3rd-and-pine-blog

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“Truth or dare”  “Truth” “What’s your credit card number”

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the signs with their children

Aries: "ah yes..6 months..the perfect age to start boxing classes"

Taurus: [uses a baby-carrier on their teenager]

Gemini: "listen buddy, i don't care what you did at preschool imma bout to tell you about MY day."

Cancer: rushes their kid to the hospital after a stubbed toe

Leo: is prepared to physically fight their child's bullies

Virgo: [pulls out a calculus textbook] "story time."

Libra: the mom in "stacy's mom"

Scorpio: "a lullaby? alright baby....bitches aint shit and they aint sayin nothin..a hundred mutha fuckas..."

Sagittarius: [newborn vomits on them] "what the...i did not raise you to be like this"

Capricorn: "beautiful baby right? well. not as beautiful as me but..you know, we can't all be so blessed."

Aquarius: [burns their kids hw] "you dont need this..its all up to the system....listen, there's a rebellion coming"

Pisces: [sees their baby sleeping] "what an asshole..why tf cant that be me?"

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world: we’re gonna use the scale where 0° is freezing and 100° is boiling.

america: cool, we’re gonna use the one that doesn’t make sense.

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Always Seek The Truth

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zeus: *looks at woman*

hera: hoe don't do it

zeus: *gets woman pregnant*

hera: oh my god

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me? have a boyfriend? no, i try to focus on the more important things in life

like crying over character development

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me*suddenly is very very sad* me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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This Man Did Something That’s Already Expected Of Women But He Gets Extra Praise Cause He’s A Man

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A prairie dog was too fat to get out of his hole

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list of people i like:

dogs