#not entirely sex repulsed

[biblicalhorror]

this past weekend I was at a bachelorette party and I was smoking weed with this girl I didn't know very well and she was like "yeah everyone assumes I'm a lesbian because I work in construction and I don't wear makeup" and I was like 🫣 girlie I thought you were a lesbian because you just told me verbatim your type in men is "when they're silent and leave you alone" but it reallyyyyy doesn't seem like you're ready for that conversation yet

[roses-are-repulsed]

Rose repulsed people deserve to be paid $100 for every time someone uses romance/sex negative to mean repulsed.

[filthytheodeckerkinnie]

Personally, I think the most annoying thing I see people do when it comes to writing Jon is that they assume he has NO relationship experience

Like the amount of fanfiction I’ve seen where he’s described as having never kissed anyone (despite his ex girlfriend LITERALLY being in the show)

The man is like 30. He’s Just A Guy who happens to be asexual, he can have SOME experience with relationships you guys

[wordsinhaled]

kind of don’t want to put this in the tag but also. kind of wanna say acespec folks can kiss! and even experience attraction! and still be on the ace spectrum ✌🏻

[preyduo-moved]

people who arent sex repulsed will never understand the frustration of reading a really good book/fanfiction and the plot suddenly is just smut

[duckyfann9871]

The asexual x allo dating dynamic is so wack because you guys will have sex like once a month and they’ll be really needy for you but you’re like “?? We literally JUST had sex!” And they’ll be like “no we didn’t, it’s been like 2 weeks” and you have to remember how some people literally do this like every other day HOW

[redysetdare]

I'm still thinking about a post I saw where the OP was legit afraid that they were "allophobic" (Something you cannot be) and then continued to explain sex repulsion and I just.... I think about how this is very much a real conclusion a lot of sex repulsed people find themselves believing because of how much negativity there is surrounding the idea of sex repulsion in general.

I mean, sex repulsed people are shamed for being repulsed. We're told we are sex negative, that we are puritans, that we are childish, that we don't belong in sex positivity. We are constantly pushed out of spaces, told we don't belong, that our feelings aren't normal and need to be fixed. that we need to conform to allosexuals who are uncomfortable with our identity. we have to always make allo people comfortable. We can't express our repulsion because they take it as a personal attack. Our repulsion is seen as an attack of them personally, on their identity. How dare someone not like sex like they do?

with so little positivity it's no wonder so many sex repulsed people start to worry if they are "allophobic". that start to worry that they are wrong and need to fix themselves to make others around them comfortable. it's always repulsed people having to compromise. No one ever tries to compromise for us.

[bunnihearted]

.

[aroace-poly-show]

I ALWAYS FORGET. EVERY FUCKING TIME. I ALWAYS FORGET HE’S ONE OF THE CHARACTERS PPL LOSE THEIR MINDS OVER WANTING TO FUCK. EVERY FUCKING TIME.

[the-dot]

debates starting a bookblr. it would not be good for my health. i would start internet fights over petty shit. but god i wanna

[kobracola]

fab4 headcanons gay edition !!

party poison: they/them, fem-leaning nonbinary, sex-repulsed aroace

jet star: he/she, queer as in fuck you

kobra kid: he/him, trans man, demiromantic gay

fun ghoul: he/it/they, romance-repulsed pansexual

[killerchickadee]

What I HAVE seen re: interpreting Crowley kissing Aziraphale is people claiming it means they're not ace or it's bad ace representation and I'm like. Y'all, some ace people kiss. Some ace people even have sex! And I'm not saying that's something I want for them (I really really don't) but just because someone smooched someone else that doesn't mean they can't still be 100% asexual.

[queerbrainrotplays]

Neil Newbon: Astarion is canonically pansexual!

Tumblr: Astarion is asexual because he has sexual trauma ✨

[redysetdare]

I'm begging y'all to stop pointing to Reddit as "proof" for a group being more accepted/a majority/borderline oppressive. Reddit is not and should not be the end all be all for what a minority group is majority like. Reddit is not the majority of people in existence. it does not show a majority of peoples feelings and actions. It is a forums website that has it's own culture and doesn't give any accurate statistics to what beliefs are a majority in a group of people.

If you use Reddit as serious proof for this sort of thing I'm going to laugh at you. I'm going to laugh at you because you're willfully ignorant if you ignore that each social media sites culture will amplify certain voices over others and saying "x group is more accepted because y subreddit is full of these beliefs" is actually stupid.

I'm begging you to have nuance perspectives and critical thinking before you make claims that pose Reddit as the end all be all of proof for anything you want to complain about in minority groups.

[messybouquetoflilies]

its so sexy n hot when they show a genuine interest in one of the nonsexual aspects of my life

[caspalooza]

It sounds dramatic, but growing up, I agonized over the fact that I was repulsed by sex. I thought I wanted to be in a relationship but that it wouldn't be possible (or at the very least, not fair to the other person) to be in one without sex in it. I was convinced that romance is The Thing That Completes You, so I thought my options were "deal with sex against my will" or "be alone forever".

When I finally learned the term "asexuality"... well, I didn't really grasp the concept of attraction types, so I pretty much went, "man, I WISH I was asexual, instead there's just something wrong with me" and carried on.

I think I was nearing 17 when I finally decided to look into asexuality for longer than 5 minutes, mostly out of sheer desperation. I had vaguely known that sexual attraction and romantic attraction were separate terms, but I had always thought of sexual attraction as being a hyperbolic term for romantic attraction. And that sexual attraction only actually existed in movies and books and the like for dramatic effect or comedy. I don't remember what made it click, but when it hit me that it was fucking REAL and that most of the people around me had been experiencing it for a LONG TIME I finally felt that moment that I guess every person has at some point in their life of lost innocence. At SIXTEEN. LOL.

It is undoubtedly funny, but it was also scary. Over my life I had experienced things and acted in ways I thought were fine and normal, purely because I was straight up clueless about sexual attraction. It was never taught to me in any form because I guess there's an assumption everybody experiences it and therefore knows for themselves what it's like. So while there was a feeling of elation, I guess, because I wasn't alone and I wasn't broken, there was also a lot of horror and disgust that came with it because a lot of memories from my life were being dug up and put in this new context in a very not good way. And I can be more careful now, but dear lord what I would give to have been taught these things way, way sooner.

The romantic side is a nightmare in a different way. Ages ago, I developed a pretty silly-sounding fear that I secretly had crushes on all the people I met (and/or worse, that they reciprocated) that still won't go away no matter how hard I ignore the voices! That's paranoia for you, I guess. So it's hard to know for sure if I actually have a crush on somebody or if it's just the paranoia, but I think the fact that I know how it feels means I probably have, at least once, even if the thought of actually acting on romantic feelings sounds like the worst thing ever. I used to be really big into the idea of it, though, that's for sure. For years, I lived vicariously through my hundreds of fandom and oc ships. And I do still love exploring romantic relationship dynamics through fiction, but now it's more because I think The Inner-Workings of People and Relationships Are Fascinating than because I have any desire to live it for myself.

At the very least, the realization that I was ace and potentially aro helped me to pull myself out of my sad pit. And though I've never been super involved with the aspec community (out of shyness), If nothing else I credit all the lovely people in it for indirectly teaching me how important and fulfilling friendships and platonic bonds of all kinds can be. And that platonic/romantic/etc. love and attraction shouldn't be tiered as more or less important or fulfilling than one another, just different. It seems like a simple and obvious concept to me now, but it genuinely changed my outlook on life when I was first exposed to it.

Looking back at the things I actually wanted (and didn't want) out of my hypothetical "perfect romantic relationship" (no romantic gestures, just cuddling lol) I realized I pretty much only ever wanted an affectionate, possibly committed friendship (something like a qpr) and only assumed it was romance because... well, everybody is supposed to want romance! And seeing as my early friends and family weren't super affectionate people, it was pretty easy for me to believe that physical affection only came from a romantic partner.

All in all though, I've realized that, at least for me, it's not super helpful to think of different relationship types as strict categories or boxes. Humans are just more complex than that. And It's kinda ironic that the same community that often faces the "loveless" stereotype is the same one that opened my eyes to the fact that there are so, so many ways to experience profound and fulfilling love. And I think that's beautiful!!!!! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!