72eli

[72eli]

You don't stop laughing because you get old. You get old because you stop laughing.

[72eli]

Love Dame Helen!

[72eli]

Practice random acts of kindness. Always.

I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money. 

“A scam” people are fucking wild.  

[72eli]

If you're not laughing with your partner, you're with the wrong partner.

∞

[72eli]

Punctuation is extremely important!

[72eli]

And a swing axle that could be very dangerous.

It was a miracle that we survived. No seatbelts and metal dashboards.

[72eli]

Or the optician who fell into his lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

[72eli]

Or the glass blower who inhaled and got a pain in his chest.

Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

[72eli]

Like the butcher who backed into his meat slicer and got a little behind in his work.

Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

[72eli]

Well played. And bravo!

[72eli]

Never stop being kind!

∞

[72eli]

It is so hard to put this into practice after all of those years!

Learned this after a lot of years!👆🏼

[72eli]

“What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner?”

#movie reference

This is THE MOOD now ! 💦

[72eli]

This one will give you chills when you hear it live.

[72eli]

[72eli]

I’d hope that you would have to set the cup down.

This is how I should be having my coffee every day.

[72eli]

Better make sure you last more than 8 seconds!