a-cleversandwich-blog

[a-cleversandwich-blog]

need support

Hey everyone. I’ve been struggling with some fucked up ideas and feelings around food for a while, but today I went to the doctor and was told that I had gained 25 lbs over the last year and it really got to me. I started out with a healthy dinner but it progressed into a full on binge. I’ve completed periods of fasting successfully but I had never purged my food after overeating until tonight. I had always been so scared of how it would feel since I HATE throwing up, but it wasn’t that bad, and now I know I can do it in the future. I feel a little silly looking to tumblr for help and support like this since I’m a senior in college and in a lot of ways “too old for tumblr” but this is the only place where I know that I can be safe. I’ve got a lot of thoughts going on right now and if anyone wants to talk I am open and willing. Its scary how easy this is becoming. I had two of my favorite kinds of sweet potatoes, ice cream, candy, ramen, chicken nuggets, and coca cola, got rid of almost 100% of it, and now I’m empty and can get drunk off of vodka soda in my room. I don’t want to fuck up my body so I’m still going to try to fast and keep control as much as I can, but its so relieving to know that I have this new skill if I need it. Let’s please chat, guys. I need friends who get it.