#if this was a fic I’d tag it as crack treated seriously

[afterartist]

See I can actually contribute to society now and again

N E Ways have a WIP I’m making :D

The Ice Giants (Uranus in particular) don’t get enough love so shush

Again- this is a WIP and nowhere near complete so shush

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. Hiii! Happy new year!!! Wish y’all the best! For the next itmf I’d like a fic where wangxian meets madame Lan, could be time travel, through inquiry or as a ghost! Thank you<3333

Every Mother's Son by Chrononautical (T, 11k, WangXian, Madam Lán Lives, Madam Lán Deserves Better, Madam Lán Leaves Cloud Recesses, Madam Lan rescues women from abusive husbands in feudal Japan and honestly that's so valid of her, mentions of rape/non-con between Madam Lan & Qingheng-Jun)

The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 86k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, family, not lan sect friendly, canon typical violence & gore, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, mothers who live, some people live/not everyone dies)

For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, wangxian, JC & WWX; JC & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, Canonical Character Death, Mentions of Rape, not explicit but definitely referenced, Time Travel, Not Everyone Dies au, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, WWX/babie tendencies, WQ is a queen in any reality, Healing, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Canon Divergence, Asexual JC, First Time, Getting Together, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, WWX finds new ways to be oblivious, seriously it surprised even us) lwj & jc time travel fix-it. lwj manages to save his mom & later get her away from the lan entirely.

Though I'm Gone (Still Think Of Me) by sami (M, 7k, wangxian, JC & WWX, LWJ & Madam Lan, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, WWX/WWX (kinda), honestly what did you expect, Chaos Gremlin WWX, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Asexual JC, JC & WWX reconciliation) involves an lwj whose mother died like in canon meeting his au still-living mother who was saved by time travel fix-it au. may make more sense if you've read "For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon)", but if you really just want lwj getting to hug & cry on his mom again you don't need more context than the fic contains.

if i had the strength by agloeian (M, 16k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Fix-It, somewhat of a case fic, Heaven Official's Blessing inspired gods & ghosts, No Spoilers for Heaven Official's Blessing, Mild Alcohol Abuse, Mental Health Issues, WWX is not in a great place for a lot of this fic, He Gets Better Though!, this fic is all about learning to give yourself the help you give others tbh, Baby LJY, recovery fic, Accidental Baby Acquisition) wangxian meet ghost mama lan

All Exits Look The Same by Ahlai (T, 14k, LSZ & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, Madam Lan & LWJ, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Madam Lán Lives, Family Feels, Healing, Grief/Mourning) lwj banished from the lan with a'yuan instead of getting whipped and winds up meeting his mother.

pale shadows of forgotten names by Chrononautical (T, 56k, wangxian, Madam Lán Lives, Madam Lán Deserves Better, Good Sibling LXC, Badass LXC, He gets there in the end it just takes a while, Not particularly JGY friendly, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Canon-Typical Behavior, Unresolved Sexual Tension, the universal fear of growing up to become one of your parents, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives AU, Except WN but he's very polite, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, Imprisonment, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, not between wangxian, Drunk LWJ, to lighten the mood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Traumatized WWX, though he will not admit it, Taking time to heal, canon-typical communication skills)

~*~

2. itmf wangxian double penetration fics, preferably with wwx bottoming but no strong preference. 3rd person can be another lwj/wwx or other character!

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3. This is an IITMF ask! I was looking through the shapeshifter tags and the comp on this site and I couldn’t find many wangxian stories where both WWX and LWZ were both dragons, and the ones I could find were very short. So that’s the quest, give me some recs where both of them are dragons. Long fics would be amazing, but any length is wanted. @omgnectarina

🔒 Dragons of Cloud Recesses Series by Vrishchika (E/M, 50k, WangXian, Dragons Dragon LWJ, Fantasy, Explicit Smut in Last Chapter, Pining, POV LWJ, Canon Divergence, Immortals, Deities, Canon-Typical Violence, Dragon WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Mpreg, Sort Of, Tenderness, Non-Explicit Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, supportive families, Not JC Friendly, Noodle Babies)

💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons series by starandrea (M, 1M, wangxian, ongoing, animal transformations, weddings) kinda?

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4. ITMF: animal whisperer wei ying? And/or baby whisperer Wei Ying? Idk I just want animal or babies to love wwx and come up to him or something. Doesn't have to be main point of the fic, or it can be. Please suggest log fics.

Baby Whisperer Wei Wuxian by Preludian_Staves (T, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Not Jiang Clan Friendly, Arranged Marriage (eventually for reasons), Parent-Child Relationship, Soft WWX, Pining LWJ, Good Parent WWX, WWX Is Good With Children, Single Parent WWX, Fluff and Angst, Developing Relationship) it's not long but Wei Wuxian: Baby Whisperer is good. Maybe also Wei Wuxian's Home for Lost Creatures

Wei Wuxian’s Home for Lost Creatures by Stratisphyre (G, 22k, WangXian, Fusion, Fluff, Single Dad LWJ, Near Drowning, injured animals, First Meetings, Falling In Love, Modern with Magic)

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5. Happy New Year, mods!!!

For the next ITMF, can you guys recommend some complete fics::

A) wwx and xue yang being bros, close, or related to eo. B) wwx is not a cultivator or any similar to this. C) lwj being vocal? like he knows and voice out his opinion/needs/wants.

5A)

a bird in your teeth by Eevee (ChaosBitch) (E, 61k, JYL/XY, wangxian, Let XY have nice things, Let JYL get some good dick, (sorry JZX I know you did your best), Past JYL/JZX, Past JYL/MM, All of the sex in this fic is consensual, But one of the participants IS a fierce corpse, JYL POV, Minor Character Death, I feel like this fic turned out surprisingly soft, but XY still does some onscreen murders, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mention of JGS's canon behavior, Mentions of XY's canon behavior, Also Wangxian is not the main pairing, but they're definitely here and stupider in love than ever, Angst, past XY/JGY, Hopeful Ending) WWX & XY are sort of awkward brothers-in-law in this

🔒 necromancy is a valid career path! series by coslyons, Skadiseven (T, 41k, WWX & XY, WQ & XY, WN & XY, WWX & WN & WQ, LSZ & XY, LWJ & XY, Granny Wen & XY, wangxian, Modern with Magic, Seattle, Necromancy, Found Family, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Gardens & Gardening, Mathematics, Running, and other crimes against Teenagers, XY is a shitty teen, sometimes a family can be, three mildly feral twenty-somethings, and the extremely feral teenager that adopts them, Growing Up, The Mortifying Ordeal of Realizing Your Pseudo-parents are People Too, Big brother XY, A-Yuan is a little gremlin, WWX is a much larger gremlin)

It's Wife Cake, Wei Ying by stiltonbasket (G, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, Bakery, Baker WWX, First Meetings, Soft WangXian, ft. feral teenager xy, POV LWJ, Happy Ending, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Love at First Sight)

5B)

Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei (E, 31k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, Genius WWX, Palace, canon wangxian dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ Bites, LWJ is the baby of the Lan Clan, Good Uncle LQR, WangXian are parents, Fluff, Blood and Injury, Self-Harm)

As well as WWX's half of the Non-cultivator Wangxian comp

5C)

Respectable, Decent, and Quiet by Theotrix (E, 5k, WangXian, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, repressed lwj, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Loud Sex, Emotional release) Does being vocal during sex count?

Astilbe by moonflowers (E, 24k, WangXian, Minor NieLan, Developing 3zun, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, No Golden Core Transfer, No Sunshot Campaign, everyone is in their thirties, LWJ is a Confident Gay, Past LWJ/Other(s), Those are off screen though, Oblivious WWX, Compulsory Heterosexuality, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Besties in fact, Spring books, erotic art, Getting Together, Fluff, Humor, POV Alternating, Drinking, Masturbation, WWX Has a Bisexual Awakening, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, the smut is brief)

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6. Hi! Happy New Year! ✨

I was reading for sixth (or more) time "And time is but a paper moon" by sami, one of my favorite fics Wangxian and I thought, I need another confort fic like this.

Sth fix it, happy ending, all lived except the bad ones, Wangxian is together soon, you know, sth all confort.

So that's my ask for my first ITMF of 2024: sth all confort, canon divergence or time travel, Wangxian center if possible.

Thanks! ❤️ @wangxiansgirl

❤️ in case of fire, break glass by Jenrose (T, 65k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Post-Canon, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, unless I hate them, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Genius Inventor WWX, NHS Finds His Calling, No Women Die)

Family by Quiet_crash (G, 57k, wangxian, Time Travel Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Established Relationship)

❤️ Hope series by RoseThorne (T, 57k, wangxian, WWX & YZY, WWX & JFM, WWX & JYL, YZY/JFM, JC & WWX, LQR & WWX, LXC & JYL, Madam Jin & YZY, LQR & JFM, LXC & LWJ, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Crying, Music, Nosebleed, Fear, Recovery, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Monsters, Sexual Tension, betrothal, Arranged Marriage, Grief, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect, Kid Fic, Epistolary, Food, Secrets, Resentful Energy, Cultivation Sect Politics, Character Death)

A Bell That Tells Us to Rise and Fight by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee (T, 120k, WangXian, ChengQing, XuanLi, SongXiao, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everyone Needs A Hug, Women Being Awesome, BAMF Women, Minor Character Death)

~*~

7. Hello, could you please suggest some fics where wwx is transported (time travel/incense burner/...) in the time where lwg was mourning him and consoles him? Bonus points if lwg's still recovering from his punishment. Thank you for all the wonderful works you find!

~*~

8. First time asking, but do you have recommendation of mdzs characters watching but instead of the untamed/novel/manhua their reacting to fanfictions or alternate universe? That's all thank you.

~*~

9. Itmf fics where wwx is raised/from a different sect or clan or common family other than the 5 great ole sects? If u could find long fics please?

Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei (E, 31k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, Genius WWX, Palace, canon wangxian dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ Bites, LWJ is the baby of the Lan Clan, Good Uncle LQR, WangXian are parents, Fluff, Blood and Injury, Self-Harm) (link in 5B) As well as WWX's half of the Non-cultivator Wangxian comp (link in 5B)

the fic where WWX was raised by the He clan (I forgot the name)

every world, every universe by glitteringmoonlight (T, 5k, wangxian, HS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWX is in Tingshan He, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, (not that he was in canon but I digress), Fix-It of Sorts, Genius WWX) WWX is the He sect head disciple in ' every world, every universe' by glitteringmoonlight

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death) meng shi leaves the brothel and winds up raising wwx and xy alongside my

Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 39k, wangxian, BSSR/LY, Alternate Universe, a story full of tragic pining gays, and one chaotic gremlin, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR's disciple) wwx raised by bssr

Cartwheels In Cloud Recesses Series by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 23k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

~*~

10. Hi! Happy New Year. I'm in the mood for a fic in which the juniors find wwx really attractive. Wangxian endgame, whether they are already together or not in the beginning doesn't matter. Also a-yuan is wwx's son, and the juniors are his friends or classmates. Whatever timeline the story was set does not matter to me. I just find it funny that a-yuan is so done with his friends simping over his dad. Thanks in advance!!! @yunshenlianhua

~*~

11. Hi! Thank you for all your work running this page! I've found so many great fics here, your compilations are awesome! For my first ever ITMF ask, I'm looking for fic where WWX and LWJ get to fall in love and get engaged and/or married during the CR study arc. I love seeing them able to get together early and tackle things together instead of being separated for so long without talking things through. Can be time travel, canon divergence, fix-it (my favorite!), anything except modern AU, and the closer to canon setting the better, because butterfly effects are so fun to read! (I've already read all of sami's Paper Moon stuff, for example) Thank you again, hope you have a great day! @queerlyloud

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 742k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) Canon Divergence AU during CRSA where WX get engaged & later married

I Have Arranged to Tie You to Me by xxxMiaHikarixxx (G, 47k, WIP, WangXian, Lan protective team, Time Travel, Past, LWJ oriented, Arranged Marriage, Boys In Love, Soulmates, Fix-It, Jiang siblings, not jiang parents friendly, JC is slowly becoming a good sibling, Soft LWJ, Protective LWJ, Genius WWX) maybe I Have Arranged to Tie You to Me which is a WIP with an early betrothal after Lan Zahn time travels.

~*~

12. ITMF: Hello! I am looking for modern aus where cultivation is studied scientifically/academically, especially if WWX or LWJ is used as a lab rat. Similar fics to “The Shade of Old Trees” by Kryal and “Truth Will Out (when caught on video)” by KizuKatana: currently loving these wips!! Thank you so much! @gloriousclotpole

Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy (T, 87k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, modern cultivation au, Kind of academia AU, Music, Kid Fic, Action/Adventure, To An Extent, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending) The fic mentioned but not remembered for #12 might be Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy / for 12 I know there's a fic about LWJ and WWX working together to rediscover musical cultivation from the old Lan texts, but I can't remember the title right now

💖 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There)by H_Belle (T, 5k, wangxian, NHS & WWX, modern w/ cultivation, inventor WWX, secret identity, identity reveal, YLLZ WWX, rogue cultivator WWX, pining LWJ, WWX pov)

but his smile never dimmed by Stratisphyre (G, 9k, LQR & WWX, modern cultivation, College/University, WWX's canonical self-worth issues, Reasonable Authority Figure LQR, depiction of panic attacks, no plot only feelings, Parenthood, JFM's A+ parenting)

~*~

13. hiiii, thanks for your hard work! itmf some fics that have humor with wangxian or maybe even with family, thanksss @aquiver-heart

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation)

~*~

14. Hi itmf

Can I please get any fic of wangxian as parents just helping their adopted kid out of a bad mental phase ? Or any mdzs character?

Ik it's difficult but please it will help a lot

Thicker Than the Water of the Womb by bubblebubblebubbletea (M, 31k, wangian, JL/LSZ, WIP, Past Rape/Non-con, found family au, WWX is trying to give them the life he never had, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LWJ has asd, WWX Has ADHD, WWX Has PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Autistic Character, Selectively Mute LWJ, JYL is the best mother ever, Homophobic Language, minor homophobia from background characters)

a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author's Note)

~*~

15. Hello! For your next ITMF, could you please add an ask for some good canon-era SongXiao fixits or HEAs? Doesn't have to be the main focus, in fact I'd be fine if it's just a small piece of a larger Wangxian story, it's just that I've been listening to the audio drama and it gave me some major Yi City blues. No Songxuexiao, please. Thank you! @ladysalieri

~*~

16. hello!! hoping to find 30k words+ fics about wgxn and their post canon shenanigans :]] preferably as close as possible to their canon selves!! thank you :D nsfw is fine no nfsw is fine mainly just looking for 'extension to the story'!!

~*~

17. fics where lqr or the juniors r so tired of them being ridiculously in love just silly little short stories

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[lifeafterartsch00l]

✨ Sns rec’s ✨

I read a fabulous post from @longlivefeedback about supporting authors so I thought I’d try and give it a go since I’m constantly looking through the Naruto/Sasuke tag 🙊 I’m going to try and make a new habit and post once a week with my sasunaru/narusasu/sns (and maybe other pairings/fandoms) recs!

Some awesome fics I’ve been enjoying on a03 lately include:

Finger on the detonator by foreverbaby

Twelve Steps by foreverbaby

An anchor in the storm by cecific

don’t act like it’s a bad thing (to fall in love with me) by heartsugu

What counts for anything by kayeeyooblue

Solis occasum by wouldyoukiindly

Konohamaru wanted to rest by anaria_k

Thank you talented authors 😊 I don’t think I’m following any of these authors on tumblr 🤔 but I’ll look for them! 🤗 please tag them in the comments if you know who they are!

Read below for details on fic recommendations ⬇️

Finger on the detonator by foreverbaby

Im so happy i finally found this author! I started with Finger on the detonator but Twelve Steps really spoke to me and my own feelings/experiences with a difficult childhood. And making art! I love how sexy and meta and healing and radical they are. I’m excited to read more from this author ❤️ Multiple chapters.

“Chapters: 2/?

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Shimura Danzou, Hyuuga Neji, Sai (Naruto), Juugo (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Activism, High School, Military Backstory, Politics, Teenage Rebellion, Partners in Crime, Gay Uchiha Sasuke, Crack Treated Seriously, Anarchy, Making Out, lazy US-specific setting...sorry, Wet Dream, Breaking and Entering, Minor Injuries, Closet Sex, Frottage

Summary:

uzumakiswag: this might b kinda weird but like i just got back from my deployment and stuff and i saw u on the kwp direct action discord when i joined that? and i was gonna go to a meetup but idk anybody else there yet sooo do u go to those? wld u want to go together next week? hahaha

taka99: That's a joke right

uzumakiswag: no y is that funnyp

taka99: You’re literally in the US military

It's totally normal to engage in a little gay domestic terrorism just to impress your crush...right?”

Twelve Steps by foreverbaby

“Chapters: 3/3

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, minor past naruto/sakura and sasuke/suigetsu

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, POV Alternating, Alcoholics Anonymous, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Addiction, Homophobia, Light Angst, sasuke vapes, criterion channel and chill, Blow Jobs, Shower Sex, Friends to Lovers, naruto's bi awakening, sasuke's issues

Summary: One day at a time, they always said. But for Sasuke every single day was exactly the same: serving the same gruff truckers the same greasy pancakes and eggs, heading to the same gym to do the same workout, going home to stare at the same half-formed Final Draft document, then waking up the next morning to do the same thing all over again. Was that really one day at a time, or was it more like one single hellish stretched-out day that dragged on endlessly and forever? And what exactly was the point of staying clean when that was your reward?

Everybody told Naruto after Sakura called off their engagement that what he needed was a “fresh start.” Naruto’s fresh start had so far consisted of a new city where he knew nobody, a park ranger job that paid him sub-minimum-wage, an empty studio apartment in a part of town not yet gentrified enough to be out of that price range, a lot of lonely Skyping with his friends, and, now, apparently, an A.A. meeting at a Quality Inn.

When Naruto moves away from his hometown after a breakup, he's surprised to see someone he recognizes at his first A.A. meeting in a new city: his childhood best friend, Sasuke Uchiha”

An anchor in the storm by cecific

One shot, contemporary au, poem. POV from Sasuke. I haven’t read any poems before for sns! Lovely, great ending 🥹💗 the author says their English is bad but I truly think no apology is needed because i think their English is great and hell I only speak English and can’t write poetry!

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Idiots in Love, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Falling In Love, slow burn but it never actually lights on fire, Sasuke's mother is dead, Sick Character, Soulmates

Summary: Sasuke's on a blind date set up by his father, his date is late so a young bright man keeps him company.. It feels like a fated encounter between the two.

Essentially a poem that tells a story. Also sorry, English is my first language and yet I'm horrid!”

don’t act like it’s a bad thing (to fall in love with me) by heartsugu

One shot. Sweet n spicy, my fave combination! 🍭🔥 I really loved how Naruto was written here & that it’s Sakura positive 😊 I really hope this author writes more sns 🤞😍🤞

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Ensemble (Naruto), Yamanaka Ino, Hatake Kakashi

Additional Tags: POV Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha, Blank Period (Naruto), Haruno Sakura is So Done, Background Relationships, Mild Hurt/Comfort, mostly fluff tbh, Bad Humor, Emotional Constipation, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Shenanigans (Naruto), Mutual Pining, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke are Best Friends, Domestic, Making Out, Love Bites, Resolved Sexual Tension, No beta we die like Neji, Everyone Is Gay, Self-Indulgent, Minor Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Summary: He hadn’t meant for it to get this bad, but being back in Konoha had shown him how dull his world was without Naruto.

Being dragged around on dumb errands, or training together, or even just sitting around and watching the sunset had given Sasuke peace of mind he hadn’t ever known. He felt like himself again, and Naruto was the cause.

Naruto was his home.

5,000 words of sns word vomit because this is what makes me happy these days idk”

What counts for anything by kayeeyooblue

I love how in this fic Sasuke gets to try normalcy and be an awkward teen! 😭 ❤️ great dynamic between Sasuke & Naruto (I really enjoyed reading about their developing relationship) & also spicy 🔥

“Chapters: 12/?

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi, Tsunade (Naruto), Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru, Uchiha Itachi

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Coming of Age, Soft Uchiha Sasuke, Sexual exploration, First Kiss, First Time

Summary: months after the 4th war, sasuke and naruto meet again. except now they have time”

Solis occasum by wouldyoukiindly

Reading this was like a fresh breath of air! I loved how the characterisation felt very true. I hope they do more chapters! 💗🙏🏽Canon divergent Boruto-era.

“Chapters: 1/?

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Hinata

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata

Additional Tags: Old men naruto and sasuke find out they're gay in their 30s, Hokage Uzumaki Naruto, Co-Parenting, Divorce, more tags when i write more!, Hinata is Naruto's best friend, Sakura is Sasuke's best friend, Domestic Fluff, Naruto has ADHD, sasuke has autism

Summary: After becoming Hokage, Naruto notices that despite it all, he's had no time to hang out with his best friend. He never realized how much he missed Sasuke's attitude, demeanour, and all around being; he hasn't felt this way about anyone before.

It's always been Sasuke, hasn't it?

And maybe that realization will be the very end of him.

(Naruto and sasuke realize they're gay in their 30s and divorce their wives, who in turn, realize they are also gay and everyone is friends and co-parents. yessir.)”

Konohamaru wanted to rest by anaria_k

Cheeky, sexy, & Konohamaru POV! One shot. I love looking at sasunaru fanart and I love it when clever authors make fanfic inspired by it (author links the art which helped inspire the fic). 😋🫶🏽 one shot

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Sarutobi Konohamaru, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Comedy, Post-Canon, Post-War, Blank Period (Naruto), Post-Fourth Shinobi War (Naruto), Drabble, Pre-Slash, Semi-Public Sex, Third Wheels, Konohamaru sees something he wasn't intending to see, Hot, Dirty Thoughts, Pre-Relationship, Canon Compliant, Not a Date, Idiots in Love, Boys In Love, everyone can see it, Konohamaru does for sure, Sexual Tension, also Konohamaru might be accidentaly bi

Summary: Konohamaru returns from a mission to the village and, finding himself in a bar, accidentally witnesses a very non-accidental scene. He doesn't like it. Although?…”

🍥+🍅=❤️

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 1 – STONY FAVORITES

When I Think (Oh, it Terrifies Me) by celli

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,643 Tags: Telepathy, First Time, Tony Hates Magic

Summary: Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

Reasons why I love it: The humor in this is superb, it makes me laugh every time. Seeing how they care for one another even before they realize they want more is really, really sweet. And the conclusion in the end is brilliant in concept alone, but also so goddamn funny. Also, drunk-by-extension-Steve is a delight, always and forever.

I Hate You: A Love Story by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 14,558 Tags: College AU, Booty Calls, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Summary: Tony had honestly been stunned that his "Wanna fuck?" line had actually worked, but tasting Steve's desperation on his tongue now, it made a bit more sense. All Tony wanted was a handful of that muscular ass and a look at the abs he'd seen a hint of under Steve's painted-on shirt.

Reasons why I love it: Ferret never misses, and this fic is exhibit 399 of proof of that. I love the way Tony and Steve's relationship develops from begrudgingly in lust to actually caring for one another. And to top off a wonderful story, the smut is also superb. I've probably read this fic more than 30 times, but I always come back to read it again. It's definitely one of my comfort fics.

Exact Measurements Required by trilliath

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 13,517 Tags: Wardrobe Malfunctions, Humor, Crack Treated Seriously

Summary: That time S.H.I.E.L.D. quartermasters accidentally put Steve's balls in a vise and it goes exactly as well as you'd expect it to. Tony promptly offers to help. Because he's helpful like that. Obviously.

Reasons why I love it: One of my favorite Stony fics of all time. Not only is it scorchingly hot, but the way trilliath took this cracky concept and turned it into such a lovely story is absolutely amazing. Tony is hilarious in this, and Steve's inner monologue just takes the cake. Definitely read this, if you haven't already!

The Highest Form of Friendship by ChibiSquirt

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 5,661 Tags: Getting Together, Humor, Sex on a Car

Summary: “Imagine if I’d met you back in my hellion days,” Tony says, and Steve groans out loud. There’s a mental image, here. Well, Steve’s a visual kind of guy; mental images are how he operates. The mental image is of a baby Tony - okay, not baby; Heyday Tony, let’s call him - and Heyday Tony has dark eyes and a wide mouth, and the little pin-scratch frown that Nowadays Tony wears all the time these days has been magically retrotransformed into a confident smirk. Heyday Tony has the same lean strength that Nowadays Tony has, but he looks taller because he bears himself more aggressively, more straight-backed. Heyday Tony has poofy hair and a tendency to look all the way down, and all the way back up, at a person - regardless of gender - before meeting their eyes. Steve knows: he’s seen the videos. Has maybe studied the videos. Has maybe spent more time on that activity than strictly appropriate... “Can we not?” he pleads. “It didn’t happen that way, and it did happen this way, and that’s how it is.”

Reasons why I love it: Their chemistry in this one is just off the charts. ChibiSquirt's characterizations never miss, but in this one especially they completely knocked it out of the park. The fic is equal parts scorchingly hot and hilarious, so definitely give it a read, if you haven't already.

Unfurl Your Gown by theladyingrey42

Pairing: Steve/Tony, past Steve/Bucky Rating: E Words: 8,541 Tags: Crossdressing, Denial, Barebacking

Summary: "I feel ridiculous." Steve scowls at his drink and pretends he's not shifting just to feel the skirt against his thighs.

Reasons why I love it: I don't know why I have a huge thing for Steve struggling-with-gender-concepts Rogers, but I do. And this fic scratches that itch in the most satisfying way. It's heartbreaking in one moment, hot as hell the next, and finishes off with a conclusion that makes my heart melt every time. Tony is so lovely in this, supporting Steve all the way, and Steve's inner conflict is gloriously written. I can't recommend it highly enough.

[perseidlion]

In the Skin of a Cat (Dead Boy Detectives)

In the Skin of a Cat (13179 words) by perseid_lion Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, The Cat King | Thomas/Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, The Cat King | Thomas/Monty Characters: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, The Cat King | Thomas, Charles Rowland (DCU), Monty (Dead Boy Detectives) Additional Tags: Possession, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Roleplay, Identity Swap, Magic, Pining, Mutual Pining, Shapeshifting, Crack Treated Seriously, POV Charles Rowland (DCU), Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne Loves Charles Rowland, pov edwin pane, Bisexual Male Character, Gay Male Character, Coming Out, Gay Bar, Protective Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Protective Charles Rowland (DCU), Charles Rowland Loves Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, bisexual awakening, Romantic Comedy, Comedy, The Dreaming Realm (The Sandman), Hormones, Pansexual Character, pansexual awakening, First Time, Non-Graphic Smut, Identity Issues Series: Part 2 of Perseid_Lion's Dead Boy Detectives Summary:

The Cat King is in London, and he offers Edwin the chance to take his body for a spin. Edwin learns what it is to be alive again - but also to be seen by the world as a different person. Having Cat's libido could be a dangerous thing.

--

Please note that the pairings tagged aren't super straightforward because it is a possession fic!

Chapter 1

‘Your theory is…sound. But I don’t quite understand why you would want to offer me this. It is still a theory as well, and not without risk.”

“True,” said the Cat King. “But nothing worth doing is without a bit of risk.” He paced around Edwin, sweeping his eyes up and down him. “If I don’t fight you - which I don’t intend to,” he smiled toothily, “Then no crime has been committed. And besides, the prohibition is against ghosts possessing humans. And I’m not human.” He smiled wide enough to display his pointed canines, golden eyes flashing with mirth.

They were standing in a mostly empty flat in Central London where Cat had taken up residence for the time being. They had seen each other a few times since his relocation, and Cat had even been helpful on a case or two. But there was still a great deal of tension between them. 

“That still doesn’t explain why you are offering to let me possess you. That is simply the logic for why I may not get into trouble for doing so,” said Edwin as he pinched his hands into fists and stood with his back soldier-straight.

Cat was wearing his trademark garish attire of a calf-length skirt and a black mesh shirt, with the addition of cropped black faux fur coat. He was prowling around Edwin, looking him over with open lasciviousness. “Because you deserve to feel, Edwin. I know that you have known mostly pain for far, far too long.” He stopped in front of him. “Let me take some of that away for a short while, hmmm?” Then he leaned in and whispered into Edwin’s ear, “I’d love to have you inside me.”

There were moments when Edwin doubted his own sexuality, wondering instead if he was just the sort to not be with anyone. But then Cat or Charles would do something that would cause a visceral reaction even though he was not, in fact, in possession of any viscera. Now was one of those moments. Cat’s words, coated in double entendre, made him draw in a sharp breath he didn’t need. 

“Are you so desperate for intimacy? Is that why you came up with this scheme?” barked Edwin, the snarkiness a reaction to him feeling off-balance.

“Oh, ouch,” said Cat dramatically as he pressed a hand to his chest. “You’re lucky I like it when you’re a bitch.”

Edwin’s cheeks flushed and even though it was difficult he stood up even straighter. “I apologize. That was rude of me.”

“I can’t stay mad at you,” said Cat as he reached up to straighten Edwin’s bowtie. “Come on. Admit it. You’re curious. You want to know what it’s like to feel alive again. Think of it as an academic exercise. You’d also get to know what it felt to be something other than human. Surely that could come in handy with your work?” He gave Edwin a pouty, begging sort of look, his eyes as puppyish as a cat could make them. 

Edwin was very, very tempted. His recent trip to Hell had reintroduced him to the concept of pain, as had Esther’s subsequent torture. That had been the only thing he’d felt in decades, and he did long for the more pleasurable and pleasant types of sensations of the sort the Cat King was now offering. 

The other part he refused to admit to himself was that he was deeply curious to know what it would be like to be him, in particular. There was no use denying his attraction, or his fascination - which fell into step with his annoyance and distrust. “If we do this…”

Cat’s face lit up. 

“...what are the ground rules?” finished Edwin.

“Ground rules?” 

“Yes, what am I allowed to do? What is off-limits? There simply must be rules,” said Edwin.

“Must there?” said Cat. “I trust you, Edwin. You wouldn’t do anything improper, more’s the pity,” he drawled. “But if you wanted to be improper, you have my permission.” He extended his arms.

“For what, exactly?” asked Edwin.

“Surprise me,” said Cat, his eyes flashing with excitement. “I know you’re not…worldly when it comes to things of a physical nature. How could you be? I can’t imagine you’d do anything I wouldn’t gladly do myself.”

Edwin had to admit that was likely true. Still, “If we do this I don’t intend to get frisky in your body, if that’s what you’re implying!”

Cat could tell Edwin’s resolve was wearing down, and it made him more and more pleased. “Of course you don’t intend to,” he said, with a particularly long, drawn-out purr over the word intend. “Besides, you can always talk to me. If you don’t push me aside, I’ll be able to see and hear everything. If you somehow start doing something I don’t like, I’ll be able to tell you.”

Edwin wanted a very good and logical reason to say no. But Cat had systematically removed any and all obstacles. Cat knew he was tempted, knew some part of him wanted to do it. So without any real and solid reasons to reject it…

“All right.”

Cat clapped and did a little dance. 

“But at the first sign of trouble…” Edwin held up a finger.

“...I’ll kick you out. Believe me, I don’t want to draw unwanted attention either.” Cat cleared his throat, rolled his shoulders back and held his arms out. “Go ahead.”

“Right now? Oh my.” Edwin swallowed. He realized too late he should have negotiated some time to think about it. But then he prepared himself by rolling his neck and focusing on Cat. He’d only possessed people a handful of times, and usually in desperate circumstances. That led to both he and Charles having to escape quite quickly, usually through a mirror, as the possession of a human drew immediate attention of Lost and Found. 

But now he and Charles were working for Lost and Found, and Cat’s theory about him both not fighting it and being nonhuman made sense to Edwin from what he knew of the rules. It was the psychic struggle with a human soul that raised alarm bells, and Cat’s plan involved neither a struggle nor a human soul. 

Edwin could no longer delay the possession. He either had to jump into Cat’s body, or walk away. His academic’s brain was too curious about the experience on offer to do the latter. So, after shaking his lanky limbs out and preparing himself, he strode forward and willed himself into Cat’s body, rather than manifesting solidness or passing through him. 

The experience of possessing Cat immediately felt different. Normally, when a ghost entered a human’s body, their consciousness reacted like white blood cells fighting an infection. The fight was instinctual and immediate, and it usually left little time for a ghost to direct the human’s actions before being expelled. But Cat wanted him in his body, so there was no resistance.

Everything was dark for a moment, but then Edwin felt himself slide under Cat’s skin. He opened his eyes and drew in a lungful of air. The sensation of breathing nearly overwhelmed him. He found himself alone in the flat, surrounded by makeshift furniture and dropcloths. He looked down at his hands, which were stronger and bigger than his slim academic’s hands. He touched his cheeks and found short fur that looked like stubble but felt like a cat’s. His vision was preternaturally sharp. As he looked into the shadows, his eyes shifted as his pupils dilated as night vision momentarily kicked in. 

As Edwin got used to seeing through Cat’s eyes and breathing again, he started to become more aware of his body. As his weight shifted, he felt the leather skirt bounce against his thighs. The soft fur of the cropped jacket brushed his cheek as he turned his head. As he took a step forward, he became suddenly and acutely aware that he was commando underneath the skirt. 

“Cat? Can you hear me?” said Edwin aloud. The feeling of a voice not his own vibrating in his chest was both intoxicating and disconcerting. “Wait, what happened to my accent? I sound exactly like you.”

Muscle memory, I guess. Probably a good thing. In case you run into anyone I know. They’d think I was pulling a Madonna if I suddenly sounded all posh.

Hearing Cat’s voice in his head reassured Edwin that something hadn’t gone horribly wrong. He sounded calm and amused. “You knew you were going to offer me this. The least you could have done is put on pants.”

Cat just chuckled.

Edwin clasped Cat’s hands into fists. It was his unconscious, tense habit that he’d had even when he was alive. But in ghostly form, he didn’t really feel it. He was not used to the sensation, nor the strength of his current hands. “So what shall I do now?” he asked the air.

Anything you want. 

“That is entirely unhelpful,” said Edwin as he took an experimental step forward. He tried a few more steps to get used to the feeling of motion, as well as the soft breeze that flowed up under the skirt with each step. 

Well. You could go see Charles.

Something about the sing-song note in Cat’s inner voice made Edwin suspicious. “What are you up to?”

There was no answer. He could tell that Cat’s consciousness had receded. He was no longer observing every little thing, but he could tell he was aware. 

“Bollocks,” he muttered to himself in an American accent. Then Edwin headed for the door. There was no handy mirror traversal to get him back to the office quickly, and although he could feel Cat’s magic, he didn’t yet know how to access it. So he was left with walking. It was a decent walk - twenty minutes or so. It hadn’t seemed like much when he was considering it, but as he moved down the crowded London streets, he started to think he might have made a mistake.

People were looking at him. Not just because he was currently inhabiting a living body, but because of the outrageous way he was dressed. Edwin only got the full measure of it when he passed by a reflective office building and saw himself as the world saw him. The outfit should have been utterly ridiculous, but it somehow worked - although less so with him at the helm as he didn’t carry himself with the same swaggering confidence of the body’s rightful owner. 

It wasn’t just the wild dress that drew peoples’ attention. If that had been the only feature of the way Edwin currently looked, he would have been greeted with sneers and obvious attempts to look away. 

But Cat was, in Edwin’s estimation, exceptionally handsome. The eccentric clothing just drew peoples’ eyes to him and made them realize that fact. Men and women openly admired him, though some did immediately avert their eyes. 

The eyes of the London crowds did go some way to keeping Edwin’s attention off the dozens of new sensations being embodied gave him. He could smell the fumes of the cars as they passed. He felt a breeze rattle down the street and curl up around his ankles and under his skirt. When the breeze faded, he felt his forehead cooled from where it had tickled a thin sheen of sweat. 

Now that he was moving, Edwin found the faux fur coat much too warm. He walked about a block with sweat trickling down his back before he was forced to remove it. That left him feeling very exposed, as the mesh shirt turned out to be partially open in the back and had short sleeves. 

A pair of gay men walked. One did a little vogue-like spin on the spot, gave him a once-over over the top of heart-shaped sunglasses, then snapped at him in appreciation.

Edwin just smiled awkwardly, nodded at them, and quickened his step. 

Finally, Edwin made it back to the office. He was never so glad to be off the street and away from people. He mounted the stairs and stepped forward. He stopped just short of colliding with the frosted glass of the Dead Boy Detective Agency door before he realized oh yes, he had a body. No phasing through things for the immediate future. 

Fortunately, the door was unlocked. He entered, then promptly leaned against the closed door. He turned the lock and threw the fur coat on a nearby chair. Edwin buried his face in his hands, fingers trickling over his soft, fur-like hair. “I don’t think I can do this,” he murmured to himself.

“Uh, hey.”

That wasn’t Charles’ voice.

Edwin looked up to see Monty standing there. 

“What are you doing here?” And then he remembered the last time they’d seen each other. “You’ve got some nerve coming here.” Edwin stepped forward.

Monty stepped backward and smiled nervously. “Edwin, it’s me.”

Edwin stopped and stared at Monty. “You know who I really am?”

“Yes. Um. Well, you see. I’m not Monty. It’s me. Charles.” 

Edwin’s eyes widened. “Charles?” he said incredulously.

“This is fucking aces, isn’t it?” Then Monty-Charles looked to the side and chuckled. “Feels wrong to curse with this voice. And say aces. I’ll have to watch myself.” He clears his throat, and then said in a far more Monty-ish way, “Isn’t this great?”

The scheme, it seemed was much bigger than the Cat King offering him a temptation. Somehow, he’d roped Charles and Monty into it as well.

“Well,” said Edwin tightly. “This should be interesting.”  Keep reading

[zannolin]

★ (LEMONS) ✿ (NT polyfic) ↻ (polar express au but somehow. it's star trek characters. your choice of which)

★ what was the scene you most wanted to write in [when life gives you lemons]? what was the hardest scene to write?

for the uninitiated the so-called "LEMONS" aka my national treasure crack treated vaguely seriously fic, is basically 3k of me faffing about answering the age-old question in national treasure fan spaces everywhere: why the fuck does patrick gates have so many lemons in his house? (in this version, he does not. hijinks ensue.)

honestly i just wanted to write the concept, not a specific scene. i was like but what if he DIDN'T. what if they're out here, actively pursued by the FBI, in possession of THE most beloved/idolized/renowned historical artifact in the wider american historical consciousness, still dressed for a party, cannot use their credit cards—and they have to buy lemons. like don't you just hate when you're on the run from the feds but your dad doesn't have any goddamn lemons to decode the hidden map on the back of the declaration of independence? it was just funny as hell to me to think about and once i had the concept of "i'm not leaving you alone with the declaration!" "well i could say the same of you!" "i said it first" "well i'm not leaving you alone with riley then" in my head i just had to go for it, you know?

hardest...i don't know, probably the grocery store itself, specifically when riley's buying the lemons, because i was typing it like "...is this too much? this is too much. this is definitely too much, right?" i second-guessed the entire thing but i could just See it happening in my brain and i had to bring it to life. hence the crack tags.

✿ did anything major change when you started writing [three's a crowd] to when you finished?

well. the length, for one. i believe in the span of like 2 days it went from "teehee lil post-book of secrets oneshot!" to "please send help this fic spans like 20 years and has just broken 10k". also i recall i was watching the terrible, horrible national treasure show WHILE writing and made the decision to incorporate the funeral episode into my canon (thus extending the timeline of the fic by a DECADE) because that shot of riley in sadusky's study seeing the pipe from the charlotte changed me on levels chemical, spiritual, and previously unknown to man. those were really the only serious changes that happened, which is impressive, considering i did not finish the outline before starting the fic. like a fool.

↻ pick a fic and a different ship and I’ll tell you how I’d rewrite it

well i had a whole intelligent answer here that was very in depth and then accidentally deleted it and started screaming so you get a really cut down vers. i'm not sure i could ever replicate that fic with a different set of characters because the Vibes don't fit very well with anyone i'm familiar with, esp not star trek. like it's about growing up. and faith. and belief. not even in a religious sense, strictly. just, like. magic. goodness. christmas. whatever. it's about losing the innocence of childhood and looking at the world with a cynical eye, unable to take anything at face value anymore—but then finding magic in the wreckage of your childhood. (okay well when i put it like that i could totally do this with mike but i'm not going to because i don't think it would be transformative enough from the og. it would just be me writing the same story, and not in a cool and new way like please don't hold me to it being the spiritual sequel to planetarium stickers ykwim?)

if i did it with anyone it would probably have to be the PIC s1 crew and be not a polar express situation at all, which is highly dependent upon children as characters and i just could not do that with them. would probably just have to pull elements like idk it's a magical transport of some kind. or we're thrown together under unlikely circumstances. they're all on a train going home for the holidays or something idk. just something about connection, not necessarily childhood. maybe b'elanna or sisko could work as an MC too but i don't have enough brainpower to consider how to fit spots for other characters from VOY or DS9 into the story when PIC falls together pretty easily. i dunno. that au was sort of lightning in a bottle and i don't know if i can ever do something like it again barring. you know. the narnia au i already did.

send me fic asks!

[weirdfishy]

fic stats meme

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

tagged by @mashumaru !!! thanks lovely for the tag, i haven't had a minute of brain power to write lately, but i love being tagged in these!! (also, all my ao3 stuff is archive locked, so y'all've gotta be signed in to read them)

Most Hits

Unknown Caller ID - Danny Phantom x DC Batfam

Surprisingly, Damian steps in front of him, arms crossed. “Batman, this is my Father. He arrived soon after receiving word of my capture. Please, refrain from arresting him.” Danny reels.

one of the favs (n istg i will make more but like. life.) bc it's crack Treated Seriously n i love this concept that Damian has just gone 'you're now my father' to Danny bc Danny is Worthy Of Dating Bruce

Second Most Kudos

Tim's Drake's introduction to ✨Ghosts✨ - DP x DC Batfam

Tim, currently standing on top of the Batmobile, in distant yet full view of the computer’s camera, shouts, “Not B! How the fuck do you deal with a ghost!??” Tim hops off the car and dashes towards the computer as Constantine just gives a weary sigh, dragging a hand down his face.

lil bit of crack treated seriously, allowing myself to be silly goofy

Third Most Comments

just slip me on, i'll be your blanket - The Sandman, dreamling

It boils Hob’s blood, to see him like this—to not know how long his stranger has been here, in this hell of human greed. But you can be hurt…or captured. He’d heard the stories, the rumors of The Magus and the Devil in his basement. Hob didn’t know about devils, but he did know of those assumed to be yet never were, taking human form. Hob also knew of imprisoning others, and of being imprisoned.

legit one of my favorite prose stuff, even if i lost motivation (& my notes) for fleshing it out

Fourth Most Bookmarks

Discussion in Trust - Boku No Hero Academia

“We know that the second they know they can control you, you’ve lost,”—a pause��“but once you lose, you can learn. And I learned, Sensei, from fucking five, that “quirkless” was a societal loss I’d never stop learning from.”

my contribution to all might bashing, dadzawa, and like? analyst izuku. proud of it still, at the time i adored it but yk, my self standards raised so.

Fifth Most Words

C'est la vie - Criminal Minds, Emily Prentiss/Murder!Reader

Drip,  “Family is not blood.” You tilt your head back, closing your eyes, voice low and slow. sigh “But I would bleed and cry for family found blind- I would turn to & die. I would turn blade & kill.” You lick your lips, catching the edge of the cut, the sting causing you to shiver.  drip, “Apocalypse,” you finish, tilting your head back to face them, squeezing the trigger. die-

oh boy, this one is my second??? fic posted, and i fully intend to rewrite it, but it's been awhile, and it will continue being awhile

Least Words

To See the Sea Last - The Witcher OC

Stilled lungs bloated with a corrosive, burning salt, and yet felt no pain. The water line rose higher. Strands of gray danced in a thin crown as the ocean submerged the body of a man who had chosen to both live and die by the whims of the sea.

a flash fiction fill, it's a lil poetic death scene of one of my OCs, a pirate named Walerian. i actually adore this, even if it goes mostly unseen

~

no pressure tags to: @oliveofvanders @fannafiction @spacedace @shire-bard & ofc anyone who would like to ! <3

[ao3feed-sambucky]

thats not gonna make it (most of this isnt gonna make )

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/vgKsRow by Writer_Lethogica Sam and Bucky are a couple of dorks. EXCERPT: “I saw you walk into the woods alone, so…” Bucky started, suspiciously not making eye contact with Sam. “So, you’re stalking me?” asked Sam as he tried to hide a smile. Which was when Bucky’s face went crimson. “No – I. No. Not – stalking. I’d walk into the woods for anyone,” Bucky stumbled through some sort of explanation for this. “Oh. Anyone?” asked Sam, putting on a frown. “Not anyone – just – I didn’t want you to be alone. With the. Bears. Weasels. Meese,” said Bucky as Sam laughed. “Meese, eh?” giggled Sam, “The moose are out to get me?” “You don’t know what they’re thinking. With those. Big adorable eyes. Eating grass,” said Bucky, somehow turning redder, “What, moose haven’t attacked before?” Words: 4842, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 1 of SamBucky Valentine's Day Bingo 2024 Fics Fandoms: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Figaro the Cat (Marvel), Alpine the Cat (Marvel) Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson Additional Tags: no beta we die like men, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Dorks in Love, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Light Angst, 5+1 Things, POV Sam Wilson (Marvel), POV Bucky Barnes, Crack Treated Seriously, Past Riley/Sam Wilson (Marvel), Literal Sleeping Together, Dancing, Cat Dads, And They Were Just Roommates read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/vgKsRow

[novaauster]

chapter 1 of Trial Class the aftg bjj au fic under the cut

Tags: Alternate Universe-- Jiu-Jitsu, Trans Neil Josten, because if your bjj gym does not have transmasc rep you’re doing something wrong, Autistic Kevin Day, because if your bjj gym does not have autistic rep you’re Really doing something wrong,  Crack Treated Seriously, i did not intend to write so much bullshit about bjj but here i am

In the end notes I have my notes on each characters’ belt rankings, my reasoning for why they would be at that level, and their main skills if you find that stuff interesting. 

Neil ducks into an unmarked door of a cinderblock building, his heart pounding. He knows he was being followed. He doesn't know by who, or how many people, or under whose orders, and he doesn't want to find out.

He's greeted by a rickety staircase that announces his arrival step by step. Creak. Creak. Feeling like a kid in an antique Baltimore home. Bad music leaks up through the floor from the basement, not too loud but instantly recognizable as the kind of stuff they played on MTV a decade ago.

At the bottom of the staircase is a dude about his age in a plain blue martial arts gi, and maybe Neil should pay attention to his scowl, or his brown belt, or his height-- but instead he zeroes in on the face tattoo. A chess piece, the queen.

"No one signed up for a trial class today," the guy says flatly.

"That's fucking disrespectful," Neil says.

The guy blinks, then crosses his arms across his chest. "What is?"

Neil steps down a few more stairs to show he's not intimidated by this poser. "Getting Kevin Day's tattoo. He didn't get it to look tough."

"I am Kevin Day."

Sure, he looks a little like Kevin Day. He has the eyes, and the jawline, and the wrist brace, but he can't be Kevin Day. He can't be the man whose tournament footage Neil has tracked down over the course of years and scrupulously watched until he memorized every single move. "Oh yeah? And what's Kevin Day doing in a shithole like this?"

"Training," says Kevin Day.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Neil locks down his expression, tries his level best not to start begging for mercy, and gets close enough to shake Day's hand. It’s the fastest, most perfunctory handshake he has ever experienced, and Neil notices that they're at eye level while Neil is still standing on the final stair. "I'm here to sign up for my trial class."

“Alright, uh, gym rules.” Kevin gestures towards the framed list, up on the wall beside the famous portrait of Hélio Gracie, all stern with his red belt blending into the red flag background: Jiu-Jitsu Da Guanabara, the first federation of jiu-jitsu schools. There’s also a display of belts in order: white, blue, purple, brown, black. Only five levels. Neil has always found it beautifully simple. “Number one, shoes off when on the mat, shoes on when off the mat.”

Somebody has scratched out Rule Number One and scrawled “Dogs out” in its place, but Kevin is ignoring it so Neil figures it doesn’t mean anything. 

“Number two, proper attire. That means belts tied all the time, even in no-gi, for safety. That also means wear your gi for a gi class, Nicky!” Kevin abruptly shouts the end of that sentence towards the people already on the bright orange mats.

Orange is a weird color for mats. They tend to be gray, or in the Ravens’ case, black, but the explanation for the design choice is tacked up above the rule list: The Foxhole Gym, it reads in Canva font, and underneath adds Gracie Palmetto.

A young man on the mats dutifully wearing his blue belt, albeit overtop nothing but a tight rashguard and obscenely small fighting shorts, replies “You’ll never take me alive!”

“You’re lucky we have a trial class or I’d force you into the orange gi.”

“Oh the horror! You wouldn’t do that to me!”

Kevin turns back to Neil. “Stay away from Nicky. He’s trouble. Rule three, respect the tap. Tap when you’re done, let go when they’re done-- but you won't be tapping anyone out.” He goes behind the front desk and retrieves a clipboard and pen, as well as a folded gi. “Rule four, sign the waiver.”

It’s The Orange Gi, which Nicky had been so horrified by. Neil takes the whole stack and tells himself that it isn’t that bad, it even smells like laundry detergent, but it really is garishly neon. 

“That’s the only spare we have,” Kevin says. “Beggars, choosers. If you come back get your own and get a Gracie patch on it, rule five. Six, sign in before class and don’t be late. Seven, personal hygiene, don’t be disgusting. Eight, no jewelry, no glasses, no unbound long hair, hearing aids on a case-by-case basis. For safety. Nine, get a white stripe before standing up while rolling and a red stripe to roll at all. The rest is self explanatory.”

There are four more rules on the list. Neil reads them. “I’ll just get changed, then.”

“Changing rooms’ to the left.” They are two open doorways to the left, neither of which are labeled.

Neil hesitates.

“Just pick one, they both have stalls.” For a second Neil’s sure that Kevin Day just clocked him, but then he continues “I’m ninety percent certain that Nicky removed the signage on a dare from Allison but they will not confirm, deny, or tell me why. They say I have to learn what a ‘transgender’ is. Do you know?”

“Uh,” Neil says.

“I will not google it. I have learned that the internet is not my friend.”

“Dictionary?”

“You think it is in a dictionary? Half the words these assholes use are not defined in it.” Rule twelve, Neil remembers. No foul language. “What is rizz, I ask and find no answer. What is skibidi. They have no respect.”

“Pretty sure it’s in any dictionary printed in the last twenty years,” Neil says.

“If you say so. Regardless, if I find proof of whoever pulled this outlandish prank they will be fighting a Ten-Round Tuesday with me and I will be grinding shoulder pressure into their face the entire time and finally grant mercy in the form of a d’arce choke. Mark my words!”

“Yes Coach,” Nicky yells back. 

Wow, Keil thinks. Kevin Day is a total freakshow. Good thing I’m the normal one here. Out loud, he says “Why ten rounds with you? Why not, for example, that guy?” He points at the scariest guy in the room.

Now, if Neil has experience in anything, it’s in determining who is the scariest person in the room. It isn’t the strongest one, because all of them look like college-age athletes who are strong as hell. It isn’t the biggest guy (blue belt, two stripe, spiked hair) or the highest ranked (Kevin, and then a purple belt, one stripe, pink gi). It’s all in the eyes. It’s a blond blue belt, approximately 160 pounds, 5’0, black gi and long black rashguard covering as much skin as possible. 

Kevin looks where Neil is pointing. “Oh, Andrew? No. I am trying to punish them, not injure them for life.”

“I see.”

“Class starts five minutes. Get changed.”

Neil picks a changing room at random, glad to find it empty. In a locked stall he switches out his binder for the sports bra in his backpack, suspecting that he’ll need the extra lung capacity, and changes out his white t-shirt for the closest thing he has to a rashguard, a black polyester shirt that’s slightly too small. It reads Charlotte Día De Los Muertos 5K, and it may be stolen, but considering that he had both run five kilometers through a graveyard and almost become one of the muertos via stab wound, he feels he has the right to it.

He pulls the gi pants on over his running shorts, tying the drawstring tight high on his waist because otherwise he’d be stepping on excess fabric. The sleeves flop halfway over his palms.

Nothing for it. Today is a good day. Not only has he escaped the people following him without having to call up his uncle, at least for now, he’s also getting a class with Kevin Fucking Day. And maybe Kevin Fucking Day is a little bit… off, but he’s still, Neil’s sure, a genius. 

Neil leaves the changing room with his blank, borrowed white belt tied as best he can. He sets his backpack in the cubbies, which creak under the weight, in view of the mats so he’ll always have an eye on it. In the cubby beside him are knives. 

“Your belt is tied wrong. Ask somebody to help you with it,” Kevin says, taking Neil’s signed waiver. “Neil Hatford,” he reads of the paper. “Oh. I never asked your name.”

“I never offered it.” Neil’s used to skirting around that part of conversations. He’d run out of names if he gave them up so easily. 

“Well. Introductions. Everybody who comes to lunchtime class is already on the mats. Closest to us are Allison and Dan. Allison is in mount.”

Allison, purple belt, pink gi. Neil vaguely recognizes her, he thinks, from skimming past internet discourse. People like to accuse her and her Youtube channel of teaching bullshit self-defense, but she never claimed to be a self-defense teacher. She teaches pure jiu-jitsu and never claimed to be a full coach, it’s not her responsibility to tell people how to dodge a punch. “Allison Reynolds?”

“Then you should know of Dan Wilds,” Kevin says as Allison pins Dan’s arm down on the mat, steps her knee over it, and maneuvers the other arm into mounted triangle position, leaning down over it to close the choke until Dan taps. They switch positions and run through it again.

“I don’t,” Neil admits.

“You will.” Kevin does not elaborate. “You are aware of Nicky. Bantamweight beside him is Aaron. The two mountains are Matt and Seth. Seth is the white belt but do not make the mistake of thinking he is on your level.”

Neil raises his eyebrows. Never meet your heroes, he thinks, and decides on saying “And what level is that?”

Kevin looks him up and down. “Novice, featherweight-- or bantamweight if you cut a few pounds-- and, unless you made a very particular visit to the pharmacist, women’s.” He says it like reciting a grocery list.

“Fuck you.”

“You asked. Which part of that was offensive?”

“Fuck. You.” Neil prepares to repeat himself in Portuguese and Japanese, but doesn’t get the chance. 

“And then those two vale tudo maniacs are Renee and Andrew.” At first Neil translates the term directly-- free for all-- and then colloquially-- no-holds-barred-- but he did read Rickson Gracie’s autobiography. Vale Tudo is a precursor to MMA, with no points, no timer, and yes, no holds barred, but it went well out of fashion by the 90’s. Kevin’s just using it as an expression. “Renee’s in-- well, she had an uchi-mata-- and there he goes--”

Renee’s back hits the mat with a gruesome smack, but she inverts into k-guard to bring Andrew down with her. Andrew disentangles himself from her legs in a scramble and then hauls her into side control, but doesn’t stay there, instead reaching deep into her lapel for a choke.

Renee uses the shift in balance to slip the choke though, getting her knee wedged in between them and wrestling up, holding a whizzer hook over Andrew’s arm like it’s the lever to the nuclear codes and letting it up would cause World War Three. He can’t take her back. He tries to tap her knee and force her over sideways but her base is too wide, he can’t reach. And normally one would underhook her far-side thigh and roll underneath, but he can’t even reach that far. 

So he shoves his hand under her near-side thigh instead and rolls. “I didn’t know you could do that,” Neil comments. 

The tournaments Neil has watched have fighters with, more or less, the same build, just at different weights. Jiu-jitsu is all about using leverage to cancel out what might be greater strength, but he’s never never seen anything focusing on accommodations for fighters that are short and fat like Andrew. 

Kevin’s watching the fight with his hands on his hips like an old man loitering at a construction site. “He likes to improvise,” the brown belt says. That confirms what Neil thought: Andrew made up that modification on the fly. “They’ll do this all day if I don’t stop them.”

“I could watch this all day,” Neil agrees.

“What?”

“What?”

Kevin calls Andrew’s name. The roll ends, abnormally quick for two people that were previously clinging to each other’s necks and clothing for dear life, and the two slap hands amicably. All of the lethal striking-snake energy seems to drain out of Andrew’s body. He walks glacially slow to the edge of the mat, shaking out each leg once before stepping into a pair of black flipflops. When he gets to Kevin’s side, he pulls a strand of Renee’s rainbow hair out of his mouth and flicks it onto the floor. 

“Are those knives,” Neil says to neither of them in particular and starts examining the knives in the adjacent cubby. They’re all fairly small, flat-handled, easily concealable but not cheaply made or rarely used. They look sharp. 

“They sure are,” says Andrew. Up close Neil notices that his rashguard extends up his neck and down his hands, held in place by holes at the thumbs almost like a medical brace. 

“Andrew,” says Kevin, very obviously wanting to change the topic. “Are you going to take him?”

“I can take him,” Andrew confirms cheerily. 

“For drills,” Kevin says. 

“I can take him for drills too, Coach.”

“I’m not your coach.”

“Who is?” Neil asks. “Whose gym is this?”

“He’s out for lunch right now, but David Wymack,” Kevin says, the way most people say Abraham Lincoln or Tetsuji Moriyama. Despite this obvious reverence from the Queen, Neil has never heard of him. 

“Stats?” he asks. “Lineage?”

“Who’s rude now,” Andrew says. “But if you were nice would you be any use?”

“It’s fine,” Kevin says. “Eight wins MMA, two TKO, five submission, one decision. One draw. One loss, by decision: DQ on injury by foul. You want height and weight class too?”

“What do proportions matter when I’m asking about qualifications?”

“Right answer,” says Andrew.

“Lineage Royce Gracie,” Kevin continues like he hadn’t heard Andrew. 

Well, Neil can’t argue with that. “Is that how you pronounce it? Hoyce?”

“Royce,” Kevin repeats. “Yes. You do a lot of reading.” And not much else, is the implication. A not entirely true implication, it’s just that Neil tends to fight for his life the way his mother taught him: with a gun. Uncle Stuart made sure he could make do with hand-to-hand, but that didn’t exactly mean paying for his gym subscription.

Neil lets it slide.

Kevin checks his watch, then starts removing it because of the No Jewelry rule. “Class.”

“What kind of class,” Andrew says.

Kevin thinks about it. “Cardio Class.”

The people on the mats apparently hear, because some grumbling rises up about how it isn’t even Saturday.

It can’t be that bad, Neil thinks as he toes off his sneakers and socks and steps onto the mats. At least it’s not Día De Los Muertos.

“Group punishment is against the Geneva Suggestion,” Andrew says.

“Geneva… suggestion?” Neil isn’t sure he heard that right.

Kevin ignores Neil. “You have to stop accusing me of war crimes on the internet and then telling me I have to work on my public image. It’s unprofessional.”

“Now, who said I was professional?”

“You work here. You teach the kids’ class.”

“I don’t accuse them of being war criminals.”

“I should fire you.”

Andrew shrugs. They walk over to the mats. “Your belt is tied wrong,” he says. 

“My belt is fine.”

“Nicky.” Nicky, blue belt, Trouble, looks up from his side splits. “His belt is tied wrong.”

“Is it my birthday,” Nicky says, smoothly pulling himself upright and prancing over. Up close, Neil sees that rashguard is emblazoned with the words Mexican Ground Karate over a sunset logo. He tugs Neil’s belt loose and attempts to tie it standing face-to-face with him, but it falls apart. “Shit, it’s backwards. I forget how…” He moves behind Neil and, looking over his shoulder, ties a sturdier knot with muscle memory. “That’s it.”

Neil nods but doesn’t thank him as he returns to his corner. 

The awful MTV music pauses, and Kevin sits in the center of the mat so everyone’s attention falls on him. “Circle up,” he says redundantly. “Announcements. The next person to leave their weed in the cubbies where the kids’ class can see it is signed up to Ten-Round Tuesday with me personally. Toro Cup is coming up. Get your tickets to see Renee and Dan fight. Gym’s closed next Monday for Coach’s birthday, show up to Abby’s house if you want to see him. And this is Neil, here for his free trial.”

“Hi, Neil,” the class drones.

“Hi.”

“Final announcement: it is Cardio Day. Everyone on your backs, leg circles.”

A couple people slap the mat as they fall backwards to circle their feet in the air. They then move their legs up and down, side to side, and bicycle style, and Neil is careful not to accidentally kick Andrew beside him. Once Neil’s abs start really burning, Kevin calls for everyone to bridge, first with both legs and then with one leg in the air. They then sit up and shift their knees pointing to one side and then the other, windshield wiper style, and stretch their backs by twisting behind them while they’re at it. 

“On your knees. Neck circles. Chin to chest. Chin to shoulder. Ear to shoulder. Hands to the mat, wrist circles. Fire hydrants-- I am once again asking why hip circles are called fire hydrants.”

Neil looks around and ends up meeting Andrew’s intense stare. ‘Nobody tell him,’ Andrew mouths. 

Neil nods.

“Reach through at your waist and twist overhead. Three reps then do the other side. Cat-cow. Alternating lunges. Feet together, elbows down, knees apart, hips to the mat. At least I understand why this is called the frog stretch.”

Neil is then subjected to the knowledge that everybody in the room, including Seth the mountain, has the hip flexibility of a professional gymnast. None of them even look strained. 

“Feet apart, hips back,” Kevin continues, which deepens the stretch and makes Neil feel distinctly like he’s about to dislocate both of his entire legs. “Hold it ten seconds. Stretch out anything else you need.”

Most people do back-stretching yoga pose or start touching their toes, but Andrew just starfishes back on the mat.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Neil says quietly to him.

“That was the pre-warmup.”

Oh, well. 

“Everybody up,” says Kevin, jogging to the edge of the mat. “Start running.”

Neil tracks the attitudes of the athletes, a range from Matt giving Dan a hand up with a ‘this might as well happen’ grin to Nicky lamenting “You can’t do this to me!” to Andrew staring at the ceiling like a character in the Office breaking the fourth wall. Neil has already done a lap around the mat, following close behind Kevin, before Andrew even gets to his feet.

Now, there is running, which Neil likes, and then there is whatever this is. Whatever this is, Neil learns very quickly, is different because he is barefoot, making him pay much more attention to where he steps even though he knows in theory that it’s safe. He’s also constantly turning to his right, running in circles, and the space is big enough for a much larger class than the ten people here but he still can’t get a good straight-ahead line going. It puts strain on his ankles. 

Neil laps Andrew for a second time. Andrew is doing a shuffling sort of run, so slow that the only thing separating it from walking is the springing motion. 

“High knees,” Kevin says. 

Fucking hell. Neil switches to high knees, forcing him to pay even more attention to where he’s stepping and where he has to turn, and just when he gets the hang of it, Kevin switches to butt kicks, which are even harder to balance with. 

“Drop and give me twenty push-ups,” Kevin orders. 

You’re joking, Neil thinks, dropping and doing push-ups as fast as he can to keep up before Kevin’s up and running again, and three laps later they’re doing jumping jacks. 

Neil has never before in his life felt like he is about to die while doing jumping jacks, and he has also never felt like eight other people want to kill him while doing jumping jacks. He adds that to the list. 

Then they’re facing inwards, sort of skipping sideways, then doing it facing outwards, and then alternating two inwards-skips and two outwards-skips which gets really complicated on the turns because he has to keep the rhythm steady while turning his entire body and also navigating the mat’s corners. He almost trips over his feet. 

“Line up on the edge of the mat,” Kevin says, finally coming to a stop. 

Neil hopes that’s a good thing, following Andrew to one of the lines beside the two punching bags, but that’s too much to wish for. They do forward rolls from standing twice down the mat, then backwards rolls twice down, then Keven demonstrates the basic and beloathed movement drill called shrimping in which he curls up on his side like a shrimp and pushes himself backwards with one foot, pivoting on his shoulder. “Twice down,” Kevin says again, “And if I see you getting up in the middle of the mat and walking back early I’ll make you shrimp backwards too.”

Neil figures that, after seeing Kevin’s example and making sure that Andrew goes ahead of him, the relatively simple movement will make sense. But once he’s actually laying on the mat, he feels like a beached fish, just sort of squirming around. He’s also motion-sick from the somersaults. He’s only made about two feet of distance when Andrew is walking back from his first round.

“Am I doing this right,” Neil says as Andrew is passing him.

“No,” Andrew says, and keeps walking.

“What am I doing wrong,” Neil calls after him.

“Get on your side.” Andrew slaps the mat as he falls down in front of the punching bags-- nobody ever seems to sit like a normal person, they all just tip backwards to get to the ground-- and in record time has reached Neil. 

“I am on my side.”

“No you’re not.”

“I think I would know if I was laying on my side or not.”

“Wrong.” Andrew sits up. “Your shoulders,” he says, and then grabs Neil’s shoulders, first pushing them flat down to the mat. “Your back. Your side.” He hauls Neil’s right shoulder up and pushes his left shoulder down until he is, admittedly, on his side. 

“Fine,” Neil grumbles. When he tries to shrimp again, he finds that he does actually cover more ground, as dumb as it looks. “I’ve never seen anyone shrimp in tournament footage,” he says.

“Yes the fuck you have?” Kevin, overhearing, walks over. “You might have an encyclopedic knowledge of what you think are jiu-jitsu moves, but there is a difference between moves and technique. The former are what you see. The latter is why they work, how one creates space so that they work. You remember Andrew and Renee’s roll? Had Renee not shrimped out to get to dogfight she would have been stuck in smash-half until she managed to catch a giggler or Andrew had advanced. Speaking of which, Andrew, good work forcing the whizzer on her end in order to sweep, it was a good reconfiguration of the sequence.”

Neil speaks five languages, but wonders if the fact that he could understand every word Kevin just said means he should count jiu-jitsu as a sixth. 

“Tournament footage,” Andrew mutters derisively. Neil suspects that the only time Andrew and Kevin really get along is when they’re bitching about someone else. “You’re worse than a junkie. You’re a fanboy.”

“And you’re taking too long,” Kevin adds. “Just line up after you reach the end of the mat.”

Neil grits his teeth and shrimps two more times, then looks behind himself to see how much ground he has left to cover. Andrew’s reached the end already and is walking back.

“That’s fine,” Kevin says. “Just stand up.”

Neil abandons the endeavor and stands up. Once he’s back in line, Kevin calls Matt up for his next movement-drill demonstration: Kevin sits on his knees, Mat lays on his back and puts his legs around Kevin’s waist, and then Kevin pulls Matt upright by his lapels and stands up, carrying him for three steps before setting him down. “Just once across this time, pair up. If you’re with an idiot like Nicky and don’t have lapels to grab onto, just get a collartie and make him hold a seatbelt.”

Allison, Dan, Renee, and Aaron suddenly become the most popular people in the room. Neil is closest in size to Aaron, but that doesn’t matter much because Andrew is already kneeling on the mat.

Neil tries to flop backwards onto the mat like he’s seen everyone do, but he mistimes the breakfall and ends up going oof. 

“Stop playing around and pull guard,” Andrew says, so Neil does, putting his legs around Andrew’s waist and pretending it’s not weird at all when he has to pull himself even further into Andrew’s lap in order to cross his ankles and lock into closed guard. Andrew pulls the lapels of Neil’s gi top open, grabs a deep grip in them, then just stands up.

It’s a test of strength for anyone in Andrew’s position, Neil’s sure, considering that they basically have to squat the weight of an entire other person, but he thinks it’s even more a test of balance. There’s no more considering whether it’s weird or not, instinct kicks in and Neil just starts clinging to Andrew’s back. 

“You’re not going to fall,” Andrew says.

“No, I know,” Neil lies. 

After taking the assigned three steps, Andrew sinks back down to his knees in a smooth motion that has to be harder than it feels. Not once does Neil sense any kind of lurching loss of balance. With a steady inhale, Andrew pulls Neil back up and stands again.

After three reps of that, they reach the edge of the mat, second place with only Kevin and Nicky beating them. “Legs down,” Andrew says, and Neil opens his guard just in time for Andrew to drop him.

“Dude,” Neil says, stumbling. 

“Well that’s one way to learn how to breakfall,” Nicky comments. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Sure.”

Then it’s Neil’s turn. 

It is unimaginably difficult. Even with Andrew’s arms over his shoulders so he doesn’t have to bother so much with the lapel grips, Neil can’t figure out which leg to start standing up with. As soon as he gets to one knee he’s falling to the side of the other one. 

“Do it slower,” Andrew says.

“I am going slowly. That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Neil snaps and steps up again, only to wobble and fall again.

“Wrong, that’s not slow.” Andrew is able to close his guard without getting as close as Neil had, since Neil’s so thin, but he pulls himself closer anyway and almost sits up, getting their centers of gravity as in-line as possible. “I don’t know if you noticed, but the secret to Cardio Day is to pace yourself, not to take what Kevin says literally.”

“We’re supposed to do what he says,” Neil argues. “He’s the coach.”

“No he isn’t, remember? Even if he was, it’s your training, not his. Try again.”

Neil, going what feels like comically slow, holds Andrew close and tries to stand up again. He gets to his feet this time and stops, muscles coiled like springs. 

“Exactly. Three steps.”

Neil takes one step forward. Then another. Then he lifts his foot off the mat and-- falls. Andrew opens his guard just in time to breakfall and catches the rest of Neil’s momentum so he doesn’t catch all the force in his wrists. 

Neil swears under his breath and tries again. It’s a little easier, and he gets to the three steps, but doesn’t kneel back down gracefully, just falls a little more predictably this time. 

Kevin comes over now that everybody else has, of course, reached the end of the mats and lined up again. “Just do it one more time.” 

Fucking fine. One foot up, pull Andrew to that side, other foot up, pull Andrew to the center, stand up, ignore the burning muscles of his thighs, take one lumbering step, than another, than a third, then “Legs down” and he drops Andrew exactly like he’d done to Neil.

“You’re supposed to kneel back down, not drop him,” Kevin says.

“I know.”

“Already everybody, off the mats, get some water, come back for drills,” Kevin says to the group at large. A couple of them brought water bottles, but the majority flock over to the water fountains. Neil is last in line because he’s the only one who has to sit down and put on his sneakers instead of just stepping into flipflops, and he gets the shorter water fountain that was almost certainly built so that the kids’ class can reach. 

It’s fine. Today is a good day.

Even the so-called drills, the class part of the class, aren’t straightforward. Kevin just tells everyone to “Drill whatever takedown entries you know, but don’t finish them. Two minutes and switch.” Everyone claps once, synchronized, before they pair up and start their takedowns. Kevin starts walking around and correcting people. 

Andrew stares at Neil. “Uh,” Neil says. “You go first.”

Andrew nods and then he’s all motion and Neil finally gets to feel the so-called vale tudo maniac he’d been with Renee. He grabs a collar tie, forcing Neil’s head down, and hooks his fingers in the outside of Neil’s sleeve, pulls him one way and then the other, forcing him to step forward, and then skids forward, hauling Neil’s leg up in his arms. “Single-leg,” he explains.

“I know what a single-leg is.”

“Then step back next time.” Andrew fights for grips again and gets them, pulls the same pull-sideways trick, but this time when he reaches for Neil’s leg, Neil forces weight back onto it and steps back. 

Andrew trips him. 

“Breakfall,” he says while Neil is still in the air, and Neil slaps the mat out of spite.

What’s worse is that the breakfall works. 

“I said takedown entries,” Kevin snipes at them, because he always comes over at the worst times.

“Not my fault he doesn’t have base,” Andrew says.

“Neil, get better base,” Kevin says. “Andrew, stop tripping him if he’s just going to fall. You’re not learning anything.”

Andrew hits single-legs for the next minute. Neil tries to step back, sprawl, to break his grips, even to pull guard one embarrassing time, but nothing works. Without warning, Andrew then hits a double-leg, but only once, and then when he stands back up he gets nothing but a sleeve grip, pulls Neil’s arm up in a slight arc, and twists somehow so that Neil’s body is stretched across his shoulders. He can tell that if Andrew ducked and pulled further on his arm Neil would go flipping headfirst onto the ground. 

“Fireman’s carry,” Andrew says. 

Of course Neil has heard of a fireman’s carry takedown, but it’s not common in the Raven strategy, and it feels so different than it looks. “Show me again.”

Andrew does the fireman’s carry two more times, Neil running commentary. “So, it’s same-side arm, up, and then step to the side-- no, away-- and then you kneel? Or do you kneel before you step? And then what type of grip you use for the leg? Which leg?”

Before Neil gets his questions answered, the timer goes off and it’s time to switch. 

Alright, Neil tells himself. You just got a masterclass in what you’re supposed to do. First, get grips.

Step One is foiled time and time again by Andrew, who somehow manages to twist and yank his arms out of every single grip Neil gets on them. He only gets close enough for a collar tie once, his palm on the back of Andrew's neck, and Andrew ducks and pushes his elbow up, breaking that grip too. Neil’s fairly certain that he could spend the next week just grip-fighting and not get anywhere against the wrestler. 

“Andrew, stop being a dick,” Kevin calls over to them. “He’s not getting anywhere.”

Now that someone else said it, Neil has to disagree. 

Andrew finally lets Neil grab his sleeve, and must be expecting Neil to pull him into a fireman’s carry because he had asked so many questions about that takedown, which means that Neil of course has to shove Andrew’s arm out of the way and shoot a double-leg. 

“Really,” Andrew says, not only not falling over but also wrapping his arm around Neil’s neck in the precursor to a guillotine. 

“Shit.” Neil stands back up. “You’re like a tree trunk. I didn’t sign up for this just to get marionnetted around, you know.”

“Never would have guessed. Hit the fireman’s.”

Neil does shoot the fireman’s carry this time, keeping his singular grip close, and gets a sense for the feeling just before finishing the takedown, where Andrew’s body is all balanced on the fulcrum of his shoulders. He could just lean forward and send Andrew to the ground. 

“Why did you sign up?” Andrew asks faux-innocently, which is when Neil realizes that he messed up. 

He fights for grips again to stall for time. “You said it yourself, I’m a fanboy,” he tries. 

“Wrong. You didn’t even believe he was Kevin Day.”

“I just like jiu-jitsu.”

“Nicky took down the signs. You didn't know this was a gym any more than Kevin knows you’re a runaway.”

“So it was Nicky.” It’s a clumsy attempt at deflection, Neil reeling from the confidence in Andrew’s deduction, because he’s wrong but he also isn’t. Neil didn’t strictly run away, not from his Uncle, not this time. But he is, in identity, a runaway and nothing else. “I was wondering. Why are you grilling me anyway,” he says, which is what he thinks a normal person would say. Everything’s an interrogation to him.

“Because you’re lying.” The ten-second warning on the timer beeps, and when Neil shoots his next double-leg Andrew simply refuses to fall.

“Okay, Jesus, fine, I came in because some creeps were following me.” This is Neil’s last resort besides just plain bolting. It’s a good lie because it’s true, allowing him to follow it with “I don’t know why.”

The timer goes off, but not much changes considering that everyone has paused in their training to eavesdrop.

“Well why didn’t you say so?” Andrew says, his tone a pitch-perfect imitation of Nicky’s ‘Is it my birthday?’. “That’s against Rule Fourteen.”

“You guys have an anti-stalking clause codified into your gym rules?” Neil doesn’t remember seeing such a rule, but considering the freaks around here he isn’t surprised.

“Rule Fourteen is Be Respectful, don’t you remember. Not very respectful to chase rabbits all the way to foxholes, is it?”

Allison raises her hand. Andrew beams at her, but she’s undeterred. “I fucking hate stalkers. Permission for Seth and I to hunt them down.”

“Denied,” Kevin says. 

That is… a weird exchange. Not only is it weird that strangers want to get involved in Neil’s business, it’s weird that the self-proclaimed non-self-defense trainer would be the first to say so. But paired with Seth, whatever combat weakness she might have would be canceled out. She’d turn from obvious bait and a liability to the secret weapon in the mountain’s shadow, it would be an excellent teamup. There’s just no reason for it.

Dan raises her hand. “We’re not asking.”

“Denied.”

“Go yourself then. Pussy,” Seth says, effortlessly breaking Rules Twelve and Fourteen.

“Denied,” says Andrew.

“I’m not fucking scared of you,” Seth starts, which is an interesting position for him to take considering that he absolutely should be. His loss.

Kevin picks up the remote to the timer from where it’s been sitting on the tops of the mats taped onto the walls. He turns the volume up and makes it beep earsplittingly loud. “Drill your takedowns to finish, any submission. Two minutes each.”

Nobody moves. The timer starts ticking down. 

“How about you walk him home, Andrew,” Renee suggests sweetly. Neil revises his mental calculations to put her down as the largest threat in the room, based off ‘Rather the devil you know’ logic. “Since you seem concerned.”

“Base,” Andrew says as warning before he slams into Neil, takes him down, and hauls him into an armbar before he can start to fight. Neil taps, he lets go. 

“That’s very thoughtful,” Renee says as if Andrew had agreed with her, and then proceeds to take Aaron down the same way. 

The two minutes pass in silence that would be tense if not for the overwhelming presence of Andrew hitting his full wrestling takedowns over and over again. He goes for armbars mostly, but hits a knee bar in a scramble and a kimora when he pins Neil on his side. He does not rush to get up between each rep the way Renee does, allowing Neil some time to catch his breath, but he does not slow down either, the two minutes passing in perfect increments of stand up, fall, tap, stand up again. 

They switch and Neil learns that he has been doing collarties incorrectly and he should be keeping his elbow in and constantly putting weight on the back of Andrew’s neck. “Otherwise I just have your arm,” Andrew explains, taking Neil’s arm and ducking underneath to get his hands around Neil’s waist in the precursor to a mat return.

“Noted.”

Neil manages to land one somewhat passable double-leg to armbar combo before the timer screeches again. 

Kevin turns the timer’s volume down, looking faintly embarrassed now that he’s not interrupting anyone. “Circle up,” he says. “Nicky, can I borrow you for single-leg x?”

Nicky walks to the center of the mat and Kevin falls back and slaps the mat, maneuvering himself so that Nicky is standing over him with his feet standing beside Kevin’s waist. Kevin grabs Nicky’s ankles and launches the lower half of his body up, his knee clamping down on the inside of Nicky’s thigh and his other heel wrapping around to the outside. “Five reps, alternating sides, and sweep on the fifth,” he says, then demonstrates the sequence again, four more times, and on the fifth time bridges his hips at a 45-degree angle so that Nicky falls. “One minute and switch.”

Neil’s seen that move before. It should be fine. The timer beeps and everyone does their synchronized clap.

Once he’s actually laying on the mat with Andrew standing over him, he gets second thoughts. He’s meant to bring his knee up to hold onto the inside of Andrew’s thigh, which is obvious, that’s just what single-leg x is, but-- “This feels dangerous,” he comments.

“If you knee me in the balls I will return the favor.”

Neil tilts his head. “Bit difficult.” 

“I’d find a way.”

He does not end up kneeing Andrew in the balls, which makes the whole thing an overwhelming success, even though it takes him six tries to actually pull off the sweep at the end. Andrew’s sense of balance is just supernatural. 

The timer goes off and they switch. Neil already feels off-balance as Andrew gets into position, holding his ankles, and when Andrew’s knee catches him, he can’t stop himself from falling backwards. Here we go again, he thinks.

Andrew surges forward after him, eyes widening, and he’s not sure what the problem is until he hits the ground with Andrew’s hands cradling Neil’s head. “Oh shit,” he says, looking down to see that his head and shoulders are hanging off the edge of the mat. He would’ve cracked his skull open on the hard concrete. “Thanks.”

Andrew pulls his hands away, looking annoyed. “Don’t fall.”

Neil does fall again, and again, but in a different direction so Andrew doesn’t have to rescue him again. He’s not sure which one of them is more frustrated by it by the time Kevin tells them to circle up again.

They drill knee-cuts, which Neil does actually understand. It’s just one hand on the hip and one hand on the knee, push the knee to the mat, staple it down with his leg, underhook, and go to side control. There are intricacies he’s not getting, he’s sure, but it’s fine. Then they do a more movement-focused drill in which he switches from armbar from guard to armbarring the other arm, swinging 180 degrees around with just the pendulum momentum from one leg. 

“Do you know how to do a wristlock from here,” Andrew asks while Neil is holding onto both of his arms and calculating how much momentum he can get without accidentally kicking Andrew in the head. 

“Of course,” Neil says. He tries to do the pendulum motion, but runs out of momentum while still facing Andrew, so he just scoots the rest of the way until he has his leg clamped over Andrew’s head in proper guard-armbar position. “Do you want me to?”

“Show me how you would.”

Neil does so, methodically replicating the steps he remembers from watching a Raven instructional video. It doesn’t feel quite right, but Andrew taps anyway, and they continue the drill without further interruption. 

Just when Neil thinks he’s going to have to slow down or even, horrifyingly, ask to take a break-- the pendulum motion requires a ton of ab strength, as did single-leg x-- the timer goes off. “That’s class for today, line up on the edge of the mat,” Kevin says. 

Andrew rapidly disentagles himself from Neil’s guard and goes to stand beside Renee and Nicky, the other low-ranking blue belts. Neil goes to the end of the line, beside Seth. 

“Good work today. Announcements just in case you forgot: Do not leave your devil’s lettuce in the cubbies, Renee and Dan are fighting Toro, Wymack’s birthday is next Monday, and Neil, Trial Class, is not allowed to roll. Let’s bow out.”

Everybody bows, then Kevin goes to the front of the line and starts shaking hands, the line doubling over on itself to follow him so Neil gets told “Good work” by Kevin Day, Allison Reynolds, Dan Wilds, Matt, Aaron, Renee, a very cheery Nicky, and a reluctant Seth, in that order. It’s so disorienting that he only notices what’s wrong when everybody has gone to the water fountains.

Andrew is gone.

Belt rankings, reasoning, main skills:

Wymack- black (coach. Main skills: Patience.)

Kevin- brown (trained since birth. Main skills: he’s just better than you.)

Allison- purple (access to a gym since freshman year high school. Main skills: leg entanglements.)

Dan- Blue, 3 stripe (dedicated training. Main skills: Creative use of weight and pressure while incorporating moves from class into strategic rolling.)

Matt- Blue, 2 stripe (built different. Main skills: strength without skimping on technique)

Aaron- Blue, 2 stripe (wrestling experience. Main skills: a lot stronger than he looks.)

Renee- Blue, 2 stripe (access to a gym since being adopted by Stephanie. Main skills: does not believe in no-win scenarios)

Andrew- Blue, 0 stripe (does not roll with anyone but Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, and Renee. Main skills: balance, standup, grip-breaking, and space management. You cannot knock him over and you especially cannot pin him down.)

Nicky- Blue, 0 stripe (does not follow the rules. Main skills: wrestling and flexibility.)

Seth- White, 4 stripe (has trouble translating moves from drills into strategy during rolling, does not follow the rules. Main skills: built like a truck.)

Neil- White, 0 stripe (no experience, pure vibes. Main skills: encyclopedic knowledge of lore.)

Also, Neil talks about the Gracie family like he really admires them, because he fucking loves jiu-jitsu, but in real life they’re not exactly role models. They can be trusted to be damn good at jiu-jitsu but not, for example, to respect women. However, at least they’re not the Moriyamas. 

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you liked it!

[kuwdora]

first lines meme

I’ve been tagged by @sassaffrassa a million years ago.

Rules:  Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to and see if there are any patterns!

Oh, I tend to try and evoke as much mood/tone in the first sentence as possible for my one-shots and chapter fics. My ficlets and drabbles I try to go straight for the action. Usually.

The Hare and the Heart

Witcher Wild Hunt | Weavess & Ciri | Explicit | dreams and nightmares. Dead Dove. | ~2500w

The memory-inside-a-dream is full of nostalgia, it’s a delicious taste of stomach acid tingling in her mouth.

heroics and guitar breaks

TWN | Geralt/Jaskier | G | fluff. modern au, 1300w

“I’m going to do it hard and fast,” Geralt said.

Transplanted Heart (Uprooted Remix)

TWN | Eskel/Geralt | Explicit | Leshen Eskel, canon divergent show/book AU ~2k | WIP

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, let alone see you like this,” Maja said, eyeing him with a combination of sympathy and fascination. Eskel was no longer the witcher she had lain with. He was a mutated leshen with abilities that surpassed even the Queen that had originally infected him.

Coin Operated Boy

TWN | Jaskier | Mature | character study, crack treated seriously, body horror, body humor | 25k

It should have been a beautiful day. The sun was shining, Oxenfurt University was bustling with students in the pursuit of knowledge, and the autumn air was brisk on Jaskier’s cheeks. He was finally home. But it wasn’t a beautiful day. Jaskier was exhausted and currently being escorted to the history department by two sour-faced men of secretive repute.

Bedside Manner

TWN | Jaskier & Shani | Teen | 2500w

Jaskier woke up to a boot gently nudging him, and he resented consciousness immediately.

Obedience Training

Witcher Video Games | Iorveth/Roche | Mature | Red Rider Iorveth & Hound of the Wild Hunt Roche | 1k

As Iorveth was about to depart on a mission, he was abruptly summoned by the commander of the Red Riders to meet him at the kennels.

Syllable

TWN | Yennefer/Jaskier | orgasm control | 100w

"Yennefer,” Jaskier pleads.

Shadowdancer

TWN | Geralt/Istredd | handjob | 100w

Geralt trembles in Istredd’s hand, his body dancing like the shadows in their room.

Medley

TWN/Witcher video games | Jaskier/Roche | Explicit I PWP | 100w

“Fu-uuck,” Jaskier says into Roche’s neck, repeating the curse with different number of syllables each time he slams himself down on Roche’s cock, “just a little more—” he pleads, as if Roche could do anything but groan from the heat and tightness of Jaskier’s ass, like he isn’t clutching Jaskier’s hips, repeating shit, shit, shiiiit, like he’s playing a dirty fucking medley with the bard.

Acquired Taste

TWN/Witcher Video Games | Jaskier/Roche | Teen | 661w

Roche is drifting in a postcoital fugue when a weight on his chest rouses him. He cracks open an eye. Jaskier is balancing a flask on his chest, careful not to let it topple with the rise and fall of Roche’s breath.

Bonus two-sentence drabble:

In the echoes of destiny and choice

TWN | Geralt/Yen/Jaskier | Mature | cuddling & snuggling | 100w

She used to think it would be suffocating to be loved like this—burrowed deep beneath these blankets, comfortable and safe, happily living in the hearts of these men—with Geralt’s arm draped over her waist, his slumber peaceful and more potent than chaos, and Jaskier curled along her body, murmuring Yen’fer against her neck, banal and enchanting in its sweetness and domesticity; Yennefer drowsed in the warmth, pulling Geralt closer and kissing Jaskier’s forehead, and Jaskier’s hand slipped beneath her collar and cupped her breast, squeezing gently while he fell asleep. Yennefer breathed easily, her heart full and boundless.

mmmmm..tagging?? if you want! or not!! whatever suits you. ❤️ @sargassostories @kiriele @katwriteswitcherthings @beatrice-otter @danegen @faetxlity @daerienn

[quiets-cradle]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

:D thanks for the tag plant!

How many works do you have on AO3?

two as of right now! i’ve put a few in a private collection so those aren’t up for public viewing atm

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

13972

3. What fandoms do you write for?

funnily enough, most of my fics that i’ve put up have been for bnha. i haven’t been in the fandom for literal years.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

me n my two fics hdkajd

the immutable bond between craiglister and craiglistee (16 kudos)

a hunting dog’s lullaby (2 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try! but sometimes i forget or overthink until i forget. if it’s someone i’m familiar with though i’ll absolutely respond

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

definitely a hunting dog’s lullaby. the craigslist fic is crack treated seriously there is no shot that’s beating dog imagery mcgee in this

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

yeah the craigslist fic wins this one

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! the blessing of being a small writer in a big fandom

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nah. not really my thing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no to this one too! i find them fun to read but the fandoms i’m in tend to intersect awkwardly so i usually just. avoid writing them

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope B) if i did i’d honestly be surprised hdksjf

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope again!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

my irl friends and i have a couple of writing projects we like to work on! they’re for our own leisure rather than for posting so i’m not sure this counts but yeah

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i’m. not a ship person lol. like they’re cool i’m not against them i just forget they exist most of the time

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

that one tma au that i was borrowing. i’m sorry juno… i don’t even know if you remember i started writing it LMAO

16. What are your writing strengths?

oh flowery language for sure. my parents forcing me into that extracurricular english class really shines through when i get to use the sat vocabulary

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

face in hands. build up. i have the main scenes down on lock but then i have to build the suspense and tension and do all the thingymajigs and doodads before that and i collapse on my face and decompose

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i mean if it’s in spanish or mandarin? sure. i’m confident enough in my ability to make those sound natural enough, but any other languages. well. haha. [walks into the ocean never to return]

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh, warriors cats oc fanfiction i wrote at ten years old… where would i be without you

20. Favorite fic you've written?

a hunting dog’s lullaby, by a long shot. it’s the one i worked the hardest on. it’s got some janky spots but i’ve got a net positive outlook on how it turned out. versus the craigslist fic which i made in under two days 😭

i’ve got a couple of writing mutuals so whoever wants to do this, here’s your blank check to jump in :] i’m going to tag @catlady5001! i hope you have fun with this

[itsaship-literally]

Dead Man Talking

by Icka M Chif (mischif)

"I’d like to call in a specialist.” Abby said. “My Aunt Lyds, she’s a crime scene photographer and paranormal expert. But, not one of those crazy ones."

Words: 2946, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: NCIS, Beetlejuice - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen

Characters: Abby Sciuto, Timothy McGee, Tony Francis, Jethro Gibbs, Ziva David, Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice), Jimmy Palmer

Relationships: Beetlejuice/Lydia Deetz

Additional Tags: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Murder Mystery, Ghosts, Paranormal, Crack Treated Seriously, Future Fic

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/48425926

[mediums-georg]

Dear Podficcer letter 2024 (for @summerpodficswap)

Dear Podficcer:

Thanks for considering recording something for me! I am so excited.

Some general notes: I prefer podfics with simple soundscaping and quiet music, so it’s easy to hear the person speaking. My hearing is not known for being good, unfortunately.

I am okay with any rating and category. If the fic is NSFW, I would prefer it to be F/F, M/M, or Other. However, if it’s M/F and really funny, I’ll allow it. (Hopefully this goes without saying, but please don’t record an NSFW fic for me if you’re younger than 18).

When it comes to writing/recording fics, my preferences are generally the same as listed here, except I am not comfortable creating NSFW works.

Without further ado, here are my current fandoms! Currently The Stanley Parable is the main fandom that lives in my head rent free, but I have several others as well.

Main Fandoms:

Welcome to Night Vale

the Magnus Archives/Protocol

Hello from the Hallowoods

The Stanley Parable

Secondary Fandoms:

Starkid

The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality

She-ra

Meow Wolf

Favorite genres:

Comedy

Sci-Fi

Fantasy

Horror

Tags and Tropes I enjoy:

Crack/crack treated seriously

Crossovers

Social media AU

Post-Canon

angst with a happy ending

identity shenanigans

Genderbending

F/F ships

Filk

Autistic characters/disabled characters in general

Unreality

multiverses

4th wall breaking/meta

Fics formatted like an episode of the podcast they’re from

Outsider POV

fics that will make you cry but are also comforting

fics where the main characters slowly realizes they’re living in a dream/simulation

Do Not Want:

Non-con or Underage archive warnings

Incest or pedophilia

RPF

Character X Reader (unless it’s funny and/or it gets meta)

And now, time for my fandom-related preferences!

Welcome to Night Vale:

Cecil/Carlos

Michelle/Maureen

The Magnus Archives:

Fix-it fics

Post-canon, especially if it’s a crossover

Jon/Martin

Melanie/Georgie

Hello from the Hallowoods:

Angst

Nikignik 

Riot/Olivier

Hector/Jonah

Percy/Diggory

Violet/Bern

Yaretzi/The Countess

Polly & Yaretzi & Mort

The Stanley Parable:

Stanley/Narrator

Timekeeper | The Settings Person 

4th wall breaking fics

Hatchetfield:

Paul/Emma

Steph/Pete

Grace Chastity

The Lords in Black

I still haven’t watched Nightmare Time 2 and the last episode of Nightmare Time 1, so please don’t spoil them!

Post-canon - specifically if you have a fic set right after Nerdy Prudes Must Die, I so want to hear it.

She-Ra:

Catra/Adora

Entrapta/Hordak

Entrapta/Darla

Post-canon

I’m not too fond of the headcanon that Entrapta is asexual and not interested in sex (although I could see her as a sex favorable ace)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to check out my bookmarks to get some examples of fics that I like: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackfics_georg/pseuds/crackfics_georg/bookmarks 

If you podfic one that’s tagged “inspiration” I would be very happy, but I’d also love the opportunity to hear a completely new fic. Podfics of my own fics are absolutely welcome as well!

[unquietspiritao3]

If you’re my assigned author for the LAH Fic Club Exchange S1 (or are just nosy), please read!

Hello, Dear Author!

I’m thrilled we’ve matched and excited to read what you write for me! Most of this is repeated from AO3, just so you have it all in one place, but at the bottom, I’ve added super important information if you want to write humiliation kink, daddy kink, or sexual ageplay for me. Please read it carefully.

Thank you so much for writing!

Optional Details for Each Request

Request 1: Greg/Alex, Soft Dom Greg

(Optional Tags: Domestic Kink, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, Praise Kink)

IRL!Greg is such a sweet, gentle guy, and I want more representation of that in fic! Give me Greg being soft and caring while still dominating Alex, please. He could also be strict and stern in an overtly loving way.

This sort of dynamic can be combined with any of my general kinks (listed below), but I think it pairs really well with puppy play or daddy kink (with or without sexual ageplay).

Request 2: Alex/Everyone, Taskmaster Late Night/“Blue” Edition

(Optional Tags: Crack Treated Seriously, Episode Style, Desiree Burch, Ed Gamble, Fern Brady, Greg Davies, James Acaster, John Robins, Josh Widdicombe, Julian Clary, Mae Martin, Morgana Robinson, Noel Fielding, Rhod Gilbert, Sally Phillips, Sam Campbell, Sophie Duker, Victoria Coren Mitchell)

Alex keeps talking about it, let’s give him some inspiration! I’d love to see kinky tasks completed by some of our favorite contestants. I’ve listed my personal faves in the optional tags.

In accordance with my DNWs, please set this up so it is fully consensual for the participants, the studio audience, and the viewers at home! That could be through making it an actual porn film or setting it in a BDSM AU, maybe? Or maybe it’s not actually on TV at all, just a special invite-only event of some kind, ala the excellent fic ‘pink and pretty’ by 2manyboys.

Also, if Greg is included, I prefer his dynamic with Alex to be more loving, as in later series.

Request 3: Noel/Rhod and/or Noel/Julian, Friends with Benefits

(Optional Tags: Begging, Biting, Lingerie, Orgasm Control, Overstimulation)

I’d love some sub!Noel in/just after his party days, getting by with a little help from his friends. Maybe he’s trying not to use so many drugs and is looking for a natural high to replace it? Maybe it’s just a thing for fun? Maybe it’s during Rhod’s tenure as host of NMTB, or maybe it’s him and Julian being Camden princes together?

General Kinks

Orgasm control, including edging, ‘forced’ orgasms, ruined orgasms, prostate milking, overstimulation, and chastity

Humiliation (please read the follow-up section below!)

Omorashi, especially combined with diapers

Soft dominance, the kind that has a genuine ‘I love you and I’m doing this for your own good’ feel

Old-fashioned domestic-style punishments such as over-the-knee spanking, mouthsoaping, scoldings and lectures

Daddy kink, with or without sexual ageplay (please read the follow-up section below!)

Devotion to your partner, whether expressed through service submission, puppy play, deity/worship kink, just thinking about how much you love them and would do anything for them, etc.

Bratting (consensual, not ‘topping from the bottom’)

Consensual non-consent (Please look this one up if you don’t know what it is, but in a nutshell, it means the submissive says ‘no’ when they don’t actually mean it, because they have a safeword. Also, I prefer the existence of the safeword to be explicitly mentioned in the story.)

Exhibitionism, either in a humiliating way or a showing-off way

DNWs

Non-con/dub-con

Total power exchange

Degradation (please read the follow-up section below!)

Incest (including step-family members, clones raised together, etc.) or incest fantasy (please read the follow-up section below!)

Graphic violence

Bloodplay

Needle play

Breathplay

Scat

Non-sexual ageplay

Bad BDSM etiquette (ie, under-negotiated kink; doing kink in public or on TV without the fully-informed consent of all participants, audience members, and viewers; anything else along these lines)

And in non-kinky lines: children, any sort of death, infidelity, any mention of real-life partners of any characters, AI-generated works

Important Distinctions

Degradation vs. Humiliation

Humiliation is one of my main kinks. Degradation is one of my main triggers. I’ve found that while the difference between these two is clear to me, it’s difficult for people who like both (or dislike both) to distinguish them, so I’m going to do my best to describe what I, personally, enjoy and what I don’t. If you have any uncertainty in this area, please avoid anything that could verge on either.

Verbal

I enjoy words that, even in a non-BDSM setting, would seem playfully teasing (not condescending) or stern-but-caring. “Naughty” is my favorite adjective, and a genuinely kind, gentle attitude from a dominant can often up the emotional intensity of a scolding. 

I do not enjoy words that, in a non-BDSM setting, would seem cruel—like name-calling, put-downs, yelling, or verbal coldness or condescension—even if, in the story, the submissive is meant to be read as enjoying it and the dominant is meant to be read as not really meaning it.

Situational

I enjoy situations where the submissive is temporarily embarrassed—though often to an extreme degree—while still feeling genuinely cared-for by the dominant both in the moment of embarrassment and after. The care between them must be explicitly shown in the story, not left to me to layer on top.

I do not enjoy situations where the submissive is made to feel at all worthless, less-than, judged, unloved, or ashamed of who they are as a person, even if, in the story, they are meant to be read as enjoying or not minding these feelings.

Incest Fantasy vs. Daddy Kink with Sexual Ageplay

Yet another area where I have a kink for one thing and a trigger for a different thing that is just similar enough for people to get them confused! (I’m difficult, I know. Sorry!) Again, I’ll do my best to explain the important distinctions between these from my personal point of view, but if you have doubts, please steer clear of both.

Daddy kink with sexual ageplay is where the dominant is taking on a parental, caregiving role while the submissive takes on a younger headspace during sexual play. (I prefer the headspace to be more on the side of roleplay than regression, though I’m fine with partial regression as long as it is explicit that the submissive is still in possession of their adult faculties enough to be able to fully consent.)

In these sorts of scenes, the submissive calls the dominant ‘daddy’ (even though they might be embarrassed about it because of the way society views adults who use that word for their partner) and the dominant does and says parental things, but the idea of being related is not part of what gets them off sexually. It’s simply a convenient way to explain their roles in the dynamic. The focus of the scene is the caregiving and the freedom of a younger mindset—and, in my favorite ageplay scenes, the humiliation of being lovingly treated as if you’re younger than you know you are, for your own good.

Incest fantasy is where the characters fantasize about and get off on the taboo of having sex with a relative (even if they are not attracted to their actual relatives and would never want to actually have sex with them). Anything that focuses on a fantasized familial relationship in this way is likely to trigger me. It’s therefore best, for me, if you avoid using familial words/phrases except in dialogue, so it’s clear that the character is not really fantasizing about the partner as a family member, but rather just calling them a ‘title’ that corresponds to their role.

[scary-senpai]

I saw the “first ten lines” game making the rounds and I felt like I deserved a treat.

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

I’m not tagging anyone but if you see this and you are so inspired, I’d be curious to read yours so feel free to DM or tag me even though I’ve already gone

1. When Saitama returned home from grocery shopping, he found his front yard looking significantly different from the way he had left it.

Fic: Holiday Hijinks

Fandom: One Punch Man.

Genre: Promptfic / Comedy of Errors.

2. “If you’re going to wear my clothes, at least wear them properly.”

Fic: everything’s pushing up daisies

Fandom: jujutsu kaisen

Genre: Promptfic / comedy of errors / flowershop + mafia AU

3. “…Garou?”

Fic: Collateral Damage

Fandom: One Punch Man

Genre: angst, cut with some dark humor because Charanko and Garou have like one brain cell between them when it comes to handling emotional situations with tact

4. How stupid he was, to grieve a scar of all things.

Fic: scars

Fandom: One Punch Man

Genre: angst, character study of Garou and Garou’s mom

5. You wake up with a stuffy nose, and the vague sensation of being watched.

Fic: Trolling for Soup

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Genre: humor, sfw sickfic (Gojo Satoru x Reader because I have a thing for white haired gremlin anime men)

6. Around 11:30am, Garou woke up because he was cold.

spoiler alert: he is cold because Saitama stole all his blankets to make a blanket fort.

Fic: I’m not that guy

Fandom: one punch man

Genre: comedy of errors, crack treated seriously, light angst bc my only superpower is existential angst it’s not abandoned but sometimes I look at it and think “bitch you wrote what???”

7. The wind whistled down the deserted alleyway, scattering trash in all directions.

Fic: “I knocked him unconscious, can I keep him?”

Fandom: one punch man

Genre: comedy

Aka the “Who put Garou on that pile of trash bags? And why is their garbage so heckin' tidy?” Fic spoiler alert: it was Saitama

8. “For the last time, did you put glitter in Bakugo’s cannons?”

Although my favorite line is probably the one in the ao3 summary (“Garou, every time you break into my house that is literally trespassing.” “No, Mr. Aizawa, that is literally Plus Ultra.”) it continues to be one of my favorite jokes I’ve ever written..

Fic: be the trouble you wish to see in the world

Fandom: one punch man / my hero academia crossover aka Garou is the first Quirkless student accepted by the Hero Department, and coincidentally the most mischievous student U.A. has ever seen.

Genre: comedy of errors

9. “Hold this.”

Fic: …and that was the Hero Association’s First (and Final) Festivus

Fandom: one punch man

Genre: comedy of errors, Promptfic, Drabble (kind of—4 chapters x 250 words each)

10. There are many Christmas monsters.

Fic: my favorite Christmas tradition is werewolves

Fandom: one punch man

Genre: comedy, drabble , Promptfic, I guess maybe you could say parody but more like what I feel to be a truly honest representative of the kind of homework assignments Garou turned in during primary school

[anonnie-in-wonderland]

Call Me Crazy…

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.8k

Warning(s): None

Summary: When Y/N gets her hands on the newest Samsung phone, she thinks at most she’ll get a little clout with her friends and fewer dropped calls. A direct portal to BTS? Not so much.

Genre(s): Strangers to Friends to Lovers| Crack Treated Seriously| Fluff| Comedy| Romance| Magical Realism

Tags: bts x reader | ot7 x reader | poly| FM!POC!reader

Ch.1: In Which a New Phone is Long Overdue

A/N: This idea was inspired by this commercial, which I immediately thought would be a good fic idea the moment I first saw it! Just never assumed I’d be the one writing it, so I guess I played myself…anyway, this fic starts in 2019 and is not “canon compliant” (I think I’m using that right). I personally see this Y/N as a POC due to the girl in the commercial this AU is based off. I think she was really cute haha that being said, you don’t have to imagine the commercial actress ofc. Uh, and Y/N is not really an Army at first, sorry. Just thought it’d be more interesting that way. *PLEASE do not ask about the taglist in this story’s comments*

“I can make it better, I can hold you tighter…”

Y/N breezed right by the girls passionately singing along to the latest BTS hit in the hallway. Classes had just ended and caffeine was calling her name. That test prep was a doozy and really, she should definitely—fish the buzzing phone out of her jacket pocket, apparently. If she could even locate it. Why did she adore multiple pockets so much in her outerwear anyway?

Her fingers seized the small device just before it went to voicemail, and she barely glimpsed at the ID before accepting the call. “Hey, heeey,” Binna sang, her good mood evident, “That physiology test? Nailed it!” Y/N smiled, knowing how much her roommate had been stressing that exam, despite studying nonstop for weeks in advance.

Stopping, Y/N tucked herself into a corner of the corridor, out of the way of her fellow students. The tall arched windows provided an unobstructed view of the campus’ sprawling lawn, and the students congregating on it. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from my bestie’s big brain.”

“Try saying that three times fast,” Binna laughed. “How’d your business presentation thingy go?”

Y/N cleared her throat, trying to sound serious, but secretly endeared by Binna. “It’s a supply chain management project. I won’t know how I did until the end of the term, but it’s coming together really well so far.”

“Ohh then are some celebratory drinks at the cafe in order?!”

Y/N dramatically clutched her chest, probably looking like she belonged in the theatre program to the people passing by. “I thought you’d never as—”

“…N?” Binna’s voice began to crackle, fading in and out. “Hel..lo? Y��?”

Gasping indignantly, Y/N took the phone away from her ear to glare at it. “Oh, no you don’t.” Reflexively, she smacked the bottom a few times, momentarily forgetting that would do absolutely nothing for failing reception.

“I’m losing signal!” She hurried to explain, “Text you soon!”

The sound her friend made came across as agreement, more or less, so Y/N hung up with a sigh. Her fingers skimmed the tiny, worn keyboard, prepared to attempt a short confirmation to meet at the cafe.

“Still not ready to give up on that dinosaur?”

Y/N jumped, halfheartedly glaring at the owner of the voice, who didn’t look the least bit apologetic for startling her. Rather, Chung Chin-Mae arched a brow, face blank as he waited for her to respond. “When are you going to cut that out?” She hissed, smoothing a hand down her already wrinkle-free blazer.

“When are you going to give up on that phone?” He returned, taking a delicate sip of his vitamin water. Y/N’s glare became a little harder, lip jutting out in defiance. He knew she hated when someone answered a question with another question. But she let him have it…this time.

“Why would I?” Y/N briefly clutched her phone to her chest defensively, ignoring the way Chin-Mae just shook his head. Returning to trying to get her text through, she added, “There’s nothing wrong with it…”

Her friend looked ready to swing his messenger bag at her—and given that it was always full and on the heavy side, that was bound to leave a bruise. “How many other people do you know still using a flip phone that outdated? It’s not even a touchscreen!”

“But it does the same thing!” Y/N grumbled, mentally crossing her fingers that the text didn’t freeze and delete itself. ‘Please, not while Chin-Mae’s here.’

They stood in awkward silence for over a minute, and she lowered her head, knowing the expression he’d be wearing. “It just does it a little slower…” For all his love of being right, Chung Chin-Mae (affectionately Chinnie to his friends) could have made an excellent lawyer, but his heart belonged to the arts. His interesting taste in strangely patterned button-ups and the streak of deep red dyed in his short, black hair were the only real outward indicators.

“How many years?” he asked.

“Huh?” Y/N distractedly watched her text finally finish sending, a little grin of victory on her lips.

“How many years since you got a new phone?” He clarified.

“Oh, um…eight.”

“Eight? Y/N…girl…” Chin-Mae looked like he was struggling to find the words, absolutely aghast, and she rolled her eyes. Yes, there was that flair for the dramatic she’d expect from a performing arts major.

Checking her math, she nodded, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Leaning into her personal space so that she could smell the freshness of his gum, he whispered, “Repeat after me: I will get an upgrade!”

“Only if it becomes absolutely necessary.” she countered.

“It’s past necessary; you might as well be dragging an entire phone booth around with you.”

“Haha…” Y/N chortled drily. “Anyway, aren’t you a long way from the art studio. Did you come to meet me?”

Huffing, Chin-Mae squared his shoulders, looking thoroughly exasperated. Though his next words confirmed it wasn’t at her. “I came to drop off Yè’s report to him. He’d be flunking that class if it wasn’t for me,”

That made sense, considering how forgetful her upperclassmen could be. Brilliant, but oh so forgetful. “You realize you’re dating now. It’s okay to call him Min Su.”

“Old habits,” Chin-Mae dismissively flapped a hand at her, not sounding too concerned.

‘Poor Min Su.’ she thought. He had been smitten with Chin-Mae practically since their first meeting, when the clumsy transferee had bumped into her friend and caused him to drop a still wet painting while trying to search for the right building.

Needless to say, Chin-Mae had declared war on the guy. He had never been the most forgiving to begin with, and man could he hold a grudge. Y/N winced as she recalled the way he hadn’t spoken to his roommate for just over a month after he ate Chin’s pudding snack.

So the odds certainly were not in Min Su’s favor. Chin-Mae remained icy towards him even after he tried to make it right by lending a hand so he could redo the ruined painting in time to submit to his art showcase by the deadline. She and Binna had watched (and silently rooted for Min Su) from the sidelines for the better part of their freshman and sophomore years. Eventually his kindness and persistence won Chin-Mae over…not that he ever really wanted to say he had caught feelings somewhere along the line. And now, they were finally dating. But Chinnie was only really slightly less reserved with his affections. At least in public.

“Anyway. My boyfriend is hopeless. What else is new?” He asked rhetorically, breaking her from her reminiscence. “Do you need a ride to the cafe or what?”

Y/N thought over the benefits of catching a free ride while her friend was in a gracious mood, or waiting on the shuttle. “I guess I could—”

“If you have to think about it, you don’t know. So let me decide for you…” He pulled out his keys and pushed at her shoulder, ushering her out of the corner and through the lecture hall. “You’re coming with me.”

Well, Y/N shrugged, if Chin-Mae had spoken…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Umm…” Y/N watched Binna bouncing in place, tongue poking out in concentration as she attempted to make up her mind. Luckily, the cafe worker looked more amused than irritated, but then her friend had that effect on people. Something about her quick smiles and the bright eyeshadow she typically wore made her youthful, energetic and approachable, along with the fun hairstyles she loved to wear when she wasn’t in a professional setting.

 She was pure warmth, and destined to become an amazing pediatrician, if Y/N had anything to say about it. “Should I get an iced americano?” She asked no one in particular, “Oh wait, but it’s been forever since I had any boba. That’d hit the spot right now too…”

Normally, the campus cafe was packed, people chugging coffee in anticipation of a long class, or stopping to have a quick bite because they couldn’t be bothered to leave campus or cook for themselves (though it was far from the only choice). It was a welcome surprise not to be standing knee-deep in a line nearly out the door, everyone inside already sitting and enjoying their orders.

That meant at least they wouldn’t get nasty stares for holding up the line. As Binna continued deliberating, Y/N began envisioning the moment she’d take the first blissful sip of her own caffeinated delight. 

Unlike her friends, who often switched up their orders, Y/N preferred what was tried and true: cafè au lait with skim milk and a half a teaspoon of sugar. A small fingertip poked her shoulder. “…do you think?” Y/N blinked, cocking her head as she tried to figure out what she was being asked.

Something about what drink Binna should have, right? “Uh…since you like mixing it up, what about something you’ve never had before?”

Her round eyes instantly brightened, turning to the barista with a confident grin. “Ohh, what’s on your limited edition menu right now?”

The barista shared a proud look with her coworker, who had finished rinsing out mugs and happened to overhear the question. “We’re doing our artist-inspired drinks. This month it’s BTS, since they just released a new album.”

The minute the words were out of the young woman’s mouth, Y/N began silently counting down, only reaching three before Binna let out a loud squeal. She always got that way when she got the opportunity to chat about her k-pop obsession. “Oh my gosh, that’s so cool!” Eagerly lifting the little mascot attached to her backpack by a keychain, Binna gushed, “You know, I’m actually Army.”

That she was. She had the poster on her side of their room to prove it, and lots of merchandise on her desk and bookshelf. It was practically the only reason Y/N knew anything about BTS (or any other popular groups) to begin with, and her knowledge was less than that of a casual fan.

She could view a photograph or billboard advertisement and recognize she was gazing at the group of superstars who had captivated Binna and half the world. But if asked to pick them out individually and correctly name them…well, hopefully it wouldn’t be a life or death situation, because Y/N didn’t like her odds.

The next few minutes were spent with Binna and the cafe employees talking about the new album, their favorite tracks, leaving Y/N totally lost. While she was glad to see her friend having so much fun, she could really use that caffeine pick-me-up right about now. Maybe tuning into that telepathic link they always joked about having, Binna gasped, her lipgloss even shinier under the cafe’s atmosphere lighting. “Wait, oh no, you haven’t even gotten to order yet, have you? I’m so sorry. I’m terrible, your drink’s on me!”

Y/N smiled gently as her friend began to ramble about how awful she had been to make her wait for the last fifteen minutes, rubbing her shoulder in reassurance. But she wasn’t exactly about to turn down a free drink. Chinnie, who had opted not to tag along seeing as how he had a class coming up soon, was going to be sorry he missed out on being treated.

“I’ll take a…”

Binna interrupted her with a giggle, her cute little nose twitching. “Should I just order for you? I mean, I know what you’re having because it’s always the same thing. Every time. She wants a cafè au lait, skim milk and a half a teaspoon of sugar please.”

Y/N knew her friend’s cheerful declaration wasn’t in any way mean-spirited. It just wasn’t in her nature to be. She honestly couldn’t explain why that rankled her. Was it that deep down, she feared she was overly predictable?

“That’s not true…” she muttered, aiming to prove it. “I can change it up too. I’ll also take something off the limited edition menu…” She had missed what Binna ordered, so she ended with a shrug. “You can surprise me.”

The barista, whose tag read, “Minjun”, nodded eagerly. “You got it. Coming right up!”

Assuming they would wait off to the side, Y/N shuffled down the counter, only to catch Binna staring at her, wide-eyed. Today her eyes were rimmed in a nude eyeshadow, applied with an expert hand as always. “Okay, just say it.”

“You…” Binna glanced around as she moved her hands, “You picked something besides your usual!”

“It’s not that big of a deal…”

“Yes it is. For you, it is. You’re all about schedules and routines and…and sameness.”

Y/N felt her cheeks puffing, and hurried to calm herself. “Look, everyone gets tired of things being the same sometimes. I’m not that dull.” If her voice came out just a little snappish, Binna didn’t remark on it. The speedy service was a small blessing, their drinks being slid down to them as Minjun called out their orders.

Y/N squinted as she read the side of her cup, more specifically the label. Jimin’s Jumping Jubilation.

Binna silently motioned to a table, her eyes nonverbally apologizing in case her comment had upset her, and Y/N took the lead, playfully brushing her on the way over so she knew all was well. “So,” she said after taking a careful sip. “Jimin tastes a whole lot like coconut milk and dehydrated pineapple bits.”

Binna made a funny face, having finished taking a long sip of her Suga n’ Spice. The delayed snort was well worth getting slightly sprayed. Nothing about her friend looking anxious or down suited her. “Y/N!” Binna squealed, slapping at her from across the table. “You can’t just say that in public. People’ll think you read those dirty BTS fanfics.”

“They…have those?” She was well and truly clueless, and maybe it was for the best if it stayed that way. “You know what? Never mind.” Neither of them really seemed to mind the change of conversation, settling into their seats comfortably and watching the world go by outside. “Are you still going to the rugby game this weekend? Min Su and Chin invited me, but I’d feel like a third wheel on their date if you didn’t come.”

Binna’s cute manicured nails rapidly tapped both sides of her cup. “Oooh you know I’ll be there to keep you from third-wheeling.” she winked. “Plus, it’s KU’s biggest rival, right? That means Yonsei University boys.” Y/N cracked a grin as she watched Binna fan herself, pretending to swoon. “I thought you swore off boys at least until after finals.”

“I did!” She nodded expressively. “But there’s no harm in looking.”

“I guess there’s tha—”

“Eek, a bee! How’d it get in here?!” Her friend’s screech turned several heads, Binna trying to hop up from her side of the table and flailing just a bit to keep the buzzing insect at bay simultaneously. Y/N watched her arm strike the side of her mostly filled cup, the liquid splashing in slow motion…right over the ancient flip phone lying innocently on the table.

Realizing what she’d done, Binna stared down in horror. “Oops! Y/N I am soooo sorry! I swear I’m too klutzy to live, and you know I’ll make this right and get you a new one. You can have any color, just—”

“Bin,” Y/N held up a palm. “Breathe.”

Perhaps recognizing she had withheld a breath or two in the middle of her rambling, her friend took a deep inhale.

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” Though Y/N had a sinking feeling it would do very little good, she still attempted to dry off the phone with some napkins, able to see her reflection in the dark screen. “It was just…its time to go, I guess.”

Slowly lowering herself back into her chair, Binna stared down at the deceased cellular device, an errant giggle escaping. “Well now that you have to get a new phone, at least Chinnie won’t have a reason to keep bugging you about it?” she offered, looking entirely too cute to be mad at.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N cringed at her wet pant leg as she climbed from the passenger side of Chin-Mae’s car. If she’d known the day would end in rain, she would have worn rain boots, as much as they clashed with her business casual attire. It was a small miracle that she at least had an umbrella in her bag. Her friends huddled under and shared Binna’s, which featured a vaguely familiar pink bunny with a rather aggressively cocked eyebrow.

The bell above the door chimed as the trio shuffled into the phone store, which was nice and toasty to combat any would be draft from the rain. No one else was inside, only the quiet hum of the heat going filling the space. “Where do you think we should start looking?”

 There were so many shiny models on display in different spots on the shop floor it was hard to know where to focus. No sooner had Binna asked than a Samsung employee popped up from the back room, a few boxes carefully balanced in his arms. 

Glancing their way, the young man, who couldn’t be much older than them, gave a polite customer service smile. Y/N waited patiently as she set down the boxes on the counter near checkout then beelined straight to them, his name tag gleaming under the store lights.

“Uh-oh, someone needs a new phone, huh?” He sighed sympathetically.

“How’d you know?” Chin-Mae asked, hands tucked into his pockets. He was wearing Min Su’s favorite hoodie, which enveloped him quite well given the difference in their builds. Y/N found herself irrationally jealous, wishing briefly she had a boyfriend to steal warm, snuggly clothes from.

“I just thought it’s the most likely reason you’d come out in such nasty weather.” he explained. “This is the kind rainy evening that makes you want to get cozy somewhere.”

He wasn’t wrong, Y/N thought. What an intuitive salesman.

“It’s me,” she said, stepping forward and raising her hand. “I’m the one that needs the new phone.”

He hummed with a tilt of his head. “Ah, anything in mind?”

“Anything would be an improvement from that ugly old dinosaur she thought it was okay to keep for eight years.” Chin-Mae groaned. “It finally bit the dust today.”

“Actually, it was murdered.” Y/N corrected.

“I’m sorry!” Binna wailed, hiding her face guiltily.

“I certainly have to agree it was time for an upgrade.” The clerk whistled. “Eight years is quite a long time.” He began to walk, motioning for the group to follow as he looked over his shoulder. “I’m afraid I don’t have anything similar to what would’ve been on the market back then, even in our used phone selection, but I’ll do my best to find a suitable replacement for your baby.”

“Something simple that gets the job done.” Y/N piped up. “That’s all I need.”

“Please, tell her she doesn’t have to live like this!” Binna whined, clasping her hands together. “She can have style, high-tech features and efficiency.”

Exasperated, Y/N turned to glare at her friend. “Bin, I—”

“She’s right,” the salesman said, “I can get you all that. If you’re interested, of course.”

“She is.” Chin-Mae cut her off before she could so much as open her mouth. His grip on her shoulders was tight, almost like a warning…

Knowing that her friends weren’t about to relent, Y/N decided to cooperate and get it over with. She’d rip it off, like a bandage.

“I am.” She agreed, less than enthusiastically.

All three of them perked up, and Y/N had a feeling she was in for a long evening.

The clerk showed them various types of phones, rattling off their features with ease and even explaining how to navigate the touch screens. Y/N personally didn’t think she was that hopeless, but kept her mouth shut and let him finish each demonstration. Binna and Chin-Mae chimed in more than once, mentioning how impressed they were with this model or that and ushering her toward their personal picks.

Y/N wasn’t quite sure any of the ones they saw were right for her. ‘What happened to simple?’ she wondered. That concept had long since gone out the window it seemed.

“And this is the last one I have to show you.” The employee, who had told them to call him Suk-kyu, rounded yet another display. This one featured a line of phones in various colors, as sleek and fancy as all the rest. What caught Y/N’s attention was the flip design. Finally! An ode to the phones of yesteryear. “It’s the Galaxy Z!” Suk-kyu gushed, plucking one of the phones on the table from its resting place and carefully placing it in Y/N’s hands. “It’s got that old school design you like, but this baby is all new and cutting edge. Ask me what it does. It does it all!”

The man loved his job, that was for sure. It was either that or he got paid off commissions, because he was certainly making the hard sell. Suk-kyu let her see everything the phone could do. And true to his word, that was quite a lot. His eyes twinkled expectantly as Y/N deliberated over the seven colors it came in. “I think we have a winner!” he cheered, “Who’s your bias? That’s probably the best color to go with if you’re having trouble deciding.”

Y/N blinked, a pink phone in one hand and a purple phone in the other. “Who’s my…what?”

“Oh,” Binna chuckled, “There’s no need in bothering with that Suk-kyu. Y/N wouldn’t be interested in all that.”

“Interested in what?” Said girl asked quietly, beginning to feel like she was missing a vital piece of the conversation. The piece that made it make sense.

“Ah,” Suk-kyu rubbed his arm sheepishly. “I guess not everyone is. I just thought maybe you chose to get one of these phones because you’re a BTS fan. Most of the people who bought them have been. Actually we barely keep them in stock for long. This is the first time we’ve had all seven colors available since release day.”

“What’s with everyone and BTS today? What’s that got to do with the pho—”

Chin-Mae tapped her shoulder, pointing to direct her attention to one of the monitors mounted over their heads. Y/N gaped as she saw the famous boy band using the very same model of phone she was about to purchase in a commercial.

‘Of course,’ Y/N could have rolled her eyes. What product didn’t they endorse? ‘Okay, I guess it’s impressive from a business standpoint. I’ll give them that. It’s every company’s dream to find a brand ambassador with the golden touch that’ll keep the product flying off the shelves.’ As an aspiring businesswoman currently taking courses in product marketing and distribution, Y/N couldn’t deny they were something else.

“Uh…you know what? I think I’ll take this one after all.” She announced, ignoring Binna and Suk-kyu’s twin gasps of joy. “Just to try it out. If it’s good enough for BTS, I’m sure it’s good enough for a plain old business major like me.”

Seconds later, they watched the grown man skip to the back to retrieve the color she selected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rubbing a knuckle over her eye, Y/N yawned, staring blearily at the time displayed on her new phone. Huh, almost midnight. Didn’t feel like it was that late…but then it might explain the heaviness of her eyes.

Binna was already tucked into bed and snoring quietly on the other side of the room, leaving Y/N up by herself, toying with the cellphone she hadn’t expected to become so invested in.

Hoisting herself off her mattress, the tired university student stretched, hearing the satisfying pop in her back as she crept toward the bathroom, phone loosely clutched in hand. She’d brush her teeth and then go to bed. 

Tomorrow was a rare day off for her, so she had plenty of time to play with explore the phone’s features at her leisure. And, of course, get a leg up on her next assignment.

 Y/N had always treated school like she intended to treat the business world, and no one survived in business unless they could always stay five steps ahead of everyone else.

Y/N shuffled completely into the girls’ shared bathroom, shutting the door almost all the way before she flipped on the light, hoping the tiny sliver didn’t disturb Binna.

Thinking it over, she scoffed at the notion. Yeah right, that girl slept like the dead. Someone could scream about a fire in the building and she’d just roll over.

Taking her electric toothbrush from the charger, Y/N rummaged under the sink, locating the small bag that contained her toiletries and squirting a little toothpaste on the brush’s head. She put the setting on a slow pace, always wanting to be sure she got every nook and crevice. 

Running the brush everywhere inside her mouth, slow and methodical, Y/N hummed to a song she didn’t really remember. That helped her keep track of how long she needed to brush, even if the toothbrush had an automatic counter. 

She had used a manual one for so many years, to do her own mental counting was simply force of habit. And she was nothing if not a creature of habit, according to most people who knew her. But, was that really such a bad thing? She never used to think so, but recently it felt like another way to call her bland.

Leaning down into the sink, Y/N spit, turning on the tap and gargling away the rest of the minty foam in her mouth. Satisfied, she spit again, splashing the cool water on her face and setting her toothbrush down. Patting her skin dry with a small towel, the young woman took a small sigh, raising her face to the mirror and expecting to see her tired reflection staring back.

Except for the fact that the person in the mirror did not have the right features to be her reflection. Hell, they didn’t even have the right gender! 

Y/N’s eyes popped wide open, sleepiness dissolving in an instant at the equally shocked face of the man who was gazing back at her. His distractingly full lips were rimmed in white toothpaste, as if he had just finished brushing his own teeth. Light brown, almost tangerine-tinted hair hung messily into his dark eyes, which had enlarged to what had to be triple their normal size.

 And his skin… it probably wasn’t the best time to be noticing, what with her clearly hallucinating and all, but he had to have the tightest pores. They were nonexistent, really. His skin was smooth and blemish free. There wasn’t much more of him she could see, save for the black t-shirt that hung from his impossibly wide shoulders, filling the rest of the space in the mirror. 

It looked like he sucked in a breath at the same time she did, and Y/N finally stumbled back, unsure why she was seeing what she was. Blinking, she smacked both palms over her eyes and then opened them again, finding everything as it should be. The handsome man was gone, and she was alone with her reflection. All was right with the world.

Shaking her head, Y/N scurried from the bathroom and flipped off the light, trying not to drop her phone in the dark. Sleep. She needed sleep, and lots of it.