#oliviabenson x reader

[oneshotnewbie]

A oneshot where Olivia tries to build up the baby bed (Reader is pregnant, Olivia is her wife) and she just don't seem to understand it so reader makes fun of her? Fluff please and thank you

Summary: When an frustrated Olivia Benson, who can usually do everything, fails to set up the baby bed, her pregnant wife has to help.

---

"Mmmh.." you groaned softly, trying to kneed out the cramp in your belly, drawing slow circles with the palm of your hand. You could say that you glided pretty smoothly through your pregnancy but once the sixth month rolled in, the baby started to play tricks on you.

Your feet started to swell up painfully and you felt like your spine was about to burst due to the fact that you carried all the weight in front of you. The nausea that usually occurred in the early stages of pregnancy also surfaced and remained almost constant.

Nevertheless, the cravings were stronger than the nausea and now you were laying on the sofa in the newly furnished room, with a pack of chocolates that Olivia had brought you from the small kiosk across the street and watched with amusement as your wife tried desperately to assemble the individual pieces of wood of the white, freshly bought baby bed.

A grunt mixed with the sound of falling wood on parquet and a slightly annoyed moan distracted you from your train of thoughts that you were immersed in. With a wide grin on your lips, you looked at the brunette on the floor, who held her head in one of her hands and shook it slightly while shoving a piece of the brown treasure into your mouth. "Liv, maybe we should ask Stabler how-"

The instructions slipped from her hands and in her cross-legged position, she turned around and crawled the last centimeters that separated you from each other. "I am good, honey. I know how this works," She gave you a quick kiss on your lips that shimmered in the overhead light and laid her hand softly on your hair; her thumb gently caressing your forehead and her head tilted to the side- her eyes lovingly meeting yours.

"Yeah, of course babe. That's why the instructions in your hands were upside down," laughing, you pulled your gaze from her to the purple pack resting on your big and round baby bump. Olivia felt caught in her ignorance and had to act. The only way out that she saw in her predicament was to shut you down.

At least for a short time.

She quickly fished out a large piece of chocolate with two of her fingers and pressed it between your lips. "Shut up, eat your chocolate and let me do it." You scanned her entire form and shrugged, sticking out your tongue, continuing to watch her pick up two wrong pieces of wood again, looking completely overwhelmed.

You peered in amusement as she cursed and groaned for a few more minutes before deciding to act. Despite being over six months pregnant, you refused to take it easy and insisted on going about your daily life as normal.

Kneeling down from the sofa and crawling the last few inches to Olivia´s side, your head momentarily nuzzled into the crook of her neck while hugging her from behind. "Let me teach you better," you whispered and you could feel goosebumps forming on her delicate skin. A very slow kiss reached your lips, her fingers lazily brushing your jaw and softly gasping for more.

Breaking away from her and retrieving the hammer from under her thigh, you gazed at the mess she had made. What she had tried to set up in no way resembled a baby crib. Battered wood and nails piled together into a big pile that vaguely took similarity with a miniature recycling center.

While your girlfriend made herself comfortable next to you, you shook your head in disbelief. How could she, a lieutenant and one of the finest female detectives in history, be so damn messy? In that heap, you could not even see the instruction manual buried underneath.

"How the hell are you suppose to actually build anything with this set up? Woman, you need a plan," you giggled and pushed the older one out of her seat. She buckled and briefly fell to the ground. The brown haired busted out in laughter and stayed down; stretching her upper body and head on the ground to continue to watch you. "Smartass."

With a loud clatter of items falling back into the heap, you began placing the individual bolts and wooden planks into small little piles for a better overview. You immediately began to assemble the individual parts that belonged together with quick movements.

Olivia was amazed at your experience in furniture construction. With a tender and loving smile, she watched you without letting go of your figure for even a second.

She had never believed that she found someone like you in her life. But now you had not only become her wife, but also the happiness you had waited for so long that made your little family complete, was on the way.

The clattering fall on an iron object snapped her out of her thoughts and with a scare, she looked at you with wide eyes and open mouth.

"Ouch," you spat rather loudly, dropping the hammer beside you. Your hands immediately cupped your round and swollen stomach. "Are you okay? It is too soon for you being in labor!" Olivia said in a slight panic and slid to your side instantly. "

"Do not worry, it is just the little thing kicking around," you replied rather to your tummy; smiling down at it fondly while massaging it.

Watching you smile like that, she reached out to also feel the vigorous kicking of their baby against the inside of your stomach. The sight of you escaped the spectacle of your baby and settled on Olivia´s radiant face. You cocked your head and just looked at her; your eyes searching intently for hers.

Only when she met your gaze did you recognize the blazing glow in her beautiful chocolate eyes. You leaned in without hesitation and pecked the corners of your lovers lips as she still wore a wide grin on these.

Your deep and intimate kiss extended and neither of you could stop smiling. "I love you, Y/n. Both of you."

[maggie32432]

Rafael Barba Imagine - Wrong Place Wrong Time (Part 2)

 You are a detective for NYPD’s SVU under lieutenant Olivia Benson. In Season 17 Episode 10 you are abducted as a hostage with Olivia and Rafael is outside the scene. 

Dodds and Barba march into the van where Tucker is with Fin and Carisi. The third criminal in the group has been taken into custody and is being interrogated in the van actively. "The last you heard. What's going on to Kailyn?" Barba asks Tucker and Tucker sighs, "This may be a little too personal to you," Fin says and Rafael shakes his head, "I need to know every detail of what is happening to her," "Joe. The main man is using Kailyn. The gun is apparently against her head as we speak," Rafael's hand goes over his mouth, seemingly thinking but actually just trying to hide the immense fear running through his body.

Barba turns to Ralph, the criminal, and says "Hello, Ralph. I'm Assistant District Attorney Raphael Barba. You need to tell me everything you know right now," "Me and my sister Roxie only got into this because our mother needs a new hip. She doesn't want to hurt anybody that's all on Joe," "So Joe's his real name?" Barba asks, tone much more serious than anyone had ever heard before, but Ralph stays quiet, "Ralph look at me. If anyone dies in that house you and your sister are on the hook for felony murder. You help us or I will ensure that you both are gone," He practically spits at the criminal.

Kailyn's POV

"The last time I spoke to him we were fighting...we never even got a chance to-" Olivia already knows who I'm trying to talk about, "Kailyn, you will get a chance to tell him," She whispers to me as I feel the metal of the gun dig against my hair. "I told you no talking," Joe spits at me before using the gun to hit me hard over the top of the head, just like he did with Liv. As the gun connects with my skin, I immediately feel instant, throbbing pain that sends me to the ground.

I glance up as Liv tries to help me, and I feel the cold sensation of blood run down the side of my cheek. Liv has dried blood on her head now and I can feel my own blood soaking into my hair. Voices become fuzzy for just a few moments as Joe and Roxie scream at each other.

I watch him answer a call from Ed again and they seem to discuss letting someone named Ralph back inside the house with the money. "If you don't let him in here blondie dies," Joe says into the phone, then I hear Tucker say, "You don't have to kill anybody if you don't want to," Joe looks at us for a second with a smile before handing the phone to Olivia, "I think they really want Ralph in here now," She says, trying to stay calm but even her voice is shaking now as she continues to help me back to my knees. "We can't do that right now," Tucker says, "He's telling the truth. We're not allowed to send civilians inside," She says to him.

"Alright then. I'm done talking," Joe says, putting the gun against my head again and I can't help but whimper this time, and I'm sure they heard it over the phone. "Joe. Joe listen to me, take the gun away from Detective McCann. We can talk this out," "Didn't you hear me, Ed? I'm done talkin"

He turns away from the phone and starts arguing with Roxie again, and I can tell she's just as afraid of him as the rest of us are. "Alright Joe, listen. We will bring your money in to you, but you have to let one person out," Tucker says and Joe hesitantly nods, "Fine,"

I don't move from my place as the exchange begins to go down. The people around me start becoming a blur as I think I see Dobbs come in at some point? All I know is that the father makes it out and Joe gets his money.

"How's it looking in there?" Fin asks Dobbs after getting the father safely in the ambulance. He manages to avoid eye contact with Barba, "The children are okay. Liv seems fine...but Kailyn...she's losing a lot of blood from her head. When I went in there she was in a daze, not even on her feet,"

Rafael puts his hand over his mouth, making it look like he is pondering, but actually to hide the fear. The terrifying thought of her laying there bleeding out as a madman holds a gun against her head.

[mcbenson25]

One Night Destiny (Fin)

Request: "Can you do a fin x reader where the reader works with the svu and finds out she's pregnant from a one night stand with fin (I'm sorry if it's weird or too much, if you want you can just do a simpler fin reader)"

Part 1 Part 2

---------------------------

Ugh. Getting drunk is a bad idea.

A raging headache greeted you as you awoke in unfamiliar surroundings. As you sat up trying to figure out where you were at you heard a deep snore that made you flinch.

There was someone next to you.

It wasn't just anyone though.

Oh no.

It was your coworker Fin.

Crap.

You internally panicked as you tried to get out of bed without disturbing the figure next to you. You went to find your belongings and found they were scattered all around the apartment. You ran your hand through your hair.

You really messed up this time.

You found your phone on the sofa and saw it was 7:45 am.

You had 15 minutes to get to work.

You tiptoed out of Fin's apartment making sure you had all of your things before running out of the building to the station.

As you ran, the memories of last night flooded your mind.

It was loud. Large warm hands roaming down your body. One thing led to another.

Ughhhhhhh

When you arrived at the station Carisi was grinning at your appearance.

"Looks like someone had a good night," he said smiling.

You felt the extreme need to punch your best friend's grin off his face.

"Carisi shut up and cover me I have to change"

He said dramatically. "Why do I always have to cover you?"

"Because you're my best friend"

He chuckled. "Fine but if Liv finds out about this you'll never hear the end of it"

You forced a laugh. "Forget Liv. Its gonna be real awkward being with Fin now"

He flashed a grin at you before leaving to tell Liv you were having "lady issues" in the bathroom.

As you changed and got somewhat presentable you thought about last night.

You were embarrassed that you had gotten that drunk. He was your coworker for crying out loud. How stupid of an idea had crossed your mind.

You shook your head.

No.

You were gonna let him know it was a mistake. You were drunk and weren't thinking straight. That would eliminate any and all awkwardness and regret he probably had.

You gave yourself one more look in the mirror before going out where the rest of the squad was. You spotted Fin near your desk.

You walked over trying to calm the nerves going on in your stomach.

"Hey"

He looked up at you. "Hey"

You started fiddling with a nearby pen as you struggled to find the words you wanted to say.

"So about last night," he said interrupting your thoughts.

To the point. Of course, this is probably more embarrassing to him than to me.

"Yeah. Um. Honestly don't even worry about it we were super drunk. We're both mature adults and it was just a moment that won't happen again."

You glanced at him. He looked at you understandingly and you noticed a spark of something flash through his eyes.

Disappointment?

You mentally shook your head. Of course not. Why would he be upset? It was just a drunk moment.

"Yeah okay sure," he said before walking away.

Instead of feeling better, you felt worse. The interaction had been more than awkward. This was the exact opposite you were hoping for.

"It'll get better," you thought to yourself. "It was just a one night stand it didn't mean anything" ------------------------------ *One month later*

"Fin what is that smell?" You asked your partner in disgust.

"Um, it's my burrito?" He said as he took a bite from it.

You gagged. It smelled terrible.

He looked at you questionably.

"You good?"

"Yeah I think I just have a stomach bug"

It had been a month since that night. There had been an awkward phase at the beginning where Fin seemed to avoid you but then you both got back into your work dynamic. For the last couple of days, it seemed as if everything had gone back to normal except of course for your current stomach bug.

You were both having lunch before court. Well, Fin was. You felt too sick to eat anything.

Your phone ringed.

"Court is starting in 15"- SunBun (Carisi)

"We got to get back. I'm the first person Barba wants to put on the stand and Carisi said they are starting in 15" you said.

Fin took a huge bite of his burrito which made you want to hurl but you held it in.

"Okay well I'm gonna stop by the bathroom so go on without me"

"Okay"

As you walked into the courthouse you felt lightheaded and dizzy. You spotted Carisi talking to Barba and walked over to them.

Carisi spotted you and looked concerned.

"Doll you okay? You don't look too good"

You waved him off. "I'm fine just a stomach bug"

Carisi didn't seem too convinced and Barba wasn't having it.

"Y/N you look like your going to pass out. I'm not putting you on the stand like that" he said.

"I'm fine" you reassured them but the world seemed to be spinning.

You felt yourself sway as you grabbed onto Carisi's arm.

"Y/N?"

It was the last thing you heard before everything went dark. ------------------------- You woke up to the sound of monitors and lights chatter.

You were in a hospital.

You groaned and cursed your weak stomach.

Right then Carisi walked in with an unreadable expression.

"Hey," you said tiredly.

He looked nervous. "Hey"

Something was up.

"Am I gonna die?" You said worriedly.

He let out a light laugh. "No, you're not"

He looked at you uneasily.

"Okay, then what's wro-"

"You're pregnant"

Your mouth went open. "What?"

No. This was bad. You couldn't be pregnant.

Carisi nodded sheepishly.

Your hand went to your stomach in shock.

"Oh my God."

At that moment the last person you wanted to see burst through the door.

"You're awake!" Fin said. He looked worried and concerned.

Carisi looked at you waiting for direction.

"Carisi can you leave us?"

He nodded as he gave you a quick hug before leaving.

"Barba and Carisi told me what happened at the courthouse," he said.

You looked at him for the longest time trying to figure out how to break the news.

"I should have seen you weren't well" he continued.

"I'm pregnant" you blurted.

There was a second of silence but to you, it seemed like an eternity.

"Is it-"

"Yes."

Fin was in shock. He looked at your face and then your stomach and then your face again.

"Are you gonna keep it?" He asked quietly.

You sighed. You hadn't thought about it that far yet.

"I don't know. I mean it was unexpected and I don't think you want another kid right now and I don't know if I can handle it"

He looked at you with something you could quite read.

"It wasn't just a one-night stand for me." He said quietly.

You looked at him in surprise.

"What?" you said quietly.

"Look I've had feelings for you for a while now and then that happened and you didn't seem interested in me so I let it go" he explained as he sat beside you on the hospital bed.

That's why he seemed disappointed when you had told him to forget about it.

You didn't know what to say. Or how you felt. You had worked with Fin as his partner for a couple of years and came to care about him deeply but not like that.

"Fin.."

He grabbed your hand, "I get if you just think of me as just a friend but I just needed for you to know"

This was too much.

"Fin. Look to me you are just a friend but I am going to keep the baby. We can raise it together but I just don't like you like that."

He smiled sadly. "Alright I got you"

You felt terrible for crushing his feeling but you simply didn't feel the same way.

"Well, are we gonna tell the squad the news?" he asked with a grin.

You smiled as you rubbed your stomach.

"Of course"

Hope y'all enjoyed! Also I'll be trying to get new chapters posted for The Lawyer's Daughter and Dear. B. If you haven't checked those out please do!

[skylarmoon71]

Nick Amaro x Reader- Chapter 13

“Nick, remember the guy is a psycho. Please don’t try to be a hero.” 

You were all currently dealing with a hostage situation. A kid had taken his entire class hostage, after being sexually assaulted by some bullies. You, Nick and Olivia were already in the building. Neither of you thought this was how the evening would turn out. You were supposed to follow up with the boy. Especially after the entire case fell through. The victim must have felt hopeless, so he’d taken matters into his own hand, trying to eradicate the one responsible for his. Unfortunately in his haste he’d taken the entire class hostage. Now the three of you were stuck there, along with the rest of the class in the room. You had no doubt the building was probably surrounded by cops now. You just hoped Olivia could defuse the situation before it got worse. 

“Jack look at me, not them.” the blond teen’s eyes darted to Olivia’s direction, the gun in his hand shaking unsteadily. There were about a dozen kids, the one boy he was looking for cowering behind a desk where Jack’s gun was aimed at. 

“Listen, you haven’t done anything yet, we can still help you. If you pull that trigger, all bets are off. �� You and Nick still had your weapons drawn. Olivia had holstered her own in hopes of calming down Jack. 

“You can’t help me, no one can. His rich dad made everything go away, now no one believes me. Andy blackmailed my best friend into lying on the stand. I can't let him get away with this. He's dying today!” he stepped forward and Olivia moved to block Jack's path. “We’ll make sure he gets what he deserves Jack. I’ll get your friend to testify against him. We can clear this all up, the legal way. Just put the gun down.” 

“I can’t do that detective. I know you can’t guarantee that. Jason already lied once. What jury is going to believe him now. I know he didn’t have a choice, Andy’s dad controls everything. Jason’s parents could have lost their jobs. He was protecting his family. I forgive him. I don’t blame him for this.” 

“That’s good. So you understand that you can’t make him pay. He needs to stand trial. This has to be done the right way. No one will know the monster he is if you kill him. “

Olivia had Jack distracted, but neither of you thought Andy would try and make a run for it. He scampered from his spot behind the table, going towards the door. You panicked. Jack’s eyes raged and he raised the gun pointing. 

“DON’T!” Olivia’s scream rang throughout the room and you jumped just as Jack fired the shots. She tackled him to the floor, knocking the gun out of his possession. Nick rushed over at your side the moment he saw the two prominent bullet wounds in your chest. Olivia was handcuffing Jack and yelling for the students to leave quickly. You knew it was just a matter of time before the police came marching in. 

Nick pulled you into his side on the ground. You could see the tears gathering in his eyes. 

“Dammit don’t do this to me, why didn’t you just use your powers!” he shouted. You forced a smile, blood now running from your lips. 

“E..even I’m not that fast Nick..” you tried to laugh, but it was a challenge. 

“No no no this wasn't supposed to happen I have to help her!!” Jack was yelling and struggling against Olivia’s hold. 

“You bastard you’re the one that did this!!” Nick fired. 

Jack shook his head. “You don’t understand. Those bullets are laced with a deadly poison. I-I made it. I wanted to make sure Andy paid, even if the cops made it to him in time, the poison would reach him before they could help. “ The information made Nick visibly pale. 

“I-I never meant for anyone else to get hurt. I-It was only supposed to be him. If she doesn't get those bullets out of her within the next minute, it won’t matter. S-She’ll be dead before the paramedics get here. “

“No..” Olivia mumbled. Nick could feel his heartbeat slow. 

You blinked, trying to straighten. “I-I need to sit up, help me. I-I can get them out..” you winced. Nick looked at you like you were crazy. 

“Nick..w-we don’t have time. I-I can get them out. Cops are going to flood here any minute I have to..” you didn’t have to finish. He pulled you over, trying to avoid causing more pain as he leaned you against the wall. 

When you were finally in a somewhat stable position, you moved your hand over the bullet wounds. Nick watched as you closed your eyes taking a deep breath. When your eyes reopened your irises were golden. Nick took your other hand, giving you an encouraging squeeze. 

Your hand twitch and you held back a scream of pain as you tried to mentally force the bullets out of your skin. The pieces of metal were slowly moving out of your flesh. Your hold on Nick tightened and you cried out, tears running down your cheeks. Nick watched helplessly, unable to provide anything but very little physical support. 

Olivia watched as the bullets flew into your palm as if on their own. Nick let out a breath. You looked up at Nick, completely spent. Nick..I..” Before you could finish the sentence, your body sagging, eyes shut almost instantly. He felt his breath stagger when your grip on him loosened. 

“H-How did she...that’s not possible..” Jack saw the entire thing, 

“If you tell anyone what you saw today, I’ll kill you myself.” Nick threatened. His gaze moved back to you and S.W.A.T stormed the room. Their weapons lowered when they saw that the threat was already neutralized. The medics were the next wave of people to rush into the classroom. Nick helped the paramedics lift your body on the gurney, taking you out of the room. He followed hurriedly out of the room, your blood stained on his arms and clothing. Olivia watched as they carried Jack out of the school. She exchanged a look, and he knew. 

“I won’t say anything.” he whispered before he was gone. As soon as she made it outside she could see the ambulance. Nick was already in the back with you. “Liv are you okay?” Amanda and Fin were  relieved when they saw her unharmed. 

“Yes I’m fine. (Y/N) she..she jumped in front of the bullet. It should have been me. “ 

Amanda shook her head. “It’s not going to help blaming yourself. Nick is already with her. Let’s go, I’m driving.” she instructed. 

The ambulance pulled away, the sirens blaring, tires screeching down the streets.

[oneshotnewbie]

Olivia comes home finding Reader painting and she knows that Reader paints whenever she us anxious or feels weird. Reader doesn't hear her when she comes home and Olivia cuddles her from behind while kissing her before she disappears in their room,bchanges her clothes in some old ones and goes back to Reader which already has set up a painting wall and some paint int the pallets ready for her wife?

---

Ever since you woke up with a cold side of the bed next to you that usually belonged to your wife, you have had an oppressive tightness in your chest, accompanied by a lump in your throat that steadily increased in size with every outside noise your body perceived as a threat. Your body was shaking, your fingers sweating as you felt as if fear was running through your nerve tracts and taking up all of the space your body could offer.

However, you didn't know where this fear came from this time. There was no origin to which you could assign this episode. It was just there and you did what always helped and relaxed you when you were alone in such a situation- You let out your feelings with paints and brushes.

These moments of fear only occurred most of the time when Olivia were at home, but there were days - like today - where you were alone and had to deal with it until she came back to help you. Even if she told you that you should call her whenever it's got too bad, you didn't wanted to bother her.

She had enough work to do and you didn´t want to stop her from catching suspects and order her home. You would get through the hours without her until she was by your side and she could hold you in her strong and protective arms.

Standing on your heavy legs, you walked into the living room and opened the blinds to let in the natural light. The sun that greeted you and the warm rays that fell on your skin made you shiver and your eyes narrow as your heart began to beat faster when you saw the crowd and the many cars rushing by below you; like an unfounded warning sign.

Immediately you closed the blinds as fast as possible and drew the curtains to dim the light again. The apartment was now completely dark, only a few rays of light had sneaked in through the small air holes of the blinds.

You leaned against the couch before you sat on the armrest and closed your eyes. Your heart was pounding like crazy and you couldn't calm down. You didn't even know what to calm down from - nothing had happened.

You shook your head to banish the thoughts and suppress them- your clammy hands holding each other tightly as you walked into the guest room where your creative office was. There were drawing on paper and playful paintings on canvases everywhere. Others would think that chaos broke out in this room, but it just reflected how you felt inside on days like these.

With a quick wave of your hand, you grabbed the headphones from the table and paired them with your cellphone, which you threw next to you on the couch. With the colors pressed onto the palette, you just started drawing on it. You didn't know what it was going to be, just that your emotions were suppose to express what you didn't understand on paper.

---

Olivia hurried up the stairs with quick and wide footsteps to the apartment you shared. You hadn't answered any of her messages all day, her calls had been routed to voicemail and she had all sorts of horrific scenarios in mind.

She decided without further ado to see for herself that everything was okay and to make sure you were fine during her break at work. Even the silence when she unlocked the door made her heart beat faster. She called your name but got no answer except the echo of her own voice. Again, but this time louder and slightly panicked, she screamed your name in line with the bang from the door pushing into the lock. "Y/n!"

Her handbag fell to the floor and her shoes clattered on the old parquet floor as she walked quickly down the hall into the living room. Before she could take another step, her eyes started moving and scanning the large room, her eyes automatically moving to your studio and caught on you.

The brown haired immediately noticed the white little plugs in your ears and she began to grin - a great burden fell from her heavy heart as she exhaled deeply to balance the stress from just now.

Silently she kicked her shoes off her feet and walked towards you in gentle and quiet steps, her long and strong arms first touching your waist before they wrapped themselves around you and pressed you smoothly against her body. Her lips already searching for the sensitive spot on the side of your neck, your head already tilted - patiently waiting.

Olivia's fingers of one hand slid from your stomach over to your face, brushing away a few strands of hair before removing one of the earplugs from your ear. "Honey, are you alright?"

You nodded and lay your head on her chest. Again the brunette hugged you tightly and continued kissing your sweet skin. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the warmth and closeness that she gave you. You put the paintbrush you were holding aside and put your hands on top of hers while you snuggled up against her. "Now that you are here, yes."

Both of you stayed like this for some time and enjoyed the attention before Olivia tore herself away from you and disappeared into the bedroom, leaving you with nothing but coldness. When she came back, she had put aside her office clothes and had only a shirt of your on that was already stained with paint and shorts that were allowed to get dirty.

You smiled when you saw her. You had already set up everything for her and just pressed a palette and a brush into her hand before she started painting next to you.

She knew that this day was not good for you - you were always painting when such days came and she wasn't there to take care of you; leaving a message to Finn beforehand, letting them know that she won´t be coming back today. She saw the sadness and the anxiety in your eyes. With a small kiss on your nose, she stole a headphone from your ear and plugged it into hers.

Before you started working on one of your paintings again, she turned you around once more and used the red paint for a heart that she painted on your cheek. "I love you and I am here for you, no matter what."

[oneshotnewbie]

Part four of rabbit hole (Special Victims Unit) please? It's so good, you got me hooked up and now I need the whole series or else I will eat a 🛌

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ This one-shot includes the topic of domestic abuse, blood and gaslighting. The plots are presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle the subjects, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Taglist: @Marvelfan0573 @technotic-prophecy @setsuna1415

---

A loud, sadistic laughter from the kitchen drew your attention and you gave up on trying to rip the cord on your tied hands with your already bloody fingers. The weight of shoes on your old rattling wooden floor caused a vibration throughout your body and shivers started to cover your body in distress.

He made his way to you- slowly like a predator about to ambush it´s prey. In his right fist he held your phone that was smeared with your own blood, the display cracked from hitting the ground as he waved it in front of your face. "I managed to disable the location tracker. Funny that you´re still using your deceased dog´s birth date as your password."

You looked at the phone, and watched it light up with worried phone calls from Olivia. But after the initial surge, the notifications slowed to a trickle and the messages began to flow after another. You watched intently, trying to read each and every message to soak up any personal information you were left with.

Henry has set the phone up out of your reach, where you were powerless to reply but always able to read what was being sent. He turned the phones volume all the way up, resulting in torturous pings every time a message was being delivered and watched you cry.

Soft sobs stole over your beautiful lips and your entire, battered body trembled from the suppressed sounds. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see all the chaos in your apartment that was making your heart clench painfully.

"Please" you tried the impossible and humiliated yourself by begging him. "Let me go. I´m just giving you trouble."

"You don´t understand. You never understood me." For the first time ever, his enraged gaze turned sad and he really seemed to believe the madness he was spouting. His mood changed suddenly; that was his gift and you hated the ability to go from aggressive to lovable in a second. "I love you, Y/n. Even when you make mistakes. I hate myself for hurting you after punishing you- even then I love you."

You narrowed your eyes and tried to follow your ex-husband´s logic while trying to put your pain on the back burner. It no longer frightened you, maybe because the fact that you were still alive seemed like a sign after everything that had happened to you in the last few hours. Perhaps the level of cruelty that a woman could endure was fulfilled.

"No man who loves his wife does what you are doing."

"I´ve changed Y/n. I´ve been in therapy with a shrink who wasn´t that bad. He usually doesn´t take cases and if he does, only special ones." he said, rolling the words tenderly and carelessly off his smiling lips. "I´m just a habitual offender, according to him, when it comes to hitting my wife."

-You don´t hit her, you kill her. And with the beating you break her soul without which she is nothing more than a lifeless shell- you pondered to yourself and noticed how you struggled with your consciousness.

"No, you´re sick. An asshole eaten up by an inferiority complex. You´re trying to break my wings because you can´t take the fact that I don´t want and need you anymore." With that statement, which you didn´t manage to articulate properly due to the agitation, the fear came and with the fear the sub-machine gun in your chest started again.

"You bitch-" he yelled, threads of saliva flying into your face from afar as he ran towards you in a rage; grabbing you hard by the throat. Henry pulled you forwards with force and the cable around your wrists bursted from the pull as he threw you onto the ground, back first, and you screamed out as the slivers of glass pierced your back.

You gasped in his arms, unable to take a single breath- his fingers pressing into your thin and pale skin, already imprinting red fingertips on it. You had seen your ex-husband angry countless times, often to the point of incandescence. But you had never seen the aggression flash so intensely in his eyes. You may have hit a sore spot in him with your statement, which made him start to doubt himself.

Your bloody fingernails clawed at his hands, scraping the surface of that skin to convince him to let go, but he squeezed even harder, banging your head onto the floor countless times. The kicking and scratching of your legs in the shards was in vain. The ground beneath your feet, which you hoped to one day stand on again, began to crumble and you lost the strength to fight.

You were too weak and powerless. And you were more scared than ever. But you were ready to die; closing your eyes in faint, clenching your lids so tight you thought they would never open again and stopping your attempts to escape- you had braced yourself for the worst of pain, including death.

But then his sweaty and shaky hands began to pull away from your bonded skin, leaving you with no air to pass your crushed windpipe. A short and forced cough escaped your throat and was drowned out by a sonorous one that caused you even more pain.

Wordlessly, Henry fixated himself on the smeared blood on his knuckles and ran his fingers over it playfully before moving up and stepping over you like you were nothing but garbage bags standing in the way.

"Your death is not my aim and killing you is not my desire. I punish your ignorance and selfishness in leaving me." he clicked his tongue to confirm his reasoning. "Yes, that´s worse than a quick death if I let you live and you have to walk through this shattered life."

His real pleasure, after countless humiliations, was to kill every last glimmer of hope in the individuals he tormented.

You lay there, your eyes wide open and still gasping for air as he disappeared into the kitchen to get duct tape to tape your mouth shut. He must have had enough of your talking.

Stuck in your own apartment, you couldn´t think of an answer to the question of why you existed and you cursed God for putting you through this experience twice. But most likely, God didn´t exist- no valid, all-powerful being could condone what Henry did and probably would do to you.

---

Tired and drained, Olivia opened her eyes and stared sullenly at the phone gripped tightly in her hand. Immediately and without hesitation, she unlocked it half asleep, looking hopefully at the display; waiting for a message from you.

"Damn it." a heavy sigh escaped her dry lips and her shoulders sagged. Thousands of messages she had sent within the last evening had arrived and been read, but there was no confirmation for her that you were fine.

Her pale hand clutched the back of the couch she was lying on. She hadn´t heard from you since the incident two days ago- your connection remained silent. Since you´ve known each other, there hasn´t been a day that you haven´t spoken, which also made her suspicious.

The brunette took a deep breath, rubbed her eyes and threw the phone on the table. Her gut still spoke volumes and told her to be sure that you were fine so she got up and got ready to check in with you to see for herself that you were okay.

Arriving at your apartment in less than half an hour, she lifted her slender hand and knocked briefly. For a moment, when the silence weighed heavily, she longed for an answer. Heavy footsteps, mixed with an unclear clinking under them, approached the wooden door and when it opened carefully and only a crack, she took a deep breath and wanted to say something, but the sentence got stuck in her throat.

"Oh hello." the iron look of the almost black eyes looked dull at the woman in front of him, registering who he was looking at and nervously brushing the tousled and unwashed strands of hair out of his face. "Benson.. am I right? What do you want?"

"Captain, yes. I want to speak to Y/n." her voice was harsh and broke through any silence the hallway had to offer. Her legs were planted firmly on the floor and she spoke with an authority that made him increasingly uncomfortable. "She is very busy at the moment. Can I tell her something?"

She smiled mischievously as her gaze rose from the floor. "Yeah.. tell her that the violent suspect from out recent case soon gonna be a dead man." she spoke dryly but loudly, certain that you were held by him in your own apartment and knowing that you had heard and understood what she was trying to tell you.

Olivia wanted to free you from your living nightmare immediately, but she couldn´t do anything against him alone; risking your and her life on top. She didn´t know what danger awaited her if she tried to break in alone. Nor did she know what condition you were in.

[oneshotnewbie]

A small blurb about Amanda and Olivia where she is afraid because you got hurt and Amanda tells her that Olivia is in love with you because of how she reacts? A really smal blurb if you want, I know writer block sucks hard but maybe it can help you get back on track if you try yourself out on something small?

---

"Sometimes it scares me." Olivia said to herself, looking down at her bloody hands that rested nervously on her knees. Her whole body trembled with worry and tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to scrape your blood from underneath her fingernails- she couldn´t bear the sight of it.

Time passed between her and reality. What had happened hours ago seemed like a few seconds in which your petite body fell to the ground, your otherwise white turtleneck sweater turned red quickly and she sank down with her knees on the blood soaked earth next to you.

She held onto you like you were the only lifeline she had left. Full of adrenaline, she pulled your lifeless upper body into her arms and tried to shake you awake harshly, but none of that worked; your eyes stayed closed.

Olivia felt as if the pictures of this accident turned into a vicious insect that ate through her eyes and stabbed her brain with it´s venom. The toxin seemed to paralyze her physically in that chair but was pushing her mentally too the brink as an unspeakable nausea broke out in her and she had to swallow thickly.

The brunette shattered under the weight of the unknown of your well-being and was crushed by the shadow of panicky fear that hung over her. Her concern grew by the hour as various doctors ran past her but no one came to give her the information she so desperately needed.

"What do you mean by that?" Amanda asked in a soft voice to try to calm down her best friend. It hurt her heart to see the usually strong Olivia Benson like this; so full of fear, concern and worry.

"What I would be willing to do for her." She leaned forward as if she had a stomach cramp, when in truth it was just an unconscious reaction from her body that was too weak to get up but too restless to remain seated. "It´s terrifying." she spoke, as she finally found her voice again, even if there was nothing confident or hopeful in it anymore.

She knew that she would never be able to forgive herself if you died like this. An actually simple undercover mission that had gone terribly wrong and she was the one who made unnecessary mistakes and didn´t offer enough protection for you.

"That´s love, Liv."

The captain of what was possibly the strongest unit in the NYPD, exhaled heavily as the words of the blonde burned into her brain, the vein on her temple throbbing at the same time as her jaw clenched. Amanda was right and she hadn´t been able to accept it until this point.

Olivia was relieved and silently thanked her for helping, even as she deeply blamed herself for being so weak and helpless at the moment. She just wasn´t able to deal with the fear of losing the possible love of her life. She was unbeatable when it came to work-related matters, but when it came to people important to her, she usually didn´t know how to deal with unforeseen events.

Too much had already happened in her life for that.

[oneshotnewbie]

Do you do song fiction? If so, can you do 'Sabotage' from Bebe Rexha with Olivia x Reader?

---

🎵 Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up.🎵

"No, it is over with us." those words kept ringing in Olivia´s head.

Your voice shrouded in a brine of sadness, anger and betrayal. She looked at you pleadingly, wanting you to stay but with these words, you walked out of her apartment with all your belongings and left the otherwise tough woman wince in place when you slammed the door in her face with a cruel bang.

🎵 Tell myself I'm safe and lonely With nobody else to break my heart Even though I know you'd never I'm my own worst enemy and think you are🎵

Olivia sat on the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs that were pressed firmly against her body. Tears ran freely from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks and forming a lake down her chin. She had lost her best friend. Her soulmate. The woman she never wanted to hurt and forever keep at her side.

You were her only footing, her pillar in the sea of weary and tiring days that blurred into one another without which she could not be. With you, she found peace, comfort and true love that touched her for the first time and completely enveloped her into a bubble.

But all that seemed over from now on.

🎵 Matches in my back pocket I'm the queen of burning bridges I will only let you down🎵

Olivia started hating herself. It was not her best friends fault that seduced her into kissing him. It was alone her fault. She had fallen for him because of the hopeless and tricky situation she had been during a case and he had just been there- She alone had chosen to be the bad guy in this.

Elliot was her past and you her present. And she wanted you to be her future too.

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

The Lieutenant was suddenly overcome by an urge for oxygen and panicked when she could not get it. The feeling of her body being on fire spread through her veins while her heart grew emptier and colder from your absence. The warmth evaporated from her like a drop on a hot stone.

She felt her heart clench inside, thousand tiny, sharp needles puncturing it; a frighteningly familiar feeling.

🎵Why can't I let myself be happy? (Ooh) Why do I gotta get in my own way? (Ooh) My shoes are worn out, always runnin' From the reasons that I really wanna stay🎵

For the first time in a long while, she felt fear flare up inside her. The overwhelming silence in the lonely and deserted apartment crushed her and she cried out in desperation, but not a sound left her lips.

What had she done? Why would she jeopardize your relationship just to know how it feels to kiss her best friend in a moment of weakness?

The brunette had been stupid. Of all the horrible mistakes she made in her life, this was by far the stupidest she had ever done. How was she supposed to survive without the most important person in her life?

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

She rocked back and forth sobbing bitterly. Lonely and alone, lost and abandoned, she sat there and her heart ached. She pressed her palm firmly against her chest, gasping with an reddened face as her hand slid over her ribs. Her cold fingers gripped her sweater, wishing she could hold your hands instead.

Many who knew Olivia might describe her as a strong woman, but that was just the side of herself she showed on the outside. Inside, life had torn her soul into pieces and hurt her as a result.

Only when you came along and gave her the time she needed to get used to you, you subconsciously had glued the shattered pieces of her heart together with love and adoration.

🎵So don't let me hope too high Don't let me hope too high🎵

The memories tugged at her heart. The atmosphere around her began to cool down as if you had soaked up the energy from the otherwise cheerful rooms and carried them with you when you left, sending a chill down her spine.

Olivia knew that she would feel empty, every second would feel like torture for as long until you were with her again.

🎵 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time Don't let me hope too high When everything is right 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time I sabotage everything I love It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love?🎵

Olivia missed your stubborn, cheeky and at the same time loving nature around her already. Strong and unique, maybe even extraordinary, she had come to know and love you and sparked a close bond between friendship and relationship that ended in family.

After each setback, you'd gotten back up and kept going. You had experienced and survived the most diverse and dangerous adventures together. Defeated the worst of the worst. Together.

And now it all just ended like this. Because of a broken and crushed heart.

🎵 It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up Why do I sabotage?🎵

[oneshotnewbie]

Reader is afraid of all kind of animals and when she is on a crime scene and a dog comes to her, she is a mess and hides behind Olivia.

Authors note: Okay, the dog scene seems like an full blown exaggeration, but those are the words of my best friend, who is terrified of dogs.

ᕚ---ᕘ

Icy wind howled around the alley´s massive stone walls while being accompanied by a fine drizzle that blackened the gray concrete floor and blended with the scenario in a cruel symphony.

According to the weather records, it promised to be a beautiful summer day, but the end of the night still reigned with it an impenetrable darkness in which only the never-fading fog stood out.

Driven by the storm that was about to end, you wafted through the waving barrier tape to the scene of crime, where your colleagues were already waiting for you. "What do we have?"

You stared sternly at the corpse of a young woman after you knelt down and stretched your cold and shivering fingers under the tarpaulin she laid beneath. She was young, no more than 25, and was apparently a victim of strangulation.

"Patricia Mills, 21 years old. According to witnesses, she was last seen with a much older man and woman in the bar a few blocks from here.

According to camera footage, the three left the said bar around 2am", Fin Tutuola quoted the information he himself had received from the lieutenant. He looked down at you and was not surprised that you still looked a little wrinkled and tired.

Your night tended to be a little shorter than his own, you being the last to leave the department.

You yawned in response to successfully digesting the information he had given you.

"Well, y/n? Did you have a good time last night?" Rollins could not resist asking after she had followed some leads and returned back to the crime scene with Olivia. The opportunity begged to be used for a little teasing of her partner. Just for your annoyed look and your snotty answer, it was worth carefully crossing your nerves with the front toe of her shoe.

"Sure, Mandy. I threw a huge stripper party in Olivia's office yesterday. I was surprised you two did not come back to join," you winked and quickly turned back to the corpse to avoid the glare from them. "What was the exact cause of death?" you asked, quickly tucking the sheet back over the woman's face, the reporters already lurking to snap a perfect photo to the press.

"According to the coroner, the woman was strangled with a thin rope as you have already recognized from the marks," the brunette sighed and continued. "Scratches on her forearms and face indicate that she fought back. With luck, we will have the foreign DNA under her fingernails"

You nodded vigorously and allowed the coroner to put the body in a body bag. "Same procedure as with the other four women. Our serial killer?"

Olivia Benson looked at you and shrugged. It was possible, the train of thought was quite obvious. However, it was the wrong area where the serial killer usually murdered. So it remained to be seen whether the strangulation marks on the neck matched those worn by the other victims over the past month.

"Milo, stop!" screamed a woman at the top of her lungs, bringing you and the others off the spindles of evidence. You watched as a brown Labrador puppy swooped under the crime scene tape and rushed towards you, pointy, white teeth showing and the tongue hanging out.

Man's best friend was illogical to you. Animals were more of a nightmare depending on how they were trained by humans. But most of the time, those words perfectly described these creatures in your eyes. Dangerous.

Depending on the strength of their bone-crushing teeth, they could rip off an arm or a leg. Dogs could knock you over and break bones depending on their weight. It was even worse when they barked loudly and brought you closer to a heart attack.

It was the traumatizing experience that made you think that way. Since then you were so scared that you tried to avoid the places where they hung out the most with their owners. Every time you met a dog, big or small, made your mind became a haze of fear and panic.

"Take away the dog, take him away!" you practically yelled in the ear of your best friend, Olivia, and dodged aside behind her. Your hands rested frantically on her shoulders, pulling her back toward you with every movement to shield you from the animal.

The dog, his name apparently Milo by the call, was running around sniffing the place frantically before pulling himself up on the Lieutenant's leg and hastily wagging his tail. "Y/n that is just a cute puppy, what is the matter with you?" she coaxed softly, trying to pet the young dogs head.

"Those are little demons! One wrong move and those things will maul you. They are only out for your flesh and blood!" you remarked and pulled Olivia closer to you, your back now completely pressed against the wall of the house.

You were frightened beyond reality, paralyzed in places as you stared at the pup. Olivia, being the concerned and loving type, trailed his thin body with her hands and picked him up, before he could reach you.

Despite your obvious tiredness, however, you suddenly seemed fully awake. Amanda, Olivia and Fin took that as an opportunity to grin broadly at you. "Oh Detective. Are you afraid of dogs?"

They watched as you promptly blushed. You opened and closed your mouth, but not a word came out of you. "Not afraid of dead bodies but god forbid a little puppy approaches her. We know you are a little scaredy-cat behind your badass facade"

You rolled your eyes at Fin´s comment and punched him lightly on the shoulder. No one had tried to hide the deep laugh. You folded your arms across your chest and watched as Amanda took the dog up in her arms and back from the crime scene to its owner, who was standing behind the crime scene tape, tensed and apologetic.

You shook visibly next to Olivia. Gently, she guided your hands into hers, caressing them with their thumbs to calm you down. "Y/n, sweetheart. It is okay, nothing happened to you and nothing will happen to you. We are partners and partners trust each other," she spoke softly and gently pulled you into her arms. "Why did you not ever tell us that you are afraid of dogs?" she queried, stroking your shoulders.

"I did not want you to think the wrong way about me. I am super strong at work and can handle anything but I am scared of dogs? How does that look like?"

"We will both get through this together okay? I will help you overcome the fear so that you become even stronger than you already are," she promised with all her heart, and started moving into the car with you in her arms.

[oneshotnewbie]

You are a Detective at SVU and everyone (especially Olivia) thinks they have to protect you while being outside because you are tiny and small but when a suspect tries to hit you with a metal bar, you go all Karate kid. No one knew you were actually close combat trained as a kid (you always hated it but your parents forced you to) and Olivia is all stunned?

"You're lucky you chose to pick a fight with my partner and not me." you belted towards the attacker after you sprinted around the corner to help your partner out of his tight spot. Finn was laying on the floor, twisted in pain, holding his costal arch while the muscular guy above him had already set the metal bar to strike. "Too bad I am here now and I am not very happy about what you did to him."

The suspect laughed out loud as he slowly lowered the bar over his head. "Have you looked at yourself?" he asked you loosely, but you noticed from his stand and the repeated clasping of the bar that he was insecure and nervous. His hands were sweaty and slipped down the handle. He tried to make you feel insecure with his words and his firm voice but however, it didn't do a thing to you. "You have no chance against me!"

While you distracted the younger man in front of him by talking, Odafin had already started to crawl to the side of the alley and pushed himself contorted with pain against the brick wall as he looked back and forth between the two of you.

He was worried about you when he scanned his opponent from top to bottom. He was around 190lbs and definitely had more on his ribs than you with your petite body. You had the advantage of a gun, but Finn knew you wouldn't use it - in all these years he had known you, you were always a person who tried everything else before you took up a gun.

Your partner had already requested backup, silently and quietly without you noticing. It wouldn't be long before you could get help, Amanda, Olivia and Carisi were only a few blocks away. If it didn't look good to you, you just had to hold it off.

But he hadn't expected what came next.

Instead of keeping him engaged, you continued to provoke him and Finn shook his head in horror. "You wanna bet that I will beat up your ass?" you asked with a mischievous laugh and stepped a bit closer to him, knowing that the best method to defend yourself against a punch or kick was to be close to the attacker so they couldn't build up any destructive power.

You didn't show him any signs of fear because you weren't. Your heart was pounding in your chest with the adrenaline rush that run through your veins, your body was shaking with excitement and the urge to force him to the ground - too much time had passed since the last time.

"You don't have a chance."

You let out another laugh and pulled your arms with a skillful movement from below to the bar that he still had a firm grip on, he couldn't look and realize what was happening as fast as you were. Your hands were now placed on the outsides of his and your knee met the middle of his abdomen.

While he was focused on the pain in his midst, you twisted the metal clockwise from his hands and you had him disarmed in seconds. "Bitch."

He hit near your face, contorted with pain, but you ducked with a quick reflex and he hit into the air. With the force that he had in his movement, which had no effect, he turned a little and lost his secure hold. That was an advantage for you.

Your shoulder line was pointing at your opponent to achieve your maximum strength in this position. You jabbed him right in the face, followed by a kick with your protruding foot in the side with such a strength, that he fell against the garbage can that was behind him.

"Hey partner, if there is any stress with the captain, I can count on you, can't I?" you asked with relish and blew the air deeply out of your lungs before moving away from the attacker. You walked up to Finn slowly and reached out a hand to help him up.

He looked at you with his eyes and mouth wide open, almost irritated by your relaxed manner; not saying a single word. He had never seen you like this before, he always thought you were an innocent girl. Almost having him on both feet, his hands reached the top of your shoulders, tearing you around so you could see what was happening behind you.

The man in front of you pulled himself up again after a few seconds of complete incomprehension and you rolled your eyes in boredom. He looked at you angrily, his nose bleeding and his face bright red. Judging by his gaze, he no longer understood the world, how could a small, petite woman destroy him so much?

As he ran up to you angrily, he wiped the traces of blood under his nose away before lashing out again. Immediately you stabilized your base and put your stronger leg back. Your wrist stopped at his elbow and pushed it away while the other arm reached over his wrist to slide it down - letting him punch into nothing again.

In order not to be able to use the arm any longer, you held it tightly in your grip and twisted it. The leg that you had previously put back, swung around and hit him right in the groin before you let it fall to the floor, blocking his foot so he fell.

With pressure you had one of his arms on his back and pressed him against the nearest wall. "I think that was enough exercise at once, thanks for playing the dummy." you sighed heavily.

He still tried to defend himself convulsively so you pulled all his balance out of his legs with a skillful kick in the back of his knees and he fell to the floor, where you sat on him, your shin between his shoulder blades before you looked up.

Your friends stood in front of you and tried to understand and assess the image that was going on in front of them. "How much did you guys see?" you laughed and pressed your shin even tighter into him as he tried to whine out of your grip. Carisi dared to move first to take the troubled man from under you and to accompany him to his car. "Enough." mumbled the brunette of the squad as she walked over to you, put two fingers under your chin and examined your face more closely for injuries.

Amanda had meanwhile joined Finn and put an arm on his back to get the injured man into her car and take him to the hospital. "What the hell happened?"

"Y/n is karate kid!" he called out and looked at you gratefully and proudly. "She kicked his ass so badly. That was unbelievable!"

Olivia let go of your face and you stared at her grinning while she squeezed her right eye tight together and looked at you insistently but impressed. She didn't know the combative side of you and tried to understand how she hadn't noticed in all the years in which she worked with you that you possessed such abilities.

Although she didn't want to admit it, her smiling mouth and dimples, her red cheeks and light hazel eyes revealed that she found it somehow attractive and sexy. "You have a lot to explain."

[oneshotnewbie]

Reader is trying to get some peace (depressive) and after work she says down somewhere and tried to sort out her thoughts but then Olivia shows up and comforts her without knowing what's wrong?

For several hours you have sat on the cold bench next to a small park in Manhattan and didn't move, just looked into the far distance of Upper Bay as you watched the sun slowly fade into the water. The only thing you needed was the silence that you fished out of the increasingly empty environment to sort your thoughts and feelings that had haunted you for a while now.

To be honest, you didn't even know how to sort your thoughts, they flew through your head so fast that you forgot the first thought by the time the second one came.

The feeling you felt was comparable to the one you felt when you were in the shower - when you lift your entire head under the water and you can only hear the patter of the water on your own head. When it is so loud that everything else fades, although shortly before it could only be heard softly.

It is the only thing you can perceive in this moment.

And suddenly you open your mouth because you can no longer hold your breath and then the water runs into your mouth and you briefly feel as if you are suffocating. Exactly this feeling was pressing on your chest.

Shaking your head to get you out of your own trance, you sipped on the beer you got yourself earlier, hoping you would find out why you were so sad and empty, why you didn't feel like talking. With no one, not even your best friend.

"Have one for me too?" someone asked, making you flinch for a moment. Presumably because of your job, your hand immediately grabbed your gun in the holster on your hip out of reflex, but came off again when you noticed who was standing behind you.

Jesus..How on earth did you find me?"

The brunette giggled before leaning over you, stealing a beer from the six pack and slumping down on the bench next to you. With her keys, that she still had in one of her hands, the beer cap was opened within a few seconds and fell on her lap before she also took a sip and the bottle came to rest in her lap.

"I'm a detective. It's.. kind of my job."

"Yeah, right." you spoke in a scratchy voice as you bent forward - your elbows resting on your thighs as you looked into the distance yet again.

Olivia nervously scratched the manufacturer's label with her fingernails, not knowing how to start the conversation. The change of nature of your personality didn't go unnoticed by her either. Her usually cheerful, open-minded and talkative best friend and detective in her unit closed herself off and revealed very little to nothing about herself anymore and she knew immediately that something was wrong.

“Are you okay, though? You, uh, seemed like you didn’t want to be found.”

You cleared your throat, feeling almost overwhelmed with this question. How could you explain something, if you didn't even know what it was yourself?

The sadness that ached in your bones was bitter and you preferred to scream and cry but instead you fell silent, as if your body wanted to keep you away from liberation and to make you a prisoner of your own soul. Inside, everything was dark and cold, the colors of a rainbow you once had, were fading and blending into a swallowing black; your soul felt frozen.

Your body was feeling heavy with each step you took and your strength was dwindling every single day. "I don't know how to explain it," you stated with a shaky breath, thinking about all the times these past weeks you've pulled yourself together to escape the darkness. Every moment you headed for the abyss, you pulled yourself off the cliff again.

You struggled with the darkness every day and carried on, day after day, even though you knew that the next day would be the same and you didn't wanted to get out of bed in the morning. "I am just so tired."

With a look that she waved sideways into your glassy and teary eyes, she understood immediately. Carefully, she moved a bit closer to you and put an arm around you, pushing you closer to her. Your head fell on her shoulder and your gaze fell on the brown bottle in your hands, which caught the glow of the lantern and reflected them.

"Honey, if you are too tired to speak, that´s okay." she whispered to you. While her lips touched your temple leaving a cold kiss behind, one hand tried to secure the lost strand of your hair and tugging it behind your ear to have a clear view of you again. "Let's sit here and say nothing. I am fluent in silence too."

And then it hit you. Suddenly, you knew why you fought day after day.

You carried on, for the people that you loved and who obviously loved you- for Olivia and the others in your squad and especially for yourself. Because in Olivia's arms, you remembered the good times when the darkness wasn't a part of your life and you knew that you could get it out of the hole with her by your side and could cling to her when your world would start to crumble again.

[oneshotnewbie]

Can we please get a second part of Rabbit holes? I can't wait any longerr 😮‍💨😔🥲

A/N: I think you mean third part? Actually, as I said, I wanted to upload the next part on Sunday/Monday, but since many are asking for it, I've finished writing it for you. Have fun! :)

TRIGGER WARNING, MENTIONS OF: - Violence, represented and addressed. - Blood, represented and addressed. - Wounds, represented and addressed. Read at your own risk.

--- Once home, Olivia tried miserably to take her mind off you and relax after work. But the dull and oppressive feeling in her stomach didn't let up.

Unnoticed, she was mulling over a glass of wine about the various silliest and most unrealistic situations you were about to be stuck in her head and there were never fully five minute periods, that she didn't checked if that one grey tick had changed or switched into two blue ones.

The blurred, flickering imagine in front of her eyes, which lit up her dark apartment with bright colors, only serves as a supposed distraction - what was happening in the black box that was called the television; she hadn't the faintest idea.

Sleep slowly caught up with her and even though she tried to resist it, her eyelids grew heavier before she lost the fight and jetted into the land of dreams.

---

The smack that brought you back to reality was hard but not unexpected, paired with the icy taste of a split lip. Groaning in pain and licking your once dry lips, you opened your eyelids with difficulty and looked through the small gap in your vision that had formed.

The sun had already loaded into your apartment through the closed curtains and let some rays of sunshine wander over the chaos. The shattered pieces of glass that had spread all over the surface glittered; a larger one laying direct opposite you, leaning on the wooden leg of a still functional table. Quite exhausted, you tried to focus your view in the scratched and bloody glass, allowing you to look at your battered figure.

All the memories of the events before you escaped to New York, resurfaced and there was nothing you do but relive them.

The red liqueur on your hands reminded you of the first time he laid hands on you; ending with you spitting up blood. That swollen and brusing eye of the first time he dared to hurt you where everyone could see and the bloody lip of that night you failed to get food on the table on time, resulting in a plate crashing into the wall behind you and the splinters reaching your lip.

"You are the devil." you spat out, your raspy voice breaking the agonizing silence that had spread across the living room while your throat felt like an invisible wire was being tightened around it.

You had learned during the years in his power to be quiet and to reveal as little about yourself as possible. There was always the danger of breaking through a strain of thought from him and earning another bruise for it. However, you couldn´t contain yourself, the sentence falling out of your mouth with no premonition.

Without looking, you felt his sadistic smile on you and you were overcome with nausea. If you had to choose, you´d rather be at the mercy of a serial rapist than the brutality of your ex-husband, who, despite the glaring anger in his aura, looked unashamedly attractive to you.

Just like the day you fell for him.

His beard, bathed in the light, was perfectly trimmed and the slightly glowing hair was perfectly styled back. His shapely hands showed no signs of those of a hard working man and the red plaid shirt, combined with a black leather jacket, fitted tight to his muscular frame and suited his build.

His voice, however, sounded like that of a bloodthirsty killer. Cold, hard and unrelenting.

"You know, Y/n. I´ve always liked the feisty part of you." you heard him speak from your bedroom, his answer clarifying the smile you felt on you. Your heart pounded against your chest as slow but brisk steps came towards you and the sac under your right eye began to tremble in unison with the beat in your chest; like the skin of a drum being beaten at irregular intervals.

You hadn´t thought it was possible that your negative feelings towards him were even more risible, but you should be taught a better one. Your ex-husbands aggression was as palpable as the rumbling of a volcano about to erupt. Shortly thereafter, the edge of his hand hit the pit of your stomach and you fell forward in pain; your breathing rattling as you tried to get the air that simultaneously escaped from your lung back in.

At that moment, you had so many tears built up in your eyes, that you could no longer see anything on the glass-covered floor, kneeling on all fours. Only the well-known emotional chord of pain, fear and desperation, fed by anger remained.

The pain after the slag had dug into your abdomen like an axe, and was playing there with great force on your intestines. You tried desperately to get up again, but a single kick in your side made you fall back on your back.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, mixing with the clotted blood on your cheeks. Blinking, you´d like to keep your eyes closed for quite a while, but the fear of never opening them again was worse than the weariness and weakness that swept over you in waves.

Henry knelt in front of you and cocked his head to the side, placing a hand under your chin to divert your gaze from him. A few times you managed to pull yourself out of his grasp, but as his last attempt to pinch your chin between his fingers grew stronger and his fingernails dug into your broken skin, you groaned and looked deep into his once beautiful eyes.

"Your eyes, they still have that little light flickering in them. I believe some call it hope.." he snorted and his face drew dangerously close to yours. "Don´t worry though, I will drown that out as soon as I can."

[oneshotnewbie]

How about a oneshot (or series since you like doing series and I love to read them) where Olivia and the squad have to protect Reader from the past (you can decide which past). Do they succeed and safe Reader or do they fail and lose a member of their family to the deepest rabbit hole there probably is? 🍓

Olivia Benson x Reader - Rabbit Hole (Chapter I)

---

"Detective Y/L/N. Long time not seen."

A cold chill ran down your spine and you froze in the middle of your movement. Your heart started pumping like a machine gun, your stomach went sore at that all-too-familiar voice. Your hands began to shake uncontrollably and let the coffee cup in them spill over while a huge lump formed in your throat.

How did he managed to find you?

Slowly you turned around, trying not to show him that you were still afraid of him after years. You stood with both feet firmly on the floor of your second home while you crossed one arm in front of your chest and put on a stern look.

"Don't you want to say hello to your husband?" he asked with a big grin and stretched out his arms to you. Disgusted, you closed your eyes and tilted your head slightly to Olivia's office in hope she would notice that something was wrong as you tried to hold back your fear and keep your though side on.

"Ex-Husband," all the pictures and memories came flashing and you swallowed hard. "How would you like it? Should I spit you in the face or shoot you right away as an welcome present?"

He wasn't happy with your answer.

He tilted his head on his left side and bit his lip as an indicator of keeping his anger under control; his vein on his temple throbbing. Both arms were straight up against his stocky build and his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Be careful what you say, bitch." he whispered under his breath through clenched teeth and took a step towards you.

"Henry, I am not afraid of you anymore." As soon as you noticed, you also took a step back so that the distance between you was still the same, so you felt less attacked. "I want you to leave, now!"

It came out in a somewhat louder tone than you'd like it to be, your voice got lost and sounded insecure, shaken. To him, it was the confirmation of your still fulfilled fear and submission that you tried to hide but failed.

A silent mischievous grin escaped his lips and made you freeze to death inside. Your heart started to beat faster until you felt it in your throat, it stalled a few times and you took a deep breath.

"Y/N, what's going on here?" a feminine, calm voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you stared at her in confusion. "I-he..eh." She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth slightly to say something.

However, you stared at the troubled man in front of you. His dark brown eyes were full of hatred towards you and they still penetrated the inside of you, as if he would gutt you from the inside out. With that look he forced you to lie even if you didn't wanted to, as if he had the power to control you.

"Nothing, Captain. Everything is fine." you answered her, but did not look a milisecond away from his eyes.

The brown haired looked back and forth between the two of you and tried to see through the situation and understand what was going on. She recognized your body language and it spoke volumes, she had never seen you so scared and frightened. She had never seen you so far from reality. "You should really go, Mr..?"

His fists relaxed and his eyes turned away from you. As if the forces of his power were pulling out of you like a knife, you took a deep breath and leaned your lower back against your desk while you slid to Olivia's side, slightly relieve like a puppy trying to find shelter.

While your Captain held her fixed gaze and professional neutral demeanor, your ex husband held out a hand and smiled at her. Reluctantly, she put hers in his and waited for his answer. "Wood. Henry Wood."

Visibly shocked, her jaw dropped. Immediately she pulled her hand away from him and instead placed one on your back as a way to show you that she was by your side. She knew from the various stories you told her that he was unscrupulous, but that he would come to your workplace in broad daylight to break you, she had never been able to imagine.

"Can someone get Mr. Wood out of here and make sure he can't step into the presidium one more time?" she asked all the police officers around her and immediately two were willing to escort him out.

As soon as he had bypassed the corner of the exit and was out of your sight, you put a hand over your mouth, squeezed past Olivia and ran into the ladies room where you immediately said goodbye to your breakfast in the garbage can.

The brunette had run after you, she knew what such a situation could do with the body and was at your side in no time as she kept your hair out of your face, caressing your back and stood close to you while you freed yourself from your inner burden. "It's okay, let it out honey."

---

After that incident, Olivia tried to get you to talk and take time off from work, at least for a few days to cope with the repeatedly inflamed trauma. But you rejected everything in a flash, you didn't like to be alone with your thoughts and overwhelming feelings; you knew what you were capable of in this situation.

And you didn't wanted to trip over this hole again and fall into it, you barely survived the last time.

Once you sat shivering in Olivia's office, she eased her poking around the topic and let you go back to work, but watched you closely and was ready to be next to you if she noticed or felt that a wave of negative thoughts overflew you or you started to have a panic attack.

She knew your difficult past with your ex and also your subsequent crash into alcohol consumption; she didn't wanted to lose you so she had to be careful and give you a hand early enough to hold on to. You were worth the effort for her.

Your boss had canceled all outdoor activities for you so that she would have you close to her, you were quiet for the rest of the working hours and tried to avoid everyone on your team by burying yourself in paperwork. There was too much on your head for you to concentrate on the words of your family now.

You were afraid for your life, he wouldn't give up.

---

Exhausted, you walked the last few meters to your apartment and were happy to be in your safe four walls. Olivia had offered you that you could sleep at hers tonight but you refused with thanks, not wanting to get her involved in your problems, she had a son to look after.

However, that didn't stop her to drive you home.

Just when you were about to send her a thank you message, everything was going too fast. A firm grip on your neck made you drop your cellphone from your hand in shock and you were thrown against the wall at a good speed.

Panting in panic and clasping your hands around the wrists that held you, hoping they would let go, you looked up.

He came to get you. He came to bring it to an end.

[oneshotnewbie]

Hi I was wondering if you could do a fanfic with Olivia benson and she helps her girlfriend with their self harm and depression

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! READING AT YOUR OWN RISK! CONTAINS MENTION OF SUICIDE; DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM.

---

"Babe, tell me. What was going on up there today?" Olivia said softly as she gently tied the last piece of bandage around your wrist. Two fingers of her other hand brushed a strand from your emotionless, frozen face, which was looking at the ground; as a sign that she meant your thoughts.

"Those waves that destroyed my castles are hurricanes today." you stuttered as your tears began to build up in your eyes once again. "Depression is an ocean and currently I am drowing. My lungs slowly fill with water and I don't know if I can swim much further."

She stopped in her movements. Her hands fell on your lap and stroked your knees soothingly before she left her crouch and slowly joined you on the couch. "Honey.." as she crossed her legs, her arm had fallen over your shoulder and was pressing you closer to her. "If you can't swim anymore, let me be your anchor. Hold onto me as long as you need to build enough strength until you can continue to swim."

While your face disappeared into her blouse and you began to sob heavily, your hands searched for parts of her leather jacket to grab something tight. Inside you was a raging storm that you had not prepared for. You wanted to scream and cry and throw up. You wanted to have a temper tantrum; you were so full of emotion. You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs but the only thing that came out was silence. "I am suffocating beneath the water surface and I try to look up through the waves but I can't reach it."

Her arms tightened around you. She was aware that there wasn't much she could do other than listen to you and let you speak your feelings out. She couldn't let the emotional chaos in you disappear, she could only be there for you and show you that you weren't alone. That she would always stand by you, no matter what should come.

"I am tied up by chains, sinking to the bottom like a rock of this endless sea," you mumbled and looked up to her; your bloodshot eyes met her dark, hazel-colored eyes that had also begun to fight back tears. "and I am so tired, Liv. So, so tired."

"I know that you are tired. But you have to keep fighting. Try to look into the future and see how you could turn everything you are going through into strength." One of her hands reached to your head to gently place it back on her chest. With slight squeeze, she pushed herself off the couch to that she got from a sitting into a slight lying positon. "Maybe I deserve this. The pain in my chest and the darkness in my soul.. maybe I.."

But you were interrupted in the middle of the sentence. Olivia was honored that you talked to her and she fully understood all of this, she had gone through it herself. However, she knew where the sentence would lead and what you wanted to say. And she didn't want to hear that, she couldn't.

"Woah, Y/n. Stop. No, I won't allow that." To hear, that you saw all bad in you as a kind of monster and that you deserve everything black and bad in the world.. She forbade hearing it from you. "See how far you have come. All the days, weeks and months that you have suffered.. Do you just want to give them up and declare them for nothing?"

"No."

"Then fight. You are the strongest person I have met in my life. You have experienced and survived so much that I would put my hand.. even my whole body in the fire for you because I know that you can manage this situation too." the brunette stated with a strong tone and made you smile for a brief moment. "Fight with me at your side. Fight for our future."

"How did I deserve you? Why do you love someone like me with depression and all the scars?" you asked nervously as the fingers of your healthy hand started to play with the bandage off the other.

She gasped sadly and put her hand over your bandaged skin to prevent your gimmicks. She brushed it once and then pulled it carefully up to her. With weak but still sensible kisses, she slipped along the already healed scars beneath the cotton fabric.

"Loving someone who is depressed is like London. It is the most beautiful city in the world, but it rains every day." she mumbled into the kisses when she stopped and looked at you intently. "I love the rain. But what I love more than rain is you, with all your rough edges. With all your mistakes and your problems." Your hand slowly slipped into hers, and your fingers locked together.

You smiled again and tears welled up in your eyes - this time not out of despair and sadness but as gratitude and happiness. You didn't know how you managed to have a woman like that by your side and you had no idea how you deserved her. You only knew that you were grateful for her and for every single moment that you could enjoy with her.

A short amount of time went by in which you just lay there, Olivia gently stroking your hair and kissing it every now and then while you were still resting on her chest, listening to her heart beat and keeping your eyes closed in comfort.

The warmth that Olivia exuded and the calm that she carried around her had a calming effect on your feelings and thoughts. If she was with you, they were dissolved and gone. "Babe, are you awake?"

"Mhm.." your comfortable position disappeared as she slowly lifted your head from her and stood up. Your eyes opened slowly; they were heavy from all the spilled tears and the lack of sleep you endured.

"Next time you want to cut yourself, you are going to take my wrist and cut me as many times you would to yourself."

Now you were suddenly wide awake and quickly sat up straight. You raised and eyebrow and looked at her inquiringly; you had no idea if she just said that or if your head was starting to play pranks on you again. "Liv, I can't do that. Never. I won't."

"Why?"

Your mouth opened in disbelief. How could she ever think you could hurt her? You loved her, you could never do that. "Are you crazy?" Now it was your turn to pull her hands into yours and intertwine your fingers with hers.

"I love you, I would never do that to you. I don't want to see you bleeding and I couldn't hurt you like that."

And then you realized.

[oneshotnewbie]

Second part of Rabbit hole?

Henry yanked a fistful of your hair and you shrieked in response. Pain shot throughout your scalp and you screamed - you tried convulsive to get away from his tight grip on your hair but the harder you tried to swaddle yourself out, the more he held on and yanked you back in his direction.

Roughly, he dragged you in your apartment along to the living room and threw you forcefully to the ground.

You fell on the small table next to the couch and tore the lamp that was standing on it with you. It shattered into small pieces and when you hit the shards with your hands, they cut wounds into your palms.

Contorted with pain and blood smeared hands, you closed your eyes; the sting that was kindled up to your forearms felt like an inferno. But you got up again, wiping your bloody hands on your jeans before looking at him, your eyes stinging with tears that started to built up in them. You couldn't get on the ground that easily. "What do you want from me?" you screamed frantic.

"Didn't I tell you that you can never leave me?" Henry walked towards you with clenched fists and quick steps and slapped your cheek with the full force of his palm. Your head was thrown aside and instantly you held the spot where it hurt from the hard skin contact.

Before you could fix your gaze on him, his cold and long fingers already wrapped around your neck, the air dwindling with more force that he applied.

"Let go," You whimpered in pain, crying for mercy, begging for his slight forgiveness. "Please."

The corners of his mouth widened into a grin before he ended in a dark and deeply intimidating laughter, continuing to exert his force on your throat. Once more he pressed you against the wall he had pushed you against before his grip loosened and his fingers snuggled over your face.

Henry stopped at your chin, grabbing it with a firm grip as he moved your face closer to his, feeling his hot breath on your ear. "You belong to me." he whispered to you.

"Let me alone, I don't want you anymore!" you screamed of the top of your lungs as you tried to desperately push him away. You saw your chance and gave him a headbutt that caused him to fall back. Grunted, he held his nose and you saw the blood coming straight from it.

You knew that if you didn't escaped now, it would be your end and Olivia would find you dead in your living room.

As fast as you could, you propped yourself up against the wall and got up, ran towards the door and opened it. But he was faster; throwing himself with his full body mass onto the door.

Fighting, you stood by the door, hoping that in that moment you were stronger than him. You tried to open the door before he broke away from it and it flew open; hitting you in the face and let you fall on the ground.

Immediately the blood began to flow, as if it had opened a tap. Blind with pain, you now stayed on the floor and put your arm under your nose, wanting to stop the flow of blood.

You saw your current fight as lost.

With a time delay you felt how a small explosive device exploded behind your eyes and with the pressure wave that blew up around your nose, the pain worked it's way from the inside out. The burning in your head turned into a shrill scream that escaped your mouth.

You found yourself in a state in which you had always visualized yourself shortly before your death: at the mercy of yourself, shortly before passing out, bleeding.

You heard his increasing despair as his voice changed. As the volume and anger increased, it had grown powerful and younger. "That's what you get out of trying to leave me, Y/n. I will kill you bitch!"

His gruesome laugh mixed with something metallic clicking, it hit you on your temple and put you out of action.

You'd never get out of here alive.

---

Olivia was standing at the red light when her cell phone flashed and a new text message from you popped up on her screen. Smiling, she took the electronic device into one hand, while her other still held the steering wheel, and swiped down to read your message.

"Thank you for bringing me homlkyso"

The brunette frowned and watched your message for a while before the horns of the drivers behind her signaled that the green light was already on and that she was obstructing the traffic. She quickly put her phone down and drove off, her thoughts still hanging questioningly on you in the hope that it was just a mistake and that you would text her again right away to correct yourself.

But nothing came.

The overwhelming feeling in her stomach and the rising nausea persisted and Olivia promptly made her park on a free verge to call you right in front of her apartment.

But her ringing went on forever until your voicemail stepped in for you and the slight panic spread in Olivia and let her heart beat faster. In the back of her mind, she still had the incident from this afternoon and the feeling that something was wrong crept more and more into the foreground.

With sweaty and nervous fingers she typed a message into the chat, hoping that you reacted to it and that you weren't in some hopeless situation or were drinking to suppress your feelings. "Message me, I am worried."

She waited; a minute, two minutes..

Then the 'online' flashed under your name and the hooks turned blue. A stone fell from her heart, relieved, and she took a deep breath, exhaling for quiet some time before longingly waiting for your answer.

"Everything's fine. Just dropped my phone as daft as I am. See you tomorrow, boss."

You seemed strange to her; your writing style was completely different, the heart at the end of a chat was nowhere to be seen and she noticed that you called her boss. Normally, you would wait for a reply from her before you went offline - but you were gone immediately after this short and clear text. Olivia's message only reached you with a hook.

Your phone was turned off.

She felt her own heartbeat, which went faster than usual while she listened to the sentences of her former Captain in her head: Always pay attention to your intuition. Nothing and no one can protect you as well as your inner voice, trained by life experience. And if your gut feeling and heart tell you that something is wrong, then it's right.

An involuntarily she nodded. The voice in her head that writhed through her thoughts grew louder and yelled at her. It didn't help her to threw and press her hands against the steering wheel, she couldn't silence it with anything.

"Stop it, now!" Olivia grumbled to herself and shook her head. She knew, that she was just worried about you sliding away from her and you were fine, just had to take a break. She'd dropped you off at home and she didn't think your ex husband knew where you lived in the first place.

She laughed at her own unreasonableness and at the irrational worries triggered by her feelings and protectiveness for and over you, the long working hours, the repeated trauma of yours and your writing -she would ask you about it tomorrow.

If only she would have driven back and looked for you.

[oneshotnewbie]

SPOILER STABLER!!!

Could I request where Reader is Olivia's daughter (22 or so, no Noah) and she didn't see Elliot since he left. Reader is pretty mad about Elliot because she had to put the pieces of her mother back together when he left and when she comes to the precinct after work to visit her mother and he is there, it all ends with a big fight between both of them and Amanda has to intervene with Olivia and takes Reader out on a walk (Amanda and Reader are very close, they talk to each other about everything) and Reader spills everything she has on her heart?

A/N: Had to split it in two chapters because it was too long. Next will be up around Wednesday! :) --- It was a rainy and dark day in New York that mingled with the cold wind and the first falling snow, making it clear that winter had come.

The lights of the skyscrapers and the lanterns of the foggy streets were already on, showing a path through the almost empty streets of Manhattan. It was just after 4pm when you finished your shift at the emergency call center and yet outside it looked like it was late in the evening.

A look at your cell phone and a message from your mother told you that she didn't come home before 10 o'clock in the evening, something important came up so you decided to get some food and visit the team and your family in the headquarters.

When you got to the Precinct, the mood was battered and weird. There was an oppressive feeling that you couldn't classify, as if something was more than wrong here. You looked over to Finn, Kat and Amanda's desks and saw their completely perplexed and shocked faces.

As if they had seen a ghost.

The brunette was the first to emerge from her trance. She noticed that you were standing at the entrance and that the situation unsettled you. You have always been someone who immediately recognized when something was wrong or when feelings weren't playing as they should.

With a quick push out of her chair, she walked up to you and hugged you. "Hey sweetheart. What are you doing here?"

"I thought you all might be hungry." you said into her embrace and smiled slightly but that disappeared when your gaze wandered to your mother's office and you saw that the door was closed, which it usually never was.

"What's going on here? Where is mom?" you asked slightly panicked, as you pushed yourself out of her arms and walked to the said office. But you didn't even come close, your path was cut off by Amanda.

The blonde stood in front of you with a forced smile and put her hands on your shoulders before leaning you against her side and escorting you to her desk. With a jerk she took an chair and pushed it to her before she sat down on her own and pleaded you to sit down. Reluctantly you put the food on the table next to you and she handed it out Finn and Kat's desk while she kept looking at you.

You were still looking at the closed door and trying, despite the closed blinds, to somehow find out who it was. But it seemed important and private when she made everything opaque. Was it a new man in her life?

"Your mother is fine, she is just having an important conversation with someone right now. " Amanda tore you out from your thoughts and leaned over to gently clap her hands on your knees.

Kat also joined you with tea in her hands and began to open the various packs and put yours in your hands. You looked at the door one more time before you decided not to worry and to enjoy the time with your family.

"So, how is work?" asked the brunette boxer, stuffing some noodles in her mouth.

"I like it. The only thing I miss is that there is always a beginning and a tension curve with the call to the central, but you as a faceless helper on the phone never experience an end." you opened up to your friends and kept talking about your job and other stuff.

Some time passed while you were talking to each other about God and the world when the door of the office popped open and all the food fell on the table at the sight of your mother's obviously important conversation.

It was only after the clanking sound of the bouncing fork that Amanda and Kat realized what had happened and prepared themselves for the worst. They knew how you stood on the subject of Elliot and how much it hurt you when he left; he had hurt your mother so badly and you had to pick up all the broken pieces over the years, some of which you even had cut yourself on.

His short spiky hair, which was brown at the time, was gray and thin, and he was partially bald. His face looked tired, dark circles under his once so beautifully shining blue eyes showed the impressions and experiences he had witnessed and and the years showed with wrinkles on his face. Still, he was a handsome man with more muscles and a better taste for fashion.

As much as you were somewhere, deep in your heart, happy to see him again and longingly wished to just fall around his neck, the anger and sadness, the hatred and pain were stronger feelings and superimposed the positive ones. Overall, he was like a father figure to you and then he left without saying a single word.

He was just as visibly shocked when he stopped in his tracks and looked at you with wide eyes. He hadn't seen you since you were 12 and yet he recognized you immediately. You too had changed over the years. Not only did age and height grow taller year by year, but your character and mindset had changed from a little girl and her dolls to a grown woman with education and pride. "Y/N.."

Your mother too, stopped in her tracks a few meters behind him and expected the worst, her posture already tense and you could see her heartbeat in her throat. She knew that the time would come when she had to explain to you that he was back. But she hadn't suspected that it would come so quickly and suddenly.

Since he was gone, you tried to avoid this topic of conversation and didn't talk to her about your feelings. She tried again and again, but you always blocked. That was the first and only time that you didn't let her share your feelings.

Elliot nervously played with his hands on the sides of his jacket, not knowing what to do. He glance over his shoulder at Olivia, who was standing there with her hand over her mouth and lost in her thoughts on how to explain everything to you. Just before he started to speak, you scratched in his word.

"Can you explain to me, in not so many words, what the hell you are looking for here?"