9tailshadowwolf

[9tailshadowwolf]

wait that goblin said if you step through the enchanted waterfall- what did he say - he said you would get “transformed into” a powerful wizard, right? not become one? Honestly i noticed it at the time but i thought he was just speaking fucked up goblin american vernacular but i guess i was wrong. Does that mean the wizard was like a separate entity from the barbarian who stepped into that thing? Like a whole nother sentient being? I wonder if you step into the enchanted waterful you either die or they like toss you in a room in the back, and just spit out a nother guy. Do you ever get to go back in and come out yourself again? Or like if you go in backwards? Or if you go in backwards when youre already regular do you come out like a even more regular guy. Or like a baby. A baby with.. negative magical potential. I wonder who made this thing.

[9tailshadowwolf]

-ism tier list

S Tier: absurdism, prism, autism, mechanism

A tier: feminism, confucianism, communism

B tier: barbarism, dimorphism, journalism, exorcism

C tier: escapsim, hypnotism, metabolism

D tier: alcoholism, evangelism, criticism, egocentrism

F tier: fascism, cannibalism, racism, aneurism,

[9tailshadowwolf]

HEY, YOU!

DO YOU LIKE OLD COMPUTER GRAPHICS?!

did you like ANY of these photos? would you like to see HUNDREDS MORE OF THEM?! with THOUSANDS OF UNIQUE TEXTURES?! ALL FROM FUCKING DECEMBER 15TH, YEAR 2000?!

NOW YOU CAN!!!

THERE'S ALSO A BUNCH OF CLIPART FROM 1997 IN .WMF FORMAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT, BUT YOU MIGHT!

STILL not convinced???? LOOK AT THE DISC THEY CAME FROM!

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!??!?!?!?!?! DON'T WAIT! GO LOOK AT THOSE JPEGS... TODAY!

[9tailshadowwolf]

I SLOWED DOWN!!!! I CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT!!!! I didnt release any music and instead focused on finishing school and filmmaking. Valid excuse, but the truth is I saw no reason to make meaningful progress on my music because realistically no one cares. That, i believe, is something 95% of artists struggle with. Whats the solution ? How do others appear to find success so easily? The solution definitely isnt to keep not releasing any music and never talk about it to anyone and stay away from music venues and isolate from the outside world then get upset when you feel isolated from the outside world.

Just release your music. If no ones going to listen to it anyway then whats the difference? be brave and face that reality head on by casting your art out into the world. You dont need a content rollout strategy, and you dont need to post cringe tiktoks of your music, and you dont need a spotify canvas and a music video and a press sheet and all this bullshit that only exists to make executives money- executives that dont even exist because you dont have any listeners.

Id rather look back at my years spent making music and see 5 albums instead of 3 measly singles i tried to get into playlists but failed and lost motivation. You enjoy this shit right? You enjoy making music? So just keep doing it. If you dont enjoy every step of the music making process and if you cant find natural satisfaction even without an audience, then sell your guitar. Trash your computer. Burn your amplifier. Because thats what you might as well be doing if youre spending more time complaining than practicing. This is supposed to be fun!

a 2022 year in review of all the music i officially released, it was just a humble beginning and i dont intend to slow down this year.

[9tailshadowwolf]

What the hell ???

[9tailshadowwolf]

[9tailshadowwolf]

[9tailshadowwolf]

Is my minecraft dog waiting for me right now amidst the circuitry and code that separates our worlds and if so is he chillin or tweakin

I have been trying to spend time with someone for 3 weeks and they keep blowing me off. Theyve apologized, in a good way, and promised to make it up to me. We had plans to hang out again today but they wouldnt answer their phone. I havent heard any word from them. What a strange frustration, resulting from feeling neglected by someone you love. “Neglect” is a harsh word. There should be a word for just “not quite suffering but undeniably feels bad”. You dont know who to direct this feeling towards. Is it their fault for ignoring you or your fault for expecting a difference in behavior? What do you do with this discomfort? Should you do somehing different? Should you say something? Say, “hey, i know youre trying but im not satisfied with this right now. You need to be doing better for me.” You could say that, and likely make a case for yourself. But i think that falls in line with expecting things to change. Youre just leaning further in that direction, doing more so that they change successfully. And if thats not enough, you should try even harder.

I have adopted the heroic mindset of there always being a solution, a way to win, a way to save everyone and a way to make everyone happy - so long as I try hard enough. You can always push past your limits and grow to become better than you were yesterday. Therefore theres no good excuse for failure. In fact, failure is a natural state. With every failure you can increase your chance of the next success. And if every failure is simply the delaying of a success, then failure doesnt really exist at all. Its just an absence of success, like how darkness is just an absence of light, or how working is just the absence of getting high (har har). Anyways, this line of thinking can be dangerous. You think youve logic’d a way out of feeling the repercussions of bad decisions. Youre a martyr who nobly (i cant believe thats how you spell nobly) sacrifices themself not for the goodness of others, but for the benefit of your future self. And then when you look back you realize youve just been making bad decisions and giving the wrong people the benefit of the doubt and giving the wrong people your patience for the sake of nothing this whole time. Why make the best of a bad situation when you could just try to be in a good situation? Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

Thing is, i have become so aware of this flaw that i am now wary of any time i AM patient with someone, out of fear of simply being a chump. I am both patient, and consciously aware of my patience. Am i a pushover? Is my patience a result of what i went through, and a sign that i would stick to anyone and wait forever just to see someone i like once because, after all, im a desperate chump? Or, is it the inverse, and my wariness of patience is a result of what i went through, and a sign that i am skeptical so as to not get hurt in the same way again? I dont know the answer, but the point of what im getting at is that i dont need to know why things are the way they are.

My friend could have an amazingly reasonable reason for being so flaky. BUT, they also could not have a good enough reason by my standards to justify this loneliness i feel as a result of their flakiness. But imagine a scenario where someone you love puts you in the background. Either you lash out and solidify this as a conflict. Or you give them patience - and if they truly love you - theyll come around and make it up to you, eventually making things right. If they dont make it up to you, you know its no longer worth laboring over. Essentially, if the proper response to this behavior of theirs comes down to either choosing patience or no patience, then i would personally just rather demonstrate patience.

Dont conflate patience with sitting there like a sad dog waiting for their human to get home from work so they can get fed. Both may look the same from the outside, and feel the same on the inside, but what differs is your intention. Your goal. Sitting like a sad dog is born from the desire for a specific outcome - the master coming home to reunite with you and give you all the love and affection you missed in their absence. Patience is born from no desire, other than to withstand an unknown period of discontent and to wait for changing circumstances in the inevitable future. It involves knowing exactly what youre waiting for. Not hoping for a desired outcome, nor not knowing what youre waiting for at all, or waiting for nothing in particular (i think that might just be laziness (or getting high after work (har har))). To be patient is to know what is to come, and wait until it does. So how can you choose to be patient if you cant predict the future? With all the volatility of the entropic nature of the universe, you can always count on one thing: that nothing lasts forever. Time flows on. Things change. So you become patient for that. For something to simply change, because it certainly will eventually.

If you dont wanna be patient you dont have to be. You can make a fuss and change things up at any time. Its worth doing that when youre dealing with people you dont give a fuck about. When an authority figure is giving you a hard time, when youre being mistreated, when you dont care how the person is affected, you just want a solution. Thing is, when youve become accustomed to the heroic mindset i talked about earlier, you get caught up in what you can do. What actions you can take. Any way to find a solution. You see how this lines up? I would never let myself sit in patience. I would do patient things unpatiently. Id wait for people, give second chances, forgive and forget, and not take it out on others. But it still made me upset, i just hid it. It made me upset because i would wait and hope for an outcome i wanted, instead of waiting for something based in actual reality. So, when youre dealing with someone you actually care about, you should just be patient and not try to solve the problem. You should wait until circumstances inevitably change and youre both in a different headspace. And then reapproach how you felt earlier. The solution can wait. When you and i and our hearts are precious cargo in the matter, be careful not to rock the boat. Make sure you both feel alright first, then you can both find a solution and know that it feels right.

Thats truly heroic. To take on loneliness and despair and frustration, and all the negativity you receive or give yourself, and instead of letting it control what you do, you do the right thing anyway. Not quite suffering in silence, because that isnt noble. But genuinely feeling satisfaction in knowing you have felt some very bad things and you came out the other end. Knowing that youve survived 100% of your bad days. And the fact that you can smile right now is proof that maybe if nothing lasts forever, that can include suffering as long as you accept that you can let it go. Youre allowed to let it go. Its cool. No one likes suffering.

Its insufferable (har har)

[9tailshadowwolf]

I Died and Came Back to Life as Someone With Less Swag

I looked through my old twitter today for the first time in 4 years, which now that i type it doesnt sound like a long time.but alot has happened. I endured covid, i learned i was autistic, my best friend died, i switched majors and graduated college, i became a pharmacologist (not even what i majored in), i got a car, i developed entire artistic skills i straight up didnt have back then… ive lived a whole lifetime.

I vowed to never touch twitter again at the end of 2020. And i never did until now. I looked at my old twitter and saw silly nonsense just for fun. I saw engagement with political discourse and trolls. I saw entire connections form entirely with people i never met in person and would ventually forget ever existed entirely, and the promotion of art i put my blood sweat and tears into back then and have now since severed from my identity, and it was all on this website. It was my life. I spent actual parts of my life and had whole interactions and formed memories exclusively on this app.

What changed? What happened to me? On one hand i looked happier. Purer, innocent. Blissfully ignorant. My sense of humor was front and center. It attracted people to me, earned me validation, my whole life I genuinely thought i was stupid because i did bad in school and no one gave me praise for being smart. I was the goofy kid. My high school superlative was voted most likely to become a meme. Seeing me then is like seeing the part of me that lies trapped beneath my surface actually possessing my younger body. It feels like an entirely different person. And that person is dead.

The point i wanted to write down is:

Whats the difference between me now and me then? Me then engaged with artistic projects because i wanted to give identity to my art. Me now, i engage with art projects because they give me identity. How does this reflect the way people look at me? How will this art be attached to my identity? How will people perceive me because of this? What should i make that will make people see me a certain way? Those are the questions i ask myself now.

The old me died and i was resurrected in his body with no experience as to who i am meant to be. What am i. What do i do now? I only know that i have these skills and it feels not incorrect to engage with them. Is this who i am? Someone who can do stuff? Maybe if i do it good people will like me again. The old way seemed to end catastrophically, i have to be different. I must not be the same.

But i am the same. Old me never went away, he just hid. But its safe to come out now. And even though ill never be the same, now that i know who i was and who i can be, i no longer need my art to know who i am. I mean that in all grammatical ways. I need to go back to giving my art its own life.

[9tailshadowwolf]

[9tailshadowwolf]

In lieu of Instagram Threads catastrophic failure, i’m making my long awaited return to tumblr. again. i know you all missed me.

here are my best threads in memoriam because i cant let a good joke go to waste

[9tailshadowwolf]

emojis for when you are regirock regice or registeel

[9tailshadowwolf]

[9tailshadowwolf]

the absence of something is also its presence

[9tailshadowwolf]

people forget but you used to be able to get a little beastie crawling on your screen like this:

whaten hell happened

[9tailshadowwolf]

"you don't owe anybody anything" has done irreparable damage to the minds of the youth