#that post had over 19k notes too

[sapphic-agent]

I am going to filter out the Bakugou tag istfg-

It's like they see exactly what the problem is but willfully ignore it and try to make it seem like everyone else is wrong. I could name so many issues with this "helpful diagram," but I don't even have the energy

[epicsteddieficrecs]

Epic Steddie Fic Rec (February 5th-March 5th 2023)

Damn, has it already been a month? Time flies! I've had a few busy weekends, I've been away from home for a few of them, so that's why the momentary absence. I hope you enjoy this!

I just want to take a moment to mention that I'm selling some "fandom" bookmarks that I've made! If you like the Avengers, Captain Marvel, The Madalorian, Baby Yoda, or Star Wars, I have some fabrics for you! You can find the info here!

Complete

🖤 it's brutal out here by ithinkicouldloveher (Modern AU, Teacher Steve, Soulmates | 16K | Explicit): or, steve harrington hasn’t yet found his soulmate, but between his best girl eleven jane, the whirlwind that is robin buckley, and a wily group of third graders, he’s got plenty enough on his plate. that is, until another single father by the name of eddie munson stumbles into (the wrong) class.

In Cabin D by blueeyesandpie (Post-S4, Trans Male Eddie, Cabin fic | 6K | Explicit): Steve and Eddie take the party camping...and end up with a cabin to themselves. They've been together a while, but this is their first chance to do anything; they take full advantage.

sun down, you’re up by tkhwh (PWP, Trans Male Eddie | 1,6K | Explicit): Eddie wakes up with Steve plastered against his back while he’s still inside of him after a long, long night. Looks like he has a long, long morning ahead of him too.

All Day Event by Lynn1998 (PWP, Trans Male Eddie | 7K | Explicit): Steve and Eddie are meeting up with Robin and Nancy at the fair. It’s impossible for them to go anywhere without putting their hands on each other.

🖤 we can love each other (i've been told it's okay) by deadratz (Post-S4, Friends to Lovers | 15K | Explicit): Eddie has wondered for a while if Steve knows what kind of signals he sends. He’s wondered if Steve realizes what kinds of things he implies while talking about his failed dates. Eddie ignores it because that’s safer than addressing it. Until it’s clear ignoring it isn’t doing anyone any favors. (Alternatively: Is it gay to sit in your boy best friend's lap while you talk about how bored you are with heterosexual sex? Depends on who you ask.)

Reach Out by VenusDoom3 (No Upside Down AU, Canon Divergent, Getting Together | 5K | Explicit): “I didn’t know how much I’d miss you until you were gone. Right before you left, I kinda… figured some things out about myself, but I didn’t know if you’d… but I missed my chance to find out.” Without knowing he intended to speak, Eddie opened his mouth, vaguely surprised at the dusty rasp of his voice. “You didn’t know if I’d what?” “Y’know.” His face flushing even more deeply red, Steve smiled awkwardly. “Be interested.”

"You ever been in love?" by HairMetal666/ @hairmetal666 (Canon Divergent, Post-S2 | 12K | Teen): It's fall 1984 and Eddie starts passing notes with an anonymous classmate. It changes his life

🖤pulling your strings by Thorinoakentwig/ @thorinoakentwig (Time Loop AU | 14K | Teen): He wakes up to the melody of Kate Bush and the sound of Dustin and Lucas arguing about what sounds like who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman. It’s like ice water dripping down his spine and Steve jerks up wide eyed and horrified as the kids look over at him in confusion. (Or: Steve lives the same day over and over again trying to save his friends)

Let's Be More Than Strangers by DrowningByDegrees/ @drowningbydegrees (Canon Divergent, Season 3, Fake Relationship | 19K | Teen): It’s meant to be a one-off favor to Robin, Eddie passing himself off as her boyfriend. Robin gets to hang onto the secret of why she never so much as bats an eyelash at the guys who come into Scoops Ahoy. Eddie gets more ice cream than he knows what to do with and the opportunity to pull one over on the former King of Hawkins High. Unfortunately, it all works just a little too well, and Eddie finds himself continuing to come back. Before any of them know it, Eddie is annoyed to find he’s pining over a straight boy, Steve is drowning in guilt as he falls just a little bit in love with his friend’s boyfriend, and Robin would really like them to figure out their nonsense before she dies of secondhand embarrassment.

🖤 Ahoy, Big Boy by ChronicRabbit/ @chronicrabbit (Canon Divergent, Season 3 | 80K | Explicit): Scoops Ahoy. America’s favorite place to cool down, and quite possibly the lamest summer job under the blazing Indiana sun. Especially if you were former High School royalty, brutally rejected by each and every university you’d applied to and promptly cut off by your shitty parents in an effort to teach: “some goddamned responsibility.” Between accidentally intercepted secret Russian communications, a meddling preteen matchmaker with no collarbones, and increased proximity with Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, a measly $3 an hour plus tips is nowhere near enough to deal.

WIP

Burning Love by FluffyChicken (Modern AU, Firefighter Steve | 9/12 | 39K | Explicit): Firefighter Steve Harrington meets one Eddie Munson and their lives change forever.

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 20/? | 106K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

🖤 here be dragons by pukner/ @pukner (Canon Divergent, Autistic Steve & Eddie | 3/? | 19K | Explicit): Eddie Munson has kissed a boy, and now he has to handle the fallout. He’s got to grapple with the fact that he likes boys, likes a boy, and the harrowing fact that he may have inadvertently broken said boy’s heart. (Part 3 of off-script)

Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 3/10 | 10K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

🖤 Steve Harrington’s Radical Fun Time Babysitting Service by Humanities_Handbag/ @humanityinahandbag, Invader_Sam (No Upside Down AU, 90’s | 23/? | 88K | Mature): Alternatively: Steve accidentally starts a babysitting service, falls in love, panics [in bisexual], and gets himself a boyfriend. (Part 1 of 90’s Music Store AU)

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Fetus 5sos Masterlist

Always Been You (ao3) - AWeekendInMay michael/ashton T, 1k

Summary: Every memory they had ever had as a band was all here in the scrapbook. And on the very last page was a picture of the four of them, or the four boys they use to be anyway. It had been taken after their very first gig at the Annandale. Luke, Calum, and Michael were all smiling at the camera with huge goofy grins, a little blurry because they were too hyped to stand still enough for the picture. And Ashton, sweet handsome Ashton the only one not blurry, was looking at Michael.

Best Worst Mistake (ao3) - rosiethewriter michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: Michael makes a drunken mistake, and it might be the best mistake he’s ever made

Go Out On A High Note (ao3) - paperstorm T, 2k

Summary: The song is still unpolished and he’s iffy on a few lines, but it’s finished enough for Calum to feel like he actually did this. Even if it sucks, which it very definitely does, he wrote a song. A whole song.

How Do You Not Like FIFA? (ao3) - DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside michael/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: “How do you not like FIFA?” Michael asked Ashton, trying to keep the scandalized tone out of his voice. It wasn't working.

“What?” Ashton asked in confusion.

i don't wanna be wasting my time alone (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Luke is sat curled up on the sofa next to the french doors, nose almost pressed up against the glass, staring into the dark. Ashton can see his reflection in the doors, lit by the side lamp casting Luke in a glow, his tired eyes blinking slowly and chewing slightly on his lip.

“I thought you were watching a movie with Mikey,” Ashton says, and Luke jumps, having been so absorbed in watching outside he didn’t hear Ashton approach.

“It’s meant to snow tonight,” Luke says, turning his big eyes to Ashton, glimmering with wonder and excitement, fringe just flopping in them slightly before he hurriedly pushes it out of the way.

is it cool if i hold your hand? (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke N/R, 2k

Summary: Michael gave Luke a soft smile and hesitantly intertwined their fingers, watching Luke’s face for a reaction.

Michael could feel that his hands were kind of sweaty but Luke didn’t seem to mind. If anything his face seemed to light up a little more. He gave Michael’s hands a squeeze and lowered them down to his sides.

“Is this cool?” Michael asked cautiously.

Love me (ao3) - orphan_account luke/calum M, 2k

Summary: 2013 Cake making out gets heated.

More Than Just Cuddles (ao3) - HPFangirl71 luke/calum E, 1k

Summary: When Luke says he wants to cuddle, Calum knows he really wants more but its Calum who wants it all from Luke.

Puzzle Pieces (ao3) - paperstorm michael/luke T, 1k

Summary: A bit of pointless fluff based off this text post that gave me feelings.

stick together (ao3) - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) G, 1k

Summary: When Ashton comes home one night and finds Luke upset due to homesickness, he steps in to comfort him.

this night's almost over (ao3) - loafers michael/luke E, 19k

Summary: london 2012, luke takes up residence in michael's bed. it gets complicated.

When You're Looking Like This, I Just Can't Resist It (ao3) - flowercrownmikey michael/luke T, 4k

Summary: "He tried to channel the attraction with badly timed insults and petty fighting, and it worked. They were good friends who insulted each other and annoyed their other friends and nobody suspected a thing. It was boyish and natural and fuck, Michael wants him so badly."

OR// Michael has a crush and they're banding with pretty girls in the woods... (The fetus camping fic nobody asked for?)

[viperbarnes]

Starlight [1/3]

40s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You'd grown up chasing after your brother and his best friend. Now that they've both returned from war, it seems Bucky's the one finally chasing after you.

Warnings: Age gaps, a brief scene of drunken pushiness in relation to sex [not by or towards bucky], language. I think that’s all!

Notes: This is an older story I've never shared on tumblr. I've had to split this story into 3 parts because of tumblrs text post limits rip, but it was originally a oneshot. the reader is mixed race and only Steve's half sister. Comments and reviews are more than welcome!

Words: full story is 19k, this part is 3.5k

Masterlist || Part Two || Part Three

1946

You dance around the kitchen, radio in the other room playing some jaunty song you faintly know, your hands moving a million miles per second as you plate up the eggs, keeping an eye on the bacon, when the kettle begins to whistle loudly on the stove.

“I’ll get it—”

“—You’ll do no such thing! Sit down!” Your scolding is matched with a glare as you whip around to look at your brother, hand outstretched already as he makes to stand, and you smack his fingers with your spatula. Steve yips, more in surprise that hurt you imagine, and promptly sits back down.

“Millie… You don’t have to—”

“—My big brother returns from the war a hero, and I’m not allowed to cook him breakfast!? Will you get the Times on the phone?! I need to tell everyone how Captain America won’t let his sister—”

“—Alright, alright! Jeez…” Steve rolls his eyes at you, and you grin pointedly at him before turning back to grab the kettle, pouring two cups of coffee.

Knocking at the door makes you pause, looking over your shoulder, and this time you don’t tell him off when Steve stands.

“Buck said he might come over this morning, didn’t think he’d be so earlier…” He tells you with a slight frown, and you turn back to your still sizzling pan as he makes for the front door. You take two more eggs and crack them as muffled talking meets your ears.

“... Yeah, I don’t think she stopped crying for an hour straight.” You hear the familiar voice of James Barnes as the two men enter the kitchen, and you feel a slight flutter of nerves before you turn around to greet him properly.

You hadn’t seen Bucky in a long time, even before the war.

When your mother had died back in 1939, and really, she had been your foster mother, as your own had died when you’d been born, the saint that was Sarah Rogers had gracefully decided to raise you as her own, despite being the constant reminder of her husband’s infidelity. You had only been fourteen, and Steve had been deemed (by the state at least) not able to care for you properly due to his own health issues.

You’d been granted a place at a girls school upstate, and although you’d gotten to see Steve on holidays and the occasional weekend visit when he was well enough and could afford it, you hadn’t seen either he or Bucky for any meaningful amount of time in years. By the time you’d graduated in 1942, both men had joined the army and were making headlines around the world with their exploits.

You’d watched from afar as Steve, now Captain America, and the Howling Commandos helped win the war.

Now, standing in your kitchen, it feels almost surreal to see both men, side by side like when they’d been younger, like you remember them.

Well, almost. Steve was noticeably changed and Bucky…?

Your breathing nearly halts entirely as your eyes fall on Bucky, dressed in a simple day suit, hair pushed back messily like he’d been running his hand through it all morning, face the same, and yet somehow different to how you remember him, or how he looked in the papers. His eyes are stuck on you too, questioning at first, as if he didn’t know who you were, and then recognition, then fondness, and at last, affection.

“Mills…” He says, like letting out a breath he’d been holding for too long, and you realise, he hadn’t seen you in a long time either, since you still looked like a little girl. You can’t help the grin that pulls across your face. Bucky had been like your second older brother, he and Steve had been damn-near inseparable, and you’d grown up with him being a constant.

You wipe your hands off on the towel hooked into the pocket of your apron and move in to where he’s stepped forward, arms outstretched. You embrace him easily, and fight to blink away the tears that prickle your eyes, squeezing him tightly in return. When you move back, his lips briefly, but firmly press against your cheek.

“Look at you, all grown up now, huh?” He exclaims over-dramatically, giving Steve a look, who nods exasperatedly.

“Tell me about it…”

“It’s nice to see you again, Buck… I didn’t know you were home already! Steve didn’t say!” You know he’d been in London for some time, thanks to his accident, Howard Stark insisting on fitting him with a specially-made prosthetic arm.

He takes a seat at the table opposite Steve when the blond gestures to it, and you turn back to the stove, quickly grabbing a second plate and a third cup for coffee.

“I ran away, nurses couldn’t keep me in any longer.” He says, and you chortle.

“Oh yes, I bet they loved you.”

“Hey now, all the ladies love me!” Bucky replies, and you turn around in time for him to catch your rolling eyes as you set two coffees down, one in front of each man.

The two continue conversing, with you chiming in every so often as you finish with breakfast, eventually placing that in front of them too, Bucky looking bashful, but grateful that he hadn’t needed to ask.

“Thanks, Mills.” He says softly, as you finish the rest of your coffee by the sink and quickly make to untie your apron and hang it on the wall.

“You’re welcome. Now, Steve, I have work in twenty minutes, so I’ll be gone all day. I finish at ten, so I won’t see you until then, if you’re still awake.” You inform your brother as you move around, grabbing your purse and hat from the end table. Steve lifts his head with a frown and swallows his mouthful hurriedly.

“Ten? At night?” He questions, and you feel your heckles raise. You lift your nose just slightly.

“Yes.”

“You plan on walkin’?”

You roll your eyes.

“Well, seeing as I don’t drive…” You spy Bucky frowning too, as if he were about to join Steve’s side.

“I don’t like the idea of you walkin’ alone that late at night, Millie, it’s too—”

“—I won’t be alone.” You cut him off promptly, checking your purse for your keys.

“Vinnie is going to walk with me.” You say, watching both men’s frowns deepen. This wasn’t exactly a conversation you wanted to have two minutes before you had to go to work, in front of Bucky, no less.

“Who the hell is Vinnie?” Bucky asks, looking between you and Steve as if the blond had any answers to give him. You check your watch impatiently.

“A boy I’ve been seeing.” You tell them curtly.

“I need to go. I’m going to be late!” You stress, quickly stepping from the room before either man could interrogate you further.

Bucky looks to Steve, still wearing a deep frown of concern even after the front door has slammed shut.

“Did you know she was seein’ somebody?” He asks, disapproval clear in his voice. Steve shakes his head, lip pulled between his lips.

“No. But I’ll talk to her about it later…” Steve sighs, glaring down at his breakfast. Bucky nudges him not-so-gently with his foot.

“Steve, you don’t know this guy, he could be—”

“—He could, but it’s her choice in the end right? She’s not a kid anymore, Buck… She’s been managing just fine without us the past couple of years.”

Steve places his knife and fork down, and rubs a hand over his face.

“It was her birthday last month, she’s twenty now… She’s got her job, and has been paying the bills, looking after herself and the house… I can’t just come home and treat her like she’s fifteen again.” Steve explains, even though everything in him wanted to chase you down and question you to hell and back about this Vinnie boy. He knows he can’t though. Wouldn’t be right for him to tell you what to do and when, even if he only wanted to look out for you.

Bucky leans back in his chair and blows out a long puff of air.

“Twenty-years-old already…” He states, mind a little boggled.

“Tell me about it. I remember when Ma first brought her home.”

“She was so tiny… your Ma put the crib in the living room,”

“And we built her the pillow fort?”

“We stayed up all night ‘guarding’ her...”

The two men share a chuckle at the memory.

Bucky could remember when he and Steve would put you and Becca in the back of Bucky’s red wagon and drag it up and down the street, pretending they were chariot horses or something of the like. He can remember Steve telling him about that older boy who’d pushed you out of line at the corner store, and called you names, and how they’d both gone to teach the kid a lesson, a lesson that ended up with black eyes and cut lips, and you copying your mother as she held ice to the boys’ faces, mimicking her scolding, though she’d given all of you a couple pennies to go get some sweets, after.

He can remember picking you up from school and walking you home when Steve and Sarah had both been too ill, and holding your sobbing, inconsolable form when your mother had died. He remembers last seeing you on a train platform, a tearful goodbye to Steve and the whole Barnes’ clan who had come to see you off on your trip to your new school upstate.

Winniefred Barnes had tried to suggest to the social worker that they would take you in, but the family of four was struggling as it were, and it hadn’t worked out.

And now you were twenty, a grown woman, and yet, still so young. Bucky remembers being twenty, his whole life bright and ahead of him.

Now at twenty-eight, he felt a little differently, a little more jaded, a little more bitter, though he tried to fight it.

Still, Steve was right. You were grown up and if you’d decided that this Vinnie was good enough, then they’d just have to deal with it…

“But you are gonna scare him a little, right?” Bucky says, and Steve side-eyes him.

“Oh, believe me Buck, I’m gonna put the fear of God into him.”

—-

You check your watch and pull your cardigan a little more around you as a small gust of wind kicks up. It wasn’t cold exactly, but you’d been waiting for twenty minutes already and the breeze was beginning to get to you.

You’d clocked off at ten, when the diner closed and had been waiting outside for Vinnie to meet you. You know his own boss often kept the boys later than expected, so you try not to worry, try not to think of the worst case scenario as the seconds and minutes continue to tick by.

The street was dark and quiet, only lit up by the occasional street light, or passing car. You turn your head to look when you hear approaching voices, a small group of men and a few women laughing and chatting loudly as they move up along the street. They must have been out dancing, you suspect, judging from their jovial cadence and the way several of the girls cling into their partner’s arms.

They get nearer, and you look away, not wanting to stare or intrude, but soon see them preparing to cross the road, and you glance back briefly, only to double-take.

Bucky was among the men, you see now, and he happens to look over at you as you notice him, his brown frowning momentarily before he turns back to reply to a question. But you see him check his watch, and then, bidding the other’s goodbye, he waves them off and starts toward you.

You straighten, throwing him a nervous smile as he nears.

“Hey…” You greet, but he’s still frowning, and he looks at his wrist again.

“I thought you finished at ten?” He asks, and you swallow.

“I did… Vinnie’s just… running a little late, I think.” You try to brush off his clear concern but he only frowns deeper, before moving to lean on the wall beside you.

“I’ll wait with you.”

“No, Bucky, you don’t have to do that!” You protest immediately, not just because you felt a little indignant about being able to wait or walk home on your own, but because you didn’t want to introduce Vinnie to Steve or Bucky until you were ready.

He looks at you with a raised brow and scoffs.

“It’s ten-twenty five. I’m sure Vinnie’s just around the corner.”

You wait in awkward silence for what feels like hours, perking up every time you hear someone new coming down the street… but none of them turned out to be Vinnie, and when Bucky next checks his watch, you feel anxiety bubble up.

“Come on Millie, I’ll walk you…” He sounds resigned, or tired at least, almost like he’d been expecting this and had to bide his time. You purse your lips and try to wave him off.

“Buck, it’s really okay, he’s probably just five minutes away, you can go if you—”

“—How long are you willing to wait for this guy, Emilia? It’s ten-thirty five.” He cuts you off, exasperated, but gentle and your eyes meet the floor.

He was right, it was getting late, and it was still a decent walk home.

“Okay…” You relent, hitching your purse higher on your shoulder as you begin to walk, Bucky falling in beside you. The silence returns again, a little more uncomfortable this time, and you find yourself unable to stop from sneaking glances at Bucky, trying to read his thoughts from his expression.

“He’s not usually like this, you know.” You stop suddenly, staring at Bucky as he turns back to look at you.

“Vinnie, I mean. His boss keeps him late sometimes, but he’s not— he isn’t a bad guy.” You explain, seeing Bucky’s expression shift from confusion into mild amusement.

“I never said he was.” He defends, and you huff a little in annoyance.

“No, but you’re thinkin’ it!” You accuse, watching him stare back at you with his raised eyebrows before he shakes his head and waves his hand.

“Come on, Mills, I need to get you home before Steve really freaks out, and rallies the Commandos…”

You hesitate, face feeling hot at your outburst, and quickly make to rejoin Bucky.

When you get home at last, as you well expect, Bucky follows you up the stairs. Vinnie would usually bid his goodbyes at the bottom of the stairs that led up to your place. The door opens before you can even get your keys out of your purse, and you blink sheepishly up at Steve, who’s expression changes from worry, to confusion as he gazes between you and Bucky.

“Thank you, Bucky…” You say stiffly, avoiding his eye. You lean up to press a kiss to your brother’s cheek as he steps aside, bidding him a quiet good night as you make for your bedroom right away. Steve looks back to Bucky who had stepped inside now, and frowns.

“I was heading home from Val’s, happened to see her waiting and said I’d wait with her.” Bucky shrugs.

“What happened to Vinnie?” Steve asks, folding his arms over his chest as Bucky gives him a pointed look.

“The kid was thirty-five minutes late, so I just told her I’d walk her back…”

“Thirty-five minutes?!” The displeasure in Steve’s voice isn’t hidden, but Bucky just shrugs again.

“She said his boss keeps him unexpectedly sometimes…”

“Right.” Steve purses his lips, before unfolding his arms with a sigh and squeezing Bucky’s shoulder.

“Thanks for lookin’ out for her.”

“You’d do the same for Becca.” Bucky smiles, and opens the door. He had a hell of an early morning tomorrow, but there was no way he was going to let you walk home alone in this part of the city.

“Goodnight, Buck.”

“Talk to you tomorrow, pal.”

—-

It’s a rare night you’d managed to get off of work, and luckily so too. A girl you’d known around your neighbourhood for years had passed word around about a celebratory evening at a local club, and for once, you’d really wanted to go.

The room is alight with familiar faces, almost like your entire corner of Brooklyn had showed up to dance and drink the night away. Beside you, your friend Jennie sighs before taking a deep drink from her fizzy apple cider, presented in a fancy crystal glass so it looked like white wine.

“All these men return from war and yet there’s still not a half-decent one to catch the eye of…”

You side eye her wrly.

“You always say that, and always end up mooning over some Private or what-have-you by the end of the night.” You playfully kick her leg under the table, and Jennie chuckles good-naturedly.

“That is true… but at least I end up dancing with someone.” She says pointedly, tipping her cigarette at you, and you scoff, defensiveness rising up in your chest.

“He’s coming!” You tell her.

“He’s always coming… Millie, that man is not as busy as he makes out to be, he’s just stringing you along because you let him!” Jennie leans into you, but you’ve already shut out her words with a shake of your head.

“You’re wrong. You’ll see. He’s just running late.” You say huffily, looking away from her now with a cloud over your mood.

“You should find somebody else to dance with in the meantime…” Jennie sighs, tapping the ash from her smoke into the provided tray, before putting it out. You continue to pretend to ignore her.

“What about him? Oh, he’s nice… look at those long legs and those shoulders! Lush…!”

You can’t help but look at where she points, the pure desire in her voice, as well as her description igniting your curiosity.

Your eyes land on a man nearby the bar, chatting jovially with several people, including at least two women who looked like they could be movie stars in your opinion. The man is, however, Bucky Barnes, and you watch with warming cheeks as he leans into one of the women, his hand resting at her back, before sliding lower to sit at her waist in a nearly inappropriate manner. His eyes are half-lidded, his smile sultry and suggestive, and you quickly snap your head away from him at the sudden strange feeling building in the pit of your stomach.

“Bucky?!” You mock-whisper, leaning in, turning back to Jennie who still hasn’t looked away, though she does when you say his name.

“You know him?! You should definitely go and—”

“—He’s my brother’s best friend! He’s— he’s like a brother to me.” You insist, screwing up your nose, despite the rather un-familial way your heart beats so quickly at the thought of his fingers dancing over that woman’s back. At the lingering thought of his fingers on your back, instead.

“You don’t say…” Jennie hums, already placing her cigarettes and lighter back in her purse, eyes now glued to the man across the room. You can’t help but frown.

“You don’t mind if I dance with him, then?”

You scrunch up your nose again and roll your eyes as you wave her off.

“Absolutely not.” You hear yourself replying, even though you feel the sudden urge to stamp hard on her foot with your heel, so she’d not be able to dance at all.

“Great! I’ll see you later then!” She throws you a wink as you watch her go, spying how Bucky looks up as she approaches, his eyes roaming her up and down as his lips pull into a grin once more. You tear your eyes away before you can see any else and frown darkly at Jennie’s forgotten drink.

Wishing it were alcoholic, you reach out and down the whole thing in one.

You check your watch and settle back in your seat, waiting, pointedly ignoring that side of the ballroom.

It must be another hour or two later before you’re finally interrupted, your chin resting in your hand as you watch the dancefloor dejectedly, debating on if you could afford to catch a cab home. You’d rather curl up under your covers right now, and not think about what Jennie had said earlier.

“So… How late is his boss keeping him this time?”

You look up sharply at the sound of Bucky’s voice, spying him just behind Jennie’s abandoned seat, hands shoved in his pockets and his eyebrows raised and amused. Already on edge, you roll your eyes with a glare and sit back, crossing your arms.

“If you’re only here to rub it in, you can go away.” You grumble, annoyance only ticking over more when he chortles, and sits down.

“Jennie says you were gonna meet at six.” He continues, looking at his watch with feigned interest and you eye him sharply.

“James.” You hiss in warning, to which he finally relents, holding up his hands and sitting back in his seat, mimicking you.

You glare out at the dancefloor once more, watching the couples twist and turn and laugh, and make a point of ignoring the man who’d come to sit beside you. After five minutes of silence, you hear him sigh, and finally look at him, to find him standing, his hand held out.

“Come on.” He wiggles his fingers, and you can’t help but just stare at them, mind racing back to the woman from the bar momentarily.

“What?” You ask dumbly, but he only reaches out for your hand instead, pulling you up easily, in a way that made your belly flop around uncomfortably.

“We’re gonna dance, and I don’t wanna hear even one complaint outta you, Miss Emilia Rogers.” Bucky grins as he pulls you onto the edge of the dance floor, your feet and hands traitors to the hesitancy you feel as they automatically come to rest in place.

“I never said I wanted to dance.” You grumble, eyes darting around, looking anywhere but at Bucky’s face, his smile smug and self-satisfied as he begins to lead you in a lazily, but upbeat swing.

“But your eyes did. Sweetheart, I spent enough time watching Steve watch others dance to know longin’ when I see it.” He spins you a little, but brings you back in close again. It’s less of a serious attempt than it is a silly one, enough to get you smiling subconsciously anyway, and you can’t help but laugh at his description of Steve.

“So, until your Vinnie arrives, I’ll fill his shoes.” He states matter-of-factly, and even though you feel grateful at having such a kind man be your friend, you also feel a tangle of other emotions. Guilt for making him spend his night looking out for you, and a strange, unknown feeling every time he smiles, or every time his hand adjusts his hold on yours.

“Don’t you want to dance with any of the other dames? I know you could probably line ‘em up and out the door…” You tease, watching him roll his eyes, before he spins you again, catching you with his hand firmly at your waist.

“Maybe, but outta all these broad’s, you’re my favourite.”

You’re blindsided by the compliment, blinking rapidly up at him, before something else strikes you.

“D-did you just call me a broad, James Barnes?” You hear yourself questioning, but he only laughs away, swinging you out, and then back in again.

“You know, I think the last time we danced, I musta been fifteen… you were small enough then it didn't hurt when you stood on my feet.” Bucky ignores your question and you feel mock offence fill you once more.

“Well! You haven’t improved much since then, either!” You reply indignantly.

Bucky’s eyes fill with determination, glinting with cheek and mischief as his hold on you suddenly shifts, his hand in yours angling differently, his fingers at your waist tightening just so, and it sends another wave of strangeness over you.

“Is that right, dollface?” He remarks lightly, but you know you’re in for it. You poked the dragon, and here came the flames.

The band seems to be on his side, the song picking up into a new beat, something you recognise, an older song, Duke Ellington’s ‘It Don’t Mean a Thing’. Your heart skips a beat as Bucky begins to move faster than you’d become used to, and while you weren’t at your brother’s level when it came to dancing, you were clearly under-practised compared to Bucky.

He seems to relish in sweeping you around the dancefloor, always one step ahead, his hands moving you this way and that, spinning you and twisting you around the other dancers until you feel thoroughly out of breath, and not just from the quick movements.

Bucky stares at you while you dance, lips pulled into a lazy grin, and you can’t help but get goosebumps under your dress each time his fingers seem to trail along your side for a second too long before he takes your waist properly. Your mind flutters back to the gorgeous woman at the bar, the way Bucky had touched her, and you feel heat rise in your chest and face.

The song ends too suddenly, and yet not soon enough, Bucky twirling you around and catching you close as the last notes fizzle out, your chest pressed against his, his hand clutched in yours tightly, and his other hand gripping your side, thumb outstretched over your ribcage, pressing against the underwire of your brassier in a way that feels suggestive.

He’s smiling down at you sweetly now, not quite with the same challenging gaze as before, and you realise, looking up at him, how close you are. The air feels hot and sticky, and you can’t help but see him in a whole new light, a light that was dangerous and strange and felt a little wrong.

But he was so handsome…

You tear yourself apart from him in seconds, and stare, blinking as you will your mouth to work, to say something, anything sensible.

“I… I need water…” You announce, turning rapidly on your heel, all but running to the ladies room just off from the main hall. Your hands shake nearly all the way, and you’re glad to find the small room vacant, quickly ushering yourself inside. Leaning against the sink, you take several deep breaths, your heart hammering your chest.

You couldn’t have a crush on Bucky. You just couldn't! You’d known him way too long, and it was too strange… your mind wanders to the feeling of his hand at your waist, and your belly flops, making you gasp and hurry to turn the tap on. You splash your face with a little water, pursing your lips. Not only was it too strange, but you were seeing someone else!

A knock on the door nearly makes your knees buckle in fright, and for a moment you struggle to find your voice as another calls through the wood.

“Millie…? Are you alright?” Bucky’s voice floats through the barrier between you and you start, again.

“I-I’m fine! Be right out!” You wash your hands, hoping that when you did indeed exit, he’d have made himself scarce, but you aren’t so lucky.

“What’s wrong?” His question comes quickly after you exit the bathroom, and you blink at him, waiting for you against the wall, though he stands straight when you appear.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” You say with far more conviction than you’d expected. Bucky stares at you for a beat, eyes searching your expression before the crease between his own brows smooths just a little. He opens his mouth, but you beat him to the punch.

“I think I’m going to go home. I’ve had a long week.” You tell him, already expecting his response.

“I’ll walk ya.”

You don’t try to argue with him, you know he’ll only brush you off, so you make quickly to gather your coat and purse.

If Bucky notices your quietness on the walk home, he doesn’t let on, chatting jovially about this and that as you try not to focus on how attractive his voice is, or how sweet his laugh sounds. But you fail entirely, even going so far as to sneak glances at him under the guise of polite listening, your gaze trained on his lips or his eyes. Whenever he looks back at you, you can’t help but look away quickly, your ears red hot.

Was it really so bad if you had a crush on Bucky? Afterall, it was likely just that, a crush. You would get over it soon enough. You could even chalk it up to not having seen him for so long, in combination with knowing how good of a guy he really was…

Your mind wanders aimlessly for several minutes until you’re snapping back to attention, Bucky staring at you inquisitively, and you realise you’ve both stopped walking.

“Huh?” You blink at him in confusion, and his smile grows.

“I said I hadn’t realised Patty’s Parlour was open again.” You look past him, across the street to wear the ice cream shop stands bright against its neighbours, the lights still up, plenty of customers milling around inside. It had been a staple in your childhood, though a rare treat, but had unfortunately closed down at the height of the Depression.

“It’s been open for about a year now.” You confirm, nervously taking in the growing giddiness in Bucky’s eyes.

“Let’s go!” He says, holding out his hand, as if it were a perfectly normal thing for him to do. You look down at it a moment, still trying to formulate a reply, but he doesn’t wait, grabbing your hand in his own and gently tugging you across the street.

You feel like time slows as you stare down at your entwined hands, your pulse seemingly magnified by the pressure of his palm tucked against your own, and you wonder in horror if he can feel it. The moment passes though, and soon you're hitting the sidewalk again, a nervous smile pulling at your lips before you know it. Bucky casts his own grin back at you before he shoulders open the door, a bell jingly happily above it.

“I don’t think I could tell you the last time I had ice cream…” Bucky says as you approach the glass display case. You’re faintly aware of all the flavours in front of you, but you’re still far too focused on the fact Bucky was holding your hand. It was… nice, you realise, when your mind quietens down for a second, and you note how warm his hands were, without being sweaty, and how well your hands fit together. You wonder if you were to link your fingers if the fit would still be so perfect, but you don’t dare try it.

He releases you only when he digs into his pocket for his money, and nods over your shoulder.

“Why don’t you grab us a booth?”

Who are you to argue, not when a piece of his hair falls over his forehead as he pulls a couple of bills from his wallet and turns back to the waitress.

You find a booth toward the back, and slide into one side of the plush red seating. The lighting in Patty’s made it seem almost like daytime, and the air was cool enough, thanks to the ice cream, that you kept your cardigan on.

Bucky finds you easily, sliding in across from you while placing down two cups of ice cream, pushing one toward you.

“Thank you.” You say automatically, realising then, that he’d paid for you when he really hadn’t needed to, and apparently ordered for you too.

“S’no thing, sweetheart.” He waves you off, already spooning a green coloured ice cream into his mouth. You try not to stare for a moment, as his lips wrap around the little spoon, and quickly tear your eyes down to your own multi-coloured dessert.

“Bubblegum’s still your favorite, right?” He nods to the cup you hold in one hand and you can’t help but smile bashfully.

“I know it’s childish but—”

Bucky scrunches his nose with a chuckle, and waves his hand again.

“—It’s ice cream, Mills, you’re allowed to be a little childish.”

You hum in agreement, and then in delight as you taste the familiar flavour. You hadn’t had any in a long time either.

“Besides, when I was in Italy, this dame tried to get me onto some gelato with raisins in it… I tried to explain to her if I wanted stuff in my ice cream, it had to be chocolate chips, but she insisted…” Bucky speaks dramatically, even rolling his eyes some, and you laugh, subconsciously leaning forward.

“Was it any good?” You press, and he scrunches his face again, this time in disgust.

“Hell no!”

You chortle, forgetting for a moment any of your previous worries. Bucky was, at the very least, a friend, and your little crush could deal with it. You’d let it run its course, and like a fever, you were sure it would dissipate eventually.

That didn’t mean you couldn’t indulge a little in the meantime, though.

“You really didn’t have to leave to walk me home, you know…” You say after a little while, Bucky leaning comfortably back in his seat, one arm thrown over the back.

“Firstly; I wasn’t about to let you walk home, alone, at night, in this neighbourhood,” He begins, eyeing something over your shoulder. A second later, the waitress deposits a tall milkshake glass on the table, and Bucky whips out a crumpled note, passing it to her as a tip.

“And secondly; what if I wanted to, huh?” He leans forward again as the waitress leaves, and your mouth runs a little dry.

“W-what?” You can’t help but mumble, watching as Bucky moves the drink between you, pushing a second straw to your side of the table. He leans in and takes a quick sip.

“Every time I’ve seen you lately, you’ve been waiting on that boy,”

You open your mouth, face quickly pulling into a frown.

“I don’t wanna get into it Emilia,” He anticipates your protests, and holds up a finger, which promptly makes you shut your mouth again.

Bucky’s face shifts from a little annoyed to apologetic, to soft, and his eyes cast down momentarily to the straw he twirls in his fingers, before he looks back up at you.

“Just thought you could do with a reminder of how dates are supposed to be.” He says quietly, and if your eyes don’t deceive you, you swear you see a dusting of pink blush his cheeks.

However bugged you were by Bucky’s seemingly constant poking about Vinnie, the sentiment is sweet, and your chest swells, your stomach filling with butterflies at the thought.

“...Thank you, James.” You can’t bring yourself to meet his eye right away, distracting yourself instead by leaning in to take a first sip of the milkshake he had clearly ordered to share. You chance a look up just as you pull away from the straw, the butterflies in your belly suddenly going haywire at the gentle smile Bucky gives you.

For a moment, your mind wanders once more.

Was it so strange for you to crush on Bucky? Vinnie and you had been seeing each other for a while, but you weren’t exactly serious yet. Just because you’d known Bucky for all your life didn’t mean you couldn’t like him, did it? It wasn’t as if he was that much older than you, either.

And then, just as you get used to the idea of possibly, maybe liking Bucky as more than a friend, another, unwelcome thought strikes you.

What if Bucky wasn’t interested in you? Afterall, as far as you know, he was just being a good friend, a good quasi-older brother… Just because his actions were making you weak in the knees, it didn’t mean he meant anything by them. Why would someone like Bucky be interested in you?! There were plenty of glamorous, more experienced, prettier girls he could have his eye on. You were just… you. Certainly not bad to look at, but you’d consider yourself rather plain next to most of the girls you’d usually see out.

The thoughts bubble over your head and hang like a dark cloud, and you’re only ripped from your reverie when the back of Bucky’s knuckles brush against your fingers, still holding your straw. You blink as he leans in to take another sip, not tearing his eyes from you as he does so, making your heart skip. He says nothing even as he leans back in his seat once more, simply gazing back at you, until he finally tears his eyes away, to look out the window.

Your fingers still tingle where he’d brushed against them, and you struggle to contain the fluttering in your stomach and the fast pace of your heart.

When he drops you home, he once again follows you up the stairs, but this time stops at the door when you open it.

“Thank you, Buck, for… for everything…” You say nervously, not quite wanting to admit that he’d really made your night, mostly because you didn’t want to admit it had been ruined in the first place. He seems to understand though, and he nods, smiling, and then before you can react, leans in, hand lightly holding your forearm as he drops his lips to your cheek.

Bucky had kissed your cheek a hundred times before, when you were younger, but this time, it feels different. He lingers with his lips against your skin for just a few seconds too long to be friendly, your mind whirring, and you pray to god he doesn’t hear the tiny gasp of surprise you let out, but you don’t think you’re so lucky.

When he does pull away, he moves slowly, eyes watching you warmly, and you feel as though your face could heat up half of New York. You half expect him to break out into a smug grin, his demeanor turning playful, but he doesn’t. His lips pull just slightly at the corners, giving you a sweet smile, soft and filled with fondness in a way that makes you breathe in deeply despite yourself.

“Sleep well, Millie. Say hi to Steve for me.” And then he’s leaving, waltzing back down the stairs to your apartment, seemingly in no rush. You watch him as you slowly close the door, following his figure until you’re just staring at wood.

You continue to stare at the back of the door for several minutes, the only sound is the constant tick of the kitchen clock. Your heart beats rapidly, your mind plays back the evening on repeat, and you find, as you fasten the latch over the door, and make your way through the darkened apartment to your bedroom, that you can’t stop smiling dreamily.

[abarbaricyalp]

A Time For Dancing

Rated T // 19k words // AO3 // Prompt: Based on a movie

This was written for one of the days of the Sambucky AU Week but clearly it was late

Sam Wilson has lived in the same hometown all his life. A hometown that outlaws public dancing. When Bucky Barnes moves from New York, with unstoppable feet and a charming smile, Sam accepts the things he wants to change and examines his own desires. They plan a high school dance (Footloose AU)

The thing was, Sam had a rebellious streak in him a mile wide. But, after watching his brother implode and disappear when Sam was 13, he was finding it difficult to ever act on any of his be-a-pain-in-the-ass urges in any meaningful way. Their small coastal town was strict and religious in a way that Sam sometimes couldn’t believe existed in a world with rock and roll music and big-budget hollywood movies. He supposed it helped that there the local theater was carefully vetted and there were no music venues of any kind in the town. No dancing at all, in fact.

Gideon and his friends were the last good push for rebellion. They threw dances in fields just outside of the city limits and pilfered alcohol from friends already in college. In the half decade since, the only rebellious spirits weren’t actually rebellious, they were just assholes. The kind of guys who jacked up their trucks and put foghorns on them and ran people off the road into ditches just because they could. The kind that started fights if someone’s voice or style wasn’t right. The kind who’d trip a quiet kid with bags of groceries. 

Sam couldn’t get behind that kind of bullshit. Gideon, he’d follow all over town, taking detailed mental notes as they went along, but everything Gideon did needed a crowd with him. If Sam posted up in a field with a boombox and David Bowie, he’d just be a weirdo. Steve Rogers might appear anywhere there was a righteous fight to be had. But he wasn’t a sure bet. Every change in weather down here seemed to try to kill him and the harried, upset looks his mother could send him would otherwise do the rest. Sam had been in the office after some fight of Steve’s and had seen the way his mother had come in, all concern and disappointment and no anger. Anger, Sam could work with, push back against. Disappointment? That was the killer.

But Bucky Barnes had appeared, with his loud bike and blaise attitude and ready fists and endless questions. God, the kid had so many questions. “Everyone down here’s Baptist? Even the Catholics?” “What do you mean the theater isn’t gonna show the new Farrah Fawcett movie?” “A dry country? Are you kidding? This ain’t the wild west.” “How do you live without dancing?” “It’s a law? It’s a law from when?” “Don’t you guys ever have fun?”

He was the antithesis to everything the town had built itself up to be without even trying. He carried a leather coat everywhere, even though the thermometers were still tipping 100. He cursed like a sailor. He played the loudest music Sam had ever heard. He pushed back on every rule he came up against. Sam knew he still hadn’t cut his hair. He just kept it pinned up enough to be within dress code standards. He knew because he’d put his hands through all of that hair, leaned up against that terrible bike of his.

He drove Sam nuts. He really did. Sam hated the way he always walked into service late. He hated the roar of his bike–honest, you could tell when he was still five minutes off ‘cause you could hear it. He hated the c**ky grin he wore all the time because it was infuriating and unearned. He was everything Sam wanted to be and was still too scared to reach for. Which meant Sam really liked him too. They could butt heads all day, but he was so down for whatever terrible idea came out of Bucky’s mouth when he grabbed Sam’s wrist and hauled him away from a diner booth or school desk or church pew.

[ontowanderlust]

SYPNOSIS. What do you do when you couldn't find the right words to say? You express yourself through different means, of course. But what about years worth of things left unsaid? Well then, what better way to do so than express it through a mixtape, right?

PROMPT. Prompt #23 [The Way You Said "I Love You"]: Through a song

TROPES. S2F2L; Idiots in love; Slow Burn; Two timelines; Non-linear storylines

WC. 19k words. (Longest fic of mine as of the late. Yes, I am so happy and satisfied. 😌)

WARNINGS. Unedited; Grammatical errors; This fic is written in tagalog so most of the story won't make sense to some; Slow burn. You know what that means, folks. [angst. lots of it.]

NOTES. I had been contemplating whether to post it here or in wordpress but since I've gotten too used to tumblr's features, I chose to post it here under this account. Forgive me as it's been a while since I last used this style of writing [I call this one: my wattpad-ish style] so if you see any inconsistencies in grammar or if it's a bit clumsier, you know why. This fic is also a commissioned piece- some parts are written in tagalog so please bear with me, non-filo tumblr users.

DEDICATION. There is beauty in stories. It’s where you can escape when reality hits too hard. And while people may not know it but sometimes, all we ever need are just little opportunities for an escape. Just for a little bit. And so this is for you, dearest. Belated happy birthday. Hope it's worth the wait.

She must've been really tired than what she had expected because for some reason, the counter that separates the living room and kitchen had been void of clutter.

Why, earlier this morning, she couldn't even take a glimpse of the marble top of that same counter since she and her roommate just loved dumping all of their stuff there. So we could see our stuff easier, Rianne had reasoned out. Oh the irony.

So why is she looking at a clutter free counter?

Taking a step forward, her eyes narrowed as she found a single parcel lying on the counter with her name written on it.

Was Rianne trying to prank her again? Hasn’t she learn her lesson last month?

Before she could even spiral down her thoughts, the phone in her hand buzzed with a message from the devil herself.

What the hell.

Furrowing her eyebrows, she reached over the post it note stuck on the parcel, confusion written all over her face.

You know how I'm shit at expressing my thoughts so I figured, if I can't tell you directly, what better way than to tell you the best way I know how, right?

Kinda old school, but here's a mixtape of some of the music I found myself listening into these past few months. I hope they convey what this heart of mine can't.

So. Will you listen?

Despite the nondisclosure of the sender's identity, the neat handwriting had given it away. Scoffing to herself, she swiped the parcel from the counter, pushing all rampaging emotions deep down.

The nerve of this guy to send cryptic parcels and vague post its when he hadn't even bothered staying in contact after graduation. Ano, wala lang sa kanya yung pinagsamahan nila? Ah so that's how it is, huh?

Come to think of it, it's quite weird that Rianne seemed to know a thing about this package even if her message says otherwise. Was she still in speaking terms with Cj? Not to be that person but she would've thought Rianne would be the last person Cj would get in contact with. After all, it wasn't a secret that the two had acted civilly just for her sake.

So- since when are they close enough that Rianne would willingly let her roommate borrow one of her prized possessions? Was there something she missed?

Traipsing her way to her roommate's room, she ignored the way her stomach would flutter as she searched for Rianne's vintage speaker- the one gifted to her by her boyfriend- which is kinda odd that she would let her borrow it considering all the times she tried telling her friend multiple times that owning a vintage item would be the start of every horror films.

Ah but then again, this is Rianne and if her friend's in need, she would still let them borrow her stuff- despite the slander she had spoken against that speaker.

Heaving out a small sigh, she gingerly took the speaker before going to her room, unwrapping the parcel only to find a single cassette.

Well. Only one way to find out then.

-=-

Now Playing: Atin ang Mundo 0:46 ─ㅇ─────── 4:13

Paglingon ikaw agad ang nakita, di maiiwasan na ikaw ay titigan.

He noticed her first.

Oh how he noticed her in a room full of people whose attention had either been towards one of his friends who had been cracking jokes in his abnormally (affectionate) loud voice or the group of people arguing about the latest gossip just in front of them.

She always chose the second row, right wing of the room, aisle seat which baffled him at first because- who would want to sit in the professor's line of sight where the probability of getting called during recitations were at high rate- only to understand where her sentiments lie when he realized just how soft spoken this professor was. Should he switch seats as well? It’s not like he’s learning anyway, right?

That, and he had learned from someone that she had poor eyesight, something he inwardly winced at. This professor of theirs is not only soft spoken that he suspected only dogs could hear that decibel level but they also wrote in miniscule lettering. Nagtitipid ba ‘to ng space or what?

Despite their professors obvious flaws, it’s not worth exchanging seats, nope.

Actually, he'd prefer if he is seated two rows behind her just... because. That could mean a lot of reason, right? Not just the fact that his interest on her grew each passing day, nope. Maybe it could mean that he just doesn't want to answer the professor's questions or maybe it could mean that he wanted to play mobile games discreetly.

See, there could be a lot of reasons he could make up on why he always always chose to sit on the fifth row, left wing of the room, second chair to the aisle and no, it's not because he had been staring at the girl with ridiculously huge glasses that it framed half of her face, weird hair style that could use just a little bit of brushing or iron- whichever she prefers, no judgment there- and a permanent glare that often sends people running to the opposite side of the room or- from what he had heard, gives them the ominous chill (trademarked) that often gets associated with psychopaths.

Truthfully, the moment he had set foot in this department, there had already been rumors circulating around and more often than not, it sounds terrible and paints her a not so good image.

But if she were terrible, he mused, his head unconsciously tilting. Then shouldn't she be shunned instead? From what he could tell, she had at least three friends by her side. And from what he had gathered, two of those friends of hers happen to have good reputation for themselves, in terms of academics that is. Though, it’s not like she’s a problematic student when it comes to academics, that he could see. But perhaps, her reputation as someone unapproachable painted her in a bad light.

So which among her rumors are true then? Oh how he wis-

Before he could even spiral down his thoughts, he could feel a sharp jab to his side making him glare at the person beside him who had this annoying knowing look on his face.

"Baka matunaw," his friend gently warned, chuckling at the automatic eye roll he had earned from him. "Seriously, CJ, you're wasting your time with that fleeting interest of yours." he continued, knowing what- or rather, who's consuming his thoughts.

Cj hummed, a small smile slowly creeping across his mouth albeit the annoyed expression he is currently sporting. "Who said anything about fleeting interest?"

His friend's amused expression quickly morphed into bemusement, exasperation seeping through his eyes. "I'm telling you this now, nothing good will come if you associate yourself with her. I'm trying to save you from becoming the object of her piercing glare."

"She's not Medusa, you know."

"She might as well be,"

Scoffing, he jerked his head slightly towards the girl who had been sitting beside their subject who is now being engaged into a small talk.

"See, hindi naman nagiging bato si ate girl na kausap niya." he argued, earning a small groan from his friend. "Makes me wonder... do you think I won't turn into stone if it were me to talk to her?"

His friend stared at him for a bit, shoulders shrugging in defeat as he heaved out a sigh. Sometimes, he just couldn’t understand what goes in his friend’s mind. "You're going to talk to her nevertheless, aren't you?"

Grinning, he let out a small chuckle. "Better yet, I'm gonna befriend her."

-=-

"The first time I saw you," she jumped at the suddenness of his voice as she stared at Rianne's speaker, wondering if it was one of those possessed shit they usually see in horror movies. (How many times had she been telling her roommate that owning shit like this would most likely result to haunting? Or worse, possession?)

"You were an urban legend. People don't like you because of your piercing gaze. Kala nga nila nun you were the embodiment of Medusa."

The fucker had the audacity to laugh. What the fuck. If it weren't for the fact that she didn't know where he lived, she would've choked him to death. She could only imagine his amused look as he record this shitty of a commentary.

"My friends told me not to get involved. They told me I'm wasting my time. And siguro, at the time I do like challenges or maybe it's because I'm bored but I told them I'm gonna befriend you."

"You, out of all the people enrolled in Doc Hina's class."

-=-

Now Playing: Fine Time 0:13──ㅇ─────3:02

I hope we could spend more time together, a few hours is better than never. If we could only make it longer, a whole day would be fine.

"Nandito ka na naman?" oh if looks could only kill, he would've been six feet under by now.

They really weren't kidding about how her glare could pierce even the sturdiest material known to man, huh? But of course, what an exaggeration it was for how can he still be alive with all the glares she had thrown his way?

Or baka masamang damo lang talaga ako, he mused as he gave her his most charming grin (try: annoying shit eating grin that could most likely earn him a punch or two) as he sat down next to her, waving to their silent audience of one (the same girl who he learned was a dear friend of Monique) who looked all too amused with what was going on.

"Didn't I say I was gonna see you again soon?" he asked in response to her question albeit her rude tone. "And besides, I did say that I wanted to be your friend and friends hang out so..." he purposely dragged his words as he gestured to the review materials he had oh so graciously placed on their table.

Looking at her, his expression morphed into an all too pleading one. "...let me review with you?"

"No." not even missing a beat, she gave him her most deadpanned look as she went back to reading while at his peripheral view, Rianne's mouth pressed into thin line, obviously hiding her amusement at the on-going conversation.

Normally, this is where people usually give up, retreating with their tails tucked in between their legs but not him. If anything, this had just spurred him to do better.

And do better, he shall.

"Ah but as you can see," he purposely let out a small sigh, earning a raised eyebrow from the girl across them while Monique simply ignored him. "All of the tables are occupied and yours is the only one that could accommodate one more person."

"So?"

"I'm saying wouldn't it be better for you guys to share this table since you still have space and all?"

"Both of us are claustrophobic. Adding one more person to this table is an invasion of our personal bubble."

A small snicker in front had her jerking her knee to kick her friend on her shin, causing the table to jerk slightly.

Staring at the unbothered girl, he decided to lean forward, catching her attention as she looked up at him partly surprised and partly annoyed. "Didn't you just hear what I said? What part of it did you not understand?"

"The part where you said you were both claustrophobic. Why, if I recall correctly, don’t you two hug on a regular basis as a form of greeting? So, hindi ba ‘invasion of personal bubble’ yung ginagawa niyo?" he asked, making her eyes widen. For a second there, he swore he had seen one of her eyes twitched at his remark but maybe that was just a trick of the light?

Gotcha.

Her jaw dropped as her eyes squinted in suspicion. "Were you watching us? Are you a fucking creep?"

"I was merely pointing out my observation. Besides, creepy na ba agad kung lagi niyong ginagawa yun sa public space?" he countered as he leaned back, mouth curling into a smug smile when he saw her falter with her words.

"Yes it's creepy," she fired back, her reading materials now abandoned in favor of him. "No one would willingly watch random people go about with their daily activities. Especially not with us."

"Why's that?" he hummed as he placed his elbow on top of the table, cheek resting on his palm. "Look, I just want to sit with you guys, is that too much of a bother?"

"Yes. Kanina ka pa sagabal, actually. Learn to take a hint, will you?" waving her hands in a shooing motion, she then gave him a scathing look. "So please lang, pwede bang lumayas ka na? We're not comfortable with having a stranger sit with us."

"Why didn't you say so? "Yun lang naman pala eh." Brightening, he managed to find his opening as his hand straight up took hers, vigorously shaking it. "The name's Christian pero hindi ako mabait eh so just call me Cj."

Oh how he wished he had his camera with him. With the stunned look on her face, he could only imagine her thoughts are filled with nothing but curses and questions about his sanity and audacity. He had a feeling that he had been pushing his luck since the beginning but what he had just done would be the reason for his demise.

Lord, baka naman gusto mo akong tulungan dito. Kakapakilala ko lang sa kanya masyadong maaga pa kung kukunin niyo na ako after nito.

Just before she could even open her mouth- probably to shout at him (or kill him, whichever comes first), her friend had beaten her to it.

"Well, well..." they both turn their heads towards their audience, her eyes twinkling in delight as her eyes shifted her gaze from their faces towards their interlocked hands, her mouth curling into an amused smile. "Mukhang nakahanap ka na ng katapat mo, Monique." she commented, sending her a knowing look before nodding at him in acknowledgment as she went back to her studies.

He could feel the hostility from his side softening as he turned his attention back to her only to see her snatch her hand from his as she grumbled underneath her breath.

"This means nothing, Christian na hindi mabait. You're still a stranger to us."

Letting out a small sigh of relief, he could feel himself relaxing as he discreetly looked up with shit eating grin plastered on his face. She's saying that now but wait till he charms her! Oh but first things first...

The best ka talaga, Lord!

-=-

"So ayun, I was on a mission to be your friend. Kaso langya naman Monique, you make it so hard to approach you!" she couldn't help the small giggles escaping before her hand slapped over her mouth in an attempt to control it. "Sana masaya ka at nagmukha akong desperado nung mga panahong gusto ko lang naman makitable sa inyo."

"Ang hirap grabe. Though, I guess it could be karma because- well, the intention sprouted from boredom but then, when you finally talked to me? Shet, kaya mo akong sabayan. And I couldn't help but think, the best nga talaga si Lord for giving me persistence otherwise, I wouldn't have known what an awesome person you are."

-=-

Now Playing: Asan ka na ba? 0:23 ──ㅇ─────── 3:55

Nasa'n ka na ba, maghihintay nga ba? Para 'kong tangang nalulungkot sa wala

"Ay wow, it looks like the elusive prince charming had finally graced us his presence," one of his friends bellowed as the rest hollered while the others laughed boisterously, making him raise his eyebrows at their antics. "Quick, somebody give him a drink before he change his mind!"

"Or worse, might bail on us cause his girlfriend came calling!"

Another round of laughter ensued as they continue enumerating possible causes why he couldn't be with them.

"Mamaya niyan di pala kasi alam ng jowa niya na andito siya!" Taking a seat next to his friend, he smacked the back of his head, rolling his eyes as he shot a glare towards him. "The fuck you're going on about, Rob? Hinay hinay lang sa kakainom, pwede ba? Kakarating ko lang at ayokong umalis nang maaga."

"Oh dear lord, there's two of them!" someone in the background laughed at Rob's statement, making him frown. Was there an inside joke that he failed to understand? "Totoo pala yung nakukuha mo yung mannerisms ng jowa pag palagi kayong magkasama no?"

Staring at his inebriated friend, he gave him a lopsided grin as he slung his arms over his shoulder, offering him a glass to which Cj downed in seconds.

With the company he's with? He'd definitely needed more than just a glass of beer. "Speak clearly, Rob. What's with you guys and this girlfriend nonsense? Ano, nag materialize bigla jowa ko out of nowhere?"

Letting out a small tsk, Rob looked at him as if he was deciding if he was joking or not. "You're still sober," he mused, flagging a passing waiter for another round of drinks. "Di mo ba pansin na you kept ditching us to hang out with that little girlfriend of yours? Sana pinapakilala samin no? Whatever happened to us being your ride or die? Grabe, nagkagirlfriend lang and suddenly you have no time for us, shame."

Scoffing, he shrugged off his arm from his shoulder, reaching over for another glass, flipping the drunken man the finger. "One, sinong may sabing girlfriend ko siya? Di ba pwedeng maging friends ang opposite sex? Two, that one time I hadn't been able to come, ditching na agad yun? And three, di ba pwedeng busy lang?"

"Busy pursuing that medusa girl!" someone from their circle piqued to which he easily shot a glare at, making her cackle before shrinking to her seat.

"Oh god there's really two of them!"

"Are you sure sa mga desisyones mo sa buhay, Christian?!"

"Can you guys stop with the medusa jokes already? I swear, para kayong mga bata- just because there had been rumors surrounding the person, does it make it alright for you to call her names?" his voice had started to raise but with the chuckles emerging from different sides of the room, he couldn't press down the annoyance bubbling within him.

"So would you rather us call her your girl instead?"

"Mukhang ganun na nga, he hadn't been correcting us ever since we started the girlfriend jokes!"

"Ah so should we refer to her as The girlfriend, ganern?"

"The chosen one!"

"Guys, ano ba?" he bit off, gritting his teeth as the rest of them kept on hollering. "Enough already."

"Wait, wait! I think I have one more- ang nagpatibok sa tigang puso ni Christian!"

"That's a fucking mouthful! What if-"

"Enough!" he bellowed, the noise surrounding the group slowly faded as he looked at them in the eye. "My god, tama na pwede ba? You guys are adults so fucking act like one."

The silence was too deafening as all eyes of the room fell on him. Can he blame them? It was a bit out of character for him to be pissed over something he could've laughed off.

Why was he pissed anyway? There's nothing wrong with what they were saying, he could've denied everything they were playfully accusing him.

"You're awfully too easy to rile this evening, Ceej," James’ voice cut the tension down as he turned to meet his gaze. "Katuwaan lang 'to, we're not trying to imply something. Unless..."

"Unless nothing," he cut him off harshly to which the other man shrugged off before turning back to his companion as the buzzing noise slowly returned until they all went back to their respective conversations as if what had transpired did not happen at all.

"Aight," Rob's voice is surprisingly calm coming from someone who had been too close to being inebriated few minutes ago. "What was that all about?"

He knew that outburst would pique his friend's curiosity and knowing Rob, drunk or not, he wouldn't just let it go without getting the answers he wanted.

"Nothing," even so, it couldn't hurt to try and deflect the man from getting the answers he wanted but seeing the disbelieving look on his face, Cj rolled his eyes before swiping another drink to drown himself into. Can't he get drunk any faster? "Look, it just doesn't feel right to hear that the person I've befriended's being called different names. And I wouldn't want any misunderstanding that may evolve into rumors, okay?"

He didn't know what's more unsettling, the stares or the prolonged silence, and so groaning, he turned to meet his gaze. "What?"

Humming, his friend had the audacity to smirk before reaching for another glass- looks like them leaving earlier than expected is inevitable after all. "You're playing a dangerous game, Ceej. Especially since you're unaware of it."

Their staring game seemed to reach for an impasse as Cj took the glass out of his reach, prompting him to stand up. "You've had your fill now," he announced, pushing the man to stand up. "Tara na bago pa tayo palayasin dito."

Shaking his head, the inebriated man let out a small satisfied hum. "Are you sure you can see it through?" he slurred, making Cj freeze.

"What the fuck are you going on about now?"

"Hmm... I wonder."

If only this bar prohibited fist fights, he would've punched him already. Well, he still can- it's just that, he had already caused one awkward situation, it would be embarrassing to start another one.

"Robert, I swear-"

"Just... be careful, dude." Rob cut him off, slinging his arms once more over his shoulder as Cj began walking beside him. "As much as I wanted to see you humiliate yourself on a daily basis, I'd rather you not get hurt."

-=-

"My friends weren't exactly the perceptive type. Well, not like Rianne," by the time his voice came around, she had gotten a bit comfortable, chin tucked over a pillow she had been hugging as she listened. "So imagine mo, they had been teasing me ever since I began spending my time with you. You know the drill- they think I had hots over you cause I've been putting too much effort in being your friend."

"I think I even caused a scene because I've been vehemently denying all their teasing kasi hindi ba pwedeng maging magkaibigan ang magkaibang kasarian? My god." hearing the exasperated tone from him had her fighting off a smile before dropping it completely. How was it that he keeps having that effect on her? "But you know what, Monique? They were on to something," he let out a small shuddering sigh.

"And that scared me."

-=-

Now Playing: Upuan

1:38 ───ㅇ───── 4:32

Isang tingin mo lang hanggang dun na lang ako.

Minsan, nakakabadtrip din ang pagiging isang overthinker.

Isipin mo yun, he rarely uses his brain for the things that required critical thinking like say, school works, perhaps? Tas bigla bigla na lang sasabay ang pagooverthink mo sa mga bagay na di naman dapat pagtuunan ng pansin like say, feelings.

So yes, nakakabadtrip ang pagiging overthinker. And he is definitely not amused.

And yet, here he was, lying eagle spread just at the corner of the campus' quad, staring blankly at the clear skies, head empty except for thoughts about certain... things.

Well, to be more precise, a certain person.

Were his thoughts useless? Never. Thinking about his friends had never been useless, not to him anyway. It's just that, when feelings are involved then that perhaps is where things get useless.

Emotions, he came to realize, are trivial thing. You either feel, or you don't. And the last time he checked, emotions aren't tied with friends- not the emotions that would give you reason to overthink, anyway.

Friends... are there during happy moments, and they are also there whenever you needed someone to lean on during your lowest.

At least, that's how he see it.

So. What's up with these stray thoughts, then?

Thoughts wherein he'd suddenly have this urge to pull her close, to reach for her even when she's just a few steps away. Maybe these urges flare up when she's just... right there.

And maybe, he'd always acted upon these urges whenever he had the chance, always justifying it by saying it's crowded at the hallways or if the situation calls for it, in the pretext that he was just looking out for her safety whenever they were walking just along the sidewalk.

Sometimes, his straying thoughts weren't always about subtle touches. Sometimes, it's about how their gazes lingered more than necessary during these past few days- perhaps even more than how she looked at that up and coming professor.

And if his brain is feeling too productive, his thoughts might even waddle over the fact that she had finally started to open up to him, filling him with blooming hope that all his efforts had finally started to come to fruition- something he couldn't understand himself.

See? Useless, useless things.

Ah, he should be preparing for his next class. Hell, he should be worrying about the difficulty of the exam he hadn't bothered studying for. ("Bakit mo ba lolokohin sarili mo, hmm?" a little voice at the back of his head whispered.)

And yet, here he was. Consumed by nothing but these conflicting emotions that he could only feel whenever she's-

"Huy! Christian! What the fuck are you doing just lying there?" Startled, he found his view being blocked by Monique, the expression on her face looked like a mix of weirded out and flat out concerned for his sanity. "Di naman sa nangaano, ha? Pero mukha kang mas tanga than usual."

He didn't think that such combination of expressions exist and most importantly, he didn't think she'd be able to pull it off- ah, Jesus Christ. What on earth has been happening to him?

"I'm resting, can't you see?" he found himself answering as his free hand patted the space next to him, earning a bemused expression from her.

"You do realize we have class in like, five minutes, right?" chuckling, she began nudging him with her foot, making him reach out to her free hand, pulling her next to him.

Her landing just right to his chest, an oof escaping her lips had his mind screaming how bad of an idea it was to pull her in without thinking the consequences.

Is it just him or is it becoming hotter than usual?

"Why bother showing up for an exam when you know you're gonna fail anyway?" he mumbled, clearing his throat. Is he coming off with a flu? Right in the middle of summer season?

Laughing, she shoved him off as she stood up, offering her hand for him to take. "Uh-huh, wag mo akong idamay sa mga kalokohan mo, pwede ba?"

Looking up, he couldn't help his breath hitching just as his eyes met hers, the light surrounding her had gone seemingly brighter, the chatter around them becoming nothing but pleasant white noise.

Ah, shit.

-=-

"Alam ko naman na may pag ka-goldfish ang memory mo so I wouldn't bother asking you to remember but there was a time- out of all our campus' quad shenanigans- when you found me lying on the grass and you said- and I quote, 'mas mukha kang tanga than usual'," his voice came out light and airy as if he was trying to be nonchalant about it but something within her tells her that he's been all too consumed by the memory.

'You're wrong', she'd want to interrupt him before he could even feel melancholic about the memory. 'I remember that time all too well.'

"Ang di mo alam, I was too far up in my headspace that time. Too busy overthinking things and you know that nothing good comes with overthinking, di ba? But there I was 'nagmumukhang mas tanga than usual' because I've been too busy thinking of our dynamics." furrowing her eyebrows, she looked over Rianne's speaker with an unreadable expression on her face, willing for the sentient object to sprout out answers.

What did he mean by that?

"And then bigla ka na lang umeksena as usual." aaand he is back with his playful tone. Goodness, Cj. Couldn't you be straightforward just for once? "Okay na sana eh kaso panira ka talaga, Monique! But... y'know, Ben and Ben were right- isang tingin mo lang, hanggang dun na lang ako."

-=-

Now Playing: Ikaw Lamang

0:10 ─ㅇ───────── 5:26

'di ko maintindihan ang nilalaman ng puso, tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay. Pinapanalangin lagi tayong magkasama, hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka.

"So nasaan ang anino mo ngayon? Mahina ba ang sinag ng araw?" the suddenness of Rianne's voice had him freezing in his tracks, eyes widening as he looked up only to sigh in relief when he saw the two girls seated a table away from the bookshelf beside him.

"The fuck you're talking about, di ba ayaw mong naarawan ka?"

Maybe it had been a few days since he last interacted with them for how could a simple statement from the girl he had been unconsciously hiding from had his heart beating wildly against his chest?

God, how could her voice affect him that much? Granted, it was simply her usual fuck off tone.

"I swear, I'm surrounded by idiots," he could hear the rolling of Rianne's eyes as she muttered, the sound of rhythmic tapping can be heard between the two friends as silence followed, the shift in the air had became a little bit palpable. "Did something happen between the two of you kasi for some unknown reason, ang lawak ng table and I've already took out all of my reviewers, plus my laptop."

Stifling a laugh, despite Rianne's complaints of how he took up the space when he began joining them at their table, she still let him have the space next to Monique whenever he's around.

"Not that I'm complaining," her voice brought him out of his musings. "But for some reason, ah how do I say this? Parang you looked as if may kulang sa’yo? If that ever make sense."

His head perked up. He wasn't the type to eavesdrop on others' conversation, this he swore. In fact, those two girls loved rumors more than he did. It's just that, when it comes to Monique, he just couldn't help but stop and listen.

There's always something about her that had him stopping in whatever he's doing and just listen... whether the rumor be bad or not. He liked to think he always wanted to see for himself if they were true or not.

Making himself comfortable by slumping against the bookshelf he had so graciously hid himself from them, he waited for Monique's inevitable scoff, all too aware he had pissed her off with how she tried to brush off her friend's prying earlier.

Hearing a scoff, he let out a small grin as if celebrating a small victory. Whoop, there it is.

"The hell? Tignan mo nga, sinisiksik mo na ako sa dulo oh. Paano mo nasabi na may kulang pa?" Ah, these two. It will always be live entertainment so long as he hang out with them, won't it?

Shuffling could be heard at the other side, making him wonder if they had engaged in a playful fight that had him wishing he's in Rianne's position instead of sitting against the cold floor.

"So, ano nga?" he heard Rianne probed after rounds of shuffling and giggling had subsided between the two of them. "Where's that giant of a shadow-"

"Ewan ko, okay?" Monique snapped, earning a sudden bout of silence between the two of them. He didn't need to be there to see the suddenness had startled Rianne as it did to him. "Sabihin mo nga sakin, may ginawa ba akong masama sa kanya or anything for that matter or something na nakakaoffend na bigla na lang siya mang-g-ghost? May nang-g-ghost ba na kaibigan? Ha?"

Just as she had uttered the last line, collective 'shhs' can be heard throughout the area, making her huff in annoyance as he could imagine her shrinking to her seat while her friend gave her an amused look.

Oh how he wanted to see it all. How tempting it must be to give himself away if it weren't for his curiosity getting the best of him.

"Well, well..." he could feel his heart dropping as he heard Rianne perk up, immediately sensing that whatever it is that is about to leave the girl's lips would not help his case. "'Ghost' isn't a term I would use. Try mo 'drop'. As in din-rop ka niya as a friend."

For the first time in his twenty something years, the urge to commit murder had never felt so strong.

"Ikaw ba ay nangiirita or nagc-comfort?"

"...both? I think both. Okay, wait. Seryoso na." the fucker had the audacity to laugh. Which method of murder best suit her? "Again, my statement stands. You guys are both idiots." The sound of Monique's muted protest tells him the fucker had flicked his friend's forehead.

"Rianne, isa." Monique warned, earning a tsk from her. "Can’t you just go and I dunno, fuck off for a few minutes or so?”

“Sure. But answer me this first, bakit affected ka?” she asked immediately before Monique could even put another word in. “You, who gave no flying fuck towards other people has become suddenly affected by a single dude who just upped and left… or so you say.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he craned his neck onto the bookshelf as silence engulfed the two. Despite his murderous intent towards Monique’s friend, he had to admit that this girl is scarily perceptive of the people around her. She could be really dangerous when she put her mind to it, making people face the things they hide from.

As the silence dragged on, he heard a sigh from the other side, making him perk up as he anticipated for his friend’s answer.

He had to know if she could sense that something is indeed brewing between them- those lingering stares, the accidental brushes, the prolonged skin contact, and the comfortable silence in between.

He had to know, did they mean anything to her? Did they even mean something or had he been just imagining it?

Was it a wishful thinking? Or was it all just lost in the translation?

It wasn’t as if he intentionally put his distance between him and her. It’s just that… for the past few weeks, there’s always a cloud of confusion looming above him as he found himself hanging out more and more with her.

And in his typical way of understanding the situation, he had to step back and try and see the bigger picture but in doing so, he may have unintentionally… ghosted her, as she said. But was it wrong? Had he been wrong in choosing himself? Choosing to understand what has been happening to him?

Never had he been the type to be mindful of people. Not that he cared about their opinions but with her, it’s different.

Hence, the urge to eavesdrop had never been so strong.

“I’m not.” Never had he heard Monique use a somber tone before and for some unknown reason, it made him nervous. Had something happened when he was lost in his thoughts?

Had Rianne took it too far this time? Does Monique need him to save her from her own friend?

“I’m not affected, Rianne.” He heard her repeat her words, this time with conviction- as if she’s pleading for someone to believe her. “I don’t give a flying fuck to anyone and that won’t change, even if it’s him.”

Ah. He should’ve expected this. He should’ve known better.

Was it just him or had the silence between had gotten a bit heavier? Was this a sign to come clean and come out of his hiding place, facing the wrath of not one, but two crazies? Or was this his cue to leave with his dignity intact? What dignity? he scoffed inwardly.

“I see,” before he could even decide his next course of action, Rianne had once again filled the silence between them. Was he reading too much or had he picked up the disappointment from her voice? “So be it then.”

Ah. For some reason, everything hurts.

Clutching his chest, he let out a muted laugh as he bowed his head.

So be it then.

-=-

"Confession time," for some unknown reason, his voice was breathless and-Jesus Christ, why does it affect her so much that she had to pause the godforsaken music player as she took a minute to compose herself.

The air conditioning unit is functioning well, right? So how come she could still feel the heat creeping through her face as she clutched her chest, willing for her heart to stay still.

'My goodness, Monique. Pwede bang huminahon ka kahit saglit?' She silently berated herself. 'Ano na naman ang naiisip mo, ha?'

Pressing play, the next words that came out of the speakers had her sobering. "Sometimes, I accidentally find myself wandering into the middle of your and Rianne's conversations." he what now? "At nang dahil sa inyong dalawa, natuto akong makinig sa mga usapan na di naman dapat pinapakinggan."

That little shit! Panic bloomed into her chest. Just how many conversations did he stumble upon? Did he stumble upon all of them??

"Yung pinaka tumatak sakin was the one where you told Rianne that I 'friend ghosted' you." oh god. "And I think an apology was overdue, don't you think? Monique, I didn't mean to. Please believe me, it wasn't my intention."

"But for the sake of my sanity, I had to." he let out a small bitter chuckle. "I had to step back so I could listen to what my heart was whispering about."

-=-

Now Playing: Lihim

1:04 ───ㅇ─────── 3:56 'Di mo ba nakikita sa isip mo'y ibang-iba, damdamin ko'y 'di madama

Did he miss something?

Knowing Monique, he knew just how petty she can be whenever she wanted to but this… this is a new type of pettiness that even he was not expecting for her to do.

Of all the things she could've done, he was definitely not expecting to see a cardboard cut-out of a random Korean dude occupying the large space he had claimed for himself at their table.

Looking across the cardboard cut-out, he met Rianne's amused stare, biting her upper lip to avoid laughing boisterously all the while her gaze shifted towards the unbothered girl sitting beside the cardboard cut-out.

"Mawalang galang na ho," he started, earning a scoff from Monique making him frown. Yep, she's still pissed. "Pero parang meron po yatang naligaw na bantay ng mall dito or sadyang nakaw to?" he couldn't help the helpless tone coming out of him that he had to look at Rianne for enforcement, the girl cringing as she shook her head as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth, bowing her head in the process as her shoulder shook in silent laughter.

Gee, thanks a lot, Rianne. Ano pa bang silbi mo dito? Really. He would've dissed the girl more if it weren't for Monique's sharp turn of head, her eyes wide in offense, mouth curling into one of her deadliest sneers, nostrils flaring with undisputed anger.

The fuck did he do now?

"Excuse me?" she drawled out, her tone lowering as chills began to creep into the back of his neck. "Bantay ng mall? Nakaw?" she repeated his words, genuinely affronted all the while their audience of one is shaking uncontrollably and yet, they paid her no attention to.

"…hindi ba?" oh how he hated her effect on him. Asan na ngayon ang tapang mo, Cj? How was it that the mere slight of change of her tone had him cowering in fear? Was this the power of guilt? "I mean-"

"Out."

What?

Meeting her steely gaze, she gestured for him to leave and find another table to study on. "Namumuro ka na ah. First, you dare befriend us and then had the audacity to ghost us-"

"-Why am I being dragged into this?" Rianne deadpanned as she composed herself when she saw the fight between them wasn't going to escalate.

"-then you go and diss my man sitting beside me? How dare you? Fuck off. Layas. Humanap ka ng bagong table dahil di ka dito welcomed." Monique finished off, completely ignoring the bewildered look from his face.

"Teka, teka, teka- you mean to say, this guy is my replacement?" he couldn't help raising his tone as he turned from Monique to the dude with wide eyed innocent look, and a hint of small curl of his lips— what, is that supposed to be tantalizing? (seryoso, sinong matinong guard ang magpapapasok ng estudyanteng may dalang ganyan?) and looked back to Monique who looked at him, challengingly.

"Seriously? You replaced me— who, by the way, had some issues that needed resolving that's why I was gone for a while- with some fucking cardboard guy na pwede nang maging bantay ng stall sa mall? How on earth did you even manage to bring that thing inside the campus without anyone questioning your sanity?"

If he was in the right state of mind, he would've known better than to speak his mind about the cut-out but it's been days- weeks, even since he last seen and talked to his friend.

Was it that bad that he'd want to have her attention on him? So excuse his lack of tact, thank you very much and yet, it seemed that Monique has yet to perfect telepathic communication as she just stared at him with that offended look on her face, snarling at him as if he had just declared himself as anti-fan of whoever the fuck is that dude sitting beside her.

"You're dead to me." Monique spat as she huffed, standing up as she gathered her things making his eyes widen as he shot a helpless look to Rianne only for her to gesture her head towards Monique, silently urging him to act fast.

And act fast he did.

Without thinking, his arms reached out towards her, wrapping them both around her arms, effectively caging her and preventing her from leaving them.

"Let me go." she gritted her teeth, squirming from his hold.

Holding her this close, he could feel the warmth emitting from her despite the coldness of the library. He didn't know if it was because it had been weeks since he last saw her but the overwhelming need to snuggle closer to her had never been this strong.

"Never." he breathed out, acting upon instinct as he pulled her closer. Was it just him or did she gotten warmer? If only they could stay like this for even just a little longer then maybe he might be able to-

"Okay ang cringe," Monique suddenly declared, pulling him out of his reverie as she shuddered in his hold. "Jesus Christ, Cj sang lupalop ka ba napunta at bigla kang naging ganyan? Yung totoo, did you ghost us just so you could read your Wattpad stories in peace? Alam mo naman na tanggap ka namin ano man ang hilig mo, right?"

The small protest in the background about being dragged into the middle of this had gone unnoticed as he watched her twist against his hold.

Looking straight in her eyes, he knew for a fact that her anger towards him had slowly melted but just to be safe, he untangled one arm from her, raising it to flick her forehead, earning a small cry from her.

"Guard, may nakawalang baliw na naman po oh." he grinned as he watched her nose scrunched in annoyance, breaking herself free from his hold as she pushed him half-heartedly.

"Guard, may bastos po oh." she fired back, making his jaw drop in mock offense as he pointed to himself to which she nodded at with that playful annoyance displayed on her face.

Oh how he missed their playful banter.

Just as he was about to retort, he watched as her eyes widen in surprise as she ducked her head, turning away from him. What just happened? And was that- did Monique seriously blushed just now?

Before he could even comment on it, he felt the air behind him whoosh, making him turn to see what had caused his friend to act weirdly only for his stomach to drop.

She couldn't possibly, right? There's no way in hell was she acting all shy up when the university's basketball varsity team had just passed by.

Turning back, he could feel the dread rising up when he saw Rianne's amused expression had turned sympathetic towards him.

He could feel the cold seeping through his fingers, not caring as he snatched a chair from the neighboring student's hold, crying out a small protest to which he paid no mind at as he sat down next to Monique, the cardboard cut-out guy had been long forgotten.

"What the hell was that?"

"None of your business. Mag aral ka dyan."

If she thought he was going to drop it, then she didn't know him that well. But she did know him and he knew that she knew he wouldn't just simply drop the topic.

"So sino dun?" he didn't know that he could physiologically feel pain just by saying random things. "Sino sa mga higante ang nagpapatibok sa iyong malamig at patay na puso?"

Sending him a half-hearted glare, she let out an exasperated sigh. "First of all, hindi pa patay ang puso ko. Nakikita mo ba ang bebe Yoseob ko?" she gestured at the cardboard cut-out guy beside her making him roll his eyes. "Two, bakit parang may hinanakit ang tono mo? Hindi lahat ng babae nagkakandarapa sa'yo, we've talked about that already."

Why would I care about their attention when I only wanted yours? He wanted to protest but with the way her eyes twinkled just at the sight of the guy, he just couldn't find the courage to.

"And three, para sa ikakatahimik ng kaluluwa mo, his name is Adam and no, he's just a happy crush. Okay na? Happy?"

Flashing her a sarcastic smile, he dumped his bag on top of the table slightly harder than normal. "Very much so."

-=-

"Sa lahat ng babaeng kilala ko, ikaw yung pinakatopakin, alam mo ba yun?" his tone had gone softer- fonder, dare she even say. And if he were here, she would've probably opened her mouth to retaliate-- no, scratch that, she WILL retaliate. "Opps, wait. Alam kong kating kati ka dyan mangaway, patapusin mo muna ako, pwede? Perfect ka?"

Letting out a small laugh, she couldn't help but press pause as she looked at the speaker with her own fond look flashing across her face.

Ah, Cj. I wonder how you're doing now.

Shaking her head, she let the tape continue where it left, savoring the words that came out of his mouth.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing. Siguro, pahamak lang. Remember the time where you snuck in some cardboard cut-out of some random korean guy sa library just cause you overheard my friends that I'd be coming to share a table with you guys?" Fighting a grin, her eyes shifted towards the exact cardboard cut-out next to her closet. How could she ever forget? "It was so weird that I was torn between throwing that piece of cardboard out of my spot or if I should just find another table to sit on. Pero syempre, support lang tayo sa kaibigan natin gaano pa ka-weirdo sila, di ba?"

'Tangina, matapos lang talaga tong tape na 'to, hahanapin talaga kita,' she vowed silently, ignoring the sudden clenching of her heart as she heard the last part of his comment.

"Being with you is quite the rollercoaster ride, Monique. Isipin mo, sa'yo ko lang naranasan maweirduhan, maging masaya, malungkot at matakot in a span of minutes."

"Is that a bad thing?" she found herself asking in time with his same question, their voices blending in chorus. Her hold on her pillow tightened as she waited in bated breath for his answer.

Humming, he let out a sigh. "I don't think so."

-=-

Now Playing: Di Bale Na Lang

1:12 ───ㅇ─────── 4:42 Hindi ko na alam kung makakaya ko pa, 'di bale na lang kaya

Is it just him or did his friend gained attention the past few weeks?

Well. There's nothing really wrong with gaining attention here and there- in fact, he's secretly hoping that the nasty rumors surrounding her would dissipate as time goes on and people get to see how true and great of a person she is.

Heaven knows she's a good person. Despite all the weird and aloof exterior she possess.

So really. He's all for supporting Monique with her newfound popularity. Though the thing is, what ticks him off was the fact that most of the attention she's gaining were of male population.

Yung totoo, Monique, pumunta ka ba ng Quiapo?

"Weren't you the one to say na ayaw mo sa mga exaggerated phrases?" Rianne's voice drifted somewhere behind him, cutting him off from his offhand rants that he didn't knew he was voicing out loud. "Kala mo naman ang dami dami ng competition with the way you're acting. Ano ka, boyfriend?" snickering, she gave him a side eye, making him cringe at how easily she had caught him.

"Oh wait, you haven't even confessed!" and now she's mocking him. Wow. The audacity. "So pray tell, bakit ka nagmumukmok dyan?"

Squinting his eyes, he let out a small groan. "Ano na naman ang pinagsasabi mo dyan?" it was a poor attempt to salvage the damage, that much he knows. And with the look she's giving him, he knew that she knew what he was doing yet, he didn't know why he even held on to the hope that this girl would pity him and let him have his dignity back.

Was it too much to ask for a little empathy? Then again, this was Rianne he was talking to. Her empathy towards him is little to none.

"Asus, patay malisya ka pa dyan when you've already outed yourself," letting a disapproving tsk, she continued despite the roll of eyes they threw at each other. "Like siguro five minutes ago pa. So again, bakit ka nagmumukmok dyan? Do you even have the right?"

"Don't you have an off switch somewhere? You're being extra annoying today." he gritted his teeth, glancing momentarily over her shoulder, narrowing his eyes before turning back to his abandoned laptop, fingers pressing the keyboard harder than necessary. "And di ba pwedeng maging reason kung bakit nagmumukmok yung tao ay dahil iniwan siya ng kausap niya in the middle of the conversation?" he snapped, earning a shake of her head.

Looking at her back, she let out a small scoff. "Dude, you do realize that she's just talking to the professor, right? I don't know what kind of scenario you've conjured in that petty head of yours pero I think-- and this is a crazy idea but hear me out, it's pretty much a violation of several codes of ethics to form a relationship outside of professional setting, especially one of professor to student."

"With Monique? Don't count that idea out." he muttered, earning a snicker from her, silently agreeing with him.

"Well," she drawled, leaning back on her chair, twirling her pen on one hand. "Kinky." she commented, laughing at the disgusted expression on his face. "While that may likely to happen, I don't think Professor's is the type to engage a relationship with a student so I guess that's one less of competition for you, huh? Shame. Was hoping for drama, at least."

"Why are you so adamant with this competition thing? Ano, are you really that bored that you just impose your imagination onto people? Pwede ba tigilan mo yan? That's not healthy."

"Harsh," she commented airily as if his comment hadn't fazed her. "Are you being like this because she cheered the loudest last week at that basketball game? Or perhaps, was it because you're not the sole focus of her attention these past few days?"

"Hah," he let out an exasperated sigh, his eyes flashing her an irritated look that had her mouth curling in a lazy smirk. "Stop psychoanalyzing me, psycho. Gaano ba ako ka-self-centered dyan sa utak mo that you think her shifting her attention to someone else had me in a bad mood?"

Shifting his eyes momentarily, the irritation he felt had somewhat grew just as the professor gestured for the newcomer to join his conversation with his student.

Feeling the shift on the mood, Rianne turned just in time to see the varsity that caught Monique's eyes reaching for her friend's hand, shaking it firmly, the growing smile on her friend's face didn't go unnoticed. "Just admit it, Cj. Mas lalo mo lang sinasaktan sarili mo the more you deny it." she found herself saying. "You're jealous."

"Me? Jealous?" his reply had been instantaneous as if he had been expecting her to say it their entire conversation. Shaking his head, he gave her the most serious look he could muster. "Di kaya."

-=-

"Did you know, may pagkademonyo yang kaibigan mo?" was it just her or did his tone changed into- how should she put it? Para bang nagsusumbong? "Wala siyang preno, Monique! Kung makapagsalita akala mo naman may karapatan siya no? Who does she think she is? My therapist? Please."

Jaw dropping, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the speaker with disbelief dancing through her eyes. He is! He really is complaining about Rianne!

She couldn't help the giggles escaping from her lips as she let him rant on. What did Rianne do this time? Not even trying to hide the smile creeping across her face, she sunk onto her bed, humming as she listened on.

"Just because she had my feelings figured out doesn't give her the right to call me out. At the end of the day, whatever I choose to do with my feelings should be my business and mine alone." his tone turned serious that had her frowning.

What? What exactly happened- that had him ranting like this? Did both of her dearest friends fought without her knowing? How come she hadn't heard about this? And why didn't they tell her?

Was she really out of the loop for so long that she had no idea what had been happening between the two people she considered dearest to her?

Is it just her or does it seem like her chest had been dumped with heavy bricks? Having half a mind to reach over for her phone and call her roommate, she was stopped on her tracks with Cj's next words.

"'Wag mo muna siyang tawagan, Monique. She and I didn't fight, if that's what you're thinking-- and I know you, lods. Whatever you're thinking, get rid of it. It was just the usual jab and bickering. It was a passing thought." Just how did he do that?

How is he quick to reassure her when she's far from him? When he couldn't even see her reaction? How does he know what she's going to do when they haven't even talked for a while now?

"Although, don't tell her this but she's right," mumbling the last part, she had to strain her ears to hear him, pausing it for a bit and rewinding the last part in disbelief.

Is the world ending?

"The more I deny, the more I hurt myself, yeah. I learned that the hard way. But as for her accusation?" he let out an exaggerated scoff. "Nope. Di bale na lang, talaga."

-=-

Now Playing: Balang Araw 0:58 ──ㅇ────── 4:52 Baka pwede lang kahit isang saglit, masabi lang na merong konting pagtingin

Head buzzing, ears ringing, the flitting sound of chatters and jazz music had all became nothing but muted as he came bearing to his senses, realizing his body had not been the only one that had slumped over the table helplessly.

What the fuck?

Blinking blearily, he finally became well too aware of the heat radiating from the body next to him, just as helpless and blissfully unaware like him.

Groaning, his face scrunched as he tried to fight the headache that had been pounding its way into his brain as he tried to remember what the fuck had happened because from what he could vaguely recall, it wasn't just Monique who had been with him earlier this night.

Did… their so-called friends left them both alone in this fucking bar?

Did they seriously finally acted upon their threats of leaving their sorry asses be?

Again, what the fuck.

Wasn't it already established never to let the two of them alone when they eventually became too shitfaced of drunks? Who knows what could've happened- slowly jolting awake, the sinking feeling of what could've been had him sobering in an instant, eyes wide as he looked around his surroundings only to relax when the familiar sight of Rianne's kitchen greeted him.

While he appreciated her being considerate enough to offer her home to them, he vowed he'd get her back for scaring the shit out of him, knowing she had deliberately mimicked the ambiance of the bar they had went to just to get a rise out of him probably.

Why did he get drunk anyway?

As if she heard his thoughts, Monique's hand reached over, pulling his arm towards her head, seemingly looking for comfort as she let out what seemed to be satisfied sigh, a serene expression painting her face as she succumbed further into dreamland.

Fighting off a smile, his free hand went over as he brushed the stray hair that had fallen over her face, fingers tracing her cheek as he indulged himself. "Alam mo, ang amo amo ng mukha mo ‘pag tulog ka. Pwede bang ganito ka na lang palagi? You kinda don't look like the gremlin you are during the day." he found himself saying as the reason for their spontaneous happy hour finally came rushing back to him.

Oh. Right.

She had been gushing over the fact that whatshisface had finally noticed her. That her months of pining had actually come to fruition. Hah. As if.

It’s bad enough he had to compete for her attention during one of their classes because of that goddamned professor, now he had to compete for her attention outside of their class too? And to that motherfucking giant of all people? Hah.

And while she had been talking their friends' ears off with the possibilities with her possible beau, he found himself drowning in liver poison, hoping and praying the burning sensation leaving its wake could at least ease the burning feeling he had desperately repressed for so long, ignoring the pitiful stares he had been getting from Rianne.

Everything afterwards became all too blurry and hazy even for his sober self. What had happened after? He knew why he had gotten drunk but what about Monique? Why had she gotten drunk?

Granted, getting your crush to finally notice you after so long is a reason enough to celebrate but if his memory serves him right (90 percent guaranteed), then why in the world had she been all too sulky in the end?

He knew her. He knows her. Probably more than he could ever know himself. And the stages of drunk Monique that came out earlier had not been one of celebratory kind. If anything, it felt like- it felt more like… something he couldn’t put his finger into. Ah, he’s too drunk to over analyze shit.

"Kung madali lang ako mahalin, it wouldn't be as pathetic as it is to celebrate the fact that he had looked my way," he recalled her hiccuping those words albeit drunkenly. Her eyes had been all too wide, glistening with unshed tears that he had forced himself not to reach for.

"It's not pathetic," he found himself saying as his heart skipped, heartstrings being tugged as he found himself helpless. "Madali kayang magmahal. Madali ka namang mahalin eh."

There was a pause between them, too palpable to ignore. And with the way her expression slightly crumble, fumbling with her quivering lips, he knew she was holding back.

What was it? his eyes screamed. How can I make it all better?

"If I am easy to love then how come-" Forcing a smile upon her lips, she had been the first to avert her gaze- just as always.

It had always been like that. Just as he thought he was close to figuring out the enigma Monique is, she goes around and shied away, fleeing as if opening herself is a crime against humanity.

If it had been a different time, he would’ve left it be- after all, he never tried to pry into her life, not like Rianne who they all know is easy to confide into.

But this is different, he justified. She’s hurting because of some asshole. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Does it hurt? Fuck yeah. But that doesn’t mean he had to stop caring for her. Not when she means the world to him.

“If you’re easy to love…?” He prompted, eyes pleading to-just this once- trust in him, confide in him.

He heard her swore, making him hide his glee knowing she could never deny him of anything.

“Madaya ka rin no?” Giving her a small victorious grin, he dared push his luck, nudging her slightly as if to encourage her. "Akala mo naman kung sinong gwapo. May nagsabi na ba sayo na ang sagwa kapag nagpapacute ka?"

Letting out a guffaw, he could feel his insides twist with glee when he saw small hint of smile upon her lips, nudging her forehead with his as he settled for a cheeky smile. "Excuse me, ang swerte mo sayo lang ako nagpapacute. Andaming nagkakarandarapa sa ngiti ko, huy."

Is it just him but for a moment there he saw something flash on her eyes but just as he was about to comment on it, how quickly it faded. Perhaps it was all wishful thinking? Perhaps a moment of weakness, something to hope for? Was it a trick of the light?

"Nako, parang hindi naman," she scoffed and for a moment, she had let the moment between them simmer before turning melancholic. "If I'm easy to love then why can't he?"

"Because he's a fool," he uttered automatically as if it was the answer to the world's most difficult question. "Because he's a fucking blind pole and a fucking idiot. Sabi sayo panget na jowain ang mga basketball players pero nakinig ka ba sakin? Hindi. Sheesh."

"I don't think that's it," she mumbled, shaking her head as if she's dismantling the idea he had planted on her head or perhaps- it looked as if she was disagreeing about something he had said which he inwardly scoffed at. There’s nothing wrong with his statement, right? "Because if it were then…"

Something in him wanted to push her further, to confide in him the way she could with Rianne. Despite his heart going crazy, it felt like he had to know the rest of the sentence. Even if it hurts. But looking at her bittersweet smile and the way her eyes turn glassy with contempt, he knew better than to. And so, with heavy heart, he had to drop their conversation, acting as if nothing hurts.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, he willed himself to forget that piece of memory. He should've forgotten that. Fuck.

Oh but he couldn't. His traitorous heart couldn't let him. Not when it comes to her.

"You're easy to love," he found himself whispering as if he is finally sharing a secret he held close, not really caring the numbing sensation from the arm she had stolen from him nor the fact that the walls probably have ears.

He had, after all, downed in liquid courage tonight and he'd be damned to let it slip.

Threading his fingers over her hair in the barest touch as possible, he dared continue. "You make it too easy to love you, Nic." Letting out a small nervous chuckle, his eyes softened as he stared at her. "Because if you weren't then how come I have been hopelessly and tremendously in love with you all these years?"

-=-

She had been too accustomed for his voice to come through the moment the song ended but for some reason, all she got was silence.

Eyebrows furrowing, she turned her head to check if the tape had finally stopped or heaven forbid, Rianne's vintage speaker had finally gotten possessed. Just as she was about to lean over, his shuddering sigh greeted her ears once more, making her jump in surprise.

"The fuck naman Cj," she muttered, clutching her chest to calm herself. "Pwede bang bigyan mo naman ako ng konting warning dyan?" her tone had been too light, talking as if he was there beside her but when the silence that followed became all too deafening, she couldn't help but feel all too worried.

Which is- silly, thinking about it. This was pre-recorded. Meaning, it's not exactly happening as of the moment. She didn't even know this was being made so why worry?

"Give me a few minutes, will ya?" his voice- muted and soft and if she would strain her ears more, she could've sworn she could hear the shakiness he had tried to suppress.

Was the song that too deep? Granted, she wasn't really much of a fan of the singer, going as far as referring to him as Abu Bukar (no offence, really. She's just bad with names.) but was there a reason- a story behind this particular song?

"Cj, please…" she whispered. "Pakigalaw ang baso, I don't fucking care if bigla na lang maging Conjuring set 'tong apartment namin. Come on, I need to know-- are you okay?"

"I'm fine," turning her head in record speed, she couldn't help the fear spiking through her (did she really jinx it? Is this the start of her horror story?) "I'm fine, Monique. I'm fine."

If she didn't know him any better, she'd say that this is a perfect demonstration of the concept of neuroplasticity: repetition matters but she did know him… maybe just as well as how much he knows her.

Just who are you trying to convince, Cj? Ako lang naman to, di ba?

"I don't really know what to tell you, so can I just sing the song again? Well, wala kang choice. I'll sing it again. Magtiis ka dyan."

Flashing the speaker a small, bitter smile, she couldn't help but close her eyes as the first note hit her ears, relishing the warm baritone voice he had always possessed, ignoring the cartwheels of her heart and the rampaging dinosaurs in her stomach.

Bakit ako magtitiis when all I wanted was to listen to you all day?

-=-

Now Playing: 214

1:33 ────ㅇ────── 4:41 'Cause time may pass, but longer than it'll last I'll be by your side

“Bakit ako?”

It was quiet.

He could hear her voice dropping as if she’s trying to retreat back into her own void, the one she had created solely for her not because she wanted to but because she had to, which is something he hadn’t understood the first few encounters he had with her but as they gradually became close, this was a notion he had learned he hated. It’s like… a piece of him dies every time she does this.

The shift in the air was palpable as the sounds around them had faded into muted noise, his head turning to look at her.

Taking his silence as an invitation to continue, she shifted into a more comfortable position, knees coming to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them.

“Bakit mo ako nilapitan? Bakit mo ako kinausap?” she dared ask and suddenly, the ground seemed more interesting to look at than the incredulous look plastered on his face. “I mean… I’m not one of the typical people you’ve hung out with. I’m not really like your people so… why me?”

He could see her spiraling.

Down… and down to her thoughts, with no way out and with nothing to hold on to. It’s dangerous, he kept warning her. She’d drown herself before she could even notice she had waddled in too deep but that’s okay.

That’s what he’s here for, anyway.

He didn’t know when it happened or how in the fucking world it was even possible but he knew. A self proclaimed self absorbed person like him knew her like a lifeline.

He knew her like the back of his hand. He could see her eyes glazing with heaviness as she slowly entertain the thoughts that lingered at the back of her mind before she could even notice herself, the way her breathing went shallow and how her usual boisterous voice became subdued.

Looking at her now, he couldn’t help the small smile creeping across his lips.

Not to be that person, but he’s fucking grateful he’s the only one who could see her like this.

The only person she trusted completely as she let her guard down.

Ano ka ngayon, Doria?

Ah the sweet sweet scent of victory knowing he had one upped that motherfucking giant of a varsity.

Though despite the sweet satisfaction, he knew he couldn’t let her continue to think of whatever negativity her mind had concocted- not if he wanted her to feel saddened and burdened and so he had to act fast.

Humming to himself, he nudged her slightly, garnering no change from her attention and so he nudged her continuously until she turned to him with slight annoyance painting her face as he grinned at her.

“You done being dramatic? My god, Monique! Drama ah. Nakainom ka na naman?”

“Cj naman! Kala ko ba seryosong usapan tayo dito?” She all but exclaimed, prompting people to stare at them momentarily to which they both ignored. Maybe having a heart to heart conversation like this shouldn’t be done in the campus quadrangle, he mused. But then again, it wasn’t like he was the first to approach the topic anyway.

If anything, he’s blaming Monique and her impeccable timing as usual but he’d rather keep this to himself if he wanted to live another day.

Huffing, she rolled her eyes at him before turning to stand only for him to pull her back down, making her slightly lose her balance as she sat back down next to him, leaving no space between them.

Eyes wide, she could feel the air being sucked away from her as she stared at his eyes- those warm brown eyes blown wide with mischief and mirth dancing upon them, his mouth curling into cheshire grin as if he is offering every solution to her unending questions.

For a moment, it felt like the world around them had stopped just for the two of them. Dare he even say, it felt like time had stopped just for them.

Is this… is this normal?

Before she could even comprehend what was happening, she watched as he ducked his head closer to hers, his forehead coming up to gently nudge hers.

“Silly girl,” is it because of the mood or had his voice dropped a few octaves? “Because you’re interesting. Because I feel like you and I will get along well. Because I saw you and looked only at you.” He listed off, nonchalantly while she could feel the inner turmoil inside her grew despite quelling the first thoughts she had.

Does he… have the same effect he had towards other girls on her? Can she even feel the wild beating of his heart, how it beats because she’s near?

Before she could even think, he could feel her breathing hitch as she listened to his next words.

“And yeah, you’re right about that, Monique- you’re really not one of my people. Not typically anyway.” Having his forehead rest upon hers, eyes closing as if relishing this moment right here, just between the two of them.

As he opened his eyes, he could feel himself getting lost with her glint of hope and… something else. A sentiment he shared with her. Can she feel his utmost sincerity? “You are my person.” He whispered slowly as if he was… asking, pleading for her to understand.

A moment passed.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, she found herself relaxing onto his hold as she offered him one of her own sincere smiles before nudging his forehead gently.

“Hay nako Cj, ang drama ah. Ano, nakainom ka na naman?” She grinned as he let out a small annoyed groan, his finger replacing his forehead to gently flick hers, earning an indignant cry from her.

“Aray! What the fuck? Ang bayolente mo talaga no?” she cried, clutching her forehead in pain as she glared at him, to which he rolled his eyes at playfully before standing up, reaching over to pull her up as well. While he may have averted the crisis, he couldn’t help but wish he could’ve done more. And so while it’s not really part of his plan, and he knew his wallet will make him regret it later, he had to resort to other means of cheering her up.

“Bakit ikaw, hindi?” he singsonged, throwing his arm over her shoulders before she could even retaliate, pulling her close to him. “Tara, milktea tayo. Libre ko.”

-=-

"Classic Rivermaya. You gotta admit they do have one of the best songs, yeah?" Listening to his voice now, she couldn't help but reel in her shock at how he's quick to switch moods. If she didn't know any better, she'd say this dude could pass as a woman with the way he jumped from serious to light hearted conversation at a snap of a finger.

But she did know better and she knew this is his way of deflecting. His way of hiding what he truly felt, not wanting to burden people with the brewing storm inside his head.

Just what exactly are you trying to hide, Cj? After all these years, di pa ba sapat yung tiwala mo sakin?

She had to admit, it kinda hurt. They had, after all, been through thick and thin, survived all those hell weeks with little to no sleep only to get just enough passing scores.

Throughout those years, he had been her confidante. Her consistent companion. And yes, she knew if Rianne were to hear these thoughts of hers, she would beg to differ but if she were to be honest, there's just something different between Rianne's and Cj's companionship with her.

"Anyway," Cj's voice filled the air once more. "This song reminds me of that one time sa quad where you were asking me why I chose to befriend you. Ang weird ng timing pero siyempre, on brand na yan sa'yo so di naman na nakakapagtaka," hearing his small laugh should've annoyed her, should've launched her into strings of curses and promises of bodily harm the next time she saw him and yet, she found herself looking at the speaker with concern written all over her face.

Something's wrong, that much she knew and it frustrates her to no end that she couldn't fathom whatever the hell it is.

"Despite the weirdness, alam mo, ang saya ko that time. Not because you were wallowing in self-depreciating thoughts-- grabe Monique, inubos mo pera ko sa milktea, ah- but rather, because you chose to trust me." she could feel her stomach dropping at his next words. Blinking, she held her breath. "At that moment, you chose me… even if it was fleeting."

-=-

Now Playing: Dahan

1:30 ────ㅇ────── 4:57 Dahan dahan mong bitawan puso kong di makalaban

In a hindsight, he should've seen it coming.

He, of all people, should know how a person acts when they are hopelessly smitten- hopelessly in love?- same shit. After all, didn't he do the same to his circle of friends back then? Disappear on them, that is.

Di kaya, he disagreed. Hadn't I just saw them earlier this week? Besides, with the way they were swamped with their own shit, it would be a miracle for them to notice we don't hang out as frequent as before. he justified, leaning against the tree he had always frequented on the quad.

Even then, why didn't he notice the change in her? Or did he perhaps have known all along what was happening right before his eyes but chose to be blind about it?

Or baka naman busy lang siya, he reasoned to himself, heaving out a small sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying his might to keep the headache. pero kahit na, di ba?

When was the last time he saw Monique? When was the last time he had her undivided attention? The last time they shared conversation, or ate a meal together? Weren't they supposed to study together today?

Looking at the sprawled materials before him, he let out a bitter scoff. Certainly, not. he wanted to laugh, a sinking feeling in his gut had started to make itself known.

Out of the two of them, he had to admit-- and he swore it's not that he intentionally did it- but he's the one who had most likely cancelled on them.

Sometimes, it's because his parents were visiting. Sometimes, it's because he had fucked up with the course he had struggling in that he had to make up for it and sometimes, it's because his friends have had enough of him ghosting them that he hadn't had the choice but to go out with them.

All are valid points, he supposed but actually, she was with him during the mentioned reasons so technically, it wasn't exactly cancelled but more of change of plans.

Not that he's saying that Monique hadn't had her fair share of blowing their plans off but during the course of their friendship, she would let him know beforehand if she couldn't make it so as he wouldn't expect her.

Not until now, he thought bitterly, looking up as his gaze wandered off, aimlessly watching other students mind their own businesses.

It's not that Monique owed him an explanation or something- there may be an emergency that she had forgotten to let him know and that's fine. Cool.

It's just that, shouldn't she really be prioritizing something right now when she herself had stated that she oh so desperately needed to pass this course? Hence, why he offered to tutor her in the first place.

So. Not to be that guy, but where the hell is she?

Baka nga talaga emergency? he reasoned to himself, picking a random notebook to distract him from the pain he's currently feeling. Was he being too overbearing? Was he being overly dramatic over something simple? Knowing her attention span, baka nga nakalimutan niya lang talaga?

But why does it feel like it isn't? Why does it feel like there's something else and that he's just trying to justify her absence more than he should've?

Shaking his head, he was about to revert his focus on his notes when a loud chatter of a nearby group of students caught his attention.

He could've easily ignored it. Just one of the background noise even. However, he could've sworn he heard her voice. He must've- after years of being with her, her voice had been one of the things he had imprinted on his memory. He could easily distinguish hers even if he was put in a loud room.

Turning his head, his gaze immediately found her figure, just in the middle of a group of students- varsities, he belatedly realised- laughing without any care, leaning against that same dude that had caught her attention.

He knew it shouldn't affect him. It wasn't even any of his business, she's free to do whatever she wants, right?

Her choice whether she wants to study or not, it was all under her discretion.

Ah but it hurts, his face contorting on that painful smile he had found himself sporting these days. Why does it hurt? Why is it something as simple as her blowing their study session off to hang out with that guy and his circle of friends hurt so much?

-=-

"Now here's what I'm curious about,nagtampo ka na ba sakin without me knowing?" he wondered as if she was there with him to provide him the answers he wanted. "Yung tipong di mo sakin sinabi na nagtatampo ka kasi wala naman ako at that situation tas di mo na sakin sinabi kasi nawala rin agad yung tampo mo or something along those lines?"

Frowning, she thought hard for any instances he had described. Was there a time where she was pissed at him and hadn't let him know?

Just before she could even blurt out her answer, she found herself holding back as she remembered that he wasn't there to hear her answer.

Nagmumukha akong tanga sa'yo, Cj, she groaned inwardly, thanking the heavens that Rianne decided to stay the night at her boyfriend's.

"It was a horrible feeling, did you know?" he continued his monologue. "Lalo na 'pag wala ka naman talagang karapatan magalit. Pero di ba common courtesy na lang din na magsabi kapag di ka makakarating sa usapan?"

What?

"Sorry," he let out a small mirthless laugh. "Naguungkatan na rin naman tayo ng past, right? Ah ako nga lang pala so might as well, no? That time where you and I had a scheduled study session, the time where you-- I don't know if you forgot- blew me off just to hang out with that wannabe varsity dude."

She could feel her stomach dropping with every sentence he uttered. True, he knew of her goldfish-like memory so to have him directly remind her of what had happened back then gave her a sense of dread.

"I know I have no right to get mad, cause you're entitled to do whatever you want pero sana di ba nagsasabi?" Was this the reason why he had been acting all too strange that time they had met afterwards? Was this the reason why he was all too tense before going back to his normal self? "But no matter, kahit naman nagtatampo ako sa'yo, tingin mo matitiis kita?"

That's the thing, she wanted to disagree. You should've told me off. You should've made your thoughts known. So why didn't you?

-=-

Now Playing: Di Makatulog

1:08 ───ㅇ─────── 5:29 Bago pumikit ang iyong mata, ayokong managinip ng mag-isa

"What are we even doing?" he didn't mean for the question to escape his lips but the thought had been all too overwhelming that it finally slipped out of his mouth, prompting the person at the other side of the phone cease her animated storytelling of the events that had transpired earlier that morning.

"Huh?"

Closing his eyes, he berated himself silently for not being able to control himself. Was it because it was the dead of the night? Was it because his sleep was interrupted? Or was it because he had been feeling tired lately that he couldn't suppress his inner thoughts? "This," Might as well continue- take it head on, right? "Why are we even doing this?"

"We're just talking?" he could imagine her frowning as she tried to make sense of the shift in his mood. "Cj, if you're tired, you could've just said so. Di na sana kita naistorbo, di ba?"

Panic bloomed in his chest as he shifted from his position. "Wait no, that's not it." he rushed out before she could even hang up on him.

When she made no move to continue on, he took it as a sign to elaborate and so he did. "It's just that- Monique, why are we talking this late at night?"

She let out a small noise of confusion. "Because we haven't seen each other kanina? I barely saw even the glimpse of your shadow today tas ngayon ko lang narealize so I tried texting you and well, you answered naman so I figured, instead na text kasi mamaya nyan tulugan mo ako tas magaantay lang ako sa wala, tawagan na lang kita, ganun." she rambled on, not knowing how her words made its impact on him.

Shaking his head bitterly, he let out a small sigh as he stared at his bare ceiling, deep in thought. So ngayon mo lang napansin, he wanted to tell her. After weeks of not seeing each other, ngayon mo lang napansin na di na tayo naguusap?

"Pero Cj, dude, wait lang," the concern in her voice brought him out of his reverie. "Why are you- what's with the question? Again, if you aren't up for talking, you could've just said so."

She's starting to feel agitated, that much he could tell. With the way she stuttered, the way she repeated herself even if she hated doing so. It's funny how easily he had picked up her tells despite her not being there physically. It's funny how observant he had become just for her.

And just how easy he knew her tells, he could've easily stopped right there and then with the game he wanted to play and just let her continue with her tale as if nothing's wrong.

But there is. Something's wrong and if he had gotten a hold of himself, he would've held back and let it be. But he was getting tired and in his haze, he felt a great need to let whatever's bothering him known.

"It's not that," he backtracked, running his free hand over his face as he racked his brain for the right words. "Believe me, there's nothing more than I want than to hear about your day. Kasi for some reason-- and I think something's wrong with me when I say this pero parang may kulang kasi ngayong araw."

Silence engulfed the air and for a second, he had feared that he might've set her off but all of that was washed off when he heard her chuckle.

"It's me, isn't it?" he could already picture the silly grin adorning her lips as she asked him and for that alone had him smiling lopsidedly as well. Is it worth setting aside what he felt? Perhaps. "Sabi na nga ba ako talaga ang kukumpleto sa buhay mo."

Ignoring the skip of his heart, he let out a small groan for her to hear. "And there goes your delusions again." he let out a small chuckle as he heard her huff. "You sure you don't want me to drive you to the mental institute?"

"Hah. Eh ikaw nga tong pabago-bago ng mood so baka ikaw yung may kailangan nang idiretso sa mental institute?"

"Please. Kung baliw man ako, dahil yun sa'yo. I think you just had that effect on people, yeah? Nakakabaliw ka, Monique."

Hearing her scoff, he closed his eyes as he felt the tension released from his body. "Lahat naman nababaliw sakin, Cj. Ewan ko bakit ngayon mo lang yan narealize."

Should he dare? Is it worth risking for?

"Uy, seryoso dude?" In his silence, he failed to notice how her voice sobered. "If you're tired, then I'll let you rest."

"Nah, I'm okay. Di pa naman ako pagod."

"Sure ka? Just earlier you were questioning why we're doi-"

"I just missed you, s'all." he was quick to cut her off, mentally kicking himself for even bringing it up. "You were right, di tayo nagkita today and we haven't talked for a while kaya let me just- savor this, I think."

She let out a small laugh. "Savor this? You speak as if we're not going to talk anymore. Na parang di na tayo nagkikita ah. Na parang di tayo naguusap ah."

"Haven't we?"

"Ah but I'm right here, di ba? And medyo busy lang tayo kaya siguro di tayo nagkakatagpo or something."

"Are you really? I mean, paano pag sobrang busy ka na talaga at wala ka nang time para makipagusap, much less makipagkita?"

"I don't think that's possible, Cj. You and I- we make time for each other di ba? Like right now, masyado na ngang late but we're still talking, di ba?" oh how he wished he could see her, figure out her thoughts as she uttered these words.

He let out a small shuddering sigh. "Yeah," he conceded but with the thoughts running through his head, he couldn't stop himself from adding, "But why does it feel like-"

She let out a small hum, as if she had all the patience in the world. "Feel like what?"

"Like I'm losing you." he let the gravity of his words sink in. "Am I losing you?" he whispered as he heard her breath hitch.

"No," it was her turn to let out a shuddering sigh. He wanted to think that the thought itself repulsed her. "Never. Di ba nga sabi mo, mas madikit pa ako sa linta?" she asked, eliciting a small choked laugh from him. "You're not gonna lose me, Cj."

Her words were meant to soothe his fears. She was meant to placate this wavering heart of his. But for some reason, all it did was to give way to the dread he had been feeling.

Swallowing this feeling, he made a sound of disbelief. "Bakit naman parang nangbabanta ka, Monique?"

At the sound of her exasperation, his mouth curled in a small smile. "Hay nako this dude. It's an assurance, Ceej."

"But you know, people tend to just leave."

"And I'm not gonna be like them, Christian na di mabait." her voice had been too firm, too serious. And for a moment right there, she had made him believe in her. "I won't leave you even if you don't want to be in my life anymore."

Closing his eyes, he couldn't help the sharp breath he had taken. Ah. He must've been so tired, after all.

-=-

Having friends with someone who articulates words really well (read: Rianne), she had been made aware of how much words can mean so much more when they are used in the right context.

Take the word 'Oh', for example. In her opinion, this word had been overused in every possible way. In songs, sonnets, poems, stories, and even in mundane conversations. She couldn't understand how this simple word can make such an impact that people would use it over and over and so in silent protest, she refrained to use it on her daily conversations much to Rianne's amusement. (And much to the latter's delight, she had lasted at least two weeks before breaking her self-protest.)

"Am I losing you?" he whispered, his voice quiet and careful as if there's fragility in every syllable spoken.

Oh.

Now she gets it. Oh. Like oh, how does he know how to break her heart like this? Oh, please don't do this. Can't he see her heart breaking for him? Can he break her heart even more?

"Have I lost you?"

Turns out he can.

As silence followed him, she heaved out a shuddering sigh, trying to reel in all the emotions that are about to spill out any moment now.

Oh how she wanted nothing more than to be oblivious of what he was referring to. Oh how she wanted nothing more than to have forgotten the myriad of emotions she had felt that night where they had shed off the illusion of a strong front.

"That day, I was missing you, you know?" Cj continued, voice wavering. "For some reason, my best friend and I see each other less and less as days passed and I- for some reason, I can't confront you about it because I didn't know how to approach the topic. So I just let it be."

Closing her eyes, she could feel his emotions bleeding through the speakers, becoming tangible enough that she could almost feel them as if they were her own.

For the first time that night, she was grateful for his shyness- she couldn't bear to see him bare his soul to her right now, not when she, too, are in too deep with her emotions.

"And that night when you called me, I was really grateful. Though a small part of me was thinking, ah so naalala mo pa pala ako. Salamat ah? Pero kasi mas nananaig yung pagkamiss ko sa'yo." She could imagine him smiling oh so bitterly to his recorder as he paused. "I asked you once, have I lost you? And you answered instantly-"

"No," they chorused, albeit hers was more of a whisper whilst his was more of a resolute.

"And like a fool, I believed you." he sighed. "You just have that effect on me. You could tell me so many lies and I would still believe you."

Words can be weapons if used in the right context, Rianne would often tell her. And right now, she's bearing the brunt of it.

Oh, how it hurts.

-=-

Now Playing: I need you more today

1:13 ────ㅇ───── 4:11 I need you now, more than ever, more than words can say

"Handa na ako," he had blurted out as he watched Rianne look up from her reading material, cocking an eyebrow at what he hoped to be determined expression on his face before giving all her attention on him. At her silence, he took it as a sign to continue. "Handa na akong aminin ang aking lihim na pagtingin sa kanya."

Letting out a small sigh, he scanned his surroundings, methodically making sure not even a speck of dust was out of place.

With what he had planned for tonight, would it be an overkill to decorate their usual place at the quad? Was the addition of fairy lights an obvious give away of what he wanted to talk to her about?

Originally, he would've preferred to do this at their usual table in the library since not only it's lowkey but he wanted to think there's sentiment behind such place but Rianne was quick to poke his forehead with a revolted look on her face. ("Are you serious? Library? What's next, will you give her a badly constructed love letter and some tacky chocolates?") If it weren't for JK- her esteemed boyfriend holding her back, he might've been smacked on the head multiple times. (Honestly, that guy is a saint for even putting up with her. How on earth did she even snagged the guy?)

Silence engulfed them until he saw her mouth twitching as she cringed at his words. "Wow naman, di ko alam na meron pala akong kasamang makata dito," she bobbed her head, raising her palms as she gave him a small applause, obviously mocking him.

Shaking his head, he began inspecting the fairy lights Rianne and JK had set up for him, making sure it was working properly, silently thanking them.

While they may not see eye to eye, he knew he could always count on Rianne on things that matter and this, right here, is a testament of how far she'll go to help him.

Before he could even open his mouth to retaliate, her expression turned into a complete 180, shooting him a serious look as she closed her book, sliding it aside as she placed both of her elbows at the top of the table, giving him a once over. "Thank fucking god. It only took you what? Four years?" she asked rhetorically, making his jaw drop.

Was he really that obvious? "What made you decide to end all of our misery and finally confess to her?"

"'Our misery'" he echoed, eyebrows furrowing as she nodded her head, blinking owlishly.

"You two are really perfect for each other, being painfully dense and oblivious this entire time." she muttered, shaking her head when she realized the reason behind his question. "It's cute that you think you've hidden your feelings for her that well." Setting her lips in a tight line, she let out a small sigh. "I guess when the object of your affection is equally dense as you are, you're really bound to think that, yeah?" Mirroring the smug grin on her face, he threw a small piece of paper at her to which she had dodged easily, cackling softly at his indignation.

Patting over his hoodie's pocket, he let out a small sigh as he felt the familiar weight of the cassette tape he had been carrying the past few days, giving him a small sense of comfort just to quell in the nerves he had been feeling as the night creep in.

"So what's the plan?" she asked, picking up the paper he threw only to throw it back at him, making him glower at her. "Confess to her in an empty classroom like a school boy or do you just blurt it out as if you're talking about the weather?"

"Actually," he trailed off, scratching the side of his face as he met her curious gaze, suddenly feeling all too sheepish. "I was kinda hoping this is where you'll come in." he muttered. "Well, you and your boyfriend!" he backtracked as he saw her mouth curling in an all too familiar smirk.

"Come again?" she leaned forward, obviously enjoying how the tables had turned. "I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you just admit that you needed my help?"

"I'm starting to think this is a bad idea and I should've just approached your boyfriend instead." he groaned, earning a cackle from her.

"You know, for someone who's asking for a favor, you're not being nice." She's clearly enjoying this. Why did he even think it was a good idea to ask her? "Besides, I don't think you've got the courage to ask Juju by yourself. Not when you thought you're being sneaky with your emotions."

He let out a small grumble. "You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

"Siguro mga for this week's punchline lang. Iba naman next week." she grinned. "So when are you gonna grovel for my help?"

Rolling his eyes, he clasped both of his palms as he stared at her directly to her eyes. "Pretty please, can you and your boyfriend help me set up a place for my confession to Monique?" he asked lifelessly, already dreading her impossible demands-

"Sure."

Stunned, he stared at her as if she just grew four heads. "Just like that? No- 'you owe me Cj', 'wow Cj, if you're that desperate drop and give me twenty burpees ya piece of shit?'" if she noticed how his voice went octaves higher, he was grateful she decided not to comment on it.

When he was asked by Rianne if he had a plan, he had let her know the mixtape he had put together way back, giving her the idea of setting up a small picnic blanket by the tree they used to hang out at, transforming it into a somewhat vintage-ish look that three broke college kids could come up with.

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes as she began packing her things. "Au contraire mon ami, I'm not that heartless." she said, giving him a pointed look. "I may be a demon but there are some things where I draw the line. Messing with my friends' happiness is one of them."

"Thank you,"

Glancing at his watch, his eyebrows began to furrow as he mentally recalled his last text to Monique. He hadn't texted her the wrong time, had he?

Checking over their last message, he could feel the familiar coil of dread creeping over his stomach. She wouldn't ditch him this time, right? Surely, she's just running late?

"Don't thank me. I haven't even talked to JK yet." Faltering, she blinked as if she has been struck by a sudden thought. Turning to look at him once more, he could feel that whatever she's gonna say would dampen the mood. "Say, Cj, I'm curious about something."

Raising an eyebrow at her, he wordlessly gestured for her to continue.

"What will you do if-" she furrowed her eyebrow as he saw her contemplate whether to continue or not but before he could even ask, she had made her decision. "What will do you if Monique might not return your feelings?"

Plopping over the blanket, he tilted his head back, eyes closing as he let out a shuddering sigh.

Ah, how could he had forgotten? No wonder the quad's been all too serene, void of life.

Ah. That. He was hoping she wouldn't bring it up but he should've known better.

Averting his gaze, he could feel a bitter smile creeping across his face. "Then… I'll let these emotions go."

"That easily?"

It's the homecoming game. Last game of the season and from what he had heard, the last game that guy would be in too so it is a big event. He should've known. God, what an idiot.

"You seem to forget, Rianne. I love her more than I cherish my own happiness. I'd rather wish she's genuinely happy with someone else rather than force her by my side."

The implication hanging between them weighed heavier than what he had intended but he knew- they both knew he was right. Was it his wishful thinking to have Rianne contradict his words?

Biting his lip, he let out one last huff of air, quelling in the raging emotions he had been feeling, hoping to at least hold the tears at bay just until he's back in the safety of his apartment.

Just a few more minutes, he pleaded. Maybe she just lost track of time. But when there's no sign of even a shadow of hers, he knew better than to keep on waiting.

"Confessing to her is just me wishing she'd choose me. That perhaps, I may be enough for her to choose me this time." he whispered carefully as he looked up only to meet her eyes. Times like this he'd wish he had her ability to easily read emotions but perhaps he's also grateful he hadn't. After all, ignorance is truly a bliss.

Shaking his head, he hung his head low, a slow bitter smile plastered on his mouth.

She made her choice… and it's not him.

-=-

"What happened to us?" his voice came out in a shaky whisper a few minutes after the song had faded out, breaking her out of her reverie. "That's probably what you've been thinking this entire time, yeah?"

"You're probably thinking it's shitty of me to drop off the face of the earth the moment we graduated tas out of nowhere bigla na lang ako magpaparamdam through this, right? Siguro nga naiirita ka knowing I made Rianne and JK my accomplices dito but knowing you, I don't think you'd welcome me if I do this directly."

Wait, what? Even JK? She knew about Rianne's involvement the moment she received her message but to hear that Cj asked for her boyfriend's help is news to her.

Why, the last she saw that boy, he had been shooting her looks she couldn't decipher. At that time, she thought he was judging her from the way she couldn't be bothered to get dressed, brushing it off as she had known him throughout their college days but if what Cj said was true, then could it be those looks were more of pity rather than judgement?

"Remember that day where I asked you to come by our place by the quadrangle? I had it all planned, you know?" She couldn't miss the pain beneath his cheery voice. "I suck at decorating so I asked their help- picture this, just beneath our tree, there's lights-- fairy lights as what Rianne called them- hanging from the branches, underneath them, there's a picnic blanket Jk borrowed from his roommate cause he claimed it's better than to lie on the grass. And man, Monique you should've seen it! There's an actual picnic basket full of food that they both cooked because we all know that I am hopeless in the kitchen."

Bakit ganoon? She wanted to ask, her free hand unconsciously reaching to clutch her chest as she felt her heart being squeezed with every word coming out from his mouth. It took so much for her to feel intensely, to feel strong emotions but with Cj, she could build a great wall around her heart and he would topple it in minutes tops.

"Sa gitna ng picnic blanket, nandun yung speaker ko," he continued with a shuddering breath. "With one cassette tape inserted. This exact cassette tape filled with songs that reminded me of you- of us, throughout the years. Siguro hindi mo ma-connect yung kanta but for me, they were filled with memories of me and you and how our story came to be. I had it all planned- to tell you all about these memories while listening to the songs just beneath that tree while stargazing.

"Ang corny no? Hah. I tried telling Rianne about that but all she told me that if I wanted to confess how I felt then I should be sincere and open and that's why I have this tape with me."

Her breath hitched as she felt her heart stopped along with time as she looked at the speaker with wide eyes. Did he just-?

"Cause if I can't tell you these thoughts, these feelings out loud then I'll do it in the way I best know how… and that is through songs, don't you think?"

She could almost hear his heart shattering at the background as her trembling hand reached for her phone. With her vision blurred with all those unshed tears, she had to use both hands to frantically send a text to Rianne all while willing her breaths to even out.

Millions of thoughts rushed through her that she couldn't comprehend them all but one thing stood clear-- she had to see Cj now.

"So now you know," Cj's hushed voice made her pause before returning her attention back to her phone. "Why I had to disappear for awhile. It's a shitty excuse but I had to step back because I had to respect your decision. But I didn't even made it clear no? I didn't made it clear to you that you have options- that I am an option too."

Could it be…? Faltering, she faced the speaker once more, hope sparking within her, her phone pinging with an answer from her ever so loyal friend. With renewed vigor, she took her hoodie and her keys before rushing through the door, not caring if she faced Rianne's wrath for leaving her speaker on- apartment haunting be damned.

Just before she closed the door, she could hear his voice- the quietest she had ever heard from him, "…do you think I can try again?"

-=-

It was just like he said but not quite like it.

They weren't at their typical place- there weren't any trees, nor students bustling around the quadrangle. There's no field of grass to lay on, nor picnic blankets to sit upon.

Instead, she was directed at some rooftop of a random apartment complex (no doubt this is the very one he lived in currently) situated conveniently in the middle of the city that never sleeps.

There's no fairy lights hanging from the branches just as he had claimed and yet, with the city lights glimmering from a distance, it almost felt like it added a little bit of etherealness to the ambiance he was going for.

There's no stars- not in this light polluted city but just a glance of his eyes, she could've sworn there's galaxies of stars shining behind his eyes the moment he saw her.

Really, it was just like he said: it was a sight to behold. But this, right here? She wouldn't let him know, but this is infinitely better than what he had described.

"Bilis ah," she heard him before she could even see him all in his glory. That mouth of his would really be his undoing, had she even told him that before? "Don't tell me, tumakbo ka kaagad papunta dito?"

Hay nako Lord, may preno ba ang bibig nito? Feel ko may masasapak muna ako bago magungkatan ng nadarama.

But that's just a part of them, isn't it?

The playful bantering that would often end up with one of them wanting to sock the other in the face, the endless jabs that would often leave the other scrambling for a wittier comeback, and the assurance that despite the gap that separated them, they would always be okay.

Scoffing, she took a step closer towards him. "Bakit naman ako tatakbo? Ikaw ba si bebe Yoseob ko? Hindi, di ba?"

It was his turn to scoff. "Oh please. Di ka talaga papapasukin ng guard dito pag dinala mo yun. And really, Monique? You still have that old thing? My god, di pa ba yun inaanay?"

Jaw dropping, she squinted her eyes as betrayal etched on her face. "How dare you slander my love?" she couldn't help the venomous tone seeping from her voice as the fucker had the audacity to laugh at her reaction as if he was proud of himself. "You take that back."

"Take what back? Di ba prone ang mga cardboard sa mga anay?" he challenged, grinning at her as he . "And what, di ba matagal na rin yung cardboard mong yun? Ancient artifact, ganern."

Oh if only looks could kill. He would've been six feet under this entire apartment complex.

"…You're dead to me." she huffed, turning back to the doorframe when she felt two arms snaking around her waist, engulfing her in that familiar warmth she hadn't known she had been missing.

Oddly enough, it felt like she had basked in his hold before as if… it happened once upon a dream. And while being in his hold made her feel like she's back home, she couldn't help the feeling of disappointment wash over her.

Disappointment for herself, that is. If only…

"Hey," his voice quiet and soft, tugging her to face him, meeting his equally soft gaze and a small smile hanging upon his lips making her think that despite everything, he's still the one comforting her. "What's going on up there?" he asked gently, knocking on her forehead softly.

There's so many things she could've said to him- after all, what do you even say to the person you've made to wait?

"Why me?" she asked instead, voice barely audible but with the way he stiffened slightly, she knew he heard her. "You could've had anyone and yet you choose to stick by me, why?"

For a moment there, she anticipated him choosing to answer the same way he did all those years ago- back when all her insecurities ran deep within her.

"I could ask you the same thing, why didn't you pursue him?" he countered, pulling away from her momentarily. "Wasn't that what you wanted? What changed?"

"He's not you," her answer was instantaneous, catching them off guard. She didn't mean to come off too strong, she hadn't mean to confess first and yet, when she saw the stunned look on his face, she knew she had to find the courage to continue.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, she muttered, "No matter how much of a total package he was, there's one thing he couldn't be and that's- he's not you." She could see the conflict dancing upon his eyes and while she understood, she couldn't help the pang of sadness washing over her.

She could've said more but with the way she saw the understanding dawning upon his eyes, she knew she didn't need to elaborate.

"Ang daya mo, alam mo yun?" he let out a small chuckle, shaking his head fondly at her. "Pinatawag nga kita para ako yung aamin and yet, here we are."

"Ayan!" She exclaimed, startling him, his hold on her faltering momentarily. "Kinuntsaba mo talaga sina Rianne? Goodness Cj, kala ko ba kaaway mo ang beshy ko?" she asked him, tone accusatory making him roll his eyes at her, good naturedly.

"Focus," he mumbled, poking her forehead before placing his arms around her once more. "Moment ko na nga 'to, aagawin mo pa talaga?" he whined, earning a grin from her.

"Ay sorry, sorry- please, do continue." she nodded off as if daring him to act upon what he had been planning the entire night for.

"I like you."

Drawing in a sharp breath, it was her turn to be stunned as she met his gaze. Taking her silence as his cue, he dared to continue. "I think I've said all I can in that mixtape so I hoped you listened to it carefully kasi ang hirap umulit, Monique please lang." if she didn't know any better, she could've thought he was offering her a cheeky grin when in fact, it was actually a nervous smile.

"I've liked you for a long time, Monique. Back then, I thought I would've been satisfied being your friend cause that's better than nothing but as time went by, my feelings for you just grew stronger and I-"

"-I think I got greedier, wanting to be the source of your happiness. Kasi if I can make you happy as a friend then maybe… just maybe, I can be a source of your happiness as someone more."

Ah. What's this feeling? How is it that this boy in front of her made her go through a rollercoaster of emotions in a span of one night?

How could he make her heart feel so full and content? How could he ease all of her worries with poorly constructed words and mistimed jokes?

But that's just it, right? That this right here, this is what love feels like, right?

Eyes boring right into her, she could feel the surge of emotions running through him as his eyes sought hers. "And so, Monique, do you think I can try again?"

A heartbeat passed.

"Yes."

[idanit]

possibly underappreciated Good Omens fics I enjoyed once upon a time

Indirectly inspired by a video series about fanfiction I watched, I decided to pull together a list of Good Omens fics I have bookmarked as stories I enjoyed, but which have less than 250-300 kudos at the time I’m writing this. No particular order. They’re accompanied by short excerpts from my private fic reading notes (not originally intended to be read by anyone but me, mind), sometimes slightly edited for clarity—and, sometimes, the comments I left on the fics.

This list sat in my drafts for a long time and the recent S2 announcement reminded me of it. I’d love it if it inspired you to do something similar! Spread the love.

And mind the tags, please.

△ = general and teen ▲ = mature and explicit 

thermodynamic equilibrium ▲ 7K the author has such an ear for dialogue and is unapologetic about what they want to write the characters like. They think of the characters as a mix of TV and book canon, but they feel like a homemade blend to me. (...) It’s very funny.

such dear follies ▲ 6K I can really picture this Aziraphale—Crowley as well, but her especially. She’s rather distinct. (...) Nice writing.

The Words Were With - △ 1.2K post-Blitz vignette, Aziraphale realizes what he feels and wonders if they're human enough for this. I liked it, and I liked the tag "transhumanism, but in reverse?", too—what an interesting idea. I'd say it's a vignette in a dire need of a follow-up, but, well, there's the show. The show is the follow-up. It fits very nicely within the canon and I totally believe it could have happened, like a deleted scene.

Gossip and Good Counsel △ 19K/? I love their companionship and how they're set up to be opposites by the management even though they get on pretty well. It feels very in keeping with the canon, but I feel like the fact that it's an F/F set in this particular time period adds a meaningful layer to the situation. It's women supporting each other in the world of men, working with the personas that are created for them, but, privately, being normal, well-rounded people. (...) and of course your writing is always a pleasure to read. (...) SDHDGDHDHDG Maisie is truly an Aziraphale.

Crowley Went Down to Georgia (he was looking for a soul to steal) △ 6K This was nice. Based on a song I didn’t know. Crowley goes to a funeral in the USA, one of a fiddler he knew and lost a bet to once. (...) The fic has not one but two songs composed for it and embedded inside it and that makes it even better. I really enjoyed the experience.

The Thing With Feathers △ 18K WARLOCK you'rE HORRIBLE AND I LOVE IT I would read an entire novel-length fic just of Crowley fighting his battles with Warlock. Written like this? It would be a blast. (...) The OCs are believably characterized and well-loved by the story. (...) Everyone seems to need a friend in this house. (...) This was so fun, and at the same time, their mission has weight here (...) We wonder about what the future holds even though we know it.

Here Quiet Find △ 11K This fic aimed for my head and the aim was sure precise. It was a story of Crowley sensing Aziraphale's distress and finding him in a self-quarantined English village in the seventeenth century, tired and anxious. It's hurt/comfort, so there was washing and bedsharing and I had to love it, so I did.

outside of time △ 2K Post-Almostgeddon, (...) nicely-written, short, but strung with a soft kind of tension and unspoken words. There's no drama, just "can we really", and "do you really" of sudden freedom. They fall into being inseparable. Book canon, which I like for this story (sitting on a tarmac). I liked the footnotes. There's a mention of Eliot. All in all, very much yes.

She'asani Yisrael △ 2K It’s Crowley going through a two-hour service and drinking blessed wine. He also keeps an eye on a boy he was asked to. It’s 1946. It was pretty good, so far the best Jewish GO fic, I think, from the ones I’ve read.

To Guard The Eastern Gate △ 11K  I loved it. You really made Sodom feel lived-in; the description of Keret, Hurriya and Yassib's house and relationship were great. I got attached to both them and the city (...) Aziraphale and Crawley’s interactions were generally very entertaining. I laughed (...) Your rendering of their voices just lands so well (...) But then oh, the entire ending (...) hurt, hurt a lot, and your descriptions are so vivid.

If you’ve been waiting (for falling in love) △ 14K AAAAA a good ending line. The whole paragraph, in fact. I love a good smattering of philosophy in my fics, and this was really nice. I can get behind Thomas Aequinus's and Crowley's view on eternity. It's (...) a pretty simple fic (...) - the courage to express yourself and take a risk is awarded with winning what was at stake by the virtue of reciprocity - but the way it was intertwined with a study of how they would experience a forever was done well. 

Holy unnecessary ▲ 2.2K It's well-written. (...) this is my type of sexual humour if I have any. So subtle. Blink and you'll miss it. Lovely.

The Parting Glass △ 17K Through the ages, they're dancing around their relationship until after the Armageddoff. (...) Wow, this was really, really nice. Very simple in its concept and nothing I haven't read before, but very well-executed. (...) AAAAH I LOVED the first chapter. I always like abbeys as settings, that's a given, but the banter, the good writing, the moral ambiguity!

Name The Sky △ 33K This Crowley is different, but very intriguing. Without his sarcastic talk, and much more animalistic. (...) I love how expressive Crowley is. (...) This fic has a very nice balance of drama and levity. I don't love Crowley-before-the-Fall stories very much, but with this execution I can read about it. (...) Okay I've read Crowley offering fruits, and even Aziraphale biting fruits, but the two of them sharing the apple? Outstanding. Ingenious. What a take.

A Flame in Your Heart △ 5K post-Blitz (why are so many dance fics post-Blitz?), they go to the bookshop and have an actually believable conversation. Then they dance the gavotte. It was really nice! Believable writing, emotions, the dancing! (...) Of course it's too early for them, (...) but the author's note? yeah.

Put down the apple, Adam, and come away with me ▲ 32K At this point it's just reading original stories with characters with names and some personality traits that I recognize. (...) I really enjoy this, the careful dance, the opposition between their views. (...) This is well-written, wow. (...) it's not an easy read (...) this story feels very believably 50s, but also reaches out to the present time. 

Liebestraum ▲ 10K/? It really is like music. I'm enjoying the writing a lot. (...) oh my actual god. This, this? Wow, uh. This came for my throat. (...) THE MUSICAL COMPOSITION, THE MOTIF RETURNING, THE AUTHOR KNOWS WHERE IT'S AT (...) Excellent. This hits the right beats so precisely, (...) and with feeling, too.

Down Comforter △ 2.4K and they lay down in angeldown, a soft rug ‘neath their heads– alright. Well, Crowley lies under Aziraphale's wing on a Persian rug after the Apocalypse, and they talk (...). It was sweet.

The Corsair of Carcosa △ 5K Crowley wakes up from a nap, visits Aziraphale for some drinking, and they read The King in Yellow that he happens to own. Good writing, so I'm bought. Aziraphale mentions Beardsley, so I'm bought twice over. My god, a discussion of etheral/occult madness? Caused by some wrong/true reading? Yes.

Very Good, Omens! △ 6K It's rather well-written, well-pastiched. People don't do that too often, nowadays - try to write in the style of a particular writer. (...) I love wordplay like this.

Reviving Robin Hood: The Complicated Process of Crème Brûlée △ 30K it's well-written (...), has a rhythm to it, and quiet humour. (...) Finally some nice, good, light writing. The attention to detail! (...) I'm still reading most of it aloud, the rhythm of it compels me to. (...) okay this does sound like Pratchett&Gaiman, the Good Omens itself (...) The fic is meandering, hilarious, sensitive in all the right places, and overall lovely.

my dear acquaintance △ 1K Oh. Oh. Yes, yes! Aziraphale in Russia, Russia I've never been in, but I can feel the snow and the evening of. Very real, and the bar, too. Attention to detail - vodka flavoured with dill, what on earth? Yes. He would totally have a distinct taste in operas and he would totally complain about a subpar one. I'm glad Tchaikovsky's there.

there is a crack in everything △ 1.8K This was good! Ah. Inspired by a comment (...), I went looking for Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese fics—really, what a big brain moment someone had and why have I never thought to look for them? This is Crowley getting suddenly anxious and Aziraphale going out of his way, through all his layers of not-thinking and denial, to console him. I also really liked how the Arrangement is a carefully unacknowledged partnership-marriage.

Scales And Gold And Wings And Scars △ 6K  No conflict, no plot, one tiny arc like a ripple on the surface of water on a calm sunny day - of Aziraphale discovering Crowley’s scars. It's the South Downs and it's early summer. They bask and swim in a spring. Non-sexual nudity, love in the air like a scent. Nice.

Nineteen Footnotes In Search Of A Story △ 0.4K This is a Good Omens story told only through footnotes. Your mind can fill in the gaps. Fascinating (...). Also, it’s an experiment so apt for this particular fandom.

Hell on Earth △ 6.5K Oh, I loved it! How could I not love it: it's Beelzebub-centric, it's historical, it has classical painting, and even a hilarious scene with a cuneiform phrase, as if I didn't enjoy this story enough already. There are so few Beelzebub fics out there and I find searching for them very difficult (I accept recs if anyone has any), and it's such a shame, so this was really like a gift to the fandom. I absolutely adore the way you portrayed them, small, frightening, powerful, and confident. Also, it was super fun to see how different Crowley seems when we're not in his POV or in a story about him and Aziraphale. (...)

Go Up to Ramoth-Gilead and Triumph △ 24K Daegaer is... pure class. (...) hdhdhdh what pfttt why you so funny (...) I love this Crowley. (...) This got unexpectedly intense. (...) I love the little nods to the fact that Israelites, especially the poorer ones, still believe in other gods. I also really like that they sleep on roofs. It's just the kind of detail that grounds the story and shows that the author is, in fact, a historian. 

[sitp-recs]

hellooo, I was wondering if you had any recs for a down-and-out draco who redeems/rescues himself? I’ve read a lot of fics where Harry comes into his life & inspires him or rescues him from a bad situation, but I’ve never read one where draco is able to make that journey on his own.

also thank you for the work you do, hope you have a lovely day :)

Hi there! Oh I love this ask, such an interesting trope (and not that rare in my opinion!). I really like the idea of post-war Draco struggling but landing on his feet by himself and I’ve selected a few fics where, if anything, he’s the one inspiring Harry. As a side note, I am a bit particular about down-and-out Draco - sometimes I find him a bit too meek for my tastes, I tend to prefer him proud and snarky even on his most vulnerable moments. It’s just a personal preference, so I hope these work for you! Happy readings :)

Too hard to be lived without by @harryromper (2018, T, 3k)

Or, in which Draco manages to find some peace until Harry comes barrelling back into his life.

Harmony (Left-Handed Melody Remix) by mindabbles (2010, M, 6k)

He is the last person Draco was expecting, but then again, this is not a place Draco ever expected to be.

Tidings of Comfort by @blamebrampton (2012, G, 10k)

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. Luckily for Draco Malfoy, London has places where the tired can rest and recover.

Cold Like Fire by @queenofthyme (2018, M, 12k)

Head Auror Harry Potter had no problem with mandatory consent training for his team. He’d actually been looking forward to it, that is, until he discovered who the teacher was. 

The Year of Non-Magical Thinking by whiskyandwildflowers (2018, E, 13k)

“I don't know what I'm going to do, Potter. I'll think of something. So will you. But this is my journey to self-actualization. You can fuck off and get your own."

Turn and Face the Strange (time may change me) by @punk-rock-yuppie (2019, T, 16k)

Draco and Harry and how their relationship—and themselves—change over the course of eleven years.

The Stars Above Us by 606, create_serenity (2015, M, 19k)

It started as an innocent day out taking Teddy to visit the local observatory..

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (2003, E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Vortex by @xanthippe74 (2020, T, 20k) - Harry and Hermione help Draco’s community project here, but his redemption arc is established before that!

Who would want a soulmate who was a schoolyard bully, a Death Eater, and a convicted felon? Certainly not Harry Potter. And Draco is determined to take this secret to the grave.

We Might Be Too Old for a Bildungsroman by @wellhalesbells (2015, T, 21k)

Harry finds something he’s been looking for since the war’s end. Admittedly, the packaging’s a bit odder than he expected.

With Great Yawns and Stretchings by sugar_screw (2016, T, 22k)

The coffee is very good. Really. And the cats are so cute. That's why Harry goes so often.

Doing the Lambeth Walk by @blamebrampton (2012, T, 26k)

There are only three traditional choices for the cashed-up hero after victory. Harry Potter is too young to settle down and provide the wizarding world with a happy ending, and has too acute a sense of humour to spiral downwards into a spectacular flame-out. That leaves a life of good works. 

Exposure by GallaPlacidia (2020, M, 27k)

When Seamus uncovers Draco Malfoy's camboy profile, he, Harry and Ron decide to anonymously book a private show so as to humiliate him later.

Slithering by astolat (2016, E, 27k)

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (2019, T, 29k)

Draco Malfoy is the last person Harry expects to turn up in Boston, Massachussetts.

Open For Repairs by @drarrytrash (2015, M, 35k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

measures of our days and nights by flimsy (2012, E, 40k)

Draco returns to London to help the Ministry decipher a spell, but things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.

Anatomy of a Wolf Heart, orphaned (2021, E, 40k)

Three years ago at the tragic Battle that freed our great Wizarding World from the grip of a megalomaniac Dark Wizard, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, our world lost many Witches and Wizards. Among the dead and missing was Draco Malfoy, the only son of notorious Death Eaters Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, both of whom volunteered their home for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to use as a headquarters.

The Vanishing Department by @dictacontrion (2014, E, 47k)

The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, even if that involves a lot more form-filling, bickering, covert glancing, miscommunication, and flying furniture than we might expect.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (2013, M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (2020, E, 61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (2019, E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. 

A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (2018, E, 128k)

When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.

[tma-ficrec]

Five All Time Mod Recs

To start off this blog, we decided to submit ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known and show y’all our TMA top fic recs!

These are fics of very different premises and categories that stayed with us and soothed our souls. Feel free to ask for more recs (or more specific stuff) because we’re definitely not done. Enjoy!

Mod Ami:

Statement Ends  by @martivist 4k words. Jonmartin. Angst. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. S5 AU.

"Final statement of Jonathan Sims. The Archivist. Statement given… I think it’s June? We haven’t done very well counting time since the days stopped. Summer 2019, call it that. Statement begins.

We’ve found a way to send them back where they came from. All of them."

Forty-some years after the apocalypse abruptly ends, the final acts of Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood come to light.

Mod note: This fic... goddamit this fic. I read it halfway through s5 and I genuinely think this is one of the best endings the show could have had. It hit all the points Jonny made and then some. This fic is pain, yes, but the best kind.

Ninety Feet To Home by @judesstfrancis 33k words. Jonmartin. No Powers AU. Baseball Players AU. Fluff. Pining.

Jon isn’t really Martin Blackwood’s biggest fan. And he knows it’s a him problem, because it’s not like Blackwood is a terrible person or like he loses on purposes just to ruin Jon’s life, but he can’t help it. In his defense, if you were on a hot streak and the same person kept coming in and ruining it for you every single time, you'd harbor a bit of resentment towards them, too.

Mod note: I’m so obsessed with this AU that I broke my vow of not making fanart for TMA and made fanart of it. Yeah. Sue me. It’s the perfect levels of pining, ridiculousness and it brought me (an argentinian whose only baseball reference is the HSM musical number) tremendous joy. As the us-statians would say: home fucking run. ALSO, MARTIN BLACKWOOD IS LATINOOOOO.

Maybe not the stuff of legend by imperfectcircle. 14k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. S5 AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending.

Martin forgets slowly at first, and then all at once. One moment he's grasping at memories, desperate without knowing why to retain even a single image of an angry, scarred stranger saying incomprehensible things about eyes, and the next, nothing. He can't even remember what had him so anxious just now. A car alarm, probably, or a dog barking in the distance. He's always startled easily.

Mod note: I still quote it to myself from time to time. ‘’Martin, you ate the megalodon’’ makes me giggle and also terribly sad. This is an excellent way of exploring entities lore, as well as grief and hope. 

the garden of forking paths by @bibliocratic. 49k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending. Use of Spiral Doors.

Whatever he had predicted might happen, Jon wasn't expecting to survive upon demolishing the Panopticon. He certainly wasn't expecting to be rescued.

Instead, he wakes up in an alternative universe where he's never been the Archivist, and Martin Blackwood doesn't exist.

Martin Blackwood wakes up somewhere else entirely.

Mod note: I’m argentinian and the major element in this story is a Borgues book. OF COURSE IT’S HERE. This fic is an absolute ride and so so so beautiful - multiple universes and Jon and Martin doing the same thing over and over and over again, with hope of finding each other.

Family, Found  by Dribbledscribbles. Gen fic. 9k words. S4 Divergent. Canon Divergence. 

It’s Basira who catches onto it.

The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.

The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.

Mod note: Do you want to hit the Eye? Do you want all the Entities’s plans to be twarted by the power of found family? Do you want everyone who blamed Jon for everything in S4 to sit down and apologise? This is your fic.

Mod Ebby:

the apple of the eye by  gocrazygostupid. 2.8k words. Fluff. Lore speculation.

TELL ME, ARCHIVIST

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SONG?

i'm not sure. i don't really get the chance to listen to music

if i told you, what would you do with it?

Mod note: I am absolutely weak towards any fic that gives the Entities some form of sentience, no matter what canon said. Especially when these interactions are so surprisingly soft. 

I WOULD PLAY IT

I WOULD LISTEN

in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by  imperfectcircle and raven (singlecrow). 19k words. S4 Divergent. Canon divergence, in the space between 159-160

Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.

or; hope is a thing with feathers.

Mod note: Everytime I read this fic, I end up at least a little teary eyed. It’s not exactly happy, more bittersweet, considering, but I still love it.

Come Love This World (Come Hate It, Too) by cedarbranch. 3.3k words. Character Study, fluff and angst, spans s1-5. Canon Compliant. 

Jon never liked poetry, until Martin.

Mod note: Yes I am picking fics that personally came for my heart one way or another, not much else to say, besides that “it feels like loving you” haunts me still to this day, in a good way.

i love you, i'm glad i exist by kissyourlocalmoth. 1.7k words. Scottish safehouse period. Fluff.  Established relationship.

Martin was thinking of a poem. It’s name sat on the tip of his tongue, aching to get out. It was a lovely one, too: something about how life felt easy now, at peace; how the small things felt like everything, a poem about… the importance of the little moments. These last few days had been like that, he thought. He couldn’t stop smiling to himself recently, and even Jon teased him about it sometimes, though he was hardly less giddy. He thought of the immense joy the little things brought him now, the mugs of tea they made for each other, how he would lay in their bed late at night staring at the ceiling, his love nestled against his chest, overflowing with so much contentment and fondness he did not know what to make of himself.

Mod note: Short and sweet, it was the first time I read that particular poem, and now it’s forever intertwined in my head with little scenes of jon and martin in the scottish safehouse before 160 happens.

exit wound by autoclaves. 3.1k words. Post-canon AU. Ending speculation.

Suppose there is a house on a hilltop. Suppose there is a story. There is always a story, and every universe is always expanding.

Mod note: I would’ve liked to tag this more, but it would probably spoil the twist it has. Reading back on it, the narration reminds me of the statement from 196, which I find fitting and a funny coincidence, considering. 

[viperbarnes]

Starlight [3/3]

40s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You'd grown up chasing after your brother and his best friend. Now that they've both returned from war, it seems Bucky's the one finally chasing after you.

Warnings: Age gaps, a brief scene of drunken pushiness in relation to sex [not by or towards bucky], language. I think that’s all!

Notes: This is an older story I've never shared on tumblr. I've had to split this story into 3 parts because of tumblrs text post limits rip, but it was originally a oneshot. the reader is mixed race and only Steve's half sister she is also named. Comments and reviews are more than welcome!

Words: full story is 19k, this one is 4.4k

Masterlist || Part One || Part Two

Bucky freezes as he rounds the street corner, the one that took him off the main road and into a small side road, where the folks who lived in the apartment building above had strung up rope to hang their washing on, and where he can remember playing with Steve in a small patch of grassy dirt near where the trash cans were all lined up. It was also where the stairs that led up to your and Steve’s apartment began, and it's the sight that greets him at the bottom of those steps that make him stop dead in his tracks.

It had been almost two weeks since he’d last seen you, a mixture of newfound work at the SSR office in Manhattan and growing anxiety over what you’d say to him when he saw you next that had kept him away.

Regret boils in him now, right beside pure, unadulterated rage.

Unlike the last time he’d walked into an alley and found you with Vinnie, this time he is upset at you.

He watches in near disbelief as you speak quietly with the young man, who looked like he’d put on his Sunday best to come see you, but Bucky doesn’t move to approach you just yet. You nod your head, with a thin, smile. Vinnie nods too, and seems to take in a deep breath. And then you close the distance between the two of you and give him a tight, but brief, hug.

Bucky feels the muscles in his jaw clench as you part, and Vinnie takes a step back. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he turns, but not before raising a hand in farewell. The kid walks with his eyes down for several feet, until he passes Bucky, at which point, he seems to double take at him, before quickening his pace and disappearing.

Bucky watches him go, turns and follows him with his eyes until he’s out of sight. When he whips back around, you seem to have noticed him, and you give him a small wave, and an even smaller smile.

You don’t even look guilty!

“What the hell are you thinkin’?” The words leave his mouth faster than he can process as he storms toward you. Your posture changes immediately, defensive and indignant, though you look a little confused.

“Excuse me?!” You ask back, and Bucky gestures wildly behind him.

“That punk treats you like shit, puts his filthy mitts all over you when you’re too drunk to stand, and you just…” Bucky flounders for a moment, his mind boggled at what game you were playing, not even able to fathom it.

“You just take him right back?!” He was angry. Angry because you deserved more, angry because he had thought maybe you’d have seen that by now.

Your shoulders straighten and you lift your chin.

“I don’t think it should concern you who I see and when.” You spit back, clearly flustered, clearly on the offence.

“The hell it doesn’t!” He retorts, taking half a step closer. You don’t move back, standing your ground at the base of the stairs and he studies you, face defiant, eyes a little glassy.

“I thought—” He begins, cutting himself off and lowering his voice.

“I thought you were done with him…” His voice is no less angry, but the mood shifts, and your defensiveness turns into something else, something he can’t quite put a finger on.

Your lip wobbles, and you visibly try to fight it as you finally step away from him, scoffing.

“You care all of a sudden?!” You accuse, and this time it’s Bucky who straightens, pointing his finger at himself.

“I’ve always cared.” He bites back, incredulous at your incredulity.

“So that’s why you kissed me and then disappeared for a fortnight?!” You hiss, before seemingly giving up on the argument entirely, raising your hands and shaking your head.

“Shame on me, I guess! I should have known James Buchanan Barnes would spout off about treating you right, and then turn around and be just as bad!” You berate. Bucky feels his own defensiveness rise, his own anxiety and guilt over his feelings for you lashing out in the worst possible way.

“A kiss is nothing. It’s just a kiss!” He snaps before he can stop himself. Regret fills him immediately and your face drops. Devastation is the only word he has to describe your expression as you freeze, staring at him.

And then without another word, you turn, the tears already spilling down your cheeks as you quickly race up the first few steps to your apartment.

Bucky tries to call out, follow you, but before he can, your leg seems to buckle under you, your ankle twisting at an awkward angle as you slightly lose your footing, grasping out in panic for the rusty old handrail. You cry out, free hand moving to hold the offending ankle, and Bucky finds himself right behind you, hand on your back, argument and anger completely forgotten at your soft gasps of pain.

“Are you alright honey?” He hurries to ask, unsurprised when you try to push him away.

“Get lost, Bucky!” You warn, voice shaky, and you try to stand on your own, only to hiss in pain again, subconsciously reaching out and balancing yourself on the arm Bucky quickly extends to catch you.

“Honey, come on, you’ve hurt yourself, lemme help you inside…” He’s already helping you stand, and your pain must be strong enough that you can’t refuse him, even in your infuriated state.

He supports half your weight as you slowly ascend the stairs, whining softly each time you put a little too much pressure on your foot. The door is unlocked, so he helps you in right away, guiding you into a kitchen chair and immediately rummaging under the sink for the medical kit Sarah Rogers had always kept there. You sniffle softly, but glare hard at your lap, even as he sets the little box on the table and kneels down to take your injured foot in his hands.

You gasp sharply at the contact, but when he looks up at you to make sure you’re okay, you quickly turn your head, refusing to look at him. Bucky only sighs, and gently begins removing your shoe. You hadn’t bothered with pantyhose today, so he begins gently applying pressure around the already red and swollen joint, feeling for abnormalities.

“Tell me if it hurts real bad, okay?” He speaks softly, only a grunt meeting him in reply.

The ankle doesn’t feel broken, and he’d had plenty of field experience with broken bones, so he was pretty confident in his assessment. He’s sure you’d just twisted it. The steps had been a little wet from the rain, it was most likely the cause.

“Think you just twisted it, honey… I think if you’d torn any muscles you’d have kicked me in the face by now.” He tries to joke, but you still have your head turned dramatically, petulant like a child, refusing to look at him.

“I could kick you in the face anyway right now.” You seethe, and he knows that you mean it. Still, it doesn’t stop him chuckling, placing your foot back on the floor and moving to grab a bag of frozen peas from the freezer. You shift in discomfort when he places your foot on the opposite stool, and covers it with the makeshift ice pack, but don’t say anything else.

Bucky sighs, and crouches down in front of you again. When he covers your hands, resting in your lap, with his own, you jerk away from him, and fold them across your chest.

“Baby…” He half-heartedly scolds, but doesn’t relent, anchoring himself at your hips as he leans further into your field of view, wondering just how far you can turn your head before it twists right off, but you simply close your eyes instead. Bucky can’t help but chortle again.

“Honey… Emilia. Would ya just look at me for a second?”

Your response is to scrunch your nose, and he sighs, hanging his head.

“I guess a kiss really does mean nothing to you.” He says, and you take the bait, eyes flicking open wide to glare at him in disbelief, mouth curled in disgust, likely about to tell him to get the hell out of your house, or make good on your threat to kick him. But he grins, and you realise his trickery, having gained your attention at last, and you make a hmpfh noise, folding your arms again.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was just… angry. But I didn’t mean it. It’s not true.” He ducks into your line of vision, his grin falling away as he apologises, hoping to god you hear him out. At last you break, turning to look at him again with clear hurt and upset written on your face.

“You didn’t even call.” You relent with a scolding tone, but he hears the whine behind it and coos, reaching up to cup the side of your face and wipe at a tear track there.

“I know. I’m sorry. I was just… I thought maybe you’d still been a little drunk, and… this isn’t exactly the most normal of circumstances, sweetheart…” He drops his hand back to your leg, and you purse your lips in thought, eyes not meeting his, but darting around as you gather yourself.

“Vinnie came by to apologise. He was really sorry—”

“—He’d better be—”

“—But I told him I didn’t think we were any good together. We broke up.” You ignore his bitter interruption and finally meet his eye, a little nervously. Bucky feels a swirl of hope, elation, and then a crashing guilt as he remembers how he’d just yelled at you. He hangs his head again, pressing his forehead to your knee as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Shit… Babydoll, I— I’m so sorry, I—” He lifts his head, and shakes it, at his own behaviour. You watch him closely, but don’t say anything at first. You do sniff a little though.

“I don’t like bein’ yelled at…” You say eventually, sniffling a little more, and Bucky nods profusely, reaches out to cup your cheek again, but you don’t cry.

“I won’t yell again. I promise. I’m sorry.” He searches your face, sees how his prolonged absence had caused you doubt, and hates himself for it.

“Come out with me.” He blurts, mouth moving before his brain can catch up, but for once, he’s okay with it. Your eyes widen then, frowning, confused, worried.

“I— but—” You blink rapidly trying to gather your thoughts, before you bite your lip.

“… What about Steve…?”

Bucky knows Steve’s approval, his support, is vital to you, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t vital to him too. If he went behind Steve’s back, if he wasn’t okay with it, and the two of you went ahead with things anyway, Bucky doesn’t know if he’d be able to be with you, but lose Steve…

He grimaces.

“I’ll talk to Steve.” He asserts, before pausing. This time when he reaches for your hands, you let him take them, and he holds them in your lap, letting his thumbs glide over the backs of your fingers softly.

“Come out with me, Mills?” He asks again, properly, and for the first time since he’d seen you today, you smile a little, small, but genuine and you nod shyly.

“Okay.”

Bucky grins.

—-

The hall is loud, but not too wild. It wasn’t a super new club, filled with all the young kids, swing dancing and drinking to their hearts’ content. It was a mellower place, an older one. Most of the patrons were vets, as far as Bucky can tell, if their haircuts and posture were anything to go by.

There were still people dancing, certainly, but the lighting was a little dimmer, the music a little slower. It was a nice place, good for catching up at the end of the week. Good for having hard conversations and making sure Captain America wouldn’t start a public brawl.

Hopefully.

Bucky insists on getting the first round, delivering the two beers to the table toward the back, one side of the seat a booth style lounge, the other a wooden chair that Bucky opted to take, out of fear it might break under Steve’s weight.

“What have you done?” Steve asks seconds after placing his drink down. The alcohol did nothing for him, but he had come to enjoy the taste. Bucky blinks at him, shakes his head and tries to shrug, but he’s fixed in place with a knowing look. Steve crosses his arms over his chest and leans on the table, head cocked.

“Buck.” He scolds lightly. Bucky pinches his brow and takes a large swig of his drink. Alcohol had marginally more of an affect on him than it did Steve, but it still took quite a bit for him to keep a buzz, these days.

“I need you to listen to everything I have to say before you make a judgement, okay? This is… important.” Bucky fiddles with his beer mat, straightening it out, before he anxiously meets Steve’s curious, concerned gaze.

“Alright…” The blond agrees, his brows knit together as he waits for Bucky to speak. But his mouth feels dry, even though he’d just drank seconds ago, he feels like the whole damn Sahara desert had taken up residency on his tongue and he swallows thickly several times.

“I wanna take Emilia out.” He says, ripping the bandaid off. He makes sure he speaks clearly and loud enough that there would be no mistaking his words.

“On a date.” He adds a moment later.

Steve stares at him, his eyes narrowing just slightly, as if trying to discern if this were a joke, or as if it could help him see further into Bucky’s mind.

“I… I’ve been thinking about it… her, for a while and, I know it’s… odd. I’ve known her her whole life, but… she’s…” God, he feels like such a creep, spouting all of this to Steve, your brother, but he needs to say it, needs Steve to know that he’s serious.

“She’s an amazing woman, Steve, you know that, but this past year, since we’ve been home… I don’t know. I just… It’s different, now.” Bucky pauses, sucks in a deep breath. Steve hasn’t moved an inch since narrowing his eyes, he just stares at the other man silently, and frankly, it was rather unnerving.

“I haven’t felt this way about a girl before. I wanna take her out, I wanna hold her hand, spend time with her… At least ten times a day my mind goes to what she’d think about something, or what she might say, if she’d laugh or…” He’s rambling now, he knows it, but he can’t stop himself.

“Steve, I have tried to move past it, but… I can’t. And she can’t either. She wants to go with me, but we both need to know you’re okay with this.” Finally, he shuts his mouth, finishing with a firm statement of intent, and returns his friend’s steely gaze.

Steve’s lips slowly purse, and then just as slowly, he reaches out and lifts his drink to his lips. In seconds, the entire thing is gone, and he carefully places it back down on the coaster before meeting Bucky’s eye.

“That morning I found her at your apartment,” He begins, voice unreadable, but tight. Bucky jumps, hands up immediately.

“That was the complete truth! Nothing happened, I swear to God!” He hurries to say. He didn’t need to mention the kiss. He really didn’t need to know about that.

Steve watches him, and then leans back in his seat, lips still pursed, eyes still trained on his best friend.

“You’d better be serious.” He says, at last, his tone filled with threat. Bucky’s eyes widen a little, but he nods.

“I am.”

“Cause if you hurt her, I don’t mind going to prison.” Steve’s warning is real, but there's a levity in his voice now that makes Bucky breath a sigh of relief.

“What if she hurts me?” He shoots back, the feeling in his fingers that he hadn’t realised had gone numb, returning suddenly.

Steve scoffs, but grins, and shrugs.

“You’d probably deserve it, punk.”

For a moment things feel normal once more. Bucky takes a self-congratulatory sip of his beer and feels the world settle around him again.

“But you know I’m not gonna treat you any different just cause we’re friends, right?” Steve adds a moment later, eyebrow lifted. Bucky snorts.

“Pick her up at the door, home by ten, yeah, yeah, I know.” He rolls his eyes before pausing, lowering his glass to fix Steve with a serious expression once more.

“I’ll be good to her, you know me, Steve.”

“I do know you. Which is why I’m okay with it, and also why I know not to let you take her on The Wonder Wheel.” Another joke, but another unspoken warning. Bucky scoffs in only half mock-offence.

“Listen, that was one time.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You callin’ me a one-trick pony, jerk?!”

“You’d better be.”

Bucky chortles, and even Steve can stop his grin.

The tension eases, and the conversation moves on. Peggy joins them shortly after she clocks off, a couple of the other boys ambling in a while later, but Bucky still can’t stop thinking about their conversation. As the topic turns to upcoming assignments, and trainee recruitment, all Bucky can think about is where he was going to take you come Friday night.

—-

Steve sits on the couch, the baseball play-by-play running on the brand new radio he’d splashed out and bought as an early Christmas gift for you both, a subtle nudge to you that you were no longer poor, thanks to his job, and that you should start looking for a place in a nicer part of the city. You were reluctant though, and he didn’t seem to push it.

However loud the radio announcer is, Steve isn’t listening, and although he was feigning an air of casualty, you can see right through him. You hadn’t actually talked to him about your date with Bucky, but Bucky had told you the verdict, and it had been an unspoken thing all week.

You finally exit your room a few minutes before six, feeling exposed and as if under a microscope, even though you’d chosen a nice, but decidedly modest dress, not one you’d usually wear on a date, but you’d overthought everything in your closet until you’d settled on this one.

Your hair had taken the most time, you didn’t usually do much with it, but you’d wanted it to look nice tonight, your urge to act like nothing was different or happening with Steve, at odds with how you wanted to impress Bucky…

You wonder if the strangeness will ever pass.

You hope it does.

“Um… do I look okay…?” You ask, breaking through your brother’s thoughts and snapping his attention to you at the door to the living room, where you awkwardly perform a slow twirl, finishing with a thin smile. Steve stands, out of some old fashioned politeness, even though you were just his sister, and takes you in properly.

Anxiety builds as you see his eyes linger on the shiny pins you’d used in your hair, your mother’s, and not something you had ever worn before. They were far too special for that. But at last, he smiles, softly, and more importantly, genuinely, stepping toward you.

“You look beautiful.” He tells you, leaning down to embrace you lightly, and for the first time all week, you feel most of your nervous energy leave you. To know Steve wasn’t secretly upset, to hear some form of approval from his own mouth meant more to you than you’d realised.

You open your mouth, but knocking at the door stops you. Your heart beat speeds up, a different sort of nervousness coming now, and Steve looks to the door. Giving you a small smile, he steps past you.

You wring your hands for a moment as you hear him open the door and greet Bucky, their voices soft, but unintelligible to your ears. You smooth down your dress one last time as footsteps approach, and catch your breath just as Bucky appears in the doorway. Steve stands behind him, trying not to look as uncomfortable or awkward as you all felt.

“Hi…!” You squeak, face hot and warm. Bucky gives you a quick once over, and, knowing Steve couldn’t see his face, he throws you a wink, before holding out the flowers he’d brought you.

“You look lovely. These are for you.” He sounds sincere, but you imagine this was the usual schtick he came out with when he’d picked a girl up in the past, her parents present and judging him. You didn’t expect a hug and a kiss on the cheek, it wouldn’t have seemed proper, all things considered.

You smile, and take the flowers from him, smelling them briefly.

“Thank you…” You sigh, momentarily forgetting Steve’s presence until he clears his throat and steps forward.

“I’ll… I’ll go put them in some water…” He offers, both a favour and giving the two of you a moment alone, likely acknowledging the discomfort of his presence.

Blindly, you let him take them, aware he shuffles off to the kitchen, but you don’t look away from Bucky. You step closer, opening your mouth, but he brings a finger to his lips, and then points toward the kitchen, and then at his own ears with a playful grin. You understand the message perfectly, glad for the reminder of Steve’s enhanced hearing, and you duck your head, stifling a giggle as he swoops in close, briefly cupping your cheek and pressing his lips to it, before stepping back again.

“You all ready?” He clears his throat and asks, another cookie-cutter line, but you don’t mind.

“Yep.” You stay grinning at one another, unable to hide your pure giddiness.

“Well, we’ll wait for Steve to see us off.” He suggests, voice lifting just slightly, and you hear the movement in the kitchen pause, before footsteps quickly return the big blond man to the living room doorway.

“Alright, uh, you guys have a… a good night.” He clears his throat twice while speaking, following as you move to the door, Bucky holding it open for you as you step out, turning back around to face your brother, who turns his attention to Bucky.

“I know you know the drill.”

“Aye, aye, Cap.” Bucky straightens and salutes, only making Steve relax at last, his shoulders dropping from their tensed state as he rolls his eyes.

“Behave. Both of you.” He says, an exasperated kind of sigh leaving him, and you step in one last time, kissing his cheek, before moving back to Bucky’s side again.

“We’ll see ya later, Steve.” Bucky bids him farewell as you move to the stairs, his hand briefly gliding to your lower back before he suddenly snaps it away, fully aware of the eyes that still watch you go.

It’s not until the door shuts, and you’ve rounded out of the side alley and onto the main road that you fully feel relief flood your system. You let out a laugh, and shake your head.

“I hope it’s not like that every time.” You say, stomach fluttering when Bucky looks down at you with an amused smile, brow raised.

“You planning on letting me take you out again, already?” He nudges your side gently, and your face grows warm again.

Normally, a single date would have just been that, no expectation for a second unless it was agreed upon after… but this was different. You know Bucky wouldn’t have risked his friendship with Steve for a single date. He made it clear he meant something more serious.

“Unless you really screw up, I don’t see why not.” You lift your nose a little, pretending to be annoyed by his teasing, but his satisfied hum, and the way he reaches for your hand right after, pulling you close and locking his fingers with yours makes you forget your act pretty quickly.

This time, holding hands with Bucky doesn’t feel so strange, it feels nice, and natural, and you can’t wipe the permanent smile from your lips as you let him lead you down the streets of Brooklyn.

Bucky takes you for dinner and dancing, and despite some of the initial nervous energy you can feel between you, it dissipates quickly. You laugh and talk and even though the memories of your shared past linger at the back of your mind, for the first time in a long time it almost feels like you’re with an entirely different person. An entirely different person who you knew like the back of your hand, mind you.

You end up by the pier, having decided to leave the loudness of the club in favour for walking and talking in the warm evening breeze. Bucky holds tightly to your hand and the tether is so warm and comforting you almost forget the act of walking at all. You feel more like you were just floating, Bucky guiding you along.

“I forgot to ask, how’s your ankle?” Bucky looks down at you then, coming to a stop near the end of the broadwalk. You blink at him for a moment, before remembering how you’d twisted it the last time you’d seen him.

“Oh, it’s fine… clearly it wasn't serious…” You shrug. You’re unsure how to say that his words had hurt more than the minor injury had. Bucky nods, a small smile gracing his features, unaware of where your mind wanders now, and you bite your lip, taking a moment to gaze out at the water before you can bring yourself to speak again.

“Why did you say it?”

You feel Bucky look at you, but you can’t look back yet.

“Say what?” He asks, but the quietness in his voice tells you he knows.

“You said a kiss is nothing, that it doesn’t mean anything.” You can’t help but frown now, even as you hear him sigh, and he tugs at your hand, until you’re forced to face him. Your eyes stay turned down, but you’re acutely aware of how close he stands now, how he lifts his other hand to cup your cheek.

“Milly… I’m sorry. I was upset, but I didn’t mean it.” He says. You know he’s already apologised, but that isn’t what you want.

“I know that you’re sorry, Bucky, I just want to know why you even said it in the first place.” Your voice sits somewhere between a whine and a huff, and you try your very best not to pout, but you think you might be failing.

Bucky takes a deep breath and looks away for a second, squinting at the murky waters of the harbour.

“I guess because it’s true. Sometimes.” He says, prompting you to snap your gaze to his. Your frown deepens as fear builds in your stomach. So he did mean it?!

A million thoughts of doubt run through your mind in the time it takes him to lift his free hand to cup your other cheek too.

“A single kiss could be brushed off as nothing, but not twice.”

You barely have a moment to respond before he’s leaning in, and just like that morning in his apartment, you’re immediately breathless, immediately in want of more.

Bucky’s lips press softly against your own, not exactly chaste, but he doesn’t open his mouth as he’d done before. He attempts to pull back, but seems to give up halfway, his arm falling around your back as you fling your own around his neck, leaning heavily against him.

The doubt runs away, chased off by the way in which Bucky kisses you, the hint of something held back only making you want to push for more. But eventually, he really does pull away, though he cradles you close, forehead against your own, noses nudging.

The smile that breaks across your face barely contains the laughter you feel, the happiness threatening to burst at the seams. Bucky returns your soft gaze, and before you know it, he’s leading you in a slow sway.

“See, sweetheart? Now it means something.”

[morifinwes]

Lauraa I finished all the fics, apart from decay (currently reading that now) and I love it sm! Especially the lip gloss one lmao the whole thing was so hilarious to me XD but also like the concept of lwj wearing lipgloss is >>> -yibobibo

@yibobibo then i'm going to rec you some more!! the lip gloss one was !!!!! ajsksks yes!! lwj wearing lipgloss is just so!! good!!

modern

this one is the painful one i talked about:

visitations by var_abelasan (12K, wip, divorced wangxian, post divorce, most of this is angst, uhm lowkey don't but also do want wangxian to end up together, it's messy, the jiangs & lans are shitty, wwx was in prison (brief mentions of that but it's kind of a major plot point), mxy & xy are the little brothers he never wanted but wwx picked them up anyways)

"Wei Ying-" Lan Zhan says, stutters, "I'm sorry." 

And now Wei Wuxian sees it, the red rimming Lan Zhan's eyes, the rumpled edges of his blazer. There is an old, familiar urge for him to reach over, to hold Lan Zhan's hand and smooth his hair, to tell him that everything will be fine. 

"We're all a bit sorry about this, I think," he says instead, and finds that he means it. For Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji and everyone else in that Guanyin temple, the pain must be unbearably fresh, like skin just flayed open. But Wei Wuxian's chest had been cracked open a long time ago, his wounds licked and cauterized and sewn shut over five long years - Ever hurting, but a dull, constant ache, "It's really alright, Lan Zhan."

 

Five years after being accused of corporate espionage and losing everything, the Guanyin Scandal breaks open and Wei Wuxian finds a familiar face at his door.

please don't let me be misunderstood by sysrae (3K, partly deaf!wwx, lwj notices, nobody else does though, idk wwx is like made out of fucking steel or some shit)

Lan Wangji has known Wei Ying for a fortnight, the first time he sees him get hit by a car.

light by redkosmos (10K, blind!lwj, which causes angst, but they manage it, best friends to lovers, fluff, lwj being insecure and feeling like a burden, college au kind of? but it doesn't matter too much)

The realization slowly dawns on him.

He can never again see the brightness of Wei Ying's eyes, the way they crescent when he smiles, never again see the rich black of his hair, the mess of it in the early mornings, never again see the beautiful tan of his skin, the beauty of the scars and marks adorned on it, how he wears his clothes, how it hugs his frame beautifully, how he looks like he's adorably swimming in cloth when he wears Lan Zhan's, and-

(Lan Zhan loses his vision in a car accident and learns to cope with it.)

don't leave me by trippinonskies (19K, brief very brief mention of lwj cheating, he doesn't but wwx is afraid lwj is cheating on him or just wants to break up with him, (he doesn't), marriage proposal, lwj acting distant = wwx's insecurities show up, fluff, angst and comfort)

Lan Zhan! Where are you lost today?” Wei Wuxian finally asks, at the end of his patience.

Lan Zhan looks a little guilty as he looks at Wei Wuxian, “Sorry, just a lot of work to deal with.”

Lie.

If there is one thing Lan Zhan can’t do, it’s lying. Especially to Wei Wuxian. But he doesn’t question Lan Zhan. He just accepts the reply, too scared to know that he is right. Too scared to know the truth.

// or where Lan Zhan is too hung up in planning the perfect proposal and ends up accidently ignoring Wei Wuxian making the other think that he wants to break up //

want you closer by xiaobucephalus ((3K, HORSES, only in the background tho, but wwx is an equestrian vet, which is so fucking valid bro, the lans own horses, a sick bunny, lwj the bunny parent!, super cute, dark bay throughoutbred chenqing is honestly so valid)

“Thank you,” Lan Zhan said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Don’t thank me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying laughed again, his voice warming the chill of fear that had settled in his chest. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to get into your hutch for a while anyway.”

safe in your thoughts by anonymous (20K, it's a cherry magic au???? (i haven't watched it, but you have i think?), horny lwj but only for wwx (always for wwx))

Wei Wuxian learns three very important things on the night of his twenty-seventh birthday.

One, that Lan Wangji is ridiculously funny, which Wei Wuxian had known before but what Wei Wuxain hadn’t expected was Lan Wangji to be funny at his brother’s expense.

Two, that Wei Wuxian had finally gone mad, absolutely mental at the ripe age of twenty seven because nothing else would explain the third thing he had learnt.

Third, and the most unbelievable of the lot, that Lan Wangji wants to fuck him.

iura by yoo_im_finally_writing (1K, only added bcs op is right and wwx would've the cutest german accent, it's more fun if you understand german so hit me up if you want translations for the german sentences)

Wei Ying calls in the middle of the night to talk about German law, and Lan Zhan tries very hard not to fall asleep. Or at least, not to let Wei Ying notice he's falling asleep. (As best friends do.)

breathe in the air, the last of its kind by wereworm / @neverdoingmuch (27K, getting together, jealous!lwj, but also kind of supportive, brief mention of cheating bcs of miscommunication, no actual cheating tho, college au, lwj pov)

Following Wei Ying’s line of sight, Lan Wangji can barely prevent a smile from crossing his lips when he sees the short row of rabbit statuettes placed at the front of the display. Silver, with bright gems for eyes, they look elegant yet lively and animated.

“A-Yuan would love one of those,” Wei Ying murmurs, almost as if to himself.

Lan Wangji frowns; the rabbits, while cute, don’t seem like a suitable gift for Wei Ying’s A-Yuan.

...

It’s only when he glances back at the rabbits and notices what has been placed on display behind them, that the pieces fall into place. They’re engagement rings, there’s no doubt about it. Lan Wangji feels his heart sink – Wei Ying isn’t just dating A-Yuan, he wants to propose to him.

Or: the five times Lan Wangji thinks that A-Yuan is Wei Ying’s boyfriend and the one time he learns the truth.

paint smears on sunny days by snowshadowao3 / @angstsexual (53K, getting together, art teacher!wwx, single parent!lwj, they're rich if i remember right, wwx & lwj are both good with kids!!!, this is so good actually, fluff)

To say that he runs to his car would be incorrect, as he is a Lan, and running is both undignified and unnecessary unless in immediate danger. Nor does he slam his key into the ignition, or aggressively swerve around the cars on the freeway, or have a mild panic attack at the fact he is picking A-Yuan up late from school for the first time ever.

He comes close, though.

By the time he arrives, it’s 4:35PM, and he has imagined about fifty different worse-case scenarios. The door is partly open when he gets to it, a messy label of 104B—Art Room scrawled with chalk on a placard next to the faded wood. As he opens it fully, he expects to see a wailing, terrified child, or perhaps a scene of utter misery and betrayal.

What he finds is his son, hands covered in paint, being sung to by a beautiful, dark-haired stranger.

“Ducks live in the pond, yellow ducks, happy ducks!”

Lan Wangji stops in his tracks.

(Or: Falling in love with your son’s art teacher, in five parts)

no bunny compares by gusucloudbunny (4K, god this is cute, fluff)

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian cornered his friend one week before his birthday. “If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

Lan Wangji furrowed his brow at Wei Wuxian, not exactly sure how to answer that question in a truthful manner that didn’t involve confessing his undying love for his best friend.

Wei Wuxian is on a mission to get Lan Wangji the perfect gift for his birthday. What Wei Wuxian doesn't know is that the only thing Lan Wangji truly wants is him.

wei wuxian's week of realizing things by photojenny (12K, i have read this multiple times, i always forget what happens, idk why but my notes say it's good, the tags say drunkji makes an appearance and i'm always up for that)

"Lan Zhan, do you like Mianmian?" asked Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji blinked, and stared. It was not the first time Lan Wangji had questioned the perceptiveness of the boy he had a crush on. Wei Wuxian had been smart in the class they had taken together. Yet time and time again, Wei Wuxian had tested the old wisdom that there are no stupid questions.

---

Lan Wangji must figure out how to confess when Wei Wuxian is the most oblivious person he's ever met.

are you my wisdom tooth? because i'd like to take you out by yellowcarnations (1K, crack, fluff, lwj stop flirting with a stranger, even if he is your husband, drunkji but make it to max level)

Lan Zhan wakes up and he has no idea where he is.

There are bright lights and his jaw hurts, he doesn't who this man next to his bed is but oh he might be in love, maybe, probably, definitely.

–

based off that guy-forgets-who-his-wife-is-and-hits-on-her vid but its wangxian.

beep! goes his heart by wearing_tearing (3K, fluff, lwj is like "he, he likes me right? he likes me" and everyone is like "yes, yes he does")

“Wei Ying’s heart monitor,” Lan Wangji starts.

Wen Qing blinks at him. “Yes?”

“It beeps.”

“That’s… what they generally do, yes.”

“The beeps change,” Lan Wangji continues, “when others are around.”

*

Wei Ying’s heart only sings for Lan Wangji.

canon

obedient and bellicose by thunderwear (19K, lwj is cursed by the lan elders, they notice too late, fix-it fic kind of?, lqr being a good uncle and lxc is a good brother, wwx accidentally uses the curse but he doesn't know about it)

It took Lan Wangji a long time to realize he was cursed. Too long really, anyone else would have noticed so much sooner. The problem was, he liked following the rules.

Ella Enchanted AU that no one needed but I wanted.

hello my old heart, how have you been? by ravenditefairylights (10K, amnesia, fluff, wwx taking care of lwj, so much fluff and softness, angst too but not that much)

The issue is, Lan Wangji brings his thoughts back before they stray too far, that it is impossible for someone to be in his bed, unless Lan Wangji himself invited them. He has not. He would remember doing so, and besides, all his night clothes are still on and there is no headache to imply that he was inebriated last night. No, the situation is simple.

There is someone in Lan Wangji’s bed. It is impossible for anyone to be in Lan Wangji’s bed, and yet that doesn’t seem to have stopped the stranger.

or lan wangji wakes up, and wei ying is there. he doesn't understand how or why, and he can understand even less why his hallucination of wei ying is so insistent on bathing him, and braiding his hair, on holding him and fixing his clothes. why the hallucination of wei ying seems so happy to see him.

teach me the way by likeafox (58K, rogue cultivator!wwx, horny wangxian, lwj wants wwx to teach him how to be a good lover, ....wwx is a virgin, the porn is the plot, but there's less of it than i thought)

"I do not wish to leave my future spouse… dissatisfied with my intimate knowledge,” Lan Zhan says, very seriously. “I am hoping to find an instructor, to better prepare myself for such matters."

Wei Ying feels his mouth drop open. He's pretty sure the Second Jade of Lan just told him he's a virgin who wants to learn how to do sex good.

Rogue Cultivator Wei Wuxian is the stuff of local legends. Some of those legends are even true! The ones about his tremendous experience in bed, on the other hand, are not so true. Which becomes a problem when Lan Wangji, on the verge of an arranged marriage and worried he won’t know how to please his future spouse, enlists Wei Ying's help to teach him the art of love-making. Wei Ying's great at improvisation, though, and is pretty sure he's got this sex mentor thing under control. What could possibly go wrong

other aus

of god: my love unholy by tunnelodfawn (3K, tw blood / war, dark!lwj, god!wwx, kind of poetry)

Lan Zhan takes everything as a sign from his god. The blood staining his fingertips—a holy anointment. He sanctifies himself through blood. The strings of his guqin gleam red in the sun—a divine blessing. This is an instrument of destruction. A single note—a cry of power—and in this note the voice of his god unravels the earthly threads tethering man to earth.

The Yiling Patriarch blesses Lan Zhan with war. Wei Wuxian blesses Lan Zhan with agility. Wei Ying blesses Lan Zhan with love.

The base of the Yiling Patriarch’s shrine is the home of Lan Zhan’s knees. He worships. There is something of the blasphemous and the unholy in his prayers. He prays not for victory but for the sight of Wei Ying. Bless me with your presence, he begs.

Or, wherein, Lan Zhan bridges the gap between the mortal and the divine—the worshipper and the god—with blood.

the river and the sea by sasamelons / @sasamelons (7K, soulmate au, arranged marriage (wangxian with each other), they're both kind of dumb but i love it)

Lan Wangji gritted his teeth, wishing to just be left alone. "I am looking for my soulmate," he ground out.

"Oh."

It took Lan Wangji a few moments to realize that Wei Wuxian had stopped following him. When he looked back, the other boy seemed to be frozen to the spot, eyes wide and lips still parted. He quickly looked away when he saw Lan Wangji looking back. "I see. Well, have a good trip!"

--

At six years old, Lan Zhan met his soulmate on the streets of Yiling and promptly lost him again.

At sixteen years old, Lan Wangji met his betrothed and was determined not to like him.

[randomficsandshit]

Bellarke Fic Rec

*NONE OF THESE FICS ARE MINE*

Please do not forget. I have not written any of these. I’m simply recommending favorites of mine over the years. If you love something, send the author your love, not me :) and if any links don’t work, send me a message and I’ll see what i can do, this is a pretty old list 

There's A Nap For That 

Word Count: 6k+

AU. Based on that post: "If you both agree to take a nap instead of going out, it’s a date." Or: The one where Bellamy and Clarke keep taking naps together. You know, platonically. See also: Let Them Rest.

If You Wear A Dress and Have an Animal Sidekick, You Are a Princess

Word Count: 3k+

AU. Bellamy can't not take care of every animal he sees, and Clarke can't not find it endearing.

*Mouth Like Heaven, Kisses Like Stars

Word Count: 4k+

His eyebrows are knitted together in a slight frown, the kind he usually gets when he’s trying to work out a difficult problem. Finally, he meets her eyes again and says, almost hesitantly underneath his mask of bravado, “Well, I’m always here to lend a helping hand if you need it, princess.” Clarke actually chokes this time, and it feels like all the breath has been knocked out of her. -or, the time when everything goes downhill and bellamy just goes down.

Wingwoman 

Word Count: 1k+

AU. Clarke didn't think she'd need a wingwoman at the park playground when she's babysitting her one-year-old niece, but then Bellamy Blake strolls up, and Amelia rises to the occasion, luckily for her.

When Love Hits (Better Make It Worth The Fall)

Word Count: 4k+

AU. (She's All That) Four times Clarke gets hit on the head (+1 time she doesn't) during her last semester of high school, and every single time, Bellamy Blake is somehow involved.

All This Time

Word Count: 5k+

AU. Four times Bellamy innocently kisses Clarke, + one time he doesn't.

Take This Heart

Word Count: ~

clarke moves into bellamy's room. this is both soft and full of disdain for clarke's terrible... everything in season 3

You're Cool On The Internet, At Least

Word Count: 9k+

AU. Look, Clarke will not dwell on this. She will not get flustered just because a possibly cute guy on Facebook apparently shares her views on what constitutes a terrible person.

(Or: Clarke meets Bellamy on Facebook. They hit it off.)

(One of my personal favs)

We Came Out On Top

Word Count: 11k+

AU. “How can you guys be all like this and then be at each other’s throats during trivia night?” “Because it’s trivia night,” both Bellamy and Clarke said at the same time, sharing the same why don’t you get it tone. Bellamy, Clarke, and the trivia night rivalries only they care about.

She Does What The Night Does To The Day

Word Count: 5k+

AU. He assumes she would just giggle and continue petting him while saying how pretty he is, but instead, she pulls back with what might have been a leer had she not been three sheets to the wind, and says, “Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty.” And then if that wasn’t bad enough, she stumbles out of his arms and fucking winks at him. Or at least he thinks it’s a wink. She used both eyes instead of one. or, the one where Bellamy is woefully and terribly oblivious.

The Giant Squid's Got Nothing On You

Word Count: 6k+

AU. Objectively, Clarke knows she’s probably right, but she still can’t help but lift her chin determinedly and say, “He is not going to find it.” She can barely hear her scoff in reply over the din of the cafe. “Yeah right,” says Raven, “The internet is forever, Clarke Griffin. He will find it eventually.” or, Clarke finds her new muse at the local cafe

Alone Together 

Word Count: 11k+

AU. Clarke shows up at Bellamy’s apartment at exactly two minutes to midnight on a Thursday. He's not sure how she ends up staying the night — or why he doesn't turn her away, when it happens again. And again.

Cold As The Wind Blows (so hold me in your arms)

Word Count: 3k+

AU. Clarke gets trapped in the storage room overnight, but at least she's not by herself.

Tequila Regrets

Word Count: 6k+

AU. Clarke and Bellamy have been roommates for a while, and Clarke has been in love with him for almost as long, but when she finds out that his terror of a boss has marked him as her next conquest, Clarke offers to pose as his fake girlfriend for the staff Christmas party to scare her off. She did not think this all the way through.

Mutual

Word Count: 6k+

AU. As acts of rebellion go, Clarke knows that getting a tumblr is both minor and pathetic. But it's her secret, her own tiny, online space where no one knows she's Clarke Griffin, Hollywood A-lister. She's just some nobody with like five followers and opinions no one cares about. And then she makes a friend.

Wish On Everything

Word Count: 11k+

AU. It's not as if Bellamy wanted anything bad to happen to his mother. All he wanted was to get custody of his little sister, so he'd know she was taken care of. And after eight years, he's basically given up all hope of that. Then his mother does die, and social services tells him he gets Octavia.

Legs Crossed Towards Each Other 

Word Count: 7k+

It starts with Raven wanting to set up Mr. Sinclair, out of what are probably genuinely good intentions. It's everyone else who turns it into a massive headache for Bellamy.

What The Hell Is The Catch? 

Word Count: 6k+

Bellamy gets tickets to take his AP US History kids to Hamilton, and Clarke figures he's going to need a chaperone. She's happy to help out. And if he says she owes him for it? Totally worth it.

If You Wanna Reach Me

Word Count: 5k+

AU. Clarke: So yeah, in the dream it's like We're in New York, I think. I'm not really sure, but you know how it is when it's a dream and you just know something. So we're in New York.

Jasper: whos we??????

Clarke: Most of us, I think? It's always kind of hard to remember when it's a dream. Like I just thought "everyone's here!" but I mostly interacted with Bellamy.

Raven: did u mean: real life

Time Enough For Rocking When We're Old

Word Count: 14k+

boston > boston/camb/brook > housing > apts by owner $2-300 Roxbury small room in 3-br 1-bath house, spouse preferred (Roxbury) Pair of siblings looking for housemate. Due to extenuating circumstances I will share with interested parties, I would prefer a roommate who is willing to get married for legitimate personal reasons that do not include sex or anything sketchy. If not interested in marriage, room still available for $300/month plus utilities. Pets okay, no smokers, NO DRUG USE. Please don't just email me to tell me this is fucked up, I know it is, you really don't have to tell me. If you are interested in the marriage part, a female spouse is preferred, but male would be okay too. I promise I will explain this if you really want details, but I'm not putting it online. Serious inquiries only.

Must Love Intersectionality 

Word Count: 2k+

AU. Bellamy hates his stupid history of colonialism class, until he makes a friend. Weirdly, the friend isn't actually in his class, they just share the same desk and like to write angry notes about the patriarchy. Bellamy's a fan.

Regardless Of Warnings, The Future Doesn't Scare Me At All

Word Count: 20k+

AU. 2 Chapters. After an argument with her mother about her unplanned pregnancy, Clarke Griffin ends up back in the small town where her father used to live, spilling her sob story to a sympathetic bartender. And then, somehow, she ends up moving in with the bartender and her brother.

(You Might Find) You Get What You Need

Word Count: 20k+

AU. Clarke needs a date to her ex's sister's wedding, and she's at the point of hiring someone off the internet when Octavia points out that her brother is always looking for money. So Clarke takes him instead.

Just As You Are 

Word Count: 10k+

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Clarke Griffin in need of a Latin tutorial partner will always end up paired with Bellamy Blake.

I've Been Dreaming Of You From The Other Side (I Know You So Well)

Word Count: 17k+

AU. Ten years ago, Clarke found out she had superpowers. Now she's all ready to start a new life: English teacher by day, vigilante by night. All she has to do is figure out how to be a superhero, avoid getting caught and shipped off by mandatory metahuman registration, and not strangle the stupid history teacher down the hall. It'll be fun.

She's Touching His Chest Now, He Takes Off Her Dress Now

Word Count: 26k+

If Clarke had thought arguments could actually lead to switching bodies with someone, she wouldn't have been surprised this one really did. But since that's actually impossible, waking up as Bellamy Blake is still a shock.

I Know That Fortune Is Waiting To Be Kind

Word Count: 20k+

When Bellamy is eleven, his mother dies, and he finds out his father was a prince, which makes him a prince too, albeit a bastard prince. And when he's twelve, his family decides he would be a good candidate for marriage to Princess Clarke of Arcadia. Princess Clarke thinks so too, but only because he agrees to come back in ten years and help her make sure the wedding never takes place. It seems like a really good deal, when he's twelve.

And Dream How Wonderful Your Life Will Be

Word Count: 19k+

Clarke has known Bellamy Blake for two months when she finds out two completely unexpected things about him: he's married, and he has an eight-year-old son. He's also getting a divorce and he needs a roommate, and she's got a spot. It's complicated.

One Deep Breath and One Big Step

Word Count: 17k+

Clarke Griffin has been groomed for Ark University and Sigma Kappa Upsilon sorority since she was a kid, and she's a little annoyed to discover, upon getting to college, that she really does like Sig-Kap. That she wants to pledge. There's just this weird thing where they don't seem to like her new friend Bellamy.

Write What You Know

Word Count: 13k+

Bellamy understands every individual choice that got him to this point. He started writing erotica to make some extra money, he didn't correct the assumption that he was a woman, made up some facts about his new persona, and now his publisher wants him to start making public appearances, so he needs someone to be that persona. And Clarke really is the logical choice. It all makes sense to him, when he thinks about it, but he will admit it is incredibly weird. Luckily, Clarke's still got his back.

When Can I See You Again? 

Word Count: 13k+

Bellamy doesn't recognize a lot of people he meets at conventions, even if he's met them a lot. It's just hard to keep track. But the girl who comes once or twice a year is pretty easy to remember. And that's before her foster mom shows up in a panic because she took a bus to Vegas alone. After that happens, it's basically all over.

But They Ain't Doing It Right

Word Count: 14k+

“So,” he begins, running a hand through his hair. It’s a lost cause trying to work it back into some semblance of order. “What is this?” “What do you mean?” He doesn’t meet her eye when he says, “Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern,” too busy picking at a loose thread in his hem. “Wanna go three times and just make it a habit?” she jokes weakly, and his head snaps back up, eyes boring into hers. She flushes under the intensity of his gaze. “Actually,” he begins slowly, “That doesn’t sound that bad.” or, the friends with benefits au that got away from me

Phone A Friend

Word Count: 7k+

Clarke does not ask Bellamy for tips on having a threesome because she's hoping to have a threesome with him. He's just the only person she knows personally who has actually had a threesome, so he seems like her best resource. And when the opportunity to have a threesome with him presents itself, it's not like she's going to just say no.

I'm Swept Away and My Heart Ensnared 

Word Count: 15k+

Raven hums low in her throat. “Well, at least Bellamy can make it up in time. So you won’t get too axe murdered.” Clarke wrinkles her nose, leaning on the banister of the upstairs porch. From here she can see the ocean, just a five minute walk away, and she breathes in brine soaked air. “He’s still coming?” “What do you mean if he’s still coming? He didn’t say anything otherwise.” She shifts from foot to foot, feeling herself colour slightly even though there’s no one there to see her. “I just assumed that because you and Miller couldn’t make it up anymore he wouldn’t come today.” “Why the hell did you think that?” “Because Bellamy and I aren’t exactly friends, Raven." or, Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin don't really like each other. Or at least that's what they tell themselves.

Afraid To Call This Place Our Own 

Word Count: 22k+ 

(Single mom!Clarke and Teacher!Bellamy, with the usual angsty shenanigans.)

And Are We There Yet (Home) 

Word Count: 2k+

A Bellamy POV and mini sequel to afraid to call this place our own. (this shit made me cry) 

Bloodstains and Innocence: A Clarke Griffin Mystery

Word Count: 27k+

Police Chief Clarke Griffin knows three things: 1) Charles Pike is dead. 2) Octavia Blake is the prime suspect. 3) Bellamy Blake a giant pain in the ass with no business being involved in a murder investigation, and yet here he is, working the case alongside her. A hurricane is approaching the sleepy little island of Arkadia, NC as evidence begins to mount against Octavia and Clarke wrestles with her increasingly complicated relationship with Bellamy, all while trying to answer one simple question: Who killed Charles Pike?

Is There An IUD That Can Stop The Image of You and Me? 

Word Count: 8k+

It's probably impossible to be friends with benefits with someone who might not even count as a friend, but "lab partners with benefits" isn't a thing yet. So that's probably the right term. Whatever it is, Clarke's enjoying it. As long as she ignores the whole feelings thing.

I’m Gonna Leave You Anyway

Word Count: 65k+

Modern AU inspired by the show You're the Worst, where Bellamy and Clarke hook up after a wedding.

                  And You Can Have This Heart To Break

Word Count: 37k+

Clarke knows she's being a little over-dramatic in her complaining about having to move to Maine, but it does seem pretty unreasonable of her mother to drag her to a small town in the middle of nowhere for the three months between high-school graduation and her starting college. As it turns out, the summer is great. It's just the summer ending that's the problem.

Museums and Mistletoe 

Word Count: 1k+

Clarke buys Bellamy a museum ticket for Christmas and he acts like it’s the best gift he’s ever received. She buys one for herself too, because she knows none of their other friends have the time to go—finding a day they can all get together to exchange gifts is hard enough—and if it gets her an uninterrupted afternoon with her best friend and all around favorite asshole, she’s definitely not complaining.

When In Brome

Word Count: 57k+

Octavia is the one who tells Clarke about "Untitled Gladiator Project," because she thinks Bellamy wants to be on it, and also thinks Clarke is the one who will be able to convince him to do it. Plus, it turns out Clarke actually needs to be involved, because all of the gladiators are required to have girlfriends with them, and, honestly, the more she hears about it, the more of a mess it seems like. On the other hand, it sounds kind of hilarious, and definitely right up Bellamy's alley, so there's probably no harm in trying out. It might be fun.

It’s All Internet Interaction

Word Count: 11k+

Bellamy is less than pleased when soap opera star Clarke Griffin lands the lead role in the Callister reboot. So, naturally, he writes about it. It’s not supposed to blow up. She’s not supposed to respond to it either, but here they are.

Just Dive Right In (And Follow My Lead)

Word Count: 24k+

Clarke Griffin needs a partner. Bellamy Blake just happens to walk into her rink. (Or: Bellamy and Clarke as ice dancing partners, training together through the years to the Olympics.)

Sleight Of Hand

Word Count: 56k+

Notorious criminal prodigy Bellamy Blake has been tasked with a seemingly impossible heist. Luckily enough, he just might have the right crew for it. *Personal Favorite*

And Then We Were Chasing Comets

Word Count: 21k+

If you told Clarke Griffin that she would become best friends with the resident black sheep of Arkadia, she would have difficulty believing it, let alone the fact that he apparently wrote an entire book about her. (Or: Clarke and Bellamy through the years, as childhood best friends.)

See Me In Hindsight 

Word Count: 16k+

“You’re kind of a mess,” He says mildly. “Thanks captain obvious.” The corners of his mouth twitch a little, like he’s holding back a smile. She is not remotely pleased by that. Not at all. Or, the one where they're project partners and maybe, perhaps, friends. (And maybe, perhaps, more.)

Challenge Accepted

Word Count: 30k+

He doesn't even like Clarke Griffin, he's pretty sure he hates how easy everything has come to her. So imagine his surprise when he finds himself at their office party looking through dick pics on her phone. “You can do better, Princess. In fact, I can do better.” As soon as she turns to him with raised eyebrows and an open mouthed grin he knows he’s said too much but she’s not going to let it drop. “Oh really, you think you can do better, Blake?” And he's never backed down from a challenge in his life.

Found Myself In A Second 

Word Count: 5k+

The one where Clarke finds a lost wallet belonging to one Bellamy Blake.

Every Rose Can Sting You 

Word Count: 15k+

Clarke expected to encounter annoying guys when she got forced into becoming the Bachelorette, but she didn't realise that the most annoying of them all would be the head cameraman. Because seriously, Bellamy Blake is a total prick. It's a good thing there's absolutely no chance of her ever actually liking him, because boy, would that be inconvenient…

Choking On Your Alibis 

Word Count: 7k+

Bellamy gets a girlfriend and Clarke handles it spectacularly well

[neo-shitty]

TEASER — CHECKMATE (OT8, SKZ)

checkmate — an ot8 stray kids mafia!au

description. in which a group of friends play a realistic game of mafia where it’s all fun in games until one of them goes missing.

pairings. han jisung x female!reader, bang chan x byun taehee (oc), seo changbin x jeon saeyeon (oc)

genre. mystery, thriller. 

warnings. swearing, character deaths (nothing too graphic)

word count. 19k

tags and other notes. i finished writing this fic way back in november but i was torn between chopping this fic into chapters (the way it was written) or posting it the way it appears in my google docs (as one long ass file). i have finally reached the decision (with the help of a few people from kpopscape, ily) to settle with the latter.

i hope you’ll enjoy reading this as much as i had enjoyed conceptualizing it in the shower 2 months ago.

tags: @skzflix , i’m not sure if you remember me talking about a jisung fic a few months ago (or if you even remember me at all) but here it is. finally free from my google docs.

let me know if anyone wants to be tagged when i finally drop this. :)

to be posted on. january 23, 00:00 KST.

about checkmate. Here are a few things you need to know about this AU before proceeding: Stray Kids and the three other characters (you and the two other OCs) are in one big friend group and are in the same graduating class. And because they’re all from the same batch, I’ve aged down Chan and Lee Know to ‘99. Hence, the ‘99s are Chan, Minho, Changbin and Taehee (OC), the ‘00s are Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin and you, and the ‘01s are Jeongin and Saeyeon.

High school had always seemed like a grey area in life. Maybe it was because of the sweet mix of innocence and corruption in the minds of everyone you got to interact with that made it seem like it was neutral. The halls were littered with people with various upbringings and influences of their own. No one was either good or bad yet—there was no way to tell which among you would make it in life or not. Just a bunch of angsty young adults torn between being worried with what the future held and making the most of the present.

In high school, people were bound to make friends that either lasted until graduation or the remainder of their respective lifetimes. There was no way to tell where their lots belonged but sometimes they wished it belonged in the latter. It had only been you and the two other girls until the eight boys took you under their wing in sophomore year—an unspoken rule the boys had with people who sat at the back row along with them. 

2 school years and a shit ton of bickering later, you were all inseparable whenever together. God help the teachers that had all 11 of you in the same class together throughout high school. Thankfully, this academic year, it only happened once a week and all you could do was wish your homeroom teacher well.

The crew met at lunch everyday, another unspoken rule that was never decided but followed throughout the entirety of your high school days. It was impressive how two whole lunch tables were vacated the day Hyunjin cracked a height joke to Changbin which sparked a food fight in the middle of junior year. After that day, the whole gang set out to search for a new spot to eat lunch because according to Chan, staying together weighed more than eating conveniently at the cafeteria. Some of the kids disagreed with it but no one ever bothered to be vocal about it. 

And this is how you all ended up eating lunch on the bleachers of the school gym for the remaining two years of high school.

Eating in the gym meant that you didn’t have to compete with the voices of the preps from the other table or the lunch lady whose patience had worn thin from the lunch rush. Which also meant that you didn’t have to keep your voices down whenever you played Mafia. The game never failed to be entertaining despite being played for roughly two years now. Anyone in the crew could even say they’d improved their own deducing skills as they cracked down the Mafia more easily with every round played.

All of you except Jisung anyway, who either got voted out of suspicion for being the Mafia or being killed by the Mafia themselves. 

So when Lee Minho walks into the gym one day with a tempting offer in hand, Jisung is the first to say yes.

The hoverboard Minho is riding halts right by the bleachers before he picks it up. The other boys stop their game of basketball and gather round. Hoverboard in one hand and flyer in the other, he raises it up for everyone to see.

“What do you guys think?” he asks, watching everyone’s eyes skim over the flyer he’d picked up from the school bulletin board.

“I think it’s a great idea.”

“I think it’s pretty stupid.”

The voices come in unison, creating a rift in the decision of the crew in an instant. A bubble of laughter escapes out of one person's lips and the others follow. Jisung stands up from his seat on the bleachers, eyeing the smirking purple haired boy who was staring right back at him.

When the laughter dies down he finally speaks, “Do you have a problem?”

“What’s the point?” Seungmin answers, “You always lose anyway.”

Laughter fills the empty hall again, echoing off the walls in a seemingly mocking way that makes Jisung ball his fists. Chan purses his lips in annoyance, tracing the creases on his forehead before standing up to stall the fight threatening to happen at any given moment.

You watch as the tension between the two 00’s intensifies. When you catch a glimpse of Chan’s stressed face, you take it upon yourself to reign Jisung down. “Jisung, just sit down please.”

“Oh,” he turns to you, eyes wide in disbelief, “so you’re siding with them too? Fine.”

You wanted to argue but it’d only cause more ruckus. At least, even when he had his back turned to you, Jisung obliged to sit down. You let out a sigh and leave him alone.

Chan jumps down from the bleachers before taking the flyer from Minho, “If it isn’t clear to any of you yet, the flyer offers the most realistic Mafia game ever. All free. We just need to give them our names, show up at the address and we play.”

“Seems sketchy,” Taehee remarks.

“You doubt everything,” Changbin rebuts, to which the girl just shrugs.

Jeongin jumps down from the bleachers, taking the flyer from Chan to read it for himself. He turns to the awaiting crowd before him, “What could go wrong? It was posted on the school bulletin board after all.” Chan points in agreement before turning to see the reactions of the rest of the people there.

“It’s just a game of Mafia,” Felix finally says, “and we’re graduating so we might not get this opportunity again.”

Jisung finally turns around and faces everyone else, “I know right. I feel like this is going to be the best idea ever.”

[recurring-polynya]

soul reapers to get paid and their salaries are even quite high! if i remember correctly, lieutenants make around $7k while a captain’s salary is almost triple(nearly $19k)

(cont) that is if my conversion was right, in a JET interview kubo said captains make 2million yen, lieutenants - 700 000yen and an unseated officer - 200 000yen. but then again, i think the living cost in ss is much higher, i remember matsumoto mentioning that clothes in the living world are much cheaper

I have to say this is one of the liveliest discussions on Bleach meta that I have ever participated in on this website. I feel like I can definitively report that is is both fanon consensus and supported by the creator himself that Soul Reapers do, in fact, get paid. For the record, my husband, who started this, conceded days ago and I am sure has not thought about it since.

In any case-- I was very surprised by these numbers, and at first I thought that maybe they were in kan, the fictional currency used in Soul Society, rather than yen. I mean, $19k/year is a terrible salary (for those of you who are not American it is roughly minimum wage). I attempted to figure out the conversion rate between kan and yen once, and at the time, came to the conclusion that kan were worth somewhat more than yen, but I no longer have my scratch pad, so I cannot show my work. Looking at it again, they seem pretty close.

Then, just to get an idea, I googled the salary of a four-star general in the American military, which I thought should be a rough equivalent, and the article I found reported all its numbers in monthly salaries, which I am not used to seeing, but maybe they are more common in other countries. In any case, according to the article I found, the highest salary you can make in the US military is $15,800/month ($189,600/year), which is pretty close to what a Gotei captain makes. I realize that is a lot of money on an absolute scale, but that actually seemed shockingly low to me, in the sense that there have only ever been 246 four-star generals in the history of the U.S., but this is the sort of salary that, say, a C-suite executive might make. A president of even a public university can make 2-5 times this. Now, a career in the military comes with a lot of other perks-- free room and board, free healthcare, etc, but I think this is going to make a much bigger difference to the people in the lower ranks.

The more I thought about it, I do think this tracks, though. Gotei captains are immeasurably valuable and basically impossible to replace. One of the more chilling moments leading up to the Winter War was the part where Hitsugaya is basically like “we don’t know how many Arrancar Aizen has, but if it’s more than 10, we’re screwed” and then it cuts to Hueco Mundo, and Aizen is just surrounded by guys. So, yeah, it honestly makes perfect sense to me that captains are paid a “good living” but it’s insulting compared to the wealth of the nobles that live around them. I don’t usually have a lot of nice things to say about Byakuya, but I do want to emphasize that this has to be chump change for him. This guy definitely works out of a sense of duty, he is not in it for the Benjamins.

The vice-captain salary (~$84k/yr) comes closest to an O-4, which corresponds to a major or a lieutenant colonel, and usually entails about 10 years of service. I guess years count for less when you’re immortal, so I guess that works out. One thing that doesn’t fit is that in another interview, Kubo states that Renji’s sunglasses cost half a year’s salary, but their price is listed in the Bleach Bootleg as 84,700 kan. If a kan is roughly equal to a yen, this is wildly off. I will get back to this later. In WDKALY, there was some mention of vice-captains and captains being given “mansions” to live in (if they chose to). I absolutely cannot accept this fact as canon. I can’t. I mean, there are numerous omake about Hisagi trying to score free food out of Omaeda, yet this man lives in a mansion? And do not tell me he (or Matsumoto or Iba) would pass up living in a mansion if they had the option, even if the commute were an absolute nightmare. Maybe he can’t afford the cost of utilities and furnishings. I don’t know. Please, someone write me a sitcom of Hisagi and Kira living in giant mansions next door to each other, but it’s just like the Bluths living in the sample house in Arrested Development. [Aside: Renji would take the mansion, but he would turn it into an indoor soccer field and continue to sleep in the barracks search your heart you know it’s true]

Back on topic! The unseated officer salary of 200k yen/mo works out to an E-3, which is what an enlisted service member makes after a year. Everyone in the Gotei is considered an officer, and unseating people are awful, so, once again, this seems fine. Well, it seems shitty, tbh, but consistently shitty.

To really answer the question of “is this shitty?” though, we need to consider buying power. Earlier, I mentioned that Gotei service includes free room and board, and that alone is equivalent to a lifetime of wealth for someone from the lower Rukon. I mentioned earlier that I once tried to calculate the exchange rate between kan and yen using a variety of prices for various items. I wish I had kept better notes, because my main takeaway was that prices for things were not very consistent. A copy of the Seireitei Bulletin is 380 kan. Using a straight kan to yen to dollar conversion, that’s $2.80 (I am using 100 yen = $1 because it’s close enough, in case anyone was wondering). Sexy photo books of the captains cost ~$25. The budget of the Shinigami Women’s Association is $2500/year, and the Men’s is $900/year, which is roughly the cost of one pair of sunglasses. I think it must have been the sunglasses that threw me, because I kept trying to peg the cost of a pair of sunglasses to a half year’s salary. The club budgets are just honestly confusing because I have no idea what a calligraphy club budget should look like. It seemed... fine... that a club budget should be equivalent to half a year’s salary? To be honest, I think a kan should be roughly equal to a yen and the sunglasses are just priced too low. (Not a statement I ever thought I would be making).

The comment about clothes being cheaper in the World of the Living makes a lot of sense! Cloth in Soul Society is probably hand-dyed, rather than mass printed, and sewed by hand, rather than by machine. On the other hand, if you wanted goods made in traditional ways, it would be a lot cheaper to get in Soul Society. A chusen-dyed kimono is a luxury good in 2021, because you have to option to order a cheap t-shirt and sweatpants from Amazon. Everyone wears hand-made kimono in Soul Society because that’s what there is, so the price is going to be relatively lower. I do think that cost-of-living jumps sharply inside the walls of the Seireitei, and that it’s very common to do your shopping in the upper districts of Rukongai, where there are lot of highly skilled artisans making goods for the city-dwelling market. I figure that one of the few opportunities for upward mobility, aside from selling your soul to the military is to make enough money to buy your way inside the gates (either through overpriced business licenses, getting a noble patron, or by arranging a marriage to someone who already lives inside)

That being said, I have thought a lot about importing items from the WotL--shinigami usually travel through senkaimon, which do not allow for matter conversion, so they wouldn’t normally be able to bring anything with them. I imagine that it’s sort of a perk of the job that when you go on a mission where you have to go through a matter converter (which would include any time you are bringing a gigai over) you could smuggle back whatever you can fit in your kosode. It’s very strange which technology is adapted from the World of the Living (washing machines, treadmills, urinals) and what isn’t (coffee). In fanfic, it’s common to see shinigami wearing Living World clothing in their off-hours, but I don’t think that’s supported by canon or filler in any way. For my own fanfiction, because it’s fun and world-buildy, I like to pretend that Ichigo is a very popular figure after the Winter War and that World of the Living fashion, music, etc becomes popular, starting during the two-year timeskip, particularly among the younger denizens of the Seireitei, and that there are special bars and such that specialize in that kind of thing. Shinigami who have done extensive stints in the Living World are considered cool for their knowledge of such esoteric subjects as “rice cookers.”

I am done now! I swear! Thank you, everyone for reading all the way down to the bottom of possibly the nerdiest and most boring post I have ever made on this website! (wait, no, I just remembered the one on senkaimon transfer protocols. Second most boring.)

[melodiousramblings]

I posted 8,513 times in 2021

497 posts created (6%)

8016 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 16.1 posts.

I added 10,033 tags in 2021

#queue eyes white dragon - 2133 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 1895 posts

#kingdom hearts - 1611 posts

#yugioh - 1049 posts

#ml spoilers - 902 posts

#miraculous ladybug spoilers - 857 posts

#seto kaiba - 458 posts

#sora - 432 posts

#omfg - 368 posts

#chat noir - 328 posts

Longest Tag: 120 characters

#kuro neko is ‘black cat’ in japanese… it’s already been confirmed that it’s not kagami getting the black cat miraculous…

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Okay. I could be completely reading way too much into this, but I have to talk about it.

With Chat Noir gradually getting more and more sidelined, it’s really not surprising to see him so isolated in the end card. In fact, it’s not the first time, as I recall people analyzing end cards from other episodes we’ve seen this season and making note of Chat Noir or Adrien looking isolated from everyone else in the image. So let’s take a closer look at Chat:

The rest of the end card is swathed in the familiar dreamy love colors, with bubbles and sparkles. But Chat Noir? He’s standing in gray-ish blue, with what I’m sure are clouds behind him. And when I first looked at this end card I thought that was a moon above him.

It’s not though, it’s just one of the bubbles. …But there’s only ONE. There is only ONE bubble on this side of the end card. In this gray-blue corner with clouds. The fact that the clouds are there means it’s a sky, not just some arbitrary void of gray-blue. And you couldn’t be sure that it’s a bubble if you didn’t have the rest of the image. Was it meant to look like there’s a moon there?

Sure, the immediate obvious analysis of the end card tells us that Chat is feeling increasingly isolated and that he is very much being left in the dark. He’s literally in a corner (with a darkened sky) of an otherwise sweet and dreamy looking image, looking very much upset and facing away from everyone else.

But the angle of his gaze is pointing upward… at that single bubble that looks like a moon in a gray-blue sky…

Again, I could totally be reading way too much into this image. Being a Kingdom Hearts fan leaves you over analyzing everything. But if it’s intentional… Then those Chat Blanc 2.0 theories are starting to look more and more possible.

88 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 00:52:07 GMT

#4

A few quick first thoughts about Crocoduel!

- Luka and Juleka being twins is officially CANON now. THANKS FOR THE CONFIRMATION. So yes, Jagged Stone is Juleka’s father as well. And this episode touched on their relationship too.

- Props to whoever theorized that Chat Noir would not be upset over another “cat” member on the team! On the contrary, he seemed super excited about Purple Tigress! That bit was adorable! :3

- So if multiple people are akumatized at once, they all get a Shadowmoth repellent magical charm each!

- The episode ended with Marinette and Luka saying they were friends. Literally “amigos”. Finally they had a post-breakup chat!

- Juleka/Purple Tigress’ transformation sequence was *chef kiss*. And OMG her bracelet before she transforms is black (and gorgeous I might add). A goth queen through and through.

- LMAO AT SHADOWMOTH STRUGGLING TO AKUMATIZE SOMEONE FOR LIKE 5-10 WHOLE MINUTES. SUFFER!!

- Not a suuuper significant episode plot-wise, but still very much enjoyable, especially if you’re a fan of Luka and Juleka.

- OH. OH. And how can I forget, Rose taking Juleka’s face in her hands to press a little kiss on it. :’3 These adorable girlfriends…

- Oh, and one last thing: Nearly 19k people watching ahshjdkhahdjddj, hot damn.

104 notes • Posted 2021-08-03 23:12:27 GMT

#3

OK. OK. HOLD ON. HOLD UP. ONE SEC.

Has there EVER been an episode with a scene AFTER the end card? Not as far as I remember??? That’s why it’s the end card.

So we didn’t get the reveal, and I knew it was totally going to be a fake out, this show loves doing that. X3 But I still got Sailor Moon reveal vibes and I love that, eeeeeeee. However, Shadowmoth got really close to finding out Ladybug’s identity, if she hadn’t noticed Sentimonster!Nino and had taken the turtle miraculous home… And that scene after the end card… What were he and Nathalie talking about????? Definitely something about Alya because Gabriel said her name.

No but seriously, I’m am SO sure we’ve never had a scene after the end card. So this must be big. Shghdjdjhsdh I can’t wait to rewatch it with English subs. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Edit: Someone reminded me that there IS one other episode with a post-end card scene, and that was the season 3 finale Miracle Queen, in which Gabriel holds up the Peacock miraculous after fixing it, which left us on a cliffhanger and set up season 4.

That only makes me feel like the post-end card scene in Optigami is setting up for a significant shift for the second half of season 4 and I’m both excited and scared.

117 notes • Posted 2021-05-30 17:27:59 GMT

#2

INSTANT SEROTONIN ⭐️

198 notes • Posted 2021-09-23 23:51:46 GMT

#1

WATCHING WISHMAKER, HAD TO PAUSE HERE.

André Glacier, the Sweethearts ice cream maker.

SWEETHEARTS

👀 Like, we know that JuleRose is *implied* to be canon… so is this… another implied gay couple…???

265 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 05:35:34 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[the-lincyclopedia]

* adapted from @librajiminn on twitter

A fun game to celebrate 2020 ending! The rules are simple: recommend your favorite OMGCP fics so everyone can enjoy them, while trying to fill in enough slots to get a bingo!

This is going to get long, so I’ll put it under a cut. Also, I’m too orderly to try to shoehorn my favorite fics into these particular prompts, so I’m just going to go right to left, top to bottom, taking the prompts literally, until it’s bedtime. 

1. first fic you bookmarked: “Here Comes the Sun” by @doggernaut, 19k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

For the past month, the man with the baby and the sad blue eyes has been stopping in for a cup of coffee an hour before closing. He always sits in an overstuffed chair in the corner and drinks his coffee while his baby sleeps next to him in the stroller. Sometimes he pulls a book out from the diaper bag he carries with him; other times he just stares straight ahead as if in a daze. He never asks for a refill, always respectfully gathers his things and leaves ten minutes before the shop officially closes. Eric desperately wants to ask him what his story is. 

My notes: I read Check Please over the course of two days in June of 2019. On the second day, right after catching up, I looked at @peppermintfeminist‘s AO3 bookmarks and found a fic by @doggernaut. Then I read just about everything @doggernaut had ever posted. It was glorious. This fic in particular is so cute. 

2. most recent fic you bookmarked: “Flight Check” by @edgarallanrose, 15k, E, no warnings (though there is a creepy/handsy guy at a club to watch out for), primarily Zimbits with most of the other popular pairings in the background

Flight attendant Eric “Bitty” Bittle has been working his way up at Samwell Airlines for the past four years, and his new promotion has provided him the opportunity to work with a brand-new crew. Unfortunately for Bitty, that crew includes an incredibly handsome but equally grumpy pilot, Captain Jack Zimmermann, who seems to want nothing to do with Bitty. Even worse, Jack refuses to eat any of Bitty's baked goods. Will Bitty be able to win the captain over? Or is there another reason Jack has been avoiding Bitty?

My notes: There are a lot of great things about this fic--Jack’s character arc, Lardo’s dialogue, that scene in Seattle--but the reason I bookmarked it is the scene where Bitty’s basically slut-shaming himself and Jack gently but firmly tells Bitty not to do that and that it was the creep’s fault. 

3. a fic that made you cry actual tears: “a little bit more” by @ivecarvedawoodenheart, 14k, T, no warnings, Holsom

“I just wanted,” he says, “a perfect day. With you. Because it’s our last day together and our last day being here as undergrads and we’re kissing the ice tonight, and the weather’s supposed to be beautiful, and you’re moving tomorrow and Holtzy I just — I don’t want to be missing you already.” Holster wipes his eyes before he even realizes he’s crying. Behind him, Ransom sighs. “One more day where everything’s the same,” he says, feeling around blindly for Rans’ fingers. He feels Rans nod as he laces their fingers together. “Yeah. Yeah, Rans. I’d like that a lot.” __________________________

Holsom after graduation and throughout the subsequent six months after Holster signs to an expansion team in Oregon, and realizes his feelings for Ransom too late. Holster's POV :) kinda angsty, but there's a happy ending :)

Inspired by shitty-check-please-aus: "Holster moves to Oregon while Ransom stays on the east coast. The time difference makes it difficult to talk and one day they wake up and realize they aren’t best bros anymore."

My notes: I almost never cry at fics. I searched “tears” in my fandom email account and only a handful of my fic comments came up, but Syd is a literal master of Holsom angst, always. 

4. longest fic you’ve read: “Like Real People Do” by @xiaq, 153k, M, No Warnings, Kent Parson x OC

Parson gestures with his spoon toward Hawke. “So am I allowed to ask about the service dog or is that not PC?”

“My medical history is more of a 3rd date conversation," Eli says.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Because. No one sticks around afterward and I like to live in glorious denial for a short period beforehand.”

It comes out more self-deprecating than he intended.

Parson looks…thoughtful. “Well, does this count as one or two?

“Pardon?”

“This. Ice cream. I mean, technically it’s a second location, but still the same night. So is this one date or two?”

“One,” Eli says firmly. “If it’s happening within the same three-hour period.”

“You’re the expert,” Parson says, which, he’s really, really, not, but ok.

“So still two dates to go then?” Parson continues.

“I—what?”

“We’ve got a roadie coming up but then we’re home for almost two weeks. When does your semester start?”

“You want to do this again?” Eli asks.

Parson stops idly twirling his spoon.

“You don’t?”

He does, Eli realizes. He really does. Because apparently he actually likes Kent fucking Parson.

My notes: Okay, this fic has my whole entire heart. I’ve read it multiple times in its entirety, and it’s almost twice as long as the full-length novel I’m querying. Eli is one of my favorite OCs I’ve ever seen in a fic (probably tied with Damian Navarro and Ari Paxton, both brainchildren of @fozmeadows). Anyway, this is probably going to be the next thing @themeaningoflifeischeese and I read out loud to each other. 

5. a fic you almost didn’t read: “when all else fails (i’ll still be right here)” by @whoacanada, 6k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (and I don’t remember if I think there’s stuff to warn for, sorry), Zimbits

The National Hockey League is resurrecting the Quebec City Nordiques, and the expansion draft hits the Falconers much harder than expected.

My notes: Given that this was for @omgcpheartbreakfest, I was worried this would be all angst--all hurt and no comfort. Which made me sad, because I love @whoacanada‘s writing but I wasn’t up for reading unresolved angst. But @doggernaut reblogged the fic, so I asked if the ending was sad, and it’s NOT! There is quite a bit of angst but the ending isn’t sad. 

6. a fic that convinced you on a ship you didn’t ship before: “it drops with the gravity of rain” by @geniusorinsanity, 16k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (attempted sexual assault by an OC), Nurseydex

It happens like this:

“I don’t--this is a bad idea,” Dex says, his lips still tingling, his hands shaking on Nursey’s hips where he’s shoved him away. “This is a really bad idea, Nurse. I can’t--We can’t do this.”

And there’s hurt in Nursey’s eyes and his bottom lip is swollen from Dex’s teeth, but he says, “Okay.” And then, “It’s chill, Dex. Just friends, then.”

It happens like this:

“Actually,” Nursey says, talking more to his granola than to them, “I kind of have a date.”

It happens like this:

When Nursey calls, Dex almost doesn’t pick up the phone.

My notes: So I was really confused and a little disturbed when I first found out people shipped Nursey and Dex. Like, Dex just wasn’t someone I trusted. But then I was moving out of the house I’d been living in, and I needed stuff to listen to as I packed and cleaned, and @khashanakalashtar‘s podfics came in clutch. I gave this one a try even though I didn’t like Dex, and @geniusorinsanity blew. My. Mind.

7. a fic from an unusual POV: “Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy” by @porcupine-girl, 8k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

Jesse Snowden knows all the best restaurants and gourmet food shops in Providence, so when Jack Zimmermann starts bringing in incredible baked goods, he's eager to find out where the new bakery is. When he meets the man behind the pies, he decides that there's no way Jack could really appreciate this guy's talent the way he does, even if they are friends. He starts hiring Jack's chef on the side, in the hopes that maybe once Bitty's done with college he'll come work for Jesse.

Good thing there is absolutely no way whatsoever that Jesse could possibly be misinterpreting this situation.

My notes: Oh my gosh this is so funny. The secondhand embarrassment factor is huge, but like, the hilarity. 

8. a comfort fic: “Don’t Need to Compromise” by @khashanakalashtar, 11k, E, no warnings, PB&J

“Hey,” said Kent, unknowingly setting off a chain of events that would change his entire life, “you said that like you know from experience. Have you done this before?”

Jack and Bitty have not done polyamory before, but they do know Ransom and Holster’s polycule, which contains March.

And March?

March is trans.

My notes: I’m in love with @khashanakalashtar‘s entire Directionverse series (and honestly a lot of their other writing), but “Don’t Need to Compromise,” which is the second fic in the series, just makes my heart swell especially much. The gender feels are so good, and all the characters are so good to each other, and when I listen to this on walks I have to actively try not to arm-flap. 

9. a fic you wish could be a movie: “Ice Crew Please!” by @petals42, 61k, T, no warnings, Zimbits

Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. His team won the Cup his second year and now, in his third year, they are looking good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is.

He’s not, of course.

Enter the Ice Crew.

AKA: The Ice Crew AU

My notes: This fic has its tender moments, but what I love most about it is the sheer goofiness. Ransom and Holster and Shitty are HILARIOUS in this one. I’d love to see their shenanigans in movie form. 

10. a WIP you read as it was updated: “Something Borrowed” by @fozmeadows, 48k, M, no warnings, Kent x OC

All things considered, Ari did his best to prepare himself for the advent of Kent Parson, Potentially Difficult Housemate and New Star Liney. The problem was that his best was an idiot.

My notes: So technically I didn’t start reading this until the first 19 chapters were posted. But there was still plenty of anticipation for the final few chapters. And like, @fozmeadows (as mentioned above) makes EXCELLENT OCs. And I love how their fics consistently convey that having bad things happen to you does not mark the end of your story. 

Okay, it’s bedtime, so have 10 excellent fics. I got bingo twice, because I went straight across on the top two rows.