21ninjashoes-blog

[21ninjashoes-blog]

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

[21ninjashoes-blog]

[21ninjashoes-blog]

Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.

[21ninjashoes-blog]

#snakeassniggas #movearound #gtfoh #movealong #gotnothingtosay

[21ninjashoes-blog]

#ifyoudontknownowyouknow #addmeonsnapchat

[21ninjashoes-blog]

#gone #vanished

[21ninjashoes-blog]

#toolittletoolate

[21ninjashoes-blog]

#neveragain #myheartbelongstome #solorideuntilidie #igotmeforlife

[21ninjashoes-blog]

Idk why this isn't in my closet!

[21ninjashoes-blog]

[21ninjashoes-blog]

me: i don't even care. i'm not going to talk about this anymore.

...

me: and you know what else? [2000 word rant]

[21ninjashoes-blog]

Till you realize everything they say is a complete lie.

[21ninjashoes-blog]

I hope that didn't actually happen...

[21ninjashoes-blog]

You are diabolical! And I love you for it!! We should get together and swap strategies on how to make your ex insane without actually doing anything. Lol

my ex is still logged into twitter on my phone i could be cliche and tweet ‘I’m a DOUCHEEE lol’

no

instead

every few days i will tweet something he would totally say

but he will never remember tweeting it

slowly the slightly out of place tweets will drive him insane

victory

[21ninjashoes-blog]

At least you were only in it for 4 months. I was in it for 2 years with a man i had known for 8 years. After two years, he still wouldn't bring me around his family and I only got to see him on the weekends when he didn't have his daughter. I fell in love with a man who only wanted me there when it was convenient for him and then he ended it with a phone call.... On St Patty's Day while I was driving to his house.... Count your blessings it was only 4 months, my dear. Don't let a man control your feelings. Show him that he was nothing to you and that you never needed him!

taylorswift I hope you see this but we’ve been together for 4 months, he just texted me and told me he was done with me. Gave me no reason and kept trying to get me to do irrational things to get him back. Now he’s calling me names and I just feel crumbled. I don’t know what to do

[21ninjashoes-blog]

Some people are too stupid to be helped. But my god, that was hilarious!

i like when you’re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it’s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “yeah, it’s grade A alright…the real deal.” 

[21ninjashoes-blog]

All the damn time!!

when the bitch you hate tries to talk to you