#this bear is so so so pink also I cannot begin to describe the level of bright neon pink this bear is

[sleebyconfy]

[evolutionsvoid]

It is quite a challenge to write an entry on Mimics because the species teeters between the categories of "things people already know a ton about" and "things too complicated to even understand." What can be said about Mimics that people don't already know? If you look deeper, though, you find things that can't be properly explained, so what then? Despite this conundrum, I am going to forge ahead and do my best. I am sure many readers will find certain sections obvious, but I implore you to keep reading! Perhaps there will be a nugget or two you didn't know! To begin, Mimics are a species that is quite famous for their shape-shifting abilities. So great is this ability that it is nearly impossible to figure out what category of life they fit in. Are they a mammal, an amphibian, a mollusk or fungus? Or are they more akin to Slimes? Since they can create appendages, organs and bodily structures at a whim, it is really hard to say. Research has found the closest thing one can describe as a "neutral state," which is the form they have when they aren't mimicking something. In this state, Mimics are pale and have a dripping body that some compare to soft wax. Their limbs and body plan may vary, but they often possess pink gums, a set of wicked teeth and (of course) a long tongue. Sighting them in this form is quite rare, as Mimics absolutely adore their ability and will take any form, shape, color or texture they please.   Obviously if we are going to take about Mimics, we have to talk about their shape-shifting abilities. Thankfully I was able to find some willing Mimics to talk to (though it cost a pretty penny to do so!), and I was to get a slightly better understanding of their abilities. As one probably already knows, Mimics are capable of changing their bodies to replicate any pattern, texture or substance. In minutes, their flesh can switch from iron to bark to human skin and even lush fur. Their forms seem to have no real internal structure, which allows them to morph and sculpt their bodies to better suit their environment and prey. Due to their amorphous nature, they can even stretch or compress their flesh to allow them to shrink or grow in size, though they do have their limits. The amount of flesh they have limits the sizes they can grow or shrink, as at some point they simply cannot go any farther. Clever Mimics, though, have found ways to circumvent this with a few cheats and tricks. For objects of large sizes, a Mimic may hollow itself out and instead focus its mass on its outward appearance (though this cause the problem of them being very lightweight and perhaps a bit too malleable if conditions are not favorable). For shrinking down to tiny proportions, a Mimic could turn its body into several small creatures but connect them all together with a single thin tendril (which may give away their disguise if faced with a sharp eyed opponent). While a Mimic can change its form into practically anything, ranging from a bear to a bed, their ability does have some weaknesses. The big one is their tongue. Any pictures or stories of Mimics often show off their long tongues that they use to snare and reel in prey. This is because all Mimics have these flexible appendages, and also because this organ is the one thing in their body they cannot change. For whatever reason, the tongue of a Mimic is completely incapable of shape-shifting. It can stretch, shorten, twist and tie itself into knots, but its appearance and texture cannot change. This means that the Mimic has to work around this organ, as most people know that bookshelves aren't supposed to have tongues. For those who disguise as objects and furniture, they often hide their tongue in their concealed mouths, waiting for prey to get close. Those who mimic living creatures will try to get the organ to look as close to the real deal as possible, but they will often be too big or small to truly fool a observant person. Instead, they will use distraction and subtle manipulations to keep people from noticing, or they might just jam the tongue into some other part of their body. The other thing that Mimics have to worry about when it comes to shape-shifting is, funny enough, themselves. It turns out shape-shifting and copying other things is not as easy as it looks. They can't just say "I want to be a chair," snap their fingers and POOF! It is something they have to think about and focus on, which is quite difficult. To get a better idea of this, imagine a bed. It can be any bed you want, canopy, bunk bed, normal, whatever. Just think of one in your head and picture it the best you can. Got it? Now suddenly I walk over to your bed and yank the covers clean off! What does the mattress look like? What about the underside of the blankets? Now I jump on the bed, what does it feel like? Is it soft like cloth and padding or soft like a squishy bag of organs pretending to be? And what about those blankets and sheets? What does each one feel like? Or, if your bed has wood, what does the grain look like? Or how about the underside of the bed? You probably get the point I am trying to make here, and it is that there are way more factors into replication than one at first believes. If a Mimic wants to copy a bed, then it needs to take all these things into consideration depending on the level of deception they want and the type of prey they are hunting. It is this extreme level of thinking, planning and focus that makes older Mimics much better at mimicking than younger ones. They have learned an array of personal tricks over their lifetime, as well as picked up others from fellow friends. The youthful energy of young ones may allow them to shape-shift faster than an adult, but when their disguises face scrutiny, the older one will win every time.

  The diet of a Mimic is just as varied and free as their bodies are. They are the ultimate omnivore, capable of eating practically anything (though it is a question if they want to eat some of these things). They can consume fruits, vegetables, meat and other organic substances (and some inorganic as well), but often their menu will be unique to them. Some may have cravings for certain substances, while others may just go for what food sources are available. Many do indeed have the taste for meat, which leads to their infamous hunting strategies and appetites. Many stick to the simple method of ambush, hiding as a common object and then striking once prey gets close. Others may go for active stalking, taking on a disguise and following prey until they are vulnerable. Some take that a step further, using tricks and pleasing appearances to lure in prey. Many human stories talk of seductive young females who catch the eye of suitors, only to transform into ravenous beasts when taken to private quarters. While these stories are perhaps the most obvious and plentiful, these types of Mimics will pull this trick on any species of any gender. They take joy in playing their cards just right and causing prey to willfully bumble right into their open jaws. They enjoy this so much, that some Mimics have actually wound up making careers out of it! There are tales of some Mimics going into entertainment, using their mimicry to perform plays or create music (though they often do so in disguise). Some use their trickery and imitation for con jobs and scams. It is said that no criminal organization is complete without a Mimic on the payroll! Others find their talents useful for framing people or spying. I have even heard a rumor that there are a few shady Mimics out there that one can hire to lure cheating spouses and dish out some revenge! Quite the list of possibilities when one can turn into practically anything! And yes, I am sure some are wondering, there are said to be some Mimics who partake in a certain....business...for folks who wish to indulge in particular...fantasies. Nothing more need to be said about that.   The talk of seduction does bring to mind the question of reproduction, which is a pretty straight forward process for Mimics. Due to their makeup, Mimics do not have a gender, which means any Mimic can breed with another. The act of reproduction is the two partners pretty much mixing with one another and then budding off an offspring. Think of it like kneading two balls of dough together and then pinching off a piece. Except in this situation, the two dough balls will separate on their own and go back to being two individuals! Young Mimics start off quite small, with them being about the size of your closed fist. At this size and age, they will stick to ambush hunting with simple disguises. Things like rocks, dirt clods or coin pouches is perfect for them, and they will patiently wait to nab a bite! As they consume and age, they shall gain more mass and become more experienced in shape-shifting. One interesting thing to note is that while young Mimics begin to grow, they also begin to develop cravings. What I mean by this is that each Mimic will go through a stage in their life where they become obsessed with a certain food item, to the point where it almost seems like an addiction. No one is sure what dictates the source of their craving, but some believe that these cravings are meant to guide the Mimic down a certain lifestyle or hunting behavior. In time, these addictions will pass, mainly when they become a full grown adult. The other thing that changes as they age is their speed of shape-shifting. While they are young, Mimics are able to morph quite quickly, but it takes them longer to get the little details right. For the adults and elderly, shape-shifting takes longer, but they often get the appearance right on the first time. Due to the time it takes to perfect their disguise, young Mimics will often keep a part of their body partially transformed into their desired disguise. That way if they need to hide quickly, they just have to compress and hide the rest of their body while their prepped part takes the stage. For the adults, who take longer to morph and change, they will remain fully transformed for most of their time. If movement is needed, they will only make small adjustments to make themselves mobile. Only in dire emergencies will they completely morph out of their main disguise and take on a different form. As adult Mimics grow past adulthood into their elder years, their ability to shape-shift will continue to slow and become more costly for their body. If a Mimic lives to such an old age, they will hardly ever shift from their common disguise, to the point where they are just as immobile and docile as a piece of furniture. To fully change their body takes a huge amount of energy from their aged form, as such a drain can actually kill them. If pushed past their limit during their elder years, the Mimic will lose all control and consistency over their body and fall apart into a puddle of lifeless goo. So to avoid this, they will remain in their chosen form for the rest of their years, simply waiting for the end to come to them. So perfect and peaceful are these forms, that some people have unknowingly kept elder Mimics in their house as furniture for years! There is a story that tells of a king who once bought an antique wardrobe for his personal quarters. He was quite fond of it and kept it for decades. One day, though, as he was changing, his wardrobe let out a calm sigh and simply melted into the floor!         Now I am sure the talk of the unknowing king and his secretly living furniture has some people worried. Many are when it comes to Mimics, and the most common question is: How do I tell if someone or something is a Mimic? While there are a few tricks and clues one can use, there is not one that is 100% foolproof. Mimics tend to have their own touch when it comes to shape-shifting, and they may use different methods to achieve the perfect look. The other thing to keep in mind is that Mimics aren't dumb. When word gets out that there is a way to identify Mimics, they are quick to listen in and change their methods to avoid this trap. Regardless, I will list a few here, as they can still be useful, but don't come crying to me if they fail to keep your "chair" from biting your bum off! Of course the most obvious clue when it comes to identifying Mimics are their tongues. Depending on their disguise, these can be cumbersome to hide, so keep an eye out for entities who cover their mouths or do their best to draw your attention away from them. Another trick is one that can be used for inspecting wooden objects or furniture. If you suspect a piece of furniture being a Mimic, take a look at the grain of the wood (carefully though!). Younger Mimics tend to overlook this detail, or they will find it too hard to focus on, so what often happens is that they take one pattern of wood grain and then copy it all over their body. If the grain on the furniture suddenly cuts off or keeps repeating, then that object is probably a Mimic. Depending on what a Mimic is copying, you might be able to take advantage of the limitations of their morphing. While Mimics can copy texture, shape, color, size, sound and smell, there are certain properties they cannot replicate. Powers, immunities and magic are not possible for them to copy. For example, demons are immune to heat and flame, but even if a Mimic takes on their appearance perfectly, they cannot possess this ability. They may find ways to work around it, but such efforts to do so may disrupt their disguise and expose them. Since Mimics cannot perfectly replicate magic, one merely needs to test to see if their subject can perform a complicated spell that cannot be organically reproduced. Another tip is to check the clothing and garb of the suspected person. When it comes to copying specific people, Mimics tend to grow their clothes rather than put them on. If a person is unable to remove their shirt or pants from their body, it might because it is actually a part of their flesh! This trick, though, takes some finesse to properly use, as many folk don't respond well to someone demanding they take their clothes off. And lastly, some have pointed out that Mimics rarely copy the internal structures of their targets. If they pretend to be human, they don't often go as far as to create lungs, hearts and other organs. Instead, their insides will just be that blank pale flesh. While this is indeed a way to detect a Mimic, I do not recommend following this line of thinking for obvious reasons.       One of the things that continues to be debated about Mimics is their origin. Due to their incredible shape-shifting abilities, many find it hard to believe that they are a natural species. However, we must remember the crazy types of magic that humans, dryads, fairies and demons can use. Then there are the shades who go against every rule in the book, yet we still believe them to be a natural occurring species. On the other hand, though, is the question on why their population is so small despite their fantastic powers. Beings who are capable of nearly perfect replication of other species should be quite dominant, but so far studies have found Mimics to be quite rare (unless they are better at hiding than we thought!) The other thing that brings their origins into questions are the Doppelgangers, a species of shape-shifter that has indeed been created through tampering and magical influence. Many folk believe there is a connection between the Mimics and Doppelgangers, but no one is truly sure what came first. Some suggest that Mimics were failed experiments that eventually found life, while others think they are the botched result of Doppelgangers breeding with other races. On the other side is the idea that Mimics were the foundation of the Doppelganger experiments, and the successful fusion of human and Mimic resulted in this artificial species. It is quite hard to say for certain!     Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian --------------------------------------------------- Can one write an obscenely long essay about one of the most basic and common monsters in fantasy? DARN RIGHT I CAN!

[alexicacvs-a-blog]

🔥

This is going to be really salty. Though it’s not RP related but more so based on my experiences going into multiple Pagan communities over the years. This will be under a read more.

Anyway a post I saw reignited a massive pain in my ass and that’s the whole White Witchcraft movement that’s been a thing since the 1950′s. This is going to delve into the history and why it’s such a pain in the ass and also go into my reasons for hating Silver Ravenfuck. I mean Silver Ravenwolf.

So before I begin let me just say that White Witchcraft isn’t a thing that solely white people. It was never a thing that solely white people did. In fact it’s whole start was during McCarthyism. We all know about McCarthyism right? For those who don’t, McCarthyism was a period in the 50′s where McCarthy would round up people who were perceived as being Commie scum, typically those who were athiests and Jewish. Believing good American citizens to be god fearing Christians, anyone else is a commie scum. Thus why 90% of Jewish Filmmakers were blacklisted and spent time doing trials in the 50′s.

Also to note that Wica or commonly known as Wicca or British Traditional Wicca (Due to Scott Cunningham writing Wicca: A Guide to the Solitary Practioner and it being a hit in the US and Canada and distingtion needed to be made. However everywhere else in the the world BTW is simply Wicca.) came about in 1954, created by Gerald Gardner and helmed by Doreen Valiente (until I think either the 60′s or 70′s then she helped out Robert Cochrane with his 1734 tradition.). Now Doreen and several other high profile witches were trying to not get caught into the web of McCarthy, and did the one that that Christians have perfected for centuries: Throw people under the bus.

Now mind you this group of witches weren’t all white people. According to Amber and Jet, Desi Arnaz was one of the witches involved in this new movement. Desi was a Cuban immigrant who practiced Santeria. Santeria is an indigenous form of witchcraft that combines witchcraft with Christianity, it’s what Issac Bonewits would describe as a idiosyncratic form of witchcraft. And there were probably several others. Again when you have McCarthy breathing down your back the only thing left to do is to throw people under the bus.

Now the terms for black magic or white magic weren’t chosen because of racial attitudes. In the west and in the east colors have meaning, this is known as symbology. We know that white means pure in the West and black means evil. If you played Final Fantasy, White Mages do healing. Black Mages hurt and poison.

Now in modern times there should be no classification for a color for witchcraft. Your classification should be the type and intent of witchcraft that you do. If you’re a Storm Witch, you work with storms. Water Witch, you work with water. Want to heal people? Then you’re a healer. What to harm people then you’re a Hex Witch. Like Chaos well you’re a Chaote/Chaos Magician.

Even Anton LaVey, leader and founder of the Church of Satan said something similiar in his book The Satanic Witch in his first chapter “Are You A Witch?”. Now mind you this book is more so focused on the notion that only girls are witches and boys are warlocks, also given that the cover is pink it’s possible that he was gearing this book more so towards women and having them embrace their femininity.. Never mind the fact that the word warlock means oathbreaker in Scottish Gaelic. But whatever. I’ll amend it so bear with me.

Aside from the tricks of the movie or TV witch, usually accomplished with special camera techniques, there is no reason why any girl who puts her mind to it and learns the proper methods cannot become a full-fledged witch in accord with the popular conception. Only those who either do not know the means or are too stubborn to use them, once having been told, will persist in defining themelves as witches by using the sanctimonious definitions of so-called “white witches” working for “the benefit of mankind.” There will always be those who, furitvely desiring personal power but unable to do anything about gaining it, will devise their own definitions of what a which should be like, seeing to it, of course, that their definition fits them.

The “white witch” is the by-product of an emergence in England of an above ground witchcraft interest at a time when witchcraft was still technically illegal. In order to pursue the “craft” without harassment and prosecution, the spokesmen for witchcraft attempted to legitimize and justify what they were doing by proclaiming the existence of “white” witchcraft. (The footer note states that the term was first used by William Seabrook in his book, Witchcraft, its Power in the World Today. Which was written in 1940. So it hasn’t been a term that’s been used long. ) “White” Witchcraft, it was simply a belief in the religion of the old wise ones or “Wicca.” (This is based more on Scott Cunningham than Gardner. Also Margret Murray incorrectly stated that and was debunked. Several times.) The use of herbs, charms,  and healing spells was only employed for beneficial purposes.

It was believed that the kind of witches that were dangerous to have around were “black” witches. These were supposedly evil in their pursuits and worshipped Satan. The fact that the “good” or “white” witches employed a hormed god in their ceremonies was justified because it “doesn’t represent the Devil.”

Of course, no one admitted to practicing witchcraft ceremonies of any kind. Anything that was associated with witchcraft was pursued in the name of “study” or “research.” This was the climate in England between 1936 and 1951.

With the repeal of English witchcraft laws in 195, all of the underground witches started creeping to the surface and as their eyes became accustomed to the light of sudden legality, they ventured forth. Unused to such freedom and heavy with the stigma of illegality, they went about shouting “white witchcraft” even louder than ever, as if expecting at any moment to be snared by a heretic hook.

About this time, interest in the occult was becoming popular in the US, so naturally attention was focused on the British Isles with its rich heritage in all matters ghostly and fanciful. As might have been expected, newly emerged English witches saw the US as a fertile stamping ground for safe recognition of their “witchiness”. Concurrent with the first post-war writings out of England came the first diplomats of witchdom, and America was more than curious. Having no other literature but Margaret Murray, Montague Summers and Dennis Wheatly to read it, it was assumed the new revelations by Gerald Gardner and his followers were the straightest stuff available.

“White witch” became a definitive term, and thousands who wouldn’t touch the practice of witchcraft with a ten-foot broomstick found a conscience-redeeming opportunity to follow the “art” by using the new rules of the game. Regardless of what these people would like to believe, the image of the witch had been stigmatized for centuries. All witches were considered to be agents of the Devil, antagonistic to scriptural teachings, and a direct part of the dark side of nature. As there is always a relative outlook as to what is good and what is evil, once witchcraft emerged from its “all evil” state into neutral territory, a differentiation was bound to occur. The righteous, of course, will always wear the mantle of “good”, white light”, “spiritual” and varying shades of holiness.

An analogy might be made concerning “white” and “black” witches.  Let us assume that warfare had, for centuries, been called wholesale murder and the men who fought called “murderers”. One day it was decided that there was something quite noble and dignified about this old activity of wholesale murder. All the murders, basking in the light of new-found legitimacy, began calling themselves “good murderers”. The enemy’s troops, of course, were the “bad murderers.” The stigma of the word “murderer”, still remained, but at least the good murderers felt more at ease. Now, maybe these murderers always had a fairly legitimate reason  for going into battle. Maybe they succeeded in saving their homeland from that which threatened it. They might have even had a scholar among them who had traced the origin of the word “murder” to an ancient word that meant “murder”. But the fact remained, “murder” was still a negative term in the public’s mind. So instead of simlply revelling in their subsequent acceptance by the public, necessitated their placing of the word “good” in front of “murderer” as sort of a self-reassurance that they doing the right thing!

Basically to gather from this that in England there was a witchcraft law. It lasted for about 100 years or so and only was repealed in 1951, because a psychic during WW2 was helping naval officers find a ship or something, seeing that she was a psychic threw her in jail. Parliament thought it was a stupid law and abolished it.

Now while Seabrook does place Voodou to be under black magic it’s less that it’s apart of the African Diaspora and more that involves a level of harm. Silver Ravenwolf says the same thing in her 1992 book To Ride A Silver Broomstick and several of her books (along with the Llwellyn Crew) along with curses, hexes, and other means that does harm. That’s the whole crux of the matter. If it does harm then it’s bad. And this new crew of white witches all follow the Wiccan Rede as law. (Which is ironic cause the word rede means advice.). “An it harm none, do what ye will.”

For this new group if you harm. You’re doing evil and worship Satan. Doesn’t matter if it’s a practice passed down for generations. If you harm others, you are evil. Are you reconnecting with your roots? Don’t care if you harm you’re evil. And that’s not just for those that practice Voodou, Hoodou, Santeria, or other practices among the African Disapora but also for those witches who are White. For those who are Satanist. Who are Chaos Magicians or Thelemites. If you harm you are evil. It’s a black or white morality when it comes to White Witches.

Especially when those whose first book into witchcraft is Silver Ravenwolf. No matter who you are the first time you get interested in witchcraft is as a young teen is always going to be Silver Ravenwolf. That’s what you see in a bookstore or at your library, that’s what you’re going to read. That’s what your friends read.

TL; DR: Magic is based on intent. Basing one’s intent on a color is stupid. The terms black witchcraft or black magic or white witchcraft was boiled down into good or bad. Voodou got lumped in cause it dealt harm. That’s the only reason why it got lumped into black magic.

[realmofextremepossibility]

Bare Witness

So I finally finished my fic for the Unsexy Files. It only took me like forever and a day because I am utterly incapable of writing anything quickly. @contrivedcoincidences6 gave me the episode Sleepless and this fits right in between the two final scenes. It also fulfills the @xfpornbattle prompt #1: voyeurism. I don’t really write serious non-intentionally terrible smut, so hopefully this isn’t entirely awful. 

Shoutout to @baronessblixen for her constant handholding and soundboarding and never-ending insistence that I write things and being willing to read all of my nonsense before I unleash it on an unsuspecting public!

------

FBI Headquarters

Washington, DC

He observes the figures at the other end of the hall, file boxes obscuring his presence, two stolen reports tucked in his jacket. He knows it’s wrong; he knows he shouldn’t be watching. But he can’t look away. The sallow basement lights cast flickering yellow shadows over their features, yet they remain captivatingly ethereal.

Mulder’s hair is mussed in its perpetual state of casual disarray. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about running his hands through it, fisting his fingers in that fluffy duckling down. The black suit conceals the long planes of Mulder’s body, his characteristically garish tie trapping the curve of his neck beneath crisp white cotton.

His gaze shifts to the diminutive partner who had so dismissively declined his proffered hand when they’d met.

Scully’s eyes flit between Mulder and the looming shadows of the corridor, her unwavering loyalty and dedication obvious even from afar. Her hair shifts softly around her face, a gleaming copper frame of her renaissance beauty. A prim cabled sweater beneath a terracotta jacket does nothing to distract him from the curves he knows lie beneath.

He is no stranger to the bullpen rumors of the Spookies’ close talking personal space violations, but witnessing it in person is something else entirely. It is intoxicating, magnetic, otherworldly, as if they float on their own plane of existence. They are two planets orbiting each other, each trapped in the other’s inescapable gravitational pull. Pieces of hushed conversation float back to him.

“…broke into my office…my files, my computer…the report was already gone.”

“Someone…stealing both our copies…”

The guilty weight of the folder seeps through the starch of his dress shirt and settles in his chest. Scully stares up at Mulder, her pink tinged lips forming shapes he cannot decipher.

“…closing down the X-Files…beginning…never been in greater danger.”

“…trust him?”

Mulder glances again down the hallway and sighs, fear and conflict marring his features, trapped in the furrow of his brow. He turns back to Scully and leans into the wall, his hand supporting his weight beside her head.

“I don’t know…” Mulder traces her fine jaw with the back of his other hand, achingly gentle, as if her porcelain visage might shatter before him. “But I trust you.”

Mulder’s hand continues its path and settles on her shoulder. His thumb rests against her pulse, a tangible reminder of her existence. Scully brushes the hair back from Mulder’s forehead, smoothing over his hairline as if examining him for invisible wounds. The tension in Mulder’s shoulders visibly lessens at the familiarity of her care.

“…admitting you miss me, Mulder?” She thumbs the scruff of his jawline, her lips curved in a teasing lilt.

Mulder closes his eyes and leans into her touch, turning his head to press a kiss to her palm.

“Yeah…guess I am…basement office…awful lonely…”

There’s something so intoxicating about witnessing a level of intimacy not meant for outside eyes. Something about the way they look at each other, the raw intensity of their gaze, a mix of longing adoration and animalistic fervor, like they might devour each other whole if given the chance. An hot flash of unexpected jealousy courses through him, roiling in the pit of his stomach, churning white-hot with something even more unexpected.

Arousal.

Scully sides her hand around to fist in the soft hair of Mulder’s nape and pulls his face down to hers. Their eyes close as their mouths meet, sliding against each other, softly at first, an aeonian reacquaintance with a long missed place. Tongues flick and battle and soothe, tracing shapes as a topographer maps the precise texture of a landscape.

He shifts to relieve some of the pressure of his tightening pants and finds his hand palming the crotch on its own accord. He wonders what Scully tastes like, wonders how the plush skin of Mulder’s bottom lip would feel between his own.

Scully suckles Mulder’s lip, pulling it into her mouth before sinking her teeth into it. She tugs on that obnoxious tie to draw her partner even closer.

His fingers twitch in jealousy at the slew of his own missed opportunities to wrap his hand around that silk.

Their mouths remain in sync as Scully’s hands fumble at the knot, stripping it from the pointed collar before pushing his suit jacket over his broad shoulders to an inky puddle on the floor and taking the shirt buttons to task. Mulder stills her eager hands and pulls at her coat, the growing impatience evident in his slacks, leaving the buttons abandoned with just four undone.

His hips thrust restlessly into his hand, increasing the heated friction of the fabric trapped between his cock and palm. He presses his lips together to silence the whimper of pleasure that threatens to leak from them.

Her legs quiver as Mulder’s hand disappears under the fabric of her skirt, the muscled sinew of his arm rippling as her head lolls back. Mulder leans to draw his open mouth across the newly exposed column of her neck and his tongue laves swirls along the pale skin. Her fingers clench in Mulder’s hair and rake streaks down his back, the white cloth bunching under her nails.

Scully gasps and the tenor of her rhapsodic moan echoes in his cock.

Scully’s moan pitches into a whine as Mulder withdraws his hand. Even in the dim flickering light, he can see the arousal shining on Mulder’s fingers as he brings them to her lips. Scully sucks them into her mouth and Mulder’s tongue follows.

His tongue flicks out to brush his own lips, certain that he can taste her.

They pull back just long enough for Scully to yank her sweater over her head, bearing the soft swell of her lace-encased bosom to Mulder’s eager mouth. Mulder kneels and peels the lace cup aside just enough to release a pert rosy nipple to taste.

He’d watched that mouth shuck sunflower seeds for days on end and his suspicions about the talents of Mulder’s tongue are confirmed as he watches Scully writhe under its strokes. He undoes his belt and thrusts his hand into his pants in a desperate bid to relieve the throbbing ache trapped inside. He squeezes his own cock, pulsing against his palm in time to his own racing heartbeat.

Mulder’s name tumbles a bit too loudly from Scully’s parted lips and he rises, sliding his pants down to his thighs along the way. She reaches for him and wraps her small hand around his girth. It’s Mulder’s turn to moan now as she circles his tip with her palm before smoothing the length of his shaft. His long cock gleams in the low light, his own slick catching in the ridges of flesh.

His hand smoothes over his own hot skin, thumbing the underside of his head on each upstroke and spreading his precum on the way back down. The illicitness of his vantage point spurs him on. It’s wrong, so wrong. But fuck, it feels so good.

Mulder rucks Scully’s skirt up and hoists her against the wall in one fluid motion. She gives a squeak of surprise as her arms instinctively circle his neck. Her legs twine around Mulder’s waist, his erection bobbing just beneath her entrance. Keeping one arm securely around her partner’s neck, she grasps him again and trails his swollen head through her folds.

He bites his own lip to keep from moaning aloud and watches Mulder finally buck his hips and sink into what he can only imagine is hot wet heat. He clasps one hand over his mouth and the other around his weeping cock, timing his strokes to their thrusts.

Their audible sigh at the long awaited skin on skin contact is shotgun loud in the silence of the basement. Their spooky bond of unspoken communication takes over into a personal space violation of the highest order. Foreheads pressed together, they move as one being and she sheathes him over and over again.

He braces himself with one hand against the wall as he fights the urge to close his eyes against the sensations; he wants to keep watching them, wants to see their faces when they come, wants to witness them falling apart in each other’s arms. It is the sound of Mulder’s monotone growl that drags him to the brink.

“God…Scully…so close…”

Mulder traps his hand between their bodies, the catch in her breath signifying he has found exactly the right place. Her shuddering gasps echo off the tiled floor.

“Mulder…love you…”

Scully’s bitten lip confession and Mulder’s slack jawed oh of release are enough to send him over the edge, spurting over his hand and splashing against the file boxes. He muffles his cry in the shoulder of his jacket.

He know it’s wrong; he knows he shouldn’t be watching. But it won’t be his biggest betrayal.

-

“Reassigning them to other areas seems to have only strengthened their determination. Scully’s a problem. A much larger problem than you described.”

A stolen folder atop a conference table, a stubbed cigarette, a plan caught in a plume of smoke.

“Every problem has a solution.”

[possiblyimbiassed]

Sherlock and the media – ‘the full story’?

I’ve been thinking of writing this meta for a long time, but maybe now is as good a moment as ever? For the umpteenth time in the history of this show, a large part of the audience seems to pay more attention to what’s said in the media about it, than what’s said in the actual show. This show is screaming to us ‘don’t believe everything you hear from the media – it’s fairy tales!’ The show runners have told us repeatedly to not believe everything they say about the show, because they’re ‘lying liars who lie’. And yet… Same thing as always.

So let’s pay attention to the actual show instead. What is it with the media cover of Sherlock and John in this show – what role does it play? An essential role; in fact, I believe it’s one of the most important topics in BBC Sherlock. I’ll go through it episode for episode, so please bear with me.

Ariane De Vere’s transcripts are a veritable gold mine for this kind of research; all the spoken words are transcribed, but also what we see as text in the show, plus descriptions of the scenes. I can’t stress enough how useful this is.

I looked up all the times the words ‘press’, ‘paper’, ‘media’ and ‘journalist’ occurred in the dialogue or the descriptions, and the hits were so many that it almost got a bit worrisome. There are media references in every single episode except TFP – even in MHR - and in some of them media plays a central role.

Observations:

To begin with, John and Sherlock read newspapers a lot. This might give a touch of domesticity to the scenes at 221B, but maybe it could also mean something more deep and symbolic. Media is of course useful for Sherlock’s professional work, and we often see him studying newspaper clips as data collection for the cases. But in general, it’s not exactly a positive picture of the media that this show paints; all the contrary in fact.

Secondly, the whole show begins with a case that alerts the media. Apart from the scenes with John Watson’s solitary bedsit, the first thing we see in ASiP is a supposed suicide followed by the press. It escalates to a bigger police press conference when the number of similar ‘suicides’ grows to three. One of the journalists seems to be a bit sensationalist, since she’s immediately asking about serial killers and the public’s safety. Sherlock appears to have the phone numbers to all the attending journalists, since he repeatedly sends them the same text message, synchronized with Lestrade’s statements: “Wrong!” This indicates, to me, that the media isn’t getting the right picture of the events; thus, it’s not a reliable source.

This is a literal monster-post, so I’ll put most of it below the cut.

The forth victim of ‘suicide’ in ASiP is from the media according to Sherlock, going by the ‘alarming shade of pink’ of her clothing. (And what does he imply by this? Maybe that media people tend to want to draw attention to themselves, when they rather should reflect other people and the events?)

TBB Another media guy is murdered; Brian Lukis, a freelance journalist. This topic sounded promising to me; was this an investigative journalist onto some interesting case-related info? But in the end he turns out to have been a smuggler who was suspected for treason by his own criminal gang and executed. His diary does help Sherlock and John to solve the case though.

TGG Sherlock has collected old newspaper articles from the eighties about Carl Powers, the young swimmer who was killed by a supposed seizure in a pool. This info was wrong, however, as Sherlock could prove in what became his first ‘case’. But no-one listened. In the next case in TGG, media is gossiping about a dead celebrity – Connie Prince - and her family relations, which leads Sherlock on the track of the murderer. John and Sherlock themselves pretend to be from the press when they interview the victim’s brother. The murderer turns out to be the brother’s lover, who is crowded by the press when the police take him away.

ASiB This is where Sherlock and John start being famous; thanks to John describing their cases on his blog they have become an ‘Internet phenomenon’, and even Scotland Yard reads it. The press creates Sherlock’s famous deerstalker style when he grabs a random hat at a theatre crime scene to protect himself from photographers. But the effect is exactly the opposite; now Sherlock and John are suddenly ‘Hat-man and Robin’. The details of a news article (transcribed by someone in Ariane DeVere’s comment section here ) is particularly interesting; this is where media starts to make insinuations about the “confirmed bachelors” at 221B and the “salacious truth about their home life”.

(By the way – this newspaper also claims that John’s blog “has become one of the Internet’s most visited websites”. Yes; it got stuck on 1895 hits in ASiB, but if this newspaper is right (never trust that, though ;) ) the number from T6T – 18 493 – cannot possibly be correct either; the Internet is a vast thing… )

Sherlock doesn’t like his deerstalker image at all, but John publishes it on his blog, claiming some dubious reason for it: “People like the hat”. He thinks the whole hat thing is funny and can’t seem to resist teasing Sherlock about it when the picture shows up in a paper in THoB.

The central case in THoB is about Henry Knight, who believes a gigantic monster hound killed his father 20 years ago, a mythical animal which has eventually become the local tourist attraction of Grimpen village in Dartmoor. Media helps greatly to feed this myth, when TV makes a spooky reportage of it where Henry is interviewed. Sherlock does not approve of this take of the events, however; he stresses that he prefers to do his own editing. (Another little comment on media’s role, on the show’s meta level? Or maybe a hint about his mind palace being active?).  

(In this same episode, Sherlock is also suspected of being a journalist when he starts asking questions about the Hound, but he quickly denies this).

TRF This is the point of no return I believe; Sherlock and John start getting literally harassed by the media. In fact the whole episode is a big media circus. Every new case of any public importance that Sherlock solves, the press seems to be present. It annoys Sherlock to receive unwanted gifts of gratitude in public  – especially when Scotland Yard (smirkingly) gives him a new deerstalker to fit with his (false) press image. It’s also in this episode that Sherlock finds hidden cameras inside his and John’s flat. We’re never told who put them there, though; it could be Mycroft (who talks about ‘surveillance’ in ASiP), it could be Moriarty (who according to John’s blog breaks into 221B around this time and makes a video of it) or it could be someone from media.

By TRF, the ‘confirmed bachelor’ insinuations are suddenly all over the tabloids, a fact that now seems to worry John to the point of telling Sherlock that they “need to be more careful”. 

I find this particularly interesting, because for the first time John is reacting negatively to their fame – which he is personally responsible for, having tried to draw attention to Sherlock’s work with his blog posts for quite some time. And John was never particularly ‘careful’ about the things he wrote about Sherlock. But now the whole thing seems to be descending into the area of homophobia; the papers’ badly hidden speculations about John and Sherlock being a gay couple are done in a sensationalist way, violating their privacy. John doesn’t take this lightly, but actually seems to blame Sherlock for it, who never wanted public attention in the first place (“try to stay out of the news”…) Shouldn’t John have to eat his own words here, having claimed earlier that ‘people want to know about the real you’? Which means they’ll also want to know about the ‘real’ John Watson? John seems to have some negative experience of this, going by how he now describes the media:

I believe this point in the story is crucial; here Sherlock starts to see himself as ‘bad for John’, believing that it’s he, Sherlock, who is drawing unwanted attention to John. If homophobia is personified by Moriarty in this show, this is where it starts to seriously persecute Sherlock, and by proxy John. Maybe this is the real reason why Sherlock faked his death and disappeared from John’s life for two years? John was threatened by media’s homophobia, which made Sherlock believe it was basically his fault, and that he ‘needed to disappear’ so John wouldn’t be associated with him any more, at least until the storm had blown over? Perhaps that’s why Sherlock was looking sad when John couldn’t see him, as Molly suggested? I strongly suspect this is actually the case.

This is also the point in the story where Moriarty appears again, commits crimes to drag Sherlock into his little ‘game’ again and meets him for the first time since the pool scene in TGG. And the media – press and TV - cover it all thoroughly, to the tunes of ‘Sinnerman’ by Nina Simone. It’s all so suggestive that I believe the homophobic implications must be intentional.

There’s also Moriarty’s trial at the Old Bailey and Sherlock put behind bars for contempt, in spite of being summoned there as a mere witness. This is the same court room and very similar procedure as that of famous writer Oscar Wilde in 1895 (same number of hits that John’s blog was stuck on in ASiB, by the way). There’s even a sub-textual pun about it in the press: “Crown Jewel thief is to be tried at the Old Bailey.” The same prison (Pentonville) figures, where Wilde was held in hard labour two years for ‘gross indecency’, which broke down his health and spirit entirely and eventually led to his premature death. But homophobia Moriarty walks free, after having blackmailed the jury.

In another detail beautifully captured by Ariane De Vere, The Guardian writes at the end of their article: “The case is riddled with irony and intrigue but perhaps reflects a deeper malaise that seems to be at the heart of a society.” Is this ‘malaise’ perhaps meant to be homophobia?

(I’m aware many of these things have been pointed out before, by meta writers far more eloquent than me. I just think they deserve to be mentioned again and not be forgotten. Feel free to link to those meta if you have the links at hand).

During Moriarty’s trial, Sherlock meets a particularly nasty tabloid journalist in the men’s rest room: Kitty Riley. Kitty is pretending to be a fan and tries to flirt with him in an over-sexualised way, in order to get some juicy story out of him. Which Sherlock of course immediately sees through. He deduces an ink smudge on her wrist: “Journalist. Unlikely you’d get your hands dirty at the press”. So - what does this tell us about Sherlock’s view of journalists? Not willing to do ‘leg work’? When he refuses to give an interview, Kitty chases after him, starts making insinuations about him and John and offers to help him “set the record straight” for the press. It ends with a furious Sherlock expressing his disgust right into her Dictaphone:

Some time after this, John is summoned to Mycroft’s Diogenes Club to talk about Sherlock. It turns out Kitty Riley has published a defamatory story about him in The Sun - a big tabloid known for its misogyny, homophobia and Thatcherism during the eighties, with some insulting right-wing messages that even its own print workers refused to print. Possibly a hint in Sherlock’s little comment to Kitty about not getting her hands dirty at the press? When John sees the tabloid he asks Mycroft: “You read this stuff?” The article claims that Sherlock is a fraud, supposedly revealed by his ‘close friend’ Richard Brook (Moriarty in disguise).

Interestingly, when the Chief Superintendent of NSY later orders Lestrade to go arrest Sherlock, after Donovan has told him about her (very poorly founded) suspicions regarding Sherlock, he refers to him as “That bloke that’s been in the press” – a direct cause-and-effect scenario regarding media’s influence? Another interesting thing is that Moriarty claims himself (at their later encounter in Kitty’s apartment) to be an actor, a ‘story teller’ – something that he then repeats when he meets Sherlock next time, up at the roof top of Barts hospital: “’Genius detective proved to be a fraud.’ I read it in the paper, so it must be true. I love newspapers. Fairy tales. And pretty Grimm ones, too.”

And consequentially, after Sherlock has jumped, we see Mycroft reading the headlines and straplines of The Sun: “Suicide of fake genius” and “Super-sleuth is dead” and “Fraudulent detective takes his own life”. Indeed; in this show the media is not depicted in anything remotely like a positive light.

MHR In this little interlude in the hiatus between TRF and TEH, we get another noteworthy detail: As Sherlock travels around Eurasia solving crimes in disguise, he manages to get someone called Trepoff sentenced for murder (a reference to ACD canon) in Germany. And the case makes it to the headlines of the British press: CAM Global News writes “Trepoff  ‘Guilty’ Sensation!” So this is Charles Augustus Magnussen’s news empire – the media personified. More about that later. And who has the ‘guilty sensation’? Who is feeling guilty? Could it possibly have to do with Sherlock feeling bad for what he did to John?

TEH The episode starts with Anderson trying to make a case for Sherlock still being alive and theorizing about how he made it, while the TV reporters are telling the world that Sherlock has been posthumously freed of all accusations; Moriarty did exist for real (they don’t mention Jim’s supposed suicide though). But the blame is now on the police - never on the media! At the end of the episode, Sherlock seems to have resigned to his media image; now that he has ‘returned from the dead’ and finally meets the press, he puts on his deerstalker and talk to the reporters outside 221B. It’s unclear to me why he actually does this - any suggestions?

TSoT By the time we reach this episode, media attention has turned to other stuff: a series of bank robberies have been committed during the last 1½ years, and according to the papers the police are ‘baffled’. Greg Lestrade thinks that the only way to capture them is ‘in the act’. But when an opportunity eventually comes to him, and they’re waiting for the criminals to fall in their trap, Greg receives an emergency call from Sherlock (or at least that’s what he thinks it is), and has to leave the credits to someone else.

Later in the episode John tells Sherlock about his friend and commanding officer, James Sholto, who lost a battle in Afghanistan and let a group of new soldiers to their death. Sholto is now living isolated because “the press and the families gave him hell”, and consequently he receives death threats. Yet another negative example of media’s influence. And when John and Sherlock later visit the Queen’s Household Guard to speak to private Bainbridge, Major Reed receives John in a rather condescending manner. Reed suspects him of being a journalist, and doesn’t want to let him in. But in spite of this, we are yet again confronted with “I’ve seen you in the papers - hang around with that detective – the one with the silly hat”. No end, apparently, to the negative influence the press has on John’s and Sherlock’s work.

Another case in this episode shows the Mayfly Man, who uses the newspapers’ obituary columns to find empty apartments where he dates certain women for just one night. There’s no sex involved, though; he just does this to get info about Major Sholto, whom he intends to kill. It might be of interest that the criminal in this case is the photographer of John’s wedding. Which could mean, if you want to look at it symbolically, that ‘death in the newspapers’ is connected to taking photos of people, which leads to attempts on their lives.

HLV And here we get to Charles Augustus Magnussen (CAM); a villain whom Sherlock loathes. On John’s and Mary’s wedding in TSoT he sent a card saying: “...Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from CAM. Wish your family could have seen this.” Which makes ‘Mary’ look worried, as if there is a threat to this.

In HLV we learn that CAM is a petty but very powerful blackmailer who owns a news imperium. Sherlock sees him as a shark with dead eyes and is absolutely disgusted: “I’ve dealt with murderers, psychopaths, terrorists, serial killers. None of them can turn my stomach like Charles Augustus Magnussen”. “He uses his power and wealth to gain information. The more he acquires, the greater his wealth and power. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he knows the critical pressure point on every person of note or influence in the whole of the Western world and probably beyond. He is the Napoleon of blackmail...”

This goes far beyond the evil Charles Augustus Milverton in ACD Canon, and I think this is extremely telling: media is depicted as a villain – by Sherlock as well as by the show itself. It’s not about individual journalists; it’s about the whole concept of persecuting people, finding their pressure points, stalking their private lives and publicly speculating about things like their sexual orientation. It’s a form of blackmail which is mostly legal (in the name of free speech), but which totally has the power to destroy lives. Like Jeff Hope in ASiP, media CAM drives people to suicide whenever they try to resist his blackmail.

Isn’t the fact that CAM personally intrudes into Sherlock’s apartment, uninvited and with armed body guards at his side, quite symbolic as well? They don’t go in with unsecured guns like the CIA agents in ASiB, so why would Sherlock even allow this? Why would he allow them to intimidate Mrs Hudson with their mere appearance (remember what Sherlock did to the CIA guy in ASiB)? Why would he allow CAM to urinate in his fireplace without even a protest? Something is too weird to be true here, but that’s for another meta ;). What I want to point out is the metaphorical similarity between CAM and media’s methods: violating people’s private lives, getting into their homes and doing what he wants with them, because he has a hold on them: anything an individual say can be used against them, to smear their reputation. And there’s no way of stopping him from printing rubbish; “The world is wet to my touch”, indeed.

I believe the symbolism is unmistakable here; media has its grip on the nation as long as people sheepishly lap up whatever ‘warm paste’ they are served; even the authorities are under its thumb. Sherlock believes that he can fool media CAM, by distracting CAM’s attention to something he is prepared of (his drug use). But he learns in HLV that this is delusional, because CAM has his weakest pressure point entirely in his hands: John Watson. And as we perceive in TSoT, CAM clearly has some dirt on ‘Mary’ that can potentially harm John, even if I do think this might be something different from what it seems to be in HLV. Following the logics of TRF, I believe it’s more likely this has something to do with destroying people’s private lives, than with assassins and such.

The interesting thing is that Sherlock doesn’t actually solve this crime; instead he kills CAM in frustration, which temporarily keeps John safe (or at least so Sherlock believes).

But before this, there’s the whole debacle with Sherlock being shot (by ‘Mary’). His fake girlfriend Janine (who is CAM’s PA) comes to visit him at the hospital, but is acting very strangely. Janine has of course all reason to be upset that Sherlock lied to her and used her only to get into her boss’s office. But instead she has taken a supposed revenge on Sherlock by telling the press that he’s some kind of a sex god and have the tabloids print it.  Why would this be so detrimental to Sherlock’s reputation, considering the reigning heteronormativity in society? It would rather ‘set the records straight’, as Kitty put it in TRF, so I find this a bit hard to understand as revenge. The weirdest thing of it all, though, is that not a word is printed about the famous detective being shot and almost killed! How is it even possible to keep this secret?? This isn’t really media as we’ve known it from the show; too ‘good’ to be true. I can totally understand that it hurts Sherlock on a personal level to be called straight, though, particularly since he’s in love with John Watson. But that’s not public, is it?

TAB Even in TAB, which partly happens in the Victorian age (where ACD canon took place), media is mentioned repeatedly. The Strand Magazine with the Sherlock Holmes stories (directly from ACD Canon) is sold on a London street, and Watson gets a copy of course. But Holmes doesn’t seem the slightest interested in talking to the news-vendor. In other papers, there are lots of sensational headlines, though, about ‘murder, mystery and mayhem’. The unsolved case of Emilia Ricoletti - the vengeful ‘ghost’ - seems to have particular coverage. Later in the show, Holmes gathers the news clips and tries to solve the Ricoletti case inside 221B, while influenced by drugs. Apparently even here, where the events are confirmed as happening inside Sherlock’s mind, the press is gathered outside his home. And for some reason Mrs Hudson seems to be serving them tea…

T6T The few things I can find in T6T that has to do with media is a) that John (supposedly) says on his blog that “You’ll have seen on the news about how Sherlock recovered the Mona Lisa”and b) that Ajay, ‘Mary’s old AGRA companion whom Sherlock had been fighting with about a Thatcher bust, seems to have a false identity as a journalist; Eshan Mohindra. Strangely, this is the third media person who gets murdered in this show (the first being Jennifer Wilson and the second Brian Lukis).

TLD In this episode, the media is back again as a concept; this time in the form of entourage around Culverton Smith, a philanthropist and TV celebrity who owns a hospital. According to Sherlock, though, Culverton is “the most dangerous and despicable human being”; a monster that “must be ended”. Sherlock is attacking Smith on social media, trying to make him confess to being a serial killer, but he gets caught in Smith’s public shows aimed to gain fame and sell products. There’s the Cereal Killer adverts and then Sherlock’s public chat to the hospitalized kids, together with Smith. But Sherlock seems unable to present any kind of evidence against Smith; at the end of the show we still have no idea who he has killed or where or when. But Sherlock gets his confession while Smith is trying to suffocate him (on his own request!). Hmm.

TFP In the latest episode of BBC Sherlock, media is surprisingly absent; not even 221B being blown up or the capture of Sherlock Holmes’ dangerous, murderous sister seems to have attracted any press attention (and not much of anyone else’s attention either, by the way). I wonder why that might be? 

Anyway, this means we’ve now arrived to the end of my little monster-post research - thanks to everyone who has had the patience to read this far! Just for the fun of it, I’ve intentionally tried to write parts of this meta in a speculative way, in some ways resembling media’s methods of asking leading questions, of which there are many examples in the show. But even so, I think there are also plenty of evidence in it that begs the audience to pay attention to the mechanisms of media, and hopefully apply critical thinking to it.

In summary, I think the negative picture of media’s role in BBC Sherlock is blatantly obvious. What this actually means is not entirely clear to me, because in our society I believe media also has a very important positive role of spreading knowledge and important information, providing public insight into things like power abuse, investigating wrongdoings that otherwise never would be exposed, etc. This is not depicted, though. But since I tend to believe that this show is entirely presented from inside Sherlock’s head in one way or another, what we see might actually be Sherlock’s view of media. Which also would be consistent with his personal negative experience of them in TRF.

But in any case, the message I take from all these negative media references, is that we - the audience - should not just lap up whatever is said about this show in real life media. There’s definitely more to it than the ‘face value’.

Tagging some people who might be interested: @ebaeschnbliah @raggedyblue @sarahthecoat @gosherlocked @sagestreet @tjlcisthenewsexy

[pyre-prism]

Pyre’s Tips for ‘One Piece’ OCs...!

Complete with a sample character bio template, at that! (*A*) Just remove all of my rambling, and you should be nice and peachy. If anyone wants to discuss things on the topic of 'One Piece' characters (fan-made or otherwise), then I'd be happy to oblige. This series is my happy place, more often than not... well, one of them. Also, I'm open to doing this for other fandoms as well... so long as I know enough about it... Any suggestions for me to consider? In short... I'd love for people to talk to me about this kind of thing. (T^T) I don't bite, I promise...! You can even do it privately, if you want~? Righty, one last thing before getting into this properly... I do use rather... 'colourful' words with topics I'm invested in, and there are potential spoilers in what I say, if you've only been following the English release. (^u^'') I couldn't stick to the English release if it killed me, I love this stuff too much. Anyhoo, onto the actual meat of this thing~!

Name: Any name will do, really… ‘One Piece’ takes place in a world where both perfectly ‘normal’ names and completely ridiculous ones coexist in harmony. The only caveat is that you should be very restrictive with middle initials, as they aren’t a particularly common thing… and you should be especially careful with ‘D.’ as a middle initial, as it means something special and carries a selection of traits alongside it. It is possible to create a character who bears the ‘D.’ initial in a way that fits the world, but you certainly shouldn’t overload your personal cast with them. On a side note, I find that it’s a real help to also note how the name is meant to be pronounced, as best as you can. It saves some potential confusion later down the line. Nickname: So long as there is a reason behind the nickname, and you don’t give them… say… ten completely separate ones, anything goes. It also helps to put down not only who calls them that, but also why. Again, pronunciation notes also helps. Epithet: An epithet in the ‘One Piece’ world is usually given by someone who does not like the character, and so you should be careful to make sure that it doesn’t sound too flattering for no real reason. Epithets are generally meant to describe either the character’s physical traits, something about their history, or something about their abilities. Often, they are meant to inspire some sort of fear, so as to urge civilians to stay out of their way. However, it should be noted that even Marines can get epithets, and even theirs aren’t generally particularly flattering. All that being said, it is possible to have a fancy or even ‘pretty’ epithet, but there needs to be a really good reason for it. It helps to explain what prompted that particular epithet to be given to them, as well. Also, almost every character who gains an epithet will only get the one, so make sure you don’t overload them onto the one character. Bounty: One thing that many people seem to forget about bounties in the ‘One Piece’ world is that they are not a ‘one-for-one’ indication of the character’s strength, or even how dangerous they are to the general public. What they are, however, is an indication of how badly the World Government wants them to be taken down. Each part of the world also has certain ranges that are ‘typical’ for a starting bounty, but unfortunately we don’t have proper examples for what these are, in most cases. What we do know is that a starting bounty of 30 million in the East Blue is astonishing, while a (presumably early) bounty of 85 million in the first half of the Grand Line is… negligible, really… and bounties in the range of 300 million to half a billion seem to be fairly normal in the second half of the Grand Line. When putting together what sort of price is on your character’s head (assuming that they are a pirate or other such kind of criminal), it helps to list out what they’ve done or been accused of that actually earned them that sort of infamy. It also helps to bear in mind any increases they’ve gotten over the course of their ‘career’. Oh, and… despite what many people seem to believe, a rookie pirate with a bounty of 100 million or more is not necessarily a Supernova! They will be part of ‘the Worst Generation’, but the Supernovas were a specific group for a very particular reason; they were the rookies with a minimum of 100 million on their heads, who were at the Archipelago at that particular time. Nothing else. There is nothing wrong with having your character have a bounty that is ‘Supernova level’, so long as there is a valid reason for it. Heck, if you can explain it well enough, you could even have your character be a Supernova… as in, the legit was-actually-at-the-Archipelago-at-the-time type. The ‘number limit’ on Supernova is nowhere near as important as the number of Warlords or Emperors, after all. Rank: For a pirate, bear in mind what they do on the crew. It helps to have some knowledge of what roles would be legitimately-needed on a sailing vessel when making this decision, as well. Age requirements are less strict for pirate characters than they are for many other subsets of your cast, so one of the best things to say here is ‘have fun but do your research’. As for Marines, age starts to become a primary point of concern. There is a limit to how young a character can be when they join the Marines, and there is also a certain air of ‘the old guard’ when you start to look at the higher ranking characters in the canon material. A Marine Captain who is in their teens or early twenties had better have an extremely mind-bogglingly-good record or power to have that rank, and when you start getting towards the rank of Vice-Admiral, then it would be best for them to be at least in their late thirties… While I’m on the topic of Marine ranks, it’s a good idea to look up the ranks used in the Japanese Navy, as that is what is used in the series. Age: The only advice I can give on this topic is to be sensible. Consider what you have in mind for them to know, what skills they possess, and (for a Marine) what rank they have. No adult or teenager is going to take a preteen captain seriously, even on a pirate crew, and those who are particularly elderly will be faced with some issues as well. On a side note, if you plan for the character’s storyline to have any correlation to the canon events, then you should probably make sure to note how old they are at the beginning of the story, and at the beginning of the two-year timeskip. Gender: I use ‘gender’ as the primary question here, and I always make certain to note when there is any form of disconnect between the character’s gender identity and their biological sex. Although, to help other people take your character more seriously, please don’t use phrases like “Female, duh”. Race: There are so many options for what race your character can be, that there’s very little reason to even try coming up with your own race ideas. That being said, however, that’s not to say that you cannot create your own race… just make sure that it makes sense in the world and has both upsides and downsides ‘built in’ to the race, and you should be good. However, it may be better to refrain from doing this until you’re reasonably practiced with not only coming up with races, but also until you’re very familiar with the world you’re putting it into. If you do choose to create a new race, you will need to explain it fairly thoroughly to other people, as well. As for the canonical races, it’s best to be aware of the types of interactions between them as much as you can, as this will help to make the character feel more ‘complete’. Humans are very common, but there’s also Fishfolk (Fishmen and Merfolk, I combine them due to their exceedingly-negligible differences), Skyfolk (the three races of Sky Islanders with wings), Giants, Dwarves, Longarms, Longlegs, Snakenecks, Minkmen, Triclopes (what I currently call the three-eyed race), and even Birdfolk (what I currently call the race Morgans belongs to)…! Heck, even hybrids are an option, but don’t go too overboard with piling on the fractions for this, else it will come across as nothing other than ridiculous. Eyes: One of the things that, as an artistic OC-creator, I really love about ‘One Piece’ is the fact that they can look like almost anything, and still have a chance of fitting in, just fine. There are no restrictions on what your character’s eyes can look like other than two points… Number one, be extremely sparing about the sclera (the white of the eye) being a different colour, as we don’t actually have a canon example of this as-yet. Number two, if your character’s eyes are yellow, then you shouldn’t have them be described as being ‘hawk-like’ as well, because that’s a trait that is so-far unique to Dracule Mihawk. It might be wise to be sparing on rainbow-coloured eyes, as well, for ‘safety’s sake’… Other than that, however, go wild! I personally don’t even care if your character has heterochromia, in any format or arrangement. Hair: Literally any colour is a possibility in the world of ‘One Piece’, and I love it. White or silver for someone from a very young age, canon compliant. Purple or blue or green or pink, canon compliant. It is so liberating to be able to apply any colour you want to something that is so frequently restricted in other universes, and, unlike what many people may try to tell you, even naturally-bicoloured hair is plausible. We have yet to see naturally-tricoloured or more, so it may be best to limit it to two colours at most. As for length, however, it is best to bear in mind what they do, although significantly-longer hair is still viable for a fighter if they either have an ability that uses it in battle or if they tie it up somehow. Or, you know, they’re a ranged-fighter. Skin: In the world of ‘One Piece’, even humans can have some pretty weird skin colours, so it is possible to go a little ‘nuts’ on this topic. So long as there is either canonical proof for that sort of colour for their race, or a viable explanation, then there is literally no rules on this. This category is also where I like to list out any notable scarring or tattoos that they may have. Build: Other than the basic descriptions of what type of build they have, you should also be certain to mention their height… and remember that even humans can be ludicrously-tall in this universe. If they aren’t finished growing yet, it may be useful to note how tall they are ‘at the moment’ as well as how tall they’ll be when they’ve finished growing. Typical Clothing: This is more for keeping in mind the sorts of outfits they might wear at various points throughout their story. Do they like bold patterns, or are they a more plain-clothes kind of person? You should also be aware that, despite taking place in a world that mirrors a lot of things from the early 1700s of our world, there are many much more modern pieces of clothing that we see throughout canon, so don’t feel the need to restrict yourself to ‘classic pirate getup’, although there’s also nothing saying that you can’t choose to do just that. Oh, and… if there’s any traces of a uniform or ‘theme’ with the people your character is associated with… stick with it. Marines will wear the uniform, in some way. Themed pirate crews will have certain ‘looks’. This is inescapable and inexcusable if your character breaks it, especially for no damned reason. Personality: This is one of the categories where the bulk of your character will shine through. While a dot-point list will work for the initial idea, eventually you will need to expand upon it. Make your character feel like a real person, in and of their own right, and you won’t generally have any issues. A character’s personality will be about half ‘ingrained’ and half ‘learned’, and these two things must not contradict each other without extremely careful and detailed reasoning… and an acknowledgement that the character is not mentally-stable. It is infinitely-important that you bear in mind what they went through up until the point you’re starting their story, because that will influence how they turned out. Don’t be afraid to give your character ‘undesirable’ traits, either, because that will actually make them seem more ‘real’ and generally more entertaining to deal with from a writing or roleplaying perspective… in fact, some of the most fun characters in my own cast actually have more ‘undesirable’ traits than they have ‘desirable’ ones! Also, it should be said… there seems to be some unspoken ‘rule’ about those to take to the seas in the world of ‘One Piece’… and that is that, to survive in that universe, you need to have some traits that would be considered ‘crazy’ in our world. So have fun! That is, after all, the primary point behind making an OC in the first place, isn’t it? Abilities: Each race, other than Human, has its own inbuilt capabilities, and you should list them out, along with any learned skills that your character has. Haki can be learned by any race, but you should be aware of the requirements for having unlocked it… some form of immense physical or emotional trauma seems to be the universal checkbox. If your character is a hybrid, then you can get a bit more creative, as well, although while it is viable for a hybrid to carry traits and abilities from each source, they shouldn’t have the full range of everything, and they must have at least some of the built-in caveats as well. Back on the topic of Haki, however… while I have no issue with having OCs with the incredibly-limited Haoushoku Haki, you should be careful to not overload your cast with those who have it… and there seems to be a potential connection between having that form of Haki and being a ‘D.’, as well. It helps to mention whether or not your character has eaten a Devil Fruit, as well, and how long they’ve had it for… more details on the Fruit in question can come in the next category… Devil Fruit: For starters, you need to know what the Fruit is. Is it a Paramecian, a Zoan, or a Logian…? Canon has introduced some Fruits in the most recent arcs (as of September 2018) that appear to blur the lines, but it’s best to try to stay away from such things until we’re told more about it. That being said, the Fruit’s ability will influence what its name is, as well… You should do your utmost to make the name suit the naming system that is presented in canon; the English name is short and to the point, and the Japanese name is always two syllables and tend to be onomatopoeias (‘sound words’). Also, and this is very, very, very important… unless you are dealing with an alternative version of the universe or a substantially-different time-frame, do not use a Devil Fruit that is in use by a canon character, with the only possible exceptions being those who are known to be dead at the time. Characters who show up in filler arcs or extra material, however, as far as I’m concerned, are fair game unless the storyline they appear in has been directly influenced by Oda for more than just character designs… Even SMILEs, until we know more about how they operate, should not be ‘doubled-up’ between canon and your character. There are also some abilities that appear in other universes that should be avoided in ‘One Piece’… Any ability that, by its very nature, requires the input of another person is treading on incredibly-thin ice, if not an outright no-go. Same with any ability that manipulates reality… although probability is a slightly different story… and is in-use in canon, so… yeah. Illusions are viable, truly warping reality is not. There is also another thing that should be avoided as much as possible… don’t make a Fruit that enables transformation into any kind of explicitly-water-based creature. No Devil Fruit user can swim… not even Fishfolk who have eaten one. However, even with that, it is possible to create a water Fruit, even a Logian, so long as you are extremely careful about how it works. With that out of the way, I have only one other ability-related note to make… If you create a Mythical Zoan Fruit, you can give it an additional ability, but make certain that it makes sense for that mythical creature to have that ability. Do your research on the stories about the creature, and you’re bound to be able to come up with something. You should also remember that every single Devil Fruit, even the ‘joke’ ones, have battle capabilities if you’re imaginative enough… And, last but not least… no Devil Fruit is without weaknesses. None… At all. At the very least, being submerged beyond a certain point will sap your character of their strength, seastone will nullify their ability and do something of the same, and it’s always wise to have at least one other thing that the Fruit power itself interacts poorly with. The key here is ‘balance’. Notable Attacks: ‘One Piece’ is one of the universes that seems to use the rule of ‘named attacks are more powerful’, if only as a focusing technique… as such, you can have fun with this. Make certain to have at least two or three things listed if they’re a combatant, as that guarantees that they have some variety… and, don’t have everything be the equivalent of a ‘one-hit-K.O.’ sort of thing, as that’s not only unrealistic in so many ways, but also generally lazy and boring. You shouldn’t just list the names, either, but make certain to describe how the move takes place and functions. It helps to note down any effect radius, additional effect, or extra requirements for using it, as well. From: Where in the world are they from? Where were they born? Where did they grow up? It’s best to make certain that you list the island and where in the world that island is, at the very least, but it also helps to include the settlement as well. Making up your own islands is fine, too… Heck, you can even have characters from Mary Geoise, if you want… so long as you make it make sense. Family: Unless there is something special about generations further back than your character’s grandparents, there’s little reason to bother listing them… unless you really like genealogy, I suppose. Grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, siblings, cousins, and any offspring is about the furthest you’d likely need to put down. Include any details about how these family members may have died (if they’re dead), or maybe even how their relationship with your character is. You can even include ‘found-family’, if you like… And heck, I for one don’t give a damn if your character is related to (or in love with) a canon character, so long as you make it make sense and you don’t warp the canon character into something that they are not… especially without a fucking good reason. Relationships: It helps to also figure out at least the basics of relationships your character has with those who aren’t in their family. Who are their friends, where friends and family are actually separated in your character’s views? Who are their acquaintances, friendly, neutral, and otherwise? Who are their rivals or their enemies? And, most importantly, why? Everything of that sort needs a reason, and it can’t just be ‘such-and-such person doesn’t like my character because they’re jealous of their beauty or skills’. Give both your character and the other character some depth to their relationship. You can even mention any specific love interests, so long as there’s a valid reason behind why they’re an item. I hope you’re seeing a basic trend, here…? Sexual Orientation & Details: Don’t be afraid to play around with various orientations in your cast… it can make for some intriguing character interactions when there’s some tension in the air, to say the least. That being said, there’s no real rules on what your character should like, but it definitely helps to have some idea of it, even if you don’t decide to share. It also helps to know what sort of thing your character likes in a partner… Are they a butt person? Do they like boobs? Big dicks? Do they have a particular fetish? What about how they go about making their interest known? Do they want just one person, or are they hoping to have multiple partners at once? Are they prone to cheating? You know, all that prime-time soap opera shit. Dream: Everyone who sets out for a journey must have some reason to have left their home… even if it’s because they have no home. These don’t need to be deep, or complicated, and sometimes the most simple and plaintive goals are the most heart-wrenching. History: Here is the other primary part of any character’s information where they really shine… A character’s history will guide and shape at least half of who they are as a person, so you should make certain to do a decent job. As with personality, a list of dot points is fine to start with, but you’ll need to go more in-depth eventually. Something about their childhood, something about their adolescence, and so on. Whether or not you share a character’s history, you need to know it… Even if they have complete amnesia, it will still shape them. One thing that you may find liberating is that almost any type of backstory is plausible in that universe, even the really traumatic and ‘angsty’ ones. Despite the cheery and colourful veneer of the art-style, the world is actually incredibly-dark, just below the surface. It is advisable to try to avoid giving your character the exact same backstory as a canon character, though, especially a prominent one, but there are actually ways to make them work regardless… so long as you’re willing to put in the amounts of effort required to make it personalised to your character. Be reasonable, but have fun at the same time, basically. Colour: A representative colour can be an interesting way to say without so many words what your character is all about… and it makes for a fun artistic exercise, as well. Try to either make it their ‘most prominent’ colour, or a colour which has meanings and symbolism that suit your character’s personality. Real-World Nationality: As Oda has listed some of these, I think it’s only right to include it with my character sheets… While it may be easy to go with stereotypes, I find it rather interesting to really dig in to the culture of the place when answering this part. It also helps to explain why your character would be that particular nationality. Animal: Being an artist who sometimes draws animals more than humanoids, and who loves making comparisons between my characters and animals (and other people’s characters, while I’m at it), this is something that I really love to do. Behaviours and even physical traits that are in-common can be a good place to start… and be honest. Not every character is going to be comparable to something cute or ‘cool’. Smells Like: If a person spends a lot of time around something with a particular scent, it tends to ‘sink into’ their bodies. What a person smells like can even be used to make a comment about them as an individual, as well… If your character smells like sweat, then they either don’t bathe very often or they spend a lot of time working out. If they smell like soap, they are probably rather fastidious about their personal hygiene or are quite well-off… Stuff like that. Theme Song: Some people will tell you “never give your character a theme song, it’s stupid and cliché and obnoxious”… I say fuck ‘em, do it if you want to. It can be a really fun way to give just that little bit of extra flair to your character, and don’t be afraid to go with instrumental pieces, as well. Some of my cast have been conceptualised while I was listening to a particular piece of music, and it just makes sense to have that be their theme song… doesn’t it? Although, one thing that is good to bear in mind is that you shouldn’t have all of your cast have their theme being music by a singular person or group… vary it up a bit, and it will help your cast feel more alive than ever before. Oh, and be sure to specify who did the piece you’re thinking of, too, because there are a whole heap of pieces that have the same name but are entirely different. That goes for any specific cover or remix, too. Laughter Style: In the world of ‘One Piece’, there is a trend… Most of the cast have a particular way of laughing, a specific sound that indicates them even when they’re off-screen. To help make your character ‘fit in’ even further, it may be a good idea to give them something of the same. You should also remember that you can have a different sound to your character’s ‘full belly-laugh’ and their ‘chuckle or giggle’. Voice Actor/Seiyu: Another thing that many people may say to not bother with is an ideal voice actor, but I find it helps to set how my character sounds down in writing. This goes for both an English voice actor and a Japanese seiyu. It’s really up to you as to whether you want to go the full way and do both, but I highly recommend doing it for one, at least. Be sure to note down what role and source you’re referencing for the sound, as well… Many of the best voice actors have immensely-versatile voices, after all. Favourite/Least Favourite Food: Something that I find to be an interesting tidbit to include is what my characters particularly like to eat, and conversely, what they try to avoid eating. Maybe your character has an allergy to carrots? The possibilities are endless, really. Japanese Pronouns/Manner of Speech: Another thing that I like to put down is how my characters refer to themselves and to others… In Japanese, it can give really useful and subtle insights into how they think, as each of the forms of address lend themselves to a particular ‘flavour’ of person. If you don’t know enough about the pronouns used in Japanese, then try putting down how they speak to others… Are they arrogant and crass, or are they more reserved and polite? Do they hide any hostility behind a mask of polite words? Do they speak in a way that is geared to spark a fight, or do they prefer to avoid arguments wherever possible? Is there any difference between how they speak or refer to various types of people, such as a pirate speaking to another pirate or a Marine? If there is any ‘type’ of person your character particularly dislikes, it really helps to know whether they’ll make it clear or not, and if they do… how. Trivia/Other: Is there anything that doesn’t fit in any of the previous categories? Make sure to list it in one like this. Because of the ambiguity of a category like this, there aren’t really any rules for it… just… make it fit the universe, and make sure it doesn’t completely contradict what you’ve already put down.

There is one last thing I have to say… Don’t just take what people online (let alone the wiki) say at face value, and remember that even the characters in canon can give the reader/watcher false information… Use your brain, basically.

[curious-minx]

Entering into a new dawn of Corporatist Neoliberalism, all while leaving behind a rising Fascist Empire. A solid Bob’s Burgers and a surprisingly decent Simpsons is your reward.

“Fast Time Capsules at Wagstaff School”  once again finds the show operating in the territory it does best: A Poignant twee commentary with the junior Belchers and a nearly pointless sideplot with the adult Belchers that actually sports a satisfying conclusion. The ingredients of a quality kids subplot requires a touch of Tina having the conflict of wielding too much power passed down to her by Mr. Frond whose mere appearance reliably bumps an episode up a notch. This episode not only also weaves the usual Tammy and Jocelyn jealousy games with Tina but also splashes two other of Tina’s peers into the mix: Jim Gaffigan’s Kelsey Grammar indebted Henry Haber and girl friend Sasmina voiced by National Treasure Aparna Nancherla. The episode focuses primarily on Tina’s gatekeeping of the contents of the Wagstaff time capsule. A particularly timely concept for a year where history is a constant 24/7 newsfeed of dramatic historical importance. 

I fold up my muted pink streaked swimming trunks and put them into my personal time capsule. No way will I ever be braving a public beach or swimming hole. The act of exposing any amount of flesh during a pandemic is unthinkable, but in another 50 years I am sure there will be a lot more living to do. The episode goes even further in poignancy with layering a coinciding  Louise conflict over a pair of Boyz4Now lands a lot differently in these Quarantined Times. Never have I related to Louise and her desire to go see a cute pop group sing in an intimate live setting, singing such hits like “Your Heart Fell On The Floor, Let Me Get It For You,” a level of cuteness not even Belle and Sebastian or The Magnetic Fields could probably come up with. The main plot moves along with a clean efficiency of storytelling bringing Louise and Tina conspiring together using their combined sister brain to retrieve the tickets, but due to further conflicting interests. The episode concludes with the characters taking their personal losses and rolling with the punches, which is another central sweet spot. Earlier on the series I felt like the Belcher family were constantly losing and being put down upon by the world around them. The pendulum of justice remains in flux giving the Belchers and friends minor victories, but the last image of this episode really gets to me.  The sight of group of kids  in a parking lot bonding by singing the hit “Someday We’ll Spoon” as it plays off in the distance. Another song title that hits so much harder than it ever could have without the rampaging socially distanced disease.

“If you see a cop, whistle!” - Teddie, and me whenever I see a cop because I always make sure to harass and wolf whistle at cops like they were a piece of construction worker street meat. 

One of my new favorite Bobspressions. 

The B plot with Bob and Linda is essentially that Bob can whistle, but Linda cannot, although Linda can roll her R’s. This teasing and taunting domestic squabble is cushioned by the looming gentle omnipresence of Teddie. Teddie, Bob and Linda are a solid trio and play off each other as characters really well and the repartee between the characters feels a lot looser than it has in past episodes of this season. The subplot culminates in Teddie making one of my favorite comedic moves being dependent on his parasocial relationship with Bob and Linda’s marriage. Teddie is the friend that believes in the love of his friends’ marriage more so than his own friends do and it’s always pretty touching to see Teddie play that card. The adults largely stay completely static inside a one-shot of the restaurant with Bob in the kitchen window, but there is a discernible rise and fall conflict between Bob and Linda that culminates with simple silly sweetness. Once again the adults are left fuddling around in their comfortable boxes and squares they have created for themselves, while the children are foisted out in the world having to deal with Future. 

One other particularly timely one-off joke that the writers would have no way of knowing how timely and off-putting it would be is when Eugene makes a reference to Sean Connery. Gene compares Linda to the late actor responding to Linda on her R syllable rolling flexing. I am sure the writer of the episode felt some kind of something with this episode airing a week after the man died. 

This episode is a Boyz4.5(4)Now. 

///

Thankfully this next episode of the Simpsons did not trot out Mr. James Bont. Episode 5 of Season 32 “The Seven Beer Itch” is a rebound episode from the last three exhausting conceptual excursions. I failed to do a write up on the Season 32 premiere episode, “Undercover Burns,” which I give a Pass (A Pass btw means that you won’t be harmed passing this show through your system, whereas Skip speaks for itself). Both the season opener and this fifth episode are just Simpsons episodes based in and around Springfield. No historical role-play or contrived literary surrogate puppet shows. This episode initially begins filling the viewer with “Simpsons on Holiday” dread opening the episode with The Groundskeeper Willie serving as the episode’s narrator. What’s completely confounding is that Willie has no bearing on the plot of this episode in any way whatsoever other than the fact that both he and UK Treasure Olivia Coleman are both from across the Pond. 

The Simpsons have become one of the most musical series on television, and frankly it  saps away the energy of the when songs pile on top of one another. I know I  should be more wickedly delighted by having The Gosh Dang Favourite singing a pub song to Homer at Moe’s Tavern, but instead these songs make me go dead inside. Especially when Dan Castellaneta has to be a total diva belching out melodies with honey voiced Barney. Maybe if the songs were relegated to once a season or specifically to the ending credit sequence a la Bob’s Burgers that would be one thing, but a song  (or three! Or five!) per episode is simply too busy. Then again “busy” describes everything about the Simpsons in 2020. The show continues to astound me visually with Springfields starry purple skies, brief glimpses of London clock towers served up alongside Marge and kids trip to Martha’s Vineyard. We even take a pit stop in California with Olivia Coleman’s Lily doing a forced, weirdly gentle riff with Leonard DiCaprio (who goes uncredited, making matters even stranger). Overall, modern Simpsons is the nicest looking adult animated sitcom around until Tuca and Bertie comes back on air. That being the said the plots of each episode feel like they are being pulled out of a magic foam wizard’s hat stuffed to the brim with Simpsons conceits. This week the writer’s pull Homer Seduction from out of the hat.

The Homer seduction plot can be traced back as early as Season 3 with the episode “Colonel Homer.” This episode more or less grafts its main plot swapping out a Pretty Country Singer with a Charming British Lady. The songs in “Colonel Homer” were actively related to the plot with country star Lurleen Lumpkins becoming infatuated with Homer Simpson, because he’s, he’s a simple and um sweet man. Homer has fidelity! 32 plus years on the air and Homer still remains the kind of man that will still choose his wife over whatever hot piece of Academy Award Winning voiced action comes his way. 

I will end this review with this image of Homer giving us viewers come hither and fuck me eyes. Imagine an artist sitting down and drawing Homer Simpson giving you this coquettish glance and try not feeling sick with existential dread:

This episode deserves a Pass.

///

Addendum:

A response to Digital Spy and hand wringing queerness out of a cartoon child 

The article in question is available here. 

The journalist of this article insistence that Lisa be a LGTBQ+ icon is understandable, but taking umbrage with Yeardely Smith’ for saying that she views Lisa as a child is queasy and infuriating. Smith isn’t a Karen trying to rob Lisa of her Queer freedom. Lisa’s queerness is innate and subtly woven into the character and explicitly spelled out in future glimpses of the character. I really shutter to think what the Simpsons mostly white and male writers room would concoct for a “queering” of Lisa. Dissecting and analyzing a cartoon child’s sexuality is all fun and games, but the world is also dying and full of real life children, not cartoon characters, in pain far more worthy of our concern. I would much rather there be support for Queer artist making their own adult animated sitcom and let Lisa Simpson just be a little girl that loves as Yeardely Smith calls “girly things.” Interpret this literally. Lisa is a cartoon girl living in a cartoon world and she’ll probably grow up to be a nonbinary polyamorous Super Computer or Sax Master General.

If you haven't already I strongly recommend readers check out Smith’s appearance on the currently defunct podcast Harmontown. In the episode “I Was A Simpson” she comes across as charming and thoughtful and worth a listen. She’s not someone that strikes me as a hateful advocate of queer erasure. She strikes me as a cagey performer not wanting to nail down too many concrete details about her character. Ultimately the writers and Smith know Lisa is a queer character,  but unless the show is willing to hire a LGBTQ+ writer to help create a Queer Coming of Age centric coming of age episode I am content with having her identity be nudged and winked at in glimpses of the future and left at that. Good grief. 

[velvet-tread]

The Wire and Breaking Bad are generally considered two of the best television shows of all time, which leads to many comparisons (that and the drug thing) despite their differences. Do you prefer one over the other and what do you think each does better than the other?

Cards on the table it’s been approximately 3 years since Ifinished The Wire and I struggle to remember actual character names beyond TeenyFurniture Policeman, Flaming House/Aunt Kid, Slackjawed Stevedore, FailedNepotism Project, Greek in Hat etc etc.  Therewere a great many characters and I cannot be expected to retain that level ofinformation for too long.

Although my heart is forever changed by

On the other hand, Breaking Bad is probably my fave favestshow of all time and I’ve seen it three times (probably? Maybe more?) so I amacutely familiar with everyone in it and everything that happens and why andall the theories and meta surrounding it. And while I enjoyed the Wire a lot andadmire its scale and ambition and recognise its importance, it didn’t inspireme to immerse myself in it post-viewing in the same way, so anything I say heremay already have been covered by critics/meta writers elsewhere.

Caveats over.

So, the short answer is that I love Breaking Bad the mostbecause it is an intense character study with themes and characters that Iconnected with hard. The show is an expertly crafted piece of TV and everythingabout it – the characterisation, the narrative, the acting, the editing, thecinematography, the symbolism, the dialogue, the tension, the pacing – EVERYTHINGABOUT IT IS SO PERFECT AND ICONIC I COULD CRY WITH JOY.  It’s quite rare for me to find a piece of artthat I want to drown in that is also so faultless in its execution.  My relationship with art, especially TV, isoften quite fractious. I often love things despite all their faults (*cough*the 100 *cough* the X Files *cough* The Hunger Games), usually because I fallin love with some element that surmounts everything else.  So it was such a glorious experience for meto connect emotionally with a show whilst also revelling in my boner for epiclandscapes and crafty camerawork and snappy dialogue and the word “bitch”delivered without irony.

But honestly, while these two shows cover similar topics(i.e. individual choices and the axis of cause and effect) in a similar context(i.e. gangs and drugs), I think they sought to achieve different things so Ifind it quite hard to make a comparison. Breaking Bad is compact character study, centred around two maincharacters and around 7 supporting characters of varying impact (I rank Hankand Skylar highest because they had their own threads).  Although I frequently rave about the beautyof the cinematography  - and seriously,whoever does their location scouting deserves cookies for life – the show is sotight it could be staged as a theatre production quite easily and honestly I’msurprised that nobody has already.  

The Wire, by contrast, is a huge sprawling tapestry with alarge cast of players operating across several different sets, in fact many ofthe characters never meet or know of the existence of the others.  The stories are superficially intertwined,but only so far as all of the characters are operating in the same space(Baltimore) and are subject to the same Baltimore-specific pressures. By comparison,the consequences of the choices of the characters in Breaking Bad are clearlydelineated – from the small - Jesse and Jane’s spiral into heroin addiction-  to the big – Walt’s desire for moreterritory resulting in Jesse’s breakdown, Combo’s death, Jane’s death and thedeaths of the 300 or so people killed in the aircraft collision brought on bythose events. These consequences are repeatedly reinforced by some pretty epicsymbolism – the pink teddy bear that pops up all over the plane crash scenario,for instance, and the plane crash itself which Vince Gilligan describes assymbolic of the chaos and violence Walt is raining down on everyone in hisorbit.

In fact, the main difference between the two shows, in myopinion, can be found in how they address the question of choice andagency.  The Wire is heavily weightedtowards inevitability, and the endless cycle of violence, corruption and miserythat will perpetuate forever, as will the forces that work against them.  And so the end of the show sees Jimmy McNultyhanging up his badge, and Kima Greggs taking up the mantle as the BPD’sresident maverick.  Omar Little ends updead in a convenience store, but we witness the forces of corruption pushhonourable Michael Lee down the same path. Likewise, Avon Barksdale spends thesecond half of the series fighting to retain his crumbling kingdom as youngpretender Marlon Stansfield poaches his crown. And so on and so forth. Themessage you’re left with is not bleak exactly, because for all the evil andhorror in the Wire’s tapestry there is also goodness and beauty, but a sense ofimpotence because all the protagonists’ efforts to effect change resulted innothing because they cannot upset the balance. Nevertheless, their efforts are also necessary because they alsoprevented a complete descent into chaos and evil. So, it’s a stalemate, a harshlesson in realpolitik.  Don’t stop whatyou’re doing, but don’t expect to change anything ever.   Theforces at play are greater than any one of us.

By contrast, Breaking Bad infers far greater agency upon itscharacters.  What each character does hasgreat and severe meaning. To pluck one random example out of the air: Jesse’sdecision to expose Jane to his crystal meth habit was an active choice.  Yes, it was a choice made under pressure –and a choice influenced by other people’s choices too – but it was still achoice.  And that choice has consequencesfor him and for her.  Because once Janewitnesses him in his drug-fuelled spiral, it’s not long before she joins himand then – oh their gentle hearts – she brings her own demons to the table,which in turn take them both on a path that ends in tragedy.  When Jane dies, he makes that connectionbetween his choices and her demise – “I loved her and I killed her” - even asWalt turns away from his own role in her death. The scene where Walt and Mike go to scrape Jesse off the floor of thatcrack den remains one of my favest moments of the show as a Jesse stan. Thereis something really beautiful to me about the fact that Jesse – who lacks allof the qualities that make Walt Heisenberg – has a clarity about who he is andthe responsibility he must carry, while Walt cannot see himself for who hetruly is.  Jesse has wisdom where Walthas delusion.

In fact, the show’s entire premise is that Heisenberg wasnever inevitable.  Initially, we’renudged into rolling along with Walt’s fallacy that he has “no choice” but to dothe things he does, but season by season the myth is dismantled.  Anyone who was still rooting for Walt by thebeginning of s5 -witness me judging you.

You’ll notice I use the word tapestry a few times inrelation to the Wire.  I use it deliberatelybecause it’s the same word I’ve heard David Simon, the Wire’s creator use (andnow I can’t find a reference – ugh – you’re gonna have to trust me) and this,tbh, is where I have some pretty major beef with The Wire.  Because the quote I saw (and it may not havebeen Simon, but someone else associated with the show) was something along thelines of “it’s a tapestry of how we all live together”. And by “all”, thatperson meant “all people in possession of a penis” because LORD SAVE US thatshow is heavily weighted towards people of the male persuasion. Now, I’m not gonnashit on it from a great height because it did a great job of telling stories ofmen of colour from all walks of life and it gave some amazing black actors aplatform but YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL YOURSELF A SOCIAL TAPESTRY AND THEN LEAVEOUT 50% OF THE POPULATION. The whole time we were in the school, I was like….But what are the girls doing?  When wewere with the Baltimore Sun – again – one single low-level female reporter?  Kima Greggs, obviously, gets an honourablemention as OFFICIALLY THE BEST but otherwise the entire police department isjust a dick fest. Same with the political infrastructure, in which PoliceChief’s Wife who is also running for office is literally characterised as…Police Chief’s Wife. Oh, and apparently there are no females in the teachingprofession in Baltimore. So. I know this was shot 15 years ago but still. Notcool, Simon. Not cool.

Anyway:

[pravasiga]

Pravāsiga: The First of Many Blog Posts

June 7, 2017

ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗ (Pravāsiga): (n.) the Kannada word for 'traveler', or at least according to Google Translate.

It's been a week since I've left my room an absolute mess in my last-minute haste to pack for a two-month long trip to Mysore, India. (Shout out to my mother, who understandably, is not pleased about aforementioned mess). In that time since, I have found myself in two countries, three cities, and several wonderful experiences with an incredible team and the absolutely amazing staff at the Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement, the NGO that all of us in the Cornell ILR/Global Health Global Service Learning team will be working with. I've been itching to write about my time here ever since I landed, and the most that I can truly capture is that no matter how I write this, I will never be able to entirely describe what it's been like to be here, but it's worth a shot.

Just a warning, I haven't written in a long time. This post is going to be long, meandering, and more importantly, it's about to get sappy and basic and full of love for a beautiful country, full of inspiring people. It's (kind of) worth a read, I promise!

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My first real glance at India happened from the window of a moving van at 5 in the morning, careening through the lines of State Highway 17, connecting Bangalore to Mysore. Still drowsy from almost two days of travel, I caught glimpses of roadside temples, decorated ornately with statues and idols. Through sleepy eyes, I watched as people woke up to start their day. Children playing with their siblings, adults opening small stands to sell food or helmets or shoes. I saw everything in a whirlwind of greens, browns, and blues - a flash of sky, a stretch of field and trees, and patches of ground and homes and road. I drifted in and out of sleep, still caught in disbelief that I was all the way across the world, the furthest I've been from home on my own. In between dreams and short periods of sleep, I processed about three important things:

1) There were few traffic rules here (a thought I later expressed, to which Anant told me that lane lines were more like suggestions rather than boundaries).

2) I had never seen so many free-roaming cows in my entire life

3) My tailbone was falling asleep more than I was and I couldn't do anything about it for at least another three hours.

*

Later, I was to learn and experience that India was a colorful, bustling, and dynamic country, full of movement and noise and liveliness. The next few days were even more of a blur than the very first van ride. Running around Big Bazaar (aptly described as 'Walmart, but with Indian clothing') trying to find kurtas that would fit was by far one of the most stressful shopping trips I had ever endured. I was not prepared for the narrow, straight cuts of the kurtas or that finding good salwar kameez color combinations would be such a herculean task. I am still struggling to find a good way to keep my dupatta on correctly without it flying into my face or becoming lopsided. Forgetting that the exchange rate stands at about 60 rupees to 1USD has left me flabbergasted for a few seconds every time I've gone up to the cashier and seen my total climb into the hundreds and thousands. I'd like to take this time to apologize to my dad for incurring a few foreign credit card transaction fees because I didn't bring enough rupees with me the first time.

Then from Big Bazaar to Chamundi Hills, where our bus took us far above the city and into the lush green forest. The line (though everyone here calls it a queue!) wrapped around the Chamundeshwari Temple, preventing us from going inside, but we were treated to the sight of (and warned about) several monkeys who lived near the temple grounds. I was to learn that they were incredibly clever and were adept at opening zippers and searching pouches in their hunt for food. Here, I also learned that locals will want to take selfies with all of us American tourists who probably look completely out of place.

We witnessed services at St. Philomena's Church, one of the tallest churches in Asia. We ventured into the underground catacombs to visit St. Philomena's relic. We visited Lalitha Mahal Palace Hotel and Mysore Palace. I officially tried mango lassi in India. We had a photoshoot on a balcony. I was caught in the rain when Mysore Palace was completely illuminated, sending a flock of roosting birds rising to the sky. I came back to the hostel tired, ready to sleep before 10pm every night.

I couldn't get enough of India.

*

I have wanted to visit India for years now, and nothing can still quite make me believe that I am actually here. But even more than that, that I am here, pursuing the chance to work in the field that I have grown passionate about and with an organization that has exemplified excellence in so many initiatives to better the health, education, and community development of many of India's poor.

My interest in public health grew from my increasing frustration with the rigidity that most of my STEM course work presented in its curriculum. I had long been in love with the intricate and fascinating nature of biology and human physiology, but when it came to keeping my medical aspirations in perspective, I found that I was not satisfied with how narrow and exclusively STEM-focused my future was looking. Courses on medical anthropology, sociology, inequality, and health care had captured my attention with its holistic approach to understanding the socioeconomic and environment determinants to health. I found that I was beginning to become interested in more than just the biomedical body, but that the same passion that had once driven me to study neurobiology was now enveloping a new desire to understand health and all that impacts it, on a global scale. If you want to hear more about my pre-med existential crisis, feel free to hit me up about it because there's still plenty more episodes to come!

SVYM has been instrumental in working to improve health conditions in communities all across Karnataka state for over thirty years. Their attention to detail, commitment to grassroots initiatives and raising the voices of tribal communities, and understanding of the vast complexities that exist in a rapidly developing country has continued to amaze and stun me. For the next two weeks, we are incredibly fortunate to be taking classes from the Vivekananda Institute of Indian Studies with SVYM on everything from Indian Culture and Civilization, Gender Studies, Global Health and Labor Economics, and Kannada.

My favorite by far, has been the Global Health classes. Each lecture has been incredibly eye-opening and informative about the public health system in India. For a country of 1.3 billion people, there exists a system designed to serve the primary, secondary, and tertiary level health care needs that strives to deliver free, accessible, and quality treatment. I'm not going to go into the entire structure, but at the primary level, there are three main lines of defense: ASHAs (Accredited Social Health Activists), sub-district centers, and primary health centers (PHC). These institutions and the staff that run them are responsible for overseeing tens of thousands of people who otherwise cannot afford private health care.

We had the privilege of visiting an urban PHC and talking with the medical and nursing staff, as well as the ASHAs. The medical officer (the senior doctor who runs the PHC) sees anywhere from 70-100 patients per day and provides diagnostics, basic lab services, immunizations, and other basic treatment services. However, it was the ASHAs, all women dressed in pink saris that caught my attention. Their work had been described to us in class as being the first resources for any community. They were members of the communities they were chosen to serve and were responsible for an enormous amount of responsibilities. ASHAs are all married mothers, who bear the task of acting as health educators, messengers who remind patients of upcoming check-ups, consultants, and maternal health workers. For so much work, ASHAs are guaranteed no pay. They only receive incentives for successfully completing tasks, like ensuring a mother attends pre- and ante-natal care with the public system, as well as delivering the baby with the public institution. A growing trend of mothers utilizing ASHA services but ultimately delivering their children at private institutions has negatively impacted many of these ASHAs - for if they will not be paid if the mother does not ultimately stay within the public system. All five ASHAs present at the PHC expressed their discontent with the salary and payment system - and revealed to us that they had organized and were fighting to receive better financial security.

These were not the only issues with the public health system. All along the public health institutional structure, there are staff and supply shortages that need to constantly be met. We learned the extent of these shortages - particularly with doctors, specialists, and health staff - in class and it brought up several questions: what has the Indian government done so far to encourage more medical students to take up these posts? Are we seeing more medical students express and pursue interests in public health?

Despite plans to make public service compulsory for medical graduates and a growing need for public health health workers, the current answer is that we will always be looking at these shortages unless something changes. Commonly, the private sector or international opportunities lure talent and brainpower away from these public positions. I felt frustration at this until I realized that all around the world - including the US - this is a phenomenon that occurs over and over. I had entered into the premed track with the intention of pursuing a medical career in neurosurgery that would take me to the top, cutting-edge hospitals. The thought of it is alluring and hard to resist. No matter how strong your conviction is in medicine and helping to save lives, the very real need to be practical can't be ignored. With rising tuition bills, increased concerns over getting into medical schools, and general economic worries, it would be ridiculous to not admit that financial stability was an enticing factor.

But this work is important, irregardless of the money it pays or doesn't pay. Public health is the active fight to protect and ensure the health of our communities. It is concerned with every determinant of health that exists, beyond the biomedical lens. Public health is involved in politics, in social justice, in environmental issues, in the ways that we treat each other on a day to day basis. The gravity of this work is not lost on me - we learn from SVYM and VIIS every day about the complexities of delivering and supporting initiatives that have not reached communities that need it most. Beyond all the sight-seeing and colorful tourism, I don't feel that I am mistaken in saying that the strongest impression that my experience in India will leave me with is the reaffirmation of my passion for service and healthcare. Only a week in, and I've been given an amazing chance to work alongside one of the most amazing NGOs I've ever heard of, and I can't wait to see what comes next.

I will continue to document the next two months and keep you all updated on my embarrassing experiences and all that I will learn. I am just as, if not more, awkward of an international tourist/student as I am a domestic citizen/student. Until the next extravagantly long post in which I will probably say something cliche and sappy again, I'm wishing all of you love and happiness.

Matte siguva (See you again), Winnie

PS: I've never flown Emirates before this trip, but after flying Emirates, it's all I want to fly again. This has little relevance to the rest of my experience but I finally watched Dr. Strange, Tangled, and Up and yes, I did cry during Up even though I've seen Carl and Ellie's story like 87 times because I am an utter wreck of emotions and a hopeless romantic at heart.

PPS: How on earth I got through this entire post without mentioning food is beyond me. The food is delicious and I am adjusting to going vegetarian for the summer. My spice tolerance is slowly building but I am slightly scared because apparently my next work site, the food is spicier than it is here and no matter how much I like the food here, I am currently craving grilled cheese sandwiches and my mother's cooking. Please send food.

PPPS: I am V MAD because Tropicana has been holding out on us because did you know they have lychee juice here??? I did not. Also Tropicana Slice Mango juice is to DIE for and you will catch me drinking this by the gallon if I could.

PPPPS: This is my last post-script, for now.

[geekade]

Legion of Spoilers - Chapter 1

This past Wednesday, FX finally premiered the long-awaited Legion, written and produced by Fargo’s Noah Hawley. Although the show is based on the lesser-known character from the X-Men universe, Hawley has described it as an adaptation built on the same foundation as the original’s volatile powers and identity.

Chapter 1 opens with a montage of scenes of David Haller's (Dan Stevens) childhood. The sequence starts innocently enough, with moments that could have been plucked from any family album in mid-century middle America, before progressing through increasingly chaotic scenes that hint at the scope of David's powers and instability. The series appears to have taken a page from Breaking Bad, adopting a saturated and vivid palette in which each color has its own significance. Take the opening two scenes: the montage and the hospital visit. David's early childhood is rendered with the nostalgia of sepia and pastels. As his powers grow and the whispers grow louder, everything darkens, the lighting deepening to more ominous shades that culminate in his attempted suicide. He vanishes downward, leaving only darkness bisected by an orange electric cord.

In the next scene, David has risen from the bottom of the frame and is dressed in a lighter palette, the earth tones that recur throughout the psychiatric hospital where he is being treated for paranoid schizophrenia. Even his hair is lighter. Sitting opposite him is a woman later identified as his sister, Amy (Katie Aselton), clad in bright green and navy blue that pop incongruously against the wan décor of the visiting room and David’s more muted shades. She offers him the saddest birthday cupcake of all time, which becomes improbably sadder when a guard denies David even a taste of chocolatey goodness. The visit ends abruptly when an orderly announces it's time for his next pill, and before he leaves the table, David mutters to his bewildered visitor, "Something new needs to happen soon."

And then it does: David spots a new inmate. Sydney Barrett (Rachel Keller) picks her way through the ward, anxiously and assiduously avoiding physical contact. Smitten immediately, he offers her Twizzlers stolen from his (understandably miffed) ward buddy Lenny (Aubrey Plaza). Thus begins a charming and innocent courtship conducted over evening skylines and cherry pie. But the time is already out of joint: One moment David is standing to receive his pill, and the next an orderly is pushing him along in a wheelchair. It's unclear how much time has passed between those two shots, or since his sister's visit. The transition – so seamless I initially missed it – sets up a series of cuts worthy of Billy Pilgrim’s Tralfamadorian time-jumps.

By his own admission, David is an unreliable narrator. Dogged by voices and visions of a creepy Humpty-Dumpty demon (The Devil with Yellow Eyes), his grip on reality is tenuous at best. That he is aware of this does nothing to help ground him or viewers. The first chapter doesn’t so much play out as it assembles a disorienting collage of non-linear moments. It’s nearly perpetually unclear whether we're seeing the present, a flashback (that is, an accurate depiction of a past event), a memory (an event as recorded by the notoriously unreliable human brain), a hallucination or dream, an alternate timeline, or some cocktail of all of the above. I have a theory about what happened but you probably have one too, and it’s anybody’s guess how well that squares with David Haller’s (or Noah Hawley’s) chronology.

One moment David and Sydney are sharing a quiet evening, and the next David is hunched over a candy-apple red table in a very white room. Now in civilian clothes, he’s being questioned by a polished official in a brown suit (Hamish Linklater) while a sinister whittler with a weird eye (Mackenzie Gray) lurks at the edges of the room. By degrees, the interrogation – intercut with what we'll call flashbacks – reveals that David possesses telepathic and telekinetic powers, that the latter tend to manifest spectacularly in moments of great stress, and that something very bad happened at the hospital. That incident – which coincided with Sydney's discharge from the hospital – killed Lenny, shook the building to its foundation, and sealed every patient behind doorless walls.

Only it wasn’t Sydney who was discharged: When they kissed each other goodbye, Sydney and David switched bodies, and David's mind emerged from the hospital in Sydney's body. Several scenes later, David's body somehow catches up while "Sydney" is sitting in an outdoor café. He makes his way to his sister's place on what turns out to be Halloween and eats every waffle in the house before retiring to the basement to apologize to a hallucination of his former ward buddy. At least, you assume it's a hallucination until David's sister pops in to check up on him and the camera shows Lenny’s reflection in a nearby mirror. Silent and motionless, Lenny watches as David crouches over the fragments of a (telekinetically) shattered lamp and his sister absconds with every nearby sharp implement as diplomatically as possible.

David snaps back to the interrogation to find he's been moved to a filled swimming pool rigged with high voltage cables. In true Bond villain fashion, his interrogator looms over him brandishing a kill switch; and in true Bond villain fashion, he and all his henchmen are incinerated in a near-cosmic conflagration that leaves the building (and of course David) untouched. The explosion announces the arrival of a rescue team led by (who else?) Syd Barrett, who takes them to a boat launch where Melanie Bird (Jean Smart) awaits. After one last leer from the Devil with Yellow Eyes, David takes Ms. Bird's hand, and – what do you mean the next episode isn’t for another week?!

Show runner Noah Hawley is in his usual fine form, with every line, shot, cut, and costume composed with the rigor of Fargo and the panache of The Unusuals. Catchy and eclectic soundtracks are another Hawley trademark, and here as well Legion lives up to its predecessors. The aesthetic genuflects to Pink Floyd even as the show defies viewers to place it in a recognizable historical moment. This appears to be intentional as well, both as a world-building and thematic choice: Asking when all this happens or whether it even happens in our universe distracts us from the more material how. Unfortunately every potential answer to the latter is terrifying; sharing David’s sense of dislocation is less frightening than considering he is in possession of an immense power that he cannot control.

We all construct our own realities, but what happens when you can bend reality – whether you want to or not? What happens when you can’t know whether your delusions manipulate your perceptions or the actual fabric of space-time? David’s power unmoors him from every dimension we rely on to make sense of our experiences – but of course, that’s the point. The combination of his power and mental illness keep him at a remove, inspiring a fear that reaches past allies and enemies into the world we like to call real. I wouldn’t want to have his power, but I can’t wait to see what he’ll do with it next.

QUOTES

"My 260th Thursday as a passenger on the cruise ship Mental Health."

"Do you...wanna be my girlfriend?"

"Okay. But don't touch me." "Okay." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Okay."

"If he so much as farts too loud, we're moving to Level Two."

"Don't give a newbie a bazooka and then act surprised when she blows shit up."

"What's so funny?" "I'm insane, you idiot. This is my delusion."

ODDS & ENDS

Full disclosure: I haven’t read the Legion comics, although I have done some Internet research in preparation for the series. Any references to the comics will be sourced and linked for comics fans who care to check my work. If you haven’t read the comics either, CBR has a pretty good primer.

Hawley has said the show won’t be a blow-by-blow recreation of Legion’s history or arcs, but he is trying to do justice to Sienkiewicz’s signature visual style. (Related: The Hair has been promised.)

So far, the only nod to the X-Men aside from the X in the show's title card is the yellow and blue color scheme of David’s pajamas. Hawley has suggested that the show takes place in one of X-Men’s alternate universes, but the title card suggests that the two worlds will eventually collide.

I will not pretend to have any idea what was up with that dance sequence, but if you’re interested, it was set to “Pauvre Lola” by Serge Gainsbourg.

The other two songs featured prominently were The Who’s “Happy Jack” (the opening montage) and The Rolling Stones’ “She’s a Rainbow” (David and Syd’s courtship). And yes, Sydney is named after Pink Floyd’s Syd Barrett.

Legion opened with several Hawley show alum, and I’m hoping for more. The most notable appearances in this chapter are Jean Smart and Rachel Keller, who starred in Season 2 of Fargo as Floyd and Simone Gerhardt. Mackenzie Gray and Brad Mann have also appeared in Fargo and Hamish Linklater is slated for Season 3.

Other notable cast members: Aubrey Plaza and Dan Stevens. Stevens played Matthew Crawley on Downtown Abbey. Plaza is probably best known for April Ludgate in Parks & Recreation and Daria in a briefly viral CollegeHumor trailer, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn she also voiced deadpan creepytwin Eska on The Legend of Korra.

Hawley is a fan of Kurt Vonnegut and is also working on adapting Cat’s Cradle for FX.

The ambulance parked in front of Clockworks after the incident bears the name Calvino, no doubt a nod to postmodern novelist Italo Calvino. My eyes are now peeled for a sly reference to The Nonexistent Knight.

The character debuted in 1985, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Bill Sienkiewicz. In the comics, David Haller/Legion suffers from multiple personality disorder – his name is based on the biblical story in which a group of demons possessing a human identify themselves as Legion – and each personality controls a different power. I think something similar is going on in the show (more on that in Fan Theories).

FAN THEORIES, or WHAT THE HELL I THINK IS GOING ON

I don’t believe Sydney Barrett is real. Ditto for Rudy (Brad Mann) [I may have gotten the name wrong, but the telekinetic dude in black tactical wear]. My theory is that Sydney is a psychokinetic projection of one of David’s latent personalities, and that Rudy is either psychokinetic or hallucinatory projection of another latent personality. This would explain why Lenny and Dr. Kissinger both see Sydney, why David kissing her generates a concussive energy wave (as David suddenly adopts Sydney’s body and leaves a psychokinetic projection of David behind), and how David finds himself – body and mind – sitting in a chair previously occupied by “Sydney.” Both Sydney and Rudy demonstrate powers we already know David to possess – telepathy and telekinesis, respectively.

The nature of David’s illness prevents him from recognizing these projections as aspects of his own mind.

I’m on the fence about Ptonomy (Jeremie Harris) and Kerry (Amber Midthunder). It’s 50/50 between them being additional latent personalities OR employees of Melanie Bird (whose existence I’m buying for the time being). They don’t seem to possess any mutant powers, but they do speak in a slightly stilted manner that seems more imagined than natural.

At least some of David’s hallucinations aren’t hallucinations. He possesses the ability to reach into parallel universes (mentally if not physically) and what looks like unreality to viewers and squares is actually David accessing a world of (if you will) alternative facts. That Lenny’s reflection appears in a mirror that is out of David’s line of sight suggests to me that her existence is not a quirk of rogue brain chemistry.

Chronology: David is sharing a house with girlfriend Philly and several housemates. After a bad fight, Philly storms off and David retreats to the kitchen, where his tumultuous emotions manifest in a poltergeist-type phenomenon that gives us a glimpse of The Devil with the Yellow Eyes. Shortly afterward he laces up an electric cord and tries to hang himself, which leads to his six-year occupancy of the Clockworks Psychiatric Hospital. The cupcake visit occurs in the fifth year of his tenure; after a time jump of less than a year he meets and befriends Syd Barrett. In the latter’s form he eventually convinces Dr. Kissinger to discharge them, performs the psychokinetic switch described above, and escapes the facility in year six. Nevertheless, the stress of Syd’s “departure” provokes the incident that kills Lenny and seals the ward. After approximately a week of freedom, David calls the hospital hoping to talk to Syd, only to be told that they have no record of any such patient. Ptonomy and Kerry try to pick him up, only to be intercepted by The Eye and his SWAT minions. David comes to in the interrogation room, vanishes his lunch tray, blows shit up, and gets knocked out and removed to the pool. From there he musters some nasty pyrokinesis and makes his daring escape.

Every color signifies something. Pastels and sepia tones are childhood memories. Earth tones (muted oranges, yellows, and dull greens) recur throughout Clockworks, both on the inmates and in the décor. Syd’s overcoat and kerchief are also orange, suggesting she is inextricable from Clockworks even after she leaves. However, she carries a bright green suitcase which echoes the lime and then Kelly greens sported Amy Haller; these shades only appear on those free to leave the hospital. David is wearing gray when he loses control, first in the shared house kitchen and again during what I affectionately call the InterroBang. Fittingly, his latent personalities wear black – Sydney’s track jacket is black, as are the clothes she’s wearing the day she leaves the hospital. Dead Lenny is wearing a black tank top under beige overalls, a manifestation that he didn’t create from whole cloth because alive Lenny was real. The last colors that jumped out at me are also the hardest to parse: white and red. Both the interrogation room and the orderlies’ uniforms include broad, geometrically rigid blocks of white. I have no idea what this means. And when David exercises his power with great force, a lurid red glow suffuses the screen. This red glow also silhouettes the dog(?) sitting in a kennel in the government facility where David is interrogated, implying an as-yet unrevealed connection. Red also seems to accompany moments of profound anxiety, reverie, or dislocation: It features prominently in the house kitchen counters, the café tables and chairs, and of course the table in the interrogation room.