a-cloud-of-thoughts

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

Your Soulmate

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom so colorful that everything reflects a hue of every color from the spectrum. The townsmen sing and dance every day to celebrate life.

The kingdom became happier when the queen gave birth to their first child, Princess Dana. She was the most beautiful person in the kingdom. Everyone adored her. Princess Dana was so kind that the townsmen would offer her different gifts – fruit drinks, pastries, blankets – for no reason. She was well-loved. Even as a young princess, she lived like any other townsman making friends with the workers’ children, and spending time with the people in the market. She was everyone’s friend, but Princess Dana considers Winston, the castle gardener’s son, as her one and only best friend.

Princess Dana and Winston were born soulmates – as what the townsmen would like to believe. They were born 10 hours apart on the same day. The two grew up together. They would understand each other’s mind with just a look in the eyes. They enjoyed their childhood playing games and doing chores just like any other kid.

One day, an old grumpy witch, full of envy and hatred, transformed herself and disguised as the royal family’s chef. She was jealous of Princess Dana’s perfect being. She was determined to erase every bit of Princess Dana in the kingdom.

The old grumpy witch prepared her special potion and mixed it with the Princess’ favorite watermelon juice. Just when the old lady poured the last drop of the potion, Winston went into the kitchen. The old grumpy witch, startled by the unexpected arrival of Winston, immediately swished out her wand and transformed the boy into a tiny squirrel. Afraid of getting caught, the old grumpy witch went away, leaving the boy trapped in the body of a squirrel.

Since then, the kingdom became dull and lifeless. Without the other half of the brightest duo in town, Princess Dana stopped believing in soulmates. She never made friends after what happened, except with the cute squirrel that visits her window every morning. Later on, she grew fond of the little animal’s company that she decided to take care of it.

Somehow, the kingdom’s colorful world became a little brighter.

Years passed, the kingdom went back to normal, but the void that Winston left was never filled. Princess Dana grew up into a fine lady. She was being prepared as the next ruler of the kingdom. Everything was in place, the coronation was just a few days away. However, the king, sick and old, thought that there was something missing from the smiles of their dear daughter. The king decided make the Duke of Edmonton marry Princess Dana in an attempt to make his daughter happy. Princess Dana became frustrated.

Princess Dana did not want to marry someone she has never met. On the day of the engagement party, she brought the squirrel along with her. The Duke, with the fear of squirrels, demanded the guards to take the squirrel away as it hindered him from being close to the princess. Princess Diana resisted and told the Duke that he should respect her friend animal. Out of anger, the Duke drew out his dagger and stabbed the tiny squirrel.

Cradling the tiny squirrel in her arms, Princess Dana sobbed and sobbed. The townsmen saw what happened. With realization dawning on him, the Duke attempted to escape but was immediately mobbed by the townsmen. He was restrained from leaving the kingdom and was brought to the castle’s dungeon.

Princess Dana cried and said sorry to her animal friend for failing to protect him. She thanked the tiny squirrel for keeping her company in her most difficult days and how she believed that soulmates can also be found in animals. As she was hugging the squirrel for the last time, a blinding light emanated from the squirrel. A few minutes after, Princess Dana noticed that the kingdom’s bright and colorful ambiance from her childhood came back. Everything came back to how it used to be.

While everyone was celebrating, Princess Dana, tired from the recent events, stayed seated on the grass. Suddenly, she saw a hand reaching out to her. She looked up and saw a strange yet familiar-looking man standing in front of her. She held on to his hand and that’s when she realized that the man was Winston. They excitedly hugged each other after years of not being able to see each other.

It was Princess Dana’s belief in soulmates that saved Winston from the curse. Once again, the kingdom became colorful that it reflected every hue from the spectrum.

And Princess Dana and Winston lived happily ever after.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

i made a playlist of the tracks that cheered me up while making this blog. you can listen to it via spotify while scrolling thru my works :>

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

I remember; I don't remember

I remember lying down the beach bed, staring blankly towards the night sky – a sky full of stars shining brightly as if giving me a consistent tap on the shoulder.

I remember the sea breeze hit us lightly – the bottles of beer going warm, the silence embracing us.

I’ve never experienced so much peace.

I don’t remember anything from that day. I don’t remember the people I have been together with on that day. I don’t remember the people, the place, the events. But I remember crying during that night. I remember how hurt I was after waking up today.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

I am; I am not

I am valid. I deserve to have genuine happiness. I deserve to aim for what is best for me. I have the right to feel things, and react not for others but for myself.

I am strong. Not feeling things is not a weakness. It is not a phase. I can be vulnerable even without showing my emotions.

Adolescence messes up with me. I am not weak. Just because I don’t get angry easily doesn’t mean I’m too soft. I am not careless. I care too much to leave others from the picture. I am not hungry for affection. I just want to bond a little but I also want for space to breathe. I am not going to listen to what they say. It’s too tiring to live up to people’s expectations. Why can’t I just live peacefully?

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

I love; I hate

I love being alone, drowned in my thoughts, holding a bottle of drink. I love staring and appreciating the view. I love listening to my favorite songs while walking around my favorite place. I love fantasizing things but I know that sometimes, I need a slap of reality.

I hate that I don’t know how to get mad at people. I forgive them so easily. I hate how I can be too kind even though a person has hurt me too much. I hate that I am built this way. I hate how I can only rant about my thoughts and feelings. I hate that I do what is exactly opposite of what I could have done. I hate how I don’t feel a lot of emotions on certain events.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

A slap of reality (spoken poetry)

Hi.

It’s been a while…

Almost four years of continuous activities

Almost four years of discovering new things

Almost four years since I last breathed

It’s been a while…

Those four years went by like a blur –

The rush that pumped my heart,

The energy that fueled my drive,

The people, the memories, the places,

The time when I felt most alive.

It’s been a while…and I miss that short while.

Those few years kept me occupied

Those few years with the right people kept me going

On and on and on…

And it took one incompetent administration to put everything on pause.

We’re on pause, right? Did I get it wrong? We’ve been paused for too long,

That I forgot how it feels like to breathe,

I forgot how it feels like to enjoy the pure bliss,

The warmth that genuine happiness brings.

We’ve been paused for too long…

Too long for me to process everything that’s happening,

To find where I am, to know what I feel

Too long

to remind me that I’m still breathing.

Breathing…a proof of life. But breathing is not enough.

I need to feel the rush that pumps my heart,

The energy that fuels my drive,

The people, the places,

The memories to make –

Even for a short while…make me go out of my mind,

To keep me occupied,

Please make me feel that I am still alive.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

My Life

My life is pretty simple, mixed with a few adventures that spice up my existence. It is not easy, at times, boring. Sometimes, overwhelming, but often times, contentment fills me.

At the age of 21, going 22, I feel like I have traits that other 21 year old's don’t have – or I don’t have traits that most 21 year old's have. I continue to think of what could have been and what could happen in the future, and generally, I am just baffled at how strong I am to have survived tough times.

My life is greatly filled with heartwarming and lovely people, and I think that is enough for me :)

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

unbelievable

it was a fun night. i was enjoying my 18th birthday together with the people close to me. i felt the contentment and genuine happiness radiating in my body. while video greetings from those who couldn't attend were played on the screen, i took a moment to absorb the scene in front of me - my family and friends, my teammates - they were all there. suddenly, all of them screamed when they saw the next person in the video greeting. i turned my head and saw a familiar face saying happy birthday to me. it took me a couple of minutes to process what i saw, my mouth was hanging the whole time. i couldn't believe it. my mom actually contacted someone to make THE toni gonzaga greet me a happy birthday. happy birthday, indeed.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

What do you call your mother?

Mama. The first person I call when I need something. The first person to know everything. The first person to hold me when I was delivered into this world.

Mama. She knows what I need. She anticipates my decisions. She accepts whatever I do in my life.

My mama is my best friend, the sister I never had, my soulmate.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

haiku

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

500 Words About Me: An Autobiography

The first day of June signifies a new season for the Philippine climate. It means that rainy days and gloomy skies will be experienced. It means that people should be prepared for the worst storms.

The year 2016 was full of transitions. I was 16, approaching adulthood, preparing to bloom and grow. I was an incoming 11th grade student with no plan in mind but to play volleyball. In that same year, a new curriculum was implemented, a new administration was welcomed, a new set of coaches were assigned – people were either staying or leaving.

Volleyball kept me going for years. It was the only thing I was ever proud of. My teammates were the only peers I had aside from my classmates. Our team reached different cities and provinces representing the school, making us closer together. A new set of coaches meant a new set of players, and it forced us, the regular players, to try out. The system was back to zero. None of us were assured to have a slot.

After a whole day of tryouts, we were asked to sit down. People were called out and were asked to stand beside the coach. A long list of fifteen names and I didn’t hear mine.

The world was in slow motion. I saw my ex-teammates run towards me, with tears in their eyes. They hugged me and comforted me. I was baffled. I didn’t know I was one of the people who were meant to leave – not the school, but the passion I so loved for years.

Everything became gloomy.

I was on a bus, on the way home, when it hit me – no more volleyball.

I wore my hoodie and leaned on the window. I cried silently, “Was I not good enough? Where did I go wrong? Why wasn’t I chosen? Was I too short for their standard?”. I doubted everything about myself – the years of hardwork went down the drain in a single day. I went down the bus with my hoodie drenched in tears.

I wasn’t prepared for this storm to happen.

Dealing with the aftermath seemed to be harder than the storm itself. It was a draining routine to wake up, go to school without my gym bag, and sit in class pretending to sleep or run to the bathroom just to cry. I was devastated. It went on for a few weeks, until my parents told me to join school organizations and try new things.

And I did.

It turns out, in my life, volleyball was just another season that came by.

I played hard and earned my shot. I fell down but went back up.

Soon, the skies began to clear out – the sun peeking from the clouds, like a ray of hope trying to hug me with its warmth as if telling me that everything will be alright. I bloomed and grew on the right soil, with the right amount of rain.

It was a tough storm, but I survived.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

right now, i feel...

blessed.

to live for another day is a blessing, especially during these trying times. being alive is something that we should be thankful for. a lot of lives were wasted, taken for granted because of the system that we are currently in. we try hard to make them accountable but they never really listen. thankful.

to have good friends, classmates, and peers, who wish nothing for each other but safety and good health. in my whole life, i have never felt this kind of joy towards my classmates. the love, understanding, trust and patience that we have for each other are things that i would never replace if i was placed in a different class. our relationship just became stronger than ever. our relationship is so pure and wholesome that other people may think our class is too good to be true. our passion and drive binds us altogether, always bringing each other up. abco3a is one of my strongest support systems. nostalgic.

as i was thinking about the class, memories came rushing in my brain. i am reminded of how we struggled together ever since we enrolled as comm students. we are now on our third year, preparing for internship. time flew a little too fast, eh? two more sems and we'll go on our own ways, but i just know that we will still be watching for each other despite the distance.

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

untitled note from 4 years ago

[a-cloud-of-thoughts]

it felt right

i rarely ask something from people. i was someone who gives but never asks. but on the first month of 2021, i asked you a question i was dying to ask for the last eight months.

we were sitting face to face, just staring at each other's eyes. the weather was nice, the wind was comforting. the courage to ask you came out of nowhere, but i felt that it was the right time to shoot the question. and when your face lit up, your eyes getting smaller (assuming you were smiling behind your face mask), everything felt right. i didn't know i had this much patience to wait for something. the months of waiting and not seeing each other became worth it.

everything about you is worth it.