4laraza

[4laraza]

RIGIDITY MEANS DEATH

7. La conciencia de la mestiza / Towards a New Consciousness

In this chapter, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa introduces the theory of the “cosmic race,” a fifth race that embraces the four major races of the world. Opposed to purist and supremacist definitions of race, this theory is one of inclusivity. She poses that this consciousness is a collective and personal embodiment of mestiza consciousness, a new consciousness that transcends borders and dualities. 

Dr. Anzaldúa describes the constant struggle(s) that mestizas live with and through daily as they are an embodiment of nepantla, the Aztec concept of “in-between-ness.” Disrupting that struggle and finding their own method of entering a new state of consciousness is what mestizas are called to do. Dr. Anzaldúa connects the history to the present to the future by describing the process of learning one’s true history and making meaning of that history as a critical part of developing a New Mestiza Consciousness. 

Through experiences of nepantla, the mestiza is empowered to be comfortable and “at home” with ambiguity. Centering the power that mestizas have in their ability to transcend duality, she explains that the mestiza belongs nowhere, but everywhere at the same time. 

She then centers the men of her culture and the concept of machismo with a tolerance for ambiguity. She explains that the machismo that exists in our culture today is a Spanish and Anglo colonial invention that serves as a psychological and physical prison imposed on the Mexicano and Chicano. At the same time, she denounces the abuse and dehumanization by men towards women, and demands they take responsibility in dismantling the ways they oppress. 

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“Because I, a mestiza, 

continually walk out of one culture

and into another,

because I am in all cultures at the same time,

alma entre dos mundos, tres, cuatro,

me zumbala cabezo con lo contradictorio.

Estoy norteada por todas las voces que me hablan simultáneamente.” (99)

“Rigidity means death.” (101)

“Indigenous like corn, like corn, the mestiza is product of crossbreeding, designed for preservation under a variety of conditions.” (103)

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This chapter is one about empowerment, and personal and collective action. It’s about a psychological, physical, sexual, spiritual and even environmental revolution. For me, this chapter is sacred in that Gloria establishes the divinity and power of mestiza blood. She (Re)defines histories of conquest and tragedy and great losses as histories of resistance and resilience. 

I felt like I was looking into a mirror and seeing myself fully for the first time as I read Gloria’s words about the power of nepantillism and the resiliency of mestizaje. “She has discovered that she can’t hold concepts or ideas in rigid boundaries” (101). This tolerance for ambiguity has always been a part of me. What I have always been uncomfortable with is rigidity, dichotomies, dualities. Because these perspectives tend to split me. 

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"Mestiza” by Sonja John

In this spoken Sonja John explores her Mestiza identity and what it means to her. 

“I am Joaquin” by Corky Gonzalez and film by Luis Valdez (created in 1969) - Part 1

This poem by Corky Gonzalez is an embodiment of the mestiza consciousness and transcending dualities/tolerating ambiguity. Corky’s words coupled with the music and visuals in this film are a beautiful representation of identity and story-telling. 

Part 2

Con amor,

Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

WRITING AS A SACRED OFFERING

6. Tlilli, Tlapalli. The Path of the Red and Black Ink.

In this chapter, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa discusses her understanding of writing as sacred art, how this perspective impacts her work, and what her writing practices and rituals look like. She centers and honors her indigenous roots by committing herself to their principles and practices about 

        creativity and functionality

       the sacred and secular

       and art from everyday realities

She rightfully honors and celebrates herself and her contributions by acknowledging her work as healing medicine. Dr. Anzaldúa describes her writing as “alive, infused with spirit” and (re)connects her art to indigenous healing practices by discussing her shamanic ability to transform herself (as the writer), the reader and reality. Invoking and drawing inspiration from all her senses, Dr. Anzaldúa enters trances and faces Coatlicue States, or writing blocks, head on so that her writing is an offering to the divine and to the world.

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Poster of quote by Gloria Anzaldúa created by Grace Rosario Perkins

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“my people, the Indians, did not split the artistic from functionality, the sacred from the secular, art from everyday life.” (88)

“To write, to be a writer, I have to trust and believe in myself as a speaker, as a voice for the images. I have to believe that I can communicate with images and words, and that I can do it well.” (95)

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This chapter is powerful in that Gloria embraces and declares herself as a healer and her writing as medicine for her people and offerings to the divine. Every line of every page of this book has been so sacred, that I feel like I enter trances by reading and connecting with Gloria and her words. Reading her book is like looking into a mirror for me. She has provided so much space for individual and collective healing. 

I am so grateful for Gloria and her writing. I will practice this gratitude by honoring myself as whole, sharing her writing (medicine) with others, and embodying the mestiza identity and consciousness. 

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Gloria Anzaldúa by Angela Yarber

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Why I write - Karina Nuyorican

A poet explores why she writes and the power of writing.

Healing - Aniya Smith

A spoken word poem that discusses the healing power of writing poetry. 

Con amor, 

Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

VOLVER, VOLVER

5. How to Tame a Wild Tongue

In this chapter, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa explores the topic of language. It’s a powerful ode to her tongue, her history and her identity. 

She reflects and challenges the culture of silence that punishes women and the most vulnerable when they refuse to be silenced. She also challenges the male dominance of language, pointing out how language norms and structures literally erase women. 

Challenging the popular belief that Mexicanos, and particularly Chicanos, speak a “dirty” Spanish, Dr. Anzaldúa centers the origin(s) of the differences and nuances that define Chicano Spanish and are born out of survival, creativity and resilience. She also validates, honors, and celebrates the seven languages she speaks, (re)defining how we understand language and (re)connecting language to identity. 

Dr. Anzaldúa establishes the deep connection between the land, history and impact of fragmentation, language and identity by (re)connecting Mexican Spanish, Chicano Spanish, Tex Mex, and Pachuco to their regional histories and the impact of the border. She also reflects on the impact of seeing and hearing her language represented in movies and in music in affirming her identity and her right to express her native tongue. 

Chicanos and Latinos have internalized the ways language has been weaponized against them and the fragmentation has been so profound that we have begun to oppress ourselves/eachother by devaluing the different ways we speak. Dr. Anzaldúa also discusses that these interactions of challenging one’s connection to the culture because of their language differences are fueled by the fear of shame, the fear that we will be challenged. Reflecting on the ways that she has felt “othered” by her own people, other Chicanos and Latinos, because of the way she speaks Spanish, Dr. Anzaldúa argues that questioning one’s language is essentially questioning their identity, their humanity, their legitimacy.

She closes the chapter by affirming the relationship between her identity and language, describing the different aspects and fluid nature of her mestiza identity. 

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“The first time I heard two women, a Puerto Rican and a Cuban, say the word “nosostras,” I was shocked. I had not known the word existed. Chicanas use nosotros whether we’re male or female. We are robbed of our female being by the masculine plural. Language is a male discourse.” (76)

“Yet the struggle of identities continues, the struggle of borders is our reality still.” (85)

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“Oral tradition” Artwork by J. Chavez

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Lengua de Fuego - Tletl - Fire

“Ay mija. ¡Qué lástima me da que no sabes el Español! ¿Que dirian los del rancho?” 

Me llaman deslenguada

Me convierten en burla cuando pronuncio algo mal, o cuando se me olvida una palabra por completo

Nunca dejan de recordarme de la gran vergüenza 

        de no saber hablar el español “como una Mexicana”

Como si lo único que hace a una Mexicana es hablar el Español...

¿Qué dirian 17 millones descendientes de los pueblos originarios de México?

“You pronounce things funny. Is English your second language? I can tell you have a Spanish accent!”

They brand me foreigner

Laugh at my mispronounciations, or when I forget a word entirely

They never fail to remind me that I am different

        By exploiting and exotifying my tongue

Ni Mexicana, ni Americana

Y arrancada de sus raíces indígenas

Not Mexican, not American

& ripped from her indigenous roots

My tongue does not fit your expectations

She will not be molded to fit your standards

When you try to erase her for setting your labels on fire, remember what she taught you

My tongue does not follow your rules

She will not concede to your definition of valid and invalid

When you try to fix her for setting your boundaries on fire, remember what she made you feel

My tongue does not speak for you

She will not be silenced for your comfort

When you try to shame her for setting your beliefs on fire, remember what you did to her

(Beatriz Esparza)

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This chapter provided sacred space to reflect on the history of my people and the relationship between the land, history, language and identity in my own life. As a Mexican born in the United States, I can relate to Gloria’s reflections about having her identity challenged due to her tongue. My first language was Spanish. 

But as I started school, I slowly began to prefer English and used it way more. These preferences manifested themselves in many other ways. The food I preferred. The music I preferred. I don’t think I was necessarily engaging in assimilation because I wasn’t actively rechazando my own culture. I loved my culture, but I was curious and wanted to feel like I belonged. Rather, I was attempting to enjoy the privileges and benefits afforded to my peers that were part of the dominant white culture. These were economic and political statements. But in seeking these things that were never for me, I had no way of fully understanding the costs. 

By the time I was in middle school, I was attending a white and wealthy private school because of my academic achievements coupled with the barriers of poverty, and I became almost a stranger to Spanish. I only spoke Spanish with my family and my Mexican and Latinx friends. Like many children of culture, I never felt fully accepted. Not by my culture, my family, my school, my friends, etc. And now that I had disconnected myself from myself, I began to experience shame induced from every front. I wasn’t enough for anyone. My grandparents and other elders constantly critized my Spanish. My cousins would tell me I was white because I was smart and enjoyed learning and reading. The white kids at my school made fun of my clothes. My accent. My skin. My hair. They watched me get off the public bus and walk the halfblock to the entrance with indifference as they hopped off their rangerovers and land rovers. The teachers criminalized my being different, and could not understand me, my needs or my talents. At every front I was isolated and invalidated. 

These are some of the experiences that have radicalized me. They pushed me to find my voice. And what a long and painful journey it was to find my voice, that I haven’t shut up since. 

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Below are two spoken word poems that explore the relationship between language and identity. 

Accents by Denice Frohman

Volver, Volver by Ariana Brown 

Con amor,  Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

I AM THE LIGHT AND THE DARK AND SO MUCH MORE

4. La herencia de Coatlicue/The Coatlicue State

In this chapter, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa discusses the inheritance of fragmentation, or splitting. Just as Coatlicue was split and split and split by men who wanted to keep the “good” pieces of her and rechazar her “dark” pieces, Dr. Anzaldúa reflects on the times in her own life when she has split herself.

        For survival.

        For the sake of others.

        For the sake of la raza. 

She discusses the impact of Shame within her own life and within her culture. 

       Shame (and the threat and fear of Shame) operate as powerful behavioral regulators because they are internal feelings and emotions.

       Shame, and the guilt that shame brings, are so powerful because of the deepy personal psychological shifts that they can catalyze. People literally start to hate themselves, and feel hated by those around them. 

Through her own reflections and experiences, Dr. Anzaldúa concludes that we must do the work to accept the parts of ourselves que hemos rechazado nosotros mismos. This is what it means to enter the Coatlicue State. 

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“I have split from and disowned those parts of myself that others have rejected” (67).     

“As a person, I, and as a people, we, Chicanos, blame ourselves, hate ourselves, terrorize ourselves. Most of this goes on unconsciously; we only know that we are hurting, we suspect that there is something ‘wrong’ with us, something fundamentally ‘wrong’ (67).

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This chapter created sacred space for me to reflect on the splitting of myself and shame in my own life. Healing is painful. We hear it all the time, and I think it’s because a lot of us are aware of this truth through our own experiences. In this chapter, Gloria uses her own experiences and observations of herself and her culture to describe why it’s so painful. But also why it’s so powerful. And why it’s so important. She reminds us to have the courage to embrace our fears in order to accept ourselves fully and without condition. For me, this chapter was a lesson in radical self love and forgiveness. A reminder to embrace my all my dualities.        

I think about how women are increasingly embracing themselves as whole, honoring the light and the dark within. Today, we are seeing a collective movement among women, particularly led by Black women, who are embracing their dualities through rap music. Women are fearlessly and unapologetically embracing their sexuality, an aspect of life that has always been suppressed for women, through their art (lyrics and visuals). These women are challenging society and the patriarchy that consumes and exploits us daily. They are pushing boundaries. Their contributions are impacting the industry creatively and actively shaping it. Their work is needed. But, these women are not celebrated or acknowledged to the extent or capacity that they should. They experience relentless backlash from men (and women), collective attempts to shame and guilt. But even so, these women refuse to be silenced and refuse to be split. 

I made a playlist of music made by women that I think reflects the many topics that women have tackled through their music in the last decade. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6C8sezGMlZGd0QTqWXz89o?si=1MnHmcuYTSWbFIkaa8Nlpw

[4laraza]

ENTERING INTO THE SERPENT

3. Entering Into the Serpent

In this chapter, Gloria Anzaldua discusses the continued splitting and burying of Coatlicue, the ancient Olmec fertility and Earth goddess, from her different aspects. This splitting began when the Aztecs, a tribe of the Toltec’s, migrated south from Aztlán and became increasingly militaristic and male dominated. The splitting was continued through colonization which was fueled by Christianity. Before the change to male dominance, Coatlicue contained and balanced the dualities of male and female, light and dark, life and death (53-54).

Coatl.

        Before colonization, the most notable symbol in the Americas was the serpent. The Olmec’s associated womanhood with the serpent’s mouth. It was considered the most sacred place on earth. “The creative womb from which all things are born and to which all things returned” (56).

Coatlicue. Tlazolteotl. Cihuacoatl. Tonantsi. Maria Coatlalopeuh. Virgen de Guadalupe.

        Coatlicue, she who has dominion over snakes. Goddess of Earth, fertility.. She who gives life, and takes it away. Embodiment of light and dark. Embodiment of sexuality and motherhood. 

        Men have tried to split you. Silence you. Bury you. They didn’t realize you were a seed.

        The first men to try were your own sons. The Aztecs. From your first burial grew Tlazolteotl, Cihuacoatl, & Tonantsi. Tlazolteotl, a temptress who represented sins like lust. Cihuacoatl, mother goddess who abandoned her own son and promised to protect the Aztec people. Tonantsi, the virtuous Earth goddess, who represented sustenance and provided corn to feed the Aztec people. 

        Men have tried to split you. Silence you. Bury you. They didn’t realize you were a seed. 

        When the Spanish arrived, their Christianity and thirst for power and gold positioned you, goddess of life and death, protector of the Aztec people, as their direct enemy. All indigenous religious and spiritual beliefs and practices were cast as evil. From this burial, Tonantsi became Maria Coatlalopeuh. Tonantsi had to disguise herself by adopting Spanish symbols in order to become less threatening to the Spanish. Maria Coatlalopeuh, a symbol of Indigenous resistance. 

        On December 9th, 1531, Maria Coatlalopeuh appeared to Juan Diego in the spot where the Nahua people worshipped Tonantsi, Tepeyác Hill. She told him she was the mother and protector of the Aztecs. She told him to build her an altar so that her people can worship her. When Juan Diego, a humble Indian, brought this information back to the Spanish, they first needed proof. She showed herself to the Spanish by appearing on Juan Diego’s tilma after he gathered roses from Tepeyác Hill as a mix of Indigenous and Spanish symbols and imagery, the Spanish allowed la gente indigena to build you an altar for worship. 

        Men have tried to split you. Silence you. Bury you. They didn’t realize you were a seed. 

        The Spanish, unable and unwilling to learn the Nahuatl language, heard your name, Coatlalopeuh, and confused/confounded/muddled it with Guadalupe, the patroness of Spain. From this burial, you were again made a virgin, separated from your sexuality. What grew from this final burial attempt? From the moment you met Juan Diego, “para el Mexicano ser Guadalupano es algo esencial” (51). You have become the most prominent image in Mexico and beyond, wherever your people go, you go. La Virgen de Guadalupe, reina y protectora de Mexico y su gente. A symbol of mestizaje. 

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Tonacayotl toquiliz ixcuayo ponilizcayotl (Tata Cuaxtle).

Quisieron enterrarnos pero no sabían que éramos semilla.

They tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds.

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Visits from Coatlicue

The splitting of Coatlicue throughout history and her evolution into La Virgen de Guadalupe is a reflection of the ways women suffer in this world. Like Coatlicue, Kali, Medusa, we are split by our cultures, societies, and the world. We are condemned when we honor ourselves as whole; as both light and dark, as both sexual and pure… But like Coatlicue and her many aspects and forms, we rise to fight for what is rightfully ours. When they try to bury us, we only grow. Like La Virgen de Guadalupe, our existence is resistance. 

La Virgen de Guadalupe is a symbol of what it means to be mestiza. She is a representation of the old and new. A blending of the two. “Because Guadalupe took upon herself the psychological and physical devastation of the conquered and oppressed Indio, she is our spiritual, political and psychological symbol” (52). Her history is a reflection of the history of the Mexica people. 

This is probably one of my favorite chapters from the Borderlands book. Reading this chapter (re)stored a sense of power and wholeness to my own identity as a Brown woman. Anzaldúa’s personal reflections about her own connections and experiences with snakes reminded me of the relationship me and my sisters, specifically my sister Belicia, has had with snakes since she was a little girl. My sister, unafraid and unapologetic, has always been more “in tune” with the “negative” aspects of herself, the Tlazolteotl and Cihuacoatl aspects of herself. She is so carefree and adventurous and strong in the sense that she does not let others limit her.

When we were younger, our family would take trips to the mountains often and my sister always found a snake or two and sometimes she even caught them. My parents, abuelitos, and tios and tias, even some of the cousins who were scared of snakes, would scream out and warn her about their venom and danger, begging her not to grab it and definitely to not bring it closer to the family. She was never scared. Somehow she knew that the snake would not harm her unless she did something. 

Never did she let them put unnecessary fear in her. My sister has always been fascinated by animals, she has always loved them deeply and been able to connect with them. Like all animals, she was fascinated by the snake and did not let western and Christian notions of the snake (evil, devil) taint her image of the animal. Like all animals, including us, the snake is simply trying to see another day, and she has always been able to recognize that. 

Even this summer, in our backyard there lived a family of snakes. I was the first to see them. I told my sister about them immediately because I knew she would appreciate it. One day when it was just my sister and me, we were able to catch them and play with them until we finally let them go. Our baby sister, Yaretzi, fell inlove with the snakes, she wanted to keep one, but she understood that the snakes didn’t belong to her and they had to go home to their families. 

These memories of my sisters and snakes serve as a window for me to see our connection to Coatlicue, and to see Coatlicue, the goddess of duality, of fertility, of Earth in my sisters. 

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Yaretzi holding a baby snake. Picture taken by Beatriz Esparza. 

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Con amor,

Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

LA MUJER

2. Movimientos de rebeldía y las culturas que traicionan

In this chapter, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa introduces the concept of the Shadow-beast, the part(s) of our identity that are considered unacceptable in our cultures. By identifying her own shadow-beast(s), Anzaldúa builds the facultad to understand the ways her culture fails her as a queer woman. She condemns the machismo and traditions within her Mexican culture that operate under a veil disguised as protection for women, but perpetually fail and violate the woman. 

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“For a woman of my culture there used to be only three directions she could turn: to the Church as a nun, to the streets as a prostitute, or to the home as a mother. Today some of us have a fourth choice: entering the world by way of education and career and becoming self-autonomous persons.” (39)

“Alienated from her mother culture, “alien” in the dominant culture, the woman of color does not feel safe within the inner life of her Self.” (42)

“Like La Llorona, the Indian woman’s only means of protest was wailing” (43)

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La Llorona by Angela Yarber

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Caught between los intersticios

The Woman of Color is not safe anywhere. She is never fully accepted. She’s too much of this, and not enough of that. 

She faces the wind every direction She turns. She is no stranger to opposition.

She is unprotected. 

Unprotected from the rest of the world,

from Her own culture, and Her own family. 

-                       

But Her strength transcends time and space.

Because Her battle has transcended time and space. 

She carries on because She carries within Herself every Woman that has come before Her and every Woman that will come after. 

-

She, who Loves. Cares for. Protects. Nourishes and Cultivates The Earth and The People

Must also find ways to Love. Care for. Protect. Nourish and Cultivate herself and her sisters… 

Because no one else is. 

Everyone else is too busy 

Too busy Taking and Receiving Her love. 

Her kindness. Her protection. Her nourishment. 

-

And when She does find moments and ways,

(In between all the chaos of loving, caring for, protecting, and raising others)

To Love, Care for, Protect, and Raise Herself

She is condemned by the rest of the world as Selfish.

 -

And when She does stand up,

(Tired from being overworked and your indifference)

To remind of you of all that She does

And all that She deserves

She is condemned by the rest of the world as The Problem.

-

And when She does walk away,

(Feeling betrayed)

To heal. To Resist. And to continue Her fight for Love, for Caring, for Protection.

She is condemned as The Betrayer. 

(Beatriz Esparza)

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This chapter offered sacred space for healing and reflection regarding my own experiences as a woman of culture and color. Like her, my identity is also rooted in the Indigenous woman’s resilience. Gloria’s words reflected my soul and some of my deepest wounds. Connecting with her through this chapter was a powerful experience. I cried. But I also 

This chapter served as a reminder as to why it’s so important for women to create healthy relationships with one another. I think about the concept or tradition of comadres in Mexico and how important and special that bond is. Sisterhood is often a source of strength, support, protection, and love for women. These bonds are so special that they are beyond blood relations. Friends become sisters.

Reflecting, I offer extreme gratitude to all the women before me who have fierlessly given their breath and their life so that a fourth path can exist: to belong to yourself and to continue push boundaries.

So what does this fourth path look like? For some women, it’s going to school and building a career. For others, it’s growing a family. The possibilities are endless because women can do anything. 

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Mural by Kamela Eaton located in Wichita, Kansas

“I wanted an image that was easily accessible and understandable, especially for children who pass through that area, because I passed through that area as a child, being bussed to Wichita public schools, and I thought it was just a very straightforward and strong way to illustrate the theme of solidarity.” - Kamela Keaton

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Sarah La Morena - La Llorona

Con amor,

Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

THE BORDER CROSSED US

1. The Homeland, Aztlán. El Otro México.

In this chapter, Gloria Anzaldúa describes the Mexican-U.S. border as 

“una herida abierta,” an open wound. Among the pain, among the blood spill, this is a place where cultures crash. And despite the pain and despite the blood, this is a place where third cultures are born. 

“a dividing line.” Something that separates the safe from the unsafe.

Defining. Us against them. 

She centers both indigenous and mestiza perspectives in her historical recount of this land and her inhabitants. (Re)connecting Chicanos and Mexicanos to their indigenous ancestors, Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa (re)tells stories of migration.

First, by the original inhabitants who migrated across the Bering Straits and travelled South across the continent. 

Then, by the descendants of the Cochise people who migrated South from what is now the US Southwest into what is now México and Central America. 

She then details the violent and irreversible arrival of the Spanish conquistadores and missionaries starting early in the 16th century, leading to 400 years characterized by

the fall of Indigenous sovereignty over the land and people, resulting in the chronic loss of land and identity 

the birth of a mestiza race (children born from and raised by Indigenous mothers and bastardized by their Spanish fathers)

and

the continuation of mestizaje as mestizos and Indios migrate North with the Spanish, who have never-ending appetites and are “gold-hungry and soul-hungry” (27)

This fragmentation of Land, People and Identity continues into the 19th century for another century marked by physical, psychological and spiritual violence.

In order to break away from the chains of Spain, the land becomes a casualty to the compromises made by men yet again. She is Renamed. & Redefined. Cemanahuac becomes México. And the Mestizo becomes the Mexican.

The Battle of Alamo, the capture of Santa Anna, the US Mexican War, and the Treaty of Hidalgo tell the violent story of the imperial Mexican-American struggle over land and people which ultimately results in a 1,9500 mile-long wound that brands the Indigenous and the Mexicano as foreigners on their own land. 

The land, the people, and culture have been disconnected for 500 years now. The 20th century is marked by further fragmentation and 500 years-worth of symptoms. 

In this century, fragmentation pushes the Mexicano from their homes to cross the wound that cut through their ancestors’ land. Even though they follow the migration patterns of their ancestors into their ancestor’s land, they are not welcomed back. 

Instead they are met with racism, xenophobia, violence, and exploitation.

Mexicanos are politically, economically, socially, psychologically, and spiritually dehumanized and labeled “illegal aliens.”

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“1,950 mile-long open wound

            dividing a pueblo, a culture, 

            running down the length of my body,

                       staking fence rods in my flesh, 

                       splits me          splits me

                             Me raja    me raja” (Excerpt from poem, 24)

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My people were never colonized

I am a “Third world.” 

With Indigenous and Spanish blood running through my veins,

         I am Mexican and American.

In me cultures clash. 

I am both the safe and “unsafe.” I am us and I am them. 

Soy Mestiza. I am an embodiment of the history of my people. 

I carry 600 years of trauma and tragedy.

But my story is not a story of conquest because

I carry 600 years of strength and resilience. 

        600 years of resistance. 

Yo soy la nieta de las Indigenas que no pudiste conquistar. 

Soy Hija de la Virgen de Guadalupe,

Y Descendiente de Coatlicue. 

Llevo conmigo la sangre de mi gente,

        Y sigo su lucha.

(Beatriz Esparza)

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                         “This land was Mexican once, 

                                    was Indian always

                                          and is.

                                     And    will be again.” (Excerpt from poem, 25)

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I have travelled many times following the migration patterns of my ancestors, back and forth from Aztlán (known today as the US Southwest), and Cemanahuac (known today as México). The names of every landmark, town, and road along the journey are mostly Spanish but some are Anglo. These names tell the history of the land and her inhabitants. Stories of violent fragmentation. 

As I travel through these landmarks and towns, I am reminded of the history of “double colonization,” first by the Europeans, then by their descendants, the Americans. I often do not know the original names of these landmarks, the land, or the original peoples. A painful reminder of the effects of 600 years of fragmentation. 

It is through my commitment to decolonization that I have been able to (re)connect and (re)member. I am constantly learning and unlearning. 

I also think about the racist delusion that white Americans live in. They have no knowledge about the pronounciation, the meaning, or the history of the names of states and cities they are born in. They have no knowledge that these aren’t the original names. And they have no idea that they are foreigners to the land that they feel entitled to. Meanwhile, they dehumanize and exploit their Mexican neighbors and demand that Mexicans “go back to where they came from” or to “speak American” when they mean to demand “speak English.”

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Mural by Daniel Santollo & Josué Rivas 

“The mural is meant to bring unity between Northern and Southern indigenous people. We are the original people of Cemanahuac/Turtle Island and no border will ever change that.” - Daniel Santollo

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This powerful spoken word poem is a continuation of the healing work created by Latina/Chicana/Brown women. An homage to la raza and our experiences. 

 At The Wall, US/Mexican Border

Con amor,

Beatriz Esparza

[4laraza]

BORDERLANDS • LA FRONTERA The New Mestiza

The following 9 blogs are a collection of reflections and thoughts based on my experience reading Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa’s sacred work, Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza. This is my celebration of Dr. Anzaldúa’s contributions and impact, and my offering to her and mi raza. 

My intention for each blog entry is to

frame her work as art and functional, as sacred, and as medicine,

discussing how her work has impacted my own understandings of history and identity,

reflect and respond to Dr. Gloria Anzaldúa,

honor the legacy of her work by sharing contributions of Chicanas/Latinas/os/x from new generations.

Each blog is structured to include an analysis/summary of her work, a collection of excerpts or quotes that I found particularly meaningful and powerful, and finally, a personal reflection. In almost every entry I have also included my own reflective poems. 

This collection of blogs is almost like a conversation between Gloria and I. In the analysis and summary sections of each blog, I acknowledge her title (Dr.) to celebrate her accomplishments, position her as a Chicana woman of knowledge and power, and reflect the teacher/learner relationship I feel with her, but in the reflective sections, I refer to her as Gloria as a way to reflect the familial relationship I feel with her. 

To honor my own identity, I use both Spanish and English in my blogs. I do not italicize Spanish because it is not secondary to me. I do italicize Spanish when including direct quotes by Dr. Anzaldúa as a way to honor her own methods of expression. 

Below I have included a short film that explores what mestizaje means to different multiethnic peoples. Mestizaje as an identity and consciousness is a major recurring theme throughout the book.

What are you? - Mestizo 

(short film Directed and Edited by Talon Gonzalez)

Con amor,

Beatriz Esparza