#the amount of repression he has to be going through rn

[presumeddeaddie]

we really had evan ‘buck’ iconic-line-of “well, uh, wish i could help” buckley. newly realized bisexual buck talking to his sexy male best friend about his sexy male best friend’s sex life and about how pent up said sexy friend feels, while this same sexy bff aggressively uses a bench as a prop to… “squat” quickly, up and down, and buck’s only response to all of this is “well, uh, wish i could help”??????? i—

[raspbeyes]

Lil drdt ep12 review/complaint, fresh off the skillet

So I JUST finished the new ep and I am so happy we can continue this story after its hiatus and appreciate the effort put into it again!! Again, these are my initial thoughts, but I felt this issue persistently through this new ep

I feel like the contents of the case were not discussed enough. Whoever that killer is (obv not david) is having a blast by how much this cast would rather dry out their dirty laundry than focus THAT AREI *JUST DIED*!!

But even if this is likely in character for the cast, since a lot of major things happen between the group aside from the main murder in this trial, it still hinders the story itself

Like through the whole thing I was waiting for David to stop confessing his repressed romantic feelings for Xander attempting to confuse everyone for the millionth time and just have teurko or Charles or anyone cut in and discuss the overwhelming amount of unexplained evidence and incidents - like the laundry stuff or nico and ace or THE FISHIES. Less apologies and explanations of misguiding the trial and more looking for alibis pleassseee how did we spend the start of a 22 ep discussing the lack of alibis and end it with still no alibis

It could be the hiatus brain talking rn, so who knows how this ep feels watching it back to back (who knows, maybe this is just how most drdt, or just dr trials go), but for this chapter to be even longer for what is only the second trial of the game has me worried for longevity of the project. It feels to me, right now, that ch 2 is getting a bit bloated in trying to juggle all these ideas

There def is a lot dropped about david, and I'm sure there can be a lot to be speculated of all the confusing things he has said to help with the larger picture but I wish that info was saved for the post trial or post execution instead

Anyway happy drdt is back regardless and very hyped for more content :>

[dukeoftheblackstar]

Why do you even like Plo?

This is like asking me why I breathe, nonnie <": But let me try and answer this as sensible as possible ♥

Plo Koon is 385-years old

Imagine the sheer amount of knowledge in that squishy, cute head of his and you decide that of all the questions you could ask, you decided to go with whether he'd still love you if you were a worm. (1) Plo would either give you the laziest, most resigned 'Yes, dear' and go back to his naps ♥ or ... (2) Plo would exasperatedly sigh over the fact that you test his resolve in this silly, little, questions and give you the same resounding, 'No, I will not" and you will crack at it for the 128391231923th time.

There is nothing he probably can't do or know a thing or two about. Bet you my left lung that man can knit like a god.

There will always be a fine line between days of keeping himself (1) fit — which means I need to buckle tf up before I combust seeing this old man fuck someone up and be cool-dad about it <": (2) Lazy Days with Plo is my jam ♥ <-

Plo is discreet sassy. I'd go over this but I will need a year.

Plo Koon is Old Money.

If you don't know what that is, babe. Let me tell you when I say you're missing out. if you have been following me or have seen all my shit posts and tags on the Plo Koon / Kel Dor / Dorin tags, old man knees are fabulous — let me tell you why. (1) In a modern setting/au, he will enjoy short or maybe long walks that are not stressful. Will he walk under the blazing heat because the day looks great? No, neither would you bestie so sit tf down ♥ (2) Everything is made for comfort. Fuck the vow of poverty because when when you be rocking like a proper Balenciaga Sugar Daddy while traversing the Underworld, you best believe Daddy Plo be loaded AF. We're talking the Egyptian Cotton Sheets,

Plo Koon is one you would not want to shut up. Ever. At all. Like. Babe. If you ever shush this man. I will hunt you down, huntie ♥

'Ts my favorite thing in the world ♥

Plo Koon has wholesome sassy chaotic gae friends.

Plo Koon just too pure for this world ♥

Now please watch that last gif on loop and tell me that that does not make you feel things because babe, if it doesn't... Idk man. You need to get them eyes checked ♥

But in all seriousness, my love for Plo Koon is because we don't always get wholesome characters that live long and it makes you wonder what life would have been like if he did.

I'm always fascinated by age apart from it being so damn sexy.

You hear talks about clones and their strife on how hard it is being the remaining survivor and I don't want to invalidate that. Not at all. But imagine having to relieve that through centuries. Imagine how someone like Plo, who has so much appreciation for life and everything both having spent at least a few years of his life at Dorin and him returning to become a Baran Do Sage, only to constantly practice the lack of attachment?

I'm not saying that's bad or conflicting, but imagine all the things he had to repress to fulfill his purpose both as a Sage and a Jedi. And he's smart, super damn smart. Someone who's smart with a guarded heart is a lie. His heart isn't guarded, he hurts. But he he has to swallow that because he has a role to fulfill.

I could go on so much about why I find him so interesting but I'm stuck in a bad vibe rn and all I can say is I love him so much because I want him to rest? Like hello?

Let that man take his goddamn afternoon nap and teas? And for someone so loved as a wholesome character, he's slept on and frankly, I don't like that.

Plus, I bet you Kel Dors got big dicks, so there's also that. ktnxbye.

[twig-gy]

so i already know it’s going to be like. a collection of scenes. but

1) longterm. how will we make scenes interesting every time? how will we make the relationship develop and make that clear? i can’t just have ‘argument-slightly okay interaction-argument’ the whole (pun) time i need to think it through a little.

okay so aside here: once as one of my extremely few longfics i was writing fic called ‘love-hate’ which is basically soulmate au where you can’t think ill of your soulmate/not for long at least so it would be bkdk developing into an extremely toxic relationship. and i REALIZED. i wasn’t actually developing the relationship meaningfully! i was just making deku angst scenes! which like okay, cool, but That Was Not The Point. so i find it cool that these projects are basically ‘a collection of scenes showing how whatever relationship develops without focus on A Plot or anything’. and i need to learn from that and make my scenes more directed which will be hard because I Hate Outlining. No. but sometimes i do need to think it through!! which is what i’m doing rn!!

2) shortterm WHAT SCENE IS COMING NEXT. HELP. AAA. ooo wait i could break up the mind-heart interaction with mind asking help for once….. however i feel mind would only Ask For Help at some sort of breaking point. that has to be a climactic moment i think……..

okay so what To Do Then. well obviously he attempts to put his new thesis of ‘don’t bully heart every millisecond of the day’ in practice. but in what way does he do that, also make that interesting perhaps????? hmmm maybe like he tries to help heart out of depression instead of diss track

also Side Note. pretty sure this is ooc. like in Just Apathy he’s trying to help heart? but no actually, rembering just apathy i don’t think that was really true??? aughhh i’m remembering why i hate writing because CHARACTERIZATION. i’m so scared and afraid i cannot write the thing in a way which is canon* so.

anyway let’s try to get back to point 2. shortterm. because i need to write something. well should i actually try to outline scenes???? i Really do not want to. outlining = distasteful (such a mind word btw).

so i don’t have to post this so i’ll just have a few basic ideas of what could transpire

mind realizes maybe bullying bad idea, instead try to coax heart -> possibly go back to old patterns/instinctively argue/forgor his thesis

i mean like. what will i get out of This Scene In Specific. that’s probably an important question. like how is this scene going to help the “”plot””?

i don’t want to think about this ughh why do I have to ask Myself these questions. ug i guess i’ll just find out for myself /reference

an easy idea is just. he realizes this Is Not Going To Be Ez GG. so there’s that. is that enough for a scene? hm

or just have him like. boiling with repressed anger the entire time as he tries to Interact Normally. just the whole time he’s like ‘okay he’s fine. i’m fine. i shouldn’t insult him. i need to remain calm and cordial. okay. this is fine’. that would be a teeheemaxxing idea

i think we’ve reached the Main Question, the longterm question again, ‘how will we make scenes interesting every time? how will we make the relationship develop and make that clear?’ because i need to figure that out if we’re to find that golden hue /reference Okay unnecessary reference aside. we need to figure that out if we are going to figure out the scene’s purpose. so we need to somehow show a sense of growth through the whole (pun) fic

okay but How. could you please imagine a big whiteboard right now. and the only thing on it is the word ‘HOW?’ circled thrice in very big handwriting. jeez guys this is a lil tricky….. a lil difficult, an unreal question if you will, hard to figure out, catastrophically challenging (2 at the same time!), not a medium amount of hard, horrific and nowhere near easy… i’m going insane it’s just so terrifying, even tho i know that’s an extreme reaction, i can’t help it being intense bc this question is just so remorseless and i hope i don’t have to cut my hopes down to nil….

so if you didn’t get that completely unnecessary reference those were jtoh difficulty names bc jtoh difficulties are easy (a bit harder than mega fun obby), medium (ooo wraps?? whar??), hard (okay getting a bit tricky now..), difficult (this is where it starts to get real with all the jumps), challenging (actually becoming spooky now), intense (big jump from challenging), remorseless (gameplay becomes even tighter, ridiculous wraps), and then sc difficulties which are insane, extreme, terrifying, and catastrophic, then we have the difficulties so hard they aren’t canon: horrific, unreal, nil

diatribe aside i need to get answer. i kinda just wanna Write And Then Figure It Out but it’s not like answers will miraculously appear to me that way???

hm. so i was planning to have them have lots of difficulties (pun) with this, setbacks, and i was trying to think of a way to justify that… but maybe i don’t have to give each and every one a purpose, besides showing … well that it’s hard! and that they’ve been arguing for so long it’s hard to figure out how not to. and that even when you’re trying your best, you can still lapse into old, destructive patterns, but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed, nor that your progress has gone away. there’s still hope, there always is. you’re trying, and that’s all you need at the end of the day

and this is fanfic, which like. i don’t have to give every scene a reason? that sounds bad but well. i don’t have to be so serious about it?

what i’ve learned from this diatribe: writing is hard and i am confused

if you read it all and are interested in what i’m writing PLEASE SAY SOMETHING I LOVE PEER VALIDATION‼️‼️‼️‼️ also go to my ao3 if you dare………….

[carlos-in-glasses]

same anon from this post, thank u for giving us the room for this discussion!! <3

you and i are the same in that i really hate it when things are left up to our interpretation, in my mind i'd just automatically assumed the worst just so i can avoid being disappointed again. i'd also talked myself into accepting that it could be in reference to carlos and iris rather than the other way around, but the lack of closure/clarity is genuine killing me and i hate that it very well could be left unaddressed in future eps, which is why i'm trying to bury it now and just pretend it hadn't happened

i didn't particularly get any...closure, per say on tk's end so far, and i would've been okay with the angst if carlos wasn't such a jerk to tk the whole time. i guess it's why i've struggled so much getting through the first 3 eps, and rn i'm dreading 404 even though i've seen so many ppl getting excited over it. i really do hope this was set up in a way that 404 would be cathartic and also a great time for them to address the amount of shit tk was put through in the past eps, but i'm also trying to manage my expectations here

i do also think this is why ppl are struggling in this ep - we've never seen them so un-synced (for lack of a better word) with each other before, what with carlos being so focused on his mission and tk buried in his own guilt spiral and also his worry for carlos. and i really wished they'd talked to each other rather than letting this play out for angst purposes, if the payoff wasn't worth it in the end. bc angst is only done well if it's cathartic imo.

also, i hope this is a journey of carlos acknowledging his faults (e.g. lying, avoiding, repressing, pretending) and working towards them (like tk's arc), bc its honestly getting really exhausting time and time again seeing tk being shut out without any closure. it's going to be painful, and ugly, and confronting buried feelings that he didn't know was possible to feel, but i do hope he's going to get to a place where he stops running from his past in order to move forward into his future with the help of tk, and them working towards this as a team 🥹🥹 i love him and i'm exhausted and he needs to get his shit together (and i meant this in the nicest way possible).

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I’m just not wired to be cool with things that leave me with lots of questions. I don’t necessarily need shows to be super on-the-nose with things, but I can struggle with ambiguity when it comes to something like this. I definitely stand by something I said in a previous answer, which is I wish the ‘I love you’ moment could have had a little more too it. It wouldn’t have to be anything major, just a stronger ‘I love you too’ would do, or something dramatic like, ‘I want you know I don’t blame you, TK…I only blame…myself!’ and then he hangs up. Soapy as hell, but then we’d know! For me, having TK go feral while looking for Carlos who has been kidnapped by a serial killer would be plenty of angst on its own, without the additional angst of a rift between them. But this is the hand we have been dealt.

I’m sorry you’re dreading 4x04 though. I’m excited for it because I’m trusting Ronen. I hope it far exceeds your expectations and you love it – you deserve to love it! Even if it leaves some things lacking, it really should still be cathartic after what’s happened so far, because we know they’ll be reunited and the wedding planning will properly commence. We know they will be back in sync – maybe more so than ever. Maybe the show will play that up. We know it can do Tarlos extremely well, hence we love Tarlos so much, and they do usually feel like a team.

And your last para – yes, I agree. It’s exhausting when a character doesn’t grow and it’s invigorating when they do, and it does seem to me like the set up is for growth to happen. It doesn’t seem possible for Carlos to go through what he’s going through now, as a direct result of his past, and come out of it pretending nothing ever happened. Again, we know growth is something the show can do well, for instance contrasting season 1 TK against season 3 TK.

I think with Tim at the helm, the show has taken a risk this season and (at the time of writing this response anyway) it isn’t paying off the way they’d hoped and some damage control and reactiveness seems to be happening. My takeaway wish from all this is: the creators and writers also grow from the backlash and bring a season 5 that still has plenty of drama but handled in a different way, ie. a disaster that TK and Carlos truly do face as a team. Or something that is less reliant on angst between them. (I want to emphasise this is my wish, which may well not align with anyone else’s). This can all be absolutely fixed – either in the next episode or beyond.

[aetheternity]

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most.. totally wasn’t crying while thinking of this shdjf

(Not gonna lie had to read this request a couple times cause I was confused. Hope this is what Anon wanted.)

Erwin

•Being a commander he'd seen way too many people die but never had he ever been this close to one of them.

•When his S/O passed away he'd spent most of his time in his office, burying himself in insane amounts of paperwork.

•Probably isolates from Hange and Levi for a while as well.

•That is until his S/O's memories start to pop up in his head.

•At first he thinks he's just lucid dreaming but soon the "dreams" become too realistic to ignore.

He's listening to his S/O laughing at his corny jokes again.

He's seeing his S/O pout at him when he's still in his office after hours.

His S/O's smile shines so bright and so deep he can practically reach out to touch them all over again.

•After the third occurrence of these "dreams" he's going to Hange.

Levi immediately tells him he's gone insane.

Hange is definitely laughing the second he brings up the idea that his S/O's memories were transferred to him.

(Kinda weird how judgey they are when they fight man eating giants and have a literal titan on their team but ok.)

•More people find out and of course they don't take it too seriously but Erwin always feels his heart race when he gets a new memory of his S/O.

•He'd put his head down on his desk. Or lay back in his chair to watch every bit of it unfold.

•He's slowly repressed the image of his S/O's bloodied corpse from weeks prior. The sound of their screams and replaced them with every memory he now possesses from them.

•They're his little gifts.

Pieck

•She's got pictures of her S/O in so many different situations all over the place. In her titan, in her room, some kept in her wallet.

•Hasn't taken down not one since they died.

•Probably started contributing less to any conversations she had with any of her fellow comrades.

•Tho Reiner and Porco refuse to leave her side for too long.

She'll ask them for an hour alone and less than a minute after the hour is up there they are.

They just know how painful these kinds of situations are and even if Pieck's not crying in front of them they can see the pain in her eyes.

•She's secretly glad for their support.

•When she starts seeing her S/O's memories she probably cries the first couple times.

Doesn't tell Porco and Reiner or anyone for that matter until they walk in on her sobbing her eyes out while holding something precious of her S/O's

Porco thinks she's lost it but Reiner is immediately trying to reason and understand what she thinks she's seeing.

•Slowly but surely she's allowing herself to feel everything she'd been holding back once she sees her S/O squeezing the life out of a cute stuffed bear she'd gotten them. The smile on their face etched into her memory all over again.

•Everyone is definitely still confused about what she thinks she's seeing because she didn't.. eat her S/O???? But they've grown to just accept it.

Mikasa

•This girl has spent weeks after her S/O died in a state of Libero

•She's there but she's not there.

•It shows on her face to Eren and Armin but like everyone else is kinda just seeing the normal Mikasa.

•As soon as she has nothing going on. She's in bed under the covers or sitting at her S/O's grave.

Falls asleep there from time to time and has to be brought back inside. (Probably by Jean/Armin.)

•When she starts to see her S/O's memories she's kinda awestruck.

Sees her S/O falling asleep on her shoulder but it's not from her point of view??

She's so confused but for the first time since the night after she couldn't save them she actually sleeps through the whole night.

The beautiful memory of her S/O's hair flowing in the wind now a distant memory.

•She wakes up to her tears staining her pillow, hair a wild mess and Armin and Eren standing over her.

She'd managed to over sleep somehow.

•When she tells Armin and Eren they're skeptical to say the least. Armin is trying to figure out how something like that could be possible while Eren is doubting it and saying Mikasa was dreaming.

•But to her it was so real.

•She'd felt her S/O for the first time since they’d died so many weeks ago. Somehow.

Armin

•Armin is breaking down left and right.

Sometimes over breakfast

Sometimes after training

•Poor boy is a hot mess. He can't get those screams out of his head. Watching your body slowly crumble away. Your blood spilling over the ground as a titan devoured your quickly draining corpse.

•Sometimes he just holds his head in his arms and rocks back and forth.

He couldn't do anything and now you're gone for good.

•He's got titan memories sure but after a while yours start to pop into his head too.

•He loses his breath as he sees you in his arms again, nuzzling into his chest laughing into his skin.

•He just breaks down again.

•He's like.. "explaining" what he's seeing to the rest of the squad through like tears and muttled breaths and everyone except Mikasa is all like 🤔🤨

•And then Mikasa translates and she's like, "He's seeing his S/O's memories.

•Literally no one has the heart to tell him that it makes no sense. The poor boy's been a mess for weeks. 😭

•They kinda just.. all accept it and like Eren even starts to ask what Armin had seen that day or that night.

•Eventually they think either Armin is really keeping up this charade or he's genuinely got his S/O's memories lodged in his noggin with Berthot's

•And honestly it's better this way because he's functioning so much better now.

Levi

•Spends the first couple weeks being oddly silent.

•He's buried in paperwork anytime anyone sees him in his office. (Like Erwin)

•Erwin and Hange made an attempt. And by attempt I mean Hange went in when Erwin told her to just leave Levi alone and Levi kicked her to the curb.

•Boy gets all soft late at night. Curled up in his chair with the pillow his S/O slept on and his eyes full of tears. Rocking himself as he envisions their voice, their hands..

•And then suddenly he's not anymore

•They're in his memories!

Or well.. their memories are in him.

•He's watching them cry about tough training as they curl into his lap.

•He's seeing their eyes sparkle as he hands them tea.

•If it were possible to hug a memory he would.

•He's not telling a living soul about these memories that aren't his popping into his brain

Because he doesn't need to be told he's probably imagining it.

Because he's got something beautiful to hold on to

Because they're his soulmates precious last gifts to him and they'll die with him.

•Hange definitely finds out something though but oddly enough she's as chill as she can be.

•Levi's little secret is safe with her.

[caneannabelle]

ok hi guys. it’s been a while. i wrote this analysis back when Mag 187 aka Checking Out aka The One Where Helen Dies first came out and literally ever since i’ve posted it i’ve wanted to redo it because it feels. lacking. listen if there’s one thing i hate it’s incomplete media analysis and i must right my wrongs lest i be forced to look upon myself and crumble from within. that being said, i’ve been putting off this rewrite for a long long time bc Life Gets Weird. tldr this was written over the course of several months so i apologize for inconsistent quality. anyways let’s get into it!

part one: recap!

it’s been a while! let’s just go over what happened. the scene i wanna focus on in particular is this one:

VICTIM

You’ve got to help me!

ARCHIVIST

[Angrily] Don’t touch me!

[THE ARCHIVIST PULLS AWAY, AS THE VICTIM FALLS AND IS CRYING]

HELEN

Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?

(187).

that being said i’m gonna be kind of all over the place but! i do think that’s a good jumping off point.

part two (part one): disparaging everyone’s problematic fav

in my original post my point was that in reflexively reacting to a victim with disgust and anger jon inadvertently reveals the nature of his dedication to helping victims as ego driven, especially because this line is directly preceded by him asserting his moral high ground over helen as being a “protector” as opposed to her indulgence in destruction. what i’m saying is homeboy has a savior complex. honestly there’s a lot of evidence to support that claim but i think the most obvious example would be jordan kennedy. like.

JORDAN

…Yeah. But wrong. Sick.

What did you do to me?

ARCHIVIST

I helped you.

JORDAN

Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!

(184). to be clear it’s an action with a good intent! he just wants to help someone who once helped him! BUT it also demonstrates a lack of conscious empathy. i feel like i don’t have to argue this since jordan Literally vocally said he didn’t want this several times throughout the scene but the point remains that while jon’s intent is good the actual application of his saviourism removes the autonomy of those he affects. i’m not gonna touch on the “is it objectively immoral to become an oppressor for the sake of self preservation while existing within an extreme system in which all are oppressed regardless of your individual status” query mostly because i do not have the brainpower available rn to come to my own conclusion about systems of power and the way they’re represented in tma (which is a whole other rant tbh) but jon DOES rob jordan of the ability to come to his own conclusion in this debate and make his own choice, thereby removing his autonomy. you know. autonomy. free will. the thing that is central to jon’s internal conflicts. huh.

anyways i NEED to stress that i’m not saying that he’s the same as jonah or the web or even annabelle (although annabelle is a victim. no i don’t take constructive criticism). i just want to point out that his actions reflect a lack of understanding. while he’s able to empathize with the pain others experience and is eternally hyper- aware of it he is unable to view that pain through any lense besides his own and uses it in his cycle of self pity and blame, minimizing it at any point possible in the quickest way and Not prioritizing the wishes of the victim but instead the efficiency in decreasing his own guilt. anyways back to 187- both the victim and jordan are treated as props by jon (and helen) and once they serve their purpose in reaffirming the two’s sense of self are cast aside and ignored. ok from here i’m gonna get conceptual and self indulgent bc it’s my analysis and i get to bring up vague convoluted philosophy.

part two (part two): part two

let’s talk about the distortion for a sec. i refuse to believe helen and michael were both completely gone and it was just the distortion piloting their visage, mostly because… like that’s not what the text would indicate

HELEN

Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST

What happened?

HELEN

He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.

Lost my way.

(101). it’s heavily implied that there was SOME remainder of michael in there, even if the being wasn’t him. maybe i’m way off base here but the way i interpreted the implosion of michael was that it was driven by his inability to maintain the repressed resentment and anger he had for gertrude. like it’s pretty clear that some warped version of michael’s feelings were trapped inside of the distortion and i’d go as far as to say that they were integral to his formation as it. i’m gonna operate on the assumption that michael and helen are two separate beings here for a sec even though we know they’re not. As opposed to michael’s resentment for the archivist, helen actively sought refuge in the institute and from the small amount we saw of her Pre-Distortion it seems like her paranoia is internally directed. i think you could even say that while michael was caught in an eternal battle with the concept of connection, helen is caught in a battle with the concept of self. the point is that she thinks of jon in a less “The Archivist” sense and more as just That Guy who she had an intense connection with that one time.

ARCHIVIST

So… S-so what do you want?

HELEN

I don’t know. Helen liked you, so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.

(101). i would also like to point out that helen’s emergence as the distortion coincides with jon coming to terms with his identity as the archivist. parallels, baby! SO helen is a newly formed being that is grappling with the concept of her own existence and jon is reevaluating his understanding of identity as he comes to terms with the fact that he is turning into the thing he’s fighting against and this is all happening at the same time. live laugh love. stay with me here, i promise i’ll get back to 187. Throughout seasons 4 and 5 helen attempts to validate her own moral decisions via jon who she once saw herself in. conversely, jon sees both an image of what he could become AND arguably a representation of his past failure in her.

ARCHIVIST

It did. I think… I mean, you remember how I was back then, how paranoid. The Not!Sasha was there, and I could sense something wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t place it. It left me a suspicious wreck. Then when Helen Richardson came in, it seemed like… she was in the same place I was, but worse, further along. I thought, maybe if I could help her, that would mean… maybe I wasn’t beyond help?

(188). helen and jon lie at opposite ends of the same spectrum. both of them derive pleasure from the suffering of others

HELEN

Oh, John! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it.

ARCHIVIST

[Sadly] I know.

(187). needless to say that a LOT of jon's arc and the themes surrounding him focus on the concept of autonomy and addiction and i think it'd be fair to say that this component is an aspect of that. repressing these qualities is both a way of reaffirming his control and also just.. him trying to be what he perceives as Good, and season 5 is the point at which this comes to the forefront of his character- particularly the line between what is intrinsic and what he truly has control over. a battle of the concept of the self, if you will. while the two share similar traits, jon is intensely moralistic while helen indulges in a twisted sense of hedonism and both are fueled by an inability to expand their viewpoint. helen fully immerses herself within these qualities and intentionally blinds herself to any concepts of morality (indulgence), and jon actively pushes back on this as hard as he can and follows black and white moral framework (repression). this means that in order for their relationship to function he must either accept her, choosing to let go in his personal battle with autonomy OR she must break out of her worldview and conform to standards of human morality which goes against her own nature.

part three: questions i do not have the answer to

so. what does it all mean. WELL. 187 is the boiling point of all this tension. we know that helen relies on jon to validate her sense of self and we know that jon sees himself in helen, both past and present

HELEN

But that doesn’t make any sense. You barely met her. You had half an hour together, and she spent most of that ranting about mazes! She was positively delirious with paranoia!

ARCHIVIST

True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point.

HELEN

So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?

(187). I’d argue that 187 is demonstrative of jon’s inability to either fall into complete indulgence in intrinsic values that lack moral validity vs. maintain and image of self that does not conflict with the values he attempts to uphold in order to find internal satisfaction and yes both of those concepts are inherently egocentric as he bases his moral judgement on what he can justify to himself instead of what can be calculated via empathy. however. paired with the alternative (helen). is that BAD. is it inherently selfish to do what you perceive as good in order to feed your own savior complex? and if so, is it inherently selfish to indulge in destructive qualities as to not delude yourself? is honesty vs deception a black and white question? if not, where does helen even fall? in not deluding herself does she achieve a moral high ground? IS she deluding herself by denying the potential to be facetiously benevolent at the detriment of both her personal enjoyment and her honesty? does helen even posses the capability to repress her violent qualities? if she doesn't, does she have any autonomy? if she and jon are both inherently selfish and intentionally resistant to introspection, what makes them different? i do not have answers but i do think the text is meant to invoke these questions. i mean,

MICHAEL (STATEMENT)

There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those which revile it? Perhaps Gertrude believed so. Michael certainly did. He believed everything she told him.

(101).

part 5: conclusion

so once again. what does it all mean. well! even post helen’s death jon continues to fight for autonomy and preserve his moral worldview so. i think that probably indicates something good.

MARTIN

Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess.

ARCHIVIST

She didn’t even try.

(188). i honestly don’t have a thesis i just find it incredibly interesting how the themes surrounding these two intersect and play off of each other. anyways looping back to 187 i do think in a broad sense jon killing helen is representative of him choosing to stick by his convictions and keep fighting. i don’t have any good way to end this but thanks for sticking around during my self indulgent rambling!

[austennerdita2533]

I was doing some idle musing on Rory's boyfriends and Austen heroes, and what I came up with was that Jess is part Mr. Darcy and part Frederick Wentworth, and Logan is part Henry Crawford and part (in his best moments) Henry Tilney. Any thoughts?

I think those are good Austen-to-GG-boyfriend classifications all around!

Jess has quite a few of Darcy's social anxieties in that he doesn't seem to like being around large groups of people at once, prefers to keep to himself, and doesn't talk or open up easily. Both characters also have a propensity for being taciturn and standoffish at times. They can rub some the wrong way as a result. In addition to that, they're introverted intellectual individuals who have embarrassing or disappointing relatives (i.e. Lady Catherine, Liz Danes). Their first "I love you" declarations are on par in Disaster Fireworks, too, don't you think? I mean, Darcy point blank calls Lizzie's entire family an embarrassment who is beneath him in social class AND manners and then still excepts her to accept his hand in marriage, which is so unbelievable it's hysterical, and Jess tells Rory he loves her after pulling a cross-country disappearing act that ended their relationship only to disappear AGAIN immediately after he blurts out the words, not even pausing long enough to blink, or like, to roll down his window so she can shout her reply at him as he drives by on his way out of town. It's next level Don't Do This romantic foolishness on both their parts. They deserve an award or a badge of honor or something to commemorate their mutual totally-bungled-that idiocy. 😄

Like Wentworth, Jess is the "suffer in silence" type. (I'd argue he takes after Luke in that way.) They both venture off on their own paths after they experience heartbreak, finding themselves, making something of their lives. For Wentworth, that means going to sea and amassing a fortune. For Jess, it means writing a novella and later working at Truncheon. And clearly they have the whole pining for the girl they love thing in common. Plus, there's that sense of mutual understanding that ripples through those two dynamics. Something that exudes "I know you better than anyone" energy because words aren't always necessary. They fall short. As Wentworth writes in his infamous letter to Anne at the end of Persuasion: "You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others." Jess and Wentworth are able to notice things about Rory, about Anne, that everyone else overlooks. Or plain don't see. The connection they share never truly dwindles no matter how much time has passed, either. It burns beneath the surface like an ember, waiting, flickering softly in the dust of what once was, of what still could be, perpetually on the cusp of catching flame again.

I'd also make an argument for Jess having some Mr. Knightley in him as well. They're both emotionally repressed as hell, for one. The frustration is rife, I'm telling you! Jess has a hard time expressing, sometimes showing, his feelings for Rory and I've always thought that falls in line with Knightley's "if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" vibe. And while Jess doesn't lecture in the same way that Knightley does with Emma, he isn't afraid to ask Rory the hard questions, he doesn't hesitate to deliver the harsh truths she needs to hear. Jess challenges Rory to be better, to be true to herself, in the same way that Knightley does with Emma.

Onto Logan now. I definitely see a lot of Henry Tilney in him and a decent amount of Henry Crawford as well. I've always considered Tilney to be Austen's most charming, sociable, good humored, and extroverted hero, and I think that tracks well with Logan. He's also outgoing, seems to have no trouble making friends, and when he puts his mind to it, will and can charm the pants off of almost anyone he meets. (Gilmore grandparents, especially. But he's no slouch with Luke, Lorelai, or Christopher either, is he?) Tilney and Logan are both bright, witty men with active playful minds. I think those traits act as catnip for Rory and Catherine, it's what attracts them. They like the stimulation. The never-know-what-they're-going-to-do-or-say spontaneity. It's adrenalizing emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. Another similarity between the two men is that they each have fraught relationships with their fathers who have an "image" or "expectations" for their sons to uphold. The fathers view their name, or the social strata where they belong, to be superior to that of other people. Tbh, Mitchum Huntzberger and General Tilney should form their own Cad Dad Club because they're both cads. 😂

Henry Crawford and Logan share a considerable amount in common, too. Wit, attractiveness, and considerable charisma aside, they also both come from wealth. They're privileged, entitled, and have essentially had free reign to indulge their whims and vices throughout their lives without many consequences. I think Crawford's more wanton in his exploits with the opposite sex than Logan, though. The man doesn't just flirt he seduces. And he does so without much remorse. Granted, I know Logan was a bit of a playboy, a casanova, or whatever you want to call him, when he and Rory first started up but he commits to her eventually and loves her. He does his best to make her happy. And he is a present, caring, devoted boyfriend most of the time (the bridesmaid shagfest and jetting off to base jump, cliff dive, I forget the specific thing rn when he's upset, notwithstanding) whereas Crawford's feelings/intentions with Fanny are a little more hazy. It's hard to know whether he was actually in love with her or if it was about the chase, since she wasn't responding to his advances in the the way he'd grown accustomed or had hoped she would. Fanny never trusts Crawford. Rory does love and trust Logan, so there's a marked difference there.

In addition to Tilney and Crawford, I also think it could be said that Logan has some of Mr. Willoughby's good traits. They're both passionate individuals, for one, and aren't afraid to show it. They lay it all out there. Go after things. Live life to the fullest. I admire that in both of them. Fanny and Rory needed a little bit of that in their lives, I think. It pushed them out of their comfort zones. In a good, productive way. That said, the men's zest and spontaneity could teeter into recklessness as well, which is behavior they both exhibited in different ways and at different times.

I'm sure I could come up with more if I thought about it longer but that's all I've got for now.

Anyway, thanks for the ask, sweets! This was fun to muse over! xoxo

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[skyfrost-nail-kincare]

ahhsbdbf i am. back again,, please sir may you spare me a general tarot reading for my trans tubbo tl? i have gained a new kin and have many questions jsjsjjdnfcould you use the neon moons deck? and maybe a long reading,, uuuu i dont have. tons of info that would be that useful? but i have some,, me and tommy were really close! i cant remember if it was platonic or not but we knew eachother since being tiny,, i still went on to become president of new lmanberg but once tommy was exiled i went with him? yeah,, those are the most. importan things i can remember jsjdbfb i hope they helped! -inbox stan :]]]

Hey hey!!! Just one moon for the Neon Moon deck, but I’m very glad to fill this request for you! 

Reading below the cut, and ty for requesting!

- Mod Tobin

AIGHT so the long reading is the long reading, and the suit name changes are on my Carrd (and I’m generally a little tired so I don’t feel like listing them rn hehe-)

But here we go!!

Beginning of the timeline: Inverted Justice & Inverted Temperance

There was lots of imbalance and unfairness at the beginning of your timeline, maybe you realized you were trans super early on? And maybe people were rude about it? It could also be other things, but I dunno enough about the source to safely say what might’ve been corrupt, dishonest, unstable, or extreme. (Those are other key words for reference!)

Middle of the timeline: Nine of Arms & Apprentice of Vials

This part of your tl seems to have started out pretty bad, where you were just anxious and upset all the time, probably having nightmares (related to the beginning?) but something later happened that gave you a fresh outlook and really helped you out. Maybe this had something to do with Tommy?

Later in the timeline: Inverted Strength & Inverted Death

This probably has something to do with when Tommy was exiled and you went with him--you doubted yourself and your choice to do so, maybe even felt like you didn’t have any self control for a while after you did? You were also really attached to your past and what you ran from with him, but I’m willing to assume he helped you out with those feelings.

Central issue: Supervisor of Vials

The central issue of your timeline seems to have something to do with staying calm and showing empathy. I get this feeling you had trouble with both of those things when it came to most people, but I’m not getting much other than that from this one.

Challenges faced: Inverted Five of Wires, Two of Arms, Inverted Eight of Arms, Inverted Star, inverted Agent of Wires

You tended to avoid conflict and repress your feelings, it looks like, and you did it even more when there was tension as an attempt to keep things from blowing up. If things blew up, I feel like you wouldn’t be able to keep calm, whether that be anxiety-wise or anger-wise.

You were also pretty indecisive, it seems, and there’s more avoidance here. You probably avoided a lot of important issues.

You eventually found it, I think, but you struggled with your self-acceptance. I imagine this was a two-time struggle, since you likely struggled with it early on, found yourself with Tommy, and then later on left with him and lost yourself again.

Because of all that, you struggled with pessimism, I think. You also may have been bored easily because of the pessimism, but I’m not too sure.

To top off this reading, you were impatient. You struggled a lot with obstacles you faced, delays, and the feelings that came with having to wait. I think this might’ve been less of something you overcame, and more of something that you just dealt with your whole life.

There were a lot of inverted major arcana--in fact, all of the major arcana in this reading were inverted! That tells me that things were really all over the place, and lots of important things were happening that involved you.

There was also a notable amount of arms, which equate to swords, which mean logic and brain power basically. I think you thought a lot, and that might be where some of your anxieties came from.

Hopefully this sounds about right!!! Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t, though--and hopefully this wasn’t too much to sit and read through!! It’s a LOT to process, even for me-

[ofjunkrcts]

OKAY HI u guys have no idea how pumped i am for this!!!!!! i almost NEVER pick up second characters so u know that means i gotta whole lot of love in my heart for this girl :’) let’s jump right in i’m so excited!!!!!!!!!

part one: the backstory!!!!

what the fuck is up im coming at u HOT with another Hot Fucking Mess say hello to my mfn BABYGIRL frankie rivera

yes frankie is a nickname no u probably don’t know what her full name is bc undersharing is the name of the game baby

born on the wrong side of the tracks…… literally! technically the trailer park she grew up in wasn’t Actually an ashmont mailing address bc heaven forbid 100% of ashmont residents aren’t stupid rich! but thanks to the wonder that is school of choice, frankie still went to ashmont high school w the gang way back when!

(sex work tw) she was raised by her single mother who was a community college dropout when a random ass hookup ended up in her being pregnant! her mom has worked two jobs all of frankie’s life to afford the basics, being a waitress at a bar by day and also a stripper by night to make that money and provide for her daughter! and even though they barely BARELY ever had enough to make ends meet, frankie’s momma is her whole HERO so watch ur mouth

because she didn’t really have much growing up and because her mom’s demanding work schedule left her with very little supervision, she resorted to petty theft at a pretty young age. sometimes it was to get things that she or her mom needed, like medicine from the gas station down the street. sometimes it was to get things that she wanted, like if she wanted fresh fruit for breakfast. and, eventually, she ended up stealing because it was what everyone expected from someone “like her”

by the time that high school came around, frankie’s tendency for theft had surpassed means of survival and had, instead, had turned into something that she couldn’t stop herself from doing. she stole clothes, makeup, accessories, art supplies, anything and everything that the world of rich kids around her made her believe that she needed but couldn’t afford on her own and she quickly found that she couldn’t stop herself

the idea that she was constantly being judged by people who looked down on her, constantly believing that there were a set of expectations she would always be held to, constantly being seen as nothing and constantly having to prove that she wasn’t worthless — all became recurring themes in her life

the first person frankie met who changed her life was a man named mel carson, the owner of carson’s automotive shop. when she was fifteen, frankie got caught attempting to shoplift from the pharmacy of the convenience store and, really, she’d just been lucky that mel had been there and convinced the owner of the store to let her go with a warning, paying for what she’d been trying to steal. and then he’d really saved her life by offering her a job at the shop

the second person frankie met who changed her life was her art teacher, junior year. coincidentally, it was another instance where she thought that she was going to end up in trouble with the law. she’d developed a love for art at a young age, but it had always seemed untouchable until the day that she began to express herself through graffiti. it was her art teacher who found her spray painting one of the back walls of the school and, instead, of reporting her to the school or to the ashmont pd for vandalism, he looked at her and saw the talent and the passion with which her work was carefully completed. he convinced her to start taking classes, gave her a place and supplies to work in his classroom, fostered her interests and encouraged her to stick with it

she did and, by some miracle, she ended up at st e’s on a scholarship for her art after spending a year at community college, which she never thought would have happened to someone like her. opening her college acceptance letter, with her mom looking on and beaming with pride, was the first time in her life that frankie truly felt like she might be able to amount to something

now she’s out here at st e’s chilling, working at the art gallery, also running a “technically illegal because you don’t have any certification” underground auto shop in the junkyard just chilling !!!!!!! 

PART 2: PERSONALITY

as far as her personality goes, frankie can probably best be described as being single minded to the point of recklessness. she has been held accountable for very few things in her life, never really had a lot of responsibilities, was never held to a very high standard, often got away with things she shouldn’t have without seeing repercussions, etc. because of that she’s always been a bit flighty and had a difficult time seeing the full extent of the consequences of her actions 

this probably..... best displays itself in her tendency to be...... overly flirtatious with uhhh everyone all the time she is so TERRIBLE about it she is so so flirty n so so ........ Like That. i dont mean 2 be that person but like........ female danny/female noah. thats her ladies!! ready n willing to sleep w anyone at almost any moment in time 

but shes super gay so jot that down xoxo

ANYWAY. it isnt that she’s not empathetic bc she IS. she gets Way Too Attached to people and then backs out before she can fully commit bc..................

she’s also a BIG TIME commitment-phobe, terrified of letting people in and seeing the parts of her that she keeps tucked away under a cool, icy, collected exterior which mostly stems from the fact that she has a lot of repressed contempt towards people who have always viewed her as lesser because of her status, social standing, etc

i might be biased but??? i love her and think she’s a good person still??? like deep down she’s such a sweetheart she really is, she likes to just hang out in the junkyard and and go through trash that people threw away and pick out pieces of things that can be built into something new and beautiful

she’s super sentimental deep down but will throw punches if anyone tries to say that, she doesn’t give a SHIT if she’s only like 5 ft tall she will fight

she’s a baby and strongly identifies in the “junk” of the junkyard n wants someone to put effort into her to make her beautiful the way that she does to everything else and that’s on that 

OKAY. PLOTS

basically i have some in my brain already but im gonna do the tldr version of them rn so that i can POST THIS. 

first of all, GIVE HER SPICY CONNECTIONS PLS kiki is the loml n my girl but shes 2 sad 2 b spicy ever in her life so LET ME HAVE A SPICY GIRL PLS

FRIENDS!!!!! she would live and die for her friends SO VERY MUCH give her some sweet wholesome plots esp someone who was perhaps her friend back in the day 

“EXES” and i put it in quotations bc its... highly unlikely that frankie was ever 1000000% committed and in a serious relationship (OR maybe she was maybe ur character was the 1 exception that broke her heart) BUT THERE R SO MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR THIS TO GO MESSY

also she needs ROOMMATES. WHO WANTS A ROOMMATE!!!!!!!!!!!

um????? hateship?????????? didnt get along??????????// still dont get along??????????? 

IDK. MY BRAIN IS SO SCATTERED BC I AM SO EXCITED N FEELING CRAZY BUT!!!!!!!!!!! ILY

[agentromancff-blog]

⎣ elena satine, cisfemale, she/her ⎤I just saw [ NATASHA ROMANOFF ] walking around new york. they’re [ 112/LOOKS LIKE 30ish ] years old and go by [ BLACK WIDOW ]. they had kids with [ MARIA HILL ] and I’ve heard they’re [ IN A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP ]. they’re also [ AN AGENT OF SHIELD ]. at their best they’re [ STRATEGIC & INTREPID ] but at their worst they can be [ MANIPULATIVE & CIRCUMSPECT ]. ( ty, she/her, 21, est )

{ trigger warnings : mentions/implications of death, abuse, alcoholism, violence/murder, pregnancy, hospitals, war, & mental illness }

last intro for the day. im sure everyone knows the loml aka natasha romanoff so i tried to keep this mostly headcanon & relevant information based~ 

ABOUT NAT //

because im very upset about what the mceu did to my poor baby,,,, they did her DIRTY guys,,,,, my nat is much more heavily influenced by the comics

this means shes much more of a hardened, elite super spy, more cold and callous, etc... 

so here’s a brief recap of my version of nat’s backstory that i’ll be using: 

it’s sort of a combination of both origin stories. 

so i imagine. 

shes related to the last ruling czars of russian

when the place she was living in caught fire, her mother tossed her out the window and ivan caught her. he raised her as his foster daughter. he turned her over to the red room and she was raised & trained by them

she has false memories conditioned into her mind through psychoactive drugs, conditioning videos, hypnosis, and torture, of her cover story outside of the red room. aka as a dancer for bolshoi theatre. but she also learned ballet in the red room. 

after her red room training was complete, natasha worked for the KGB and was set up in an arranged marriage with her first late husband, alexi

she was told her husband died in a rocket crash, and donned for herself the alias black widow

it’s later revealed that all this happened when she was very young, natasha left at some point and married her second husband on a battlefield at war. where she confessed to being pregnant. she gave birth to her baby on the battlefield, rose, who was born a stillborn because of the serum and experiments that altered natashas physiology and rendered her incapable of having children 

her life’s been a constant string of. getting Fuckt Over by people. ivan at some point attempts to seduce her, plants nanites in her that spread to every person she touched, then every person they touched, and turned them into merciless monsters who started beating each other to death. shes been brainwashed by her masters countless times. and i mean,,, her entire training as a child revolved around her growing up to be a seductress and assassin which,,, okay nat. my poor baby. 

she tries very hard to be better. but at the same time she’s still,,, she does really shady shit sometimes i mean,,, she surgically removed her face and swapped it with yelena belovas,,, to give the woman a mental breakdown and convince her that shes natasha,,,,

soooooo here’s more about where i see her personality wise and where shes at in life rn:

if anyones read the 2019 Black Widow series, thats a pretty good indication of the kind of natasha romanoff i’ll be writing 

i listed her as cisfemale but ive always headcanoned that natasha would love the opportunity to explore gender in a more diverse way, ideally as a more genderfluid character, since she’s constantly had femininity shoved down her throat and was forced to weaponize it. but it’d take being around the right people and being in the right environment where she was comfortable to let down those walls. aka. might take a hella long time so it’s probably something i’ll explore with her in the future 

canonically natashas gone off to fight rebels in wars when she’s needed someplace to get out her black widow training and conditioning and murder impulse. i hc that she probably falls off the grid and goes to war every now and then to fight. it’s hard to have a family when she’s constantly fighting her conditioning and trying to repress her innate instincts to kill. between nat and maria, nat was,,, oddly enough probably the more absent parent of the two 

nat loves motorcycles. and guns. she also has a bad habit of stealing everyones clothes because she rarely wears anything of her own 

she has an issue with attachment. to the point she literally refused to admit she was adopting her cat, liho. but she’s started making an effort for maria and her family’s sake -- though she hates feeling like she has attachments to things/things that can be used against her. so she gets kind of. weird about it sometimes. 

no one knows about rose or her marriage save for a handful of people -- aka someone who had found out about it and blackmailed her with it. aka the daughter of the person who helped her deliver the baby on the battlefield. nat is also really weird with babies for this reason. 

my nat is an alcoholic. she’ll never admit it though. in the comics she drinks,,, every day. every time that she comes home from an assignment, she drinks. usually its wine but she’ll often go for harder stuff (typically russian stuff) when wine isn’t enough. 

it’s very rarely depicted in the comics (likely because she covers it up with sfx makeup) but nat has a red room tattoo on her left shoulder. she cant bring herself to remove it, because she wears her black widow name also like a badge of pride. she’s reclaimed everything that’s happened to her -- that tattoo is no different 

nat very rarely wears jackets. she doesnt need to. she got used to training in the bitter russian winter wearing next to nothing -- she’s very acclimated to the cold. 

she has flashbacks, particularly pregnancy related. also canon in the comics -- when she got injured in her stomach she had a ptsd episode of her stillbirth 

similar to my hc about her gender tho natasha hates bra shopping and hates bras in general. unless theyre sports bras. she finds them so uncomfortable and will only really wear them with the intention of seducing someone

i think the most important aspect of my nat tho is that she never does anything for just one reason. it could be the most simple action like. eating eggs for breakfast. but theres going to be a million and one explanations for why she specifically to eat x amount of eggs cooked x way on x day at x time for x meal. this is even more evident in relationships. sure, she does things out of the “goodness of her heart” but there’s always going to be ulterior (not necessarily malicious tho) motives to it, too. nothing is ever just. surface level with her. 

oh yeah shes also the worst person (or best depending on your perspective) person to bring to a party i mean,,, playing truth or dare? ur Fuckt. playing card games? look at that Poker Face n her ability to read people. playing board games? say hello to a master tactician who also happens to be a perfectionist overachiever and one of the most competitive ppl in the world thx

anyways thanks for reading all my rambles about my little murder baby aka the actual love of my life. i’ll probably remember more headcanons as time goes on. but thats all i can think of at the moment!! so yesss i cant wait to bring my murder baby to you to awkwardly and anti-socially love you all in her own way.  

[mooleche]

Hiii I'm recovering from 3 days of antidepressant withdrawals, so can I have that whole "not nice OC asks" list for Nina? Yeah, the whole damn thing.

Dad holy fuck, sending you them BIG HUGS rn. I hope you feel better soon!

WHOLE DAMN THING HERE WE GO 

1. What is one word to shut them up?

‘Enough'It's a very basic word but Nina knows that when it's used it's time to stop whatever she's doing that's causing someone to have to say it, mostly because her parents only ever used it on her when she was getting too rough with her sparring partners or when she was pushing herself too hard. It’s kind of a ‘snap back to reality’ trigger for her.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

Giving up on her dream of becoming a real hero. Since she was born a mutant and grew up seeing Captain America and various other heroes fighting crime she wanted to use her powers for good to fight crime like them, so that's what she worked towards for like, a HUGE chunk of her life. So to have her health suddenly take a dive and then eventually get too hurt to keep up with her old antics crushed her spirit for a long time.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

OH BOY. This would probably be when she was experimented on by Essex Corp. in her mid-teens. She was often punished for protecting the other children that were being experimented on and took on the brunt of what they dished out there, eventually leading to them going as far as removing her secondary mutation as a way to discipline her into submission. She was eventually rescued of course, and was able to repress these memories, but the amount of stress that was put on her body made it so that she could never fully fight crime again.

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

Having a child/seeing a child die. She's not SUPER into kids because of her lifestyle and taking care of Venom is already like caring for one, but she's got a mighty soft spot for them. This unfortunately changes after having a dream simulation of her future family used against her in a mission gone wrong, so she's terrified of putting a child in that type of scenario in the real world, instead putting her care into the children of the X-Mansion.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Surface level - Dying. That's pretty much everyone's fear but Nina's faced it a few times too many not to worry that it could be around the corner at any second so she (stubbornly) lives her life to the fullest with Venom while she's able to repress it.Repressed - Needles. She doesn't remember why or how this fear came about (due to her memories of her terrible experience at Essex being shut away) but the sight of them makes her sick to her stomach.Deep dark - Losing control. Due to her symbiotic relationship with Venom and seeing how unhinged he can be in the wrong hands it's a deep dark fear of Ninas that one day she'll lose control of herself and Venom will completely take over. Despite all the reassurance that he gives that he won't do that she still is unable to shake the feeling that it will some day happen

.6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

Large amounts of gore. She can stomach it more after being around Wade long enough, but the sight of too much blood/mutilation often leaves her sick to her stomach.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

Her body, but only because it can't handle much before it shuts down under stressful conditions. Also one large scar on her right side she has as a reminder of her last solo vigilante mission that ended poorly; a reminder that she had to give up what she loved most.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

The mention of Essex Corp always seems to trigger a deep-rooted feeling of fear in her that she can never piece together why until later in her life.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

Her body dsgkslgs. Due to all the experiments and stress put on her body she can't do much without overexerting herself. Bloody noses are always her red flag that she's overdoing it and needs to tap out.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

She's stubborn as hell and tends to keep things to herself for the sake of not stressing others out, which in turn ends up stressing everyone out even more.

11. Do they have any vices?

Despite getting nauseous around gore she's got a pretty big bloodlust. She loves fighting and will sometimes stray off the heroic path because of it.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

She's killed a man before, which kind of births her bloodlust mentioned earlier and realizing that some people can only stop doing wrong if they're buried 6 feet underground.

She’s also erased a lot of students debts using her ink powers. Not all heroes wear capes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

Definitely Wrath. You wouldn't suspect with how she acts normally (clumsy, easy-going, ect.) but she's very into the idea of torturing someone if it means getting the answers she wants or getting revenge by any means necessary.

Also probably Sloth, just because for her early 20's she spends a lot of her life in a bit of a depressed funk after everything that happens to her, but also a bitch loves naps.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

Sometimes. Usually only if she or the people around her are being threatened will she get violent or start making threats. Or if she sees Scott Summers.

15. Who do they hate the most?

Scott Summers ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿Just kidding (kind of). She loathes villains that think they can get away with their crimes, or who are uncaring of the destruction they cause the rest of the world for their gain. Harassers and abusers are a close second but the ultimate bane of her existence is the scientist that tortured her when she was younger.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Colossus. Which isn't intentional on his part, and she knows this, but he is such a momma hen to her most of the time that she feels like he doesn't think she's strong enough to hold her own on missions.

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

Anything that's TOO loud or high a frequency. Due to Venoms weakness to higher pitches of sound she has to be careful with some of the things she listens to or where she goes.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

Anything TOO sweet, which is a toss-up for her as Venom LOVES chocolate gsdkgds

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

Not ugly, but she definitely feels she's serving a 'gross college student with no control of their life' look.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?Not really. She's fully aware she's lovable, but there are moments she's had where she's felt she couldn't be loved because she's a mutant.But then her parents burst through her door and give her a good fucking pep talk.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

Losing control of herself or messing up a mission she's on.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

She suffers from PTSD, Depression and Anxiety.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

She was abused severely back at Essex Corp, which she has managed to block out completely, and has gotten her fair share of fights in while acting as a vigilante.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?

Somewhat. She knows it's all definitely a possibility, especially in her line of work, but having Venom with her makes her feel better about wandering the streets at night most of the time.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

Yes. But it was under the guise that they thought what they were doing would help her in the long run when it ended up just slapping a band-aid on a dam.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

Boy has she! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

A handful of times in her teens, and then in her early 20s due to a lethal attack that almost left her for dead. After that she gains Venom and usually goes to Hank McCoy when needing medical services (no matter how many times he tells her he's not her personal hospital)

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?Racists, Anti-Mutant supporters, Rapists, take your pick. If they're doing bad things she most definitely does not like them.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?A bit, yeah. She often will stay awake at night talking about it with Venom because he's technically old as shit, to which she'll sometimes wake Colossus up so he can give his 2 cents which is usually 'Go back to BED'.

30. Have they ever been bullied?When they were younger, yes. Being a mutant often makes you the Caesar of jokes, which she hated and resorted to eventually wearing half gloves as a result to cover her markings.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?After losing her strength to fight she is often plagued with self-confidence issues, not feeling like anything is up to par with what she would like. Having a group of supportive friends and loved ones around her pulls her out of this hole eventually though.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?God no. Her parents are her heroes and while they aren't mutants themselves, have been with her 100% of the way to make sure she could live life as comfortably as possible.

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?The majority of her relationships all ended on decent terms. She keeps in touch with them to keep the friendships going because they're all still cool folks.

34. Have they ever self harmed?No, she was always too nervous to go through with it.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?That her body return to normal. Or that she could gain her old mutation back.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?Because she's the current host of Venom she's kind of forced to keep her emotions in check. That of course doesn't mean that she doesn't have a hiccup in the road every now and then but she does her best to keep them both centered.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?Yes. A few times to her displeasure, but she's always managed to get it back and get her revenge for it.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?slgjksgdl yes, she's even gone as far as getting herself tossed into the Ice Box intentionally for missions

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?Later in her life, yes. She gets set up at least once in order to do someone else's dirty work, which she does not take to kindly.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?Sometimes, yes. But only if she wasn't able to help in the matter as expected.

41. Do they get sick often?Nah, despite being a walking enigma of health she surprisingly doesn't get sick.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?She likes to think she is. At the start of her new chapter in life she's kind of drifting around in college and just trying to live as normal a life as she can despite wanting to do more but not wanting to overwhelm her body in the process.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?Yes. There's large chunks of her past that she has no recollection of and wishes (though fears) that she could change or at least SEE them.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?Protect her loved ones and/or spend more time with Colossus, since they're schedules are always so borked.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?Exhaustion or Confusion sgkgls

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?Unfortunately, yes. During her teen years after her experience she fought heavily with it due to not knowing what happened to herself in the gap of memory missing, just the emptiness that stayed with her.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?No, while she considered it many a time she decided against it because her desire to figure out what happened overpowered the desire to die.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?Oh honey. Pick a name out of the hat, she's good to go LOL

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.This is WAY far off but in her story, but probably the reawakening of Knull. Since he's the god of symbiotes it would ultimately destroy her because it would mean Venom would be reverted to his original feral self and Knull would probably force her to watch as he takes over Earth, a situation she would attempt to thwart but would be more than welcome to die than see him reach his goal.

50. Create your own!Time to reveal a sad plot in Nina's story (since I don't know when I'll get to this hhh) -Nina and Colossus actually met each other when she was younger when the x-men came to her rescue at the Essex corp, but because of Charles Xavier doing his special MIND TRICKS she holds no recollection of ever meeting him or any of the conversations they held when she was recovering from the incident at the mansion. So they have this strange familiar feeling when they first meet but think it's just a possible attraction to one another and can't place why :')

[aether-asterisk]

meanwhile, in a completely different universe...

including the other 2 ats (alternate timelines) i mentioned a few days ago.

things to note (some may be spoilery so???? read at ur own risk i guess):

?????? does not have stripes on her shirt at all. instead her shirt is a magenta long-sleeve with faux buttons. this means nothing. just casual normal human clothes.

LV2!caffrin’s stripes have slightly faded from their original vivid lime color and seem to have darkened a bit as well. she fears that this means she is filled with depravity (corrupt kindness), but in reality it’s both delusion and regret clouding her true compassion (a mix between kindness and justice). strangely, a slight hint of blue has appeared on her secondary stripes as well. it’s barely noticeable, as if only she can see it. she has no idea what this means.

celynne’s stripes are either green/hot pink (compassion and passion, a mix between perserverence and determination) or light/dark green (compassion/kindness). maybe both and it depends on her mood/energy. they both look so pretty, but i can’t tell which one works best.....

meanwhile, leo’s stripes are light blue (loyalty — patience + integrity) and yellow (justice)

chartreuse and caffy -- caffrin’s shoulder angel/devil pair -- have stopped getting along with eachother since the nightmare. chartreuse blames caffy because she was always the perverted side of caffrin: it would only make sense that she had some unresolved feelings towards a pairing with a similar forbidden concept and repress twisted fantasies of it, despite also depicting the resulting consequences of it; while caffy blames chartreuse for being too damn pushy and paranoid: she always wants caffrin to be at top-notch performance, especially after the way she handled being promoted to full-time conscience -- it wouldn’t be unlike her to conjure a whole worst-case scenario either to warn/prepare her for what would never even happen in a million years or an “if you don’t shape up this is what will happen” type of “motivation”.

they also can’t agree on who’s fault it may have been in the real world -- his or caffrin’s. as in, whether if he was actually going to do that or if caffrin was freaking out over nothing. not that that matters much -- in the end one of them is still a m u r d e r e r .

instead of growing up with an internet dependency/addiction (because she couldn’t even afford a laptop), celynne simply secluded herself in her “room” (because she never had much of a place to call “home” in her childhood) drawing in her sketchbook or even write short stories in a separate notebook...though her ideas can only get her so far, especially when she lacked personal experience. but, she never could bring herself to step outside and ask for advice or even acknowledgement/approval (they probably wouldn’t like it at all anyway), so even her best works -- the very few she’s actually proud of -- were never seen. though in recent years she had gotten better about leaving her comfort zone; her social skills still have a bit of recalibrating to do...

she got a part-time job at a grocery story just to get by, though her “boss” is....far from competent. as much as she wants to quit, she still has to make a living and put herself out there somehow...plus she did make a friend while on the job, so maybe it isn’t that bad after all.

she visits her new friend as much as possible; with leo back in school she isn’t sure if she can handle being alone again. she enjoys being in his company and they have quite a bit in common.

meanwhile, leo has plenty of friends -- including susie, despite all the warnings from his peers. he believes that all she really needs is a good friend. and boy oh boy, did they become friends alright. (like, some time after their trip to the supply closet, when they started hanging out outside of school; sometimes even revisiting the dark world and their old pal ralsei. while leo does think he’s cute, he also admires susie’s passion and strength, and how she could totally pick up and carry ollie over her shoulder (and has maybe dreamt about it more than once) ...and he also thinks she’s cute too.)

currently leo and susie are “lab partners” (though obviously a little more involved than that) and complement eachother quite well: leo keeps susie calm and is constantly teaching her how to be.....well, not aggressive, while susie continues to defend and protect leo with her life -- and her fists. after all they’ve been through together, they feel safe around eachother.

kris watches leo from a distance, as if they were silently judging him. though when asked to join his lunch table, they turn away and return to their lunch. one time, leo swore he saw a red glint in their eye, like they knew something.

celynne was originally gonna be called “charlene” but celynne sounded cooler

celynne and leo are the “delta”verse versions of caffrin and ollie respectively.

i can’t think of anything for the reality check at/au/whatever rn, or at least anything that might completely spoil what the hell’s going on there. plus this is long enough as it is, both in length and time spent writing this seriously i’, pretty sure it’s been like 2 hours invested into these fun facts and a good amount of that time was used to look up what word i wanted to use to describe lv2!caffrin’s current soul trait ughhhh fuck it i’m done for now just take it

[wrxncalloway-blog]

alex vlahos + cis male + he/him — have you met wren calloway? they are a twenty-three year old tattoo-artist known as the drifter. a bisexual aquarius, they are honest + kind, as well as absent-minded + distant. their soulmark is a small bird on the back of their left hand, and they can feel the emotions of their soulmate, who happens to look like any fc.

hi everyone! i’m snow and im 21, she/her, gmt+3. my discord is snow#8078, so hmu cause i’m suuuuuuper excited to start plotting!! and putting my baby through hell!! SPEAKING OF WHICH under the cut for everyone’s sake tbh is an (out of order completely all over the fucking place) list of Random Shit to Know About Wren Calloway:

he’s a brit and was born and raised in London until he was 16, at which point he moved with his best friend alfie to Glasgow and lived with said friend and his family for a few years.

he lived with alfie and alfie’s parents and grandparents and uncles and was basically adopted by the lot of them and “where are this boi’s parents” u might ask lmao. welp. they stopped paying attention to what’s happening in his life for a While now Yikes tm they prolly don’t even know he’s bi.

bitch they don’t even know he’s a tattoo artist.

speaking of which.

he apprenticed under alfie’s uncle for over 2 years and became a tattoo artist before he packed his bags and took off into the big bad world (which tbh prolly has more to do with Heart Break when alfie found his own soulmate than any real itchy feet syndrome but shhh. we’re repressing that we don’t talk about it)

he’s been traveling around europe and then recently america for a few years since then only staying a few months at most in the same place before wanderlust buoys him off to the next place.

he’s been at captiva for a couple months by now i think and has been working at the local studio since then.

he’s OBLIVIOUS. SO FUCKING SOCIALLY OBLIVIOUS OKAY like he’s got no problem saying hello and talking to people but he will fucking blow it always but will that stop him??? no bc he prolly doesn’t realize he Fucked Up and said the wrong thing.

LISTEN. he doesn’t pick up social cues is all im saying alright he’ll prolly annoy the shit outta ur muse i Guarantee BUT HE’S TRYING OK he’s trying his best.

always covered in stains. stains and smudges. ink stains, pencil smudges, rumpled clothing, hair sticking out everywhere, a #mess.

always carrying a sketch book with him and will likely pull it open mid-convo and start sketching a thing that he just thought of and must begin sketching right this minute bc -shrug emoji-

every flat surface in his vicinity has a doodle on it. his desk?? your desk?? the newspaper?? the wall?? the counter top?? nothing is safe there is no escape.

he’s SUPER AFFECTIONATE. gets excited about zodiacs greek mythology and flowers. a Lot.

has an unnecessary amount of books on botany.

flowery patterns are his favorite to draw and ink. his absolute favorite. he has a sleeve tattoo of flowers from his right shoulder and down past his elbow, and a minimalist jasmine at the back of his neck.

i gotta shut up rn bc i’ll just keep going on about this child BUT!! hmu for plotssss let me love uuuu (if u prefer plotting on skype/tumblr IM lmk!!)

[merlinsbed]

tagged by @nooowestayandgetcaught!

RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works <3

okay so normally when I do these my first thought is “oh god did I even write five fics this year???” but thanks to the 30 day writing challenge that definitely took much longer than 30 days I’ve written over 30 fics for the year 2020 and I am super proud of that! it also helped that I got super into the untamed this year (as I’m sure anyone who follows me has noticed lmao) and was overwhelmed with the urge to get back into writing. anyway, I would say my top 5 favorites from this year would be:

Uncertain Accord (The Untamed, wangxian, 3.5k)

the 9th fic from my 30 day challenge and quite possibly one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. someone bookmarked it with the tag ‘Hair Brushing’ and I’ve thought about that at least once a week ever since because that might be my favorite thing anyone has ever tagged a bookmark of my fic with. this thing somehow grew out of the prompt  "When's the last time you slept?" and now is a long term project that is probably at about 50k words (I have 2 separate documents for it rn because my writing process is chaotic). my goal is to write about 100k of dumb pining boys and I hope when I finish this and post it that at least one person has the urge to throw their laptop/phone against the nearest wall.

Progress (with a little nudge) (The Untamed, Jiang Cheng with some wangxian, 4.2k)

I wrote this fic literally the day after I finished the untamed which is a record for me. usually it takes me like two weeks to start writing things I’m somewhat happy with for a new fandom and even longer to post something. sometimes I think I should change the summary because as anyone who has read it has found the summary isn’t wrong, but it really only prepares you for a small amount of what happens. honestly though the summary “Jiang Cheng could have happily gone the rest of his life without knowing what the great Hanguang Jun's bare naked ass looks like” paired with an angst tag cracks me up too much so unfortunately everyone must continue to suffer being utterly unprepared for exactly how much angst I pack in around that one scene.

Uneasy Friends (How to Train Your Dragon, gen, 2.6k)

the only non untamed fic I wrote and published this year. it’s part 2 of an organized crime au taking place probably about the 1950′s in which hiccup haddock is the heir of an infamous crime family which I find hilarious because it’s, you know, hiccup. I’ve got two more parts partially written for it but I’ve been waiting for my untamed fixation to die down a bit before working on stuff for other fandoms (like that sequel I promised for my merlin fic from past to present lmao. in my defense I promised it would be written and published before I die and I’m only in my 20s so. plenty of time.)

Sexy Impersonations (Subjective) (The Untamed, wangxian, 1k)

my last fic of the year was originally going to be a kind of bittersweet winter solstice thing taking place after episode 50 but I got distracted while editing it and instead wrote this. basically I saw a post while scrolling through tumblr about how college professors either tell you nothing about their lives or like treat you to full scoop, decided lwj and wwx each fit one of those descriptions and wrote an entire post about it. then I got really stuck on the idea of wwx willingly ruining his sex life to annoy his husband with bad star wars impressions and thus a fic was born! sometime in the next few months I’ll probably write about one of the ways lwj annoys wwx during sex. I’ve already had some thoughts about it.

Mistaken (The Untamed, wangxian, 2.7k)

this was a tough choice to make there were like 5 fics I was considering for the 5th spot, but the touch of bed sharing, forehead ribbon stuff, and almost kiss gave this one a bit of an edge over the others I was considering. it’s part 8 of the 30 day challenge and spawned from the prompt “they mixed up our reservations and now we only have one room with one bed”. I did think about having them actually share the bed the whole night but like. this is repressed teenage lwj we’re talking about. I don’t think he could’ve handled sharing a bed with wwx for an entire night. especially since I imagine wwx is definitely the kind of the person that naturally snuggles people in his sleep.

oh god, who do I know on here that writes and hasn’t already been tagged (that I know of)...

um, how about @schweetheart and @mercurialmagic if you guys are interested

and really anyone else who sees this and wants to do it! we all deserve to give our writing some love!

edit: got caught up on the part about writing because that’s what I do but ANY artistic works go for this so anyone who write/draws/makes amazing edits/etc and wants to do this go for it! give your art some love whatever form it comes in!