#// i guess not understanding much of the dialogue on the first go helped the habit of focusing more on gestures and movement instead

[m0e-ru]

yknow if you were mentally ill and watched the stageplays over and over far too much to count adachi's change in demeanor in the gas station comedy skit from literally the rest of the entire show would make you laugh so hard as if you choked from eating a cracker. he has his own silly funny guy facade right? he has an accent and contracts his speech to seem more casual outgoing and stupid right? he walks like this he talks like this he waves his arms specifically like this. but suddenly he meets this guy who pushed all his buttons before he even got out of his car and he decided to throw all that out of the window. he left his accent behind (mostly) he stopped stiffly moving his legs he stopped flailing his arms in whatever direction. he dropped the "boku" "kimi" "-san" "-kun" he looked at this other clown who held up a pump nozzle to his face and didn't even know how to do his own job he was hired for and went "ore" "omae" "baka" . for five minutes he decided to go "fuck this guy in particular" and never pulled the same stunt ever again even when he was outed for being a killer

[streets-in-paradise]

Of Palaces, Princes and Magic - Thor x (Fem)Reader

Warnings: Clueless, powerless Thor from 2011. Tons of fluff

Summary: Wandering arround your home Thor discovers evidence of the fairytale fantasies of your childhood and promises to make your dreams come true.

Note: I wrote this last night on my phone with the last bits of battery I had and post it on the morning from the laptop. There is no editing or proofread.

Tags: @thorsslxve

Allowing a stranger inside your home wasn't your initial intention, but you kept stumbling with him untill you realized he had nowhere else to go. From the barely understandable bits of explanations you got from him, your first guess was that he may have just escaped from a cult, but that didn't make him necesarily dangerous. He was lost, clueless of the world after abandoning the place that was all he ever knew. You did remember him mentioning something over the lines of ' being casted out as a punishment' and that seemed to comfirm your theory. A cult linked to norse mythology, with a leader believing himself to be Odin who had raised him as his son.

Thor lived in a fantasy world and you could tell he was harmless because he never meant to hurt you in any way. He probably required of professional help, but to get there he needed to reach some bassical functionality. If many people would get to hear more of his nonsense, he would end up locked and that possibility saddened you deeply. As far as you could tell, he probably had been physically disconnected from the world all his life already. Besides, it was clear that he trusted you, because the out of place displays of odd arrogance he had with everyone else didn't happen much between you. For you he only had a quirky but lovely chivalry that sometimes was enough to make you live his fantasy for a while.

From all the decorative details in the place, his atention was focused in a miniature replica of Cinderella's castle you had on a table near your bookshelves. A beautifull toy incluiding small figures of characters to habitate it, so delicated and romantic that you kept it as decoration even if you wouldn't play with it anymore like when you were a little girl.

" Do you like it? " You asked him, followed with a sweet smile of encouragement. " It was my favorite growing up ... I'm a grown up woman and I still love it."

The last part of the explanation confused him a bit.

" I don't see why age would fundamentally change your appreciation, it's a fine sculpture of a castle fitting for the aesthetic preferences of a lady."

You couldn't help chuckling a bit, then showed him how to unfold the toy in order to see the inside and put it all back in.

" It's a toy, for little girls to play with." You corrected him. " Many girls enjoy playing pretend to be princesses as children, but when we reach a certain age we stop thinking of palaces, princes and magic... Unless we are reading a fantasy novel or something like that. It's stuff of tales and Disney movies, not reality."

The answer surprised him even more, but there was some sort of sadness in it. Pretty much as if he took pitty on the fact.

" Are people like me casted out to remain only in the literature of this realm?" He asked, with genuine curiosity. " Which tale does this castle tells? If there is any, as your words suggest."

Even in the simplest of details, the conversations with him allways felt like the dialogue of a fairytale.

" If someone would tell me that you have came out from the pages of a fantasy book, I would believe it."

" Yet you can't believe that Asgard is my homeland." He mocked you in return. " I'll convince you, all your doubts will be clarified once I will have my mighty power back."

You didn't argue with him, there was no need at the moment.

" Alright, your highness ... Do you still want me to tell you the tale?"

Thor smiled in agreement and you began to narrate using the playset castle as a visual guide. The fact that a grown man was just being introduced to the tale of Cinderella felt quite odd, but very cute. He was particularly intrigued with the fact that the King found no issue on letting his son marry a servant that presented herself to him magically disguised just because she was the owner of the crystal shoe.

" ... Even if she was the rightfull heir of the household, her stepmother made her a slave and that's a downgrade that should have disqualified her at the eyes of the King. How could the prince convince him of blessing that union? "

He was taking the story seriously and it was hard to provide answers in that perspective.

" I guess he simply indulged his son and let him marry the woman he loved. Prince Charming fell for Cinderella at the Royal Ball, he had no idea of who she was back then. The girl was a princess in spirit and maybe the King saw that, the crystal shoe proved her worthy of the prince."

For some reason, your answer made him smile a bight brighter than before.

" I believe you are a princess in spirit. " Thor sweetly confessed. " ... and a magnificent storyteller."

His pure cuteness was too much for you and behind your own smile heat has started to take over your face.

" Me, a princess? Please! You don't have to flatter me for hospitality. I haven't wore a tiara since I was eight."

Thor looked at the little figures of Cinderella and Prince Charming in their miniature balcony, then glanced back at you as if a new strange idea had just occured to him.

" What if you could experience what's like to be a princess? Would you believe me then?" He asked you out of sudden. " Not only about Asgard, but about my very sincere perceptions of you."

You began to wonder if the last part was some sort of romantical approach and were quite confused about that. He was very sweet and you loved his company. It could be said that you fancied him too, but encouraging him would be taking advantage of the strange situation and you would never do that.

" It's allright, Thor. I'm fine just like this. We are friends, you can help me arround ... "

" I insist, that's how I will repay you for all the troubles I have caused. " He cutted you off with determination. " I will take you to a real Royal Ball."

He sounded so serious about it that you began to question your own sanity.

" The noblefolk would be judging, It's a bad idea. "

" They will see you like I do." He optimistically replicated. " Your looks will reflect your royal spirit and you will not have to flee at midnight. If that's your desire, you will get to dance with a real prince ... Maybe two, if Loki also requires it. Ask him nicely and we may convince him of hexing your shoes to look as if made of crystal."

You giggled out of a pure,sweet surprise while hearing the details of the fantasy he was almost roping you in.

" That's very sweet. You are the sweetest man I have ever known."

You were gazing into each other's eyes when he formalized the promise.

"Currently less than what you deserve, but I will fix that soon. I will be back to my former glory, I will be worthy of you and In honor of your infinite kindness and patience, I shall make your dreams come true. "

[bunny-hoodlum]

I almost forgot about this! 👀📌🖊️❓please!

Hiii~~ 💕 Thank you for the ask~ 😌

👀 Do I have any words/phrases I use habitually?

Probably, but I can't remember. 😓 I think I use 'Well,' quite a bit, along with other short phrases to add a sort of casual/musing flavor to the inner dialogue. I know there's some sort of phrase that I'll cap a sentence off with, but I really don't know which fic to skim through to confirm that. 😅 Sorry, my laziness has yet to budge. 🥴

📌 If all your fics/WIPs fell off a ship and were drowning (go with it), and you could only save one, which would it be?

I think it'd have to be Powerless. I could probably rewrite all the others to some extent. They wouldn't be perfect 1-to-1 replicas or anything, but they'd still retain the same spirit. Powerless, however, was written during pure creative possession. Plus, that mofo is like 39k overall or more? I forget. But that in of itself would be hard to replicate and the only reason why I took it down was due to uninformed advice. That I was worried about shipbaiting my readers because I didn't know when Hinata was going to show up, so I just took it down like that was going to be okay. 🤦‍♀️ As if I could repost it in a matter of weeks and nothing would be lost. Lesigh. I'm still totally fond of it. There are some changes I want to make when I work on the rest of the re-upload, but Naruto's childhood in the first chapter was my favorite thing to write and I could never replicate the same feelings, I don't think. Even if I listen to the playlist I made for it. It'd help but never be the same.

🖊 What is the most recent line you've written?

I haven't written anything new yet since my Witchcraft AU. 😅 I wish. Yoga AU is top of my list. I think it's gonna be really long, but I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I have a better understanding of oneshots now. Hmmm, y'know what? I had this pre-written in my head, so let's just go with this (and I'll most likely edit in the final draft anyways):

"He was exactly like a sunflower. Tall and lanky, his hair sticking out in every direction like radial petals. She's never seen a shade as cheerful as his. It contrasted so sharply against the consternation darkening his face. As she drew closer, she noticed two things: The erratic bouncing of his right leg. His right hand cupped over his mouth, with forefinger and middle finger parted as if something was meant to be there. A pantomime of a bad habit."

Or maybe I don't have to edit this. This turned out pretty good. 🤔

❓ Write an alternate summary for a published fic without using names. (Points if your followers can guess the fic.)

Oh, you sadist. 🤣 Making me write a whole new summary. 💀 I'll just totally go ahead and use this line that's been sitting my outline files for ages. Not much of a proper summary, but excerpts count. 😤

"Pressing himself against her backside, slouchy black pants rustling against her fitted pair, he breathed hot venom in her ear, his hands like vices clamped around her wrists. She could twist, whimper and wrench away all she wants, but she wasn't going anywhere. "Do you know how boys do it, huh? They take it in the ass.""

I feel like I made that one pretty obvious. 🤭

[vicsy]

big thanks to darling @cvrthage for tagging me this writing meme! let's get to it.

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern.

When Pierre rolls off of him, it’s a laughable caricature of what Charles is used to.

There’s a two-pack of condoms burning a hole in Fernando’s pocket, scotch on the rocks that’s more water than alcohol accusingly staring at him and the evening approaching a quite explosive main event.  (from the latest chapter of mafia au, cheating a lil bit here)

This isn’t the first time they’ve done this.

“I told you,” Charles laughs, breathless and too loud. “I told you I would make you get along.”

“I do not understand why they made me wear a suit for the video today,” Fernando loosens the tie around his neck and takes it off. “A little silly, no?”

It's always more endearing than annoying.

The karting track misses its usual hubbub.

It’s not a lie, per se.

It’s in the way every living soul keeps patronizing him.

“I still cannot believe that father– ow, by the gods, are you trying to strangle me with this contraption?” Chloe’s voice sounds strangled and annoyed. There is more rustling before she speaks again. “Who invented these blasted corsets? Should chop their hands right off.”

alright... I guess the main pattern with me is either a dialogue opening that dumps the reader in the middle of the scene and sets the tone, so to speak. OR I am grossly overusing "it's..." hahaha. The sentence length varies WILDLY and I tend to go with using shorter openings for shorter fics and longer opening for longer fics. As someone who loves writing introspection, opening sentences don't come easy since I gotta try and not dump too much information at once (show, don't tell etc). I have a habit of sometimes writing fics in reverse (starting from scenes that come later and build back up) but having the first sentence and what could be potentially the last sentence helps me a lot. For example, with number 1 on the list the first sentence literally popped into my head the moment the idea took its form. Almost same with number 7 and 10.

overall I tend to overexplain A LOT and I always try to keep myself in check with this haha. openers are so important and gotta hit you right from the start.

tagging @boxboxbrioche, @singsweetmelodies, @wolfiemcwolferson and @lil-shiro if you're up to it!

[hypnotisedfireflies]

Helleur my beautiful friend. Do you have practical advice for newbie writers? I am not a creative writer anymore. I’m all AP style, corporate fluff. I miss getting weird with my writing. Back in the day I contributed to some very cringe, very mouth-breather Twilight fanfiction (but it was for Carlisle/Esme because I’m ✨different✨) and while it’s objectively horrible it was lovely too.

How would one get back into it? I feel like I don’t have such a fantastic grasp on characters like you, and so many others, do! Also I absolutely cannot take criticism without wilting like a flower in the sun sooo that’s inconvenient for growth haha!

You’re my FAVE tell all of Australia they’re lucky to have you.

Hola, my lovely friend! 💛💚🧡💙

Oh heavens, it’s kind of hilarious and terrifying when we look back at old fic habits! Do you still have your fic to look back on or has it been lost to the years?

In my opinion, the best way to get back into it is to write the story you want to read.  (Sometimes when I get stuck, I walk away and go, ‘okay, if I was reading this what would I want to see now?’ And then I can keep going because I’ve kind of reconnected myself with the reason I write in the first place). 

Love to read that you are thinking of getting back into writing and I would love love love to read whatever you come up with!

So like, grab a pen and write a sentence on a piece of paper – “I want to read XYZ happening.” And when you know what exactly what you want to write, you can develop the story around that central column and start imagining how the characters would respond in that situation.

I also find basic outlines useful.  You don’t have to live and die by them, but they will help to keep you on track with the crucial beats.  If it’s a short story it can be as simple as, “This happens, then this, then this,” and then you can pace your story to those goal posts.  Or if it’s longer, the same thing but as individual chapter outlines.  This way you get kind of a roadmap of where the story is going, which is really helpful for pacing. You can make it as detailed or casual as you want.  Sometimes mine contain lines of dialogue or moments I want to include.

So I guess what I’m saying is planning can be really helpful when you’re dipping your toe back in so you don't get lost in your own story – and you can really use that AP corporate style stuff here in that organisational stage!  It’s more creative than it gets credit for!

Character stuff just comes with practice, I think! The more you write, the stronger the voices in your head become. 😂

As for criticism, I have found by and large people are very kind – especially on A03.  If it is something that gives you anxiety you can turn off comments altogether or restrict your story’s access to registered users only, which will give you more control over who can comment.  There are also people willing to be beta readers who can give you feedback within whatever arrangement you make with one another.  I have never used a beta, so I can’t really speak to this much, but I understand it’s really useful for many writers to have someone read/proof/provide feedback/whatever the arrangement is prior to publishing. 

I hope that helps.  But bottom line – write what you want to read, it’s honestly the most motivating thing, in my experience! 🧡💛

[twilightmalachite]

Twin Peaks - factorization 6

Author: Akira

Characters: Hiiro, Kaoru, Hinata, Yuuta

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofers: 310mc & feesh

"She was saying things about how I wouldn’t know anything about the “Setsubun Festival”, but… I wonder what that means, exactly?"

Season: Autumn

Location: Shopping District

The following weekend, at the Shopping District near Yumenosaki…

Hiiro: “—And thus! In this deathmatch in Hell, they will be wagering the right to perform on the music program!”

”The never-before-heard-of showdown between the twins—Aoi Hinata VS. Aoi Yuuta! Twin Peaks has officially begun!”

”Your host today will be yours truly, Amagi Hiiro, from StarPro's newcomer idol unit, ALKALOID! It is nice to meet you!”

Kaoru: Hmm~…?

Hey~? I heard some intense dialogue, what’s going on? What’s this Twin Peaks?

Hiiro: Hmm? Oh, aren’t you UNDEAD’s—

Kaoru: Huh? Oh, sorry! I wasn't talking to you, I’m trying to talk to Anzu-chan, who’s waving a flag around over there for whatever reason…?

I'm trying to act natural! But in truth, it's taking up all of my courage…!

Hiiro: I see. There's no need to steel yourself to face Anzu-san like that. She’s not the type to bite!

Kaoru: Yeah, she is more the passive type... But that's exactly what makes it so troublesome, in a way…

Nevermind that. Umm, which one from ALKALOID were you again?

Hiiro: I’m Amagi Hiiro! It is nice to meet you!

Kaoru: Right. Well, nice to meet you too, I’m Hakaze Kaoru from UNDEAD.

So, Hiiro-kun, you sure it’s okay to talk to me while you’re at work? Sorry, I hope I’m not getting in the way of you guys. I couldn’t help but get curious as to what's going on…

Hiiro: Oh, not at all. We're just running through our script, so it's just a rehearsal.

It's my very first time acting as a host, so I figured to practice down to the last detail!

Kaoru: Aren't you diligent? You're the younger brother of that extreme guy from Crazy:B, but you're not all that similar, are you?

Hiiro: Yes! That's only natural, after all, my brother and I were born into different positions!

Kaoru: Hmmmm… You don't seem to be bothered by your brother, unlike the Sakuma and Aoi siblings, huh? Alright, noted.

Hiiro: Hm…?

I don’t get what you mean, but, Kaoru-senpai—if I may call you that—what are you doing around here?

Kaoru: Straight to the point, aren’tcha… Reminds me of Souma-kun. I wonder if that kid would have treated me like this if he had liked me earlier on.

Hiiro: Pardon?

Kaoru: Ah, sorry. Maybe it's because I've aaaalways entertained guests up until last summer, but it seems I've gotten into a bad habit judging other people.

Anyways, it's ‘cause my parent's house is in this neighborhood, that’s all. I've been staying overnight there recently.

Kaoru: There's been a lot going on at the live house we run lately, sooo…

I thought to stretch my legs for a bit and give Yumenosaki Academy a visit. It's been a while since I've checked up on Kamegorou and the aquarium.

I haven't had the time to until now, so I'm finally getting around to doing it.

Hiiro: I see... My brother caused UNDEAD a lot of trouble too, didn't he? As his little brother, I sincerely apologize.

Kaoru: Well I mean, a lot happened, but it’s fine.

I guess I don't really have much of a sense of belonging in my unit, so I don't particularly care if we get beaten to a pulp, I suppose.

Kaoru: Hm? Wha~t, Anzu-chan? What’s with that look…? Why are you looking at me so sweetly, like you're tryna say "that’s a lie ♪"?

Hiiro: Haha, you two seem to be quite close!

Kaoru: Eh? D-Do you think so!?

Hiiro: Mhm. I can tell it’s because of your time together in Yumenosaki Academy. I haven't spent much time with Anzu-san yet, so I’m not as close with her as you are.

Kaoru: Huh? Even though you're here working together with her on your day off?

Hiiro: Mhm. Though, from what I understand, it was only Anzu-san who was asked to manage this in secret.

But since it wouldn’t have been possible for her to do this alone, I was asked if I could help out, as I share a dorm with Hinata-kun.

She was saying things about how I wouldn’t know anything about the “Setsubun Festival”, but… I wonder what that means, exactly?

Kaoru: Ahh… Anyone who knows about the Setsubun Festival can’t help themselves but walk on eggshells around 2wink.

I guess that’s why she thought you'd be a perfect fit for this job, given you don’t have that extra frame of reference.

Well, I can't be sure, given the fact I have absolutely no idea what this Twin Peaks thing is, but…

Hiiro: Well, a picture is worth a thousand words, so maybe you’ll be able to figure it out if you see for yourself!

Hinata: “♪~♪~♪”

Yuuta: “~…♪”

Hiiro: —Oops, the stars of the show have arrived! It’s time to begin my rehearsal too, for real this time!

If you need any more details, please ask Anzu-san!

See you later, Hakaze-senpai—I hope you do enjoy watching this deathmatch in Hell! ♪

Kaoru: No seriously, what do you mean, “Hell”? What happened to you guys this time, 2wink…?

← prev | story directory | next →

[dark-frosted-heart]

Happy belated birthday!! Hope you’re doing amazing today :)

What do you like about Clavis and Saerial ? Like was there a specific reason why they’re your favourites, or is a collection of reasons?

As a fellow Clavis simp I can list a lot of reasons why I love him and I love to read other peoples’ reasons for falling for their fav otome boy !

Thank you!

( ˊᵕˋ)/ whenever people ask me why I like a character, I always have a hard time answering because it’s usually a natural pull toward them. I wish I could write essays on my favorite characters but I can’t. I suck at this kind of stuff.

So…Clavis and Sariel have been my favorites since the day the game was announced. Simply just by looking at their designs and what little description they had, I was like “Them. I like them.” 9 times out of 10, my initial picks remain my favorites forever. Their voice actors were a big plus too, even with what little spoken dialogue’s actually in Cybird games. 

So yeah, the initial reason was pretty superficial. I liked their designs and descriptions, along with Nokto’s and Chevalier’s, the most. And I ended up with two workaholics that hate each other. But out of everyone, Clavis always felt like “the one”.

I guess, in an attempt to expand on this...

Clavis

On the surface, a lovable troll, tease, and pervert. And I love all of that about him.

I guess he’s a happy virus. Clavis has never failed to make me smile and laugh with all of his antics. This bastard has also almost made me cry a few times too with his words and thoughts. I was in the middle of a rough time when Ikepri came out (and I’m sure a lot of people were given the year), and his trolling and teasing in Chevalier’s route was such a joy. 2 years later and he’s still brought a lot of happiness to my life. He’s like the extroverted friend that’s adopted introverted me.

I admire what was once learning about everything and anything to be better than Chevalier has become utilizing this knowledge for his pranks, his work, and for the benefit of other people, how he works tirelessly to help others, how much he enjoys life, and how he’s always able to come off as someone with an overflowing amount of self-confidence despite his actual low self-esteem. And I love that he grows comfortable enough to begin to expose himself to Emma (it’s a slow process but he’s working on it). Because I want all of that 🤣 I could go on about my life story and how Clavis is the opposite of me—minus the low-self esteem and constantly being compared to others—but I’ll save everyone the trouble and not do that.

This man’s continuing to grow, doing his best to let go of his bad habits and I am here for it. And the way he’s a gentleman to the point of blue balls-ing self.

While I wouldn’t want to deal with a person like that irl, how he throws everything out the window when he gets jealous is just hilarious to me. Like “I want Emma to struggle and learn. I won’t coddle her.” *Emma seeks advice from Keith* “Yeah, no. Emma can come to me for advice whenever she wants”

Sariel

While Clavis is this whirlwind that sweeps you off on an adventure during the day, Sariel feels like someone you can retreat to afterward. A mysterious, yet comforting presence I guess?

Also I’m gonna be real here...I am weak to glasses wearing characters, especially the “cool” types. And he’s voiced by Hayami Show. Plus he’s a sadist and a tease with an unexpected mischievous side that always catches me off guard. But he can also be really soft and sweet, a side he only shows to Emma.  And the amount of patience and self-control this man has... His entire being is for my self-indulgence. 

Anyway...I love the way he is with the princes...How hard he tried to get along with the princes when he was assigned as their tutors. And now he’s drinking buddies with Jin and Leon, and the latter’s confidant. He’s never been scared of Chevalier at all and has this understanding of his behavior. I think he was the twins’ first friend and though things have changed since they were 10, having known them for so their whole lives, he can easily see through them. Regrettably being Clavis’ enabler yet sometimes he can’t help but feel proud. 

And him telling Emma (paraphrasing here) about taking care of what you’re passionate about so that even in times of chaos, you a place you can still retreat to and be yourself really struck me.

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

25, 34, and 41 for your latest ask game?

-verkja

Thank you for the ask! From this ask game.

25.  Favourite part of writing

Having a finished piece I can reread and think “This is it! :)”

Bonus points if I still think that way days or even months later. I guess this couples with the fact that before I get it onto paper, I rotate it in my head for ages - scenes, ideas, alternate versions, dialogue snippets. The moment it’s down, my brain stops rotating it and I can just access what I have decided on.

There are a lot of silly daydream things that never got this far, and sometimes I am sad that I have forgotten most of them, so I am super happy if I manage to write them down.

(Also making people cry <3)

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

(In general for all my advice it’s for “write because you want to”, not “write to earn money”, because for that, it would be rather different.)

Read. Especially if you want to write books, read the genre you want to write in. I’m not saying to take a book and study how it’s built (though you could certainly do that with some of your favorite novels!), but just like... read. Books. Many of them. You’ll soak up so much.

While I would say that a lot of “rules” can be bent and ignored (show, don’t tell/adverbs/voice/etc), there are two things you should get a grip on early:

Point of view. Understand the differences. Understand which one you want to use. This site gives an overview. The difference between first and third person is probably not too hard to figure out ;) but the difference between omniscient and limited especially is important. No one can stop you from head-jumping (writing in a limited pov, then suddenly switching characters without warning), and if you want to do it, you do you, but you should at least be aware of what you are doing.

Punctuation. Especially of dialogue, but also otherwise. If you are not a native English speaker, don’t assume it’s the same as in your native language. This is a very cool site to help. It’s so damn annoying to get rid of a wrong habit.

Never delete your writing, in a fit of rage or otherwise. Throw stuff into the deepest corner of your desktop, never look at it again, put it on a usb drive and lock it in a drawer, but don’t just delete because you’re in a bad mood. Perhaps tomorrow or next week the world looks different. Perhaps someone likes your fic and you want to pick it up again. Perhaps years will pass and one day you want to go back to it. Perhaps you don’t. Perhaps it’ll work as a first draft again. Perhaps it won’t. A while ago I looked at things I wrote almost 20 years ago, and sure, I wanted to die a bit, and also what are paragraphs, but it’s cool that I can.

ALWAYS BACKUP. Don’t trust your hard drive, don’t trust your phone, don’t trust google docs/drive. And for fucks sake, don’t trust Tumblr.

Feedback is important - and not every feedback is the right feedback for you. Especially when asking friends or family, they might not be into that genre. If you write whump, and someone says “do you have to be so brutal” the answer is “yes! sorry it’s not for you then”. If someone says “Hey, uh, so where did that weapon come from, he didn’t have a bag”, that’s something different. Before taking any feedback that isn’t spelling/grammar into account, consider if the person giving it is your target audience. And even if they are, feel free to ignore everyone who isn’t civil about it :)

Which leads me to “write what you know” doesn’t necessarily mean “write exactly what you have experienced yourself”. I sure as fuck hope not every thriller author is a serial killer. But you can learn about things and research them - especially if the story you tell is not your own. Again, no one can stop you if you want to write whatever. But if you want to tell a happy story about an ace kid, and you are not an ace kid yourself, and you put in stereotypes and things that would hurt ace kids, ask yourself who you are writing the story for then? If your answer is in any way “well for ace kids!” you might want to reconsider. (This obviously applies to a lot of things like sexuality, race, disabilities, etc.)

"Everything has been done before” and “Only you can write your story the way you do” are ideas that can coexist. On a broad scale, the core of every story has been told before; be a hero, save the world, destroy the world, fall in love, destroy each other, find the killer. That doesn’t mean your personal spin on it, in this world, with those characters and twists, isn’t worth telling. It is. You ever finished a really good book and thought “wow I sure hope nothing like this exists”? - don’t think so.

For the last question: Under the cut for the last question and mention of fictional torture, fictional sexual assault (unsuccessful) and other unpleasant things.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

Oh boyyy... second time that question.

For one. Every “first” I guess. Every time I went a bit darker than before; the first time I turned my injuries a bit more graphic than strictly common in my preferred genre. The first time I burned Caldyn’s eyes. The first time I decided to write “whump” after knowing of the term, even though the piece (first part of Caldyn’s recovery arc) was rather tame despite some graphic descriptions of injuries he has. The first time I went all out on the torture.

Like, sure, it has haunted my daydreams for years, but I never put it into words, with my own fingers, black on white on my lil keyboard. That was hard at first. Trying to find the balance between “I want this a bit gory” and “I don’t want it over the top”, coupled with the internalized worry of “but what would my mother think”. Hi mom, if you can see this, please get off Tumblr, I love you.

Currently, I am dreading the editing rounds for 2-3 parts in Glass Shards Arc 2. There are two almost sexual assault scenes, which contain some crude language I don’t usually use, and some aftermath in which she will probably say some hurtful things. Same as with disability, I wanna do it respectfully while (luckily!) not affected. It’s hard and I’m procrastinating by writing a novella or two.

[dei-ryuu]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

@isleofair did their response to this questionnaire and I wanted to try to!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14, most from doing an OTP week a couple years back. I'm... very much focused on my long running wip...

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

417,808 and most of it is just from Symbiosis (at 290K atm)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Ace Attorney right now. I've had other fandoms I've written for in the past, (my ff.net repertoire was much more diverse) but they're mostly fandoms I've fallen out of.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Symbiosis (2,408)

Perennial Pursuits (661)

Rule of Three (574)

Unlock Successful (567)

Day and Night (393)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not really. Mostly if someone asks me a specific question (that wouldn't be a plot spoiler). I'm very bad a responses, since my main reaction to comments is just a big dumb grin on my face.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Sleep Talk??? I guess??? It's a side-story to the main fic so there's not really an ending and some of the introspection it focuses on is little sad. Idk, I'm not that big into angst.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say Unlock Successful because it's a sappy proposal fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully I have yet to. Maybe during the olden days (ff.net), but I don't remember at this point.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. Not opposed to it, just hasn't been relevant for anything I'm working on.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I used to. I did a Danny Phantom/Scooby-Doo crossover a loooong time ago. Nowadays I do more characters in X universe/setting (aka AUs).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, it's not been brought to my attention.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone was working on a Chinese translation of Symbiosis and I wish them all the luck with that beast if they're still at it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Don't have fic-writers I'm close with (something I should change, but introvert habits die hard)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Wizardmon and Gatomon! (Wizgato or Wiztail) I used to write for them - again, the ff.net days - and I want to again! Just lacking in ideas.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I only have one wip I want to finish, which is Symbiosis, but I AM going to finish it. I dunno when that'll happen, but it WILL happen gdi

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good at characterization and getting the tone right. And I enjoy my overall writing style.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm stubborn when I get stuck. I know a technique you're supposed to do is skip whatever you're stuck on and write the next section, but I am very bad at that. I try to just push through until I get it and then my brain allows me to work on the rest of the scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I personally avoid it to avoid butchering other languages. I write around POV, so the reader is generally meant to have the same info as the character we're following: if the POV understands the language I'd translate it while making a note that it wasn't said in english, and if they don't, say something was said in X language and leave it there.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Danny Phantom, but who really knows at this point. I've been writing fic for a long time

20. Favorite fic you've written? Symbiosis is my baby. It's tormented me for years at this point, but it is very much my baby. I always wanted to write books when I was younger and it's the fic that helped me realize that that's something I can still do.

Similarly to how I found this, if you want to do this, feel free to (and also feel free to tag me if you do)

[thegeminisage]

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean's weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean's dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference ("you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you're roma downey?")

references to real life phenomenon ("i don't wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice" "try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla")

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude ("easy there, van damme" "so i’m girl interrupted" furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of "chucklehead" "asshat" and on the nicer/endearments end "buddy" "pal" "sunshine" etc)

an idiom ("a snowball's chance" "if it smells like a duck...")

slang ("drinking the koolaid" "jonesing for some hooch" not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor ("power up your batteries" "fly me back to my page on the calendar")

a euphemism ("cloud seeding" "i'd have given you an hour alone with her first")

sarcasm (his habit of replying "peachy" or "super" when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire "vampirate" and "werepire" debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: "it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?")

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there's an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean's pop culture references, because the average viewer won't have seen everything he's talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don't understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that's because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going "what the fuck is WRONG with them?"

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn't help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean's mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he's talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester's way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental "dean winchester dictionary" and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he's telling dean that he can't understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean's tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean's jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says "it was a witch, not the tet offensive." since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: "you wanna just walk right into the death star?" cas: "what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?"). whenever he asks dean to clarify it's always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he's too annoyed to care. (dean: "i don't know who's on first, what's on second!" cas: "what IS second???") i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it's season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don't remember what season he started using "yeah" instead of "yes" but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don't think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that's something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what's true romance, fellas? it's falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he's ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spn masterpost]

[tinyhistory]

Hey! Love your stories so much I just had to ask! Do you have any favorite drarry authors/stories? I sometimes compare the quality of other stories to ROA (oops!) because ROA is just that good. My personal favorites are ROA (of course!), the Foundations Series (saras_girl), the ordeal of being known (louisfake), denouement (the_never_was), Good to Me (And I'd Be So Good to You) (AWickedMemory), and To Hurt and Heal (cassisluna). Have you read these? Have a wonderful day! :)

Thank you, so glad you’ve enjoyed my stories! And thank you for so patiently waiting for a reply. I haven’t been online much in the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately I haven’t read any of your recs, but I’m always happy to add another fic to my to-read list.

I did a rec post a few months ago, but I’ll post an updated version now. The Skyhawke Archives appear to be down, which is crushing news. I’ve had to update a lot of the links.

So here are my favourite Drarry fanfics:

And We Are At Our Apogee (PG-13) by angelgazing

Summary: Draco wanted revenge, but it didn't work out that way.

My notes: Californian beaches, supermarkets, road trips, and a bittersweet ending.

-

A Reckless State of Mind (T) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Draco is a Psyche-Diver, and his newest patient is Auror Potter, who’s been a pathological liar for over a year—and has just tried to violently end his own life.

Notes: The plot alone guarantees inclusion on this list. Probably the most creative fic I’ve ever read, and the twists and turns will keep you guessing.

-

Berlin, In the Year of Our Lord (PG) by Are

Summary: Harry is a green-tea addict. Draco stalks him.

Notes: Probably my all-time favourite fic, along with Blue Vase. It’s sparse and minimal and I love that writing style.

-

Blue Vase (M) by ivyblossom

Summary: Let’s pretend.

Notes: Draco finds an amnesiac Harry and befriends him, pretending they were once lovers. It’s pensive, short, and bittersweet.

-

The Boy Who Only Lived Twice (E) by lettered

Summary: Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.

Notes: Action-heavy fics are damn hard to write, but lettered nails it. The action scenes are breakneck speed, the conversations are threaded with double meaning, and even the silences are tense.

-

Draco in Darkness (T) by Plumeria47.

Summary: Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight.

Notes: This is one of the first fics I ever read (when it was over on FF in 2003) so it’s probably here just for nostalgia points alone. I read it when I was a kid and just thought it was a lovely golden fairytale, the best romance I’d ever read in my (very short, thus far) life. I love reading it again, even years later as an adult when I can see the tarnish on it; the things my childhood eyes didn’t notice. I don’t care. It’s my soft and fuzzy comfort fic.

-

The Flesh is Frail (NC-17) by wildestranger

Summary: None

Notes: Draco has injuries from curses and spells, and Harry keeps him company. Draco is angry; Harry is stubborn. They argue their way into a grudging relationship. It’s a short read and well worth your ten minutes.

-

Good-bye to Yesterday (NC-17) by furiosity

Summary: Draco felt ready to face even a million years in Azkaban as long as it meant that at the end of it all, he would make Potter pay.

Notes: It’s not a dark fic, but it certainly dips in and out of the shadows. If you like your romance to be sharp as a razor and bitter as black coffee, give it a read.

-

Hymn to Color (PG) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Months after Draco cast a curse that took Harry’s eyesight, Harry is still trying to come to terms with it. Draco still wanted forgiveness, which was probably the problem.

Notes: Probably my very inadequate idea of “fluff”. It’s a quiet, introspective fic. Draco and Harry are well-written.

-

Kings among runaways (PG) by enderxenocide.

Summary: Later, the toast will be slightly overcooked, Draco will burn the eggs, and there will be another fist fight in-between the living room and the front door, but they’ll eat breakfast with second-hand plates and Draco’s great-grandmother’s silverware.

Notes: Dreamy descriptions, abstract scenes, and the characters are lovingly delineated. Beautiful writing.

-

On Broken Glass (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: After the final battle, Draco is holding the shards that are left of his and Harry’s life.

Notes: Established relationship. Harry’s forgetful and seems to suffer both short-term and long-term memory loss; Draco stays by his side through six years of post-war amnesia. Very short, just a tiny ficlet. There’s sequels (in bite-size pieces) but I prefer to read the first ficlet and leave it there.

-

Paper Dolls (M) by cupiscent

Summary: In the final year of the War, Draco gets a letter, makes a choice and pays the price.

Notes: Short, succinct, and packs a punch. No character deaths, in case the summary has you feeling nervous.

-

Portrait (PG-13) by Silent Blast

Summary: None.

Notes: Dorian Grey, but Drarry. Of course it’s going to be good.

-

Shattered (NC-17) by femmequixotic

Summary: One damned accident involving one too-lucky curse, and suddenly you'd think he was five again, with their Harry, be carefuls and their quick Levitating charms ready the instant the potion gives way and his rebelling hands lose hold of whatever's in their grasp.

Notes: Draco’s an artist. Harry’s intrigued by his sculptures and paintings.

-

Snatch (PG-13) by didntyoupotter

Summary: Harry is comatose, Hermione and Ron aren’t much help, and Draco isn’t sure about anything anymore.

Notes: The opening scene fools you into thinking this will be a light read with a streak of good humour. Don’t fall for it. By the third act, you’ll be hanging onto every word and feeling a lot of emotions. Also, back in the day, this was one of the Draco/Harry fics. Everyone knew of it. Pay your respects to your fandom history and read this beloved classic.

-

The Stages of Acceptance (T) by Lomonaaeren.

Summary: Harry, already happily married to Ginny, receives the news that he's Draco's mate. Law and custom don't give him the option of ignoring the news. The stages of his reaction, one by one.

Notes: This is not a romance, and I love that the author just casually chucks all the Veela tropes in the bin and says “nope”. In Lomonaaeren’s own words, this fic is more practical than romantic. Harry is unfamiliar with the Veela concepts and hates the very idea of being “shackled” to someone; he rejects Draco at once. Draco is miserable and lonely. They do eventually come to understand each other better, but it’s a huge struggle with lots of setbacks. The general air of pessimism and misery does make the small glimpses of compassion and empathy feel so well-earned. I love a fic that rations out its happiness.

-

The Stately Homes of Wiltshire (E) by waspabi

Summary: Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Notes: This one needs no introduction. The writing is polished, the characterisation perfect, and the dialogue is fun. I love the humour woven throughout it.

-

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain (E) by faithwood.

Summary: It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

Notes: Another one that most of us know. It’s a lighthearted and fun read.

-

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow (M) by novembersnow

Summary: In the war-torn years after Hogwarts, one man has no knowledge of his yesterdays.

Notes: Another classic back in the feverish heyday of the Harry Potter fandom, when books were still being released and everyone had worked themselves up into a shipping frenzy. And no wonder this fic was an instant hit. Draco has lost all his memories and Harry’s investigating as an Auror, but the longer you read, the more you start questioning everything. Good twists and turns that lead to a tender ending.

-

Turn by Saras_Girl

Summary: One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Notes: An inevitable inclusion on any favourites list. I think my favourite thing about it is the characterisation. Everyone is so well-rounded; the characters are brought to life and feel like old friends. All their habits, styles, mannerisms, even the way they walk or talk. While I love everyone in this fic, I have to admit that Blaise is just amazing. Of all the thousands of Blaises imagined by fanfic writers, I love this one the best. “Old bean” indeed.

-

Under the Ivy (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: It is impressive how much you can learn about someone by simply sharing a few rooms. They don’t spend time together, not really, but Harry still knows that Malfoy prefers raspberry jam over strawberry, that he hums along to the Wireless when he thinks no one is around, and that his leg is bothering him more than usual when the temperatures drop below freezing.

Notes: Another old, old favourite of mine. It’s like snuggling into a soft blanket. Remus owns a cottage and Harry moves in after the war. Later, Remus lets a room to Draco, who is an outcast after the war and has limited housing options. Harry isn’t happy at first with the new lodger, but he eventually warms up to Draco. A slow and gentle romance.

-

Vale Sanare (M) by rurounihime

Summary: Draco’s world gains a new component, just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Notes: London nightclubs, one-night-stands, loud music and lonely nights. Draco has seizures due to a curse from the war, and the seizures have led to a fear of intimacy. Short and sweet.

-

The Way Down (T) by lettered

Summary: Malfoy’s all, “Come out of there,” the way you say to a cat who is badly behaved. And Harry’s all like, “No, what, I’m a hermit! And I have a chest-monster! And I am crazy magically powerful!” and Malfoy’s all, “We all have problems, bub.” (thoughtfully) “You are crazy though. I’ll give you that.”

Notes: I just adore this fic. The fic starts well-grounded, giving you a solid backstory and matter-of-fact context, but as it goes on, it slowly unravels into dreamy scenes, lush settings, and repeated motifs. It’s just such a beautiful story.

-

When Love beckons to you, follow him (PG-13) by megyal

Summary: Draco wakes up, lost, somewhere in a forest. He has no idea where he is or how he got there. As he is blundering around trying to find his way home, he hears Harry's voice in his head, telling him what to do.

Notes: I generally like my fics to be bittersweet or with a bit of heartache — but this fic is just a little cloud of softness. If you need something light and lovely without being syrupy-sweet, this is a good choice!

-

The World of the Living (M) by fourth_rose

Summary: A traumatised war hero and a convicted criminal under the roof of an eccentric journalist make for a rather odd ensemble, but Luna has never had a problem with oddities as long as they make sense.

Notes: The story is told from Luna’s perspective, which gives everything a lovely dreamy quality. She takes in a couple of strays after the war — first Harry, who is avoiding his other friends and has quit his Auror job — and then she offers a room to Draco right after his trial. Draco is rude, angry, and ungrateful; Harry is churlish, withdrawn, and moody. Luna doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, and over the course of the next few months, her house guests slowly warm up to each other.

-

Voices From the Fog (E) by noeon

Summary: After years of running away, Harry crosses paths with an all-too familiar face and follows him to Amsterdam.

Notes: Harry drifts across Europe, trying to forget the war. He ends up in a woodworking shop in Amsterdam, alongside a moody Draco. Atmospheric settings and solid characterisation.

[lavandermin]

if all stars fell at once (1) | xiao

pairing | xiao/reader

word count | 3k

genre | fluff, light angst, developing relationship, overall domestic

warning | eventual smut

The memory comes clear as the crystalline waters at the harbor. That day when rain poured mercilessly upon the land— the boy in a mask whose body trembled under an invisible burden. You remember the dark splotches on his body being washed away by downpour.

Blood.

Polearm supporting his body as it heaved, his face slowly turned to face you as an ominous dark mist accumulated around him. And when you blinked, it was as if he was never there; replaced by rain.

Whether it was the haze of sleepless nights getting to you or reality, you still had yet to know. Curiosity was fresh in your mind. His presence… though brief, held immense power and a tainted aura; enough to instill fear in the hearts of any who witnessed them. But you stood there, unwavering and eyes alight with awe and curiosity despite the rain that hailed mercilessly around you.

Weeks continued, and the image of the boy remained somewhere in your subconscious. Days came and went as your mind remained hazed, clouded with the fleeting memory.

The dark clouds overhead brought in strong winds; a sign of a storm rolling in. The laundry hanging outside would surely be swept away at this rate. Quick on your feet, you hurriedly pulled them off the clotheslines. Yet despite your efforts, a couple handkerchiefs you had embroidered were blown away by a harsh gust of wind.

“Ah…!” Despite your attempt, the wind plucked them out of reach. All you could do was helplessly watch as they were carried by devious winds further down the mountain.

Those were for… Ah, I guess I’ll have to redo those, you pondered anxiously. If they were all to be delivered in 3 days, you would have to stay up fairly late just to finish replacing them.

The candle light cracked and flickered as night crept over Liyue. No use stalling. With a sullen crack of your neck, you shut the windows and got to work. The relentless rain was your sole company as you worked through embroidering the replacements well into the night. Despite the nimbleness of experienced hands, numbness settled in after hours of working tirelessly to replace the delicately embroidered handkerchiefs. And with patterns and threads so intricate, they weren’t something you could rush.

The moon came and went that night, having accompanied you behind the storming clouds as it rained and ceased. Yet, late the next day when you returned from running errands, there upon your open windowsill were two neatly folded handkerchiefs safely held in place by a beautiful stone. You examined them— with no doubt, the ones that were swept away.

And as a breeze picked up once more, you didn’t dare look back but hoped the wind would carry your words to the deserving.

“Thank you.”

:

.

.

That was the first time in over a millennia that Xiao was thanked by a mortal for one of his many silent deeds.

———

Soft colors of fading blue and powdery orange iced the sky with the setting sun. You reminisced past memories fondly as you picked a few herbs from your personal garden. The day was slowly dwindling to a lethargic end, but the land ceased to fall into rest to savor most of what the day had to offer.

“Do you remember that, Adeptus Xiao?” you asked with a fond smile. It was met with silence for a moment before a voice spoke up from the roof of your house.

“So, you knew I was here. Mortals truly are something I cannot understand,” he clicked his tongue, shifting to get comfortable where he rested comfortably on your roof. “Or perhaps, it’s that our ties are too strong. Curious…” He pondered to himself, brows slightly furrowed as he contemplated.

With a stretch of your back you stood up, basket in hand. “I know my grandmother’s home is rather quiet here in Qingce Village, so I’ve noticed the roof has become a favorite spot of yours,” you observed with a small shrug he couldn’t see. “Call it a hunch.”

Though he wouldn’t admit it, Xiao knew your guess was right. With your home tucked furthest away at the top of the village, there were seldom any onlookers in the tranquil area. A perfect, stress-free corner for him to visit.

With a huff and trained grace, he hopped off the roof on playful winds and followed you indoors. There was still a cautious air about him but never the same as when you first met him all those months ago.

It seemed like you understood him more than he understood you sometimes, and it puzzled him to no end. Mortals were usually more predictable; working in routine and habits as he had seen of the many centuries that passed. Or… at least he thought. It was no secret that he found mortals to be indecipherable.

In the small kitchen, he was presented with an enticing dish that you laid out; his favorite, no doubt. “Here. I’m heading out to the harbor to run some last minute errands, but you’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like,” you reassured him with a smile. “Thank you for keeping me company today.”

At your genuine, radiant smile, Xiao couldn’t help but avert his gaze shyly. Truthfully, it always caught him off guard to be thanked for such trivial things that were somehow meaningful to you.

Before you reached the front door, Xiao called out after you. “If you are out late, summon me— call my name. I will guide you safely home.” With firm reassurance, he held your gaze under piercing amber. “Promise me this. Do not be reckless.”

There was no fighting the grin that lit up your face. “You worry for me, Adeptus?” you teasingly prodded, and placed a quick peck on his cheek. “How unexpectedly cute of you.”

At the gesture, his eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his composure returned. Pensively, he folded his arms across his chest, and you swore he could practically be pouting.

“The safety of Liyue is my duty as an adeptus. As a tool to be used, and nothing more.”

There was a brief sorrow reflected in your eyes, and before Xiao had a chance to address it, you were hurriedly giving your final goodbyes with your usual warm energy.

“I promise I’ll be safe.”

Left to himself, he accepted your gifted offering of almond tofu. I love the way your eyes practically sparkle when you take that first bite, you once teased.

The memory picked up the thrumming in his chest— uncertainty accompanied by rose-dusted cheeks.

With each delicate bite, his mind upheld more questions. The feelings that burst subtly in his chest— what were they? He searched his heart for answers to describe it. Peace of mind? Loneliness?

As many times as his mind decided to go through the same painful cycle of thoughts, ultimately he was left with more questions than when he started. There were no answers within him.

Such as the moon replaces the sun and the days dwindle into night, he too would let it be for now.

And as the sun slowly retreated more and more behind mountains and thin clouds, Xiao couldn’t help but wonder why he continued to keep near you. A tie foraged with a mortal that strangely did not instill the overwhelming need to leave.

Even the room he was in caused no discomfort or suffocation. The cycle started once again as he wondered, why? He often resided at Wangshu Inn, but never in a room. The rooftop high above any wandering souls was his claimed accommodation. The balcony just below that was seldom used by guests was the only other space he occupied there— eyes able to survey the land from a higher vantage point.

However, here in this small shelter you called home there was none of that, yet he stayed. Curiously, his eyes wandered the room to take in the oddities and trinkets that were used as decorum. The bookshelf across the room posed with great importance, and as he approached it he took in the vast collection of books and small items that decorated some empty sections.

Gloved fingers grazed over the elegant, gold-foil titles of some of the books. Some he has partially read before, or listened to you read aloud while he rested on your lap under the large tree outside.

He found himself plucking one out tentatively, flipping through some pages of a thick storybook with worn corners. Another book from the shelf— a thin book of floral poems and sonnets. His mind idly worked to put together what these books could possibly say about you.

After neatly putting another book away, a small glint caught his eyes. Toward the end of one of the shelf rows was a pile of three books with a precious stone sitting atop them.

Ah, the cor lapis stone he had used when he silently returned the two missing handkerchiefs to you many moons ago. An unknown feeling settled in his chest, warm & persistent. It flourished— euphoric, almost, and not too unpleasant. He wondered if it was somehow related to similar chest pains he’d dealt with. Could he really call it ‘pain’ if it wasn’t truly hurting him? The feeling was foreign and he was utterly clueless.

He moved the stone to check the book underneath, flipping through the pages curiously. Amber eyes indifferently skimmed through a page his finger landed on, curious to what contents the vague title held.

A romantic novel from the looks of it.

The words were needlessly descriptive, the dialogue a little confusing to understand. Such flowery language was a bit bold and the more he read, the more the imagery they tried to paint became vivid in his mind and—

Xiao quickly shut the book, his face warm as he neatly returned the book to its rightful place. Well, it was an interesting book to have in your possession, to say the least. He didn’t have much experience with what it described, but the erotic imagery the dialogue described still left his face a little flushed and brows furrowed as he huffed in indignance at his flustered state.

Mortals do such things? Well, he knew they did, but he was never one to look into it more since he had no reason to.

He had no experience in such intimate matters, nor did he pay much interest in them with his hands usually full on a daily basis. Yet, somehow the thought of you now caused a swirl of emotions inexperienced by him before. Or rather, if he did, he no longer remembered. New questions piled up in his mind.

He shook his head, practically wincing at the odd sensations that kicked him low in the gut as the heat rising high on his cheeks subsided.

“How bothersome,” Xiao muttered to himself with a sigh.

On that same train of thought, he glanced out the window. The sun was merely a whisper that remained as it tucked itself farther behind mountains and dipped below the horizon.

Gloved hands momentarily clenched by his sides, flexing to ease the small seed of doubt. Mortals were unpredictable and reckless, that much he was aware of. With a sigh he watched as the sky over Liyue settled into the tranquility of night.

Though night had fallen, there was still no sign of you returning.

And so, Xiao set off on his usual routine. Out he ventured to vanquish the scattered hotspots of evil activity that surfaced. Be it from subdued gods or his own karma, Xiao relentlessly made quick work of any and all evil.

It was his eternal duty, as bound by contract from the Geo Archon himself—this he knew. If anyone should have witnessed his swiftness as he worked solemnly, they would’ve noticed how he worked just a little harder to clear out any evil nearing your usual route home.

The moon rose high in the sky, a dusty blue as it cast soft light over Xiao’s masked form. His polearm jabbed into the ground and dissipated along with the yaksha mask he donned for battle. The roads that led back to Qingce Village were all cleared, yet still no sign of you.

Approaching the marsh under blue moonlight, his gloved hands created ripples in the calm surface. The reflection of his concerned eyes stared right back at him through the tumultuous ripples that distorted his reflection over playful waters.

Under the watchful eye of the moon, Xiao diligently washed away the impurities that remained on him from battle. Clear waters surrounding him became murky before clearing once again as the blood and grime was carried further down with the current. Xiao closed his eyes and allowed himself to bask under the moonlight, taking in the rare moment of tranquility.

And then it rang out, soft and clear like a wind chime dancing with the gentle breeze.

Adeptus Xiao.

Shrouded by darkness, he answered your summons. As the thin veil of dark entity surrounding him dispersed, he found himself next to a bridge. The waterfall behind him brought a refreshing breeze, and just beyond him he could see Bubu Pharmacy below as well as the harbor.

“You called,” Xiao inquired. “It’s fairly late.”

He wasn’t here to admonish you, though it sounded very much like it. With a playful grin, you smiled up at him from where you sat on the grass next to the bridge.

The way you carried yourself without a care in the world— it was almost endearing how you looked up at him with such fondness.

“Can I ask why you’re here of all places?”

Your nimble fingers continued their work on the flowers you had in your lap, and you almost looked away bashfully. “I wanted to gaze at the stars for a bit,” you admitted sheepishly. “I finished my errands earlier, but then I ran into Mister Zhongli from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and, well… The conversation went on for a while and we ended up here.”

Silently, Xiao took a seat next to you, eyeing the handful of glaze lilies that softly glowed on your lap.

“What did you talk about?” he inquired to fill the silence. He delicately twirled one of the glaze lilies between his gloved fingers.

“Oh… this and that,” you shrugged.

Xiao hummed in response, not wanting to pry into the conversation, until he felt the softness of petals brushing his forehead.

“Mister Zhongli… he showed me how to make this.” There was hesitation in your downcast eyes, and you peered up at him through your eyelashes. “Do you like it?”

“A crown of… glaze lilies,” Xiao noted slowly. Their soft fragrance was delicate and sweet, like the gentle presence of the moon. It reminded him of you. “I’m unfamiliar with mortal customs of exchanges. Is it an adeptal offering?”

You blinked, taken by surprise at the question before sputtering out in a fit of giggles.

“Oh– No, no! This is what we call a gift.”

Xiao furrowed his brows, taking in this vague description. “Hm… I see. What meaning does this gift have?”

You perched your chin on your finger, contemplating. The only ‘gifts’ adepti were familiar with were the offerings that few who went before them brought. Usually, an offering entailed the bargaining of a mortal’s wants and desires to come true. Selfish, wishes he was all too familiar with hearing often.

“Gifts are given to people you consider special,” you started. “To those people who are important to you, usually you put extra effort into the gift. Handmade gifts as well… embody special significance since they hold all the feelings poured into them to be given to your special person.”

The chirps of crickets and running water soothed over the momentary silence as he took in your explanation. Mortal customs were more emotionally driven than he once thought.

“I see. Then,” Xiao delicately tucked the glaze lily he held into your hair. “This is my small offering.”

The rose that dusted your cheeks as your grin lit up your features, it bloomed his chest with that foreign warmth. The weight of reciprocating the gesture without a second thought— he had just openly admitted to considering you a special person. It felt… right.

In the lateness of the cool night, you both sat side by side looking out at the display of glittering stars. He felt as your pulse would briefly quicken under his gloved hand whenever you stole a quick glance at him, and he would offer a gentle squeeze of reassurance in response. Curious, this human next to him— and yet he found himself enraptured by your simple presence.

Across the endless sky, you halted what you were idly chatting about as a speckle of light shot across the sky.

“A falling star… There’s rumors that making a wish on them will help it come true.” Xiao hummed in response, eyes closed in peaceful tranquility. “Hm…”

You pulled your knees closer to you as you contemplated your wish. Xiao watched you with one eye open, observing the way your features subtly scrunched up as you profoundly debated within you what your wish would be.

“So.”

“So?”

“What did you wish for?” Xiao asked quietly.

Mortal desires were usually the same. Wealth, power, lavish items— these wishes Xiao had heard of many times before. Yet—

“I wished…,” you scratched your cheek sheepishly. “I wished for a restful sleep.”

Your cheeks were quick to flush a deep crimson as you heard what sounded like a chuckle next to you. It dawned on you that you had never heard Xiao laugh until now. It was melodic, innocent.

“D-Don’t laugh!” you halfheartedly admonished with a playful huff. “Well, then— What’s your wish, Xiao?”

He pondered for a moment, closed his eyes and spoke soft as the flitting breeze.

“I wish to get to know you better.”

Perhaps he didn’t have all the right words at that moment, but he was bound to discover them sooner or later. Somehow, he was sure you would be the light that guided him the right way to go about these foreign feelings— feelings he was sure weren’t malignant, so he allowed them to persist.

These unsorted feelings for you... they weren’t getting in the way of anything. They were harmless, until proven otherwise.

[backtobackbakubabe]

Speak Easy Part 6

Bakugo x Reader, Dabi x Reader

Words : 4954

Masterlist

Reader has a siren quirk and has spent the past several years of her life as a captive being experimented on by “heroes” Now that she’s out she needs protection and safe place to heal. Who will be the one to put her pieces back together?

Words with ‘this’ is dialogue written in her journal rather than said out loud and and words with ~this~ is dialogue said in sign language rather than out loud.

***********************************************************************

You had attempted to rush off to your room, but you hardly made it back into the house before your knees gave out. It wasn’t even because your legs were tired. If that were the case, you would have gladly crawled just to get away from him. No, you fell because your head was spinning.

You couldn’t seem to catch your breath as the world spun around you. You curled up on your side and let the tears silently stream down your cheeks. You didn’t know how to make it stop because you didn’t even know what was happening. Were you having another panic attack? Was it a side effect of drowning? Was this what it felt like to break Cogernot’s quirk?

Regardless you did as Dabi taught you. You closed your eyes, you took as deep of breaths as you could manage, and you counted.

You heard him step into the house and you could feel the heat radiating off of him as he sat next to you. He made no attempts to touch you or say anything. Which was probably for the best because you could feel yourself on the verge of a mental break.

This was going to be the thing that pushed you over the edge. The whole time you’ve been here you’ve kept your shit together. In all fairness it was mostly due to Dabi’s strict routine. He didn’t give you time to wallow of feel sorry for yourself. From day one he focused on your recovery. But it wasn’t until now that you realized you never talked to him about what happened to you. It was almost as if he thought if the two of you didn’t talk about it, you would just somehow magically forget it ever happened. You bottled it up and pushed it away, but it was still there. Threatening to explode all over the progress you had made. Today just might be the day.

“I know you want nothing to do with me right now… but –“

Your eyes shot open to see him reaching a hand out to you. You smacked it away. ~Don’t touch~

Dabi visibly flinched. Why had you just signed at him? Had he not just broken you free of that shitty quirk? Had he failed? Was this all for nothing? He almost started to panic himself but then he remembered you HAD spoken. Even if your words dripped with hatred and your eyes cut him to the bone. You spoke… out loud…

He desperately wanted to pull you into his lap. To calm you down. To praise you and comfort you. But he knows he can’t. He’s lost that privilege. You don’t even need him anymore. You’re starting to walk just fine on your own now. You don’t need him… and he was the one who helped you get there.

The thought upset him more than it should have. He didn’t even want you here to begin with. How had you managed to crawl under his skin so much? You had wormed your way into his life and now every thought was consumed by you. Taking care of you, feeding you, making you strong again.

You slowly stood up and gave him one last glare before storming off to your room. Well in your head you stormed off, but in reality, it was more like a drunken wobble. You were still soaked to the bone and you were starting to shiver. You had made a puddle on the kitchen floor where you had been lying, and because that was just the kind of day you were having you slipped right through it.

Dabi was on his feet and hovering behind you. His hand gripped your elbow to steady you. You activated your quirk and let him feel the rage bubbling inside you. You wanted him to know how angry you were, how hurt and betrayed you felt. At first he gripped you tighter, but eventually your emotions overwhelmed him and he had to let go, just so he didn’t have to feel them anymore.

You ripped your arm away the second he dropped it and continued towards your room. You threw the door open and slammed it behind you. You slumped to the floor and did something you had needed to do for weeks now. You screamed. You let all of it out. Your anger, your fear, your heartache. You screamed until your throat was raw and your head pounded.

When you were done you took a deep breath, picked your head up, and let the numb wash over you. You stripped out of your wet clothes and hoped into a warm shower. The whole time the only thought in your head was ‘Why?’

The next few hours passed in a blur. You managed to get out of the shower and get into bed, but you couldn’t sleep. Your adrenaline was pumping. You couldn’t convince your body you were safe enough to sleep. It remained in fight or flight. You sat there in silence hugging the pillow to your chest.

It was so quiet that the creek of the floorboards outside you room made you jump. “Y/n… I know you’re mad at me… but you still need to eat something.” You heard him shuffle around a bit. “I’ll just leave it out here by the door. I’ll be in my room….”

You didn’t move from your spot on the bed until you heard his door close across the hall. Part of you knew that you needed to eat. But a larger part of you just… couldn’t. You didn’t understand. The food was right there, you just needed to open the door. But for some reason you just couldn’t make yourself do it. So instead you rolled over and pulled out your journal.

There was something ironic about you didn’t really need it anymore, yet now was the time you were most desperate to write in it. So you did. You poured your thoughts out page after page. Everything you wanted to say to Dabi, everything you wanted to say to Katsuki, to Izuku, to Todoroki and Kirishima. You started writing down memories of what had happened to you, in as much gory detail as you could remember. You wrote and you wrote and hours passed as you hunched over your notebook just looking for the right words to take the pain away. What would it take? What did you need to do to make yourself feel better?

It wasn’t until there was a soft knock on the door that you realized how deep into it you were. “Y/n… Be mad at me all you want, but don’t take it out on yourself. You need to eat something. Please. I made lunch. I’ll leave it here.” You heard the scraping of a plate being put on the floor outside your room.

How was that man capable of being such a monster, and yet so soft? He literally tried to kill you and now here he is worrying over you because you’re not hungry? Funny how dying tends to fuck with a person’s appetite.

You began to really think about Dabi. His motivation in all of this, what did he gain from helping you? Was he just doing his little brother a favor? Sometimes he treated you like his bratty little sister, and then there were nights like last night… You felt your face heat at the memory of you riding his thigh. It had felt so right at the time, but now it makes your stomach twist.

“Y/N! Can you at least say something, so I know that you’re fucking alive?”

The audacity of this fucking man. He wants to make sure you’re alive… after he almost killed you….

You picked up a cup that had been sitting on your nightstand and threw it at the door. It shattered on impact and it had felt to fucking good. There, that should be enough confirmation for him.

“GOD DAMNIT! ENOUGH Y/N! I’ve let you have your pity party. I don’t care if you’re mad at me. I don’t care if you want to throw a fucking tantrum. But you WILL eat something. This is getting fucking ridiculous.”

You picked up the lamp and threw that next. It was sturdier than the cup had been, so it wasn’t as satisfying but it got your point across none the less.

“Y/n… open the door please. We can talk about this.”

He had to have known your door wasn’t locked. It was one of the laws. It was one of your laws. Yet he made no attempt to open it. He remained on the other side with your uneaten food.

“Well if that’s how you want to be then fine. I guess I’ll just have to sit here and talk to the door then.” You heard him slide down the door as he sat down, leaning against it. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I need you to know that. I need you to know that I realize how fucked up what I did was. I don’t want to make excuses, but I do want to explain. And I want to do it when you can look me in the eye, so you know I’m not lying.”

Again, he was met with radio silence. He sat there for a long time. Finally, after what felt like hours he stood up, “I guess I’ll go start dinner then…”

You looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see how late it was. Usually around this time you’d be finishing up with the pool, you cringed. Yeah safe to safe you won’t be getting back in, probably ever.

Dabi forced himself to leave your door, carrying your second uneaten meal of the day with him. He woke up his laptop and started up the video for today’s lesson for sign language. He watched it as he cooked, but he didn’t absorb anything. He was too focused on trying to find a way to fix this.

His hands kept clenching and unclenching. He knew what he needed to do. But it was going to suck. If it would get you to eat though then he didn’t care.

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew you wouldn’t die from not eating for a day. He was more worried about the psychological part of it. When he got out of the league, he had started messing around this hot shrink. She had a real savior complex, but the one thing she got right about him was his need for control. After being abused for so long he had to have control over every situation. Which sometimes when he really felt helpless included his eating habits. When everything else felt out of control, at least he could control that. At least he could decide when and if he ate. He was nervous you were pulling the same shit. He didn’t want to see you waste away because you were desperate for something you could control.

He’d swallow his pride. He’d do this for you.

A knock on the door had you groaning.

“Hey dork. It’s me. Dabi called and said you weren’t feeling well. I made some spicy ramen with pork… You gonna let me in before it gets cold?”

You jumped to your feet and ran to the door. You cracked it open at first to make sure it really was Katsuki and that he was alone.

He smirked at you through the small gap, “Don’t worry he’s not with me, now let me in before I kick the door down.”

He opened it enough for Katsuki to enter and then quickly shut it again. He waited and followed you over to you bed and took a seat at the foot of it. “So, Scarface was a little vague on the details, but he said you were mad at him and refusing to eat.” He placed the warm bowl of ramen into your hands, “Want to talk about it?”

Your stomach started to rumble at the familiar smell of Katsuki’s cooking. You couldn’t deny yourself any longer. You took a huge bite and almost moaned at how good it tasted. You quickly took a few more bites before wiping you mouth on your sleeve and sighing. You needed to talk about it, but was Katsuki really the best option for that? The chances of him blowing up the house was pretty high.

You reached a hand out and put in on top of his and released a calming feeling. “Uh oh…must be bad you’re already trying to calm me down.”

You gave him a halfhearted smile, “Uh… well…” The sound of your own voice made your skin crawl. It sounded wrong, even though you were pretty sure that’s how it always sounded. It made you pause for a moment to collect yourself.

In that brief pause Katauki’s eyes almost bugged out of his head, “Wait a fuckin minute! You’re talking again? Since when? Holy shit!” You could feel his excitement bubbling up along with pride and admiration. It was sweet, and it gave you the boost you needed to keep going.

You played with a strand of your hair, “Since…. Now…. I guess.” You averted your eyes embarrassed, “Or well… since I… well I kind of drowned… briefly.” You looked back up and saw fire behind Katsuki’s eyes and anger was coming off of him in waves.

“And where was Dabi when this happened?”

You knew you were practically signing Dabi’s death certificate but telling Katsuki this, but you weren’t going to cover for him either. “He was there….”

Katsuki’s fist clenched, “Don’t tell me the bastard watched you almost die and didn’t help you.” You bit your lip. “Y/n… what are you not telling me?”

You put both hands on him now desperately trying to overwhelm him with calm emotions. “He was the one who held me under…”

His hands tore away from yours as they crackled with a very real threat of explosions. He stood and stomped towards your door, not even bothering to ask you to elaborate. You knew you needed to stop him, there was no scenario where this ended well for anyone. “Katsuki stop.” He ignored you as he reached for the door. “Katsuki… please.”

He froze with his hand hovering over the doorknob. His voice was dark and oddly low,“Y/n… there is nothing you could possibly say to me right now that would change my mind about killing the mother fucker.”

You couldn’t believe you were actually about to defend Dabi, but it wouldn’t be fair if you didn’t at least tell Katsuki the whole story. “Even I told you he did so I could talk again?”

He turned to look at you and signed as he spoke, “I still don’t care! You were learning sign… you were communicating just fine.” He threw his hands up in exasperation, “Why was him drowning you even fucking necessary?”

Katsuki was starting to take that familiar condescending tone with you and you honestly were not in the mood for it. He had done this a million times growing up. He’d make up his mind about something and make you feel dumb until you agreed with him. “Look I’m not saying that what he did was right. I’m not saying I’m not furious with him. Me not speaking was because of some guys quirk.” You stood and made your way over to Katsuki and began pushing him away from the door. “Dabi knew the guy and said if my brain thought I was dying it would somehow reverse the quirks affects.”

He stopped walking and it was like pushing against a brick wall. “You could have fucking died y/n!”

“Do you think I DON’T KNOW THAT?” You pushed on him again, “Do you think I’ve just been sitting here all day twiddling my thumbs? Today has been fucking awful! I don’t need you to talk sense into me. I don’t need you to kick the shit out of Dabi. What I need if for you to just sit down with me, and just- just let me be. I don’t know!” You gave him one final hard shove which lead to him sitting back at the end of your bed.

His eyes were a mixture of sadness and hurt. “I’m not trying to make this harder on you, I promise. But he put your life at risk and that’s not just something I can just be okay with.” His hands reached up and cupped your cheeks and brushed away a tear you hadn’t even realized was there. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this yet, but I would kind of prefer you to stay alive… you aren’t allowed to die before me. Especially at the hands of some ugly sociopath.”

You leaned into his touch, “Please, for me. Just let it go for now. Let this be between me and Dabi. Be mad all you want, believe me I’m pissed, but you don’t need to get involved. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

He pulled you towards him and moved one hand to cradle the back of your head and pulled you into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Only because you said please. But I hope you know this means I’m coming to check on you more often now.” His fingers carded through your hair. “Actually… if you’re not comfortable here anymore… You could always come stay with me.”

“I thought that was too dangerous, what with heroes and villains alike apparently looking for me.”

He chuckled, “I’d love to see someone try. They’d have to go through me.”

“Yeah, but you can’t always be around… you have a job to do. An important one.”

He gave a sad sigh as his grip on you loosened enough for you to pull back and look at him, “Yeah… I do.” There were a few tense moments when your eyes connected, and you could see the way his eyes drifted to your lips as he licked his own. Ever so slightly he started leaning in closer to you.

Your breath hitched in your chest, as your brain went a mile a minute. Sure, you always had a feeling things might end up this way between you and Katsuki. There was a time when you went to bed every night fantasizing about the moment he would finally break down and admit he liked you. You had known him since you were children and there was always this feeling that if ever given the opportunity the two of you would end up together. But, for some reason it felt… off.

You leaned your forehead against his. “I don’t think right now is the best time for this.” You watched his eyes close as he tried to school his emotions. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because believe me I’ve thought about it. But right now, my life is in shambles. It’s not your job to fix me. That’s my job. And I need you to let me do it. Okay? I need you to let me do this on my own.”

He groaned but nodded as he pulled his head away from yours. “I don’t like it, but I get that I have to respect it.” His thumb rubbed soothing circles on your thigh. “I don’t want you to have to do this alone. I’ve always… Fuck.” His cheeks tinted the lightest shade of red. “I can’t stand to watch you struggle. It sucks knowing you’re out here stuck with him, dealing with so much shit that you should never have to deal with.” He hung his head low, “I just wish I could fight your demons for you. I wish I could lock you away and keep you safe from all the evil of this world.”

You pulled his chin up to make him look at you. “Katsuki you have always been there for me. There hasn’t been many problems in my life that I haven’t solved leaning on you for help.” You saw a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “But this isn’t something you can punch away. It isn’t something you can yell at until it stops hurting. I have to do this on my own.”

Tension was thick in the air. You knew there was so much he wanted to say. You could tell he was ready to fight you on this. But he surprised you by nodding and untangling himself from you. “I need to get going. I have a lot of work to do.” You could see the subtle sting of rejection in his eyes but he quickly covered it with his trademark smirk. “You say you don’t want my help but I’m going to anyway. I’ll help by locking up every single shithead that anything to do with your kidnapping.” He stood up and gave you one more, quick hug. “And that’s a fucking promise.”

You followed him as he left your room, intent on walking him to the door. You wanted to make sure he actually left instead of picking a fight with Dabi. But luck never had been on your side. You exited the main hallway and Dabi was sitting in his normal recliner. He looked up eyes cold as they landed on Katsuki, much softer when they found yours. You tried to give Katsuki a push in the direction of the door, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Oi! When I gave you the fucking list of things to do to help her with her period, I don’t remember drowning her being on it!”

Dabi’s eyes returned to Katsuki’s agitated one and for a while you thought he wasn’t going to answer. “Did you get her to eat something?”

“Don’t avoid the subject. You’re fucking lucky she begged me not to hurt you. Otherwise your ass would be dead.”

You something like surprise flash in Dabi’s expression. “Bold of you to assume that I am the lucky one here. It seems to me she was just trying to protect her little pet Pomeranian from getting hurt.” He grinned at the way Katsuki’s hands popped in anger. “But thank you for getting her to eat. She had me worried.”Bakugo lunged at him but you quickly stepped in the way and put a hand on his chest. You looked him in the eyes shaking your head and have him a shove towards the door.

Dabi could feel his stomach sink at the fact that the only words he had heard you say was “fuck you” He knew you had been in your room chatting away with man boobs and it stressed him out. Even now you refused to speak in his presence, and it killed him. He was the reason you could speak again and yet you refused to speak to him. That idiot Bakugo had nothing to do with it and yet gets to reap the benefit of Dabi’s sacrifice.

Dabi’s blood began to boil. He knew Bakugo would never in a hundred years have the balls to do what he did. He wouldn’t have the nerve to go through with it. Dabi did what he did for you, even if you refused to see it that way. Does he hate that he had to do it? Yes. Is he sorry, of course. But does he regret it… not really.

He watched as you pushed until Bakugo was successfully out of the house. As soon as the door was closed you turned and started to run back towards your room “OH NO YOU DON’T!”

He stood up and chased after you. “We are talking about this weather you want to or not. You can’t hide from me forever. You can’t mope around all day, not eating and expect me to just let that go. Law number seven we eat three full meals a day!” He got to your door just in time for you to slam it in his face. He had been so patient with you today. Not once had he forced himself into your room even the door was unlocked. He respected the fact you needed space. However, when he reached down and noticed that you had locked the door, he didn’t feel so bad about what he was about to do.

“Law number six! No locked doors!” His pressed his palm flat against the wooden door and burned straight through it. He burned a hole big enough for him to reach his hand through and unlock it from the inside.

He carefully avoided all of the broken glass on the ground from earlier. And stomped over to where you were trying to ignore him. You went through your dresser, picking out what you planned to wear to bed. You took a step towards the bathroom, but he stepped in your way.

“Y/n. Can we please talk about this?” You tried to step around him, but he just moved to block you again. “FINE! We don’t have to talk about it, but you will listen to what I have to say!”

You crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly and avoided making eye contact with him.

“I know what I did sucked. But I HAD to DO IT!” His voice was steadily getting louder. “You had to think you were dying. What did you want me to do? Hold your hand, tell you everything was going to be fine, and then pretend to drown you? It wouldn’t have worked!” He leaned over you and grabbed your chin forcing you took look at him. “I knew you’d be mad. I knew it might fuck up all the progress we’ve made. But I did it anyway! I did it for you!”

You slapped his hand away. “You DID IT FOR ME!? YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!”

There it was. Your voice. It hit him like a truck and it was enough to spur him on. “Yes for you! So you could talk again! So you could start to take back what those fuckers took from you! I decided you liking me wasn’t as important as you being able to talk again. Go ahead and hate me, but I need you to understand why I did it! What I was willing to sacrifice!”

Your eyes bore into his and it honestly almost sent shivers down his spine. “I understand just fine! You see me as this sad little broken girl. You thought I was so broken that you were willing to risk my life to fix me. Let that sink in Dabi… you gambled with MY life. What the hell were you sacrificing?”

“YOU!” His voice dripped with emotion. “I was sacrificing any chance I had with you so that one day I could watch you take back your life and get revenge on the people who hurt you.” He ran a hand through his white hair. “I would literally burn every single one of those monsters and piss on their ashes if I thought it’d help. But I know it wouldn’t! That’s a privilege that only belongs to you and I’d do anything to be able to watch you do it. Because I know you’re not broken! You’re a badass who doesn’t need anyone’s help. You are one strong bitch!”

There was pain in his eyes “I didn’t gamble with your life y/n, because I was so sure I wouldn’t let anything happen to you I was so sure nothing would go wrong.” He reached a hand out to touch your cheek, and surprisingly you let him. “Go ahead and activate your quirk. Feel what I feel. Feel what it was like to think I killed you. Feel what it was like to think that I am the monster everyone thinks I am…”

You activated your quirk and was hit so hard with anguish that you practically choked. He was grieving, even now, and somewhere buried under all his pain was something else entirely. But you weren’t ready to address that. “I hate what I did to you, but I don’t regret it, because it worked. It made you stronger. And in this fucked up world, only the strong make it out alive. So yes, Y/n… I did it for you.”

You felt you heart pounding in your chest. This was either the most fucked up or romantic thing you had ever heard, and you couldn’t figure out which one it was. Your hand came up to his that was still on your cheek. For a while you just stood there. Absorbing each other’s presence, then out of nowhere his lips cashed to yours.

Some animalistic instinct took over as you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. He leaned over cupping your ass in hands and picking you up until your legs wrapped around his waist.

His lips pulled away from yours to start kissing down your neck nipping at your ear before returning to your lips. You squealed when his hand lightly slapped at your ass.

He made his way to the bathroom and sat your ass on the counter, his hands sliding up your thighs as he pulled back to look at you. “Law number thirteen?”

Part of you wanted to say no. You were still furious with him, but all your brain could think about was the orgasm you had just from riding his thigh. Your body was aching to be touched and from the look he was giving you, he was aching to touch you.

You slid your hand under his shirt and so lightly he almost didn’t hear it you muttered, “please.”

*****************

Tags: tags: @falling4fandoms @wifunozomi @here-in-never-land @whore-for-anime@klecksstorys @aurorahoneybuns @theunknownrandom @insane-without-delirium @frenchsfryys @officiallydarkgeek @neofixcs @music-is-all-i-need @katsuki-bakubabe @unadulteratedtastemakerpoetry @dabislittlemouse @aimee1602 @pinkhatlizzy @kunaigirlx44

[sanktyastag]

I know people have already talked about the changes Mal has gone through in his show adaptation vs his book self - most of which are changes people generally agree are for the better, since they’re sanding off some of his less endearing character traits. But something that baffles me are the changes that they didn’t make as a consequence to the changes that they did. And by that, I mean, some key pieces of dialogue.

And even more specifically, this dialogue choice:

And to explain why this line of dialogue doesn’t make sense to me in the show, I need to talk a bit about the original book context for it:

In the books, Alina has been harboring a one-sided crush on Mal for years. And I don’t mean she thought it was a one-sided crush, when really they were both mutually pining for each other. I mean that Mal genuinely didn’t have romantic feelings for her in the beginning. Or at least, not ones he acknowledged:

“Wrong. I was planning how to sneak into the Grisha pavilion and snag myself a cute Corporalnik.”

Mal laughed. I hesitated by the door. This was the hardest part of being around him - other than the way he made my heart do clumsy acrobatics. I hated hiding how much the stupid things he did hurt me, but I hated the idea of him finding out even more.

This is something Alina battles with herself over for most of the beginning of SaB, before she’s taken to the Little Palace. She had a close relationship with Mal in Keramzin, when they were both just two kids in an orphanage. And then they join the second army and Mal is suddenly a popular, capable, respected soldier in people’s eyes, while Alina is stuck battling her own resentment at her inability to fit in, as well as some pretty gnarly feelings of inadequacy.

Feelings of inadequacy that are a reoccuring issue with her - in the beginning, she describes herself as a mapmaker “and not even a very good mapmaker”. With Botkin, she’s unable to keep up with the other Grisha in physical combat, and with Baghra, she’s unable to master her Grisha abilities. It can be summed up nice and tidy in the Siege and Storm quote, when Alina isn’t using her powers because she’s in hiding with Mal:

I was so frail and clumsy that I’d barely managed to keep my job packing jurda at one of the fieldhouses. It brought in mere pennies, but I’d insisted on working, on trying to help. I felt like I had when we were kids: capable Mal and useless Alina.

So at the beginning of the books, Mal gets the chance to gain acceptance and respect from his peers, and Alina is stuck feeling inadequate and ineffectual. The natural progression of this type of rift is that they would begin to grow apart: Mal would make friends and find a sense of belonging, and Alina would remain alienated and isolated from her peers. Which is exactly what happens. It takes less than a year for them to change from being inseparable, to a normal, casual friendship:

“So what are you doing here?” When we’d first started our military service a year ago, Mal had visited me almost every night. But he hadn’t come by in months.

And that’s pretty much how their relationship stays until they’re reunited after the Little Palace. It comes to a head with Mal talking about his jealousy over seeing her with the Darkling, and with Alina admitting she’d been happier at the Little Palace than she’d been in a long time, largely because she’d finally found what Mal had found in the second army: A place she fits in and feels accepted:

“That night at the palace when I saw you on that stage with him, you looked so happy. Like you belonged with him. I can’t get that picture out of my head.”

“I was happy,” I admitted. “In that moment, I was happy. I’m not like you, Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never really belonged anywhere.”

“You belonged with me,” he said quietly.

“No, Mal. Not really. Not for a long time.”

And this is where that “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you” line drops. It’s specifically about Mal acknowledging that he started taking Alina for granted when they joined the second army, because he was so caught up in finally feeling like he could belong somewhere, and feel pride in himself, he stopped prioritizing their friendship. Which is a very understandable thing!

The books don’t really go into this, but at this point in the story, it feels like something Alina might finally be in a place where she could understand how he felt: living a life where you’re taught to be grateful for other people’s charity, and that you’re a burden on other people, and then suddenly being put in a position where your existence isn’t just tolerated, but celebrated and respected, is a very validating and heady experience. It’s easy to get caught up in a new life where you don’t have to think about how ashamed you felt in your past, and can instead be the person you’ve always wanted to be. It’s a shared experience of theirs that I feel like would have been worth exploring. What actually happens is that they seem to play resentment tag around each other throughout the trilogy, with one of them getting the chance to be respected amongst their peers, and the other feeling inadequate and resentful about it, and then something coming along that flips the dynamic, over and over again.

But I digress - so here is the context of that line in the book:

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me. I’ve risked my life for you. I’ve walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I’d do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don’t tell me we don’t belong together,” he said fiercely. He was very close now, and my heart was suddenly hammering in my chest. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

Now, when we look at the show... none of this is really relevant? We never get the sense that their relationship has changed from what they were like in Keramzin. Mal doesn’t grow distant from Alina - it’s almost the opposite. The only reason they aren’t together at the beginning of the show is because their units weren’t together. It’s not Mal creating distance, it’s their job. And the second that he gets the chance, he seeks her out. In the flashback, as well, we see him immediately look for her, and he goes so far as to hit someone with a glass, because he was told the guy said something shitty to Alina, just so he can be with her in a cell.

Similarly, instead of them sitting at separate tables in the mess hall, Alina simply doesn’t get served at all (because Racism), and so Mal goes out of his way to steal food from a Grisha tent, just to cheer her up.

He’s present, attentive, loyal, and completely in tune with her emotionally. He is, I would argue, also completely in love with her (which is something I think they flipped from the books - I get the impression that Mal’s been in love with Alina for a long time, and Alina is the one who hasn’t quite made the leap from “best friend” to “romantic interest” in the show, although that’s obviously a personal interpretation). So what, exactly, is he apologizing for in that scene? What about her didn’t he see?

The only way I can try to make sense of the scene now, is that he’s apologizing for perhaps not realizing she was a Grisha? Or maybe for inadvertently “making” her repress her powers for all this time, because she didn’t want to be separated from him? And that works, I guess, except that the lead up to this apology is Alina saying that Mal looked at her “with fear in his eyes” back in Kribirsk, after he finds out she’s Grisha. And that’s, again, a book thing. In the books, Mal apologizes for just standing there as she’s taken away, for not chasing after her. In the show... he does chase after her. He does literally everything in his power to go to her. There’s no pause, there’s no moment of doubt. The last time she sees him, he is afraid for her, as she’s being taken away, but he is not, for one moment, afraid of her. So I just... don’t get where that line comes from.

It seems weird to completely erase all of Mal’s flaws from the books, but then keep the dialogue where he apologizes for how those flaws have negatively impacted their relationship, without recontextualizing the apology into an appropriately impactful moment.

[kaisa-ryo]

Sukuna Ryōmen NSFW Alphabet

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

A = Aftercare (What he likes after sex)

Lie on your back with your arms crossed under your head. Most of the time, Sukuna looks up at the ceiling and thinks about something; sometimes he talks to himself, asks himself if he really loves you or pretends to love you. But when you start to cuddle up to him, he looks at your sweet sleeping face and, smiling for some reason, gently squeezes your hand, which rests on his chest, and snuggles up to you.

B = Body part (His favorite body part)

At first you thought he was joking when you said he liked your whole body. But he was not joking. From the outside, he really admires your whole body, because for him you are the most perfect specimen in the world, and he was simply mesmerized by your perfection. Perhaps it will surprise you, but you began to realize your sexual attraction only with him. Before him, you had no idea how good you are. Yes, there were those types who said that your eyes should be mesmerizing and your hair should be long. Or that you must have big lips. Naturally, for a long time you considered your appearance as your biggest flaw. But against the will of fate, as in a typical love story, one possessive brute appeared and made you love yourself. You haven't confessed to him yet that you are grateful to him for teaching him to love yourself. And even if every day he notices some flaws in you, you still don't listen to him, because you know that he still likes your body, it's just that such an egoist has a habit of influencing you and the people around you.

C = Cum (Everything about sperm)

Anywhere, as long as it is your body.

Yes, inside, too, is no less horny, but hell, you seem so spoiled and dirty in his eyes when you are covered in his cum. He will not let you go to the shower right away, because he wants your body to be more saturated with his scent. And he doesn't care that you are indignant, that you are uncomfortable. If he needs it, he will do it.

D = Dirty secret

Public sex.

Sukuna moans at the thought of how he is leaning you as much as possible against the panoramic window so that everyone can see how you wriggle and groan. You feel his tense flesh, watch how he digs more and more into your buttocks, and feel how his penis, increasing in size more and more, pierces your pussy. It seems as if in the whole universe there is nothing but his rhythmic movements inside you. Everything else: people outside the window, cars, barking dogs - nothing compared to this powerful electrical discharge that escapes from your body at that moment.

E = Experience

It was several times before you. Only now, none of them wanted to start a relationship with him. As, in principle, he is. Yes, baby, sex without obligation is still in fashion. You yourself can no longer remember why it was you who decided to take such a brave step - to meet with the curse, and even with their king. Probably because even behind the veil of selfishness and dependence on power, you could see in him one pitiful, but still a drop of humanity. Naturally, Sukuna did not disregard this and even imbued with your enthusiasm. And this splinter is still amazed that you have not left him yet.

F = Favorite position

His most favorite is missionary and doggy style with a squeeze of your wrists over your head. So he can do whatever he wants: change speed, pace, bite, and you cannot stop him or push him away.

G = Goofy (Serious at this moment?)

No.

During the process, he can throw something dirty and humiliating. Can slap, bite or hit. He cannot stand it when it is quiet and only spanking and your moans are heard. He needs to create a whole performance, whatever, just to fill the room with something passionate other than silence.

H = Hair (Is the hair okay?)

Not at all.

The king of curses does not see the need for this at all. If you're uncomfortable with giving a blowjob, he doesn't care. He's not going to waste time making you comfortable. Only throws a short "bear with it." But one day you still managed to persuade him to at least try, smirking him with cute eyes. Then he “limped” for a long time and was angry with you, because it was as if his skin had been ripped off below him, and now everything became sensitive. You laughed at him until everything grew back again, and Sukuna vowed that he would never shave his pubic hair again.

I = Intimacy (Romance)

Oh, he has a problem with that. But don't be in a hurry to despair, he just started to learn!

Most recently, he stopped making a grimace of disgust after kissing you on the cheek or kissing the back of his hand. There were some compromises - now he began to inhale your scent into all his lungs. Then you asked why and why, and received in response what he liked, how you smelled, adding that for all the time that he was on Earth, he had never felt such a unique and intoxicating scent. Not to say that it did not bother you at all, then you really felt a pleasant feeling of goosebumps.

He has no money for gifts, but if you try, he can take you to any place. If you want - to the forest, if you want - to an amusement park, if you want - to a park of culture and rest, if you want - to a museum. In general, such a good guide. Lazy and does not immediately agree, but still a guide.

You push him to all these (however, there is no one else), forcing him to watch dramas, musicals, family comedies, throwing fleeting glances at him when the romantic scene begins. He will cast a second glance at you and guess your goal, sighing in disgust and rolling his eyes.

J = Jack off (masturbation)

It happened a couple of times. That same dirty secret.

To be honest, he didn't react in any way when you caught him doing it in the middle of the day. Unless he just wanted you to "help him." You rolled your eyes and slammed the door, leaving for another room. He grinned maliciously with such a predictable reaction. He was sure that you wanted it, it was just that you didn't have the courage.

K = Kink

If you only knew how languidly he sighs when you give yourself pleasure. Especially if you do it for him. The way you do it turns all his ideas about sex upside down. How you moan when you play with your nipples and stick thin fingers into your hole - it makes his mind melt in an ocean of pleasure. How he fidgets, waiting for your orgasm when you start kissing him. How do you hold his shoulders, snuggling up to him so that he can feel all your hidden virtues. He asks for more and more. And then suddenly he sharply grabs the hair and digs his lips hard into your mouth. He has very strong arms, it seems that even a pinch of effort, and your head will be ripped off. Yes, power and the elements of BDSM are also on his list of favorite things about sex, as are bites or wet sucks.

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

To be honest, he has no preference.

If he wants to fuck you on the kitchen table, he will. If he wants to fuck you on the couch, he will. In the laundry, he'll do it. It's no secret for you that he would not mind trying a couple more places and he will never get tired of coming up with new ones.

M = Motivation

He likes it when you suddenly start to dominate or suddenly rub against his cock.

He realizes that he has a competitor and this idea turns him on as hell. Sukuna naturally loves to compete, and you also add fuel to the fire. Naturally, he will not give in, because you are still a pitiful person in comparison with him, and your power must be defended. Therefore, do not be surprised if he begins to act more efficiently than usual in order to assert his own greatness. And Sukuna will try to show you how small and insignificant you are, unlike him.

N = No (Which will not do)

Greed and the desire to completely control the process, of course, is what he aspires to, but when he sees you suppressed and constrained by some thought coming directly from your subconscious, it worries him much more. Such vulnerability literally tears him apart. Under the pressure of circumstances, he turns, in a sense, into an evil, but caring mother. The king of curses first looks at you, as if expecting your gaze on him. Realizing that this is useless, he starts the dialogue first:

— Well, what is different?

Now you didn't want to answer him. I didn't even want to see him. This is not the first time he has shown waywardness. It started to exhaust you in order. The thoughts in your head were dark and your voice sounded cold and indifferent. I thought that it would be better to kiss you or touch you tenderly, but his hands at that moment were too persistent. It infuriated, but it was already impossible to leave. And he did not stop talking to you.

— Sor..m.. - the words from his lips sounded somehow strange. He seemed to have eaten the last syllable.

— What? - you responded.

— Sorrmm...!

— I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.

— Forgive me already, fucked up!

He rolled his eyes after you started either laughing or crying (you laughed and he realized it almost immediately).

O = Oral (Likes to receive or to give)

Receive. Definitely.

What else can you expect from a cursed spirit like him? He will definitely make sure that the blowjob is the longest process in sex for him. Moreover, he will do this persistently: winding your hair around your hand, forcing you to swallow the penis as deeply as possible, so that later as deeply as possible and finish. He doesn't care if you gag, cough or provoke a gag reflex. Sukuna insists that you have to endure, adding "for my sake" with feigned tenderness. You have no choice but to succumb to his pressure. After all, if you do not do this, do not expect that he will please you.

P = Pace

Very lively.

There is hardly a second when you can completely relax. He will hammer into you like a jackhammer, dig his nails into the skin, leaving red streaks on it, and whisper something viciously at the same time. In order to somehow soften these moments, you intensely squint and succumb to his tricks, allowing you to lull your vigilance and give an outlet to the accumulated tension. But you still feel a growing wave of excitement inside you. And Sukuna knows it, as if he reads your thoughts.

Q = Quickie

Immediately starts high. And if because of this you end up quickly, he will require a second round, then a third, and so it will continue until he gets tired of it. Your sex play can last for hours. His "come on, I know that you are already at the limit" will be repeated so often that you will not even be able to think about anything other than orgasm. And he fucking loves it.

R = Risk (Ready to experiment)

Always ready.

You have such compelling requests almost every day. You refuse the majority, because they sound too crazy, but he does not despair and continues to whisper details in your ear, if you nevertheless agreed. And this is, surprisingly, really a working method.

Did the baby suddenly want sex on the roof? Why not!?

On the director's desk? Oh, how can you refuse when you ask him so sweetly, moaning into the phone speaker and squeezing around the air, instead of which there should be yours and only your Sukuna.

S = Stamina

Fuck with him until the morning? Easy! If you are free all weekend, he will definitely find time for you to have fun (if you understand what I mean).

T = Toys

Bad attitude. It's just bad.

— This crap can't take and replace my dick like this! — shouted the King of curses, — Or do you think that she will be better!?

— No, that's not what I mean! — you yelled, — I just suggest you try.

— In that case, I'm against it.

He turned around and left.

You rarely managed to convince him, and this time he was seriously opposed to it. Well, if you want to try them, then you have to do it alone in secret from him.

U = Unfair (Does he like to tease)

It is already difficult to remember at least one sex in which he would not tease you.

Yes! God yes! He knows that you want him at any time of the day or night. Every minute ... He knows all this and feels as if it is a part of him, as if he was destined to constantly touch, squeeze, lick and caress you. Feelings are heightened more if you tell him this directly. For this, he is ready for almost anything. He is ready to give up and just melt between your legs. His skin is so sensitive to your touch that every movement of yours creates desire in him. And an ordinary "dirty slut" excites both of you no less than any other intimate intimacy.

V = Volume (How loud is it)

Loud.

The kisses that descend on your goose bump, lower and lower, turn into a marathon of moans and screams. Whichever of you tries to sound quiet, at times like this it becomes useless. Sometimes you even thought that Sukuna just wanted to shout you down. Such thoughts make you smile involuntarily.

— Why are you smiling? Are these days over?

W = Wild card (Random headcanon)

One neighbor lives next to you. Kind and friendly. Every day, there is a new gift for you - a cake, a cookie, or even a garden gnome. In general, he loves you very much and is constantly interested in when you will marry.

One night you were especially noisy: the bed was reeling back and forth, its back was banging against the wall, and you were screaming with pleasure so that the glass trembled. In general, it is not clear how the house sustained both of you, but you woke up in the morning as if you had slept for a whole month.

You were lying around, unable to even pick up your phone or go to the toilet. And then there was a knock on the door.

You quickly pulled on your panties, threw a robe over your naked body and with small steps ran to open the door. There was a neighbor at the door. It turned out that she had heard the noise from your house all night and decided that they were burglars or worse. The morning head, with difficulty digesting information, finally woke up and at that very second you felt so ashamed that you winced and closed your eyes.

— The guy and I had a fight a little. But it's okay. Rampaging is the norm for him.

She was a little taken aback by this answer.

— Was it me who was on the rampage? — There was a hoarse voice from behind, — Yes, you rode on me like a stallion! Although, to be honest, I liked such a filly...

The neighbor stares at Sukuna, dumbfounded.

You wanted to put it in a blender right now.

X = X-ray (What's under the clothes)

20 cm. During erection ± 2.5

Y = Yearning (How high is the sex drive)

As stated earlier, Sukuna is not good at compliments or gifts. And he himself constantly claims that this is not necessary at all. He acts on the following principle: good for you, good for him, then everything is fine and nothing else is needed. You want something romantic, not depraved. Sometimes he gets bored with his reproaches and requests to spend the evening in bed again. One gets the feeling that he is not capable of anything else.

Sukuna wants to change for you. Listens attentively when you say anything about the human world. What are the customs, countries, traditions, sights. He remembered everything that you said to him and remembers, too, what you tell to this day. He wants to prove that you were not mistaken by discerning humanity in him, towards which no one ever dared even look. She looks at other men, studies gestures and tries to repeat them. Now you do not understand this, but one day you will realize it, and you will love him like you never did before.

± 8/10

Z = Zzz (How quickly falls asleep)

He does not fall asleep and does not sleep. And he goes to his tomb and sits on the throne while thoughts of you visit him. The more he thinks, the more he wants to touch you. Take it and never let it go Any philosopher would say that you are the same as all people. She is as ordinary as millions of others, with her weirdness and naive dreams. Anyone would say, but definitely not him. He doesn't care if you’re ordinary or not, but he wouldn’t date you if he thought the same way. Even if you don’t live a thousand years like him, you’re ready to give you half of your life force, just to die with you.

He doesn't like such thoughts. They don't like the fact that you tied him to yourself, just once you smiled sweetly. He gets angry and screams that he allowed himself to get too carried away by you, and everything around, the whole world is just a pitiful soap bubble, which does not exist even in such a seemingly huge format as your most human soul of all.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Castlevania Season 4: I’m not mad, just disappointed

Season 4 is poorly written fanfiction, which is...better than a lot of things could be, I guess.

Spoilers below the cut.

Content warning: trauma, sexual assault, psychological manipulation

The Gods Have Had a Change of Heart

Or, “Season 3 Blocked and Ignored”

Season 3 felt like the fabric of the universe had been twisted just to inflict additional pain. Season 4 overcompensates in the other direction; trauma evaporates, and good things happen for no other reason than to make our favorite characters happy.

The Season 3 finale left two characters in particular totally devastated: Alucard and Hector. Alucard is violently betrayed in a horrifying sexual assault by the first two people he’s spoken to since Trevor and Sypha left. He ends up killing them in self-defense and puts their bodies on stakes outside the castle, alluding to his father’s habit of doing so and potentially hinting at a turn toward evil. Hector is seduced by Lenore and then enslaved using a magic ring.

Yet at the start of Season 4, it’s as if these things never happened. Alucard is troubled, but not totally devastated, certainly not evil. Taka and Sumi are referenced in exactly one conversation with new character, Greta, in which she says the rather tactless throwaway line, “I had a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time once. But they never tried to kill me.” Hector is nominally imprisoned, but immediately seems highly agentic, perhaps even more so than before. He studies, lays traps, and makes secret plans with other people. Furthermore, his relationship with Lenore is completely transformed. From falling to his knees in abject horror and despair at being enslaved, he suddenly switches to light banter, in what is apparently a basically okay, mutually enjoyed romantic/sexual relationship. Manipulative, selfish Lenore is now a sympathetic character struggling to reconcile her own role and feelings with Carmilla’s plans.

The events of season 3 happened, remaining canon in the most basic, literal sense. But the emotional weight attached to them has disappeared into thin air.

Not gonna lie, I did breathe a sigh of relief when I saw that Alucard and Hector were okay. I’m soft-hearted! I don’t like seeing characters I like suffer! I mean, conflict is important, and I can deal with (or even enjoy in a certain sense) seeing characters suffer if it makes sense and serves a narrative purpose. But as far as I can tell, the season 3 finale was nothing more than lurid, meaningless violence. I probably wouldn’t have continued watching the show if it devolved into nothing more than finding novel ways to torture the characters.

Still, it doesn’t feel quite right to pretend like nothing happened either. Or, really, not that nothing happened, but that those things didn’t matter, didn’t hurt, didn’t leave lasting scars. That’s...almost kind of worse.

But, I thought, I can sort of forgive this sudden shift in the stars, given that there may have been some sort of change in creative direction relating to Ellis’ decreased involvement with the show.* Plus, season 3 was insanity. It’s not like it was full of great writing choices, so if we quietly ignore some of them, maybe that’s for the best.

*I only later learned that Netflix actually chose to continue with Ellis’ season 4 scripts. It is not lost on me that maybe Ellis doesn’t know how to write about the lasting effects of traumatic sexual experiences or how power dynamics can make a sexual relationship problematic because he doesn’t understand that those things exist.

Characters Being Nobody and Nothing Happening

Pretty Pictures, Not Much Else

Unfortunately, the disconnect between seasons 3 and 4 isn’t the only problem with this season. Although I felt that season 4 was a bit less boring than season 3 (I particularly enjoyed some of the earlier episodes of season 4), it suffers from the same basic problems of Characters Being Nobody and Nothing Happening.

None of the characters experience any significant development, let alone any sort of coherent arc. Sypha has changed slightly, becoming more rough and jaded. I did really like the scene where she talks about becoming the kind of person who says “shit.” I think it really speaks to how entering into a relationship with someone means taking on aspects of their lifestyle, and how that can change you in ways that you can’t predict and therefore can’t exactly “agree” to. Sometimes those changes are good, sometimes they’re bad, sometimes they’re neutral, and sometimes it’s difficult to know. But you have to accept that you’re sacrificing some aspects of the person that you could have been if you chose to live completely independently, or with someone else.

Trevor really hasn’t changed since season 1 when he first decided to take up the mantle of hero again. Likewise with Alucard. Hector and Lenore change, as previously noted, but that change is sudden, jarring, and occurs completely off screen in between seasons 3 and 4. Carmilla dies as exactly as she lived: bitter, angry, and violent. Saint Germain just kind of...gets fucked over in a nonsensical subplot, which is its own whole can of worms.

We also get several new characters in season 4, none of whom have developed personalities or motives, nor do they develop any of those things over the course of the season: Greta, Zamfir, Varney, Ratko.

And nobody. Does. Anything.

Trevor and Sypha spend the entire season trying to explore and aid Targoviste, which comes to absolutely nothing. They’re unable to help anyone, Zamfir dies, and they end up just jumping through a magic portal to the actually relevant subplot in the finale. Carmilla literally does little more than draw maps until she’s ultimately killed. Hector plays a minor role in Saint Germain’s extraction of Dracula from Hell; otherwise, he and Lenore basically just exchange banter. Saint Germain does sort of do some stuff? But it’s often unclear how he’s made his connections, who the people who are helping him are, or what exactly he’s doing in terms of his magic beyond “whatever it takes to get back to his lover.”

Sure, there are fight scenes, but they feel meaningless. There’s no context, no stakes. There’s also a LOT of dialogue, and it is. Not well written. Exposition is embarrassingly clumsy at times, and the philosophical musings are cliche at best, muddled and confusing at worst. There’s just not all that much going on.

That is, except for Isaac. But more on him in a second.

What Kind of Show Is This?

When the plot line adapted from Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse ended with season 2, the show struggled to establish a new identity.

Despite nominally dealing with themes like whether humanity is inherently good or evil and how to cope with wrongdoing and loss, seasons 1 and 2 ultimately boiled down to a pretty generic action-adventure/fantasy plot with found family/power of friendship elements. Main characters Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard don’t really wrestle with big philosophical questions or suffer any major defeats. They know that they have to take down Dracula for the good of the world, and they work together as a team to do it, with a little character development relating to their various backstories sprinkled in.

Then season 3 happened, and things got weird. The trio is broken up for what feels like a pretty trivial reason—Alucard has to protect the castle and Belmont hold, I guess? And the result of that decision is that the dynamics for the three main characters are completely unbalanced.

Ellis openly admits that he basically went feral with the writing of season 3, and it shows. The messaging in seasons 1 and 2 was cliche, but consistent. The message of season 3? Anyone’s guess.

Season 4 reversed the darkening of tone from season 3, but shares its inability to pick a story and tell it.

Isaac is the Main Character

Always has been.

While I can’t say that his character or arc are perfect, I can say that he actually has a character and an arc. He starts off motivated by his fierce loyalty to Dracula, then has to struggle to find his purpose once Dracula is gone. He goes from subservient to agentic. He goes from fully endorsing the genocide of humanity and not caring about his own life to seeing some worth in humans and genuinely wanting to live. He has an interesting moment that deepens our understanding of what night creatures are, while also serving as an exploration of the meaning of one’s fundamental nature. Most importantly, these changes happen naturally over the course of the show. They never feel forced or out of the blue, and while I feel like even more could have been done with Isaac’s character, there’s a lot to appreciate about what is there.

If there’s any thread holding Castlevania as a single, coherent work together, it’s Isaac. Not only is his character the best executed and the most coherent over the course of the show, his character explores themes that are larger than himself and relevant to the show as a whole, like those mentioned earlier: misanthropy versus a belief in the value of humanity; the ability to go beyond one’s “nature” or initial circumstances; and how to respond to being wronged or losing something important to you. Exploring the individual lives of characters is great, but really good writing usually requires going beyond that to reflect on broader questions and ideas. Isaac is the only character here that serves that larger purpose.

Sorry...I Just Don’t Buy It

The season 4 finale is crazy, although in a different way from season 3′s.

Varney being Death makes no sense on several different levels. I’m not going to spend a lot of time picking that particular plot twist apart, but I will talk about why I think it doesn’t work at the largest scale, and how I think season 4 might have been done better.

Last minute twists with zero foreshadowing are rarely a good idea, and this is no exception. Why introduce this “Death” entity at the last minute to be the most important battle of the season? The finale of the entire show, even? Besides the lack of logic or emotional buildup, this robs the show of the opportunity to make use of the antagonists that it already has. Since Dracula died, Carmilla has been the obvious choice for a new big bad. Why hasn’t she done more?

Season 4 feels crowded with characters and plot lines that amount to nothing. Why not bring some of these characters together? If Carmilla is the main antagonist, how come she never meets any of the protagonists (except Hector, who is a pretty minor player in this ecosystem) or even affects them in any way?

Season 4 feels like maybe it was trying to make something out of season 3 and the model that it presented, but it ultimately fails to do so. The writers throw the trio back together at the end anyway, so why not have them rejoin sooner and work together? Maybe Sypha and Trevor’s past experience with Saint Germain could have helped Alucard and Greta piece together what he was plotting sooner, rather than all four of them being completely blindsided by it in the penultimate episode. (Sypha and Trevor know that someone is trying to resurrect Dracula, but they fail to find out any actual detail about the plans, despite their supposed attempts.) Have characters actually do stuff, figure stuff out, advance the plot!

Likewise, maybe Carmilla becomes aware of Saint Germain’s scheming, sees it as a threat, and tries to take him down. Maybe she tries to get involved and somehow use alchemy or the Infinite Corridor to her own benefit. What does it look like when power-hungry Carmilla, who wants to rule the world, finds out there’s an entire multiverse out there? That could easily set her up to be a foil to Saint Germain, causing him to realize that what he’s doing is wrong.

What actually ended up happening in the show feels disjointed and often empty. In particular, most of the events that happen in the last two episodes just don’t really work for me. I didn’t like Trevor suddenly sacrificing himself to this random, new, super powerful enemy, or how the gems and dagger that he found just happened to be the perfect weapon to kill this new enemy, or how he inexplicably returns from the dead.

This kind of thing is what I mean when I say that this season feels like fanfiction. Trevor comes back from the dead for no discernible reason other than that it would really suck if he died. Greta as a character seems to literally only exist to be Alucard’s girlfriend and support him so that he doesn’t have to continue to be alone and potentially turn evil. Alucard’s trauma from Taka and Sumi and Hector’s trauma from Lenore are both conveniently erased. Even Dracula and Lisa are resurrected somehow and get their happy ending. And it’s like, I guess I prefer deus ex machina to the opposite (Does that have a name? When everything is going well but then something terrible happens for no reason other than to make things worse for the characters?), but they’re both bad writing.

God. This isn’t even getting into what happened with the Council of Sisters. And I don’t even really like those characters, but that doesn’t mean I want to see their characters handled poorly.

I’m not sorry that I watched until the end, but I can’t in good faith recommend the show as a whole. If you’ve yet to watch Castlevania, just stop at the end of season 2. While there are some shining moments in seasons 3 and 4 (4 more than 3), it’s just really not worth it.