111-frog - Tumblr blog

[111-frog]

🌼🌸☘️🌻🌹🌷🥀🌺💐🌼🌸☘️🌻🌹🌷🥀🌺💐

Maladaptive daydreaming in bed on a rainy day:

Oh, to be Ophelia in a cold spring brook.

Wildflowers floating on the surface, drowning, surrounding;

Soul in the sky:

Free

Timeless

Peaceful

At rest.

- N. G.

Paintings:

Ophelia by Alexandre Cabanel

Ophelia by Sir John Everett Millais

[111-frog]

05/15/2023

The weekend was productive. Was better. I was better.

The laundry was washed. The dishes clean. Well, some of them, at least.

Today I woke up sick.

I don't know if it's in my head. No medicine seems to help.

I want help. Help me.

I crave death.

I wish my mother was here - I miss her. I hurt her. I can't die before her.

I don't know if I'm faking it. Is it for attention. I don't know. Don't ask me. I don't know.

I thought I was thriving. Better. Growing. Older.

Yet I still doubt: If it's real.

I am 13 again.

Depressed and sad and I think I'm faking it. I must be faking it.

I have no reason to be sad. I am not sad. I am empty. Exhausted.

I can't be depressed. I want to die. I'm faking it.

I'm sick.

If I killed myself right now, would my boss find out? Or would he think I called in sick just to disappear?

Irresponsible. Fired.

I said I'd text him tomorrow.

I don't want to be alive tomorrow.

But I have to. I have to. I don't want to.

I still fear their disappointment.

I crave death.

- N. G.