2021lifeandwritings

[2021lifeandwritings]

A library is infinity under a roof

[2021lifeandwritings]

No lie no lie I can’t deny that in my head I furiously ask why.

[2021lifeandwritings]

Strike while the irons hot

[2021lifeandwritings]

In this life, I am learning to be more honest. I'm working on being more vocal about my needs, desires, and learning to accept that my feelings are valid and if someone wants to stay they should be empathetic listeners.

I am learning to let go. Let go of things that are over. And this is a lesson I sometimes learn over and over again. I am learning to heal from simply being more bold and taking actions in my life. I am learning to be an initiator and go against social standards for certain things. I am willing to take a chance. To test fate. If it is meant to be it will find a way. As much as I believe in this, I think taking action and taking chances play a huge part. Time, investment, love, and nurturing relationships that have potential or seem worth it can have a beautiful outcome.

Having a best friend who listens to you like a therapist and knows your heart desires and takes you out and gives you exactly what you've been saying you wanted to do and receiving her love is a step to receiving. Please, receive.

You will learn to love and heal yourself, to grow your heart, and you will fill up your happiness and love tank so you have love to pour out onto others.

What goes around does come around. Some seasons you might find yourself being the giver. Sometimes you are the taker, and be okay with that. Take it and receive the love fully.

True love (friendship, or familial, or could be romantic but not limited to that) doesn't expect things in return. It's an act. An act of the heart.

Another thing is that I value loyalty. It's one of the reasons why I am where I am and I'm no longer seeking the shinier things. I stay at my job where I know I have a great boss despite knowing there are other opportunities out there. I am content with where I'm at and there are times I hear other voices, but right now, I am in a good enough place and that is okay. My family is proud of me, and I can provide for myself and others too.

[2021lifeandwritings]

hello typing typing typing. hello there. don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head. don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head. i miss you i miss you.

[2021lifeandwritings]

the thing is i've got a lot of feelings, i can't contain them. they are ever growing, so strong, a current that is uncontainable, that throws me off course. a longing that is so strong. insatiableness over the years of an entire life, where a longing is so unfulfilled, every when everything else is so perfect. bipolar thoughts. one day i'm happy. one day i'm growing in sadness. the heart wants what it wants. the feelings are fickle. numbness and excitement the next. a whirlwind of emotions that flicker on and off. even the usual happy things don't bring the same euphoria anymore. this is the human condition in these times. when you feel like there's nothing truly stimulating you anymore. you can do a good job at work. you can have a good family life. but without romance, it feels empty. without love, attraction, and goals shared with someone you care about, there's a void.

[2021lifeandwritings]

glass skin and glass slippers.

oversized sweaters and oversized sandals.

[2021lifeandwritings]

i'm happy karen is back at work and i feel like i have a teammate. i have so much on my plate and sometimes all i need are just nice words or to know that someone's got my back. just that feeling is enough for me to carry through. so i just feel so grateful.

[2021lifeandwritings]

on a search for unconditional love like audrey hepburn

[2021lifeandwritings]

gift ideas: slip silk cover for pillow & hair things.

[2021lifeandwritings]

had a nice breakfast, whipped coffee, buttered egg toast, shrimp and pork pastry fresh from conventional oven.

[2021lifeandwritings]

this sheet is bananas

banana spread

[2021lifeandwritings]

Now you’re here and you don’t know why

[2021lifeandwritings]

Bucket list

-hair done?

-nails done? Girls trip?

-hangout at pretty place with girlies and take pics

Upckming:

Vacation soon

[2021lifeandwritings]

It has been a while since I last wrote. So I am writing about writing. Letting the thoughts flow out. It is March and a bit cold as we’re still letting spring make it’s way and break through the winter chill. I have a need to be alone lately as it is a bit discouraging not finding someone to truly connect with that causes feelings of even more isolation than simply being alone to begin with. I’m learning to balance and to break through those discouraged feelings too. It’s similar to how I approach stocks. I’m afraid to take action so I don’t. I’m afraid of the cost of my energy so I reserve and reserve it to the point of inaction. Sometimes, I get recharged from the time apart from doing much, but I know I need to take little actions in some way. One way is this. Writing here, about writing, and about the processes going on inside my head and the feelings which are valid but can be challenged.

[2021lifeandwritings]

one of the best feelings are tears of joy have you experienced them before? they are unreal, and transformative

they take years of pain and turn them to unfathomable joy as if all your toils and hearts desires are coming to fruition

little by little day after day the joy grows and pleasant moments increases the little joys you collect until there is so much  it overflows

[2021lifeandwritings]

Story:

Life in color through an acid trip nightmare. Sensory overload.

The trip signals you must leave your partner.