#idk why i really like the heart of gold blood of honey line

[ghost-proofbaby]

too sweet (astarion ancunin x reader)

"you know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain. pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. [...] you're too sweet for me."

summary: astarion realizes you're too sweet for him, and he probably shouldn't let this go further than necessary. but, oh, he's going to. isn't he? (based on this request and the song 'too sweet' by hozier <3)

pairing: astarion ancunin x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for games regarding camp dialogue with astarion, discussion of astarion's past trauma, talks of self-loathing/disgust with sex, vague mentions & allusions to sex having been had, manipulation at it's finest! minors dni.

wc: 2k+

a/n: i just wanted to get inside this man's mind when he drops that fucking line the second time he tries to sleep with us/tav. why does his face fall like that? why?

divider by @firefly-graphics <3

As Astarion observes the rise and fall of your chest in the soft morning light, he can only think one thing: shit. He fucked up. 

And he had spent most of the early hours trying to retrace his steps, trying to decipher exactly where his monumental mistake had begun, but it seemed useless. 

It could have been somewhere between the first and third bottle of wine shared with you last night during festivities, where he’d sweet-talked you to the high Hells until you’d agreed to return to his bedroll in the dead of night. Where he’d made the joke that wasn’t all that funny – the joke that he loved you. Three pretty words tried out on his tongue, and they hadn’t been nearly as light-hearted as he’d wanted them to be. More of an experiment, a quick sip to see if he liked the taste. And he had fucked up, because he did like the taste. He liked the sweetness that stuck to every corner of his mouth as he delivered the sugar-coated lie to you, his entire face falling as a new weight appeared in his chest. 

But perhaps it had been the first night he tasted you – well, your blood, that is. The night he’d awoken from a nightmare of Cazador and in his vulnerability, had chosen you as his victim of yet another experiment. A test to see if he was truly free. One drop of a thinking creature’s blood, that was all he needed. But you’d given more than he’d bargained for, and your cloy ichor had coated his taste buds so addictively, and he had just known that night was only the beginning. It was the first time, but certainly not the last. 

He thinks he could drink in whatever you offered him, and only that, for the rest of his days while still finding some sickly, twisted version of reprieve regardless. Not a drop more than he needed, always vying for more. 

He’d be okay with that type of hunger, that type of yearning, and that might have been his first real mistake. 

Or maybe, just possibly, it had been that very first meeting. Maybe he had doomed himself from the moment he’d pressed a blade to your neck, when he had dragged you to the ground with him and felt all that warmth, all that fear, radiating off of you. So frightful, and you still had offered your help to him when it was all said and done. Perhaps that was when he had well and truly screwed himself over. One simple introduction, void of his usual wine and flowers, and he’d locked himself in for pure trouble. 

Not even the fun kind, at that. What a shame. 

At the end of the day, or rather the beginning of the day as it is now, it doesn’t matter where his threads had started to unravel. All that matters is that they were – every carefully thought out line of his plans had all frayed, all detangled from the bigger picture, all because of you. 

Heart of gold, blood of honey. You were far too sweet for him, and he knew it. 

“Having fun, are you?” 

“I am, it’s hard not to with you.”

You’d taken each of his tactics in stride, hadn’t you? Whereas his face had nearly crumbled beneath the weight of that beautiful lie, insides twisting uncomfortable as the humor had slipped through his fingers, your eyes had only glittered as you bit back a smirk. To so lightly tease him, to banter right back with him, instead of see the truth behind it all. He didn’t know if you were simply that naive or if you were another kindred soul – Perhaps you were finding just as much safety, just as much sanctuary, in whatever dance he’d dragged you into. An entanglement of lies, a blithe facade, a daring smile that whispers come now, play with me. 

And play with him, you had. 

You’d played with him, you’d drank with him, and you’d now slept with him. Twice. 

“You’re up early,” your voice murmurs, silken tone cutting through all his racing thoughts. 

He hadn’t even noticed you had stirred, rousing yourself out from underneath his stolen blankets to peer at him curiously as he perched on the edge of the bedroll. As far from you, and as far from your sweetness, as possible. 

“Oh, you know what they say, my dear,” he chirps, rolling his shoulders as the act wraps him back up. The charismatic charmer. The illusive rogue, trained impeccably to coax you in and secure his safety, “No rest for the wicked.” 

He’d awoken before you last time, too. Had watched the sun rise and enjoyed the warmth of it plastering across his skin long before you’d ever woken up. He half-hopes you’ll be less talkative this time; he half-hopes you’ll try to rope him into whatever discussion you can, if only for a few extra seconds of your attention. 

You were too sweet. Too sugary on his tongue, too soothing in his chest. He shouldn’t entertain you – he shouldn’t let this go further than necessary. 

You hum thoughtfully, the blanket slipping and exposing more of your chest. With the light flickering in from his tent’s entrance, he can easily spot those two scarring dots along your jugular where his fangs fit perfectly, “I don’t know if I’d describe you as wicked, lover.” 

“No?” Roped into discussion, it is. “How would you describe me then?” 

He’s not comfortable in this lighting. He feels feverish beneath your steady stare, the way your eyes take their time as you look over every inch of him. The languid observation has him convinced you’re seeing right through him – your glance can pierce right through all his armor and expose every flaw. You see him for the monster he is, you see him for the bitter soul he’s become, you see him as the unworthy spawn he believes himself to be. 

He almost swears that you even see right through his nice, simple plan at hand, not so easily fooled as he had believed you to be. 

“Charming, certainly,” you suddenly sigh, sitting up and keeping your body mostly covered still with that knitted blanket. He’d only snagged it because the shade of the wool nearly matched your eyes – not that he was paying attention to your eyes, of course, “But then again, you’d have to be to have bedded me twice now, wouldn’t you?” 

“We can always make it thrice,” he banters back, ignoring the bile that builds at the insinuation. But if that’s what it takes – laying on his back over and over again – to guarantee your protection, he’ll do it. He’d do it a thousand times over to keep himself as far away from Cazador’s chokehold as possible, “Does that entice you, love?”

When he turns his body fully, beginning a carefully and calculated crawl up the bed roll, ready to slot his body back between your thighs and encourage you to have his way with him, you stop him. The heel of your foot delicately presses against his chest, your head tilted curiously before you shake it. 

“Who’s the eager pup now, Astarion?” 

He likes the way his name drips off your tongue. Almost as if he might be made of the same sugar and spice as you, the same pure honey flowing through your veins also inhabiting his. You say it like a song, articulate it like the sweetest fruit. 

He shouldn’t like it. It shouldn’t be able to overpower his lingering disgust with himself so easily. 

“It’s hard not to be eager when it comes to you,” he says the line with good practice, beckoning a purr to his tone that had always won over the victims he’d entrap in dark taverns back in the city, “I said the Gods had made you just to ruin me, and I meant it.”

He’d meant it more than he’d realized. It wasn’t just your body that had been sculpted to draw him in – it was everything. Your entire aura, your entire glacé demeanor. All that innocence and all that geniality enticed him more than he could ever admit. You were certainly going to ruin him, so wholly and so entirely. You’d already started to, really. 

You don’t respond at first, and he swears he has you. You’re locked in on his distraction, caught up in his web, just as he needs you to be. One lithe hand lifts to your ankle, cool fingers wrapping around your warm skin as he begins to lower his lips, ready to pepper kisses up your leg. Prepared to offer you his mouth, his body, in return for the one thing he needs. Self-loathing be damned. 

Old habits die hard, right along with pride, and he’s not quite ready to bury either at your grave yet. 

But just as he presses the first chaste kiss to your skin, nearly taken back by how your sweetness still breaks through the salty surface, you’re pulling the limb away from him. Your knee draws back and a disarming smile has risen on your cheeks, eyes glittering at him just as they had the night before. 

“I suppose I’ll have to come find you when everyone is asleep, then.” 

“I’ll be waiting.” 

What exactly had he been waiting for? You, of course. But had he been waiting for you to find him solely for what had transpired? To explore your portfolios of talents once more, as he had put it? Or had it been for something more… precarious? 

Was he nothing more than a prey, waiting for you to be his demise? 

Had he actually been waiting for this? 

The challenging look in your eyes as they reflected back stars, the warmth of your skin so close to him he nearly melts into you. The upturn of the corners of your mouth, outlining the way you certainly know something that he doesn’t. A look you wear well, a look that shakes his foundations and rattles his bones. 

“As tempting as you are, I’ll have to decline. Duty calls, as they say.” 

Can you see right through him? 

He should be more deflated when you start going through the motions; he should be pouting or overthinking it all as he watches you gather your clothes once more, covering up the few bite marks of his that litter your skin. Every moment you prepare to leave his tent should be one spent overthinking where he’d gone wrong – why didn’t you want him? Was his plan even going to work? 

Were you truly too sweet for him? Would he have been better off trying to romance the likes of Gale for the safety just shy of his grasp now?

He doesn’t, though. For once, his mind is quiet as he watches you patter about. The bile retreats, the disgust fades. For the first time in a very long time, Astarion is leaving this interaction not feeling used. 

Maybe it’s in the way you cheekily snatch one of his shirts as you both pretend he doesn’t notice it, or maybe it’s in the gentle caress of your fingers through his hair as you pass him to pick back up your discarded weapon. Maybe it’s in every shy glance you offer him, or maybe it’s in your ever present grin. 

Watching you leave should worry him, but it only feels like a breath of fresh air. A wind that comes sweeping in with the promise of next time just as you pull back the flap to his tent. 

And he hadn’t realized he’d been waiting patiently for you to turn back to him until you do just this, offering him one final glance that sets him aflame, “Oh, and before I forget – you can feed on me tonight, if you need to.” 

Heart of gold, blood of honey. He couldn’t say no even if he wanted to.

“Then I’ll see your delicious self tonight,” he takes a pause, one big and unnecessary breath filling his chest alongside that warmth you bring to him. The fearless leader, the kindest soul. His most apt nickname for you yet falls off his lips in a content sigh, “My sweet.”

He shouldn’t entertain you – he shouldn’t let this go further than necessary. 

But he’s going to. Gods, he is going to. 

After all, the sweetest fruits always fall from the most forbidden branches, do they not?

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[goldafterglow]

The scent (cologne, body wash, sweat, etc...) for each of the above listed man's, and why you think so. 💋

A/N: This is such an interesting prompt. Thanks for the thought generator anon💕 Also I just don’t even know what weird group of boys this is, I just know that I love them :)

Also some of these are literally just from my synesthesia like I can just smell these boys’ pictures; it’s ✨mental illness love✨

Send me headcanons!

Word Count: 862 bc ig I just don’t know how headcanons are supposed to work

Warnings: bad explanations lol, mentions of death

Carrillo:

so a bitch named @glowingpena​ made me realize that apparently Carrillo does smoke even though in my memory of the show he literally never touches a cigarette but whatever, I guess he smells pretty strongly of tobacco

Carrillo smells like a Dove soap bar. Not even men’s Dove, just like a normal ass bar of Dove soap because he doesn’t need men’s soap for everyone to know he is a man of authority. Idk what they had in the 80s, but this man uses a body wash to wash off his sins - even better if you do it for him because our beautiful baby needs a reminder that touch doesn’t always mean pain - and he smells strongly of it because he uses a lot of it. So he smells like that mild cinnamon-honey scent. I feel like Carrillo doesn’t really strike me as a cologne man because there’s a good chance he’s going to be getting sweaty that day anyway, but he does clean up.

Gustavo:

smoke and tobacco we been known

Gustavo just smells expensive. He’s got a lot of money to blow, and in the same way that it is very unlikely his wrist isn’t looking icey, his shelves are lined with luxury men’s cologne. If you were to bury your face in his neck and take in a lungful, you’d get Armani and cash. Also that bitter smell of gold from his chain if you’re close enough to him.

I don’t actually know how to place the scent of wealth. Men’s cologne scents are always weird, they’ll be like ✨night sky✨  or like ✨gravity✨  or some whack ass shit.

If we want a little of my bullshitTM: he smells like bad decisions and the rocks off the side of a river where he’ll leave you and your broken heart for one reason or another (probably bc he d*es but anyways)

Javier:

smoke again, I don’t make the rules I just enforce them

He smells like cheap cologne for sure. He puts a little bit on his collar, neck, and the insides of his wrists. And maybe he does the spritz and sashay

He picks his cologne carefully though. He smells like cloves and cardamon, a scent so spicy it stings your tear ducts but it’s good. Javier cares about how he presents, he just doesn’t really care about how much he paid for it.

He also smells faintly minty, like he was chewing gum a couple of hours ago, but never a couple of minutes ago. He strikes me as the kind of person that spends a solid 5-6 minutes brushing his teeth and staring at himself in the mirror.

And he definitely smells like super shitty instant coffee. It’s all they have at the embassy, and he’d probably lose his job if he didn’t overdose on caffeine some days.

Frankie:

this baby definitely smells not like laundry detergent but like dryer sheets. He just kind of smells clean. Especially if we’re talking post Colombia. He likes keeping it a little domestic after everything he’s been through, and for him doing the laundry makes him feel human.

He smells like sugar, like barbecue sauce. I just think that’s his natural scent. Like the sweetness of the icing on a cinnamon roll and peach cobbler on a summer day.

He smells like the leather of his pilot’s seat and a little bit metallic from leaning on the outside of his helicopter (since we’ve all decided that this muffin man gives copter tours for a living)

AND HE SMELLS LIKE DOG. He definitely strikes me as a dog man, and he always has a treat or two on the inside of his jacket pocket because he just can’t say no to his buddy, so that dog treat smell comes off sometimes.

Ezra:

Okay I’m going to try to not be canon here, because canonically bitch there’s just no way this man smells good. He’s literally in that fucking space suit all the time, and he gets so sweaty and worked up from digging. And he?? doesn’t shower?? Like there’s no shower in his tent, he can’t unsuit into a lake. Noncanon thots only.

I feel like Ezra’s natural scent is strong. The way freshly cut grass can hurt your eyes because it’s just filling up your senses and your pores to the brim until you hurt - he smells intoxicating.

He smells like books. If he had the chance to, he’d definitely stock up on his favorite literature, and the scent of the pages and the ink always seems to linger on him.

Whiskey:

He smells like smoke, but not like tobacco. He smells like charcoal and hickory and applewood. He’s a wooden man, and he just gives me wood vibes, you know?

He definitely throws some cologne on, and it’s gonna be a nice bottle too. He only owns one or two scents, but he makes sure he walks out of his home smelling like twine and spurs.

The felt from his Stetson. It smells intense.

Oberyn:

I never watched Game of Thrones but this man smells like sweat and fruit.

He is constantly eating (which is not my headcanon but I saw it somewhere and it makes a lot of sense), and the sweetness of grapes and berries gets on the skin of his chest.

And you can’t tell me this man isn’t always sweating. His pheromones poison the air before he even walks in.

When he bathes he smells like gold and expensive furs. A little bit like flower petals.

Max Phillips:

this idiot owns one (1) bottle of cologne and it cost him $3.5K

he fucking does it up with that shit literally catch him rubbing it like on his navel and his forehead like he’ll put it anywhere he will get his money’s worth before he ever admits that he got conned

On the bright side, he walks around smelling like a vanilla pod and grapefruit so maybe it was worth the investment????

He’s a vampire so when he doesn’t smell like luxury parfúm he smells like body wash because he doesn’t want to smell like human flesh and blood.

if anyone wants to be tagged in headcanons you can definitely ask, I just automatically assumed no one wanted to lmao. But tbh are these headcanons or a whole ass novel i can’t seem to distinguish the two

[poptod]

Dreams of Valhalla

Description: AU, Shelton and Sledge meet in a downtown bar and head back to Sledge’s place for drinks.

Notes: yeah idk what happened here. I tried writing in a different style but I have, quite literally, no idea what to think of it. anyway, enjoy this lil drabble :) some smut but absolutely not graphic in any way.

Word Count: 2.5k

Red lights blink in the distance. Down, down, the rain falls, landing like blessings on streets. Cast across like clouds stretched too thin, streetlights reflect in the black pools gathering in the dips of the cement. Underneath his feet the tiny pebbles crunch. They are here. They are always here, dancing eternally in the night that remains forever young, a dream of a life that lives off indulgence. In the moonlight he opens the door, clutching himself so tight that nails dig hard into his skin. As the music fills his head, swarming around him as wine swirls in the system, fingernails relax leaving only the memory of deep creases.

He sits alone, drinking a golden fire that burns his throat and warms his stomach. Swirling his glass, glancing in every corner, he watches those sparks in the eyes of dancers, dissipating into the haze of peach smoke. Fogged away, more vague than shadow and more shadow than person. He sits alone.

From laughter and fumbling men dark skin emerges, shrouded in purple silk, coated in marks and scars. Sunlight, that's his scar. Red and black. He isn't noticed - ever one to thrive in the back, soft like wings of birds that only ever fall south.

Fingertips drag across the wood, cold as circles of precipitation run up the edges. Moonlight pouring through sugar pane, lacing in shadow and glint. He looks up, up thin waist and sharp collarbones, up cutting jaw till eyes tangle in cold. Cold, cold to see, cold to the touch. Blue, green, and grey. Grey and violet - tap, tap, fingernails tap against wood and his breath leaves him.

You look lonely, words brush past rose lips, mumbled and unsure, broken and poised. He stares, he doesn't know how else to live, saying nothing as he sits. He sits across from, hands on the table and reaching for his world as leaves reach for sunlight - an endless dance of too much and not enough.

You're no different, he replies, purposelessly rough, uncharacteristically warm. He intakes sharp breath, edges of tender lips winking upwards so slightly he wonders how he sees it.

The both of us together... guess we ain't lonely no more, past a smile the words sing, obvious and muddled in holy space that sees no saint. No martyr knows their name, no angel blesses their presence. No. No, this is no place for saints. A gathering of unworthy, a company of those who dream only of being who they are not.

You're... glaze over his collarbones, the shadow of his clavicle deep, stubble against skin and sharp beneath kisses he cannot pray to know. You'd make a good model. For art, I mean.

Comin' on to me, are ya?

Wouldn't dream of it.

Oh, he can't bear to meet such sharp an eye, can't know the way his chest fills and deflates, not when his words spit like fire and fog all at once. I bet you would... wouldn't you?

He doesn't work, but silence says more than words ever can.

You'd love to dream of it. Pausing, mouth open and pink tongue tracing along lipped ridges. Dream of me, whisper in flushed cheeks, rapid eyes glance. Glance along skin, trace an outline souls dare not fill. Snafu - called by name, know nothing but insanity, thrive only in chaos.

He speaks his own name, mouthing the word like he's never spoken before. Every movement precise. Listen intently, he detests what he owns, detests all he is, listens too close. Too intent. So eyes still shine - scattered stars amongst unholy life, brighter spirit from blackened waste. Blackened death.

Nice name, says cold composure, written abhorrence clear as nothing ever is. Jumping chemicals and twisting romance to be decay as life. Mean not what you say, say not a lie; sorrowful, be soft, be tender.

And what's yours?

I already said.

No, he murmurs, you didn't. Snafu is a broken name, broken as stained glass, beautiful and radiant and horribly cutting. Bleed down the colors, wash away your light, Snafu is not a name. It is a title above all else, a category, a label. Not who he is, but full spirit lifts away cloaks in locked away rooms.

Hesitant, hesitant to speak, careful to reveal - Merriel, be Snafu or Merriel - swarm his head and be brave, thought-full forest.

You don't seem the type to come here, says Snafu and Merriel. Intoxicate his system, lock away inhibitions, enter whiskey-fire words. Scotch, Eugene corrects, and it burns down his throat, swelling warm.

I only visit every now and then, says Eugene, still alight with liquid fire, glowing in red light, dim in tarry cigarettes. Peach smoke, low and high, she lives forever in red light.

Lean forward, closer and closer, bear the heat and beg for the nearer. I'm lucky then, says Snafu, warped in his tone and drowned in quiet anticipation. Be free, but be quiet, and do not speak of your leisure. The thought-full forest awaits his return.

I wouldn't consider you lucky, says Eugene in words that slip too easy.

I am...

to see such a pretty sight, he murmurs, ghosts crawling over his skin like satin flowers, brushing against long eyelash and parted lips. No, not like this - blood cannot rush past his skin and taint his demeanor - not like this.

Now you're the one comin' onto me, says Eugene with a too-clear laugh, clearing his throat when humor twinkles effortlessly in Merriel's eyes. Broken memories aren't strange, to float in endless intemperance, but he is strange. Too common, and not familiar, unduly queer if not bizarre. Crystal glass still shines, glints in red light, raining like acid and persimmon sugar. Humor twinkles in Merriel - instability holes itself in Snafu. And Eugene, who remains as he always was.

And if I am?

No reply, no reply, no thought. It's so dark, red highlights along cheek and jaw, brow and lip - soft, ever enduring, halting his breath. No reply comes, not when he waits, not in patience.

Oh, Snafu leans impossibly closer, you're a virgin, aren't you?

No, replies Eugene too fast, caught in horrid surprise. Twitching, twitched eyelid, fingers still tap, tap, against hard wood, short nails sharp against water ringlets.

Forgive me fa' doubtin' you, but, drag hard gaze up chest, imprinting sacred echoes on pale skin, ya look... innocent. One a' the reasons I came up t' you.

Sorry to disappoint, says Eugene with a curt smile, tight fingers an aftermath of a war he fought too long ago.

Don't worry 'bout it, Merriel murmurs, touching for the first time his hand, reaching tendrils of rot through forest green, poisoning innocence with flowered offense. You're far more interestin' than my company.

Lean forward - grow closer, be nearer. Who's your company, asks he in quiet words.

Over there, see, says he, pressing cheek against cheek, guide vision to vision. Dance in crimson haze, swarmed with insobriety, strangers dance with one another in a sight yet rarely seen. They're all drunk as hell.

And you aren't?

He parts from him, but we remain close. Twirl and twinkle. Nose nearly touches his, a pure reflection of self in the glassiness of his close eye.

No, says Merriel, soft, but the smell of whiskey is on his word. Not yet.

Planning on it?

Only if I don't got a shot with you.

Eugene leans back. Moonlight is dark, but glints in the glass. Red still shines in his drink.

So? Merriel asks, unmoving, mouth parted.

So what? He almost challenges, edge of lips quirking up, slight and intrinsic.

Should I get drunk... or do I have a shot?

At what? Teasing - lilt, tease, quirk your eyes - it's all the same in him. Merriel adores that, Snafu finds a competition that exists nowhere else. The most exciting game. And he finishes; breaking out into a smile. How loving the smile that crosses him, how uncharacteristically loving, but Eugene does not need to know.

You're playing with me, he smiles true, aren't you?

Come back to my place, for the evening, suggests Eugene, rarely one to know a stranger. We'll see where the drinks lead us.

Got good liquor at your place, hm? says Merriel, who drinks carefully, warped lips against crystal. Too slow, gold liquid slides down his tongue, savoring no flavor - only time. Only time.

Better than here.

Really? Why come here then?

Better company, Eugene shuts his eyes, perhaps the first time tonight. Too entranced to look away, can skin bear the sun so long?

I am not one to turn down good drink, Snafu stands, Eugene trails eye up thin waist again, over slender fingers, against dipped collar bones, nor good company.

Be quiet, be still, but ask of me no silence - ask your intrigue what it trusts. Is this beautiful? Is that possible? Maybe, maybe the stars still shine, and they do. Scattered and meaningless, but they stand the same - that's alright, Eugene knows. Be peace within yourself; commit no adultery. Is it that? What's the name, with no label, no Snafu, no Merriel, no Eugene.

Tread onwards, feet steady. Stare in modesty, tell your trust, ask for her forgiveness. Good kiss, gentle kiss, lay upon her brow foretold woe. Be quiet, be still, and ask of me no silence.

Sing in the streets - rain beats mellow, hold another close, is there love in you? Blazes die every day but let him live, let him survive to know another. What eyes, streetlight reflections in meadow and stone. What beautiful eyes. Ancient eyes built on holy ground, a young face no one knows. Lead me home, says Merriel, but does not speak the words. Merriel, do not stray from me. Know the hymn, pray for salvation - be quiet, be still beating hearts, in tune with all the world.

Here, then? he asks at the black door, and Eugene reaches for the gold handle.

Photographs, worn and new line every hallway, great collections of flowers in vases and frames all the same. Too quiet, yet not tense - offer him your drink, honey and gold rolls down his cheek. Almost grateful, sit across from one another. No, don't let anxieties run course, don't free your sin, sit peaceful. Tumultuous thought, but sit peaceful.

You're right, says Merriel, his first sip burning cool in his mouth, y' do have better liquor.

Of course I do. I don't lie. Remember that about me, says Eugene, if Merriel will remember him at all.

Won't be the only thing I remember 'bout you, says he, biting at his lip till it pops, falling to pout in plum red. Kiss him, or dream of it - all the same they remain as they are, caught in limbo. Reach for him, not too fast, but hasten your speed; the night fades and love does not last, not beside perjury.

When daydream ends and reality splits, he can't see - nor can Snafu, through wide eyes none know the truth. Drink, touch, but only grace; not heavenly, not hellish, just human. Human. Yes, touch of theirs is human, trailing up freckled skin and scarred shadow. Mark him as yours. He belongs to no one, no soul - the night claims her prize, stumbling with alcohol-heavy footsteps up stairs and through hallways.

Ensnare passion in one moment, where the mist shatters and both sun and moon shine too bright in their eyes. He digs his nails, deep, deep, deep into dark skin, imprinting touch and memory into Snafu's waist. Shirk duty, and shirk responsibility - gentle and hurried clothes drop from shoulders, hips, piling on the floor as they move onwards. Tangled in affections too potent he falls, landing on plush blanket, surrounded by Eugene's golden light, caught in the ardor he glows.

Fuck, murmurs Snafu, stuck in mid-air as lips press against his bare chest, electrifying and lulling all at once. Tug at his hair, harsh, pull him upwards - he does that. Fingers interlock with auburn hair, forcing him away from concentration on task and towards love of a subject. Eugene asks, is this alright, not knowing it's too right. Merriel is far from broken and far from whole. Kindness is not foreign, no, not a foreign idea, though kindness for him is.

I might havet' keep ya, Merriel whispers, stroking down his cheek, fingers designed to hold only him. Born to know only his touch. He's crafted from brimstone, to touch the heavens unknown and unexpected; it makes him all the more overwhelmed.

How many times, asks Eugene, leaning back down, tugging with teeth at soft and scarred skin all the same, are you planning on trying to seduce me?

As many times as it takes, he answers, pulling closer, closer still - to tell where one ends and the other begins, be at peace, but do not be still - pull him closer. No light, none at all, but dull streetlight, distant songs ringing through empty streets, breezing past an open window. Too much and not enough, pull him closer. Closer still.

Grind, push and pull, grow closer, let yourself be warped - let inactivity and apathy shove you away - let yourself be entwined. He does, he does, but remains quiet. Don't let them hear, close the doors, close the windows - don't let them hear. Be mine, whisper unknown fondness. Yearn, or beg, ask for his touch, let him grow nearer. Let him lead, don't push, pull, grow nearer.

Fuck, fuck, I need you, mumbles Eugene, desperate as claw marks drag their path down his back, over muscle and spine, reaching to hips and pulling him closer.

Got a funny way a' showin' it, Merriel says, grinning too-satisfied when Eugene glares. He isn't a tease - not by his definition. Perhaps he doesn't move enough. Or too much. Cold eyes remain on his at all times, and the intensity of cold heat melts both composure and sense. Be still, beating heart, tango, do not lose yourself. She watches in red-tainted water, let her know - let her exist. It's alright, will it always be alright?

Two definitions, one label, three names, but do not lie to him. Souls cannot know the peace of another without sacrifice, so sacrifice his peace Eugene does - Merriel sacrifices a title, no doubt in his choice, immediate and irreversible. Permanent, for one night. For forever, for one evening. Do you understand? Can you hear the thoughts that make us ill? Can you remember your story?

No peace, no sanity, just surrender - he surrenders control, twirling through adoration till Merriel rests above him, stroking down his cheekbone, down his jawline and to his shoulder. Too familiar, not safe enough - stay sane, stay sane, stay sane - no, be still. Be known. And he lets himself be known by one who knows no others but himself. Venerate one another and say not a word, not another word, let him kneel before you. Let him worship the unholy, praise the unworthy; it's alright Merriel.

He says, sings, his name like a broken hymn, over and over, do not stray from me. Tears swell in the corner of cold eyes, overstimulated and overbearing, fingers tight around wrist and hip. Hold him close, nearer still, be tender. Lose peace and gain it all in a single moment - cry and rejoice in one second - forget all and know all in only an instant. 

Rest upon his bed, wander his thought-full forest. Light tarry cigarette, blow peach smoke, love in red haze. Rain still reflects light like persimmon sugar, do not be afraid, never love alone, be human and never lose that vehemence.

[vennilavee]

golden hour - part III

golden hour masterlist

Pairing: bucky barnes x reader

Summary: a series of moments when everything sparkles, shines and glitters, just like it’s gold.

Warnings: alcohol

Word Count: 1766

A/N: enjoy, leave a comment! thinking about making a playlist for this but idk.

Bucky groaned and almost threw a tantrum when Sam declared that they were going out. What did going out even mean? Going out to get food? Get ice cream? Get groceries? Get gas for the car?

Apparently going out meant going to a club, or in this case, a bar.

He’s grateful that at least it’s not a club, with the pounding music, flashing lights and tight spaces. Him, Steve, and Sam aren’t too fond of the concept of a club, much preferring the intimacy of a bar. Sam likes the bars that play music that you can dance to, but at a volume that isn’t ear-splitting.

So that’s why they are at the Black Flamingo. The entire dance floor, DJ booth and expansive bar are bathed in a pale golden light, reflecting on all the surfaces. Bucky is still a little sour, even as he nurses his drink. He misses when whiskey would actually do something to him. Bucky vaguely remembers a time when him and Steve would go dancing, and he’d be floating off of the whiskey. He used to think it tasted terrible, but now he likes it.

He’s older now. With age, comes a refined palette after all. Or, that’s what you've told him.

The music pleasantly bumps in his veins, dancing along with the alcohol in his system. Bucky observes his surroundings out of habit. The dance floor is slowly filling up with moving bodies, twisting and swirling and crashing together like the waves of a calm sea.

Steve is speaking to Natasha in hushed tones. About what, Bucky doesn’t know. Sam is standing next to him, tapping his foot impatiently with furrowed brows and scanning the room about five times in two seconds.

“You lookin’ for someone? That girl you went on a coffee date with on Tuesday?” Bucky says lowly over the music.

“What? Nah,” Sam says sheepishly, “Thought I saw-”

And as if you were an angel who descended from the heavens, you’re suddenly in Bucky’s line of vision.  If Bucky was paying attention, he would’ve noticed Sam’s wide smirk. But all he can see is you- you in your button up shirt the color of melted gold that’s tucked into your tight, black jeans. Your grey hat sitting on top of your hair. Your heels that make your legs look endless. 

It’s casual. But it suits you.

You’re speaking to your friend, grinning widely, hands moving animatedly. You both make a beeline for the bar.

Where he is. Where Sam is.

Bucky’s heart floats out of his chest momentarily. When it returns, you’re smiling at him widely. Maybe a little drunkenly. You’ve retrieved drinks for you and your friends. You’ve even gotten something for him and Sam.

“Hi, Bucky,” You chirp happily, thrusting the drink into his free hand, “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Bucky says quickly, “Good, I’m good. Thank you. I mean thanks for the drink- and for asking how I am-”

He curses himself for his lack of eloquence. You laugh, the sound a sweet song in his ears.

“How are you?” Bucky sighs, trying to get himself to shut up.

“Little drunk,” You shrug, your smile is infectious, “I’m here with my friend- let me introduce you-

“Alina, this is James,” You gesture to the woman standing next to you, “James, Alina.” 

“Oh, this is James?” Alina grins like a Cheshire cat circling her prey, “Pleasure’s all mine.”

You glare at her pointedly. You’ve told her- told her who Bucky was and to be mindful of who he was. She seems to get the hint, though, and drops the smile almost instantly. 

You are grateful for her tact.

Alina excuses herself to join your other friends, realizing that Bucky was really only comfortable with you. 

“You gonna introduce me to Natasha? You been holding out on me. She’s even more intimidating in person,” You comment, nudging him slightly. 

He can barely form words. 

A crush. How silly.

“Buck? You alright?” Your voice is soft, your smile slowly fragmenting into a frown.

He’s suddenly breathless because he’s the reason you’ve stopped smiling, the reason honey has stopped dripping from your irises, if only for a moment.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” Bucky says in a rush, “Here, I’ll introduce you.” 

You want to link arms with him and feel his warmth seep into you. But you resist, not wanting to frighten him.

Bucky interrupts what seems to be a heated conversation with her and Steve. You’re about to call his name and tell him that you don’t want to interrupt, but Natasha spots you before you can. Her green eyes remind you suddenly of the Irish countrysides that you visited once in college.

You are temped to mention it, but the heat in her eyes steals your voice for a moment.

“Uh, hello,” You introduce yourself, “Natasha, right?”

“Yes,” Natasha says slowly. She surveys you, eyes tracking you from head to toe and self-consciousness tugs at you. You miss her eyes flicker to Bucky’s eyes and you miss Bucky’s subtle nod. 

A confirmation that you’re the one he’s been crushing on.

Natasha’s arms are crossed across her chest, mouth in a thin line and eyebrow raised. Steve looks amused, and shoots Bucky a look that you have no way of deciphering. You’ve met Steve a few times before.

You can’t help but mentally berate Sam for leaving you alone with his friends. After all, you were better friends with him than with Bucky or Steve, and certainly Natasha.

“Can I buy you a drink?” You ask meekly, “You look like a girl who enjoys a good tequila based drink.”

You sincerely hope your deduction is accurate. You don’t want to be on this woman’s bad side. To your pleasant surprise, she nods and offers you a smirk.

You’ll take it.

Bucky watches with Steve as you try to break down Natasha’s tough exterior at the bar. They are both surprised when they see Natasha laughing along with whatever you are saying. Your eyes shine with triumph. Bucky’s eyes lock with yours and you give him a wide smile before Natasha pulls your attention away.

Sam joins you and Natasha at the bar, wrapping his arms around both pairs of shoulders.

“My favorite ladies,” Sam says, “You’ve finally met?”

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” You retort, rolling your eyes. Natasha laughs and you cheers with her, much to Sam’s chagrin.

Bucky is itching to be near you, the buzz that swirls around him is so warm and welcoming, and he wants that buzz to grow. He knows the pleasant buzz will swell in his blood when he is near you, within arms reach, fingers brushing delicately against yours-

But then before he can make his way back to you, you’re gone, gripping Sam’s arm with freshly manicured black nails on the dance floor. A slow Spanish song is bursting on the speakers. Bucky’s shoulders slump dejectedly. He doesn’t even notice Natasha come to stand by him and Steve. 

He only watches you. You twirling in Sam’s arms as you mold to his movements, you pressed into Sam’s chest, your hand intertwined with his, his other hand gripping your waist. Even with the distance and bodies between you, Bucky can see your wide eyes, your delighted smile and the inexplicable trust you have in Sam. The music seems to flow within your veins, gliding with you as Sam twirls you. 

Sam dips you elegantly and you shriek in surprise before laughing with him. 

Bucky didn’t know you could dance. But your hips are speaking a different language, and all he wants to do is learn it. The song is muffled in his ears, and really, all he can feel is the warm buzzing inside of him. He wonders how you would feel in his arms- would you smile the way Sam makes you smile? Would you even let him touch you?

The pleasant buzzing vanishes and it’s replaced with a gnawing hole. It feels similar to the indigestion he felt before, but somehow worse. It gnaws at him, twisting his insides and making his head hurt irritatingly. It’s dark and heavy, swirling within him at a quick pace. He turns his head away from you, not wanting to curse you with the dark hurricane or the thunderclouds hanging over his head.

Because you were the opposite. A ray of sunshine that pierces through grey skies.

When he finally turns his head to where you were previously on the dance floor, you’re not there. Bucky’s eyes frantically survey the dance floor, looking for your hat or a sign of your shirt.

But you’re right next to him, grinning right up at him. Your grin is playful and mischief is dotted in the contours of his face.

Sunbeams unsurprisingly pierce through his thunderclouds. You elbow his side while taking a swig of a new drink.

“Hey, pal,” You murmur, “Heard you used to dance with all the ladies back in the day. Want to dance with me?”

And how can he say no to you? When your voice is tinted with hope, and he is so pleasantly surprised by it?

He barely registers his eager nod. Your hand slides into his metal and gingerly and you squeeze gently, as if his hand would break because of yours.

The music is slow again, a song he doesn’t quite recognize. But you seem to, because your eyes soften, your shoulders relax and your smile is lazy. Bucky doesn’t even think about Sam smiling at him proudly, or Natasha and Steve watching you carefully. 

They have always been protective of him.

Bucky dares himself to chance a glance to your face, to see if you’re happy. He is blindsided by the way the light bounces off your skin, the adoration evident in your irises.

“Can I hold you?” You ask, fingers itching to intertwine with his.

And he would like nothing more. 

Your hand links with his and Bucky pulls you closer to his chest. The rest of the bar, the people, the noise, even the song, seems to fade away with you in his arms. It’s a slow dance, just swaying with a spin once in a while. He can hear your quick heartbeat faintly, and he has to wonder if he affects you the way you affect him. 

“You know, this song was my prom song in high school,” You say, tilting your head to the side, “I think I like dancing with you better than my prom date, though.”

And he melts at your words. As if he’s golden, too.

tags:

@coal000 @hottrashformarvel @hootyhoobuckaroo @buckyforbreakfast @lesqui

[lesbeet]

im putting this under a cut bc it’s long and nobody cares but this is literally just like a love letter to one of my favorite albums that ive been listening to on repeat all day and feeling all emotional about it . also highly recommend said album

i have such an odd relationship with snow patrol - in the sense that like i really don’t interact with them/their music the way i do with other artists i really enjoy? there’s one album of theirs that means the absolute fucking world to me but i don’t really listen to any of their other music save for like 3 pretty mainstream songs, i don’t ever talk about them, i don’t even listen to that one album super often (though my url was snowpatrols on here a few years ago actually)

but a hundred million suns just. it’s a very formative album for me, but not even in the way a lot of music is formative for people? like idk my list of “albums that deeply impacted my life and character and hold enormous sentimental value” is kind of weird in general bc i don’t often listen to the music i would put on that list, some of which i genuinely don’t even like very much now or isn’t the style of music i like (+ by ed sheeran is probably the most embarrassing, but also like. a fever you can’t sweat out by p!atd, boys like girls’ self-titled album, etc)

but this particular album just really speaks to me in a very visceral way, it makes me feel very choked up and emotional and tender and it’s so weird because most of the songs on that album are love songs, and ones that just feel so....intimate and i feel like i shouldn’t connect to them as much as i do since i’ve never been in relationships like that

but it’s not just the lyrics it’s the music too, each song just paints a picture so well in my mind and i don’t even know how to describe it but the whole album just has this quality that’s so....dizzying and fantastical and nostalgic and, like i said, tender and intimate. whenever i listen to it i feel so inspired to write or read or just. exist within content that gives me that same spectrum of feeling, like it’s something important and...impending, almost. like so much possibility for something humbling and life-altering and breathtaking. i really don’t know why it affects me so strongly but i will say some of the lyrics are just devastating i love them

“a fire, a fire, you can only take what you can carry / a pulse, your pulse, it’s the only thing i can remember”

“crack the shutters open wide / i wanna bathe you in the light of day / and just watch you as the rays / tangle up around your face and body / i could sit for hours / finding new ways to be awed each minute / cause the daylight seems to want you / just as much as I want you” 

[like literally when i listen to this song i feel the choked, almost cloying, contented sweetness of waking up in the morning with someone you love and that’s not something i’ve ever experienced and it still makes me feel nostalgic for it like i’ve done it in another life or something i don’t know. it’s magic dfjklsdjfkds]

“the veins of you, the veins of me / like great forest trees / pushing through and on and in”

 “tell me that you wanna dance / i wanna feel your pulse on mine” “i’m not afraid of anything, even time / it’ll eke away at everything, we’ll be fine”

“these paperbacks, they know their age /  they smell of weight and time that's resting warm”

“my jumper tears / as we take it off / and you say you'll sew me good as new, and i know you will”

“the shells crack under our shoes / like punctuation points / the planets bend between us / a hundred million suns and stars”

 “use me forever, use me as rocket fuel / i'll be air, i'll be fire / you say you love me like the silence of the turning earth” 

do NOT even get me started on the 16 minute fucking journey that is the lightning strike

“what if this storm ends and i don’t see you / as you are now, ever again? / a perfect halo of gold hair and lightning / sets you off against the planets’ last dance / just for a minute the silver forked sky / lit you up like a star that i will follow / now it’s found us, like i have found you / i don’t want to run, just overwhelm me”

“i want to see you as you are now / every single day that i am living / painted in flames and pealing thunder / be the lightning in me that strikes, relentless” LIIIIKEEEE HELLOOOO

“i chase my blood from brain to thumped heart / until i’m out of breath for trying”

“worry not, everything is sound / this is the safest place you’ve found / the only noise beating out is ours / lacing our tea from honey jars”

“slowly the day breaks apart in our hands”

“and in the middle of the flood i felt my worth / when you held onto me like i was your little life raft / but please know that you were mine as well”

there are so many other lines i love but i think some of them are a lot more powerful with the music behind them. bc it’s really not just the lyrics it’s the music too, and it’s such simple music it’s really nothing all that special but there’s just something about it. idk i feel like most people would listen to this album and be like “yeah it’s mediocre and pleasant” but there is just SOMETHING about it that fucking guts me and makes me so emotional idk i love this album thanks goodnight

[lostinafictionaluniverse]

Riverdale 1 X 06 thoughts

- The first scene with young Betty and young Polly set the theme of the episode - Fear. I think it also tells us that Alice Cooper was a controlling bitch even way back then. What kind of mother wouldn’t let her daughters sleep in the same room because one of them was afraid of the dark?

- Jughead having breakfast at the Cooper’s was good for my shipper heart, I can’t tell when Alice is being really nice, since she’s always such a bitch, but was that her making an effort to be nice to Juggie? Also was it really necessary for Betty and Jughead to cook up such a elaborate scheme to get Polly’s info out of Alice? Betty could’ve gotten it easily by herself. But at least I got some shippy moments. Betty knows her mom so well, she knew that she would jump up to escort Jughead when Betty offered. Alice ‘Control’ Cooper, everyone.

- Archie with stage fright, that was relatable. Reggie was back to being a dick and Moose is in the jock gang too? Archie trying to get Val to sing with him and she refusing bcos ‘have you met Josie’ and my immediate thought was “Another controlling bitch?’ and the scenes that followed confirmed. I changed my mind later though. Poor Josie!

- Bughead were actual blue and gold. I love when they’re not even subtle. The whole scene with them virtually shutting out everyone and having their own little bughead bubble was so telling! Nope, Archie, you lost your chance 3 episodes ago!  

- Ronnie to the rescue, ‘Veronica ex-machina’, “Jay to my Bey”, she just rocks it!

-Val walking out of the Pussycats for Archie - idk how i felt about that!

- Fred and Hermione kissing, mmm, well, Ronnie didn’t need to see that. No wonder she was shocked, poor girl!

- Archie being supportive of his dad was good, but I can’t help feeling this boy is too wrapped up in his own world to really care

- Mayor McCoy is a shady bitch, and here’s where I got a taste of the kind of insane pressure Josie is in. Her mom is using her for ‘brand building’

- Ronnie again with Archie and the ‘Ginger Judas” comment. Seriously this girl gets the best lines. And Archie was kinda being a dick. Your dad is incarcerated? You want your part back? Seriously dude? I loved that Ronnie wanted to channel her anger into something positive and signed up with the Pussycats! Way to go! Also “We got Yoko Ono’d” (I love the dialogue in this show!)

- So did they cut that scene with Juggie holding Betty’s face? Betty and Polly’s reunion was sweet and emotional, but its so heart-breaking that she didn’t know about Jason. Also Betty finding out that she was pregnant and then Crazy bitch mama Cooper walking in in all her psychopathic glory! Those poor girls! Juggie trying to be protective and getting aggressive with the orderly is what I live for!

- Ronnie’s concerns about her mom and Fred are so valid. The poor girl’s entire world is crumbling. 

- The dinner was so weird, Josie’s dad, another member of the Asshat Parents club of Riverdale. And I can relate, because I know people like that, that are close-minded and won’t see things differently. Its always ‘my way or the highway’ with them.

- Betty’s emotional scene with her parents, her outright accusing Hal of murdering Jason and Alice’s hysterical reaction. Makes me wonder if there’s some truth to the speculation that Hal wasn’t Alice’s first choice, that she was in love with Fred Andrews and he turned her down and that’s why the extreme hatred for Archie? And what didn’t Hal have the stomach for before? Other than killing Jason?

- The BUGHEAD SCENE! I’ve already written posts about that here x and here x, so I won’t go into it again. But SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!

- Josie and Ronnie bonding was real nice. These girls both have parent issues and it was good to see them having a heart-to-heart. Josie’s comment about dysfunctional families and there being another side to the story makes me wonder - What is Hermione up to? Does she have a diabolical, secret agenda? Is she seducing Fred for another reason? If Archie and Ronnie ever get together this could be so awkward for them even if Fred - Hermione don’t last.

- Archie, you poor sap, you’ve never heard of BOB DYLAN??? Fred Andrews is truly the best dad, makes him stand out more because of the Asshat Parents Club, and Hermione being the latest addition to the club. Forging your daughter’s signature? Really Hermione? Makes me wonder if there isn’t something else to her wanting Fred to win the contract than her just being with him. What if she intends to use him as cover for something Lodge Industries is planning? I read a spoiler somewhere that Fred gets arrested? What if it is something to do with the drive-in contract?

- Val immediately understanding why Josie was being Catzilla, bcos Myles was in town, spoke volumes abt the Pussycats’ friendship. And Archie didn’t want to be the guy who broke up the Beatles! Good for you! Loved all the 60s pop culture references, makes me wonder if The Archies will ever be a thing on this show? They did play “Sugar, honey, honey” during the Vixens rehearsal.

 Myles, seriously, dude, you couldn’t wait a couple of minutes till your kid had finished her performance? What a dad! WOW

- Wasn’t too impressed with the Pussycats’ performance. Archie’s song, on the other hand, was nice. Fred and Hermione being proud parents was nice to see, and Archie seeking Fred out as his “safe” person was touching. 

- The Archie- Val kiss.. hmm, I don’t know what to make of it. It was okay, I guess, I’m not too invested in Archie or his relationships right now, and don’t read too much into Archie kissing any girl (he kissed Ronnie while he was with Grundy, so yeah)

- Bughead found the car (why didn’t we hear the dialogue that made Betty smile?) and texted Sherriff Keller. Why did they run all the way back? Couldn’t they have called him to the scene? Or stayed with what was obviously important evidence? Or driven the car back to the station?  At least Juggie took a picture of the boot but will that be acceptable as evidence? Also, how did they go back to the home for troubled youths so easily and this time they let Juggie in too?

-I’m worried about Polly, she’s pregnant and there was blood on the broken window glass where she had jumped off. She’s obviously hurt herself. 

From the promo the next episode seems to be Jughead - centric. YAYY! I’m up for all the Juggie I can get!