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maaarshieee · 2 years

Note

im just gonna dump this here :'D

y/n, a renowned fighter of liyue and a secret agent of ningguang who is going undercover as a millelith (who was a part of the osial fight), was tasked to make the fatui harbinger, childe, leave without making it seem forceful. the fatui in liyue means that peace would never be with them. they awakened osial, therefore they had to make the harbinger leave without diplomatic issues. they had to do it in every single way possible without mistakes.

and what's the most effective way to win the harbinger's heart? it's to acknowledge him with kindness and pure and gentle heart. treating him in a nice way, greeting him and gifting him trinkets or handmade gifts.

y/n's plan is to act like his friend, someone he could trust. someone he could love. someone to build his future with. and after he falls for that, they push him away. curse him and tell him to never come back to liyue. blame him for everything. tell him that he's scary, that they will never trust someone like him. that he doesn't deserve anything.

except there's one clear flaw in their plan. they never anticipated that what if, they were the ones to fall in love with the harbinger? what if they get too attached to him to even break his heart?

of course, this completely tore apart y/n. not knowing what to do. break him and save liyue or be free and let liyue be. both have different consequences. and what did y/n do? they chose what their heart says.

- weekly anon

i know this is very similar with the scara one but but but but

⎯⎯ ୨ 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 ୧ ⎯⎯

➢ Cʜɪʟᴅᴇ x Gɴ!Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➢ 4.4k ᴡᴏʀᴅs ┊ Hᴇᴀᴠʏ ᴀɴɢsᴛ

➢ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

a/n - GOD WEEKLY ANON WHY. YOUR REQUESTS ARE SO GOOD BUT HONESLY ME AND MY BOO (who helps me story board) ARE AT A LOSS BC THE CONFLICT IS TOO GOOD. also weekly anon blame @iyagato for making me go through with this idea. not me writing your request again, I SWEAR I DONT HAVE ANON FAVORITES, this is actually punishment! /j. I'm not good at angst but i hope i delivered it nicely. OH YEAH THANKS FOR 700 FOLLOWRS! HOPE YOU LIKE THIS AS A GIFT >:))) titled "unintentional", have a nice day/night! also theme song? veil by keida suda

↬ cw: canon typical violence, major character death (guess who?), sword wielder & pyro user reader, reader just... experiences really sad shit so uh, tw, kinda some sexual innuendo at one part but you can read it both ways, blood, gore

The mission was simple enough, wasn't it?

Gain his trust. Shed him off his walls and deceive him when he least expects it. To allow himself to be vulnerable to you, to see you as a reliable comrade. To pretend to be someone he could love, to hold in his arms, to share his troubles with, to talk to about whatever comes to his mind, to be with someone he thought he could have a future with.

Truly, it was simple enough.

Lady Ningguang has entrusted this task to you, for you are capable enough to complete any mission the Lady has ever assigned to you. Be it 'cleansing' Liyue Harbor of 'filth', or simply gaining needed information, her beck and call. You were even graced by Lady Ningguang's access inside the Jade Chamber, which she's only ever allowed to her 3 secretaries and people she deeply trusts.

You swore loyalty under her command, for she never ceased to amaze you. From her glorious beauty, her dedication to her work, and her never-ending kindness to the inhabitants of Liyue, especially toward children.

"I have confidence that if this task were given to someone, rest assured you, out of everyone, can complete it." She says with a smile whilst you stood before her, hands behind your back with a bowed head, taking her words with immense gratitude. "The longer he, a Fatui Harbinger, stays in Liyue Harbor, peace will never be upon us."

You wholeheartedly believed in your Lady's words, nodding along as she continued to speak. She pushed a small unsuspecting folder toward you and allowed you to take it from her. Upon opening the folder, your eyes immediately scanned all the information in the papers.

"That folder is important. It contains his name, age, occupation, locations, favorites, and many more. Use it all to your advantage." Nodding once again, you held onto the folder tightly, giving your Lady a deep, respectful bow. Her last words to you ever since that day rang in your ears, engraving themselves into your brain because Archons forbid you to forget; "Don't fail me."

With pride, you took upon this mission in a stride, completely overestimating yourself. You may be a renowned warrior of Liyue, Lady Ningguang's trusted agent known for your prowess in battle and your seemingly endless adherence to your job, but there was something you never took into consideration.

That you were simply human.

Getting along with the Fatui Harbinger was a rather easy feat. He was friendly when you first approached in a guise; a part of the Millelith. From the information the papers inside the folder Lady Ningguang lent you, he loved battling against strong foes. So much so, he gains thrill even if he was injured. So how did you first greet the 11th member of the Fatui Harbingers?

Into a spar of course.

Soldiers would often say that archers were the weakest among the different sorts of fighters. That they cower behind in the backlines and only have knowledge for support. That they rely on long-range attacks merely because they freeze at the first sign of danger up close. You knew better of course. Archers are incredibly powerful on a battlefield. One skilled archer is enough to turn the tides of war; like death itself. You never know when an arrow would pierce through your chest or your forehead.

True fighters would know to never underestimate an enemy.

And you were proven right when you first battled Childe. You've never fought against an archer one-on-one but he fought vigorously against you, a sword wielder. His moves were fluid, flowing like water, an endless stream of aggressive and deadly strikes, similar to the Vision he has. It crashes upon you like tidal waves of stormy nights that shakes sailing ships until they flip and sink. With each strike he landed, the more you admired the strong fighter in front of you.

Childe fought differently than the other archers you've met. It was as if he merged the gracefulness of an archer with the violent characteristics similar to a berserker. He wore an exhilarated smile on his in the whole duration of your fight, you even heard him laugh when you catch him off guard.

He didn't underestimate you either, despite coming off quite arrogantly with each blow he dealt to you. It was a simple approach, yet you couldn't bring yourself to lose against him. How a person fought was enough to discern one's personality, in Childe's opinion, and he always finds himself breathless when you adjust the grip on your sword, baiting him and swinging in a direction he didn't expect, almost resulting in his loss.

You were cunning, a fighter who uses their boundless knowledge in the art of swordsmanship to the fullest. Dirty tricks? You've used them with a smug smirk on your face. Impenetrable defense? Powerful offense? You had it all, and it caught his full attention.

His water would extinguish the flames of your blade, but as quickly as they dispersed, they would flare back up like the burning determination in your eyes. He found himself truly captivated by the mesmerizing flames that licked and singed his skin.

In the end, you won. Nevertheless, seconds passed after Childe's defeat, you fell to the ground along with him, catching your breath and swallowing down the pain that was slowing growing in intensity the more the adrenaline that ran through your veins slowly faded.

Childe was admittedly impressed. The Millelith hadn't given him an impression by their rather lacking strength, but you? You must be one of the higher ranks! He learned a lot just by fighting you and felt awestruck by how remarkable a fighter you were. Unlike any battles he had recently fought, you displayed true sportsmanship with it comes to duels, commending his skills as an archer. When he told you that he uses the bow simply because he was less adept with it, you expressed genuine shock.

"Really? Most archers aren't capable of fighting well as you are against sword wielders on one-on-ones, and you're saying you're weakest with a bow?" You gave him a toothy grin, eyes wide and filled with wonder whilst the both of you walked towards Liuli Pavilion. Since Childe lost the spar you had moments ago, he had invited you for a dinner together, offering to pay for the expenses.

You accepted his offer with a fake smile (was it really?) on your face after you've shaken hands, putting away each other's weapons. "Mhm, believe it or not! You're quite a strong opponent, where did you learn how to wield your sword like that?" He queried, his gaze stuck on the person who defeated him.

You suppose you had nothing to hide, crossing your arms with pride as you said; "Well, my father was quite famous in Liyue, as I, for being an outstanding swordsman. He taught me everything I needed to know." With a nod, eyes meeting his azure ones. His fingers rubbed his chin, invested with your words.

Then, he nudged you with his elbow, a wide smile stretching his lips. "Care to share some of that knowledge?" He asks, wearing a hopeful expression.

You merely scoffed, raising a brow at the taller male beside you. "And why should I?"

Without missing a beat, he shot a smirk your way, crossing his arms as he narrowed his eyes. "So I can surely beat you in our next duel."

Breaking into fits of (genuine) laughter at his cocky attitude, you shook your head. "Oh? Then that gives me more reason not to tell you then." You remarked. But he only tutted at you, hair flowing prettily against the winds, "Awww, scared that I'll find your weakness? That an archer like me can beat your ass to the ground?" He said teasingly, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement.

For the first time in a while, you felt your heart race in anticipation. Though, back then, you had mistaken it as the fleeting sensation of victory beating in your heart. You had thought he had fallen into your trap when, unknowingly, you had fallen as well.

"Alright," You'd huff, "Bring it on."

It has been... months since you've seen the last of Lady Ningguang. Usually, you'd report to her Lady every few days, updating her about the progress of your mission.

Lately, though, a sense of dread would creep up toward your heart whenever you thought of visiting the Jade Chamber. Oddly enough, you felt eyes following you with every step you take, and because of that, you've grown incredibly weary and paranoid.

But you have a guess on what makes your heart waver when it comes to Lady Ningguang and your duties.

Childe.

Even the mere mention of his name makes you grit your teeth. For the past few months, the more this mission of yours went on, the more you grew to hate him.

You absolutely abhor him.

He made your seemingly effortless task drag on longer than you'd like. And despite being aware that gaining a person's trust was not like a leisure walk through Liyue Harbor, you hated every passing second you spent with him.

Childe was annoying, arrogant and you can't stand him. He would nag you for a spar so much that you'd have to hide across Liyue to avoid him, often asking a kind gentleman working in Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, named Zhongli, to distract the bothersome ginger who refused to leave you alone for some reason.

Asking him why he wants to stick around you so much was utterly fruitless, for he would blatantly lie to your face (just as much as you lie to him). "I want to score higher than you in our spars!", "Why can't I? Aren't we comrades?", "Getting tired of me already? Too bad!", and so on.

The moment he opens his mouth, you want to bury yourself in the ground, never to listen to his senseless blabbering. You hated so many things about him that you can list them.

You hate the cocky smile he'd always have when he walks up to you, asking you for a spar, his voice that would always get on your nerves, his bright, blue eyes that always seem to spark back to life whenever he looks at you, the way he always perks up when he hears you approaching because it's totally normal for people to memorize the sounds of another's footsteps, the way he's always eager to treat you dinner—

The way he makes your heart skips a beat whenever he laughs, the way he touches you oh so gently even though you're the one who kept beating him in fights, the way the tone of his voice changes whenever he speaks to you or says your name—

The way he makes your cheeks burn hotter than when you use your pyro vision whenever he shamelessly flirts with you 'as a joke', the way he makes butterflies flutter in your stomach whenever he sends you the most loving smile you've ever seen in your life, the way he never fails to make you feel so special because, for some reason, he's always so drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

You hated Childe, and you had so many reasons for it, including making you fall for him. Hard.

At the moment, you were hiding from Childe again, watching Zhongli lead him away from where you hid. He had a pout on his lips, arms crossed as he clearly looked upset. You were a master at hide and seek, and he had never caught you once amidst your foolish games.

Once they were both out of sight, you leaned back against the tree you were on, the smile you once wore simply because you saw Childe acting so foolishly when it comes to you quickly morphed into a frown as you looked up into the skies, eyeing the Jade Chamber that infinitely hovered in the skies, casting a shadow all over Liyue. A place you once wanted to be part of, now a sight for sore eyes.

You wondered if Lady Ningguang knew. Of your inner turmoil, of your struggles, of your evident betrayal to your Lady, to Liyue. Thinking about it made your chest hurt, your hand clutching your chest. A younger version of you would surely be disgusted at your pathetic state. You? Who vowed to serve Lady Ningguang until your last breath? Whose resolve began to waver simply because of a man who's supposed to be your enemy?

A bitter laugh escaped your lips. How cruel. You once thought that this mission was the easiest one you've ever gotten. But it just grew harder when Childe ultimately asked you to be his lover.

And that was it.

A rejection followed by a fearful look, words that you knew would crush his heart and fake tears would be enough to wrap up your mission. To restore the faith Lady Ningguang had instilled in you, to make up for your traitorous mind...

But the way he caressed your cheek so tenderly, features softening at the mere sight of you, eyes both wary and filled with hope— Archons, you just couldn't. Not when you've dug your own grave, not when your heart beats for him.

On the day of his confession, he mistook your tears for joy. Instead, your tears were laced with unfathomable pain from the conflict that tore your heart. To serve Lady Ningguang and abide by your mission, or to betray your whole nation for the man who stole your heart?

The moment you realized you had fallen in love with Childe, a Fatui Harbinger, you willed yourself to avoid him at all costs. And when he sought you out, only to confess? You were devastated that he had fallen too. Fallen to the trap that fate had led you into, a trap both of you blindly waltzed in.

Once in a relationship, you prayed that he wouldn't notice. How your hands would tremble when he nears you, how your bottom lip would quiver when his were inches away, how your eyes grew teary when you feel his hot breath against your skin. It all felt so surreal, so addicting, you wanted more of him, to love him with all your heart, but indulging him made you feel sick.

Touching him felt like a sin, both to him and the country to which you once devoted yourself. His skin against yours burned you, accidentally flinching whenever he reaches for you, and your heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly.

You were so desperate for him, yearning for him, yet your heart ached when he utters those sweet words in your ears.

"I love you."

Archons, what have you done?

The words you spoke felt like shattered glass rolling off your tongue. Who knew simply talking would hurt so much?

But the weight was lifted off your chest once you finished speaking, a strong pair of arms wrapped around your trembling body, reassuring, but shaky words being whispered to your ear. You clung to him, hands gripping the back of his shirt.

To say that he was shocked was an understatement. He has his suspicions toward you (and ignored them), but he never would've thought the burdens you carried were to that extent. Childe understood now though. Why you acted so strangely despite accepting his confession. You truly did love him, but the guilt in your heart ate you from the inside.

He understood how you felt, so he held you in his arms tightly, refusing to let go of you until you tell him so. To quell the pain in your heart little by little, to kiss you whilst you shed tears, to touch you as if you were bound to fall apart as you unraveled yourself completely bare only for him to see.

And when you agreed to his suggestion, his heart rejoiced.

"Join me. Let's leave Liyue."

But things never go the way they should.

Lady Ningguang knew. Of course, she did. She knew of your plans of departure from Liyue, and she wouldn't stand idle anymore for a traitor like you.

It happened all too fast. One moment you were on patrolling as a faux Millelith soldier, and the next thing you knew, you were being chased by your peers all across Liyue Harbor.

They were at every corner you turned to, surrounding you and cornering you. You can't escape anymore, you were trapped. It was then that realization struck you; she had finally made her move.

You will regret this later on, but you summoned your sword and pointing it threateningly at the multiple soldiers that blocked your path. You were to join the Fatui soon enough, so there won't be any harm in starting now, right?

But before you could even swing your sword, you heard his voice, calling your name and clearing a path toward him. Your breath got caught in your throat as you almost cried in relief, turning to run to him, to finally leave Liyue once and for all. His arrival saved you from lifelong regrets of spilling blood.

But—

Childe's eyes widened, arm outstretching towards you as he shouted your name once more. But he was too far. Too late. You ran as fast as you could, but you never reached him. The world around him grew dark as the once peaceful, beautiful nights at the harbor grew distant and hot. It suffocated him, to watch you fall to the ground, the brilliant scarlet colors painted the road, reflecting disgustingly gorgeously against the moonlight.

"Ajax—" You choked out, more of the pretty hues of red splattering out your mouth as the sight of a spear piercing your chest—

Childe was skeptical of you at first. Who would just randomly go up to a stranger and ask them for a spar? He was glad he accepted it though, despite his doubts, because you proved to be a suitable sparring partner from then and so forth.

You fought like a true warrior. You reminded him of fire that blazed continuously no matter complication. A flame that refused to go out, a fire that with even the slightest spark, would burst into flames with dangerous heat. You refused to back down, even if he was a Hydro user, you ignited your flames once again, forcing your sword to burn him to ashes.

And you almost did, and it made his heart tumble inside his ribcage. His smile was difficult to contain, not when he's never felt such excitement in ages! You were different, you stood out among the foes he's fought before. You were unique and he needed to know what made you so special.

You gifted him the knowledge passed down by your father to you. Although he never understood why you would do such a thing to him back then when he was merely just of your acquaintance, you brought him into a whole new world when comprehending the art of weaponry.

"My father focused a lot on training the eyes." You'd state, holding a wooden sword for training purposes while Childe sat on the ground, crossed-legged, listening to every word. "The eye is an essential part of our art. If you trained hard enough, you can peer into someone's soul, quickly make a rough estimate of one's muscle structure, and pinpoint their weaknesses."

Childe, like the child he is, raised his arm as if he was a student wanting to inquire about his teacher. You loudly huffed at his behavior but never told him off. "Yes?" You arched a brow at him, a hand on your hip.

"Is that really possible or just an exaggeration?" He asked, and you were surprised it wasn't in a mocking manner. With a smile and a hum, you nodded proudly, gripping your sword, and got into an offensive stance.

"Hah! An exaggeration?" You snickered, "I only speak of the truth, my dear student. With it, you can anticipate your opponent's next move." Childe blinked, doubtful of what they just said, but nodded nevertheless, waiting for a clearer explanation.

"We sharpen our sights until it's comparable to a hawk's vision. We can see how a hand would clench the weapon it holds, the way the joints would move, the way a body's trajectory would shift, and much more." You recited as if you'd said this hundreds of times before. "We observe each movement, be it big or small."

He let out a sound of awe, eyes wide as he stared up at you, obviously impressed. "And you're teaching me such arts? Something passed down your family?" He asks, growing unsure as a small frown tugged the corners of his lips.

But his heart merely thrummed hard against his chest when you turned to him with a smile adorning your features, an unreadable emotion lingering in your eyes, but still shining brightly against the warm sun. Perhaps if he had this ability, then he would've known what you felt that day.

"For some reason, I trust that you would honor my family's way of the blade more than anyone in Liyue." You sighed, your gaze shifting away from him as you let a stray butterfly perch on your finger, the wind making your clothes flutter. "Of all the people I've fought, you bear what it really takes to be a warrior, despite the lust for battle hidden deep inside." Childe felt himself stiffen when you mentioned a part of him he hasn't shared with you just yet, but you simply giggled at his reaction, winking.

"It's what I've gathered by watching you how to fight."

And he let himself relax at that. After all, Childe was a firm believer of those words; How a person fought was enough to discern one's personality.

"But you did give it away rather obviously." You teased, only for Childe to frown once more, confused. "You laughed on the verge of losing."

His cheeks grew warm at that, a sheepish smile stretching his lips as rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Did I?" He chuckled, looking down at his lap, a sullen expression overtaking his features despite the laughter he forced. He knew at that moment that you'd think he was a weirdo. A creep who gets thrilled in bloodshed battles.

Though, you never cease to surprise him. Stepping in front of him, your shadow loomed over his figure and he raised his head to look up at you, expecting a look of disgust or mockery on your face, but it was just the same gentle face you always wore. Offering him a hand, he accepted it, and let himself be pulled upwards by you.

"I see no fault in it, Childe." You reassure, patting his back as you gave him a wooden sword to finally begin training. "Somethings are out of our control, so lend myself to you."

Childe sputtered, once again, surprised by your words and taking a step back, but you just chuckled at his reaction. "I'll spar with you if it helps quell this insatiable desire. Well, if that's what you'd like."

Speechless, he stood there dumbly, stuck in thought. A permanent sparring partner? Just to help suppress the consuming feeling to seek chaos and destruction? Torn, he couldn't help but crease his brows as he tried to make out any lies. But no, he couldn't see any. Your eyes only held sincerity, a patient smile carved on your lips.

Why are being so kind to him? Why, from then on, you decided to allow him to be your friend? Why did you crawl through the cracks of the faulty walls of his heart and made yourself a place inside it without his volition?

How cruel you were to invade his mind on a daily basis.

Your laughter reminded him of the sounds of chiming bells that hung outside of the homes in Liyue, harmonizing with the gentle breeze of the wind. Your smile held a warmth that he never knew he could once again feel in his heart. Your kindness, concern, gentleness— it made him weak in the knees.

You sparked life back into his dead, soulless eyes.

And you quickly snuffed them out once more, as if it was never there in the first place.

Like everything else that exists, your artistry of weaponry had a fatal flaw, and he could remember those words clearly.

"Our backside is one of the most vulnerable spots to users wielding this art. If an opponent was too quick for our eyes to reach them and attacks us from behind? We're good as dead if we don't improvise."

Maybe that's why you couldn't see the spear aimed at your back, piercing through your chest, right at your heart.

Childe grew to love the rains in Liyue, mostly because you loved them. You'd stomp onto puddles, running through the rain as you let the drops of water completely soak you entirely. You'd take his hands in yours, and dance with him under the rain. But no matter how dark the clouds were, you'd brighten up his surroundings, all it took was your loveable smile.

Though now, the intensity of the rain was not enough to clean the stain of your blood off his hands.

In the middle of the sea of bodies and diluting blood, Childe had your limp body in his hands. He couldn't save you. He wasn't fast enough, wasn't strong enough. Even with knowledge of your art, he couldn't have anticipated this.

In his veins, he only felt anger and despair, his heart torn to pieces as the one good thing in his life was stripped away from his hands once more. There were so many things he still wanted to tell you, to show you the beauty of Teyvat, to introduce you to his family—

But you were gone. The Vision that hung on your waist, dull and gray, the vibrant reddish-orange glow it once illuminated, gone, similar to your eyes that once held so much life. The fire that burned fervently has been completely extinguished. You have never felt so cold in his arms.

Was this your punishment for loving him? Was this her doing?

In the rain, he let himself break, burning hatred engulfing his heart as he glared at the Jade Chamber that proudly hovered amongst the stars.

There was one thing in his mind as he continued to grieve; the Jade Chamber will be no more.

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#childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #ajax x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #:;marshie.writes #:;requested #:;oneshots #:;childe.ajax.tartaglia #:;weekly.anon #not my intention to spoon feed this anon #I SWEAR ILL DO OTHER'S IM CRYING DHSADASH

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madoumonogatarirunelord · 5 months

Text

Another Kluguro fic because I love them

(I'm also incredibly bored)

"Calculus!"

"Backhand slip grip special! ★"

A large pile of nuisance puyos fell on Ringo's next chain, causing the match to end. However, before She could even congratulate Maguro, the pair found themselves into quite the dilemma.

Bursting out of the sky? That's what Amitie did all of the time... But somehow, she and Maguro found themselves doing exactly that...

[meanwhile]

"What a peaceful day... Almost too peaceful... Actually, I don't think it's ever been this quiet before. It's actually kind of scary..."

A certain, brown haired nerd sat on a bench, studying an old book on an even older Legend. Klug was so engrossed in his book, that he almost didn't notice the purple haired toddler running at him...

Except it wasn't a purple haired toddler. It was Feli and her tiny body. She only reached up to Klug's neck. What made things weird, however, was the fact that he was scared of her.

"Hiyah!" Feli yelled, pointing her dowsing rods at Klug.

"Meep!"

Klug immediately jumped back, hugging the book he was reading. His body was trembling all over at the sight of this miniature gremlin of a girl.

"What do you w-want?!"

Feli scowled, putting her hands on her hips.

"That purple haired boy and his red haired girlfriend are here. They were lost so I asked the stars for help, and they told me to tell you to go and help them because APPARENTLY you're of use to them. Goodbye, four eyes. I hope fate allows me to never see you again.

Feli quickly scampered away, off to find Lemres no doubt. After all, he was visiting Primp right now.

Purple haired boy? Red haired girlfriend? Surely she didn't mean... Sasaki and Ando? So they were dating, huh...

Klug was never one to meddle in relationship business, but he couldn't help but feel a bit disheartened that his crush had found somebody... Especially when that somebody was smart, beautiful and Maguro's childhood friend.

Klug quickly brushed off these thoughts, realising it wouldn't get him anywhere, and so, with a sinking feeling in his chest, he hurried off to find Maguro and Ringo.

[With Maguro and Ringo]

"Hey, so what was that girl's deal? She seemed weird and creepy..." Ringo sighed.

"Heck if I know... ★"

Maguro and Ringo had been walking around for what felt like hours now... Even though it was only around ten minutes. They had ended up in an unfamiliar part of Primp's markets, passing by a few strange individuals in the process.

"Ugh... Why are people in Primp so strange?!"

Ringo seemed annoyed now. She was just trying to have a Puyo Puyo battle with Maguro, and somehow she ended up in the one part of Primp that she didn't recognize. They had both challenged a few of the people they vaguely met at some point, but to no avail.

"You know, Ringo... What's even stranger is the fact they just assume we're dating. What if I'm into a boy or something? ★" Maguro stated, putting his right hand in his pocket while the left one kept playing with the kendama.

"So you are into a guy, huh?"

"W-Wait! No I just m-meant... You know what, fine, you win... ★"

Maguro's face was a bright red now. Ringo was right, he was into a guy. A guy he knew so much yet so little about. Maguro didn't even realize he was going off on one of his excited rants before it was too late...

"Well... He's a really cute nerd and... ★"

[With Klug]

He had been searching for ages now, even running into a couple of strange individuals who pointed him in the right direction.

"Just my luck... I ran into that annoying Witch lady and that creeper with the sword... Oh well at least I have some lea—"

Klug quickly cut himself off as soon as he saw Maguro and Ringo walking down the streets, laughing and chatting, like a couple would... It just served as a reminder that he would never be good enough for Maguro.

He quickly dashed up to the pair, putting on a smile to seem friendly.

"I heard you love birds needed assistance?"

The pair quickly turned around out of confusion and curiosity.

"Love birds?" Ringo asked.

Ringo was definitely confused. Why did everyone assume that she and Maguro were dating? It was kind of getting on her nerves.

"Not you too, Klug ★" Maguro sighed, clearly disappointed.

It was Klug's turn to be confused now... What was that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean, Sasaki?"

"I mean that you've got it all wrong! Ringo and I are just friends! ★"

Klug's face flushed red out of embarrassment.

"So you're telling me that you and Ando aren't dating...?"

"Of course not... In fact, I love you, Klug... ★"

This time, both of their faces flushed red as Ringo chuckled.

"Klug, I would just like to inform you that, if you hadn't gotten here so soon, I might've had to endure an hour's long rant about why Maguro thinks you're hot, so thanks...!" Ringo smirked, clearly trying to fluster the pair.

"R-Really? You love m-me that much?... I... U-Uhm... I love you too..."

Maguro smiled softly, planting a kiss on the cheek of the slightly smaller male.

"I love you to the edge of space-time and back... ★"

#puyo puyo #klug x maguro #kluguro #klug puyo puyo #maguro puyo puyo #maguro sasaki #fanfic

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icanbeyourgenie · 7 months

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“ You're a very good fighter. Usually I win quite easily but you really put a fight. I needed it. ” – a breathless Malachai to Yasmeen while he has his sword under her throat but didn't notice that she has one of her knives right on his ribs too

Yasmeen raised an eyebrow. “Why are you talking like you just won?”

“Because I-”

She pressed her knife a little bit tighter on Malachai's ribs, making him noticing it. He seemed surprised at first, and for a second she wondered if he would be mad. But then he truly laughed, and she relaxed a bit.

They were both breathless. It was their first training session together, since Malachai was due to leave for his battle in three days. It was still early, too early for faes to be up - they always started their day late. But they both woke up at dawn to train.

“As I said, you put a really good fight. But I had my sword under your throat first.”

“How would you know? You didn't even notice my knife. In a real fight you'd be dead already.”

He looked outraged, but not the scary type. “I would not!”

“I'm in the perfect position for my knife to go straight to your heart.” She stated.

“I would've sliced your throat before you could do that. A sliced artery is a quicker death.”

“Not if I puncture your lung first and you can't breathe.”

“You wouldn't have time to do that.”

“Oh I would. I'm very quick.”

“You know what? Let's agree on the fact that we'd both die in this situation.”

“Okay. But you first.”

“Absolutely not!”

They were about to keep arguing when they suddenly realized that they hadn't move. Malachai's sword was still on Yasmeen's throat, and her knife still on his rib. Like none of them wanted to admit defeat. Yasmeen didn't consider herself a particularly competitive person, except when it came to fighting. At this very moment, they looked at each other's eyes, and they were very close, but she wasn't scared.

She couldn't point out what exactly made them burst into laughing eventually. Maybe their own pride. But it was only then that they both retracted their weapons and caught their breathes. Malachai took a step back and went to drink a bit of water. Yasmeen declined the offer when he handed some to her.

“When did you learn to fight like that?” He finally asked. “I mean. I know I had tutors, I was trained to fight since I was old enough to carry a fake sword. But I guess it's not the case for you.”

“Not, it's not.” She couldn't say the full truth yet, so she settled on half of it. “I taught myself. I'm very skilled at observing people fighting and then learning the same moves.”

“I can see that. Thank you for your offer. It was exactly what I needed to clear my mind.”

“Of the fact that you're leaving in three days for a very dangerous battle you might not come back from?” She hated these words as she said them.

“I fought worse battles.” He answered, but he did look tense. It was his homeland he was fighting for, after all.

“Let's do another round. We still have hours before anyone gets up.”

Yasmeen tried to clear his mind again and it seemed to work, based on his smile. But it wasn't a pure smile. More of a smirk.

“Let's spice it up a bit.” He said.

“How?”

“With bets. If I win, you have to..... find a way to distract the lady Euphemia the next time she tries to talk to me. She's really becoming creepy lately.”

Yasmeen laughed freely. “She wants to be queen, she won't be so easily distracted. But fine, I will try. Once. The rest, you'll be on your own.”

“Deal. At least one reception when she isn't trying to talk to me will be peaceful enough. What's your price if you win.”

Yasmeen thought this through for a second. There was many things she could ask from Malachai. After all, he was a prince, and an heir. He could get away with a lot of things. Maybe she could ask him to punch Aeron, or Rhysand, or better - Aldris. That psychopath wouldn't be able to fight back, it would get his ego in check. But it's not what she asked.

“If I win,” She said after a time. “I want you to come back. In one piece.”

He looked at her with an intensity that she couldn't decipher, but she didn't look away. They stayed silent for a while. They often did that, the silent didn't scare them. Yasmeen knew he couldn't truly promise that. It wasn't entirely up to him. But when he nodded and whispered “Deal.”, she believed him. And so she picked up her knives, ready to win the other round.

#i'm sorry but this is fluff to me #a bit morbid for a talk but still so cute #i wanted to write their first training session so bad #yasmeen writing prompt #writing prompt #yasmeen x malachai #likeafairytale

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darkestspring · 2 years

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Imagine primal play with aemond and eloise. Or maybe aemond and eloise with that ask the other day about visenya tournament of hunting down the ladies. Either way you just know aemond would love to chase her.

he definitely would, aemond brings up the idea after researching about ancient traditions. His father had them suspended but such an idea, a tradition started by his ancestor, made him so intrigued. Of course, the idea of his sweet little wife running from him to be caught as a prize makes him harden in his pants.

When he brings the idea up to Eloise, she's incredibly nervous but for a different reason. "What if I get lost? Oh, what if i trip and break my ankle. Aemond!" Eloise frets and worries as she paces back and forth, biting at her lip.

"I won't let that happen, sweetling." Aemond cooed softly at his wife as he brought her into his arms. "It's just a fun little game. A small chase through the godswood, if i catch you, i get to do whatever I want with you." The added thrill of fucking his sweet wife in a place where they could be easily caught only makes him harder but of course he'll never allow them to be caught. his wife was his alone.

"What if I outrun you?" Eloise asks, her dark eyes peering up at him innocently.

it's unlikely, his wife doesn't have the same stamina that he does. He's trained with a sword most of his life and she's always been kept inside where nothing could harm her.

"Hm. If you outrun me, I will let you be on top, sweet girl." He offers up and smiles as she blushes and ducks her head. "Come, Come." He ushers her along to guide her to the godswood.

aemond didn't want to find her too soon, so he gave her a head start. one minute, to be precise.

He watched as she disappeared from his sight into the woods and hummed to himself before pushing off of the tree he was leaning against and walking slowly after her. She'd grow tired soon, his darling wife wasn't used to the cold that the godswood possessed in the early evening. she was a gentle, spoiled little thing. she was always used to warmth and the gave her only the most exquisite things.

Eloise panted as she ran through the woods, even if it was a little scary, the thought of aemond catching her sent a little warmth through her. Eloise stopped at a tree to catch her breath, she wasn't used to running.

Aemond's eyes glinted with dark triumph as he saw his pretty girl hunched over a tree as she tried to catch her breath. Eloise's head snapped sideways and was startled to see her husband there, she was quick to run away, suppressing the urge to giggle.

"My pretty wife, why must you run so?" Aemond's voice was dark and it sent shivers down Eloise's spine as she struggled to stay ahead. She was tired of running but did not want to stop.

Aemond watched her for a little longer before deciding to end this thrilling game of theirs. His pace sped up and he gently gripped her arms and pushed her up against the tree as he caught her. "I found you, my pretty eloise."

"You found me." Eloise smiled up at him even as she panted and tried to catch her breath. "I knew you would." Her trembling hand reached for him and aemond grasped it as he pressed it against his face.

"Hmmm, let's see about my prize, yeah?" Aemond murmured as he pulled her closer, his hands bunching her skirt up around her waist which eloise quickly grabbed as aemond pressed kisses to her shoulder and neck.

"Jump." Aemond murmured to her softly as he gripped her thighs and she did as he commanded. Aemond held her to him as he backed them up to the tree.

Aemond looked down to start removing her small clothes only to see she was bare. His amusement increased as she turned red, "What a naughty pet, you wanted me to catch you, didn't you?"

"That's not!" Eloise protested in embarrassment, her cheek bright red before she turned her face away from him.

"Ah, Ah." He reprimanded her as he turned her face to his. "Don't be embarrassed, my love. I think it's cute."

"Aemond." Eloise whined, reaching down to tug at the laces of his breeches. "I need you now. Please don't keep my waiting."

Aemond heaved out a fake sigh. "Haah, my spoiled little wife." He let her unlace his breeches and pull out his hardened cock regardless.

Eloise's mouth opened slightly as her husband's cock pulsed in her hands as she pressed it up against her entrance with anticipation. "Oh, Yeshhh!" Eloise's voice started to slur as aemond pressed himself inside of his wife's pretty cunt slowly.

"Don't tell me my wife is already cockdrunk?" Aemond teased her as he bottomed out fully with one thrust. "Did i tire you out too much."

Eloise didn't reply as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Please, please my husband. Please don't be nice." Eloise begged, honeyed words falling from her lips.

Aemond couldn't help it as his self control snapped and he pulled back only to thrust forward with a harsh snap. "Yeah, you want me to stop being nice? You want me to take out here in godswood against a tree with no one but the gods to witness our union?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Oh gods!" Eloise sobbed as she peered up at the sky, her head hitting the tree gently.

"It's not the gods giving you pleasure, wife. It is your husband, so call out my name instead." Aemond growled as his cock jackhammered inside of his wife's clenching cunt.

A mantra of his name left Eloise's tongue as her brain hazed over from the pleasure.

"You really are the sweetest thing aren't you? Be sure to take all of my cum, so that I might give you the most wonderful gift of all. A symbol of our love, a baby."

#hotd smut #eloise baratheon

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audioaujom · 4 months

Text

4: He's Got a Dream!

CHTangled Hub, <prev, next>

Hi! I’m impressed I managed to finish this on time since I spent the last week both on vacation and working on another fic, and all day today moping about and playing Stardew instead of working. Anyway, here’s what I got done! Enjoy!

Word Count: 2657

“Hey, what’s that?” Zac grabbed a rather annoyed Emily by the arm, breaking off a long ramble he'd been on about the softness of grass that had really worn down the thief's patience. Not to mention that the chameleon—Lou, Zac insisted—seemed to be following along better than her.

“Oh, that’s… nothing important.” Emily squinted her eyes at the sign for the tavern, recognizing it with a grimace. She switched up her grip so now she was holding onto Zac, starting to pull him back towards the woods. “Hey, didn’t you want to see those lanterns? We shouldn't be late!”

“‘The Snuggly Duckling’?” Zac read off slowly, surprisingly strong as Emily couldn't pull hard enough to actually budge him. “I love ducklings!”

In an instant, Emily changed her mind.

“...we can go in, if you’d like.” She let go, smiling hopefully sweet enough that Zac wouldn’t question her abrupt change. Knowing the kind of people that frequented that tavern, Zac would last all of thirty seconds before he’d be running off home and she’d be home free.

“Really?” Zac brightened up so much she felt a twinge of guilt. “I can go in?”

She frowned. There was only so much of this she could take in a day. “You don’t need my permission.”

“Yay!” Zac took off jogging for the front door, Emily racing to keep up. This could be risky, but if it got her as far away from whatever Zac’s situation was it was a risk worth taking.

Zac, on the other hand, was thrilled.

A real tavern? With real people? Emily wasn't scary at all, and if she wasn't scary then Brennan was wrong since he’d said all people were scary, so maybe the people in here would be nice, too.

That thought died in the same instant it formed as Zac slammed open the tavern door, the entire crowd of people inside all stopping their chatter at the same time to turn and stare at him—not to mention Lou on his shoulder.

The room looked exactly the way it always had in Zac’s nightmares.

Every patron was armed to the teeth, with swords and axes rusted with what Zac assumed to be blood littered on the floor and tables and with heavy helmets and armor spiked and chipped with use. Everyone shot nasty glares at the open door and two intruders, all with rather scary looking faces.

“Well, whaddaya think?” Emily grinned as she grabbed Zac’s shaking shoulders, free arm out wide to be mindful of Lou. “Is it everything you'd hoped it’d be?”

“What is this place?” Zac stood frozen with Emily draped over him, mouth agape as he stared around in unmasked horror.

“Just a normal tavern full of normal people.” Emily lied smoothly, anxious to leave as she felt every eye in the room scrutinizing them both. “Say, if you think these people are scary, you should see what else is out there!”

Zac paled. “He… was right?”

Emily felt another twinge of guilt, but told herself she was in too deep to back out now. She used her arm to gently guide Zac back towards the door, still smiling. “I guess so! Let's get you back home then, yeah?”

The two stopped in the doorway as one of the patrons threw an arm out in front of them, using his other one to point at a nearby ‘Wanted’ poster with a half-way decent drawing of Emily's face on it. In her humble opinion, they never quite managed to capture her true beauty, but they tried.

“This you?” He asked, voice deep and gravelly as Emily did her best to try and duck her and Zac under his arm and get outside.

“As much as I'd love to say I look as dashing and beautiful as that fair lady, I—”

She was cut off by another person getting up and grabbing her by the shoulders, taking one good look at the poster and her face before yanking her away from the door. “Yeah, it's her.”

“Hey! Wait!” Zac reached out to stop them but was a moment too late, his protest drowned out in bickering that quickly started up among the crowd.

“Greno, go get the guards.” Someone in the back bellowed, before pushing to the front of the crowd as someone by the door turned and ran out. He grabbed Emily by the front of her shirt with one hand, brandishing his other—that had been replaced by a ruggedly sharp hook—by placing it up against her throat. “Your reward will buy me a brand new hook.”

“Hey, why should you get the reward?” The one who had identified her—a huge man in a fur coat—complained, smacking the man’s hook away and grabbing hold of her instead. “I saw her first!”

“Well, I'm broke, so I should get it!” A man in a huge metal helmet that covered his face and had horns sticking out of the top yanked her away from the previous guy, before she got whisked away again into the crowd with a half-panicked, “Can't we talk about this, fellas?”

Zac listened to their loud overlapping arguments about who would get the reward, trying to interject with a feeble shout of, “Give her back! I kind of need her!”

No one in the tavern paid him any mind, Zac watching Emily’s composure slip the further the argument progressed. She’d been cocky and… suave? Was that the word he was looking for? Maybe. But she’d been consistent since he met her in the tower, and seeing her shaken had him glancing around the deserted tables, fireplace, and bar for anything he could use to maybe help out. She’d gotten him this far, after all.

It was then he spotted the discarded frying pan near the cooking fire, lighting up with familiarity as he picked it up and tested its weight. He felt a sudden surge of confidence as he held the weapon in his hands, turning back to face the arguing mass of… thugs. These are thugs.

“Give me back my guide!” He demanded, pointing the pan at the thugs in the same way he’d done when playing knights with Lou, who perked up on his shoulder and pointed at the crowd as well. This still didn’t seem to phase the crowd, though, who settled down with Emily hidden in the middle. Zac looked at Lou, who nodded, rolling with this newfound attitude he had to step forward to hit the largest thug upside the head with the frying pan with an exasperated shout of, “What is wrong with you people?!”

He was unfazed by the entire tavern of stares this time, panting heavily as he held the frying pan out once again, Lou chittering in agreement from his shoulder.

“I need her to take me to see the lanterns, which has been this huge lifelong dream of mine and she is going to help me do it! Haven’t any of you crazy people ever had a dream?!”

One of the men arguing over Emily—the one with a hook for a hand—stepped forward first, glaring down at Zac before his gaze softened ever so slightly. “I… had a dream once.”

The energy in the room shifted as Zac and Lou stared up at him curiously, the former hesitantly asking, frying pan still outstretched, “...what was it? Your dream.”

“Would you believe me if I said I wanted to play piano?” Hook, as Zac dubbed him in his head, suddenly looked far smaller and less intimidating as he blushed awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck with his human hand. “This hook really does a bad thing for my image as a musician…”

“I bet your playing is lovely.” Zac smiled encouragingly, glancing over at the piano in the corner. Maybe these people weren’t so bad!

Hook followed his gaze, lighting up and running over to sit on the stool before he started to play an upbeat melody that had Zac bouncing on his feet excitedly. “You’re so good!”

“I have a dream, too!” A guy from the back piped up, running up to stand beside the piano as he placed one hand on his chest and dramatically declared, “I… want to fall in love!”

“Love? That’s so sweet!” Ecstatic, Zac jumped up onto a nearby table with a laugh as the crowd started chattering among themselves about being the next to speak up.

“I know I’m not the most attractive fellow, but… one day, wouldn’t it be nice to go out for a boat ride with someone who loves me?”

Zac had no idea what this guy was talking about, but maybe he hadn’t seen enough people yet to judge. What’s the big deal about a big nose and a lopsided smile? “That would be the best!”

“Tor, what about you?” The guy on stage turned to the audience, calling out to a guy who carried a shield that still had fresh arrows sticking out of it.

“I… like making flower arrangements much more than fighting.” Tor admitted, poking at the place setting of a nearby table that had a rather exquisite setting of skulls and flowers.

Emily, once again, was completely fucking dumbfounded.

Who exactly was Zac? With one simple question he turned this entire tavern of heartless looking mercenaries into a room full of potential friends, also drawing their attention away from turning her in. She blinked, then blinked again, staring up at the strange boy with a chameleon and a frying pan and found herself questioning her life choices. “What… is happening right now?”

“I’d love nothing more than to do interior design.” A fellow shyly spoke up from the middle of the pack, wandering over to a nearby wall and straightening the only piece of art hanging in the entire establishment. He then pointed into the crowd at someone else, declaring, “And I know Ulf likes to mime.”

The man he pointed out immediately put his hands up to mime an imaginary box, Zac riling the crowd up to cheer loudly, encouraging more admissions (and more cheering) from the assembled group.

“I like to bake!”

“Bruiser here knits!”

“Well, Killer sews!”

The room only briefly quieted as one particular guy moved to stand behind the piano that Hook was still playing at, one hand popping up into everyone’s view with a small, felt dragon covering it.

“...I like to do little puppet shows.” He said quietly, before the crowd went wild again. “It’s nothing serious…”

Emily looked between everyone’s wide smiles, more confused by the second. “Seriously, what the hell is going on?”

“Vladimir collects ceramic unicorns.” Hook called out from the piano, to more excited yells as the dude Zac had hit with a frying pan—and the one in the largest fur coat—held up the tiniest, most delicate pieces of craftsmanship anyone in that room had seen with a smile of pure childish wonder.

“Seriously?”

“You’ve done nothing but complain since we started talking.” Hook stopped playing, standing up from the piano and approaching Emily with a renewed menacing stare. “Do you have a dream?”

Emily thought for a long moment, slowly growing more uncomfortable as the crowd silently waited on her. “...live alone on a secluded isle with enough money to retire?”

Several of the thugs booed.

“She sucks, but if it helps you out at all you can keep her.” Hook commented casually as he turned back to Zac on the table, who let out a loud, “Hooray!” that led to another round of cheering from the crowd that only cut off when the door slammed open.

“I brought the guards!” The guy who ran out earlier, Greno, reappeared, out of breath and with a proud smile.

Everyone turned to look at each other.

Well, shit.

Emily didn’t say anything before she grabbed Zac by the arm and pulled him around behind the bar and ducked them both down out of sight, Lou hissing angrily at her but getting the message to be silent as a host of royal guards burst into the tavern.

“Where’s Axford?” One of them shouted, getting stopped by the entire crowd who kept all of the guards from getting more than a few steps inside no matter how hard they shoved. “Where is she?!”

Emily stole one glance over the counter to see if she could find a way for them to get out through the front door, only to see the brothers she’d left behind trailing along with the guards, in custody.

Well, double shit. They were so fucked—

A hook lightly tapped her on the shoulder, her turning to look at Hook. He gestured with his head for her and Zac to follow him, the three scooting across the floor as quietly as they could while the other thugs distracted the guards. Hook reached up and pulled on one of the taps at the bar that opened a small wooden door on the far back wall.

“Go, live your dream.” Hook smiled at the two of them and motioned into the passage, keeping his voice down.

“Thanks, I will.” Emily sighed in relief.

“Not you. Your dream stinks.” Hook frowned, thumbing over at Zac. “I was talking to him.”

Zac grinned and followed a dejected Emily into the tunnel, keeping a tight grip on his frying pan. He had a sinking suspicion he was going to need it if he continued traveling with Emily. Lou agreed.

Hook stood up after the trapdoor closed and snuck out from behind the bar, just as a new, late-arriving knight barreled through the door and into the tavern.

“Where is she?!” Brown quiff wildly destroyed from all of his running and falling into his eyes as he stood with his sword out, he surveyed the room with expertly sharp eyes and a heaved breath. “I know she’s here!”

“Sir Murphy, we’ve already looked everywhere!” Another knight spoke up, nervous, earning a glare for his comment.

“If you haven’t found her, you haven’t looked everywhere.” Murph wasn’t going to stand for losing her again, after her trail went cold in the woods. If he let this lead go cold too, he could lose her for good and there was no way he could let her get away with that. His gaze finally landed on the duck-shaped tap at the end of the bar, spotting a tiny matching decal on the wall behind it. He strode over to it and pushed on it, opening up the secret passage on the back wall with a triumphant—and maybe a little manic, “Ah-ha!”

“A passage!” The guard seemingly in charge called out, Murph already vaulting over the bar and disappearing inside. The rest of the knights were quick to follow, leaving one behind with the brothers to keep an eye on them. “Conli! Make sure those two don’t escape!”

Once the door to the passage shut, the knight in charge of looking after things was punched hard in the head and had his weapon stolen, the rest of the thugs in the bar anxiously hearing them plot to go after the guards—and Emily, and by extension Zac.

One particularly drunk patron in the form of a short old man stumbled outside instead of listening to them, running into a hooded figure who seemed to be watching the commotion through the only window on the front of the building.

“Oh… we have another visitor today!” He hiccuped a little, laughing to himself and absentmindedly humming the tune Hook was playing on the piano. “We must be popular!”

“Haha, yeah.” Brennan laughed politely, thoroughly unamused as he pushed back his hood.

He left Zac alone for one day, and he’d already caused this much chaos? If he wanted to see the outside so badly, fine. He’d play along.

Drawing a dagger he always kept on hand for emergencies, he aimed it at the drunk man’s throat as he demanded, “Where does that tunnel let out?”

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celebrity-conductor-asks · 2 years

Note

If yall are comfortable answering, do you have any scars?

🛡️: Hm… I do know that my brother and I have a few. Like… about two to five or so. But-

⚔️: They’re not big scars where it required stitches, or scars that have a tragic tale behind it. Only ones that tell a short, silly story.

🔽: Hm… Give us an example then.

⚔️: As in, tell the stories behind them? I don’t know-

🔽: Well, at least one-

⚔️: Very well. Hm… I recall as children, we used to play outside quite a bit. This is apparent because… Well, do you recall the story of my brother encountering his Bronzor for the first time?

🔼: Yeah? What about it?

🛡️: I… said I fell through some cave and… I managed to get two scars from that. One on my… left side of my back from the impact of the fall because there was a rock that scratched me deeply in that area.

🔽: And the other?

🛡️: On my right lower knee. I was running, and I accidentally scraped my lower knee with another rock.

⚡: … Rocks man.

🔽: … I guess rocks don’t like you.

🔼: Hm. And what about you?

⚔️: Me? Uh… I have one in my left arm, another one on my right shoulder and… two on my leg.

🔽: oooooooo talk about the shoulder one-

⚔️: … Out of every other option, you had to pick the one I’m ashamed of.

🔼: … Well, you gave us the option.

⚡: Well, how about your arm?

⚔️: Well… Like I mentioned, as children we used to go outside, correct? My brother and I were playing with swords and shields a lot. Now, these swords weren’t sharp… but we TRIED to make them sharp… for whatever reason. Anyway, I recall at some point my brother accidentally scratching my left arm with one of those swords we used to play with, and it was a deep cut. I honestly thought it was a simple scratch, but it turned into a scar. And I recalled my brother panicking when all this happened.

🛡️: Of course I was! Do you expect me to not care? Or to hurt you INTENTIONALLY?

⚔️: No, I know you didn’t mean it. It’s honestly okay. Everyone has scars at some point.

⚔️: Hm… so what’s your stories? Or what amount of scars do you people have?

🛡️: H-hey! I told two stories! You have to do the same!

🔽: Not really, you kinda told us two stories on your own accord. So you messed up.

🛡️: HOW IS THAT FAIR-

⚔️: … So?

🔼: … Oh! Well, I do have a few scars. Although… there’s many that I don’t recall the stories of. But to conclude a few, I assume they were from Hisui. Where Pokemons attack anything that moves.

🛡️: Uh… I think Pokemons always did that. Even nowadays.

🔼: Well, yes, but in Hisui it’s BAD. I have a lot of scratches, burns, bites, and more marks on my body. So again, I can't tell you specifics, but that’s what I got…

🔽: … Same story for me. I remember nothing about the stories behind my scar. While I do have some scars around my body as well, I know nothing.. Well… maybe besides one.

⚡: … Which one is that?

🔽: Uh… I was like, a teenager when it happened. I remember it happened on a Friday in March, when school was done for the day and Spring Break was about to start. While running back home, I accidentally tripped over a rock. Which caused three things around my left ankle area; a small scar, a bruise, and a crack bone so I had to walk with crutches for a bit.

🛡️: Oh… I’m so sorry.

🔽: Eh. It’s fine. Yeah, it sucked, but it was something.

🔼: Hm… I know that Lady Sneasler has a scar around her right eye area.

🛡️: h u h ?

🔼: Yeah, I think she tried to tell me the story. Which was… when she was a Sneasel, she was running around and accidentally tripped and fell on a rock. It ALMOST hit and damaged her right eye, but luckily that didn’t happen. Instead, it hit the near EDGES of her right eye. So she was lucky that day.

🔼: Of course, the scar is hidden in her fur. But it’s still there.

🛡️: Hm… A lot of rock incidents regarding our scars.

🔼: Rocks are scary.

🛡️: I guess so.

🔽: … Woman didn’t get her turn yet.

🛡️: Oh yeah. That’s right.

⚡: Hm… Well, I do have about… three or four small scars. This one time I accidentally dropped my hair straightener, and it burned the side of my waist a bit. And it kinda left a faint scar, it might be hard to notice at first glance, but if you look hard enough, you'll probably see it.

🔽: Omg, the first person to not get a rock scar incident.

⚔️: Boo.

⚡: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT??? SORDWARD AND INGO DIDN’T HAVE A STORY THAT WAS RELATED TO A ROCK-

#pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon black and white #ask #shielbert #sordward #emmet #kudari #ingo #nobori #subway bosses #subway masters #elesa #kamitsure

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giorno-plays-piano · 2 years

Text

Remain Nameless

Part III

Pairing: swordsman!Bucky Barnes x mage!reader

Warnings: darkfic, stalking, descriptive violence, gore, near-death experience, possible noncon/dubcon in the future (but I swear it’s not as scary as it sounds)

Words: 2.7k

Summary: You could give up literally anything just to see this war-crazed psycho getting hurt, but, perhaps, he isn’t crazy as you think, and you aren’t the sort of person who enjoys others’ pain.

Part I

Part II

__________

It's always late when you crawl out of the hospital into the dormitory just next to it, rubbing your neck tiredly. You are so hungry you feel you could eat a whole sheep in one bite, but you have no strength to cook whatsoever. Maybe some of your neighbors won't mind to share something, you hope.

"You look like you came back from the dead," Shuri, a young talented blacksmith tells you when you land on the wooden bench in a common kitchen. "I have some pie leftovers. Wanna have a piece?"

"Bless you, cutie," you put your head on the table, growling from the ache spreading throughout your overworked body. "It's a pity I can't marry a pretty young lady who will cook for me every day."

She raises a brow at you, "Can't you, actually? You just don't seem to want it. But why don't you find yourself a nice guy who will cook for you just the same, mm?"

You stiffle a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, right."

Truth be told, your marriage prospects were pretty much nonexistent at this point.

When Shuri sets plats on the table, you listen to her sweet chatting about the new set of swords the magistrate commissioned her to make - she is so passionate about what she does - and a new magic stones mine opened nearby, and then the girl announces proudly she has finally finished working on metal prosthetics. She tells you something about them being light and much more comfortable to use comparing to the wooden ones, and for a second you think back to Barnes' missing arm and wonder if a new metal prosthetic would make his life easier.

Maybe, but over your dead fucking body. A man who nearly turned you into a cripple does not deserve a prosthetic. You would very much prefer to see him struggling to use his sword, but the bastard will surely find a way to fight just as easily with one hand as he did with two.

Shuri's cheese pies are always good, but you cannot really feel the taste with thoughts of James filling your head. You hate him. Oh God, you hate him so much this feeling takes all the space in your chest, and it starts to hurt all over again. But the worst thing is that you do not feel happy about him being injured. It does not make you even the slightest bit satisfied when it should. Why are you not happy? He deserves it. He only lost a left arm when Tony Stark died out there. You should be extatic Barnes is hurt.

But you are not. His injury does not make anything easier for you. And God, you are repulsed something in you tells you to bring him a prosthesis, but this irritating voice only sounds louder and louder in your head.

Why should you do it? Regardless of whether Barnes really slayed Hydra or not, he does not deserve your help. Hell, he did not say he was sorry even when he remembered it was you. Why should you be kind to him?

Because you are a good person, the voice inside your head says. Because regardless of how much of a monster James Barnes is, you are not the same. This is why you are better. This is the reason you are in the right and he is in the wrong.

"Do you have any finished samples?" You ask Shuri, hating yourself so much this very moment.

___________

You cannot thank her enough when Shuri agrees to deliver the perfectly crafted metal prosthesis to the hospital early in the morning by herself because you better risk fighting a grifon on your own than let Barnes know it was you who helped him. If you are being entirely honest with yourself, you do not feel even the slightest bit of satisfaction from doing this. Barnes is a bastard, and it would do him good to finally feel what it is like to lose a limb. But you still instruct Shuri what to say when delivering the prosthesis before leaving for the hospital yourself.

Luckily, you do no run into the man again during the day, and going through the very same routine helps to ease your nerves as you cast spells over and over again until you finally land on the sofa in the doctor's lounge, Lu already waiting for you with a cup of herbal tea.

"If I see one more asshole asking for lamia's poison antidote, I swear I will curse them to go bald," she grumbled, visibly tired, stretching her legs with a grunt.

That forces a laugh out of you: the magistrate forbade anyone to visit the caves where a large lamia tribe resided, but some mercenaries still think they could try their luck. It backfires most of the time, of course, and today is one of those days where you have to cure lilac-skinned people slowly turning to stone.

"I wonder when we are going to catch a break," you sigh, and Lu looks up to you, suprised.

"Haven't you heard? Since our saviour Barnes managed to kill Hydra, we have just two weeks left until they'll let most of us go. That is, unless you are really inclined to stay in this hole," she wiggles her dark bushy eyebrows, and you can't help but giggle.

Well, you thought it was gonna happen soon, anyway. You certainly have no plans to settle down in this godforsaken town, but the thought of moving somewhere in just two weeks unnerves you, nonetheless.

Perhaps it is not a bad thing. You need a break. You spent so much time pouring whatever you have into healing spells you have nearly forgotten what it is like to have a social life. Aside from Lu, you don't really speak to anyone, unless it is job-related. You don't remember when was the last time you bought yourself a new dress or visited a tea-shop. Hell, the last time you danced was probably when your grandmother hosted a ball once you turned 20 years of age, and it seemed like a lifetime ago.

You rub your stiff neck, "Maybe I will visit my grandmother. She keeps sending me letters she wants to see me."

"Heartless creature. When was the last time you saw her?"

You snort at Lu's remark. It must have been a couple of years at the least, and you should have really visited your grandma sooner. Well, maybe now was the perfect time to do it untill you decide where you are going next. You know the old woman will try to marry you off again, but you doubt she will have much luck: she never does with this, really. Most aristocratic families she is aiming for prefer noble daugthers who sew and sing and paint, not mages who can curse their husbands with a second nose or donkey's ears if they cheat.

"You coming back to your family in the capital?" You ask, hoping to exchange letters with the woman you grew close to over the last couple of months.

"Yeah. I'm thinking of replacing my good-for-nothing brother as the next family head. Imagine, his wife wrote to me not so long ago to help her kick him out of the mansion." Lu smirks, and you both start laughing: her brother married a woman who could make iron bend with her glare, and with her support Lu had a good chance to become the matriarch of the family. Her throwing her pompous older brother out of his house would be a sight to behold.

You quietly admit you will miss her and sigh again, rubbing your temples tiredly. Maybe your next destination after your grandmother's mansion should be the capital.

____________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @melodierin @yeolliedokai @what-is-your-wish @lou-la-lou @mansaaay @ilovetaquitosmmmm

#bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky barnes #bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier #yandere #mcu #mcu fanfiction

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koolkat9 · 2 years

Note

Maybe a drabble in which colony America is kidnapped by pirate England’s enemies and he has to save him?

Bonus points if it includes Alfred getting hurt

Oooh okay!

Two Faced Snake

Rating: T

Relationship: England + America

Word Count:

Author’s Note: Minor description of injury/gore. Child injury. Uhhh...Antonio is the bad guy. Some people may not like that. Alcohol (which is why Antonio is cruel because I read he’s like a scary drunk or something)

“Where is he?” Arthur growled as he looked around at the men shaking in front of him. He couldn’t blame them, he had just slashed through half their crew.

“Oh Inglaterra, Always so violent,” a sickly sweet voice called from behind the crowd. Antonio emerged from his men, his chestnut hair tied back in a fiery red ribbon that matched his flowing coat. He looked at him with a deranged kind of glee. The scent of alcohol swirled around him making Arthur scrunch up his nose.

The thing about Antonio was that he was a pain to deal with when sober, but he was a nightmare when booze got involved. Arthur hardened his glare. Show no weakness, get in and out, and finish the job.

“I thought we agreed to leave the children out of this,” Arthur spat.

“Mmm...You agreed to keep them out of it. I did not.”

Arthur wanted to run his sword through that back-stabbing asshole’s chest, but he couldn’t. He had to get the right opening, or else it wouldn’t end well for him. He took a deep breath. “Where is he?”

“Sleeping.”

Arthur’s blood ran cold, mind jumping to the worst case. He tried to remain stone-faced, but if anything had happened to that little boy...

Antonio cackled wickedly. “Oh Arthur, don’t worry. He’s not asleep like that...At least not yet.”

Before Arthur could react, Antonio snapped his fingers, and one of the men came forward holding the limp, beaten body of Alfred.

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” Antonio sighed with fake pity, “But he put up such a fight I had to do something. He's a lively one. Just like daddy." But Arthur wasn't listening. He was too busy staring in horror at his child's bruises, the cut on his forehead, how lifeless he looked. He gripped the hilt of his sword, the voice of Antonio echoing in his ear. Something in him snapped.

It was a blur of clashing swords, shadowy figures surrounding him, and screams, but in the end, Antonio lay unmoving on the floor, and the last remnants of his crew were slowly backing away. "Give him to me," Arthur snarled. The man holding Alfred shook, frozen in fear. "GIVE HIM TO ME!"

The man shoved Alfred towards Arthur before scurrying away. Arthur took the boy in his arms, his demeanor immediately softening. But now wasn't the time to get emotional, he needed to get himself and Alfred back to the safety of his ship.

Lady Luck was on his side, and his ship came into view just as he made it to the side of Anotnio's. "Just hang on love," Arthur whispered, securing Alfred in one arm, "We're going to get you taken care of in just a moment."

---

When Alfred came to, he found himself in a familiar bed; Arthur's bed on his ship. Everything ached when he tried to get up and look around. A hand came to his chest and gently pushed him back down, mindful of his injuries. "Shh shh sh," a soothing voice hushed, "You still need a bit more rest."

"Arthur?" Alfred rasped.

"Yes, I'm right here lad."

Alfred felt his eyes burn with tears. If anyone asked he would say it was his injuries and not the gnawing guilt in his stomach. Arthur had told him he couldn't come; that a pirate ship was no place for a little boy, nation or not. "I-I'm sorry...You were right," he sobbed.

Arthur pulled Alfred into his lap, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Well...You're safe now, and we're on our way home. That's what matters."

Alfred nodded, burying his face in Arthur's shirt, a tight grip on the fabric. He could hear his guardian's rapid heartbeat. He had scared him, hadn't he? Alfred couldn't bring himself to mention it though, and only let out another muffled apology.

"It's okay now," Arthur assured him as he began rocking him back and forth. "It's alright. You should be healed up by tomorrow."

After a moment of silence and calming himself down, Alfred piped up again. "I'm hungry."

Arthur let out a laugh. "Well, then you're well on your way to recovery. I'll make sure the cook makes all your favorites. Maybe we even have some sugar laying around for a sweet treat."

"Really?"

"We'll see. But you have to rest."

"Okay."

Alfred rolled back onto the bed, and Arthur tucked him in. He placed a kiss on the boy's brow. "I'll be right back okay? Get some rest."

"Okay..." Alfred sighed, eyelids already feeling heavy again. "I love you, dad..."

The last thing Alfred heard was Arthur's distant voice. "I love you too my darling."

#hetalia #hws #atlantic bros #hws england #hws america #hws spain #fanfiction #hetalia fanfiction #hurt/comfort #pirates #dad england my beloved

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secretbangtnn · 3 years

Text

Love Lies | kth I

➤ summary : You never had it easy. From the first day of your life it seemed like fate was a big joke, making every effort to make you feel miserable. Shortly after taking the first step into adulthood, you are convinced that childhood doom follows you like a shadow. On the verge of being broke without any help, you take your friends advice and try your hand in industry you have no idea about.

➤ genre : CEO! au, prostitution but not really au, strangers to enemies to lovers, Smut, fluff, angst

➤ pairing : Taehyung x reader ft. Jimin (This chapter Jimin x reader)

➤ ratings : 18+ NSFW

➤words : 10k

➤ warnings : swearing, prostitution, sex for money, mentions of mental health, toxic household, mentions of violence, explicit sexual content, mxm, fxm, family problems, dishearitance, toxic relationship, Taehyung is bad at feelings, reader is lost, soft boy jimin, sexy hot taehyung (couse that will need a warning) - more to be added

notes ~

I finally did it! I'm so sorry for the wait and how the chapter came out - it's a little more messy than I predicted but i wanted to give you something before the big story. I promise the next chapter is going to start with the big action and main plot and finally with Taehyung. I really hope for some feedback, I worked hard for it to be done before the next week and even though it may seem boring i really hope it’s okay.

taglist:

@jinssexytoe @danyxthirstae01 @alwaysasadaesthetic @luvmingyu @chimincubus @minshookie29

Underneath the sunrise

Show me where your love lies

Relationships that are based on lies never last long and everyone who found themselves in artificial feelings, knows of the truth of those words. Although that sweet sinful lie sometimes replaces that thing we could have never got.

You never thought about yourself as someone low, at least not that low to kneel to beg of something so materialistic like money.

You respected yourself at the same time being sure that you would fight everything alone. Just like a good fighter - you didn't need a good sword in a big war. Even once in your whole life you wouldn't have thought of stepping that low to actually work as a cleaner in old school or supermarket lady, that couldn't even use the calculator right.

How ironic, we love when inevitable doom falls on people that did not deserve it.

You were taught from the beginning, how to live, what to do, how to look, and the most important who to listen to. It's so weird when we find a character that's not extremely bad or good, not the shy mouse of the school, also not the hot rebellious cool girl with too big ego, and mouth so unbelievable that you actually start to think if you have ever met someone without such basic manners.

Fact is that you are bland, your life never yours to live, as someone recorded it with a script in their hands, and a plan for an ending and second part. It was frustrating knowing how many people never cared about you, however you could not say that you indeed did too.

Lessons were taught, those made you somehow resistant to disappointments in life. First happening in early stage, not even first year of your high school, people started to know - know about this and that, about family of yours and how privileged they would be if they had you on their side.

But you did not have a problem with it, mindset so set that you liked to think about money as a guarantee of friendship. And with this thought you let the first people use you, not minding their motive of only getting part of your prosperity.

So you believed to those days that your childhood indeed was normal.

You never tried to run from your life, you never saw yourself as a hormonal teenager in need of attention.

In the end only those who were born in respecting families, where work and pride is placed higher than blood ties, knows how upringbing really looks in such a household. Your standart always high, doing that to not need to put it higher again.

Parents instilling you dreams that were not yours, making you believe in something they always wanted. Like it was written, your whole life does not belong to you, and realization over it came in the moment when it was a little too late. Happy smiles never real, friends you swore would not leave you, disappeared within a night.

However let’s not impose that your parents were monsters, killing you on the inside with their cold demeanor or making your life miserable.

The first problem began when you had enough, when a virus in your mind told you about your own desires.

You remember this day like it was yesterday. Invisible mark on your check is still pulsating, with a wound much deeper inside screaming at you that it is still not healed.

“I want to study medicine.” Those were the exact words you first told your mother, freezing her in place and scarring inside with the power and destruction they held. She did not hold back with ignoring you, acting like the sentence was a mere passing wind, just fluffing hair in a not nice type of way. You expected that, nothing new from a shell of a person your mother has become, money and power empowering her mind, probably killing the young woman you are now, in her.

So the first step of actually making a point of how you processed to cut your family ties, were with your mother, kind of preparing you for what has to come.

Dark room, with marble accents and a woody smell that came straight to your nostrils. Mahogany desk, big enough to contain tons of papers scattered over it like some kind of nto important rubbish. You however knew better, and those innocent stock of inked pages held more value than maybe you yourself.

It was so hard to breathe in this tiny space, now feeling ever more closed up, dark and not welcoming. You tried to believe that the reason for it was not really a man sitting just before you, not minding your presence in a slighlets, but a stress and emotions on your back, you were trying to bear by yourself.

“I’m busy.” Short answer, not even directed to you - not that the man ever looked at you with those dark eyes. Predictable, exactly like you guessed. Cold feeling with a hot flush over your cheek, not knowing where the previous patience had gone.

Maybe you finally had enough. You were too tired to try to understand.

“Dad, please listen to me.” Ice cold bucket over your head, a void eyes now on you, not really expecting them to stay on you for so long, or even look up. Pupils a little blow out, stirring the dark color pallet of his eyes, similar to the tone of the bags under them. What a wrack of a man he really was, lanky hands under the suit, scribbling over something not even a minute ago, now lying lifelessly on a brownish desk.

“You really couldn't find better time for your whining? Go on, I still have a lot of work to do before I need to actually go.” Unconcern, you could even feel the unitresment oozing from him, hitting you with those eyes. They were looking at you, but at the same time it felt like they never were there. Black holes, no feelings found, gaze scary for those who never met someone so indifferent.

“I dropped out.”

“What?” Words came after some silence, piercing straight your beating heart. Hands in fist, just beside your thighs, so white that it could even be a little concerning for those looking from the side. You were nervous, even after you told yourself that this conversation was not going to be easy. Smooth information that it should be, your own life choices never discussed so openly.

“I dropped out of college”

Not a breath was heard, a heavy hand landed on the desk with a smack, knocking in the process some of the scattered pens.

“You did what?” Too calm, his voice was too calm for such information. Nerve wracking feeling once again welcomed you inside, making you take one step back. Soft material of the shirt creased under your hard grip. “It’s not the time for such a jokes Y/n”

“I’m not joking dad, I took the papers yesterday. I'm tired of wasting my time on something I never wanted.”

“Oh? But are you really? What are you going to do then? I'm getting really curious” Tone momocking you in every kind of way. You clench your teeth, an annoyed expression came over your face, just to disappear within one glance of the man.

Questions were rhetorical, laughing at your whole being in the cruelest manner. He knew about your every vulnerability, molding your persona from the beginning. So it must have been funny for him, seeing a little girl, someone he treated not entirely equally, however putting some kind of hope and dreams he himself could not reach, standing before him like a scared puppy asking for a treat.

“You yourself know the best how important those studies are for you. You prepared your whole life to go there and take my place one time, so don’t joke about it like it’s some kind of dish you are bored of eating.”

“You forced me to do it! I never wanted to take your place, study the stupid law.”

“And you decided that this is the time to suddenly realize that? Y/n from the beginning, we always gave you what you wanted, fulfilling your every wish, buying everything you wanted, and even after that you can’t be grateful. We only asked you for one thing, one thing Y/n, there is not such a thing like your dreams, there is only our family.” You wanted to laugh, those stupid exucess, only making you annoyed and wroked up. Manipulating you into believing you were selfish, that you are the problem, and you owe them right to living.

“Don’t be ridiculous father, you are not in the place to talk about family or do I need to remind you of Na-”

You heard it before you felt it. Burning feeling right in your left cheek, head on the side from the harash contact it made with the ringed hand. It was not the first time you saw or experienced such an act. Father being the man that loved to lose his temper rather fastly, hiding on the outside behind the calm demeanor and innocent smile.

Blood on your tongue, the metallic taste in your mouth like a forbidden flower you just tasted.

“You really want me to get mad today hm? “ You really wanted to nod, looking straight at him from your hair that fell after the slap. Hand on the cheek, trying to stop the pulsating ache to echo so much, however you know the best that the hot feeling is only building up and it's the only matter of time till the beautiful tones of purple show on your soft skin.

His own hands now begin viped over the handkerchief, a little blood over the white fabric, likely from the little scratches the rings were able to make.

His back to you as he went back behind the dark desk, sitting on his chair like nothing happened. And you knew, secretly that it was the end, that the conversation was done and nothing else could be said.

You closed your eyes, not even noticing you did it, realizing it after the first salty tear fell to your mouth, giving you a taste of sorrow. Head down, not in shame but in anger, with a pulsating cheek not letting you forget about the consequences your every word bears, you turned around going to the door that before somehow gave you so much hope.

“Oh and Y/n, there is no you without this family, but there is family without you. It won’t be the first time when I lose a child.”

Those exact words hunted you till this day. Rather heavy feeling, three years not long enough to make you forget, or let you accept a new life.

Loud noise of passing cars just outside the dirty window with a pounding of heart echoing in your ears. It was one of those bad days - you liked to say, those however started happening a lot of more. Breaking was never something you wanted to do, working so many jobs you could not count on your fingers, living in shitty apartments for no longer than two months just to end up on someone's couch.

That is the life you chose, the life you barely lived, everyday wishing for a miracle.

Harsh paper under your fingers, weighting your hand weirdly down - maybe it was the words that made the letter so heavy, maybe the truth you needed to face. Fact is that you do not know what to do, trying for the last months to make a living for yourself, get better pay and settle down for a longer time.

Words of your father echoing once again, making your eyes squish with the feeling. It was so hard to accept a defeat, something that you worked so hard for and for so long. You could not beg, you could not go on your knees again, and even if it was an option, imagines and memories of life in such a household keep you in the place you are now.

Head resting under your arms, shielding bright rays of sun from your eyes, long locks falling down in waves just over your pale face. You pulled them with a strength you did not know you possessed at the moment, as if it was because of them you needed to deal with all of this.

“Think Y/n, think” Mutters fell from your mouth like a mantra, supposed to make you cheer up a little. Void in your head, not ending emptiness that scares you as much as the strings of unpaid numbers on this goddamn paper.

An late hour struck on the side clock, hanging on one of the grey walls of the run down apartment you lived in. Sight itself is depressing, leaving you in wonder if maybe it is not one of the reasons for your current mood.

Who you wanted to trick.

A little knock once again echoed in the quietness of your home, reminding you of the late hour. Looking from your thick locks of hair, you sighed seeing how little time you actually got to get there. With one move, you left the scrap of paper on the side, and stood up from the ugly green couch, taking in the process bag of the crookedly hanged hook.

Fast footstep as you nearly run over one of the olders ladies living in the same flat, trying to messily wrap an apron over your waist, which is not as easy as it seemed to be earlier. Bluish fabric holding on to you with all the power, hanging a little on the too long strings, that untied themselves with each step.

You tried not to think about all those stares, looking at you as you run past them, not minding where your feets go, or if you accidentally push someone on the side. Let people think what they want, it's not like your opinion matters, and being a disgrace to your whole family disappears.

Familiar neon letters came to your sight forming the greenish title of caffe you soon found yourself in. A little bell rang as the door opened informing everyone about your presence. Calm atmosphere, everyone was busy in their own word, you loved this, a quiet place which you often found yourself admiring.

You wished that working there was not such an obligation, the only thing that let you stay in your current apartament. Rosy cheeks, and cheeky smiles as people got their morning coffee, thanking you quietly for the drink with such a pure impression, that you could not hold back the smile you gave each one of them.

“I’m so sorry for being late, I hope you didn’t need to run too much.” You said between heavy breaths, still trying to catch remaining puffs of air, head tilted to the side, hands on knees as you looked at the little blonde behind the counter.

Said boy only laughed a little, shaking his head from the embarrassment after the statement. Ringed hands cleaning some cups, quiet melody living his plump lips.

“Am I suppose to feel offended? I’m not an old man you know.” He asks, knowing that the answer will never be given. Voice on the lighter side, something you would expect from such a soft looking boy, warm and sweet to listen, and you indeed do, always keeping quiet when the boy talked about his own day to fill the quietness of your workplace.

You knew the boy was one of the things that made you feel normal, with his bright persona and angelic personality, you liked to believe he was one. He did not ask, knowing some things should stay in the dark, and you repaid him the same, being fully aware of the boy's secrets.

“Not at all. Beside we all know that it's not about you, but about who will get in trouble from your whining - and yes, it would be me. “ You say, patting his back on the way to the other side. Confused gaze now on you, as you smirk at the questioning boy waiting for some kind of elaboration, only getting from you another cup to wipe.

“Should i remind you of a certain person, which came to me with a complaint of how his favorite boy was tired - what was his name? Oh yeah Yo-”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

You laughed at the squeaky voice that came in a form of fast spoken answer, a little too fast to understand every word completely. Pretty blush came over his round cheek, soon appearing on tips of his lears, hidden by mop of blonde hair.

Not a piece of judgment in your gaze, but rather sweet caring look over the embarrassed boy next to you, trying so hard not to look bothered by your everyday teasing, that he was slowly getting accustomed to, liking how your voice gets a little lighter, your eyes light up and a pure giggle leaves your mouth.

Yeah he definitely could live with it if it means he can see the sparkle pops out in the dark of your pupils.

Cup in his hands a little heavy with the next thought that came over him. Melody coming with the pleasant wind of the early monday morning, his eyes however discreetly gazing over your figure. He knew when the times were worse, when your collarbones stood out more, welcoming i'm from the collar of an old shirt, you probably needed to wash by hands, and he hated that even if he tried to explain it, not care so much, he simply could not stop the worry seeking of him.

You were a sweetheart, never judging him, understanding his reason even after he told you about the second job he needed to take. You simply smiled, wishing him all good, and getting excited about dreams that were not your own, laughing with him and talking about his future plans as if you had place in them.

Thanks were never enough to pay off all the hardship you helped with. He respected you, admired so many things about you, how you don’t need a reason to give an arm to cry on, always taking a piece of burden on your own shoulders, whispering promises and talking about a better future that comes with hardships.

“Don’t be so embarrassed~ “ You sing to his ear when you pass him, going over to the coffee machine, big bag of beans in your hands. “I dare to say I got a little jealous when I saw him for the first time.”

“Gosh I hate you sometimes.” He whines, throwing his head back, closing his eyes to remain calm. Smile now on your lips, little giggles leaving your busy persona, trying not to be too loud in such an early hour.

An enjoyable silence came over once again, only sounds of working machines and knocks of cups, that were cleaned and wiped, mind automatically getting fuzzy from the fresh brew of coffees and autumn wind. Not a person in a shop, being still a little too early to welcome customers or get a morning drink, subtle music playing a little louder at those times filling little breaks of silence.

So how surprising it was, when those little giggles tickled your own ears suddenly and strong arms, clothed in white shirt, sneaked around your waist, making you lose the focus on filling the cup with beans. Blonde hair over your cheek, stroking the soft skin with a funny feeling, only pushing you to squirt more.

“You know if you liked him so much, you could have just said. I would think of something.” He whispers mockingly, smacking his lips in the end. Shiver comes with his next move, hands on your hips, keeping them from stirring so much, hot and on the smaller side however still noticeably bigger than your own. “Sadly I do not share my clients.”

With those words, he quickly detaches himself, hitting your bum with a cheeky smile that you soon could see right before you as the boy grabs one of the fresh croissants, putting the whole thing into his mouth.

“It must be big for you to say that.” You laugh, looking at the choking boy with the same expression he was giving you not even a minute ago.

“That was totally inappropriate.” Says blonde, chugging a glass of water you gave him out of pity.

“Now, don’t play an innocent Jimin, I see how you look at that one girl that comes here every friday. Didn’t you even memorize her order - gosh i heard you repeating it so many times that I know it myself.”

“Okay, okay maybe you are right, but it doesn’t mean you can judge me.”

“Would I ever?” A dramatic sight from the boy's accusations leaves your lips, you touch your heart looking at him with the most hurt eyes you could manage to do, a little tear spins in your eye. Mouth full of baked goodie, he laughs showing a little of non eaten food, with a proud expression to it. Your own smile now noticeable on face, happy feeling over your whole being, loving how this short amount of time with the bubbly boy let you forget about some problems. You take one of the left rags of the counter and throw it at his face, hoping to get him to work. “Stop eating! We are opening soon and I don't want to listen to how the coffee machines should be ready before the first client, because someone didn’t want to move his ass.”

“Just say you don’t want to deal with that old raisin.”

Nobody did, but Jimin had some superpower you sadly did not possess, and could at least shut the old businessman that somehow always comes first. Coming back to an earlier job, you pour black beans in the measuring cup, trying not to let the weight of the bag swoop you.

Place once again in a nice atmosphere, Jimin singing somewhere in the back, probably preparing syrups and goodies, sorting eveyrything on the displae plate. You two fell in a pleasant rhythm, doing your jobs like robots, knowing where things should go, and how not to disturb each other in the middle of action.

And it was something you really enjoyed, that piece and order, making you feel secure at least in such a place. Like you had power over your own life, your hands did what you wanted, your mind clear with tasks to be done.

Peace.

You both knew that this place was a mere act in the theatre of lies, you played in. Cafe such like that one, a happy place for two broke students, that tried everything in their power to make a living, pursue dreams so far away, still hoping that they are not going to disappear with all the hardships.

You could just drown in this lie of beauty picture you painted yourself, pretending your lifes do not look as bad, and even though you did not know the boy so well, you could tell from his eyes that he indeed is a player in the same game as you.

The truth being you did not know each other, you were not close. You knew about his job, about his own problems - some of them left unsaid, but who could you judge when you acted exactly the same.

Understanding from each other was enough.

However the boy tried to help you, offering sum of money or better paid jobs in times when you were too tired to hide it, those although - he learned after some time, never were an option for you.

And so with the next passing wind, the first client came welcoming you with kind of a grumpy smile, wishing for you to just make him the coffee. It was as always, a busy morning on the first day of the week, that always seems a little more crowded than any other, with business men and middle aged women trying to get over their morning sickness as fast as possible.

You saw the girl you talked about some minutes ago, looking from her covering eyes bangs, squashed from pink beanie on her head, nevertheless still laid perfectly. A little wave, hand hid under the panda mittens she liked to wear every other day the temperature goes down.

You smiled at the interaction, the excited smile on Jimin's face he tried so hard to hide, not doing a good job with his nearly nonexistent eyes that disappeared just because of it. She was pretty, a student in a university you both go to, however you were not sure what exactly she was majoring in.

Her funky style makes you take a shot at something related to fashion, but that might be completely wrong and the girl could just like wearing such bright clothes.

“Love the mittens, they look nearly as cute as you.” You heard, looking back from your busy hands, to gaze at the flustered pair. Adorable giggle soon leaves her mouth, covering lips with the said gloves as her own eyes disappear from weirdly similar eyesmile.

Jimin was a sweetheart, someone who deserved a happy future. And so you did everything to make that happen, wishing him the best and trying to help him even if it means your own happiness goes on a second plan.

“I'm sorry but could I order.” Coming back to your own job, you look up immediately, catching the gaze of one of the clients you did not recognize.

“Oh yes of course, I'm sorry for the wait. What can I get you?”

----

A loud noise of a closing locker echoes in a quiet room in the back of the coffee shops. Night air chilling from the open window you opened some minutes ago, to get rid of a smell so many people.

The calm of the room soothing your buzzing nerves and shaking hands, that always seems to do it after a hard day of work. Your attention now somewhere else as you try to take off the blue apron, laying it somewhere on the lonely bench next to you.

It was a busy day, helping you forget about what waits for you at home, and what person will probably visit you in the meantime. You didn’t like those times, the quiet after such hard working hours, leaving you with anxious thoughts rotating around the same problems you tried so hard to run away from.

So you tried once again, silence your mind with your hands, taking every job you could, now wiping lockers that never needed to be wiped before. The same rug from before in your hands, sliding over an uneven surface.

“Y/n?” You jumped from the sudden voice, swearing that Jimin was in the other room just a second ago. Turning around, you try to look unbothered, clenching the old rug in your hands with such interest. A little noise comes from your mouth, hum to let him know you are aware of his presence.

“Everything alright?” He asks a little unsure of the question, looking at you from the other side of the room, close to the door connected to the main room.

“Yeah, why would there not be?

“You were cleaning the lockers like not even a minute ago.” He says without thinking. Voice somehow suspicious, full of hidden concern as his suspicions from before seem to be true. You were not alright, and Jimin knows exactly what it may be. “If you need hel-”

“I'm alright! I'm really alright there is no need to worry, I'm just stressed because med major is harder than I thought.” The sigh is enough to let you know that he is not buying it.

Hard steps as he comes closer, opening his own locker situated right next to you, eyes glazing back at you from his clothes is started to put back. Tight lipped smiles is the only thing you are capable of answering with, catching his dark stare for a second.

“Im worried, and I know what you want to say, but I can’t help it. You are always the one that takes my burden so why can I not do the same?” He closes the locker with too much strength, making you jump again from the loud noise.

“It’s different.”

“How is it different? You help me with everything, you let me cry, you let me crash at your apartment when my parents try to make a mess again, so what’s the problem with me?! You don’t even want to tell me what's wrong dammit.” His eyes glassy from all the emotions, hands in a fist as if he tried to hold himself back. He turned completely to you, cornering you to the lockers behind, not letting you leave this time.

“Is it because of my work? Are you ashamed to take dirty money from someone who can’t earn normally and needs to sell themself. Is it this?! Tell me Y/n, I’m tired of seeing you in such a state, you are my friend.”

“You know it’s not that.” You tried to argue catching his watery eyes.

“So tell me, tell what is going on.”

Your own mouth in agape, words lost somewhere in the back of your head. So many years going alone, keeping everything to yourself shows itself with such a hestation of saying easy words that could let you breathe easier at night.

But would they really?

Giving someone your own burden was something you were taught as a shame. Problems should stay in family, and even there your father always told you to fight them alone.

“I - “ Eyes hopeful, looking at you with new found desperation. Big and different from the ones he was giving the sweet girl with panda mittens, and that alone made you sick knowing that the sparkle left because of you. “I’m sorry Jimin I just can’t.”

And you broke. With the remaining energy you mustered, you fell onto Jimin, him nearly not catching you on time. First tears fell, with such a power, rolling down your cheeks, wetting the soft fabric of Jimin’s shirt. You did not know why, why now you decided to just let go, sobbing so much, hoping the boy will understand that you only need someone to hold you.

And he did, wrapping his arms so securely around, letting you hide the red face in a crock of his neck. Fresh smell of flowers and perfume he always wore with a noticeable hint of coffee, you probably possesed yourself. Quiet whispers of comfort, tickling your scalp a little, hands patting your hair with care, brushing them with such a delicacy, like he secretly knew how breakable you are now.

“It’s going to be okay.” Void promise, his lips close to you kissing your forehead, with shaky hands trying so hard to gather every tear that fell down. With a little move he sat on a bench, an apron which you earlier left there dropped on the floor, a quiet thud ran in the small room, you on his lap, trying so hard to become smaller nearly molding in the bigger body of Jimin’s.

Sorry’s fly through your mouth, realizing it after Jimin's starts to rock your body. He peels your face from the safe space of his neck, wiping your running tears with both of his thumbs and trying to smile a little.

“I know it’s hard, but sometimes we need to let someone in, let them help put broken pieces together.” Eyes shining in the dim light of the room, your mouth ready to disagree quickly however quieten by his own speech. ”I know what you want to say Y/n” He starts again taking a big breath. “Being helpless doesn’t mean being weak, asking for help is not something to be ashamed of. Being strong however - is letting someone in, taking they hand and standing up with them - you have to have courage to do it, and I know you do to - but whoever put such a toxic mindset in you, keeps you from it and you need to realize that there is no longer people who will judge you for falling down a litte.”

Eyes falling down, sore from all the crying that has no plans to stop. You wipe the snot with your sleeve as well as wet cheeks, laughing a little after it, sniffles in the room as you try to calm yourself a little.

Jimins gaze still at you, now softer still brushing your hair in a calming manner with the second hand drawing circles on the side of your waist. It was shameful, hearing such words, knowing deep down they were true, but too prideful to agree with them.

“Gosh If I knew you cry like that, I would take a bucket with me. I wouldn’t need to pay water bills for like two months with it. “ He laughs as you smack him with your hand. Smile on your face, you tilt your head leaning on his arm with all the weight, a small sigh leaves your mouth. Smell of coffee now is more prominent with his own perfume, which he wears everyday, pushing your mind into own fuzzy feeling. “You know that I will always be there for you, right?”

A silent nod is enough, not too much to say after such an outbreak from your side still buzzing inside you. You know it was true, with how much you both came through together, it would be stupid to leave someone who become somehow a safe heaven.

“What are you going to do now? You won’t take any money, I guess you either are not going to be too willing to crash in my apartment.” Your head immediately shots up, eyes searching those of Jimin. A look of confusion cross your face for a second, with the words repeating in your mind once again. His face however is still serious, not leaving your surprised gaze.

“W-what how do you kno -”

“Your landlord called, I didn’t want to disturb you on your break - by the way I saw you sleeping you are not as sneaky as you think.” He interrupts you in the middle of talking, brushing his hair.

You frown, looking in disbelief at the boy, a little upset from the news. Touching your phone was okay, but taking a call and not saying anything, it just fell wrong.

“So why were you trying so hard to force me to talk?” The questions came a little more aggressive than intended, but who could you blame when your private life was exposed so easily. Truth being that you felt not as angry as embarrassed, never sharing such information before leaving them in the dark.

“I know you would be angry when I tell you about the phone - which I was right about.” He pouts looking somewhere in shame, like a child that was caught with sneaking sweets.

“But it doesn’t matter, what are you going to do without help? It’s not like our boss will gave you a rise from nothing, and do not even think about starting another job - we have studies, it would be plain stupid unless you ask your family for help, you never mentioned them but they would understand right?.”

“They sure would.” You sneer, standing up from the comfort of his lap. Your smile turned down on the mention of those people, it's not like you want to have something going on with them, it would be asking satan for help and that always comes with a price. “Thanks for everything Jimin, but I will be alright.” You add walking back to the hatstand where your hoodie hangs, grabbing it with your free hand, second one carrying the bag. Jimin's eyes follow you, surprised by the sudden movement and innocently big, like he waited for some better explanations - which he won’t get.

“B-but wait! Where are you going, don’t leave me like that!” You heard the shouts, desperate movements in the previous room meaning the boy tried to catch up, however you were long ago outside the cute coffee shop, starting the journey to your quiet apartment. Maybe it was mean, and maybe Jimin was too good to be treated like this, but your own mood was now too fragile to stay in the same room as the insistent boy.

Autumn wind welcoming you once again, cold weather sneaking inside your clothes, the light hoodie not doing any justice with such temperature - still it was the only thing you owned with better quality. Head full of thoughts a little overcrowded with a starting headache, not letting you walk in a peace you somehow needed just now.

Walk to your house - at least the recent one, was not one of the long one, rather passing as a nice stroll. And even though your shifts ended in night hours, the quiet and calm way never made you feel scared of any sudden dangers awaiting you on Seoul's streets. It was a nice neighborhood, one where families that were a little lower than middle class tried to make a living, keeping their kids in a safe environment. Happy smiles and laughs welcoming you sometimes in the morning, kids rushing to their own school, greeting you even after those months you stayed there, only making you nostalgic at the thought of leaving such a safe haven.

So it was more than surprising when a quick footstep rang in your ears, soon nearing you even faster. Your beating heart now rapidly knocks in your chest, as your eyes try to search for the reason for those sounds.

You didn’t need to search for loong, soon hearing the screech of a voice not so far from you. “Y/n! Wait for me!” It was even worse when the little man started to dramatically draw his hands to touch, however your concern only lay in the thought of waking up the whole neighborhood. Eyes slitted, an annoyed expression crossing your face at the sight of the panting boy, soon stopping before you, not without tripping and nearly taking you with him. “You… really want to kill me.”

Heavy breath hitting your face, his voice strained and tired from the miles he needed to run to catch up to you. You however were more than a little shocked - yes Jimin is stubborn, and yes he is the person to run after someone just because the said person lost a penny, but his appearance here was different. It was crossing the invisible line you both draw, accepting each other's bubble of comfort.

So the question still stayed, your face hard with a thundering gaze waiting for the boy to calm a bit.

“Why did you suddenly leave?” Seriousness leaked out from his tone, however the way his eyes scrunched only meant that he indeed felt a little hurt from your previous action. And you don’t even wonder why, knowing how your choices could wound the innocent boy. “Is it about your family? If its a soft topic we can never talk about it ag-”

“You want me to walk away again?” His eyes got bigger at your cold tone, his foot taking a step back. Your family, the topic you did not want to bring up today, explaining the harsh demeanor you suddenly took. Eyes however softened as fast as they met the boy’s hurted ones, a gulp of remorse sliding down your throat. “Look - I appreciate your help but I don’t need a person to be helpless with.” You took a step forward placing your hands on the boy's arm, squeezing it in reassurement. Looking him straight into eyes a sight left your mouth soon forming in a little awkward smile - the only one you could force yourself into. “You helped me enough, there is nothing else you can do, It’s not your battle to fight you have your own problems and asking you to take mine would be cruel.”

And how awful it was to turn back leaving him again, you did just that, giving him the last pat with a smile. His own mouth opening and closing, agape from the schock you probably left him. And you were sure that this time he will let it go, your words full of coldness not leaving room for arguments.

“But what if I do?” His voice stopped you in the middle of the step, freezing your form with a new squeeze in stomach. You did want to hope for nothing, feeling how your eyes got bigger in surprise, being so close to turning back to face the blonde boy. “What if I can do something?”

“Jimin we are over it - I won’t take any of your mo-”

“I didn’t mean that. I’m not that stupid to not understand first hundret times you made it clear.”” You turn at his clear voice, full of seriousness and unsaid promises. New thoughts fell over your messy mind, Jimin’s voice still ringing in your ears as well as the hot gaze he kept on you, fixated on your weirdly sluggish posture. You were more than confused, his help however not new for you, the sudden change of demeanor was like a bucket of cold water maybe pushing you into admitting that the boy indeed had some kind of solution. “Please try to listen to me first and please try to be open minded.” He adds taking a big breath making him close his eyes for a second, only to stare at you even more firmly, nearly hiding his shaky hands. A silent nod from you lighted once again the enduring fire of his eyes.

Now you were even more curious.

“What if I get you a client?” Innocent question, firstly confusing you even more with the weird words, the realization came with your mouth opening a look of disbelief crossing your eyes for a second even if you tried to remind yourself that you situation it's not the one to be judgy.

“You do-”

“Let me finish, please?” And you could not find the power in yourself to not give in. Looking straight into his gaze you closed your mouth, still hanging from the previous schock you experienced. “I was in the same place as you some years ago, a broke student without any help or hope - and I know what you want to say, but it's not as bad as it seems. You don’t even know how much I wish that at that time I had better option, but there was none and probably won’t be if I still want to chase my dreams The job is really not that bad, people don’t know, they do not need to know - even if they wanted the community of them would not allow it cause they want only that - discretion.”

You winced, the cold brushing your cheeks even more from the chill night, moon being your only source of light shining at boy’s figure like in some kind of movie. And to be completely honest, you indeed feel like in some kind of drama, emotions oozing from both of you in waves crashing in the middle with a tension to it. You didn’t want to seem rude, your face trying to stay some kind of neutral, however you knew that Jimin saw the first pull you unconsciously did, decided to let it slip instead looking at you with even more solemnity.

Yeah you knew about his past, history he one time told you in the middle of breakdown, then seemingly crazy and full of hardship, now you started to see yourself in the boy, his place now taken by you in the most awful way.

“It’s really not that bad Y/n” He whispers, voice full of softness you were thankful about. You felt breakable, the thought of actually doing it scaring you with how probable it really is. “I’m so sorry I can't do more, but it’s the only way I can help.”

You didn’t even realize when he came so close, touching your arm with his little bigger hands clenching it. Your eyes squeezed as your hands fell to your sides lifelessly, emotions now once again leaving you a little too suddenly, the grip you always had on your life slipping from your grasp with a gasp. It was hard, facing something you worked so long for only to ruin it because of such a thing as money. It was so funny, your own younger self laughing at you probably, telling you how your choices led you to that state.

“It’s really the end huh?” You didn’t need to look to know about the sad gaze he momentarily gave you. Arm sneaking around your shoulders, your posture seemingly smaller than normally, bringing you to the warm body of the blonde boy. Not a word said, only the silence being louder than aggressive shouting.

There was no need for a better explanation, your mind was already processing the idea of selling yourself to someone, and how shocking it could be that it never crossed your mind before. You can’t say the job disgusted you, you can't say it did not leave you with a sour taste on your tongue, like something is wrong with the image of you in such an environment again.

Again.

Well that was something that did not sit right with you, running away your whole life from it, now going back to the cave of a tiger - conscious suicade.

Face plastered on the surface of the brown coat, fluffy fabric brushing your face with every breath he took. The gesture leaves you with a heavy heart, not understanding why Jimin wanted to help you so much. Was it an obligation? Did he feel like he owed you something?

You just couldn't grasp the idea why, why was he so insistent, it’s only you in the end, a friend from the same coffee shop he worked in, someone who is not important in his life, someone who he will leave when the time comes. So why?

And maybe with the next gust of wind, a quiet whisper in your ear you realized deep down, that he was the first person in your life which genuinely cared for you. However the musky scent and heavy thoughts still repeated the same question, but you knew somewhere in your mind that it’s only a matter of time when the quiet suggestion will be proven.

“It’s getting late. You should go home.” A silent nod, your head still leaning on his shoulders, too tired to move. His hands petting your hair, a quiet hum leaving his mouth while he did it, melody not familiar, dancing in the silence of the night. You sighted taking one step back, immediately feeling a cold breeze hitting you, the source of heat now gone, making you shiver in the lighter clothes. Little smile screeching on your lips after you saw his worried gaze, sitting on your figure not planning to move.

“You too.” Sticking your hands into the big pocket of your hoodie, you turned your head in the way he came nodding. None of you moved, gaze met in the middle as you tried to not show how cold you really wera, body shaking in unnatural ways wanting to move for some kind of warm up.

He did not smile, even after your own stretched into a larger one, you decided not to pry and just turn around with a silent wave, head ahead of you eyes looking in the dark depths of the street where you lived. He knew you were not alright, gaze piercing you through every layer you tried to put in a situation like this, a copy mechanism you were not that proud of. And so with the head lowered you took the first step away not minding the still lingering stare on your shoulders.

The main worry now being the cold weather and little clothes that shielded you from it, the idea of the whole conversation put somewhere on the side.

However, he and you were pretty well aware of what is going to happen the next day.

In the end it's you who soon is not even going to possess own body.

----

Sleepless nights were not new, the feeling of tiredness you could not just wipe with the piece of the fabric a familiar one, the eyes trying to stay focused on things even though they were so hard to close themself for some sweet time, just to be forcefully open. Two words were enough for you to not hide the utter ache, you so perfectly masked in the middle of the coldest night.

And so maybe it was the cold keeping you awake in the dark, the blanket not enough to warm up your lifeless limbs, or maybe the lingering touches of the blonde boy that stayed even after so many afters after the whole conversation.

You felt weak, blinking in the grey room watching the wall like it would show something incredible, the scratches on it similar to the one you did when the stress was too much, decorating pieces of your skin like an art. The night was a big blur, hours now looking at the nonexisting stuff passed with a blink of an eye only to put you in another of the memories.

Blonde hair somewhere there scrolled in the side of your mind. Oh yeah, the said boy came the next day, look on his face too hard to forget as the next wall you built was just ruined.

He looked at you from behind his eyelashes with eyes dimmed with a sort of fog. Silence being the only comfort in the moment - early morning helping with it. He knew that this time the situation did not have many options, not any without any loss.

However he came, with a mind to let you help with thinking of any other ideas to help you, the conversation from the other night forgotten after he stepped in the gloomy apartament. And it doesn’t surprise you, the look you probably carried spoke for himself.

In his hands soon layed inconspicuously looking scrap of paper, tempting with his appearance like the most loucioust sin. He read it with squinted eyes, not needing a lot of time to find out what exactly the letter applied to.

What surprised him after such information is, how really the girl hid behind such an innocent facade, the new wave of respect crashed on him with the thought how strong you really are to not ask for help. The human thing was to linger, searching for attention so long to have someone finally do everything for us.

He had money, he had it so much that he could easily help her for next month, but he knew how every proposition like that would end up.

In the end they were really similar.

“Maybe there is another way.” He cut the silence, after a while regretting the action. Eyes met somewhere in the middle and both of their gaze was meaningful enough to answer his void of hope. “Have you tried to talk with the flat owner?”

Grimace on your face once again was enough, you shook your head remembering not the best meeting with the older man. “Many times. The guy is purely business oriented, he doesn’t care about your private life but if you pay everything - which as you can see I have a problem with.”

“I know that it’s a hard topic, but what about your family. There needs to be at least one person.” You looked down, carpet under your feets still fluffy and soft under your feet, the silence embracing you both. Jimin awkwardly scratched his arm, biting his lips in the process, the topic one again making your mood even worse. “Im sorr-”

“There is no need, it doesn’t matter anyway. My family is off limits when it comes to those types of things.” You cut him off, looking from the side at the little embarrassed boy. A sigh leaves your mouth as you lean on to your old couch, ruffling your hair after. “Jimin there is really no other way. Your option is the only thing I can do, even if the idea scares me.”

He looked at you with a small smile, the memories from his past coming back to him, when it was him who was sitting at your place, maybe with a different situation, but the fear in the eyes remained the same. He sat next to you, hand catching yours latching fingers with yours, as if that small gesture was supposed to pass everything.

And maybe it was like that, however how sweet and calming the motion wouldn’t be, nothing has been solved, and your decision it's going to change your life completely.

“You start to accept it with time.” He whispers tightening the grip on your head, the sentence seemingly had a bit more to the story. You guessed he tried not only to convince you both himself too.

Idea still fresh in your mind, hard to process it actually is going to happen, eyes meeting once again with the dark ones of the boy, millions of heistations flowing in the circle of your pupils.

“What If I don’t want to accept it? Jimin, I'm going to sell myself like some kind of animal.” You started, soon seeing how every word pierced the boy, a hurt crossing his face for a while. However he himself knew how his job was not something to brag about, something that should be kept to yourself.

“First - you are not going to be a prostitute, it’s their job. Second - you are not selling yourself, your body maybe, your time - yes. This whole messed up business, which no one truly understands, it's not only based on pleasure and successful bargain. The people you are going to provide services will require more, however you too will be able to demand - and that’s the difference.” He instinctively stood up, turning his back to you to hide his face for you.

You decided not to question that, the topic probably being equally hard for him. Following his figure, you listened to every word which could calm your buzzing nerves.

“Mone-” You started trying to guess about the demand he was talking about. The cash suggests itself in your mind. The boy quickly turned back, dark eyes catching your breath in the middle.

“Respect.” He finished, taking an earlier abandoned cup of tea to his hand. You were confused, your gaze spoke for himself, the utter questions building with every quiet minute he left you with. “Do you know why so few people are able to survive in such a business, or why so few people know about it?” He asked knowing fully he won't get any answer from you. He sighted brushing his blonde hair back, a little oliy from the last day of work, he came to the other side of the room sitting on one of the smaller tables just before you.

“You will need to play a role, you will become an actress in real life without the power to question your own character. People that are directors in fact are going to be your clients, giving you the script you will need to act on. In the beginning it’s going to be hard, but with time you will understand that you can either love it or you are someone who is not suitable for such a job.”

So many questions, which only bundled up with the said words. A weird twinge in your heart, forcing you to stop thinking about it like a sweet temptation, however the beautiful words he wrapped everything with stronger. The idea seems so easy, so free and so good, too good to be true.

You looked at him, the tiredness hitting you suddenly but so many not arranged issues kept you on your toes, so with the remaining power you sighed rubbing your eyes. You decided, your last way out.

“How i'm even going to start?” The question filled him with a relife, not understanding exactly why, the thought of having someone close in the same job loaded him with unanswered happiness. He gazed back, the look making you sit more comfortable forcing your attention directly at him.

“The clients are mostly the people you least expect to. Although they are not people which can afford a whore - lame millionaires or self-proclaimed gangsters. Don’t get me wrong but if they were them they could have just bought the random first person that is willing to do everything they want, for them however the most important is discretion and loyalty.” He started, stopping for a while to take out his phone and quickly search something on it.

With one move he showed you a picture of a man, you strangely knew. Black hair, similar to the blackness of the sky so different from the boy sitting just before you and a beautiful porcelain looking skin. He looked proud, even as a imagine the frozen photo oozing of confidence and power.

You knew those people pretty well, a little too well. Too proud for their own good and too proud to admit their wrongs, making money in such a way to not get attention if they are dirty or not. Familiar contempt towards others. You tried so hard to run away just from people like that, you hoped the clients Jimin was talking about are just the little CEO’s, not that important or dangerous.

And how ironic it was that you yourself are going to willingly put yourself in such a toxic environment again, people that are more influential than politicians and authorities. Next question popping on the side, how the blonde boy survived there without any knowledge.

“I see you can guess about who i’m talking about, and It’s not your first contact with them, right?” He started, brushing his hair once again, a habit you noticed. He needed to admit that your expression put him in uneasiness, look on your face nearly scared like a child that watched horror for the first time. He didn’t want to annoy the topic, leaving it in the air with the restless tension, instead he closed his phone hiding it back into his pocket.

His eyes still on you, your mind somewhere else as the quietness of the room started to spin around. The unanswered question lingered on your tongue, kept in the end of your mouth like some kind of secret. And as you thought it’s the end, the little ping came from the pocket he put his phone into.

“Well, I don’t know If you are interested but there is someone who is willing meet.”

339 notes · View notes

sundaysundaes · 4 years

Text

Monochrome

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU

CHAPTER 1 OF 2. Part 2, titled Spectra, can be read here.

Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

It was the color of amaranth red, Donghyuck remembers now, though he was still too young back then to know the name. It was the color of amaranth red that painted her cheeks and the tip of her nose as they were kissed by the morning breeze. It was the color of amaranth red that tinted her shoes, her knitted sweater dress, the two ribbons she wore on her hair. And it was the color of amaranth red that burst onto his cheeks, as his eyes widened in both glee, curiosity, and sheer excitement. He was four years old and she was five, but the way she spoke so courteously as she introduced herself upon their first meeting was something little Donghyuck could only imagine doing.

But it didn’t matter, Donghyuck was too distracted anyway. If he was older maybe he would’ve been left dumbfounded at the sight of her breathtaking smile, or the perfect curves of her lips, or the vibrant eyes she had hidden behind her symmetrical bangs. But he was merely a four-year-old, so he was more distracted with a jar full of chocolate cookies she carried in her arms.

“We’re the family that’s just moved in next door.” The older lady, who looked like the exact doppelgänger of the little girl, mentioned with a polite smile and a formal bow. “I hope we can become friends.”

Donghyuck’s mother cheered and took her hand in a friendly handshake before she beckoned the little girl to come closer. “Oh my, look at how adorable you are! You’re about the same age as my son. I hope you two can get along.”

Donghyuck, who had been hiding behind his mother’s legs, took a step forward. He was only interested in the jar full of cookies that she carried in her arms, licking his lips once as his eyes bore into it. But when the little girl offered the jar, grinning widely from ear-to-ear, and chirped, “Brought you some cookies! I helped my mother with these so I bet they’ll taste great!”, Donghyuck decided that he liked her more.

It was the color of azure, the crayon she held between her fingers back then, as she tried to imitate the look of his clothes on a stick figure. She was quite a painter, four-year-old Donghyuck thought, because there was no way for him to know how to draw mountains and the sun lurking behind them with that little head of his.

“Okay, so this is you,” she told him, smiling to herself as she finished perfecting her sketches of him. “And this is me. And this is our pet dog, Jelly Bean.”

“But we don’t have a dog.”

“We can have one in the future.”

“We can?”

“Of course. When we grow up, we can have whatever we want.”

Donghyuck believed her. He believed everything she said because she believed everything he said, even about the monsters living under his bed that his parents completely ignored. During their sleepovers, which occurred nearly three times a week in his room, she would always stand by as a guard, saying, “I’ll keep watch. If it appears, I will destroy it with my sword. Nothing can hurt you when I’m around.” And he would feel content, knowing she was there to protect him, even when in the end she fell asleep way before he did with her toy sword hanging loosely around her fingers.

Donghyuck would sleep next to her, curling up like a baby that he was, seeking her warmth. Their little feet would dangle out of his teepee tent and he would breathe in the scent of his grapefruit shampoo from her hair. And secretly, under his breath, as he tangled his pinky finger around hers, Donghyuck would say, “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“Why do you always draw the sun?” Donghyuck questioned one day with his round, chocolate brown eyes scanning the giant yellow circle that she drew repeatedly with her crayon.

“Because I love the sun,” she answered, searching for another yellow crayon so she could paint it even more. “It’s bright and it’s warm, and I can play outside when it’s out. Don’t you feel happier when it’s sunny outside?”

Donghyuck thought about it, he really did with the very little experience that he had. “Probably. I can play soccer when it’s sunny.”

“See? The sun is amazing. Nothing can beat the sun. Do you know that the sun is the biggest star in our solar system?”

If he was smarter, he would've told her that of course, it's the biggest star, you idiot, it's the only star in our solar system. But little Donghyuck, who could barely remember what came after the letter S, innocently asked, “What’s a solar system?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “I forgot that you’re only four.”

“Hey, you’re only five!”

“But I know what a solar system is and you don’t.”

Donghyuck pouted. If only he was older, perhaps he could reciprocate with a better argument. But then again, she was quite smart—the smartest girl he had ever met. Well, in his whole four years of living anyway.

“You’re kinda like the sun, actually,” she suggested, gathering his attention back to her. “You have a bright smile and whenever you smile, you make me want to smile too. You’re like the sun because you always make me happy. Oh!” She suddenly jabbed one finger into the air, making him jump on his little feet. “I know! You should be called Haechan, as in Full Sun! And I’ll be calling you Haechannie because we’re friends.”

And Donghyuck smiled the way he always smiled, which made her point a finger to his face, shouting, “Yes, that’s it! That’s the smile! That’s my Haechannie!” And he liked the sound of it. He liked the way she called him Haechannie but not as much as he liked being called hers.

Because he’s always been hers, from the beginning of time till the end. It’s always been her who owns his heart, who paints a spectrum of colors to his monochromatic life, and who breaks his soul to pieces and tones everything down into black and white.

It’s always been her. No one else owns him but her.

***

It was apple green, the color of the duster his mother was wearing when she had her eyes glued to the TV screen, watching another episode of her most awaited romance series. It was way past their bedtime so Donghyuck performed his best ninja skill which was tiptoeing his way out of his room with his bunny socks enveloping his feet and his deer plush toy accompanying him in his arms.

He was five and she was six, but she had learned how to forgive when he could barely remember to send an apology after making a mistake.

“You stay here and be on guard, okay, Haechannie?” She whispered before she tiptoed her way to the kitchen, leaving him alone in the hallway.

He grabbed the sleeve of her rosy pink pajamas. “But what if my mom finds out?”

“She won’t find out. She’s busy watching TV.”

“What if she walks into the kitchen?”

“Then that’s the time you should give me a signal, Haechannieeeee. Will you ever listen to me?”

“I don’t wanna stay alone. Mom can be scary sometimes.”

“Ugh, fine, take my hand. We’ll get in together. You can help me hold my chair when I reach up to steal those cookies.”

“Can we just go back to bed? I don’t need any cookies.”

“No, no. When you have nightmares, you have to eat cookies.”

“But will you still sleep beside me?”

A delicate hand ruffled his raven hair until it got all tousled and adorable. “Of course, Haechannie.”

The moonlight did not shine as bright as the girl’s cherished smile. But it was okay, he thought, she could replace the moon with her lips. She could replenish the stars with her eyes. They did not sparkle nearly as beautiful as they were anyway.

On their way back to their room, Donghyuck heard two sentences being exchanged by the lovers inside the screen so he stopped and listened, carving every word into his memories. When he arrived back in his room, he ran toward her, circled his short little arms around her waist, and muttered the exact same words.

“There’s no life without you, Noona.”

And she didn’t question him anything, wasn’t surprised of him, wasn’t disgusted with it. She simply smiled back, turning around to embrace him properly, and whispered.

“There’s no life without you too, Haechannie.”

***

It was the color of cherry blossom pink, the petals of flowers that flown into his room, coming from the window that he just slid open. He stood up on his little wooden chair, waving his hands back and forth like a drowning man desperate for attention, as he shouted, “Noona! Wake up! They’re blooming!”

He was six and she was seven, but she had memorized how to count one to ten in three different languages when he could barely count all the planets in the solar system.

When she opened her window, her eyes were all squinted trying their best to adjust themselves to the brightness of the sun—or Donghyuck’s smile, considering it shone just as bright. “I’m still sleepy!”

“But you promised we’d go for a walk!”

“Ugh, fine! I’ll meet you outside my house in an hour. Don’t forget to wear your jacket, Haechannie, because I’m not lending mine again!”

He nodded, smiling all the way. But by an hour later, he had forgotten yet again to carry his coat with him because he was too busy remembering the look on her face whenever she called his name, and too excited to have her hold his hands during their little trip outside.

And it was fine, really, because she already brought two jackets with her, knowing him like the back of her hand.

***

It was the color of crimson, the droplets of blood that stained his shirt. He could barely breathe through his broken nose, and the pain stung so much that his eyes began to water. But knowing that she was there, sitting beside him on the side of the pavements with worried eyes observing his expression, he had no other choice but to rub his tears away before she could catch the sight of them falling to his cheeks.

He was twelve and she was thirteen, but she already had her own preferences of clothing, knowing exactly what kind of dress could accentuate her beauty, while he, on the other hand, was still pretty much wearing the exact same type of clothes like what his mother bought him two years ago.

“Are you okay?” Her eyes examined his face as she dabbed an ice-cold napkin to his bruised jaw. Donghyuck swatted her hand away, stealing the piece of cloth from her fingers so he could do it himself.

“I’m fine. I’m not a baby,” he muttered and he knew how harsh the tone he was using but he did not apologize for it. She most likely had forgiven him anyway.

“What happened exactly?” She was still tentatively reaching out to him, tidying the tousled strands of his brown hair. “Why did you get into a fight?”

“Who said I was in a fight?” He was. He absolutely was. It was against a boy with the stupidest haircut he’d ever seen on a male, in his classroom after he caught him stealing her sketchbook. Donghyuck saw him raking his pen back and forth on her drawings, grinning mischievously to himself as he did it. He didn’t stop to ask for an explanation. The second he saw her beautiful drawings get tainted by something that wasn’t made from her hands, he began to launch his fist, directly to the boy’s poor face. Donghyuck had always been more temperamental, so he fought more with his rage than his strength, which usually ended up with him getting a fair share of beating as well.

“Here.” He handed her sketchbook back and saw her widening her eyes in surprise. “That’s right, stupid. You forgot your stupid book. I was on my way back to the class to get it when I tripped down the stairs.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize I even took this out of my bag.” She blinked, checking her book and stopping after she flipped a few pages. Donghyuck froze on his seat. He’d already predicted that she would find out sooner or later that one of her pages—the one that was ruined by that asshole—was missing; he just hoped she wouldn’t notice right away. But maybe she also noticed the anxious look on his face when she went through the pages, which was why she decided to close the book, and do nothing but smile that stupidly blazing smile of hers.

“What?” He asked, already feeling quite flustered even when she hadn’t said anything yet.

“I’m just happy,” she replied, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for, uhh, for getting this back for me.”

And he looked up to the sky, not caring if the sunlight was burning every inch of his skin and blinding his eyes, as long as she didn’t notice the rosy blush that painted his cheeks.

***

It was the color of lemon meringue, the chunk of tart that Donghyuck shoved into his mouth. They were celebrating his fourteenth birthday and he had a bunch of friends coming over. And yet, there he was sitting on the bench in his backyard, next to a girl dressed adorably in a yellow lace party dress, who was scowling at him.

“What?” Donghyuck muttered, yet plopping another big chunk of the tart. “Why do you look like you want to murder me? Is it that time of the month already?”

“No, jackass.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s my tart.”

“Sure, but,” he pierced the cake with his fork, taking another piece into his mouth with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “It’s my birthday cake.”

She sighed—a habit that she did a lot whenever she was with him. “Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be opening the presents right now? I think your friends are looking for you.”

“Nah, I’d rather talk to you.” He shrugged, pushing the empty plate back now to its owner. “Besides, you look like you’re seconds away from crying. I figured I can be a jerk to you another day and play the role of your prince charming for the rest of the evening.”

“You literally just ate every bit of my tart.”

“You’re welcome.” He sent her a flying kiss and a wink.

They both leaned backward, resting their spines against the bench, staring blankly at the cloudy sky with their fingers lying idly just a few inches from each other.

“Have you heard about that thing with our soulmates?” Donghyuck suddenly asked, his tongue still tracing every little bit of the sugary taste left inside his mouth. “About how we’ll begin to constantly dream about them after we turn eighteen, even if we’ve never met them before.”

“I thought that was just a rumor?”

“I thought so too, but then my parents told me that the exact same thing happened to them.”

“They met each other in their dreams?”

“No, it’s like—” Donghyuck scratched the back of his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t know for sure, but it’s like your dreams are a mixture of your soulmate’s past and present memories. My mother said that she lived through his memories every night, until one day she met my father by coincidence during the day, and then she saw herself in the dream the following night. That was when she realized that he was her soulmate.”

“This is giving me headaches, but I kinda get the idea.”

“So whose memories do you think you’re going to see in your dream?” Donghyuck wiggled his eyebrows. “Mine?”

She snorted. “You wish your soulmate was me.”

“Actually, I do,” he stated, making her froze for a split second before she looked at him in bewilderment. “No, wait, don’t get me wrong,” he immediately corrected, raising a hand in the air. “It’s not like I’m into you or anything, ‘cause that’s, like, so gross since we’re basically like siblings by now, but if it really is true—this soulmate thingy—I wouldn’t mind if it turns out to be you because we get along really well, don’t we? Being soulmates doesn’t necessarily mean we have to marry each other—eww, God, no—” He made a show about it, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “It’s more like saying we’re connected. Know each other’s mind—like, we understand each other, you know what I mean? Don’t you feel that way about me?”

She thought about it, and with every second passing by, Donghyuck became more aware of how embarrassing his lines sounded in his ears. “You know what? Forget it. It’s dumb. I don’t know why I said—”

“Well, I guess, if you put it in a non-romantic way, then yeah, sure.” She smiled, a bit awkward and shy but sincere like always. “We can be soulmates. But I will only marry you if we’re the only two people left in the world. And even then, I would still think about it.”

He rolled his eyes but inwardly thanking her for not making this even more awkward than it already was. “Right, but for our friendship’s sake, let’s never talk about this again.”

“Agreed.”

They stood by in silence, hearing a bunch of children laughing in the background as they danced to the blaring music. “So on that note,” he said again, slicing through the awkward tension. “What are you so upset about today?”

She huffed, playing with her fingers. “I don’t know, I feel like everybody’s looking at me weird. I knew I shouldn’t have worn this dress—I know it’s too much—everyone is wearing shirts and jeans and I’m here looking like—”

“—a pretty girl,” he finished, staring nonchalantly at the clouds as he said it. “I don’t know what these guys think, but you’re prettier than any girl in the room today. You’re prettier than me, even, and that’s saying something.”

She bit her lower lip, holding back a laugh. “You just turned fourteen today and suddenly you’re old enough to flirt.”

“I wasn’t flirting.”

She smiled sheepishly. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

He looked to his side, a lopsided smile on his face. “Feel better now?”

“A little.”

“Good. Now go fetch me another plate of that thing I just ate ‘cause I’m still hungry.”

***

It was the color of ruby, the lipstick she wore on her lips for the very first time, which made Donghyuck knit his eyebrows together, both in confusion and bewilderment.

He was fifteen and she was sixteen, but she already read a bunch of novels about first kisses and sappy love stories when he barely even owned a novel.

“Are you wearing make-up?” he uttered with a frown, scrunching his nose. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, his black Michael Jackson shirt falling a bit loose around his shoulders with the bottom edge of his light-blue jeans folded.

“Yes, and before you judge me for it,” she began, but Donghyuck was already sticking his tongue out at her, making the most disgusted look on his face. “You’re an ass, do you know that?”

“You look like a clown, honestly.”

“Well, this clown is going on a date.” She looked proud, which made him furrow his eyebrows even deeper. “And if she’s lucky, she’s going to get her first kiss by the end of the evening, while you, on the other hand, are just going to sit there in your room watching The Kissing Booth for God knows how many times and pretend like you’re handsome enough to date the female protagonist.”

“I am handsome enough to date the female protagonist. Handsome enough to date the male protagonist even.”

“Yeah, in your dreams. You’re just a virgin with a stupid bowl cut in reality.”

“Whatever. You still look like a clown.”

“Whatever. Now turn around, I need to change my clothes.”

“To your clown costume?”

“Turn around!”

Donghyuck had little options in his hand, when she brought her high heels in the air, ready to hurl them to his face, so he exhaled loudly in annoyance and lied down on her bed, turning his body around so he was facing the wall.

“Who’s this idiot you’re going with?” He eventually asked, because the rustling sounds of her clothes hitting the floor were getting too distracting.

“Na Jaemin. You know, that extremely cute boy from P.E Class.”

He knew who exactly Jaemin was. Heard his name being spoken several times as he walked down his school’s corridor. Girls were obsessed with him, and they would scream as if the world was ending whenever he played a game on the basketball court. They might be thinking why is someone as perfect as Jaemin interested in someone like her? And he hated the fact that he was thinking the same thing, just the other way around.

Why is someone as perfect as her interested in someone like him?

But on the outside, he toned it down to a simple grimace. “What the hell is a Na Jaemin?”

She threw her heel at him, hitting his spine and making him groan. “Hey, that hurts, you bi—” But his words died on his tongue when he saw her standing in front of her mirror in nothing but her matching underwear, with her dress threatening to fall from her arms.

“Hey!” She shrieked, squatting down to the floor and trying her best to gather as much clothing to her body to stop herself from being so exposed to his eyes. “I didn’t say you could turn around!”

And Donghyuck would’ve played it cool, he really would have, if he wasn’t too aware of the heat rising to his cheeks. “I, uhh—” He turned around again, clearing his throat. “Well, it’s your fault for throwing your shoe at me! I turned around in reflex.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying! From now on, you wait outside!”

“Fine!” He scrambled to his feet, making sure that he didn’t spare any glance at her—no matter how badly he wanted to—as he made his way out. “You have small boobs anyway.”

She screamed his name in both shame and anger but he was walking out with a cheeky grin on his face. He waited outside her room with his hands buried deep in the pocket of his jeans, yawning as he pressed the back of his head against the wall. A moment later, she opened the door with her face down, trying to tuck her bra strap under the collar of her dress. When he called her name, she nearly jumped out of her skin. “Damn it, Haechannie, I thought you’ve left!”

“I wanted to see your clown costume.”

“Why you little—” But this time, it was her turn to be lost at words because Donghyuck was staring at her in the way he never stared at her before. His eyes were gleaming as they took in her features—her lace cocktail dress that matched the color of her lipstick, her red ankle strap heels, her natural make-up that gave prominence to her eyes, and the way all of her clothing just fell perfect on her skin, embracing her every curve.

“W-what is it?” She asked, carding her fingers nervously through her hair—her soft, beautiful hair that always made him a little bit weak whenever she tucked a loose strand behind her ear. “Do I look weird?”

He forced himself to close his gaping mouth and act nonchalant again. After nine years of training, he was beginning to master his act. “Well,” Donghyuck said, shrugging, “It’s not exactly like the clown costume I remembered it to be, but it’s okay, I guess. So now tell me where is this Halloween party you’re attending because I’m going too.”

“I can no longer tell whether you’re joking or not, honestly.” She waved him off, tightening the straps of her heels. “Look, it’s my first date with a really cute boy who I really like. Can’t you at least wish me luck?”

Donghyuck didn’t answer right away. His heart was still conflicted about the whole thing and his head was still swirling over the thoughts of how pretty she looked. “I can’t believe you’re blowing me off for something as lame as Na Jaemin.”

“Someone as lame as—wait, he’s not lame!”

“But does he know you the way I do, though? Like, does he know how loud your snores are? I know that, and I accept that.”

“Haechannie, we literally spend every weekend together for the last nine years. I’m just taking one night off.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still blowing me off.”

“Look, if it wasn’t a date, I would’ve asked you to come but since this is a date,” she stopped to smile, tapping her fingers against his cheek, “You be a good boy and wait for me at home, okay?”

As she walked out of her house, with him trailing behind her with heavy steps, Donghyuck said, “I hope his breath smells like shit when you kiss him later tonight!”

She laughed it off, raising her middle finger playfully at him, probably thinking he was upset because they didn’t spend the weekend together when he was entirely livid about something else.

He wasn’t sure how he felt towards her, but he was pretty certain that he didn’t like the fact she went out with some boy who probably wasn’t aware of her full name—or the way she would bite on her bottom lip from being too deep in concentration whenever she sketched something down, or the way she would puff out her cheeks in the most adorable way when she got teased too much. That fucking Na Jaemin wouldn’t understand her the way Donghyuck did.

So for the first time in his life, Donghyuck prayed something bad happened that night so her date would get canceled and she’d come running back into his arms, snuggling close with a popcorn bowl on their laps as they watched the same movie for the hundredth time.

Unfortunately for him, his prayer was not answered.

***

It was sapphire blue, the color of his hoodie was when he swung by to her house again, casually letting himself inside without even greeting her parents because he did it so many times within a day. It started to feel more like his house compared to hers.

“Oh,” she sneered, a smile appearing on her face. “You again.”

“What’s with the under-appreciating tone?” He clicked his tongue. “Most girls would actually scream in joy when I graced them with my presence.”

“Scream in horror, more likely.”

He ignored her banter, taking a seat on her bed again. She was lying down on her duvet, stomach pressed against the fabric with a fashion magazine under her fingers. “So,” he began, casually laying his head down on the dip of her spine, staring at the ceiling and secretly loving the feeling of knowing directly every time she took and released her breath. “Did he smell like shit when you kissed him?”

She flipped through a page. “As a matter of fact, we haven’t kissed. But that’s none of your business anyway.”

Donghyuck couldn’t help a smile creeping up his face. It was his luck that she didn’t notice. “Oh, but it is my business,” he said, trying not to sound as gleeful as he felt inside. “I really want to know whether he smells like shit or a dog's piss so I can make fun of him every time I see you.”

“Well, from the close proximity I had with him during our conversations inside the cinema, he smelled deliciously wonderful.”

“Deliciously? So he smelled like tacos?”

“Smelled way better than you, at least.”

“You’ve never kissed me so you wouldn’t know.”

“I already can tell without having to kiss you, asshole. You reek from a hundred feet away.”

“But just to be sure, wanna make-out with me for a while? I won’t bite.” Then he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Unless that’s what you’re into.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“AUNTIEEEEEEE, SHE’S SAYING THE F WORD!”

“SHUT UP!”

***

It was Navajo white, the color of her knitted scarf was, as it hanged loosely around her neck, matching the color of her duffle coat.

“Oh,” Donghyuck flatly said as he opened the door to his room, answering her persistent knocks. “You again.”

“Haechannie.” The way she said his name sounded like she was desperate for help, and that made his heart flutter a little bit at the thought of being needed. But the words that followed soon after, crushed every bit of his happiness within an instant. “Jaemin asked me to be his girlfriend.”

He could feel how tightly his fingers were sinking into his palms but he tried to keep his voice steady. “And you’re confused because you just found out he’s a girl?”

“What should I do?” She whined, completely ignoring his sarcastic reaction. She seemed anxious, jumping a little on her feet every now and then, which was so adorable for his eyes to take but whenever he remembered the reason why she was acting that cute, he could feel his jaws tightening again.

“Do whatever you want, it’s not my business,” he muttered, walking back to his room but leaving the door open for her to follow.

“I like him, Haechannie,” she continued, and with every word that came from her mouth, a javelin seemed to strike him even harder in the chest. “I really do, but am I ready to have a relationship? Like what do I do? I know I joke a lot about having my first kiss but now that we’re about to become official, and knowing that he’s most likely going to kiss me soon, I get so nervous.”

Donghyuck didn’t say a word. He had nothing nice to say, so he kept himself in silence.

“W-what would you do if you were me?” She sputtered. “I mean, if a girl you like asked you to be her boyfriend?”

Donghyuck had his hands hidden in the pockets of his hoodie, so she wouldn’t be able to tell when his fingers curled into balls of fists. He had the back of his hips pressed against his desk, locating his eyes on his shoes instead of hers. “This girl I like is actually talking about being someone else’s girlfriend,” he professed, “So I’m not sure I can give you proper advice.”

“Stop messing with me, Haechannie, I’m seriously begging for your help here.”

It was goddamn annoying, he thought, how she could be so dense when it came to things like this. Well, to be fair, he did have his fair share of flirting with her from time to time whether he meant his words or not, and knowing how playful he was, it’s a given that she grew to become accustomed to his teasing personality. It was nearly impossible for him to be taken seriously nowadays.

“Why are you even asking me?” He spat out, now looking at her eyes—almost glowering. “I’m not your boyfriend.”

“I don’t know, I really need someone to talk to, I guess.” She played with her hair, biting her lower lip worriedly. “And you’re my best friend so I naturally just come to you. You always seem to have the answers to everything.”

There was a pang in his heart when she singlehandedly decided on their relationship status and he knew he shouldn’t have asked for something more but with more days passing by where it was only the two of them walking side-by-side under the first snow, or calling each other’s names the first thing in the morning through their windows, Donghyuck couldn’t help but to hope for something more.

“Well, like I said,” he repeated, voice sounding low and foreign even to his own ears. “Do whatever you want. As long as it makes you happy.”

She took a proper look at his face. “Are you angry or something?”

“No.”

“What, like, did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“Then why—”

“I said nothing’s wrong!” His voice thundered through the thick tension that was hanging between them and he felt his own heart shaking in pain from the tone he just made. They stared at each other’s eyes in what felt like hours before Donghyuck finally covered it with a tired sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m just really tired right now. Didn’t catch any sleep last night from playing too many games.”

It took a good few seconds for her to regain back her composure. “Well, I don’t want to bother you then.” She didn’t sound angry, but she did sound hurt. Donghyuck was still in the middle of sorting out his feelings when she walked out of his room, saying, “I’m sorry for pestering you like this. Goodbye, Haechannie.”

He had never hated someone as much as he hated himself then.

It took him five hours for his mind to finally make up the decision to go into her house and apologize in person, but only a second for him to immediately do it once he’d made up his mind. He ran down the stairs so fast, he almost fell face-first on the carpeted floor. When he stood in front of her house, desperately pushing back air into his lungs, the door was locked and no one came to answer no matter how many times he rang the doorbell.

Muttering a train of expletives under his breath, he turned to his iPhone and found the first number in his emergency contacts. He was about to press dial when suddenly her name popped out on his screen, asking him to answer her call.

“Noona?” Donghyuck called, breathing in relief. “Hey, I was about to call you. I wanted to apologi—”

“Haechannie.” She sounded so happy, almost to the point of shedding tears. “Haechannie, he just kissed me.”

Donghyuck’s lips were parted in shock, his throat felt like burning, even though puffs of air still tumbled down from his mouth. His heart almost stopped beating entirely.

“What do I do, Haechannie, I’m so happy,” she said, laughing between tears. “I’m actually crying right now. I’m so lame, I know, but—God, I can’t believe I got kissed by my crush—no, wait, my boyfriend—oh God, it’s still embarrassing to say that but—”

As if turning deaf, her voice in his ears was reduced into a silent murmur before vanishing entirely. The loud beating of his heart soon replaced it as it pumped more anger and jealousy through his veins but Donghyuck wasn’t going to repeat his previous mistake. He wasn’t going to let his emotions take control again.

“Well,” he breathed out, unfamiliar with the sound of his own voice. “I’m happy for you then.”

“You are? Oh, thank God, because I thought you’d whine about me for not spending time with you anymore.”

“Do you really think that lousy of me?”

“I’m kidding, Haechannie. I love you. You know that, right?”

And it hurt, the way she said it, because it meant nothing more than a platonic love and he wanted it to mean more. Perhaps he had been waiting for those three words to mean more for the last nine years of his life.

“Of course,” he simply said, hoping she wouldn’t hear the crack in his voice. “There’s no life without you, Noona.”

It took her a while to respond, and he was worried whether the cold tone in his voice stood too vividly again, but she laughed before he could think too much.

“It’s been a while since we said that. Of course, yes, there’s no life without you, Haechannie.” She giggled again, “It’s kind of embarrassing to say that when we’re already this old. Maybe we should start looking for another catchphrase. I don’t want Jaemin to catch me saying that to you either—”

“No, don’t—” Since when did speaking to her become this hard? “It’s something that we’ve been doing since we were kids. I’m not gonna change our tradition just because of one asshole that you happen to like.”

A silence, then a chuckle. “Seems like you’re back to your old self again. I was beginning to worry. All right then, let’s keep it that way. I’ll just have to be more careful.” He could tell that she was smiling all the way when she said her sentences.

“When will you be back?” I miss you. “I want to see you.” I want to hold you. “We haven’t really talked these days.”

“Oh, umm…” She sounded so apologetically soft, so quiet, so out of his reach. “Jaemin actually just asked me to go somewhere with him, but I’ll be back soon. Is there something you need?”

He curled his fingers. “Nothing important. It can wait.”

“Great. Oh, Jaemin just called, I gotta—”

“Stop saying his name.”

When a small gasp came from the other line, Donghyuck raised his head, startled by his action. “I mean,” he cleared his throat, his stomach doing somersaults. “It’s just—” He couldn’t think of anything fast enough. “You’re right. I’m sorry for taking your time.”

“Oh, no, it’s…” A pause, which struck like a hurricane. “It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, okay?”

“Sure.” But he didn’t hold her on her promise, because she now belonged to someone else.

He just had to get used to being alone.

***

It was the color of eerie black, the denim jacket that he wore above his white shirt as he prepared himself for his date. Donghyuck had cut his hair short, ran his fingers through his bangs so they no longer covered his eyes, and sprayed the new bergamot perfume he bought around his neck.

He didn’t notice it at first, but he had become more popular in school for the past few months, after being a vocalist in a band and performing during the school festival. Girls were approaching him, asking from what class he was, wanting to know whether he wanted to hang out with them from time to time and it felt weird, although he had been quite popular back then too, it was more because he was the funny kid—not the hot kid in school.

So eventually he started going on dates, and every time he managed to spend a day with a girl, he’d come home to brag about it to his neighbor, wanting to evoke a reaction but what came out of her was only a small chuckle and a shake of her head, “What are you talking about? You’re just a boy. You know nothing about girls, let alone going on a date with one.” And he would drop the topic, fuming for the rest of the day.

“There.” He straightened his jacket, gazing at his reflection in the standing mirror. “New day, new beginning, Hyuck. You can do this.”

You can forget her and move on.

So he checked on his phone, noticing a new chat just popped up under the name of the stranger he had been seeing for two weeks, and felt his heart beating as steady as usual. Everything felt the same. Even after he’d kissed her for the first time, intertwined his fingers with hers as they walked from one cafe to another, or hearing her laugh over his words even when he didn’t try to be funny—everything felt the same. So… plain. Unexciting. And after two weeks had passed by, meeting this stranger—the girl with the auburn colored hair, crooked teeth, and waist thinner than most—began to feel like a chore.

No, you said you’d do this. You said you’d move on from her.

“Ah, Haechannie!” The way his childhood friend immediately smiled upon his presence, waving a hand back and forth as if they were long lost companions instead of neighbors, almost made him stop in his tracks. “You’re going somewhere? You look so nice!”

His resolution faltered as simple as that. Only by the sound of her voice calling his name, only by her contagious grin creeping to his face, only by simple praise that made his stomach flip most delightfully.

“What do you mean, I look nice? I always look nice.” Donghyuck was proud of himself to be able to conceal his feelings most of the time, and not actually acting like a blushing seventeen-year-old boy with the hugest crush on his childhood friend that he was.

She took her time analyzing him and for the first time in his life, he began to fidget on his feet, swallowing his breath.

“Stop staring at me, you’re making me feel weird.”

“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re this big,” she said, her eyes sparkling in amazement. “Like, I know we’re neighbors but we’ve been busy dealing with our own things these days so I haven’t really taken a closer look at you but man, look how much you’ve grown. You’re way taller than me now.”

“Yeah, if you weren’t too busy playing tonsil hockey with that fucking Na Jaemin all the time, you would’ve noticed.”

“Indeed.” She looked amused, even proud somehow. “But I got to make-out and stuff. What have you done so far, cherry boy?”

He clenched his jaw, jealousy coursing through his veins. He tried to shove the picture of Jaemin running his hands all over her body—her perfect body—to the back of his head and he thought he did a remarkable job at it. But when he smiled, his eyes didn’t follow through.

“None of your business,” he simply said, tucking his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and walked away. “I’m going on a date. See you later.”

“You’re going on a date?!” She shrieked, eyes wide. “With who?”

“A pretty girl.”

She took a hold of his hand, stopping him from walking further. “Is this the girl you’ve been seeing for the last two weeks?”

He didn’t realize she kept count. “Yeah. What about it?”

“Nothing, I was just…” She awkwardly shrugged, her fingers hanging loosely around his arm. “Just curious, that’s all. So, like… Do you like her? What’s her name?”

It was almost possessive the way she asked the questions which on one hand, made him feel happy, hoping that she was jealous about it, but on the other hand, also pissed the hell out of him because if she was indeed jealous—if she ever felt the same way as him, even if only slightly—why did she go to Jaemin’s arms instead of his?

“Her name,” he glanced at her with lifeless eyes, “is Miss None-of-Your-Fucking-Business.”

Her smiled dropped instantly. “What is your problem? I just wanted to know—”

He knew he had the worst temper and patience in the world when it came to her, and he was not always like that before. Ever since the feelings he harbored for her grew bigger and bigger with each day passing by no matter how hard he tried to make himself fall in love with somebody else, he grew even more anxious, even less patient, and he hated the way he’d become.

But he couldn’t help it.

“Want to know what?” He asked, now facing her, circling his long fingers around her wrist and raising it in the air. “What do you want to know, exactly? It’s not just her name, is it? You want to know the things I do with her too? Want to know how I feel for her?”

Her eyes began to shake, frantically trying to understand him. “What—why are you so upset?”

“I’m not, I—” He sighed with a groan coming from the back of his throat, letting her go before he massaged his temple. I’m just so stressed out knowing how clueless you are of both your own feelings and mine. “Look, I gotta go. I’m running late.”

When he walked away, taking just about three steps ahead, she shouted. “Haechannie!”

He turned his head around, just enough to see her smiling softly at him. “This weekend,” she said, “Spend time with me this weekend. Please.”

“Noona, I—”

“I miss you.”

Just like that, she had him wrapped around her fingers again. It’s not fair. You’re not fair. You can’t keep doing this to me. But he smiled back, his gaze growing gentle, almost longing. “Then I’ll see you this weekend.”

He was in a fight he knew he’d lose every time.

***

It was coral pink, the color of the girl’s lip cream but he felt it pressed against his lips before he could see it properly. He felt his collar being tugged as his body was pushed further into her room, hasty hands pushing the jacket off his shoulders.

“You smell so good,” she said, giggling as she brought his bottom lip between her teeth. “And you look so fucking hot in this outfit.” Donghyuck hit the back of his knees against her bed and tumbled down onto her sheets, with his self-proclaimed girlfriend following shortly after.

“Wait—” he said, his eyebrows joining together in the middle from feeling both confused and uncomfortable. “What about your parents—”

“They’re not home,” she said in a rush, climbing onto his lap. “And I want you.” She tangled her lean fingers around his locks, pulling his head back to expose more of his neck. “I’ve been wanting you for so long, Hyuck,” she gasped, her mouth latching on his skin, tasting his bergamot perfume with her tongue. “And we’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

A little more than two weeks had passed since they first went on a date, and he really thought he could like her but whenever he closed his eyes during the kiss, his mind would start acting on its own, morphing her face to someone more familiar. Someone who could pull on his heartstrings and play with them only by the sight of her smile.

It felt wrong. All of this felt wrong. But he said he’d move on, he promised himself he would, and this was one of the ways to do it.

“You seem distracted,” she moaned softly against his ear, pressing her hips against him. “Am I boring you?”

He didn’t say a word and instead forced himself to kiss her better. He held her by the nape, angling her head to the side, and she sighed against his mouth, hooking her fingers around his silver necklace to pull him even closer.

Donghyuck was lost deep in his thoughts, and his heart just wasn’t there, but he didn’t push her away. She spread her legs and tangled them around his waist, pressing herself down until she could feel the zipper of his jeans grazing against her underwear. Donghyuck hissed under his breath, not agreeing with how his body reacted on its own and she grinned against his lips, guiding the hands he reactively laid around her waist to move further down her body.

“Touch me here,” she begged, taking his right hand and slipped it under her shirt, pushing her breast against his palm. Donghyuck let out a heavy breath as he let her tongue slipped past his lips and he closed his eyes again because that was the only way that this could all feel right to him.

Noona…

But no matter how good her touches felt on his skin, guilt was the only sensation he could feel in his heart. The more they kissed, the more he realized that she was not her, and she could never be her. He couldn’t smell the scent of strawberries from her hair. He couldn’t hear the cute giggle she made when his jokes got to her head. And no matter how they seemed physically similar—the look of her hair, the shape of her eyes, the way she dressed—he still couldn’t lie to himself and pretend she was her.

“Wait—” He pushed her gently off his lap by landing both hands on her shoulders. “Let’s stop.”

“Why?” She was upset, he could tell. “What is it?”

You’re not her. “I feel like we’re going too fast.” I don’t want you, I want her. “And what if your parents come home?” I feel sick. I need to get out of here. I need to see her.

“They won’t be home until midnight, I promise.” She had her fingers curled around his nape again. “Please, Hyuck, don’t you want me?”

She didn’t give him the chance to answer, swallowing his protest with her lips, tasting more of his mouth with her tongue. “Mmph—no—wait!” he pushed her away again, firmer this time to the point she almost toppled over. “Look, I’m not in the mood, okay?” His tone was getting harsher, which only led her to feel even more agitated.

“Why the fuck are you even here then?” She spat out, throwing her hands in the air.

Donghyuck shoved her away none too gently this time, stepping down from her bed. “I don’t fucking know,” he growled under his breath, putting his denim jacket back on. “I’m leaving.”

“What are you, gay?!” She was screaming as he stormed off, slamming her bedroom door on his way out.

***

It was the color of sunset that illuminated her face, as she sat on her porch with her knees pressed together to her chest and her spine glued to the wall. Her eyes were blank, almost lifeless as she stared into space, her previous conversation with her beloved childhood friend replaying non-stop in her head.

Does he really like her? Why didn’t he tell me anything about this? How far have they gone? Has he kissed her yet?

The heat was spreading to her cheeks at the thought of Donghyuck leaning in close, his eyes going half-lidded before he closed them entirely, his lips—his beautiful, plump lips—slightly parted in anticipation before he—

She buried her hands in her palms. What is wrong with you?! He’s practically your brother!

It wasn’t like she never thought about him as something more. She just never allowed herself to think about him that way. What they had was special—Donghyuck was special. He was her only true friend, the family that always stood by her side even when her parents didn’t. The one who noticed the simplest things about her without having to be told—like handing her a brand new sketchbook whenever she was about to run out of pages, or the way he would always take a day off school whenever she was sick in bed so he could accompany her the whole day, watching re-runs of her favorite show while munching red velvet cakes the way he knew she liked.

He was the one who could see behind her lies and excuses, and the only one who would come over to her side at any hour just to fulfill her dumb requests—even though he whined the whole time. And she knew she was special to him in some ways as well, because she was the only one who he allowed to see him cry while watching Titanic which to this day, still brought a smile to her face whenever the thought came up.

It was getting pretty distracting when puberty hit him like a truck somewhere in his first year of high school. His shoulders got broader, his jawlines became more prominent, his voice got a tad deeper, and he was getting taller and taller that she had to tilt her head upward to see his face properly during conversations. He was packing more muscles too, from all the soccer activities he did after school, turning his complexion from slightly pale into the perfect color of a sun-kissed tan. While she, on the other hand, only had two pimples appearing on her cheeks and her chest growing slightly bigger.

She adored him. To her, his existence had become such an integral part of her life that whenever she didn’t see him for a day, she would sit on her porch, counting the minutes until he walked past her house, calling her, “Noona,” with that cheeky smile on his face before he told her about his day.

That was before she dated Jaemin, though. Because after that, he became quite distant. It felt weird and slightly out of character for him to give her the cold shoulder whenever she mentioned his name, but she thought perhaps it was just a boy thing. The whole conversation about her drooling over her boyfriend was probably too boring for his ears, and Donghyuck was always straightforward with the things he wasn’t fond of so she shouldn’t have been so surprised.

Maybe he just wanted to give her the time she needed, so she could spend her days with her boyfriend—like what she was supposed to do—but she couldn’t help it that whenever Jaemin called her noona because he was also a year younger than her, the thought of Donghyuck’s teasing eyes and lopsided smiles crossed her mind.

And then the thought of him, holding another girl on his bed, his lips brushing against hers—

Ah, she mentally groaned, attempting to massage her scalp but ended up yanking on the roots of her hair. Lee Donghyuck, what am I supposed to do with these thoughts of you?

“You look like you’re going insane, honestly.”

She’d recognize that voice in a heartbeat even if she had her eyes closed and when she saw him slouching over her fence with a teasing smile painted on his lips, she nearly crumbled to the ground.

“Were you waiting for me, Noona?” He questioned with his eyebrow raised in a teasing manner, causing her to blush even harder.

“Of course not, idiot, why would I?” And the sound of his small chuckle warmed her heart. “You’re coming back pretty early. I thought you were going to spend the night with her.”

“Yeah?” He dragged open the fence, walking closer to her spot. “You were thinking about me spending a night at her place? Doing what, exactly?”

“Shut up.” She threw her sandal at him which he easily dodged before he took a seat beside her. “Did something happen on your date?”

“We had sex.”

She wasn’t sure whether it was because of the way he just casually said the words as if he was talking about the weather, or simply because he said those words at all, but she found herself frozen to her toes, her heart dropping into a bottomless pit, her chest suffocating.

“O-oh…” She gulped, bringing her eyes down to her fingers. “That’s great… I guess.”

“It was great,” he said, leaning back to press his spine against the wall as well. “But her parents came home soon after so I had to bail.”

He was still talking but she could no longer hear him, as if he was drowning in the background, his voice turning into whispers.

There was a feeling she couldn’t understand that kept appearing in her chest, sending fire to her fingertips. It felt like he was crushing her heart little by little with every word he said, choking her until she couldn’t breathe. She never felt like this before. Was it sadness that she felt—knowing that her little Haechannie was not her little Haechannie anymore? Or was it loneliness, knowing that he had someone else in his life—someone who could feel his touches, and made him feel theirs, in the way she could never do?

“Noona.”

She blinked herself awake. “What?”

“You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“I was just…” She desperately sought an answer. “I’m sleepy.”

It was a terrible lie and he could tell, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he offered her his shoulder. “Come here, then.” And she obliged, lying her cold cheek against his warmth and for the first time in her life, she began to be more conscious of everything.

Of his intoxicating scent. Of his slow breathing. Of his velvety voice sounding dangerously close to her ear.

Of his presence, entirely.

“So,” he pressed the side of his head against hers, voice turning gentle and quiet. “You’re not playing tonsil hockey with your stupid boyfriend today?”

“He had something to do, like a group project or something. And it’s fine, I needed some time alone to sort out my—” feelings. “—thoughts anyway.”

Donghyuck snorted. “Thoughts? Like, plural? You with that one brain cell of yours?”

She poked him on the side of his abs, forcing him to laugh in the way he usually did in the past. “All jokes aside though, Noona.” He sighed, staring at the way their hands were lying side by side on the wooden parquet. If only he could just move slightly… “Are you happy with him?” was the question he asked, but he actually wanted to hear the answer to Are you happier with him compared to when you’re with me?

“I think I am,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her words which ironically sparks pain to his every nerve. “I mean, it’s my first time being in a relationship so I barely know anything at this point, but… He does make me feel something in a way that no one has ever made me feel before.”

“What, like, horny?”

“That too, but—” She huffed. “I don’t know, like, he makes me feel wanted. Desired. He makes me feel pretty and I feel like I’m more confident now as a person, knowing that there’s someone out there who wants me that way, you know?”

Donghyuck stared into space, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “But does he need you, though?” Does he need you like I do?

“Is there a difference?”

“Well, wanting you would be like he wants to hold hands with you, kiss you, touch you, be intimate with you or something but you can be replaceable as soon as he’s satisfied with you and starts wanting someone else.”

“I don’t think Jaemin is the kind of person who thinks like that.”

I don’t fucking care about Jaemin. “Yeah, I hope not. I don’t ever want you to have your heart broken.”

There was a silence that hung around them, and it started to make him feel flustered at his own words so he immediately added, “By anyone else but me. The only one who can mess with your head and your stupid heart is me. That’s like the reason for my existence—to make sure your life is a living hell.”

She smiled, taking his hand in hers, and squeezed him softly. “Yeah. You’ve always been my little devil after all.”

The word ‘my’ had a nice ring to his ears, enveloping his heart in a warming sensation, and Donghyuck blushed again, for an entirely different reason but as long as she didn’t notice, he would be fine.

***

It was ash grey, the color of his sweater that she borrowed to be worn as her sleeping attire during their sleepover at his house. It felt strange for two young adults in their primal stage of life to be sharing a room, but Donghyuck was more than pleased to offer her his bed while he slept on the floor, and his parents also didn’t mind, as long as they kept their bedroom door open.

“Final chance to back down, Noona, because I’m not stopping once we go all the way,” Donghyuck warned, suggestively raising his eyebrow, making her gulp nervously.

“I-I’m ready,” she said, nodding her head shakily a few times.

“You sure.”

“Just do it.”

“Well then, here we go.”

And as he clicked play, the movie started. It felt like it had been years since the last time they watched a movie together, sitting side by side on a carpeted floor, with a popcorn bowl on her lap, and a MacBook on his. They shared earphones, forcing them to sit as close as possible to avoid having them slipped out of their ears. Horror movies were her weakness so he always insisted to watch one of them to torture her—and also to see her cute reactions but Donghyuck scratched that off his mind—and somehow, she always ended up agreeing to it.

Donghyuck could watch every jumpscare in the movie without batting an eyelash, but his heart jumped every time whenever she clung on to him, her arms wrapping tightly against his, her head sinking at the crook of his neck, her frantic breath fanning his skin.

“What are you so scared about?” He asked, thanking God that he didn’t stutter. “It’s just a ghost of his dead girlfriend, haunting him for vengeance while singing a creepy tune as she does it.”

“Literally everything you just said!” She sobbed, her fingers clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt, her fingernails nearly scratching his skin.

Donghyuck knew he was blushing and he hated it, and if she kept doing that, who knew what he’d become. “Let’s just stop then.”

“But you want to see this movie, don’t you—AAAH!”

His ears began to ring. “Not with you screaming like this!”

“It’s okay, I can handle this.” She puffed out her chest, taking a deep breath. “But can I hold your hand, just in case?”

It was his turn to take a deep breath. “Sure.”

It was scary, Donghyuck thought, how his mind could pay no attention whatsoever to what was showing on the screen, and instead focusing every nerve in his body on the sight of her fingers resting on top of his, squeezing them tightly whenever she was scared out of her mind.

There was a knot in his stomach, making him feel lightheaded and he tried to push the thought of lifting her fingertips to his lips and kiss them until she could think about nothing but him away from his mind.

By the end of the movie, he knew nothing about the storyline but she was bawling her eyes out. “I can’t believe I’m crying over a ghost’s background story, this is so stupid,” she said, sobbing fervently until her entire shoulders began to shake.

Donghyuck lifted one knee to his chest, laying his arms on top of it before he rested his cheek on them, He gazed at her with a pair of longing eyes, gleaming in adoration. “You’re so cute,” he sighed in a breathy voice.

Still rubbing the tears out of her eyes, she asked, “What?”

“The way you get so worked up over stupid things like this is just—cute. You’re so cute.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop saying those kinds of things to me. You already have a girlfriend. It’s not right to do this to her, even if you’re just joking around.”

Maybe it was because she seemed a bit hurt, her voice sounding strained and plaintive, or maybe it was just her line entirely but whatever it was, it made his skin crawl and he could no longer control what came out of his mouth.

“What if I didn’t have a girlfriend then?” He questioned, eyes deadly serious. “What if I wasn’t just flirting with you? What would you do if I told you I meant everything I said, every praise, every feeling I had for you?”

Her hands froze mid-air as she tried to wipe the rest of her tears away from her eyes. “What are you—”

“What would you do if I told you I loved you?” He leaned closer, brushing his fingertips against her tear-stained cheek. “Would you believe me if I say I’ve been in love with you ever since I met you?”

Silence struck like a hurricane, and there was a storm swirling in her chest. “I…” Her throats felt dry. “I, uhh…”

She looked so conflicted that it began to hurt him even when she didn’t intend to, because Donghyuck wanted her to immediately say, “I would’ve said the same thing,” straight to his face without having to trip on her words. Without her voice sounding so brittle. Without her face looking like she was about to break someone’s heart.

So he simply got up to his feet, forcing a train of laughter to erupt from his mouth. “I’m just messing with you, idiot. Stop looking at me like you got your panties in a twist, I was just kidding.”

And he expected her to be angry. Angry enough that she would shout while throwing things at his face, but instead, she broke down in tears again but smiling so widely in relief.

“I’m so glad,” she said, nearly choking on her tears. “I’m so glad you were just joking.”

He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the pain that fleeted on his eyes, so he turned around, sinking his nails deep into his palm so he could focus on that pain instead of the one in his heart before he gathered his quilt with both arms. “Let’s just go to bed, it’s late.”

“You’re sleeping on the floor again?”

“What do you think?”

“But…” She nibbled on her lower lip. “It’s, umm, I don’t mind if we sleep together—I mean, on the bed, like, side-by-side, not—” She caught herself, shaking her head. “Anyway, it’s big enough for both of us anyway, and also…” She grew quiet, fiddling with her fingers. “I’m still so scared right now so if you could just, you know, sleep right next to me, that would calm me down a lot, I think…”

Donghyuck had his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, glaring at his ceiling, asking his Lord, why must you test me like this?

“You do know that your boyfriend would kill me if he knows I’m doing this with you, right?”

She winced, smiling sheepishly. “Can’t you just keep it a secret?”

He sighed, making sure that he had the expression that said I’m-so-done-with-all-your-bratty-requests when deep down inside, he was shaking in both excitement and fear of not being able to hold himself back.

“I’m a man too, you know,” Donghyuck grumbled, slipping himself underneath the comforter. He didn’t take off his shirt this time, unlike the other nights when he slept alone. “I could attack you in your sleep.”

“Isn’t that the very reason why we’re keeping the door open?” She giggled, though the tremble from her previous breakdown was still there. “This is actually rather exciting. It’s been years since we slept side-by-side like this. It reminds me of our good old days.”

“Yeah?” He jeered. “Remember what else we do in our good old days? We take baths together.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep.”

Donghyuck slept on his side, facing the other side of the wall while she laid on the bed with her spine pressed against the sheets and her eyes glued to his ceilings. Though she was the one who said those words, it took her forever to fall asleep. “Haechannie?”

“What?”

“You’re still awake?”

“No, this is his voicemail speaking.”

“If you’re too tired to talk, could you sing me a song or something? It’s too quiet and I can’t help remembering that creepy tune she sang every time she showed up.”

“My God, what are you, a kid?”

“You forced me to watch that, so take responsibility for it!”

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned, turning to his back with his eyes locked on his ceilings and then started to hum. She listened to it wholeheartedly, a smile popping up on her face but it didn’t stay long before she realized something.

“Are you singing the theme to Mario Bros?”

“If you even begin to complain, I’m going to kick you off the bed.”

“Right, okay, continue then.”

She listened again, prepared for the same tune, but he changed it at the last second. “I can’t believe you changed it to Spongebob’s now.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, just go to sleep!”

“Okay, geez!” Her smile became permanent on her face. “You just said the F word. Mommy’s gonna be pissed at you tomorrow.”

It ended up with them throwing playful punches and kicks under the duvet and Donghyuck laughed a lot, missing and loving every second of it because this was how they used to be—playing around like kids, messing with each other’s hair and faces. At one point, he began to hover over her, trapping her body between his arms, his knee placed on the small space between her thighs. The pendant of his silver necklace was grazing along her collar bone, making her shiver slightly from the cold.

She was sweating, her bangs sticking to her temple, and she was as breathless as he was, panting for air. It felt like time began to slow for Donghyuck the second his eyes were locked on hers, his surroundings vanishing into a blur. He was so close, too close, that he could feel her breath on his lips, could almost taste the scent of her shampoo on his tongue, and if he could just lean in…

The sound of his name tumbling down her lips in a soft, almost inaudible manner was what stopped him from pressing his lips against hers, and he was thankful because otherwise, he could’ve done it, and then everything would be ruined.

He couldn’t afford that to happen.

“Your breath stinks,” he said instead and pecked her quickly on her forehead. He immediately scrambled to his other side of the bed, shouting, “Go to sleep, you idiot,” as he gave his best effort to pretend he was sleeping.

You were so close, Donghyuck thought, you almost ruined everything. Pull yourself together.

And if I can’t have her, just let me have this moment for the rest of my life.

***

It was the color of ivory, her trench coat was as she wrapped it harshly around her body, all the while fuming in anger. Her phone was buzzing non-stop, alerting her to the new messages that arrived almost at the same time and she knew exactly who they were from.

I still can’t believe you’re choosing him over me to celebrate your birthday. - Haechannie, 09.10

We do this every year, Noona, we PROMISED to always celebrate our birthdays together. - Haechannie, 09.10

And now that you have Na fucking Jaemin giving you sloppy blowjobs as your birthday gift, you suddenly just forget about me?! How fucking ridiculous is that?! - Haechannie, 09.11

Does he even know it’s your birthday today? Did he congratulate you on it like I did? Showing up at your door at midnight, carrying the world’s most gigantic alpaca doll in my arms when it was fucking freezing outside?! Because I sure as hell didn’t see his stupid donkey face! - Haechannie, 09.12

Also, not trying to be an ass about this, but do you even know how hard it is to find a one-meter tall Alpaca doll?! Why can’t you just like teddy bears like everyone else for fuck’s sake. - Haechannie, 09.13

“Oh my God,” she groaned loudly to the air, almost stomping her feet in fury as she texted back, “I’m not ditching you, you selfish idiot! I’ll be back before dinner and then we can spend the rest of the day together so for once in your life, stop sounding like a fucking asshole!” She paused, thinking more words to add before she jabbed her thumbs to her phone screen again. “Also, I didn’t ask you to get me anything so you can take that stupid ugly doll back if you’re going to be a bitch about it because I don’t need it!”

And she pressed send. But before she could catch her breath, another response came by.

Great. Do me a favor, will ya? Don’t show up at dinner. I’m not your fucking backup plan. - Haechannie, 09.15

She was so close to smashing her phone against the wall, but the text coming from her boyfriend, telling her that he was waiting for her downstairs, made her heaved the heaviest sigh she’d ever made, shoved her phone into her purse, and stepped down the stairs with angry clicks of her heels.

The entire birthday date was a disaster for her because Jaemin was discussing something important but she couldn’t decipher a word he said. The look on Donghyuck’s face when she said she had promised Jaemin she’d go on a date with him on her birthday—how shocked and disappointed he was, not to mention furious—was the only thing that she could focus on. She kept replaying it over and over again in her head, until Jaemin took her hand and called, “Noona? Did you hear what I just said?”

And she was so terribly upset that she began to lose control of her mouth. “Don’t call me that. I have someone back home who calls me that a lot and it’s getting annoying.”

“O…kay,” Jaemin awkwardly said, pulling his hand away from hers. “I was just trying to be respectful.”

She threw her head back, sighing loudly in exasperation. “You’re right, sorry. I didn’t mean to take this out on you.” She took a deep breath, waited until she calmed down a little bit before she continued again. “I just had this fight with someone and it keeps bugging me.”

“Let me guess. Is it Lee Donghyuck again?”

She raised her head in surprise, looking at him. “What do you mean again?”

“He’s all you’ve been thinking about, for as long as I remember.”

“Yeah, because he’s like a little brother to me who annoys the hell out of me.” She rubbed her temple, feeling her energy drained. “Well, he’s not actually my brother, but he acts like one—he gets on my nerves, teases me a lot, calls me stupid all the time—”

“Why do I get the feeling that he’s more than just a little brother to you?”

She frowned. “What do you mean? You’re not listening to me—”

“Look, you know what?” Jaemin ran a hand through his hair. “I think it’s best to end this.”

“What?” She nearly dislocated her jaw. “What are you even saying—are you breaking up with me?”

“Well, you’re going to graduate soon and you told me once that you’d probably leave town for college, and with all this Donghyuck thing going on…” Jaemin sighed. “I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

***

It was the color of dark grey, the heavy clouds that hovered above the earth with thunders flashing between them. She stood in front of Donghyuck’s door, fingertips shivering slightly from the cold as she rang his doorbell. The boy came to answer shortly after, his usual gaze quickly turning into a menacing glare at the sight of her. He was about to rave over their previous fight when he noticed how she was all drenched from the rain with tears streaming down her face. She glanced up at him, murmuring his name between sobs, and Donghyuck hastily gathered her in his arms, not caring one bit how the rain seeped almost instantly to the grey Nirvana shirt he was wearing.

“Are you okay?” He attentively asked, cupping her cheek with his lean fingers. He lifted her face, examining every detail of her features, making sure she wasn’t hurt in the slightest. “Did something happen?” His voice suddenly turned gravelly. “Did he do this to you?”

She sniffled, burying her face in his chest. “Jaemin broke up with me.”

“On your fucking birthday?!”

She nodded.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Donghyuck said, almost growling as he embraced her tighter. “I’m gonna keep you company today and make sure you’re okay first, and then I’m going to kill him.”

There was no need for apologies to be exchanged, because Donghyuck already had his arms around her, drying her hair with a towel and lending her his sweater that he knew she loved. His parents weren’t home at the time, so they sat on the kitchen counters, legs dangling a few inches above the porcelain floor with a cup of hot coffee in their hands.

“This is the worst birthday in the history of mankind,” she said, slurping her coffee. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Well, there was actually this girl who got murdered on her birthday—”

“Just humor me, will you?” He chuckled and patted her hair. “But to be fair, I don’t think he’s aware it’s my birthday today. He hasn’t said anything, didn’t give me anything. I also never told him, and he…Well, he never asked.”

“And yet, you still went out with him.” He sighed, now tucking a loose strand of her hair to the back of her ear. “I know you’re an idiot, but I didn’t think you were this much of an idiot.”

She grew smaller. “Please be mean to me another day. I’m currently wounded.”

“Right, okay, come here.” He cradled her in his arms, placing his chin on top of her head. “You smell like a wet dog, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She was about to lean more to his touch when his phone began to ring.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” She questioned when he did nothing about it and when he kept quiet, she broke apart from his embrace, jumped down, and grabbed his phone from the table.

“Unknown number,” she mumbled when his ringtone stopped playing. “Wait, there’s a text.”

“Don’t read it.”

“It said aren’t you coming over.” She raised her eyebrows in question. “Is this your girlfriend?”

He yawned. “A different one.”

“What, that fast? Were you supposed to meet her? Oh my God, I’m so sorry for taking your time, why aren’t you—”

“Rather than saying that,” he took a sip of his coffee, “We should begin our revenge plan on that stupid ex of yours. I mean, I could just straight-up punch him in the face, but you already know his weakness. It’s time to strike, baby.”

She blinked, her puffy eyes soon began to gleam mischievously. “I’ve already planned it all out. Do you wanna hear it in alphabetical order?”

***

It was the color of burgundy, the quilt that covered her body when she suddenly woke up from her dream with a jolt, surprising the man who slept on the floor next to the foot of her bed.

“What happened?” Donghyuck asked, rubbing his eyes away from sleep. “Nightmare?”

Her eyes were wide when she looked back at him, gulping hard before she said, “I just had the dream.”

“What dream?”

“The dream, Hyuck.”

“Wet dream? I thought that was only for boys—”

“No, you’re not listening to me. The dream.” She threw her blanket away, scrambling back to her feet, and kneeled in front of him, taking his hand in hers. “I just met my soulmate.”

Donghyuck almost shuddered. “What?”

“It’s true, Haechannie, it wasn’t just a rumor,” she said, looking at her trembling fingers. “They said the dreams would start sometime after we turned eighteen and I saw it. I saw him. And it felt so weird. It wasn’t like a dream, it was—” Realization befell her eyes. “A memory. You were right, it was a memory—his memory.”

“Okay, wait a sec.” He held up a finger in the air. “What exactly did you see? And talk like a normal person this time.”

She nibbled on her lower lip, deep in her thoughts. “So, you know how when you’re dreaming, you can’t tell if it’s a dream? Like you’re suddenly somewhere, doing something that you can’t remember the beginning of it but it felt normal so you kept doing that, until suddenly you wake up and you start noticing how weird it really was.” Donghyuck nodded, albeit still a little unsure. “Well, this isn’t anything like that. You’re completely aware that it’s a dream—at least, I was. I remember telling myself it was a dream but now I realized it was a memory.”

“My God, you’re taking too long,” he complained. “What exactly did you see? For fuck’s sake, just tell me!”

“I was in a classroom at some school that I’ve never seen before and there was this guy who looked just about my age, sitting on the last row—just right by the window. He had the softest hair, a pair of big, beautiful doe eyes, cute thin lips, broad shoulders—”

“Hold up.” He grimaced. “You’re not talking about me, are you?”

“One of these days, Lee Donghyuck, I’m going to strangle you in your sleep, I swear to God, I will.”

“Right, apparently not then. Please, continue.”

She took another two seconds to throw ice daggers at him with her eyes before she finally started again. “He was scribbling something down on his book. And I tried to talk to him, but he couldn’t hear me. I could hear him, though, and everything else that was going on in the classroom. I could hear him hum a song before he nodded his head, looking like he just figured something out, and then he was writing things down again. I tried to reach out to him, but I couldn’t physically touch him too. I was just a bystander that saw everything—like watching a movie or something.”

“A completely boring movie, if you ask me.”

She rolled her eyes, completely ignoring him. “Then, when I blinked my eyes, I was standing somewhere else. There was this lake, so beautiful, surrounded by mountains—like the entire scenery of it was just breathtaking, and I don’t think that’s in our country so he might have traveled somewhere overseas.”

He snorted. “Sounds like an annoying rich kid.”

“Can you just—” She sighed, calming herself down. “So, I saw him there with a camera in his hands and a guitar case strapped to his back. He was taking some shots of the landscape and, uhh,” she shyly chuckled, “I know it’s too fast for me to say this, but his face when he’s concentrating—“

“Constipating?”

“Concentrating,” she corrected and Donghyuck sent her a kissy face. “The face he made when he was concentrating was so cute.”

“Ugh, enough with the lame commentary.” He yawned, stretching his arms above his head. “Why are you so sure he’s your soulmate? Sounds like just another weird-ass dream to me.”

“I can’t really explain it, but…” Her eyes turned soft, cheeks going a bit rosy. “It feels like I just found something that I didn’t know I lost—something important, something that was a part of me, even. And it just makes me feel whole, you know? It’s weird saying this when I don’t even know his name but… That’s just how I feel. Everything just clicked.”

“Huh…” Donghyuck’s tongue was protruding against the inside of his mouth as he tried to process his thoughts. It suddenly felt like his heart was being cut into several pieces, the moment his reality sank in. He didn’t realize it was that serious. Or at least, he didn’t want it to be that serious.

She squeezed his hand. “You understand how I feel, don’t you, Haechannie?”

He sent her a timid smile before he pulled her body into him, pressing his chest against hers, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder. “Yeah,” he muttered softly, his lips grazing the fabric of her sweater. “I get it.” And she giggled, embracing him tighter, thinking that maybe he was just as happy as her.

She didn’t notice the way his fingers slowly curled against the back of her sweater. She didn’t notice how he deliberately pressed his lips against her clothed shoulder as he spoke so he could hide the shivers in his voice. And she didn’t notice how his eyes were shaking in the fear of losing her, how he could barely bear the pain in his chest, how his mind almost made him vomit the words he’d been dreading.

It’s okay. She hasn’t met him yet. Maybe it’s just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything.

God, please don’t let it mean anything.

***

It was a shade of purple, the color she used to paint a lavender in her sketchbook before she drew the rest of the landscape. But before she could finish painting the next thing, she sighed dreamily into the air, closing her drawing book with both hands.

“He’s in a band,” she said as they laid side-by-side on the grass, enjoying the warm sunlight on their faces and the scent of the pine trees in the garden near their homes. “Was. Or still is, I’m not sure.”

And she laughed, she always did whenever she talked about him and although the sound of it used to warm his heart, it made him struggle even more with jealousy. So he just hummed, scrolling down his Instagram feeds to distract him.

Three months had passed by ever since she had that dream, and Donghyuck was conflicted between wanting to know more or hearing none of it for the rest of his life. She had the dream every single night, reliving every single one of her soulmate’s memory—both past and present—every time she closed her eyes, and to him, she seemed more alive when she was about to go to bed, rather than after she woke up.

“I heard him sing once during his band practice when his vocalist had a sore throat. He sounded great but like, a bit hesitant, you know? Like he’s not confident with his voice.” She turned around to her stomach, staring at him with excitement in her eyes and a speck of scarlet painting her cheeks. “Well, he doesn’t sound anything like you, but I still think he’s great.”

“Good to know,” he coldly replied. She seemed to take notice of that.

“I’m sorry, Haechannie,” she said, “I must have bored you to death with all this soulmate talk.”

“Yeah, well, he’s your soulmate, not mine, so I couldn’t care any less.” He could’ve been nicer about it, but then again that wouldn’t be him.

“Well, guess what?” She landed half of her body on his stomach, knocking some of his breath with her weight but he just threw a glare in response and not pushing her away. “Somebody is having his eighteenth birthday in a month. So then, we’ll have your soulmate to talk about too.”

“Yaaay,” he weakly cheered, face flat and ignorant.

She pouted. “Why aren’t you excited about this? You’re gonna be dreaming about your soulmate! I’m excited to know who’s that lucky girl going to be.”

His chest felt heavy and it had nothing to do with the girl on top of him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I hope she’s nice and pretty,” she said, smiling genuinely at him. “Because only the most perfect girl in this entire universe can deserve my Haechannie.”

But he didn’t want a perfect girl. He just wanted her, so why was it so impossible to ask?

“Wish I could wish the same for you,” he said, placing his phone on his chest and leaned back on his elbows so he could focus his gaze on hers.

“What do you mean?”

And he switched their positions, rolling their bodies on the grass until she had her spine pressed against the ground with him hovering above her. “H-Haechannie?”

She looked so perfect like this—trapped between his arms, her doe eyes widening in surprise, taking in his sight, her lips parted making a soft gasp of his name.

Ah, I want to make her mine. Why can’t she be mine?

He leaned down, the tip of his nose almost brushing against hers. And if he could just forget everything—their friendship, her future life with her soulmate—for a few seconds and allow himself to be selfish, he would close the gap, meeting her lips with his, bask himself in her warmth, and he would let her moan against his mouth, would caress her cheeks with his fingertips, and would just wish the time to stop so they could repeat that for eternity.

But this reality of his was not that.

This reality of his felt more like a nightmare—one that he could never wake up from.

So in this reality, he brought his lips dangerously close to her ear, and whispered, “I hope your soulmate picks his nose and eats his booger whenever you’re not looking because only then he’d be perfect for you.”

And before she could kick his abs in response, he already scrambled back to his feet, running away as if his life depended on it.

***

It was the color of cerulean blue, the scarf that Donghyuck wore around his neck because he was a bit sensitive to cold even when spring was about to come to an end.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Donghyuck said, adrenaline rushing through his veins. “Anywhere. Just you and me.”

“What, now?” She frowned, looking at the clock on her bedroom wall. It was two hours before midnight—before he turned eighteen. “But it’s late—”

“I don’t care—”

“And it’s freezing outside—”

“I’ll keep you warm.” He was already tugging on her hand, pulling her up to her feet. He wrapped his scarf around her neck and placed his beanie on her head. “I don’t have my gloves but I’ll hold your hand all the way, so no more excuses and let’s go.”

Because it might be his last chance to spend his time with nothing but her presence filling his thoughts. He dreaded the possibility of having that dream sometime after the clock struck twelve. He didn’t want his heart to be taken by someone else—let alone, a stranger. And he knew he wouldn’t dream about her because she had found her soulmate and he was not him.

And if it was true—if having that dream changed his entire perspective where he could only love that one girl for the rest of his life then…

Just let me have this moment with her, where I can still love her with all my heart, even if she doesn’t love me the same way.

“Where are we going?” She demanded as they broke past the front door as quietly as they could since her parents were sleeping in their room.

“I don’t know—I don’t care—I just—” He breathed into the night air, puffs of warm breath painting the space between them. “Anywhere is fine. I just want to be with you.”

He saw her cheeks turning scarlet but he didn’t hope for too much. It was probably just the cold playing tricks on him.

“Okay, well then,” She tightened her duffle coat around her body. “Lead the way.”

He smiled, feeling blessed for having her putting so much faith in him, even after all this time.

There weren’t many places open at that hour, and it was fine because they already felt content just from walking side-by-side under the cherry blossoms that had withered all of their flowers. The way she held his hand reminded him of their younger days, both gentle and somewhat protective—like a sister to a younger brother and it made him feel both joy and sadness because he wanted to intertwine their fingers together as lovers, embrace each other under the dim glow of the streetlight, and connect their lips together while whispering loving words between chaste kisses.

“Haechannie,” she said, snapping him out of his reverie as she stopped them both in their tracks. “Happy birthday.”

Donghyuck blinked, not realizing how two hours just passed in an instant. “I’m as old as you, already?” He sneered. “I feel so gross.”

But she didn’t laugh the way he thought she would. Instead, she was looking at him with a glint of loneliness in her eyes which made him wonder why. “I bought you something.” She rummaged her coat’s pocket before she showed a little black box the size of her palm with a red bow wrapped around it.

Donghyuck faked a gasp. “No way, you’re proposing to me? But honey, I’m already carrying your child!”

She stomped her feet on his. “Shut up and just be serious for a sec, will ya?”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He chuckled but he could hear how nervous he actually was from the little crack in his voice. He took the little present with a shy, slightly awkward smile. “Can I open it now?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t mock me for it.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her before he opened the box to find a silver oval locket necklace displayed inside it. He glanced at her. “Don’t tell me you have a picture of us taking our bath together as babies in it.”

“Interesting, but no. I did have something written on it, though.”

“Okay, but if you wrote something stupid, I will—” He froze, hands stopping mid-air after he opened the locket and read the words engraved on the silver plate.

To my first love, Lee Donghyuck.

“Okay, before you say anything,” she cut him off, fidgeting a little on her feet. “Let me explain about it first. I don’t want to come out as weird or anything because after this, we’re both going to find our soulmates and go our separate ways so let me assure you that I’m not saying I love you that way, but—”

He pulled her into his chest, wrapping both of his arms around her shoulders, his lips pressing against her hair.

“Haechannie—”

“Shut up,” he said, closing his eyes as he calmed his racing heart. “Just shut up and let me have this moment.”

She wasn’t sure whether he got her previous message but she no longer cared, because at the end of the day, he was her first love in every way—as a family, a brother, a friend, and even a lover once, though she never allowed herself to think about him like that. So she tangled her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest, and closed her eyes for as long as he would let her.

Donghyuck wanted this moment to last forever but he knew time was running out even if he tried to stand still. It would be over the second he had that dream and fell in love with someone else. It would end the day she’d meet her soulmate, treating his existence merely as a bystander in her love story.

But for now… Just for now…

“I love you,” Donghyuck whispered so softly against her hair, almost inaudible by the sound of the wind passing through their ears. “I love you, Noona. So much that it hurts.”

She chuckled, embracing him tighter. “I love you too, Haechannie.”

Then why does this feel like a goodbye?

He pulled back, pressing his temple against hers. “There’s no life without you,” he said, a shy smile forming on his lips.

She cupped his cheek, rubbing comforting circles on his skin. “There’s no life without you, Haechannie.”

***

“So, umm, thanks for today,” Donghyuck said, as he walked her back to her house, rubbing his nape awkwardly as he said it. “And thanks for the gift. I’ll treasure it.”

“You better.” She playfully punched his arm. “It was pretty expensive, just so you know.”

“More expensive than a one-meter tall made-by-order alpaca doll I bought you?”

“Sorry, I’ll take that back.” She winced, and Donghyuck chuckled a little bit under his breath, patting her head and letting his fingers linger a little longer than usual on the soft strands of her hair.

“Well…” He retracted his hand, placing them in his coat’s pocket. “Good night.”

“See you tomorrow.” And she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek at the same time he was about to do the same and their lips grazed each other, soft lips meeting softer ones in the faintest of touch but carved something deep both in their bodies and minds.

They both took a step back at the same time, startled. He was busy looking anywhere but her face, and she concealed her lips with her fingers, bringing her head down to hide her eyes underneath her bangs.

There was a silence that made his skin crawl. “S-sorry, I was—”

“No, it’s okay, I get it,” she immediately said, forcing a smile before she hastily turned on her heels, her shaky fingers searching for her doorknob. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Donghyuck still had trouble breathing. “Y-yeah, sure.”

She timidly smiled again before she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

Now that they were both out of each other’s sight, Donghyuck inaudibly cursed into the air, running a hand through his hair, feeling his heart ramming against his ribcages while she slid down to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and pressed her spine against the back of her front door.

The thought of their brief, accidental kiss was the only thing that painted their minds even behind their closed eyelids as they laid on their beds, hoping for exhaustion to take over their bodies. Once it did, they both fall into a soundless sleep where she began to think about another pair of lips but it wasn’t the case for Donghyuck.

Because, as he fell into his first soulmate dream, he was facing the same person—the girl who owned his heart, whose lips were just as soft as he’d imagined them to be.

Noona, he spoke inside the dream, staring at the sight of her, why am I dreaming about you?

***

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