#what the fuck was this all about 😂😂😂😂

[codnasties]

More cheater ghost please!!!!🥹 How about married ghost fucking his daughter ballet teacher cause his wife sucks or is also cheating on him.

Sweet reader making eyes at the tall handsome father of her favourite student.

Additionally as she's a ballet teacher, she's flexible, something ghost may like as he can do all the monkey sex😂

cheater!ghost x daughter's ballet teacher 👻 (🌽 link)

what ghost is about to do feels unethical and unacceptable on many levels ... like, he's about to cheat on his loving wife, who he share's a daughter with. the person he's going to cheat with is said daughter's ballet dancer - who she loves -. and on top of that he's about to fuck you in the same outfit he's seen you wear to class countless times.

but he can't keep ignoring the sweet thing that teaches his daughter. younger dainty thing that always looks up to him with lust filled eyes. and how are you not going to. he's tall, handsome, so fucking caring and wears the sluttiest compression shirts every single time.

and all that pent-up sexual tension came to a head when one day you called him, asking him to come to the studio saying you have some important matter to talk to him about regarding his daughter. he just knew that there were no problems with his daughter and that there was not going to be any talking done. but the man can't resist.

that's how he ends up bending you over the small sofa in your office, fucking into you roughly and chocking you as he calls you a little minx or a whore. he may even help himself with your balket dancer flexibility and fold you like a fucking pretzel as he keeps abusing your poor pussy with his thick cock. making you moan like crazy as he is unable to stop his own noises.

you are going to have to show him all your little ballet outfits, because he's loving you in those ;)

[seitmai]

A bubble of laughter escaped Bob. "What's No Nut November? Like no peanuts?"

Bless him, he is adorable

"More like no penis," drawled Hangman. "Or vagina," he added when he saw the look Phoenix was giving him.

Yeah let's be inclusive here ☝🏻

Rooster stared at him in confusion. "I think she might notice something's up if I go from being balls deep inside her at least once a day to giving her nothing!" "There are workarounds, Rooster. Don't you ever use your mouth for anything other than whining?" Phoenix asked, earning laughs from the others. 

The guys all turned and looked at Phoenix who was stretching before she started weight training. "Oh, I'm already out. I lost." Rooster's brow scrunched up. "What do you mean you're already out? It's November 1st at 9:30 in the morning." Phoenix just smirked at the boys. "I had a guest over last night," she said coyly. "Legendary," Fanboy muttered. "You've got more game than all of the rest of us combined."

As she should 😌

 By November 15th, Rooster estimated he'd gone down on his girlfriend about a hundred times so far this month. This wouldn't have been a problem for him at all, except now his jaw was starting to ache, and she was desperately trying to reciprocate. 

Not Rooster complaining about his jaw aching lmao

Payback cocked his head. "But if you were avoiding intercourse, how are you out?" Rooster looked slightly crazed now. "She licked me! She licked me three times and I came all over the fucking place! And now she's concerned that I should talk to my doctor about premature ejaculation! I was out there in the trenches, fighting for my life, and now she thinks I have a disorder!"

Hahaha can't 😂

Then the cutest girl he'd ever seen started hitting on him. "Can I buy you a drink?" she asked shyly, and he was putty in her hands.  An hour later they were kissing next to the jukebox. An hour after that, she was touching him under his shirt.  "Okay, I'm out guys! I had a good run! See you tomorrow!" he announced merrily as he left the bar with her.

Hahaha he is very realistic about his own abilities 😅

Hangman cradled his head in his hand. "Ihadawetdream." Phoenix howled and bent in half laughing, but the guys all stepped a little closer to hear him better. "Sorry, you what?" asked Coyote. 

😂😂😂

Bob smiled serenely at everyone. "Oh, I practice mindful meditation for stress relief. Plus, my wife has been in Europe for work all month, so it was quite easy." Bob jumped back as the guys all shouted at him in bewilderment. "You're married?!" 

This is the best ending 😅 not just that Bob won because he meditates for stress relief but the wife reveal at that 😂

I hope they have a great reunion after her month in Europe (who am I kidding everyone knows Bob is a pussy eating king lol)

No Nut November I Top Gun Dagger Squad edition

Summary: When left to their own devices for too long, the Dagger Squad aviators usually got up to no good.

Warnings: Humor, adult banter, smut, ridiculousness

Length: 1700 words

Pairing: a mention of Rooster x girlfriend and Payback x hookup

Check my masterlist for more!

When left to their own devices for too long, the Dagger Squad aviators usually got up to no good. As they finished a group run and headed into the gym for some weight training, one such conversation began to take form. 

“Halloween was fun last night,” Phoenix said with a yawn. “The Hard Deck was wild though.”

“Yeah,” Fanboy agreed, shaking his head as he got a bench press set up. “Crazy! But November is a way more chill month.”

Hangman snickered. “Chill? You think No Nut November is chill?“ 

Coyote shook his head as he did some squats. "It’s the roughest month of the year!”

Keep reading

[aliyahwritings]

TCH!READER ON THE INTERNET.

MASTERLIST | Basketball Player & Model!Female Reader

*This is during the two weeks that Rafe ignored her, here is the chapter.*

ynmodelz

liked by sarahcameron, topper and others

ynmodelz dump from the last 2 wks

view all comments ...

username01 perfect as always queen

username02 you play the sims wth???

ynmodelz @/username02 i have BEEN playing the sims are u kidding??

cleoanderson im obsessed with you 😘

ynmodelz @/cleoanderson i haven't stopped thinking about you baby

jjmaybank @/ynmodelz this is gay as fuck

username03 no rafe pic.............

username04 @/username03 I thought the same thing and she hasn't been posting him on her story too so idk what's going on

username05 are you still with rafe

aishapatel SHE IS OUT OF THE PSYCH WARD DOCTOR ‼️‼️

ynmodelz @/aishapatel my fingers are slowing approaching the block button.

username06 GUYS SHE POSTED DONT SMILE BY SAB ON HER STORY

username07 @/username06 THEY DEF BROKE UP 😭😭😭😭😭

username08 @/username06 JUST FELL TO MY KNEES IN THE MIDDLE OF TARGET

username09 @/username06 they are now my roman empire

kiecarrera I need that cup. NOW.

ynmodelz @/kiecarrera omg omg let me send u the link so u can buy it and we can match

username10 @/ynmodelz notice how she didn't gatekeep. very cutesy very mindful very demure

username11 are you alright baby?

ynmodelz @/username11 yes why

username11 @/ynmodelz cause ur posting really sad shit on ur story

ynmodelz @/username11 can't a girl be depressed once in a while 😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣

johnbrledge I like the song you picked

ynmodelz @/johnbrledge donatella VERSACE 💜

username02 @/ynmodelz YN PLS 💀

username12 @/ynmodelz not a single nonchalant bone in her that's fs

username07 @/ynmodelz lets stay serious yn i beg of u 😭 i love her sm

yn_updates

liked by rafesquerie and others

yn_updates YN posted these two stories (edit: she deleted the second one)

view all comments ...

username01 i didn't believe it at first but i think she broke up with rafe

username02 pls don't tell me she broke up rafe

username03 she has been posting so many sad stuff on her story

username04 @/username03 ik im so worried

username05 guys what if she's js feeling sad for no reason 🤷‍♀️ like no need to overthink

username06 @/username05 exactly!!! like rafe was seen w her just right before he left nyc. they're probably fine

username07 @/username06 that's what i'm thinking and also the pics of them at kelce's party THEY ARE FINE!!! you r all such dramatics 🙄

username08 what if she relapsed yall.......

username09 @/username08 STOP BC WHY WOULD SHE PUT THOSE NESSA LYRICS

username10 @/username08 She def relapsed. She looked skinnier in her last post

username11 @/username08 i am so worried about her

username12 did anyone notice how no paparazzi pictures of her have been out for two weeks?

username13 she's so real 😂

username14 if rafe was my man id be having withdrawals too

username15 I don't like her 🤮

yn_updates @/username15 flop 🫵

username16 everyone on twt talking abt her relapse did she really?

username17 @/username16 Yes

username18 @/username16 not sure it's all js theories bc she looks skinnier, has been posting and deleting a lot of things about the way she looks and weight

username16 @/username18 omg no 😢 poor her i hope she gets better

ynmodelz guys i'm fine 🤍 im just being dramatic i promise

rafecameron

liked kelce and others

rafecameron 🌳

view all comments ...

username01 I LOVE YOU RAFE

username02 gimme a piece of dat 😵‍💫

kelce man is tweaking out fr

username03 @/kelce wait what

popeheyward Call me. Now.

username04 @/popeheyward lemme syd pls

username05 did you and yn break up?

username06 where even are you

username07 BRO CHECK ON UR GIRL SHES CRASHING OUT ‼️‼️‼️‼️

sarahcameron i hope the ground swallows you

rafecameron @/sarahcameron I wish you had a twin that ate you in the womb

username08 did yn relapse?

username09 i heard that u broke up w the model

chiararoro Handsome

username10 @/chiararoro MY ENDGAME

username11 @/chiararoro you should be w him instead of that fugly model

username12 mf hasn't seen his girl in two weeks and started reconnecting with nature 😭😭

rafecameron's are comment's unavailable

[dandp]

Fuck it, I'm face revealing because these turned out so cute. Look at us!!!

The pose was based off this picture of Team Rocket but I didn't show them the reference pic since my phone was being used to film, so it was actually based off my panicked brain badly trying to explain the pose in like two seconds 😭

I don't think any of us knew what energy we were bringing to that picture or matched each other at all but I kinda love the wackiness of it. And yes I did have a serious debate with myself about whether I would explain it as the linked arms or holding hands (didn't want to make it confusing by having it both ways like in the pic) and got so overwhelmed at simply hearing Dan's voice when I got towards the front of the line that I was like yeah I think holding hands will be too much in this moment 😂

[airasora]

saw someone say stolitz is handled better in fanon than in canon because "there's not a lot of obvious signs of them falling in love." thoughts?

... what.

Not a... not a lot of signs of them falling in love??? My dude, my girlypop, my enby... ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW 🤣🤣🤣

I could write an essay about how obvious it is that they're both pining for each other, but I'll just make a list instead.

Stolas

Love at first sight

Brings Blitz and his coworkers to The Harvest Moon Festival just because (not to fuck or for safety, but just to be nice to them all)

Instinctively knows when Blitz is in danger ("I have my ways", oh, please, Stolas, you're keeping an eye on him cause you care)

Watches soap dramas while pining for Blitz

Is excited about their first date and goes all out with his looks for it

Wants desperately to actually TALK with Blitz

Asks Blitz about his day

Wants to hang out with Blitz just to hang out

Understands and validates the importance to Loona's shot despite being in actual danger himself

Has TWO songs about being hopelessly in love with Blitz

Goes out of his way to give Blitz a way to go to the human world without him even though he risks Blitz not wanting to see him anymore

Despite Blitz' initial rejection, Stolas doesn't cry until he thinks Blitz thinks low of him (proving that he was understanding if Blitz wanted nothing to do with him anymore

Despite being angry, sad, and drunk, Stolas still helps Blitz hide at the all of Blitz' exes party

Instinctively looks at Blitz for permission to dance with the "Better than Blitz" guy

Blitz

Millie calls Stolas Blitz' boyfriend (confirming she knows Blitz has feelings for Stolas)

Gets flustered when trying to explain his situationship with Stolas (if it was purely professional, why does it make him nervous to talk about?)

Despite only inviting Stolas on a date to spy on Millie and Mox, when Stolas tries to actually talk with him, he turns to face him and tries to talk too

Blitz is clearly very hurt after the Ozzie's incidence

Blitz immediately parties hard and tries to hook up with multiple after Ozzie's (a typical response to someone who is hurting romantically)

Gets flustered from seeing human Stolas (there's a tiny blush)

When Blitz realizes Stolas can actually get hurt, he looks terrified

The entire apology tour is legit just to prove something to Stolas (and himself)

Despite having hurt many people, Blitz clearly cares the most about having hurt Stolas

The way he looks at Stolas when he's confessing his love for him AND during their talk at the party

Gets hella jealous when Stolas kisses someone else

I haven't watched episode 10 yet nor the last two shorts, so I could probably add more to these lists, but even without those, there's plenty of proof of them falling in love.

Whoever said this must not be good at reading in between the lines. No shame, but... they're objectively wrong 😂

[animefreak1145]

Not many may agree but…I don’t think Bell and Case would get along.

I at first thought they would. Can argue that both safehouse crew’s thought they both had calm demeanors. Bell may have been seen a little more cheeky depending on which dialogue you choose for Park regarding her knowledge about Adler’s scars(“You’re cute.”) and how Bell seeming to always talk to someone or else they’ll get branded by Sims “Look everyone, Bell’s lonely.” (Still hurts. 🥴) Both pretty deadly. Deadly good at their jobs. Doing what needs to be done.

But then I paused. Really thought about how many times they used Case as bait(twice), how they treated him being exposed to gas (“Well, at least you’re still alive.”), and how uncaring they seemingly were again that he died with no mention of a funeral nor any more words from Marshall, at least of concern towards Case after it went black.

And then there’s the issue with Adler. How easy Case seemed to accept Adler’s orders of throwing a man into a PROPELLER AND BE CHOPPED UP AS HIS DEATH.

Depending on the Bell you write—they all will care about Adler’s orders and him only. May listen to Woods. The way they treated Case in the game was horrible and Bell would find such doormat behavior pitiful. Bell is hard to impress it seems based on Woods words (“Legends? Get the fuck of here with that. You didn’t seem impressed in the base. Unless…you’re talking about Mason right now?”) and hard to earn their respect. An ultranationalist terrorist raised with Soviet type training has standards I guess.

And Case…well. Bell seeing a Case would be a mix of emotions. Especially with Adler involved. Jealousy? Pity? Interested? Disgust? Familiarity?

Cause at the end of the day, Bell also didn’t tell Adler about the TV’s lighting up and seeing Vietnam. Just like Case doesn’t seem to talk about what he saw(I get he couldn’t talk about the experiment, but the man could talk about seeing ZOMBIES that were switching from Pantheon soldiers to his actual team mates that he shot down). They are the same, yet different. They would have an interesting dynamic.

Perhaps I’m not explaining it very well. Don’t worry. I’m working on something. I promise. 😭 Hopefully the fic explains better than me just ranting here.

(I LOVE THIS FREAKIN ART THO!!! 💗💗💗 The way they are both just standing there. MENACINGLY. 😂 At the end of the day, I do think they would be a deadly duo. They can both be seen as unhinged 💀 LOVE UNHINGED MC’S!!!)

schizophrenic protagonists

[damagedfletching]

I came from your post saying it was a really good episode, and that you loved it. It went against the grain and I feel the same way!

Tommy had all this talk of wanting a family, that the 118 could be his family but he still broke up with Buck because of what seems like this own insecurities. He can’t believe that Buck really wants him to move in, it’s like a shock to the system. When Buck confesses in 7x04 Tommy is surprised, and in 8x06 assumes Buck is going to be the one to break up.

To me, it comes across like he’s going through his own insecurities of “does Buck really love him?” Maybe it’s biphobia, since he’s ‘buck’s first’, or maybe he’s just not as strong as he presents himself to us. I knew Abby would be connecting them and I thought it was great, honestly. Buck was the rebound, don’t get me started Abby’s lowkey creepy behaviour too before they got serious, and as it comes he’s now dating her ex-fiancé.

The amount of teasing they did before this episode makes me hope they fix it. That they resolve it. The interviews made it seem like a bump in the road and not *The End*. I hope they find a way to keep him around even if they’re not together. Lou is an amazing actor and I relate to Tommy so so so much!

However aside I do think the writing of this episode wasn’t particularly good, it felt rushed and had me devastated at the end. I hope he’s not gone, and while I know they probably won’t be end game I can keep dreaming.

I love your positivity and I love your posts I can’t wait to hear more of your opinions!

Thankyou so much! You’re pretty much on the same train of though I am here, as well!

I really, really relate to Tommy and again while I’m projecting I saw what you saw with the insecurities. I also am starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Tommy panicked, cut and ran before he got in too deep because he’s done this before. Abby (and ugh I won’t start on her 😑) is the only past relationship of his that we have confirmed, so there’s potential there for it to be that!

And oh man, Tommy saying he’s not the last guy, the endgame, the forever partner got me so hard in the fucking feels. Because that is 100% why I relate to him. I’m that guy. I’m the guy that gets a fun however long until we go our separate ways and they find their forever human. But I’m still alone. And I’ve personally screwed up several potentially good relationships because of the trauma I have around that- so why can’t Tommy? That’s where my mind goes, and again there’s so many ideas to be had from that as a storyline too.

I really, really don’t think this is the last we will see of Tommy or Lou. Fandom is upset, but the amount of people from the general audience I see commenting criticism on FB and Insta is making me super hopeful (because the GA loved Tommy and that’s how we got him for more eps in the first place!) I was nearly cry laughing at the amount of commenters saying their boomer parents flipped their shit about it! 😂😂😂

My crystal ball is too cloudy to see into the future for realsies, but I rediscovered my love of shouting into the tumblr void thanks to this show, so I’ll stick around and share my ridiculous ideas and try to make people smile for a long while yet. And please feel free to keep sending me your takes too, because yours are really awesome as well. This fandom is pretty darn good, all things considered!🖤🖤🖤

[a-green-misstep]

Nandor x Guillermo episode list

This is a list of all the nandermo moments in What We Do in The Shadows (TV show). A good number of episodes have nothing substantial in them relating to the ship other then maybe one scene, and so are skippable.

W.I.P ive done seasons 1,2 and most of 3 so far.

Rating system:

A : Top tier interaction and or important for plot

B : Less important overall, but got some fluff in there

C : May having nothing or close to nothing, skippable

Season 1

Episode: 1 A

This is the pilot, important as it introduces the characters, their wants and desires (Gizmo wants to be a vampire) and there dynamics (master and familiar).

Creepy paper

26:10 the gift.

“he made Guillermo a portrait made out of glitter because he remembered his anniversary and wanted to give him something for it. He got the glitter to put on his face because he liked it and then used it to make a portrait for Guillermo. he used something he liked to make him a present and put some thought and time and effort in it. “ - @starlightmesss

Episode: 2 C

Skip

Episode: 3 C

Mostly skippable 

15:37 “I don't want you to die, master.”

Episode: 4 A

Guillermo is “heartbroken” over Nandors decision not to bite him

Especially the start of the episode is quite cute bonding between them

However also an important portrayal of how poorly Guillermo is treated  

Guillermo “quits” for the first time

Nandor shows his appreciation

“You are my…. Friend”

Episode: 5 C

1:00-2:00min bonding and playing chess together

Otherwise nothing

Episode: 6 B

Mostly skippable

18:00 Guillermo kills the Baron

Episode: 7 A

The Vampiric Counvil & The Vampire slayer/savior

Guillermo makes some important moves

Literally saves Nandors life

Episode: 8  A

Nandor has lost his country and sad about it

Guillermo tries to get him to become a US citizen  

Guillermos feelings about not being turned 

“Will you stop fucking complaining.” 🫢

First Nandermo late-night fight/deep conversation

“Guillermo I appreciate you…”

Episode: 9 A

A very horny epsiode

Nandor being possessive when Laszlo and Nadja are ordering Guillermo around

Guillermo dosent kiss :(

Guillermo being very shy about the orgy, a Catholic… yikes

Guillermo tries The Dildos(TM)

Nandor defending Guillermo when Laszlo is insulting him

Nandor checking on Guillermo in his room and basically sitting in Guillermo's lap 😂

“You’d you cum?”

Episode: 10 A

Important for the plot!

“ the heart wants what the heart wants”

Seman

Nandors 37 wives + kids

Guillermo does a DNA test! And is related to Van Helsing…

Guillermo pours holy water on Nandor

Holding hands as he gets into bed :) 

Nose boop

____________________________

Season 2

Episode: 1  B

Guillermo is the vampire slayer

15:20-16:20 Guillermo is underappreciated and doesn't appreciate it

18:30 Nandor saves Guillermos life

21:00 Guillermos plan B

Episode: 2 C

2:50 sassy GiGi

Holding hands and giggling at jokes

Otherwise skip

Episode 3:  B

19:30-20:00 “I guess I turned that part of my brain off, with the feelings and emotions”.

Guillermo facing the fact he's a murdered, and what that means for him (and as such his relationship with the vamps)

Otherwise a skip

Episode 4:  B

Not much Nandermo stuff, but an important episode for Guillermo's development + Derek

1:10 Guillermo teaches Nandor how to use a computer, its cute.

“Id never forgive myself if anything happened to Nandor”

Hug rejected :(

Guillermo staying with Nandor to help him sleep as music plays :)

Episode 5:  C

13:25 “Guillermo get over here and put your neck in my mouth”

Skip

Episode 6: C

2:00 Nandor tells some random vamp to kill Guillermo -_- 

Skip

Episode 7:  A

6:15 “Hes likes the last donut in the display case” 🙁

“It use to be difficult to resist” in relation to eating Guillermo 

Guillermo slays again! 

“Are you trying to make a girlfriend out of dust?”

Nandor is very chill with the vampire killing, even lies for him

FIRST instance of Guillermo almost stabbing Nandor, there is tension

Episode 8: A

Important

Nandor ex past familiar shows up 

Nandor tells Guillermo he should leave

“Are you going to be alright without me?”

Nandor whispers “your being stupid” as Guillermo leaves to sad breakup music :((((

GUILLERMO CRYING

Guillermo  breaks up with nandor  quits and finds a new  mommy  master 

Each feel disrespected

Nandor visiting Guillermo's room and asking his new master to be kind to him

Nandor finding Guillermo running in the snow

“I have been unhappy since you left… i just want to know what i can do to bring you home”

Guillermo got a weekend! Workers rights! (he needs to unionize)

Nandor promises to turn Guillermo… at some point

The boys flying off into the night 🙂

Episode: 9 B

Skip to the end

15:30 Memos man milk

He literally has jars full of Nandors “seed”

Nandor fucks Lazlo

Episode 10: A

THEATRE DE VAMPIRE, I love IWAV references 

Nandor plays peak a boo, and complains that Guillermos not holding his hand

Guillermo quits #3 and moves home

Nandors going through the stages of grief/breakup

“It's good to be wanted”

The vampires are on trial

Nandor sells out and yet covers up for Gizmo 

“When you cared about someone, and they just walk out the door”

Guillermo saves the vamps #2

____________________________

Season 3

Episode 1:  A

Gizmos in prison (sike) 

Nandor does care about him and shows him through little acts, like gift giving (nandors love language???)

Nandor argues to not kill Gizmo - “Hes the only one that can protect us” 

“Co-dependent much 🤪” - G after mentioning how he still wants to be their servant even though they want to kill him 

THE WARRIOR CODE, the code, the code between men, the warrior code. Nandor owes him a debt of eternal gratitude and mercy now

The sit-down convo in the basement is so sweet. I feel like we get more one-on-one convos between them than we do Nadja and Lazlo, which I feel like says.... something.

Nandor bringing him chicken that he has been preparing (let sit out at room temp) for days :) ?

Nandor standing with Gizmo whilst watching the tape from the vampiric council even though he was sitting a second ago.

Gizmos really big smile when Nandor says they aren't going to kill him (the bar is in hell) 

“Your guys are like my family” and then immediately told to stop by Nandor 😬(hey are we sure this ship is worth it?)

Episode 2: AA

Gizmo training in stabbing, and then with ✝️ cross brass knuckles is hilarious

Gizmo making poop jokes to Nandor lmao, i like seeing the silly bits of life that arent sad silly

Guillermo knowing Nandors exact measurements is very… intimate

Nandor flirting with the gym lady Meg :0 mans looking for a partner 

Gizmos is way too excited about looking just like Nandor

Gizmos' date with Meg is just so sweet, and her making him realize his feelings/him denying those feelings and fleeing (and as such what Nandor's feelings probably are) is one of my favourite scenes in the whole show, also SHOUT OUT to Kayvan for the phenomenal acting. I wish we had gotten to see Gizmo become friends with Meg later on :(

Meg: You like women and men! Nandor: Yes!  BFFR

Nandors going through things :(((( he is a "soft boy" 

Episode 3: A

Nandor is fucking and the gang is worried about him

Why did Gizmo know what Nandors sex sounds sound like

Nevermind… the dildostm

Nandor is in love with Gail! He knows her favourite yoghurt :)

Also, I wonder what the meds gizmo are taking

Gizmo immediately attempts to sabotage Nadors relationship when he finds out he's going to propose and turn her into a vampire 🫢

Yet gail compares Nandor to a sardine  😬

ASS OUT (and blurred cock and balls) hey have I ever mentioned hes hot

The juxtaposition between Gail who doesn't really care about Nandor, and doesn't want to be a vampire vs Guillermo who cares about him every moment and desperately wants to be a vampire. And how Nandor “loves” Gail, but has historically treated Gizmo like crap (even tho he does clearly care for him)

Guillermo watching Twilight with a corps dressed as Nandor…. certainly is something 

He is also way too happy when everyone else is pissed with Nandor for the fucking a werewolf thing 

Guillermo is Nandors “heart guard” omg

Nandor turns Gail into a vamp in front of Guillermo :( 

Guillermo comforting Nandor at the end of the episode :(

Episode 4: AAA

Quick shout out to Nadja for backing it up to the theme song

Guillermo staring at his useless master trying to use a fork and knife 0_0

Nandor defending Guillermo being a bodyguard and not a familiar anymore!

Nandor keeps repeatedly looking at G to see if the others acting interested in him is making him happier :D

The change in expression on Nadors face when they ask if Guillermo has a girlfriend and then ask if he has a boyfriend 👀 (it goes from  😁to  😬😐) WHATS UP WITH THAT NANDOR? (no but genuinely I'd never seen that before, that feels like something intentional) 

My boy gizmo is in the closet, hes got that catholic guilt :/

Nandor staring at him whilst Lazlo talking about how great sex is🧍🏻

I am truly surprised by how deeply Nandor is looking at Guillermo as Lazlo says “Before they meet the one”

Gizmo almost comes out but is interrupted, and Nandor just has this deeply caring look on his face as Guillermo is saying this, and then when he gets interpreted you can see in the foreground this look of disappointment on Nandors face :(

Guillermo sitting alone looking sad as everyone else leaves, and in the background, you can hear Nador shouting with joy :(

Yo, are we sure this is a comedy?

Guillermo worried about Nandor gambling too much + “Nap naps”

Nandor find out about how the universe works, and it is actually a pretty big deal for his character

Love that the episode ends with them walking side by side at the back of the group 

Episode 5:  C

skip

Guillermo fondling Nandors cape

16:40 Guillermo the schemer

Episode 6:  B

Pretty much a skip

Nandor bragging about Guillermos skills to the Baron

“How do you know what vampire piss tastes like” 🤨

GUILLER SLAPS NANDOR and another “stop feeling sorry for yourself”, this mans job half the time is just to get him out of his pity parties

Gizmos bait ouch

Guillermo shaking ass to entice a vamp

Nandor pulls Guillermo out of the way of danger and takes his place

Episode 7: C

skip

The guide flirting with Guillermo lmao

Nandor taking along Guillermo for help with the Nadja quest

Episode 8:  AAA

This ones important!

Creepy paper! Gizmo plans Nandor a party!

Gizmo made Nandor dolls of both of them 🥹

Vampire depression :(     “Nandors in crisis 😨”

Nandor casually taking a beautiful knee

Nandor joins a cult

Time for a very important scene

Gizmo refuses to give Nandor his things so that he wont go 

Gizmo running after Nandor

Nandor relieves Guillermo of his service, firing him 

N: “It is time for me to find happiness” G: “Well I want to find happiness too!”

They are both unhappy.

“Oh boy don't give me this shit” as Guillermo once again points out how long he's spent in Nandor’s service trying to make him happy :(

Gizmo begging to be a vampire, so he can finally be happy

N: "I've grown to have some affection for you. just a little bit you know?" G: “And I for you” N: "Well obviously, but vampirism is a curse- and I- care for you too much to burden you with that. it would way too heavily on my conscience..." "boop! there's that smile...”

When Gizmo says “And I for you”, Nandor looks away, in shame?

Guillermo ends the conversation alone and crying.

We then skip to a month later, Gizmo talking about how hes hurt, and staring at the nandor doll he made sadly.

“I guess I know how it feels, every time I left or I quit…” That one hurt, and this idea is important and will be brought back up in season 6 episode 5.

They both care for each other, and they are both sad and hurt ughhhh

Nandor in the short shorts…

G: “If anything wasn't okay I couldn't live with myself”

Literal sacrificial self-harm with the pulling out of the teeth, like that vampire lashes

The SLAYER is back!

Holding hands as he saves him… against his will

“You just punched Jeremey!” “FUCK JEREMY!”

I dont even know what to say about the final argument in the car. Nandor is just so sad, and its horrible because that also means that Guillermo isnt enough to make him happy.

[anawrites3]

Some things I need to say because I keep thinking about that Mulan au

Dick's parents are alive - John is an alpha and he should be the one to fight in the war but he got injured years ago when he was performing on trapeze with Mary and that's why they left the circus and found themselves a new home

Dick is very much aware that if they'd find out that he was omega he wouldn't be just killed for treason but very brutally raped over and over 😶

It will be fantasy world probably and not actual China lmao

I'm thinking about whether or not to have Dick kill Grant in that avalanche when he shoots the thing (?? Cannon? Fireworks? What was that 😂) into the mountain and kills so many enemy warriors // but maybe I'll just have him heavily injured so Slade won't be as pissed at Dick

Bruce and Dick will have a tension but it will all end when everyone learns that Dick is an omega and when Bruce leaves him in the snow :))

Dick will be catching himself all the time at being to nice to other soldiers, especially ones that just presented (like Damian) because his inner omega is going fucking crazy

I don't know if I will make any kind of Mushu?? Because I don't know how that will go and who would Mushu be 😂 Im taking suggestions if you have any ideas?

[mossadspypigeon]

continue to spew russian created jew hate. you’re braindead 😂

you continue to pull so much shit out of your ass. jews are not wishing gassing and rape on other jews. seriously, shut the fuck up you neo nazi arab supremacist piece of shit. that is WHAT YOUR SIDE DOES TO US. your darvo abuse tactics are so transparent.

colonize palestine 😂 bitch palestinians are arabs. they come from arabia, not the levant. you support the colonizers you fucking moron. palestinians even SAY they are arabs.

being in diaspora does not end indigenous status. you know nothing about history or geopolitics and you justify your subconscious jew hate by supporting arab supremacists who want jews eradicated and TOKENIZING jews who respond to these threats by acquiescing.

you are fucking scum. the nazis did this exact same shit. and guess who idolizes the nazis? your beloved hamas, fatah, pflp, etc. they just want to finish the job and brainwash the world to continue to hate jews and erase our history.

you are idolizing the people who sided with hitler. fuck you.

from hamas’ “march of return” ^

🖕

also gotta love how all that feminism just leaves your body when it comes to hamas. if they’re palestinian, it’s fine if they rape jewish women right? 🖕

america never officially declared war on germany during wwii. we declared war on japan and japan was germany’s ally.

france and britain got involved because hitler invades poland.

no one came to the jews’ rescue. no one declared war to help our plight.

instead, countries created quotas and turned back ships of jews and increased immigration laws (like the white papers of 1939 in the mandate of palestine). very few countries actively denied hitler or opened their borders for us.

“palestinians” aka arabs sided with germany and asked hitler personally for tips on genociding jews.

the pro palestine movement coopted the holocaust to further erase jewish history. they contributed to the ACTUAL holocaust and continue to love nazis to this day. the majority of their population and all of their leadership want to finish what hitler and himmler started.

no one ever cared about jewish genocide. during wwii, less than 1% of the gentile population were righteous and helped us.

the world continues to not care.

don’t talk to me about genocide. don’t tell me, a jew, the world is turning a blind eye to it.

[alipeeps]

Episode 21

As I suspected.. while the gang were having an emotional catharthis about Bai Jiu's mum... Chongwu Camp turned up to hunt for Wen Xiao.

Ayyy my boy Bai Jiu, all is forgiven. Yeah, you stand up to that scheming git who manipulated a grieving teenager.

Ugh I want to stab him.

What kindness? You took him in because you knew you could manipulate and use him! Listen to Zhuo dage, Xiao Bai!

What does he want the arrow for? Is he gonna... try to remove/obscure the Chongwu tattoo?

Called it.

My fucking heart!!

Go Zhuo Yichen!

Did she just... fucking snatch that arrow out of the air and fire it back at them:?!!

Is that what Wen Zongyu has been doing with his demon blood experiments? Creating demonised humans? His own personal army of demon-human hybrids? Can't imagine the prime minister (RIP) or king would be too happy if they knew about that...

Oh SHIT the one word spell doesn't work on them?!!

Oh FUCK the arrows are demonised too?!! That's why the one Sijing fired back at them killed the archer but her other shots didn't.

It's got fucking backwards-angled barbs along the shaft too! Bastards!

Is Zhao Yuanzhou gonna step in front of Wen Xiao and take an arrow for her?

Nope he caught it...

PLEASE tell me him getting cut by the demonised arrow is not going to count as the final step in sealing his 5 senses?!!

FUCK IT!! I KNEW IT!!

How many times did I say last ep that he needed to get at least 1 of his other 4 senses unsealed so that he wasn't vulnerable to having his last sense sealed? Why does nobody listen to me?!! 😂

Ohhh shiiiit the ever-burning fire will start to burn him if his senses are sealed?

Uhoh... fucking red haze incoming?

God I love how his pupils keep flickering between red and not!!

Congrats Wen Zongyu, you dumbass. You said a demon's inner core has a consciousness... with his senses sealed, his core's consciousness has taken over... but isn't his core basically made up of/controlled by malicious qi?

You had no idea what you were fucking with you goddamn dumbass!!

Aaaaand now he's loose in the mortal world, controlled by malicious qi.

Ugh and the visual of his bottle - the one from which he drinks to help keep the malicious qi suppressed - abandoned and left behind...

Aaand the gang is arrested.

God I love her...

Oh mannn... so he'll have retreated to the house where he barricades himself inside after each blood moon?

Oooh Zhu Yan vs his own demon core. This'll be where that clip from the trailer comes from then...

Yup, there it is.

How is it even possible that is the same damn actor? He looks like a totally different person!! 😍

Oh shit he's literally using visualisations of his relationship with Wen Xiao to fend off the visualisation of his demon core...

God I love this fucking song so much.

Our boy Ying Lei is tracking the shapeshifter demon.

Uhhh... noooo... Ying Lei... that's not Zhuo daren. Zhuo daren is in prison. And you're tracking a shapeshifter demon, Ying Lei. A shapeshifter demon. Ying Le? Hello?

He's such a fucking dork. I'm love him.

This has to be Xiao Bai having a nightmare, right? Cos they all got captured and put in prison. He's not following Zhuo Yichen through a forest...

Or is it not a dream? Did they only arrest Wen Xiao and Pei Sijing?

Ugh he hesitates to hold onto his braid... so Zhuo Yichen straight up offers it go him and tells him he can!

Because it's not fucking Ying Lei, Xiao Bai...

Ok so they definitely did only arrest the girls (rude!) and that explains why Ying Lei wasn't surprised to find Zhuo Yichen appear while he was hunting down the demon... the 3 of them went to hunt her together.

Uuuh you ran off so fast you left Xiao Bai behind, Zhuo Yichen!

And how's he supposed to know if anyone who comes up to him is who they seem to be, or if it's Ao Yin?

Ooops!

Dudes... my dudes... what if the Ao Yin in this scenario is actually... Xiao Bai?

How could he make a demon obey him? Because he's been sodding experimenting on them for at least 8 years!!

But yes.. well done Sijing, this particular demon was working with Li Lun!

Uhhhh is he though? You were still in Li Lun's illusion when he died?

Oh SHIT... and surely if he had died the illusion would have immediately dissolved? Which would mean he very much DIDN'T die.. and just faked you out with an illusion of him burning up!!

EXACTLY!!

Ru-roh Shaggy!!

Hahahaa the way he ducks away from Ying Lei's pat on the head - and then actively seeks one from Zhuo Yichen!!

Jeez, callous much? Also? Fuck you!

You tell him Sijing!!

AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT?!! YOURS!!

You made this happen!! All so you could get your precious fucking ever-burning wood!!

Point of order though... why did he wear that dumb mask for so long? Like.. who did he need to be hiding his face from other than us, the audience? There was no need for him to hide who he was from Chongwu Camp?

Don't you fucking stick that needle in my girl, you fucker!!

Hahahaaa Ying Lei is soliciting head pats too!! These dumbasses!!

Oh my god poor Zhuo Yichen!

Saved by Bai Jiu!

His double-take from.. "Thank goodness you're here!" to "Why are you here!"

Zhou Yichen she's a fucking SHAPESHIFTER!!

Why are they so fucking stupid?

Oh ffs didn't Ying Lei warn you about this Zhuo Yichen?!!

Aaaaand that's where it ends.

Ngl that whole sequence annoyed me. They KNOW she is a shapeshifter, why did they keep getting taken in every time she pretended to be someone they know?!

[drugsforaddicts]

Technically the anniversary of this madness is tomorrow, but it’s related to today’s anniversary because a year ago, I just innocently tagged him in a Tavastia video I took and he then proceeded to go insane in my DMs and accidentally send me a video.

”Hups piti laittaa stoori 😂😂😂” - Jere

And to add more context, I said to him:

”My god Jere, do I even dare to open that video?”

And his response was:

”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 there’s nothing bad in it”

[mugiwara-lucy]

Guys….i have to say it….i was wrong trying to get you all to vote for Kamala all these months and not President Trump who was saved by God….President Trump just exposed something inhumane about her!! That witch wants to give us HEALTHCARE!! 😂

How communist of her! It’s not like Doctor and Dental Care is expensive as shit! No let’s vote in the reincarnation of Jesus Christ himself President Trump who wants to make it to where votes will no longer matter and it’ll all be fixed for us after four years!!

(/s for Sarcasm if that wasn’t obvious 🤣)

[eddiemunsonsmum]

Omg he's such a sweety 😭 JUST ASK HER you Idiot!

LMAO Me: (an idiot) Porking. lmao. What a choice of words.

Eddie: Bacon.

Me: OHHH 😂👮‍♂️🐖

Omg open your ears MOM this is fucking mortifying for us okay??

My fucking face watching them in the kitchen

I stg Gareth you're about to get a smack around the ears 🙄 Lucky EW knows witchcraft. Aww your Eddie doesn't make her wear uncomfortable shoes and walk up a bunch of stairs like mine does 😂 "he says nerdily" Eddie in a nutshell haha

I love the way they both wanted to go but the second they get there (even before) they want to leave. I feel you babes. It fucking sucks going to a function. But like also, you need to stay a respectable amount of time and do all 'the things'. Love that for them.

Eddie not dancing to Footloose but gritting his teeth through Time After Time. You know he's sufferingggg. 🤣

Okay that was fucking adorable. Dancing in the kitchen. I love them so much. 😍

"But please don't tell Chief Hopper. It would break his heart." LMAO losing is at this joke.

Amazing but I expected nothing less. 🥰

Heaven and Hell (Or: Eddie and Evil Woman Do… Prom?!) Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Eddie and Evil Woman are *checks notes* going to prom? Like normies?! Contains: A high school prom, two nervous freaks, an ill-fitting wardrobe, an unfortunate zit, dancing, references to other E/EW fics nobody will remember, relentless teasing, a happy ending. Words: 4.5k

"Prom's next month."

You stop playing with Eddie's hair and look down at the head lying in your lap in surprise.

He keeps his eyes on the TV. A blush creeps into his cheeks. Is Eddie Munson seriously thinking about going to prom? You fight a smile and start working your fingers through his hair again.

"Yup… that's what they said on the morning announcements."

Silence. No way he's that interested in the orange juice commercial you've seen ten times today. Eddie Munson is thinking about prom, and he's in the process of chickening out.

"You ever been?" you ask.

"Nah," he says, eyes still on the TV. "You?"

"Nah."

He bites his lip. You can't take it anymore.

"You thinkin' about going?"

He shrugs.

If you were a more patient person, you could poke and prod at him until he finally asked you. However…

"Well, if you were planning on asking me, you're too late."

He finally looks up at you, confusion on his face.

"I've rekindled my romance with Chief Hopper."

A smile spreads across Eddie's face.

"I'm sorry, Eddie," you sigh. "What we had was fun, but you just don't have the stamina. Sometimes a girl just NEEDS full night of porking."

You both snort at the same time, which leads to a fit of giggles.

When you recover, you brush his bangs out of his face. He sighs.

"So, uh…" He licks his lips while he tries to find his words. "If the bacon falls through, would you maybe think about going with me?"

You open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off. "Because it's kinda my last chance, and I know it's stupid, and it goes against everything I stand for, and it'll probably be miserable, and the music's gonna suck, and you probably have a way better idea of what we could do that night, but… ugh, never mind."

Eddie turns back toward the TV, shaking his head so some of his hair hides his burning face. You gently brush it back behind his ear, looking down at him with all the love in your heart.

"Eddie?"

"Hm."

"You're the only person I'd think about going to prom with."

"Really?" He looks up at you with an uneasy smile.

"Yeah," you answer, tracing the shell of his ear.

"We don't have to."

"I know," you smile. "I want to go with you." He smiles back sleepily. "But if I get Carrie'd, I can't promise I'll spare you."

"Kay," he chuckles.

"Mother?" you ask, hovering in the living room doorway.

"Daughter?" she responds from the couch, without looking up from her book.

You take a deep breath and stare at the floor.

"Ineedapromdress."

"What?"

You sigh and raise your head. "I need a prom dress."

Her book drops to her lap, revealing wide eyes behind her glasses.

"What did you just say to me?"

"I need a prom dress," you repeat with a roll of your eyes.

"Oh my god! I have a child who's voluntarily attending a school function!"

"What's up?" Gareth asks from behind you.

"They're going to the prom!"

You slowly turn and see him looking at you in amusement.

"Shut up," you order before he can even say anything.

"She's even gonna wear a dress!" your mother shrieks.

"Shut up," you repeat, glaring at Gareth's stupid smirky face. "Kay, I'm going to bed, open to shopping suggestions and financial contributions, good night."

You squeeze past him and make a mad dash for your room.

"They're all gonna laugh at you!" Gareth warbles in his best Piper Laurie impression.

"Shut up!" you repeat one last time, then slam your bedroom door.

"He's heeeere," Gareth announces as he passes by your bedroom door.

"You look perfect," your mom assures you.

She's been working on your makeup for fifteen minutes, and it's finally the way she wants it. And you have to admit… you look pretty damn good.

She'd taken you to the city for a day of shopping, and after several hours of hunting, you'd actually found a dress without puffed sleeves, ruffles, or tulle.

"Give me a minute, I want the camera on his face when he sees you," your mom says excitedly.

"Mother, it's a high school prom, it's not our wedding."

"Let me have this!" she whisper-yells. She grabs her camera and leaves the room.

You take one last look at yourself, stand, and slip on your shoes. Heels. You're even wearing fucking heels.

You walk down the hall and turn into the kitchen…

Eddie Munson is wearing a suit.

You'd offered to help him look for one, or find him something in the city, but he said he had it covered. And he did. He's even wearing a tie, and he's tamed his hair somehow. He looks freakishly presentable (for Eddie) and is holding what you imagine is a corsage in a box.

"Hi."

"Hey."

You stand there and stare at each other. Awkward. It's awkward.

"Eddie! Give her the corsage!" Your mom stage-whispers.

He tries to hold it out to you, but fumbles it and drops it on the floor. You both reach down to get it, and you hear a RIIIP tear through the kitchen. You both stand immediately, looking and feeling your outfits.

"Was that you or me?" you ask, trying to feel the back of your dress. You knew this fucker was too tight. But your question is answered when all the blood drains out of Eddie's panicked face.

"Let me see, honey," your mom says gently, putting a hand on his shoulder to turn him. The seam in the back of his jacket has ripped.

"Dude! You Hulked out on prom night," Gareth laughs from his seat at the kitchen table.

You give him a warning shush, and for once, he obeys.

"Slip that off, I'll have it as good as new in no time." Your mom helps Eddie out of his jacket and takes it in the direction of her sewing machine. You carefully retrieve the corsage from the floor and put it on the table.

"Uh… that's for you," he mumbles, the color returning to his face.

"Thank you," you smile, leaving the box closed until your mother can return and witness this sacred and not-at-all stupid prom ritual.

You turn to Eddie and lift a hand to run through his suspiciously tame hair.

"Don't look at it," Eddie mumbles.

"Don't look at what?" you ask.

"His third eye," Gareth supplies helpfully. That's when you notice the zit between his eyes. Eddie's face reddens so much that it almost blends in. Gareth snickers. You pick up a damp kitchen towel, ball it up, and throw it at him. It hits him in the ear.

"Don't you have some place to be?" you ask pointedly.

"Nope," he grins, leaning back and lacing his fingers behind his head. "Mom's taking me to Jeff's after you leave."

You roll your eyes, reach for Eddie's hand, and pull him to your bedroom.

"Sit," you instruct, pointing at your desk. He drops into the chair with a defeated sigh. You start digging through your extremely elegant shoebox full of makeup, then realize what you need. "I'll be right back," you whisper with a kiss to the top of his head.

You return with a cotton ball.

"What's that?"

"Wite-Out. My make-up's too dark for you," you joke.

Eddie's brow furrows, and you apply a dab of peroxide to his unfortunate growth. When it dries, you reach for the concealer.

"What are you doing?" he asks nervously.

"Covering that up."

He sits silently and watches you reach for this and that to cover his bump, and when you stand back and smile, he frowns.

"What's wrong?" you ask. "I can wipe it off if you want, I thought you wanted it gone."

"I feel like a clown," he grumbles.

"You are a clown."

He pouts. You point at the mirror, and he leans over to see his camouflage… and his jaw drops. You lean down until your head is next to his, so you can see what he sees.

"Witchcraft," he whispers.

"You know it, babe," you wink.

"One freshly tailored suit jacket for the young lad," your mom announces as she steps into the room. Eddie stands, and she helps him into it. She brushes her hand along the seam. "Good as new!" she declares. "But no break-dancing tonight." Eddie laughs.

After the official corsage and boutonniere exchange in the kitchen, you're marched into the living room for pictures. Each pose is goofier than the last, but you aren't allowed to leave until your mom finishes off a roll of film.

You both breathe a sigh of relief when the van doors slam shut.

"You still wanna do this, or do you wanna go get blazed and hide out at my place?" Eddie asks, probably about 40% joking.

"What time is it?" you ask. Eddie consults his watch and reads the time back to you. You pretend to consider it for a second, then shake your head. "Chief Hopper is expecting me in 15 minutes, and my little piggy does not like to be kept waiting."

Eddie snorts and starts the engine. Hawkins High Prom 1986 it is.

"Where'd you get your suit?" you ask a few minutes into the surprisingly awkward drive.

"George. The thrift shop guy. Told him I needed something prom-worthy. This was his grandson's. 'He's a lanky thing, just like you,' he said."

"It's nice," you admire.

"It's a little small, but… y'know." Eddie shrugs. "Price was right."

"Is it uncomfortable?"

"It's… a little tight," he admits.

"Baby, you don't have to wear stuff if it makes you uncomfortable."

"It's fine… as long as I don't have to move my arms much."

"Is it the shirt too, or just the jacket?"

"Mostly the jacket, the shirt's got some stretch to it."

"Ditch it."

"Ticket says jacket and tie required."

"Ditch it as soon as they let us in."

"This is why you're the brains of this operation," he mumbles as he pulls into a parking spot.

"Correct," you grin.

"Stay," Eddie orders, hopping down and scrambling around the front of the van to open your door. You're suddenly reminded of your first official date; he'd tried so hard to be someone else, but you didn't want someone else. You wanted Eddie Munson, and you wanted him just the way he was. You take his hand and slide to the ground, wincing as your heels hit the pavement.

"Is your battle armor in here?" you ask, nodding toward the back.

"Of course."

"Fetch."

Eddie smirks and walks toward the back, and you shut your door and follow him. He grabs his leather jacket and patch-filled vest, and hugs the pair to his chest.

You reach for them, and he hands them over. You separate the pair while he watches nervously, like you're separating conjoined twins that he personally gave birth to.

"Lose the child-sized suit jacket," you instruct. He tries, but gets stuck almost immediately. You muffle a laugh and step behind him to help him out of it, then slide his plain leather jacket on.

He looks more comfortable already. And considerably more Eddie-like. You go to transfer his boutonniere to his jacket pocket… but he doesn't have one. A bit of quick thinking and one rip later, his dumb little flower is attached with a strip of duct tape. You step back to admire him.

"There he is," you smile.

"Now he's gotta find his girl," Eddie says, "and then they can go do this damn prom thing."

You look down at your outfit and back at him, but he's already digging… through your overnight bag?

"Eddie, what--"

He cuts you off by slapping the soles of your favorite sneakers on the floor of his van.

"You've been wincing with every damn step since you walked into the kitchen. Lose the shoes."

You grin and sit down to swap your heels for sneakers. Sneakers that Eddie vandalized during a particularly boring assembly. It was one of the reasons why they were your favorites; the boy's a ballpoint artist. The other was--oh, that's nice. You stand comfortably and breathe a sigh of relief.

"You want a little liquid courage?" Eddie asks, shaking a bottle of liquor at you.

"Sure," you answer. You each take a swig in hopes of making your night a little more bearable. Eddie stashes the bottle in the van and slams the back doors shut.

"M'lady," he says, offering an arm. You take it, and walk toward the Hawkins High gym doors. Any time now, alcohol.

A cheerleader-in-training eyes you warily, but takes your tickets and lets you pass by her table into the gym… decked out in streamers and balloons. Wicked classy, Hawkins High.

"And you say I never take you anywhere nice," Eddie grins.

"I have literally, not once, ever said that."

Eddie laughs and takes your hand.

"Munson?!" a voice shrieks.

"Yeah?" he asks uneasily, turning to see Mrs. O'Donnell.

"What are you doing here?"

You look at each other, and back at her.

"Whatever people usually do at prom, I guess?"

"I'll have no shenanigans from you tonight, Munson."

"Wouldn't dream of it, O'Donnell."

"Don't even think about going near that punch bowl," she warns.

"Why, what's in the punch bowl?" he asks. You try to keep a straight face.

"Just punch, and that's the way it's going to stay. Isn't that right, Mr. Munson?"

"Yes, ma'am," he says innocently.

Mrs. O'Donnell looks you both up and down, sucks her teeth in disapproval, and walks away without another word.

"Like I'd waste good liquor on these ungrateful assholes," he mumbles. "Do have an emergency flask in my pocket, by the way."

"Aww, and I thought you were just happy to see me."

"That's in the other pocket," he winks.

"C'mon," you laugh, pulling him to the other side of the gym. Once you're in a quiet spot, you scan the room for familiar faces. You knew you were pretty much on your own - all of the other Hellfire boys were having a movie marathon and sleepover at Jeff's - but you thought you'd look for potential allies anyway.

"There's Nancy Wheeler," you notice.

"And the Elder Byers," Eddie points out.

"I think we're on our own, babe."

"Just how I like it," he grins.

"You gonna dance with me, or just stand here lookin' pretty all night?" you ask.

Eddie responds by flipping his hair over his shoulder dramatically.

"C'mon," you smile, nodding toward the dance floor. He balks.

"This song sucks."

"Every song's gonna suck," you remind him.

"This one sucks more than average."

"Then how 'bout we visit the snack table and lay a curse on the punch while we wait for something that sucks slightly less?"

"This way, m'lady," he says nerdily, holding out his arm. You roll your eyes and take it anyway, working together to assemble a plate full of cheap snacks and two cups of unspiked punch. You retreat to the bleachers and pick at your bounty.

"So… this is a high school dance," he remarks.

"Yup… imagine, some people's entire high school careers revolve around this thing."

"I'd kinda rather be at home," he confesses.

"In our pajamas," you add.

"Watching shitty movies," he continues.

"Eating shittier pizza."

"Maybe fooling around a little?" He waggles his eyebrows and tilts his head toward the door.

"We went through a lot of trouble to get here, Edward. I went shopping. With my mother. You put on a suit. And a tie. And grew a stress zit."

"Shut up," he grumbles, hand instinctively touching the bump between his eyes. You lean in to kiss his cheek.

"Let's give it an hour. You've gotta dance with me at least once."

"Fine," he pouts. You feed him crackers, and he starts to relax a little.

When the opening chords of "Footloose" blare through the speakers, Eddie cringes. The people on the dance floor go wild.

"C'mon," you order, standing up and reaching for his hand.

"No."

"Yes."

"Absolutely not."

"Eddie Munson, you get your spastic ass on this dance floor with your dumb-ass classmates right now."

He whines, and looks… nervous? You sit back down, face full of concern. He scans the crowd, and you look too. Eyes keep darting to you. Not outright staring. Just keeping an eye on you. Like your whereabouts are a matter of public safety. You've been so focused on Eddie, you haven't bothered to pay attention to everyone else.

"It's just…" he starts, and then stops.

"Eddie?" you ask quietly, turning your head back to him. "This is our prom, too." You slide a little closer to him and hold his hand. "And I'm glad I'm here with you."

Eddie leans his forehead against yours and squeezes your hand.

"You think they're upset that we had the nerve to show up?" you smirk.

"Probably ruined their whole night," he grins. "Dear Diary, the freaks crashed prom."

"And ate all the fucking snacks," you laugh.

A flash makes you both jump.

"Sorry," Jonathan Byers smiles apologetically from behind his camera. "You guys were being cute, and Nancy demanded a photo for the yearbook."

"It's cool, man," Eddie grins. "Can we get a copy of that?"

"Sure," Jonathan nods. "They hired a professional photographer for portraits, by the way. Over in the corner. It's included in the ticket price."

"Cool," Eddie says.

"Anddd Nancy's waving me back," Jonathan groans. "You guys have fun tonight. At least some of the freaks should."

You and Eddie both chuckle as Jonathan goes back to Nancy for his next assignment, hearts in his eyes completely undermining his complaints.

"Well…" Eddie puffs his cheeks and blows out a breath of air. He's experienced all that prom has to offer, and is clearly not impressed.

"One picture, one dance, and we're the fuck outta here," you propose.

"Deal," he agrees.

You walk, hand-in-hand, over to the photographer's corner and get in line behind three other couples. Well, two. Kimmy Little sees you standing in line behind her, and drags her date off in the other direction. You and Eddie share a knowing look, but say nothing.

When the time comes, the photographer instructs you to assume the traditional prom photo position, and you do. You let Eddie hold you around the waist and smile like a total fucking jackass for several seconds while you wait for the flash. You and Eddie stumble away with spotty vision and hands tightly clasped. He's your lifeline, and you're not letting him go.

When your vision returns, you look from the bleachers to the exit. Is it really worth walking all the way back over there to sit and be bored, when you could just leave and have this lame night be over with?

Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" starts playing through the gym's shitty speakers, and you smile. You're a sucker for this one. Eddie looks at you with dread. He knows what's coming.

Silently, you slip backward into the crowd and pull him with you. He doesn't protest this time. He follows, eyes not leaving yours. The crowd must have parted for you. Perhaps there are advantages to loving the resident freak. You stand close and put his hands where they belong, and then yours. You stare into Eddie Munson's eyes and sway slowly to a song he tolerates, only for you.

You're glad you came. You're glad you're with him. You're glad this is the song you got to dance to. You're glad he made you swap your heels for sneakers.

But mostly, you're glad when the song is over, because you come together for a quick kiss and make a mad dash toward the exit.

"You son of a bitch," Eddie growls, trying to force his suit onto a hanger.

"Leave it, gremlin, I'll do it."

"Thank you," Eddie grins, throwing his suit on the bed and kissing your freshly scrubbed cheek. You'd washed off all your makeup and hair products together, had a little fun in the shower, put on pajamas, and smoked a joint to wind down. You were thrilled to look and feel like yourselves again. "I'm gonna go pop a pizza in the oven. Put something good on, I need to cleanse my poor ears of the top 40 garbage they were subjected to tonight."

"Yes, dear," you deadpan, hanging up your dress as he exits the room.

"Music!" he whines from the hallway.

"FINE!" you yell back. You pop in the first mix tape you find and turn up the volume. You force Eddie's suit on a hanger, put the formal-wear in the hall closet, and join him in the kitchen.

He's sitting on the counter, watching the clock and drinking directly out of a nearly empty two-liter pop bottle.

"You really know how to treat a girl," you smirk.

He burps in response.

You feel like you should roll your eyes or pretend to be annoyed, but you're so in love with this fucker, you find every dumb thing he does to be charming. You lean on the counter next to him, and he hands you the bottle. You take a swig, then pretend it's a microphone.

"I'm here with Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin, who has just been to his first and last school dance! Tell us, Eddie, how was the Hawkins High prom?" you ask, placing the open bottle by his mouth.

"Sucked dick, thanks for asking!"

"It did not suck dick!" you protest, slamming the bottle on the counter with a slosh.

"It sucked some pretty major dick," he argues.

"You got to spend time with the woman you love! In a formal setting! She wore a damn dress for you!"

"I like her better in pajamas."

"Only because I'm not wearing a bra," you scoff.

"Well… I mean, yeah," he says, hopping off the counter and taking your hands in his. "Don't get me wrong, the dress was great. Have deposited the cleavage situation in the spank bank, so thanks for that. But this is just… better. 'Cause this is us."

When you're right, you're right.

The opening chords of Black Sabbath's "Heaven and Hell" play through Eddie's bedroom speakers, and a wave of appreciation for where you are and who you're with washes over you.

"No bowtie-wearing jocks or frilly little bitches staring at us," you smile, sliding your hands to his shoulders and pulling him close.

"No restrictive clothing," he smirks, letting his eyes linger on your chest as he settles his hands on your waist.

"Eyes are up here, Munson," you remind him as you begin to sway subtly.

He looks up and grins. "Those are pretty okay, too, I guess."

You smack him in the chest, and he laughs.. and then his face falls.

"You tricked me," he accuses.

"How did I trick you?"

"This is our second dance!"

"Yes, but its to our music, so it's counteracting the pop-adjacent one at the actual dance."

"Ugh, fine," he pretends to cave with a roll of his eyes.

You keep dancing until the song starts to pick up, and Eddie looks at you with his eyes full of mischief. He starts moving just a little faster from side to side, swaying with the music as it builds. Before you know it, those spastic moves you tried to coax out of him at prom were coming out in his kitchen. You would have been perfectly satisfied to just watch him dance like a dweeb, but he grabs both of your hands and forces you to join him. You do so happily.

You dance, you spin, and you laugh together in the Munson's kitchen to a mixtape of Eddie's own making. It's the most fun you've had in weeks. Why did you spend so long stressing over prom? Prom was nothing. Prom was a bunch of rich kids in tacky, overpriced clothes that you'd be laughing at in twenty years. This is real. This is what you should be living for.

When the song begins to wind down, you and Eddie are nearly out of breath from all the head-banging and jumping around. The slow dancing resumes without complaint.

"I think this is the Heaven part," you observe.

"Huh?"

"Heaven and Hell," you say, looking up into his beautiful red face. His bangs are stuck to his sweaty forehead. His zit has lessened in intensity after a post-shower application of peroxide. His eyes are big and round and curious. This boy is perfect, and he's all yours. "Prom was Hell. Other people are Hell. This, right here? Me and you? This is the Heaven part."

Eddie's eyes crinkle as he smiles. He pulls you in close and crushes you in a hug. You squeeze him back and breathe in the calming, familiar scent of him. You love this boy more than anything.

"I love you," you mumble into his shoulder.

"I love you too," he responds. "Even if you did make me go to prom."

"This was your idea, fool," you laugh, giving him a backwards shove.

"Not how I remember it," he grins. He laces his fingers and holds them under his chin, bats his eyelashes, and continues in a high-pitched voice that sounds nothing like you: "'Oh Eddie my love, please, won't you take me to prom? It would be the highlight of my life!' Pretty sure you begged. Groveled, even."

"You are insufferable," you laugh, pushing him away from you.

"You're the one who made me go to prom!"

"You know, Munson, according to the pamphlets that everyone's been throwing at me all week, most teenagers have sex on prom night. But I think you're gonna have to get your ass kicked instead. C'mere."

"No!" he yelps, backing into a corner. "Please! I have children!"

"We don't have to share our pizza with them, do we?" you laugh, too lazy to engage in a play-fight with him.

"Pfft. No." He relaxes. "I wouldn't even share with you if I didn't have to."

Your jaw drops.

"I'm kidding!" he insists, coming forward to envelop you in a hug. You go rigid and refuse to hug him back. "I'm kidding. You know I'd save my last Fudge Round for you."

"Oh, really?" you smile, looking up at him.

"Eh… Nutty Buddy, maybe?" He screws up his face in concentration. "Nah. Oatmeal Creme Pie?"

"You are unbelievable," you scoff with a shake of your head.

"You love me anyway."

"Yeah, I guess," you sigh in defeat. "But please don't tell Chief Hopper. It would break his heart."

"Oh my God," Eddie groans, pushing you away and rolling his eyes toward the ceiling.

You cackle, and the oven timer dings.

This is definitely Heaven, but you've still gotta give him a little Hell.

[james-p-sullivan]

okay so in french baguette means wand/rod and it’s not solely used for bread like in english

but even so seeing red call it his ice baguette makes me cry laugh

[dinsbeskar]

LILY

LILY I AM YELLING ONCE AGAIN

I NEARLY THREW MY PHONE SEVERAL TIMES

“Do you truly realise who I am?” Your husband titled his head at your words. “All the stories they have told you about me when you were a child – I am worse than any of them.”

“I am fully aware,” you approached him and held Almárea’s free hand. “And that is why I must go to make sure you do not turn her into a monster like you.”

OOOOOOOHH OK OK OK "'IM A MONSTER Y'KNOW" "I DO KNOW, DON'T MAKE MY CHILD ONE" AHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS

“It was the only moment when I felt that I should, perhaps, abandon my old life and remain in Eregion as Annatar by your side forever,” he confessed.

NOOOOOOO MY HEART IS BROKEN, NOOOOOOO

Ugh I love the idea of him leaving all his evil scheming behind for his love, like in canon I could never see it but I absolutely love it regardless, we love an evil man who even thinks about giving it up for love!!! Goddddd my heart actually hurt after reading this bit

You were barely exchanging any words with your husband and you seemed to avoid each other. However, he was making sure you were not short on anything. Once in a while there was a package waiting for you on your bed. Inside it you would find gifts – books to read or new dresses. And yesterday you had found an embroidery set, which filled your heart with joy.

Shhhhhhhh the gift giving??? Our Lord of Gifts making a cameo appearance?? Absolutely love this!!!

“Is she not with you? Are you not teaching her your craft of treachery and deception like every day?” You asked with a sigh, defeated.

Sauron rolled his eyes but decided not to comment on your remark.

Pffffft nooo the snarking of two divorcees forced to co-parent 😂😂😂

You watched his eyes widen even further in terror and concern. You snorted at that. “What are you? Scared of losing your precious tool?” You asked him with contempt.

That only angered him further as he grabbed your arm and squeezed it so tightly that you were sure there was a bruise forming already.

“Do not ever say that again,” he drawled out through gritted teeth right into your face. “Do not speak of matters you have no idea of.”

Oooooooooh this whole section had me yelling!! What do you mean, Sauron has feelings about anyone but himself?? Actually cares about his offspring?? The one he referred to as "your daughter" when she was born!!! This man!!!

You followed him but in many places the ground was slippery and you needed his support. His hand would grab you each time you stumbled and pull you up.

Oh god no not the support, not the grasping for him as you nearly fall, noooo my heart, you stumble, he reaches for you, I hate it here!!! The unresolved feelings!!!!

“A forge,” she answered. “I miss uncle Celebrimbor’s one and this place makes me feel as if I was back there. Oh, daddy, can you imagine all the beautiful things we could craft here?” She asked with a smile.

Sauron froze for a moment as you watched the scene with a raised eyebrow. He looked around as if he had just realised something brilliant.

“Yes, I can, my darling. And we will,” he assured her. “But please, come to me and mummy now, will you?” He extended his hand even further and she nodded, eagerly.

NOOOOOOOOO SHE GAVE HIM THE IDEA, BABE NOOOOOO, I FUCKING DIED, I ACTUALLY SQUEAKED AND EVERYONE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS READING, I AM DEAD (absolute perfection!!!)

Your hands acted before you allowed them to and they placed themselves on his arm softly. Your body ached for him and his presence; it was too used to his touch.

He flinched a little and turned his head around to look down at you with a puzzled expression.

“Have a family with me,” Sauron finished the sentence softly and you looked up at him, gently. It was the very first time in a long time when your eyes filled with affection for him again. “I was never keen on the idea of having offspring,” he admitted. “But then you made me realise what a blessing children might be,” he cracked a smile and raised his hand to caress your cheek. “I was terrified of my potential child stealing my powers and overthrowing me but Almárea… Her powers and her mind terrify me in the most exquisite way. Do you know why she is so perfect?” He asked and you shook your head. “Because she is half you. She is half light and half darkness. The perfect balance and what else could possibly heal Middle-earth?”

NOT US WANTING HIM AFTER EVERYTHING, NOT HIM ADMITTING THAT HAVING A CHILD WAS A BLESSING, THE BALANCE??? THE TWO OF YOU CREATED BALANCE!!!

“Come here, my love,” Sauron pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you. “Oh, how I have missed you, too, my darling. And even though it brought me great pain, I knew I had to wait for you to come to me out of your own free will.”

[...] “But you have become the most dear to me, the most precious,” he confessed and turned you around, making you look at Mount Doom as his hands lowered themselves to your abdomen.

You looked down at his hands resting on your womb. He was still wearing a golden ring on his finger that you had put there on the day of your wedding. And you were still wearing yours because you still loved him despite hating yourself for it. You still wanted to be around him as if he was something addictive that you could not live without. And your womb was still open for more of his offspring.

THE CONFESSIONS OF LOVE, YESSSSSS WE WIN

NOT "PRECIOUS" NOOOOOO 😂 OH MY GOD

For real that first paragraph actually broke me a bit, I love it so much

“Another tool for you to use,” you pointed out.

“Another child for you to love and spoil,” Sauron brushed your hair strand and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “Another thread of love binding us together.”

:)))))) ooof why do I love soft!sauron so much??? a thread of love?? Oh godddd

“You are going to have many,” Sauron spoke as he reached his hand out to caress her hair. “And each of you will get their own kingdom to rule over in my name and their own Ring,” he shared his new plan as a shiver went down your spine. “And all Middle-earth will be healed at once for your mother’s light and my darkness combine like two precious metals; balancing and amplifying everything I could ever be on my own.”

THE BALANCING, THE AMPLIFYING, WE LOVE THE ALLOY METAPHOR, THEY ARE THE RINGS!!!! IM DEAD!!!!

Okay, that was very long but I had a lot of feelings, this was superb, it was such a satisfying conclusion, so beautifully written, I am dead thank you

— BLESSED (III)

PART ONE || PART TWO

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!half-Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — You have no choice but to follow Sauron and your daughter to Mordor because you do not want to abandon her. As time passes, you find yourself being lured by your husband's charm once more as the memories of his cruelty in Eregion begin to fade away.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — And here we are go with the last part! I know I probably write Sauron's relationship with his daughter in a very idealistic way – that in canon he would be most likely way worse. But writing it like that would bring me no joy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's a fic for dad!Sauron and I want him to be at least a bit decent while we're at it! 😤

WARNINGS — Reader's father is dead (he was human, so she outlived him), manipulating, gaslighting, toxic and abusive marriage between the Reader and Sauron, Sauron being a very mid dad who manipulates his daughter and teaches her how to be evil like him, child in danger (nothing happens in the end), murder (of the Orcs), Celebrimbor has gone mad-mad, immaculate conception (yes, again!)

WORD COUNT — 4,450

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

BLESSED (III)

Celebrimbor was out of his mind again. Your heart ached for him as you were sitting next to him and caressing his hair softly as if he was a child. He had spent centuries taking care of you and now it was your turn to return the favour. You kept sobbing, feeling angry at yourself that you could not protect him.

Sauron was gone. After finding out where The Rings were, he had left in a hurry, leaving you with a few Orcs that had come to the forge in the meantime. They wanted to plead their allegiance to your husband and the very first task they had been given was to watch over you, your daughter and your uncle. To make sure none of you would escape.

Almárea was not scared of them, which surprised you. In fact, she approached them and kept asking them a million questions as the Orcs were growing a little frustrated with her curiosity. They were, however, answering all her questions patiently. You cracked a smile at that. She was still a child – curious and so full of life.

So full of light, too. You could not let the darkness win within her.

“I shall not allow him to hurt you, uncle. I shall not, I promise,” you kissed Celebrimbor’s forehead and your uncle looked up at you with hazy eyes and a loving smile. “You have endured and suffered so much because of him already. But no more, no more, uncle… Now you must rest.”

“Your daughter…” He mumbled out and you looked down at his face with a sad smile. “Is she not the most precious? She is the exact copy of you, sweet (Y/N). You were a girl like her once, running around this very forge.”

“I remember, uncle,” you sobbed. “I remember it vividly. My father and you working together, my mother still happy and full of life, before she began a lifetime of mourning. I remember…”

You pulled him closer and tried to come up with an idea how to save him. Even if Sauron would not kill him – he had made this promise to Almárea when she had revealed to him Lady Galadriel had been the one to have The Rings now and you wanted to believe he would keep that promise – you still had a feeling your husband would use Celebrimbor somehow or hurt him. 

“Almárea?” You called out for her and she turned around to lay her eyes upon you. You beckoned her over and she nodded at the Orcs before running up to you. “Almárea, do you want uncle Celebrimbor to be safe?”

“Of course, mummy,” your daughter’s eyes widened.

“Can you distract them as I walk him out of here? I will be right back,” you whispered as you pointed at the Orcs with your chin.

“I do not know, mummy… Last time I listened to you, daddy was very angry…” She looked down, nervously.

“Almárea, please. Do you love uncle Celebrimbor?” You asked.

“Yes, of course,” she nodded.

“Then, please…”

“But will you come back to me? Truly?” She lifted up her eyes and looked into yours with a hint of anxiety.

“My darling, always. I shall never abandon you,” you promised, truthfully. Your heart ached at the thought she was not as sure of it as you were.

Eventually, she nodded as she turned around towards the Orcs once more. She ran up to them joyfully and kept asking them questions. When you moved up, dragging Celebrimbor with you, they did not even flinch, which meant that your daughter’s deception was working.

You felt bad for leaving her with them even for a short moment but at this moment it was your uncle who was the most vulnerable and who needed you more. You owed him that, at least.

You walked him out of the forge and hurried to the secret tunnel below the city. The Orcs who had taken over Eregion were feasting now in havoc in the courtyard, which distracted them enough to make it possible for you to lead your uncle safely to the passage.

You walked inside with him and he was following you like a trusting child. In the middle of the passage, you bumped into Herald Elrond. Your heart was in joy to see him and to know that he was safe. He had been some sort of a cousin to you – his father had also been a friend of Celebrimbor and he also was a half-Elf. You had many things in common and you had been close friends in your youth.

“(Y/N), thank the Valar,” he sighed. “Where is your daughter? I was sent here by the High King to make an attempt to rescue you and–” He began.

“I must go back,” you shook your head with your eyes full of tears. “Take uncle Celebrimbor to safety. Heal his mind. Forget about me,” you pleaded and he furrowed his brows.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. “Where is Almárea?”

“Please, Elrond. You must not know,” you insisted before kissing your uncle’s forehead once more and caressing his cheeks to tell him goodbye.

“(Y/N)!” Elrond called out for you when you turned around to go back to Eregion and to your daughter.

“If you love me and respect me,” you began. “If you love Celebrimbor… Just take him away from here. That is all I ask for,” you insisted and hurried back to Eregion. “Do not follow me!” You exclaimed after hearing him trying to rush after you.

He eventually listened to you because he had a huge love for Celebrimbor and he could see the state of him was not the best. You heard the sound of their steps subduing as you went back to Eregion. 

You went back to the forge, feeling a bit more peaceful on the inside, knowing that you managed to save your uncle from Sauron. You nodded at Almárea and she nodded back at you, visibly relieved to see you coming back to her.

Her father came back not long after, too. He was wearing a breastplate and holding Morgoth’s crown in his hand, which was dripping blood – you could feel from afar its purity and light. It was Elven.

“Have you killed her?” You whispered with widened eyes.

“Sadly, no,” Sauron answered with a smirk. “But I got The Nine,” he added and you looked away, feeling defeated. “Speaking of, where is Celebrimbor?”

“Far away,” you mumbled out, expecting him to lash out.

Surprisingly, he did not. He shrugged his arms.

“Whatever. He is no use to me anymore. Almárea, we are leaving,” he extended his free hand and nodded at her.

“You cannot take her away from me!” You turned your head around again to watch what she would do. She hesitated but then she ran up to him and squeezed his hand, which felt like a punch straight into your heart.

“Where are we going, daddy?” She asked.

“To our new home,” Sauron answered and turned around, dragging her behind him but she remained still. “What is it?” He asked with an irritated sigh.

“We are taking mummy with us, right?” She asked.

Long silence occurred. Sauron laid his cold and empty eyes upon you, sitting on the floor with your back pressed to the wall and crying silent tears.

“It is her choice,” he answered, softly, “but I doubt she wants to go with us.”

“On the contrary. I have no choice,” you gritted your teeth, clumsily standing up. “I must go where she goes. Even if it is a path I hate to follow.”

“Do you truly realise who I am?” Your husband titled his head at your words. “All the stories they have told you about me when you were a child – I am worse than any of them.”

“I am fully aware,” you approached him and held Almárea’s free hand. “And that is why I must go to make sure you do not turn her into a monster like you.”

It took you a few days of travel with the filthy army of Orcs to get to Mordor. You and Sauron did not exchange a single word during this trip. Almárea was riding with you on your horse for half of the day and then she would go to ride with her father. You made no stops on your way, so after arriving in Mordor, you and your daughter were exhausted.

The land was dark and barren, full of fire and ashes. It looked like hell but you decided not to complain because you realised you were on thin ice already – Sauron did not treat you like his consort in any way. Apparently, you would be nothing but a mother to his child from now on. Any sign of disobedience could be punished with exile and that was the last thing you wanted. You needed to be close to your daughter.

He ordered the Orcs to build him a grand fortress but until then, you resided in a big mansion that had once belonged to a rich human family of The Southlands. You had an awful view of Mount Doom from there and the rooms were all beautifully decorated but also dusty and worn out.

Once again – you did not complain. You did not dare.

You followed Sauron to the chambers he had decided would be yours and Almárea’s. He was carrying her in his arms as she was half-asleep already. You watched him put her to bed and caress her head as you sat down on the chair next to the bed. You held her little hand and squeezed it lovingly, watching her drift off to the land of dreams. Those past few days had been difficult and exhausting for her.

Sauron straightened his back and looked down at you with a bit of contempt but also affection – mixed together, they made you feel deeply uncomfortable.

“Do you remember?” He asked, speaking his very first sentence to you in days.

You furrowed your brows and looked up at him, questioningly. Your husband extended his hand and touched your cheek with it.

At that moment, your vision got blurry and you felt yourself go back in time a few years to one, specific memory. One of the most beautiful days you had ever lived.

You were sitting by the river, in a field full of flowers. Almárea was about a year old and clumsily taking her first steps. You watched Annatar helping her and chuckling at her harmless but funny falls as she kept giggling and blabbering, excitedly. The sun was slowly setting and you felt at peace. You truly believed your whole life would be just like that.

When Sauron took his hand away from your face, you found yourself back in Mordor, stripped of any faith and any dignity.

“Why did you show me that?” You asked him, angrily, as your eyes filled with fresh tears.

“It was the only moment when I felt that I should, perhaps, abandon my old life and remain in Eregion as Annatar by your side forever,” he confessed.

“Perhaps you should have,” was all you answered, in a whisper nearly inaudible as you watched him walk away with tears streaming down your cheeks.

You had cried out so many of them recently that you were starting to feel hollow and empty.

Weeks passed, maybe months. You had lost track of time since all your days were the same. You were given quite a lot of freedom because Sauron was sure you would never leave his side as long as Almárea was there. You were allowed to walk around the mansion and even take walks although you did not crave them at all since Mordor was not the perfect place to spend time outside.

You were barely exchanging any words with your husband and you seemed to avoid each other. However, he was making sure you were not short on anything. Once in a while there was a package waiting for you on your bed. Inside it you would find gifts – books to read or new dresses. And yesterday you had found an embroidery set, which filled your heart with joy.

You missed embroidery and you even considered it quite thoughtful that he had remembered about it. So, you were sitting by the window and focusing on your craft, trying to recreate Mount Doom, which your daughter loved for some reason. You wanted to make her happy.

You were focused on your work when the doors opened loudly, making you misplace the needle and hurt yourself as you hissed and looked up at your husband.

“Where is Almárea?” He asked, looking around the room.

“Is she not with you? Are you not teaching her your craft of treachery and deception like every day?” You asked with a sigh, defeated.

Sauron rolled his eyes but decided not to comment on your remark.

“I told her to go back to her mother about two hours ago,” he informed you and your heart skipped a beat at that revelation.

“Why didn’t you walk her here yourself?” You asked.

“I had an important matter to attend to and it is not like she is a toddler, is it?” Sauron clenched his jaw but you spotted a glimpse of panic in his eyes. “Where is she?”

“How can I know?! I thought she was with you!” You stood up instantly and put your embroidery set down before rushing out of your chambers. “Almárea!” You called out. “Almárea!”

“Have you seen Lady Almárea?” Sauron asked one of the Orcs walking down the hall.

“N-no, my Lord Sauron,” the Orc shook his head and you watched your husband sit his throat just like that. Usually, you found this behaviour of his dreadful. But now you were too scared and worried for your daughter to care

You kept searching for her all over the mansion, calling out her name, leaving a pile of dead Orcs behind because none of them could answer Sauron about Almárea’s location.

“I think she must have gone outside,” you said after bumping into your husband in the corridor. You watched his eyes widen even further in terror and concern. You snorted at that. “What are you? Scared of losing your precious tool?” You asked him with contempt.

That only angered him further as he grabbed your arm and squeezed it so tightly that you were sure there was a bruise forming already.

“Do not ever say that again,” he drawled out through gritted teeth right into your face. “Do not speak of matters you have no idea of.”

You swallowed thickly and nodded. Despite everything between you two – it seemed like you shared a thread together and that was love for your daughter. And because you were a worried mother, you regretted inflicting any pain upon a worried father.

“Forgive me,” you whispered and he let go of your arm.

“Do you have any idea where she could go?” Sauron asked you and you shook your head before freezing as you realised.

“Mount Doom,” you whispered. “For some reason, she adores it,” you explained.

“We must not waste any moment then,” Sauron grabbed your wrist and dragged you behind him as you two ran out of the mansion.

The forsaken volcano was not very far away from your home but it still took you quite a while to get there. The air was poisonous around it, making you choke and tear up. You were no mortal, therefore you were in no danger, but it was still an inconvenience. 

“If anything happened to her, I shall be the one to kill you, whatever it takes!” You threatened your husband and he did not even say anything to this. He let go of your wrist and proceeded to climb up.

You followed him but in many places the ground was slippery and you needed his support. His hand would grab you each time you stumbled and pull you up.

Breathing heavily, both covered in dirt from the ashes, you stood there, petrified, seeing Almárea sitting by the edge of the volcano and staring at it spitting out fire. She seemed to be content with her position. You looked up at Sauron with terror in your eyes and he left you behind to approach your daughter with extended hands.

“Almárea, what are you doing here? Have you not been told to never go outside without me or your mother?” Sauron asked, carefully.

“Ugh, daddy, I know, I am sorry. I was just so curious about this mountain and guess what? It is even better than I have imagined,” she confessed with a smile. “Do you know what it reminds me of?”

“What, Almárea?” He asked, taking a few more small steps closer to her.

“A forge,” she answered. “I miss uncle Celebrimbor’s one and this place makes me feel as if I was back there. Oh, daddy, can you imagine all the beautiful things we could craft here?” She asked with a smile.

Sauron froze for a moment as you watched the scene with a raised eyebrow. He looked around as if he had just realised something brilliant.

“Yes, I can, my darling. And we will,” he assured her. “But please, come to me and mummy now, will you?” He extended his hand even further and she nodded, eagerly.

You both gasped watching her stand up because one little wrong move could cause her to fall down the volcano. She, however, seemed to be oblivious. She skipped along towards her father and Sauron picked her up in an instant, squeezing her tight and caressing the back of her head.

Your heart swelled inside your chest at the realisation that he truly cared for her and truly loved her  – even if it was not enough to save her from making her play a part in his schemes.

“Can we go back home, please?” You pleaded and it was the very first time you called that awful place your home.

Sauron nodded at you and you began your walk down the mountain. You were still shaking slightly and holding onto his sleeve to make sure you would not fall. Just like in the old days, he was bringing you comfort and safety – he was making you feel protected even if it was only being protected from a fall.

When you reached your mansion, Sauron took Almárea to the chambers she shared with you. Her skin and robes were dirty with mud and ashes, therefore you prepared her a bath and helped her to undress and get inside the bathtub.

“Call for me if you need anything,” you told her as you placed a new dress on the chair for her to dress herself into after the bath. “Be careful, my darling,” you smiled at her and left her alone in the bathroom, although you left the door ajar just in case.

Sauron was still inside your chambers and staring out of the window at Mount Doom. You sighed at the sight of his back turned on you and you decided to approach him softly.

Your hands acted before you allowed them to and they placed themselves on his arm softly. Your body ached for him and his presence; it was too used to his touch.

He flinched a little and turned his head around to look down at you with a puzzled expression.

“I miss you,” you confessed. “I miss being close to you,” you added.

“You miss Annatar, not me,” he shrugged his arms and looked out of the window again.

“Was Annatar not you? From the very beginning, my husband was Sauron. I only chose to be blind to see it,” you whispered and he looked back at you again, surprised to hear your words.

“Do I not repulse you?” He snorted.

“It does not change the fact I love you still,” you sighed and pressed your cheek to his arm. You both remained dirty from the ashes but you did not mind that all because today’s shared experience of fear and concern for your daughter had brought you two close together once more.

“Your love differs from mine,” he pointed out, a little harshly.

“It has not escaped me,” you let out a chuckle and nuzzled your face deeper into his sleeve. “But it is alright that we love differently. I do not want to be your Queen, I do not want you to share your power with me. All I want is to–”

“Have a family with me,” Sauron finished the sentence softly and you looked up at him, gently. It was the very first time in a long time when your eyes filled with affection for him again. “I was never keen on the idea of having offspring,” he admitted. “But then you made me realise what a blessing children might be,” he cracked a smile and raised his hand to caress your cheek. “I was terrified of my potential child stealing my powers and overthrowing me but Almárea… Her powers and her mind terrify me in the most exquisite way. Do you know why she is so perfect?” He asked and you shook your head. “Because she is half you. She is half light and half darkness. The perfect balance and what else could possibly heal Middle-earth?”

You hated yourself but you found yourself falling for his beautiful words once again. You could never be sure after everything that had happened if his sweet nothings, promises and love declarations were ever genuine. Perhaps, you would forever wonder about it. But despite all of that, the dreadful memories of Eregion’s downfall and his behaviour then were becoming blurry with time and you were ready to move on; to start another chapter with him.

And, as usual, you had an excuse for your husband, too. He had been nervous then. Of course he had been the worst version of himself. But it did not mean he would always be like this. Right now he was not.

“Come here, my love,” Sauron pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you. “Oh, how I have missed you, too, my darling. And even though it brought me great pain, I knew I had to wait for you to come to me out of your own free will.”

“Here I stand,” you whispered and a single tear streamed down your cheek.

“Almárea asked me about us,” Sauron put his hands on your arms and moved away slightly to be able to look at your face. “She wonders if we still love each other. I told her it was complicated.”

“I told her the very same thing,” you smiled sadly.

“But it is not, is it?” He raised an eyebrow and you shook your head, laughing nervously through your tears.

“No,” you admitted. “It is not.”

“It is true that I had my reasons to choose you out of all Elven maidens. And it is true that I was scared of having a son with you because I thought that the chances of a son overthrowing me would be higher,” he admitted and you furrowed your brows. “But you have become the most dear to me, the most precious,” he confessed and turned you around, making you look at Mount Doom as his hands lowered themselves to your abdomen.

You knew what he was about to do. You flinched at first, torn on the inside if it was truly what you wanted. Last time you had been deceived but now you would willingly allow it, despite knowing the true nature of the man who was your husband.

You looked down at his hands resting on your womb. He was still wearing a golden ring on his finger that you had put there on the day of your wedding. And you were still wearing yours because you still loved him despite hating yourself for it. You still wanted to be around him as if he was something addictive that you could not live without. And your womb was still open for more of his offspring.

You relaxed and when he sensed your consent, you could feel the warmth radiating off of his hands and filling you up, forming a new life inside of you.

You put your hands on top of his and squeezed them for courage.

“A son,” he whispered into your ear with lots of satisfaction and excitement.

“Another tool for you to use,” you pointed out.

“Another child for you to love and spoil,” Sauron brushed your hair strand and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “Another thread of love binding us together.”

“Mummy? Daddy?” Almárea’s voice made you both turn around. She walked out of the bathroom in her new dress and kept looking at you two with a big grin. “Does it mean you are in love again?” She asked, full of hope.

“Oh, my darling, we have never stopped being in love,” you assured her and opened your arms to allow her to give you a hug. You did not want her to know all the details about the nature of your relationship with her father. She had already seen and witnessed way too much.

She wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tight, which only made her smile grow even wider as she looked up.

“I am going to have a sibling!” She exclaimed, happily, after sensing the new life inside of you.

“You are going to have many,” Sauron spoke as he reached his hand out to caress her hair. “And each of you will get their own kingdom to rule over in my name and their own Ring,” he shared his new plan as a shiver went down your spine. “And all Middle-earth will be healed at once for your mother’s light and my darkness combine like two precious metals; balancing and amplifying everything I could ever be on my own.”

“But… But you will still rule over us all, right, daddy?” Almárea asked hopefully, as if she was already scared of the responsibility that one day would be put upon her shoulders.

“Oh, of course, little one,” Sauron smiled lovingly at her. “I shall always bear the biggest burden of power for that is a father’s one to carry.”

He loved her – of that you were sure now. But no amount of his love could protect her from his schemes and his manipulations. Therefore, he had to love you as well and no amount of cruelty he had put you through contradicted it.

That was the way Sauron loved. It was a cursed devotion but also a blessed one.

MASTERLIST