skillfully. âOh my g-godâChenle wait a minâMmm!â
He hummed in delight. The sounds you made were so beautiful.Â
âIâll make it good this time, okay?â he panted, stroking you faster and making your back arch. âIâll make you cum for sure,â he guaranteed.
âP-pup, slow down, m´kay? Aah⌠s-slowâŚIâfuckâŚI said I w-wanted to get y-you off, remember?â
âThatâs because you think I canât do the same for you,â he protested. âBut Iâll show you I can.âÂ
Fuck, he was determined. If he was just a random hookup you would appreciate it, but right now that was the last thing you wanted.
âH-hey, ChenleâaahâŚâ you called for him, grabbing the wrist of his hand that was working hard to make you see heaven. âI canât come j-just like th-aahâŚâ you spoke shakily, trying to discourage him. âY-you can try aâhaaâ again n-next timeââ
Chenle kissed your lips and hushed you. âYouâre close,â he assured you, and he wasnât wrong. You could feel your toes curling and your abdomen tensing.
It was about to snap.
Oh no. No, no.
You didnât want to do this to him again, butâŚ
âC-chenle, listen to me,â you caught his attention by grabbing his face with both your hands. âYou donât really want to g-get me off,â you told him, using that alluring voice that always got you what you wanted.Â
His movements slowed down. âWhat are you talking about?â he whispered incredulously.Â
âYou just want me to m-make you cum and then youâll be satisfied,â you said like you were reminding him of something he had forgotten, silly him.Â
His fingers stilled on your pulsating clit and he seemed lost, like he had no idea what to do with himself now.
âYou only want to sleep with me, no strings attached, remember?â you breathed out, relieved that the pleasure was fading away.
âYes, IâŚI remember,â he muttered.Â
âAnd we agreed that we would do things my way,â you informed him.
âWe did,â he agreed.
âGood pup,â you sighed, pulling his hand out of your panties. âIâll take care of you, okay?â
He looked at you with furrowed brows. He felt so weird. What you said made sense, but why did it feel wrong?
You bit your lip when you saw a dash of hesitation in his eyes. How come he was so resistant to your hypnosis? You had to make him stop thinking.
âRelax,â you told him, caressing his still-clothed shoulders, arms, and stomach.
âSomethingsâs wrong,â he admitted.
âNothingâs wrong.â you purred, reaching his member and resuming your touch.
He moaned and almost collapsed on top of you. âY-Y/NâŚâ
âRelax,â you repeated.
âIâŚOohâ I f-feel⌠like s-somethingâs missinâah⌠ah, ahâMmmâŚ,â he spoke incoherently, thrusting into your fist.
âMm? What could be missing?â
âY/Nââ
âDoesnât it feel good?â
â âS goodâ so fucking gâOooohâŚâ he whined.
âAre you gonna cum for me?â you asked.
âHaa⌠gonnaâ y-yeah, ahâŚ,âÂ
âThen cum,â you encouraged.
He hid his face in the crook of your neck and came with a choked moan, convulsing on top of you and spilling all over your hand.Â
You had to use a massive amount of self-control to avoid cumming at the sight. He sounded and looked beautiful, and even the tiny aftershocks that made his body convulse were kind of cute.
You donât know what took over you when one of your hands started playing with his hair like you would with a lover. He hummed contently nuzzling your neck.
âMy mate,â he murmured sweetly, placing a gentle kiss on your collarbone.Â
You froze. That wasnât very âno strings attachedâ of him.
âAlright, get dressed,â you instructed, pushing him off you and getting off the bed. âTime to drive me home.â
He looked so vulnerable, naked from the waist down, displaying his spent cock covered in clear liquid, and his face flushed red while he looked at you like a kicked puppy. He opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again. The feeling that something was off came back but he had no idea what it was.
In the end, he sighed and did as he was told. For some reason, he didnât feel satisfied at all and he kept overthinking even when he got home.
He didnât know what to tell everyone when they cornered in the kitchen the next morning.
âYou said you would keep me updated so I had my phone with me at all times,â whined Jisung, following Chenle to the table. âBut you didnât text me once!Â
âJisungie was about to go find you,â Renjun sighed. âI told him that if you didnât text him it was because you were probably busy.â
âI text you guys even if Iâm busy!â Jisung complained.
âReally? Do you text us even when youâre balls deep in your girlfriend?â Haechan asked nonchalantly, making Jisung gasp, Mark choke on his cereal and earning a glare from Renjun.
âLanguage!â Kun warned from the sofa, without looking up from his book. He had arrived from one of his trips a few days ago and he was not impressed by how much the packâs manners had worsened.Â
âSorry,â Haechan said even though everyone knew he wasnât sorry.
âIs t-that what you wereâŚâ Jisung tried to ask Chenle, blushing and stuttering.
âWhat?â Asked Chenle, munching on his sandwich.
âWere you⌠balls deep in Y/N?â Jisung asked shyly, waiting for Kun to reprimand him. But no nagging came. Kun was as silent as the rest of the guys, waiting for Chenleâs answer.
Chenle groaned. âDo you have to say it like that?â
âSo you were!â Haechan accused, getting ready to celebrate another successful love story in the pack.
âNo!â Chenle groaned. âI was with her, but we didnât get that far.â
âHow far did you get?â Haechan asked.
âYou donât have to answer that,â Renjun said.
But Chenle knew they would pester him until he spilled the tea.
âWe talked and we made a deal,â He said, omitting that you had completely dominated him.
âWhat type of deal?â Mark asked.
He was hoping Renjun told him he didnât have to answer this one either, but Renjun seemed curious too.
âWe agreed to get to know each other physically, for now,â he grumbled.
Everyoneâs smiles dropped.
âYou mean like sex stuff?â Mark asked awkwardly.
âYes.â
âBut not dating?â Renjun asked, exchanging worried looks with the others.
ââŚNo, we uhâwe donât call it dating.â
âWhat do you call it, then?â Haechan asked. Even he had stopped eating.
âWeâre fuckbuddiesâŚâ
Renjun, Mark, Haechand, and Jisung didnât know if that was good or bad news.Â
On the negative side, it could mean that Chenleâs mate didnât take him seriously and didnât want a relationship with him.
In a more positive light, she hadnât completely rejected him.
âThatâs great!â Haechan decided it was good news. âIt means sheâs attracted to you.â
âYeah,â Mark agreed. âAnd it can grow into something more as time goes by.â
Renjun remained silent. He wasnât that optimistic.
âSo..â Jisung finally spoke. âYouâre sleeping together but youâre not⌠together?â
Chenle shrugged. âYeah, we donât need labels. Itâs whatever.â
âAre you sure thatâs okay?â Jisung asked.
âWhy wouldnât it be?â Chenle asked, feigning indifference. âIâve never been a relationship person.â
âBut sheâs your mate,â Jisung insisted, while the others observed quietly.
âSo?â
âDoesnât she make you want to be a relationship person?!â Jisung asked exasperatedly.Â
âWeâre fine,â Chenle sighed. âShe doesnât want to date anyone anyways,â he murmured.
Kunâs laugh startled everyone and annoyed the fuck out of Chenle.Â
âWhatâs so funny, gege? He asked.
âYou really know nothing about women,â Kun said, grabbing a chair and joining them on the table.
Chenle glared at him. He wanted to tell him that he knew what he needed to know⌠but he remembered the humiliation of not knowing how to make you feel good and you looking down on him as a sexual partner and he decided that maybe it wouldnât hurt to hear Kunâs words. âWhat is it that I donât know?â
âHave you never watched (500) Days of Summer?â Kun asked.
âOH! I know that one! Thereâs this girl with really big eyes, right?â Mark replied and Haechan and Jisung started guessing and mispronouncing the name of the actress.
âDoes the girl end up with the main guy?â Kunâs voice interrupted their animated conversation.
âNo,â Renjun sighed. This was exactly what he was worried about and he was glad Kun thought the same.
âWhatâs that stupid movie have to do with me?â Chenle asked.
âEvery woman wants a relationship eventually, but they donât give themselves to just anyone,â Kun explained, not shying away from Chenleâs furious eyes. âIf she doesnât want a relationship itâs because she hasnât met anyone worth being in a relationship with.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â Chenle growled.
âShe doesnât see you as a potential partner, so sheâll have fun with you until the man of her dreams steals her away.â
Chenle stood up abruptly, not caring about his elder talking, his half-eaten sandwich, and his friendsâ worried eyes. He walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
âI didnât really understand the movie,â Jisung admitted.Â
But even he knew that his best friend was in some deep shit.
 Hoping to calm down, Chenle went to the beach for a walk. He needed some fresh air and time to think. And the smell of the ocean reminded him of you, so it helped him lower his anxiety.
He wasnât just annoyed at what Kun said, but at what he himself kept saying.Â
Why did he say what you two had was whatever?
Why did he keep saying he didnât want a relationship with you? Why didnât he want it?!
What type of werewolf doesnât want to commit to his mate?
Younger him would have loved the idea of a hot older woman getting him off without wanting anything in return. It was every teenagerâs fantasy.
But he wasnât a teenager anymore and you werenât a fantasy. You were the real deal; the woman he was destined to spend the rest of his life with.
He sat on the sand, feeling defeated and tried to collect his thoughts to figure out where this whole âI donât wanna date Y/Nâ thing came from.
First,, he met you at the bar and he made it very clear he wanted to mark you and even marry you.
Then you told him thatâs not what he actually wanted and he agreed.
During his rut, he came to his senses and decided to ask you out properly.
He did ask you out. You said no, but you were open to casual sex with him.
He didnât want just sex with you, but he thought that was the only way to spend time with you so he agreed.
You made out and then you pushed him away and told him he couldnât please you.
You told him he only wanted to get off and nothing else.
He agreed.
Why did he agree?! Why didnât he make you cum too?!
âWhat the fuckâs wrong with me?â he groaned.
âWhat the fuckâs wrong with you?â You asked Yeosang.
âNothing,â he replied calmly.
âYou sound like youâre mad at me.â
âIâm not mad. Iâm disappointed,â he clarified.
You groaned. âI told him I didnât want a relationship and he agreed.â
âDid he?â He challenged. âOr did you use your siren voice to convince him?â
You looked away.
âThatâs not fair Y/N,â he murmured.
âHe agreed before I bewitched him,â you defended yourself.
âThen why did you even have to bewitch him?â He asked, knitting his brows.
âI uh⌠didnâtwannacum,â you barely whispered.
âHuh?â
You licked your lips in annoyance. âTo make sure he didnât make me cum,â you repeated, louder.
Yeosangâs jaw hung open. âUnbelievable.â
âHeâs fine,â you rolled your eyes and finished whipping the counter. âI made sure he finishedââ
âIâm done,â Yeosang interrupted you. âI donât wanna talk to you until you understand what the problem is,â he spoke firmly and walked away from you to take a customerâs order.
Your heart broke. In the four years you had known each other Yeosang had never been mad at you.Â
You knew he was right. You shouldnât have done that to ChenleâŚbut you had never liked someone this much. He drove you insane with a desire that was somewhere between sexual and domestic. And that terrified you.
You loved working and traveling on the ship and you didnât want anything to change. But would it really be that bad to enjoy your time in this town? Once the bar moved to its next destination you wouldnât see Chenle again and you and Yeosang would go back to normal.
Everything was fine.
After a few nights, you texted Chenle to ask him to meet up after your shift, which he immediately agreed to, picking you up and taking you to the same luxurious room he had booked last time. In a matter of seconds, you had him sitting on the bed half-naked, with you on your knees in front of him, taking as much of his cock as you could in your mouth.
Chenle was taken aback, but once again, he let you do what you wanted. He was hoping that this time he would make you feel good too, and if he was lucky you would stay the night and he would wake up to your sleepy faceâ
âFuck,â he hissed when you circled the tip with your tongue, spreading his legs wider.Â
You looked up at him and regretted it immediately because the view almost made you cum untouched. He was biting his lip to repress the moans and his eyes were half-lidded, and you thought no one could possibly look this hot.
You closed your eyes to avoid the arousing visual stimulation and focused on his taste only, which was weirdly addicting and made you salivate so much that the blowjob became even sloppier.
âY/NâŚâ he sighed. âIâm not g-gona lastâŚâ
You ignored him and bobbed your head faster. The plan was for him to not last. Not that you wanted this to end fast because you didnât enjoy it, but because you wanted to get off soon, and for that, you had to go home while memories of Chenle were still fresh to pleasure yourself.Â
âOoh fuâ,â Chenle moaned. âOkay, f-fine, I got itâ Weâll do it your w-way but,â he gulped and paused to take a deep breath and regain some self-control. âI get to make you feel good tooâaaah!âÂ
You chose that exact moment to deep-throat him.
âHaaâŚY/N, fuck, fuck fuuuck,â he whined, daring to place his hands on your head and caress your hair. âImmaâŚ.Imma eat y-you out real good after this-Oh!â he lost his train of thought when you choked around him and he came in your mouth as you sucked him dry.
He let out one last broken moan when you released his member. He was panting and looking at you like you were a miracle.
âMy turn,â he said darkly, pulling your arm until he had you sitting on his lap, kissing your face and neck all over while he unbuttoned your blouse.Â
âIâ,â you stuttered. âIâm actually k-kinda tired.â
âTired?â Chenle stopped his kisses and touches and looked at you in surprise before quickly collecting himself. âThatâs okay, you donât have to do anything. Iâll take care of you,â he promised as he finished opening your blouse.
You pulled away, with your blouse completely open, and looked down at a very confused Chenle.
âIâm not really in the mood anymore,â you shrugged and his mouth fell open in shock.
âA-are you sure? Because your scentââ
âPretty sure. Iâll call a taxi,â you said, grabbing your phone.
âN-no, IâllâŚIâll drive you,â a very defeated Chenle said, slowly getting up and getting dressed.Â
Admittedly, you had made him feel very good. Hell, that was better than good, it was mind blowing. But he just couldnât be satisfied if he was the only one who got to feel good.Â
He could smell how aroused you were, and sometimes he felt like he could taste how close you were to cumming. Yet he never had the chance to make it happen. He was afraid that if he didnât fulfill his duty as a fuckbuddy you would end things real fast.
So he kept showing up whenever you called and doing whatever you wanted for about a month, only to be dismissed whenever he felt like he had you.Â
One night he had been particularly lucky; you had him completely naked, on his back, with you wearing only your bra, straddling him and letting him slide just the tip into the most delectable warmth known to him.Â
âYouâre s-so good,â he muttered, fixated on the way the tip of his cock disappeared inside of you. âSo goodâŚâ he repeated.
âYeah? You like it?â you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. You were more affected than you wanted to admit and you were playing a dangerous game because you had never been this close to cumming during your previous encounters with him. You should stop now and use your hand or mouth like you usually did, but he was stretching you so good.
âI love it,â he groaned, arching his back and licking his lips. âI love you,â he breathed out.
You moaned. For the first time in weeks you moaned.
He had just said he loved you. Three words you didnât need in this type of relationship but that somehow brought a wave of pleasure to your body and made you lose strength and accidentally go lower, him sinking deeper in you.
Chenle watched in awe how you took more of him and he grasped your hips desperately.Â
You looked at each other with wide eyes as you tried to catch your breath.
But this time Chenle reacted faster than you did, snapping his hips up and making your vision go blurry.
Before you had time to recover he did it again. And then again, and again until he had you bouncing on his lap.
âCâChenle, let m-meâŚ,â you moaned, placing your hands on his lower abdomen to stop him from thrusting up. âLet m-me do it, pup,â you offered, knowing that if he kept it up you would cum soon.
He stared back at you, disobediently, and since you werenât letting him push his hips up freely, he brought you down, hitting a spot that had you gasping for air.
âShhâŚIâI got it,â he spoke through gritted teeth, speeding up and trying to hold back his own orgasm to pleasure you.
Your body tensed in his firm grasp and the volume of your angelic moans escalated.
 A sense of pride filled his chest.
He was making his mate feel good.
He was finally going to make you cum.
âYes, yes, come on, c-come on, come on,â he muttered urgently.
âNO!â you yelled. âSTOP!â
He hesitated momentarily and it was enough for you to break free and run to the bathroom, leaving poor, flustered Chenle on the bed alone.
You entered the bathroom and locked the door behind you, leaning against the door and taking deep breaths to calm down, but the tingling feeling in your center was urgent. You normally waited until you got home to touch yourself after meeting up with Chenle, but your orgasm was right there. You just couldnât wait.
So you didnât.
You held your breath and inserted a finger inside of you, trying to get yourself off before Chenle came looking for youâ
âY/N?âÂ
Fuck.
âY/N, are you okay?â he asked from the other side of the door.
âMmhm, a-all good,â you said quickly, working yourself faster.
âCan you open the door?â he asked worriedly.
âJ-just give me a minute,â you spoke a little out of breath and bit your lip to catch any lewd sound that could give you away.
You didnât hear him say anything else for a few seconds, but then the door handle shook hastily. He was trying to enter.
âJust a m-minute!â you repeated, closing your eyes at the incoming climax.
âWhat are you doing?â He growled from the other side, struggling with the handle.
A few whimpers escaped you when your thumb grazed your clit and he banged on the door loudly.
âOpen the door!â he commanded. âY/N I swear to god if youâre doing what I think youâre doingââ
You came with a shaky moan. It wasnât scandalously loud, but he heard it for sure.
The door you were leaning on opened abruptly and you fell in the same arms that had you shaking earlier. When you looked up you were met with his livid eyes.
He turned you around hastily and brought the hand you had used to pleasure yourself to his face, easily seeing the sticky liquid spread on your fingers.Â
âAre you fucking kidding me?!â he yelled
You were petrified, trying to come up with an excuse for your behavior. Nothing you could possibly say would make sense.
âI was so close to making you come but you ran away just so you could finish yourself in the bathroom?!â
You sighed. âIâll help you finish nowââ
âYou think thatâs whatâs bothering me?!â
âThen whatâs bothering you?â you asked dismissively. âCanât a woman make herself feel good?â
âOf course you can! When you have no one to take care of youââ he let out a frustrated groan. âWhat I mean is that Iâm right here, and Iâm dying to make you feel good, but whenever I think Iâm doing a good job you run away and take it away from me!â
âMaybe youâre not doing as much of a good job as you think,â you lied.
âThen teach me!â he basically implored. âTell me what you like for once instead of making me cum as fast as you can and leaving.â
âChenle,â you spoke more gently, making him look at you, and once again using that voice. âTrust me, youâre getting so much better. Just a few more nights and youâll have enough experience to be allowed to touch me,â you offered.
His expression became softer, but he still looked hesitant, as he always did whenever you used your powers on him.Â
âI canât let just anyone touch me,â you continued. âYou have to earn it, donât you think?â
â...Earn it?â he echoed, dismally.
âAnd youâre almost there, pup. But you have to keep doing as I say, okay?â
He nodded slowly and automatically. âOkayâŚâ
âGood pup,â you praised him, caressing his hip. âNow, we can continueââ
âActually,â he interrupted, gently pushing your hands away. âIâm kinda tired. Can we call it a night?â
You opened your mouth dumbly. âIâŚuhâSureâŚâ
âThanks,â he murmured. âIâll drive you home after I take a shower, okay?â
âOkayâŚ,â you agreed, watching him go into the bathroom and close the door.
You tried not to think too much about it, but for the next couple of days, it killed you to think that maybe he was getting bored of you. But how could it be? Didnât he say he imprinted on you?
You didnât want to commit to him, but you also didnât want him to move on from you.Â
So when you received a message from Chenle asking if you had some time to hang out you typed your answer so fast anyone who saw you would know you were desperate.
Oh, how the tables had turned.
He picked you up and took you to the hotel as usual. Things seemed to be going the usual way, but when you opened the door you saw that the entire place was gracefully illuminated with candles and there was food on the table.
âWhatâs all this?â You asked.
âDinner,â he replied, walking you to the table.
âWhatâs with the candles?â
âI like candles.â
âDonât you think itâs too⌠intimate?â You asked, pointing at the decoration vaguely.
Chenle pulled a chair out and made you sit down by pushing your shoulders firmly.Â
âIâve been inside you. It doesnât get more intimate than that,â he deadpanned before walking around the table and sitting in front of you.
âChenle, this looks like a date,â you pointed out.
âI guess it kinda does,â he admitted.
âThatâs not part of the deal.â
âOh? The deal wonât allow us to eat?â
âNot like this,â you said for a lack of better words to explain yourself. âItâs like youâre tricking me into dating you.â
âItâs just food and some wine. Donât be dramatic,â he said before he started eating.
Hesitantly, you followed. He was right, it didnât have to be romantic. You could do what you normally do after dinner. And the food was delicious! You enjoyed it so much that you lowered your guard and didnât mind Chenleâs trivial questions about your life and the things you liked.
He looked more relaxed too after having a normal conversation with you and it made the atmosphere more enjoyable and sensual by the time you reached the bedroom, giggling as you undressed each other.
Chenle was in a great mood; teasing and joking as he climbed on top of you and kissed your face. He was also more obedient than usual letting you do as you pleased and waiting for your permission to touch you.
âFuck, Y/N,â he laughed breathlessly, one hand by each side of your head to keep himself from crushing you while you pressed a bullet vibrator on the base of his cock.
âGood?â You teased, moving it up slowly until it reached the tip and then back to the base, making him moan shamelessly.
âY-yeah,â he whispered, pecking your lips. âEverything m-âmy princess does f-feels amazing.â
Maybe the wine had taken its toll on you because you low-key liked that petname.
âYour princess?â You giggled, moving the small toy up and down deliberately.Â
Chenleâs eyes rolled back in pleasure. âMhmm, you like that? Y-you wanna be my pretty princess?â
You nodded dumbly, drunk in desire, wine, andâeven though you didnât want to see itâadoration.
âYou câaahâŚYou c-can be my princess anytime, you k-know that, yeah?â He half-moaned, blindly thrusting against the tiny toy you used on him.
âY-yeah?â You croaked, licking your lips.
âMyeah, and IâveâŚmmm fuck right there,â he hissed when you pressed the vibrator right under the head. âIâve b-been a good p-pup for you, right?â
You nodded. âThe best,â you said before giving him a kiss that was a little bit more affectionate than intended.
âDonât I desâ haa⌠deserve a reward?â He pouted.
You giggled, turning up the intensity of the vibrations and making him whine desperately.Â
âOohhâoh g-god, princess â,â he knitted his brows in concentration, making the biggest effort to say something coherent. âIâaah⌠I actually wantedâah!â
âWhat is it?â You asked, putting the toy away momentarily to not overstimulate the poor wolf and give him the chance to speak.
He took a few deep breaths and looked into your eyes with determination. âGo out with me.â
 You suddenly sobered up and your dreamy smile faltered. âChenle, noââ
âWhy not?â He croaked. âWe have such great chemistry when we spend time together like two normal people. Or did you hate having dinner with me that much?â
âDinner with you was great,â you assured him. âBut that wasnât our deal.â
âLetâs change the deal,â he pleaded.Â
âYou said no strings attached,â you reminded him.
âNo. You said that,â he accused.
âAnd you agreed.â
âI donât know why I agreed!â He admitted. âY/N, IâI donât know why I keep saying those things; it makes no sense! I imprinted on you. I crave to be with you in every possible way, not just sexually. Canât we at least try?âÂ
âChenle,â you sighed, feeling terrible. You didnât mean for things to go this far. You thought any man would be happy with a shallow sexual agreement, but apparently it wasnât Chenleâs case. You would have to use your voice again. âYou donât really wantâHhmp!â
Chenleâs hand covered your mouth before you could finish speaking. âDonât,â he begged. âYou always say weird stuff and I end up agreeing like an idiot.â
You let out muffled sounds and hit his arms but he didnât budge. He was terrified of what you would convince him of if he let you speak.
So you quickly grabbed the vibrator that lay forgotten on the bed, turned it on on the highest setting, and pressed it harshly against the leaking tip of his cock.
He gasped and lost his balance and you managed to uncover your mouth and quickly finish your sentence:Â âYou donât want me!â
Chenle shook his head, distressed and trying to cover your mouth again, but you kept slapping his hand away while overstimulating his member. That, combined with the wine made his movements clumsy and inefficient. âP-please, d-donât say thaâaaaahâŚâ
âYou donât want to be with me. You only want me for sex,â you insisted and your voice almost broke when you saw Chenleâs saddening expression.
His imploring eyes finally turned into void ones, as expected when under a sirenâs spell. At the same time, his body tensed and he came with a silent scream, staring into your soul.
You finally turned the toy off and the room was silent.
Then a hot, wet drop landed on your face. You looked up and saw abundant tears coming out of Chenleâs expressionless eyes.
âChenle?âÂ
âYes?â He replied monotonously.
âWhy are you crying?âÂ
He blinked slowly. âI donât know.â
Your stomach dropped. He looked so calm in his own daze, unaware of how you kept dismissing his feelings. Ignorant of how you kept convincing him of things he didnât want whenever he tried to connect with you.
Yet he was crying.
Oh no. You had broken him.
You couldnât stop yourself from crying too.
âWhatâs wrong?â He asked you quietly.
âIâm so fucking sorry,â you sobbed. âIâm trashâno, Iâm worse than trash.â
He hesitantly placed a hand on your back. âNo. Youâre perfectâŚ,â he assured you, just like he had told his leader a long time ago. Even in his confused state, he couldnât think of you being anything but perfect.Â
You sobbed harder. He deserved better.
You cleaned him up and caressed his hair until he fell asleep. Then you sneaked out, feeling like you didnât deserve to be around him.
Yeosang was right. You were selfish.Â
So you knocked on his door to apologize.
When Yeosang opened the door, he looked very surprised to see you, but he was more concerned about why you were awake and crying at 4AM.
âY/N?â He asked, grabbing your hand gently. âWhatâs wrong?â
âSelfish is putting it lightly,â you said.
âHuh?â
âYou said Iâm selfish. But the truth is worse than that. Iâm a bad person, Sangie. Youâre right to be disappointed.â
He brought you into his room and closed the door, sitting you on his bed as he kneeled in front of you. âWhat happened?â
You told him everything. From the first encounter at the bar to what had just happened at the hotel.Â
Yeosang listened patiently, calming you down when your voice broke and encouraging you to go on when you sounded ashamed.
âDo you understand the problem now?â he asked.
You nodded, sobbing.
âPeople are not toys, Y/N.â
âIâm so s-sorry,â you whispered.
âI know. Recognizing your mistake is the first step,â he said, whipping your tears away with his thumb. âNow you need to fix things.â
âH-how?â
âBy making a choice,â he confirmed what you were fearing. âEither you accept himâall of him, or you let him go.â
You nodded again. âThat sucks.â
He chuckled. âIt does,â he agreed, pulling you into a hug.Â
âI missed you,â you admitted, resting your head on his shoulder.
âI missed you too,â he said, hugging you tighter. He licked his lips before speaking again. âSorry for asking this, but⌠did he make youââ
âSangie!â you groaned, knowing what he was referring to.
âIâm not being nosy,â he explained quickly. âI know itâs personal, but if Iâm asking itâs because itâs important.â
âHe d-didnât make me cumâŚâ you confessed, feeling your face heat up.
âEver?â he pressed.
âIt almost happened many times,â you explained shyly. âBut I always managed to stop it.â
âThatâs impressive. Itâs been about two months,â he calculated.
âYeah,â you groaned. âImpressive.â
âRemember what I told you about orgasms?â he asked you
âYeah,â you sighed. âThatâs why I kept stopping him before it happened.
âThatâs good news. It means youâre not completely tied to him,â he hummed. âLook, I contacted an old friend of mineâa siren. She imprinted once but she and her mateâŚthey just had very different lifestyles. Different goals. So they didnât consummate the bond.â
âConsummate meaningâŚ?â
âShe didnât reach climax with her potential partner,â he explained. âBoth of them went separate ways and never saw each other again. And you know what? She found love again.â
You pulled away from the hug to give him a surprised look. âShe imprinted again?â
âNo, not exactly,â Yeosang shook his head softly. âSirens only imprint once in a lifetime. But she met someone else who could make her happy. What Iâm trying to say is that you will live a good life no matter what you decide. Even if the goddess Amphitrite chose this guy for you, you can choose to live without him. And you will be fine.â
You bit your lip, deep in thought.Â
âOr if you want to stay with himââ Yeosang continued listing your options.
âNo,â you whispered. âNot after the way I treated him. The most honorable thing to do is let him go so he can find a good partner.â
âAre you sure?â he asked hesitantly. âYou could think it overââ
âNo, SangieâŚIâve prolonged this long enough,â you gave him a sad smile. âThe sooner I end this the better.â
Poor Chenle had no idea what transpired when he woke up alone in the same hotel room where he always met you, with a terrible hangover and missing you more than ever. He still hadnât gotten used to the inexplicable emptiness in his chest that he felt every time he separated from you, but today it felt more haunting than usual. Not seeing you in the room made him question if you were ever there, or if you were just a product of Chenleâs imagination. Were you even real? Was he going crazy?Â
Thankfully your message took him out of what could have become an anxiety attack. You wanted to meet.
You had never contacted him two days in a row before. But what he found even weirder was that you were asking him to meet during the day. You also told him he didnât need to book the room, which he found funny, because he owned the hotel, but he omitted that detail.
He went to pick you up at around 5PM, like you had requested, and he was taken aback when you asked him to go on a walk with him instead. If he was in his shifted form, he would be wagging his tail contently at the mere suggestion of sharing such a wholesome moment with you, but human Chenle was good at pretending he didnât care.
He was so over the moon that he didnât find it weird when you engaged in small talk and asked trivial questions like how he had slept if he had eaten or what his plans for the weekend were. You never cared much for any interaction with him which wasnât quick sex, so this was a pleasant surprise for him.
You stopped at the beach. The same deserted beach where Chenle often went when he needed some time alone.
âI love this view,â you commented absentmindedly. âThe ocean is the only place that makes me feel at home.â
Chenle took mental note of that. He would make sure to buy a house with the most beautiful ocean view.Â
He looked at you and stared in awe at how gorgeous you looked. He was sure it wasnât the golden hour effect, because you always looked stunning to him.
You turned to look at him and caught him staring, so he cleared his throat and quickly looked away.
âHere,â he said, offering you a small shopping bag that he had been carrying.
âWhatâs this?â you asked curiously, opening the bag and taking out a delicate velvet box.
âItâsâŚfor you,â he said, barely audible.
You opened the box and gasped when you saw what was probably the most beautiful and elegant necklace in the whole world. âWhy?â you breathed out.
âI just saw it and thought of you.â he shrugged, still speaking very softly, like he was exhausted.Â
That was half true. He did choose it because he thought you would look ravishing.
The other reason was that he called Jaemin to ask him what that feeling of emptiness could mean, and he had theorized that it could be because he still hadnât marked you. Since biting you was out of the question, Jaemin suggested he gave you a little token. It wouldnât be as permanent as a mark, but his wolf surely would feel more at ease if he saw you carrying something of his.Â
Only Chenle would see costly diamond jewelry as tokens.Â
He looked at you attentively, panicking at your sudden loss of words.
âIf it doesnât suit your tasteââ
âLetâs end things,â you said.
Now it was Chenleâs turn to be speechless.Â
â...W-what?â he asked weakly.
âIâve been thinking about it and I think itâs for the best,â you explained, closing the box in your hand and putting it back in the bag, offering it back to him.
He glared at the bag offendedly. âNo, itâs not!â he countered.
âYes, it is,â you insisted, shaking the bag in your hand closer to him but he took a step back. âThis isnât working.â
âIâll make it work,â he hissed. âYouâre not fucking leaving me.â
âThatâs not your choiceââ
âNothing has been my choice!â he yelled. âYouâre always bossing me around and doing whatever you want but now itâs suddenly not working?! I didnât put up with your shit for you to leave me like thisââ
âSee? You hate the way I treat you, so why do you want to keep this up?!â you asked, once again trying to make him grab the bag, but he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him instead.
âBecause I love you!â he growled. âAnd you know it, even if you play dumb. I know you see it in the way I look at you, I know you feel it in the way I touch you and I know youâve heard me moan it when you have your way with me. Sometimes a weird voice in my head tells me thatâs not true,and that what we have is just sex, butâ thatâs not my voice andââ he trailed off, trying to make sense of the opposing ideas he had in his head. âYeah, I hate how much of a bitch you are sometimes, but I wonât give up on us, you hear me?!â
You almost gave in.Â
But you reminded yourself he deserved better.Â
There was one way he may let you go without you having to useÂ
âIâm not happy with you, Chenle,â you said firmly.
His entire world came crashing down around him. He only reacted when he felt you trying to break free from his grasp. He tightened his hold on you. He was not going to let you go.
âWhy not?â he breathed out.
âIâm just not,â you said, trying to keep the tears at bay. âI get nothing out of being with you.â
âIâll change that. Iâll do anything you sayââ he said, swallowing his pride.
âAnd then what?â you asked coldly.Â
âThen weâ,â Chenle looked around nervously, and licked his lips, looking for the right thing to say, anything that would make you stay. âWe become w-whatever you want us toââ
âSo youâre okay with me leaving with my crew when the time comes?â you rolled your eyes. âIâm not staying here, and youâre not coming with meââ
âIâll go,â he said quickly, squeezing your arm so hard it hurt. âIâll go wherever you wantââ
âI donât want you to come with me, Chenle, fuck!â you screamed. âI want you to leave me the fuck alone, okay?!â
He froze, finally relaxing his deadly grasp on your forearm. You pulled away carelessly, dropping the precious gift on the sand, and walked away.
Chenle stayed right there for who knows how long.
He doesnât even remember dragging his feet to get back home while hugging the wrinkled paper bag close to his chest. All he knows is that at some point he was fully clothed under the bed covers, feeling that dreaded emptiness expand inside of him.
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gelato | lmk
plug!mark x fem!reader â friends to strangers to lovers ft. bestie renjun
summary: a high slip up cost you mark lee years ago, and youâve spent years burying your memories of him ever since. the universe has other plans for you when your old friend starts a new career, smoking his way back into your life.
wc: 14.4k 18+ mdni
cw: angst, fluff, smut, smoking/weed use (do not interact if uncomfortable, seriously), a tiny bad trip, crying, dry humping, grinding, making out, fingering, unprotected pinv sex w pulling out, tenderrr love making, mutual pining, some jealousy, pet names: baby/love
âwait, thatâs so good, what is this?â you take another drag of the joint your friend rolled to see if it would hit as smoothly as the first, and youâre pleased when the smoke goes down just right.
you look over to the man on the other side of the couch, frowning when you realize he isnât paying attention. âjun?â
renjun looks up from his phone, eyes a little glossed over from his smoke session before you arrived. âwhat happened?â
you hand him the lit joint. âwhat did you put in that thing? itâs so good.â
he takes a long drag before grabbing a bag off of his coffee table and tossing it to you. âi know itâs good, i have good taste.â
you roll your eyes at this, studying the bag that landed on your lap. itâs from a brand unfamiliar to you, and you canât seem to find where it lists the strain name.
âwhere did you get this? never seen this brand before,â you ask.
renjun hands the joint back to you. âthis guy from our college started selling recently. weâve got some mutual friends, so they recommended him. perfect timing, too.â all the good plugs in your area, including your regular, started moving to bigger cities to try and reach more clients, so you welcome the thought of a new go-to.
âdo i know them?â you ask, knowing you share a lot of mutual friends.
âiâm not sure, but his name is mark.â
mark?
your heart drops at the familar name. there are so many of those in the world, but only one you know of from college.
âmark, like mark lee?â renjun raises an eyebrow at your reaction.
âyeah, i think so. do you know him?â
what renjun doesnât know is your history with mark actually extends much further. âkind of.â
yeah, you know him. you knew him.
it all started your second year of high school, when your teacher assigned him as your seatmate. he was always kind, asking how your day was and lending you pens or textbooks when you forgot yours. it was always casual, but you remember the day things clicked for the two of you so vividly.
you were walking into class early, still a while before the teacher came in, your classmatesâ animated chatter around you muffled by the music in your wired earphones. you put your stuff down, still trying to shake the last bit of sleepiness, when a figure came up to greet you.
âoh, shit!â their sudden appearance made you drop your phone, earphones yanked from your ears and phone, leaving the music to play out loud. the source of your surprise crouched down to pick up your phone, hitting pause on the music and standing up to reveal your seatmate.
âhey, iâm so sorry about that, didnât mean to scare you,â mark sheepishly handed you your phone, subtly glancing around you to see if any of your classmates were startled. none of them seemed to care, thankfully.
you waved your hands at his embarrassment. âitâs okay, mark, i was so out of it.â he nodded and turned his attention back to your phone.
âwait, you like that song though?â his embarrassment turned into excitement as you nodded your head, having had it on repeat since it came out.
âyeah, do you?â
âdude.. i LOVE that song, do you listen to their other stuff too?â the little morning mishap had turned into an excited conversation about your shared music taste, continuing well into lunch after it was cut short by the teacherâs arrival.
bonding over shared music taste was just the beginning, and eventually you were attached at the hip, both of you finding it easy to fall into place next to each other. even when you two ended up in separate classes the following school year, your friendship only grew.
he made being his friend so easy, yet so difficult. you found your affections grew to be more than platonic, but how could you not? mark was good-looking with a boyish charm, kind to everyone, funny, and earnest, yet so incredibly humble.
you werenât the only one who felt like this, though. mark was popular, and why wouldnât he be? even if he was a little shy or awkward with people he didnât know well, it just added to his charms. you had lost count of the amount of times he would be called by a random girl and come back with a guilty grimace at yet another instance of having to let someone down.
half of you admired them, wishing you had their same courage to tell mark your own feelings. but, as messed up as it was, the other half of you internally celebrated whenever mark came back with that somber expression, knowing you had the ability to change that.
whenever he was down, the two of you would go out for some gelato at the shop down the street from your school. you always said youâd treat him, but he would always pay, all sorrow wiped completely from his face. because of you. he always came back to you.
you were content being just his friendâhis best friend. you continued being his best friend, graduating from high school and ending up at the same local college, still attached at the hip.
with a new setting came new people and new experiences, but there was always one constant, and that was mark lee. that first year was filled with himâplanning your class schedules together, going to your respective clubsâ parties, dorm sleepovers; it felt like nothing could disturb the peace.
renjun hands you the joint and you take another hit, a comfortable silence between the two of you as you reminisce further, now starting to feel pangs in your heart.
one of those new experiences you had together came in the form of the drug you currently have in your hand, and it was also the last new experience you had together. the last of your firsts.
you and mark had never considered weed before, but going to college parties and its presence in some of your new friendsâ lives had made you curious. you both agreed on wanting to try it together in a more controlled space, and one day you found yourself with him in your dorm, turning an unfamiliar device in your hand.
âis it super strong?â you asked mark nervously, as his senior at his club was the supplier.
ânot sure, jae said pens donât hit too crazy.â he took the pen from you, pressing the button on it experimentally. âhe showed me how to do it, so i should probably go first..â
you nodded at this, observing him carefully as he brought it to his lips, pushing the button while sucking in. the pen lit up at the end, and you watched in fascination until you were interrupted by his harsh coughing, smoke flying out around him in a large cloud.
âoh my god, are you okay??â you rushed to get him some water, patting his back as he gulped it down and cleared his throat.
ây-yeah, iâm good.â you peered into his eyes to see them already slightly glossy, unsure if it was from all the coughing or if he was already feeling it. âi just took too much, i think. you try. but try just a little, okay? be careful..â
you took the pen from him nervously, bringing it to your own mouth as you emulated his earlier movements. his round eyes were trained on your every movement. you inhaled the smoke, and to your surprise, the weed didnât taste anything like the strong scent coming from the back of the many parties you found yourselves at. it was pleasant and the tiniest bit sweet.
you blew the smoke out as mark watched you with his mouth hung open, in shock at how easily you handled it in comparison to his own attempt.
âdude, how did you do that?? youâre a natural!!â he exclaimed, somewhat feeling a sense of pride at his best friendâs weed affinity.
âi donât know, i kind of just did it? maybe beginnerâs luck,â you shrugged. filled with resolve, mark was determined to do it just as smoothly. after many attempts, the two of you laid on your dorm bed, staring at the ceiling as you felt yourselves sinking into your mattress, which felt softer than ever.
âyou know what would hit right now?â mark asked, voice a little bit deeper and drawled out. you turned to look at him, only then realizing how close you were.
he looked back at you with a dopey smile. you somehow knew exactly what he was thinking. âgelato,â the two of you said in unison, laughter immediately bursting at the sync.
âthe shop is closed.. but markie, what was in that pen?? that was soo much better than i thought weed would be.â if all weed was like that, maybe youâd be down for this stoner life.
mark made an unintelligible excited noise as he sprung up with a bright smile. âWAIT, i knew you would like this. when jaehyun showed me all the carts, i knew i had to get this one. guess what itâs called!â
you locked eyes just as you did before, thinking there was no way it was what you were thinking. markâs anticipatory look told you it was.
âgelato.â
you gasped, throwing your hands over your mouth as mark nodded his head excitedly. âno fucking way.â
âno, seriously. isnât that crazy??â again the two of you burst into laughter, your stomach hurting from how much funnier everything seemed to be. as the laughter died down, mark turned to you. âbut really, you did so good today.â
you sat up on your bed at his tender voice, feeling slightly dizzy at the unfamiliar feeling of a high, finally getting a good look at mark in this state. he looked as good as ever, a now starting to blossom as he moved beyond the boyish charm.
âyou really got it because you thought iâd like it?â you asked, feeling your heart swell a bit. you were so grateful to have a friend like him, to have him in your life.
âof course,â he answered, voice a bit too tender for your heart to take.
the words left your mouth faster than you could catch them. âthatâs why i love you.â you slapped your hands over your mouth as you realized you just said.
âi love you, too..?â mark replied, trailing off at the end at your reaction. it was normal to exchange those kinds of words between best friends, but you meant it in a different way even if he didnât know it. you couldnât recover from your slip up, the weed hindering your ability to front in any way, mind going blank.
your hands were buried in your face as mark looked at you worriedly. he pried your hands from your face as you tried to hide your teary eyes. âwait, is everything okay?â
you just shook your head yes and turned from him, wanting to get away and act as if nothing happened. his grip was still tight around your wrists, and he was craning his neck to get a good look at you, only now seeing the unshed tears in your eyes.
âno, you arenât okay, the weed might be too much from you,â mark said as he slowly got up to get his phone, probably to look up what to do when having a bad trip. as if possessed, you pulled him back, not wanting him to leave you.
âwait!â you grabbed him, and he stumbled back into, or onto you. you found yourself in a position doing nothing good for your heart, with mark hovering above you as you leaned on your pillows.
even after years of friendship, he would still sometimes get flustered with things like this, but to your surprise, he stayed still, deep, glossed over eyes locked on yours.
you couldnât look awayâyou didnât want to. you could get lost in those eyes, and you were. you were feeling all types of things you hadnât felt before. you never allowed yourself to act on your crush, and the substance coursing through your veins was breaking down each mental barrier as the seconds passed.
you were close enough to kiss himâyou wanted to. everything seemed to move in slow motion as his face got closer and closer, dark eyes now closing. you didnât know if you were the one moving or if it was all a figment of your imagination, but the warmth on your lips told you it was all real.
markâs lips brushed yours, a little unsure at first, but as you melted into him, his lips molded against yours in a way that had your body tingling all over. it felt so right. your heart was beating faster than it ever has, excitement now clouding your mind. does he feel the same way?
the kiss only turned into a full on make out session, the two of you going at it for who knows how long. breathless, you pulled away from him with a dreamy look in your eyes.
only he did not share the same look.
catching his breath and backing away slowly, his eyes were open wide as if he had just seen a ghost. âmark? are you o-â
âiâm so, SO sorry, dude. i-i donât know why i did that.â he got off the bed completely, grabbing his jacket from your desk. your heart sank as you tried to force any words out.
âi have to go, but, um. iâll text you. sorry..â was all he said before dashing out the door.
the silence was deafening as you sat there on your bed, all alone, heart heavy as you began to spiral.
it all felt so right for you, but did he not feel the same? you just didnât know how to feel, your head starting to spin and your body feeling like it wasnât yours. still so high, but now alone. the tears left your eyes in waves, and your sadness and shock eventually morphed into anger. how could he just leave you in this state?
his pen sat forgotten on your bed. you wanted to throw it straight into the trash, but you couldnât, instead chucking it into some random drawer to try and give it back to him later.
you could say with confidence that this night was the worst of your life, ending in you crying yourself to sleep, but the aftermath was even worse. you never got to give it back; he never gave you the chance.
mark ignored your texts, avoided you in every spaceâhe couldnât even make eye contact with you. it hurt, and it felt like you had to start from scratch going into your second year of college.
he was your foundation, and without him it felt like your walls had crumbled. you didnât have mark to rely on anymore, and everything around you for so long reminded you of that.
that is, until you met renjun.
you had met him in a random art class you decided to take, wanting to make sure you were in the part of campus furthest from where you knew mark would be. the two of you hit it off right away, and he introduced you to some of his friends who would end up being your closest college friends.
one by one, you started to overwrite your memories with mark. you had sworn off weed after that night as well, but you had given in after renjun expressed interest in trying it, but not alone.
you were not going to leave your friend alone in this experience, unlike somebody, and you were glad as it ended up in you and renjun becoming pretty avid stoners.
the memories of mark still stung, but you had enough fun to last a lifetime in college. after you graduated you and renjun stuck in your town, while your other friends moved away, but the love still remained. you were grateful that the universe gave you these friends, even if it had to take one from you first.
the joint has reached its end, and renjun is passed out on the couch, snoring lightly.
youâre fine, everythingâs okay. the funny feeling in your chest lingers at the sound of his name, but everythingâs okay.
you inspect the bag of weed one more time, finally finding the strainâs name in tiny font on the bottom of the package.
gelato.
you and renjun head to work the following day, rubbing sleep from your eyes. last nightâs reminiscing affected you, whether or not you wanted it to.
youâre in between jobs right now, just wanting to take a break to figure out what you want to do. luckily for you, renjunâs cousin, kun, opened a branch of his restaurant down the block from you just a few months ago.
renjun was basically given the role of general manager and was more than happy to give you a job. despite only working there for a few months, you enjoyed it. the restaurant gave a homey feel with regular patrons who never caused any problems. the place was only really busy during peak lunch and dinner hours, but the pay is still fair enough.
the bell at the entrance rings, signaling the entrance of a customer, and you get up from your spot at one of the booths to greet them.
you stop in your tracks when you see who it is.
you must have manifested him too hard during your trip down memory lane, because in front of you stands the one who broke your heart all those years ago. mark lee.
how is it that you havenât seen him in years, but he shows up this conveniently the second you start thinking about him?
he looks differentâmore mature. his dark hair is a little longer than how you know he used to prefer, strong features a little bit more rugged than you remember, yet still with a hint of that boyish charm heâd always had. did he grow a little taller?
you realize youâre staring, but heâs staring, too, seemingly just as shocked to be seeing you. you debate turning around and calling renjun to assist him, but you chide yourself at those thoughts.
you arenât that brokenhearted 18-year old anymore. you are healed, and you are an adult with a job you need to do.
and renjun is on his lunch break, so you have no choice.
âhi, welcome! what can i get you?â you ask, putting on your best customer service voice.
âuh.. pick up order under the name donghyuck?â he says, a little bit of uncertainty laced in his response, maybe at you seemingly having no reaction to him or not remembering him.
donghyuck? you know donghyuck, a regular and friend of renjun who often orders take out. mark lee is definitely not donghyuck. the connection makes you curious, but not curious enough to ask.
âokay, give me one second to check.â you go to the back, hoping the chefs are done putting together the order, wanting this to be over as soon as possible. unfortunately, the chefs were also distracted, engaging in a heated conversation over who knows what during this slow period.
you come back out, giving mark an apologetic smile. âsorry, itâll be a few minutes. do you mind waiting? you can sit at any of the booths.â he nods, and you turn fully intending to hide in the back until his food is done.
you are stopped by him clearing his throat, still in the same spot he was, and he opens his mouth to speak.
â__?â he mutters lowly, and oh, how your heart betrays you at the sound of your name in his voice. you turn back to him, not knowing what your expression is right now.
âyeah?â
âdo you remember me?â how could you ever forget?
âyeah, i do,â is all you can say.
âoh, uh. cool.â the end of that comes out a little rasped and he clears his throat again. âhow have you been?â you want so badly for this to be over, wishing that he wouldâve just pretended to not know you, but you are polite if anything.
âiâm good, just working here, nothing crazy,â you respond. âand you?â
âgood,â he responds, and you want to roll your eyes so badly. he started this awkward conversation and is giving you nothing.
âgreat! well, iâm gonna check on your food,â you scurry away, grateful for any excuse to be away from him. you scroll on your phone in the back for a few minutes and thank the universe that the chefs are just finishing packing up the food.
when you come back with the food, beckoning him over, mark comes up to you at the cash register, fishing his card out of his wallet as you enter the items into the system.
âdo you smoke?â he asks abruptly, and when you make eye contact, he canât seem to hide that even heâs a little shocked at his own question. you look at him inquisitively, hands paused at the sudden question.
âyeah, i do. why?â you ask. no thanks to you.
âwell, i kinda started selling recently. trying to get my foot in the door in this area.â he hands you his credit card as he talks, explaining how selling is a side to his other job.
âoh, cool! good luck with that,â you respond as politely as possible, trying to be prompt. you hand him his card back and receipt to sign, not wanting anything to do with him or this new adventure of his.
he turns the receipt over and scribbles something on it before giving it back to you.
ânot sure if you still have my number, i havenât changed it, but just in case here it is.â you stare at the familiar handwriting. you couldnât get yourself to delete his number as much as you wanted to, but he doesnât have to know that.
âiâll give you a discount, for old timeâs sake? just text if you need anything, i deliver.â you nod, thanking him still in the polite tone youâve maintained this entire time.
âit was nice seeing you, __.â
âyou too, mark.â
he picks up his food as he says his goodbyes, turning to walk out the door. once heâs gone, you sit down for a bit, having to process the sudden reunion.
realistically, you should feel angry at the fact that he acted like nothing was wrong, like you were just some acquaintances seeing each other in passing. for old timeâs sake? yeah, right.
yet another part of you feels those same butterflies you felt all those years ago, fluttering around in your stomach with hope at the chance to see him again. happy at the fact that heâs talking and looking at you again.
you push those feelings to the back of your mind. you will not be going to mark lee for anything.
renjun finally comes back from his lunch, asking if he missed anything crazy. you shake your head no, and the day passes as you unsuccessfully try to wipe the the townâs new plug from your brain.
the following weekend, youâre smoking again with renjun, milking as much out of his bag of gelato as you possibly can. unfortunately for you, his bag is running really low, and he also really likes it.
âno! just order your own?â he snatches the bag from your hand. âiâll give you his number, just do it.â
âjunnieee, canât you just order it for me? you get a discount donât you?â you assume mark is giving discounts while heâs trying to start up his plug career, but renjun looks at you confused.
âdiscount? what are you talking about? markâs prices are good, but i didnât hear about a discount..â he says, eyes narrowing at you suspiciously.
oh shit. you messed up. letting out a sigh, you give in and tell him about the encounter with mark at the restaurant, leaving out all the awkward details and your history together. renjun holds you by the arms, shaking you slightly.
âif heâs offering you the discount, you should order! i canât believe youâre willingly trying to pay more money,â he scolds.
you shake him off, but you canât deny that renjun has a point. you did need a plug and a discount would be very easy on your wallet, but again, you didnât want to go to mark for anything.
âif i order, can you pick it up?â you ask, hoping at least that you wouldnât have to see mark.
âwhat am i?? your bitch boy?â renjun asks jokingly, but he looks at you a bit worriedly. âis everything okay? why are you being so weird about this?â
âiâm not!â you object almost too quickly, making renjun even more suspicious. not wanting to explain any further, you decide to just suck it up.
ânevermind, itâs fine. iâll order it myself,â you say, but you donât think you actually will.
âorder me a couple, too, since youâve got that discount.â
ugh. you agreed just to get him off your back, but with his order, youâre locked in.
âtext him right now or youâll forget. i know you,â he insists. youâre extra locked in now. you pull out your phone, debating on what to say as renjun rolls another joint for you.
hey, it was nice se- deleted.
hello mark, itâs- deleted.
itâs just a simple text, how hard could it be? you snap a picture of the bag in your hands and send it.
8:02pm you: picture attachment
8:02pm you: hey mark, itâs __. can i order a half of gelato? this brand ^^
you keep it simple, and as soon as you send your text you fling your phone to the other side of the couch, where renjun is. it feels so odd to be texting mark, and part of you feels nervous for his response.
âwhat the hell?â he says as he eyes your phone. not even a few seconds pass when your phone buzzes, and renjun looks at the lit screen with a smile. âdamn, what a good plug, he responded quickly,â renjun remarks, picking up the phone and tossing it back to you.
your phone lands on your lap, and the notification is bright and clear.
8:03pm mark lee: hey __, yeah of course! i can bring it in an hour? whatâs your address?
you stare in shock at how eager he is. you were going to suggest later that week for a drop-off time, but it seems like heâs willing and able to come as soon as possible.
âwhat are you waiting for? just give him my address, he can drop it off here,â renjun instructs. he shakes the contents of the bag, a single nugget falling into his hand. âyeah, you need to tell him right now before my high wears off.â
you sigh, unlocking your phone and opening your messages. at least you wonât be facing him alone if he comes to renjunâs. you type out your response.
8:10pm you: yeah, that works. thank you
8:10pm you: xxxxx xxxx xxxx
8:11pm you: ^^you can drop it off here
8:11pm mark lee: okay, sounds good, see you soon!
8:11pm mark lee: itâs really cold tonight, bring a sweater
8:12pm you: thanks, will do.
you place your phone down, sighing at the thought of seeing him. itâs the first time youâve texted him in how many years? you were trying to keep it short and to the point, but he was being so nice. so like the mark you knew.
âheâll be here in an hour,â you tell renjun.
âscoree, letâs finish this last bit then,â he cheers, picking the buds apart and grinding them up. in no time, the two of you are smoked out, just waiting for the time to pass as you try not to think too hard about mark.
what will he say? will he try to talk some more or just drop the weed off and go? will he mention anything about what happened all those years ago?
your thoughts are cut off by a ringing from your phone signaling an incoming call. a goofy picture of mark you thought you deleted from his contact pops up on your phone, and your heart squeezes looking at it. youâll have to remember to take it off later. you pick up the phone.
âhey, iâm here,â his voice sounds through the speakers. itâs so familiar, yet so different, and it really feels like some high fever dream that mark is calling you and telling you heâs outside, as if nothing ever happened. youâre sure youâve had actual dreams like this.
âgot it, be out in a sec,â you reply and hang up, looking over at renjun. you sigh when you see his eyes closed, familiar snoring leaving his form. âjun, get up, markâs here,â you say, shaking him awake.
he groans and swats you away. âsleepy. just go get it.â
too tired to argue further and just wanting to get it over with, you grab your wallet and renjunâs keys and pull on your shoes to head outside. as soon as you head out the building doors, you curse as the frigid air meets your skin. you had forgotten to grab a jacket despite markâs warnings.
thatâs the first thing mark seems to notice as he stands outside his car, a big black suv you donât quite think matches him. but again, you donât even know the him in front of you. before you can pad down the steps, he jogs lightly over to you, two bags in his hands.
âdude, i told you to bring a jacket, itâs cold as fuck,â he scolds. before you can retort, he moves too fast for your high mind to process, and in a flash heâs pulling off his own jacket to place around your shoulders.
itâs warm, and a familiar smell wafts around you as you stare at him, dazed. you feel as if your mind is short circuiting, defaulting to the settings it had for so long been accustomed to in markâs presenceâundoing so many years of trying to wipe his being from yours.
he steps back a bit from you as he picks up the bags he placed down. âhereâs your order,â he says, handing you one bag. âand, uh, i know itâs cold out, but i thought you might like this..â he trails off his sentence, handing you the other bag in his hand.
when you look into it, you feel like you could cry.
in the bag sits a tub of gelatoâyour favorite flavor to be exact. youâre at a loss for words as you stare down at it. the old shop you used to frequent with the man in front of you had coincidentally closed the year you ended your friendship, taking along the memories with it.
âwhere did you- how did you get this?â you ask, almost not believing your eyes if not for the cold of the container that permeates your hand as you inspect it.
âthey opened up a new shop on the other side of town. is that still your favorite?â you nod, feeling your appetite grow at the thought of the delicious treat.
you look up to thank him, only to see him gazing at you with the same warm eyes you had fallen for all those years ago. eyes a bit too warm for someone who had abandoned you.
the realization snaps you out of your daze, mind finally clearing. what were you doing? youâre letting yourself fall back into place with him when he was the one who pushed you away to begin with. heâd know if it was still your favorite if he stayed, but he didnât.
you hold the bag with the frozen treat out to him.
âthank you, mark, but iâd appreciate just taking the weed.â he looks at you, then back down at the bag as he takes it back from you gently. he never was good at hiding his emotions, and it seems that hasnât changed as you see hurt and confusion written clearly on his face.
âoh, sorry.. um..â he mumbles, contemplating what to say next.
âhow much do i owe you?â you ask curtly, just wanting to get the hell back inside and smoke until you knock out for the night.
âlook, __, can we ta-â
âhow. much. mark,â you cut him off, feeling your resolve crumble by the second as he stands in front of you. youâre sick of this âpretending everything is okayâ thing heâs doing.
âplease.. even just for a few minutes,â he pleads, and the earnest look in his eyes is unchanging. âcan i please talk to you?â
âi do-â
â__? is everything okay?â a soft, yet firm voice cuts in.
renjunâs head peeks out of the building doors, and you celebrate internally as your savior comes to join the two of you. you donât notice the way mark tenses up behind you, gripping the bag in his hand tightly as he gnaws the inside of his lip.
âyeah, jun. itâs all good, just paying now,â you assure. renjun says his greetings to mark, which he returns.
âi woke up and you were gone for a while, so i had to come check,â renjun says, holding his arms around himself as he shivers from the cold. it reminds you of the jacket sitting around your shouldersâ one that does not belong to you.
you shrug off the jacket, handing it back to mark. âhow much do i owe you?â you ask one last time. mark is pensive, tucking the jacket into his arm.
ââŚyou can have it for free,â he says, awkward smile painted on his face, eyes flitting between you and renjun. âfirst time deal.â you quickly start to refuse.
âwait, i canât just do that. seriously mark, how much is it?â you ask, internally pleading with him to just let this deal be done. you donât want to feel indebted to him in any way, but your friend has other ideas at the prospect of free weed.
âactually, you can! thanks, mark, hope i can get this 100% discount next time, too,â renjun interjects cheerfully. he starts to usher you back into the apartment, saying his goodbyes to mark as he rubs your cold arms up and down. âitâs so cold out here, better get back inside before someone catches a cold.â
you nod, looking back at mark, only to see him gazing at you with a smile that doesnât quite reach his eyes. âthank you, mark. goodnight.â
âyeah. goodnight, __. and renjun.â he waves goodbye and parts from the two of you, walking back to his car with not nearly as much energy as he had when coming up to you earlier, rejected bag of gelato in hand.
you donât know why your heart aches so much as he disappears into his car, but you try to forget all about it as you get ready for another round in renjunâs apartment. when you open the bag containing your weed order, you find a note along with it, your name at the top scribbled in markâs familiar messy handwriting.
thanks for ordering, talk to you soon :)
-mark
you take the packets of flower out of the bag and throw the note back in. you will not be talking to him soon. as you take a hit of your freshly rolled joint, you hope the smoke dissipating into the air around you takes the images of mark lee along with it.
you hoped you wouldnât be talking to him soon, but when you get a takeout order under âdonghyuck,â you get a bad feeling about who will be picking it up. itâs a monday afternoon, one of your slowest times, and youâre the only one scheduled besides the cooks.
you make sure the kitchen staff has the order ready, hoping that this exchange would be quick, and your bad feeling proves true when a familiar head of dark hair makes its way through your door.
you lock eyes with the bright-eyed man, and he waves bashfully as he comes up to the front.
âhey.â
âhey, for donghyuck, right?â you confirm, already placing some utensils in the bag.
âyeah, wait, how did you know?â he asks, surprised that you mentioned the name before he could.
âyou did it last time, too. heâs a regular here and renjunâs friend, so i know you arenât him.â
âoh, thatâs right. yeah, renjun..â he mutters the last part, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. thereâs an awkward silence after, and he hands you his card as you ring him up. he speaks up first.
âso, are you and renjun, like, a thing?â he has a talent for making you stop in your tracks, as the shock of his question rings through you.
âwhat?â
âwell, i was thinking the address looked a bit familiar. and youâre living together?â he asked, not fully able to maintain eye contact as he explained his thought process.
you sigh. though you donât want mark to know anything about you beyond your weed order, you also donât want renjun caught up in a misunderstanding.
âweâre friends, mark. i have my own apartment somewhere else, i just go over there a lot,â you turn your attention back to the register, printing his receipt and handing it back to him. itâs a familiar interaction, but with a lot more talking this time.
he canât hide the slight smile on his face as he takes his receipt and card back from you.
âoh, thatâs cool!â you can tell he means it now. thereâs another bit of silence between the two of you, and youâre hoping he gets the cue to leave.
âwell, thanks for ordering and have a good da-â
âwait, __,â he stops you, glancing around to make sure no oneâs around. âhonestly, can we talk?â
you feel the familiar irritation creeping up your being. âwhat is there to talk about?â you feign ignorance.
âreally?â he grimaces.
âreally.â you face him head on.
âlook, just give me a chance to apologize, there was just a lot going on and i would like to explain, but not here.â
at this point, the irritation has bubbled up into full blown anger, and you canât stop yourself from bursting out at him.
âthere was a lot going on? yeah, maybe. but when had that ever stopped us from working through things together?? you couldâve told me anything back then, and i would have accepted it.â you feel yourself start to tear up, but you know you canât let this get too far at work. âyou just left, mark, and i never heard from you again. i have nothing to say to you.â
you can see his eyes have glossed over, unable to retort properly. another wave of silence passes between the two of you before he opens his mouth to speak.
âiâm sorry..â
you shake your head and hand him his food.
âyou should be. thank you for ordering and have a good day.â with that you spin on your heel, ducking in the back as one of the older cooks, taeil, comes out with a questioning look at the commotion.
you just continue on into the back room and donât look back even as you hear the bell chime and door shut, pushing back an onset of tears. you slump into one of the chairs, dreading the next few hours of your shift, already more than drained.
ââs that your man?â taeil asks after following you with a look of concern.
âabsolutely not.â
âwell, he left this on the counter. guessing itâs for you.â he plops the bag in your lap and heads back to the kitchen. you can feel its cold weight as you peer inside to see a familiar treat you had rejected once before.
when you collapse onto your bed after your shift, your mind replays the events from earlier. your heart aches. part of you is proud of yourself for standing your ground, but the other side of you feels for mark. he just wanted a chance to talk to you, to apologize.
but the truth of the matter is that you donât know how youâd react to an apology if he offered it, and you have a feeling it would be hard for you to keep up the wall youâve built with him. you donât want it to be so easy for him, but at the same time you canât help but feel a little bad for making it so difficult.
you find yourself scrolling through old pictures of the two of you that you never had the heart to delete. he deserves this, you try to convince yourself, but that thought pains you as well. with mark lee, the emotions that follow are always complicated.
whether you like it or not, you know deep down that you still care about him. you tell yourself heâs not a good person, but at your core you know he is, evidenced by the sweet treat sitting in your freezer and every interaction youâve had since your reunion.
bzzzzzz.
your phone buzzes in your hand, and you curse as it falls onto your face. you lift it up to take a look at who has interrupted your thoughts, and like the first time you reunited, you fear your thoughts have brought him straight to you.
the same goofy picture that you didnât delete pops up on your phone. you chew on your lip, letting it ring a bit longer before ultimately deciding against your better judgement. with everything you were just thinking, exhausted from the back and forth, you just didnât have it in you to deny him again.
âhello?â
âhello- hey! __?â you can hear the relief in his voice.
âhi.â
âiâm gonna be honest, i didnât think youâd pick up.â
âand you still called anyway?â you wince at the bite in your voice.
âlook, __. i know you probably donât want to hear from me, and i know i was a shit friend, but please give me a chance to talk to you. if you donât want to hear from me ever again or just want weed or whatever after we talk, itâs okay.â you feel your barrier weakening at his pleading.
after a few moments to ponder, you decide to go for it. maybe some closure could be beneficial for both of you.
âokay, when?â
âwhe- oh! oh, uh.. didnât think iâd make it this far,â he laughs nervously, and you canât help but laugh at that as well, feeling your heart lighten just the tiniest bit.
âiâm free the rest of the night,â you tell him.
âme too, kind ofâi actually have some deliveries, do you want to join?â
âif itâs cool with you, sure.â
âmore than cool, iâll be there in 30.â you can hear the smile in his voice, and when you hang up, despite your heart beating out of your chest, you find yourself smiling, too.
âhey.â
âhi.â
you open the door of markâs black suv and slide into his passenger seat. mark starts up the car only after confirming your seatbelt is on. the car ride is silent for a few minutes, and your leg bobs as you get more impatient by the second. after a good amount of time, he finally speaks up.
âso umm, how was work?â he asks as if he wasnât there.
âstarted off really bad because of someone.â he grimaces, hand tightening on the steering wheel. the tense feeling has returned tenfold.
âsorry.. i really didnât mean to cause any issues at your job, hope you didnât get in trouble or anything,â he peeks over at you.
âitâs okay, honestly i lost my temper, too. nothing bad happened.â he lets out a sigh of relief at that. ââm not gonna apologize for it though.â
âyou donât have to, i deserved it..â he says, looking a little defeated. âiâm honestly just grateful you even gave me a chance to talk.â for some reason, his words strike a chord in you, and you feel the irritation in your throat starting to spill.
âif you had asked maybe 3 years ago, fuck, even last yearâiâd have given a chance in a heartbeat, mark.â any lightheartedness has dissipated quickly as you remember why you are like this in the first place.
âi knowâjust, running into you, i couldnât let this chance pass.â all semblance of composure you thought youâd have coming into this conversation has disappeared; just being near him shakes you.
âso you wouldnât have ever reached out if we didnât bump into each other?â you retort, feeling your heart break a little. you try to keep your voice strong, but it quivers as you press on. âitâs all just soo convenient??â
âno! w-well, i wouldâve eventually. honestly.â he pulls up to a random apartment complex, parking the car. his hands still tightly grip the steering wheel.
âplease listen, iâm gonna be honest, okay.â you nod at him as he faces you, face turning red as he looks down. âuhhh.. you know when we, like, kissed?â
you nod.
âthat was my first kiss, well my first anything.â
that came as a surprise, given how popular he was and how seasoned that kiss felt. âi had never done anything like that before and we were so high. i just felt like.. i took advantage of you?â he sighs, still unable to meet your eyes.
âno, mark. iâve never thought of it that way,â you assure.
âi felt like i had crossed a line i never should have and every time i thought of you i just felt so guilty.â
âso you decided to cut me out of your life forever? after years of friendship? you thought i wasnât someone you could work it out with?â your heart is beating out of your chest and you feel your face heating up as you bite back tears.
âno! itâs not you, ugh, this sounds so stupid but really, it was me! every time iâd make up my mind to approach you i just lost the courage. i just kept imagining that youâd be so disappointed in me, and the longer that went on the worse it was.â
youâre silent at that, just feeling like you want to cry. you want to yell at him, to get even angrier, but you let him talk.
âi know how sad you were when everything happened, and i wanted to make things rightâtrust me, i really did. but time passed and i missed my chance and i could see you were so happy with your new friends.â he finally meets your eyes, turning fully to you, and there are unshed tears in markâs eyes as well.
âiâm so sorry, and i wish i had stayed that day. then maybe i wouldnât have lost you. i missed you so bad, but i-i messed it all up.â his voice cracks a bit. âi know i canât expect your forgiveness, but if thereâs any chance at all, i really want to make it up to you. i want my best friend back.â
your heart breaks as you listen to his apology, and you feel the tears slip out of your eyes at his last sentence. you try to tell yourself that he needs to suffer more for all of this, but you just canât bring yourself to antagonize him any further.
you realize you might be stupid for forgiving him so easily, but you also wanted your best friend back. you were so tired of being angry, and your 18-year old self is at the back of your mind, pleading with you to just rest. he was stupid, but heâs here now.
you realize heâs fully crying, too. he never used to cry, even at his saddest moments. you place a hand on top of his, and though he flinches at the contact at first, he quickly moves to intertwine his fingers with yours.
you have so much more to say, but you think youâll have a lot more chances to talk about it. for now, youâll just be. his thumb caresses the side of your hand. the silence between you isnât suffocating anymore, it feels right.
âyou know, iââ
bzzzzzzzzzzz.
heâs interrupted by his phone lighting up in his pocket, blaring ringtone and vibration filling the car. he looks at you, and you withdraw your hand from his, settling back in your seat. his hand remains where you left it.
âitâs okay, pick it up.â
wordlessly, he does just that, rubbing the tears from his eyes. you hear a manâs voice over the speakers.
âoh shit, sorry. iâm a few minutes away, had a pit stop.â the two of you had forgotten why you were out driving in the first place, markâs presumed customer asking his whereabouts.
âsorry, weâll continue this conversation in a bit,â mark assures, putting his phone in his pocket and starting the car back up.
âitâs fine, work is important, mark.â he nods, putting on a random playlist. the short drive to his customerâs apartment complex is quiet apart from the music, but a good kind of quiet that helps you as you let yourself process the conversation.
mark pulls up to the curb, grabbing his supply bag from behind your seat.
âsit tight, iâll be quick,â he says, jumping out of the car to meet his customer waiting outside their apartment. your eyes follow his form, and you canât help but tear up again.
this conversation is everything you wanted, and even if itâs coming later than you would have liked it, you can feel a burden being lifted from your chest; your heart feels so much lighter.
at the same time, you canât deny the feelings blossoming in your chest beyond the relief of having his friendship back. the feelings beyond friendship itself. itâs all so much to think about, and your vision darkens as your thoughts progress.
âhey, __, wake up, weâre at your place.â mark shakes you gently by the shoulder, peering into your face as you come to, blinking away the sleep from your eyes. you dart up from your slumped state, having fallen asleep in the middle of your thoughts.
âoh shit, sorry, didnât mean to doze off,â you apologize worriedly. âwhat time is it? how long was i sleeping?â
âitâs all good, iâm done with the deliveries now, so itâs time to head in for the night, getting pretty late.â
when you look around, you realize you are indeed parked in front of your apartment complex. âwhy didnât you wake me up?â you ask, slightly embarrassed at having knocked out the entire rest of the night in his car. âletâs pick up where we left off?â you ask, remembering he had been cut off earlier.
you canât hide your fatigue as a yawn punctuates your question. he chuckles at that, yawning too at the sight of yours.
âyou looked too comfy, i didnât want to disturb,â he says, patting your shoulder. âletâs continue another time, okay?â his hand slides down to rest on top of yours, just as you did to him.
âis it safe to say that there will be another time?â his hand grips yours slightly, and his eyes search yours anxiously. you move to intertwine your fingers with his, just as he did to you.
âyeah, there will be. canât finish that big tub of gelato by myself.â you canât keep down your smile, and he grins widely, pulling you into as best of a hug as he can manage over his center console.
âi missed you so much,â he murmurs into the side of your head.
your heart beats wildly as you wrap your arms around him, but itâs a part of your heart that has stood still since the day he left. âi missed you, too.â
itâs a little weird how easily mark integrated back into your life. one day you were erasing his existence from your mind, the next rejecting him to his face, and now every few days youâre sitting in his passenger seat as he makes deliveries or preps orders, always making sure to roll you a joint.
since his apology, the two of you have talkedâa lot. catching up on over 4+ years of life takes time, but it seems mark has all the time in the world with how often heâs with you. he always was a yapper, and thereâs never a dull moment when you spend time together.
you never found out what he was going to say when the phone call interrupted you, but you think youâre okay not knowing. you try not to bring up the past as much, as does heâitâs like an unspoken agreement that youâre both moving forward. at least thatâs what you think.
in reality, you know this may just be another way of coping. having mark back in your life was so beautiful, and you donât want anything to get weird again. you tell yourself that whatâs important will eventually be discussed, but right now you just want to enjoy his presence.
mark being back didnât automatically propel him back into best friend status. that position was reserved for renjun, and that wonât ever change, and you assure him of this as you catch him up on everything thatâs happened, as well as your history with mark.
to your surprise, renjun isnât too fazed by the news. heâs always had a pretty good intuition. âyou see, i knew you were acting weird,â he scolds. âyou canât hide anything from me.â
you smile at him, rubbing his head aggressively. âyou are sooo right, my junnie.â the two of you fall into your usual smoking routine.
âdo you think iâm dumb for letting him back in so easily?â you ask, high thoughts swirling in your head, and without missing a beat, renjun replies.
âno, not at all.â
âreally?â you press, astonished. renjun was always brutally honest, and you thought he might have other thoughts about the whole thing.
âyou arenât dumb and i trust your judgement. it sounds like heâs genuinely sorry, and heâd be the dumb one to not want you in his life.â renjun always knows the best things to say. âas long as he understands iâm still your number 1 friend and respects you, then all is good.â
you nod, pressing your shoulder to his and laying your head on his shoulder. âthank you, junnie.â he rests his head on top of yours.
âno need to thank me,â he says, grinning. he separates from you, facing you with a mischievous look in his eye.
âyou know.. the best friend spot is reserved for me, but he could always take the boyfriend spot.â you gasp, smacking him lightly.
âoh my god, no!â being high always makes you more honest, so you just know the embarrassment youâre feeling is written all over your face. âitâs not like that.â
renjun rolls his eyes. âoh sure, and thatâs why youâve deleted every dating app, turned down that date karina mentioned a couple weeks ago, and have mark following you around like a puppy when he gets the chance.â you have nothing to retortâall of those things were true. but you donât want to ruin anything you have. you lost him once and youâre terrified of that happening again.
âiâm fine with the way things are now, really.â you words are more to assure yourself.
âanyways, letâs smoke smoke?â
he grins. âfuck yeah.â
as always, that choice is a great one, and an hour later the two of you are clutching your stomachs in laughter watching your favorite show. your head feels so light, but not in a bad way, and your body feels glued to the couch.
you donât hear your phone ringing between you two, but renjun in his own daze answers the incoming call, not even looking at the caller id.
âhello?â
âh-hello? is that you, renjun?â renjun giggles a little as he realizes who it is. âis __ there?â
âyeah, but i wouldnât say here.â renjun full on cackles as he hands the phone to you. you arenât exactly there; youâre floating through the universe at the moment.
âhelloooo?â you answer. markâs voice rings through the speakers through your ears as he calls out your name.
âmarkie,â you sigh out, not noticing how his breath hitches at the old nickname.
âuhâ hey.â he recomposes himself. âi was going to ask if you wanted to join me on some deliveries, but it sounds like youâre having fun already.â
a night car ride in this state sounds like heaven to your ears, and youâre agreeing before you know it. âwait. that sounds soo fun right now.â you turn to renjun. âcan renjun join also?â you ask mark.
â..yeah, sure,â he says after a moment, and you look at renjun excitedly, who has been listening the entire time.
âi will not be joining, thank you though,â he states bluntly. âi have a morning shift, so i was thinking of heading to bed soon anyways.â
you frown, but nod in understanding, returning back to the call. ârenjunâs not coming, actually, going to sleep like a baby.â you tease, hearing mark laugh over the phone.
âso youâre taking my shift?â renjun bites back, and you shut up before returning to the phone call.
âiâll come get you. renjunâs place or yours?â he asks, and you reply with the former. âgot it, see you soon.â
heâs waiting for you outside the apartment complex, and it feels like deja vu with the way he immediately throws his jacket around your shoulders after seeing you in a light sweater. he rubs your upper arms lightly.
âi swear youâre gonna catch a cold if you donât start wearing warmer clothes at this time of the night.â he moves to walk with you to his car, but the warmth from both his jacket and touch remain on your form.
he opens the passenger door for you, waiting until youâre settled before closing it and moving to the driverâs seat. he starts driving, and the two of you fall into the same comfortable conversation before it quiets for a moment.
âhow were you planning on getting home tonight?â he asks, unaware at how you tend to stay at renjunâs quite often. you havenât been staying as much since you started hanging out with mark again, but you wanted to make sure you still had time for your best friend.
âi was planning on staying at renjunâs, iâve left so much of my shit there i donât even bring an overnight bag anymore,â you laugh, but mark isnât laughing with you. âi probably would have knocked out in the next 10 minutes if you didnât call.â
mark is silent for a second before chuckling lightly, matching your energy just a bit. âwell, iâm glad i called then.â the two of you catch up on the days you havenât seen each other, conversation flowing smoothly between each stop he makes. one particular stop piques your interest.
he pulls up to the curb and reaches behind your seat as usual to grab his bag. he exits the car, leaving the music playing. thereâs a woman waiting for him outside, and though you canât hear their conversation, you canât tear your eyes from them.
the woman is more than comfortable, leaning in to him as she giggles at something he said. as you watch them, you feel a tingle in your heart that feels all too familiar to the one you felt all those years ago. this has been a common occurrence when youâve accompanied him on his deliveries.
youâve found that heâs charming as always, even more so than he was as a slightly awkward teen. you stopped by this customerâs place just last week, but you wouldnât be surprised if some of them purposely ordered frequently in order to see him. yet the selfish feeling of pride that youâre the one sitting in his passenger seat sits in your chest. you know yourself well enough to understand what that means.
renjunâs teasing about mark resurfaces in your brain, and part of you knew this would be the result if you let your old friend back in. you know things are going to be okay for your friendship, but your feelings are plain and clear.
despite the years apart and active repression of any feelings towards him, good or bad, you still love mark. you donât know if you ever stopped.
the rekindling of this friendship has done nothing for you but tether your heart to him once more, but you canât bring yourself to create any distance. mark slides back into the driverâs seat.
âwhatâs on your mind?â he asks, and you snap out of your thoughts.
âhuh?â
âyouâve got your little thinking face on,â he laughs, starting up the car.
âi didnât realize that i had one of those.â
âthe way your brows furrow a bit, and your eyes get a bit distant. i can always tell.â thereâs a funny feeling in your stomach at the thought of him looking at you enough to know that. âso are you gonna tell me? orr..â
âjust thinking about some good gelato,â you lie quickly, but he looks unconvinced. he decides to just go along with it and youâre grateful.
âgelato, huh.. the frozen kind or the smoking kind?â he asks, tilted smirk painting his face.
âand if i said both, then what?â you grin, and heâs full on cheesing as he comes to a red light.
âthen iâd get you both,â he replies warmly. butterflies erupt in your stomachâheâs just too good to you.
âmy place?â
âbet.â
itâs a little past 2am when you lead mark into your apartment. as much as youâve been seeing him, heâs still never been to your apartment, and itâs an interesting experience to see him there. you had long dismissed the possibility of him being in your life, let alone your living space.
you still have a good amount of the weed, so you insisted on just using up what you have though mark promised to replenish your stash as soon as it was out. the tub of gelato he bought isnât even halfway done and in need of a second spoon, and you think that maybe he did that on purpose.
mark takes out his rolling papers, and you hand him your grinder. you watch as he grinds up the leaves, placing the filter and leaves onto the paper as he expertly tightens the concoction into a perfect little joint.
âyou are too good at that,â you compliment, in awe of how efficient he is. the joints are always rolled when they get to you nowadays, and youâre also trying not to stare too hard at his hands, watching the way they move so adeptly.
âoh you know, it comes with the job. thanks,â he replies bashfully, finishing up the end with a twist. âwant to start it off?â he offers, and you nod as he hands it to you.
âlighter?â you ask, not knowing where your own is.
âoh yeah,â he pulls one out of his pocket. âlet me.â
you bring the joint to your lips, and he flicks on the lighter, watching you with those gleaming eyes of his as you suck in slightly. you can feel his eyes on you, and you try not to make eye contact, but you canât help it as your eyes flit up to meet his.
something stirs in your chest as you meet his gaze, but he quickly breaks the eye contact, dropping his hand to place the lighter down. your eyes move down to your hands, and you rotate the joint a bit, making sure itâs burning evenly. mark watches your movements with his own awe.
you pass it back to him, itâs your turn to have your eyes trained on him as he takes a drag out of it, holding it in before blowing the smoke upwards, neck strained. in contrast to your usual hangouts full of endless conversation, the two of you smoke in comfortable silence.
maybe itâs the time of the night, or the fatigue of the week, but you donât mind. but like earlier, his eyes meet yours often, flitting back away, and you can still feel his eyes on you even when you arenât looking at him.
âdude, youâre really good at that, you know,â he finally speaks up. his tone of voice is so genuine, you canât help but laugh.
your memory of the first time you smoked together resurfaces; he had praised you just like that. remembering that time of life doesnât sting like it used to. you find that after many years of only recalling the bad, the good parts of that introduction to weed are now able to shine.
âoh you know, iâve had a lot of practice,â you muse, finishing off the joint as it reaches its end.
âyouâve always been good at it..â he trails off, eyes looking a bit distant. heâs probably reminiscing about that same memory.
youâre both a good amount of high, and as you look at him, you see how heâs grown, mentally and physically, yet his sweetness has always remained. like always, the weed brings your honest thoughts to the forefront of your conscious. you want him so badly, maybe even more than your younger self did.
as your brain jumps along the timeline of your memories with him, it stops at one pointâthe kiss. your eyes remain locked on each other, and youâre almost certain that heâs remembering the same thing. everything moves in slow motion, and his face gets closer and closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath, of his body inching closer to yours.
but you know better now, even if you want him.
placing your hands on his chest, you push him back lightly, turning your head to the side.
âwe arenât doing this, mark,â you assert as firmly as you can, but your voice wavers. a look of hurt flashes over his face, but heâs resolute as he moves his hands over yours, bringing them into his grasp.
ââŚare you uncomfortable? can you tell me what youâre thinking about?â you look at him in shock at his composure, and you try to regain yours, but you canât help the stinging in your eyes as you are filled with fear at the thought of losing all of this, of losing him.
âyou canât just do this and leave me all over again, not when I finally have you back.â the tears start to pool in your eyes, and you pull your hands from him, trying to calm yourself. you feel the younger and current versions of yourself at odds with each other, and the feeling is all too overwhelming as a few tears start to slip out.
âhey, look at me.â mark takes your face into his hands.
âhey.â his eyes are unwavering. âiâm not leaving you.â
the warmth of his lips meets yours as he draws you into a sweet kiss, one hand moving to the back of your head. as you separate, he pulls you into a hug.
âi love you.â
his voice is barely above a whisper, but you hear it clearly, pulling away from him with wide eyes at his confession.
âwhat?â you canât believe your ears. it canât be real, this has to be a dream. you shake your head, denying him. âmark, youâre high.â he shakes his head, too.
âi know iâm high and youâre high, but iâll tell you again and again now and when weâre sober. i love you so much.â his confession opens the floodgates, and tears stream down your face.
âwhen we first talked, i didnât tell you everything,â he starts. âevery time i look back at that time back in your dorm, i think about how stupid i was.â your eyes are trained on him through your tears, unable to get any words out.
âyou told me you loved me, and i was high out of my mind when i said it back, i wasnât thinking straight. but i meant it beyond being friends and i wasnât sure if you did also. i tried to play it off, but after all that, i couldnât,â he confesses, face heating up.
âi meant to talk to you after, i swear. i meant to tell you this in the car that one time, too. but i really was a cowardâi think i still am, but i canât let this go on anymore without telling you everything. i thought i could just be satisfied having your friendship back, but i donât think i can.â he brings a gentle hand up to your face to wipe your tears.
âi know iâm a little high, but somehow my mind is clearer than ever, __. i love yo-â
he doesnât get to finish his sentence as you throw your arms around him, pressing your lips to his. his hands find your waist, returning your kiss with more fervor, both hearts racing at the reciprocation. you angle your head to meld your lips further with his, kissing him until both of you are breathless.
when you pull away, thereâs not even a hint of devastation written on his faceâinstead his lips are stretched wide in a goofy grin, eyes gazing at you with pure warmth.
âyou fucking idiot.â he winces at your harsh words, but his smile does not falter at all. âi love you, too.â
he pulls you back into a kiss, and it feels just as it did all those years ago. this time, you know heâs staying.
the remnants of your smoke session still flow through your systems, and now that your feelings are clear, you canât hide your desire for him any longer. you want more, all of him. he guides your hips as you move to straddle him, taking turns nibbling and prodding at the other, deepening the kiss further.
he seems to share the same idea, but as you sit in his lap, feeling him harden in his pants, he pulls away for a second. âare you sure you wanna do this?â he asks, expression serious with a touch of concern. âam i moving too fast?â you appreciate the check in, but you canât wait any longer.
âno, mark, iâm so sure. i want you so fucking bad.â you move over his hardening bulge to emphasize your words, and he groans, throwing his head back on your couch. âiâve wanted you for so long,â you breath out over his exposed neck, laying kisses down as he swallows, his adamâs apple bobbing under your lips. he lets out a low groan, pushing your hips down over his own as he lifts himself to meet you.
he tugs at your shirt, lifting it up over your head, and then proceeds to take off his own. âfuck.. youâre too beautiful..â he rasps, continuing to grind himself into you, peppering kisses down your neck, nibbling and sucking his way down. you moan at the sensation, your hips pressing together, and he separates from your collarbone with a loud pop.
he looks at focuses on you with slightly hooded lids, moving his hands down to your ass to slow your hips down with a strong grip. âcan we take this to the bed?â he asks, voice slightly shaky. âi donât wanna cum in my pants, baby.â
you laugh in response to this, grinding down a bit more just to tease him. âlet me ride you, gelato boy.â his eyebrows raise at the nickname and then scrunch at the stimulation, but he laughs too, using his grip to push you up from himself and down on your back on the couch.
he hovers over you, drawing close so that you can feel each otherâs breath. âdonât tease me.â
an aching feeling erupts in your lower regions. he stands up, pulling you to your feet as he nudges you to lead him to your room. you hold his hand walking to your room, and he does his best to walk with his raging hard member confined in his pants.
âitâs probably not the right time to say this, but i almost came in my fucking pants when we made out in your dorm.â you let out a full bellied laugh at this, cracking up as you open the door to your room and lead him in.
mark smiles seeing you happy, even at the expense of his pride. youâd probably tease him a bit more if not for how turned on you are, but you need him severely. as soon as youâre both inside your bedroom, he has you in his arms, kissing you fiercely as you both tug your bottoms off in between kisses.
you tumble back into the bed, mark securing a strong hand on the back of your head to make sure you land safely, lips attaching to yours once again. you can feel his warmth emanating from his skin on yours, and it all just feels so right.
he brings one hand down to your core, gingerly separating your folds in contrast to the fervor in his lips. he runs two fingers down your slit, gathering your wetness on his digits. you whimper into his mouth, and he separates from your lips, wanting to hear your unmuffled noises.
he circles your clit slowly, kissing your neck as your moans resound like music to his ears. he experimentally shifts a finger down, prodding at your hole before entering slowly. your breath hitches, and he stills, watching your face for any signs of discomfort.
he continues to slip his digit in, thrusting in and out shallowly until heâs knuckle deep. he pulls his hand out, pressing his middle and ring fingers against your hole, slipping them past the entrance as you cry out.
âoh, f-fuck, mark!â you grasp at his shoulders, and his name in your shaky voice encourages him to venture further.
âgotta stretch you out for me, love. so fucking tight.â he scissors his fingers inside you slightly, and your breath stutters again at the stretch.
ââs been a while s-since iâve done this, okay?â you hide your face with one hand in embarrassment, but mark isnât having it. his hand separates from your core as he grabs your hand from your face, lips returning to yours like magnets before reattaching his fingers to your core, snaking their way into you before starting to thrust in and out.
his hot breath fans your lips as he moves up, growling lowly. itâs as if a switch in him flipped. âdonât even wanna think of you doing this with anyone else.â his fingers speed up, and he eats up your moans hungrily, messy tongues intertwining. all sorts of emotions whirl in his head, but heâs sure of one thing.
âshouldâve. been. me.â he growls into your lips, punctuating his words with the thrusts of his fingers. âfuck, i canât believe i let you go,â he mutters, jaw clenched at even the thought of someone else in his place.
the funny feeling in your gut earlier was no coincidence, your arousal is overflowing seeing this new side to mark. the intensity, the controlâit all reminds you that the mark in front of you truly is a man, and this new side to him is one only you get to see.
âf-fuck, mark, fuck! only you, only you,â you chant, feeling your head lighten from the pleasure.
âyeah? only me?â he questions smugly. he slips his thumb over your clit, rubbing harsh circles in time with the thrusts of his fingers. âlet me feel you cum around my fingers, baby.â
your back strains, cursing a mixture of praises and markâs name, feeling that pool of fire in your abdomen getting hotter and hotter. with one last swipe at your aching clit, he has you tumbling over the edge, cumming over his hands with a loud cry.
he watches you in awe as you catch your breath, relishing the way your walls pulse around his digits as you come down. he gently removes his fingers from you, lapping up your juices from his hand, eyes not faltering from yours. âso fucking good for me.â already youâre aching for more, and so is he.
heâs flooded with the need to feel your walls completely wrapped around him, spreading your legs more as he slots himself between them. he lets his dick rest on your core, rubbing up and down slightly, coating his member in your juices as you whine in overstimulation.
he still keeps an eye on your expression, making sure youâre still okay. âall good?â he asks. heâs huge, and his throbbing heat sits heavy on you. you shudder in excitement at the thought of just how full youâll feel.
âmark, please,â you plead quietly, wanting nothing more than for him to fill you up completely.
he has a smirk on his face as he continues his slow movementsâjust a little revenge for your teasing earlier. âplease what?â
you thrust your hips up, gliding over his member in a way that almost has him eating his words. he holds your hips down with a firm grip. âwhat did i say? donât tease.â
you look up at him with pleading eyes, unable to take it any longer. âmark, please put it in. please, please, please.â
he almost presses a bit more, but heâs about to explode, self control on its very last thread at your begging. he lines up his dick to your entrance, letting the head catch before thrusting in ever so lightly. just the tip has you seeing stars, fisting at the sheets as you adjust to the stretch.
he inches in bit by bit, eyes addicted to the way your face contorts with every shallow thrust. the stretch burns a bit, but he rubs at your sore clit, letting the pain melt into pleasure. he has to still a bit when he finally bottoms out, gaze now locked on how heâs buried in you. he lets you adjust to him, circling his hips to get acquainted with your walls.
your moans resonate through the room, and he has to bite his lip as he huffs, trying to keep himself under control. but you donât want him to.
âplease start moving mark, i need you so bad,â you plead, hands reaching out to grab his shoulders. he moves down, hovering over you, sucking dark marks into your neck as your pleas ring like music to his ears. his hips start to pick up the pace through your pulsing, rolling into you as you lift your hips in time with his.
âiâve got you,â he grits through clenched teeth, setting a rhythm as your nails dig into his shoulders. he lifts himself up, letting your hands fall to your sides. he laces his fingers through yours, pressing you into the sheets, thrusts getting heavier and harsher.
âf-fuck,â he huffs. âiâm not gonna last long.â you donât think you are either, not with the way his hips pound into your clit, tip reaching deep into your core. youâre both drowning in the pleasure, your eyes squeezed shut as you tear up from the sensations.
âlook at me, __,â he calls, and you open your eyes slowly. heâs breathing hard, glistening sheen painting his body, hair mussed and pointing everywhere. you canât believe heâs finally all yours, feeling yourself ripple at the thought, chest tightening with pure joy.
mark can feel it, too, groaning as he observes you, warmth surrounding him as proof to him that youâre all his. too. âyou really are so beautiful,â he sighs, picking up the pace as he feels his high coming. âi love you.â
âi love you, i love you, i-i love you so much,â you babble, feeling the coil in you tighten and tighten, his movements hitting everywhere just right, his body over yours feeling just rightâeverything is perfect, heâs perfect.
youâre moaning his name and heâs moaning yours, both of your minds unable to hold thoughts of anything but each other.
with one last strangled moan, you come undone, and he pushes through to carry you through your orgasm, hissing at the way your walls spasm around him. he pulls out at the very last second, jerking himself furiously with his own pained groan as he paints your thighs with his cum.
his eyes hone in on the way his juices look all over you, moving up your body until heâs at your face, eyes softening as he snaps out of his post-orgasm haze.
his body descends onto yours slowly, limbs limp as the two of you catch your breaths. his forehead presses into yours as you calm down. the tenderness of it all almost brings you to tears, this time of joy instead of all those nights of sorrow. little do you know heâs also biting back his own. you just bring that side out of each other.
thereâs no words being spoken, just you and mark basking in each otherâs presence. youâre exhausted, and he is too, the hours now touching dawn. âone more thing,â he sighs out, toppling to your side and gathering you back into his arms. you hum in response, eyes closed as you scoot forward to rest your head on his chest.
âi was pretty much thinking of quitting being a plug before i saw you at your work.â
your eyes shoot open, darting up to meet his. âreally? why??â you ask in shock.
âi donât know, i was just having second thoughts about picking it up as a job.â his eyes move down to your lips, and he canât help but lean down and lay some sweet pecks on your lips. you push him away with a giggle, urging him to continue.
âthat day i met you again, i really short circuited. it probably seemed so stupid asking you if you smoke out of nowhere, but it really was the only thing my mind could come up with to try and connect with you,â he admits sheepishly. âbut iâm glad i did.â
youâre touched, grateful that he made the first move even if it was a bit awkward at first. âiâm glad too, but you couldâve just talked to me, you know.â
âwell, i tried, and youuu were the one to shut me down. though i understand why.â he lifts a hand to brush your cheek. you do feel just a bit bad about your treatment of him. but just a bit.
âiâll admit i was a little harsh.â his hand travels back down around you to tug you even closer.
âno, you were just being careful.â your eyes close, and you lift an arm around him to caress his back. he feels a bit tense. âi know youâre probably sick of the apologies, but i really do hope you can forgive me,â he continues, tucking you under his chin.
âmarkie, i forgave you a long time ago,â you assure. âbut you can make up for it from now on.â
heâs silent for a bit, but his body relaxes completely at your assurance and the affectionate nickname he had gone so long without. you can feel his chin shift; heâs smiling contently. âyouâre right.. i can offer free weed?â
âthatâs a given,â you reply sleepily, already starting to doze off. âlifetime supply of gelato, please.â
he laughs, yawning and closing his eyes as well. âanything for you.â
note: if you've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading! like i said in the preview, it's been really hard to write lately, especially after the wrong people found my page, but i still enjoy it and hope you will enjoy this as well. it's not as smut heavy and more focused on the angst, but trust one of these days i'll be back w those high horny thoughts :'0 had a different vision of my plug!mark at first, but ultimately just stayed true to my soft stoner agenda hehe
thank you to everyone who interacted w the preview and also huge huge shout out to my bae @wispyxjae for beta reading thank u ilysm :') <3
feedback and shares are always appreciated!
-coco (ËśË áľ ËËś)
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hi all,
please encourage sm and nct to put an end to this st*rbucks collaboration on platforms the members and sm monitor like lysn bubble and weverse. here is a link with pictures and a message template to use: link
taeyong posted on his ig story (now deleted) prompting fans to boycott, so spreading the word is working. if you have not already, please join in!
though the brand may not be on the bds list, shareholders have ties to isr*el:
edit: renjun also spoke up on his story (also now deleted), i urge you all to start/continue speaking up against the collaboration and atrocities happening!
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haechan x you genre smut content ballet au, graphic violence (a fight, a vendetta, lascivious behavior towards reader), girl hysteria core, alcohol consumption, corruption kink, masturbation, mirror sex, oral sex (both, in different situations), clit/nipple play, anal fingering, anal sex, use of condoms, womanizer!haechan with a soft spot for reader playing judas lady gaga somebody else the 1975 iris goo goo dolls strange kris bowers (cover ver.) black swan bts (orchestra ver) wc: 20.9k
description: docile bodies loaded with lethal venom and betrayals are commonplace in the prestigious academy, and you happen to be their new prey when you're given the starring role with the smooth seducer with the devil's carved grin that everyone desperately desires: haechan
there was a certain grace in the way your movements were synchronized. or so you thought. tender touches like feather-light against soft skin. breathing mixing in the air between. eyes staring at each other, existing, both, in the ether.
from the way his honey-colored eyes look at you, you might think he could choose you among the other beauties. but haechan is like that: he's made by a dark deity, someone who created his beauty to be lethal, as he possesses the devil's carved grin.
he doesn't belong to anyone. he's bound to leave trails of broken hearts and hysteria in his wake, yet you want him to be yours.
the furtive glances of the others present made you feel nervous, or so you want to believe when you feel your partner's warm, soft hands sit longer on your waist once the music ceases, and you tremble under his touch.
his chest pressed against your back, and you feel it rise and fall quickly and erratically as he catches his breath; a hint of a grin when he slips his fingers away and your breath comes out ragged, trying to suffocate it when you see the headmaster putting a hand to his head.
âquelle putain de merde. you better not look like this at the evening ceremony,â he says. âYOU HEARD ME!!?â the horrific scream made you decompose for a moment, to recover and manage to say in unison with the boy: âyes, sirâ.
(quelle putain de merde: what a damn crap.)*
when your ears stopped ringing, you managed to notice muffled laughter under collective breaths. and kai, the dance instructor seemed to hear them too; one look at them silenced them all. however, their looks⌠you scanned the room nervously. a dozen faces that seemed to drop blades. at you.
âjealousy,â an answer to your question; his breath hitting your ear making your heart skip a beat.
haechan looks down on you but you quickly look away, dizzy. eyes wanting to keep busy to avoid looking at that beauty mark near his mouth. wandering around the room, seeing it now clear as water. jealousy. in their graceful carved features.
the ballet academy was a place of contrasts. on the one hand, there were smiles and applause, praise and recognition, the beauty and grace of the dance. on the other hand, there were sharp teeth and hidden claws, ready to rip you to pieces. accidents, fractures, betrayals. everyone kills for a star, and now your back has a cross.
it was a new season for the equinox and the academy had to present the stellar of the swan lake. the atmosphere was charged with expectations and high hopes.
you were the new one, and everyone knows what happens to intruders. however, your thoughts were scattered in two maybes, was it because you were given the starring role just arriving at the academy, or was it because you were given the starring role with him?
because without a doubt, lee haechan is handsome. alluring. his body is athletic and long. gracious. his dance sophisticated. his face could have been carved by the angels themselves, and there could be no doubt that it was true. with a lethal smile and lips that resembled silk. pink, as if constantly bitten. perhaps for him, perhaps for lovers. and his attitude, he's alluring. a construction that reflects his appeal. he charmed with a sharp wit and relaxed mannerisms.
you're sure that casual encounters and no strings attached are strong pillars in the reason why everyone drools over him; they want to be the first to receive his first love. he's a paradox, a mystery, a wonder. and he knows it.
âyou better watch your back, angel,â he says with his eyes fixed behind you, before he leaves with a subtle bow. his absence makes everyone leave, and you can't help but think that most people go after him.
when the room is clear, kai's expression changes. all his fury comes at you in flames as you gather your things to go home, âi was told excellent things about youâ he speaks, finding something you ignore funny, âand all i see is mediocrity,â his eyes sweep over you with a mixture of disdain and derision.
his gaze is so dense and heavy, loaded with something foreign to you, that you must look away, but he's got other plans.
kai sighs, and his rough hand reaches for your face. your eyes reflexively close expecting to feel the burning of his palm against your cheek but he only ends up arranging a strand of your hair behind your ear, and the gesture couldn't seem more vile than his words. âi don't know what cock you sucked to get the role, but there won't be enough left for you to keep it if you don't fix this by the next rehearsal.â his eyes are stained with something else when he tries to show sweetness, âwill you do that for me, precious?â
something twitches and buzzes in your chest and it's not until you see him leave that you realize you've been holding your breath and all your muscles groan as you relax. trembling hands grabbing your things quickly to head to the shelter of your apartment, mind scheming to devise your improving methods.
you take off your ballet shoes with a grimace; you've barely had time to adjust them the way you like them, but that's not why you feel something pricking your foot.
you drown out a garbled sound when you see sparkles on the sole.
a noise takes your breath away, perplexed, something creeps down your spine as your eyes shoot up to the shadows.
you've checked the room. âwho's there?â
your eyes adjust to the silhouette that emerges from the shadows, maybe he didn't leave completely, maybe he's been staring at you in the shadows. and you feel no less terrorized, especially when he smiles lethally.
âd'you need help with that?â he asks when he sees you struggling with your shoes.
âit's okay, i forgot to...-â your words crowd on the tip of your tongue and yet you can't get them out. haechan kneels in front of you, and your finger catches one of the small shards of glass.
he takes your hands between his under your dazed expression, bringing it to his lips where he gently sucks on your finger, then leaves a kiss on the tip and another on the back of your hand. âshouldn't you be more careful?â he inquires then, taking your shoes from your grip, proceeding to smack them onto the floor.
his bemused gaze lands on you when you muffled a gasp, a smile dazzes on his mouth. âsorry, did i scare you?â
âno.â you breathe.
âd'you always look like a frightened lamb or is it just me?â he asks then, scanning your face. you try to keep your expression serene, even though you're about to have a crisis. âdid something happen?â
kai's words are still running through your head. âi'm fine,â you lie. âi'm just tired.â
he hums, paying attention to the shoe âtil he frowns. âyou shouldn't leave your shoes lying around, it's dangerous, angel.â
you bristle, is he referring to you maybe because he doesn't know your name? âmy name isâŚâ
âi know your name.â he cuts you off, and your thoughts scattered all over the place.
âi think maybe i'd left them, i didn't believe they were going to put something inside.â
âwhy wouldn't they? you stole kai's attention.â
âdid i?â you say, funny. it seemed quite the opposite.
yet haechan doesn't catch it. âhmm...â
you watch him smile slowly. âlet's get home.â he holds out your ballet shoes and you feel them in your touch; in a short time he's left them almost impeccable.
when you walk into the bathroom, any trace of him having affected you disappears when you see the murderous glances through the mirror. the silence is tense, and it's broken by kazuha when she laughs with namjoo behind your back once you turn on the faucet and splash the cold water to clear your mind.
haechan has managed to make you more nervous than kai. you feel dizzy, but it feels... pleasant.
you've never been one to attract attention, but looking at the big picture, you'll have to get used to having it very often; you want to continue to have his, especially.
your attention is kept on guard, and your instinct tenses your muscles. you come to the conclusion way later than you should once they encircle you that you shouldn't have turned your back on them.
you don't see where the first punch came from. your head stings and you squeal, hitting something strong, a wall, maybe. a white noise dams your hearing, too stunned to see the next assault of punches.
black haze adorns your vision as a blazing fire bends you in half, breathless when one of them hits hard in your stomach. you feel the world spinning, perhaps it is you when you fall and almost hit your chin on the cold tiled floor.
âwho do you think you are, huh? coming in and hoarding everything? new features, new face of the season. i've waited all my life to get the spotlight on swan lake, and you just show up looking stupid and they give you the part? with him?â
you can't believe they're mentioning him. the concept seems bizarre to you and panic leaves your mind blank, you are unable to coordinate to ask for help. you feel dizzy, and nauseous. you have no choice but to close your eyes and receive two kicks that you barely manage to cushion with your forearms on your stomach. âwell, look at you. i think i know why they gave it to you, you're such a martyr, beaten to death.â they don't go for the face; they're not that idiotic. instead, they point to places that are easy to cover with tights, back, stomach, head. they'd go after your legs and ankles if you weren't curled up to protect them.
injuries are a death sentence.
when your whole body screams, suddenly everything goes quiet. your body cools against the tiles, until you find warmth in it. your body hurts, everywhere, and you're not so far away from a deadly kiss because your breathing has become shallow and slow.
you crack on the floor, picturing your mother laughing at this moment, your determination to fit in the concrete jungle. you've never been good at fitting in, you are easily blinded, manipulated and influenced.
you crawl as best you can, even if every step is an ordeal. the taste of iron in your mouth as you press your lips together in a last-ditch effort to stand up. no one has seen you, no one has heard you. you manage to walk slowly but surely, even though your belly aches and it burns, though tears threaten your eyes as you pass them in the hallway, feigning innocence as they surround haechan.
he smiles at you as if reading your agony, he rejoices like a spectator watching the sad dying gazelle before it is devoured. you still feel his gaze fixed on you as you make your way to the door and into the blackness of the night, crumbling once you reach the dark.
âhey, mom. just checking in. uh⌠it's been good, everyone is so nice, and i've been cast as the swan queen for this new season, andâŚâ you can't continue. every step you take feels like daggers sticking in your stomach. walking feels like the worst torture, but the bus stop isn't that far away and...
âneed a ride?â
your ears keep buzzing and ringing, the soft rumble of his bike passing unnoticed by you, and you realize that he has been driving slowly for a while when you haven't stopped right away. you think you might have a concussion.
your head doesn't spin a single coherent thought as you watch his eyebrows arch and his dazzling eyes under a black helmet. you move as slowly as your thoughts flow. you've become so light-headed, that maybe, maybe he's smiling at your puzzling. âis it s-safe?â you manage to pronounce, after a while where your eyes wander over the black body.
your eyes shoot out at him when he removes the helmet, and consequently you stifle a sigh. he combs his brown hair, as he rests the object on his knee, a mischievous grin streaks across his angular face.
he hums, âare you scared?â
the bus stop is a couple of blocks away, and it would be quite a process to get home without passing out in pain on the way. but you know that's not the reason you're lowkey giving in; you know the way he looks at you has something to do with it.
âfirst time?â he wonders.
âis it so obvious?â a hint of pain keeps you from laughing any longer. when you smile, your face hurts like hell, and you realize that it's hard for you to make any expression without feeling like it's breaking in two. your lip pricks, perhaps because it has managed to catch one of their kicks. but you can't help biting it as a habit and then regretting it right after.
haechan does not miss any detail of you. âi've never been on one. but... i'd like to.â
he grins like the devil. âget on.â his hand extends the black helmet towards you, your feet moving closer to him by inertia. it's pretty, black, and shiny. a white stripe that runs across the entire circumference and ends in two wings on the back.
âi like your helmet.â haechan gets closer to you and smiles at seeing you so affected when he helps you put it on. âsafe and sound.â
you are surprised at how easy it is for him to read you. the thing is, you don't know if it's because you are very expressive or if he has been looking at you lately to know your mannerisms. âonly one helmet, you're the lucky one tonight.â
he must know that his smile has an effect on people, he must know that it has an effect on you. and it is overwhelming.
his hands assisting you when you climb on the back, mind starting to work again when it grips you not finding a way to hold onto once he starts to drive. haechan is totally oblivious to you slicing your brain in an obvious struggle as he waits for you, but you don't have a clue, and it's pathetic, âwhere should i... where do i hold on?â
you see his profile paying attention to you, humming fleetingly, âon to me,â he simply answers, voice sounding mocking but soft. your cheeks burn from feeling so stupid, until you find yourself in another dilemma again.
even you know how pathetic it would look to hold on to his shoulders, does he really expect you to hold on to his waist? would you dare? your hands glide cautiously, cold fingers meeting in the front of his stomach over his jacket, yet you still feel his warmth poking through you.
he laughs. âi won't be able to move if you hold on like that,â he says.
âoh, sorry...â
âhere.â his hands are holding yours for the umpteenth time that night, and you're not sure you want him to let go.
as he guides your hands under his jacket, the movement causes you to press yourself against his back, and you almost squeal in pain if it weren't for your brain collapsing when you feel him making you interlace your fingers, brushing his thumb on the reverse of your palm. âready?â
you watch him start the bike, and your whole body tenses up and you gasp against his jacket. before you go out like a shooting star breaking through the night, you're sure you feel his body light up because of it.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
your body feels charged with lead when you arrive at your residential complex. the cold has frozen your bones and the sedative effect on your aching muscles almost feels pleasurable. just remembering you just minutes ago on the cold tile floor makes you tremble under haechan's gaze.
he strips your breath away. lights bathe his sun-kissed skin and his hair turns dark as night falls, uncovering his eyes like pits of black matter. your eyes follow the motion of his fingers combing his messy disheveled locs, eyelashes fluttering so delicately, ignorant of your captivated eyes staring at every portion of his tanned, chiseled face. his puffed, pink lips. the golden halo he casts.
âdelighted?â he chimes.
he catches you staring at him. a lazy smile blooms on his lips as his eyes soften. âthe ride?â he adds, gazing at your lips part open because for a moment you thought he was referring to you encapsulated in a reverie looking at his profile.
âyes.â you reply to both. you hear yourself nodding, â... thanks for the ride,â you hop off the bike, agitated. the charge of energy that the lights and the breeze have given you, buzzing through your bloodstream. âit was fun.â
âglad you liked it.â he takes the helmet you offer him, scanning every move you make with curious, narrowed eyes. your eyes escape his to fix your wild hair and hide more your face. he, of course, sees that too. âhave a good night...â
âyou're not gonna invite me in?â he utters, turning off the bike and getting off it without waiting for a response.
âin-inside?â
âunless you want to stay here, but it's getting cold, isn't it?â he questions with an arched eyebrow, passing by and going towards the entrance. it takes you a couple of seconds to get your sleeping muscles going after him.
haechan crosses his arms and a thin line adorns his smile as you work on the deadbolt in your apartment. the first thing he does upon entering is leave his helmet on the kitchen aisle and take a look around.
the dim lights of the city outside the window reveal only a red couch in front of an old tv, a coffee table overflowing with chinese food containers, papers and magazines, and clothes thrown away and forgotten everywhere.
âsorry for the mess,â you speak, grabbing hurriedly the tiny piece of clothing he's taken from one of the kitchen chairs to study. a grin wells up on his mouth when he sees you in dismay, âmy roommate, she's... out of control.â
âd'you have a roommate?â he inquires, following you to the bathroom. he stops at the door frame to watch you throw the underwear to the laundry basket. his gaze is lost in some part of your figure for a long time that you're afraid a bruise is showing. âyes, she's... out tonight.â your eyes register when he weighs your answer, eyes shining.
âis she a dancer?â
you try to gather words that can be used as adjectives for her, but you only come up with two: paranoid and psychotic.
âshe's sort of... a free spirit. i don't know what she does, really. it's a mystery.â she is the mystery. fatal. dangerous. but in some way, she's alluring. âshall i offer you something to drink?â
âwine,â he replies.
your eyes sparkle in amusement, âwon't it be dangerous once you drive on your way home?â
he hums, âi was hoping not.â
his smile is enlarged by something you don't know.
you leave him in the living room to make a glass of water. the fridge is almost empty except for leftovers from the night before and a couple of beers. you haven't made groceries in a while, totally consumed by the academy and the piece that you and haechan have to present in a few nights.
you're startled when you see his figure silhouetted by the lights outside lurking in the darkness. âyou scared me.â
your heart is pounding wildly in your ribcage when you watch his slim body and relaxed mannerisms approach you and take the glass tightly grabbed in your hands, âmy bad, angel.â
you follow him when he gets back into the living room. his long, graceful legs under a pair of dark jeans spill out onto your couch, almost hitting the coffee table so hard for you to reach when you sit down.
his body takes up all the space, letting you grab the single couch next to him. âtell me a secret,â he says, catching you off guard.
âa secretâŚ?â you puzzle. âwhat kind ofâŚâ
âa dark one,â he replies, âand i'll tell you one.â
what does he want to hear? you don't think you have many dark secrets besides your dubious desires. should you tell him where they've done to you or your intrusive pulse wanting to kiss his mouth.
âyou're handsome.â
he chuckles.
âi asked for a secret, not a confession.â
your cheeks light up. âit's the same to me.â
he stays quiet, and you're afraid you've bored him. âyou're one of a kind...â
âi'm not from around here,â you quietly say.
âi know that.â
silence settles. haechan thinks. and you talk. âmaybe that's why i'm not what kai wants me to be.â
âhe's an asshole,â haechan chimes.
your fingers squeeze so tightly that it hurts. âi'm just... worried about the piece. what if... what if i mess it up?â the unexpected movement that he makes to get closer to you takes you by surprise. you see him rejoice, getting up from the sofa. âdon't let him get into your head, angel.â you take that as a sign he's leaving, standing up from the couch with him as a reflex act.
you puzzle, âwhy do you call me that?â
he's towering over you, the fragrance of his cologne coming to you with the cold air slipping through the open window, âyou're virtuous and moral. nothing like the rest.â he places the empty glass on the table and his eyes return to you. a deep gaze full of palpable and unknown emotions at the same time. âand you're pretty as one.â
you leave him roam the entire space as if he wants to memorize it before sighing heavily while something twists inside you with the flashing thought that you have bored him.
âi am not virtuous.â you follow him to the door before he stops at the kitchen counter. features showing what he's thinking. does it bother him that you are? does he wants you to be like the girls he surely likes?
âthe reason kai is like this with you is because he wants you to give him a blowjob,â he says so suddenly and unfiltered that you choke on your own saliva. âi bet you wouldn't have thought that with all the signs.â
he sees you mortified, a blaze of heat rising up your neck, âhe doesn't... h-he...â
âhe wouldn't? yeah, right.â he scoffs. âthe thing here is if you want to.â
something in your chest tightens. ân-no. no.â you see him downplay it. âwhy would you tell me this?â
âthat's my secret. since you're worried about the piece and kai. i thought i'd fix both.â he shrugs. his thumb grabs your chin in a playful goodbye gesture. âand because we're partners, take it as a favor,â he says the last as he approaches you, chest almost brushing your forehead to take the helmet resting on the isle.
he's left you so groggy your mind flickers when he's advancing towards the elevator. âfavor? will i have to return it back to you?â
ânot right now, but yes.â he smiles boyishly, before magically disappearing.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
the dawn breaks in the silhouettes of the city when you stop. heart pumping behind your ears, disbursed.
it's been a couple of weeks where kai has been pushing you over the precipice. juggling between the murderous stares and haechan's company.
you are short of breath, and all your muscles scream for rest, but you force yourself to inhale and exhale a couple of times and continue, until your stay in the empty dance hall with the first rays of sunshine that you have ignored while practicing the piece over and over.
kai's words were enough to keep you awake at night. you can't find rest. despite the ache in your body, a rush of determination urged you to join the pulse of the city that never sleeps. buzzing with the obsessive compulsion to show what you're made of: the same matter as the stars.
your heavy breath and vision blur your senses, and you manage to miss haechan's presence, looking at you through the mirror. his features tinged with both bewilderment and wonder; something else burns in his pupils, prompting you to look away before you combust.
he doesn't say anything for a few long minutes where he watches you bring your body to the brink of collapse. it's been a terrible couple of weeks; you've been avoiding the bathroom at all costs, but their determination is harder to dodge as spring approaches, and right away they're waiting for you everywhere.
you check your shoes more than necessary, you pay attention to your surroundings very often. you're alert at all times and it's driving you crazy.
you stumble a step when don't stop haechan behind you, and almost fall to the ground. you quickly shy away from his touch when he intervenes and keep you from falling on your ankle, trying to pull yourself together.
âthanks... what- what are you doing here?â you're used to his hands running over your body when you're immersed in dancing, and for him to take you like this suddenly feels strangely alluring to you. it clutters your senses.
you're sure he wasn't supposed to show up until a little later, but now he's here, and staring at you with amusement. âi'd ask the same thing.â
if he's fallen into your pathetic question like a smokescreen to distract him so that he forgets that you've practically run away from his grip, it seems convincing.
âi knew i'd find you here, if you weren't home.â
âdid you come to my house?â
âit's just passing by.â
you comb your hair, catching your breath with the knowledge that he can see you're flustered. your hands massage your tense shoulders. your whole body is in the same state.
haechan walks over and places his warm hand on yours. âsore?â
âa little.â he grins fleetingly.
âallow me.â
he helps you stretch. his graceful, bony fingers exert the pressure needed to make you close your eyes in relief, and when you open them, you discover him looking at you an arched eyebrow and smug grin; he's come so close that his breath gently bathes your forehead when you look down. and it feels too much, not because he touches you suggestively, but because you're afraid he might feel your heart about to jump out of your ribcage when he massages your shoulders until they hurt less. âwhat were you doing?â he asks softly, gaze searching for yours.
âi was perfecting a few stepsâŚâ
âshow me.â
your eyes meet his, and he's curling his lips on one side, âi'll let you know,â he proposes, giving you space.
you hesitate. doubts furrowing through your thoughts that you push aside once he dances his eyebrows in a playful gesture. a pleased curve lifting the corners of his mouth as he mimics you when you nod.
you redo the piece and haechan concentrates, eyes scrutinizing you. in the middle of the piece he joins you and you fear you won't be able to continue when he holds you by the thigh; suddenly, being alone with him feels so much worse than when there are people, because then you think about every friction and touch, until you can't take it anymore.
by the end of the first cut you're airtight and a little agitated, looking for approval on his enthralled face. âso?â
he hums, âlooks beautiful,â he declares with a smile.
âthe steps?...i highly doubt itââ
âyou.â he cuts you off. even though he smiles afterward, you want to believe that his constant flirting goes beyond just teasing when you blush.
you begin to believe that the dense weight on your chest is due to the energy transmitted by his gaze.
haechan touching his lips with his fingers, and his lack of response leaves you unsure. âshould i be more... sensual?â you don't think you can go further; you've been dancing since midnight.
âsensual?â he articulates, thoughtful.
âkai always says...â you stop when his eyes stop looking at a part of your body and move into your eyes.
âd'you want to be sensual for kai?â
you get stiff, âi-i do not.â you huff, and he sneers. âi'm not keeping up with the black swan. be honest with me.â you ask when he makes a gesture to speak.
âyou look dainty.â
âit's not the same as sensual...-â
âit's not that you're not sensual, you should be more chaotic.â
you frown. âthe black swan should drive the prince crazy with love, so she can poison his judgment,â he pronounces as he walks towards you. his expression remains serene, almost derivative, and irresistible to look away. âyou need to seduce me.â
he stops and fix one of your straps. you follow the sensation of his touch, cupping your right cheek as his thumb stroke you gently. your eyes flutter open and your heart beats fast. haechan gaze at you, and it feels so overwhelming and magnetic that you can't stop looking at his brown orbs, trapped in a spell.
he smiles, âsee? am i seducing you now?â he says softly. âseduce me, angel.â
âi can't... i can't do that.â your mind feels fuzzy when his eyes sweep your lips.
âwhy?â
âhave you ever touched yourself?â he prompts, wild eyes widening when you skip a beat. âno?â his fingers grab your chin and force you to look at him, with no escape from his gaze spilling on you as his figure towers yours.
âi wouldn't know how.â
âi just âi've never felt the need...â
âyou're really a little angel, huh?â
your face lights up, your eyes flicker from the intensity of his eyes, but you can't stop looking at him, it's impossible for your gaze not to burn when you're looking directly at the sun.
your breath freezes when you feel him playing with the strap of your shirt. a whiplash tingles your skin and awakens your senses when he lets go of the fabric. haechan bites his lip as he sees yours half-open in surprise and shame. âtry it tonight.â the spell you're trapped in, lost in his soft touches, and alluring scent is broken when the room begins to fill up.
you bite your lip before you pronounce, âh-how?â your neck looks like it's about to burn and your chest flaps to explode when you see him smile mischievously.
you're so certain, in that moment, that you'd do anything he'd ask if only to be rewarded with that gentle smile lighting up his eyes akin to stars hidden in the dark expanse of the ether.
âyou'll know how.â eyes taking on a jovial emotion. âjust think of me while you're at it.â
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
haechan's pov.
haechan is fucked. he knows it. it is in his nature to want and satisfy the hunger that moved him. unimaginable things in the name of desire. in his wake, sighs, and broken hearts follow him.
he's nothing but obsessive.
the thing is, haechan couldn't find a way to stop hanging around you. an invisible energy attracted him like magnetism, and he always ended up within a few centimeters of your body. he couldn't put into words when he wanted to sink his teeth into you, mark you while he makes you his own. he knew it could be felt buzzing through his pores. and you were so naĂŻve to notice that every time you touched, the bulge in his pants hurt, restrained.
of course he would leave his hands on your back longer, making you grind against him. he was a complete sadistic pervert, getting excited every time you trembled. shit, he lusts after you. it's almost impossible for him to think clearly, driven by desire pulling him towards you.
walking at night as if it's the one who should be afraid of you. looking so fragile, why do you always look like someone beat you to death? so ethereally and mortally pretty. shying away every time he makes a move.
you're his perfect victim.
he takes you to your apartment with one thing in mind: to see that pretty face twist with pleasure when he penetrates you hard. but everything takes a drastic change when your eyes sparkle in amusement, before he hears your soft voice âwon't it be dangerous on your way home?â
he gribs. he wants to eat that smile. and he craves, equally, for you to eat his, to see your lips in other places of his body. he buzzes, âi was hoping not.â
gosh, you're a bane for sure.
it is pleasurable and at the same time painful to see you so ignorant and oblivious to him. he wants to roll his eyes and sigh in exasperation as you dodge every single signal his eyes send. should he be explicit? would you like that?
he leaves your place with an erection hurting from being released. his irritation almost fades when he hears you sigh under your breath when he picks up his helmet and you find yourself on his way, your vanilla scent cluttering his senses.
he almost feels sorry for the men who have run into you, seeing the panorama that awaits them. surely you dissemble and act it out most of the time. haechan can't believe you're so naĂŻve and pathetic. kai's intentions can be seen from the tallest skyscraper in the city and is obviously everyone's knowledge; girls don't shine if he doesn't give them the spotlight.
âsince you're worried about the piece and kai. i thought i'd fix both.â he shrugs, wanting to affect you. his thumb grabs your chin in a condescending way. âand because we're partners, take it as a favor.â
favors? he can think of several, yes. with you helping him with some of his distress.
âwill i have to return it back to you?â
ânot right now, but yes.â
he fucks someone that night until he aches. a girl who bumped into him in a bar, academia, or on the way to the elevator. sex comes easy for him. and they usually come for more, but haechan gets bored quickly. he's bond to lust life, but he dispatches everyone right away when they become attached.
he scoffs, you wouldn't last long in his head if you could without going insane. the reason he gives you so much thought is because he needs to find a way to get you to agree to him taking you to bed, it shouldn't be that hard when you're already drooling over him. in his mind, everything is twisted and wicked. you don't know what he's hiding every time he smiles at you; he has imagined you many times naked and spread for him in his bed. he's not fond of exhibitionism but he'd fuck you in front of people if you're into that.
his eyes have been memorizing your figure when you don't realize it. the curve of your breasts, your butt, your waist and legs, the shape of your lips. fuck. he can't believe he's thinking about your pretty face contorted with pleasure as he penetrates you hard.
he cums just from thinking of you saying his name. the girl begins to dress up and haechan omits to look at her as he obnoxiously leaves the room and walks down the empty hallway of the academy. stopping when he hears music from the empty classroom.
of course you ignore his presence. it's your quality to be everywhere but where you should. immersed in the dance until you stop for a drink of water and finally see him. your doe eyes opening, dumbfounded.
he can't hide the lascivious desire poured into his gaze, as he prompts you, âshow me.â
he finds the setting quite alluring, and fury crackles down his neck as he imagines other men having the same thoughts he has when he sees you dancing like you're made of cotton. touching his lips when they feel sensitive due to the desire he has to rest them on your thighs.
of course he's going to say off-line comments if you keep falling for each one of them. you look pretty like a frightened deer when you get flustered. he likes to know it's because of him.
âkai always says...â that damn name. he feels a murderous calm covering his body. he doesn't want to, he refuses to let that scum even breathe near you.
you're his. no one else's. not even the men you've had before him; he plans to have you all to himself.
âseduce me, angel.â
âi wouldn't know how.â
look at you. not knowing how to seduce him. he wants to know if this façade works with everybody, or is it just with him. or perhaps, you do not know that you do it without realizing it. he's seen you and caught you looking at his muscles, and his lips and he's lost count, just as he has done with his.
all this would be annoying to him if he didn't like the idea of teaching you.
he wants the white swan to be corrupted.
and he'd like to do it himself. he dreams of you crying for him as he fucks you senseless. he can see your face in his mind becoming more and more tense and repressive as he whispers in your ear everything he plans to do to you, the positions he wants to put you in right now when you look at him so innocently. but he's afraid you'll run away in terror, so he's happy to imagine you, for now.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
were you really going to do it?
the night sounds die out under the murmur of the city and the pumping of your heart.
your fingers go down, under your underwear, and the mere gesture makes your breathing shallow. you barely register the murmur of your roommate's music in the next room, muffling your sighs as your digits find the valley of your intimacy.
the slight touch causes you to fists the sheet. feeling how wet you are, just from his words, still hovering over your head like in a spell. your fingers rubbed your clit, small gasps falling from your mouth, ecstatic. circling the bulge to the beat of your heart. eyes shut tight. an electric wave washing you over, and you moan.
your hand cover your mouth as you let yourself be carried away by the wave of pleasure that shakes you. the sweet motion making you bite your lips and muffle your grunts on your palm.
the fleeting image of haechan going down on you makes you catalytic and erratic. something stirs in your belly and you speed up the movement, a pit opens up in your stomach and sucks you deliciously. you want it to be his fingers. soft and thick, entering your femininity, holding you tight, spreading you for him.
desire is almost extinguished and it is little for the craving that plagues you, inserting two fingers that makes your eyes roll as you feel your intimacy burn. gasping for his name, while you squirm.
your hand slides out of your mouth as you pump your fingers in and out, stretching your gummy walls and imagining it's him who fucks you this good, after you made room for his cock in your glistening pussy, making squelching sounds every time you slide your digits back and forth. stargazing. buzzing.
incessant sighs and moans slips from your lips, totally lost in the pleasure of bothering to be silent. the murmur in the next room stops and you don't care, you've lost your mind. filling the quiet room with your desperate whines. you fantasize about your hand being replaced by haechan's, his fingers going in and out of your pussy, touching the exact point to touch the sky with your fingers. his mouth going down, biting, licking.
you can imagine him with his dark hair as night and his eyes like two stars that don't leave your eyes as he makes a path of kisses from your ribs to the valley of your pussy. you can fleetingly feel his kisses on your thighs and his fingers burying in them to spread you open and have a look at your digits thrusting you nice before he replaces them with his shaft.
each thrust his name spilling from your mouth, each flick of his tongue a moan filling the air. your legs spread open, imagined his fingers touching your sweet spot, over and over again. the devastating climax breaking free, your moves becoming more erratic, dancing with your walls clenching around them. a sweet burning remaining in your entrance.
a sedative effect covers your limbs while you see the ceiling of your room disappear and reveal the night sky, starless because they're all in his gaze. regaining your breath as you keep stocking your entrance, squirming from sensitivity. and eager for more.
eager for him.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
kai pinches one of your cheeks a little harder and delights in the uncomfortable grimace that creases your face before you pull yourself together almost instantly. âwell, look at that. tu scintilles comme une ĂŠtoile.â his eyes scan you from head to toe just as haechan breath hits your shoulder, moving closer. âenlighten us once more, golden couple.â
(you sparkle like a star)
keeping up is harder when your body buzzes every time you do it. loaded with energy that overflows through your pores. pure and raw desire. you're embarrassed by how much you long for him to touch you longer when the music stops abruptly.
âthanks for joining us, darling.â kai's voice comes from all sides until you recover from the overwhelming dizziness, watching the girl walk in unapologetically.
âsorry. i slept in.â
you're aware when kai tries to keep the annoyance at bay. he usually doesn't exploit his dark side in first presentations. âyou're dismissed for today! see you at the evening. wongyoung, warm up. the rest, take up from above.â the young man gives instructions left and right, that it's hard for you to follow the thread if it weren't for haechan pushing you towards the exit.
you follow him, his broad, sculpted back swaying to the sound of his footsteps. he's enigmatic, everything he does is appealing to you, magnetic. you find yourself almost enraptured by so little, it's very pathetic and at the same time difficult not to be.
âyou're cute,â he declares all of a sudden.
his view detaches from the group of ballerinas dancing in a hall.
âwhy?â you can't find the reason behind it, you can't really fully understand the image he has of you in his head. âi know i'm not very talkative... and i'm a little self-conscious...â
âand you stutter when you talk.... especially when you get nervous... which happens very often.â
âi-i,â you shut up and his eyes glint like elusive fireflies. âhave you never been nervous?â you ask, rhetoric.
he denies, ânot many things make me nervous, no,â he confesses, âperhaps very, very pretty girls.â he admires when you blush. âalthough that's not the reason,â he says, watching the night lights outside the academy. âyou haven't looked me in the eye all night. maybe it's because you think you'd reveal something in them if you do. something you've done and think you shouldn't have. do you feel guilty, little angel?â
his statement only leaves you dizzy and speechless. the air becomes dense and difficult to suck in. your mouth opens in a last-ditch attempt to fill your lungs, dumbfounded. âis it because you did what i asked you to do?â
faced with the little oxygen that rises to your brain, you nod without thinking. haechan smiles openly, a chaotic emotion in his grin. âand you haven't looked at me because you're consumed by the shame of thinking about me while you were doing it.â he states, more affirmation than a question. something you don't bother to deny because you're so busy, on the verge of a breakdown.
he likes to know that you've touched yourself thinking about him and you wonder how far his perverse pulse can go.
âdid you like it?â if you happen to panic, haechan ignores it with honor, approaching you to arrange a strand of hair. âthinking of me, touching you? would you like that, angel? d'you want me to?â
your eyes close when the emotions are too strong for you. his touch fades away and is almost painful.
you hear him sneer like he's holding back himself. âyou've never been touched like this, have you?â his glowing eyes demand a response that strangles in your throat. ânot even by yourself.â his voice comes out hesitantly as if it had barely occurred to him just now. âyou sigh every time i brush against you in the dance piece. is it rude for me to think you're a virgin?â he coaxes, breathing artificially.
he grabs you by the chin and forces you to look at him. âhaechan... please...â it's painful to look at him, shame crowds in your stomach, to be seen that way. undesirable.
âso you've never been on a date?â he inquires. âhave you had a boyfriend, angel?â he grabs you by the chin as a devil grin spreads across his angelic face. you see him bite his lip, thoughtful. âwould it be disrespectful to tell you my favor, then? can it scare you?â
your desire to know is greater than your desire to run away from him and his gaze full of wild amusement. you close your eyes when his burns.
your insides melt and tingle. thousands of butterflies hatching and flapping their wild wings in your guts. you think the dance has gone magnificently because of that. and now you need to know. what he thinks of you when he sees you. what he thinks of you when you're not around. when he's alone in his room. when he's lost in your head. you want to know if you don't leave his thoughts like he doesn't leave yours. âuse your pretty voice.â
your eyes open to see him curl his lips, dazzling eyes lost in his thoughts.
âtell me...â
haechan's entertained. you see him having fun when he says, âhere, in front of the whole world? i'd rather show you.â he comes closer, and his scent is intoxicating, he smells aromatic, soft and warm leather trail when he moves to your ear. âd'you want me to show you, angel? how much i want to run my tongue all over your body now? make you tremble, and sigh? bite your thighs, and your belly? taste you?â
your eyes flutter from the overdose of images that fill your mind. it (he) makes you dizzy to the point that you have to hold on to his shoulders. âmake you scream my name before i make it choke in your mouth?â it overwhelms you when you feel him smelling you.
something soft and silky runs down your stomach and you feel your legs numb, squeezed together. âhaechan...â
he lets out a long chuckle, âyeah, just like that.â his voice comes out hoarse and laborious.
your body tingles to feel his touch where you need it. your senses are in an uproar and over the place and there isn't an ounce of judgment right now that forces you to think clearly because haechan has lit a flame within you that threatens to consume you whole if you don't extinguish it.
âdo you⌠want me?â
âof course i do, angel. i want you so bad.â
haechan waits for you to respond, drunk from the sensations on the surface. surprised by how much you long for him too. âi want you too.â
you can almost feel the ghost of his smile brushing against the base of your neck. it takes your breath away, to look at him so closely. moles and beauty marks dotting his face that you now take the courage to admire, and you helplessly think, you've been a fool to wait so long.
he has long lashes as well as long hair. and soft bags under his eyes that fluff up when his face lights up, all the time. his gaze is the same as the coffee charged in the mornings. sober, energizing and bitter, but... but if he wishes, it can be hot chocolate, warm, sweet, soft; you want him to be soft. his whole face looks like a work of art, meticulously carved like one of those works in marble, like an angel. with full cheeks and lips in an eternal pout, and good-boy features; your neck burns knowing he's not.
âi'dâŚâ oh, no. the words come out before you can stop your stupid mouth from revealing your thoughts.
his eyebrows shoot upwards, attentively. âall ears.â
âi'd like you to kiss me.â
you can breathe properly when his playful gaze leaves yours, but you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world again when it lingers on your lips, and then he wets his own. âgranted.â
his mouth feels warm and soothing. skilled motion adjusting to yours like pieces of a puzzle. haechan takes his time. you see him trying to hold back, hands cupping your face as if he knows you'll run away if he doesn't. until his lips venture to move pursing onto you, caressing you in a kiss.
he eases his lips brushing yours, it feels like torture. moving his mouth skillfully, leaving you dazed and static, falling into an abyss. your emotions get tangled. the sensations explode and bristle your skin as you feel him moving his mouth over yours. his addictive breath hits, his kisses become deeper, more voracious.
your mouths meet infinitely, moving in sync. it's slow, it's avid. lips fitting and adjusting each time he twirls his tongue against yours, clashing breath mingling in the space you take between kisses.
haechan strokes your back and you arch to him. you feel like dissolving as he cradles you into his intoxicating embrace and the taste of wine on his lips, musk scent lingering around you, fuzzing your mind while his mouth chaotically kisses you, luring you to the nearest wall to corner you and make out with more desire.
his body hums when you sigh against his mouth, startled by the soft collision of his lips, keeping you in a trance. hands roaming your waist and arms, fingers touching his tight muscles under his soft skin. hair soft and messy, cheeks puffy in contrast with his angular jaw, lined by your index fingers.
you flinch when he grabs your wrists, uneven and sharp breathing bathing your face. âpleased?â
it takes a while for the fog to lift from your eyes before you see him flash a smirk on his face. âyes...â sharp smile growing on his pursed lips, swollen and red from the passionate encounter with yours. âdid you... did you like it?â
he nods, âvery. should i kiss you until leave you breathless?â your mouth tingles to feel his again, but haechan keeps you in your place. âi won't be able to stop if you kiss me again.â
you feel your face burn under his piercing gaze, you want him so close. âi don't want you to.â you can't take your eyes off his, not when he seems to set emotions on fire to keep yours warm.
you watch him weigh what you've said as he lets go of your wrists and his touch goes to his lips. âd'you want me to be your first?â
your neck burns when you nod. âsay it then.â
a sharp tingle settles in your chest, and your breath comes out uneven, just by thinking of saying it out loud. you don't think you're capable of doing it, you've never been expressive and being asked to do so is a lot to digest. but you want it. You want him so much it aches and your mouth opens... âi-â you say in an exhalation as he draws you to himself and press his lips against yours.
he kisses you with delicate caresses and deeply, clearing the pressure in your body.
haechan looks at you and reassures you. âhae...â
âshh... no need, angel. let's go home.â
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
the rest of the night slips out of your mind. flashing lights pass by at high speed, like an asteroid traveling through outer space. with your wild hair waving in the wind, cold breeze that would freeze you if it weren't for the fact that you take refuge in the warm space of his back as he rides through the city.
your mind feels scattered and dizzy, in a reverie.
with him coming up with a calm step behind you, boyish eyes wandering you. spontaneous, loose movements, leaning back on the door frame while your fingers tremble as you try to find the right key. haechan's long digits take them from your hands to take care of the lock. he sighs as doing so, ethereally.
haechan enters the space cautiously. he's been stuck in his mind ever since you uttered those hurried words, which slowly settled in your stomach and became real. you want him to do it. you want it to be him.
your apartment looks totally different from the previous time. you've been cleaning a lot. he knows where the couch is. his eyes rest on the furniture before looking over his shoulder at you. something flashes fleetingly on his face. a smile.
âmy room... is this way.â
he makes a gesture, prompting you to walk as he follows. you hear his footsteps grinding on the wood of your old apartment until it ceases; he stops in front of a closed door. âis your roommate at home?â he wants to know.
âshe won't bother us...â
a sly smile spreads across his lips as his eyebrows arch playfully. âbother us? doing what?â
â... you like to see me dismayed, d-don't you?â
âi like to see you, yes.â
you can't help but blush, you've taken a liking to the way he teases you.
a brief smile crosses his face, lighting up his gaze. âyour room is pink.â his tone of voice layered with complex emotions and mockery. âyour roommate's black, i imagine?â he opens his doe eyes when you urge him to lower his voice. âare you afraid that she'll hear to us? angel, how do you expect us to be able to...?â he rejoices when you cover his mouth. the unexpected movement causes his hands to rest on your back.
you let him go, biting your lip. you try to do breathing exercises to stop your neck from burning so much. haechan paces through your small room until he stops at something that catches his eye. the big, long mirror leaning against the wall.
âi use it to practice... my movements.â he tenses. it doesn't even fit in your room, you've had to make a bit of space and...
âit's in front of your bed,â he comments quietly. a sigh leaves his lips, âseriously, don't you know what you're doing to me?â he questions when he sees your confusion. his hand goes to his favorite part when he wants you to lose yourself in his gaze, but his ends up going to your lips. tongue wetting his mouth before bringing it to yours. âyou don't know, hm...?â
he kisses you, intensely. wet mouth on yours, half-open and moving slowly. âi won't be able to restrain myself if you want me to be gentle,â he whispers against your lips parted. âbut i could, if you ask me.â
he holds one of your wrists as he kisses you with agility, deep motions as he moves his mouth with ease over your lips opening for him, feeling your inner thighs burn when he brings it down his sternum and groin. âsee what you do?â you gasp and he takes advantage to kiss you ardently.
his puffy lips leave chaste and moist kisses. mouths colliding and meeting in the middle. âtouch me, angel.â you tremble. hoarse voice and in a whisper.
haechan let you go and you acknowledge that he doesn't want you to touch him just there; he just wants to feel your hands on him.
your body feels heavy. normally, you can't move your limbs when you're caught in this way. but you haven't noticed it, most of the time you haven't noticed how he melts when you run your hands through his hair. so you do, only to witness it one more time.
haechan breaks to kiss you harder. devastating and killer. with intense passion that clouds your judgment. your hands go to his shoulders as you feel your body move beneath his, blindly guiding you until your knees hit the bed. haechan pulls away and his lips look swollen, his eyes spill a wild feeling when he looks at you and you respond by sitting on the soft surface, between his legs.
you see him kneel in front of you, caress his face, and his eyes close in delight. your whole body feels raw, sensitive, and eager for him to touch it. feeling static as his fingers wander up and down your legs, hands grabbing the soft flesh of your thighs while his eyes drink your reaction.
you feel powerful when he looks at you, a gaze full of crackling fire that spills out when he opens his mouth on your legs. your hands grab his hair, and he moans. repeating the sweet sound in your head before his hands go up to your waist, suddenly hovering over you. âdo you think we'll need wine tonight?â you asks shyly.
his eyes burn when they demand that you put your senses back to work. it's quite a process when you have to pick them up from all the places in your room after he's messed them up.
âi want you sober.â he towers over you on the bed. you have no choice but to rest on your elbows as his shiny chain gently pats your nose. âso you can feel everything tonight.â
he smiles when you gulp, âlay down.â his hands slide up to grip your waist and your eyes close, in anguish, doing what he says.
haechan is charged, his body seems to buzz when you feel him against you.
you're gasping for air when his mouth collides with yours again, pushing your body down, pressing his mouth harder. you feel gravity pushing his presence upon you, your legs open on either side of his waist, and your hands are caught by his and placed on either side of your head, with no escape but to kiss him back.
haechan moves unexpectedly and you gasp in his mouth. something pokes your belly. hard and big. your senses are stirred up and you feel your inner self dissolve, fog clouding your mind when he does it again and you feel a reaction on your legs, flaming hot.
when his hands grab the hem of your shirt, you panic. âcan... can we turn off the light?â
the bruises are barely visible, but if he's this close, he'll be able to notice them all. and you don't want me to see you like that.
haechan pulls away from you and looks around. when he reaches out to turn off the lamps on your bedside table, that hard thing presses back into the valley of your femininity, and you gaze at the stars.
troubled senses travel to the moon. your mind is a hazy territory of disjointed thoughts, and density settles in your vision.
he removes your clothes like a total expert. you let him undress you completely while your whole body purrs with searing pleasure. exposed to his gaze going over your body, taking his time. when he prepares to undress, you want to help him.
haechan bears with patience at your trembling hands removing his clothes. buff, toasted chest that you caress in a trance, you touch his stomach and his collarbones, stifling a sigh. his heart beats fast under your palm, and you could take it if you want to.
your mouth leaves soft kisses, one, two, three. haechan smiles at each of them. his mouth reciprocates your caresses.
his soft, firm fingers rest on yours to help you with the process. âyou're doing well, angel.â he kisses you as you lay down when he pushes you. you can't even follow the thread of his words by the gentle collision of your skins against each other, chests rising and falling, uncontrolled breaths when your mouths meet, and hands roaming across your body, pinching, grasping, caressing.
he touches you and you pant; only he has come this close.
haechan takes you to ecstasy just by roaming through your body. when his wet mouth comes down yours and wraps one of your breasts with his lips, tongue flicking on the bristling skin, your back arches in desire, trickling down your stomach.
he keeps you close to him. fingers barely running his nails up and down your thighs as he kisses you deeply. you hold your breath when you feel his hand touch you. he hums almost and the sound comes up tortured, âyou're soaking wet, angel.â
âhae... please.â you gulp, âi want to feel you.â
his body jerks over yours after you talk. âlet me stretch you first, hmm?â
your head pulls back when he inserts a finger inside. âso wet. fuck. you feel so soft, angel. will you warm up my cock?â he coats his fingers with your arousal, pumping them in and out.
your back arches, and he shoves them deeper, rocking them inside, making room so he can put another finger. âa-ah, haechan.â a breathy moan escapes your lips, and haechan coaxes a few more when he strokes your pussy back and forth. your plushie walls narrow around his digits as your legs try to close in front of his stomach, the sensations intensifying inside you, rolling your eyes to the back of your head.
a white noise whips your mind when he speeds up and you whine helplessly, feeling something sucking you from your core.
âi... i need you.â you cry when a sharp pain streaks your breath away and he begins to slow down, finger sitting inside your swollen walls as you throb.
he kisses you and pulls his fingers out. âanything my angel says.â
haechan fits in between your legs, you sense his penis lining up with your pussy before he pushes inside. when he enters you, you both choke a gasp. he needs to take the time to adjust. you think you hear him say you're too narrow. he wet his fingers and takes them down to your intimacy and you almost scream when he massages your clit with his cock twitching inside.
he grunts when you inevitably squeeze, sneering. âs-sorry,â you whisper when he licks his lips. âit felt nice.â he doesn't stop massaging the swollen lump, and you find yourself seeing stars every time your vision goes out of focus. his flushed face coming into the frame to gaze at him as you cup his cheeks.
âdoes it hurt?â his eyes are tinged with blue.
âno.â you're bewitched, when he smiles tenderly and moves in, the rest of his cock buries inside.
he breathes, and nuzzles more. âmy sweet girl.â
your cheeks are moist and your mouth half-open, as he begins to slowly penetrate you. gasps come out of your mouth with each thrust of his pelvis with yours. you're in limbo, completely evicted. hands cupping his face, in a state of lethargy. âd'you like it, love?â he hisses when you clench, a short laugh assails him.
his eyes have turned black, darkened by the night and the burning desire that crackles with every stroke of his dick. â... y-yes,â you moan, closing your eyes.
he pulls you by the waist and your lower body sticks closer to his crotch, arching you to him. he starts to move rhythmically and you cuffs the sheets. the feel of his thick length feels delicious, and the deeper he pushes in the higher you scream. âhae!â you want him to go in harder, faster, deeper.
haechan curses under his breath before clashing his mouth with yours, lips synchronized with the constant glee of his pounding. your emotions react to him, the way he grops you as he fucks you. stretching you out smoothly and gently. the way he slides inside you without giving you a break.
âfuck, baby. f-fuck!â
your fingers touch his back, his shoulders blades flexing with each stroke. when he hurries the movement, your nails bury in the tender skin and he moans loudly. your whole body hums possessed by the most delicious intensity imaginable and as you feel an electric current run down your body, you scream. âhaechan.â a cry after another. âg-god.â
his dick slams hard inside you, filling you with extreme sedative pleasure every time he hits your sweet spot. âyou feel so nice. so warm and sweet.â
you muffle a whimper when he pushes deeper, âdo you like it when i'm this gentle with you, angel?â bottoms out before pulling it out and repeating it. tapping his pelvis against you rhythmically. his eyes are tightly closed, and his pretty and agitated face looks distressed.
â... push deeper.â he grimaces and the very thought of having him this affected by your words makes your body tingle.
âfuck.â his mouth opens as he hammers you, taking his thick cock around your walls covered in your arousal. his arms collapse on either side of your body and pull him to you. âhae...â you call when you see him hide his face in your neck. you swallow, âis something wrong?â you're dying to know. doubts grow in you. he doesn't want to see you because he doesn't like what he sees?
âno, angel.â he says, tracing circles on your clitoris in a spontaneous gesture. his thumb hits the swollen area and makes you moan helplessly. âi won't last longer if you keep clenching like that.â he kisses your neck, and you melt. he strokes you faster and messier when you do it, âhmm... just like that, angel.â he tenses on top of you and you hold him tighter. âfuck, you're so sweet.â
his breath messes up some strands of your head when he shifts the pace. your legs jerks from the sensation as he strokes you a little bit faster. a whiplash runs through you while your numb limbs scatter on either side of his body, âhae.â you're drunk with pleasure, his name always showing up in your mind even then.
it's so blurry... and dizzy. feeling his grip on one of your legs, entranced by the way he moans as the knot in your stomach releases and drags you into semi-consciousness, fucking you sharper. a strangled gasp leaves your mouth when your body sinks into the sedative effect of his thrusts. âh-hmgh, hae!â your body tingles and squirms as an elongated gasp leaves your lips, feeling him too much, even when he slows down.
your heart thumps erratically as the white sensation takes over your senses and leaves you in a catalytic state. something else pulse along with your heartbeat. you swallow hard as haechan receives each of your spasms attacking your pussy.
he strokes your hair. âso good, angelâ
your mouth feels dry. you feel a tingling in your cunt as he keeps rocking his dick in and out. âcan i get one more?â
you feel the sensation of your high on his aching cock, swollen walls pressing his length. âo-oh.â
he revels.
his face appears in the haze, brows frowned. eyes consumed by his pupil darkened. your heart skips a beat at the view. âoh,â you seem to tense around him at the simple sound of his voice. âis that a yes?â a pleasant warmth buzzes in your belly. yes. yes.
you hug him by the shoulders as he comes to you and rests his face on your shoulder. the chill of the night makes your hair stand on end, but haechan warms you up with his slender and toned body; his skin still feels smooth despite looking carved. like marble. you cry when he increases the intensity of his hips crashing against yours. panting leaves your lips. âh-haechan!â
he grunts, âfuck, you're doing so good, angel. you're so sweet for me.â your eyes go to the back of your head when it's unbearable and overwhelming. the way he penetrates you with rhythmic beats that makes you sigh with fascination, enraptured and numb. hands making fist the sheets under your bodies due to his tip constantly pressing that hidden spot inside you, filling more and more the pool of pleasure.
your room is filled with lewd sounds and your moaning. labored breathing as he fucks you senseless. your eyes open through the mist that blurs your tear-filled eyes from the euphoria he makes you feel, and your wet, swollen lips moan his name between kisses as he wraps your legs around his waist, reaching your climax once more.
âs-shit, yn... fuckââ his movements become erratic and desperate, his strokes becoming rougher, tensing his body over yours as he loses control and he moans breathlessly, possessed as he ejaculates.
your eyes register every gesture he makes as he cums. his eyes closed tightly, his mouth half-open in bewilderment, his face flushed with pleasure, highlighting his moles by splashing his face. your mouth rests on his throat, which rises and falls when he swallows hard.
a loud sound startles you. haechan slides away from you, smiling in glee.
you think your roommate has heard you.
your body feels light and resting among the clouds when he moves you around. he shifts you at will, making you rest on your knees. you feel like you're on the verge of fainting. worn and smiling, looking at the reflection of your body and his behind you in the mirror.
âdon't look away,â he commands. his hands push your body down by the waist, where he guides his tip back to your pussy. the lewd motion of him sliding it up and down through your sensitive folds makes you see stars before you choke out a gasp when you feel him pushing inside.
your eyes flutter and take in the night light filtering through the open window and spilling onto his sunny skin. haechan's eyebrows come together, and his mouth opens before his head falls back. he's feeling you. âshit.â
his hands move to your forearms as your body pulls forward, feeling the sweet burning crowd into your intimacy. he pushes you back and drowns out a plaintive moan, hissing as your walls take him deeper.
he feels full inside, he fills all the space of you with his girth. something flutters in your guts when you can feel him sitting between your walls.
he holds you right below your tummy and presses you into the lump inside. he grins and bites your shoulder at the lewd scenery of him making you feel him before he slides out and pulls back in. âfeels nice?â he asks, staring at your dazed expression.
âvery.â
he coaxes the most crumbling feeling in you. mind cluttering only with his sounds replaying in a loop. your body moves up and down just to hear them again, and your eyes don't leave the mirror, but not to look at you; to gaze at him.
he chuckles, âf-fuck, angel. just like that.â
your insides are buzzing. your belly purrs, as he elongates every word when he says, âjust like that.â
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
in the pleasant evening, you find yourself ambiguously exhausted and in a euphoric outburst. your body have synced with haechan's throughout the performance, and your muscles have recorded the steps in every fiber. both of you finding airless, the space charged with electricity and static when he slides your hands away and the distance between your bodies grows wider.
it's been magical all the evening. your body feels strange and at the same time pleasant and it's because of him. every time your eyes meet, you remind of what you've been doing for the past few days. his face showing amidst the haze, his arms flexed under your palms, features twitching as he climaxes after making you cum a couple of times before; every time he guides you as kai introduces you to important figures, you revel on the reminiscences of his warm body, his chiseled muscles and his gentle touch.
âhow do you feel?â his breath makes your skin bristle when he gets close to your ear.
âgoodâŚâ he grins when your cheeks warm up. haechan takes advantage of the absent-mindedness of the diners to squeeze your ass and the gesture makes you feel the small plump bury in the tight hole. a sigh takes the air out of you at the overwhelming and strange sensation expanding within you. âfeels good?â he wonders, watching your face for some kind of discomfort.
you nod and he mimics you, eyes glinting. âhow much?â your legs squeeze against each other at the hoarse tone of his voice. âvery much.â
you've begun to feel your essence transform the more he explores your body. you like it when he knows you how to make you feel good. it makes you crave so much more.
you squeeze against the object inserted into you, expanding you. your stomach flutters with butterflies when he says, âi want to fuck you hard with it tonight.â
he doesn't leave your side as kai introduces you to important figures, fingers on your back lingering on your body, guiding the way.
the spell you're in is soon broken when kai arrives and drags you from his embrace, taking you somewhere else to be the main entertainment.
it takes you a couple of minutes to pull yourself together as you let kai guide you, putting all your focus on getting your breath to stop pulsating in your ears and stomach. to put out the fire that burns your legs.
it's not until you hear him speak that you realize the scarcity of people in the room he's brought you, the dim light, and the languid smile on his face. âmon magnifique cygne.â
(my magnificent swan.)
âwell done. in the end, you do possess something in you, hidden, of course, but nothing it can't be exploited. nothing i can't make it shine like a bright sun.â his finger taps his chin twice as he studies you.
âhave i done it right?â
âyou've done flawlessly. you've stolen glances today, precious.â
a smile falters on your mouth as you feel something uncomfortable slipping down your spine. âwill there be other performances?â
kai's eyes fall on you with disdain, âperformances? yes, of course. swan lake is the most famous in the academy. many kill for the role. others leave it with claws and bite marks.â
you didn't know how coveted the position was. all the wary looks make sense now that you know how much they want your position. âi'll do my best.â his gaze rises to your face as if he hasn't heard you.
âyou've done enough. all the important men want you. they can't wait.â he scoffs, âyou've been the best swan they've ever seen, but another one will come. there's always another one coming.â
his words form a whirlpool that throws you off balance. âanother?â
âyou didn't think you'd be the swan forever, did you, baby? in this world moving at high pace? you're foolish and at the same time deluded.â
kai stares at your blank expression, completely stunned. his words have left you feeling sick. âyou said they liked it... i thought that... you said they can't wait to...â
âoh, yeah. they have loved you, expressly stated. they can't wait to use your body as they please.â
the moment the truth comes crashing down on you, your heart contracts with sharp pain. surprise and horror form a dense, heavy cocktail that makes your body squirm and go tense. âyou thought you were good enough and different from the rest? my precious, there's a thousand more like you in every corner of the city. you're as replaceable as any prop on the stage. your only function is to generate emotions. joy, sadness, lust.â
you don't notice how close he gets until he caresses your cheek. and he is so attractive, that you don't understand why your body rejects his affection. hands play with your dress, body turned to stone by his gorgon gaze. âare you going to force me...?â your voice comes out almost inaudible.
kai gets annoyed with your stutter, âforce you? i'd rather you do it of your own free will.â
âlet me prove it to you, i'll do my best.â
âthey're all the best, silly girl. but you're being great so far, i can make an exception, everything for my crowd's jewel. i propose you a deal. if... you prove you're the best, then i'll give you the role once more... but if you don't, you'll comply.â
your insides crackle with the parallel of making a deal with the devil.
you see his graceful body relaxed as he chats with a ballerina. it doesn't take long for him to find you in the crowd, his eyes darkening in front of you. your inner self dissolves when his fingers intertwine with yours and he pulls you out of there. it's so easy for him to draw all the attention to him, make your whole world revolve around him.
âdo you want to drive it on the way home?â
âwon't it be dangerous?â
you gaze at him and you feel like he was expecting that answer from you. âit'll be fun.â
he guides you from the waist to the front of the bike and his hands put yours where they should go. when he pressed into you, a crushing current shakes you when the plump moves in. a few stars dance on your vision and your toes curl.
haechan laughs lively. âsee? fun,â he states, starting the engine.
the drive home is full of potholes and abrupt stops on purpose. your core vibrates and ignites every time the plug collides with haechan's pelvis, and there's no use for you to not lose your mind when even the soft humming of the bike sends shivers down your legs. by the time you arrive home, you're so soak and needy you kiss him ardently as soon as you take off the helmet.
you let haechan take care of taking you to your apartment. he elated seeing you so affected and sighing against his mouth. his fingers tap the toy over your clothes and you almost squeal in pleasure. âhaechan⌠hmmâŚâ
he makes you sit on top of him on your bed, kissing your neck while he begins to tap rhythmically the plump in your needy hole. you shudder and grind against him. âmy girl's so needy for me to fuck her?â
he lifts you and works on his pants. when he releases his rock-hard erection, your vision fogs up. âundress.â
he remains dressed except for a couple of undone buttons on his black shirt. you take off all your clothes and stand in front of him, at his mercy, eager mouth wanting to touch his lips when he bites them, angling your face so he can kiss you deeper.
his fingers play with the plug, pulling it out of you. âmy pretty girl. want me to replace this?â you breathe erratically. âwith my cock, hmm?â he turns you, both facing the mirror. hands making you spread the way he wants you. his hard cock hits your pubic area from behind.
you sob when he starts to slide it along your folds. having to wait kills you while he takes his time covering his length with your silky lubrication. âeyes in the mirror.â he aligns it against your hole and starts to push it in.
a strangled gasp leaves your lips when his fingers begin to play with your clit as he slowly enters you from behind. he goes in and out a couple of times, adding inches until he fills you all the way in. âdoes it hurt?â
your eyes flutter. âjust right.â
a rare feeling spread through your legs and it feels full. he smiles and closes his eyes. âmove for me, yeah?â
your legs barely respond when you go up a bit and feel fire go down your thighs, sliding it back in, picking your pace. haechan's hands stay on your waist, helping you to go back and forth, adjusting to him. âdon't look away, angel.â circling your clit and whispering praises as you're about to collapse from the overwhelming sensation taking over.
he welcomes you into his embrace when you can't take it anymore, totally carried away by the atrocious pleasure that plagues you. holding his wrist and making him go faster on you. âhae⌠hm-mgh.â
his cock moves inside you and you squeeze your eyes shut. the pleasure is very intense when he thrusts you deep while playing with the swollen clit, and you soon find yourself trembling over him. legs shutting close when waves of spasms take your breath away.
eyes catching his fingers coated with your slick gushing out of you before a sharp tingling almost leaves you catalytic. âa-ah, angel.â you begin to throb violently making him a hissing mess. pretty sounds fill the room when you regain consciousness as he pulls out.
he lays you on the bed, and kisses you. âtired?â your body feels sleepy and a little painful. but it feels⌠loaded.
you see his wild eyes gleaming with delight when you shake your head. pulling him in by the neck so he can lay on top of you and wrapping your legs around his waist to guide his erect length to your entrance.
your wrist are firmly taken by him, face lurking over you before kissing you savagely. your legs burn and your head spins as it starts to penetrate you. âmy pretty angel.â you moan his name. âall mine.â you feel his smile when he talks.
âhmmâŚ?â he inquires when he doesn't catch what you muttered.
âi want to be yours.â your eyes open to see his expressions bathed in uneasiness fleetingly. âmake me yours,â you repeat, cupping one of his cheeks when his grip loosened.
you draw him to you and kiss him, lost in the clouds. mouths adjusting before merging into each other. haechan hides in your neck and squeezes you tighter against him, sinking into you.
âangel.â
âmake love to me,â you say loud and clear. âplease?â
âyeah? is that what my sweet girl dreams, hmm?â he inquiries, thrusting you slowly. âyou want me to be your prince?â he mocks softly.
your eyes roll and he grins. you arch towards him and feel your eyes tear up. âplease.â
âyou're so dreamy.â he bites your nipple, âyou want me to make you mine, angel?â
you say yes in a breathless sigh. âa-ahg.â he rocks his dick back and forth while sucking on your tits. âas you wish, my girl.â
and while he fucks you skillfully, white noise fog your brain, and you can almost feel it flapping its wings.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
you don't think you can make it to the end of the week.
you dance and dance and dance to exhaustion until kai smiles with satisfaction.
you find no solace in keeping him happy, you look like a ghost haunting the halls of the academy.
your footsteps lead you to the restroom, feeling sick; you forgot to eat today. you've skipped a couple of meals the past few days, but that's not why you freeze at the sight of your haggard reflection in the mirror, but the depraved word written with red lipstick covering all the space.
WHORE.
the air escapes you when set out to erase it, hearing laughter from the booths.
you endure the punches and you endure even more being broken into a thousand pieces. on your behalf, chasing the dream, until it's impossible to carry both.
haechan's touch never felt rough, but your body shudders every time his hands brush against you. your skin is sore, bruised, dotted with small marks that you hide under your clothes. you try not to squirm, don't let others know. they will see you as weak, you'll be marked as prey. and because of that, you try to cope with the pain until you finish the piece.
kai dispatches everyone at the end of the night.
you're in a trance that you don't get out of until you're picking up your things again at the end of the routine, numb and empty, wandering off the exit to see haechan on his motorcycle.
it's like seeing through a lens. smiling at you with his characteristic and diabolical grin, curving his full a and pouty lips, lighting his carved face. an out-of-body experience, watching the girl so much like you touch his hair, it almost feels intimate. just like you two.
wongyoung looks over her shoulder and smiles, catching haechan's attention.
his boyish eyes travel to you, acknowledging your presence. gaze locking for the first time that night, and god, how much you missed the soft feeling he causes in you, sedating your soul, completely consumed by the obsessive compulsion taking up space within you.
your lower lip trembles when you're left alone. you want him to take you home again, but instead, he scoffs, sardonic when he sees you crying.
âthey... they have...â the need to tell him overwhelms you, but what do you want to confess? what weighs more? your sore body? the filthy messages? kai?
haechan sighs, disdainfully. âyou like to be a martyr, don't you?â
your eyes are unable to avoid searching his for something you can sustain yourself with, but you find only annoyance and darkness covering his true colors. âlook, angel. don't be stupid, i don't care about you. i don't like you. did i ever ask you out?â his honey-brown eyes search yours for traces of having affected you. âi only took you to bed.â
âwhy did you?â
âbecause you're beautiful; but so are other women, and i enjoy fucking them, i enjoyed fucking you, but nothing else.â
tears stream up your eyes and you can't stop them, âwhy... why are you so m-mean to me?â
your muscles have stiffened and turned to stone as you take his words in. he goes over your figure and snorts, âi'm being honest.â the way he pronounces it makes you believe otherwise. âyou're making this a big of a deal, but the thing is, shit happens. you should learn to take insults the same way you take compliments.â he starts his bike, engine purring and filling in the space of your little response, busy trying to stay on your feet.
he doesn't leave, he gloats that his words have hit you good. and you find your broken heart more painful than your whole body bruised. âi'll just break your heart. i'm doing you a favor.â
âi never asked for one.â you don't want to see the sadistic and lascivious smile that surely crosses his features, you want to keep the image you like the most of him, with his lazy grin and bright eyes, burned in your mind when he leaves and the night engulfs him.
you find yourself in a world of shadows and silences when haechan behaves indifferent towards you after his encounter. he pretends you don't exist, his eyes turn away from yours as if he is disgusted to look at you. he repulses you completely, his hands pull away from you as if they are on fire, fingers flexing into a fist and unclenching as he leaves the room.
he soon returns to his usual gait that you had wanted so much to ignore. when his lips stretch into a smile typical of him and gives it to wongyoung. jealousy consumes you, clouds your judgment and makes you furious when you see her place her hands on his chest and corner him against a wall as she kisses him unceremoniously even though you have felt her gaze acknowledge your presence.
sheâs everything youâre not. she's bold. and sensual and what haechan is attracted to.
it's hard to pretend it hasn't affected you. you think about it even outside of academia. you let the words he spoke set your mood. the way you dance.
kai's blank expression is more terrifying than his sardonic one. the live music is extinguished just by raising his index finger, which he then brings to your lips. âwhere is it?â
you're afraid you don't know what he's talking about, you're afraid he stares at you as if you have to know. âmy swan, where is it?â he puts his lips on a fine line when he gets no response from you or haechan.
there is a tense and quiet atmosphere between you. you barely look at each other. he's grossed out every time he has to keep you close âtil kai fixes your postures. he separates himself from you and puts meters of distance between you. he just looks at you through the mirror and you're aware of his features darkening with hatred.
âyou've been doing alright the last rehearsals, what happened now?â he wants to know, very calm for your thrill.
you and haechan look at each other without thinking, before you look away. âagain,â kai says, suddenly delighted.
live music plays again and soon you resume the dance. and it's impossible to ignore how he avoids you at all costs. how he looks anywhere but your face, how his hands feel like they're touching acid. he moves away from you very quickly and his touch barely rubs you, feeling the sudden sensation that he's grossed out by you.
the piano ceases with a move of his fingers and something crumbles inside of you as you have stumbled in the grand jetĂŠ. âi'm done.â kai grabs his papers and leaves the room without giving you a glance.
you hold your ankle in your hands in anguish at the time you hear haechan steps echoing on the floor, leaving. it aches awfully, but nothing serious, you just landed on a bad angle. maybe you need ice...
âare you okay?â he asks, kneeling beside you. his eyes go over and study your expression, slowly replacing for other. âanswer me. are you hurt?â
he checks your body with his hands without waiting for a response. gaze analyzing every part of it until it goes down to your ankle. âyou need ice...â you see him make a gesture to carry you, as if he wants to take care of it himself.
haechan looks at you when you reject his touch. he can exert more force and carry you anyway, you're sure of that, but he remains calm and instead tries to convince you by softening his gaze. âlet me take care of it.â
and the stupid version of you would've fallen at his feet.
âd'you want to take care of it now?â you pronounce.
haechan stares at you dumbfounded. his delicate expression bathed in trouble, frowning while his eyes flames with something. worry. âof course i want... angel. i care.â
you get up, shunning his assistance, but haechan gives you no respite. you are unable to get away from him when he is strongest and most determined to receive your hands in fists pushing him away and punching his buff chest. he doesn't move an inch. âleave me alone. leave me alone!â
he grabs you by the forearms and you fight to break free. âyou're hurting yourself.â the anger gradually fades away, your attempts to escape his grip become weaker. you're about to pass out, âs-stop tormenting me,â you ask, pleadingly. âhaven't you had enough?â
you see through the tears his face. his cheeks. his moles. his lips and eyes. but you find nothing. you don't even find love.
âi've been hurt, i-i... they...â you stutter when you start to cry, regretting it because you've said it before, and you remember that he still doesn't care.
you cry in front of him, in complete and tense silence. his grip has loosened and you hope he won't let you go, that he will hug you. âi don't know what he wants from me. why has he chosen me?â
âhe wants your purity, angel,â he says, with a husky voice.
you laugh reluctantly. âwell, you already stole it from me.â
haechan doesn't stop you when you get rid of his embrace. he doesn't do that when you leave either.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
the reflection in the mirror seems to be smiling at you when you get out of the shower.
something lurks in your chest, an uneasy feeling as you roam around your room. the feeling settles more when you don't see your underwear anywhere just as you hear footsteps on the corridor.
âhave you been taking my underwear?â you peek into the next room to find it empty, except for a pair of black panties on the made-up bed. âthere they are.â
you've been having brain fogs lately.
your mind wanders most of the time in periods that you have no record of. you have no memories of getting to the academy or how you end back at your apartment. no reminiscences of eating or sleeping. and you don't recall where you were the night before.
kai has become quieter as you and haechan avoid each other.
you can bear his presence behind you. is overwhelming, you feel leaden. âmy prince, would you fuck this girl?â
you are short of breath and your eyes shoot towards kai at such an unscrupulous question. âyou wouldn't,â he vouches for haechan when he makes no hint of answering. âi wouldn't.â
you bite your lip when you threaten to break right there, and your eyes move through the mirror of their own volition. towards his face, taking on a pink tint. âyou're dismissed. bring wongyoung when you're out.â the air refills your lungs at his statement, moving your feet to gather your stuff. ânot you.â
haechan stares at kai intensely, his eyes between you and him. a muscle jumps in his jaw as he looks at you troubled. âand don't take long, prince,â kai adds, thrilling. live music is playing again and his gaze spills over to you one last time before leaving you alone and helpless.
you're so immersed in his presence leaving the room that you haven't noticed that you've held your breath until your lungs ache from your shallow breathing. you're not so quick to register kai's entering the scene. you've let him corner you alone again, his indistinct gaze sweeps across your figure and even though you're fully dressed, you feel helpless. âtold you it might happen.â
he lurks around you. âthe question is whether you will let her take your role without a fight..., wongyoung is⌠obscure. her dancing is not as technical and superb as yours, but it is definitely thrilling to watch. she casts the black swan wonderfully. with a dark impulse, maybe, yet so destructive, of course. she'd be perfect.â
he plays with the small ribbon on your shoulder, pulling the strings. your breathing freezes when he threatens to unravel and leave you exposed, âso, do we end our deal?â
you swallow hard. âgive me one last chance.â
kai puzzles, âhaven't i given you enough already? shouldn't you thank me a little?â
a sharp thump causes kai to curse under his breath and your eyes widen in fright, meeting haechan's darkened gaze through the mirror. he takes in your entire face, and how frightened you are. âcostume fitting?â
kai scoffs, and haechan's glare becomes lethal when he looks at him, rubbing his chin in a stimulus. âseriously... can't you see you're interrupting something?â
âshe's got plans already.â
âwith whom?â
âwith me.â
the young man remains silent, acceding just as wongyoung step into the room. âangel, let's get you home,â the honey boy asks, taking a step closer, his back turned to you, looking at kai. he peeks over his shoulder to cast a softened gaze that melts your stiff muscles and gets them going.
you work quickly, and almost automatically while haechan waits, prompting kai to stay in the room, his lips pursed in a smile. your breath thaws and soothes your aching chest once you leave, âeasy, swan. the prince chooses the evil twin at the end of the piece,â he chimes before haechan drags you from there.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
haechan's pov.
he's out of his mind lately.
he can't stop playing the night he spent with you. your face. your body. the way you said his name so cute and ethereal. how you felt all night until you fell asleep, drowsy and with the prettiest smile he's ever seen, keeping him close.
he had to run away.
he can't come up with a name to this feeling creeping in; lust is one of his usual emotions, then comes pleasure and thrill. what could he then call emotion lingering through his senses every time he grasps your waist and a sigh slips from your lips?
it takes all the strength and will to spin his thoughts and continue the piece. when his whole being burns for you and his hands tingle and feel sensitive after touching you, fleeting from the room before you can see how troubled he is.
he never spends the night when he has casual rendezvous with girls, which happens a lot more often than he'd like you to know. he wants to keep that part away from you, he didn't want you to know.
and then suddenly he stays at your house because he's spent his time admiring your serene face in a dream.
he's fucked.
he needs to take comfort right there. his palm pumps his sore cock and unscrupulously moans your name in a whimper. he fiddles with his slit and hisses, speeding up the movement. he imagines you doing it, he wants you to do it.
he longs to feel your wet mouth around him, your lips pressing into his girth, your tongue at the base of his testicles as he shoves all his cock inside, making you swallow all of his seed with your pretty pleading eyes, looking at him from below. seeing you keep stimulating his cock even though he's limb and turned into a bundle of moans and whimpers from the overdose of pleasure.
his breathing becomes labored, eyes bathed in desire that he tries to hide from your sight. âwould you fuck her?â
his face burns and he curses. blushing is not a habit for him,. much less getting nervous and avoiding your eyes. what have you done to him?
he hasn't been able to hook up with other girls, something must have broken inside. and it's you.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
you try to calm your raging heart as haechan guides you by the hand out of that suffocating place. his back gives you some relief and brings back memories that you have treasured every night, but that was before. before the spell in which you're sure you would've lived inside eternally (even if it was a lie) broke.
the night greets you like old lovers, and your eyes close completely oblivious to haechan when he holds you suddenly. you find yourself dumbfounded, frozen as his arms take you in his embrace, and you smell his alluring fragrance again. with your arms trapped underneath his, unable to move as... he hugs you.
you want to keep this memory especially once you discover that it was just a dream. but it feels real. his touch feels solid, his signature intoxicating scent and it would be impossible for you to be able to recreate his face because he exhumes something heavenly. âhae...â
his muscles turn liquid when you bury your fingers into his hair just to make sure it's him. âforgive me, angel.â he breathes against your neck and squeezes you closer to him as he repeats a word over and over again.
please.
your face sinks into the space of his neck, lips brushing against his profile. leaving a kiss. his shoulders vibrate and a ragged breath assails him. he's... âplease.â he's crying.
he turns away from you under your dazed state. hands roam your sides, as if he wants to renew the image he has of you this close. âi didn't know... i wouldn't have let him touch you. i thought... i... are you hurt?â he blurts out.
his eyes hold unshed tears because he's busy studying your features. his face is taken in your hands to wipe his wet cheeks. âno.â
his forehead joins yours. âlet me take you home, hm...?â he whispers. âlet me take care of it. let me take you on a date. i'll be worthy. give me... give one more chance.â
his hands, his fingertips... you barely remember them, but you always invoke them when kai's fingers stay longer on your skin. because his touch will never be the same as haechan's. because you want them to be his fingers and not kai's. a feeling twitches in your stomach, something dirty reveals itself and takes space as you fall into realization of his lewd behavior.
âwould you... would you let me?â he says, and you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
his eyes... his eyes look like the emptiness left by the stars when they are not in the sky, because he has stolen them all to keep them in his gaze. gleaming, when you nod.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
your eyes remain close when the purr of the bike stops. a pair of hands lingers on yours intertwined in front of his body. haechan strokes them gently just as he helps you remove the helmet. your eyes taking in the place you are right now.
you feel his attentive gaze while yours wants to travel everywhere at the same time. âyou like it?â
âwhere are we?â not in your apartment, but in a more idyllic place.
a few star beads have fallen from the sky and float in the small space of a clearing. it's very breezy and the lights twinkle like fireflies. your hands tighten around haechan when you look down at the cliff on the side of the bike; the view of the city shining like an oasis in the night blanket.
you hear him sigh softly. âthe equinox... i thought you'd like it. or i can take you home. do you... do you want to stay?â he asks once your eyes turn to him. haechan is interested in the helmet, his phone, and the bike, and the sky while a soft pink tint blooms on his cheeks. âi'd love to.â
you see him get down behind you, pulling his jacket off his shoulders. âhow did you find this place?â you wonder, taking in sight the people coming and going through the mountain clearing. surely it's a ceremony for the event; there are food stalls and places to sit for dinner under the stars.
the thought of haechan stumbling upon the place casually doesn't quite fit in your head, but he responds. âi knew about it.â which doesn't quite fit either, especially when he smiles and looks away.
you nod, blinking. âhae.â
âhmm?â
âwhy did you bring me here?â
he looks at you, with wide doe eyes. his chest spasms as he combs his hair. âyou don't like it? we can go somewhere else.â
âi like it, but... why are we here?â
every second that passes you discover what troubled he looks. âi thought you'd like it for whenâŚ- for a first date.â
he says the words carefully, as if remembering when his lips uttered terrible things to you long ago. âa first date?â you repeat, looking at him.
âour first date... you don't want to? shit, i should've asked you first. i was... i wanted to make up for what i did, the thing i said to you. i thought i could make up for it.â
âhae, shh...â he stops when you cradle his face.
âyou deserve to be treated well, i thought i could give it a try.â
âyou'll have a lot more girls...â
âyou're the one i want.â
you shrink, â'cause i'm a fool?â
âi'm the fool, for you.â
you place a kiss on his full cheek with your hands pressed into his face. and then another closer to his mouth. âi should've asked you before, i'm sorryâ
âyou can ask now.â
your heart feels a strange and singular beat when the lights bathe his faces and spill over his eyes; burned honey melting on his gaze. you watch him choose his wording, âwould you like to go out with me tonight?â
you chuckle, âyes.â
a smile blooms on his face, taking all the light. âshould i be more romantic?â he asks, snuggling on your neck.
âwhy?â you ask, fuzzy.
his lips lurks closer to your cheek, and he whispers, âi'm not good with words. i could show you, instead.â
he grins like an angel. âi could kiss you.â
he comes closer before you can react, and his lips rest on yours. they're soft, assimilating your mouth over his, taking you as he slowly kisses you. his lashes tickle your cheeks and you feel him move to come back again and kiss you deeper. mouth catching up your lower lip while you play with his long hair.
his mouth goes back and forth from yours. your faces move in tune, lips colliding with vast emotion in the space between their mouths, meeting in the middle.
his eyes are sweet like honey, and the little bags underneath them, swelling up when he's happy and his gaze beams. âyou don't need to be romantic with me,â you say after. âi⌠like you this way.â
the ethereal night slips through your fingers as haechan's hand guides you down the path, until you end up alone with the city shining in the background while kisses escalate in intensity.
your body slams gently against the fence and you stifle a sigh that haechan's deftly steals from your mouth. he corners you between him and the precipice, and little by little your judgment falls over it just as his hands caging you in his embrace as his mouth joins yours and invites your lips to move over his. he tastes like the sweet flavor of wine and something volatile, his hands running down your sides until he lifts your back off the edge to catch you in his soft, firm body.
your hands caress the nape of his neck and cheeks, fingers combing his wild hair and making him moan in your mouth. lips move down your jaw until they bury their head in your neck. haechan inhales deeply into your scent before depositing wet kisses on your skin and a sigh hangs in the open night.
his open mouth caresses your neck, feeling his tongue lash that makes you squeeze the material of his shirt. he laughs and the mere collision of his breath on your damp skin causes you to close your eyes and pant silently. haechan works diligently to elicit sighs in you, slowly losing his mind, mind getting lost in the space between the stars. his name occupies all your thoughts, slipping from your lips every time he squeezes your waist when he works wonders on your senses.
your eyebrows gather when the pleasure hurts to be released and he takes his time with you. brushing your buttocks so fleetingly he feels ghostly, groping your whole body when he kisses you ardently because his hands are never still in one place, wanting to touch you all.
the euphoria crackles inside you and his tongue enters and travels over your mouth. your hands draw him closer to you, unable to think coherently and humming when he pulls back and goes again. the kiss becomes faster and sharper. chaotic encounter in the middle before colliding again with intensity. you hear him vibrating against you as your hands grab him by the shoulders and forearms, chest and back, unable to sit still when your whole body buzzes and your senses feel fuzzy.
you haven't noticed when you've started moaning between kisses, every time his mouth moves over yours, pulling him to you every time. you feel his hot hands palming you over your clothes. âhaechan,â you breathe as you kiss and kiss and kiss, and devour his lips and the intoxicating taste of wine makes you drunk. âhaechan,â you say more eagerly, hearing him hum, but you don't even know what you want, you don't know how much you want him, how you want him, but you know where you need him the most.
âd'you want me to stop?â but the way he keeps placing his wet, soft mouth against yours, you're afraid he doesn't want to.
âno.â and you don't want him either, suddenly having an epiphany. you want him to touch you right there, you want to feel his fingers in your bare pussy, you want him to fuck you hard against the fence; you want him to corrupt you. completely consumed by the obsessive compulsion taking up space within you, craving to be free.
he waits for your answer, but he doesn't need it when you pant against his lips again. and a dark grin well up in his swollen, rosy mouth when he opens his mouth and restricts.
âi need to touch you, let me feel you, angel.â your eyes flutter as you nod heavily and his hands thaw to venture down the lower part of your belly, thumb tracing circles below your belly button before they disappear under your pants.
air escapes from your lungs when he meets the sore lump of your clit craving him. he curses by how wet you are, sensing it in your heated intimacy. your body breaks down in a jerk and you whine helplessly when he starts to stroke you, exerting the pressure needed to make you scream and collapse into his embrace.
your head falls on their shoulder and your body burns intensely as he rubs your clit, flicking his thumb as his middle finger flicker on your folds, turning you into a mess of sobs and strangled sounds he catches with his lips.
he coats his digits enough and moves to insert them into your needy cunt, stretching you before he starts to flick them just so he can take a look at your features contracting into a dazed grimace when the rawest pleasure shuts into your bloodstream.
haechan touches you and you must cover your mouth so as not to reveal his lewd actions in public. but you are unable to hold them inside you, and they slip through your fingers to find their way to the moon. you blink as an intense haze clouds your vision as he works wonders on your pussy and fire expands in your belly and spills down your thighs, trembling and throbbing. your eyes close and a gasp takes your breath away, skipping a heartbeat while he keeps thrusting his fingers, feeling you pulse.
âmesmerized?â he wonders when you start to blink slowly, your body going into a sedative state. âvery.â your eyes focus on him, looking at you with soft eyes studying your face, and the volatile feeling stokes your belly.
he pulls out his fingers and brings them to his plump lips, your eyes flicker following the motion he does when he licks them as he locks eyes with you, âwait until i use my mouth.â
âhae⌠please.â he brings you closer to him. âi need you.â
âyeah? in what way?â
your hand takes his and brings it to your lips, flavoring the remnant of your silkiness from his middle finger. you see his eyes darken with desire. âshould we go home then, hmm?â his voice is soft, and lulling, yet he's devilish when he mocks as he kisses you, âso i can see you do that with me this time?â
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
all the way home your body feels like it's about to burst trying to contain the ravenous fire in your chest, the tingling between your legs, and it's not until you get to his apartment that you let it flow and gush out of you.
haechan, light up your energy as he carries you in his arms and makes you wrap your legs around his hips, walking blindly across his floor that he knows by heart. the need you have to look at his intimate space is completely eclipsed when he sits you down on the dining table and kisses you with passionate desire. your hands begin to undress him without realizing it, honey-tanned skin glistens in the dark, your eyes absorb his soft, smooth chest as you run your fingers and he tries to calm his breathing, starting to undress you too.
his eyes shoot quickly to yours as you watch him gasp for air and then you realize how much lighting is in the room, exposing the cardinals in different tones beginning to heal.
you gulp, hands scrambling to put your shirt back on. âdo you... do you want to turn off-â
at the time he says, tone of voice tinged with menace. âwas it him?â
your gaze avoids his when you deny it, but he makes you look at him. you see him relax when he sees you so tense, thoughts running at high speed, âshouldn't you have told me?â
âhmm?â he insists when you mumble under your breath.
âi triedâŚâ
you see the colors fade from his face and emotions crowd his eyes. âdid you want me to take care of the bruises?â
âi wanted you to kiss them away.â
âi can do that.â he comes closer, and you sense the moment he presses a kiss in a touch-sensitive place. and then another. kiss after kiss, after kiss, meeting your lips in the middle, fingertips erasing someone else's. âno one will touch you, my sweet angel. no one will. i'll keep you safe. d'you want me to save you?â
you nod under his gaze.
haechan lays you on his bed. it's comfortable, fluffy and cold at the same time. he makes it warm and cozy for you. he spreads kisses over your legs and thighs, stomach and ribs. you must have one or two bruises there because your body is shaking, or maybe it's his soft kisses as he makes you sprawl your legs so he can have a taste of you.
you squeeze and shudder under his mouth working miracles on you, exhausted pleasure making you moan his name as his tongue stimulates your slit, fucking you with his velvety muscle while sensing his plump lips pressing right on your clit, brushing them slightly.
haechan leaves you wetter than you were, soaking, damped and shivering when he hovers on you and kisses your neck. âi've fucked people and imagined it's you. what have you done to me, angel?â he whispers, poking his erection at your belly.
your hands go down and wrap around their circumference. haechan chokes out a gasp and his pelvis jerks towards you. he laughs breathly, âhm⌠fuck.â you kiss his lips parted and caress his wet slit.
he's hard as a rock, and already coated with beams of precum, has he gotten like this just by eating you? âynâŚâ he breathes, âyn.â he repeats your name as you work on his hard cock, stroking him up and down, mouth catching his lower lip in a kiss.
haechan growls and his eyebrows meet, a tortured expression furrowing his pretty features, agitated and blushing. his hot body on yours, erection pressing into the valley of your pussy as you masturbate him in a trance, watching his face contract with pleasure. âi want to feel you in my mouth,â you pronounce, pushing him so he can lay down.
he's so dazed he doesn't respond and instead swallows hard, head pulled back into the pillows when you straddle him and come closer to his dick.
your mouth is watering from ecstasy, putting it halfway in, and curling your tongue around his girth. haechan hisses; he tastes salty and sweet and he feels soft. you flavor his warm creamy precum from his tip, slender muscle flicking the slit, making haechan buckle his hips up. your hands are firmly in the groin as you push the rest of his length down your mouth.
âo-oh god.â his cock sits comfortably inside your oral cavity, it's thick, and you can barely get it in without not being able to puff up your cheeks. you bob your head and he calls your name eagerly, tongue pressed against the underside of his shaft. âfuck, angel.â he grunts and you delight with every sound you entice from him. pulling out his glistened cock once you need it inside you.
your eyes roll back while faint scream reverberates in your throat as the sensation expands through your extremities, and grips your pussy. haechan settles inside you and you feel stuffed to the brim, going up and down his hard cock. your vision fades to black, sensing the waves of pleasure washing you. your breathy moans and soft whines mixing with his guttural sounds. kissing his lips and grinding against him.
haechan feels so good, his girth stretching you out before you begin to rock back and forth with sharp thrusts. your eyes take in your sight blurring and darkening with desire when you see him close his eyes and gulp, hands roaming your thighs. a tingling drops in your stomach as he turns into a mess, a bunch of grunts and broken words.
you grind, and rock, and wiggle in ecstasy, causing moans that slide from his parted lips and constantly wet down his tongue.
the sensations makes you lightheaded, the rhythmically pace he force you to fuck him with his firm hands on your waist, feeling delicious. a tingling runs through you and embalms your body with a numbing sensation. cock hitting you without clemency as your vision blurs while you reveled from the way his dick stuffs you.
you move with rough and sharp thrust on his lap, dick sliding in and out, sensing your ecstasy building on your belly, vibrating each time your groin meet.
a divine sensation is unleashed in your stomach, and suddenly you are euphoric. you cannot sustain yourself properly.
you start to move with short, deep thrusts. riding him dexterously, your body contorts when you increase speed, your pussy clenches and twitches, dazed by the full way it feels, starting to rock involuntarily once you've become drunk from the way he jerks inside you. vision blurring when you watch him. your face contracts before the carousel of delight that you are sharing. observing him moan for you, closing his eyes because the feeling is so overwhelming, but opening them again because he doesn't want to lose an instant of you, drinking in your sight.
haechan doesn't leave your face. you catch him enraptured by your expressions and features, contracting with burning pleasure.
a gasp leaves your lips and your pussy clenches when he grabs you and one movement puts you underneath him. your legs spread and rest on each side of his body before haechan throws them to the side, knees together. a scream builds up in your throat when the crushing sensation heightened as he furrow his eyebrows with anguish when your walls wrap him tighter. âa-ahg fuck, you're so good.â
your head lolls back as you feel his cock hammer you relentlessly. heartlessly. fucking you with an unseemly frenzy, hearing him gasp and giggle with joy under your voice screaming his name. biting your lips when a shudder strikes you so hard, that you're nothing more than a tangle of haze and hisses.
your belly vibrates and the pace of his thrusts, his gaze fixed in the way your body crashes with his while he breathes almost artificially. âtaking me so good, angel. you love how i'm making you feel? can't help but scream my name so delicious.â your hands bury in the tuft of hair and your legs wrap around his hips when he comes closer, back arching towards him when his mouth lands on your tits and you feel his tongue twirling against your hard nipple.
you feel numb and aching, crying his name when a sudden need to pee strikes you. a burning sensation spreads through your belly and groin, bringing you to the intoxicating sensation of climax destroying your body.
âfuck, s'sweet.â
a painful sharp pleasure fills you up when haechan jerks and thrust you sloppier, a wave of spasms runs through you as the destructive orgasm washes over you from head to toe just as he moans loud before he starts to throb along with your clenching.
he sobs, rocking his pelvis in and out, milking his seed into the condom. he squirms when you wrap your legs and make him bury his cock deeper, bringing him closer to you so you can kiss him.
haechan reciprocates the kiss a little dazed, his head hiding in your neck as he hugs you tightly, still inside you.
that night you dream of the black swan.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
your apartment is quiet. and outside, dusk falls for the gala. the door to the continuous room is wide open but no one is inside, and you remember, that today was gonna be your night, if it wasn't for wongyoung.
malicious whispers meander through, and you're on edge as you watch her in your bed, getting dressed in your clothes.
âwhat do you think you're doing?â
her gaze lands on you and because of the darkness you can't see her features, but you know it's her.
âi can do the black swan, but the white swan suits you perfectly, i thought that by wearing your clothes it might make me look more like you,â she talks.
you see her smile when she gets up. her shadow lengthens and projects on the wall. âhow do i look?â
she makes you feel like you're in one of her illusions where it's easier to replace you; one where she is a better version of you, eager to seal all your experiences; she looks like you.
you look at her with a mixture of bewilderment and disbelief. âtake off my clothes.â the uneasy feeling makes you shudder.
âwhy? haven't you done the same with my clothes?â she chimes. âdo you think haechan will fuck me before the performance like he did with you?â she blurts out suddenly, pensive, looking at her reflection in the mirror âyou're weak, and pathetic. you let them step over you.â
wongyoung turns on her axis to look at you, and you're both startled. she grins but it's your mouth that curves and then she gets closer to you, yet you're the one who moves.
âi almost had it.â
she grins, âit's my turn nowâŚâ
your faces blend when you fall to the ground, and time passes slowly because of the density of a black hole. wongyoung growls and glare at you from below, features erasing and drawing themselves under the fog in your eyes. she shines and becomes null, evolving in front of your eyes until she looks exactly like you, as you shout, âit is my turn! my turn! mine!â
her eyes gaze at you and she grins, before they close shut and her features go serene.
and just then, you remove your hands from her slim neck.
kai doesn't expect to see you that night. he curls his lips, his predatory eyes sparkle. âyou're here.â
âthey expect to see me, they lust for me.â
âand are you okay with that?â
âthey just need the fantasy. i'll be their swan.â
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
it's a delusion. maybe you've created him in your head, maybe he's created you in his. there is no more violent delight than to follow the path of the bead of sweat on his sun-kissed skin. his hair becomes more disheveled as he loses his composure. his eyes are like pits of black matter, looking at you through the mirror. half-open mouth with puffed, pink lips, grinning at you while he struffs you with his girth.
your hands went to the mirror in front of you, seeing your face disfigured by pleasure, with furrowed eyebrows and mouth open. the velvety feeling of haechan coming in and out of you, filling the room with your shaky breathing and the clashing sound of flesh as he hammers you. one of his arms crossing your chest while the other rubs your clit.
âfuck, angel. so pretty and ruined.â his breath warms your cheek and your eyes flutter as you feel him grab your body and move it to the nearest wall.
your hands hold on to the solid surface as you are crushed against his body, reveling when he change the pace and fuck you with sharp strokes.
your mind is wiped out clean. eyes closing tightly and teeth grinding at the crushing sensation of his dick between your gummy walls, enticing uncontrolled moans to the rhythm of his thrusts.
âhmm, too much for you, angel?â
you always want to have him inside for longer after you're done. to leave you drunk with crushing pleasure from your long sessions where he restrains you under him. watch him stare at your pussy when he's done fucking you, licking his lips as he palms his length until he's hard as rock again. finger you, eat you, nutting outside while his creamy load paints your folds and leave you dizzy.
âi can take it.â he groans and fucks you harder leaving you brainwashed with nothing more than the feeling of his cock burying deeper, making you rolled your eyes, dazzling, fuzzy.
a sharp tingling grips your inside and your pussy goes numb and aching. fire expanding all over your intimacy as haechan rocks his dick in and out, walls becoming swollen and tighter around his shaft.
a tingling embalming your body fleetingly to the release of your climax as he turns you over your axis and resumes the motion.
âit was beautifulâŚâ you breathe against his mouth. your hands cups his pretty face and you admire what you do to him. dilated pupils and darkened gaze carried by desire. âso beautiful.â the piece. the dancing. his warm body pressed against you as you hugged each other. the euphoria you couldn't contain once you got to the dressing rooms and your bodies collided with needy hunger.
âhae,â you say in a dreamy sigh when he carries you and penetrates you at a slow and hard pace. looking at you with misty eyes, he moans hauntingly. âmy angel, my angel.â he clenches his jaw, suffering a spasm that makes him jerk his groin, accentuating the strokes. he doesn't take his eyes off you until you see him frowned and roll his eyes alternating between fast and harder, becoming sloppier âtil he explodes in white ropes of cum, nutting in you.
three sharp knocks echo through the dressing room door. âentry in 5!â you both stifle a gasp between kisses.
haechan slips outside of you and you behold him: sweaty and dazzling. your knees give way before you even think about it and you hear him laugh. eyes aflame with doziness and perversity watching you put his soft member in your mouth, licking his slick clean.
he hums and throws his head back, and you feel that five minutes is enough if you keep moving your tongue like that against his still growing length.
ŕ¨âĄŕ§
âi always wanted to be the swan queen.â the reflection in the mirror doesn't do justice to her angelic beauty. your gaze searches for her behind you but she disappears.
you feel its presence everywhere. it has never left you, asleep and conscious. it speaks to you. it feels you. it dances for you.
âhe promised me i'd be his swan.â her voice is just a mere whisper.
and it sounds like you.
something flickers, maybe the stolen star in her hands or white flapping wings. you're growing used to it; you've always had a space for it, whether in a room next door or inside you. it takes space, and sometimes, it takes on a life of its own.
she cries. âyou stole him from me.â
âmy swan.â kai cradles your face and pinches your cheeks. his face lights up at an epiphany. âpretty, chaotic and obscure. where's my little white swan, did you kill her?â something squirms inside, yet you can get used to it.
it takes time for you to figure out who she's talking about. whether it's haechan or kai, the answer is the same. âdon't make deals with the devil.â
she rushes at you like a fuzzy shadow, and all you hear is the same violent flapping wings, before it goes dark.
you've latched your room. and it's impossible for kai to know that a lifeless body is inside unless he sent her himself and now he knows that if you're there it's because you got rid of the other.
but there is no body. and there's no blood. just a vast void beginning to fill up again.
âit's like i'm seeing another you.â he smiles proudly, as if it is his merit to have lured you over the precipice.
âshe set me free.â
kai grins, âwho?â all the girls he put against you? namjoo and kazuha? wongyoung? yourself?
perhaps it has always been you. âthe swan.â
the show was over. the performance was brilliant. haechan comes at you, wild eyes consumed with intense fixation. he looks angelic and dubious at the same time.
âhaechan is one of a kind, you see. he fucks with every partner he's ever had. maybe that's his ritual.â
âi know.â you grin. âsome methods are darker than others.â
you need to make some enemies to crack your soul with blows, let it empty, and fill it with something more volatile. then, you let it run free.
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itâs too bad youâre married to me | m.l
âhusband!mark lee x f!reader | ft. jaehyun + jungwoo
genre: smut, angst, tragic romance, miscommunication, marriage au, 2000s au
synopsis: all mark ever does is use weaponized incompetence to get out of small tasks you ask of him. when he finally realizes you resort to his close friends to do what he canâtâ nothing can prepare him for whatâs in your pandora box; now karma is set in motion.
warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, orgasm denial, cum swallowing, jealousy, toxic relationship/love, insecurity, vomiting, work field harassment, mental health deteriorating, self sabotage, smoking, mentions of poor eating habits/self care, pregnancy, mark is a horrible husband. this is for the people who only know toxic and bad relationships, woohoo (...)
wc: 19.5k+ || soundtrack || ao3
part 1 | part 2
Š 2024 YOJEONGIN all rights reserved â please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works on other social mediaâs. reblogs are HIGHLY appreciated and preferred!
disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are only characters. read at your own discretion.
an: it's been a year since I last updated the happy together series, I guess I lied when I said the stupid girl incident wouldn't happen with this one but hey it's finally over! this is an epilogue for happy together but can be read as itâs own part. ynâs character here isnât the same as happy together, this is a completely different yn!! fun fact I came up with this before happy together lol
âNo one wants to think about it. About how your love may run out or hang by a thread because itâs that big, not able to be supported by one person alone. To even have the fleeting negative thought race in your mind. No one wants that.â â April 25, 2004.
Life was sweet, it was a new romance never felt before (at least in your case). The type to make your heart swell at any sweet action. He was tender, sweet, and attentive. Whatever you asked of him, heâd have for you, ready and in your hands. Mark used to go out of his way for you but slowly the small things became a burden and any little task, he never wanted to do anymore.
Even so, now as you sit on your knees in between his legs, hearing his grunts from the pleasure he is enduring, you put off your own pleasure for his as long as the satisfaction of him feeling loved continues.
With his cock stuffed deep in your mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat. Mark held onto the messy comforter while you kept going. Your nose hitting his pubic bone, staying still for seconds just so he could feel the warmth of your throat around him.
At that feeling Mark allowed a disgruntled moan, loud and perfect. His hips buckle forward, causing you to gag. Tearing up and finger nails softly claw his thighs. Thatâs the most damage you allowed yourself to cause him. His hand wraps around your hair, the sting of his pulling mirroring the one of your clawing, he was relentless unlike you.
âYouâre so good to me. You feel so good, fuck!â He groans, eyes tightly shut. âI love when you gag around me, it feels so good. As if your throat still hasnât gotten used to me after all these years, pretty girl.â
Raking your nails on the lower back of his thighs, he hisses. With his hands holding onto your head, his thrusts get harderâ almost as a counter attack.
The hand you had on his thigh comes in contact with his balls, pinching them where he likes. Playing with and twirling them. Markâs thrusts become slow but harder, hitting the back of your throat more painful, nothing you wouldnât take unwillingly, though. He knows you can and will take anything he gives you.
Thatâs how you knew he was extremely close. When his thrusts were rough and slow, the grip on your hair became tighter when he pushed you further down, becoming extra sensitive to the way you handle his testicles.Â
âAh~ y/n⌠Please, just a bit more. AhhâŚâ He pants, stopping his thrusting momentarily until you pinch his scrotum, to which he whimpers loudly. Some sweat had accumulated on his neck and forehead. Glistening, he looked so beautiful, much more than he already is. Markâs eyes were closed but he could feel your lingering gaze on him. He could feel the penetrating stare that looked at him with adoration.
When he couldnât handle it furthermore and his thrusts against your throat were becoming sloppy, Markâs eyes fluttered open, looking down at you, giving you one of his most tender smiles. You never got used to the way he looked at you. Even when he gave you his coldest glares, there was always a sense of adoration to them.Â
So one can only imagine the warmth and giddiness you felt when he looked at you this lovingly. Lovingly enough that he removed one hand from your head and placed it on your cheek. Thumb caressing your flesh, soft strokes contradicting the ones abusing your throat.
âWhat I wouldnât do to be like this with you forever.â The words contradictory and cheeky to his caring caress, almost conniving.Â
Markâs hips jolted forward, disgruntled moans left his lips but his eyes never left yours. Even after he screwed them shut momentarily from pleasure, heâd always open them to let you know how good he felt. Head thrown back, trying to regain his breath and calmness after the orgasm you had just given him. His hand strokes your head softly whilst you gaze up at him lovingly, your head resting on his thigh.Â
âMorning,â your voice snaps him out of it, looking down at you with a smile. âReally good morning.â He chuckles in a breath, leaning down as much to give you a soft and tender kiss, tasting himself on you. Pulling apart, Mark stands up, helping you up from the aching position you were in. Rubbing your knees momentarily to soothe the pang.Â
It didnât take long enough to forget his care and make his path to the kitchen, you trailing behind like a lost puppy, ignoring your ache just to start the day for both of you. âHey, can you do me a favor?â Your soft voice squeaked against his ear, making him turn to you slowly. A gleam of hope on your part as always.
âWhat is it?â You could see his emotions coursing through, already looking for excuses as always. âJustâ can you pick up an order at Cafe 7 Dream? Itâs for Venetiaâs pregnancy leave party but I donât have time to pick it up. Please? During your lunch break?â
Your eyes still glimmer with hope knowing well what his answer already is. âOh⌠baby, you already know I canât. I donât even know where it is.â He ran a hand through his hair, walking past you after giving his famous apologetic pout.Â
Back to him, hopeful smile faltering, slowly closing your eyes disappointed but not surprised knowing the predicted outcome. You sigh quietly, basking in the background noise he made. Opening and closing the fridge door and pans moving around the stove top as if he truly had intentions to do something.
âI guess, yeah⌠itâs fine Iâll figure it out then.â Defeatedly, you make your way to him, watching him play with the knobs as if he didnât know how a damn stove works, you only interfered when he opened the egg crate. Rushing to him you took it all off his hands, his faux complaining making you roll your eyes, him oblivious to how it wasnât playful anymore. âGo shower, youâll be late.â Still, your voice held no annoyance.Â
He chuckles, completely oblivious to your feelings as always. âOr we could shower togetherâŚâ he suggests, not over the morning rendezvous. Wanting more and more, never satiated. Â
You didnât have it in you to smile at him, shaking your head and dismissing him as you crack the eggs over the pan. He giggles, towards the bathroom, placing a playful slap to your ass on his way.
The walls were thin. You could hear the sound of the toilet flushing, the water running, and your thoughts bouncing off of them. Torturing you with the words and feelings you try to repress all the time in order to live in peace and in love with him.
You loved him. More than anything, to the point it was extremely painful despite him being yours. Youâve fought hard trying to make your love for him unconditional, there was no backing out anytime.
Moments like these in which he shut down your pleas, all you could do was restrain yourself from the ill thoughts your tired brain tried to throw at him. You couldnât let anything get in between the both of you, not even yourself.Â
So instead you rather stand in front of the stove, moving the spatula around to make him his beloved sunny side up eggs. Funny enough, you hated them but if he wanted you to love them, you would.
Coming out of the bathroom, steam painting the mirrors and windows. Mark dries his hair with the towel sitting atop his shoulders, a sniffle leaves him, pulling the chair from the dining table, smiling at you with a âthank youâ rolling off his tongue while you set down his dishes and drink right in front of him.Â
âYouâre not eating?â He questions the moment you sat beside him with just a pouch of Konjac Jelly. You could only smile and shake your head, suckling on the nozzle to get out the contents. You werenât eating then and there, you just didnât want to tell him you were getting breakfast with your colleague on your way to work.Â
Mark nodded before digging in on the yolk with his spoon, that expected smile on his face.
He talked and talked after every bite and chew. Mark was well aware of how much you liked to hear his voice, especially in the morning before he left you for work. Head resting on your palm as you watched him stack his plates, a smile plastered on your lips from his presence alone.Â
âWant me to drop you off? Youâre gonna have to hurry though.â The clanking of the bowls on the sink as he passed water over them knowing youâd wash them eventually; making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and finish getting dressed.Â
Shaking your head as a response, he waits for your explanation. âIâm walking the entire week, donât worry about me. Maybe I'll take the bus.â
How couldnât he when both of your jobs were a tad bit far from home. It didnât help that most of the time you got out late. At least he was thankful Jungwoo could drop you off whenever he wasnât able to pick you up or simply didnât feel like it.
âYou know I donât like it when you ride the bus, itâs always filled with⌠men at these hours. Take care, okay? Call me once you arrive or if something happens.â
Despite your smile of approval, what was he going to do when he can barely take care of himself?
Markâs lips fell against yours the moment he opened the door to the apartment, towering over you for a few kisses before pulling away. âBy the way, can you pick up my suit from the cleaners either later or tomorrow? I have a meeting at the end of the week.â
He was giddy asking you for a favor, clutching his backpack, ignoring the way you tried to not let your emotions show through your face. âYeah⌠Iâll do it after work.â Your soft voice, trying its best to hide that tinge of bubbling vexation.
Mark smiled, a giggle leaving his throat whilst his hand caresses your cheek. âIâll see you at night, baby.â You couldnât answer, he had bolted towards the elevator. Only the daily bittersweet taste lingers once again.
Shutting the door behind you, your eyes immediately travel to the pile of dishes he left for you on the sink, not even allowing your sighs to escape by how familiar this scene has become. It was rather frustrating for Mark to not notice your obvious signs of unhappiness with him. He knew you loved him, perhaps more than he loved you, which he tends to ignore to not throw himself off.
But that love he thinks you have was blinding him from all the realities of how dysfunctional the relationship was. It was pitiful that his friends were the only ones to actually notice them.
âMarkie, morning!â Johnnyâs cheerful voice booms against his ear, hand softly patting the younger manâs shoulder as he signals to follow him and Jaehyun to the break room while handing him a cup of coffee.Â
Mark returned the greeting to both of the men standing in front of him, conversing as if he didnât see them almost daily. From joke after joke, Jaehyunâs phone beeped constantly, the other two ignoring it as he checked it with a giddy smile plastered on his face; Johnny asks if theyâd like to get lunch during their break.
Mark immediately agreed to the offer, taking some of the last sips from his coffee. They spoke about restaurant options but upon Jaehyun not answering, rather typing, the blackberry keys louder than his coworkers, the two turned to ask again.
âJaehyun, youâre down for lunch?â Johnny questions, making his way towards the trash can, depositing away his cup, the eyes on the â7â icon turning to Mark. Jaehyun hums in response, putting his phone away before actually speaking. âUh, maybe next time. I have something to do.â An apologetic smile, Johnny understanding but Mark lets out a teasing chuckle.Â
âLunch with a special friend?âÂ
âActually, Iâm helping your wife.â
He didnât want to make it obvious but Jaehyun put enough emphasis on âyourâ. âShe asked for a favor and I always say yes, so...â Jaehyun shrugs, sipping the last of his own coffee.
The air was shifting to hostility the more Markâs expression began to change, slowly but surely. His eyes followed every move Jaehyun made, ignoring how all the 7âs glared at him, even his own. Johnny was no fool, if Jaehyun couldnât feel the building hostility, Johnny was clearly feeling and seeing it. His eyes advert from both men as he watched how quickly a mood can be annihilated.
âAlways? What do you mean, always?â Mark turns his back to the other two âalmost to shield himself from the accusatory numbersâ, throwing away his not empty cup and going to the sink to wash off the stickiness from the coffee that spilled on the sides.
The second oldest man mustered a shrug, taking a cup from the water cooler and pouring some in to get rid of that coffee taste on his tongue. Bitter coffee taste, the one lacing Mark. âI mean, I canât say no to her⌠if sheâs busy and canât run an errand she asks me to run it for her and in return she bakes me a cheesecake. We all win!â Johnny smiles at Jaehyun at the mention of the desert and his unconvincing naivety.
Mark didnât speak, his mouth forming an âOâ at the realization that the reason you always baked was not for you or your coworkers but for his friend. For doing something you had originally asked of him. Just in the past month you had baked six cheesecakes and all of them after you asked him for a favor that he turned down. All this time he thought you were just baking for pleasure but now he knows Jaehyun helps ease your stress. Jaehyun, not Mark.
âIâm gonna head backâŚâ Johnnyâs voice broke him out of his train of thought, the elderâs eyes adverting from his two younger friends before opening the door. Jaehyun announces that heâll follow behind, leaving Mark to his own thoughts for just a second.
One could call that the start of his demise. If anything Mark wouldâve been better off knowing you did everything on your own but now he felt an unjust slight resentment that you ran to one of his friends. Guilt, if you will, for his own faults.
He didnât let the thought go the entire day and it didnât become better once you had arrived back home with groceries and his suit in hand. Worse off, he saw you struggle with the heavy items but he made no effort to help, rather analyzed the components in your hands. Contrary to you, upon seeing him, a warm smile spreads on your face. Putting everything down and going up to him to envelope him in an embrace and a tender kiss.
âHiâŚâ your breathy voice showing obvious signs of agitation.Â
âHey⌠why are you so late?â He questions, accusatory for something heâs not sure what heâs looking for yet; a minute frown as he looks through the contents of your grocery totes. Cream cheese, graham cracker, sweet condensed milk⌠a pit in his stomach formed, a growing feeling of confusion followed.
âAnother cheesecake?â He questions, taking out the items and starting to put them away. To say you were taken aback was an understatement, your chest swole and you felt some relief seeing he was actually helping. You nod, holding onto the back of a chair to catch yourself. Mark hums, turning to look at you. Upon seeing how sunken and dull you were looking, his expression turned to one of concern.
âHave you eaten?â Mark asks, his hand reaching to caress your cheek. âYeah! We had a dinner party for Venetiaâs leave.â âI told you about it..â you want to add. No matter, you knew it was futile with how he hums in response. It was true about the dinner part but you hadnât eaten there, Jungwoo and you had decided to blow it off and go to a soup bowl restaurant instead.
He hums again, putting away all the other groceries and leaving just the cheesecake items. âSeventh cheesecake this month isnât it?âÂ
His piqued interest sounded hostile and cold, eradicating any sense of relief that he cared. âYeah, why not?â Responding with a smile and knitted eyebrows, Mark didnât add more. In turn, he took his items from the living room to the bedroom, opting to continue working there.Â
Looking at the empty spot he left, a sigh left your lips before continuing to fulfill your part of the deal with Jaehyun. You didnât know if the sigh was from relief or grief. Regardless, his care was too good to be true.Â
The next morning he had woken to your spot on the bed empty and cold, a building resentment and loneliness starts to grow when times before he didnât feel them. Odd.Â
Giving himself a few minutes of rest time until he decided to get up and do his daily routine. By the time he had reached the table, his breakfast was covered to keep the warmth in, glowering when he noticed it was slightly warm but getting cold. A note on the side of his dishes.Â
âDecided to head early. Sorry in advance if the food gets cold. Love, y/nâ
A small heart next to your name, Mark smiles to himself. As he ate his breakfast, his concerns and the slight jealousy he had gained overnight dissipated. He felt foolish for questioning your relationship with Jaehyun. What was there for him to be jealous of? Hell, Jaehyun was taking care of the burdens he didnât want to, thatâs a win-win situation, no? Jaehyun gets his treat, you remain content, and he isnât bothered. Yeah, he can now think clearly and see thatâs fair. Nothing ever comes out of your close friend being nice and considerate of your wife, right?Â
HmmâŚ
Nevertheless, Mark shakes his head with a goofy content smile whilst he drops his dishes in the sink, passing cold water over them. You picked up his suit yesterday and today it was hanging, freshly steamed furthermore. His shoes clean and shiny by the door, food you cooked for him in his system, and overall a lovely note you wrote him. Mark knows you love him and only him, what a stupid little preoccupation yesterday was.
âDumbass.â He chuckles to himself, squeezing a plushie he had gotten you that ever since, you left on the bed, your smell on it; youâd always be near him and oh how he loved that security. Surely he has to let you know how he adores your love.
Walking towards your desk to look for whatever piece of paper, he sat on your chair, opening the drawers and searching for at least a sticky note.
Upon finding the nearest notebook, Mark pulled it out along a pen. Opening it to where he could find a clean page; he stumbled on multiple pages of frantic writing and numbers written all over. Sometimes they went down and sometimes they went up, if the number was higher than last, a large âxâ crossed it in red. He didnât think much of it, maybe something to do with work statistics?
Curiosity still got the best of him, heâs never seen you write messily. Everything youâve written has been tidy and neat, so this was interesting. Flipping through the pages, he found two lists. They read the same thing but the one on the left had more xâs whilst the one on the right had check marks, sometimes nothing.
Pick up cleaners,
fix the leak in the kitchen
pick up order from cafe 7 dream
find a new car inspection place
pick up Venetiaâs leave cake
Those were all things you had asked him to do and things he had told you he couldnât do on account of all the excuses he made. All striked through, ink bolder and fresher the more recent the task was. All those crosses were for him and he figured all the check marks were for Jaehyun.
Some of the stuff seemed too intimate for Jaehyun to do for you. Picking up the cleaners? Fix the leak? Find a car inspector?
Jaehyun had no responsibility to find any of this stuff for you but there he was doing what Mark couldnât and that jealousy he felt yesterday was back again. That meant you hadnât picked up his suit yesterday, right? It was Jaehyun who had done so and his grubby hands mustâve left oils for you to steam it again?
God, no⌠he was being irrational again!
The more he flipped through the pages, Mark read the small and longer paragraphs. Most of them written frantically and showed obvious frustration. It seemed to be completely full of vent paragraphs. You wrote down your desperations and thoughts, often seeming angry and saddened. He cared for all that but they became unreadable the more upset you became as you went on.Â
Few things that made his head pound and chest start to rip apart were how many times he read two names over and over: âJungwooâ and âJaehyunâ. You met them through him, he had brought them into your life but now he was finding that to be a mistake.Â
Ironic, isnât it? You spoke so well of them. Every paragraph regarding them was neatly written and cohesive. For the most part you were just thanking them for making your life easier.
âKeep forgetting to look for new posts, Jungwoo has been helping but he seems kinda down when he does.â
âDinner coordinator keeps bringing the same catering and itâs growing tiring, seaweed treats are hell. Thank god Jungwoo took me out instead. â 03.29.08, 22:37.â
Last nightâs date. You had told him you ate at the company dinner but instead went out with his friend and didnât think to tell him, opting to lie about it. He knew you loved him but now he was questioning if the amount was just as big as he thought.
âWonder if Jaehyun is getting tired of these favors and cheesecakes. I donât think he even finishes an entire one in a month and Iâve baked seven for him, I fear for his fridge. Itâs not as big as I thought now that he moved. Nevertheless, thank god I can count on him to actually do these favors for me.âÂ
The last part stung horribly. It didnât seem to be a jab on him from how you wrote it but he took it as such given he always did something wrong when you asked him to just so you would stop or heâd make excuses for the same reason. He now took issue with you preferring Jaehyunâs and Jungwooâs help over his.Â
He also hadnât told you Jaehyun moved apartments so there was no reason for you to know how big his fridge was. It stung more that neither of his friends told him about the close friendship they held with you, his wife.Â
The last note on the paper is what caught his attention; âLunch with Jungwoo at Cafe 7 Dream, 12:30 today.â
Itâs only 08:35 in the morning as of right now; he got dressed and put away all your stuff trying his best to make it seem like he didnât rummage through. As he buttoned up his shirt all he could think about was going to said cafe and seeing what it was all about. A part of him told him to stop being stupid, you and Jungwoo were friends too given the company you two work in, so a lunch shouldnât be bad. But he couldnât shake off this uncertainty.
His day went monotonously. From the moment he made his way out of the apartment, to his daily drive through the freeway with a clear view of a big â7,' not drinking his daily coffee with his colleagues, to now being back in the car, looking at that same â7â he sees daily while he roams for a parking spot.
Whatever was playing on the radio was static and the air around him stuffy, not even the rolled down windows being able to aid him. It was around 12:53 in the afternoon when he had arrived and parked a few spots away from the vast window of the cafe. Bringing down the sun visor, fingers strumming on the steering wheel, and his lips pursed, eyes roaming the areaâ Mark had spotted you and his friend in the outdoor section.Â
His initial jealousy wasnât present right now, he was mostly focused on the image that had never been presented to him: you were visibly upset. Throughout your six years of being together, you always remained calm and even when he spewed vile things towards you during one-sided arguments you never cracked.
Maybe thatâs why youâve lasted this long. He could say whatever he pleased and kept off his chest while you never gave him a negative reaction. For the most part whenever you didnât respond in the arguments heâd angrily walk out of the situation to go meet with his friends while he left you to scribble your feelings onto the journal he stumbled upon just today.
Your arms flailed, hands forming into claws that whenever you were spewing something that angered you, clung to your flesh, leaving dents on itâ must have been that intense if he could see those forming. Your hair was disheveled but your clothes intact besides the pantyhose you were clawing at earlier. You didnât look dull anymore but you did look on the brink of angry tears.
In contrast to you, Jungwoo leaned back on his metal chair, hair kept well combed, suit intact and ironed, with a shit eating grin on his face as he nodded with everything you said. His words were slow, helping Mark in reading his lips and only being able to read just that sentence: âLet it all out, you donât deserve this.â Every time he said those words, youâd slump over the table, head resting on your hands and nodding to yourself.
The perplexed expression on Markâs face never left. His eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, leaning in against his wheel as if any of that would help him listen to the conversation. It worsened when Jungwoo took a small box from his pocket, handing it to you in which youâd give him an apologetic smile for ranting to him while also being thankful.
He didn't understand where all this came from. You have always been so calm, never letting things affect you let alone smoke. Hell, you're the reason he stopped smoking but here you were doing what he used to do with his friend.
At this moment he didnât understand why he had rushedly gotten out of his car and inside the building. All the courage he mustered to go inside dying whenever he saw the both of you stand up from the table after paying.
His heart was palpitating in horror. He couldnât excuse why he was there this time, he told you he didnât know where this place was so it would only worsen your already horrible mood. Not to mention, he had nothing to say. How would he start the conversation? âI know Iâve lied to you about this place but what the fuck is your deal with Jungwoo and Jaehyun? Whatâs your journal all about?â No, he canât let you know heâs been snooping, let alone have you think heâs jealous.
Mark could only follow behind a group of people walking to the counter, hiding amongst them and hoping you stayed enthralled in your conversation to not notice him. At least he was thankful he could finally hear the conversation but that dissipated the moment he heard Jungwooâs voice.
âIf you keep pushing away and shutting off your frustrations with him this wonât end well. You canât just conform to keep him with you and let him do all heâs doing. You canât let him act the way he does and hope he changes without asking. You know what my grandma would say? If you donât speak, God wonât hear you. And heâs not hearing you. Are you not miserable in the relationship?â
It stung. It painfully stung deeply in his heart that he truly felt he was having a heart attack right now, cardiac arrestâ whichever. It sounded oddly familiar.
âMark says, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.â So which is it?â Jungwoo laughs, shrugging. âSeems God canât make up his mind or he's fucking with us just because he can.â
Sadly for the both of you this was only the start of your demise. As for the following weeks, Mark had begun to dig deeper into this madness he was slowly learning he had created. Every time he was home alone, Mark began to read the notebook he had found. Your writing didnât become any less incomprehensible but he was starting to learn what certain loops meant.
He wouldnât say your writings were enjoyable, rather more concerning than anything but this is the closest heâll get to truly knowing you. It still baffles him that after six years of being together, you were capable of hiding this much from him. The only time he could recall you actually being mad was the time both of you crossed paths with one of his childhood friends.
The atmosphere turned hostile and tense as the older male reprimanded him for not inviting them to his wedding to which Mark said he did, he even gave his mother the invitation directly to give to them. The look the two shared had made your insides churn, in that instance you wanted to cut your own chest to relieve that sting within.
You could handle a lingering look and his friends' questioning remarks whenever speaking to you, but what killed you was that it took him a week to regain his dignity after he bid him goodbye with a kiss to his cheek. The words: âThey long to see you.â Cascading from his lips, but Mark smiles tenderly and awkwardly.
Mark only recalls you giving him blank stares and taking a while to answer him, conversations non-existent unless he started them. But Jungwoo got to see you tear your desk down, shred paper after paper, and cry in agony at the same time that entire week, knowing well what the older man had meant, you werenât stupid after all, heâs not the only one whoâs read someoneâs secret stash of letters.Â
Thatâs the only time he thinks youâve been mad at him or resentful enough. If only he knew how many fits Jungwoo has experienced and cleaned. But while you might not be foreign to an empty bed, Mark was. When he felt your side of the bed still neatly made and the duvet cold, a sense of fear made him shoot up.Â
He had gotten home before you that day once again, trusting that Jungwoo was giving you a ride not long after he arrived like always. After a few hours of working on some data and analysis to the point of not being able to eat the dinner you had woken up early to cook for him. Mark had decided to rest for a while not thinking of taking a nap until his eyelids feel heavy and his slumber commenced.
That was around 6:43pm, now itâs midnight with no signs of you in the bedroom and if he knew anything from those six months of living with a married coupleâ one of the spouses was up to something.
Thatâs where his fear rose and his chest started to constrain his breathing. You would never do anything to hurt him, right? Mark knew you loved him. Yes, you love him, youâd never do anything of the style. You're not her.
You're not her...
Opening the bedroom door with such force; he startled you, jumping once the doorknob slammed against the wall. His fears dissipated the instance his eyes laid on your sitting figure. Crouched over your desk with a pen on hand and arm covering the pages of that same notebook. While he was relieved to see you, now he was worried of what else you could add to wreck his nerves.
âWhen did you get home?â His raspy voice questions. You shrug, taking his presence, closing the notebook and shoving it into one of your desk drawers.Â
âMaybe an hour ago? Jungwoo got quite drunk so Jaehyun took a while to pick us up.âÂ
Mark knew what jealousy felt like, heâs experienced it in the most hateful way and over all these years he trusted you enough to never feel this strongly ever again but his friends were starting to test his patience. It may be subconscious and a self inflicted fear but Mark knows what friends can do.Â
âYou didnât say you were going out with Jungwoo.â That pitch of irritation laced his tongue, every word getting louder the more he shook his slumber away. His eyebrows furrowed unconsciously. He really didnât want to have any reaction but he canât reap what he sows.
Mark always started like this when an argument would ensue. You could handle his vile words and reproaches but you had a presentation tomorrow and the last thing you needed was for him to treat you like shit at midnight. Youâve had enough of your supervisor for that.Â
âCompany dinner meeting, Mark⌠I told you about the presentations.â Your voice was betraying you with how whiny it came out. But could anyone blame you? You had been ecstatically talking about this for almost a month, even Johnny knew about it. It just seems the man you married couldnât be bothered enough to remember.Â
Mark tried his hardest to pick at his brain and recollect the memories of you telling him. It was of no help that you hadnât written about it in your journal either. All he had left was to deflect.Â
âYou couldâve called me to pick you up, though? Why did you have to call Jaehyun?âÂ
âWould you have gone? You've been sound asleep the while I've been here.â
Your tone took him aback, this was the first time he could hear some attitude and mocking in your voice. He didnât know whether to be happy that for once you spoke to him like this or angry that the mention of Jaehyun was eliciting this response, almost as if youâre defending him.
Noticing the look of confusion on his face, you retracted any possibility of continuing this ensuing argument. Just like him, youâll avoid any further action.
âGo back to bed, love. Iâll be there in a bit.â
He didnât listen, just sunk his feet deeper into the tile, processing the whiplash of your actions. On the contrary, you walked past him to the bathroom, forgetting to turn off the stereo system, hoping your nightly ritual would help you not think about these happenings. Him? Heâll sulk like he is not at fault.
âOh, I think youâre holding the heart of mine. Squeeze it apart, that's fineâŚâ The melody mocks and lulls him goodnight.Â
A similar situation happened days later. The days building up to that night, you hadnât asked him for any favors. Times before heâd be glad but now he grew weary. The only outlier was that you werenât baking, so had the rewards gone further than sweet treats? How far could you go?
No! Stop! Mark knows youâd never do anything like that, youâre not her, thatâs a huge reason he fell for and married you. You arâ were perfect.
But then, why havenât you asked anything of him yet? Was it truly futile now?
Deja vu hit, the bed was cold beside his own spot, your plushie thrown to the floor (the only difference), no sign of you, but the second he swung the door open, there you were. Sitting mindlessly on your desk, scribbling things he couldnât see but knew he would struggle to understand later. He approached slowly, the only light source the lamp before you.
âWhat are you doing?â His voice is curious and soft in comparison to last time. You shrug like before, scribbling. âNothing.â Precise yet somehow cold. No matter how much closer he got, by only a step, you shut the journal, throwing it in your drawer and turning the lamp off. He didnât know how to take it, your actions swift and nonchalant but regardless you still made the effort to kiss him goodnight on the way to complete your night routine.Â
01:48 read the stereo system. Mark hums, this nightâs song mocking him again while his eyes look into the darkness and curves of your desk, directly at the drawer that held all your grievances. He contemplates it but itâs no use tonight.
âI love him so much, it just turns to hate. I fake it so real, I am beyond fake. And someday you will ache like I ache.â He chuckles, turning it off.
The next day was enough. You had left before him again, no reason as to why either but later he had learnt that Jaehyun had gotten into the office late with a Cafe 7 Dream drink in hand and not bought by Johnny.
He had taken your absence as an opportunity, looking at the positioning of things in your desk carefully to remember how heâd put everything back. Slowly but surely, he took the journal out, opening it to the new pages.
With the journal in hand, he steps into the kitchen, sitting on the dining table where his warm food rested. Warm enough to let him know you left not long ago. Effortlessly, he uncovers it, sliding the plates towards him and standing up to get a drink. The ice-cold water pitcher sat in front of him and he began his tasks.
âGuilt floods me every time I ask Jaehyun and Jungwoo for favors. Is this excessive? Poor Jaehyun looks so tired, I think I have to ease it. He may claim itâs fine but how much cheesecake or danishes can someone eat without feeling the weight of burden grow as fat around his muscles?â
âWhat a way with words,â Mark scoffs to himself, accidentally biting the inside of his cheek, his teeth scolding him.
âJungwoo on the other hand is probably exhausted from my complaining. I see this as my karma for all the times I told friends to leave their bummy boyfriends. I get it now. This feeling is too strong. I can't just end it, I think⌠Regardless, I do need to stop with the favors, hell theyâre easy so I can do them but itâs nice to not hear them complain or make excuses instantly. Thatâs selfish of me but I deserve some self indulgence from time to time. No⌠not at their expense at least...â
00:59 at the time you began writing that.
He didnât like that. Heâs read enough for the past few weeks but nothing like this. The bummy part even less.
He wonât deny that he wished your food got stuck in his throat and suffocated him so he can drop dead with your journal in hand and true guilt arises in you when you find his body but thatâs not him, thatâs his jealousy and anger speaking. Maybe he was getting influenced by your entries, this is something you would say just not to him.
Mark scoffs again, sighing heavily, and pushing his chair to get out. He leaves the food uncovered and dishes dirty to complete his morning routine. Despite his anger he puts back your journal not counting on the wet back from the water pitcher but flaws are meant to happen when youâre letting frustration blind you.Â
The day went in a blur from then until lunch. Snapped out of his trance by Johnny shaking his shoulder and their manager next to the taller man, Mark gave the two a fish out of the water look. One that made his manager pinch the bridge of his nose but shook it off while Johnny on the other hand gave him a questioning look. The man wasnât stupid, he could see how distant Mark had been and at most kept to himself despite trying to act like everything is fine and bond with him and Jaehyun, but heâs not that great at covering the heart on his sleeve.
âHere, take the intern with you and ask for the lunch platter at Cafe 7 Dream, the meeting is in less than an hour and we still arenât prepared.â The manager rushedly spoke, handing him his credit card, the gray hairs on his side seemingly growing with every word he spoke. It was a large investment meeting and he needed to secure this but he had been so careless that their hospitality was a wreck.Â
Nevertheless, Mark agreed, the new intern standing behind the other two men that he hadnât noticed her until she popped out, startling him a bit. She was young and timid, he hadnât heard her speak but that little jump she caused him made her laugh apologetically.Â
Thatâs the most verbal communication they had through the ride to the cafe. The radio was adamant on playing TVXQ and she enjoyed it while he focused more on the sounds the tires made and the honking from outside. Even when they arrived at the cafe they didnât speak, if anything their expression said it all. He seemed tired and uninterested while she was indifferent with only polite smiles to her senior.
Crossing the threshold of the first doors, a familiar figure stops in front of him much to the otherâs confusion when his indifference turns into a content smile. No matter how frustrated he was with what he had read, an inkling in him will always remind him of the affection he has for you. âY/n, hi!â He exclaims, turning to you a hand reaching for your shoulder. Youâre not too sure how genuine his giddiness is but in the moment for Mark, itâs the most sincere thing ever, more than you have ever been.
Itâs not enough to convince you though, with your eyes flitting between him and the intern as he kisses your cheek and the other stands awkwardly behind only flashing you a quick greeting smile before looking around.
âWhat are you doing here?â Your voice broke the interactions, a hint of annoyance and to an extent accusatory over something that you havenât voiced, turning to her again before looking back at him. The young girl wasnât quite sure of how you felt but knew it was a safer bet to go order before their boss called, clenching his ass from how fast time went and he didnât have things ready.
Clearing her throat, âIâm going to go order⌠The card?â She extends both hands, Mark takes out their managerâs card and hands it to her who bolts to the register. It doesnât take Mark long to turn to you, smile slowly faltering, seeing your stare. Unsure if itâs a glare or if thatâs how you look at someone when no longer adoring.
âManager sent us to get something for a meeting.â He brings his smile back, hoping that would help. Yet, you hum and thatâs all he gets. It takes a few seconds until your mouth, like a fountain, unexpectedly spouts something. âIâve asked you to get things for me from here but you always say you donât know where this place is.â A soft huff leaves you while forcing a smile. You can feel warmth rush from your skull down to your feet. Itâs not pleasant, at all, but you canât lose your cool right now. Not in front of him.
Perhaps if this had happened before reading your entries, Mark would have dismissed it but now he was growing knowledge of your behavioral cues and he can see your hands go behind your back, allowing your nails to cling onto your bare skin.
He musters a sigh and looks at his watch, the meeting was near. âWe can talk about this later, pretty girl.â His hand reaches your arm to stop you although he makes sure to not let you know he knows about your little habit.
You shake your head, smiling up at him and going in for a kiss. âNo, itâs cool, itâs fine. I justâ donât worry about it. Iâll see you later at home, okay? Okay.â You didnât wait for a response and habits donât die so he found it preferable to drop it. At least heâll probably read about it in your journal soon and not have you complain in his ear.
Of course youâre not going to be in his ear when youâre on your phone frantically typing something and soon putting it to your own. Seems youâll be blowing someone elseâs ear off and itâs likely the poor loser will be Jungwoo. With every motion, flailing arm, and facial contortionâ Mark knew enough of how this little thing made you feel and all he could react with was a grunt.
On weekends, by the time he began to rustle in bed and stretch, heâd be greeted with kisses and tight embraces. They often made him giggle but this weekend was much different. Once again, he woke up with the plush on the floor, a cold bed, and the window closed with only the racket outside the bedroom door. Everything was muffled but if thereâs something he identified was the smell of food being made and those two laughs heâs known very well for quite a while now.
With some surprise, he jolts up. His body aches from the lack of stretching but his feet donât care and drag him out of bed. Opening the door heâs met with Jungwoo and Jaehyun bickering about how heavy the couch was, soon to shift their attention to the movie that had been playing through broadcast TV. On the other hand he turned to look at you taking out things from a cabinet, Jungwoo rushing to help, a screwdriver in hand as he inspected the doorâ it creaked.
âMorningâŚâ He greets, stretching a bit and hiding his yawn behind his arm. You make way towards him but the other two were quicker, taking his hand and continuing their greeting-shake. By the time you reach him, he kisses the top of your head, your arms around his torso in a hug like they shouldâve been when he woke up. Jaehyun and Jungwoo throw each other a glance, one you both miss but that they mask with their teasing towards Mark.
âMorning? Itâs nearly two.â Jaehyun begins, âCan you blame him? What does he have to do on a lovely Saturday?â Jungwoo continued but it came out rather bitter despite trying to be playful. Mark manages to laugh just like the rest of you, it doesnât change the warning look you throw at Jungwoo who ignores it while removing the cabinet door, showing more chipped parts to it.
âCan you help me find something, then?â Mark dismisses the other two, looking directly down at you. Without hesitating you nod, walking to the room with him, your grasp on his torso not falling, rewarded with a tender smile of his. Unbeknownst to you two, the other pair give each other a glance again, although this time it lingers on each other. Disappointment and exhaustion painting itself on their features before going back to the favors.
The wooden door shut behind you two, Mark makes way to the restroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, leaving you situated on the bed and confused. âWhat are we looking for?â You question with some excitement as if this was a task you truly wanted when making him happy was enough.
âWhy didnât you tell me they were coming?â He finally speaks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, hair strands damp. âTheyâre just fixing some stuff.â You ease softly, smiling up at him as he stares at you.Â
His hand perched on your shoulders, pushing you down on the mattress and met with a surprised squeaking giggle that he shut immediately with a kiss. Those same hands wrapped around your body pulling you flush against him as his tongue works against your own.
Lips became slick by the moment but he felt so much pour into that kiss. So much longing and desire. A mixture of lust and guilt and that balance may be why he felt the need to keep you here in this room with him and not out there with those vultures.
Possession is the word heâs looking for.
His hands began a journey down your body, feeling every curve until they rested on your hips. Inching closer to the hem of your shorts, teasing their entrance under. It was enough for you to gasp quietly, feeling his cold damp fingers while he kissed you, smiling into it. He swallowed every word and protest before you could even spew them.Â
Your own hands on his hair, lips submissive to his. A moan when you feel his digits fully in between your legs. You shake your head but not in protest but rather of how much you needed his touch. âSay somethingâŚâ He whispers against your lips, no smile on his face. âPleaseâŚâ You beg, his fingers making slow circles to not hurt you but enough to get you to lubricate and use that instead.
The scene was greedy and lustful but ultimately, he was reminded of those two out there and the reason as to why they were present lingered. Was the couch and cabinet door that important that you had to call the little crew? No matter how displayed you are for him, with your hands holding onto him, lips kissing his own, and legs open for his own dispositionâ Mark was still aggravated.
Softly he pulled away from you, caressing your face with his free hand while his fingers went to work. âWhy didnât you ask me to help instead of them?â He tries to seem soft spoken like his caresses but those become rougher the more he speaks. âWould you have done it?â There he knew how much little faith you had on him and the scene from a while back repeats.
âIâd go to the end of the world for you, Y/n.â Mark confesses into the kiss, neither of you too sure how truthful that was. His fingers make their entrance into you, slowly moving to elicit a response. Your body ran hot, his clothed figure above you, silently begging for you to at least believe a fraction of what he said. Those pleading and mopping eyes as he pumped his ring and middle finger, increasing the pace.
You believe me like a God,
âYouâre being so cruel.â You want to tell him, to engrave it in his brain but it instead came out as a pleased disgruntled moan, one he took as accepting his lies. Mark smiles, head tilting to the side before lowering it to begin kissing your chest. Tongue lapping on the dents your collarbones create, whispering his ailments in them to the point of flooding and creating lakes that flowed down to your perked nipples after unbuttoning your blouse. His tongue, scorching and velvet against them. Granted was a jolt and a gasp when you felt his mouth wrap around one, biting softly to soon suction on the tit.
Iâll destroy you like I am.
Teeth grace your goosebump filled skin, kissing where his teeth left razor marks. Threatening crimson to spill only to be a false alarm, lingering pain and pleasure was all that was intended to reside. His fingers slowed the pace, blunt thrusts per second that left an ache between your legs when his palm came in contact with your outer skin, but oh how good it felt when his fingers hit your sweet spot. It doesnât help that by this point he had inserted a third finger, the stretch causing so much more need within you.
His mouth travels up the path he created after years of savoring your body. Tongue feeding the dried stream, cool when its source disappeared to carve marks on your neck. It was so juvenile but he wanted you to go out of that room with some swelling for those two to see. Eliciting another moan from you, Markâs free hand softly comes up to your mouth, covering and sealing it with shushes against your ear.
âDo you want them to know what weâre doing?â He whispers in the same location, you shake your head fervently, feeling hazy and growing even more needy. âGood girl.â He grins, removing his hand to hold your neck, pulling you in for another kiss. His teeth gracing your lower lip, softly nipping it to soon ease the pain heâs caused with his tongueâ as he always does.
His fingers kept working their magic between your legs despite the constriction of your shorts, his wedding band no longer feeling cold inside of you but the fact that he didnât think about removing it made you feel more aroused. To feel that metal piece unite you besides legality but through flesh and body.
Mark must have felt your growing arousal, especially with how much easier it was to ease his fingers within you. The clamping of your walls, more of a clue. In this instance he wanted to be cruel, and he attempted so. His hand stopped moving, rapidly getting out of your shorts and causing a desperate groan to leave your lips, legs quivering from the abrupt halt.
Just as he was going to cause a drought to the land of your skin and mouth, your hands took a hold of his body. Wrapping around his shoulders to hold him near, causing him to stumble slightly but not to topple over you; able to hold himself up. He wonât deny that knocked the wind out of him to a degree, feeling like in any instant he could have crushed you but pride and satisfaction soon filled him.
âPlease, Mark⌠letâs finish at least.â You beg, your voice drunk off of his touch and whiny from how long it had been since you received anything from him. âYeah? You want that?â He questions, making fun of you with that smug grin on his face, remaining features feigning compassion. He smiles at your desperate nod, mimicking the motion when he laughs quietly, kissing you again.Â
Swallowing every single one of your silent moans that he told you to keep quiet to not let those two outside know what he was doing to you. Thing is, he did want them to know, he wanted them to see how fucked you will look once he is done with you. He wants them to see how your legs spasm when trying to walk and see how marked and irritated your neck is. Heâs simply making fun of you right now and youâre falling for it because you will be anything he wants. Even a fool.
His hand slowly slides off your shorts and panties, caressing your warm legs in the process. His once calloused fingers from his creative days that he left behind now soft and tender. You held his face in between your own hands, making sure he never kept too much distance between your lips, that fresh taste of mint still lingers on his tongue.
âBut do you deserve it?â Mark immediately stops his caressing and kissing, the words echoing in the cavern of your mouth, you swallow them. His gaze is cold but curious, scanning your own for a response, a witty one.
In this instance he tries to remove his touch from you, your grip on him despite how his knee teases its clothed friction against your exposed and destitute clit. He had been denying you an orgasm for the past fifteen minutes, depriving the other two from knowing what was going on but Mark didnât care, he was luxuriating in this.
âYouâre being so cruel.â You finally say the words that had been covering the walls of your brain and heart. Needy yet angry tears prickling the corner of your closed eyes. It wasnât just lust but the fact that he was playing dirty when youâre so vulnerable and in dire need of getting something from him. For once.
âYou think so?â His knee stops, eyebrow quirking, shit-eating grin falling. You nod, a pout forming, making things worse. âDid you really have to cry now?â He asks himself, huffing as he shakes his head, pulling down his sleeping shorts.
âYou jump to conclusions so quickly, it's always such a shame.â He doesnât dare look directly at your face as he speaks this, knowing that the constraint and squeeze of your heart was showing. No, instead youâre met with the warm feeling of his spit falling off his tongue onto your cunt, some on the tip of his cock.
To be given something forced you to shut your eyes, a moan of relief enclosed within the four walls of the bedroom you shared with him. It became louder when you felt the intrusion of his dick within your walls, his mouth covering yours to drown those sounds. He likes to cherish these sounds for his own entertainment.
He gives you a few seconds to adjust to him, the girth feeling foreign despite how familiar you are with every inch and crevice of his body. Slowly, he picks up the pace, raising your leg to prop it beside him. âSee how things turn out when youâre patient?â He asks, searching for your eyes but theyâre shut.
The most he gains are pleasured moans in the crook of his neck. Mark canât figure out how satisfied he is with that answer, so his hand opts to slap the inside of thigh, causing you to whine but reward it with kisses to his neck.
To be fair you didnât think this could last long. Not when you abstain from self gratification, knowing that only he can bring you to an orgasm and given itâs been a while since you two slept together, an orgasm was long overdue. The friction of his pelvis on your clit while he thrusted was not helping. Just feeling that extra sense of overstimulation while his shaft filled every nook and cranny of your cunt, feeling his length bulge in your stomach.
Holding your body to his, your face buried in his neck begging him to please let you come. The hand beneath you pushing you flush against his own body. If it wasnât for his shirt as of now, heâd be more vocal with how well youâre both feeling his cock go in and out of you. For now heâs relying on his sweet words, worshiping how well youâre taking him.
Specifically: âFeel how perfectly you were meant for me, pretty girl?â He grabs your hand holding his shoulder, pressing it against your stomach and for some reason that makes you feel like you could come any second now, begging him silently to let you. To please grant you this one thing.
âFuck, Mark⌠just give me this, pleaseâŚâ You cry out, eyes screwed shut, lashes wet from pained and pleasured tears. You felt it in your core, you felt how bad your body clamored for some release.
âHow bad do you want it?â He asks, his own words struggling to come out unlike the pre-come lining your walls. âAs much as you.â You claim, fingernails clinging to his skin, a shallow groan leaving him. He likes to know how much you need him and if you were going to the lengths of hurting him to leave your message, so be it.
With every thrust, your nails dig deeper into his shoulder blades, sliding down his back. Whether he was picking up masochism or basked in the pleasure of the sadism he inflicted, Mark felt it. He felt how he gave out before you. Spurts of come followed with desperate deep moans that you swallowed in dire need of your own release.
But he was cruel. Very fucking cruel that the second that he stopped spasming and decorating your walls, his actions halt. For a few seconds he holds his position, head on your chest trying to relax his body full of adrenaline. If he was to look at you, he knew your face would beg him for your own release.
After a minute or two he pulls away slowly, taking his shirt off and reaching for the wipes inside his night stand. He warms them with his breath, moving them around to disperse the heat, only to lay them flat between your legs to clean off anything that fell out (although not much), propping your legs up and laying some pillows behind your back so you could rest for now.
Tongue poking his cheek before sighing and turning his back to you. âThatâs cruel.â He didnât say anything furthermore, his voice harsh and cold. Locking the bathroom door behind him and leaving you sprawled on the bed, arousal immediately terminated and the only feeling was of regret for saying what you did and letting things go this far. You couldnât cry either, the other two would probably cut you off this time for good. So youâll deny your body from letting out its emotions again. Afterall, Mark has made you be so resilient in that aspect.
Jungwooâs and Jaehyunâs tasks were complete by the time Mark had gotten out of the shower, lunch too. The entire time underwater he spent it beating himself for the decisions heâs made to let things go this way. A month ago he was content thinking his wife loved him despite his flaws but Jaehyunâs big mouth made him unravel slowly that he was doing more harm than building an eternal home. Mark was resentful, heâs not going to deny that. He hated how quickly theatrics and how easy things he saw as fine can fall.
It stung more that you were laughing uncontrollably with the other two, seemingly neither had anything to mention of the marks on your neck or the completely different outfit you have in comparison to the shorts and blouse from earlier. Hell, Jaehyun is sitting in his chair rubbing salt on the wound and you are not saying anything upon noticing Mark; it sucked the life out of him. A slug in a bath of salt.
âSit, Iâll fix your plate.â You smile at him as if nothing had happened in the four walls of the bedroom, your conformity noticeable. By this point he had taken the cold seat he was unfamiliar with. Sitting across from you was not something he was accustomed to, not in his own home at least, but here he was, watching two men who actually do drop everything for you. Two men that were his friends first, cracking jokes just to make you smile and laugh at which you did, enough to hunch over, something you haven't done with him in a while.Â
Mark had blocked out the conversation completely, watching your moves and theirs. Your facial expressions and where your hands landed from time to time. That deafness fell when you placed the plate before him. The presentation made it obvious that others had gotten to your food before him. The mixture of ingredients painting the canvas of his plate faster than prior times when he was the first to cut through the masterpiece of your dishes. This time it was tampered and by the looks of Jaehyunâs still neatly moved around plate, he was the one to break through first.
Throughout lunch Mark tried his best to not speak, only replying when spoken to or agreeing in some sense. Things got worse when your cell phone kept buzzing and buzzing uncontrollably on the kitchen counter that made the other two give each other a glance, this time, not gone unnoticed by him and piquing his interest further.
The incessant buzzing continues, enough that Jungwoo sighs before lolling his head to give you a weird look. âIs it that dick?â Â
âOh?â Mark thinks to himself, an eyebrow raising as he begins to chew slower. Your glare towards Jungwoo to hush him is futile when Jaehyun joins. âHavenât you told him to stop bothering you after work?â He sounded angry, the type of rage Mark should have, not Jaehyun. In his mind: Jealousy and that made his feelings worse.
How selfish.
âWhat dick? What are you guys on about?â Mark was so annoyed and frustrated at this point that venom laced every single one of his words, spraying it as he flayed his hands. Your silence made it worse, more painful was that you did so while Jaehyun and Jungwoo took it upon themselves to explain. The two, immensely tired of you not saying anything, of not speaking up.
Jungwoo goes first, he knows, they work together for Christâs sake. âWhatâs his name? Ah, whatever⌠Y/nâs floor colleague has been bothering her for a while, you should know.â He frustratedly shakes his head, fork digging into his plate without noticing the look Mark throws at you. âYeahâŚâ He mutters, eyes never leaving you, all knowing heâs lying and upset.
âYou should really report him, Y/n-ie.â Jaehyun breaks through, forcing Markâs neck to snap and look at him. He was just making things worse because all Mark could feel was his lunch rapidly collecting in his throat. Cutlery dropping from his hands.
âY/n-ieâ?! What an insolent fuck! Thatâs what Mark thought of Jaehyun. How dare he use a diminutive for you? Who the fuck did he think he was? Not even he, Mark, your husband called you that. What a fucking asshole.
How selfish.
A coward too, he wouldnât know how to react either way. Instead he revels in your words as a distraction. âMy boss seems to like him a lot. The only one getting in trouble would be me.â You sigh, fork moving food around. Mark looked between you and your actions, you noticed him, that you took a few bites to make him stop.
âWhy donât you apply to where we work?â He suggests, chewing what was on his fork, now using it to point between him and Jaehyun. Foolish to not grasp yet how that would mean seeing Jaehyun more and having it rub in his face that even under the same roof youâll run to him for favors.
You liked the idea, it was easy to notice how much you perked up at the fact that he suggested being together 24/7 no matter the different departments.
Jungwoo had other plans, âThen youâd leave me alone.â He pouts childishly. On other occasions heâd laugh too and call him cute but he doesnât think he can see Jungwoo as fondly as before. âMove to my floor instead.â He continues to test the waters but is met with a kind giggle and shrug from you.
The afternoon transpired with finishing lunch. Jaehyun had insisted on cleaning the dishes while Jungwoo the pots. Mark on the other hand sat on the couch, eyes often stealing glances on how you interacted with the other two. If you tried to clean, theyâd reject the idea and tell you to just go sit and do what Mark is doing: nothing; an obvious jab.Â
Ending their visit with discussing the kick-back Johnny was hosting at his place in a few weeks. Something about the Champions or US Open? Youâre not sure. You were growing more worried about Mark, that you ended up telling whoever to just text you the deets. They smiled with a nod⌠and a kiss to your cheek as a goodbye while waving to Mark who perked at the scene. He felt his eyes warm and heavy. Not sure if they were tears beginning to form from jealousy or insecurity.Â
You throw him an acknowledging smile while making your way to the bedroom. He stood up, leaving the TV on to follow behind. Before you could open the closet door to fetch something to sleep in, you feel his arms wrap around you. There was desperation to his grab, his hold was rough. Your back hit his chest, feeling his exasperated breath on your neck. Soft kisses at first but nipping soon after to leave his name all over you again, claiming you since it seemed like the others werenât being repelled.
âMark?âŚâ You call out, his hands knead your skin. âWhy didnât you tell me?⌠Why did you keepââ âeverythingâ he wanted to say, âthat from me?âÂ
âCome onââ you intend to plead but heâs not letting it go. âWhy?!â He asks exasperatedly against your face while he leaves wet kisses on the skin, pleadingly. âI didnât want to burden you.â You confess, a whine at the harsh grasp.
âYouâre my wife! I need to know these types of things, Y/n. You canât just keep things from me, how can we be good toâ how can it be good for us?â He exclaims; angry and wailing all at once.
âHow can we be good together like this?â He wanted to say, biting his tongue to not tell truths while sober. Mark didnât know what it was, but it hurt. He had been thinking about this for weeks. How to ask you overall about the things youâve hidden from him but now that he has the chance to bring it up, he canât help but feel resentful and pained.Â
Why did you trust Jaehyun and Jungwoo more than him? Heâs your husband.
He expected that once married, loyalty would be granted to him no matter what, one way or another. Just like she had granted it to Donghyuck despite how flawed their marital logic was.
Sure, he made things worse but would the universe be cruel enough for him to be in Hyuckâs shoes years later? He deserved it, he knew, something at least, but that ill side of himâ what he had learned from her plagues him and demands you to love him unconditionally. To do things on your own without the help of others even when heâs the one to deny you any aid, when heâs at fault.
Mark is miserable and he expects you to be so too⌠even more than you already are.
Misery loves company.
His hands stopped their harsh kneading, turning you around to look at him. His tired and weary eyes looked straight into yours. But while he felt resentful and confused, you felt odd. Why was he acting like he cared all of the sudden? It was strange and while you appreciated it to an extent, you also hated it.
You werenât used to it at least, and you werenât sure if this act would last. You donât want to admit it but that voice hidden in the vault of your heart loathes him more than anything.
âOkayâŚâ You nod. âIâm sorry. Iâll tell you things more often, yeah?âÂ
âPleaseâŚâ
You nod and he nods, pleadingly; heâs not content and neither are you.Â
After that discussion, the day transpired as if nothing had happened. He had returned to the living room leaving you to do whatever while he kept his distance. Only answering with hums and nods whenever you come out of the room.
Did you mind? No, it was so normalized it didnât make you angry anymore. You actually felt like things were back to normal and this was sufficient enough. Mark on the other hand tried everything to ignore how he felt or regulate those emotions since he wasnât too sure who he was mad with.Â
By the time he had figured he was over it, you had fallen asleep alone like all those times he did weeks prior. A warmth filled his chest at the thought. An inkling telling him to wake up before you do the following day just to leave that dissatisfaction you had left in him, not accounting with how disappointed you were with him already that it wouldnât affect you in the slightest.
He wouldnât do it, though. Not because he cared enough, but because he wasnât planning on waking up early to be petty. What he will do is go back to the living room and let his fingers roam like Thing until those crumpled and messy pages sat on his lap and he laid on the couch, stereo system on.
Instantly heâs met with those familiar sharp corners and loops. Numbers, increasing and decreasing significantly. The larger ones bold from rage, the decreasing one's neatly written with smiley faces next to them. He still couldnât figure out what they meant but he surely enjoyed the recipes you kept adding to the journal and the doodles of how they turned out. Although, he felt that they lacked so much substance.
All of these felt either welcoming or asked that he be eradicated from this earth for the way heâs breaching your privacy, acting like an over controlling strict father despite being your husband. Almost like his dad, but donât tell him that or heâll throw a fit. For having lived so many lives, he's surely turning into the worst version of himself.
Through more flipping to see if he missed anything, he came across some interesting notes. All which made his stomach churn and that pride he would once feel, turned toâ well, some type of disgust and concernâŚ
âIâll do anything for him but every day Iâm going insane with tense trials. Itâs fine. If I have to go insane to stay with him I will.â
Mark sighs heavily, hands covering his face to soon slide off hoping his flesh would fall with them, groaning to himself.
Fuck, he loved you. In a fucked up way he did but how much could he endure knowing things arenât fine and dandy? Sure, his first instinct is to try and fix things but thereâs also that part that wonât let him strive for any change and itâs winning.
Change hasnât been the kindest to him in the past. Hell, itâs the reason heâs morphed into what he is now but you accept him this way. Thatâs what the incessant and pestering part of him told him to let things be and just act like he doesnât know what you truly are.
He should be glad, no? To know that you love him so much that itâs killing you. Yet, he isnât. Heâs not sure why, maybe because of his deep buried true morality but he has also grown to be selfish and he wants to relish in the glory of your love until you hit a breaking point.
For once he doesnât want to be a Bernal character and it seems this is where he is slowly breaking that patternâ albeit, he is not enjoying it either.Â
Perhaps it was the hour, his growing resentment, anger, and hurt, or he was overstimulated that caused the music in the background to tremble and clog his ears the longer he kept reading. Lists upon lists of things you had to do at work followed by entries on how much longer your hours would run every instance you paid no mind to that dick that the guys described.
Countless entries of your boss calling your attention after that asshole complains. Instances in which, despite how many pictures of Mark you put up in your cubicle, he makes an effort to make them disappear any time youâre not near. On company dinners, Jungwoo and you make it your lifeâs mission to slither away from the crowdâ to be seen but not noticed, enough to not be reprimanded when youâre miles away from danger.
âJungwoo mentions in passing every opening in his floor as an incentive to ask for a transfer. Going as far as getting letters of assistance to request my temporary time in the department. Hours to days, they have been great but not everything lasts. With just one foot back inside in my department, the entire mood shifts and itâs back to reality.â
Mark doesnât understand why his chest aches every time he reads your journal. Perhaps thereâs a moderate amount of empathy but he also feels hurt knowing youâre hiding so much from him.
Years worth of things and even if you donât say it, you make it known you hate the person he is. Mark is sure that if you weren't attached to him like you are, youâd loathe him the way you loathe everyone who has wronged you. He wonders how long it will be until your love runs out and he will finally become one of them.
He shouldnât expect it but if it happened with Donghyuck who promised to never leave him, of course it can happen with you who he has wronged just as bad as his brother, even if you do everything in your power to prove him wrong. Mark tends to bite the hand that feeds him, if he gnaws for far too long, surely there will be consequences.
03:46, a warm night in 2008⌠Aggravated and nauseous from making your suffering about himself, Mark dictates that it was enough meddling for the day. Tiresome and bleary-eyed, head thumping achingly with the music debilitating him; Mark stands up frustratedly to turn off Sinead OâConnor angrily screaming âyouâre a liarâ over and over making him forget about the journal on his lap.
The vegan leather taunts him with its loud thump against the floor, screeching as he picks it up but in the process he drops some notes. âFuck me!â He curses frantically, knowing youâll definitely know heâs been snooping when none of these end up where you originally placed them. He starts to panic, he feels his heart race dangerously, his aching head is now spinning, flipping through pages to see where he can put these in, yet in the process he stops.
âDonât beat yourself up because of him. Iâll always be on your corner and so will Jungwoo. I love you, y/n. â Jaehyunie âĄâ
I love you, y/n⌠Not âwe love youâ but âI. I love youâ.
Markâs blood runs cold, his eyes bulge. In that moment he feels his chest and heart compress, squeezing the life out of him.
This is what Markâs fears came to. He worried so much about your unconditional love becoming conditional, that the universe allowed him to see the incriminating clue that told him that sooner than later that was to happen. Right?
 âDinner on me today! NO buts! Who else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?! XOXO â Snoops XD.â
The pitch black ink taunts him, questioning how recent or how old these must be. The handwriting felt juvenile with every smooth corner and small bottoms. The top of every letter felt bubbly and messy when connecting. Jaehyunâs could still be neat when messy and for some reason that bothered Mark more.
Unbeknownst to Mark, the papers were crumpling between his shaky fingers. As shaky as his breath restraining whatever he was feeling. âWho else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?â Mark repeats to himself that same question for a hundred more times, each making him more angry. âWho else but her husband? Me!â He wants to yell at the top of his lungs. Drill it in the minds of everyone in your shared circle. He was capable of taking care of you!
But being capable doesnât change the fact that he didnât nor put effort into doing so.
No, Mark didnât want to think about it. He didnât want to jump into conclusions of infidelity or anything down that rabbit hole. He knew you wouldnât do it. He wants to think that, he wants to believe it. Youâre literally ruining yourself for him, so why would you do all that to throw it all away? Regardless, he canât swallow the lump in his throat.Â
He also once thought him and Hyuck would be in each otherâs lives until they died. It later turned into him believing Hyuck would fade into the shadows of this earth and not ever see him because she would be his, choosing him, but that didnât happen. In fact it was the opposite. He also didnât become the renowned artist he was in his college years with a list full of connections that left him when he fell from grace.Â
He didnât end up thriving in the studio where he was meant to start over and is now in a dead-end design engineering job because of his father and his connections, not Markâs. Did he know anything about it going in? He knew the word design but oh god how far can connections go if he landed something like that.
Even you, he met you because of his father, and the bells of the life he avoided for years rang incessantly letting him know no one can run from their faith. No matter how hard they try.
It didnât matter if he was or wasnât in Hyuckâs shoes, it only mattered that he now knew how much pain Hyuck was going through seeing his wife rejoice in the care and love of men he considered friends. That and the fact that he was making your unraveling all about himself, at least they can share that too.
He couldnât understand how you acted so peaceful and put together when during lunch heâd visit the cafes you frequented with Jungwoo and found you the same as the first time. Exasperated, vexed, and angry with a cigarette between your fingers when you two were to leave.
A chuckle on his lips remembering all the times you pestered him to quit smoking because you wanted him for many years to come. Now heâs not sure if you want to be with him as much, no matter how many times you write about it.
âYouâre still a liar, youâre still a liar, youâre still a liar!â
Monday rolled around in which Mark swore to not allow Jungwoo another lunch date with you. Furthering his selfishness and restricting your moments of relief so he could take that time up. You wouldn't mind, right? Itâs him after allâŚ
It goes to say that when he stepped through the ample threshold of your floor with a cute little bag in his hand and some drinks in the other, that confusion crossed your mind before that thought was pushed back by adoration.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â You ask with a warm smile. You felt like a child whose parents never showed up for any activities but this one. That childish glee and relief of knowing that you are loved. âCanât pay my wife a visit?â Mark retaliates with a cheeky smile, leaning in to give you a short but sweet kiss.
You want to say it felt like when you first began dating. So sweet, tender, and soft. How he was before you married and his facade fell, showing how dependent he was. His small acts of love come through.
You want to believe it so bad that youâre willing to push back the tiny voice in your head trying to force you to question what he wanted out of you if he was willing to visit you this far.
âWell yeah,â You giggle in an effort to leave your desk. âCome, letâs go to the rooftop.â Your hand takes a hold of his wrist, pulling him along until that incessant blob of human flesh presents itself right in front of you both, blocking the way.Â
âWell look at that. Your husband, right? Didnât think youâd like the soft onesâŚâ A mocking grin slapped on his face, arms crossed against his chest. He wasnât much taller than Mark but he sure was confident to take a step closer to you both. Mark opts to carry all bags in one hand, twisting his wrist to hold your hand rather than you him.
You sigh, looking for ways to respond but Mark doesnât give you time, walking around him with you in front, ignoring any calls from him to go back for a conversation. Such an insufferable man, Mark was aware but to you, this moment, you were still treating it like one of your earlier dates. His attentiveness and courage of protecting you. You missed that Mark and any resentment from marrying him faded for now.
âThatâs him?â Mark breaks the silence, the walk to the rooftop consisting of him complaining from these few seconds they met. If he thought this much from only that timeframe, you wonder how long he would have lasted in your shoes.Â
You responded to his complaints with nods and hums, taking a seat across from him on the bistro table. He laid back on the chair relaxed, if it wasnât for his babbling one would think he wasnât really affected.
âAnd, I mean, heâs such a dick.â He groans, sitting up straight, his roll of eyes halting upon noticing you pick at one half of the sandwich.Â
Mayo wiped off, pickles on the bundle of used napkins, the turkey they touched on top of them, chunks of old avocado added to the tower. âWhat are you doing? Why are you picking at your food all of the sudden?â He leans against the table, elbows on the glass to be closer to you. In that instance, you stop your actions, looking at him through lashes before raising your head.
âMark, I don't like these. I thought you knew by nowâŚâ
Fuck.
âNo, yeah, I know. Iâm sorryâŚâ His hand leaves his chin, stretching it to hold yours. âSorry, I forgot to check the order at the cafe, I didnât want traffic to get me.â You smile at him, he smiles at you. You know heâs lying but itâs the thought that counts. âPlus, I think I came at the perfect time. Imagine I had come later and he had bothered you more?â His fingers squeeze yours, a little too hard if you say so.Â
Heâs received with a shrug. âHeâs a dick, like you said.â You giggle softly, pulling your hand away to wipe them with another napkin. âHe doesnât react like that with Jaehyun, though. Does everything to avoid him.â Your head tilts, reassembling the sandwich to presentability.Â
âJaehyun?â You gave him that same look as when he questioned you seconds earlier, except it was softer and almost incriminating. You didnât mean it in any form, more casually but after his findings, Mark canât say heâs too happy with this information.
âOh, well, when you canât bring what I ask you to, I⌠sometimes ask Jae. So, they've met beforeâŚâ Your gaze lowers, taking the other sandwich half onto your hands. âI think heâs scared of Jae, to be honest.â You giggle in attempts to break whatever tension you felt from your husband.
âJae, Jae, Jae. Christ, what a broken record.â Mark thought, an urge to roll his eyes at the mention of his coworker. For fucks sake, he was the last thing he wanted to think about or even see. The only reason he saw him today was because of work but that should be it. He shouldnât be hearing or thinking about his name here with you. Let alone hear it coming from you, his wife.
Stretching your hand towards him, you smile. âHere, eat the other half. These are huge on their own.â He took it, lunch soured by your incessant need to bring up Jaehyun and that dickhead from earlier.
Was this how he was paid? Making an effort to be a good husband just to have things be thrown in his face?
Lunch ended not too long after, he was on his own lunch break after all. It goes to say that his drop off and goodbye bid seemed lackluster in comparison to his greeting.
âUm, and donât forget to file a floor change.â He gave you a tired smile and a quick kiss. It was the last thing he said to you while fixing any pictures of you two on your desk âthree missing nowâ before heading towards the elevator.Â
Like an act of a malice-meaning demon, when reaching the twelfth floor, the doors yanked themselves open like a grand introduction to a world renowned boxer or an all-show wrestler, showcasing that smug pug-faced asshole. A silent chuckle upon placing himself next to Mark who slumped against the railing and mirror walls.
Mark greeted him with a huff, head lolling similar to his eyes. The feeling got worse when he heard him blubbering, âAt first I thought that the other guy was her boyfriend. You know, tall, dimples; suits her better.â He nods to himself, egging Markâs ringing ears.
Here they went again. Bringing Jaehyun into every conversation. Itâs made worse knowing that this idiot felt even Jaehyun could be your partner. That no matter how many images of Mark you display, to the world only Jae was good enough for you. Because heâs the only one who shows up.
âHe seems like an actual man or that guy from the floor below. The orange haired one, a little weird but he surely goes out of his way to not let me have some fun for the day.â He laughs, snorting at his abhorrence. He turns to Mark, swallowing that disgusting lump of mucus in his throat, hand itching to come in contact with Markâs smooth cheek. A pat of mockery. âSheâs doing charity work with you.âÂ
Ironic, Mark would say. Ironic that he thinks youâre doing charity work with him when this idiot was never an afterthought. The older man insists on glaring at Mark, not letting their gazes drop, seeking any response from Mark even when the elevator rings, letting them know theyâve hit the garage lobby. He felt victorious feeling as if he had struck a nerve when Mark hopped off without a peep. Only for his triumph to be shut down shortly after.
âNo wonder she has never mentioned you before. Youâre repulsive to even think about and a sorry excuse for a man.â
A disgusted scowl replaced Markâs poker face, glaring at the once mocking jackass whose face had sagged, shock turning into anger that he didnât know how to express before the doors closed, making his target disappear from view.
Mark might have felt great in the moment but things could only go worse for you. He didnât think about the consequences of his actions. He never did. He didnât think about how it would affect you at work and the repercussions you faced for the weeks to come. Mark hadnât processed he was at fault until your journal became frantic, pages with holes from how hard you wrote on them. Crumpled from the anger you couldnât express besides abusing those pages.
He didnât notice because he was indulging amongst the side notes and words highlighted with your tears about how scared you were of losing him. Your quick remarks on how you felt him pulling away or acting odd. Imploring to whichever higher being to not take him from you if that was the case. While youâre wallowing in the pits of your sadness hoping he wonât leave you, Mark enjoys the feeling of warmth seeing your desperation.
It meant you loved him, right? With how things were going on with Jaehyun, Mark took any crumb of your love that only felt real when you wrote about it. Itâs hard to understand why he didnât feel it was real when it came from your lips but it did when you confessed to the things youâve put yourself through for him. For him, not Jaehyun, him, Mark. That felt like love.
Right, only on paper it felt like love. Not like now that you found yourself in Johnnyâs kitchen with Jaehyun next to you like a guard dog, chewing your ear off with whatever he was saying despite your look of anguish. A worrying look to Mark and the likes of hisâ well, your friend it seems.
He had been enjoying the final match with Johnny, Yanyang, and the other coworkers they shared. You had been sitting by his side for most of it but it wasnât until a few minutes ago that Jaehyun pulled you aside, asking for your help to make some drinks for the rest of the guests but now he was holding you hostage, begging you to drink some water.
Mark figured the drinks you had were getting to you and Jaehyun could tell. He wonât say heâs fond of that fact. That Jaehyun knows you well to the point he can tell when you need to be cut off.
Mark tried not making it obvious but when only his head isnât turned to the TV and the host is making sure his guests are having a good time, well itâs hard to miss. Johnny notices it too, how Jaehyun was fixing you a slider, the words: âYou havenât eaten well, stop trying to fool me.â sternly spewing from his mouth.
No mayo, no pickles, no condiments at all. Just a plain cheeseburger slider. He knew how you liked it by heart and thatâs something that makes Markâs heart pound in hate.
The feeling becomes worse when your whispering turns frantic and almost audible for the rest to hear. Your words whining like you wanted to cry about how hellish work has become after Markâs visit. Jaehyun shakes his head, hands pressing against the counter to lean against with an angry look on his face. That infamous look of hollow cheeks and sunken dead eyes. He wanted to say something but knew it was best to be a shoulder to lean on.
âAnd donât tell me to talk to him about it because whatâs the use?! You know how he is. I love him, I do butââ Your hands come in contact with your forehead, shaking it a bit, âWhy canât he just be a tad bit like you?âŚâ You hiccuped, hands slowly sliding down to your mouth as you shut your eyes. It wasnât a sign of regret but exhaustion, vile stuck in your throat.Â
Jaehyunâs face softened, standing up straight to turn to you. To some form of comfort, his hand extends to rub your back, pulling you in for a side hug while you try to hold in whatever you feel. Jaehyun understands your words come from a place of hurt but confessions like that can be taken wrongly.
âWhy canât he be just a tad bit like you?...â Just like Mark had, who now felt his heart shatter. Disillusioned and hurt, stupid for thinking that you would want him no matter what. Worse off, it was Jaehyun who you confessed that to. Someone that everyone thought was a better fit for you.
Iâm sorry Iâm the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.
Johnny took it upon himself to raise the volume of the TV, sparing Mark from any more anguish and saving your business to be heard by the other guests who by the graces of God were more interested in who would win the Stanley Cup this season.
His attempts didnât work. Mark felt his world crashing down on him in this instance. He wanted to go out and scream, cry even, at the reviving memories flashing through his head. Heâs seen this beforeâ no, heâs experienced this.
Her cries to him about Hyuck to soon commence their affair in that same instance. If that was to happen in these walls, Mark thinks itâs his time to take a leap out of Johnnyâs apartment balcony.
So when you leave me, I should die. I deserve it, donât I? I can feel it getting near.
The vile stuck in your throat had been persistent on coming out, enough to push Jaehyun out of the way to run towards Johnnyâs bathroom. Itâs amazing how enthralled with the game his guests were to not notice anything happening behind them. To not feel Markâs radiating poison as he watches his wife and âfriendâ rush towards the bathroom, door slamming behind him. If it wasnât for Jenoâs and Yangyangâs cheering scream, they would hear you hurl the slider into the toilet bowl, crying along with self-disgust.
Mark couldnât hold it in anymore; abruptly he stands, ignoring Johnnyâs sympathetic look. Not only for him but for you too, aware of Markâs own flaws. He had thoughts of barging in and blowing Jaehyunâs ear off with his barking. Questioning you about what was going on, but he slowed down when he heard you hiccup and cry before and after vomiting. Jaehyunâs soothing hushes to you making his head spin but innocent enough.
Innocent until he opened his mouth. âShh, itâs okay. Let it out, itâs okay, pretty girl.â Jaehyun coos into Markâs eardrum through a megaphone to imprint the notes of his voice onto his brain.Â
Pretty girl. Thatâs his pet name for you, Markâs pet name. Hurt floods him when you make no effort to correct him and present this fact.
Since when have you become someone elseâs pretty girl?
He couldnât take it any longer, angrily slamming the door open to watch Jaehyun soothing you with backrubs, holding your hair as you went.
âWhat the fuck are you doing?!â Mark spits out venom, mimicking that of a cobra. His eyes widened by hot fury as he approached you two. You wanted to speak, but the invasion from your gut stopped you, tears being the only thing you were able to respond with.
Jaehyun on the other hand gives him a look as if to tell him to calm down, that everything was fine, more worried about your well being than Markâs insecurities. âJust helping her out, calm down.â
It aggravated him how collected Jaehyunâs words were, how little mind he paid him or how you made no effort to have Jaehyun stop giving you supportive squeezes (almost like you werenât fighting for your life).
Mark huffs, hands taking purchase on his waist watching you two, the volume to the television and the guests drawn out by your heaving. He whispers, walking towards Jaehyun with that same menacing lookâ eye roll worthy, Jaehyun would say.
âI just fucking heard you, sheâs my wife. What the fuck are you trying to do?â His finger rose to poke at Jaehyunâs shoulder. The taller one of the two feeling offended by Markâs accusations and thoughts that heâd snake him like that. Jaehyun was not Mark.
âSorry, thatâs on me,â Jaehyun slaps Markâs hand away, creating some distance. âI'm just helping herââ âBack the fuck off, sheâs my wifeâŚâÂ
Tired enough by this facade, Jaehyun scowls at Mark, pushing past him towards the door. âThen donât be a shitty husband and she wonât have to seek other people to do what you canât! I know how to respect marriages well enough, if anything Iâm just helping her. Something you should do for once in your fucking life.â
Jaehyun bites back, watching Markâs face falter as he slams the door behind him while you continue your sobbing. Overwhelmed by your bodily reaction but mostly for what just ensued in this room. With no form to defend yourself and Jaehyun. Hurt that Mark thought you two would betray him like heâs done to those before you.
You believe me like a God, Iâll betray you like a man.
In that instance Mark wanted to run to Jaehyun and gouge his eyes out, rip his stupid freshly bleached hair out, and beat him until he was nothing else than liquid matter. The words rang horribly inside his head to the point he was seeing red, his vision blurred and stars were floating in his eyes.
History was repeating itself and he was finally paying his wrong doings. He thought Jungwoo and Jaehyun were his friends but Hyuck thought the same of him and now heâs found himself in this predicament.
You're sweet, you're lovely. You go out of your way to make Mark happy so it was him all along. He's the problem and karma is finally making him pay the price.
Jaehyun understood it was his fault for being careless and using pet names but can one blame him when he was worried? Someone has to if not the one who bowed to do so. Even when heâs gone from eye sight, Jaehyunâs efforts are felt through Johnny who knocks on the door. Mark opens it slightly, Johnny standing before him with a glass of water and baking soda. Telling him about how Jaehyun sent him before leaving; for you to swish your mouth with this and drink some sparkling water to soothe your stomach ache.
Mark took it without a word, nodding at Johnny before shutting the door in his face as if this wasnât his home. You were up on your feet by the time Mark turned around, lid closed as you flushed the toilet, reaching the sink to rinse your mouth before taking the glass from his hand. No words from either of you.
He looked at you through the mirror, arms crossed and factions softening upon noticing how tired and sick you looked. Gauntly, lips and eyes puffed out, and cheeks streaked. It was best to go home after that incident, only giving Johnny an apologetic goodbye while the rest of the guests paid no mind. On your end you were out of the apartment already, embarrassment laced on your face.Â
And even through the car ride, all you could think about was Markâs words and actions. Memories of Mark smugly telling his ex-best friend words Jaehyun spat at him flooded his vision, making it dangerous for him to be driving. To his side you grunted in discomfort, feeling as if vile was to rise from you again but he paid you no mind, made no effort to comfort you, more focused on his own feelings.
The look Hyuck had on his face eight years ago was the one Mark mirrors this night. One way or another one will pay for all their sins and you were his cross.
He didnât talk to you for the remainder of the night. Didnât care enough to question why you fell ill or how frightened you were about the possibility that this may be it, that this was his excuse to leave you behind.
The thoughts, his actions and words clouding your mind through your shower, skin care routine, and brushing your teeth. Spending minutes upon minutes doing the latter, disgusted by yourself. Brushing away all the vile you wanted to throw at him but instead ended down Johnnyâs plumbing. For only Jaehyun to hear and understand.
Mark laid down on his side by the time you came out of the bathroom. You knew he was angry, his stiff body making no effort to move even when feeling the bed sink under your knees. He tried not to move when he felt your arms wrap around him seeking comfort in his warmth, but Mark wasnât willing to give it to you. Without a care if he hurt you, which is what he did.
âWhy donât you love me anymore?â
Your words made his eyes open. Startled, his body hardens under your touch, almost like your upcoming tears were freezing him on the spot. Damp on his sleeping shirt but hot on his back. He turns abruptly, pushing back a bit in the process. âWhat are you even taââ
âWhy donât you love me anymore?!â You cut him off, voice raising to something heâs never heard before. âYouâve been so distant. More than usual and I canât take it anymore!â Your palms cover your eyes, pushing back tears, forbidding you to look at that mocking grin on his face as he shakes his head in disbelief.Â
Youâre the one who grows distant when I beckon you near.
His voice on the other hand makes sure you know how he feels. âYou think so? I think this is the closest Iâve been to you.â He chuckles, taking into account that look of confusion on your face as you put down your hands, resting them on your lap. âWhy donât you tell me anything, Y/n? You tell Jungwoo everything. You ask Jaehyun to do everything for you. Iâm your husband, why don't you donât you trust me enough?âÂ
Your confusion falls, disgust and anger replace it. âWhen I ask anything out of you, you never want to nor know how to do it.â Your voice was hurt, head shaking a tad with every syllable, hate laced into each one. He hated how much your reaction resembled Jaehyunâs.
He doesnât want to admit youâre right, âYou ask the most absurd of favors.â He scoffs, sitting up to be face to face with you. âAre you fucking serious? Youâre a grown man who canât cook or clean for himself. Up until I saw you at the bakery I thought you didnât know where it was but then I saw you with another girl there.â You huff, arms flailing like when youâre with Jungwoo.Â
There would be some satisfaction in him to know your true self is here talking with him but bringing old news made him groan. âI thought you said it was fine and weâd drop it there.â He takes into account the glare youâre throwing him, smoke coming out of your ears the longer neither of you speak.
If he had known a few drinks would do this to you, he would have not let you drink. The thing is, Mark pays no mind to you to not notice youâve drank mocktails all night. He was more worried about Jaehyun than you.
âItâs not fine when youâre with some other girl to a place you keep avoiding when I ask you to go. Is it because of her? Is she the one taking my place now?â Your voice came out choppy, acheful, with the question, inhaling and exhaling to calm yourself down.
He on the other hand doesnât take it kindly, annoyed that youâd think about him that way but that's what heâs been thinking about you, so what difference does it make? It would not be his first rodeo, so are you that insane to think of him like that?
Iâll betray you like a man.
Mark stands from the bed, crouching to eye-level with you as if you were a child heâs lecturing. âItâs not because of her, I donât give a fuck about her! I barely know her, she is just an intern, and hasn't been there for a month now! We were sent by my boss!â His fingers poke his temple, in a form to tell you to get it through your head.
âBut Iâm right? You donât love me anymore.â
Mark stands up straight in disbelief with your words despite none defending his case coming from his own mouth. He could see how your heart was crushing with every passing second.
The truth is hiding in your eyes and itâs hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood.Â
âAll this time I thought you were calm⌠level headedâ but you're the opposite... you donât talk to me, you tell Jaehyun and Jungwoo everything. Why canât you tell me everything? Why can't you need and trust me?â His voice softens, calming down.
âBecause you donât ever want to listen to me! I canât need you when you do everything in your power for me not to!â Truth is, he did know how to clean and cook for himself, he's done it before but he's grown selfish and dependent.
Your outburst left him speechless, all the sighs he had to give stuck and dispersed through every crevice of his interior, poisoning his flow. He knows youâre right but he doesnât want to believe it.
âI give and give and give but I never receive! I love you so much, it's become so painful that I rather let it slide than be far from you.â You crawl closer to the edge of the bed, hoping to minimize the distance between you two. The feeling of proximity only seems to feel farther, leaving room for a blizzard to rest between you two.
Mark knows heâs not man enough, your coworker said it. He knows he doesnât help or take care of you, Jaehyun and Jungwoo told him so. None of these men had to tell him for him to know he doesnât deserve you. It just so happens to be that Mark is selfish and wasnât able to process it until now. He swore he believed you through writing but now, with you telling him directlyâ reality is forcing itself upon him.
âI think we should take a break.â
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
âWhat?â You ask confused and startled, looking up at him with fury in your eyes. âWhat? Donât be fucking stupid. Weâre married and weâll stay this way! It's not as easy as you let out, asshole.â You sniffle, getting off the bed now, approaching him despite the gap heâs formed between you two. In all senses.Â
âYouâre just not who I fell in love with anymore.â
You wanted to rip his hair out, claw his skin and inject your pain and love into him so he could understand what you felt. You knew he was selfish but how fucking stupid could he be?Â
âYouâre soâ youâre no fucking better than anyone else. You fell in love with the idea you made of me. Whatever the fuck that is! Any chance you get to see the real me you shut me down, Mark! Why canât you just love me?! Not the stupid girl you thought I was.â
Your cries stopped, hands taking purchase on his arms, squeezing tighter with the adrenaline of wrath coursing through your veins. You were tired, tired of his foolishness and in times like these, you werenât going to let him ruin what youâve built.
âYou fell in love with an idealized version of me too, if youâre still this in love.â Mark gulps, making no effort to move but his eyes felt heavy and tired. Hurt even, not sure if for himself or for you, empathy winning for once. Pity sounds better.
You think that I canât see what kind of man that you are. If youâre man at all.
âI see you for who you fucking are. Youâre selfish, you donât want to do things for others unless youâre getting something out of it. You weaponize your incompetence for me to do things for you. Youâre insecure especially with other men around me because you think of yourself exactly the opposite as them unless theyâre more pathetic compared to you.â Your finger poked his chest, reminiscing on how he began berating Jaehyun.
âYouâre especially jealous of your friends because they offer more for me than you do and thatâs your fault. You project your insecurities and mistakes onto them and me because youâre a bad friend, husband, and ultimately a bad person. Yet Iâm still with you because I love youâ even with everything you put me through and how you canât help but compare me toâ to her! Get over it and through your head, that was loneliness and you were the easiest victim. No one leaves their husband for someone they don't love.â
Like the pathetic man he was, he broke down. No amount of swallowing and gulping down the knot in his throat would go away. Tears streamed down his cheeks upon hearing you project onto the world what you had whispered to the toilet bowl earlier. Mark wasnât aware that you knew about Hyuck and her but he wouldnât doubt if you had come across letters from them both in the past just like he came across your journals.Â
Having you voice what he had been thinking about since that experience caused his world to finally see true color, despite you being purposely vicious. He knew what that fling meant for her, for Hyuck, and for him. It just so happens that it meant more for him and here he was taking it out on the only person who has stuck by his side.
You loved him but you also hated him and that was more than clear to him now.
âBetter reason for us to take a break. You deserve better⌠Iâm sorry Iâm the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.â He sighs, sniffling, throwing his head back to not let any more tears shed.Â
âI donât care. If I go without you IâllâIâŚâ you clinging your nails to his shoulders trying to cut off your words. You knew what you wanted to say wasnât healthy, not for you and not for him. Mark knows this, weeks of reading your entries allowing him to understand what goes within the walls of your brain.Â
"Y/n please stop... youâre hurting me." It doesn't change the fact that feeling it was worse than reading it. âThen youâre a coward who would die within an hour in my shoes if I treated you the way you treat me.â You sternly and ferociously spit. He wails before doing the only thing he knew would calm you down.Â
Leaning in, he kisses you, meekly. Pouring in the love he once had for you and the remaining he has now. But your body rejects it, feeling how phony it is. Pushing him off, running to the restroom to repeat the happenings of earlier. Mark sighs in relief to have you not corner him but in this instance concern floods him.
He follows you to the bathroom, standing by the door frame with crossed arms. Watching you hold your hair like Jaehyun had done earlier. Tears back in your eyes as you continue to lash out your rage against the white porcelain that's witnessed this on other occasions. Although this was one that should symbolize happiness, yet itâs clear you both wonât take it as such.
Mark took a look at his watch, 11:28PM. âCome on, get your shoes. Iâll take you to urgent care, you probably just need some electrolytes.â He approaches you, aiming to help you up but you resist, shaking your head defeatedly.Â
âIâm not drunk.â You let out through gritted teeth. âNo?â He questions smugly, annoyed at your rejection. âThey were mocktails. These are normal symptoms.â He gives you a quizzical look. âLook in the drawer, Nancy Drew.â You huff, mocking him for his detective work these past weeks. It was only natural heâd find out eventually if he kept meddling in your journals.
With furrowed eyes, and look remaining, Mark pulls at the white drawer, the cold metal burning his warm hand. He digs and digs through piles of papers. All bills or old letters neither of you cared enough for. Reaching the bottom Mark feels something solid wrapped around a newer piece of paper. In comparison to the yellowing pages, this was white and bright, tied with a rubber band around the solid material.
He throws you a quick glance while taking it into his hands, unraveling the rubber to open it and come to view with three sticks, all with matching two-pink stripes. Any ounce of hope to restart is gone with the weight in his hands. Disappearing when he read the paper.
âLaboratory report
Patient: Y/n Lee.
Sampled collected: May 15, 2008.
Report date: May 20, 2008
Status: Pregnant
Gestational age: 5-8 weeks.â
Mark reads it over and over, finally having the courage to look at you. His eyes wide and dim, reflecting on your cold angry ones. This was it. It was his life. What you would have taken as a beautiful moment, you can now agree this seals your faith. The look you gave him mirroring his misery. At least now you both were on board for once, basking in the fact this was a deadend no matter what.
You both know nothing will get fixed, all there is left is to pretend for the life thatâs growing within you. Wreckless as ever, and the cycle of life continues. An innocent life to suffer the trails of a failed relationship for years to follow. Thatâs all Mark knows, thatâs all you know. Generational curses don't end with either of you.
if you liked happy together: itâs too bad youâre married⌠to me, youâll enjoy: stupid girl !
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comfort cuisine
đ starring. Johnny Suh x afab!Reader
đŽ preview. Youâve never felt a feral need like this before, but itâs not necessarily the primal type of drive. Instead, itâs a feeling of wanting to be close to this man- who youâve been next to for so many years, but unable to touch. Except, heâs touching you now, and you want more.
tw/cw. unprotected sex, breast worship/massaging, big dick Johnny, fingering, pussy stretching prep, 'it's finger licking good,' praise, dirty talk, masturbation, multiple reader orgasms, cumming together, creampie, soft sex, longing, fluff, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) honey.
đš rating.18+ explicit I wc. 10.8k
đ aus. aged up/widower dad!John, best friends to lovers, Chef!John, etcâŚ
âď¸ mlist + an. I'm so happy that people loved Line Chef Mark in my fic Real Talk, I received so many messages about giving Head Chef John his own love story, and this is what I came up with in the past four months :) it's a little different from what I normally do, but I wanted to continue with that 'slice of life' theme and venture into a plot line I've never tried before with widower/single dad John :)
Prologue
âIâm so sorry about this,â Johnnyâs voice distracts you from the breakfast youâre making, and you turn around from the bacon to look at your friend. âI really wish I didnât have to keep calling you and asking for favours like this-â
âJohnny,â you shut his rambling up with a pointed expression, âstop, itâs okay.â
âItâs not-â
âJohn,â you repeat, âseriously, weâre good. Given⌠the circumstances, I honestly donât mind.â
The circumstances⌠neither of you can bring yourselves to say it. You know that if you say it⌠if you say âI donât mind helping out since the death of your wifeâ Johnny will just about break down, and he doesnât have time to do that, not when heâs got to be at work for seven am, prepping the kitchen and getting ready for the day.
Even by calling this situation a âcircumstance,â you can see a half glazed expression overtake Johnnyâs face. Heâs frozen for a moment, and you take the time to study him.
You think itâs safe to say neither of you expected any of this to happen.Â
Youâd met him in culinary school- heâd been a young guy, a new dad whoâd had a daughter at nineteen, with dreams of opening his own sandwich food truck, âlike Subway, but gourmet,â heâd always explained.Â
Now, heâs a twenty four year old wreck, doing his best to climb the ladder in the food service industry, mourning the loss of his late wife, struggling to take care of his daughter, his dreams of a food truck long since forgotten in favour of chasing a head chef status to earn him enough of a salary to pay for everything in a one income household-
âSeriously,â your words snap the single dad back from his zone out, âweâre good. Iâm making breakfast for Soonbok, Iâve got her lunch packed, Iâll take her to kindergarten, pick her up after- you just have to remember I have a night shift, gotta be at my own restaurant by five at the latest.â
âFive, yeah,â Johnny nods, swallowing thickly and toying with his daughters small pink backpack. âOne day, Iâll be higher up on the food chain, and Iâll have better hours- I promise this isnât a forever thing.â
âItâs an âas long as it needs to happenâ thing, okay? Donât sweat it,â you assure him. âHere,â you take some of the crispy bacon out of the pan, putting it onto a scrambled egg bagel youâd prepared, âyou need breakfast too.â
Johnny just about melts looking at the food. âYouâre so good to me.â
You offer him a smile. âThatâs what friends are for.â
One
Johnny swears his age is catching up to him. Itâs not even four oclock and heâs feeling tired, letting out a groan as he says goodbye to the nightshift guys and heads to change out of his head chef attire in the staff bathroom. Heâd turned thirty this year, and as he looks at his face in the mirror, he thinks heâs starting to see it.
On his way out of the back door, Johnny bumps into one of his line cooks. Mark Lee is pressed to the wall where people usually lean to smoke, his girlfriend closing him in with her hands on either side of his head. Back when she was expo, everyone used to call her Sunshine, but in her dealings with Mark Lee, Johnnyâs come to realize that heâs the angel, not her.Â
âArenât you two on the clock?â Johnny jokes as he walks past.
Sunshine pulls away from Mark, offering the head chef a grin. âWeâre on a vape break.â
âSure you are,â Johnny laughs, shaking his head. âSee you two back in there, better only be five more minutes.â
âArenât you done for the day?â Mark asks, confusion written on his face, along with lipstick marks that heâs hurrying to wipe off.
âGrabbing happy hour with a friend, but be careful Mark Lee, Iâm always watching. Just because Iâm sitting at the bar doesnât mean Iâm not judging you.â
Johnny can hear Mark mutter something under his breath, and Sunshine is quick to try to calm him down, but as Johnny turns the corner to head to the front entrance of the restaurant, he hears the back door open and close, signaling the end of the little âvape break.â
When Johnny joins you at the bar, youâre chatting with Jeno, and the sight makes an unexplainable emotion tingle up his spine. Out of all the front of house staff here, Jeno might just be the biggest manwhore, and heâs had a thing for cougars for a while, although thereâs only a handful of years difference between the two of you-
âWhat are you guys talking about?â John asks, taking a seat on the dark green leather hightop stools surrounding the bar.
âWhich virgin drinks are the best,â you respond casually. âI was going to get an iced tea, but Jeno convinced me to try one of your new virgin lemon ginger fizzes.â
âThatâs called upselling, honey, you should know that, seeing as youâre in the industry,â Johnny grins.
âYeah, well, youâre the one who invited me here, so I figured youâd be paying.â You take a sip of your straw, looking at Johnny with a smirk, a playful glint in your eyes.Â
âAre we getting food?â Johnny asks. âI might as well take care of that for you too.â
âIâve got time,â you respond casually. âDonât work for an hour, lets get our ânoshâ on.â
Johnny can only laugh at your antics, turning to Jeno, whoâs watching with an amused grin. Everyone here knows you and Johnny are close, you come here often enough to see him, the two of you catching each other for a half an hour here or there between his day shifts and your night commitments.Â
Johnny orders three appetizers off the happy hour menu, two things he knows you like, and one thatâs more up his alley. âMake sure Yuta isnât back there slacking off,â Johnny warns Jeno, knowing that two of the items will be coming from the âbottom endâ of the expo line, which is where Yuta runs the show after Johnnyâs off.
âIâm sure heâll pull out all the stops for our MVP,â Jeno grins, typing the order into an ipad. âDo you want a beer? Weâve got new rotators.â
âDonât bother trying to upsell me,â Johnny scoffs. âHouse Lager, and donât fuck around with the foam.â
âYou run a tight ship here, captain,â you tease, bumping Johnnyâs elbow.
âSpeaking of-â
âDonât try to recruit me to work here again,â youâre quick to warn.
âDamn it,â Johnny shakes his head, pretending to be quite upset about your rejection. He does feel it- he does think youâd be a great member of the team, and heâd love to offer you a dual head chef position, but itâs not in his power to do so, and that fact haunts him every day. Working for a company limits what heâs able to do, and sometimes, even at age thirty, Johnny still thinks about his dream to open a food truck, with you by his side. âNo, in all seriousness, I wanted to talk to you about Soonieâs birthday.â
âRight, sheâs turning eleven soon, thatâs quite the milestone,â you grin, playing with your straw.
âI asked Doyoung if I could open early for her birthday, itâs a Sunday, I was thinking some of her friends and their parents could come in for a brunch an hour before weâre open for the public.â
âThatâs a great idea!â
âHereâs the catch, Soonie was raised on your breakfast food. As much as I try to make things for her, and I hate to admit this, by the way, she always says your cooking is better. So I was thinking⌠maybe youâd want to come in that day and help me out with all of this. With your skills, I wouldnât need Hyuck and Mark, it could be just us, and Iâm sure we could make a birthday breakfast Soonbok would never forget. It would be like old times, like back when we were in culinary school.â
He loves the way youâre smiling at him, giving him space to rant.Â
When heâs done, you cock your head to the side, only wasting one beat before you say, âIâll do it.â
âReally? I donât have to bribe you with money or anything?â
âJeeze, have I ever asked you for money, John?â You smack at his arm, clearly slightly offended. âIâm doing this for Soonie⌠and maybe a little for you too.â
âDonât go soft on me, killer,â Johnny teases. âEveryone around hereâs too soft these days.â
âSays the softest dad I know,â you roll your eyes.Â
âShh,â he warns, âdonât say that loud enough for Jeno to hear.â
âAs if everyone doesnât already know.â
The two of you continue to chat and joke, a short while later, the head manager, Doyoung, shows up carrying food. Itâs funny for Johnny to see Doyoung balancing two items on one arm, the third in the palm of his hand, but he supposes Doyoung started somewhere too, the same way John had.Â
âVIP happy hour appetizers,â Doyoung sighs, setting the food down.Â
âAs opposed to regular happy hour appetizers?â you grin, immediately reaching for a fry.
âThese are special,â Doyoung insists, âpretty sure Yuta spit in them.â
Doyoung is a pretty regal man, heâs not one to joke around- but for some reason, when Doyoung is in your vicinity, he loosens up a little. Everyone loosens up around you, you radiate a safe space kind of energy, the kind of energy that makes Johnnyâs tense shoulders relax, his smile softening.
âThen Iâll be sure to eat all of this,â you respond. âTell Yuta more spit.â
Doyoung shakes his head at you. âIâm sure Johnnyâs tried to poach you already, but if you ever want a job, you can have his.â
âHey!â Johnny laughs.
âIâll consider it,â you grin.
âAnd I expect a plate of food for this brunch thing,â Doyoung continues. âIâve heard nothing beats your breakfasts, even though you work nights.â
âSomeone has been talking about me again,â you muse, eyes shifting to John.
âWhat can I say?â He holds his hands up in defense. âI speak only the truth.â
âYour reputation precedes you,â Doyoung insists. âAnyways, have fun you two, Iâve got food to run, our new expo girl isnât filling Sunshineâs shoes too well.â
Thereâs a glint in Doyoungâs eye before he scurries away, and Johnny turns to watch the new expo girl practically short circuiting with take out orders on the line.Â
âPoor girl,â you sigh. âIt takes a certain kind of person to work in a restaurant.â
And an even more specific type to do what the two of you do as chefs.
Two
Youâve been on a few first dates this year, and this one is definitely a bottom three. Youâve had one drink, and you already feel like finding a way to slip out early.Â
Initially, youâd been intrigued by dating a man in finance, but itâs clear now that youâre in two completely different worlds- and to make matters worse, he mostly talks about himself. Heâs oozing this obnoxious confidence that makes you grimace every time you sip your drink, and not from the alcohol.
Your date is in the bathroom when Johnny calls.
âHello?â
âHey, you!â His voice warms your heart. âSo Soonie is at a sleep over tonight, and I was thinking about making a Soonbok style menu for her birthday, all Soonie style names for food and such, planning a menu just for her- are you up to anything? Can I go through it with you?â
âActuallyâŚâ your gaze shifts to the bathrooms, âIâm on a date.â
âOh.â
âItâs going so bad, and planning Soonieâs birthday would be such a better use of my evening. Listen, can you come pick me up? Iâll text you the address, you can come and call me when youâre outside, pretend itâs a family emergency or something-â
âYou got it, Iâll be there right away.â
Fifteen minutes later, youâre hopping into Johnnyâs car, letting out a deep sigh of relief.
âThat bad, huh?â he asks.
âI donât even want to talk about it right now,â you groan.Â
âHere, distract yourself,â Johnny hands you a piece of paper, and you realize itâs a mock up menu for Soonbokâs birthday. âThis is just a prototype, I was messing around with styles on some fucking site called Canva-â
âI didnât know you were good at this sort of thing,â you gasp, taking in the intricate fonts and colouring.
âThe site did all the work, trust me,â Johnny scoffs, pulling out into traffic. âRead it over and let me know what you think.â
You begin to scan the menu. Thereâs Soonie Side Up Eggs, and Boken Avocado Bennies, Soonbok Style Slapjacks and Suh Family Breakfast Sammies.Â
âIâm shocked you came up with this many names related to Soonie and Suh,â you say.
âI spent my entire shift thinking about them in the back of my mind while I worked,â Johnny admits. âTheyâre not cheesy or anything, right?â
âTheyâre definitely cheesy,â you confirm, âbut Soonie is going to love them. Youâve always been cheesy, John, and she adores you for it.â
You notice Johnnyâs skin turning a little red, and itâs not just from the reflection of the traffic light illuminating the inside of his car while you wait for it to go green.Â
You continue to study the menu, thinking hard the entire way back to Johnnyâs house.
Heâs got a modest three bedroom townhouse, with his and Soonbokâs rooms on the top floor, and the guest bedroom on the main floor with the kitchen and living room. The kitchen is, without a doubt, the heart of the home, and the two of you make your way there as soon as youâre past the threshold.
âI have some thoughts,â you admit, setting the menu down and pointing at one of the items. âSoonbok toast,â you announce, a twist on french toast, âit says here that it comes with a berry compote. I can tell that this is one of the dishes more geared toward others, because if this was really for Soonie, youâd know that your daughter doesn't even touch berry or apple crisps. She picks at the oat brown sugar on top, but doesnât like cooked berries or fruits.â
âYeahâŚâ Johnny leans next to you, scratching the back of his neck. âThat was the only one I wasnât sure on, but for brunch, you have to have a french toast option, right?â
âWe can still do french toast, but I think every menu item should be something sheâd actually love, donât you agree?â
âA hundred percent.âÂ
âWhat if, instead of berry compote, we do an brown sugar glaze type sauce?â
âThat could be doable,â Johnny admits. âShould we try to make one now?â
âCan we do it in the morning?â you ask. âHonestly, I had one drink at the bar, Iâm tired after a long shift, and Iâm ready to have a few more drinks then pass out.â
âDrinks are a good idea,â Johnny grins, already heading to the fridge. âIt will give me more time to think about how to make the brown sugar glaze, and Iâll get on top of that in the morning.â
âExactly. Chef hours are over, we can just relax,â you insist, heading to collapse on his couch.
âChef hours are never over,â Johnny reminds you, cracking open a beer and approaching so he can hand it to you.
âItâs one of the reasons dating is so hard in our profession,â you sigh, taking a swig of your drink.
âThe hours make it tough,â Johnny nods.Â
âSo does the mentality,â you remind him. âWe just⌠we think a little differently than others. Weâre all a little too committed to our work.â
âThatâs not always a bad thing, youâve just gotta find someone youâre compatible with, someone who will appreciate that about you.âÂ
âSays one single chef to the other,â you laugh.
Johnny clinks his bottle against your own before taking a large gulp. âTouche.â
Three
Johnny is doing his best to work quietly, aware that the guest bedroom is just a short distance from the kitchen as he whips up eggs for the french toast batter.Â
He manages to get all the way through to the cooking before you sleepily putter into the kitchen, adorned in one of his spare shirts for when you sleep over unexpectedly. You look adorable, but Johnny canât bring himself to focus on you as he perfects the brown sugar glaze, careful not to burn it.
âAlmost done,â he calls over his shoulder, âtake a seat then try this with me?â
âIt smells good,â you tell him, pulling out a chair at the island kitchen counter.Â
âThanks, honey, I was up last night thinking about it- had to wake up early to try it out.â He lifts the french toast onto a plate, dipping a spoon into the glaze to coat the breakfast. âI hope I didnât wake you up?â
âThe smell did,â you muse, grinning as he brings the french toast toward you, setting it down and opening a drawer to retrieve two sets of utensils.
The two of you cut into the toast, and you lift your fork. âCheers,â you grin, and Johnny touches his food to your own before you both go in for a bite.Â
The french toast is cooked to perfection, and although the brown sugar glaze is a little sweet for his liking, Johnny knows Soonieâs sweettooth will appreciate this adjustment to the recipe.
But when Johnny lifts his gaze to you, he sees apprehension in your eyes. âDid you like it?â he enquires.
âItâs really good, donât get me wrong,â you assure him quickly, âI just think⌠maybe itâs missing one or two things.â
âLike what?â
âMmmâŚâ you cock your head to the side, âwe both know Soonbok is a fan of nuts, peanut butter is her usual go to but she likes others too- what if we finely chop some pecan or walnut and add that in somehow?â
âThat could work,â Johnny nods.Â
âDo you mind if I take a crack at it?â you ask.Â
Johnny laughs. There are very few people heâll allow to use his kitchen, and luckily youâre the one at the top. Youâve been cooking here for so many years that he doesnât have to guide you to anything, you stand up and immediately go in search of details to make your french toast masterpiece come to life, and Johnny happily takes a back seat while he finishes his own creation.
You go for a bag of pecans, dumping a small amount onto a cutting board before you begin to finally chop, leaving an array of different sizes of chunks. Soonie has always been a texture specific child, and Johnny loves how you incorporate all the little quirks of his daughter into your cooking like this.
In a pan with some butter, you begin to toast the nuts, getting prepped on your bread by using the already made batter heâd created earlier. As you put the toast into the pan and check the nuts, you cock your head to the side again, an endearing trait you do when youâre thinking.
âWhat about oats?â you suggest.Â
âDo whatever you think is best,â Johnny encourages you, heading to the fridge to grab some orange juice and a nearly empty bottle of prosecco heâd opened for a recipe two nights ago.
Johnny watches you add oats to the browning pecans while he makes mimosas, and in no time at all, youâre plating the french toast, with a spoonful of the newly toasted additions, and a few spoonfuls of brown sugar glaze.
âThere,â you announce, bringing the food to the table. âI added a bit of cinnamon and brown sugar to the buttered nuts and oats while you were making drinks.â
âCheers,â Johnny grins, lifting a forkful of your creation to gently touch it to your own.
As soon as he bites into it, Johnny knows that this is a winner. The crunch of the nuts, and the oats- the added fats of the butter- the slight taste of cinnamon on the toppings-Â
âWow,â he breathes, leaning back in his chair. âSoonie really wasnât joking when she said youâre the best breakfast chef in town.â
âStop it,â you laugh. âYou made the glaze! We did this together!â
Johnny goes for a second bite. âThis is the stuff that will stick to your ribs,â he muses, not caring that the calorie content was just inflated by the addition of butter and nuts, âGood olâ comfort food.â
âNo, John, youâre a head chef now, this is comfort cuisine,â you correct him with a grin.Â
Johnny swears your eyes are sparkling as you smile at him, and it makes his heart skip a beat in his chest. Itâs times like these that he realizes just how smitten he is with you. Youâve been there for him, through thick and thin. Thereâs no way heâd be where he is now without you, and heâs not even sure if you know the full extent of it.
But at the same time, because youâre his rock, Johnny doesnât want to overstep. He canât lose you, not now, not ever. Soonie lost her mom to a car crash when she was three, and thereâs no way in hell Johnnyâs going to do something that could potentially make her lose you too.
Four
âHey, you,â you grin, finishing pouring your glass of wine while you put your favourite chef on speaker.
âHey, yourself,â Johnny responds, and you can practically hear the smile in his own voice. âListen, uh, I need to ask you for a favour.â
âShoot.â
âTwo of my line chefs called in today before dinner- pretty sure theyâre both hungover or something. Anyways, Iâm staying, and itâs a busier night than projected- Soonie is done Girl Guides at seven, and I know itâs your night off, so if youâre busy I can find someone else, but-â
âIâve got you,â you interrupt him. âGirls night with my favourite girl is a better plan than I had.â
âReally? You sure?â
âA hundred percent.â
âIâd say I owe you one, but at this point, I probably owe you more like a thousand.â
âAnd donât you forget it,â you laugh, pouring your wine back into the bottle. âTake care of work, and Iâll take care of our girl.â
A couple hours later, youâre in Johnnyâs familiar kitchen, making spiced popcorn and virgin cocktails. Soonie wants to be a chef, just like her dad, and sheâs getting better every day. You love giving her soft instructions and lending a helping hand on bigger jugs of juice that her tiny fingers canât quite hold.
Soonbok has a love for all things disney and music, and although this is probably the third time youâre watching it with her, the two of you settle in for the live action Ariel.
While Johnny is primarily a chef, back when you were in culinary school, he used to sing to himself when he was working. He was always quiet, but loud enough for you to listen to his beautiful voice. Like her father, Soonbok has a way with music, and you adore watching the eleven year old belt out Ariel songs.
Sheâs tuckered out from Girl Guides however, and about halfway into the movie she cuddles up next to you, her eyelids beginning to droop.
When Johnny comes home as the film is ending, Soonie is fast asleep, and you quickly motion at him to be quiet as he steps through the door.
Johnny is careful as he sets his keys and bag down, kicking off his shoes and putting away his jacket. He tiptoes toward the two of you. âHow long has she been out?â he whispers.
âHalf an hour or so,â you respond in a hushed tone. âHow was work?â
He lets out a sigh. âCould have been better, but Iâm home now. Should I get this little one to bed?â
You nod, watching the way Johnny bends down to gently lift his daughter off the couch. She stirs in his arms. âDaddy?â
âHi, Soonie,â he beams down at her. âDid you have a good girls night?â
âCan y/n stay longer?â
Johnnyâs eyes shift to you, and a smile forms on your lips. âI guess I canât say no to Soonie, can I?â
âHereâs the deal, Soonie, y/n can stay longer, but Iâve gotta put you to bed. You had a long day, didnât you, sweet girl?â
âUh huh.â Soonie yawns, cuddling closer to Johnnyâs chest, and the sight makes you melt.
Johnny carries her out of the living room and up to the second level. He takes some time tucking her in, and then he comes back down to join you, holding two beers in his hands.Â
âSo two line chefs called in, huh?â you prompt, tucking your legs up and making room for the large man on the sofa.
âI expected it from Haechan, but Markâs generally pretty reliable. His girlfriend was on shift today, so I know he wasnât skipping to be with her- Iâm guessing they got pretty messed up last night.â
âTheyâre young,â you point out, accepting a beer from him. âWe used to be young.â
âUsed to be,â Johnny laughs, taking a swig of his drink.Â
Looking at this man- this father, you realize maybe he never really got the chance to be young. At twenty five, he had a six year old, he wasn't running around blacking out and getting hung over, he was working his way up the employment ladder, dreaming about a better future for his daughter.
âYou mentioned Mark has a girlfriend, I think Iâve heard about her a few times now, itâs interesting that she was in and he wasnât.â
âIâm going to be honest, I love Mark, heâs a great kid- but, he can sometimes be peer pressured into things. Haechan has a hold on Mark unlike any Iâve seen, they bring out⌠interesting sides of each other.â
You laugh at the description, and itâs clear thereâs more on Johnnyâs mind, so you wait for him to continue.Â
âItâs nice that Mark is young and in love, I can understand that- but at the same time, I just hope he doesnât make the same mistakes I did. Not that Soonbok is a mistake, of course- I just mean that⌠life is fragile. You think youâre going to be with someone forever, and then youâre reminded of how frail things can be.â
You frown at his words. Even after all of these years, Johnny still holds so much pain about his lost wife. You want to do your best to help Johnny in every aspect of his life, especially emotional, but this is a topic you never know how to approach. Heâs right for grieving, his ex was his first love, his true love- how is there anything you could ever say to make him feel better about her passing?
You open your mouth, only to close it, and Johnny watches you intently. Sometimes he looks at you, the way heâs looking at you right now, and you wonder if he feels the same level of connection with you that you feel with him. You wonder if he wants you to kiss him, if a kiss would make him feel better, if it would - if even for a moment - help him forget about the pains heâs faced in his life.
But itâs because of the pains heâs faced that neither of you can close the distance, youâd like to think about it that way at least. Even after all these years, itâs still too early, so you simply reach out and gently squeeze his hand.
Johnny offers you a smile, and youâre glad that in some small way, maybe youâve helped him.
Five
Itâs a pretty slow day after the lunch rush, so Johnny is sitting in the back office with Doyoung while they pick at their food. They often eat together once things settle down, and today is no different.Â
What is different, however, is the topic of conversation Doyoung brings up. âHowâs y/n doing?â he asks, taking a bite of his salad.
âSheâs good. She helped me lock in a french toast recipe for Soonieâs birthday, so that was pretty helpful.â
âThatâs nice,â Doyoung nods, âbut Iâm more interested in whatâs going on between the two of you.â
âWhat do you mean?â Johnny asks, looking up from his schezwan beef noodle bowl.Â
âI mean, you two have been friends for a long time. Thereâs a lot of history there.â
Johnnyâs shocked that Doyoung is bringing this up. Out of all of the chefâs coworkers, he had not pegged Doyoung as being the man to bring up relationship gossip, and the whole thing takes him off guard for a moment.Â
âWeâre good friends,â Johnny says finally.
âI know that,â Doyoung rolls his eyes. âWhatâs holding you back from being more? Itâs clear how much you two care about each other.â
Johnny looks down at his food, using his chopsticks to play around with a red pepper. âWe do care about each other,â he confirms. âShe was there for me with Soonie when no one else was, and Iâll always be grateful for that.â
âSo why donât you tell her how you really feel about her?â Doyoung presses. âItâs obvious in the way you look at each other- a smart woman like y/n, Iâm shocked she hasnât figured it out for herself by now.â
âI think, because of our history, thereâs this⌠invisible line,â Johnny tries to explain. âThings are good the way they are now, if I try to mess with that⌠I could lose everything. And I wouldnât just be losing it for myself, Iâd be losing it for Soonie too.â
Doyoung lets out a breath, turning to face Johnny. âI get that itâs hard, but, youâve got two paths ahead of you. If you give it a try, it could either end well, or badly. But if you keep yourself in this weird middle friend zone place, itâs like youâve created a house at the crossroads, and that will never lead you anywhere.â
âWhen did you become so wise about love?â Johnny scoffs.
âSumi has helped me with it,â Doyoung admits. âI met her here, we started off as friends. Iâm her manager, so I had my own reasons for never taking the leap. I had my own house at the crossroads.â
âWhat made you finally give it a try?â
âShe was there for me when my dad died,â Doyoung frowns. âAnyone can be there for you when things go badly, but when a woman truly gives her all to making things easier on you- itâs not something that should be ignored. After everything you and y/n have been through, you both deserve to give it a try.â
âHow are you so sure sheâd want to give it a try?â
âBecause she looks at you the way you look at her.â
Six
Cooking with Johnny might just be the easiest thing in the world. Youâd thought that, due to it being Soonieâs birthday, maybe tensions would be high, but as the two of you collaborate in the kitchen, bumping hips and easily communicating, things feel as they always have: easy.Â
Within fifteen minutes, the two of you have seamlessly cooked thirteen breakfasts for yourselves, Soonie, her four friends, and six adults⌠well, seven, if you include the Boken Avocado Bennies youâd whipped up for Doyoung.
While there are a number of staff puttering around doing pre-opening tasks, itâs Doyoung who takes the time to help you and Johnny bring all the food to the table. You love watching the stoic manager announce the Soonie-inspired brunch food names, and itâs clear that Soonbok is also enamoured by the shift in Doyoungâs countenance.Â
Before everyone begins to eat, you take a group picture on Johnnyâs phone, loving the massive smile on Soonieâs face.
As youâre about to sit down, Johnny asks one of the other moms to take a picture of just you, him and Soonie. With the two of you on either side of the birthday girl, you canât help but think that this feels like a family picture.Â
In a way, Johnny and Soonie are your family- but in the same breath, youâre cognisant of the fact that - had circumstances been different - it would be Soonbokâs mom in this picture right now, and not you. These are shoes that can simply never be filled, no matter how much you wish you could.
The thought isnât one you like to hold on to, and itâs a thought thatâs popped into your head innumerable times throughout the years. Taking your seat next to the birthday girl, you watch her try the french toast, her eyes lighting up.
On top of her own food, Soonie picks at yours and Johnnyâs. Both of you are more than happy to share so she can taste more than just one of the special items Johnny had concocted for her.Â
Brunch is full of laughter and girlish giggles that light up the deserted restaurant. Itâs clear how important Johnny has made Soonie feel today, and that brings you more joy than you could ever express out loud.Â
As things wind down, you and Johnny begin clearing plates to the dishpit. The two of you are shoulder to shoulder, and youâre overwhelmed by an odd sense of longing that you canât quite describe.
Johnny turns to you, mouth opening as if heâs about to say something- but as servers pass behind you, itâs clear that thereâs no room for him to say whatever it is that he wanted to say to you.
You clear your throat, watching a line chef pop up next to Johnny to stack the dishes for dishwasher prep. âYou should go back to Soonie,â you tell him, âIâll finish up with the cleanup.â
âAre you sure?â he asks.
âOf course, itâs Soonieâs day, go be with her.â You offer him a smile, and Johnny reacts by reaching out to squeeze your hand.
Without another word, he leaves you to your thoughts, and the feeling of need thatâs growing steadier and steadier in your chest.
Seven
Johnny doesnât know quite what to do with himself. Soonieâs birthday was yesterday, and today's day shift had been quite slow. Heâs feeling restless with Soonie over at a friendâs place tonight, and he tries to drown himself in liquor- whether it be to chase away the loneliness or to gain courage, heâs not sure, but by nine oclock, Johnny finds himself dialing up your number.
âHey, you,â you answer.
âHey, yourself,â he grins. âWatcha up to?â
Thereâs a pause, and Johnny can hear people in the background. âIâm out actually.â
âOh?â Johnnyâs spirits dampen. âOut on another hot date?â
âNot so hot actually.â
Johnny bites at his lip. âIâll let you go anyways.â
âItâs alright, I stepped out when you called. Do you need something?â
âI guessâŚâ Johnny takes a breath. âI got into the liquor-â
âSay no more, Iâll be right over.â
Eight
âSoâŚâ Johnny grins as the two of you head into his kitchen, âhow did the date go?â
You scoff, watching him pour a glass of wine. âHow do you think it went? Iâm here with you, arenât I?â
âI mean⌠I am pretty hard to compete with,â Johnny flashes you a sexy grin⌠and proceeds to knock over the glass of wine. âShit- fuck!â
âListen, you go take a seat, and Iâll clean this up,â you laugh, watching him lumber toward the sofa. You make quick work of the mess, and when youâre done, you approach him in the living room.
âCome sit,â he prompts, patting the spot right next to him.
âSomeoneâs feeling awfully cuddly today,â you giggle when he grabs your hand to pull you down where he wants you, leaving no space between the two of you.
âWhat can I say? Iâm a cuddly drunk.âÂ
âI can see that,â you note, assessing him.
His gaze dips to your lips, and your skin tingles.Â
âThank you for yesterday,â he says quietly.
âI told you, I was happy to help for Soonieâs special day.â
âItâs not just that,â he insists, âyouâre always happy to help. I seriously-â he swallows thickly, âI seriously couldnât have done anything Iâve done without you.â
âDonât be so self deprecating,â you warn him, gently pushing his shoulder. âYouâd have gotten anywhere you wanted, with or without me.â
âI still donât have a food truck,â Johnny pouts.
Youâd thought maybe heâd given up on that dream- although youâve held onto hope for Johnny, more than he knows. âNow that you mention it, actually,â you say, pulling out your phone, âIâve been looking at food trucks for sale online for a minute, and-â
Johnnyâs gaze softens. âYouâve been researching for me?â
âJust a little,â you brush it off, trying to find the listing that youâd saved three days ago. âI found this decent looking one at a good price-â
âI think I love you.â
âHuh?â you freeze.
âI didnât mean it,â Johnny says immediately, and your heart sinks. âI donât think I love you, I know I do.â
âJohn, please, thatâs the liquor talking.â
âDrunk words are sober thoughts,â he insists. âLook, youâve always been there for me. We work together- and not just because weâre both chefs. Something about this,â Johnny gestures between the two of you, âit just works, and I know Iâm not the only one who sees it.â
âYeah?â You decide to play a little coy, seeing as this confession is coming from a drunk man. âAnd who else sees it?â
âDoyoung, for one.â
âDoyoung?â You let out a laugh. âHave you been gossiping about me with him?â
âI swear I didnât bring it up,â Johnny defends himself. âDoyoung said I look at you with love, and that⌠that you look at me the same way.â
âWell⌠maybe Doyoung needs to get his eyes checked?â
âDonât play with me,â Johnny begs, pulling you closer. âThereâs always been a line between us, one weâve both been too scared to cross⌠but, I think-â
âNow youâre crossing it,â you finish for him. âWhat made you want to do that?â
âSoonieâs birthday,â Johnny admits. âOur little family picture.â
âOur family picture,â you repeat, melting inside at the fact that heâd viewed the photo in the same light you had.
âYeah.â Johnny nods. âOur family. Mine, and yours.âÂ
His hand finds your thigh, and you canât help but reach out to cup his cheek, stroking your thumb across his angular bones. âIâm not sure what to say,â you admit.
âWe donât have to say anything,â Johnny assures you. âJust kiss me, and we can forget about the world for a minute.â
Your heart is racing in your chest as you hesitantly close the distance between your lips. Itâs a gentle first kiss, but it soon grows hungry, and youâre not sure if thatâs due to his appetite or your own.
His tongue swipes across your lip, and you open your mouth for him, letting out a soft sigh as you get lost in the feeling of the man whoâs been your best friend for years.
His hand on your thigh squeezes, and before you know it, heâs pulling you onto his lap. Your knees dig into the sofa on either side of him, and youâre hesitant to fully sit down- a kiss is a kiss, but grinding on Johnny is something else entirely.
âJohnny,â you whisper, throwing your head back to look at the ceiling, wondering how you got into this situation.
âYes, honey?â He presses kisses along your throat that have tingles shooting up your spine.
âYouâre drunk,â you say finally.
âIf Iâd known you liked me too, I would have done this ages ago.â
âItâs not about that,â you laugh. âItâs about the fact that youâre drunk, and I want you sober when we do this.â
âDo what?â he teases, squeezing your hips, his tongue grazing over your jugular.
âYou know what,â you retort with a huff. âLook, youâre right about the line neither of us wanted to cross.â
Johnny pulls away from your throat, looking up at you. âHuh?â
âThe line. The unspoken line. All these years, something has been there, between us- but, we both respect your wife, we respect Soonie- I think⌠I think the time is right for this now, well, not right now, but, once youâre sober again.â
âYouâre right,â Johnny concedes.Â
âHow about we watch a movie, then we can go to sleep.â
âYouâll stay over?â Thereâs a boyish excitement in his voice and it makes you melt.
âUh huh.â
âWill you stay in my bed with me?â
âJust for cuddles, but only if you promise to drink a bunch of water before we sleep, I donât want you hung over in the morning.â
Johnny grins. âYou got it, honey.â
Nine
Johnny wakes up next to a warm body, and itâs the first time in years. Your presence is the only thing that proves to him that last night wasnât a dream, some twisted fantasy- No, youâre real, and youâre here, and youâd kissed him back-
He stays cuddled with you for a while, basking in the glow of being in love, truly in love, and finally able to admit it to himself. Itâs been so long since his wife, and part of him had forgotten the feeling- maybe thatâs why it had taken years for him to realize how much he adores you.
After a while, Johnny decides he needs some water- and he wants to make breakfast for you. He wants to spoil you the way you spoil him.
Johnny is careful as he exits the bed, taking one last look at your peaceful face before heading down to the kitchen.
Itâs easy for Johnny to get lost in the act of cooking, focusing on bacon at first before switching to eggs. As it was a few days ago, the smell of food wakes you up, and soon youâre joining him by the stove.
âWatcha making?â you ask, wrapping your body around his.
God, the feeling of you is- fuck, he canât even describe how good it is.
âWanted to make you breakfast,â he tells you, plating your food first. Once he has you settled and sitting, he quickly throws together a breakfast sandwich for himself.
âYou and your sandwiches,â you laugh, digging into your bacon and eggs.
âHow did you sleep?â he asks, coming to join you.
âSo well,â you tell him, bumping your knee against his own, âeven if someone snores.âÂ
Johnny can only laugh, heâs dealt with Soonbok complaining about his loud snoring for years. âHow are the eggs?â
âGood!âÂ
Youâre so chipper this morning, and he loves it. Johnny takes a bite of his sandwich- youâd cooked the eggs at the brunch birthday two days ago, and he realizes Soonie was right. âYour eggs are better,â he muses. Â
âIâd planned on making breakfast for you, but you jumped the gun, big guy.â
âI wanted to pamper you for a change.â
âCooking is my love language,â you tell him. âIâm excited to make you breakfast more often.â
âI like the sound of that,â he smiles.
âWhenâs Soonie come home?â
Johnny checks the clock on the stove. âIn an hour or so.â
âAs much as Iâd love to see her, I think maybe itâs better if Iâm not here when she gets home,â you say thoughtfully. âSheâs a smart girl, I bet sheâd be able to tell that something is up.â
âShe definitely would,â Johnny confirms. âI donât think Iâll be able to keep my hands off of you that much if you stick around.â
You giggle, reaching over to squeeze his knee.
âHow are you feeling about last night?â Johnny asks.
âIâm feeling good, how about you? Still remember all of it?â
âIn perfect detail,â he breathes. âAlthough⌠a little reminder wouldnât hurt.â
âOh, it wouldnât?â you tease as he leans in, cupping your face so he can press his lips to your own.Â
God, youâre such a good kisser. It just works. Itâs hard for him to even pull away, but he doesnât want to overwhelm you.
âTake me out on a date,â you say.
âHmm?â
âA date,â you repeat. âJust because weâve known each other for years doesnât mean we can skip steps.â
âI respect that,â Johnny nods. âIâve got a busy week, and it will have to be a night where Soonie is out, but⌠weâll make it work.â
Johnnyâs so certain it will work, because things between you have always worked, and he canât wait to see where this takes you.Â
Ten
Itâs been a week, but finally Johnny found time for that date night. Soonie is out with friends again, so itâs the perfect opportunity to get some alone time with the man whoâs been on your mind constantly.
He picks you up in his old Dodge truck, compliments your outfit, and refuses to tell you where youâre going or what the plan is.
When you arrive back at his place, youâre honestly not even surprised. âLet me guess, you took me to the best chef in town?â
âYou know all my lines, honey,â he grins.Â
âSo, chef, whatâs on the menu?â
âI thought maybe youâd take a seat and let me cook for you.â
âAs if Iâd take a back seat,â you scoff. âWhat are we making?â
Johnny had made hand made fettucini before heâd come to pick you up. You let him take lead in making a white wine, garlic cream sauce with button mushrooms, spinach and crispy prosciutto, but you insist on being his sous chef and taking care of the chicken.
The smell is heavenly, and as he finishes it all off with fresh herbs, you think you start to drool a little.
âFor a guy who claims to specialize in sandwiches of all things, youâre pretty good with italian,â you muse as you take your first bite and nearly moan.
âIâm pretty good with a lot of things,â Johnny laughs.Â
âLook at you being all cocky.â
âYou love it.â
Heâs so right.
The two of you chat and laugh together while eating. Itâs one of the best meals youâve had in a very long time. When dinner is over, Johnny suggests a movie. As the two of you settle on the couch, he prompts you to come closer, and soon, the two of you are cuddled together as if itâs the most natural thing in the world.
Heâs so warm and comforting- you find yourself dozing off a little, although, maybe itâs something of a food coma from all the pasta.
Johnny brings his lips to your ear, and you shiver when he asks, âShould I carry you to bed, honey?âÂ
Part of you wants to tell him youâre not Soonie and you wonât be calling him daddy any time soon- but another part of you wants to lean into this. Itâs been so long since you felt like you could be babied, and if anyone is going to bring out that side of you, itâs going to be Johnny.
âWonât I be too heavy?â you ask, cognizant of the stairs heâll have to climb.
âHave you seen my arms? I wonât drop you, honey, I promise.â
You allow him to scoop you up, and you feel like a giggling school girl again as he takes you up to his room. âDo you have a shirt I could wear to sleep?âÂ
âChoose anything,â he tells you. âWhen youâre changed, you can join me in the bathroom, I went and got a toothbrush for you.â
Before you know it, youâre cuddled in Johnnyâs bed, wearing panties and one of his big shirts. Heâs pressed to your back, his mint tinged breath warm on the nape of your neck. Thereâs no pressure for sex, no pressure for anything other than the situation at hand, and you can tell youâre both very content with it.Â
Soon, youâre drifting off to sleep in the arms of a man whoâs been a cornerstone of your life.
Itâs a deep, dreamless sleep, and it passes in the blink of an eye. You awaken to light beaming through his window, a warm body behind you, and something hard pressed against your ass.
You laugh to yourself- morning wood isnât something men can help. Even so, you stir a little, adjusting to get more comfortable.
Johnny releases a sleepy groan.
You stay still, not wanting to wake him, but it feels like the damage is already done when he wraps you tighter in his embrace. âMorning,â he whispers, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
âHi,â you respond lightly.
Now itâs Johnnyâs turn to shift, and you feel his body tense when he does so. âFuck,â he goes to pull away, âsorry, I uh-â
âItâs okay,â you assure him, grabbing his forearm so he canât move away, âkeep cuddling me.â
Johnny returns, flush against your back, his hard cock pressing even more firmly to your ass.
âAre you sure youâre alright with this?â he asks.
âMore than okay with it.â
âYeah?â He leans forward, pressing his lips to your throat. âAre you okay with this, too?â Johnny mumbles, his hot breath fanning across your skin.
âUh huh,â you sigh, wiggling your bum back against him and arching your neck to give him better access.
His hand finds your hip, gently squeezing you through the shirt youâre wearing. His lips are soft against you, but thereâs a need in his motions too, and he begins to grind against your ass.
You let out a groan when he finds the sweet spot just below your ear, and he licks at it, making you moan louder.
âAre we going to do this?â he asks, nipping at your earlobe.
âFuck it, yes.â You canât hold back anymore, you turn in his embrace, quickly mounting him and smashing your lips to his own.
Johnny grins into the kiss, holding your hips while you settle on top of him, grinding down against his clothed cock while your tongues begin to clash.
His kisses have you seeing stars, your mind going blank except for him.
Soon, his hands slip under your shirt, slowly grazing up your sides. âCan I take this off of you?â he asks.
You open your eyes to look down at him, studying his pretty lips and his chocolate eyes.Â
Instead of responding, you sit up, grabbing the hem of the oversized T and lifting it over your head, tossing it to the side and baring yourself to your best friend for the first time.
âFuck,â Johnny groans, gaze falling to your tits. His hands stay at a respectable location on your hips, and you grab one to lift it to your breast, adding pressure so he knows heâs allowed to give you a test squeeze.
Johnny begins to massage you, and you throw your head back, releasing a groan, swiveling your hips against him.
His thumb brushes over your hardened nipple and you mewl loudly, core throbbing from the stimulus.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he whispers, propping himself up so he can take your nipple into his mouth.
You cup the back of his head, keeping him on your chest while he worships you. His other hand finds your neglected breast, gently pinching and massaging while he sucks on your sensitive bud.
âJohn-â You donât even know what to say, youâre entirely wrapped up in him.Â
Youâve never felt a feral need like this before, but itâs not necessarily the primal type of drive. Instead, itâs a feeling of wanting to be close to this man- who youâve been next to for so many years, but unable to touch.Â
Except, heâs touching you now, and you want more.Â
Johnny pulls away from your breasts, cupping the back of your head and drawing your lips to his again. âWe should take our clothes off,â he suggests.
âThatâs the best idea youâve had all week,â you laugh.Â
He helps you off of him, and you lay next to each other for a moment, both fumbling to get naked. As soon as youâre fully nude, Johnny rolls on top of you, slotting between your thighs. His lips find yours again, and his free hand trails down your body, teasing through your pussy lips.
âYouâre already so wet,â he muses.
âIâve wanted this for a long time,â you admit.
âMe too,â he assures you, capturing your mouth with his own while he teases a finger into your hole. You push your hips up, wanting more, and you latch onto his strong shoulders, moaning into the kiss.
Johnnyâs a big man, and his finger is enough to have you wriggling below him. âEasy, honey,â he grins, looking down at you with eyes full of adoration. âGotta stretch you open.â
âFuck,â you groan- does this man read erotica in his spare time? How is a thirty year old, single dad, this well versed in dirty talk even though youâre pretty sure he hasnât been laid in forever?
He adds a second finger, curling them to find your gspot. As he pumps his hand, lips pressed to yours in a mad frenzy, you can hear your wetness with each motion.Â
It feels unreal- have fingers alone ever done a number like this on you?
Johnny twists his hand a little, knuckles dragging along your sensitive inner walls. Itâs like heâs trying to carve out a space for his cock, although, you know now that this wonât be enough. Heâs thick and throbbing on your hip, his length so large you think he might just blow your entire back out when he slips it into you.
Even though youâre eager to be - for lack of a better word - impaled on him, Johnny takes his time kissing you, his fingers continuing their motions. âWanna rub your clit for me?â he asks, moving his mouth to your neck. âI want to watch you cum.â
Your toes curl at his words, and you bring your hand to your pussy, drawing circles on the sensitive bud while he continues to stroke your inner walls.
Your core throbs around him, whimpers of pleasure escaping you.Â
âYouâre being so good for me, honey,â Johnny tells you, making your insides flutter even more from the sincere words of praise.
Cumming hasnât always been the easiest thing in the world for you. There are many partners youâve had who never had the wherewithal to get you there- but somehow, Johnny just knows you. Or maybe, itâs because he knows you- because you feel safe with him, that you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.
It also helps that itâs your own fingers on your clit, you know exactly what you like, what pressure, what motions- the digits working you open are just an added bonus that have you seeing stars as you make your way to your peak.
âJohn,â you gasp, tits pushing up toward his chest when your back arches. âIâm gonna-â
âLet it out for me,â he encourages you softly. âYou deserve it.â
âI deserve your cock,â you whine, shocked at your own blatant neediness.
Johnny only laughs. âAfter,â he assures you, âI promise.â
A few more circles of your clit has the cord in your stomach snapping, your orgasm washing over your like warm summer waves. Your entire body tingles with delight, gasps leaving you as your pussy fully throbs around his fingers, your clit pulsing with desire.
âSo pretty,â he whispers, bringing his lips to yours.
From the way he smiles against your mouth, you can tell he doesnât care that youâre moaning so much he can hardly kiss you.
Itâs a closeness youâve never felt before, and he helps you through your orgasm until youâre pulling your hand away in favour of grabbing his shoulders.
Johnny takes his fingers out of your core, and you watch under hooded eyelids as he brings them to his lips, sucking them clean and releasing a groan. âEverything you do tastes better than what I bring to the table.â
You laugh. Heâs such a fucking chef.
âSome might even say itâsâŚâ you stifle a giggle, âFinger licking good.âÂ
Johnny lets out a laugh, eyes lighting up. God, you love this soft, laughter infused sex- youâve never experienced anything like it.
You grab the back of his neck, drawing his mouth to your own. You can taste yourself on his tongue, and thereâs something so erotic about it. He moans loudly, rubbing his cock between your wet pussy lips.
The tip of his cock is stimulating your clit and it sends jitters through you. You can feel how soaked you are, and you wouldnât be surprised if this ended with a wet patch on his bed from how turned on youâve been throughout this whole experience.
Johnny seems intent with grinding against you, but youâre lacking patience today, and you reach between your bodies to grab his cock.
Johnny breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours and looking down at where youâre gripping him. He doesnât say anything, his gaze shifting back to your own. Thereâs a question in his eyes, and youâre both aware that this is the final line. Once you cross this, thereâs no going back.
You bring his cock to your wet hole, and with very little effort, you help guide the head of his cock inside of you.
âFuck,â Johnny groans immediately, fists bunching at the pillow on either side of your head. âYouâre so tight- are you sure youâre good with this?â
âYouâre just- fuck,â you whimper as another inch sinks into you, âyouâre just big!â
âMaybe youâll have to get used to it,â he grins, pushing deeper.
You moan loudly, clawing at his shoulders. âMaybe I will,â you gasp.Â
He brings his mouth close to your own, until your lips are just brushing, eyes meeting when he says, âIâm looking forward to it.â
As he kisses you, he pushes fully into your warm, wet, throbbing core. His hips are flush to your own, and you swear no oneâs ever been this deep inside of you.
Your legs shake on either side of his hips, body suspended in this odd purgatory-like place between extreme pleasure, and an uncomfortable feeling of being stretched more than youâve ever been stretched before.
âAre you good?â he asks, lips moving to your cheek while you struggle to aclimatize to his cock.
âYeah,â you nod quickly. âJust- fuck me, it will be easier.â
âIf you say so, honey.â
The first thrust has your toes curling, eyes clenching shut with pleasure. A sound thatâs never come from you before leaves your lips- a sound youâve heard in porn, but always thought was an overexpression.
Your fingers dig into Johnnyâs shoulders, and he holds you close, mouth finding your neck while he begins to fuck you.
Although, would this be called fucking?
The fluidity of his motions- the way youâre clinging to each other- it feels more like making love, and your skin tingles with the realization.
âJohnny?â you whisper.
âYeah?â
âTell me you love me again, like you did when you were drunk.â
âI love you,â he says immediately, holding you even tighter. âI love you so much that sometimes it hurts.â
Your entire body both relaxes and is set on fire by his words, your core throbbing desperately around his massive cock.Â
âJohnny-â you whimper.
âTell me you love me too,â he pleads.
âI love you too,â you whisper, threading your fingers through his hair and bringing his face close to yours so you can look up into his eyes. âI love you too.âÂ
Johnnyâs hand finds your thigh, hiking it higher on his hip. Somehow, he hits even deeper now, and you wriggle below him, more sounds of pleasure escaping you and filling the room.
âYou sound so good, honey- I wonât last if you keep squeezing me and moaning-â
âThen donât last,â you gasp. âWant you to cum.â
âWhere should I cum?â
âInside- Iâm on birth control, just- fuck, Johnny, cum inside.â
He groans, pressing his mouth firmly to your own, his tongue dancing along yours as his motions get even faster.
Youâre clinging to him for dear life at this point, and when he slips a hand between your bodies to rub your clit, you nearly begin to cry from how good it feels.
âLove the way your pussy sucks me in when we play with your clit,â he tells you.Â
Fuck, fuck, fuck-
âDo you think you can cum for me again? I donât want to be the only one cumming.â
âYeah, yeah- fuck, yeah, I can cum again,â you whimper desperately.
âLet me know when,â he instructs, adjusting his motions ever so slightly so each thrust has his cock dragging against your gspot.
You let out a squeal of delight, your thighs shaking around his hips, stomach muscles clenching almost painfully-
âFuck, John, Iâm there- shit, fuck-â
Johnny shuts you up with his lips against your own, and for a second time, your orgasm hits you.
Your core clamps down incredibly hard on his cock, and Johnny groans deeply above you, fingers twitching on your clit. He keeps his pace, and a moment later, you feel his cum filling you up, coating your walls with warmth.
The feeling of his large length throbbing in your own oversensitive hole has your entire mind going fuzzy, and you kiss him like a woman lost, like a woman so completely in love that nothing else matters.
You ride out your orgasms together, until youâre both shaking. Only then does Johnny come to a stop on top of you, kisses turning to a more gentle nature as he holds you close.Â
âI love you,â he tells you again.
You smile, blinking up at your best friend. âAnd I love you.â
Epilogue
The two of you are in the kitchen cooking brunch. Johnny is pressed to your back, watching intently, asking all sorts of questions about how you cook eggs to make them so delicious and superior to his own.
âThe secret ingredient is love,â you tease.
Johnny can only laugh, holding you tighter.
Heâs so lost in you, that he loses track of time, and as the two of you are sitting down to eat, Soonbok walks through the front door. She stops in her tracks when she sees you, letting her little overnight bag slip to the ground.
âOh, hi, baby,â Johnny stands up immediately.
âHi, daddy,â Soonie says, allowing her dad to pick her up for a hug while her eyes shift to you.
âDid Sabrinaâs mom drop you off?â Johnny asks, looking out the door to wave at Soonieâs friendâs mom as she drives away.
âAs always, daddy,â Soonie laughs. âI didnât know y/n was coming over.â
âSurprise,â you grin, also standing so that when Johnny sets his daughter to the ground, she can run to give you a hug of your own.
Once Soonie is done squeezing you as tight as her little arms can muster, she looks between you and Johnny. For some reason, Johnny feels his heart beginning to race, thereâs a knowing in his daughters eyes.
âWhatâs going on?â Soonie asks finally.
âY/N and I just had a little sleep over,â Johnny tries to explain, and the concept isnât a new one, you sleep over frequently⌠in the guest bedroom.
âSoâŚâ a wicked grin appears on Soonbokâs face, âDoes this mean youâll stop trying to get me to call her auntie now?â
âWhat?â Johnny lets out a surprised laugh.
âYou heard me, daddy,â Soonbokâs smile widens. âDoes this⌠does this mean weâll be a real family now?â
Johnny lets out a shuddery breath. In the years youâve been helping raise Soonbok, Johnny has broached the idea of her calling you Auntie Y/N, as a respect thing, and his daughter has always refused. Had she seen the connection this whole time? Has this been something Soonbok has wanted ever since she was a five year old with an inquisitive mind and an even more discerning eye?
Johnnyâs gaze shifts to you, and you flash him a warm smile.
âYeah, baby,â Johnny picks up his daughter. âWe can be a real family now.â
âď¸Â mlist + an. Thank you so much for reading! This was such a fun project for me, thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me to write for Chef John, he deserved his happy ending :)
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đŽ preview. The man ordering canât see you lying on the floor of the food truck. He has no idea whatâs going on- and you feel like tempting fate a little. You bring your hand to your pussy, beginning to rub yourself through your pants, adjusting the vibrator ever so slightly as it buzzes inside you. Johnny nearly drops the tomato heâs holding, quickly tearing his gaze from yours. Youâve never seen him trying to focus this hard- and failing. What had been your torture initially, has just become his own, and you kind of love it.
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, exhibitionism (fucking in a food truck), use of vibrator while helping a customer, vibrator as a makeshift gag ball, breast worship, fucking with half your clothes on, fingering, multiple reader orgasms, big dick Johnny, pussy stretching, dirty talk, praise, breeding kink, etc⌠ I petnames. (hers) honey
đšÂ rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.1k I teaser wc. 230
đ starring. Johnny x afab!Reader
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You love working with Johnny. Sure, it had been rough at first, getting his food truck on its feet, but itâs been two years, and with some insanely good marketing, youâre now running one of the top trucks in the city.
Itâs a joy to watch Johnny fulfill his dreams every day- his odd obsession with sandwiches of all things has only added to your connection. Watching him smile and charm guests makes your heart swell with joy, and on the rare occasion Soonie comes to do the register and take orders, it feels like youâre just one happy family.
Today, however, is a weather disaster. The forcast had mentioned light sprinkles, but cuddled next to Johnny looking out at the torrential downpour, you both feel a little bamboozled.
âYou know what would make this more fun?â Johnny asks.
âCustomers?â you suggest.
âYes, but also⌠I got you something.â The chef flashes you a sly smirk, and you pull away from his shoulder to asses him.
âAm I going to like where this is going?â you ask.
He was single for so long- and thereâd been so many sexual things heâd missed out on during that time, but the two of you are making up for it every moment you have alone. You suppose this is a moment alone, so youâre not really shocked that his mind is in the gutter.
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your fate, my karma
jung jaehyun x fem!reader
wc: 11.7k
synopsis: jaehyun realizes heâs in love with you. itâs fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesnât want to ruin what he has with you. but he canât help it, itâs like he was made to see and touch you. he doesnât know how much longer he can hold in his secret.
warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts
heavily inspired by somethinâ stupid - frank sinatra
part three to the how it all goes series!
you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. âstop already,â you huff out a laugh, âi might die if you make me cum one more time.â
he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you donât offer to help him out, and he doesnât ask for any favors.
heâs not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasnât ready for a relationship, that he wasnât ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you.Â
he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasnât ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldnât bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.
which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after heâs made you cum. he knows it probably wasnât the best idea to propose, but he didnât know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.
despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, heâs certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. heâs chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long heâs known you, but he knows that thereâs something else he doesnât want to admit. because one, itâs fucked. two, heâs rejected you. three, he canât like you.
he canât like like you. he doesnât even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when youâre both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when youâre at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.
he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesnât feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows itâs just a temporary solution.
he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. itâs not fair to either of you, heâs not your boyfriend, he shouldnât be this close to you.Â
itâs quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isnât tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he wouldâve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.
he canât blame you though. itâs his fault for rejecting you, itâs his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. thereâs a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldnât come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.
which is why he canât stop you coming to him when youâre needy. itâs not even just those times, but he doesnât think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, youâre his friend.
he just canât help but wish it could be a little more than that.
you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.
as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, itâs hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.
today itâs going over to eat with him.
before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he couldâve asked, he chose you. it didnât take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. itâs weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend.Â
as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasnât right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.
heâs just your friend, and youâre close to accepting that itâll probably never be more than that.Â
when you make it to his apartment, you donât see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, youâre expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, youâre greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.
âso, you invite me over to come and eat.â
he nods, smile growing wider, âyes.â
âbut iâm not seeing any food.â
âthatâs because youâre gonna help me.â
you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, âyou donât need my help. youâre a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.â
he laughs, âbut i need you to be my other chef⌠what are they called?â
you roll your eyes, âa sous chef?â
âexactly,â he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, âwhat if i forget something and i need your help?â
you pat his shoulder, âthen you call me while i sit over on the couch.â
heâs about to give up, but he swears thereâs a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. thatâs how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both canât let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, âhow about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.â
you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how thereâs a frown on his face. but you canât. he looks a little too sincere, and you donât want to think too hard about the feelings he doesnât have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. itâs always like this, jaehyun acting like he canât go on without you. thatâs what got you here in the first place.
he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesnât matter how long or how many times heâs had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar.Â
itâs like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he canât help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.
he wouldnât have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldnât have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.
instead, heâs standing in front of the food heâs making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, âif you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.â
âyou know me so well. i tagged you and everything.â
he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when heâs plating his own, you speak up, âwow, what a gentleman!â he can hear the teasing tone you use, âyouâre really setting the bar for all men, arenât you, jaehyun?â
he decides to tease you back, âjust trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.â
ânope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. iâm ruining your chances of getting with someone.â
he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that itâs connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyunâs head bob along to the song.Â
this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each otherâs presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. itâs quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.
jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, âdo you like it? the song?â
you pretend to think about it, âhm... well, itâs good.â
âyouâre not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?â
âthat was literally a one time thing,â you huff, âiâll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.â
he smiles to himself, âyou know thereâs no one else like me.â
you think about his words for a bit. he probably didnât mean for them to have a double meaning, but you canât help but find one. you wonder if youâll ever be able to find someone who couldâve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do find someone, youâll be able to forget jaehyun.
you feel like youâve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.
you eventually nod along to his words, âyeah, thereâs no one else like you.â
âyouâre kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.â
jaehyun huffs at johnnyâs words. itâs not that he didnât want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldnât help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didnât want to argue.Â
but now that youâre a little late, he canât stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasnât told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you.Â
johnny takes one more jab at him, âshe wouldâve liked you more if youâd been the one who brought her.â
jaehyunâs shoulder bumps into johnnyâs, âshe already does like me a lot, so thereâs no need for all of that.â
johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he couldâve at least given you a ride. he wouldâve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, wouldâve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that thatâs just what friends do, but thereâs something he doesnât want to admit.
his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows heâs made a mistake as soon as he feels johnnyâs eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnnyâs face mirrors his own.Â
johnnyâs about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyunâs ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. itâs a text from you, letting jaehyun know that youâre outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.
and there you are.
your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that heâs seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.
you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.
johnny starts, âalways so fashionably late.â
you laugh, âif i donât come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?â
johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, âi was holding that position just fine before you came.â
you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. heâd endure all of johnnyâs teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.
it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.
itâs at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. itâs a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you donât care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.
for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.
jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldnât remember either way, but he knows itâs not right. itâs not like heâd want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but thereâs a growing part inside his brain thatâs begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why canât just say that he likes you?
the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyunâs, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesnât bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.
as if jaehyun wasnât having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. itâs like every night this happens, itâs a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend.Â
except this time, while johnnyâs explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where youâre looking at. you both squeal, johnnyâs hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, âthatâs him, right?â
johnny matches your tone, âtotally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!â
raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, âand who exactly are we talking about?â
you turn back at him, âthatâs jungwoo, someone we knew from college!â
the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. thereâs probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. heâs not sure which one it could be, but thereâs a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyunâs stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.
jaehyunâs arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, âdoes everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?â
âhe was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,â johnny hums.
you join in, âhe is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.â
jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnnyâs face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, âi think you should go talk to him.â
jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, âwhat if he doesnât even recognize me?â
âwhy wouldnât he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.â
jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this âjungwooâ and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.
he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, âiâll do it. iâll go talk to him.â
jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.
although jaehyun wishes he could say donât go over there or iâll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think itâs from the alcohol, itâs from seeing you walk away from him. youâre walking to someone that isnât him, sharing your warmth thatâs supposed to be jaehyunâs.
he realizes then and there that he shouldnât be thinking that.
youâre pressed against jaehyunâs bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you couldâve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. heâs practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.
there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesnât realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. youâve grown to learn all his habits.
it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that thereâs anything wrong with him not saying, but thereâs a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.
you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesnât want to talk about. youâre quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, âgonna let me see this pretty pussy?â
you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how youâre dripping for him. itâs embarrassing, trying to close your legs. youâre met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.
âdidnât know you could be this wet for me. if i didnât know any better, iâd think that you need me.â
you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, âjaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!â
âtell me what you need, pretty. if you donât tell me, how am i supposed to help?â
âneed you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!â
âof course, thatâs all i needed to hear.â
you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesnât tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.
âsuch a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?â
moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. youâre sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.
âgonna cum all over my fingers?â
âfuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!â
his movements speed up at your words, âgo ahead and show me how much you need it.â
youâre quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand thatâs helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. youâre too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.
before you can comment on it, heâs quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, âare you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?â
âplease,â you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.
you can tell itâs getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where heâs pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, âtell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.â
you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, thereâs a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. youâre too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. thereâs almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.
âi know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?â
you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. youâre no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.
once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, âmissed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.â youâre quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.
he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much youâre affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, âdidnât even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.â
his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he canât help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you donât know what has him so worked up, but if heâs going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.
you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyunâs length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. heâs quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub.Â
he move up to whisper into your ear, âonly i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.â
you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. heâs slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, âno? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that youâre close to cumming.â
tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you canât help it, not when heâs fucking you like this. heâs not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, heâs letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. youâll save it for another time.
youâre surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where youâre both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.
itâs easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didnât have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didnât think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, âgonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?â
ây-yes, please! you make me feel so good!â
âyeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how iâm the only one who can make you feel this good.â
at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. heâs moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.
when you start whining, heâs quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does.Â
itâs quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. heâs just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you donât mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.
he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. heâs being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. thereâs a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. heâs quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed.Â
in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.
you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldnât even be having sex, not like this.
but you figure just this once, youâll let yourself have this moment. itâs a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished heâd hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldnât be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. thereâs no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.
as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you wonât ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.
jaehyun realizes how little time heâs been spending with you recently.
heâs been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. youâve told him canât hang out, iâm with jungwoo right now or iâll be hanging out with jungwoo later. youâve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasnât had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwooâs around.
jaehyun doesnât want to say heâs necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but canât say it doesnât sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesnât like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.
what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesnât? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he canât help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwooâs in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?
itâs one day that youâre both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, canât help but try to reach over to see what youâre laughing at.
youâre quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide itâs probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.
itâs quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. itâs a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesnât want to say anything about it though, doesnât want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldnât be thinking.Â
âheâs funny,â jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.
âway funnier than you,â you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch.Â
âthereâs been times where youâve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.â
âi was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those donât count.â
jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think heâs the funniest man ever. heâs been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only heâs a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.
jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact heâs always been competitive, but he knows itâs more than that. in his head, it doesnât matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him.Â
âwhat have you both been doing? i havenât seen you at all this week.â he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you donât hear it.
ânothing, really. weâve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.â
jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, âi miss you, please donât leave me forever.â
you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. âyouâre acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.â
âwhatâs killing me is the fact i donât get to see you that much anymore,â he grumbles.Â
he notices that you donât respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and thereâs a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, âdonât do that.â
âdo what?â
âpretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.â
jaehyun lets out a breath, âsorry, but youâre still my friend. i do miss you, iâm jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.â although he says it jokingly, thereâs definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.
âiâm gonna tell jungwoo youâre being mean to him,â you huff.
âtell him then,â jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, âlet him know that he needs to learn how to share.â
âfirst of all,â you slide his arm off of you, âdonât say it like that because you make it sound like iâm an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.â
he hums, âyou were mine first.â
âi was never yours,â you grouch, âyou made that clear when you rejected me.â
he can tell youâre joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. itâs a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.
he canât blame you for his own mistake. he canât.
in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, âplease, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?â
you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. youâre quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that youâre about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesnât want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how youâre hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment.Â
you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, âyou can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.â
jaehyun doesnât move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. heâs thought about what heâd say if he were to confess to you almost too much. heâs practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way heâd confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-
your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwooâs account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, âtold you heâs funny.â
ânot funny when itâs jungwoo.â
âjaehyun!â
you find yourself drinking at jaehyunâs place again.
itâs a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyunâs kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didnât mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.
before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably wonât be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how heâs invading your privacy.
his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, âhow am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.â
âyouâre supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!â
he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, âthank you for being so vulnerable around me. and whoâs to say i donât support you in your times of need?â
you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, âhey! youâre actually so gross.â
he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. itâs been happening more often, and jaehyun canât help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he canât really do anything to stop it.
you arenât completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. heâs been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. youâre not sure how obvious youâre being with jungwoo, but youâre sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.
it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought youâd like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.
itâs bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyunâs only being so nice to you now is because jungwooâs being nice to you.Â
thatâs not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that itâs a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you donât want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldnât be talked about.
even now, as youâre here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, thereâs unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. itâs weird to think that you wouldâve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didnât stay with him.
itâs quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song thatâs playing. itâs dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. itâs nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you donât have to think about anything you donât want to. you donât think before you speak, âi do miss you, too, you know.âÂ
âyeah?â
âyouâre still someone i appreciate, even after everything.â
he doesnât respond, and you think heâs taking in your words. youâre not sure why you didnât specify âfriendâ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that heâs a bit tipsy too. heâs not looking at you, youâre not really sure what heâs thinking-
âi think⌠i think i love you.â
âwhat?â
his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, âno, i- look-â
âwhat did you say?â
âiâm sorry, i didnât mean it-â
âwhat does that even mean? you canât just randomly say you love me and then take it back?â
he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, itâs just⌠he doesnât really want to. itâs almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. âsince youâre asking,â he starts, âi⌠i like you. iâve liked you for a while now.â
when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. youâre biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. âjaehyun⌠do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?â
âno, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know itâs wrong and i know i shouldnât but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.â
âa little late? jaehyun, youâre telling me this after you know iâm talking to someone. you knew that thereâd be a high chance that i wouldnât feel the same. i know youâre not that dumb.â
âbut thatâs how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? thatâs exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?â
a shocked laugh leaves you, âthat isnât fair! youâre not being fair! youâre not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!â
you think he knows that itâs not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyunâs only confessing because youâre talking to jungwoo.Â
âi shouldâve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.â
he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. âi never forced you to come over and talk. you werenât forced to come over and have sex with me. you couldâve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.â
you let out an exasperated sound, âwe were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, thatâs literally all we were doing.â
he snaps, âfriends donât fuck. friends donât hold each other after sex. you canât say that you didnât feel anything between us. thatâs the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."
you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. thereâs nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you couldâve been more clear, you wished you wouldâve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now youâre stuck like this.
you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, âif i had known that you were gonna be like this, i wouldâve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.â
âif you never met jungwoo, then this probably never wouldâve happened. i couldâve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.â
you send a glare straight at him, âdo not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didnât even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.â
âhow was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?â
âexactly! donât you see how fucked up that is?â
he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. itâs childish, and you know he knows it. you donât know what else to do. if he canât sort himself out, thereâs no reason for you to be here anymore.
youâre quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesnât look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. thereâs a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didnât think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.
you let out a breath, âiâm leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, donât even bother texting me.â
he doesnât try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he canât feel anything, doesnât really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. itâs quiet again.
he just ruined everything.
for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.
thereâs not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo mightâve been everything youâve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.
you tell jungwoo that youâre happy to have him right now. you tell him that youâre sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you donât tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesnât try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you donât want to think of.
and youâre not thinking about it. you havenât gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?
as much as you donât want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didnât realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didnât seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.
thereâs a lot of time you have to yourself now. you donât have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you donât have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you donât have to think about any hurt heâs caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.
until you get a call from johnny.
âhey, johnny. whatâs up?â
he skips right past your greeting, âwhy doesnât jaehyun want to hang out with you?â
youâre shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesnât want to hang out with you. you scoff, âwhat exactly did he say?â
âhe said he was busy, but, like i know heâs not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.â
you want to scream into your phoneâs microphone. jaehyun doesnât deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? âjohnny,â you start, âdo you promise not to tell anyone about what iâm about to tell you? you canât even tell jaehyun.â
he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, âwhat is it?â
âthe other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.â
he gasps loudly into the phone, âwhat? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?â
âexactly! it doesnât even seem like something heâd do! he said it was because we were both drinking.â
âthat doesnât even matter,â johnny sighs, âyou donât go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.â
âyou get it! thatâs literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.â
itâs quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell heâs planning something. itâs never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but youâre too late.
âi think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.â
you sarcastically laugh, âhe hasnât even texted me, thereâs no way iâm talking to him first.â
âi didnât say you should text him first, iâm just saying that you both should talk. you canât just leave this off on bad terms.â
âand if i want to?â
âi know you donât. plus, it feels like iâm a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.â
you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. heâs right, you donât want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you donât want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, âfine, but donât have your hopes up because even i donât know whatâs gonna happen.â
âokay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.â
âjohnny!â
he defends himself, âlike i said, iâm basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.â
âwhatever, do what you want to do.â johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you wonât be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.
even if you donât know what you want just yet, youâll get yourself ready.
you realize youâre no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.
you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, âwhy did you tell johnny you didnât want to hang out with me?â
as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. youâll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun whoâs pretending he didnât just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.
no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. youâre staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare youâre giving him. while youâre glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, itâs soft, no anger behind his eyes.
you step back, breathing in before speaking, âletâs go talk in my room.â
he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like heâs leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. itâs awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.
you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. itâs not as awkward as it is tense. you donât know what to say, you didnât plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.
âhow are you doing?â
you roll your eyes at the simple question, âiâve been doing fine. i feel like my lifeâs been a lot calmer since that day.â
he leans forward in his seat, âreally? i feel like iâve lost ten years of my life.â
deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, âi think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasnât good for me.â
he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how itâs going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, âi think for me itâs the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i canât lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they havenât.â
you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you canât do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what youâre most curious about, âwhy did you start liking me?â
âi donât even know. i know itâs shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.â
âiâm sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never wouldâve expected you to say that.â
you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. itâs been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you.Â
âcan i ask something?â
he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you havenât had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, âthis wasnât all because of jungwoo, right?â
he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. heâs deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, âhonestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldnât handle it. iâm not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.â
you donât know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldnât want to go back and change what youâve done. you donât regret ever being jaehyunâs friend, you donât regret all the memories youâve made with him.Â
âso, this⌠this is really over then?â
you shrug, âi would think so.â
itâs quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. âthisâ has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume itâs almost everything you do together. what youâre feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. whatâs different now is that you canât help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably shouldâve never happened.
in another world, you think you wouldâve reciprocated jaehyunâs feelings. it wouldâve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. itâs almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.
âwe can still be friends if you can handle that.â
he laughs incredulously, âif i handle that? iâm a grown man, thank you very much.â
âyeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldnât be able to hold back my feelings,â you tease.
he grumbles, âtoo soon, youâre too mean.â
jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it werenât for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, âhow about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?â
you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. âone more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.â
he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. youâre by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things youâve done together. all the times youâve had sex, all the times where heâs felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.
you donât know if you can continue being friends with him.Â
it would be unfair to jungwoo. you havenât told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it.Â
you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. heâs been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, itâs weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.
he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, âso how are you and jungwoo?â
âthatâs how you want to start our small talk?â you splutter out.
âi mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?â
well itâs hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, âiâm⌠really happy that iâm talking to him. he takes care of me, heâs always asking how iâm doing. itâs nice being with him.â
you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, âare you both⌠officially dating yet?â
his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, âno! not yet, at least. i think iâd say yes if he asked me out.â
he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what heâs thinking, you donât need to ask him. you canât be his, you wonât ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he couldâve loved you. he wasnât meant for you.
âokay, one more thing.â
he nods, turning his attention back on you.
âdid you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you werenât ready for a relationship?â
âyes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didnât realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was⌠it just wasnât the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.â
you cock your head to the side, âlike?â
he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but heâs right, there were still things you didnât know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun wouldâve stopped you from figuring them out.
âi guess⌠mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that iâve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.â
the confession doesnât hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasnât until after he confessed to you that you saw that thereâs more to your life than him. youâre thankful for all the time youâve had with him, but thereâs still so much more for you to do.
itâs like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.
jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you donât want him to go, you donât want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. thereâs a small part of you thatâs scared that youâll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.
you walk him to your door, âyouâll text me once you're at your apartment, right?â
he shuffles over, âyeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.â
you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. itâs wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.
itâs not meant to be.
âgoodnight, jaehyun. iâll see you soon, okay?â
âalright, goodnight. i⌠iâll be here if you ever need me. iâll wait.â
you smile, âi know. thank you, get back safe.â
he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. itâs quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor.Â
you donât really feel like crying. you donât feel like thereâs something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.
thereâs more important things to worry about than someone who couldnât make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether thatâs jungwoo or someone else.Â
youâve never felt better.Â
as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. itâs been a while since heâs seen you in person, so heâll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.
he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyunâs glad that itâs going well for the both of you. itâs what you deserve after what he put you through.
he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldnât shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. itâs not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.
itâs what shouldâve happened, at the start of it all you both shouldâve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he wouldâve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldnât trade those memories for anything.
you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that youâre doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesnât want to come in and ruin what youâve built up. it doesnât matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, youâre better off without him.
he just wishes he had more time.
a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY
taglist: @froggyforyoongi @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ppeachyttae @omlhyck @hazyhae @haechology @jaehyunful @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @diorcities @hrts4doie @ohmytyong @ecvm5236 @faeryus @riri4andy @rjtulips @missesgirl @shiorebirth @sugaringgcaramel @camomillie @ninicornposts @il02isa @sincerelyneo @perfumejamal @justhgiwo @lovingyoulovinme2 @babyriannie @eunseoksimp @jeonreal @mawnehkah @shoetaroshoe (thank u all omg đŤâ¤ď¸)
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OHoho THE BURGLAR PDATE IS WORTH IT (i need more tho but no pressure) I LOVE Y/N'S CHARACTER AND MARK GETTING WRONG-FOOTED EVERYTIME HE DEALS WITH THEM ALSJSKKSKS
thank you so muchh!! i'll try to update it soon if i have time đ
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break in // pt.4
burglar!mark x rich!reader
pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4
a/n: long time no updates hehehe but here it is!
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mark decided not to break his promise and show up to their assigned meeting place for the sake of his wallet.
he saw y/n there already, standing on front of the vandalized wall with a big penis drawn on it behind the building, she's near the dumpsters and the garbages are scattered everywhere, getting swarmed by flies and rats.
he can clearly see y/n scrunching her nose out of disgust, keeping her hands to herself and covering her nose too often.
mark felt bad about her and kind of regrets his choice of location, but all of that disappears when y/n heard his voice.
"hey" mark said to draw y/n's attention to him.
"mark!" y/n said happily before running to him.
mark did not expect her to hug him again, but oh well...
y/n released him and looks up at his face.
"i knew you'd show up..." she said to him, her eyes sparkling at his face.
"well obviously, 'cause you have my wallet" mark deadpanned, and y/n giggled like a damn schoolgirl whenever she sees her crush.
"so...where's our first date going to happen, mark?" she asked sweetly, while twisting her body right and left lightly with her hands intertwined on front.
"follow me" mark said before turning away from her and started walking to another direction.
y/n obliged and follow him, wondering where he'll take her.
---------------------------------------------------
mark lead y/n to a house that y/n thought it was his, he leads her down to the basement to reveal a haechan sitting on his beat-down couch, munching on a pizza while playing video games on his almost broken tv.
it was actually haechan's basement, but she still doesn't know that.
y/n's smile faded when she looks around the setting. everything is all messy.
"yo mark, do you wanna beat the final boss with me?" haechan said before turning around to look at him, but he immediately stood up from the couch when he saw a girl.
a girl in his basement. no freaking way. nice going, mark. you broke our bro-code.
"uhh hey, what are you two doing in here?" haechan asks cooly, glancing at you before shooting daggers at mark's face with his eyes, asking why is there a girl in his basement.
"uhh excuse us for a minute" mark said to y/n before grabbing haechan's arm and dragged him to the other side of the room.
"yo, who the fuck is that girl, didn't i tell you that n-"
"dude, that's the girl i was talking about before. the girl that ran up to me and hugged me, remember?" mark said.
"girl that you were talking about be- oh shit, wait" haechan's eyes widen, literally stops talking for a moment when he realized that you're the girl that mark kissed.
"dude, oh my god" haechan gushes quietly. he couldn't believe he brought her here.
"yeah yeah now shut up, she could hear you" mark slapped his arm to silence him, glancing at you to see if you heard them.
"what is she doing here tho?" haechan calmed his excitement, before he continues speaking.
"yeah well, my wallet's gone missing, i went back to their house to see if she stole it and turns out, she did. and now she forced me to take her out on a date so i could get my wallet back" mark explained to him.
"okay but, why here tho? you could've taken her to a nicer place like a diner, cafĂŠ or something" haechan asked.
"i'm trying to make her fucking hate me dude, so she could leave me alone" mark whispered-shouted at him.
"well clearly, you're not doing a great job at it 'cause she's still happy as hell" mark and haechan turned around to look at y/n, who's smiling prettily while looking around the messy area.
but deep inside, she's utterly uncomfortable right now, she just doesn't want to show she's weak.
"i just want my fucking wallet back" mark sighed before going back to y/n.
"hey, you could just sit down there on the sofa and eat some pizza if you want" mark said as he pointed at the ugly beat-down couch from behind and lead y/n to it.
"oh okay, thank you" y/n said before she sits down on the ugly couch. she felt herself dip down a little on her seat.
mark took a seat beside y/n on the couch, while haechan decided to sit down on the floor instead and continue playing.
"hey dude, are you still up to defeating that final boss?" mark suddenly asked haechan.
"yeah, why?" haechan smirked at him.
"can i join you?"
"yeah sure, just get the controller over there" mark got up from his seat to get a controller.
Minutes later, they're already playing together. screaming and talking each other's ears off while you go die from boredom.
you're currently getting ignored by them, your half-closed eyes blankly stares at the loud and crazy effects from the video game they're playing on the tv.
"WOOOOO!"
you jumped up from your seat due to the loud noise, the two boys seem to be dapping each other up and complimenting themselves.
"dude, i obviously killed that, i'm the top master of this game"
"nuh uh, i absolutely carried you through"
the two boys continued to talk, while you on the other hand, are getting sick of being ignored longer.
"can i play with you guys?" y/n suddenly asked, making the heads of those two turn to you.
"uhm, we only have two controllers here, so-"
"i'll let you borrow my controller" haechan cuts him off as he gives the controller to you.
"dude what, she doesn't even know how to pla-"
"she can learn, there's like a tutorial on how to play the game" haechan cuts him off again.
"and if she's finally a pro with it, maybe you two can go on a pvp" haechan smirked at him.
"what, no--"
"omg, yes!" you agreed, holding a big smile on your face while looking at mark.
"ugh, fine, whatever, we're gonna have one game only, and after that, it's over. this date is over and you give me my wallet back, okay?" mark stated.
"okay...but if i win, this game is over and we finally go out to the city for our real date..." y/n smirked at him.
"deal"
"deal it is" y/n says confidently.
meanwhile, haechan watched the whole scene unfold on front of him. excited to see who's going to win.
Couple of minutes later, you felt like you know already all the basic controls in this game. it's now time for you to shine and fight mark lee.
"i think i'm ready now..." y/n said, before haechan sets up the game.
mark stayed quiet, trying to focus on the screen and quietly trains his fingers on the controller to prepare himself.
1...
2...
3...
FIGHT!
y/n started quick and pressed random buttons on the controller, already forgetting what she learned. but somehow, it's making mark lose.
mark was obviously distracted by the way she's playing.
"wait what, you're not even playing it rig--woah wait!" mark said before turning his head to the screen to see his own character losing.
haechan was amazed on how mark's healthbar became so low that quickly.
just a few more pressing then...
K!O!
"yay! i won" y/n exclaimed, throwing her arms out in the air due to happiness.
"dude, she wasn't even playing it correctly, she was just smashing random buttons" mark complained.
"but game is game though" haechan says before congratulating you for your win, giving you an applause.
"i deserve a rematch"
"but didn't you say it's one game only?" haechan rebutted, and smirks at him.
mark's head dropped down out of defeat, his own feet coming into his view.
"what's wrong, mark?" y/n asked due to his sudden action.
"just take me out of here" mark mumbled.
---------------------------------------
and so it happened, you dragged mark to wherever you wanna go, ate ice creams and rented some bicycles.
you totally enjoyed the date, but you're not sure about mark.
after the date, mark accompanied you back to the front of your house.
"can i have my wallet now?" mark immediately asked.
"okay" you said before putting her hand inside her pockets to pull out his wallet and reach it out to him.
mark was about to take it when suddenly, you pulled it back.
"oh my fucking go-" mark sighed frustratingly.
"before you take this wallet, i just want to ask something..."
"what?" mark asked.
"how's your family doing?" y/n smiled and looked at his eyes.
"did you just go through my wallet?" mark ignored your question.
"yes, now answer mine" y/n said.
"you're crazy" mark told her with his eyes opened with shock.
"you break in other peoples' properties so we're just the same, now answer the damn question!" y/n rebutted.
"okay, i don't know! now can you please give me my wallet back?" mark shrugged before extending his hand out.
"you don't know? why do you not know?" y/n's grip on the wallet loosened as her smile fades due to his unexpected answer.
she thought that she's going to get some details about them and his life.
"i don't go home to them anymore, okay?" mark said before grabbing his wallet from her.
"thank you, stay safe..." mark walks away, not looking back at y/n, while she stays silent and watches him leave.
when she couldn't see mark anymore, y/n also decided to go back inside her house.
little did she know, mark succeeded in escaping from her vision and hid behind a large bush near your house.
he stayed until you finally stepped foot inside your house, he then leaves when he knows you're now safe.
he had a feeling this "thing" wouldn't be staying for a short time.
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launch | mark lee
word count: 25,916 (yikes)
genre: astronaut!au, 1960â˛s au, angst, fluff, some suggestive content but nothing too crazy, adventure, husband!au, father!au
warnings: death, near death experiences, a lot of crying, emotional baggage
authorâs note: hi again!! so im back with a new fic!!i wanna start off by saying that this fic is not meant to belittle anyoneâs accomplishments, even though it is based on real events this work is pure fiction, and should be taken as such. I hope you guys like this fic and i know its very long so if you get to the end just know that i love haha thank you!! also, its very possible that tublr will crash if this is opened n mobile so im sorry about that
synopsis: ever since he was a young boy, markâs dream was to be the first man on the moon. along his journey to accomplish his dream, he finds there are many hardships would have to face in order to succesfully complete his mission and come back home to the love of his life.
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no clue (l.mk)
mark lee x fem!reader
wc: 11.6k
summary: mark realizes how long itâs been since heâs gotten laid, immediately heading to a party. heâs quick to find you, rushing into a room without really thinking about it. except now, he canât stop thinking about you. how bad is it really if he ends up falling in love with his one night stand?
warnings: strangers to lovers, smut, fluff, mild angst, one night stand, miscommunication and communication, reader is cautious, oral (both receiving), missionary, desperation, dirty talk, dry humping, softdom!mark, sub!reader
heavily inspired by tongues - the frights
part two to the how it all goes series!
mark doesnât think heâs a person who acts on instinct.
he believes he at least has some self control. he wonât go out if he knows he has work to finish, knows his limits, and has pretty good time management if you ask him. he can control himself whenever he needs to, but he has his off days. everyone does.
which is why he canât really explain how he ended up between your thighs.
he can hear the squelch of his fingers in your cunt, his mouth wrapped around your clit as he moans into you. your hands are threaded into his hair, moaning out his name, still unfamiliar on your tongue. heâs never really jumped into something like this before, but he canât say he doesnât like it. he really canât, thoughts filled with only how good you taste.
he can feel how your thighs shake around him, trying to close shut when his fingers reach your sweet spot. he pries your legs apart, moving his mouth away from you to whine out, âneed you to stop moving so much, wanna keep tasting you.â
he makes eye contact with you as he licks a stripe up your cunt, watching how your eyes flutter shut at the feeling. out of the people that markâs been with, he thinks that you might be the sweetest person heâs tasted. he wouldnât mind being in between your thighs, wouldnât mind hearing all your pretty moans.
your hands make it to his hair, threading through the strands as he eats you out. you tug on it when something feels particularly good. he grunts against you, mouth sucking on your clit as the stinging pain makes his blood pump a little faster. all that he can hear are the lewd sounds of your cunt, the moans of his name, and his own breathing. âm-mark, iâm close. please donât stop, youâre doing so good.â
he canât slow down now, adding a third finger as he licks at your clit. he watches as your back arches, suddenly too aware of his dick straining against his pants. he tugs you close to his face, âneed you to cum. want you to cum all over me so i can fuck your pretty pussy.â
he watches you nod, your hips rolling to meet his face as you moan out his name, hands gripping onto his hair as you cum. he hears himself let out an embarrassing moan, affected by your sounds and taste. he doesnât stop his ministrations, helping you ride out your orgasm.
if he could, heâd spend all day here, licking up your cum as you cry out his name. with a tired laugh, you push his head away, almost enjoying the sad look on his face. your hand moves to cup the side of his face, âyou did so good, mark. you want me to help you?â
his eyes widen a little, almost as if he wasnât expecting anything to happen. you sit up, hands moving to unbutton and unzip his pants. his hands hover over yours, shaking as he watches you. ây-youâll⌠youâll suck me off?â
you pull his pants down to his thigh, âwell, you did say earlier that you wanted to fuck me so⌠would you like to fuck me?â
he blinks at you, âreally?â
âof course,â you laugh, âi know how bad you want to, and i know i want it, too. probably even more than you.â
you watch him scramble off the bed, taking off his pants as quickly as possible. he leaves his boxers on, making it back between the space between your thighs. you watch him slowly take his boxers on, watch how his cock slaps against his stomach. heâs leaking, and you wonder how exactly heâs held back for so long.
he strokes his length a few times, enjoying how you squirm around in impatience. he thinks you look cute like this, the thought dancing around in his head. he canât keep himself away from you for too long, shifting closer to you. he rubs his length across your slit, letting your slick coat his cock.
your breath hitches when his tip hits your clit, mark leaning down to kiss you. you can taste yourself on his tongue, and you can feel how his hips continue to grind against your cunt. you can only take so much before you start begging, âmark, please. need you to fuck me already, need to feel you inside me already.â
he likes how pretty your voice sounds begging for him. it pushes him over the edge, moving to line himself at your entrance. he can feel how wet you are, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. he lets out a low groan as he pushes in, your tight walls taking all his thoughts away.
itâs been too long for him, fighting against himself as he goes as slowly as he can. heâs patient, even as your nails dig into his back. youâre letting out small whimpers, getting used to the stretch his cock offers you. he waits for you to get used to the feeling, even if his cock is twitching inside you.
when you tell him he can move, he experimentally thrusts against you. you feel too good, and heâs not sure how long he can last, especially with how long itâs been for him. at your whines, he tries setting a steady rhythm for you. his hips only stutter a bit when you clench around him, his eyes fluttering close.
you throw your head back when mark hits your sweet spot, and mark needs to hear all the pretty sounds you just made again. he grinds his hips as close as he can, eyes threatening to shut at how deep he feels inside you. his eyes watch where you two are connected, a thumb moving to your neglected clit.
one of your hands moves to grope at your own boob, rolling a nipple in between your fingers. mark needs to help you, he decides, quickly swatting your hand away as he moves his face to the valley of your chest. he takes a nipple into his mouth, hand rubbing over your other boob.
heâs all over you, every part of his body moving to make you cum. you lay there, practically sobbing at how good heâs making you feel. âkeep going, mark! please donât stop, need you so bad!â
your words make him dizzy, thrusts slowing to grind into you. he can feel how your slick has coated his thighs, how messy this all is. he doesnât care, not when he gets to see you like this under him. youâre crying out for him, tears pricking at your eyes from how good heâs making you feel. he wouldnât mind getting to see this everyday.
the thought quickly leaves him when you tell him youâre about to cum. your nails scrape along his back, surely leaving marks for him to see tomorrow. youâre clenching around him tightly, his hips fighting to keep moving. most importantly, youâre calling out his name so sweetly, almost as if heâs the only thing you can think of.
ây-yeah, youâre gonna cum all over my cock?â he stutters, âgonna make a mess all over me?â
âyes, please, mark, please keep going!â
it doesnât take long for you to cum. heâs doing everything right, hitting every spot he could reach. you let go, a loud whimper leaving you as you roll your hips against him. heâs gripping onto your thighs, leaving bruises against your skin. youâre happy that you said yes to him, happy that you could have probably one of the best orgasms of your life.
mark cums soon after you, the image of you too much for him to handle. he groans out a fuck, enjoying the warmth of your pussy before pulling out. he jerks himself off quickly, noting how your bleary eyes watch him. he cums all over your pussy, watches how it drips down near your clenching hole.
heâs breathing heavily at the sight, hears your tired cry as you lay against the pillow of the bed. heâs not sure if he should go get something to clean you up or if he should just stay here with you. heâs sure he doesnât want to leave just yet, enjoying the look of you so fucked out because of him.
not because he thinks you look pretty, even more so like this.
his thoughts are cut off by the way you call his name. thereâs a smile on your face, and despite being tired, you tug at his arm to bring him down by you. he faces you, a pretty blush on his face. he never really knows how to end these kinds of things, not that he really has experience to think about.
it doesnât feel awkward, but mark canât stop thinking of too many things at once. he canât just leave you like this, but wouldnât it be weird to sleep next to you? you arenât exactly a stranger, but he canât call you a friend, or even an acquaintance. he barely knows you, knows your name and maybe one class you're taking. his mind itches to know more.
your hand brushes the stray hairs out of his face, and he realizes how much he likes the feeling. your hand twitches at your side, slowly reaching out to him to make him wrap an arm around your waist. itâs quiet when this happens, mark trying to decide whether he should say something or not.
you beat him to it, âyou did so good. iâm glad i got to do this with you, mark.â
heâs silent for a few seconds, fingers moving up and down at your side, âiâm happy, too- i mean, like, doing this with you.â
you hum out, letting the conversation fade out as you snuggle into the sheets. you donât mind that his arm is still wrapped around you as you try to sleep. you try not to pay attention to the satisfied sigh he lets out once he settles into the sheets. youâre not sure if youâll see him again, and even if you do, you know you probably wonât be talking to him.
either way, youâll be gone by the morning.
mark can recall everything he did last night once he wakes up. it all flashes in his head before heâs fully conscious.Â
he remembers walking up to you, probably too confident as he flirts with you. he remembers your smiling face as you lead him into an empty room, locking the door behind you as he presses you against the wall. he remembers how soft your lips were against his, how sweet you tasted, and how nice you felt wrapped around him.
most importantly, he remembers how good it felt to sleep next to you, how nice it felt to have you wrapped in his arms. but now, as he fights off sleep, he sees youâre not there next to him. he shouldnât be surprised, it was only supposed to be a one time thing. but he canât help how cold it feels in this bed that isnât even his.
for just last night, this room was something that was shared between the two of you. now, itâs just a random room that he woke up alone in. well, he shouldnât be too alone here knowing haechan is probably crashed out at this now quiet frat house. he gathers his clothes that are scattered across the room, slipping them back on.
they feel different now, suddenly too dressy for the morning. the door's unlocked when he gets to it, quietly opening it as he peers out into the hallway. thereâs no one there, mark tiptoeing down the stairs as he looks around for haechan. as expected, heâs sleeping almost too peacefully on a stranger's couch. thereâs other people there too, but mark canât help but laugh at the sight of his friend.
he doesnât bother being gentle with haechan, quickly shaking his shoulder to wake him up. haechan groans, and mark contemplates if he should just throw water on him. as if haechan could hear his thoughts, he shoots straight up, gasping for air like he just got revived from being dead. he looks at mark with wide eyes, practically gasping for air.
âare you alright, dude?â
âiâm⌠fine? i had the craziest nightmare that i was about to go down a waterfall.â
âhow is that even-â mark just sighs, deciding not to question him, âletâs go already. letâs leave these poor people alone.â
haechan stumbles a bit when he gets up, dramatically letting himself cling onto markâs shoulders. they walk about the house as if nothing happened, as if mark didnât meet you in there. he drags out haechan, noticing how heâs staying surprisingly silent. mark doesnât mind walking back to campus, not minding how pretty the blue sky above him looks.
suddenly, haechan says, âare you hungry?â
mark mulls on it before speaking, âi guess i could eat. you wonât get, like, sick or anything?â
âno,â haechan hums, âiâm feeling pretty good right actually. i do wanna ask how you feel.â haechan raises his eyebrows suggestively at mark, causing mark to pull away from haechan, almost letting him fall to the ground.
âyou are so weird.â
haechan laughs at that, âyouâre acting like you wonât tell me all about it once we start eating.â
mark doesnât deny it, trying to change the subject, âyouâre paying, right?â
âno way! i took you to that party, you owe me!â
mark ends up begrudgingly paying for both their meals. he probably wouldâve paid either way, he thinks as he watches haechan gulf down his food. mark is slower, taking a few bites as he picks at his food. he canât stop thinking about what you might be doing, canât stop thinking about the fact that youâre still lingering in his mind.
without realizing, mark asks, âhow bad is it if iâm still thinking about who i slept with last night?â
haechan looks up at him, his cheeks full with food. he takes his time to contemplate mark's words, chewing slowly on his food before speaking. he clears his throat, âwell, what exactly are you thinking about? like, sexually, orâŚâ he whispers at the end of his sentence, âromantically?â
mark feels embarrassed when he realizes itâs both. he could just lie and say it was the first option, but he canât bring himself to.Â
haechan doesnât need to hear mark say his answer when he can see mark become more and more red. he knows mark is more of a relationship kind of guy, but really? he points his fork at mark, and in the nicest way possible, he questions him, âwell, how much do you know about her?â
mark has to think about his answer. heâs never really seen you on campus or at any of the parties heâs been to. he knows your name⌠and how you look. turns out he doesnât really know too much about you, but it feels more than that to mark. mark huffs out an answer, ânot a lot, actually. but i do want to get to know her more! i feel like, like we really couldâve hit it off if it were any other timeâŚâ
âare you sure youâre not in love with her pussy or something?â
mark quickly shushes haechan, âwhy would you say that out loud where anyone could hear us?â
haechan brushes off his words, âitâs just⌠what if that was supposed to be the only time that you guys were meant to be together. you canât just force someone to talk to you.â
âbut-â
ânope. one, you donât know her that well. two, if you do ever talk to her, given if she even wants to talk to you, what are you gonna say?â
âyou know,â mark starts, really trying to come up with anything, âask how sheâs been?â
haechan threatens to throw his crumbled napkin at mark.
mark stares at his half eaten plate, not really knowing what else to say. heâs never seen you before, and last night was quite literally the first time heâs ever seen you. heâs not sure how he hasnât before, not when you were so easy to pick out of a room full of people. maybe haechan is right, if he really wanted to know you, he shouldâve already tried before.
he'll convince himself it was just a one time thing.
when mark came up to you at the party, it was the second time you had ever seen him.
he still looked the same as how he did when you first saw him during your freshman year. he still looks a bit boyish, but somehow obviously more grown up. you saw him slowly walk up to you after apparently getting a pep talk from a friend. you had quickly pieced together who the two were, and how exactly you remembered them.
it was one of your first weeks of college. you were hanging out with a friend, quietly talking outside the room that your class was about to be held in. you didnât want to be late, but you also didnât want to be the first person walking in there. that was embarrassing, but it was also embarrassing just standing out here like you wouldnât be entering in a few minutes.
you and your friend were sharing hushed whispers to one another, probably talking about an upcoming assignment you really didnât want to do. you watch your friend pull out her phone to mindlessly scroll before class starts. you were about to do the same when you heard loud voices quickly pass through the hall.
the voices are too loud for the quiet hall, cringing lightly before you hear thundering footsteps coming your way. in a flash, you see a guy dragging another guy down the hall with him. you hear stop pulling so hard! and a hurry up! as they pass by you. you make eye contact with the one being dragged, his eyes looking apologetic for how loud theyâre being.
as soon as they arrive, theyâre fast to go. you hear your friend laugh next to you while you just shake your head in disapproval. you click your tongue before talking, âweâre in college and thereâs men still acting like children.â
she giggles at your words, âi think they might just be like that.â
âdo you know them?â
ânot really, no. i just know their names. the guy who was doing the dragging is always loud like that. i guess the other guy gets caught up in it.â
you nod at her words. you hear the elevator doors open and you wonder if the two entered in together, praying the ride would be fast to whatever event they were late to. you let out a sigh, âthe one being dragged looked at me like he was sorry.â
when she laughs, she bumps into your side, âi think his name is mark. iâm pretty sure theyâre roommates.â
with a frown, you add, âi hope theyâre late to wherever theyâre going,â your friend laughs at this, âpeople are starting to get in class, letâs go.â
now, the second time you meet mark, it feels like youâre being properly introduced. he comes up to you, only slightly faltering when you look at him with a smile on your face. you wonder if he remembers you all those years ago, wonders if he remembers feeling sorry for you. he probably doesnât with the way he tries flirting with you.
itâs not like you donât expect it, knowing he had to go through a whole pep talk before this, but you still feel surprised. he doesnât look like someone who would be this forward, but you canât say you didnât like it.
he asks for your name (proving he really doesnât know you), and asks how the party is going for you. cocking your head slightly, you answer his questions, noticing how his eyes dart down to your lips occasionally. it doesnât take long for you both to head up to a room together, full of giggles and laughs.
you didnât realize how much you would be into this, into him. he was desperate, hands all over you as he groaned into your mouth. you thought you would have to beg him to eat you out, but he was the one practically whining out to have a taste of you. itâs even better once he starts fucking you, taking care of every single need of yours before his own.
itâs over faster than you want it to be. he looks a little panicked afterwards, confused on what exactly he should do. you wonder how often he does this, if he even does this at all. you brush it off by asking him to come lay down by you. he presumably pushes all his worries away to lay behind you, arm tentatively wrapping around your side.
you wonder if you pushed it too far by asking him to sleep with you like this. you both couldâve left the room together, parted ways for the night, and probably never see each other again. it makes you think if this was all he wanted with you. sex. itâs not that you were hoping for more, but mark seems like a nice guy.
you have a quick conversation, thanking him for tonight. it feels too formal, almost as if you were ending a date. this is mark, someone you donât know well and have never talked to. you donât know why you push the hairs out of his face or why you let him wrap his arm around you. you should keep distance between you two, but you donât.
itâs hard to explain what you really want right now, but all you can do is fall asleep in his hold.
you wake up earlier than mark, watching his chest rise and fall.
you find yourself cuddled into his side, using his arm like a pillow. you get up quietly to not disturb him, picking up your clothes from the night before. you hate staying at a random personâs place, but what else can you do in a situation like this. you find your phone, looking at your friends messages saying how sheâs back at your shared apartment.
you send her a quick text that youâre heading back soon. you wonder what sheâd say about all this, wonder if she remembers your encounter with mark from all those years ago. you take one last look at mark, sleeping peacefully on the bed, unknowing that youâre about to leave him there by himself.
you ponder on leaving your phone number for a few moments. nothing bad could come from it, but you donât know if he would even want to see you after this. you bite your lip as you unlock the door, slipping out into the quiet frat house. you spot his friend passed out on a couch, a few others sleeping on the floor or other seats.
you debate on walking back to your apartment, but youâre sore everywhere. you mentally curse out mark as you try to find an uber, wincing when you look at the prices. you try to convince yourself that it's better than walking, better than waiting for the bus, and better than having to hear everyone else talk.Â
once your ride arrives, you're quick to hop in. itâs quiet for the most part, the radio playing a song youâre not too familiar with. you mull over every decision you've made within the past twelve hours, and as much as you want to regret every single one, you canât. it was a good night, you met a good person, and you got good sex out of it. whatâs there to complain about?
you canât help but wonder how mark feels.
a few days pass, nothing really exciting happens.
you have class, you go to your job, and with the free time you have, you study or hangout with your friends. todayâs a day where you've been out for a while, your friends dragging you out of your apartment and away from all the stress of a job and studying. even though you complain, theyâre quick to see the smile on your face once youâre actually out.Â
thereâs few times where you hang out at the campus. after your freshman year, you stayed close to the areas around your apartment. the campus felt too far and suddenly felt like it was only there for business. but your friends insist on eating on the quad. itâs a nice day, and you canât really say no to eating outside with warm weather and friends around you.
you donât know what possesses you to look over your shoulder, but you do. you regret it immediately, noticing mark walking down a sidewalk to wherever heâs going. youâre not sure why you stare for so long, itâs not like you want to know where heâs going or who he could be meeting with. he does look nice when heâs dressed casually, though.
you realize you mightâve stared for too long once you see him turn back at you. itâs quick, but he does a double take, realizing itâs you thatâs staring at him. you quickly whip your head back to your friends, internally panicking on what you should do. you have about twenty seconds to decide if he does come over.
this would be your first time seeing mark after the party, probably your second time seeing mark on campus at all. does he even want to say hi? and what will your friends think? theyâll wonder why youâre trying so hard to ignore the man that is currently walking towards you. you donât really want to talk about it just yet.
you realize you might have to when you hear mark call out your name. you take a deep breath, slowly turning around to give him a small wave. you can feel the gazes of your friends fall onto you without even having to look at them. thereâs a soft smile on his face, hands wrapping around his backpack straps as he gets closer.
âuh, hey, how are you?â he asks a little awkwardly
âiâm doing fine? how are you?â you can hear your friends whisper behind you as you feel the back of your neck go hot.
âiâve doing fine, iâve just⌠been thinking about you. you kinda just, like, left that morning.â
you sigh, fingers moving to play with the grass under you. is he really thinking about that night? does he expect you to want to do it again? you shrug, âyeah, i didnât really know what else to do. i didnât want to stay there all by myself.â
âoh, sorry. i couldâve⌠walked out with you- i mean, if you had asked.â
âno, itâs okay. i know your friend was still there.â
he nods, âyeah, i know. but, um, if youâre not busy soon, then can we hang out? just us two?â
youâre a little shocked that he can just ask that so casually. itâs like youâve both been friends for so long, as if it was always normal for him to ask the girls he meets up with to hang out. in another world, you would probably say yes to him, but you canât think of a good reason to tell him yes. âmark,â you start, âiâll be busy this whole week so⌠iâm not sure if iâll be able to.â
he takes a few moments to take in your words. he stares at you before finally staring at the floor. he nods slowly, offering you an apologetic smile before speaking, âthatâs fine, i just wanted to see-â he takes a breath, âwanted to see what you would say.â
you let out a small sorry, and he takes it as a sign that itâs time for him to go. he takes a few steps back, watching as you give him an apologetic look. âiâll, uh, maybe see you again? soon? i mean, like, if you ever want to.â
you feel a little awkward as you try to avoid any more eye contact with him. âyeah. iâll see you, mark.â
he takes a few more steps back before fully turning around. you look at him out of the corner of your eye, watching as he spares you a few more glances. he looks a little disappointed, but he doesnât try to force you into what you donât want to do. thatâs a good thing about him, you think.
you let out a heavy exhale, now fully facing your friends. when you notice the silence among the group, you look up. everyone is staring at you with smiles on their faces, their faces practically begging for you to say something. you bite back a laugh as you try to ignore it, but one of them speaks up, âwhat even was that?â
you huff, âjust⌠someone i met the other night.â
if you ever meet mark lee again after this, you might just have to curse him out for having to awkwardly explain to your friends what just happened.
itâs another day when you're back on campus.
thereâs no friends this time around, no way for you to relax. you have a class today, getting upset with your past-self for thinking you could wake up this early for a class. you usually try to grab a quick snack beforehand to keep yourself awake. you make your way to your campusâs coffee shop. it might be 50/50 on whether itâs good or not, but itâs closer than anything else.
you think you deserve a sweet treat, a chocolate muffin that would probably cure every single thing thatâs happened to you these past weeks (that also somehow all lead back to mark lee). you donât really expect anything but a long line of other students waiting to order, but there you see the man himself, mark lee, sitting at a bench.Â
youâve learned your lesson from last time, quickly moving out of his sight and choosing not to stare at him. you make your way to the line, trying hard to ignore him. your eyes subconsciously move to look at the side of his face. heâs wearing glasses, hanging low on his nose as he scrolls through his phone.
you wonder if heâs waiting for his friend or if heâs just waiting for his class to start. thereâs an impulse to walk over to him and make conversation, smiling as you ask about his morning. youâd be willing to be a bit late to your class if it meant to talk to him more. youâre just not sure heâd feel the same way.
you watch as he looks up from his phone, rolling his head around to stretch. before he can catch you staring you look away, straight ahead to the menu in front of you. you have to wonder if youâre making this hard for yourself on purpose. you donât have to think about him so much, especially if he might not even be thinking about you.
well, heâs thinking about you, but probably not in the way youâre thinking about him. it makes you sad, you couldâve at least been friends with him. even now, as you stare at him a few feet away, you could easily eat your snack with him. you could laugh at how nervous he gets, could get him to warm up to you as he gets more comfortable.
but you donât.
you pay for your muffin, wait for it to be handed to you, and take a whole separate route to your class. before you walk out of the building, you take one last look at him, watching how he stares off into the distance. you donât want him to see you, quickly walking off away from him.
what you miss is mark staring at you as you walk away. thereâs a small smile on his face, seeing you rush off. he doesnât care that this is the second time heâs seen you, doesnât care that you donât even notice him. he likes seeing you like this, so different than how you presented yourself at the party, not that itâs a bad thing.
he wishes that he could go up and talk to you, but he doesnât want to make you uncomfortable. when he walked back to his apartment after the day he saw you with your friends, he decided that you probably werenât interested. as much as he wants to talk to you, itâs better to give you your space. he just wishes he never ruined his chances with you.
he checks the time on his phone, wondering how haechan could be so late. before he can pull up his messages with haechan, he shows up. thereâs a lazy smile on his face as he walks down the hall. mark rolls his eyes as haechan gets closer. haechan only chuckles, slugging an arm around markâs shoulder. mark is quick to take it off, earning a quick whine from haechan.
wordlessly, they start moving to their shared class. mark doesnât bother to ask haechan how heâs doing, clearly having a nice morning if he decided to show up so late. haechan laughs when he sees mark so annoyed, patting his shoulder before he speaks, âi have good news, youâll never guess who i saw.â
mark hums disinterestedly, knowing it was probably someone he saw doing something crazy at a party.
âi saw your girl walking by just now.â
mark's head snaps towards his friend, haechan laughing at how wide markâs eyes are. haechan picks up his pace, âthatâs not even the best part. i said hi. and she knew who i was.â
mark furrows his eyebrows, âwhy would you do that? did she⌠did she say anything else?â
âi just asked if she had any plans, but she just shrugged and said she was probably gonna go out this weekend with her friends.â
mark smacks his lips as they near their building. he pushes the door open, air slapping against his face as they step in. he lets out an exasperated sound, âwell, do you know, like, where sheâs going?â
haechan coos at mark, âyouâre so sweet, such a sweet boy. she didnât say, but that doesnât mean we canât try to find out, right?â
mark is deep in thought. if he did find you, and thatâs if he really tried, would you even want to talk to him? heâs not sure if you want that kind of thing with him, but he wonders if he can still try. if you brush him off, then he realizes thatâs probably it. he could respect your opinion, as long as you tell him what you want.
before they enter their class, mark stares at haechan, âright, thereâs no harm in trying.â
mark feels nervous tonight.
it doesnât feel like the last time he went to a party, more confident and driven. now, he has a goal in his mind: to find you. he thinks itâs funny how nervous heâs being, itâs not even guaranteed that heâd see you again, not guaranteed that you would want to talk to him. if it doesnât end up working out, heâll just use tonight as a de-stressor, forcing all thoughts of you away.
haechan helps get his mind off of things on the way there. he doesnât bring you up, chooses to talk about other mundane stuff. it would help more if mark didnât know that haechan was just trying to distract him. it does make him realize how good of a friend heâs been through all of this.
when they get close to the place, haechan has to stop himself from laughing at how nervous mark looks, âyou know she might not even be in there, right? itâs literally a saturday night, she could be anywhere.â
mark lets out the breath heâs been holding, âyeah, i guess.â
âdo whatever you want tonight,â haechan huffs, âthis is about you.â
with that, they enter the house. itâs a lot smaller than the frat, people all around mark as he enters. mark tries to scan the room, but canât quite seem to catch you. youâre easy to spot, so that tells mark that you might not be here. before he can think about it more, haechan drags him off so he can get a drink.
haechan offers him some, but mark declines. if he does see you, he doesnât want to mess it up by being potentially drunk. he tries to look around the room again from this angle, but he still canât find you. it was bound to happen.
heâs about to give up when he notices a group of people move out of their spot, and there you are.
he knows you're there talking to a friend, but he can only see you. you remind him of how he first met you at the other party. he wants to walk over, wants to say hi, wants to talk to you. he forgets that haechan is there, beginning to take a few steps towards you.
heâs quickly stopped by haechan tugging on his arm, a certain look on his face, âare you really doing this?â
âi need to talk to her. even if she tells me to go away, i just- i need to hear it from her.â
haechan lets go of his arm, realizing that this is something that mark is serious about. âi donât want to stop you. iâll be here if you end up getting heartbroken,â haechan jokes.
mark just smiles, nodding before he walks away from him. he stops his hands from shaking as he gets closer. youâre turned away from him, and he doesnât really know what else to do than tap your shoulder. you jump a little before turning around, your eyes wide as you realize itâs mark. he canât help but notice your eyes soften a little when you see itâs just him.
âhey, uh, i didnât expect to see you here.â he says to you.Â
a faint smile forms on your face, âi canât say iâm too surprised to see you.â
he lets out an embarrassed laugh, smiling to himself when he sees you laugh too. looking behind you, he sees your friend smiling at the two of you. you turn back to your friend, a wordless exchange happening in front of mark.
your friend puts her hands up in defeat, looking at mark with a wry smile, âi just got a text from our friend saying she needs help. i guess i have to leave you two alone now!â
mark gives your friend a wave as she says bye to the both of you. she rushes off to another part of the house, mark not missing the mischievous look on her face. now that itâs the two of you alone, shy and awkward smiles exchanged between the two of you. no one really knows what to say or how to start.Â
âhow have you been-â
âitâs been a while-â
you both talk over each other. you stare at each other with wide eyes, quickly laughing to yourselves. mark thinks he should be embarrassed by this, but he takes in how pretty you look while you laugh. he would embarrass himself for hours if it meant to see you smile.
the laughs subside and mark tries to quickly come up with something to say. thereâs so many people around, the music is too loud, and you feel far from him. before he can say anything, you beat it to him, âdo you wanna go somewhere more quiet?â
he canât help but hear the subtle undertone of your words, a double meaning hidden behind them. he nods slowly, watching you grab his arm, just like the other night. he gets dragged through the crowd, weaving through all the people, his eyes remain on your back. your touch is warm, and mark likes having your hand on him.Â
thereâs not a lot of options for a âquiet placeâ in the house. most of the rooms are locked, and the ones that are open have people openly having sex with an unlocked door. mark grimaces at the sight while you laugh at his face. you opt for a restroom, tilting your head at mark, asking if heâs okay with it. he walks in before you, scanning the room and letting you in.
he watches you lock the door, hopping onto the sink counter as you stare at him. he wants to talk to you, he really does, but you staring at his lips makes it quite hard for him. he takes a step closer to you, your hands wrapping around his neck, pulling him flush against the counter. youâre so close to him, and he can feel his heart racing as he recalls his last meeting with you.
he licks his lips, his cheeks hot, eyes wandering all across your face. you chuckle at him, smiling as you say, âcan i kiss you, mark?â
he doesnât even answer you, pressing his lips against yours without hesitation. as much as he wanted to hold back, he seems to lose all control when it comes to you. he canât pretend like you didnât come out in his dreams every single night while also consuming his thoughts in the day. his hands hold your cheeks, almost checking if youâre really there with him.
the kisses are slow, getting used to each other once more. one if his hands slides down to your waist, squeezing at the skin. his tongue licks at your bottom lip, relishing in the small moan you let out. he licks into your mouth, his hand sliding under your shirt. you press your hips close to his, feeling how heâs growing hard in his pants just from kissing.
you canât help but let your hips roll against his, slow and teasing as he lets out a low groan into your mouth. youâre just as needy as he is, always admiring him from afar now that you see him more on campus. itâs weird how the universe works, bringing him to you when all you wanted to do was try to ignore him.
you can feel yourself getting wet, mark grinding into you as he lets out soft pants into your mouth. you take it all in, finally getting what you wanted. you could try to get rid of all the thoughts that you have about him, but itâs hard when heâs⌠mark lee.
you can feel yourself becoming more needy, embarrassingly so. mark looks the same, his cheeks pink as he lets out soft grunts of your name. when you start kissing down his jawline, he suddenly pulls his upper half away from you. shock paints your face, and heâs quick to explain himself, âi just- i wanted to, uh-â
âcan you cum like this? itâs okay if you do mark, i think itâs cute.â
he whines out, âno! well, yeah, i can, but i wanted to-â
âreally, mark. donât worry, iâll let you eat me out afterwards.â
heâs quickly losing the battle, his mouth slowly inching towards you again. his hips buck up at the mention of getting to eat you out, memories of your taste on his tongue playing in his mind. he almost gives up, but heâs determined. he slowly peels himself from you, hooded eyes and a flushed face looking straight at you.
âi, uh, i wanted to talk. i mean, like, talk about⌠i guess, us?â
you catch your breath, squeezing your legs together as you try to calm yourself down, âis there an us? weâve only met up once, and it was for sex.â
âthatâs true, but iâŚâ he trails off a bit, putting his words together, âi want to talk to you more. i want to get to know you, because i really liked being with you the other time.â
you try to hold back any butterflies from forming at his words. as much as you want to give in, you have to be careful, âbut wasnât it just sex? i thought thatâs all you wanted from me.â
his hand moves to your thigh, his thumb smoothing over your skin, âthatâs true, but i didnât expect to like it- like you so much. and i donât expect you to think the same thing, but i just⌠had to tell you.â
you choose to stare at his hand on your thigh instead of his face. itâs easier to avoid how his eyes shine thinking about his feelings for you. itâs not like it wasnât obvious, especially after your friends saw him the other day. you bite the inside of your cheek, âyou like me? even though you donât know me, even if weâve met only once?â
âthatâs why i want to get to know you. i want to know what you like and dislike. i want to know what your favorite songs are, want to know what you do when youâre free. i want to be there to learn it all.â
his words feel heavy, and you can feel your own feelings bubbling in your throat. what about you was so interesting for him? did he have a reason to find you pretty under him? what did you do for him to have such strong feelings so fast?
you speak slowly, âare you sure? i- i brushed you off the other day. another day i chose not to talk to you even though i saw you. am i really someone you want to talk to?â
mark smiles at your words, thereâs no faltering on his end, âitâs my fault for not telling you what i wanted. i didnât want to make you uncomfortable, either. if you didnât want to talk to me, i didnât want to force you to.â
your mouth opens and closes, not really knowing what else to say. you can tell heâs been thinking about this, been taking your feelings into consideration. if it were any other guy, they wouldnât care about you, only thinking with their dicks as they talk to you. it puts you at ease knowing that mark is being genuine about it all.
âthatâs why i wanted to talk to you tonight. i really had no intention of doing all this-â he makes a gesture between you two, â-with you, even if i really really wanted to. i was prepared for everything.â
you laugh at him, letting out the breath youâve been holding, âi also want to say sorry. i didnât mean to be so⌠mean. i wanted to talk to you, too. i just thought that you only wanted a one time thing, or that you just wanted sex.â
his hand reaches for yours, and you donât try to brush it off. you donât quite grab his hand just yet, but you let him hold on. he stares at you gently, âiâm sorry if i made you feel that way.â
you shake your head, âitâs not your fault, i was just thinking too much.â
the two of you sit in silence for a couple of moments. you can hear the loud music bouncing through the thin walls. you can hear people shouting over the music, loud laughs echoing down the halls. even through all the noise, it feels like itâs just the two of you in the room. this is your space with him, and you like how it feels.
after a few more beats of silence, he speaks up, âcan i⌠can i take you out sometime? like, i mean, like, take you out on a date? that isnât a party? just⌠wherever you want?â
you let out a small laugh at his nervous, jumbled words. his cheeks turn pink at the sound, head falling to your shoulder as he groans in embarrassment. you hope he canât hear your thumping heart as you answer him, âi would like that. i want to go on a date with you, mark.â
you can feel him smile against the skin of your shoulder. he whispers out a thank you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. you wrap your arms behind his back, pulling him close as you hum, âdo you think we should get out of here?â
he moves to look at you, âdefinitely.â
youâre unexpectedly nervous for today.
after the party, you and mark exchanged numbers before you both went separate ways for the night. you never expected to see him, never expected to not have sex with him, and never expected to even give him your phone number. now, as you stare at the shared messages from the previous days, you realize how much you kept yourself away from him.
it almost felt too easy for you to fall for him. you tried to hold back, but the care he holds for you gets to your heart. you donât mind, knowing that heâs felt like this just as long as you had, no restraint shown in how he takes your feelings seriously. a few weeks ago, you couldâve never felt nervous about what might happen today.
itâs nothing serious, mark even saying that it doesnât have to be a date if you donât want it to be. like he said before, he just wants to get to know you as a person. the thought makes you shake out a breath, trying to take it just as easy as him.
you mull over your clothing options, wondering what exactly you should wear for a casual hangout. he probably wonât care as much as you think he would, but you donât want to seem too prepared or too lax. youâre overthinking it again. itâs just mark. it should be easy with him, heâs interested in you, not the you you try to put on.
you grab whatever feels fitting for the day. you look back at your phone, seeing markâs text saying heâs ready when you are. youâre quick to type out that youâre about to start heading over. itâs just a coffee shop, you think. you try not to put too much meaning into it yet.
itâs not too far from you, a fifteen minute bus ride to the place. throughout the ride, you try to drown out your nervous thoughts with your favorite playlist. it seems the universe is against you when all it plays are the love songs in your playlist. too coincidental.
you get there before him. it looks like a nice, quiet spot. mark says heâs been going here for quite some time, one of his favorite spots to talk to his friends or study. you canât help but wonder if itâs true or if heâs lying to impress you. you figure today is the best day to find that out.
you wait for him to arrive. you refrain from texting him, deciding to just wait it out. you donât want to seem too worried just yet, he could just be running late. thoughts of him standing you up enter your mind. you have to laugh at the thought, realizing that mark doesnât seem to be someone to do that. you donât know him well yet, but youâre sure he isnât that evil.
as if to prove your point, you hear someone calling your name. turning to the direction of the voice, you're greeted with mark lee walking towards you. thereâs a bright smile on his face, an arm waving at you. you smile and wave back. as he gets closer, he looks over you, a shy smile on his face as he scans over your outfit. you get just embarrassed as him, looking away from his heavy stare.
âshould we go inside?â you ask.
heâs quick to agree, opening the door for you. when you enter, youâre hit with the strong smell of coffee. thereâs a few others inside, chatting away or typing on their laptops with their own drinks. you scan over the lengthy menu, opting to choose something lighter for today.
mark chooses the same thing as you, and you laugh at him. he says he doesnât like coffee and wonders why you chose what you chose. he might be thinking too much into it, but you think itâs cute. you try to order separately, but he practically begs to pay for your drink. you give in, you canât just say no to a free drink.
itâs a bit awkward when you both wait for your drinks. you can see him roll on his heels as he waits, can see how he tries to pick out what he wants to say. as you try to come up with every possible response, he speaks, âhow was your day?â
you let out a small chuckle at his question, âgood, actually. i spent most of my time thinking about right now, even i kinda surprised myself.â
he smiles at your admittance, âyeah? i did, too. i was nervous, that maybe you didnât want to see me.â
âi canât believe that iâm making you feel like you,â you let out an apologetic laugh, âtrust me, iâll be asking to hang out with you a lot now.â
before mark can say anything, your drinks are set out. you both thank the barista, and you start to move to one of the empty booths. before you can, mark catches onto your arm, âcan we actually, uh, sit outside? the sky looks really pretty right now, i think it would be cool to sit outside.â
you smile, quickly nodding at his words. once again, he holds open the door for you, sliding out and looking at the small tables set outside. he was right, the sky is really pretty today. he lets you choose a spot, and you choose towards the corner where no one can bother the two of you.
heâs quick to speak up again, âi really like this place. i found it a while ago while walking around with my friend one day.â
âwas it with haechan?â
mark cocks his head a little, âyou know him?â
âother than his name and him being your friend, not really. he introduced himself to me one time, though.â
he laughs at that, âgood to know. he doesnât really like coming to places like this, so i would just come here by myself. i even considered asking if they were hiring.â
âand? did you?â
âi didnât. i would be crushed if they rejected me and i wouldnât be able to show my face there ever again.â
you choke on your drink at his words, a laugh trying to escape as you let out coughs. mark is quick to pat your back, laughing while trying to calm down your coughing fit. as your throat clears, the coughs fade into laughs, mark joining you as he apologizes, âsorry for being too funny.â
you jokingly glare at him, âyou owe me, mark lee.â
silence washes over the two of you again. this time, itâs more comfortable. the drink is good, markâs company feels good, and youâre happy you came today. you watch as he takes out his phone, quickly snapping a shot of the bright blue sky. it seems practiced, something he always does. you canât help but ask, âwhat about the sky makes you like it so much?â
he shrugs, âi just think itâs pretty. itâs not going anywhere, and itâs nice to take a break from it all and look up at the sky.â
âiâve never really thought about it that way. i donât really take the time to just stare at it.â
he hums at your words, âitâs nice to look and think about all the pretty things in the world.â
you try to ignore how he stares at you while he says that, quickly breaking eye contact with him. thereâs a shy, but proud smile on his face. you chuckle, âyouâre too cool for me, mark.â
âone day youâll be as cool as me. just know that iâll send you pictures of sunsets or the moon, or literally just, like, anything. anything that reminds me of you.â
he lists the things that he just told you he finds pretty, indirectly implying that all the pretty things remind him of you. your heart beats a little harder, quickly taking a sip of your drink to try to ignore it. you try to come up with anything else to get rid of the rush growing inside you, âyou know, i actually had seen you once before.â
his head quickly turns to you, âreally? when?â
âit was during freshman year, i saw you getting dragged down a hallway.â
mark racks through all his memories, pinpointing when exactly that couldâve happened. you watch the realization dawn on his face, quickly shoving his face into his hands in embarrassment. you shake his shoulder a bit, laughing when he makes a humiliated sound. you question him further, âwhere were you guys even going?â
after ruffling his own hair a bit, his head slowly lifts up to get a quick look at you. his face is red, hands fidgeting in shame. you wonder what could possibly be so bad. he speaks up when he starts to see you get worried a bit, âit wasnât even anything crazy, he was just trying to take me to an event with free food in it.â
you canât stop yourself from laughing, placing your hand on his arm to stable yourself. you decide not to think too hard when his other hand lays on top of yours, thumb smoothing over your skin. it feels like it should always be there, his warm palm calming down your nerves. it should always be this easy.
âif it was just that, then why are you so embarrassed?â you ask, laugh airy.
âi know, but i couldâve skipped free pizza and instead talked to you! itâs not fair youâve known me longer than iâve known you. maybe we couldâve⌠we wouldâveâŚâ he doesnât finish the end of his sentence, but you can assume what heâs trying to say.
âtwo poor freshmen students couldnât help themselves to free pizza. i canât blame you, honestly.â
he squeezes your hand and takes a breath before speaking, âyouâll go with me to get free pizza next time? youâre, like, officially invited to the next free pizza event.â
you chuckle, âwould very much prefer you to take me out to an actual pizza place, thank you very much.â
his eyes shoot towards yours, âdoes that mean you want to see me again?â
you put his words together, âmark lee, were you trying to get me to go on another date with you by asking me to go to a campus even with free pizza?â
âwell, it almost worked, didnât it?â
âyou can think of it as me choosing the next spot.â
his fingers move to try to intertwine his with yours. you bite your lip, letting him hold onto your hand. you donât want to hold back anymore, heâs made it easy for you to let go of it all.Â
âi canât wait. itâs my turn to confess.â
you wait for him to continue, watching him hold back a smile as he pays full attention to your hand holding his. you tell him to focus, and he lets out a sheepish laugh, âthat day haechan talked to you, he told me that you were going out that weekend. i really wanted to see you, so we both ended up going out that same weekend, too.â
âhow did you know where i would be?â
âwe didnât,â he chuckles, âi just hoped that i would find you, hoped that you would be there. i got lucky that night.â
âitâs like you knew exactly where to find me.â
âitâs almost as if our subconscious were trying to bring us together,â he letâs out a proud noise at his own words while you playfully roll your eyes at him.
âmark, i will threaten to cancel our next date,â you joke.
he hums, âi know where to look to find you, donât worry.â
mark finds himself in bed with you again.
this time, he knows exactly why. heâs in love with you, and you finally admitted that youâre in love with him. he didnât rush you, didnât pressure you into reciprocating his feelings. he could see yourself becoming more comfortable around him, leaning into his touch, smiling at his words. he wouldnât change anything (besides maybe that day he was getting dragged by haechan), in order to be here in bed with you.
even if all he had with you was that one night, heâd be happy knowing that he at least spent some time with you. but he got what he wanted, you let him into your life. he wouldâve waited years if it meant getting with you.
so as he makes his way in between your thighs once more, he looks to see your face staring down at him with love. though heâs having sex with you again like all those nights ago, it feels different this time. heâs not here just to fuck you, but heâs here because he loves you. whatâs even better is that now you love him back, and it feels right as you moan out his name.
heâs softer this time around, no rush in getting you both off as fast as possible. thereâs no loud music or screaming coming through the walls, and youâre laying on top of your own bed. heâs here in your room, enjoying the presence of you right next to him.
he licks a stripe up your dripping cunt, savoring the taste that heâs been craving. he looks up to gauge your reaction, a smiling forming on his face to see your face scrunched up with need. he moves to suck on your clit, humming around it, feeling your thighs tighten around his head. he doesnât bother moving them this time around, letting them try to shut around his head.
you can feel his tongue prod at your entrance, your hands move to tangle in his hair. he just canât get enough of how sweet you taste. he thinks he could spend hours here in between your thighs, licking up your slick. he thanks every god out there for letting him be here with you, letting him be so entranced by all of you.
he grabs you by the waist to pull you closer to him. you can feel his nose press against your clit, and you canât help but practically use his face to grind into him. he opens his eyes a bit, looking at the sight of you so fucked out just from his mouth. youâre all he can think about.
you can feel one of his fingers replace his tongue, moving to tease your clenching hole. you gasp out, tears welling in your eyes, âmark, please. need you so bad, you donât even know-â
âbaby-â you moan at the pet name, âi know how much you need me, i could never keep you waiting.â he slides a finger in, relishing in the way you clench around his digit. his mouth focuses on your clit, listening to the moans and whimpers you let out. itâs all because of him this time, all of the things he does for you because of how much he loves you.
he slips another finger in, scissoring them inside you, earning him a tug at his hair. his fingers move to curl inside you, enjoying the feeling of your warm walls wrapped around his fingers. you whimper when he finds your sweet spot, thighs practically trapping him between your thighs. he commits that spot to memory, now forever burned into his mind.
it doesnât take long for him to get you close to cumming. heâs putting all his attention on you, his desperation showing with how greedily heâs moving against you. you feel your body heat up, thighs beginning to shake around him. âm-mark, âm gonna cum, wanna cum so bad!â you wait, and you can feel him smile against you.
he pulls his mouth away from you, his fingers still moving inside of you as he thumb reaches to rub your clit. he moves to kiss you, licking into your mouth. you can taste yourself on his tongue, moaning into your mouth as you cum on his fingers. he rides you through it, fingers slowing down as you whine from the overstimulation.
he removes them from you, bringing them up to his mouth. you watch him slide them into his mouth, his eyes fluttering shut with the taste of your cum. he lets out a small groan, and you have to lightly kick his leg to get him to focus. his eyes focus on you again, letting out an embarrassed laugh, trying to redirect it towards you.
âmy girl came so fast, did you miss me that much?â he teases.
you roll your eyes, âso what if i did! now, will you let me finally suck you off?â
his eyes bulge out of his head and you have to refrain from laughing at the sight. âi never got to, but you donât know how much i want to.â
you both trade spots, mark laying to lean against the headboard, his hooded eyes staring down at you. your hands trail up his clothed thighs, and he canât miss the way you look at his bulge in his sweats. you make eye contact with him as you slide down his sweats and boxers, watching how his hard cock slaps against his stomach.
he lets out a low groan at the sight of you so prettily sat between his legs. you kitten lick his tip before wrapping your hand around his length. you move your hand slowly up and down, smiling at the low groans he lets out at the feeling. you wonât ever admit it to him, but youâve thought about doing this to him too much, even before you started dating.
you can tell he thought about it too with the way his bleary eyes look at you. his head pushes into the headboard as your lips wrap around his tip, sucking lightly. his hand doesnât hesitate to move to your cheek, his thumb smoothing over your soft skin. your tongue swirls around his tip, and mark tries hard to stop himself from shoving his cock down your throat.
you move down his cock, trying to take as much of him as you can. you have to wrap a hand at his base, twisting your fist as you bob your head. his hips buck up a little, feeling you gag around him, moaning out an apology. you hum around him, a hand moving to hold down his hip. he lets out a whine at the feeling of vibrations, one of his hands moving to tug at his hair.
âd-doing so good for me- shit, my girl is doing such a good job for me.â
the praise makes your cheeks heat up, and you quicken your movements to hear more. you swallow around him, hearing the anguished groans he lets out. your tongue slides against the underside of his cock, âsuch a pretty mouth, making me feel so good. you d-donât know how much i thought about this.â
if only he knew that you feel the same way. as if to respond to him, your eyes look up at his. they almost flutter close, the sight of his cock in your mouth, your pretty eyes batting at him, and the almost glossy look to your eyes sets something off in him. heâs so close, a broken moan escaping him, âif you keep doing that, iâll cum- oh god, please donât stop.â
he tries to hold off to make this last longer, but every time you swallow around him, it gets hard for him to hold back. heâs losing his self control, something that you always manage to take away from him. he doesnât know how you do it, but he thinks itâs because of all the love he holds for you.
itâs your eyes smiling at him that makes him cum. you donât pull off of him, trying to fit more of his length into your mouth as he spills his cum down your throat. heâs letting out whines of your name, telling you how good youâve been, how heâs so lucky to have his pretty girl do this for him. you swallow up all his cum, feeling how his cock twitches in your mouth.
you donât pull away from him right away, causing mark to nervously laugh out at the feeling of overstimulation. you hum around him once more, causing him to let out a small whimper as he tries to pull away. you slowly pull away from him, mark letting out a huff of relief as you lazily smile at him.Â
âi think i wouldâve passed out if you tried making me cum again.â
you move up to snuggle at his side, nuzzling your face into this neck, ânow you know how i feel when i have to get you to stop eating me out.â
he whines out an itâs different! as he wraps his arms around you, tucking you into his chest. heâs warm, slightly sweaty, but you wouldnât want it any other way. itâs quiet, hearing his heart beat in his chest with you so close to him. you could fall asleep in his arms, but you hear him whisper something above you. you ask him to repeat it, not quite catching it the first time.
âplease don't leave me ever again.â
âthis is my own apartment-â he laughs at your words, âplus, i think i love you too much to let myself ever leave you.â
he lets out a sigh, calmed by your words, âgood. i canât ever let my girl go anywhere anymore.â
a/n: I FINALLY FINISHED OH MY GOD. i love writing for mark and towards the end i somehow fell more in love with him... i hope u guys enjoy the second part to how it all goes, please let me know if you did!!!! hehe
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