#nice to know 23 is when you become old and gay : | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

near-dareis-mai · 1 year

Note

Hi, so I was wondering if you've read twot books or spoilers and can tell me what happens with Siuan and Moiraine in the books? Like, I know they don't end up together and each of them has a man but they were friends so what happened to that? Did it end? How? I tried to look for the spoilers myself but I couldn't find anything specific about them and I know they're barely in the books but I'm really curious about how their relationship ends in canon or if at least they end up on good terms or what and I don't know who can I ask and you seem really nice so maybe you can help me? Or point me in the right direction to where I can find the answer?

Spoilers for the entire Wheel of Time book series

Anon, I’m very surprised you haven’t been able to find anything about these two because I’ve seen many posts about it, especially on tumblr, but I tried my best to summarize everything you asked for. It got a bit long, because we’re talking about a story that spans 15 books, but uh, enjoy. (You will not enjoy this.)

The short version is:

Moiraine and Siuan start their quest for the Dragon Reborn when they are 22/23 years old. They are Accepted (studying to be Aes Sedai) in the White Tower when they both hear the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn. They become Aes Sedai very soon after this, and kickstart their quest to find the Dragon Reborn by Moiraine riding out of the Tower to physically search for him and Siuan staying in the Tower and learning to be a spymaster so she can do information gathering for the search. At this point in time, there’s no real doubt - unless you’re reading the text with blinders on - that Moiraine and Siuan love each other and are romantically/sexually involved with each other. These bitches gay. -

The main book series starts 20 years after the above happens. By this time, Moiraine has searched all over the Westlands for the Dragon Reborn, before finally finding viable candidates at Emond’s Field. By this time, Siuan is the Amyrlin Seat. At this point, there’s no real hint in the text that they’re still romantically involved. However, the text makes it very clear that they’re each other’s closest friend, they’re still very much devoted to their joint cause, and to each other through the difficulties arising from that cause. -

Strictly in the book series, it’s never really gone into detail what happens to the relationship in the ~20 years when Moiraine is (mostly) out of the Tower searching and Siuan is (mostly) in the Tower spymastering. I think you are led to infer that while they remained devoted to their cause and to how they are tied to each other by their cause, their actual romantic relationship supposedly either ended soon after Moiraine first left the Tower to search or gradually fizzled out. Also of interest here is that it seems to be a belief held in-world by the Aes Sedai and out-world by the author of the books, that these kind of "youthful" relationships between Accepted, while definitely being sexual and affectionate, shouldn't be considered "real relationships" and were merely stepping stones to a "real" relationship when they mature, usually with a man (issa yikes, chief). Even disregarding that, a truly satisfying explanation is never given of just what happened. -

By the end of the main series, Moiraine has been massively depowered due to a term of imprisonment in a magical other-realm where it’s explicitly stated that she went through severe mental torture. After her rescue from said realm, she gets comparatively sidelined by the narrative, and gets married to Thom, a man she has very little on-text interaction with before that. -

By the end of the main book series, Siuan is, uh, dead. But not before she is deposed from the Amyrlin Seat, stilled, then un-stilled but depowered, made an unpaid servant (hey there’s a word for that, isn’t there) to a lord on a technicality over an oath, gets spanked by said lord for misbehaving, falls in love with that lord in a very Stockholm-ish romantic progression, agrees to marry said lord, mentors Egwene as the new Amyrlin Seat, does a bunch of daes dae’mar-ing to ensure Egwene stays in power, and then dies at the last battle in a throwaway death.

The much longer TL;DR version is below the cut:

The Wheel of Time series consists of 14 books in the main series, with each chapter in the book written from varying third-person points of View. Moiraine and Siuan both have some chapters in their point of view through the series, but only four chapters in the entire main book series where they actually interact with each other, all of them in The Great Hunt (Book 2).

(However, Robert Jordan also wrote a Moiraine-centric prequel novel called New Spring, which takes place 20 years before the main book series, which is gloriously gay and gloriously Siuanraine, and I will get to it at the very end of this post, because it deserves its own section.)

Back to the main book series:

The two chapters in which Moiraine and Siuan first interact are Chapter 4 and 5 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). They are from Moiraine's PoV, and the essential gist of them is a) Moiraine is at Fal Dara following the events of The Eye of the World (Book 1) b) Siuan comes to Fal Dara for a state visit as the Amyrlin Seat c) Moiraine is summoned to see Siuan privately and all the other Aes Sedai who came along with Siuan thinks Moiraine is being chastised for her waywardness in the meeting, but in private they actually embrace warmly, and Siuan mentions that Moiraine is the only person with whom she can remember who she used to be when she was younger and not the Amyrlin seat. They also discuss that their conspiracy to find the Dragon together will have both of them stilled if the other Aes Sedai find out. Then they discuss Rand and various other matters of political importance, and then at the end of the second chapter they hug again before Moiraine leaves, and Moiraine thinks of Siuan as “my dearest friend”. Also, it’s mentioned that Moiraine and Siuan feel a tingle when each other channels, which is something only two female channelers very close to each other feel and even then it’s supposed to be temporary, whereas Moiraine and Siuan’s had lasted for over 20 years and counting.

So at this point, while it’s not explicitly stated that these two were gay for each other, at least when younger, just the way they were written already set a lot of gaydars pinging. To set further context, the two chapters described above (which are from the second book in the series) are the first substantial Moiraine PoV chapters we get in the entire series, and Siuan wasn’t even in the first book (though she was mentioned in passing, but only as the Amyrlin Seat, not as Siuan). We got a tiny peek into Moiraine’s PoV at the very end of the first book, but for most of the first book (The Eye of the World) she’s very much shrouded in mystery, a figure of awe and mystique, with even some hints alluding that she might actually be a Darkfriend that might secretly be working against everything she said she was working for. So the two chapters described above from The Great Hunt (Book 2) are the first time we actually get a look into who Moiraine is internally, what drives her, what her foibles and truest feelings are, the very intense feelings that lie behind her emotionless mask, and it’s very interesting to me that Robert Jordan thought that it was necessary for Siuan to be there for these chapters, that she was the person who could wrangle a show of true emotions and sentiment from Moiraine, who is so tied up in not showing any part of herself to the world that can be used against her.

The next (and final) two chapters where they interact are in Chapter 7 and 8 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). A lot happens in these two chapters, including Moiraine and Siuan’s find-the-Dragon-Reborn plot being found out by an Aes Sedai who used to teach them, but crucially to the Siuanraine dynamic is at one point the Aes Sedai deduces “Moiraine could not do this alone, and who better to help than her girlhood friend who used to sneak down with her to snitch sweetcakes.” Again the important things to note here that is already established by Book 2 that a) Moiraine and Siuan were the closest of friends when they were younger and studying at the Tower to be Aes Sedai and b) This closeness is intrinsically tied into why they have taken this quest together, their trust in each other throughout the years despite so many lengths of time apart when mistrust could have fostered between them, and how they can be truly equal with each other despite Siuan’s title as the most powerful woman in the world and despite Moiraine hailing from a powerful and wealthy noble house that once used to rule Cairhien.

After this, Moiraine and Siuan do not meet each other again in the main book series.

Moiraine’s story in the main book series after this: For the next 12 books in the main series, Moiraine PoVs are few and far in between (not enough) and mainly concerned with Rand and with the events of the main plot, until the Fires of Heaven (Book 5). Near the end of Fires of Heaven, Moiraine seems to “die” when tackling Lanfear (a Very Bad Girlboss) into a timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly magic doorway. At this point, we are given to think Moiraine is dead dead, and we have to wait six books later until The Knife of Dreams (Book 11), where we learn that Moiraine is not dead but is imprisoned in another realm (the realm of the Aelfinn and the Ellfinn) and there’s still a chance (but not a surefire chance) of bringing her back alive). In Towers of Midnight (Book 13), the rescue actually happens, Moiraine comes back. Moiraine has 9 PoV chapters in the entire main series before her "death", and two very small PoV snippets in Book 14 after her rescue, which IMO is woefully small given her importance in the narrative.

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story before her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine seems to “die” near the end of The Fires of Heaven (Book 5), she passes Lan’s bond to an Aes Sedai friend of hers, Myrelle, in a hail-mary gambit to save Lan’s life from the heavily depressive urge a Warder would get after their Aes Sedai dies. Myrelle does questionable things to keep Lan from giving in to this urge, and because of this as well as because of the passing of the bond itself, Moiraine and Lan’s relationship fractures in a way that is never repaired on page even after she is rescued, partly because the narrative in the last three books didn’t seem to think their relationship deserved the page time to even have a talk with each other that could be a step forward in that recovery.

2. Moiraine is aware of her fate before she tackles Lanfear through the magic doorway, because she’d seen (admittedly hazy) visions of multiple versions of the future due to plots reasons that’ll take too long to explain, and therefore knew that she had to tackle Lanfear in the doorway and be presumed dead, for future events to pass in a way that would lead to the Light’s victory.

3. Moiraine jumps into the magic doorway in Book 5, and it’s interesting that her decision to do this comes after Siuan’s deposal and reported “death” in Book 4. She really said death is not getting you out of this relationship mfer. (I’m kidding, bookcloaks.)

4. Moiraine thinks Siuan is likely dead when she jumps into the doorway, as Siuan is reported dead after being deposed from the Amyrlin seat. An interesting part here is Moiraine’s response when Egwene tells her of the news of Siuan’s deposal, stilling and presumed death:

“There is a saying in Cairhien, though I have heard it as far away as Tarabon and Saldaea. ‘Take what you want, and pay for it.’ Siuan and I took the path we wanted, and we knew we would have to pay for it eventually.” (The Fires of Heaven, Chapter 15)

The interesting part is Egwene is bemused by Moiraine’s seemingly callous reply to the demise of her oldest friend. To me, this ties back to a certain scene in New Spring where Lan thinks Moiraine is utterly callous and cold when she doesn’t openly react to the betrayal and death of an Aes Sedai she had once respected/cared for, but once he bonds her as her Warder and gets access to her emotions, he realizes that despite her emotionless facade she’s actually hurting very badly inside. (New Spring, Epilogue Chapter)

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story during and after her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine comes back after the rescue, she has one big moment where she reconciles the Dragon (Rand) and the now-Amyrlin (Egwene) during a major disagreement, and this reconciliation is crucial in bringing all the forces of the Light together into a unified Coalition to fight the dark. But aside from this, Moiraine is unfortunately... benched. It’s like the narrative post-rescue didn’t know what to do with her aside from “Yay, mom’s back!” She’s basically benched to being a cheerleader from the sidelines, which is... a choice.

2. Moiraine comes back from Sindhol (the magical timey-wimey realm of the Finn) significantly lower in power than she used to be. However she has a bracelet angreal that will allow her to channel a lot more, to an extent even greater than she used to be able to at her full power, but it’s still annoying that she had to be depowered like that for no real plot reason, especially when the plot immediately scrambles to point out the angreal as if to say “See! She’s not really depowered!” Just... narratively useless and annoying.

3. Moiraine never gets to reunite in the books with Siuan, the person she started this whole quest off with. Not a single conversation. It seems an odd narrative oversight to not have a bookend scene near the end of the series where the two people who started the quest together have a discussion about how everything panned out twenty years later.

4. Immediately upon rescue from Sindhol, Moiraine professes herself to be in love with Thom and marries him right away. This is regarded by many readers to be the most egregious pair-the-spares relationship out of the whole series. Before this, Thom and Moiraine shared one major scene alone, which consisted of them speaking in subtle daes dae’mar terms about their individual histories (The Shadow Rising, Chapter 17), as well as a couple of blink-and-you’ll miss it interactions here and there. Moiraine does know from a vision by Min that she’ll marry Thom, so there’s the added weight of Moiraine - a woman whose entire life is shaped by prophecy - marrying a man that prophecy said she’d marry. Overall, while the hints are there from early books of a Moiraine-Thom endgame, and the more astute readers definitely picked up on them while reading, narrative hints are not the same as relationship development. There isn’t really any scene of Thom and Moiraine actually enjoying each other’s company, other than an aside comment from Thom that she laughed at his gleeman jokes at one point, and the scene mentioned above of them daes dae’mar-ing around each other in The Shadow Rising, where Moiraine sounds “distinctly amused” when they were verbally sparring (which could be read as her being amused by how far out of his depth he is trying to play the Game of Houses against her, but YMMV.) Juxtaposed against this is Thom’s (justified) wariness against Aes Sedai and his various attempts to undermine Moiraine’s authority with the boys during the early books due to this wariness, which was what personally made me uninvested in their romance, because while his wariness may be justified, his actions don’t exactly bode for a lasting relationship with a woman who is Aes Sedai personified. (Also, when Moiraine marries him, Thom mentions his dislike for Aes Sedai, and Moiraine says that for him she’d throw away the bracelet angreal and give up the Power, which... why is a powerful woman throwing her power away for love always seen as romantic. Why is it almost always a woman who gets a romance arc like this. Why.)

5. Upon rescue from Sindhol, it’s very explicitly said that Moiraine suffered very severe mental torture while in Sindhol, but then the narrative refuses to give her the narrative space to talk about it. In the same scene, the male PoV character muses of her state post-imprisonment and post-mental-torture as “Humbled, cast down. That made her seem stronger to him for some reason.” (Towers of Midnight, Chapter 57) which just... plays into this tediously recurring idea in fiction of suffering being good/necessary and being depowered being a good/necessary thing, but it’s especially glaring here with the gender/power dynamics in play.

Siuan’s story in the main book series:

Siuan’s story arc is too extensive to go fully into so I’ll try to summarize key points:

1. The first couple of Siuan PoV’s we get are mainly ramp-up chapters showing her side of the search for the Dragon Reborn, and of awaiting news from Moiraine on how shepherding Rand is going. It’s noted that Siuan was born a fisherman’s daughter in Tear, and because they fear and revile all channelers in Tear, she was bundled off to Tar Valon on the very day it was discovered she could channel, and she has lingering bitterness from being forced to leave her home this way. It’s noted that she’s quite proud of where she comes from, and keeps her furnishings simple as Amyrlin.

“Oh, they do hate it, child. Hate it, and fear it. When they find a Tairen girl who can channel, they bundle her onto a ship for Tar Valon before the day is done, with hardly time to speak goodbyes to her family.” The Amyrlin’s murmur was bitter with memory. (The Dragon Reborn, Chapter 29)

(Also, she fucking hates horses, which is amusing because Tear is known for its horses. And also amusing because Moiraine loves horses.)

2. Siuan was made Amyrlin at 30 years old, the youngest Amyrlin ever until Egwene comes along in the main book series. At the point when the book series starts, Siuan has been Amyrlin for about 10 years. She has a Warder named Alric. While it's not stated in the books, Robert Jordan (the original author of the book series) stated in his notes that Siuan met and took Alric as Warder when she went traveling for a brief period of time outside the Tower after she was raised to Aes Sedai.

2. Siuan’s story takes a major turn in The Shadow Rising (Book 4), where she’s deposed as Amyrlin Seat in a coup by Elaida, stilled in a sham trial held by Elaida, and left for soon-to-be-dead along with her keeper Leane. Siuan and Leane are rescued by Min. Siuan’s Warder Alric is murdered during the coup trying to defend her. After hearing that all of the Blue Ajah, most of the Green Ajah, and substantial members from all other Ajahs except the Red had fled the Tower in protest of the illegal coup, Siuan resolves that instead of dying (owing to the severe depression that stilling comes with) she’ll find where they’ve fled to instead, which she eventually puzzles out is Salidar, a small village in a country called Altara.

3. Upon being stilled, Siuan’s appearance turns very youthful, making her look like she’s about 18 years old, despite her being ~42 years old. This means she’s unrecognizable. Here’s something she says about her new face:

Moiraine herself wouldn't recognize me with this face. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 41)

(It says a lot to me that this is from Book 12, seven books after Moiraine has been presumed dead, at a point in time when Siuan and Moiraine’s romantic relationship is supposedly definitely over for decades now, and yet it’s still Moiraine whom Siuan defaults to as the person who she should count on to recognize even when she’s unrecognizable. It’s like even when the narrative doesn’t want to linger on their closeness, it can’t help but have them set each other up as the standard for intimacy/closeness.)

4. While escaping with Leane, Min and Logain, Siuan runs afoul of Lord Gareth Bryne, an Andoran nobleman and general. She ends up giving an oath of servitude to him to escape imprisonment and then running away to find Salidar, with the understanding that she’d complete the term of servitude after she was done with her Dragon Reborn cause. He ends up being infatuated with her (when he’s 60 years old and he thinks she’s 18 years old, mind you), and chasing her all the way to Salidar, where he makes Siuan his unpaid servant as the fulfillment of the oath. There begins a tedious arc where Siuan falls in Stockholm-love with this man, and ends up turning into a teenager personality-wise, literally running away if he so much as looks at her, or alternately throwing tantrums at him, which is a very weird narrative U-Turn compared to the 22-year old Siuan from New Spring - a prequel book set 20 years before the main series - who spoke rather maturely and realistically about relationships, and who Moiraine specifically said was very good at controlling her temper.

5. Siuan’s personality in general takes a very weird narrative U-Turn after Gareth Bryne hunts her down in Salidar. The woman we meet in The Great Hunt, who spoke with elegant pathos about Fal Dara being built for war in the midst of all that beauty, turns into a prudish and immature teenager whenever she comes into proximity with Bryne in the latter half of the books. It's as if the narrative is trying to change her into some imagined ideal of what a love interest for Bryne should be - virginal, prudish, inexperienced - except it's like fitting a square peg into a round hole because Siuan was already established as none of those things. It’s just... very weird, and very jarring because it’s like there’s two Siuans, the normal one who’s mentoring Egwene and taking care of business around Salidar and the teenager who comes out when Bryne is around or being discussed.

6. In Lord of Chaos (Book 6), Nynaeve heals Siuan of the stilling, even though stilling was previously thought to be un-healable. However, Siuan is restored to much lower strength in the Power than she used to be and given that the Aes Sedai work on a strength-based power structure, she’s very low in the totem pole even after being healed from stilling. Also, she’s still Lord Gareth Bryne’s unpaid servant. Also, the narrative makes sure to mention that she had to beg on her knees to be accepted back into the Blue Ajah.

7. Siuan never has a reunion with Moiraine in the books. But Siuan does think this in Book 12:

She didn’t regret her life. Yet, at this moment, passing army tents—holes and broken ruts in the path shaking the cart, making it rattle like dried fishbones in a kettle—she envied Moiraine. How often had Siuan bothered to look out of her window toward the beautiful green landscape, before it all had started going sickly? She and Moiraine had fought so hard to save this world, but they had left themselves without anything to enjoy in it. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 12)

(Crucial to mention that at this point here, Siuan thinks Moiraine is dead. That is to say, she thinks Moiraine is not in this world. The world in which there is nothing left for Siuan to enjoy. The poison for Kuzco. Kuzco’s poison.)

(Also crucial to mention, it’s after this moment of stock-tacking that Siuan makes the decision to actually pursue an “entanglement” aka a relationship. Again, very amusing how even as the narrative actively avoids having Moiraine and Siuan meet again, it cannot help but hold them up as the standard for each other that needs to be stepped over to move on to something else.)

8. By the end of Book 12, Siuan has accepted to marry Gareth Bryne, and made him her Warder (in a situation where he basically corners her into it in a high-stakes moment where Siuan can't really refuse.)

9. In Book 14, the final book in the series, during the Last Battle, Siuan says how proud she is of Egwene as her legacy, and then dies in a farcically throwaway death by saving Mat from a burning building. If that seems abrupt to you, it is even more abrupt in the narrative.

So, that’s how Moiraine and Siuan’s stories end in canon. Moiraine depowered, married to a man who can’t help but speak of his distaste for Aes Sedai even as he’s marrying one, and estranged from her Warder who she was closest to aside from Siuan for 20 years. Siuan depowered, dethroned, Stockholm-ed into love with a man who spanked her like a child for misbehaving, and then dead in a throwaway scene.

New Spring (NEW MF-ING SPRING)

Robert Jordan wrote a Moiraine-centric (and Lan-centric) prequel novel called New Spring, which is chronologically situated roughly 20 years before the main book series, when Moiraine and Siuan are roughly 22-ish years old and Lan is roughly 26-ish years old. New Spring has 22 chapter chunks from Moiraine’s PoV, 8 chunks from Lan’s PoV, and 1 small chunk of Siuan PoV. New Spring covers Moiraine and Siuan hearing Gitara’s prophecy, being raised to Aes Sedai, starting their search for the Dragon together, Moiraine escaping the Tower to search for the Dragon on the road when the Aes Sedai show plans of putting her on Cairhien’s throne, and meeting Lan on the way, who is returning home from fighting the Aiel War, Moiraine and Lan having misadventures together, and the book culminates with Moiraine and Siuan deciding that Moiraine will continue the search on the road while Siuan will use her newfound position in the Tower as the mentee of the Blue Ajah spymaster to facilitate Moiraine’s search from the Tower. In the final scene of the book, Moiraine seeks out Lan again, reveals to him the truth about her search and the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn, and asks Lan to become her Warder, which he accepts.

New Spring has its flaws and there are some (non-Siuanraine-related) moments that make my skin crawl, but if you are a fan of the Siuanraine ship or Lan/Moiraine brotp from the show, this is the book you want to read. The main book series has flashes of both these dynamics here and there, but New Spring is where you really delve into just how strong Moiraine’s feelings for Siuan used to be when they were younger, and also into how she meets Lan and decides to make him her Warder.

New Spring is... a jewel, the book of my heart. It’s a delight to see all three of these characters when they were young. It’s interesting to read about Moiraine’s social fauxpas/mishaps and her temper and how she chastises herself for the mishaps even when others don’t even notice, and how you can already see how this tendency is going to develop into the Moiraine we see twenty years later in the book series, who is so closed off that she seems stone-hearted to others, when it fact she’s feeling things very deeply. It’s a delight to see Lan grousing about Tairens and various other soldiers not showing the proper courtesy needed, not following proper form. It’s a delight to see Siuan coming up with various zany ballsy plots ranging from secretly keeping a notebook of potential Dragon Reborn candidate names right under the Aes Sedai’s nose to buying a bunch of mice from a stableboy right after she’s passed her Aes Sedai test, to put into Elaida’s bed, under the reasoning that it wouldn’t be dignified to do this after she’s officially raised Aes Sedai so this is her last chance.

But most of all, New Spring is... super gay. Maybe it’s not explict explicit about it, but it’s impossible to read New Spring and not come out realizing just how terribly in love Moiraine and Siuan used to be, twenty years ago. The entire book is like a Siuanraine fanfic. If you read no other book in the series, if you’re a Siuanraine fan, anon, please read this book.

(In a book-only sense, it’s also utterly heartbreaking to read New Spring, because you get the sense that this is what Moiraine and Siuan truly gave up: the closeness they had to each other. That, even though they didn’t want to, in the twenty years to come they’d both turn to other people for affection, and get closer to other people, and that this change would creep up on them so slowly over twenty years that it’d have happened before they even noticed that it had happened, or had space to mourn it.)

In New Spring, you learn that Moiraine and Siuan arrived at the Tower on the same day, and that they’re within a year of age, with Siuan being slightly younger. They were entered into the Novice enrolment book on the same day. They graduated from Novice to Accepted on the same day, in three years time, which was the fastest anyone had done it (a record shared by Elaida who came a few years before them) until Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne all break it twenty years later. They were also raised from Accepted to full Aes Sedai on the same day, in three years time, which was again a record matched only by Elaida and broken by Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne twenty years later. Siuan and Moiraine remained in lockstep in their strength in the Power as well, and were in their prime two of the most powerful Aes Sedai in the White Tower, matched by very few others until the events of the main book series.

I can quote so many passages from New Spring to show how gay it is, but I’ll restrain myself to four:

She had never been as close to anyone as she was to Siuan. Or loved anyone as much. - New Spring, Chapter 6, Moiraine PoV

The sight of Moiraine always made her smile. Cetalia had been wrong in one particular. She was not a pretty little porcelain doll; she was a beautiful little porcelain doll. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

Siuan could have kissed her. In fact, she did. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

“Novice and Accepted, she was sent to my study more often than any three other girls. Except for her pillow-friend Siuan. Of course, pillow-friends frequently get into tangles together, but with those two, one was never sent to me without the other. The last time the very night after passing for the shawl.” Moiraine kept her face smooth, kept her hands from knotting into fists, but she could do nothing about burning cheeks (...) And spreading out all these intimacies! (...) How close she and Siuan had been was no one’s business but theirs. - New Spring, Chapter 17, Moiraine PoV

(The last one especially is important because they’re specifically mentioned as being pillow-friends and pillow-friends was confirmed both in text and out-of-text-by-the-author as being a term used for a sexual relationship, so at that point this goes from simply “Is anyone else getting a gay vibe...” to “This is 100% canon.”)

Anyways, a lot obviously happened in the 20 years between New Spring and the main book series, but I thought it’d be nice to end on a high note.

I hope that answered your question, anon!

#wot book spoilers #wot books spoilers #wot spoilers #wheel of time book spoilers #moiraine damodred #siuan sanche #moiraine x siuan #siuanraine #the wheel of time

92 notes · View notes

neil-perrys-reincarnation · 23 days

Note

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40

For the ask thingy Hehehe

cherry - what is your sexuality? bisexual!! also aceflux

lollipop - favorite makeup products? i don’t wear any huge brands (or a lot of makeup) but i love black eyeliner so so so much

daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be? i’m pretty happy being me, but i think being a penguin would be pretty good too

october - what month were you born in? december :3

caress - do you like to snuggle? YES YES YES YES i think this is what i was born to do. my purpose, per se. i have it on good authority that i am a nice snuggler and i will always say yes to snuggles

ivory - describe your pajamas? usually a plain t-shirt or sports bra with really old winnie the pooh shorts T-T or black sweatpants

golden - favorite stationary product? i have a special fondness for uni-pin fine line 0.2 black pens

freckles - most-worn article of clothing? probably adidas shorts or my black Queen tank top (wearing it rn)

twilight - best friend? my babe teri!! they’re offline for now but they’re @belt-soup

silk - do you like k-pop? not really. i like a few songs, but i never really got into it

poppy - favorite pastel color? pale blue or purple! same colour as my hair

dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face? smile <3 and i guess just… them in general. we’re all beautiful creatures

sunkissed - autumn or spring? autumn 4eva

buttery - favorite snack? salt and vinegar crackers…. or maybe the tumblr cheese toast is because nothing can beat that

whisper - how much sleep do you get? on average about 8 1/2 hours. 9 if i try!

pencil - do you own a journal? yep, i do. and a diary

cupcake - are you a good cook? i like to think so, yeah! i’m a good baker, i can cook alright

honey - favorite term of endearment? babe, baby, bud, sweetheart, honey, take your pick ^_^ i use endearments with everyone

clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams? i hug a lot of people in my dreams!! it’s definitely a theme. i have a teacher who gives the best hugs ever and i’ve had a few dreams about them… also i had a dream once about scotty and bones from star trek being my gay dads and taking me to a concert? so strange but i loved it

velvet - who was your first crush? a boy named alexander on my primary school soccer team T-T he was so cute man. i still think about what happened to him sometimes

paper - favorite children’s book? hmmm, i used to love ‘where is the green sheep’ when i was a toddler, and it’s become a core memory :3

peaches - do you have a skincare routine? not really lol. i wash my face and sometimes moisturise or do a face mask, but yeah

mochi - favorite studio ghibli film? i’ve never actually watched one! it’s on my list though

backyard - did you ever have an imaginary friend? nope

strawberry - favorite fruit? watermelon or strawberry!

kiss - have you ever kissed a friend? on the cheek and forehead yeah haha

nightlight - do you read before bed? i used to, i never do anymore… i don’t know why, just too exhausted nowadays

shampoo - favorite scent? aniseed, vanilla and fresh rain

skin - what distant relative are you closest to? perhaps my second cousins? they’re lovely

aphrodite - favorite actress/actor? DAVID TENNANT OR ANNE HATHAWAY

cuddles - do you have any pets? i have a dog and i sometimes keep stick insects :}

lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite? i don’t wear dresses <3

sheets - sanrio or san-x characters? idk what this means

cream - frozen yogurt flavor? a mix of strawberry and chocolate !! can’t go wrong there

watermelon - do films ever make you cry? i don’t think so. not very often at least. really rarely

sapphos - favorite poet? robert frost or edgar allen poe

plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own? at least ten, but the only one i keep out is my kermit plushie that’s been passed down through the family

roses - what flower do you find most beautiful? lavender or pink tulips <33

sweetheart - favorite mug/cup? i have a rainbow mug my mother got for my birthday that has the same picture as the mug in one direction’s drag me down music video… i’m not a huge 1D fan anymore but i adore that mug sm

sunset - what are your pronouns? he/him right now, they/them sometimes!!

thank you so so so so much for this ask!!!! i’m on a road trip and this made for a very fun time x

#whimsical mutual interactions #max’s mind #my posts

2 notes · View notes

bear-and-gainer-story-archive · 1 year

Text

I Was 27 Pt. 1

I was quite a nice sight for anyone who likes boyish looking young men.. 27 years old, handsome, blonde hair, green eyes, great skin, 175 pounds, and a winning smile. I had graduated from college when I was 23.

Though job prospects were plentifull, I settled into something boring. I worked as a financial consultant for alot of well-to-do clients. I was not a gym bunny by any means, but I kept a very svelt body. Working out 3 times a week kept me feeling and looking good. Since I was 13, I knew that I was gay.. That didn't settle well with me since I was raised as a good Catholic boy in a very small town, so I kept my sexual desires to myself. One day at work, I was bored and ready to go home, when my boss walked into my office and announced that I had a new client that needed to invest right away.

"Sure," I said, wanting to hit him, "no problem at all." I stood up from my chair to do the respectable hand-shaking "hello-what-can-I-help-you-with," when an older gentleman walked through the office door. He was about 65 years old, very dark brown eyes, strong physique, though he had an obvious hefty gut. He had a thick, full beard, which had retained a nice black mustache, but became grey outside of that. His eyebrows were still very dark, and I saw a remarkable resemblance to Sean Connery, though this man was definitely heavier. He had a double chin, and looked very much like those "portly" gentlemen you see hosting something artsy on BBC.

His face was still very handsome, though all signs of youth were gone, except for the remaining black hairs in his mustache and eyebrows.. He had what I always called a "horse shoe" head of hair, which is no hair at all on top, much like Patrick Stewart, the "Star Trek guy," as I always called him.

"Hello, Mr. Young, my name is Mr. John Danvers. I heard that you were a great consultant with an eye for making investments pay off. I'm here to make my investment do just that," he said, as he shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sir. Please sit down," I responded. He sat down with a slight grunt as he sat his 300 pound body down on the chair before him. Mr. Danvers had the obvious appearance and demeanor of a very wealthy man. He lit up his pipe, which looked very natural on him, and began to smoke as if he'd been smoking pipes for the better part of his life. "I hope my smoking doesn't bother you, Mr. Young. I'm afraid I've been quite attached to it since I was a young man."

"Not at all," I said, "but the office is a smoke-free environment. However, I won't say a word. What can I assist you with specifically, Mr. Danvers?"

He looked at me as if he were sizing me up and down, like he was inspecting me. There was a long, uncomfortable pause, and he finally spoke. "I would like for you to come to my house tomorrow night and go over a few things together. I would like to invest both my money, and my years. I know that I'll be happy with what becomes of the two of us. In fact, I guarantee I will. You, however, might not expect just how interesting this might become."

What in the hell was he talking about? I had no idea, but I agreed to meet him. "Very good, Mr. Young, I'll send my car to pick you up here when you end your day. Also, take my advice, go and work out, enjoy your night. If I'm correct, you will never have the same existance again."

I was completely curious and lost with what this man said. Mr. Danvers handed me $1,000 dollars in cash and advised me that it was an advance, and said he was very confident in my abilities. At first I tried to refuse the offering, but he insisted that I take it, and insisted that I use the money to go out and have one hell of a great time. "Take that money and go wild with it. Enjoy the spending, and, most of all, enjoy your youth. I am very confident that you're going to become a very wealthy and changed man very soon, and you can leave this hum-drum office once and for all. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

I smiled politely, and agreed to use the money the way he suggested it. He might have seemed a bit odd to me, but I could tell that this man was exremely sharp and I somehow felt that he was serious about my becoming rich. "Very well then, Mr. Young," he concluded, "I'll have my car pick you up tomorrow at 7 pm sharp. I told your boss that I would be consulting with you all day tomorrow, and he agreed to let you work away from your office tomorrow so you can have a full and wonderful day. We don't have to tell him that the next 24 hours are just for you, right, young man?"

I smiled and realized that since today was Thursday, that meant I would have the first 3-day weekend in a very, very long time. I left for the gym, then had the best 24 hours I could ever remember having. I ate at the best restaurant I could find, went out dancing, which is unlike me since I work so much, then went on a shopping spree the next day. Man, I had an awesome day! When 7 pm was approaching, I got ready for Mr. Danver's car to pick me up. I put on my new clothes after a refreshing shower, and felt better and more alive than I ever had. There was an amazing sense of anticipation welling up inside of me at the thought of what great things Mr. Danvers had in mind that would be so prosperous for me. After all, people come to me to make themselves richer with the vast wealth they already have.

The car arrived, and the driver greeted me at the door. I got into the limmosine and off we went. After a very scenic drive, I saw Mr. Danver's mansion for the first time. "Wow!" I could not help but blurt that out loud. The driver smiled suspiciously, as if he knew something that I did not. That mansion was one of the most incredible things my eyes had ever beheld. I will spare you all of the descriptive stuff, because it was so overwhelming, I'd never do it justice by writing it down. Just visualize a very large, secluded, and beautiful mansion with the most fabulous landscape you've seen in your life. Upon entering, I was struck by the sight of the marble floors, gorgeous antiques everywhere, and a huge library, which is where the driver said that Mr. Danvers was waiting for me.

As I entered, I noticed that my new client was sitting in a large leather chair, peacefully smoking his pipe, and reading a book. He had on a pair of reading glasses, and I couldn't help but admire the sight of him. He was up in age, heavy-set, but he was the picture of a man so relaxed, content, and happy. "Good evening, Mr. Danvers. This place of yours is beyond magnificent. I have to say that I can't wait to colaberate with you on your idea, whatever it is."

"Well hello, there, young man," he said as he puffed on his pipe and smiled warmly. "Please make yourself comfortable. Clarence, my butler, is bringing us some brandy and a few things to eat as we discuss business and pleasure. Take a seat, my boy."

Pleasure? Had he said pleasure? 'Oh, no,' I thought. Is this a sex meeting? I'm not sure that I could have sex with this man, even though he is, and probably always has been, a very handsome man. I tried to put my weird thoughts out of my head, when Mr. Danvers brought me back to reality. "Mr Young.........," he began, but I interrupted. "Please just call me Aaron. It may be in a stuffy and formal kind of business, Mr. Danvers, but I'm still just a guy."

"Very well, my boy, then you can call me Edward. I may be a rich and rather, ahem, mature, but I'm just a man." We both smiled at each other as if there wasn't such a vast differance between the two of us. I felt right at home. Clarence had brought us a rather large cart with goblets, silver food containers, and in a very elegant way. It looked like there must have been enough food and drink on that cart for 6 people, not two men.

Mr. Danvers poured us both a glass of brandy and raised his drink to the air.. "A toast, my fine young friend." I lifted my glass to his. "To youth," he paused, "and to maturity. May the two cross over the other and make amazing things happen." I can't explain to you how much of a natural bond I felt towards this man, but I knew it was there. I felt comfortable, at home, and, above all, so relaxed! "Aaron, my boy, this night is going to see the end of all of your current worries and concerns both financially, and in all things obligatory. If all goes the way I feel that it will, you will be respected, admired, and never have a need to struggle to earn the money to travel the world in style. You'll never have to attend meetings, answer to anyone but yourself, and you will never again feel that you have to go to the gym and torture yourself to keep up appearances with the superficial gay crowd. I've done some checking on you, Aaron, and I know that you're a very high quality young man. You've worked hard, been responsible, and you have a very level head, a truly nice way to see the world through the eyes of a young man who has more going for him then most many years older than yourself. You're very attractive and yet, still so humble. I have selected you to get what you always dreamed of having."

I could not believe what I was hearing. He filled another pipe, lit it with such serenity, and sat closer to me. Still, I was wondering if he were going to make a pass at me. For some reason, I stopped thinking about our age differance, and thought more about the fact that not only was I incredibly relaxed, but I could not help but notice how much the years had been good to this man. He was such an attractive older man! His deep and commanding, yet gentle voice was almost intoxicating. Curiosity got the better of me and I felt my inhibitions slipping quickly. I had to ask him the first question that popped into my mind. "Mr., uh, Edward, why and how did you select me for these things that you're saying? I've never met you, and you already seem to know alot about me. Are you wanting me to.........."

I stopped myself before I asked him about the sex thing. "Am I just trying to sleep with you, Aaron? Is that what you wanted to know? Well, then, the answer is no. I find you very beautiful to look at, but I'm interested in your body in a way that little to do with a motive to just have sex with you. I want you to relax and stop thinking about that, and then we can proceed without such incorrect notions. To answer why I selected you, well, you look like the kind of young man I've wanted to be for a long time now. I feel a connection with you. Why do I know so much about you? The answer is simple. You helped a very good friend of mine three months ago. Perhaps you remember a certain Mr. Johnathon Briggs? He was one of my best friends." I gulped, not because I remembered the man of which he spoke, but because he said was a good friend.

"Your boss, Aaron, is a crooked man. He has treated his employees unfairly, embezzled money from unsuspecting people, and has gotten away with it......so far. You were assisting my good friend on some very promising monetary ventures when you realized that there was a problem. Your boss shirked your concerns off, and removed you from the client's account. You then went behind your boss's back and called Mr. Briggs and told him to pull his money out of your firm. You knew that someone was taking money from several people's accounts, and you knew that even though it looked good, it was completely bogus.

You, Aaron my boy, saved my friend from going penniless. He told me all about it. He told me about how young, handsome, and honest you are. Sadly, Mr. Briggs passed away three weeks ago. He died in his sleep, and left the world peacefully. Because of you, his money remained unscathed by your scheming boss, and that money is building two hospitals for poor and underprivaledged families, and is providing for his remaining relatives for the rest of their lives. That would never have been possible had it not been for you."

I was stunned. "It's amazing how such a small effort, your honest soul, and your clever mind can make such a huge differance, isn't it? You have a mind way beyond your years, Aaron. I can help wisdom and age meet, and you will also be rewarded." Still, I didn't understand where he was going with all of this. He suddenly stood up, looked me in the eye and announced that we were going out for a cocktail. He said that he wanted to change into something more casual, as he was wearing a formal suit that looked as if he were going to meet the Queen of England.

When he returned, he was wearing a nice three piece suit. It was hardly what I would consider more comfortable, but it was more casual than what he had been wearing. As we got into the limmousine, he instructed me, "Aaron, we're going to a very cozy gay bar that is much differant then the ones you're used to. The crowd is generally older, and they are all very real and descent people. I think you'll like it. If anyone asks, just tell them that I'm your Grandfather, OK?" I chuckled a bit, then agreed. "Besides, Aaron, being old enough to be your Grandfather isn't such a bad thing, is it?" "Of course not," I responded. He winked at me, and said, with a warm and mischievious grin, "Good. You'll be like me before you know it. I want you to think of my age as something you could enjoy."

When he said those things, I still had no idea of where he was coming from. I took them in stride. We arrived at the bar. It was what can only be described as Glitzy. We went inside, and I noticed how well everyone was dressed. Even though I was wearing my brand new clothes, I paled next to the upscale clientelle that filled this bar. We sat down and ordered a brandy, and got comfortable. I noticed that across the room, the most beautiful man I'd seen in my life was sitting alone. He looked our way several times while Edward and I talked about my life. He seemed to want to know everything about me. I answered all of the questions as they came, but was so distracted by this hot man who still kept looking in our direction.

Edward excused himself and I sat In my seat silently, waiting for his return. A minute passed and someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was the hot guy from accross the bar! I tried to gain composure when he spoke to me. "Excuse me, but I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jim." I thought I'd pass out. He was so incredible. He must have been about 5'9, dark hair, large brown eyes, and of medium build. He looked to be about my age. I invited him to sit down with us. "I could not help but notice the two of you. Is that man you're with your lover?"

I gulped my brandy extra hard. "No, he's my Grandfather." His face lit up as he smiled broadly. "Is your Grandfather gay? I mean, is he, does he have a boyfriend, or a wife, or something?" "No," I said. "Why do you ask?" He looked at me with such enthusiasm. "Well, I think he's HOT! I've always liked older men, I hope I'm not offending you." I assured him that I was not offended, but I was very surprised to see such a young guy interested in a man Edward's age.

I WAS 27 (part 2)

Edward returned from the bar and noticed that we had a new guest seated with us. I introduced the 2 men, and I could tell that Jim was very attracted to Edward. "I love the aroma of your pipe. I've always found pipesmoking men very hot."

Edward smiled and winked at Jim, and we all conversed politely for the next hour. "I plan on coming back to this bar a week from tonight if you would like to meet me here and join me," Edward said to Jim. The much younger man beamed a brilliant white smile back at Edward, and we said goodnight to Jim and left to return to Edward's mansion.

We went back to the library and got another brandy, as Edward sat for a few minutes smoking his pipe and silently looking at me, as if he were contemplating something very deep in his head. I drank some more of my brandy, and began to feel very nice. I felt so happy and relaxed, it was like a small dose of euphoria.

'I must have had more brandy than I should have,' I thought to myself. I broke the silence. "That guy Jim seemed to really like you. Were you interested in him?" Edward smiled. "He was a nice young man. What did YOU think about him?" "I thought he was very attractive. But he was too busy admiring you to give me much attention," I said.

"Aaron, you'd be surprised how many beautiful young men are attracted exclusively to men my age. Some are into what they call the 'daddy/boy' thing, others like older men just because they find other young men too immature, there are many, many diverse reasons as to why that is."

"So, Mr. Dan...sorry, Edward, what is the idea you wanted us to discuss? I'm really curious." He got up from his chair and went to get a different pipe from his vast pipe cabinet, and sat back down. Sure, let me get this pipe ready first, then I'll tell you all about it." He reached for his tobacco. "It's important to fill the tobacco just right for a pleasurable smoke. first you fill it, then gently pack it. Then you fill it loosely again and you pack it down again to where the tobacco springs back like a sponge when you press down on it."

He reached for his lighter. I was a bit perplexed as to why he seemed to be almost giving me a lesson on how to fill and light a pipe, but I really liked this man. If he wanted to take his time enjoying our evening, then great. Edward then began to instruct me on how to light and puff on a pipe. I politely listened to him. He sat back in his chair and took a nice sip of brandy.

"Aaron, what would you think if I offered you the opportunity to own this mansion, and half of my money?"

I choked on my brandy and almost spit it on the carpet. "Excuse me? I don't think I heard you right." "Yes, Aaron, I would like to make a personal arrangement with you, and you would get my mansion, and half of my full assets. I'm worth about seven hundred and fifty-million dollars. That doesn't include my mansion. It and all of the treasures contained here are worth more than one hundred million dollars. I'm not telling you this to try to impress you. I'm honestly saying that by tomorrow morning, Our deal can be sealed and done forever."

I could not believe my ears. My heart began pounding and I started to sweat when I saw that the expression on his face was absolutely serious. He grinned at me and I noticed how he was sweating a little himself. I noticed that the top of his bald head had became even more shiny than before. Edward stroked his thick beard as he looked at me and seemed to be contemplating again.

"I don't understand," I broke the silence again, "what you're saying sounds amazing, and you look serious, but what deal are you talking about? What would I have to do? Is there a hidden camera somewhere?"

Edward laughed heartily at my questions. "No, my boy, there aren't any cameras. I'll get to what I want, but first, let me ask YOU a few more questions. I'm almost as nervous as you are, Aaron. This is a big decision, and once we make it, there's no going back."

I was all ears. "My young friend, what do you think of an older man like myself? I mean, do you pity a man my age and consider him to be 'past it,' so to speak?" "Not at all. I think older men are lucky. They don't have to work, they do what they want, and I've always respected them. I look at you, and I could only hope to look like you when I'm your age. You look healthy, and I think you resemble Sean Connery, my idle. He's five years older than you, and he's still one of the sexiest men around." I was still wondering where this was going.

"I'm glad you think that, Aaron. Tell me, would it bother you if you were as big as I am? I mean, if you were told that part of your wealth came from it?"

What a weird question. I stared at him and looked at his rather large gut and pondered. Finally, I asked, "Do you mean would it bother me being heavy like you if I knew that being bigger would be the reason I was wealthy?" He nodded. "That would be part of it. Let me just come out with it.. You look very confused." I was very ready for him to make this all clearer. "My boy, I want to trade places with you. I would like give you half of everything I own, if you'll agree to swap with me. You would stay here and live your life of luxury, and I would go out and travel the world in the manner I've wanted to for many years."

I was stunned by what I was hearing. I poured another brandy. A BIG glass of brandy. He continued, "On my computer over there, all I have to do is click a button, and your new bank account will be set up. I wouldn't have to change the house deed. That wouldn't need changing, it would just be yours. It's really that simple. All you have to do is agree, and also agree to a few exchanges we would have to make tonight to seal the deal and let the magic begin."

Swap with me? Trade places with me? I really didn't think Mr. Danvers could be crazy, but he sure wasn't making a lot of sense. His series of questions were blowing my mind. "Sure, Edward, if I could live like you do, of course I'd do it. Why not?" I really wasn't sure if I was humoring the man, or if I was talking from one too many glasses of brandy. Still, I really was serious about the house and the money, but this is reality. I'd never take advantage of an older man with strange notions. I liked Edward. "I couldn't take half of everything and your mansion for just agreeing to swap places with you, Edward. What would I do to deserve this?"

Edward began to laugh a little, as he rubbed his big belly. "My boy, you would definitely deserve it. Your life would be radically different. You wouldn't be the Aaron you know, you'd be like me, but this would be your home. What do you say, young man? Could you handle being me?"

I thought about what he was saying, and, after I chuckled a bit, I answered, "You got a deal, Edward, buddy. Let's toast to it." Edward was beaming and he raised his glass to mine, the ever-present pipe clenched in his teeth. He gave me a great tour of his mansion and told me a lot about the place. It was almost midnight, and he hurried us back to the library. He grabbed another pipe and opened a cabinet. There was a safe in there, and he was dialing it and then digging in it.

He pulled out a purple velvet box and sat in his chair again, only a small lamp table between us. He opened the box and revealed the vials of clear, green liquid that were inside. "We have to drink this together and say a special toast at the same time. Are you ready for that, young man?" It's not more alcohol, is it? I don't think I could handle it."

Edward chuckled. "No, Aaron, this stuff is quite different, although I can't even to begin to guess what's in it, but it cost me an exorbitant amount of money. I've been waiting for someone exactly like you to share it with." He removed the vials and poured the contents into two silver goblets. He puffed on his pipe as he stood staring at me for a moment, then he smiled again. "When we hold the goblets in the air, say, "Kaprophka Trans doheeshka." I laughed at those words, saying that I'd had too much drink to be able to say my ABC's, but he said we could practice a bit.

It was twenty minutes before midnight, and I finally got it right. "Good then, let us now toast." He raised his glass above him and I did the same. We said the words in unisone. Kaprophka Trans Doheeshka!" We clicked our goblets together and drank the liquid. It was unbelievably delicious. It was warm and tingly all the way down my throat. Not like alcohol, but much more nice. I could tell that Edward liked it, too, because he was smiling just like me. I felt the liquid hit my stomach, then I felt it go down even lower! The sensation continued down passed my belly button, then to my groin area. Suddenly, and quite beyond all control and reason, my cock swelled to a full erection that was throbbing to get out of my pants. The erection seemed as if it took only 5 seconds to get that hard, but there it was. I then found myself uncontrollably aroused. I had never felt more horny in my entire life! This all happened in a matter of seconds!

I looked at Edward and noticed he was supporting himself on the mantle of the fireplace. He let out a quiet, but very deep baritone moan. I looked down at the man's pants, and immediately noticed that he had the same 'problem' that I did. He then opened his eyes and stood straight up. He looked at me with a very strong look of lust. I couldn't help it, but I was full of the same lust.

What in the hell was happening? What did we just drink? These questions fled my thoughts just as quickly as they had come, and all I could think about was getting off. Edward and I were both breathing very heavily. "There's one more thing we must do to seal this. We have to give each other a sacred part of ourselves."

Man, I was hot! "What do we do?" I asked as I looked at the amazing bulge in his pants. "Come here, Boy. Lay down on the couch and take off those clothes. Hurry. Do it now, boy, and do everything I tell you to." I complied immediately. I found myself on the couch without a stitch of clothing on. Edward kneeled down next to the couch and started sucking my hard cock. Oh, man, it felt so good. He sucked my cock expertly, as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. The cum was welling up from my balls, and I felt them pull tight up against the base of my shaft. It was time to cum. "I'm cumming!" I said very loudly. I shot spurt after powerful spurt of cum into him. He didn't let up, so I could tell he was swallowing every drop of my juice. I was still cumming! It was the longest and most volcanic experience of my life. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I stopped shooting into his mouth.

I lay back panting, but found that even though I had just shot my load, I was still just as aroused as I was before. Maybe even more. "Get on the floor and lay over the couch with your ass facing me. Bury your face in the couch while I bury my cock into your hole." His voice was so deep and so powerful, I found myself complying with his every word. I quickly assumed the position. I could hear Edward removing his clothes. "I'm naked now, boy. Now I'm gonna give you what you want. Oh yeah, you're gonna love this, boy."

He sounded so different. He sounded like an extremely horny and controlling man. I felt his very large cockhead press against my hole. Then the most painful sting as he thrust what was obviously an enormous and thick cock into me. After he was all the way in, I felt his balls slap against my ass cheeks. "Yeah, boy, you're gonna enjoy this cock. It'll give you pleasure for the rest of your days. Everyone you use it on will like it, too, trust me."

I wasn't sure what he meant, but the pain was turning into the hottest, most pleasurable sensation I ever felt, so I didn't really pay to much attention. I was just enjoying getting fucked by this man. He pounded his cock into me again and again, until I could tell that he was about to cum. He was grunting and moaning like a mad man, and I suddenly felt his cock grow even thicker in my ass. He tensed up and let out a loud sound as I felt his very large, but manly and powerful body collapse on top of me.

Then I felt it. He shot deep inside of me like he wouldn't stop. I felt every spray of his cum begin to fill my ass. I had never felt like that in my life! As he squirted into me, I felt my own cum spill onto the couch under me. He was still laying on me, and I could still feel his cock buried inside me. The clock struck midnight. I heard every chime as if it were so loud and penetrating, but pleasant at the same time. I loved the feeling I was having with him just staying inside of me so much, that I wished the clock would never stop. After the clock stopped sounding, he slowly pulled out of me.

I just layed there for a few minutes, and I could hear him getting dressed. I rolled over and opened my eyes and looked at him. We were both smiling. Edward handed me a robe and told me to go shower, as it was time for sleep. I did just that. He showed me to my room, and looked me square in the eye as he said, "Aaron, you're going to sleep very heavily tonight, as I will. When you wake up, you'll be a whole new man. I'll be in the next room. Sleep well, and when you wake up, you'll be a very rich man. Sleep well, young man," he said as he rubbed his hand all through the hair on my head. "That's the last time you'll feel that sensation on your head. I't not so bad, though. It's very low maintenance, you'll see." With that, he left me to sleep. I didn't even think of all the words he had just said to me, I just wanted to sleep.

I WAS 27 (part 3)

I heard an alarm clock sound somewhere in the distance. Even though I really wasn't awake yet, I could consciously discern the fact that the sound of the alarm was mingling with a dream I was having. I was at a really high class shop that sold extremely expensive men's formal suits. Some man approached as I was being fitted by someone else down below me. The approaching man was smiling at me while he put a lighter near my face. I had a pipe in my mouth and this strange man was lighting it for me. I puffed on the pipe as if I'd been craving it for hours.

How strange.....I've never smoked a pipe in my life, and I was enjoying the hell out of it. Then came the sound. It was a very loud screeching noise that emanated from the dressing room behind me, and it got louder and louder until it seemed to be right in my ear.

With a very loud boom, I was suddenly opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling. 'Holy shit! What a vivid dream,' I thought. It was as if I could still taste the pipe smoke in my mouth. I yawned and started to stretch my arms above my head. As I exhaled, I let out a loud and sleepy groan. The sound that came from my throat was way deeper, more baritone than any sound I thought I was capable of making. 'Must be all the alcohol last night. Sure, my throat's raw.'

I felt a cool breeze on my head as if my scalp was naked. As I was reaching up to scratch my head, I noticed that the blanket covering me made a loud abrasive sound as it scraped across my chin, except I barely felt it. In fact, I noticed that something hairy, thick and black was under my nose. My fingers began to touch the skin on the top of my head as I.............'What the fuck!?' My thoughts and everything I knew as the reality of waking up came to an incredibly abrupt halt as I realized multiple sensations and observations all at once. Not only was that scratchy sound of the blankets a very thick beard on my face, which I could never grow in a million years, but there wasn't a single hair on the top of my head and the thick, black woolly thing under my nose was a huge mustache!

I tried to fling myself out of bed, but as soon as I raised my shoulders from the pillow, the weight of my body forced me right back down. I reached down to my stomach where I felt the tension, and my gut was huge! Even though I was laying flat on my back, the gut I was looking down at sat perfectly up and rounded like I had swallowed a beach ball.

My eyes were wide open and I began to breathe as if I could not get enough air to my lungs. I always had a tendency to hyperventilate when I get really freaked out, but even though I was panting heavily, I was breathing just fine. I rolled over on my side and grunted loudly as I got out of bed. I was completely naked, and I looked straight down at what was my body. I couldn't see my feet at all on account of this big belly sticking straight out. Shaking, I walked toward the large mirror which was on the other side of the room. There is no way I can possibly describe to anyone how strange, no, how TOTALLY DIFFERENT my entire body felt with every step I took.

It wasn't hard to walk, but I felt so heavy, so stout, and somewhat more slow-moving than I had ever felt. As I approached the mirror, glimpses and verbal recollections from the night before began to flash across my mind. ".......... My boy, I want to trade places with you. I would like give you half of everything I own, if you'll agree to swap with me................... All you have to do is agree, and also agree to a few exchanges we would have to make tonight to seal the deal and let the magic begin.................. Your life would be radically different. You wouldn't be the Aaron you know, you'd be like me, but this would be your home. What do you say, young man? Could you handle being me?"

I was still approaching the mirror in this enormous room, when all of these words from last night swirled through my mind like a foggy haze stirring in the breeze. Then, with a feeling of an anchor plummeting down to my new stomach, I remembered three words: "Kaprophka Trans doheeshka." 'Am I dreaming this,' I wondered. 'No, the dream was the clothing store and that damn alarm clock! I know where I am. Oh my god! He was serious! We weren't playing around!'

These words and all others that were running through my brain were immediately silenced as I reached the mirror. There before me was Edward's body. I was Edward! With my eyes open wide and my mouth weighing down to the floor, the image staring back at me was over sixty years old. I was every bit the man who was my host last night. The man who invited me over for a "business proposition."

I used Edward's, uh, my hands to feel every inch of what I was looking at in the mirror, as if I thought Edward was standing in front of me mocking my every movement. I ran my hands along my bald head. There was only a bent horseshoe fringe of hair growing around just over my ears reaching around the shiny head. As one hand felt the satiny smooth skin on the top of my head, the other was running thick fingers through a very big and full beard and mustache. The black in the mustache turning salt and pepper, then gray as it spread across my cheeks was even more prominent then I remembered as I had looked at Edward the previous night.

Then I ran those huge hands across the very hairy chest, along the enormous belly, and down to a very large cock between these legs that were as thick as tree trunks. Huge balls hung low like heavy pendulums under the long, thick cock. I had known that Edward's cock had been very large by the feel of it from last night, but something else was odd about it. It looked so different from the penis I had been used to for the past 27 years. There was skin covering its head. It had not been circumcised! I had never seen an uncut cock in my life, and now there was one between my legs! This was beyond crazy.

I reached down and pulled the skin back. It was such an odd, yet very pleasurable sensation. I felt the head of this huge cock as I stretched the skin back with my other hand. I swear there was way more physical sensation on this cockhead than I had ever felt on my "own cock." I froze as I stared at the whole picture of what, no who I had become. 'I'm an old, bald, overweight man! I'm huge!' Just to make sure that I wasn't completely out of my head, I slapped my face. I decided to speak. "What did he do to me?"

Yes, as I thought, that voice that came out of my mouth was deep, extremely masculine, and not mine. I'm not sure how much time had passed as I stood there, but I was brought back to my senses by a knock on the door. It took me a little while to answer, but I finally mustered a, "C'min.....uh,...yeah?"

The door opened up behind me, and I turned to look. Standing in the doorway was my 27 year-old body smiling back at me. "We did it, Aaron. You're a very, very rich man now. It feels a bit odd right now, doesn't it?" Looking at my own self and hearing my own voice speak to me as I stood in Edward's body made everything hit me all at once.

"Sit down, Aaron. You're shaking." Edward went to the closet and grabbed a bath robe and approached me. This was a complete mind fuck! I knew it was Edward, but it was my body! My own body was speaking in a way I never did, walking differently then I ever did, and using facial expressions that clearly were Edward's mannerisms. "Aaron, first we need to get you relaxed. We have much to go over during the next month. Right now, you're in shock."

I sat down, and he handed me a somewhat large pipe that was obviously full of tobacco. I took the pipe from him and put it in my mouth as he fired up a lighter above the bowl. "One reason that you're shaking is that you need your pipe. Your body has been an avid pipe smoker for decades, and pipes are going to be an almost constant companions to you now. Trust me, you're quite used to it.

He was right. I smoked it like I had in my dream. As I smoked the pipe, I was feeling more and more calm. It was almost a mild feeling of euphoria that swept over me. "That's it, Aaron. You're doing well. Now you know why I gave you that small lesson in pipesmoking last night. Don't worry, old man, I'll teach you everything you're gonna need to know and your life is going to be lived any way you want it from now on. The only difference is that you'll live your life as a much older, portly, and rather handsome man, if I may be so bold to say." He smiled and winked at me as he said that.

#bearcub27 #body swap #age progression #magic #consensual #balding #hirsute #weight gain

12 notes · View notes

jodilin65 · 35 years

Text

FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 1989 I fell asleep last night at around 2:30 after Andy and I had a very long nice talk. We’re heading to the beach after I spend a few hours with Mom and Dad. They’re picking me up at 1:00.

Andy and I are staying overnight at an inn, then we’ll come back tomorrow.

Last night, Ma was up here for a little over two hours and we had an excellent talk. It shocks the shit out of me how supportive she’s become of my music. I sang for her and I thought it sucked cuz I was stuffed up, but she was smiling and did seem somewhat impressed. Andy said last night, “The more you continue to improve and they see that and that you really love music, the more they’re gonna encourage you to do it.”

She also was telling me how proud of me she was for teaching myself sign language. She told me how she and Dad met this deaf woman at their store.

Nervous will be here whenever. He’s picking me up a super nice journal I’ve been wanting, though it has no lines.

Later…

I wish it were now 1:00 so I can go shopping with my parents at the mall. They sold their store in the Eastfield Mall and now they have a store in Florida.

Today I was up and wide awake by 8:00, cuz I slept about 16 hours yesterday after being up 24 hours. So I required very little sleep last night and the only reason I slept, to begin with, was cuz it was cool. If it were hot, I’d never have slept.

Nervous is now reading journal #7 and the beginning of #10. Hopefully, he returns them before I go to the beach. Of course, he’s 100% trustworthy, but I feel more comfortable when they’re here safe at home. An accident could happen where they’re lost or damaged. Of course, I’d kill him even if it weren’t his fault.

I need a new blue pen after fucking Linda and her butch friend fucked up them by drawing on my potatoes. I swear some people have nothing better to do!

I’m going to McCrory’s in the mall today. Maybe they’ll have some journals at good prices. They usually have a lot of nice stuff at good prices. Clothes and all kinds of cute things.

THURSDAY, JUNE 29, 1989 Ma had a queen-size waterbed delivered today and it is awesome! It cost almost $400 with the sheets, the guy said. It has shelves for a headboard.

My neighbors Mark, down on the 1st floor, and Steve, the black guy in #16 across the hall, moved my old double bed out of here yesterday.

I didn’t like the guy who delivered the bed, though. He asked me if I was married and when I told him I was gay he just said, “Oh, you don’t like guys?” And that was it, luckily. He probably would’ve hit on me otherwise. I have a feeling I’m in for some prank calls. He has my number, and I know how men love to try to change or harass gay women.

Goodwill came two days ago and took my furniture and my place is finally in order.

Jo and Eddie moved out yesterday!

Today, whenever Andy gets up, I’m gonna go to West Springfield with him to get Gloria’s picture I had blown up into a huge poster. The girl that works there, Patty, is gay. She’s Mary’s boyfriend’s sister. She’s no goddess, but she’s prettier than Linda. I hope she has a girlfriend and doesn’t hit on me cuz I could never handle a relationship, and I’d just lose her if she was decent. And decent she seems. She’s a kindergarten teacher, too.

Statistics say 1 out of 10 people are gay.

SUNDAY, JUNE 25, 1989 Last night at work I did excellent for my first night on my own. I only had 11 orders yet made $23. The others didn’t do so well. Except for Bonnie and Robin, of course.

Ma bitched us out for parking in her driveway at the beach but we both know she’s just trying to discourage us from going there cuz she doesn’t want us talking her down to anyone. Nothing will stop us, though. We’ll just park on Soundview.

Tomorrow I’m getting a waterbed that Mom and Dad are having delivered and set up.

FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 1989 Well, here we are at the beach. We weren’t even here for two hours when we felt as if we were burning really bad, and now Andy just fucking conked out on the backseat of the car saying he wants at least 3 hours of sleep! Never ever again will we come down here after we’ve worked the night before. What the fuck am I gonna do sitting here for 3 Goddamn, motherfucking hours?!

Later…

I’m still stuck here and bored out of my freaking mind. When the hell is he gonna wake up? I tried to wake him, but he doesn’t want to get the fuck up. Never again will we come down here again unless he and I have had the previous night off and the next night off. I just want to fucking go home!

I chatted with Charlotte and Jim and also Natalie and Al. Sure enough, just as I suspected, Natalie and Al are no longer friends with Ma or Dad. They know what assholes they can be and what we went through as kids and apparently have had enough. They’ve lost quite a few friends over the years.

I’m supposed to see my therapist tomorrow but there’s no way I can. Tonight I’m gonna need to sleep until late morning or early afternoon. I’ll call her for sure Monday.

Oh shit! Goodwill was supposed to come today! Now I’ll be stuck with the furniture till Tuesday or later.

Looks like Andy may wake up now cuz there are tons of people talking.

Jo L, by the way, changed her mind about the furniture which I had also offered to her. She’s decided to get new furniture and she’s afraid wacko Eddie will get suspicious. How can a woman kiss a male’s ass for so many years? Although even she herself did advise me never to get involved with anyone so I can come and go as I please and never answer to anyone. If I were her I’d kill Eddie long before I’d give up all I’ve ever wanted and put up with him. I’d never sacrifice for anyone as she has.

I was shocked, by the way, cuz last Monday night, I think it was, Linda called and came over. She pretended not to know about the time I called the afternoon she hung up on me. We got a pizza, then ranked on Nervous like hell. We pretended we were getting off on each other and although he denied he was even horny, we knew he was jerking it.

Andy finally got up and is going to take a piss in the shed.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 1989 Well, I got in from work about an hour ago, and I think I’m definitely going to like this job. Bonnie, who was my trainer, is very friendly and gorgeous! For my first 3 hours, I was nervous, but then I began to feel more comfortable and get the hang of things. I learned more and did more than I thought I’d do on the first night. It seemed overwhelming at first, all the stuff I’ve got to learn. Where the food is, the menu, ordering codes, etc. There’s a lot of side work to be done too, which I don’t like, but once I get a system down, it should be easier and quicker to do.

One guy asked me to get him a pack of ciggies. Bonnie said that this time I could do it, but normally they get their own ciggies. When I brought them to him, he told me I was beautiful and gave me $2. Weird, huh? I didn’t expect to make a penny. See the fun advantages of being “good-looking?” Of course, it’s also a disadvantage when guys are always hitting on you.

Bonnie says working 4 nights a week she can make $400! Everyone says the graveyard shift is the best moneymaking shift. I was surprised at first, but it’s true. You have to deal with a lot of drunks, though, cuz of the 2:00 bar rush. It’s a popular restaurant too, and it’s the busiest on Friday and Saturday nights. Tonight was dead, and Andy, who required hardly any training, made $35! One night Bonnie and a few other girls made $140!

I’m so glad I never worked at Friendly’s or Steiger’s, and I’ll never work under the table again for anyone personally. Too much trouble. Jim still owes me $36. I’ll just keep harassing him till I get it.

I canceled Russ’s house for good and he seemed a little upset, but that’s just too bad. I don’t need any other work with this job. It would be too much to handle.

Later…

Russ still wants me to sweep the stairwells which Nervous did a half-assed job and that I got bitched out for, but I don’t feel like doing them or cleaning vacant apartments.

Andy and I are going to the beach on Friday, our day off.

I haven’t heard from Tammy like I knew I wouldn’t (my sister) and I’m not calling her so I can save money.

I haven’t heard from the other Tammy either. She called a week ago saying she wasn’t going to move to Florida and that Will was gonna be in jail for something quite bad. Oh well. Eventually, she’ll learn what guys are all about.

I haven’t heard from Jessie for several days either, so she must still be in pain. I should call her tomorrow.

Also, I need to call my therapist who’s probably pissed off at me.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18, 1989 Been up 24 hours. To give a brief account of what I’ve done, well, I finally put up all my curtains. Except for the back door, cuz I need a rod and hooks.

Jo L was up here today for a visit, believe it or not. She and Eddie are moving! I’m psyched cuz I can’t stand Eddie. He’s a sicko and he’s lucky he hasn’t given me any shit.

At 5:00, Andy and I went to Denny’s in Chicopee and got hired for third shift. We start tomorrow night.

I’d write more, but I really need to get to sleep. I clean Russ’s house tomorrow at 1:00. How fun, huh?

FRIDAY, JUNE 16, 1989 Well, one thing’s for sure and that is that I’ve definitely decided to stay alone. Fantasy is the best way to go for sure cuz everything is just as you want it to be during fantasy. Like I’ve said before, I’d rather fantasize about first best than settle for second best, and I’m proud of myself for being one of the very few smart ones that won’t put up with the heartache, hassles, and the ups and downs that even the best relationships have. I am totally independent and would never and could never depend on anyone for sex, money or love. I just wish I could have a kid, but I know I never will. I guess God has chosen me to be one of the ones to control the world’s population. I may be sterile, anyway.

Though I’m still up, the furniture guy’s coming from Goodwill to hopefully buy my couch, two chairs and nightstand soon, so I’ll just wait till after he leaves. I guess he’ll be here at 9:00.

Last night Andy and I talked on the phone for 2½ hours.

Later…

I woke up not too long ago. The furniture people never came.

About two hours before bed this morning, I destroyed my remaining half a pack of cigarettes. I’ve been awake now for almost an hour and I do not feel like I want one. Physically I’m half dead cuz of my asthma and allergies, and mentally I’m disgusted by what it’s done to my singing and how much money I have burned and wasted killing myself with cigarettes. I’ll take advantage of my asthma and allergies and look at it as a gift cuz if I didn’t have allergies or asthma I’d burn my money on smoking till I became as old as my mom, get emphysema or cancer and die. Also, this is God’s way of preserving my voice and allowing me to reach my full potential.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15, 1989 I slept late today and didn’t and couldn’t do much with all the fucking rain we’ve been having. My allergies and lungs are killing me and I’m so depressed. If I ever want to sing better I must quit smoking, but of course, that’s easier said than done. I fucking feel like I’m dying, I’m so short of breath. I’m so lonely, so bored too. If I could only stop smoking and feel and sing better. Then I’d have so much more energy and motivation to do all the other stuff I do pertaining to music. I’d be so happy, too. But a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind. A relationship is definitely something I can do without and don’t need or desire anymore. Not in the cards for me for sure.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14, 1989 Yesterday I slept very long and late and today I have several things I need to get done. It’ll make me feel good just to get out. First, though, I’m gonna sleep till around 11:00.

For a while last night, I was browsing through my journals. It was all mostly stuff I do not care to remember, but interesting anyway, cuz I’ve come a long way.

MONDAY, JUNE 12, 1989 I fell asleep somewhere around 7:30 or so and woke up around 1:00. I called Andy who’s finishing up a movie he’s watching and will call me back. For now, I think I’ll rank on Nervous.

Later…

This morning I fell asleep at about 7:00, then woke up at noon to Andy’s voice on my machine saying he wanted to go to the beach, so we’re on our way. It’s awfully hard to write though while he’s driving. Well, we’re just about here. We just turned off into Old Lyme.

Later…

After I get home and shower I’m sure I’ll be really red. I hope it’s kind of like the last time but no more or else I’ll really be hurting. The last time I didn’t notice any color till after I’d been home almost an hour. But now we’re not even halfway home and I can see red.

SUNDAY, JUNE 11, 1989 I’ve been up all night and this morning. Andy and I were gonna hit the beach, but he’s exhausted. I’m gonna drop off soon myself. I’ve been up since 9:00 last night.

I finally got my furniture from the house which has been sold. It’s quite nice, but Jessie isn’t gonna be able to take my old furniture, so I’m stuck with it for now till I can sell it. Thank God my living room is as big as it is.

Jessie had an ovarian cyst removed Friday and she’s still in the hospital. Doing well, though.

I saw Dr. Moshiri last Friday and he’s impressed with the progress I’m making with cutting down the Navane and says my TD’s about 75% better. I can go 3-4 days without it! I haven’t taken it since Friday (5 mg) and I feel fine. No racing thoughts. Occasionally I get a little irritable, so I take it then. Moshiri said there may be times every now and then when I may need it and that’s ok. As time goes on, I’ll need it less and less. No more using it as a crutch to solve my problems. I’m gonna learn to cope drug-free.

I got a new therapist and she seems pretty good so far.

0 notes

bodyswapmischief · 4 years

Text

Andrew sat on the couch looking at his phone. He browsed through his feed, when suddenly he felt his dick become erect. Which wasn't strange for your average 23 year old man.

Andrew looked up and saw his friend Andy on the otherside of the room. So, he just ignored his boner. He couldn't just whip out and jack off infront of his friend. Besides, ignoring his hard 2 inch boner wasn't a hard thing to do.

Moments passed and the pain began to get harder to ignore. Without looking, he tried to get into a comfortable position. That's when he felt something warm and long press against his leg.

It caught him off guard and he jump a bit. The swift movement caused his pants to tightly squeeze his dick and he moaned in pain.

Finally, Andrew looked down and saw what was going on. His heart raced, as he pushed a snake like bulge in his pants going down his leg. With each poke, he moan out in pleasure. Finally, it was confirmed in his mind; his dick had become a thick 8 inch monster.

Instinctively, he placed a pillow over his new giant buldge. He looked over at his friend who seemed oblivious. Without making a scene, he tried ot get up. But, the pant fabric painfully squeezed his dick and balls. He yelp in pain and, quickly, sat back down.

Andy started walking towards Andrew. A smile was on his face. "So, it's finally kicking in." Andy said as he looked at Andrew's crotch. Andy started unzipping his pants.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Andrew shouted. But before he could look away, he saw a familiar sight hanging from his friends body. There was no mistake. Andrew's small dick was now attached to his friends body. "You might as well take off your pants. It not like I haven't seen my own dick before." Andy said.

Then it hit Andrew. The bulge in his pants was similar to the few times he caught Andy with a boner. He sighed to get over the awkwardness and whipped it out. Revealing a dick he only saw the outlines of, through shorts. As it stood erect, he was happy to be free from the pain created from his tight pants.

"What the fuck is going on" Andrew said puzzled.

"I'm giving you my dick for the day. After you told me you haven't had sex because you're embarrassed of your dick size, I knew I had to help out my bro." Andy answered.

"What! This is fucking crazy. You probably should just undo whatever you did..." Andrew begin to worry.

"Dude, relax! Come on. I've been pretending to be you on multiple dating apps and I set up a day of sex for you. Who knows, if this goes well maybe I'll let you borrow my dick again.

"I don't know. This all seems to weird." Andrew said, still questioning everything.

"Stopping doing that! Stop and just enjoy it. Most guys would be thrilled to magically have an 8 in cock placed between their legs. Come on, this will give you the confidence boost I know you need."

"Yeah, I know your right. I'm actually kind of grateful and surprised you care this much... But, I haven't had sex. I don't know how to use this." Andrew said grabbing his new junk.

"Then fuck me bro. You know I've had a crush on you. Now, I can live my fantasy of you fucking me. Think of it as a payment for letting you borrow my dick," Andy saw the hesitation in Andrew's face. "Look, I know your straight. But don't think of it like that. Your using my own dick to fuck me. There's nothing gay about that right!? Besides it'll give you the practice you need for all the sex you'll have today."

Andy bent over to reveal his tight asshole. Andrew's new 8 inch dick got hard. Everything about this situation scream wrong. But, he knew he couldn't let an opportunity like this pass. He wanted to finally expirence sex. He'll just think of banging his buddy as a learning opportunity so, he be able to please all those ladies booked up.

Andrew drew in a deep breath and let his instincts take over. He walked over to Andy. "Can I put it in?" He asked.

"Dude look at me I'm ready to receive. You don't have to ask." Andy said annoyed .

Andrew slowly put his dick in his friends ass. They both gasp in pleasure. Finally all 8 inches squeeze into Andy's ass. "Okay, I'm in. Are you okay does it feel good." Andrew ask.

"Fuck yeah dude. Now pull it out a bit and stick it back in. And that's basically fucking." Andy responded. Slowly Andrew pulled out and and even slower he pushed it back in.

"Hold on dude." Andy sighs. "What! Is something wrong. Am I hurting you." Andrew ask. "No bro, your going so slowly. Pick up the speed."

Andrew start going a bit faster, in and out. Andy started moaning in pleasure. "There you go. Uh... uh... fuck ...yes keep going."

Andrew loved the feeling as his dick sled against the walls of his friends asshole. He started feeling this new power deep in his body grow. He felt more confident with each thrust. And; with that increase in confidence, he was becoming more aggressive. "Fuck yeah, take it bitch." He yelled out as he picked up speed, going faster and faster. He began letting out loud raoring moans.

"Ugh.. uh ...uh... uh slow ....uh down." Andy moaned out. "No bitch, you're fucking taking it." Andrew shouted back. They both scream out in an orgasmic climax as Andrew's dick released a full load of cum into Andy's ass.

Andrew quickly whipped out his dick from Andy's ass, causing Andy to yell out. As soon as all 8 inches were out, Andrew tossed Andy to the side like a used toy. Andrew began staring at himself in the mirror. Flexing and playing with the monster of a dick between his legs.

Andy was left on the bed catching his breath. He looked at Andrew, checking himself out. He was happy to see Andrew enjoying himself. But with each passing second, he felt more insecure of having his naked body exposed on the bed. He look at Andrew and was intimidated by there new cock size differences. He quickly began covering himself up.

At this point Andy knew something was wrong with the spell. He want to recommend swapping their cock sizes back to normal but he was worried how Andrew would respond. He didn't want to make his friend angry.

Before, Andy could stir up the last shreds of confidence left in his body. Andrew started getting dressed. "Thanks bro, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of these bitches. Oh and I don't know how you did this but yeah, I think we both agree that this should be permanent now, don't we."

Andy could clearly feel that both of their personalities were changing. He looked at the new strength Andrew's already strong body had seemed to gain. He seemed more manly and more attractive. Andy was beyond intimidated. In fact his small 2 iches was starting to get hard again.

Andrew stood aggressively staring at Andy, waiting for a response. His python hanging out in the open. Andy was starting to feel afraid of what Andrew would do if he said no. So, Andrew just nodded his head in agreement.

"Good, I liked that answer." Andrew responded. "I think you just earned a round two, after I come back from fucking all these sluts you lined up for me. It feel like this dick still wants to be a part of you . But, it doesn't seem to mind that the only way that going happen now is by being shoved in your ass."

As Andrew left, Andy tried to fight these new feelings that were flooding his mind. He ran to his room to see where the spell went wrong. And, his heart sank as he realized he failed to read the full spell.

Note: If the two affected by the spell commit intercourse their personalities will change depending on the roles they played in said intercorse. Also, as long as the spell last they will be bonded by sexual interest with each other.

Andy realized what he did. By helping Andrew and guiding him what to do. Andy turned Andrew into a dominant, aggressive, sexual beast. He on the other hand had become submissive and caring to Andrew's every need.

Even now with the spell infront of him, he couldn't get himself to recite the reversal spell. It would go against the helpful, submissive, caring attitude towards Andrew that he now felt and acted out during sex with him.

In fact having this spell around was just a threat to Andrew's new happiness. So, Andy tore it up and flushed it down the toilet. The last piece of who he used to be screamed out in horror.

He looked around the apartment. He knew it would be to messy for his Andrew. He need to make sure his Andrew was happy and pleased when he got back home. And, after all that sex he was gonna do, his Andrew was going need some nourishment when he got back home.

As Andy cooked and clean, he could only smile thinking about how happy he was going to make his Andrew. Being a cum dump for him wouldn't be so bad. Yeah, it sucked, that he had to share his Andrew with a constant parade of sluts. But, what would one expect being in a relationship with a man as attractive and manly as his Andrew. And, at the end of they day, Andy knew his man would always come home. After all, his Andrew couldn't resist his nice ass. It was a weird relationship but, it worked for them.

#Body #swap #mischief #male body part tf #personality change #transformation #tf #stories #story

553 notes · View notes

pokesplendor · 3 years

Photo

rosa’s team from sword as gijinka! info about them beneath the cut.

Ella - Cinderace - she/her - lesbian Black - cis woman - age 21

Ella is full of joy and life, she’s smiles and cheer, she’s happy to be here! A young soccer pro drafted into League battling for her fiery passion and clear leadership potential. She has a natural charisma about her that brings people together and execute plans correctly, as evidenced by her time on the field. She stayed briefly in the Champion’s guard, where she met Graves as a Sobble, and the two became friends, despite being from different walks of life. That’s Ella for you, making friends wherever she goes, and that is a pervasive fact through her journey for the league. Of course, she never expected to have to face down a God like Eternatus, but she didn’t let that stop her.

Besides soccer, she’s passionate about cooking and loves to fire up the stove with curry! She’s all about that curry! She’s also always down for some pre-dinner stretching, some pre-dinner fighting, just a little brawling here or there. She never thought she’d be so into competitive battle, but there’s something intoxicating about it she can’t resist. She feels like she can make friends through an exchange of fists!

Ella just loves making friends, exchanging numbers, becoming pen pals, it’s all so fun! She didn’t expect to find those she considers her family through her journey but here she is! Thomasin is her best pal, she might even consider her a sister! And where would she be without Connie, she’s been there the longest. Sometimes she steals Connie’s hand to hold, and other times, she steals her lips.

Connie - Sandaconda - they/she - queer Mexican-Japanese - nonbinary woman - age 30

Connie is a sleepy individual. They’re always in a bit of a haze, like they just didn’t get enough sleep, or maybe they got too much sleep and they can’t snap out of it. They just love naps! Is that such a problem? Their manager certainly seemed to think so. Connie is an accomplished model who would often sneak off to the wilderness to camp for a few days at a time to get away from the busy city. This is how they met Ella and were swept into a gym challenge. They didn’t expect to like it, but you know, if you have to be awake, they don't mind giving a deserving individual a good bop. Their striking gaze sent shivers down the enemies spine, assisting a great deal in a tough spot.

As stated, Connie is a model, and being a model means you have a lot of responsibilities that you can completely ignore and run off at the drop of a hat to do whatever you please. Their manager is not too fond of them, but they can’t find it in their heart to care. They do care about the fashion they have to wear, it’s been their dream job since they were little to wear the fanciest clothes you can. They’re good at their job, they’re good at looking pretty in nice clothes, and that’s how they keep it.

They love the friends they’ve made along the way, Thomasin is always stubbornly trying to knock them off balance and prove herself superior, but it’s all good fun. And they quite enjoys Sybil’s attempts at music. And Minerva and Ella’s combined efforts to produce excellent cooking! Oh, Ella, she’s a darling, isn’t she. Connie is smitten with her, that’s for sure.

Matilda - Hatterene - she/they - lesbian Japanese - nonbinary - age 27

Matilda is a witch from the swampy areas in the Glimmwood Tangle. She would happily live there for the rest of her life and not interact with other people if necessary, but she unfortunately happened to leave the safety of her bog for family reasons (if she had a choice she never would have, but ugh, relatives), and during that time, ran into Ella and the gang, who excitedly recruited her to their great quest across the land. At first, she only intended to be along for the ride back to the Glimmwood Tangle, but for reasons she’d never admit to, she stuck around.

She is a calm, collected individual, keeping her emotions in check constantly and disgusted by those who freely express themselves for the world to be known. Little known to others, her emotions bubble beneath the surface, and if pushed too far, they boil over and she gets extremely overwhelmed and unable to control herself. Not that she lets that happen ever (often). She mostly deals in potions of various uses, and magics that stir nature in a pot to boil much like her emotions.

Matilda isn’t looking for anyone to date, she isn’t looking for friends, she isn’t looking for anyone at all. Especially men. Stereotypical mean man-hating lesbian right here. She’d never admit she has feelings for Ella (the feeling is friendship) and wishes Sybil will just leave her alone (she gets flustered.)

Sybil - Toxicitry - she/her - bi White - trans woman - age 20

Look out, here’s team baby! And she’s loud, she’s proud, she’s here to rock and roll! And, oh, that didn’t rhyme, did it? She’s working on that, she swears. From a family of successful doctors and midwives, she had big dreams to get out of babysitting newborns, and get out there and get her voice heard! She wants to rock people’s faces off with her awesome guitar solos! Granted, she’s not that good at guitar, she’s better on base, and she’s not the best at singing, but she swears she has sick lyrics. When Ella’s group stopped at her family’s nursery, she could tell there was greatness on its way up, and she figured she could ride it to success!

Sybil can be very explosive about her interests, launching into long spirals of talking, one topic to the next, she can’t control herself. She’s autistic and she just wants you to know! Things she likes! That’s not bad, right? She never stops to ask if they want her to stop, she really can let it get away from her. It’s fine though, her new group of friends are so supportive! More than her family had been, she’d even venture to call this new group more family than she’d known.

She gets along real well with Ella, the two can be seen playing ball or sparring at any given time, gotta keep up with them gains! And when running into Graves’ group, she’s in talks with Thrasher to start a band together! And then there’s Matilda, she once witnessed her emotions boil over and it was so cute she just has to see it again. Sybil can be a little menace.

Minerva - Appletun - she/they - lesbian White - trans woman - age 45

Minerva certainly isn’t old enough to be considered a grandma, but she is, actually, a grandma. She’s got a few kids from back in the day before she transitioned, and those kids had a few more kids, and here she is, grandmother at a young age. What this means to say is she’s definitely team mom when it comes to Ella’s group. She’s surrounded by children nearly the age of her own, and someone’s got to mother them! She ran into the group when they were visiting the nursery with her newest grandchild, and what was a small agreement to help with the upcoming gym turned into an adventure she didn’t expect! She never traveled when she was younger and found she loved it.

She also loved the kids that came along with it. She loved feeding them especially. Ella was a little prodigy with food, and Minerva just wanted to feed that flame and love of food. Minerva loves food, she’s a cook by trade and she loves filling a meal with love. Other than that, she collects old books, out of print editions, and keeps them in her sturdy little home up by Circhester. She was content being alone for so long, long distant contact with her children, she didn’t expect to need company.

But that company she definitely had. She found an old soul resonating with her in Iosefka, the two oldest of the group, the old Frosmoth always seemed to have just the right ingredients for her stews. Something stewed between the two of them, there’s for sure. She also enjoyed running into Graves’ group and meeting Grevious, a fellow designated mom.

Iosefka - Frosmoth - she/her - lesbian Black - cis woman - age 48

Iosefka was but a simple traveling merchant. She’d seen all shades of Galar over the years, seeing it’s darkest underbelly, to its brightest sun shining peaks, and she loves her home region with all her heart despite knowing there’s some people that it would be better without. But she’s not one to comment on that, not unless asked, after all, she’s just an unassuming merchant here to stock you up for the road and not give her opinion, heavens no! So wasn’t it so surprising that she was absolutely swept up from her solitary traveling live into Ella’s little group, something about the little girl was just so charming, she wanted to see where her journey took her.

She loves collecting the rarest of the rare, the sweetest of delicacies, there’s nothing better than traveling to a little unknown spot to get the hardest to find ingredients growing where you might not expect them, and roll into town and being overwhelmed with the local restaurants vying for her samples. She’s not opposed to finding shiny things as well, but something about food, it entices her. She loves providing for a good meal. She’s a bit of a shit cook though.

Iosefka isn’t exactly guarded with her feelings, but she’s not open either; it comes with being a merchant, she gets her feelings across in a sly sort of way. But she’s found a family with Ella’s group, a place she doesn’t have to hide her blunt rudeness. And in traveling, found new love with Minerva. The two are quite a pair of old gays.

Thomasin - Dubwool - she/her - lesbian Black - cis woman - age 23

The first to be recruited to the great quest across Galar in hopes of taking the Championship title, Thomasin is exactly what you’d expect of the league battler. She trained for years hoping to get picked up by someone in the circuit and show off her skills. She’s always down to fight and dominate in the field, and prove her worth. Not that her worth needed to be proven to Ella, who was happy to accept someone so eager. Even happier to call her a friend! Thomasin felt kinship with her right away and the two set off with pure confidence. She didn’t shy away from a League fight, and she certainly didn’t show fear when facing down a god.

Outside of battling, she (secretly) is a dedicated poet and songstress. She can’t sing, but she loves writing music and ballads, about grand adventures of pirates, and heaty thrists between ever gallant knights and fair princesses in the midst of complicated politics. She’s been working on her magnum opus for quite some time, an epic combining all her favorite things to write about… in that it’s still a work in progress. She’s got the characters, the world, she just doesn’t know how they fit together!

Thomasin and Ella are nearly inseparable, they’re always running around, full of energy and love and they can tumble down in the grass covered in stains and laughing without a problem. She lets Sybil in on their love, the three youngest getting along swell. And she won’t lie, she is slightly interested in Maverick from Graves’ team. (She just might have a thing for knights.)

#pokemon gijinka #pokemon humanization #cinderace #sandaconda #hatterene #toxicitry #frosmoth #appletun #dubwool #ella #connie #matilda #sybil #iosefka #minerva #thomasin

67 notes · View notes

black-rose-writings · 3 years

Text

Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself

To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.

Long post ahead

Chapter 1

So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.

Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”

I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.

I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.

Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.

And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.

Chapter 2

What?

Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.

Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.

Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.

Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?

Me at Alina: Do you?

Chapter 3

“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.

My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.

Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.

And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.

Chapter 4

Wow, that was quick.

Aaand. What had just happened?

Chapter 5

Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.

And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.

I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.

A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.

Chapter 6

I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?

I don’t know man, I don’t like him.

Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.

Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr

Chapter 7

In other news, pirates are funny.

Holy shit, they have a plane.

That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.

Chapter 8

You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.

Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.

Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.

Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*

Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.

Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.

Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?

Chapter 9

For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.

I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.

Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.

You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.

What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?

And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?

That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.

Chapter 10

The bones thing is definitelly yikes.

Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.

“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.

Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.

Chapter 11

Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.

I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.

At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.

Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?

Chapter 12

We meet the King again, unfortunately.

Alina gets Darkles’s old job.

This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.

Chapter 13

Alina’s nuts, yay.

(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)

Chapter 14

Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.

For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.

Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.

But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.

I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.

Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.

Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.

So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.

Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.

Chapter 15

Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina

Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?

Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.

Chapter 16

Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.

Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.

Chapter 17

Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.

*sighs at heteronormativity again*

*sighs at improper gendering of titles*

Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?

Chapter 18

Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.

I hate cultists.

LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.

You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.

Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.

Chapter 19

You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.

Horny Alina rights.

They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.

Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?

Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.

Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.

Chapter 20

Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).

Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.

Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?

Chapter 21

Alina has the horny sickness, lol.

Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.

Mal, you fucking idiot.

Alina, stop defending Mal.

Chapter 22

Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.

Finally, some action.

Chapter 23

Oh, boi, this is going great.

Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.

And, we’re done.

Finally.

That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #siege and storm #review #darklina #anti mal #I guess #reading binges like this yeet me right back into middle school

27 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 4 years

Text

Ducktales Comics: Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime or Weblena: The Preschool Days (Lena Retrospective) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Shadow Into Light, My Lena Retrospective, which fittingly has now come to Women’s History Month! I sadly do not have anything besides this arc prepared for the month. This month is pretty packed for me with two shows a week to cover, as while there’s only two weeks of Ducktales left final space starts up right after to take it’s spot, two arcs to cover, and two time specific movie reviews: animal crossing the movie and the 1990 TMNT film. I will try to get more than the currently planned top 12 superheroines list out there... but this month is very tight as is, so if I do not I deeply apologize.

Now that’s out of the way, it’s appropriate we start Women’s history month on some likely lesser known parts of Lena’s history, with some comics stories focusing on our faviorite emo lesbian duck and her 87 counterpart. Before I get started on that though Kev my patreon pointed out something intresting a few weeks back i’ve been forgetting to get to and since we’re looking into Minima, I felt this was the perfect time to do so: Lena’s Concept art.

There’s quite a few things to gleam from this. For starters as pointed out in the reddit thread I got the image as a whole from this was made in 2015, meaning Lena was one of the first new characters designed for the series and was part of it from the VERY early stages, as evidenced by the fact that despite clearly having their new personalities established, Beakly and Webby still had the old designs.

The other notable change is that her first design was way more like both Magica nad Minima, a bit more modern, but clearly far more obvious who she was related to. She also had all black feathers making the shadow twist a bit more obvious and was likely done away with both to avoid giving that twist away, the same reason for the fake lestrange name, and to avoid accidently black coding her, as while Lena being black would’ve been intersting, it also would’ve invited a firestorm of controversy given that their one black character in season 1.. woul’dve started off as a homeless, manipulative antagonist, and none of that would play well nor was it something the progressive crew of this show couldn’t spot from a mile away. And even this early on they have an almost final design ready, simply changing the shirt to fit her personality more, and her hair to be pink because it honestly looked better She also had green eyes throughout, but for whatever reason they phased them out. That part I don’t quite get as they look nice but probably they were hard to translate to the reboot style once they settled on their own. Her purple eyeshadow and haircut though have stuck since and were good calls.

One last VERY obvious note.. Webby was gay for Lena from minute one. While Dana helped it is now VERY obvious they gay coded this relationship from the design phase, and the crew was entirely aware the whole time and I gave them less credit than I should have. They clearly had this in mind, and it’s very likely ONLY subtext because Disney, while making more and more progress, is very reluctant to have queer characters as Owl House was a struggle and since they have a tighter leash on properites based on the sensational 6, that means Frank knew they had the same odds of making Webby or Della queer in anything but subtext that a pig has of suviving in a slaughterhouse. I bring this up because I fear the series getting accused of queerbaiting somewhere down the road instead of doing what they could with a bad hand and hoping they could make the show as gay as they could. Penny is as out as they posisbly could get her, and Violet and Lena’s dad’s got a full apperance, if no speaking role that made it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt their gay and did it in a plot important episode. So they did their best and I want them to get credit for that.

But while this is all intresting stuff, join me under the cut for the meat of today’s review as I dig into Lena’s only apperance in the tie-in comic that was never punished here, and the only apperance of her protoype Minima.

Spies Like Us: As I mentioned this comic was never published here which is doubly weird to me because of how I knew this story existed. Since I follow comics weekly and buy trades reguarly, I read the solicits companies put out eveyr month to see what new series are coming, what the ones i’m currently reading are doing, and what trades are coming out. That sort of thing, and it’s something I love. I know their basically adds.. but their well put together adds that really pull you into the books you like. The big two and the indies are all very good at it and sometimes i’ts the only way to know a comic is coming if the company dosen’t make a press release for it ahead of time.

So naturally given there are several comics I follow at idw, paticuarlly the TMNT comics, I read those solicits and found they were going to do an issue with Webby and Lena becoming spies, and was excited about it. I ended up forgetting about it and never really followed the Ducktales comic as it came out, and upon reading an issue or two recently, one for another comission by kev as one story, happy happy valley, was particularly terrible. For those who haven’t read the story or my review, it involved the family getting stranded on an island where their forced to partake in activites and smile..that somehow turned into an aseop about Louie wanting to be rich. It ended with this

Yes.. really. That actually happened. But even with this, I fully planned to cover the issue when I covered Lena, and brought it up to Kev when he commissioned the retrospective. He gave me the discord equilvent of a blank stare and had never heard of it. I soon found out why: the story was replaced as, and fair play to disney, it spoiled Beakly’s past from the agent 23 episode which wasn’t going to air in time. What dosen’t work is they never reprinted the story in The US.. didn’t put it in a future issue and just swap it’s place didn’t put it in the nothing. And the story was fully complete as we’ll see, with a cover and everything so they had no excuse whatsoever to NEVER use it, even with what happened to Lena in the season finale, this clearly took place before that and it was weird to just shelve it because of that. But thankfully when a bunch of the stories were reprinted overseas, this and another one, also webby centric got published overseas. But not in english.

Lucky for me, I was able to find an english translation of an english story which you can read RIGHT HERE. It was translated by @neopuff and I thank them for it as without them this review would not be possible and want to give them all the credit. So was it worth all their hard work translating it? Well let’s take a look.

We begin at the Manor where Lena is skulking around suspiciously.. though it turns out she and Webby are just playing hide and seek. Though Lena accuses cheating. The dialouge here is pretty flat though that’s not Neopuff’s fault at all. As I can attest from reading other stories a lot of the early IDW comics are just this flat in dialoguge no matter the writer as they were likely given character descriptions and basic info about the show they likely had written up for merchandising and Frank and Co were given no involvement and likely weren’t made avaliable to consult on the comics to help them be a bit more fleshed out. It’s very obvious to me Disney just tried to get these pumped out so they’d have a series in stores to tie in without carring about qualities and given Scrooge debuted in comics, their lack of care toward that side of things in general, but especially in the first american published original duck comics in a while, bothers me a lot. It’s inexcusable.

That being said the story isn’t half bad nor is the setup as the two hear a beeping and find it’s Beakly’s phone going off with a mysterious message from Q, Webby thinks she’s been reactivated, and is encouraged by Lena to go look after her while she stays along. While Webby says in response

It just feels grossly out of character for both. Lena is far more subtle about manipulation as shown five minutes ago and Webby blindly trusts her. Because she has a massive crush on her and is naïve about how the world works. It just seems very odd of her to get suspicious as she never does on screen, and again it comes off as Disney having barely given the writers any materials on them when i’m sure Frank or Matt would’ve been happy to write up a thing for them to help outside of the usual press materials they were given.

Though hte last line isn’t all that out of character and has an obvious answer as within a jumpcut Launchpad’s taking them to London and is told to blend in.. which he does with an australian flag and accent.. good gag.

So our heroines do some heroic breaking and entering and look for the package, but soon find while hiding it’s already in transit.. and had obvious bows on int. Whoops. Our heroes trie the old follow tha tcar bit and refreshingly, it dosen’t pan out as the guy stops and tells them to get out. A nice twist. Unable to follow, our heroes instead find launchpad lost, as his map is upside down

So Lena dares him if he can follow that plane, a nice bit of character for both. I will give Joe credit. While the dialouge’s a bit flat and there was that out of character moment.. for the most part he does nail the actual character down and does use it decently enough. He’s just not given enough page room or actual details to work with is all.

So while our heroes follow they end up having to crash as they run out of fuel.. lucky their with the expert but end up near home where the package is delivered to. Turns out this wasn’t a spy thing, this was just a thing with her aunt. That’s fine and a nice gag.. it’s just ruined by just sorta.. ending. Lena leaves disapointed and Beakly scolds webby for “playing spy” and she’s sad. That’s it that’s how it ends. Which dosen’t fit the characters, as while Beakly would defintely scold her, it just dosen’t FIT that she’d be that tearse or not appricate the effort or give her an actual lecture and it feels like Joe had no idea how to end this after the gag and just.. ended it.

Final Thoughts for Spies Likes Us: This was okay. It is a bit of a disappointment as for the only story not available.. i’ts just okay and not really above an average Ducktales comics story, with some nice character bits but feeling a bit weak overall, as do at least the first half of the idw comics. I haven’t read the later stuff to see if it got better. It’s worth a read if you like Webby and Lena as characters and it’s not BAD, it’s just not anything impressive and is a simple hyjinks filled misunderstanding story.

Dime After Dime:

So now we go back a bit to the original. I didn’t do these in chronological order because frankly, Dime after Dime is the better story of the two and the bigger one at that, so I have more to work with here. But the original also had comics and honestly from the few i’ve read much BETTER comics. I chalk this up to two things: The Ducktales 87 comics seem to have come out AFTER the series was already a hit, and since Ducktales is pretty close to the original uncle scrooge comics minus it’s own tweaks here and there, it’s easy enough to just write the stories like you would a regular uncle scrooge story, just with Webby and Launchpad added, whereas the idw writers were staffed with writing for all new versions of the characters with noticable differences without much to go on. It’s why to me with tie in comics you have two options: Wait long enough so you can put your story inbtween the episodes like the Steven Universe and Regular Show comics did or just make your own continuity entirely like the Adventure Time Comics and the Archie TMNT Adventures series did. The ONLY time i’ve seen a comic work like this is the Bravest Warriors comic, which had a talented writer and fit well enough in the margins until it sadly ended.. and honestly is BETTER in some cases than the series. I might get to it someday. The point is this comic shows why you need to have a deft hand adapting something instead of just falling your arms about and hoping it’ll work.

So today’s comic was part of some Disney Series called cartoon tales, which clearly repackaged comic stories from wherever, and put them together. I don’t know much about it and the only other issue avaliable collects the disney adventures adaptation of “Just Us Justice Ducks”, which I might cover at some point. This book does have two other stories which i’d be happy to do on comission or on my own at some point, one involving gladstone the other gizmoduck, but for now, i’m just sticking to the title story and the reason you all came here.

So we open with Magica gazing into her crystal ball from her Mt. Vesuvies base saying that Scrooge will never know what hit him I know exactly what and who wiil hit him thank you very much.

Scrooge is seeing Webby off to her first day of day camp, getting all teary eyed which is touching. Beakly apparently goes with her as the story never SAYS Sshe does but she’s not also not around when the story moves on, as Launchpad says it looks like rain. Scrooge dismisses him, though Launchpad turns out to be right. Scrooge had good reason for once though, instead of just being a dick good on you comic for making me not want to punch him in the face, trust me that is a high bar to clear with the scrooge comics, as the weather was fine just a minute ago. Naturally it was Magica All Along! Nothing scrooge can do now that eveyrthing has gone wrong! Her entrance though is sadly not a catchy earwormy tune, but .. this confusing line

I think your thinking of Gladstone. And he’s still single so.. have at that but no Scrooge is the one who values hard work over anything else and brags about THAT or being rich. I .. I don’t get this line and frankly I don’t want to. Even in stories where the dime is supernaturally lucky and the source of his wealth he dosen’t boast about it because he’s not stupid and dosen’t want everyone knowing how to bankrupt him instantly. This line will baffle me until I die, presumably, given my life’s tragetctory, after reviewing an episode of mighty ducks and slipping on some a jerky wrapper.

Scrooge asks what she wants...

No this isn’t that kind of story sadly. Her plan is to.. zap the bin with lightning and take the dime. Really just went with your first draft didn’t you magica? But as stupid as this plan is Scrooge has prepared for it. He installed a lightning rod on the bin to save on power, and to power his new super soaker traps. So all Magica did was save him money. She flies off and nothing is acomplished.

So we get back to Webby at the Teenie Weenie Day Camp.. and just so you don’t think that was a terrible joke on my part...

My theory for how this name got approved at all is the editor KNEW how that sounded and just wanted to see if Disney would actually print a comic with the phrase Teenie Weenie without getting what it means in slang or how hilariously inapproriate it is to namme a children’s camp after it.

Your probably wondering who that grown woman calling Webby a dweeb is. Well story wise, she’s SUPPOSED to be another kid at the camp around Webby’s age. In practice, she looks like THIS in closeup

So it looks and plays like a 30 year old woman snuck into the day camp and no one’s noticed she’s not actually a children. Or their just humoring her because she had a week to live. I don’t know. I do know she doesn’t get to judge on names.

Snippy Von Glitz, proof rich people really do hate their kids and this this comic is trying personally to give me material. Snippy is your average alpha bitch, taking a chair from Minma and being obnoxious and classist and all that jazz. Minima gets hers back by making the chair bouncy then returning it to normal so Snippy gets in trouble when she makes up things about the chair, with the lady in charge getting ready to call her Dad. You cannot convince me that her “Dad” is just what she calls her husband, this is how they both get off, and that the lady at the preschool only tolerates it because they pay her a lot and so far the kids haven’t noticed Snippy is 30. Webby likes minima finding her name pretty, proving that the ho yay is alive no matter the webby and magica relative, and Minma returns the favor by saving her from a block.

Minma is reluctant to make an actual friend, finding they aren’t worth anything and given most of the kids here apparently pick on her and her aunt is well.. Magica, it’s understandable why she’d be so cold. But Webby presses on and says something from Scrooge about friends. Which given Ducktales scrooge has none goes weird but it gets Minma to find out she knows and lives with Scrooge, so she cons webby into taking the dime for show and tell, showing that she can manipulate them with her powers, and that he won’t notice it’s missing, getting her with “I thought you wanted to be friends”

So let’s pause for a second and compare and contrast the two: Both are the niece, or at least sorta in Lena’s case, of Magica, both manipulate webby, and both are her first real friend: The 87 boys are little monsters and I don’t consider them friends or even brothers, while the 2017 ones are just that: brothers. Their her siblings in all but blood, not friends and have hteir own long complicated history.

But otherwise the two are vastly different. Lena is a far more complex character as she’s been abused her whole life, is a rebel because Magica hardly gave her agency, and while she starts wooing webby out of self interest it’s clear even as far as the first episode she cares. Lena would gladly be part of the world if she could and this whole scheme is to gain that choice.

Minma is still sympathetic but very different: She walls herself off because the other kids laugh and mock her for being herself and lashes out at them.. not unreasonably mind , but still feeling she needs no one else.. but as we’ll learn later she’s only helping Magica to finally feel accepted, to get all the fancy clothes and stuff that will make her popular instead of that grown woman masquerading as a kid for disturbing reasons. Minma is at her heart just a hurt kid desperate to fit in. And while Lena shares the desire for a place to belong.. it’s at it’s core much sadder. Lena.. wants a family. Someone to love her and to care about her and actually look after her. Minma has that she just wants to be loved. it’s similar but very diffrent and I can see why Lena evolved into what she did, as Frank and Matt ended up going in a far darker but ultimately more interesting direction. Minima is not a bad character at all though and without her I don’t think we would’ve had Lena, but at the end of the day the 87verse is just not that complicated, so the reboot needed something more and that more evolved into who we have now.

Both kids excitedly talk about their new friends, with their respective guardians being distracted. Scrooge is distracted by the fact his car is a bit bumpy and Launchpad offers to fix it up for free with some parts from a buddy, which given the sentence “This won’t cost you anything” makes him erect, Scrooge agrees. Magica meanwhile, whose watching Minima while her mom is away which raises a LOT of questions we don’t have time for like who she is, is she’s poes wife or does Magica have other siblings... it’s a lot of questions we’re never going to get answers to.

The next day Webby got the dime easy as Scrooge was distracted. so Minima swaps them while she’s distracted. But while swiping it was easy, which to be fair Webby is likely approved in his security so it woudln’t match her.. or the story just needed to progress. You make the call.

Magica does the logical thing and goes and get sthe dime and the story ends there.. and i’m shitting you, she of course brags to scrooge, reveals minima as her spy, and offers to RACE him for it shortly after he realizes he has a fake.

The only major flaw in this story is Magica’s overconfdience, which isn’t BAD persay, but here has gotten to dumbass proportions. She just can’t plan for anything and a CHILD has a better plan than her that only dosen’t work for reasons we’ll get to. And that plan is almost ruined by Magica taunting scrooge!

So a race is on but Launchpad has transformed Scrooge’s old Model T into this

Damn that’s cool. Scrooge of course dosen’t like it, but honestly you get what you paid for. Oh that’s right you paid nothing for something you NEED to use every day for transportation.

At the rickity thickity bridge, Steve Buschemi’s worst roll and her minion ask Webby to roll with them and Minima mistakes this for betrayal planning to soak them all.. only for Webby to DEFEND HER, pointing out minma’s her friend, how she dresses is fine and she loves her no matter what.. the last part’s implied. The 30-year old asshole and her minon leave Webby and Minma is genuinely touched, as no one’s done that for her before. She put up so many walls... she didn’t realize someone could ACTUALLY care about her, so obessed with thinking she had to be like that soccer mom in preschoolers clothing, she just had to be herself: kinda werid but in that fun adams family way. Webby says she knows Minma would do the same.. so while she prepares to let’s get back to the race. Magica realizes Launchpad’s roadster is actually gaining and spreads some tacks, but Scrooge counters with some money.. because of course he has a lot of money in the trunk. But Magica takes out the bridge and while scrooge awesomely JUMPS IT... he’s still too late.

As you probably guess though, Minima had a change of heart, and gave Webby the real dime back, and Scrooge confirms it. Minima TRIES to tell Magica, and Magica is horrified her niece is a goody goody “I”ll never hear the end of it at my astral aerobics class”.. I.. I want to see that. Let’s raise those spirit ladies and kick kick that soul, doge that shadow king punch them in the soul. Yes! Now eat it eat it and absorb it’s power!

We end on a button joke as Webby apologizes for taking the dime., Scrooge accepts it and Webby tells them magica learned to carpet and they gulp for some reason.

Final Thoughts on Dime after Dime: This story was decent. It has problems, some jokes don’t land and Magica is made horribly incompetent, but minima’s character arc is endearing, and Webby herself is precious as always and her winning Minima over feels genuine. And Scrooge is in prime adoring uncle mode with her and i’ts just so cute. And the roadster race is pretty awesome to watch honestly. It’s an exceptional and enjoyable tie in story.. and not the last ducktales 87 story we’ll be covering here. Wink wonk.

Next Time: Things get DARK as Lena and Webby head into the depths of Scrooge’s hidden bin and Lena heads into the depths of her own soul.

Tommorow: Woo-Ooo mofos as we go back to the very beginning of the reboot! A family restored, a lost city to explore, and a glomgold rises! Be here or be square.

#ducktales #ducktales 1987 #webbigail vanderquack #lena saberwing #weblena #minima de spell #magica de spell #bentina beakly #launchpad mcquack #scrooge mcduck #dime after dime #spies like us #idw #comics #animation #shadow into light

99 notes · View notes

kaelio · 4 years

Text

@c-rowlesblogs and @kaelio talk about our Garak & Bashir Important Family Moment concept:

crowles at 1:23 PM

a whole month!! Roommates with Enabran Tain!! Nothing!

Kaelio at 1:23 PM

I know!! LIKE????

how great would it have been, even if they don't want to delve in

if from time to time Julian's referencing something like "as Tain always said, '[thing]'"

and people are like oh yeahhh... HM

crowles at 1:24 PM

and Garak chokes on his fish juice

Kaelio at 1:24 PM

or even when he goes inside [x]'s brain (you might not be here yet) what if that were tech TAIN DESCRIBED TO HIM

there's no reason why not!! that would actually make that plot point make more sense!

crowles at 1:25 PM

I'm not there yet, I don't know whose brain Julian goes inside, but I ALREADY agree with you lol

Kaelio at 1:25 PM

it's 100% tech it would make sense for tain to have used and be aware of I'll say that lol

but like yea! and garak also having weird feelings about not knowing what his dad said or?? what that was like for julian?? like??

how would you feel if your partner had been in prison with your dad for a month?? hello???

crowles at 1:26 PM

and like.. even if Tain is a closed book at first, he likes to talk, he's kind of gotten the sense he might not make it out of this alive, why not still try to further his goals/The Greater Good by confiding key pieces of info to his son's bright-eyed Federation twink boyfriend

YEAH

Kaelio at 1:26 PM

or just to entertain himself! or in hopes that it'll be useful if garak ever shows up to ensure he gets out!

crowles at 1:27 PM

yeah!!!

if his good-for-nothing son ever shows up (no doubt dressed in something dumb and slutty like usual) and saves them

Kaelio at 1:28 PM

lmao weird fic premise: it's in talking to tain that julian realizes he's into garak

tain's like "hmmm seems you're in love w/ my gay former protoge" and julian's like "whaa..... oh"

crowles at 1:29 PM

oh my god lol

yes

Kaelio at 1:29 PM

tain needling him about it for weeks lmaooo

crowles at 1:31 PM

trash-talking garak at the same time, like god of course that useless gay couldn't work up the courage to make a move or make his feelings obvious

doctor, clearly the two of you deserve each other

Kaelio at 1:35 PM

hahahahaha totally

and continuing his weird peppering of his statements with useful info to dissect later

crowles at 1:38 PM

and then he gets rescued with them and lives (because he deserves an inglorious death but, like, he's so interesting, so maybe later, eventually), and becomes the galaxy's most intimidating dad-of-boyfriend/FIL ever

Kaelio at 1:38 PM

also this allows us for one of the other most important unexplored comedy premises: enabran tain, father-in-law

crowles at 1:39 PM

:100:

Kaelio at 1:39 PM

EXACTLY

:brain:

up to and including important "in the running for most awkward family dinner outside of sisko and dukat as in laws after jake and ziyal's wedding", "enabran tain and the bashir parents"

or even "wedding where tain is seated at the same table as miles o brien"

crowles at 1:43 PM

OHhhh my goddd

:milky_way: :brain: DUDE.

Kaelio at 1:44 PM

esp if the bashir parents are, of course, total glory-hound starfuckers

and are like OH it's so GREAT that our SON married someone who's the son of someone so IMPORTANT :star_struck:

and julian's like 'that's enabran tain so'

'not really why i married garak. dad.'

crowles at 1:45 PM

Oh yeah 100%, they’d be completely charmed by Tain too

Kaelio at 1:45 PM

he's so nice!

"Jules why in the world did you say to 'watch out'? He's such a perfectly charming man, so educated with... huge tracts of land..."

Julian: (screaming inside forever)

crowles at 1:46 PM

Loll jesus

Kaelio at 1:46 PM

tain also expresses extreme contempt for them but in ways they're not picking up

crowles at 1:49 PM

just NOT understanding why their son is so nervous about this fat old lizard guy, sure he was head of the... some Cardassian intelligence thing? But that sounds very prestigious, and gosh he’s retired now, and so polite

Kaelio at 1:50 PM

he even has a vacation home on the arawath colony they can visit and that sounds lovely. little getaway!

crowles at 1:50 PM

Yeah!!

Kaelio at 1:51 PM

it's torture for julian and garak's trying to be supportive even though to him it is the funniest thing he has ever seen in his life

crowles at 1:51 PM

Oh no poor Julian, yeah he’d be looking to Garak for emotional support and Garak is just trying to not laugh the whole time

Kaelio at 1:51 PM

these two dopey humans utterly charmed by a tain who cannot stand them but is so naturally good at hiding his tone and intentions that he's not even sure tain could get it through their skulls if he tried

crowles at 1:52 PM

yess

Ugh this is so good. I need this to be real

Kaelio at 1:52 PM

it's real in my brain. so fucking real.

richard bashir starts trying to sound important too and if showing off the garden designs for the municipal park he did and is putting his like padd with photos in tain's face

and tain, like garak cannot stop lying, cannot find a way to actually communicate how much he wants this to stop

Kaelio at 1:54 PM

but like. that horrible dinner ends up one of julian's most awful memories and like. one of garak's favorite.

crowles at 1:54 PM

YES absolutely

A treasured memory for Garak to nestle warmly in his heart

Kaelio at 1:55 PM

Day Enabran Tain Got Tortured

oh oh oh: the big family dinner was garak's idea

and on the way out tain is like "what an amazingly novel form of torture garak. still got it, u little shit"

#enabran tain #crowles #chatlog #I am JUST saying #no #WE are just saying #garak #julian #etc #ds9

87 notes · View notes

graphicabyss · 4 years

Text

XVII-XVIII Century Royal Queer History

Unexpectedly to myself, I got really engaged in history of Europe of XVI-XVII centuries. I never really had much interest in kings and queens and didn't know much about them but once I began to read and learn about their personal lives, I got kinda hooked. Also, I was struck by how many of them were queer and I began to write down my findings, which inevitably turned into a freaking study. I thought I might as well post it.

I'm gonna start with King James I of England who ruled in XVII century. Now there are several tumblr posts about this queer legend. Some historians think he was weak and unremarkable but he survived several assassination attempts, kept his power over 3 countries and lived to old age, which is pretty remarkable on its own. He also kept all the religious leaders at bay and commissioned the world's most famous Bible, which is still owned by most Christians 400 years later. He was also the one who created the modern wedding ritual. You know, church, vows, rings, that stuff. He avoided wars and was a patron of the arts, even wrote some books, including one about demons, werewolves and vampires. What a nerd. He was very different from Elizabeth who preceded him, so one contemporary epigram stated "Elizabeth was King, now James is Queen". Oh, also he was very gay. Or, at least, as gay as a king can get. His relationships with his male courtiers were notorious. He had several favourites who had way too much influence over him and his court really hated it.

He needs to have a movie made about him, seriously. I found only one semi-documentary film and it was The King James Bible: The Book That Changed The World (2011). While I liked the film and King James was hot, sassy and very cool, it was disappointing he was shown as perfectly straight. They could just avoid his personal life altogether, but instead they chose to show him being a perfect husband. While it is true that he was nice to his bride, by the time he met her he had a 10-year old relationship with a man 24 years his senior (since he was 14). I'm just gonna use this screenshot from the movie instead of a painting because it's too good.

Perhaps the most notorious of his alleged lovers was George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham. Starting out as a son of a minor gentleman, the 21-year old lad caught the eye of King James I and quickly became his favourite teasing him by dancing in intricate performances called masques. He made a brilliant career becoming a knight, an earl, a Marquess, and finally a duke - a title normally being reserved for members of the royal family - within just 9 years. Can you blame him though? I mean, look at that stud.

Btw, James’ pet name for Buckingham was ‘Steenie’, derived from St. Stephen who reportedly had the face of an angel.

The name Buckingham seemed oddly familiar to me but it took some time before I realized he was one of the characters in Dumas's "The Three Musketeers". Now I am someone who grew up on old pure Three Musketeers movies so when I started learning about the real historical figures involved in it it gave me a slight shock as the truth is way more weird and sinister that fiction.

The storyline I remember the most was the one where Anne of Austria, the queen of France, got in trouble with her husband Louis XIII because of her affair with Duke of Buckingham. Of course, Duke of Buckingham was never the Queen's lover, he was the King's. What's more, some historians assume Louis XIII was also queer. There is no evidence that Louis kept mistresses, but he had very intimate relationships with his favourites. He has even been described as “repelled by female contact”. There's also the issue of him struggling to have an heir. His wife had 4 pregnancies that were unsuccessful but that seemed like too few for a king who needed to secure his dynasty. After 23 years of trying, the king and queen were finally able to produce a son and another soon followed, the older son to become Louis XIV, and the younger, Philippe, to be known as Duke of Orleans.

Anne was quite the character for a dramatic story too. After Louis's death she became the Regent and made sure to clear the way for her son Louis. To ensure that Louis's younger brother will not try to usurp the power from him as it was with Louis XIII 's brother, Anne of Austria conducted an early and very wicked gender development experiment. She and her adviser, Cardinal Mazarin, set up a plan to raise the two boys very differently. Queen Anne called Philippe by such nicknames as "my little girl" and encouraged him to dress in feminine clothing, which he sometimes did even as an adult.

I'm just gonna use this quote because this shit is real: The queen and Mazarin discouraged the duc d'Anjou [Philippe] from traditional manly pursuits such as arms and politics, and encouraged him to wear dresses, makeup, and to enjoy feminine behaviour. His inclination toward homosexuality was not discouraged, with the hope of reducing any threat he may have posed to his older brother. Reportedly, Cardinal Mazarin even commanded his nephew, Philippe, to de-flower the king's younger brother.

Well, fuck. The joke's on them though, as Philippe grew up to be a fashion icon AND a fierce warrior. He participated in many battles and was immensely praised for his bravery and valour. In 1677, he led the French forces at the Battle of Cassel against William III of Orange of the Netherlands. Yes, that guy who later gently invaded England and took the throne. By the way, there are some allegations that he was also gay. Anyway, Philippe was so badass in battle that people glorified him as a hero and it made his stallion of a brother so jealous he sent him back and never allowed him on the battlefield again. Louis XIV continued his mother's effort in encouraging his brother's effeminate behaviour and putting up with his homosexual relationships, all the while waging a war of homosexuality in France. I mean, gotta preserve the traditional values, such as fucking 12 mistresses who were often married. There were even rumours Louis fucked Philippe's wife. I guess he was trying to make up for his father, brother, son, and uncle, César de Vendôme. Meanwhile, Philippe gave no fucks. He had a number of favourites and didn't even try to hide his sexuality. In fact, it is said that every time Louis pissed him off, Philippe did something extra gay and in his face. Fierce.

One guy I have to mention is Armand, the Comte de Guiche, who was said to be handsome, vain, and manipulative. Armand was Philippe’s lover, but he is widely thought to have been his wife Henrietta’s lover as well. That apparently wasn’t enough for the guy, because in 1665 he also tried to romance Louise de La Valliere, who was Louis’ chief mistress at the time. Louis exiled him in 1662 for plotting with Henrietta to break up Louis and Louise. What a glorious fucker.

But the love of Philippe's life was Chevalier de Lorraine who was basically a prince of a realm outside France. He's usually called 'Chevallier' but his name was also Philippe. He also had an older brother named Louis. Seriously, couldn't they try a little harder with the names? Anyway, when they met Philippe was 18 and Chevalier 15 and sparks flew. He was described as being “as beautiful as an angel” and was more than ready to use what his mama gave him. He was smart and very manipulative and Philippe showered him with gifts all his life, much to the chagrin of his two wives whose money and estates he often gave away.

He moved to Palais-Royal, the same palace as Philippe and his wife Henriette. Very convenient. Philippe's marriage got kinda crowded. Chevalier got so arrogant, he actually told Philippe's wife she needs his permission to sleep with him and that he could get him to divorce her. She complained to the king and he got Chevalier imprisoned and exiled. However, not for long as Philippe pleaded the king to pardon him and eventually succeeded. Henriette did not get much relief apparently as she wrote: “I see from the ashes of Monsieur’s love for the Chevalier, as from the dragon’s teeth, a whole brood of fresh favourites are likely to spring up to vex me.” Of course, Chevalier also managed to enrich himself immensely by getting Philippe and the king to give him and his family tons of perks, such as make him the titular Abbot of four abbeys, which payed handsomely.

Henriette died very suddenly claiming she was poisoned. The doctors found no evidence of that, but there were still rumours that Chevalier was to blame. Philippe had to find another wife, even if he wasn't happy about it. Chevalier stuck around. He was exiled a second time after he apparently seduced the king's son (more on that later) but was able to return again. Their relationship lasted for 40 years, until Philippe's death.

There was a recent TV show called Versailles that depicts Louis XIV’s reign and it has a fairly accurate though romanticized portrayal of Philippe and Chevalier's relationship. Too bad the show is way too violent for me to watch. They look stunning in it~

Anyway, such relationships were far from rare. In fact, apparently there were the so-called confréries (“fraternities”), which were basically gay brotherhoods whose members hung out together and set up orgies. One elite brotherhood was founded between 1680 and 1682. Apart from Chevalier, it included the king Louis XIV's cousin Prince of Conti who was once proclaimed the King of Poland, and Louis's illegitimate son, the comte de Vermandois. The latter was 15 in 1682 when at the court of his uncle Philippe, he met the Chevalier de Lorraine and his sect and apparently got very personally acquainted with Chevalier's younger brother and nephew. When the king learned about it, the group was forcibly dissolved and Vermandois was beaten before the king, exiled from court, and forced into marriage. Another such group was within the highest ranks of nobility at the court of Philippe II, Duke of Orléans, the son of Philippe and the regent at the time when Louis XV was young. They really didn't bother with names, huh? Anyway, they got involved in a number of scandals, in one of which that happened in 1722 a group of 17 noble men gathered in the palace gardens to fuck. The Regent didn't seem very bothered and even seemed to find it amusing.

The Regent, who did not stop smiling, was satisfied that it was necessary to give the nobles a harsh reprimand and tell them that they do not have the best taste [goût] in the world.

Dad would be proud.

There were also some (presumably) queer queens, like Queen Anne of England. Now you might have seen the movie The Favourite but it's heavily satirized and Anne wasn't really childlike and helpless. Actually, this image was created by Sarah Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, after she was expelled by Anne, and stuck. However, the rivalry between the old and new favourites was very real.

Anne met Sarah when she was just 8. Sarah was beautiful, charming and very persuasive. When Anne became the queen, she made Sarah Churchill her Mistress of the Robes (the highest office in the royal court that could be held by a woman) and gave her a bunch of other really cool titles. She also made her husband, John Churchill, a duke. Thus Sarah became the most powerful person in England after the queen and the queen always listened to her advice. However, as years went by, Sarah became increasingly pushy and insensitive, using the queen to get what she wanted.

Sarah looking fab~

Then comes Abigail Masham, Sarah's impoverished cousin. Abigail was soft, caring and considerate, exactly what the queen needed. Sarah tried to get rid of her but it only angered the queen further and she eventually dismissed Sarah and her husband and banished them with disgrace while Abigale took her place. Sarah then wrote scandalous memoirs, painting the queen as weak and instable, as well as implying that her relationship with Abigail was lesbian. In mid-1708, she helped to circulate a ballad with such lyrics as: “Her secretary she was not / Because she could not write / But had the conduct and the care / Of some dark deeds at night.”

While there is no direct evidence that she and Anne had sexual relationship, there are many letters between the women that are very romantic and intimate. Sarah even used them to blackmail the queen. And you can kinda see why. “Tis impossible for you ever to believe how much I love you except you saw my heart,” the princess wrote in one letter, as quoted in Anne Somerset’s biography of Anne. “If I writ whole volumes I could never express how well I love you,” read another.

Also, like, evidence was hardly even a thing with queer relationships, since the only solid evidence of regular affairs were illegitimate children.

Finally, I really want to talk about Frederick II, the king of Prussia. Buckle up because this is gonna be long.

Until the age of 7 Frederick was growing up with his lit mother and sister. Here they are, looking gorge. I think he's in blue but tbh I'm not 100% sure.

Anyway, as he got older he was taken to his father and that's when things got shitty. His father, Frederick William I, was the model image of toxic masculinity. He was all about power and military and expected his son to be the same. And since the boy was a lot more into music, poetry, and French stuff, his father often beat and humiliated him. He didn't allow him to learn French and Latin because, like, that's so gay. Now he was a real man. With a weird kink for tall guys. He is known for creating the Potsdam Giants, a regiment of very tall men that he didn't use for battle, just dressing them up and making them march. Ultimate straightness. It is probably redundant to say but his father also hated 'sodomy' and it was punishable by death, a law Frederick would repeal.

And the thing is, Frederick wasn't even supposed to become a king. He was the third son. It wasn't even disease. The first son died because a volley was fired close to his crib (because that’s the only way to wake up a real man - canon) and the second died at baptism because the royal crown crushed his skull. And you thought your parents were bad. Poor Frederick didn't even want to be a king, he just wanted to play the flute and do his thing. In a different age he'd be writing musicals on Broadway or something.

Anyway, there are few doubts among historians the man was gay. There's this BBC documentary that downplays it but it keeps saying he grew up in an environment where he was "leading a double life" and that he once wrote to a close friend that he felt he was a mirror that dared not be what nature made it, forced to oblige what was around it. Please.

Frederick's first presumed relationship was at 16, with Keith, the king's 17-year-old page. Unsurprisingly, Keith was soon sent to a far-off frontier. Right after that, however, Frederick got real close with an officer Hans Hermann von Katte. The dude was very woke and they both loved music and poetry but shit got very real very soon. In 1730, Katte and Frederick decided to flee to Britain to escape their despotic fathers. Sadly, they got caught and tried for treason. Although the prince was pardoned, Katte was sentenced to life imprisonment, which his sick dad changed to execution and then forced Frederick to watch it. At execution Katte and Fred shouted to each other endearments in French and before it happened, Frederick fainted. That shit really fucked him up and he got depressed but he toughened up and accepted his fate.

Aged about 20, Frederick was expected to marry. After a few failed attempts, an Austrian bride was selected, Elisabeth Christine of Brunswick-Bevern. Frederick was clearly unexcited and apparently even threatened suicide. As soon as he had secured throne, he sent her away and only met with her out of necessity. They had no children. And some historians are like, "well, they just didn't get along". Well, his folks hated each other but it didn't stop them from having 14 children.

Anyway, his father finally got off his back and as a crown prince, he mostly spent his time reading, composing, watching plays and writing woke political essays. Then his dad died so playtime was over.

Now that sounds like a story of a "weak" king. A man who loved to read books and play his flute. But it's not how it was. As Fred became king, he inherited a very militarized state with a huge-ass army and he worked with what he had. He started expanding Prussia, starting with Austria, which he had old beef with. He wasn't out for world conquest, he struck swiftly and strategically to consolidate and strengthen his state.

Frederick, widely known as Frederick the Great, waged war against much bigger armies with great success and doubled Prussia's size in his reign. Which is why Hitler was obsessed with the guy smh. Would make more sense if he was into the Frederick Senior, with his militarism and his little hobby of inbreeding giants and all. He must have missed the part where he was tolerant, modest and also gay.

Frederick also had a younger brother, Prince Henry, who was also gay. He was an important general in the king's army, though their relationship was quite complicated. Henry married but like his brother, bore no children, ignored his wife and spent time with fine lads.

Look at this unapologetic legend!

When Frederick wasn't battling, he was doing lit stuff. He built a gorgeous palace in French fashion, full of Grecian sculptures and homoerotic paintings. He attracted the best intellectual minds of his time. Voltaire lived there for 3 years btw and he did not hold back to make many "wink wink" references to the king and his Grecian taste.

Speaking of which... One of his closest friends was Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, an army private and a son of a peasant. Frederick met him as a prince and kept him by his side for the rest of his life, quite literally as he had an adjoined bedroom in his palace. He also made him a chancellor and gave him an estate, which really pissed off the elites.

Frederick is a complex character. Sure, he waged war and very successfully asserted himself as one of the top military leaders in history. But at the time Prussia was a scattered landlocked state, it couldn't just opt out of war so it's not like he could just go "peace out, bitches". But he did so much more. The guy actually believed that the king's duty was to be just and improve the lives of his people. He did some major reforms, improved education, supported art, and practiced religious tolerance, which was pretty woke at the time. He abolished torture and corporal punishment. He made governing more democratic by hiring people based on ability, not just status. Sadly, his cool legacy was utterly destroyed because the Nazi decided to appropriate him as their idol but lately it’s being reassessed. It’s hard to judge him considering how much he went through. But despite it all he became one of the best military commanders in history, one of the most woke and talented monarchs, and of course a legendary queer!

Disclaimer: I know all of these people did some terrible shit, at least by modern standards, but I'm here to have fun so I'm not going to go there now. Sources: medium.com/@LukeBoneham/the-politics-of-desire-... thehistoryofparliament.wordpress.com/2019/02/21... www.ranker.com/list/life-of-philippe-dorleans/m... cour-de-france.fr/vie-quotidienne/sociabilite-e... aelarsen.wordpress.com/2018/07/20/versailles-th... thedrummersrevenge.wordpress.com/2007/06/22/ref... dirtysexyhistory.com/2017/09/03/a-secret-gay-br... unspeakablevice.tumblr.com/post/82525976110/lou... journals.openedition.org/crcv/14427#ftn161 Marie Antoinette's World: Intrigue, Infidelity, and Adultery in Versailles The Real Versailles - BBC Two

BBC Four - Frederick the Great and the Enigma of Prussia https://medium.com/war-is-boring/historys-greatest-gay-general-fd7d1d311464 https://www.queerportraits.com/bio/frederick https://www.spectator.com.au/2015/10/frederick-the-great-king-of-prussia-is-a-great-read/ http://gayinfluence.blogspot.com/2011/10/frederick-great-1712-1786.html https://www.history.com/news/true-story-queen-anne-sarah-abigail-the-favourite-fact-check

#King James I #Duke of Buckingham #George Villiers #Philippe Duke of Orleans #Queer History #Chevalier de Lorraine #Queen Anne of England #Frederick the Great

105 notes · View notes

inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

Hi Steph, you’re amazing at what you do. I just want to know from a true connoisseur, which 3 fics do you think you’ve read and re-read the most number of times? As in, 3 ultimate comfort fics.

Hi Nonny!

Ooof, I’ve been asked a similar question here a couple weeks ago, but hmm, this is actually something I never really had to think hard about! EXCEPT CAN I GIVE YOU 5? Because 5 immediately came to mind. Is that okay?? OMG I’m so sorry. Plus 5 is a number I like better than three, sorry :P Another weird tic of mine.

No surprise which is my first, hahah:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

It’s just such a joy to read every single time, and I never skip any parts at all. Start to finish EVERY TIME.

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

This was my first Parentlock fic I read and it’s why I now do read Parentlock. Still one of my favourites, and it’s short enough to read in one sitting. It’s just so sweet, and Sherlock is SO precious, and GAH I LOVE it. Another start-to-finish. Which then brings me to this one:

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

I REALLY like this fic because it’s Sherlock POV and it’s him learning about his feelings for John. THOUGH I feel bad admitting that lately, rereads usually start around Ch. 30, because I love John showing up all BAMFy in Ch. 34 and essentially tells the social workers to piss off. And Sherlock is RIDICULOUSLY adorably in love with John so much in this fic. I’ve reread the whole story enough to know what happens before Ch. 30, and all the smoopy stuff happens after that. BUT DON’T think I don’t love this story. I DO. A LOT. I just... Sometimes need certain parts of a story RIGHT now, and that one singular scene is one of them, and I always just keep going from there. :P

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

I just really love this one. It’s painfully sweet and OH GOD I love how much they fall for each other and HARRY IS TWINSIES AND SHE’S AWESOME. Love it. It’s such a feel-good fic with a great ending. Love it.

And:

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

THIS FIC. GUH. Just, the way John pieces together how much Sherlock pines for him is ACHINGLY beautiful, that all comes together in a really tender scene in a pool. It’s the pool scene we should have had. UGH. AND SHAMPOO. And best friend Lestrade essentially telling John he’s a moron, LOL. LOVE this fic. I’m SO glad I finally remembered this one was the one with the Shampoo and the spa day.

-----

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY not my only always reads. In fact:

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

And I could TOTALLY do another 30 EASILY. The second one, I remember whittling it down quite a bit, LOL. These are just the first five that came to mind right away. I could also add these five:

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

---------

OKAY I NEED TO CUT HERE or I will go on and ON and ON. Hope this answers your question alright <3

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #read again fics #fave fics #Anonymous

99 notes · View notes

holyhellpod · 3 years

Photo

4. Fambily

In this episode, we skim the surface of the fambily dynamics in Supernatural, which are--ah. Dicey at best.

Apple | Spotify | Google

Transcript under the cut!

Content warnings: domestic violence and family abuse

[Growl]

Ah, the Winchesters. Where do we even start. Unhinged, deranged, and continually traumatised in every way, Sam and Dean complete each other. At least, that’s what the show wants us to think. Despite the ways they betray each other, lie to each other, and piss each other off, they are fambily. And fambily is the most important thing. The concept of Fambily in the show Supernatural (2005-2020) takes many twists and turns throughout its run. In the first five minutes of episode one, the heteronormative, nuclear family of John, Mary, Sam and Dean is ripped apart by an unknown, antagonistic force that represents all the evil in the world. It creeps into a nursery and eviscerates a white, blonde mother while preying upon a 👶, I mean, how much more evil can you get? It’s fantastic that, in the later seasons especially, Supernatural embraces this idea that fambily doesn’t end in blood, but blood doesn’t always mean fambily. By the end of the series, the fambily concept has expanded to include two dads, an aunt and uncle, and a thirty-year old infant. I’m going to talk about the finale in its own episode, so that my ire will have its proper outlet.

When the show starts, Sam, Dean and John have each other, and only each other. By the time season 2 really kicks off, Sam and Dean don’t have John anymore, but they do have Bobby Singer. The concept of the triumvirate follows them throughout the series as though they’re in a less sexy Italo Calvino novel—first Sam, Dean and John, then Sam, Dean and Bobby, then Sam, Dean and Ruby, then Sam, Dean and Cas, then Sam, Dean and Mary, then Sam, Dean and Jack. It’s broken in seasons 13-15 when Cas comes back and they have a family of four, and then five when Mary can stand to see her boys.

But the Winchesters are not the only fambily in Supernatural who matter. In season two, we’re introduced to the Harvelles, mother Ellen and daughter Jo, who are a hunting fambily who run a hunter pub in the middle of whoop whoop. A pub that Eric Kripke famously hated, and rejoiced when he burnt it down at the end of season 2, because the Winchesters and by extension everyone they know aren’t allowed to have anything good ever. It’s revealed in season two episode “No Exit” that John got Jo’s father killed on a hunt, which obviously affects Jo more than it does Sam and Dean.

[Editing note:] Okay I’m editing this episode, and I’m not happy with it. I’m not going to scrap it completely because I think I do have good points to say, but the general analysis of this episode is so surface level. It is basically contributing nothing to the conversation. And I started this podcast in order to actually contribute something to the culture. I could make a bunch of text posts on tumblr or I could spend hours and hours and hours and hours of my life to something that — I don’t know. Is it bringing me joy? Not at the moment. But, yeah. So I’m not going to scrap this episode completely but this is my way of saying from now on the episodes are going to take as much as they will take and I will commit myself to having deeper and more thoughtful analysis. And if I have to spend an entire episode on one aspect of one thing, I will. I could be at university right now studying a masters or a PhD in fucking literary analysis but instead I’m sitting on my bed making a Supernatural podcast because it brings me joy. It does. It really makes me happy and I don’t want to abandon this project, because people are listening to it. I don’t know why, I don’t know what you like it about it, but you’re listening. And I just think I owe it to myself to make things that I support 100%. So I’ll continue this episode and hopefully this rambling hasn’t put you off it completely. But from now on, I’m going to really, really talk about things that matter in regards to Supernatural… Kind of an oxymoron. Kind of a contradiction. But things that contribute to the cultural consciousness instead of just rehashing the road so far. That’s all I want to do. I want to contribute. I want to say good…ful things. Okay this is making me happy. It’s already working, it’s already making me happy. I’m just going to keep rambling and laughing. Okay so, more thoughtful analysis, deeper analysis. Things that make you think. Things that make me think. Instead of just a bunch of words that mean nothing. Okay, continuing on.

Okay to figure out which episode this was I had to watch a little bit of season two, and I’m still on my season 13 rewatch. The difference between the two seasons. I don’t know if I can even put into words the growth this show has gone through, and the characters have gone through, over the last 15 years. It would be like summarising my own growth by combing through my extensive diary collection and the years of societally- and governmentally-enforced heterosexuality that has plagued my entire life. Those boys are babies in season two. The bootcut jeans alone. Sam is literally 23 years old. I don’t even talk to 23 year olds. I block them on social media.

The Harvelles are a blip in the Winchester map. While the actors Samantha Ferris and Chad Lindberg did attempt to resuscitate their cultural currency months after the show ended by participating in an event — okay I can’t. I can’t even go into it. Like, clearly Samantha Ferris heard back from her representation as soon as she started posting those tweets and realised she wouldn’t continue to get money if she endorsed, well, the gays. And Chad Lindberg was just using the clout to push his Etsy wares like a 14th century merchant, so I gotta respect the hustle. But Jo and Ellen die in season 5 episode “Abandon All Hope” and are barely mentioned again except the episode Ash appears in, season 5 “Dark side of the moon,” Jo in season 7, “Defending Your Life,” and Ellen in the season 6 episode “My heart will go on.” They didn’t exactly leave what you would call a lasting impact for the next, you know, ten seasons.

To be honest, I’m not sure when it’s revealed that Bobby’s wife died after being possessed by a demon. It’s made clear in season 5 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” and I did not have to look that up, because season four and five are burned into my retinas like a particularly nasty sun flare. Bobby outlines the horrific way he killed his wife, because why not throw some spousal violence into the mix, and later in season 7 “Death’s Door,” it elaborates on their life together. I saw this sentiment expressed on TikTok, which we all know as the foundation of cultural knowledge, which was that fambilies don’t need to be two parents and children. Fambilies can be spouses or partners. You don’t need to have children in order to be a fambily. I think that’s a very nice sentiment and I’ve chosen to adopt it for these purposes. Bobby and his wife Karen are a fambily. While Karen wants kids, Bobby chooses not to have them for fear of becoming like his father and repeating the trauma he inflicted on Bobby. Bobby and Karen’s fambily dynamic is ruptured in the same way that John and Mary’s is—by an intrusive, demonic force that brings Bobby into the hunting world and ends Karen’s life. But by the time we see him at the end of season 1, Bobby is already ingratiated into Sam and Dean’s lives as their surrogate father, and this bond only deepens as the show progresses. Bobby expresses the sentiment to Dean to not be like John, that Dean is already a better man that his father ever was. Isn’t that what we all want to hear? That we have superseded our parents and outgrown them in ways they could never comprehend? Don’t we just want to be better than the generations that came before us, in order to mould a better world for the generations that come after us? Don’t we want to make things easier for our children, and our friends’ children, and our siblings’ children? Dean is a better man than John, and Bobby is better man than his father ever was. It’s about breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma. I have to believe that Sam, Dean and Bobby did this, because then it’s possible for me to do the same thing. Include here that speech about representation in media that I didn’t bother writing for the last episode. Bobby is the surrogate father to Sam and Dean, a better father than John was, a better hunter even. He crafts an entire network of hunters who report to him, as seen in the season 6 episode “Weekend at Bobby’s,” and he continues to act as Sam and Dean’s mentor until his death in season 7 “How to win friends and influence monsters”. An alternate universe version of Bobby is introduced in season 13, which I have my reservations about, and he and Mary get together, which again, why. Season 13 is so hard to sit through.

A fambily that is introduced late into the series and is simply NOT given enough screen time is the Banes fambily. In season 12, “Celebrating the life of Asa Fox,” we are introduced to the Banes twins, Max and Alicia, who are by far the most gorgeous hunters we’ve seen in the series. They are hunters raised by a witch, Tasha Banes, who doesn’t appear yet, and they manage to survive the trial by fire that is overcoming the demon Jael. Later in this season, in the episode “Twigs and Twane and Tasha Banes,” both of which are written by the late great Steve Yockey, we are introduced to Tasha in a way that seems awfully familiar: Alicia calls Sam to say their mother has gone missing on a hunt, and hasn’t checked in in a few days. By the end of the episode, Alicia and Tasha are dead, and Max has ostensibly sold his soul for the power to bring Alicia back. The Banes twins’ storyline directly parallels Sam and Dean’s from the pilot, but it’s a tragedy from the outset. We already know Tasha is dead and they can’t save her, however, like Dean does for Sam at the end of season 2, Max chooses to save Alicia at the expense of his own soul. Spin off when. Banes twins series when. I’m waiting. They were in two episodes and I’m still thinking about them. The Harvelles are dust.

In season 7, “Reading is Fundamental,” a waifish 17 year old honour’s student Kevin Tran breaks into a rehabilitation facility to steal a tablet. This starts a chain of events that ingratiates Kevin Tran in the apocalyptic, death-succumbing world of the Winchesters, starting with Dick Roman, head leviathan, and continuing, but not culminating, with his death at the hands of Gadreel, who was possessing Sam, it’s a whole thing. Any time you attempt to summarise anything on Supernatural, you sound like a lunatic. And I say that as someone who has a supernatural podcast, with an audience of only supernatural fans. We are lunatics, but we’re lunatics together. Kevin’s arc was cut way too short, but we at least got to see him with his momma Linda in the beginnings of season 8 with the unfortunately named episode “What’s up, Tiger Mommy?” It introduces Linda Tran as a capable and worldly woman, hell bent on protecting her son. She offers up her soul among other things in exchange for Kevin and the tablet with him. During the episode, she is possessed by Crowley, and Dean attempts to kill him, which would mean killing Linda as well. Kevin considers this the ultimate betrayal and leaves with his mum. Later in season 9 episode “Captives,” Linda is reintroduced as a captive of Crowley, who escapes with Sam’s help. Back at the bunker, she reunites with Kevin, who is now, thanks to the Winchesters’ incompetence, a ghost 👻. My macbook keeps suggesting little emojis in the smart bar so I just gotta put ‘em in. That’s the last we see of Linda, so I’m drawing my own conclusions about whether she gets to live a long and happy life. Kevin is a fan favourite and despite my reservations about Osric Chau which I will not get into like ever I really like Kevin too. He outsmarts Crowley many times and shows remarkable tenacity to get an impossible job done. His desire to see his mum again, the driving force behind his actions, mirrors Dean’s desperation to have his fambily together again like they used to be. I would call this a parallel but I don’t believe they purposefully did this, I just think they accidentally rehashed the same tired storyline they’ve been peddling since 2005. But yeah, if I was Kevin and all I had was my mum, seeing her again would be the driving force for my actions as well. Kevin’s father is never mentioned, and it honestly isn’t a big deal, which is great. Sometimes fathers are just absent, and you don’t need throw a hissy fit about it or make it your entire personality, Dean.

Missouri Moseley, played by the inimitable Loretta Devine, is introduced in the first season, episode “Home,” in which she helps out on a case involving Sam and Dean’s childhood house. We find out that Missouri is a long-time friend of John’s and helped him to understand that supernatural forces were behind Mary’s death. She is Sam and Dean’s first point of entry into the world of the Supernatural, and they didn’t know it until they meet her in “Home”. In season 13 episode “Patience,” another layer to Missouri’s character is added with the advent of her family: estranged son James and granddaughter Patience Turner, who is also a psychic. We get a lot of backstory for Missouri in this episode, even if it is sloppily written and contradictory to the way they initially set her up. If Missouri and James had been travelling when he was a child, why was she stationed in Lawrence in both 1983 and 2005? What did he mean that Missouri was hunting? I can’t be bothered unpacking the confusing bits of information presented in this episode. It’s not a good episode and I really don’t see why everyone goes apeshit for Bobo Berens. He kills Missouri in this episode, in a really horrible way. Like the history of Supernatural’s racism and misogyny should not be dumped on one man, but nor should it be perpetuated and it is continually throughout the entire show. Confusing, contradictory and badly written backstory aside, she is an interesting character, and her willingness to sacrifice herself to save her family echoes that of Mary in “Home”. I’m actually really mad that Patience never gets to have a relationship with Missouri, and later in season 13 episode “The Bad Place,” Patience’s father tells her that if she leaves to help The Winchesters and uses her psychic abilities, she’s not welcome back in his house. To me that’s just unnecessary. We have a family that has already been ruptured by the death of Patience’s mother, further ruptured by Patience’s father cutting off contact with Missouri, and then to go a step further he disintegrates their family unit by kicking Patience out. Like how much loss do the Moseley-Turners have to endure? It’s really just cruel at this point. But Patience does find family with Jodie, Donna, Claire, Alex and eventually Kaia, and while I love the concept of found family and this found family in particular, it comes at the expense of biological family, which is something that the show has pushed from the very first episode. So that’s evolution in itself. Going from “fambily is the most important thing to these characters” to “found fambily is where we find love” is great, but ripping apart a biological fambily like the Moseley-Turners, and indeed starting the episode by saying Missouri has been shunted out of her son and granddaughter’s lives for trying to bring her son comfort, is just fucked. Like, I couldn’t name a single Bobo episode that I actually like without having to comb through them. I’m trying really hard not to shit all over him because as a writer I know how much that sucks and I know how hard is it for any marginalised writers to get a start, but I’m allowed to have my vendettas.

If you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, and only if you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, you will understand just how jacked up the angel family really is. The angelic counterpoint to Sam and Dean are the archangels Lucifer and Michael. We are introduced to two different versions of Michael—one in season 5, who possesses their dad in 1979 and their brother Adam in 2010—my god that was literally over a decade ago—and Apocalypse World Michael, played by four different actors: Felisha Terrell, Christian Keyes, Jensen Ackles, and Ruth Connell, who plays Rowena. I don’t know what in the hell Jensen Ackles was doing performance-wise when playing Michael, but I consider it a federal crime akin to drug trafficking or money laundering. As for Christian Keyes playing Michael, Andrew Dabb, you know what you did and you’re going to have to live with that.

In season 5, during the apocalypse, Michael and Lucifer only interact in the last episode, “Swan Song,” but the entire season is built around their conflict. Lucifer disobeyed their father, and Michael as God’s most powerful weapon must defeat him. It’s meant to mirror Sam’s descent into, uhhhh, badness or something, disobeying John to run away to Stanford, or, like, drinking demon blood? It’s unclear. Lucifer and Apocalypse World Michael interact in season 13, and Michael kills Lucifer only to take over Dean’s body and start a season-long arc of, like, bad acting and barely thought-out plots. I would say to Jensen Ackles “don’t quit your day job,” but this is literally his day job.

The angels as they’re introduced in season 4 are warriors of god, and all they know is obedience and killing. Even Cas can’t break out of the cycle of killing his angel siblings, and often justifies it by saying that it’s for the greater good, that he needs to do it to take down a stronger force like Raphael or Metatron. Anna manages to break free of her family by falling and becoming human, but when Cas betrays her and the angels capture her, she is lobotomised, tortured and sent back out to kill Sam. Then she’s burned to a crisp by Michael possessing John, not the last time a woman would burn to death on this show. The angels are dysfunctional at best, and actively hostile to each other, especially Castiel, the infamous spanner in the works. I could write an entire academic paper about how the angels think of Castiel as this rebel slut who murdered his way to the top and is going to be the downfall of angel kind, but Dean thinks of him as this little nerdy guy with a harp he carries around in his back pocket. Which honestly Cas would love because he’s obsessed with Dean and wants to touch his butt. I don’t know what else I can say about the angels without turning this into a dissertation, so I’ll continue on.

While all seasons of the show are about family, season six is especially about matrilineal family. It introduces the concept of the mother of monsters—Eve—and focuses on Mary as a solution to the loneliness the characters feel after her death. Samuel Campbell, Mary’s father, is brought back to life and manipulated by the promise of seeing his daughter again. He asks Sam and Dean what they wouldn’t do to see Mary again, which is kind of the general thesis of the show. What wouldn’t John, Dean and Sam do for each other? Dean sells his soul. John makes a deal with the demon who killed Mary. Sam teams up with Ruby to kill Lilith in revenge, which begins as a suicide mission because he doesn’t know how to handle his grief for Dean. The difference is that Samuel betrays Sam and Dean, his own grandchildren, for the promise of seeing Mary again. This cardinal sin alienates him from being a good guy, because good guys never betray Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean are our protagonists! Our heroes! The bringers of the light! The knights in shining armour! The white on rice. The cherry in cherry pie. They are the ones we’re meant to align ourselves with, because it’s their story the narrative is telling. And anyone who doesn’t align themselves with the Winchesters is an enemy who needs to be defeated.

We’re introduced to the character of Gwen in the first episode of season 6, “Exile on Main Street”, and she says in the episode “Family Matters” that Samuel, the patriarch, doesn’t like her very much because she reminds him of Mary. While Samuel, Christian, Gwen and co are technically family, Dean has no connection to them past bloodlines. And as I said before, while family doesn’t end in blood, we learn throughout this season that blood doesn’t always mean family. Gwen dies in the episode “And Then There Were None,” because of course she does, and Mary doesn’t come back, at least not in this season.

In “Family Matters,” the alpha vampire, played by the irreplaceable Rick Worthy, mentions that “we all have our mothers,” referring to Eve, the mother of monsters, the one who spawned every other monster and who has been trapped in purgatory ever since. Eve is pulled from Purgatory to wage war against the hunters and Crowley because they have been preying on her first borns, the alphas. I love Eve. I love her. She’s my favourite villain after Metatron. Mainly because I think she is like… sexy as hell. Like wow I am just so attracted to Julia Maxwell and this, like, bored smokey affect thing she does where she barely moves her mouth when she speaks and her strong brow makes her seem so intimidating. I don’t know anything about her personally, but I feel like she would’ve bullied me in high school, and I’m into it. It’s really hard to judge just from this one role whether she’s a good actor because Eve has such limited range and few things to do, but I really wish she’d gotten more screen time. Yeah, she’s doing the bare minimum and I’m completely obsessed. But Eve isn’t just a monster, she’s literally THEE milf. The original milf. And I really think she should’ve stayed around, but since they kept Lisa alive they had to kill at least one high profile woman.

Continuing with the family storylines in season 6, Dean tries to establish a family with Lisa and Ben, and for the most part succeeds. He gets a job, plays the role of the doting boyfriend and stepfather, and protects them as best he can. I’m going to spare you the rant perched at the tip of my tongue about how this is at best a lavender marriage or staying together for the kid, and that Lisa only exists to be an ideal for Dean, not an actual partner he can grow with throughout the rest of the show. It’s his first attempt at a fambily outside of Sam, Bobby and John, and it fails miserably because Lisa isn’t a good match. The fact is, she will never be able to fit into the hunting world because of the way the writers wrote her—as mother and girlfriend archetype, and we’ve seen how well they do with those—in fact they actively paralleled it in “Exile on Main Street” where they had Dean hallucinate Azazel coming back and pinning Lisa to the ceiling. It couldn’t be more obvious that they don’t respect her. At least they didn’t fridge her for Dean’s man pain. It’s honestly horrible because Dean put so much effort into believing this was his one chance at happiness, and when it crumbles like a tim tam in hot tea he beats himself up for it and uses it as an excuse to never be happy.

He does seem to be happy for the most part with Lisa, but because Sera Gamble doesn’t know how to write interesting or complex female characters, when Sam reenters the picture it once again becomes about the original premise: two brothers on the road, fighting the forces of evil. There’s no room for any women in that sphere. Up until this point I think—correct me if I’m wrong—there has been one female hunter who survived, and she was in one episode. The hunter Tamara in season 3 “The Magnificent Seven,” whose husband died in maybe the most sadistic way anyone has died on this show. Don’t rewatch it, just google it. All women die, including Mary, their mother, who is brought back in season 12 and killed in season 14. AND FOR WHAT? For WHAT Andrew Dabb.

Often, the loss of a parent, child or significant other is used to excuse bad behaviour and terrible choices. The hunting life causes Mary’s whole family to die before she can escape it, and because she makes a deal with Azazel for John’s life, the same demon John makes a deal with, Azazel kills her anyway. John abused his kids and brought them into the hunting life, because he was obsessed with getting revenge for Mary’s death. Sam does the same thing when Jess dies in the first season, and it starts a 15-season long arc of pain and misery. He sets Lucifer free in the season four because he is obsessed with getting revenge for Dean’s death and obsessed with the power drinking demon blood gives him. Then again, Sam is actually right for saving people by exorcising demons, which is literally the first part of the family business motto, instead of just gutting them with the demon knife, but because Dean doesn’t agree with it, it’s bad. Sam always wants to do the right thing, he just gets a little caught up in the details. But you know what? Bloodfreak rights.

When Cas dies in season 13, Dean is so overcome with grief, a grief that echoes John and Sam’s, that he mistreats Jack and threatens to kill him. In season 14, Nick, Lucifer’s vessel, boo snore hiss, kills everyone involved with the murder of his wife and child before he finds out that it’s actually Lucifer’s doing, and then he tries to raise Lucifer from the empty because he’s addicted to killing? Whatever, stop employing Mark Pellegrino. Stop writing men as obsessed with getting revenge

The biological fambilies in Supernatural suck shit. Honestly every time I watch an episode about fambily I’m even more glad I don’t talk to mine. Dean and Sam need to spend some time away from each other, while they’re both still alive. Their fambily dynamic gets better as the show progresses, and I was pleased to see in season 12 that they do away with the codependency, constantly sacrificing themselves for each other, isolating themselves, betraying everyone they know for each other—they started to act like, you know, normal people. And that’s good. Sure, the show would not be anywhere without John sacrificing himself for Dean, and Dean sacrificing himself for Sam, and honestly that’s what made those first few seasons amazing. But after a while it becomes lazy writing, not parallels. A parallel that Supernatural pulled off is Sam comforting Magda in season 12 episode “The Survivor” in the way he needed to be comforted in season 1 and 2 as a psychic child. A parallel is Dean preparing Cas’s body for cremation in season 13 in counterpoint to the way Cas remade Dean’s body in season 4. This show can absolutely do parallels, some of the most beautiful parallels ever put on screen, but the last season was such lazy writing that I cannot forgive it.

This has been an overall negative episode of Holy Hell, and that sucks. I don’t want to be so negative. I want to talk about the good things that Supernatural did, and share in joy with you all, so now I’m going to talk about the only positive I see with fambily in the entire show.

For Dean, everyone older than him is a parent to disappoint, and everyone younger than him is a little sibling to protect. Cas is the exception, as there’s no way to define Dean and Cas’s relationship without acknowledging the reciprocal romantic ways they care about each other. Dean says on multiple occasions that Cas is like a brother to him, and that he’s Sam and Dean’s best friend. He actually drops the line, “After Sam and Bobby, you are the closest thing I have to family,” on Cas in season 6, and he acts like it’s nothing, but you can see in the expression on Cas’s face that Dean just recontextualised the entirety of Cas’s being in one sentence. Cas falls for Dean, gives up his family for Dean, and decides to follow him in the first act of free will we see on screen. And Dean, who has never known love without pain, says to Cas, you are fambily to me, I actively choose you, you belong in my life. But to belong in Dean’s life is to follow his plan, and when Cas doesn’t, he is punished for his hubris. Dean loves him, and he never even admits it.

Charlie becomes like a little sister to Dean, as does Jo. Jack is unequivocally Cas’s son, but becomes something of Dean’s son as well and some would argue Sam’s son. Claire becomes Cas’s daughter, but imprints so much on Dean that many, myself included, have come to consider Dean her father as well. If you subscribe to the idea that Dean and Cas are old marrieds, Dean would be Claire and Jack’s stepfather, and they would be a nuclear fambily all on their own. In season 14 “Lebanon,” when John says to Dean that he thought Dean would have settled down with a fambily, Dean says, “I have a fambily.” Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

Cas chooses to be a part of Claire’s life in season 10 “The Things We Left Behind” because he feels guilty about what happened to her after he possessed Jimmy, but after getting to know Claire he cares for her. The crime that is Claire and Cas not interacting after season 10, my god. That’s his daughter, you ghouls. But Claire and Dean do get more moments together. Dean, Sam and some British guy save Claire from turning into a werewolf, and Claire and the rest of the Wayward Sisters save Sam and Dean from the Bad Place. The Wayward Sisters are a found fambily all on their own, and since I could devote an entire episode to Jody’s little brood, I have chosen not to talk about them much, because this episode is at least half an hour, 34 minutes, and it would take up too much of my time. Claire is one of my favourite characters and I’ll be talking about her in the next ep, so stay tuned for that.

Even before Jack is born, Cas becomes his protector. He goes from trying to convince Kelly to end her and Jack’s life, to being her pseudo-husband and the surrogate father to her child. To me personally, it’s the best thing this show has ever done. Cas, Kelly and Jack love each other in a way that is so wholly uncomplicated, that is so pure and so good. Once Cas becomes Jack’s protector, there’s never any question of whether they would hurt or betray each other. He is Cas’s son, his baby boy, and he loves Cas so much that he resurrects Cas from the empty. When they meet for the first time in season 13 “Tombstone” after Cas comes back, they fit into each other’s lives so easily. This is the part in writing this where I was absolutely sobbing my dick off. There are so many moments between them that show the kind of love that each of these characters deserved. Sam and Dean deserve to have that love from their father, and so does Cas. And together they build a family unit around caring for Jack that does indeed end the intergenerational trauma that plagues the Winchester fambily.

And that’s why season 16 is so important to me. I can make things better. Dean sorts his shit out, all of his shit: his alcoholism, depression, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, sexuality, gender, the fact that Cas is literally the love of his life and he gets to save him from the Empty the way Cas saved him from Hell. They plant flowers in the field where Dean spread Cas’s ashes in season 13, and they get married at Jody’s cabin with all their loved ones left alive. Claire walks Cas down the aisle and Jack is the flower girl, because he’s literally a three year old baby. Sam and Eileen raise a bunch of rugrats and the Wayward fambily continue the hunting legacy and have a Sunday afternoon roast every week. Dean and Cas raise Jack right, they cut up oranges for soccer practice and watch all his school plays. He and his cousins grow up knowing what it’s like not only to be loved, but to be looked after, to have all their needs met. They grow up normal, and the trauma that plagued their family is a thing of the past. It’s good, you know? It’s just fucking good.

#transcripts #episodes #supernatural #spn

27 notes · View notes

thecaffeinebookwarrior · 5 years

Text

The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well; given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel! In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody! <3

1.) The Warrior

(Gif credit.)

When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term: a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff. She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby.

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope. She isn’t stony, she’s courageous. She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism. Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.” She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people. Joss Whedon, please take notes.

(Gif credit)

Other examples: Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.) The Comedian

(Gif source)

If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now. Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so. She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype. She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us. Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious. The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable.

(Image source)

Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human. Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual. They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute. They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest. And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.

So remember: let your female characters be human. Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers. It’s easier than you think.

(Gif source)

Other examples: Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.) The Drama Queen

(Gif source)

Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster. It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems. One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable. Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

(Gif source)

And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were. Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior. By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

(Gif source)

Season two answered my wish, and then some. Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show. Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

(Gif source)

Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang. If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples: Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.) The Lovable Bastard

(Gif source)

Ah, The Good Place. I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air. A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways. A complete absence of harmful stereotypes. Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters.

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents. Also, she’s hilarious. Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious. And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

(Gif source)

Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be: the lovable bastard.

(Gif source)

Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word. She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people. She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it. She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish. And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own. But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her. We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes. We are in her shoes.

The stakes are high. When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one.

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing. The most famous lovable bastards are all men -- Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity. If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard. She’s usually a bitch.

Eleanor isn’t just a great character. She conveys an important lesson: women are people. People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

(Image source)

Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.) The Cinderella

(Gif source)

Yep. I said it. Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive. She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape. That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity.

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!! Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what? MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that. Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest. Yes! She did! She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position! And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

(Gif source)

Other examples: For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones. When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints. But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

5K notes · View notes