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This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. If I were a professor I would pin this to my office door.

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I LOVE BED

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I LOVE BED

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I LOVE BED

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and once they got halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog. as he died the frog said "why did you do that, now we'll both die?" the scorpion replied "my behavior is the result of complex set of social and environmental factors, not innate biological characteristics."

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One quiet day on the farm, the Little Red Hen found some wheat seeds and decided to make bread.

"Who will help me plant these seeds?" the Little Red Hen asked.

"I would." said the Horse "But I'm a workhorse, and I'm too busy moving carts around."

And so the Little Red Hen planted the seeds by herself. And they grew into bountiful golden crops.

"Who will help me harvest the wheat?" the Little Red Hen asked.

"I would." said the Dog "But I'm a guarddog, and I'm too busy keeping away burglars and predators."

And so the Little Red Hen harvested the wheat herself and made it into flour.

"Who will help me bake the flour?" the Little Red Hen asked.

"I would." said the Pig "But I'm a mother of 5 newborn piglets, and I'm too busy taking care of my young."

And so the Little Red Hen baked the bread herself into twenty beautiful loaves.

"Who will help me eat the bread?" the Little Red Hen asked.

"We would." said the Farm Animals. "But we're ashamed, for we didn't do anything to make the bread."

"Nonsense!" said the Little Red Hen. "You, Horse, helped move around the stones that built my oven. You, Dog, kept me safe while I worked. And you, Pig, are raising a new generation of Farm Animals, who will too contribute to our Farm one day. You've all helped me so much by simply being you."

"Besides," the Little Red Hen added. "I couldn't possibly eat all the loaves on my own, most of them would go to waste. Come, eat with me."

And so the Little Red Hen and the Farm Animals ate the bread together. And all saw their own, and each other's, worth.

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how can you feel safe in a world with prisons holy shit "there are boxes where people lock you so they can forget about you and millions of people are involved in running and building these boxes." how would you not be fucking paranoid???? wtf who came up with that idea. insane!!!!! i dont want to go in a fuckign cage wtf????? dont do that!!!!!

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It’s weird getting older and becoming my Father. However it’s lovely talking to him now that I have the life experience to understand him.

He’s truly a brilliant man :)

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Centipede economic sayings

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maybe if that united healthcare shooter knocks out 33 more CEOs he'll be up to 34 felonies and he can run for president...

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A bus may have only a couple of passengers, especially at the beginning or end of its route. But let's also take fuel efficiency into account.

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read somewhere that the big diff this time around is that the united healthcare CEO shooter, whether thats mangione or not, is a disaffected young man with a gun who correctly identified the guy making him miserable, instead of taking his misery out on the more vulnerable people around him. like we get a lot of shooters in the states, this iota of clarity really is something new.

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Remember earlier this year when Boeing very clearly had a whistleblower executed? And law enforcement didn't even look for anyone or release any info about it or anything?

People keep comparing Luigi Mangione's case to the subway murderer who got off because of systemic eugenics, but I think there's something more apt about the fact that a CEO had someone executed in recent memory, with zero attempts to find a culprit, while they spared no expense at all to find (and probably frame, it's beginning to look like) someone who shot a CEO. It's always fine to slaughter if you're rich, but if you kill the rich, they will hunt you down.

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I just got my first ever iPhone and my god it is terrible, how did they get so popular this thing is a nightmare

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sometimes you just want to look at the qing dynasty jadeite cabbage again