13milestruggle

[13milestruggle]

There’s just a little over a month before my half marathon in April, so even if Mother Nature thinks it’s still January with all these snowstorms and nor’easters I gotta get these miles in. 😣 The only suggestion I have for getting through a long run on a treadmill is to have a really good playlist ready with the best pump up/hype music imaginable. I just pretended I was running at a race or around my favorite running loops outside, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It wasn’t the best, but it’s over and I get to sleep tonight knowing I ran seven strong miles in. 💪🏻 Basically, when you’re in a jam, treadmill miles are better than no miles.

[13milestruggle]

Alexi Pappas, one of my favorite professional runners, retweeted me over the weekend. I know this is a really small, stupid thing to get excited about, but I can't sit here and pretend it didn’t put a huge, goofy smile on my face.

I’m holding onto this feeling going into a new running week. I have to remember why I started running half marathons in the first place. Sure, it’s to challenge myself and stay in shape, but it’s also because I love to run. 

The drive to reach my goals helps me stay on top of my training, but it’s my love of running that always gets me across the finish line.

[13milestruggle]

When six miles turns to four

I felt fine after the first mile. Not great, but I still felt like I could get through five more.

But then I ran another half mile, and suddenly I felt like garbage. My legs felt heavy, my body felt slow and sluggish, and I was sweating as if I was on my 23rd mile on a hot summer day.

Everything annoyed me. With snow and ice on the ground, I was forced to do my long run on the treadmill again. I hated everyone around me, I hated being in the same spot, I wanted to break the gym TV that played the same four music videos over and over and over.

My stomach was doing flips. My toes started to go a little numb. By the end of mile two, I knew I wasn’t going to make it.

I tried. I got to three, pushed myself to three and tried to talk myself into running three more. I told myself it’s just because I ate like garbage this week (being snowed in gave me an excuse to eat all the snacks in my house, a mistake I won’t be making again this half marathon training season) and tried to push through. But as soon as I got to four miles, my mind beat my body and I stopped.

Last week I ran six miles, and I felt strong and confident the entire time. Today, I failed big time.

I can’t really overstate how shitty I feel about myself right now. I knew I’d feel like this when I stopped, but I stopped anyway. I let myself down.

I know we all have bad days and bad runs. I know I can physically run six miles, and I know next week I’ll be able to run four miles feeling strong.

I know one day I’ll set out run four miles and I’ll end up running six.

I hope when that happens, I think of this day. This cold, awful winter day. I hope I remember how I felt and how I channeled this terrible feeling into my training. I hope I remember how I spent the next two weeks eating healthy, stretching, and cross training to set myself up for better runs on brighter days.

This run sucked, and there is nothing I can do to change that. But I can change how I eat, how I take care of my body, and my mindset from this point forward.

It won’t immediately get rid of this awful feeling, but it will hopefully prevent it from coming back in the future.

[13milestruggle]

How a nor’easter helped me silence my doubt

I had it all planned out.

I’d run six miles on Friday after work to free up my Saturday morning to run errands and see friends. The perfect balance.

But mother nature had other ideas. 

On Thursday, I realized a nor’easter was going to hit Jersey on Friday, and I had no idea how bad it’d be. Obviously I couldn’t run outside, but I wasn’t sure if the power in my neighborhood -- or my gym -- would be knocked out.

I knew I wouldn’t have time to run on Saturday without canceling my plans, something I really didn’t want to do. I also knew I couldn’t skip this run. After the flu kept me in bed for over a week, I’m a bit behind where I wanted to be at this pointing in my half marathon training. This was supposed to be the week I got back into the swing of things. As I sat there weighing my options, I knew I only had one. I had to run that evening after work.

Bumping up a six-mile run just one day probably doesn’t sound like much to most runners. Hopefully, in a month or so it wouldn’t be a big deal anymore for me either. But this was the first time in two years where I could move around my longest run of the week without fear of failing.

When I ran my first half marathon in 2015, I was only working part-time. I had the flexibility in my schedule to go for long runs any day of the week. I didn’t realize how crucial that flexibility was until I began training for my second half marathon a year later.

I was working full-time by then, and I religiously stuck to a long run training schedule. But life gets in the way. I’d get sick on a weekend, and I’d miss a long run. I’d plan a weekend getaway with friends and just tell myself I’d run Sunday night -- something I knew deep down I wouldn’t do -- instead of running before I left.

Suddenly, the half marathon was two months away and my longest run was still somehow only five miles. I began to panic. The more I panicked, the harder my long runs began. I would try to run eight, but I’d only get to two miles before a voice in my head told me I wasn’t ready. I let that little voice get the best of me, and I’d stop running and walk home defeated.

This year, I’m not letting that little voice win. When I learned about the nor’easter, my gut reaction was to run Sunday. I told myself I wasn’t ready to run six miles yet, not after having the flu and not running for so long, and I’d need another day of stretching to get ready.

But that wasn’t true. That was just that little voice in my head telling me lies. 

I made the decision to go to the gym Thursday and prove that voice wrong. Six miles on a treadmill isn’t ever enjoyable, especially after work when it’s crowded. But I knew I had to do it. If I wanted to have a successful spring half marathon, I needed to silence that doubt and I needed to do it then.

It wasn’t pretty. I ran through some kinks and aches, and I ran a bit slower than I would have if I was running outside. But I finished with my head held high, feeling strong and powerful. 

For the first time in almost two years, I felt like a true distance runner again. I felt like ready to conquer the rest of my training schedule. Most important, I felt unstoppable. 

I’m sure the voice will come back, it’s always there trying to get me to stop or slow down or give up. But this year, I’m ready to fight it back down. This year, I know I’m stronger than my doubts.

[13milestruggle]

Bidding a good riddance to February

I hate the cold, and I dislike running in the dark. I *detest* running in the cold when it’s dark. So if I want to run in the winter, I’m trapped inside on the treadmill.

It’s not so bad in January. I’m motivated and ready to tackle my new running goals.

But in February, going to the gym after work feels like a slow, evil kind of torture. After over a month of running in the same spot, surrounded by basically the same people, 3-4 days every week, I start to feel a little crazy.

I spend my treadmill runs day dreaming about long runs on sunny spring evenings. I try to imagine I’m running around my neighborhood, strong and confident, instead of in the same spot, slow and sweaty.

I love running, but I had to force myself to get to the gym more times this month than I’d like to admit. The *only* thing keeping me motivated is the thought of strong spring runs.

I know I can’t just wake up in April and run 8 miles. It takes work — a lot of work — to build up an endurance. Sadly, that works needs to be done now, in the cold, dreary, dark days of February.

Ironically, on the last day of the month, it was warm enough to run outside after work. There was just enough daylight left, and I was out there chasing the sun until it set, loving every second of it.

It’s going to snow later in the week. Spring is still far, far away. But tonight was a reminder of why I need to stick with those awful treadmill runs.

It’s going to suck, but it’s definitely going to be worth it.

[13milestruggle]

struggles of a rainy Sunday

I did not want to go to the gym today. I spent my entire weekend fighting off a migraine and doing homework. It’s cold and rainy, so running outside wasn’t an option. I knew if I wanted to get any cardio done, I’d have to go to the gym.

I forced myself to go, compromising with myself. 50 minutes on the elliptical instead of a 3-mile run. I just couldn’t stomach the idea of running inside on the treadmills today. It just seemed like a slog, the type of slow torture that seems like death after doing nothing but homework all weekend.

I went to the gym, put in my 50 minutes of cross training to set myself up for the week, and now I’m stretching and foam rolling my legs back home. I don’t feel as good as I would have felt if I had an amazing long run or even a short run outside, but I feel accomplished. I feel much better than I would if I skipped the gym and cardio all together. 

As much as I didn’t want to, I spent my Sunday setting myself up for a productive, healthy week. I’m meal prepping lunches in a crock pot, I’m stretching my sore legs after a crossing training session, I’m finishing up the rest of my homework tonight. 

It’s not the most fun, but later in the week when I have more free time and more energy and stamina to make it through a longer run, I’ll be very, very grateful. 

[13milestruggle]

My first run post-flu was outside in my favorite weather. It was a short run to get back into the swing of things, but I am THRIVING right now.

[13milestruggle]

Why it’s important to give yourself time to fail

This April, I'm going to run my third half marathon. Two years ago, I ran my first race — the NJ Half — and this year I'm returning to the shore to run it again. 

I still have a lot to learn about distance running. I haven't always been consistent, I never run as far when I'm not training for a race, I skip runs, and struggle through other runs. Basically, I still have a long way to go before I hit my running goals. But I'm okay with that. I'm excited to work to reach some of those goals this year, I'm looking forward to pushing myself a bit harder than I have in the past. (I’m also excited to actually blog about it this time around, something I’ve been slacking with lately.)

I may still have a lot to learn, but I did pick up some nuggets of running knowledge over these past two years that have been invaluable. The biggest lesson I learned was the importance of giving yourself time to fail. 

Every single running article I read before I started training for my first race stressed the importance of building a base and slowly increasing your mileage week-by-week. Despite literally everyone telling me this, I still panicked about being behind my training schedule and tried to do too much too fast.

I’d be sick and miss a long run and try to do twice as much work the next week. Even when I avoided an injury, I’d get burnt out mentally and physically halfway through my next long run. I’d set out to do eight miles, and I’d have to stop after just two.

I’d get defeated and then panic about being even more behind. Before I knew it, I was trapped in a cycle of defeat because I tried to rush back too soon. Instead of just being a week behind, I was suddenly a month behind where I wanted to be.

This year, I’m switching up my mentality. I’ve done this two times before; I know I can do it again. I know I can miss a week here and there and bounce back.

I recently got hit with a bad case of the flu, which caused me to miss over a week of running. I was able to get on the elliptical one day, but my fever held me back from doing anything else.

It’s still early in my training, and I was supposed to run a six-mile long run last week and a seven-mile long run this week. If this happened last year, I’d be panicking. I would push myself to run a seven-mile long run despite not running in over a week and not having enough of a base built up to push my body that far. I probably wouldn’t be able to run the seven miles, stop halfway through, and spend the rest of the day feeling awful.

This year, I’m changing my mentality. I’m going to just do five miles for my long run this week — my longest long run to date, seriously, it’s still really early in my training — and feel it out from there. I know my body can handle five, I’ve been running that distance for weeks now. If I feel like I can run for longer, I’ll go for it! If not, there’s no shame in stopping. I have plenty of weeks ahead of me to build up my distance.

I designed my training schedule this year so I have time to have a few bad long runs or skipped sessions. Sometimes you get sick and have to rest. Sometimes you just have a bad day and need to reset. Giving yourself time to fail now gives you more time in the future to come back stronger.

There is power in pushing your body past its limits, but there is just as much power as knowing how much your body can handle. The more you run, the more you’ll be able to understand what your body needs, and when to push vs when to lay off. I’m smart enough now to know that going from not running for a week to running seven miles is not ideal for this stage of my training. I’m also wise enough to know that despite missing this time, I’ll still be able to cross that finish line in April.

[13milestruggle]

I'm trying to mix up my breakfasts, so I took my favorite oatmeal (it has lots of fiber and protein without all that sugar) and added almonds, a diced apple, and some cinnamon. I liked the addition of an apple in my oatmeal a lot better than when I've tried to add Strawberries. (I think the berries are way too sweet for my taste buds that early in the morning.) When I eat just the oatmeal, I'm usually hungry in about two hours. With this meal today, I wasn't hungry until right before lunch! I'll definitely have this again, hopefully I can add some bananas to other fruits to help me stay fuller longer. I strongly recommend this one.

[13milestruggle]

A cool, low humid run in the middle of the summer? Monday's aren't so bad after all.

[13milestruggle]

Belmar 5

I never had more fun running a race than I did during the Belmar 5 earlier this month.

As a distance runner, I’m not a huge fan of the 5K. While I love running a race to raise money for charity — I usually only run a 5K if it’s for a charity, to be honest — I have a hard time committing to waking up early on a Sunday and driving a few towns over just to run three miles.

Given my lukewarm attitude toward the 5K, I was skeptical about how much fun I’d have during the Belmar 5. Even though five miles is a pretty solid distance, I still wasn’t excited about waking up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday. But my friend who just recently started running wanted to do it, and she wanted me to run with her for support. I was in.

The race started at 8:30, and despite the course winding along the ocean and two coastal lakes, the heat was still unbearable. This race is apparently famous for it's cruel temperatures, and this year’s high of 87 degrees lived up to that hype.

The horrid heat aside, this felt more like a block party than a race.

All along the course, people were on their decks blasting music — Bruce Springsteen and the Rocky theme were my two personal favorites. A few people set up drums, guitars, and amps on their front lawns to play live music for the runners. About every mile or so, at least one house had their hose set up to spray runners with cold water as they ran by. Those people were the true superheroes of this race.

The atmosphere was incredible, it helped to take your mind off the fact that the heat was trying so suffocate you. It was also set to the backdrop of my absolute favorite place in the world, the Jersey shore. The lakes were beautiful and I don’t think anything can beat a run with an ocean view.

At the end of the race, we got our medals (which were surprisingly cute!) and cooled off in a giant sprinkler set up by the town. We grabbed our snacks, and I was able to cool down on the beach. Being able to eat my post-race snacks as I lounged out by the ocean was probably my favorite thing about this race.

I have a feeling this race is going to become a new yearly tradition. The timing is perfect to kickstart my fall half marathon training, and I get to relax on a beach all day afterward. I already can’t wait to do it again next year.

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I was down the shore for all of Fourth of July weekend, but I was still able to get in a morning run. Nothing beats this view.

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This run wasn't exactly easy, but it was a lot better than the last 5K I ran earlier this week. I also did a Pilates core workout before my run instead of after so I could (kind of, not really tho) beat the heat and not run right after work. I'm not sure if it helped, hurt, or didn't make much of a different but it was fun to mix up the workout routine.

[13milestruggle]

A solid three-mile run to start the week. Even with my strange injury of right foot numbness acting up a bit, I was still able to finish strong 💪🏻

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Spending this beautiful 70 degree lunch break getting motivated for my own "official" start of the fall half marathon training season! After a few weeks of eating like crap on weekends and skipping too many runs, I'm excited to get back out there and see if I can get that PR this fall.

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I'm covered in sweat, but I ran outside for the first time in over a week and I couldn't be happier. After taking a week and a half off from consistent running post-half marathon, I'm ready and motivated to get back to it 🏃🏼‍♀️💪🏻

[13milestruggle]

Last summer I was able to run up to 5ish miles at a 9:30 pace. It finally felt like I was getting my speed back along with my distance... and then I got injured again. Today, for the first time in a long time, I hit a 10-minute mile. Negative splits worked, and while the last .10 of the run I kind of felt like I was going to die, I am so happy I was able to push myself. Here's to the first speed workout of the summer season! I can't wait for the day when I can run that fast without even realizing I'm doing it.