4kaykay

[4kaykay]

I need you with me

🐻💔

Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final.

[4kaykay]

I miss you so damn much!

🐻💔

Driving through West Virginia and I've seldom been thinner with that chip on my shoulder and this past year I got so much older

Lookin' back over my life, spent the most of it tongue tied and I wish I'd had more time listening' to you speak your mind.

Drinkin' coffee black as iron and I couldn't be much higher without fallin' out of my chair. I've been so numb for so many years

And it's so easy to be blinded by the light, to feel lonely in the night. This blowing in the breeze babe, I got dust in my eyes and rust in my mind. I'll be home come next spring, won't you say you love me later, by and by

Looking back over my life spent the most of it tongue tied. Pullin' my belt tight, it's just me and the stars tonight, two fingers and a tight line. Keep my head above the alpine, just wish I'd spent more time listenin' to her speak her mind.

Now I'm thinkin' about her everyday, on my mind atypical way. Are you a life force?

[4kaykay]

These are just flames burning in your fireplace. I hear your voice and it seems as if it was all a dream. I wish it was all a dream

I see a world, aworld turning in on itself. Are we just like hungry wolves howling in the night? I don't want no music tonight.

Every time I hear another story, tthe poor boy lost his head. Everybody feels a little crazy, but we go on living with it.

I'll tell you one thing, we ain't gonna change much. The sun still rises even with the pain. I'll tell you one thing, we ain't gonna change love

The sun still rises even through the rain. Can we go on like it once was. Everybody feels a little crazy like it once was.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Hush now, don't you cry, wipe away the teardrop from your eye. You're lying safe in bed, it was all a bad dream spinning in your head. Your mind tricked you to feel the pain of someone close to you leaving the game of life. So here it is, another chance, wide awake you face the day, your dream is over or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide, a doorway that I run through in the night. Relax child, you were there, but only didn't realize and you were scared. It's a place where you will learn to face your fears, retrace the years and ride the whims of your mind, commanding in another world, suddenly you hear and see this magic new dimension.

If you open your mind for me, you won't rely on open eyes to see. The walls you built within come tumbling down, and a new world will begin. Living twice at once you learn, you're safe from pain in the dream domain. A soul set free to fly a round trip journey in your head. Master of illusion can you realize your dream's alive, you can be the guide but

I will be watching over you. I am gonna help to see it through. I will protect you in the night. I am smiling next to you in silent lucidity.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

So many days...

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years and the slow parade of fears without crying, now I want to understand. I have done all that I could to see the evil and the good without hiding. You must help me if you can.

Doctor, my eyes, tell me what is wrong. Was I unwise to leave them open for so long?

'Cause I have wandered through this world and as each moment has unfurled, I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams. People go just where they will. I never noticed them until I got this feeling that it's later than it seems.

Doctor, my eyes, tell me what you see. I hear their cries. Just say if it's too late for me.

Doctor, my eyes, cannot see the sky. Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry?

[4kaykay]

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you. Take me back to the night we met.

[4kaykay]

Merry Christmas baby. I miss you so much..

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

I miss you so much, tonight and every night.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

As your guardian I was instructed well to make sense of God's love in these fires of hell. No, I don't expect you to understand, just to live what little life your broken heart can. Maybe your light is a seed and the darkness the dirt. In spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth from the earth.

As the years move on these questions take shape, are you getting stronger or is time shifting weight? No one expects you to understand, just to live what little life your mended heart can. You'll always remember the moment God took her away, for the weight of the world was placed on your shoulders that day. Maybe your light is the seed and the darkness the dirt. In spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth.

You're much too young now. So I write these words down, "Darkness exists to make light truly count."

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

I posted this on your birthday, but it really needs the complete verse.

Now the day bleeds into nightfall and you're not here to get me through it all. I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

No longer numbering my entries.

We went to Madison’s last night to see the Christmas parade in Collierville. Breaks my heart to see little girls.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day384

I love you so much

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day383

I don't like walking around this old and empty house, so hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear. The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake. It's the house telling you to close your eyes and some days I can't even trust myself. It's killing me to see you this way.

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back. Well tell her that I miss our little talks. Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past. We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love. Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right. Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear.

You're gone away, I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you. Now we're torn apart, there's nothing we can do. Just let me go, we'll meet again soon. Now wait for me, please hang around. I'll see you when I fall asleep.

Don't listen to a word I say. The screams all sound the same. Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.

I miss you.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day382

And if you leave, don't leave me all alone. ‘Cause I'll be scared, I'll be naked, I'll get cold and I miss my dad and Cleopatra sitting on a phone. So take me back off these streets and we'll never be apart, together from the start, never falling back alone.

Living life in the city, it will never be pretty. We can plan if we make it, we won't let 'em. They won't take it from me, no, oh.

And if the sun don't shine on me today, and if the subways flood and bridges break, will you just lay down and dig your grave, or will you rail against your dying day?

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day381

Happy birthday!

I was kind of getting used to being someone you loved.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day380

She says "If I leave before you, darling, don't you waste me in the ground." I lay smiling like our sleeping children. One of us will die inside these arms, eyes wide open, naked as we came. One will spread our ashes round the yard.

🐻💔

[4kaykay]

Day379

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization. It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away. Your love will be safe with me.

🐻💔