#Roast that fic like a fucking BBQ

[soullessseraphim]

Midnight Snack

(not me writing fanfiction about my ocs, gurl-)

Pairing : Baron Vultur (oc) x Pontifex Vulgora

Fandom : The Arcana visual novel

Warnings : blood ; gore ; cannibalism

What time was it? Whatever. The sun wasn't up yet, so it didn't matter much. Vulgora laid there, unable to close their eyes. They'd just woken up, and for some reason, couldn't go back to sleep. It's not like they had a nightmare, or a burst of energy, no they just... couldn't close their eyes. They laid motionless, staring at the ceiling for a while, until they got bored and decided to take a walk in the Palace's corridors. They knew there wasn't much else to do, sadly. No possibility to let off some steam, no people to annoy, no action, no fights, nothing... Gods, they really weren't a night person. They got dressed, even if they knew probably no one else would be awake right now. Or at least, no one would be walking in the corridors. Maybe Lucio's ghost. But it's not like he was entertaining, always whining like that. He was worse than Volta.

Only the sound of their steps echoed down the dark, barely lit halls as they walked around, growing increasingly annoyed and bored. They knew that if nothing happened right now, they'd be in one foul mood in the morning. It's not like they could yell their frustration either, they'd probably be scolded by the Countess immediately. Their pace accelerated as they grew frustrated by this late night's so far unfruitful excursion. The Palace may be boring at times, but right now? It's as if everyone was dead ! The grumbled as they walked to the library, pulled the familiar books that unlocked the secret passage and went down the pitch black dusty corridor, to the metallic elevator, before getting inside and pulling the lever, down to the dungeons. Maybe Valdemar was awake with a bit of chance. Maybe they would be doing something interesting. The Pontifex found their way to the infamous dungeons, the smell of rot, blood and iron hitting their nostrils. They found the Quaestor working at one of the operation tables. They smiled and approached them.

"Vulgora. What are you doing, up so late?" Valdemar asked, without even turning around, the attention fully on the dissected corpse they were working on.

"Thank gods you're awake !" The Pontifex replied with a heavy sigh as they leaned on the table "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh? why?" they asked, their eyebrows rising ever so slightly

"I've no idea ! I just... laid there, and my eyes wouldn't close!"

"So not a nightmare, then?"

"Oh please, a nightmare?" Vulgora laughed "it's been decades since I had one of those ! No, I'm just.... bored !"

"ah. I see." Valdemar paused, though their hands continued to work "I'm afraid I won't be of much help. I've got work to do. I'd like to finish this experiment before sunrise."

"As always, huh? I guess no one will disturb you at that time..." Vulgora whined "But can't you let me punch one of your corpses? please?"

"I would, but this time I need their bones intact. I'm testing a new acidic solution, and I want to see if it attacks the bone marrow." the surgeon replied (knowing that they wouldn't have lend them a corpse anyway).

The Pontifex groaned "oh, come on ! What am I supposed to do for the rest of the night ?!"

"Maybe you can sit, and reflect. Exercising your mind isn't as boring as you think it is."

"Ugh, no thank you ! Sitting without moving and thinking ?? Thinking about what?" Vulgora replied, rolling their eyes.

Valdemar wasn't annoyed easily. And if they currently were, it wasn't showing. They didn't speak for a moment, but suddenly mentioned : "Say, I've run into Baron Vultur on my way here."

The Pontifex raised an eyebrow "Oh yeah? In the middle of the night?"

"Seems like it. I asked him where he was heading and he simply told me he was going to get a "midnight snack"... He doesn't strike me as the type of person to do that. Isn't it strange?"

Vulgora grinned, and walked quickly towards the dungeons' exit "ooouh, what could he possibly be up to? something mischievous I hope!" they chuckled, the sounds of their loud footsteps progressively disappearing, as well as the distant gears of the metallic elevator once it was activated.

Valdemar's grip on their instruments ever so slightly tightened as their hands briefly stopped moving ; their lips pursed into a tiny, annoyed pout "....You're welcome, Vulgora." they mumbled, before focusing back on their work.

The Pontifex was back in the Palace's corridors, this time much more excited. They made their way into the Palace, wondering where Vultur would be : it could be the kitchen, the pantry, or the cave if he'd felt like getting some cheese or whine with his snack. They eagerly went to the kitchen first, not caring if their footsteps would be heard. Sadly, they found it empty. The casseroles and knives hadn't moved from their designated place, and everything was clean, meaning the Baron hadn't stopped by at all. They quickly recovered from their initial disappointment as they headed over to the cave. It was farther than the pantry, but they just wanted to check it first. Their brows furrowed when they found it empty, only endless stacks of wine bottles before them. They'd half expected to see Valerius passed out drunk somewhere, but hey. Vulgora went back to the main hall, with one place left to check : the pantry. They inhaled and went in that direction. Oh, if Valdemar had lied and said that just to have them walk around the Palace like they were lost in a maze, they swore, they'd have that doctor's head on a st-

As they turned around the corner, the Pontifex's train of thought was interrupted by the sight of the pantry's door slightly open, and presumably a candlelight flickering from the inside. That, and noise. They were rather unfamiliar to them... It wasn't exactly like bones getting crushed, it was too... wet and quiet for that. It sounded like something being torn, but what? certainly not fabric. It wasn't something getting punched, there weren't enough thuds... Then what was it...? Their curiosity piqued, they approached the pantry, making sure to keep grazing the wall as to not alert whoever was in there. the noises got clearer, and Vulgora managed to hear something that sounded like chewing and panting. It sounded frantic. They blinked a few times, both confused and increasingly curious, as they dared to approach further, and finally peer into the pantry. Oh.

Their eyes widened as they saw Baron Vultur standing there, in their nightly cream cotton attire, hands clasping, clawing even, at the wooden table on which laid a huge, bloody, and beyond recognition piece of meat. The poor thing was getting torn to shreds, Vultur's form hunched over it as his sharp teeth ferociously bit, tore, shredded, gnawed at the flesh and muscle, accompanied by the sound of blood splattering on the floor. Each bite was more vicious than the last, and Vulgora could swear he'd heard him growl once or twice. Their jaw hung slack as they couldn't help but watch, standing in the pantry's doorway, unnoticed of the Baron yet. It wasn't long before Vultur's hands went to hold the meat in place, it not being heavy enough to stay still on its own as his teeth violently dug into it. It was like staring at a starved wolf finding a stray dead deer, eating its meal with nothing but primal hunger. They watched him tear apart tougher pieces by swinging his head to the side, said pieces getting chewed more loudly. Soon, the flesh came down to... not much, and the Baron's assault progressively ended. He stood there for a moment, panting, half-lidded eyes looking down at what was left of his meal, and the mess that went along with devouring it. It's only then that he noticed Vulgora, and turned to them.

The Pontifex did not move one inch. They hadn't even noticed their jaw was still hanging slack. They looked at Vultur, how he was panting, and the copious amount of blood staining his attire, his chest, his hands, his arms, his cheeks, his chin and his neck. This morbid spectacle of violence certainly wasn't something they'd expected. They looked back up at his clear blue eyes, which were still not fully open, at those teeth, bits of flesh and blood staining them, which they could see behind his parted bloody lips. Teeth that were made to tear into flesh, and nothing else. They gulped when they realized that they were staring, and averted their gaze, though they would glance at the Baron drenched in blood once or twice more. Vultur sighed, uselessly wiping his chin, and only splattering more blood onto it. He took a few steps towards Vulgora, and leaned down to their level, noticing the Pontifex's gaze flicker between the slight part of his chest that was exposed by his nightly attire and his face. His finger lifted Vulgora's chin slightly. "Let's keep this between us, yes?" He said. His voice was still slightly breathless, and felt something like velvet in the Pontifex's ears. The Baron then stood straight again, letting his hand linger on Vulgora's cheek briefly before he walked off, his fingers slipping off of them, leaving there a stain of blood. The courtier simply watched him go

After several minutes of staying in the pantry's doorway, they went back up to their quarters, laying flat on their bed again, and pacing once or twice in the room, letting all that... sink in.

They'd only uttered one word for the rest of the night...

"Damn."

[fanficmemes]

Hello CB! I hope you are doing well. Here comes my submission for this CAS! (I know it is still Saturday but tomorrow I might be busy).

I humbly bring you another Star Wars fic. General Hux x Reader. Not that I favor that man (too young and pretty you know?) but sometimes you gotta make compromises for the sake of smut binges – and when I read the tags on this one, I knew it was CAS material. It is written in second person, and very well at that. Such prose. Very words. Much immersive! Wow. Kudos to the author. Now, let me sum it up for you (I'll stick to third person).

Reader is Hux's pet. She lives in his cold quarters, naked, most of the time, so when he comes back and embraces her she appreciates the warmth even more (which I thought it was already fucked up). Hux comes back and reader is comfy and blissful in his loving arms. While at it she reminisces of how she used to be an officer but now she does not take any decision anymore: he feeds her, bathes her, plays with her, fucks her... She wears a collar and lives “in a dreamlike state”. There is nothing more to life for her than what I mentioned.

He guides her to the bed but she needs assistance. Her muscles are weak because she spends her days resting and he likes her “weak, helpless and... tender”. Once on the bed he refers to her as “darling little calf”, “greedy nerf” (nerf= sw cattle used for milk and meat) and fingers her, teasing and edging her... After denying her the orgasm, he brings knife with a partially serrated edge. One of her favorites. He caresses her with it as he straddles her, grinding against her. And then he goes “what shall we have for dinner tonight?” and proceeds to suggest dishes while touching her with the knife in specific places (for example bbq was the ribs...). He nibbles and kisses her thigh and then decides that it's gonna be “a Sunday pot roast”. That turns her on. A lot. She loves to be used for her master's dinner – but unfortunately she can only do so a few times (cause anatomy. He takes a bit of flesh and then he has to wait for her to heal basically. It's not like Hux is permanently damaging it more than the overall state of dehumanization he has her in). He bites and draws blood and then he sinks the knife in her thigh until fat and muscle is revealed. He kisses and mouths the wound, tasting and nibbling the flesh and blood and it's painful but brings her ecstasy and then he deepens the wound with the knife again and pulls his dick out. Yep you guessed right. He fucks fucks the wound (stretching and tearing even more), and well, his tunic rubs against her core, he compares her moans to the bleating of a lamb and she comes as “his cock tenderizes her flesh”. There's a description of his cum mixed with the blood from the thigh wound – he takes the cum in his hand and makes her eat it.

Then he fixes her – gives her some liquid with nutriment for her to heal faster -, sews the wound and cares for her while she is still very dizzy, in and out of consciousness from blood loss, etc. When she's awake once more, she smells the aroma of her own flesh cooked filling his quarters and they both share her meat for dinner (he hand-feeds it to her and tells her that she is good and calls her little lamb). Then when all is eaten she licks his hands clean. And well, while all of this is happening she feels truly blessed and loved.

Who are we to judge am I right?

Still it broke me a bit, ngl. Probably because it was a reader insert in 2nd person and therefore quite immersive, but also because of the adoration and love among those two. Would have been an easier read if it were non-con, not a fucked up but loving and consensual relationship. Never though consent would make it worse for me but here we are!!

- Galactic Empire anon

Ummmmm wow truly did not like this!!!! 5.5/10

[bastardtetsu]

wowowow. over 200 of y’all ??? insane. i know i don’t put out content all that consistently but thank you all for following my dumb lil thirst blog ! wild to think that less than a year ago i was embarrassed to admit that i even had a weeb phase in middle school, only to end up back on my bullshit in full swing as an adult writing reader insert fanfic on tumblr dot com,,, the validation i am feeling is unparalleled. so thank you ♡

i wanted to do something fun for this milestone, so i’m having a nice lil barbeque ! come get fed, grab something to drink, or just vibe w me :) all are welcome !

status: closed

○ THE FOOD ○

drabble requests : come get ur food fuckers !!! with permission i am taking a page out of my darling elle @/karasimpno’s book and asking u to send me:

a character 

a body part

a time of day

whether you want it mild (sfw) medium (suggestive) or spicy (explicit)

your preference of f!reader or gn!reader, if any

& i’ll write you a lil sumn sumn (~200-700 words probably) also i’ve updated my guidelines with specifics on who i write for/lewd, so be sure to take a look at that before you request !

anons are welcome, but if ur off anon you must be over 18 & indicate somewhere on your blog to request anything besides sfw

>> drabble mlist here <<

○ BEVERAGES ○

FMK : send me 3 characters & i’ll tell you which of them i’d fuck, marry, + kiss and include one or two hc’s for what i think that might be like ;) (you can include characters not on my ‘who i write for’ list, that’s only for drabbles!)

doodles : send me a character (or whatever u want idk) and i’ll draw a shitty lil doodle :) once again it will not be good :)

○ SMALL TALK ○

chat with me !! here’s some ask games if u need ideas, or ask me ur own questions, send thirsts, hc’s, roast some mf’s, flirt w me, the possibilities r endless !

all posts for this event will be tagged #bbq.200

ok moot time under da cut >:)

@karasimpno literally where would i be without u. thank you for diving into this pit of degeneracy with me and supporting & gassing me every step of the way, i can’t think of anyone else from my irls who i could go on this journey with and just make me feel so VALIDATED in all my insanity !!! i am so endlessly grateful for you ❤️❤️❤️ ilysm MWAH xoxoxo

@strawberryakaashi cait pls ur one of the funniest bitches on here not to mention a fantastic writer, so thankful we both joined the whorehouse around the same time bc having another newbie around to interact with made me way less nervous hehe :shypiss: thanks 4 being my sexiest beta & bestie 💞💘💖💗

@cultsumu nina nina nina i am SO happy i discovered your blog & started chatting with u, i’m obsessed with ur brain and talking with you is so great aaaaaa <3 we truly just clicked right away, i think we must be sexy aliens from the same planet or smth 👽💫🪐💕

@heauxzenji my angel daisy 💕💝💫 literally i was starstruck when u first followed me back, i love you so much ur always keeping us fed with ur writing, nsfw alphabets, p word hours, astro knowledge, suga content, all of it. AND ur the sweetest person in the whole world ?? bye get over here n smooch me 😩

@honeybunny-sawamura JADEEEE the sweetest ever, you are truly one of the nicest / most positive presences on my dash and i am so grateful for your support and friendship !!! all the hugs and kisses for u lovely 😇💓💘💖

@sugardaddykenma linnnnn truly The blog that made me officially return to tumblr & start this sideblog 😳 ur a sexy evil genius madam and i am in LOVE with u. yet another who i was starstruck to get a follow back from, ur brain is huge ur funny asf and ur the loml 🙏💗💞

@tsumurai OKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW WAS I NOT FOLLOWING U SOONER i really thought i had before i’m so sorry djhfdsj,,,, but darling your comments and tags on elle & i’s ficmas fics were truly keeping the two of us going, your support & enthusiasm is so encouraging and genuinely means the world 😻🥰❣️ also we gotta discuss the fact that i, too, am rabidly in love with rin matsuoka and have been for years plssss 😭😭

@stonersugawara​​ @miyangel​ @daishou-s​ (+ @strawberryakaashi @heauxzenji & @sugardaddykenma again) hi whores 😏💛 i love kicking it in the server with u all, & all of you are such talented writers and i feel honored to be amongst such icons :hheeee:

@ceo-of-daichi @chaotickatts @kagsbitch @aiiishiiiteru @tetsurolls @saetyrn9​ @velvesagi​ we’ve only interacted a lil bit (either bc i am shy or bc we became moots 2 seconds ago, or both) but either way I AM SUCH A BIG FAN OF YOU ALL & i am formally giving u an open invitation to hop in my inbox, DMs, or discord whenever u want 🥺💘💗💕

@daichis-kitty @keibby  @scorpiosanssexy @bobawithpomegranate @kmorgzz @waitforitillwritemywayout @rintaroutea​ we may not interact as much / at all bc i’m shy & we haven’t gotten to know each other yet 👉👈but know that i love you sm and you also have an open invitation to hmu wherever whenever xoxo

[slashscowboyboots]

Happy Taco Truck: Ice Cream Dreamboat (Part 1)

(all photo credit goes to owners)

I know it’s only been months, but it feels like years since I’ve shared a fic!  This is a continuation of @no-stone-no-bone​‘s awesome fic Duff’s Doughnuts (link here).  I agree with Skyler, I’d love to see other writers write about the different food trucks and make this a series.  This was supposed to be a one-shot, but as I am physically incapable of writing short fics, this is a two-parter.  Buckle in!

Tag list: @izzysdenimjacket​ @no-stone-no-bone​ @sexcoffeeandrockandroll​ @awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands​ @smokeandmirrorz​ @sodalitefully​​ @roger-taylors-car​​  @harley-m-rose​ if you’d like to be tagged let me know, we all know how wonderful the tags work though

Warnings: language, sibling promiscuity, lonely cooking, terminal embarrassment, Axl and Tracii are Axl and Tracii

Thunk thunk thunk.

It was another scorcher inside your food truck, the vicious heat wafting off the griddle pummeling your face as you deftly raked your spatula through a pile of crisping beef tips, then piled them into a fluffy shell, handing it off for your sister Skyler to kiss with your award-winning cilantro lime crema and hand out to the customer.

You couldn’t resist moving up to the open side to watch the patron, a long-haired man wearing a nose chain with “Endless Burgers” stitched on his shirt, take a bite of your creation, then bend at the knees from ecstasy and dig a ten dollar bill from his pocket, stuffing it in your tip jar.

It has been gangbusters during the lunch rush in The Circle, the informal name given to the parking lot of ornery hooligans who fed the masses during the day and lingered behind late in the evening for a bit of recreational hell-raising. 

There was a plethora of culinary delights scattered around you, including Duff’s Doughnuts, Tracii and Phil’s Sno-Cones, Stoney & Cready’s Homewrecker Corndogs, and Jon and Richie’s Jersey Essentials (you never really knew what they were selling, apart from Aqua Net and the occasional cheesesteak, but after they began offering rippers-deep fried hot dogs-Skyler made frequent trips over to ask Richie if she could eat his weenie).  And from what you heard, they all knew how to throw down at night.

You never stayed to find out, though.  Your shyness forced you to fire up Helen the Happy Taco truck and drive home, leaving Skyler behind to do God-knows-what to who-knows-what, and you arrived in the mornings to find her either helping Kelly from Nickels’ BBQ feed his pink-painted porcine smoker, both of them covered in hickeys, or nearly trading blows with the loudmouth redhead who ran the ice cream truck.

Today, however, you’d found her with someone new.  When you pulled into the lot, you saw her with her arms wrapped around a guy with long hair wearing a flannel shirt and shorts, gazing raptly into his piercing blue eyes.  “Bye, Ed,” she murmured, pecking a kiss on his mouth.

“Who was that?” you asked, your eyebrows shooting skywards.

“Produce man,” she answered quickly.

“Were you getting us a good deal?’

“You know it.”

You peeled your gloves off and wiped your sweating face with a paper towel, trying to blot off as much grease as possible.  “I’m taking a break.  I need some ice cream.”

“I got you a frozen lemonade on my break.  It’s gonna taste like shit when you drink it with that ice cream.”

“I don’t care.”

“Punch that dick Axl in the face while you’re over there.  He’s on my last fucking nerve.”

You trudged down to “Axl and Izzy’s Frozen Delights,” eager to leave the brutal swelter inside your truck.  Standing in front of their window, you bent backwards and cracked your aching back, then a raspy voice asked, “Can I help you?”

You looked up into the most beautiful doe eyes you’d ever seen, hazel verging on gold in the afternoon sunlight, belonging to a guy with messy brown hair tied back with a bandanna, and suddenly your feet didn’t hurt anymore.  “Hi,” you said faintly.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling at you, and you felt your breath leave you.  “I’m Izzy, who might you be?”

“Y/N.”

“What can I get for you?”

Your brain instantly forgot how to make words.  “Cone,” you muttered.

His smile grew even bigger.  “What do you want in your cone?”

“Ice cream.”

He chuckled softly.  “What kind?”

“I don’t know.”

Those gorgeous eyes were full of merriment, crinkling at the corners.  “You don’t know?”

“No.”  Get ahold of yourself, you’re sounding like a moron.  “Uh, chocolate?”

“Sure.  I mean, as long as you’re sure about that.”  He winked at you, then turned to the freezer case behind him, and you got an exquisite view of his perfect ass, your mouth open and your breath coming in gasps, then he turned around and grinned, catching you mid-gawk, and you immediately wanted the earth to swallow you up.

“Thank you,” you blurted when he handed you your cone, then you turned to leave.  

“Uh, Y/N?”

“Uh huh?”  You couldn’t believe he was going to prolong putting up with your awkward ass.  

“Aren’t you going to pay me?”

“Oh,” you said, humiliation bringing a knot to your throat, and you handed him a crumpled pile of bills and scuttled away before you could cry.

“Sis, you mind if I head out a little early?” you asked.  “I’ve got a headache and I want to go home.”

“Sure.  I think we’re done for today.  You sure you’re okay?”

You hadn’t said a word all afternoon, just cooked and sweated and tried not to think about what a failure you were.  This was why you didn’t stick around at night, even though you longed to, to laugh and have fun with all the crazy characters around you.  Because you’d fuck it up if you did.

Why wasn’t I born normal? you thought bitterly.  Why am I the disaster in the family?

“Yeah,” you said quietly.  “I’m fine.”

That’s why your tacos were so delicious.  Because you were such a loser, you stayed home and perfected them instead of going out and having a life.  With no demands on your personal time, you discovered that lime made your chicken taco sing, while a little tomato sauce was the secret to juicier ground beef.

Your loneliness was the key to Happy Taco’s success.  

And you’d give everything you knew away just to be cool for five minutes.

“OPEN UP!!” a male voice hollered.  Bam!  Bam!  Bam!  “Little pig, little pig, let me in!”

Skyler dropped the hatch.  “Tracii!  Ferfucksakes!  We just got here!”

Tracii grinned under his bandanna.  “I wanna eat your taco.”

“It is an honor and a privilege to serve you a Happy Taco,” she answered, leaning on the counter and linking her fingers.  “However, we haven’t got anything set up and the only kind we can get you is our el pastor.”

“Okay,” he said, “gimme two,” and Skyler nodded to you.

You sliced the meat off the trompo, carefully evening out the sides, all the while reliving the embarrassment of the previous afternoon in your head.  Maybe you could drive Helen down to Baja California and start life anew, under a different name.

“Hey!” Tracii yelped, his eyes on you.  “I know you!  You’re the one Izzy was talking about last night,” and your knife nearly stabbed the metal pole holding up the pork and pineapple mass.

“Yeah,” he smiled lazily, “you are a looker, aren’t you?  How come you don’t party with us?  Izz said you seemed kinda shy.”

With your eyes wide and heart hammering, you handed the tacos to Skyler, whose mouth was hanging open in shock.

Before she could say anything, Tracii handed her his money and sauntered off, orgasmically moaning as he chewed, and Axl stepped up to the window.

“The fuck you want?” Skyler snapped.  “”It’s too early in the day for you to pick a fight, asshole.”

“I’m not here to fight,” he growled, slamming down a wad of dollars.  “This is from Izzy.  For her ice cream,” and he jutted his chin towards you.  “He says you eat for free at our truck.  The bo-both of you,”  he gritted, the agony of that idea etching deeply on his face.

“Thank you,” you smiled in surprise.

His eyes met yours, waving off your delight.  “Yeah, he’ll be down later.”

“Yes, thank you, Axl,” Skyler said.  “May we offer you an el pastor taco?”

“No,” he said, already retreating.  “Pork gives me the shits.”

Izzy did come by later, just in time for your sister to run off on her break.  

“Hi, Izzy,” you said, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Hey,” he smiled, looking delicious in his sunglasses.  “So what kind of tacos do you have?”

You recited the list.  “El pastor, carnitas, beef tips, seasoned ground beef, chicken, shrimp, and uh, lengua.”

“What’s that?”

“Uh, tongue.”

He pulled a face and stuck out his tongue, and you giggled, your shyness melting away at his goofiness.  “No, no, it’s really good.  Imagine the most tender, flavorful pot roast.  Everyone always orders seconds.”

“I think I’ll pass on the tongue, that one anyways, and have one shrimp and one chicken.  How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.  Uh, you and Axl, you eat for free here too.  Thank you, by the way, that’s very generous.”

He grinned wider, and you noticed he’d hadn’t stopped smiling at you since he showed up.  “Don’t mention it.”

You opened the shrimp and chicken containers, then threw the meat down on the griddle and moved it around, forcing yourself to focus on sauteing and not burning down the fucking truck because Izzy was outside.

He peeked in the window, looking around the interior of the truck.  “So how long have you been cooking?”

“Oh, since I was small.  I was at a stove before I could see over it.  These are all my grandmother's recipes.”  You scooped the fillings into their shells, then grabbed the crema.  

“Hey, I only ordered two,” Izzy protested when you handed him his tacos in a cardboard to-go basket.

“One of the chicken ones is Axl’s.  Consider it a peace offering.”

“Thank you.  Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if-”

“Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if I could get some fucking service around here,” a mullet-sporting, Confederate flag t-shirt wearing asshole growled, and Izzy waved, then walked away.

He returned the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, working his way through your menu and bringing you a different-flavored milkshake each time.  He loved all of the tacos he tried, even daring to sample the beef tongue, then immediately ordered another one.

“Told you,” you grinned.

He always made conversation with you while you cooked, his eyes locked on yours as he ate, but every time he finished, there was always a line to tend to, and Skyler made herself scarce as soon as she spotted him.  You never returned to his truck for ice cream, and spent your downtime cleaning the flattop, lighting out as soon as you turned over the CLOSED sign.

“You know,” your sister said to you as you turned the key in the ignition, “if you stayed, you’d probably hook up with Izzy.”

“No,” you said sadly, “I’m a hot mess.  I’d say something stupid and he’d run away.”

“Can’t talk with his tongue in your mouth,” she teased, “or some other part.”

“SKYLER!” you shrieked as she cackled, then you sighed and leaned your head against the steering wheel.  “I’m not like you.”

“You don’t have to be,” she said, leaning over and stroking your hair.  “Just give him a chance.”

“I can’t stay here and have Helen be a-a sin wagon.”

“It’s not like we have orgies!” Skyler laughed.  “At least your man doesn't.  He plays guitar and Axl sings, when he’s not being a dumbass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  And then Izzy sings, and Kelly gives me The Look and……”

“Or the produce man shows up.”

“Or Eddie the produce man shows up.”  She gave you a slight smile.  “C’mon, Sis, stay.  He likes you.”

“He doesn’t know me.”

“Then get to know him.  Axl says he’s pining.”

You looked at her in surprise.  “When did you talk to Axl?”

“When he told me that chicken taco you gave him was the best thing he’s ever had.”

You smiled at his praise, drumming your fingertips on the steering wheel.  “Maybe I’ll stay sometime.”

“Pining,” Skyler said, then hopped off the truck.

[planetjisungie]

détester- l.dh

characters; slytherin! haechan x gryffindor! reader ft. gryffindor! mark (its just a given at this point) and slytherin! jisung

summary; enemies to lovers, you and donghyuck had always just hated eachother. you dont know when it started, or why it started but it was starting to get annoying.

an; i WILL finish my hogwarts series tonight we only have chenle left but now we have more fluff than actual crack because simon says is playing

congratulations you have reached gryffindor level you lucky prick

only the finest gryffindor

you are the embodiment of courage, literally if there was a ditch and someone fell down while everyone was too scared to help them, youd dive in before they could even say ‘dumbledore’

and you just so happen to be the younger sister of mark lee

the infamous mark lee,, that is

lucky prick part 2

but one thing made you seem not so lucky

your sworn enemy, lee donghyuck

or haechan as he liked to be called because apparently all evil villains needed a fake name

thats what you said anyway, he just liked the name haechan for its meaning

but he was also the emodiment of a slytherin, ambitious, cunning, resourceful and he was a pretty damn good leader

hence him being the captain of the quidditch team (no we are not going down the jisung route)

you didnt actually know when you started hating him, in your first year he had just decided to tie your poor, poor cat like a pig for roasting (he was in his second year already)

mr snuggles was traumatized

after that day it was small things to annoy you

like when he put hair dye in your conditioner bottle, resulting in your hair turning out a seafoam green colour

which you actually didnt mind so the joke was really on him, you pulled that shit off

or when he put spiders in your school shoes

that was unpleasant

and he also put a cockroach in your pocket, scaring your poor best friend who was terrified of the creatures

jisung was shaking, he hates cockroaches

to this day you still didnt know why he was a slytherin, but you guessed it was because he was a pureblood, very ambitious and resourceful but not so scary

but today was no exception

you walked towards the gryffindor table, robe billowing behind you as if you were walking in a movie

you were a lee sibling, you were both good at literally everything and deserved all the praise on earth

you fucking go girl, i stan

jisung sat at your table, the gryffindors appeared not to mind, especially as he was actually super nice

"y/n haechan told me to give you this"

ah there it was

the small hufflepuff girl handed you the letter before scurrying off back to her table

"y/n im scared"

jisung was already frightened of what that letter would hold

and you were a good friend, who knew no good would come from that letter

so you shoved it in your pocket, letting it crumple up before turning back to your breakfast

rip donghyuck

that was a fat L for our boy

he just wanted your attention

at first at least, he just wanted to be noticed by you so he pulled the cat stunt, making sure he didn’t actually harm the creature because he is still a decent human being and the grey furry animal did nothing to him

but now he had taken things too far

and he realised that after the stunt he pulled which resulted in you

yes, you, the brave, courageous gryffindor, crying

yeah he fucked up

he casted an illusion spell that infiltrated your sleep, creating nightmares with your deepest fears

and he regretted that

prank gone wrong *nearly killed her* (not clickbait)

you were still pissed at him for that

but that letter in your pocket was no ordinary letter

it was a confession letter, because he; yes him, the infamous slytherin, was too scared to talk to you about it in person

yet you literally just crushed his heart

which he kinda deserved to be fair

but jisung sent you a grateful smile and you went back to your conversation of which cereal brand was better

the answer is obviously lucky charms or frosted shreddies pengers mate

so our baby slytherin needed to find another way to get his feelings across because he was failing

and brother mark was: not happy

mark was a friend of haechan but despite his complaints every goddamn time that he needed to stop his stupid jokes that weren’t actually jokes, he didnt listen

maybe he shouldve listened

mark knows best

apart from jenos fic, mark was a real bitch but this is mark 2.0

mark really doesnt know best

anyways moving on

its time for innovative hyuck™️

so its back to the drawing room, sitting next to yuta (his head boy) to discuss the next plan of action

cutie yuta felt that haechan opening up to him about his feelings was the biggest achievement during his time at hogwarts

so right, the next plan

it was to leave flowers on your bed and then when you turned around to see who put them there (hypothetically) he would be there and he could make his outstanding apology

but of course, this isnt some fanfiction where everything goes right

who do you take me for?

so later that day he gathered his flowers, tying them in a cute dark green ribbon

staying with the slytherin theme

and he put them on your bed

they were some seriously nice flowers

you noticed them as soon as you walked in and your heart swelled

unfortunately that wasnt the only thing that swelled

you were allergic to pollen, and your eyes had puffed up slightly, itching a little and you had some sniffles

that was another L for hyuck

and he ran, he fucking booked it out of his little hiding spot back to his common room aka the dungeon

"YUTA I FAILED"

"how the fuck do you fail giving someone flowers hyuck?"

"shes fucking allergic"

so you never found out who gave you flowers

but

but you did keep them, despite your obvious physical irritation to them

they were pretty :(((

so you pressed them into a random notebook you found, because seriously you couldnt just chuck them out

unfortunately for hyuck, he was not so slick to mark who narrowed his eyes on the boy

he knew something was up

what kind of torture device was flowers ?? this was too soft

and so he found out that the same boy who had been making your life a little

how should i say

s p i c y

had a fat crush on you and was just a pouty baby who wanted your love and attention

cute

mark didnt know whether to support this?? like ?? he knew that underneath your front of disliking the long legged boy, you had some feelings, maybe small but they were there

you wouldve called it fondness

because

i promise youre not a sadist or masochist

but you would see him in class

he was very focused and had a beautiful smile

and laugh

he may come across a little... stand offish and arrogant at first but hes actually a kind soul

from how he made a mess in the grand hall but when he thought everyone was gone, he stayed behind to help clean it, having fun conversations with the staff (elves? who tf cleans the great hall??)

that goddamn melodious laughter constantly ringing in your head

shawtys like a melody in my head

but moving on

you noticed the pranks he pull decreased

and that was because he was spending time with yuta and mark, planning the perfect, foolproof (unfortunately not jeno this time) way to confess

and he sent you small smiles ?? what ??

this is so unlike the hyuck you knew

like he did a 180

i did a full 180 baby crazy

i said this was gonna be less crackish but when regular comes on and you hear jaehyuns queso line you cant not feel qUirKy

(bbq- bb—s mY DIAMONDS I DONT NEED NO LIGHT TO SHINE- jungwoo)

okay so the next plan

you loved quidditch too, mainly because your brother was the captain for the gryffindor team

so the plan was for you to attend the slytherin v gryffindor match and

mark somewhat willingly agreed to have a friendly match so that hyuck could show off his skills

this was an awful plan

because it was raining the day of the match

so you and jisung huddled together for warmth, shivering as you watched the match

and hyuck couldnt feel worse, he felt like you were now going to be sick because of him

damn, you really couldnt catch a break

the groan of pure frustration yuta let out was amusing at least

he was just as invested in this as haechan at this point

like he was germinating a seed??? he was fathering this relationship

so with another L, haechan felt super super bad

and this baby cooked for you

he got his best friend jaemin to teach him how to make chicken soup

because you were actually not a herbivore

(thats the category i put vegans and vegetarians in)

omnivore tings

so he carried his little pot of soup, his fingers kind of burning as it was piping hot

he legit walked right past a suffering jisung in the slytherin dorm, the pot of soup still in hand not even sparing a thought about taking pity on the poor kid and giving him some

so he walked to your dorm, being let in by mark who was being big bro™️ and looking after your sick ass

you looked dead

pale skin, eyes closed, lips tinted blue, your body was shivering but you felt fucking boiling

peak peak times

but haechan still thought you looked gorgeous

mark vacated the dorms, leaving to his lessons so hyuck could look after you

this wasnt a plan ?? but hyuck rolled with it

setting his lil pot down he sat in a seat next to you, staring at your asleep awake form with closed eyes

his eyes held so much love and adoration for you, you really are lucky

he took off his robe, just sitting there in his shirt, trousers and green tie and watching you sleep

you were actually awake, just vibing and breathing to stay alive

and he had a lot on his chest

"i know ive been a massive prick to you and im really sorry. i know you’re asleep right now but im too much of a coward to say this to your face. i really only just wanted your attention because i seem to have feelings for you and i am sincerely sorry for going about it the wrong way"

your ears were {}

wide open

boy were you listening and taking this all in

oh shit

realizashun xx

so you fluttered your eyes open gently, watching his face morph into an expression of pure terror from his previous one of literal love

*whipping noise*

"youre awake!" he squeaked out, eyes darting around the room to look at anything but you

which you couldnt help but smile at

shifting to the side in your bed slightly, you lifted the covers, lazily patting the now open space

"c’mere"

your voice was kind of croaky and hoarse

that made hyuck feel guilty

baby it wasn’t your fault

but he complied, kicking off his leather school shoes and sliding besides you, staying as far away from you as possible

not to offend you, his heart was just going a million miles a second and there was no way you wouldn’t be able to hear it

this boy was like blushy sausage face part 2

arrogant hyuck has left the chat

you pouted seeing him shuffle away from you, shuffling to move yourself closer instead

power move, he either had to cuddle with you or fall off the bed

"can we just forget what i said earlier?"

that made you frown

the fuck?

hell no

"hyuck wait-"

"no dont bring it up its embarrassing"

whiny baby is back

"hyuck i-"

"nope nope nope nope"

"LET ME SPEAK FOR FUCKS SAKE"

he had no choice but to listen

your voice sounded strained already and he didnt want to make you feel worse

"i have feelings for you too you big baby"

double take

you what now?

haechans mouth just kinda froze open

so you shut his jaw gently

cant let him get jaw ache

"wait what?"

his soul has returned

he felt elated, completely happy, dare i say like he was high on a drug and said drug was not THC it was your TLC (LMAO GET IT IM PROUD OF THAT)

and so thats how mark returned to your dorm room to see you and hyuck cuddled in your bed, your head laying on his chest as his chin rested on your head, nuzzling into your hair (which was still half seafoam green might i add)

hyuck wasnt awake to celebrate, so yumark had their own small celebration, counting this as their success

you only found out he had put the flowers on your bed about two months after you started dating

a month after that you read the letter he gave you

[nagdabbit]

lamp-bright rind Food Masterlist

Hello! I am Daggs! I write things and stuff!

Currently, I write a fic over on Ao3 called lamp-bright rind where everything is soft and I work out my feelings on an unsuspecting Billy Hargrove, because that’s just what’s happening while I’m stuck at home.

I thought it might be fun (and because I reeeeeaaallllllyy need something else to take up time, I’m going bonkers here) to like make a master list of all the recipe/food references in the fic? Because it’s a lot. My roommates can’t get out to get ingredients to feed me and I’m going through withdrawal. And, also, I really fucking love food. I can’t cook for shit, but I can eat like a mother fucker.

So with each chapter I’m gonna update this with where I got the recipes and link to them if they’re online or if my roommates let me give out their recipes that I have stolen (with permission, of course!). I’ll put a link at the top of each chapter, too. So. Here we go!

Chapter 1

This is a recipe from one of my roommates--henceforth known as Roommate Senior--and it is the most comfort food ass shit, y’all. I DO NOT have permission to give out the entire recipe for the sauce, only the ingredients that are included in the chapter. There are a few bits that I had to leave out, but not including them won’t actually ruin the dish, or so she says. Senior also does something else to her trofie because she’s just Like That. But, homemade trofie is my favourite pasta, y’all.

Here is a recipe from Italian Food Forever if you wanna give it a go. If you don’t feel like making your own pasta, because that shit takes time, The Chef recommends getting gnocchi. Something soft and starchy, basically. She also recommends: Delallo Roasted Red Peppers in Olive Oil. It’s a pretty common brand, apparently.

Chapter 2

1. This is my grandma’s Chicken Noodle Soup. So this is what we always had at Christmas time because it makes A Whole Ass Lot. And looking back, I think I definitely underestimated the amount of water/broth needed. This is one of three (3) things I can actually, competently cook IRL. Which explains why I work out as much as I do, because Reames noodles, y’all.

2. Jasmine Tea Panna Cotta from Madeline Effect. Never had it but, 1) Shiiiit is it pretty; 2) I love jasmine tea; and, 3) I fucking love plums, y’all.

3. Popcorn Ice Cream with Caramelized Popcorn and Black Pepper from page 263-5 of the NOPI cookbook by Yotam Ottolenghi and Ramael Scully. My other roommate--henceforth known as Roommate Junior--made this once and I just. I don’t even like popcorn, and I still think about that. The recipe itself isn’t online anywhere that I can find in full, but here is an Eat You Books link for the basic ingredients.

4. Raspberry Tart. This is a lesson in bookmarks. I SWEAR TO GOD, this came from Felicity Spector’s instagram, probably very far back. You’re gonna see her name pop up a lot on this list because I just love her instagram. So anyway. I have a very vivid memory of seeing a small little raspberry tart with pillowy clouds of whipped lemon verbena ganache. I know I saw it SOMEWHERE, but now I cannot find it. Learn from me. Bookmark your shit when you find it.

Chapter 3

A lot of the food I’m gonna mention is in reference to my favourite restaurant. It’s called Bourbon & Baker and my aunt takes me every time I visit. I don’t even care how long the drive there is, I’m there for the foooooooood (and her puppy, but that’s not the point). Funnily enough, the used to have a sister location in Chicago! Anyway, this is kind of what I’m basing Billy & Robin’s restaurant off of.

Currently, because of the You Know What, the menu on their site is pared down for To Go orders only, but I’m gonna use an old one I still have on my phone to give you an idea of the kind of food they serve, but also because I’m going through withdrawal.

1. Brussel sprouts. This, for the reason mentioned in the fic (blight), was removed from their menu before the last time I went, so this is gonna be mostly from memory: Roasted brussel sprouts (they were chopped p small and roasted til crispy), with toasted pecans, with a maple, brown sugar and balsamic vinegar glaze, and topped with shaved parm. Christ I miss those. Senior does a pretty good remix, but I think about those all the time.

2. Lamb Belly Tacos. So fucking goooooood. For size reference, it’s two street-style sized tacos. From the menu: Poblano chimichurri, crispy lamb belly, flour tortillas, Cojita cheese, pickled red onion, sunflower shoots, lime-mint tzatziki, cashew crumble.

3. Duck Tacos. This is a go-to for me. Like, if they take it off the menu, I will riot. From the menu: Citrus chile marinade, chargrilled, flour tortillas, Manchego cheese, spicy green-onion hoisin sauce, arugula, heirloom tomato relish.

4. Smoked Salmon. Here’s the trick. Get the salmon, keep 1-2 of the toasted breadsticks and use them to sop up the last of the Duck Taco juice. That’s the money. From the menu: Dill cream cheese, fried avocado, caper-red onion relish, lemon balsamic, arugula, toasted baguette.

5. The Waffle Thing. Okay. This is another thing they took off the menu before my last visit and I nearly DID riot. It sounds like there wasn’t nearly enough demand for it, which is a shame because it’s hecking incredible. From memory: a stack of orange zest waffles (1/4 wedges, so it was just one small/medium waffle divided and stacked) with sweet mascarpone, crispy prosciutto, maple syrup and a gooey ball of dates and pistachios.

6. “shrimp--” This was gonna be Shrimp & Grits. From the menu: Andouille grits, spinach collard greens, gulf chrimp, Cajun BBQ cashew cream.

ALSO on the menu this chapter, GRILLED CHEESES.

1. THE SOUP. I based it on this Smoky Tomato Soup from two peas & their pod.

2. Red Rock Cheddar & Gruyere. This is kinda based on the grilled cheese from B&B, except I just really like sourdough more than brioche. But that’s me. Red Rock Cheddar is a very specific kind of cheddar. It’s SUPER orange and also a blue cheese? It’s great. Creamy cheddar-like taste, but a hint of blue. Here’s a little thing about it if you’re curious.

3. Pumpernickel, ham, cheese. It’s basically this recipe from Finlandia Cheese, only Junior made it with pumpernickel once and it fucked me up. So good.

4. Onion, Mayo, Gouda. This is a Senior recipe. The closest IRL I can find is this from redbook mag. She, because she is just Like That, does something extra to her onions, but she confirmed that this recipe would be close enough to taste p good. Just switch in gouda for the cheese and put mayo INSIDE the sammich. I saw that some people put in on the outside instead of butter, and y’all need jesus. *shudder*

5. Toad in the hole. A midwest staple, but here is a recipe from Taste of Home if your family isn’t into dying early from a heart attack. In my head, Billy cooked the egg over hard, or at least NOT gooey, but that’s just for the mess. Obv it would be over easy/sunny in the restaurant. Obvs.

And there we have it! All the food from the first three chapters. Join me next time for more Daggs Loves Food and Really Misses Fresh Veggies, JFC.

Now, how should I tag this.