#idk an irl blog sounds cool

[rizzystem]

you mentioned the lack of mcyt / dsmp irl confession blogs specifically, since kinfession blogs usually cater to introjects, irls, and kins. but would you like to see a primarily irl confession blog? do you think that would do any good?

i think it could do some good for IRLs / D/As to have a space for their own, i think its great that kinfession blogs are so inclusive but also on the other hand some of the experiences are different and some IRLs(ive known a few) dont fully like. view a fictionkin as their sourcemate? so maybe??

[blueberry-gills]

How much money do you think I'd have to bribe my parents with for them to send me to that Ranger school in Almia instead of here

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[e77y]

Recently developed such a bad platonic/friendship crush (idk the word for it... I think there's a word??) on this one person I've barely spoken to 😭 Idk what is is... I just want to be their buddy... I want to do silly activities............ Send me memes and read my fanfics............................

[sotiredimbored]

/ intro post /

kuko/ollie, any/all, genderfluid, ace, biromantic, minor, asian-american, infp, slytherin, cabin 7, just a silly little guy, neurodivergent

✩

insta, art blog, writing blog, and pinterest!

✩

i cannot donate

cool info about me!!!

stuff i like✩: pasta, birds, the sound of pencils on paper, reading, writing(ill write for you if you ask), drawing(same with drawing just ask!!), animals, my friends(yeah you deal with it), heartstopper, yaelokre, epic, music(my heart and soul), my pets(i post them sometimes teehee), diet coke, purple grapes, learning languages, cosplaying, analyzing songs , bugs and jellyfish!(theres more but im lazy)

things i dislike✩: homophobes, transphobes, racists, mean people, and cicadas(no questions)

music! ✩: thazvoo, fish in a birdcage, chappell roan, kaden mackay, good kid, cavetown, tv girl, lovesick, baby queen, glaive, conan gray, the neighbourhood, ichika nito, the greeting committee, alex g, noah floersch, pkch, waterparks, sundial, yaelokre, emei, girl in red, SALES, mad tsai, and lyn lapid!!

a cool person(@funz1es) made me a mood board and it's amazing

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ: Crush Culture(Conan Gray)

1:42───ㅇ───── 3:24

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▯

[idea stolen from @starmanbutitsregulusblack]

my amazing moots who followed me even tho im weird(lmk if you wanna be removed/sorry if i forgot you)

@fishcow99 ˋ°•*⁀➷ actually so cool very good at comforting

@asters-tempo ˋ°•*⁀➷ BREAD AND AXOLOTL BUDDY

@omelettejunkie ˋ°•*⁀➷ cool and very much not scary

@crowofthestars ˋ°•*⁀➷ very nice, funny and such

@charlie-kelly-variant ˋ°•*⁀➷ this is a backup blog of someone else but i added it bc i can do what i want

@kunikisss ˋ°•*⁀➷ AMAZING ART WHAT

@kawaiibarty ˋ°•*⁀➷ gives off flower vibes idk

@butch-marauders ˋ°•*⁀➷ good opinions and also GIRL IN RED

@deleted-my-old-accountˋ°•*⁀➷ check out this to join the cult of kermit

@formertokenstraight ˋ°•*⁀➷ basically an unpaid therapist at this point(sorry token ik i should unpack my issues *sigh*)

@rat-detector ˋ°•*⁀➷ idk how we are mutual but r a t

@dino1nuggiez ˋ°•*⁀➷ my bestie and the coolest irl person and such

@cheekyboybeth ˋ°•*⁀➷ chappell roan enjoyer

@definitionoffuckup ˋ°•*⁀➷ i stole this intro idea from them so check him out

@your-non-irl-father ˋ°•*⁀➷ star wars vibes

@osemanverseenthusist ˋ°•*⁀➷ so coolio(cheerios)

@mun-urufu ˋ°•*⁀➷ such a nice human very enjoyable would recommend

@raeprise ˋ°•*⁀➷ the moon(yes)

@k-is-for-potassium ˋ°•*⁀➷ b a b n a

@here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can ˋ°•*⁀➷ i misread this username for an embarrassingly long time

@yourlocalbadgerscales ˋ°•*⁀➷ so brave and cool

@stqrgirl3 ˋ°•*⁀➷ here chick the bom from the bompalombalomp

@you-will-never-be-satisfied ˋ°•*⁀➷ coolest and also deserves love

@aesthetic-writer18 ˋ°•*⁀➷ basically a writing god

@gardenoflilys ˋ°•*⁀➷ *insert moth*

@klondyke-the-bear ˋ°•*⁀➷ very nice

@st4rry-c4tt ˋ°•*⁀➷ gives off poet vibes

bea!!(idk if i can tag but the actual tag is tequilaqueen) ˋ°•*⁀➷ nice. good at art. very good

@themortalityofundyingstars ˋ°•*⁀➷ cool person who i never expected to follow me

@barbthebuilder ˋ°•*⁀➷ genderfluid boss

@lifegoalsofafish ˋ°•*⁀➷ ONE OF THE FIRST MOOTS LETS ALL PAY OUR RESPECTS

@garden-of-runar ˋ°•*⁀➷ wow two cool people who i never thought would follow me

@official-panini ˋ°•*⁀➷ *stealthily hands you bread*

@gasolinehornet ˋ°•*⁀➷ httyd core

@choucon ˋ°•*⁀➷ the coolestest

@xx-neuro-xx ˋ°•*⁀➷ the silly(can play piano)

@starkissed-mars ˋ°•*⁀➷ rly cool wow

@pearl-div3r ˋ°•*⁀➷ we should talk more huh

ok bye

*scurries off into the distance*

[pansyfemme]

is it possible that you're willing to share more information about the boyfriend.... 🥺🥺🥺

(i love your blog as a baby trans guy i feel so inspired you're epic)

first. thanks! and second. none of this is info i havent shared before, i’m happy to talk about him (and i do) but i don’t want to overshare since yknow. i have a pretty big precense on this site and i worry about overwheming him with internet attention at times, yknow. i do. still talk about him a lot tho. so. idk its early

well. uh. we go to school together, so we’re both artists. we’re t4t, he’s also a fairly feminine guy who wears dresses and has long hair, but he’s in a pretty different direction-he wears a lot of black and is more gothically inclined. we started seeing eachother a bit over 3 months ago. we’ve known eachother since freshman year, but have never been super close friends, but a sort of. mutual admiration. i always thought he was very cool but i tend to. stick to my own group at school i guess? and he’s similar in that respect. I developed more of a substantial crush on him some months ago, and he apperantly did for me as well. and i could. tell a little bit. what started us talking though was that we have a mutual friend who gave him my phone number and often would stop by his work with me when we were hanging out, since she knew we thought the other person was cool. (she did. not know our intent was romantic, but she matchmade in a weird way regardless) I had been flirting with him for a little bit, especially at the times we did text, but i don’t think he. got thats what i was doing. and i dont think i was very good at it, so eventually, a few days after i moved home for the summer, i asked him, in a very awkward way, if he was interested in going out with me sometime, and learned that he did not. seem to suspect me liking him back despite me assuming he already knew. regardless, the intense crush was indeed very mutual, so he was very excited by the idea lol. we live a bit from eachother and both dont drive, so it took us a few weeks to be able to go on our first date, but it was lovely. he also came down for a few days to visit me for my birthday, which was. the highlight of at least the year for me. it was pretty fantastic. i’m not exactly outgoing but i’m not exactly not either so. i was worried about it but he doesnt think he would have had the confidence to make the first move until much later on so i’m pretty glad i did? we’re both chronically anxious so it was kind of. a realization on my part that it was probably best if i was as blunt as humanly possibly, and it. worked? i sound very awkward but im really over the moon about the whole thing. he’s a remarkably smart and sweet person, and incredibly talented at. everything he does. i feel very lucky. he’s also followed me on here for quite some time and he finds my internet prescense. very entertaining. which i’m glad because i was worried it would turn him off lol. i promise i am more polite irl. but yeah :) i’m excited to be able to see him in person consistantly for once.

[milla457]

I'm so emotional for like no reason.

I just think it's so cool how I now have a platform and following where I can just share about my silly little special interests and people actually care, and nobody is here to judge me!

Like people irl a lot of the time will judge people for being so hyper fixated on things but on here that's like the norm! I truly feel most joyful and comfortable just posting stuff about this fandom and this community so much.

Like, I write things that most people would find really weird, but when I share it on here I get so much love for it! Like one of my AO3 fanfictions already has 40 something kudos, it's just so cool and validating.

It's crazy because accounts that I thought were so cool before I even started my blog are now following me! Like- WHAT.

Idk if I sound dramatic but I just wanted to say I'm so appreciative of this community, it's so beautiful. ☺️😍💖

[c-kiddo]

hello! your blog to me feels very restful and still. it is a lovely place to be. as well as your drawing style. i really really like all of it. do you have a favorite bird?

aw, thank you :- ] glad you like it

i dont know if i have a favourite bird. the ones i know are more local because its the ones i have chance of actually spotting, and i think its hard to choose a specific one... i like the sound of buzzards and their big wide hovering. im a big fan of ptarmigans, theyre one of my favourites. theyre so funny + it'd be rly cool to see them irl. some of my faves to see are birds of prey tbh, all of them are very impressive. recently saw a sparrowhawk circling around the same loch i found one dead earlier this year

i'd rly like to see a barn owl. always like seeing jays, saw one last sunday taking off out the grass in front of me. i like their soft grey colour and flash of blue. . i like auks, like razorbills and puffins. i like the sound of cuckoos but i havent actually seen one, just heard. other birds i like: skylarks, dippers, swallows, nightjars, treecreepers, different gooses, and capercaillies and i think i just like birds. idk if theres one i'd be mad to see. i think mostly i like birds of prey (also see birds? or any that migrate far), i like their bigness (or small and quickness.. depending on which kind) and their sounds over landscapes. buzzards are so common but i rly like their cries. also ospreys. i also appreciate how jays are very shy and the two that let me follow them around for a while a few months ago

[auriidae]

Hi! So this is gonna sound random, but I did art that was pretty similar to yours unknowingly (I'd never seen your art or blog before!) and some people directed me to your art, and I was like !!!!!! Omg!!!!! Your art is so awesome and cool and I hope that my attempt at something similar can be as cool as yours someday! I was wondering, are you ok with your art being used as reference/inspiration with credit? If not thats ok! I hope you have a great day/night :D ps. sent from my main blog, the blog which i post on is bone-byrd

oh my gosh!!! that's so cool, that we're creating stuff from similar ideas :DD and not random at all, it's lovely to meet you!! <3

i'm going to use this ask to clarify general art boundaries since i've gotten a lot of similar questions recently :)

for the tiny irl paper hermits, i'm encouraging people to create their own stuff based on the idea! go wild go crazy have fun <3 i'd prefer if you tagged me if you post it so i can see, but i don't own the concept obviously

for general canon-compliant fanart / headcanons that i post about / using my fanart as a jumping-off point -- you are free to create things inspired by my stuff, just please tag or at least credit me if you post it

when it comes to my original stories and specific aus -- obviously inspiration and derivative works are a murky subject area, but please do not create and post things that are based on my stories! if you have a specific question about, idk, fanart or something? feel free to ask me :D

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

Do you have any recs for blogs that post about paras? Lately been falling back into needing my imaginary friends/gf to literally get anything done and therefore been looking deeper into if this is something of madd and if I kinda fit into this para community.

I mostly stay irl but they are lately just very present and as said I’m barely able to get shit done without them

Idk if you can help and this has really just rambling but yea

Hi! okay so that does not rlly sound like madd as far as I'm aware, madd is usually defined by intense daydreaming that goes on for a long time, but I feel you lol

@sillycyan posts about his paras quite a bit, @maddgical-boy is also rlly cool, and @madmadder also posts about it!

I also have some resources posted I'll tag you in that later too!

[i-eat-mass-blog]

Proper I Eat Mass intro post

This took forever to me to actually sit down and fucking make but here we

Hi I'm Waltjoy, I'm 18, emo and I have the most annoying kind of music autism ever

Other info/faq thingy:

What do I call you? - Waltjoy, Walt, Walter, and Dawson are all fine.

Pronouns? - I kinda dgaf about pronouns but he/him/his is prefered

Are you lgbt? - I'm very gay acting bisexual man. I've seen people actually shocked to learn I liked women.

What's your blog about? - Music! One of my greatest passions! Though this blog has become more of a 2000s emo blog more than anything else. I'll also just talk about emo stuff, horror movies, art sutff, and just spooky things occasionally. So music with a side of everything else.

What's your favorite genre of music? - That's a hard one considering how many genres I like vary and blend together. It's a lot of Alternative/Indie/Pop/Electronic/Dance stuff. Basically anything but country music, but even that has its exceptions sometimes

Why is your blog named that - Idk man, I was made this thing back in the middle of middle school and quickly abandoned it. Irls talked about using Tumblr again and logged back in to join the maddness. Decided to keep it as a token of ye olden times (before covid happened)

Is Waltjoy a Danger Days reference? - Yes, but mostly a secondary thing. Its a name I've been going by online for a couple years now and I mostly went by it becasue it sounded cool. But also yeah, Danger Days reference.

Like, how expansive is your music taste??? - I can go from listening to the very slutty electropop like Slayyyter or Ayesha Erotica to the mind fuck-y experiemental rock stuff Swans does. I ain't lying when I say I have an expansive music taste.

Can I recommend you an album/artist? - Yeah!!!! That's the main use I was expecting for my asks honestly. Go ahead. Go buck wild my guy.

What artist can I expect you to talk about? - A lot of 2000s emo bands, Chappell Roan, Ethel Cain, Swans, Charli XCX, SOPHIE, Nine Inch Nails, anyone considered hyperpop or bubblegum bass, and a lot of alt rock, alt metal, and late 2000s - early 2010s pop artists

Do you have a topster? - I do! I actually have two. One I limited to just one album per artist, the other i went wild with. Both of these are a couple months old and probably need updated (especially with all the other alt bands i've gotten into)

DNIs:

-Anything anti-lgbt, this includes any "lgb without the t" bullshit

-racists, sexists, xenophobics, facists, zionists, etc

-radfems/terfs

-emo purists/elitists (get a JOB, it aint that serious)

-anti-mlm and wlw solidarity people

-pro-ana/ pro-mia blogs and anything simialr

[fallingsatellive]

Swift??? Changed your url?? I thought you liked stillflight? Not that the new one isn’t cool but?

I did, and I did.

They both have meanings to me, and yeah, stillflight is my favorite url/username I've ever had so I would have kept it for longer than this. But I prefer having a custom theme and accessible archive, and my biggest worry over the past year of having the url stillflight is that people I know irl (who follow my previous blog, which had the url stillflight for like two years) would see my username on some post on their dash and recognize it, and even though I have all of them blocked, it's possible to pull up anybody's blog in a private window unless they restricted it to dashboard-only. If you're curious enough why this blog with the familiar url has you blocked for no reason.

I think I'll like not having to worry about if a comment I make on someone else's post gets reblogged, or if a tag I write gets screenshot, or if one of my posts crosses their dash before I can turn reblogs off. Actually, I think I'll also like not having to turn reblogs off any time a post exceeds 900 notes. I won't mind a post blowing up as much if I'm not constantly worried that the downside would be me getting outed as alterhuman, plural or delusional to people I literally live with. I was kind of expecting I'd change it as soon as I came across something equally perfect, if it could never be better.

Also I like myriadeyed, I like my personal meanings for it and the way it sounds almost as much as I did stillflight. Stillflight was a reference to a track from the game Everything (2017) which is my favorite game and changed my philosophy and worldview, not actually my favorite song from the OST but it was also a secret reference to a ton of other stuff (my first regular username online when I was like 12 was Timeflight; I have a personal emotional regulation routine involving the words 'still' and 'flight'; the word still has more than one meaning; I'm literally a bird that can't fly; etc.)

Thing is, I'm not the same person I was in 2020, I'm not even the same person I was months ago. I called it my "forever url" but nothing about me is ever gonna be forever. That's kind of my archetype, shape-changer. I was bound to change it eventually, same with everything on my blog that's stuck for a while. The only reason my pfp changes so much is because nothing else has yet. (Really, I don't think I'll even use the name Swift forever.) I think it's fitting for me personally to change my url at this specific time in my life I'm kind of in a kick of "updating" my appearance to match some things, like for example no longer being a ghost (which I should maybe explain at some point idk). Call it spring cleaning.

Anyways

[syrips]

hello im gonna pin this post

hello my name is Syrips, im a super duper simp and simp/self-insert enabler for others who love strahd or any cos/ravenloft/fictional characters

im 28, but i sometimes say im thirty as a vague response because its easier and faster to say (or safer to say to strangers)

i think i am autistic but i am currently only self-diagnosed; i plan to tell my doctors once i compile a binder of reasons why i think im autistic based on noted events in my childhood, behavior, and my reflected perspective on things in pages of charts and text which is a totally neurotypical thing to do

im genderfluid and i am fine with any and all pronouns (different people may use different/changing/fluid pronouns on me, i am completely fine with this)

im polyamorous and pansexual/panromantic, i gush over games that have polyamory/pan options!!

i have huge CoS/Ravenloft spoilers so please, PLEASe do not enter unless you are fine with being spoiled with all kinds of content. i also wont explain what is or isnt 'canon' because, well, some things may be canon for one person, while potential/not-canon for another, so i really cannot confirm or deny it myself.. ask your DM for confirmation! (and for my players who are here, hehe, goodluck figuring it out!)

i do music, art, crafting, and streaming sometimes, here is my linktree: https://linktr.ee/syrips

please 'ask'/message/send me any and all of your curse of strahd and/or ravenloft works of art! this can include these and more!:

playlists

moodboards

art/portfolio/link to your art or artblog

pages of your OC/PC/dnd lore (both player and DM welcome)

campaign/session notes and storytime

canon and potential-/home-/head-canon dumps

narrations/imagines/ao3/google docs/fanfic/fic writings

cool crafts!!

i crave it more than strahd craves blood, please and thank you!

you can also send me stuff and let me know if you want me to gush/simp over it, provide advice, or simply acknowledge it (publicly or privately)! let me know in advance cuz i dont want to make you uncomfortable with what you share

i have no limits on triggering fictional content, just make sure to tw it properly if it is sensitive content for others

my Ask thingy is always open, i may ramble alot if i get passionate enough though so be warned! hehe

ok goodbye ill edit or change this whenever idk

Edit Entry 1 - 11th Moon, 2023

for context, keita/raze (he/him) is my irl partner. he's been a simp for alucard (castlevania) longer than i've begun simping for strahd. i only discovered this years into the relationship when we watched castlevania (where i expected to be a bigger simp for castlevania), and instead HE made high pitch simping noises as alucard appeared on the screen and i was like -sus eyes- wait a GOSH DARN MINUTE-. also, keita has a thing for necks. i shrugged it off when he first told me, but years later i started simping for strahd and now i look back at that moment like 'hm. odd.-'. anyways, i mostly started dating him because he sounds like a kermit the frog southern guy who goes 'howdy howdy' and he says 'i should be golden' unironically and i think thats pretty funny

i tag stuff as #making a keita tag so when keita presses this he can see all the stuff that he likes so that i can organize stuff and incase he ever decides to poke around my blog and use this tag search within my blog

Edit Entry 2 and 3 - 12th Moon, 2023

syrips OC/PC list (loosely alphabetical)

Other People's Adored OC/PC list (loosely alphabetical)

Edit Entry 4 - 7th Moon, 2024

hi huge warning that im fucking WEIRD. like i know people may enjoy the idea of me for entertainment/indulgence purposes but please please. if you ask/tell me to do something, i will 90%-chance take it seriously and respond bluntly/directly. please take my warnings seriously and please please interact with me responsibly!!

and i already know some would be like, 'oh syrips people always say that. they wanna act unique/special by calling themselves weird'. like. thats fair if people dont believe that but please dont be surprised when freakos start feeling more comfortable/vulnerable around you and you become shocked. like. stop trying to shame/blame freakos for what they've warned since the beginning. please, it's hurtful and disrespectful.

my asks are always open, be as blunt/direct as you want. most of my cws will be with "cw: " before it. let me know if you want me to cw tag something!

i use the #be cringe be free tag for weirdos/freakos/happy/indulgent stuff. this can include stuff that isnt 'cringe', and/or cringe we embrace. it's okay to be cringe. it's okay to say cringe culture is dead. it's okay to not see things as cringe. it's okay to embrace the cringe. it's okay to indulge, to be your favorite version of you. it's okay to indulge, even if it's unfamiliar/scary. i use the tag for moments of doing what makes you happy, regardless if youre unfamiliar with that indulgent feeling. be cringe be free!!

[snufflepup]

Personally, I love stuff like chainsaw man, bungou stray dogs, the case study of vanitas, and the umbrella academy! I love things with pretty boys (probably why I like your blog~) I've seen heartstopper and tons of kill counts for horror movies though I've only seen a small handful of them, despite loving the horror genre to death. Idk what my biggest hyperfixation rn is, apart from nightcrawler from x-men apocalypse and max Dennison from the first hocus pocus movie. I've been so obsessed with him, I mean he's the cutest, second only to you, puppy~<3 I've also seen the end of the fucking world, which is just awesome and super cool! Though I wish there was more :P. I've had a huge interest in this show called total drama since I was 7 (17 now) and it was a roller coaster trying to remember that from my childhood. Though I saw why I loved it so much back then lol. It's basically like a cartoon version of survivor and it's just really cool! I recently watched a fan made series on YouTube by odd Nation cartoons, called disventure camp, and it's pretty neat. It has tons of cannon lgbtq characters, which I absolutely adore in shows. There's this one gay trans guy that literally looks like me and he's just ahhh! I love the things I watch a lot, perchance too much lol. No one irl ever wants to talk with me about this kind of stuff :<

-Ike<3

I've heard of those before ! I've watched a little bit of some of them, as well !! I keep meaning continue watching them, but I haven't yet. Are those your favourite animes ? If nkt, what are ? ^–^ I've also seen the first two seasons of the umbarella academy ! (｡>\\<) ! I've read all of heartstopper, and watched the first season ! I actually only found out there was more seasons recently !! I remember hearing about new seasons, but I just assumed they weren't out yet . but I'm pretty sure . that was a while ago, and I just have a bad sense of time . I've not seen that before, is it good ? aaa Me too, I feel like I haven't seen a lot either, despite liking them !! I've seen IT, the fear street movies and an escape room based one ?? I think there might be more, but these are the ones I remember the most ! It's a little funny, but the first time I watched the escape rooms one was the night before I was going on a flight, and I'm a little nervous of planes so I had watched it hoping it would take my mind off of it . and there was like . three plane crashes or something lmao . I think my biggest at the moment is Omori, Fairy Tail and Seraph of the End/Mikayuu ! I've only really been on the avengers side of marvel, I actually didn't even know X-men was marvel until a couple weeks ago. . . but ! I want to get into it, though, I'm not sure where to start ! so ! Where should I ? I don't think I've seen Hocus Pocus either, but I keep hearing good things about it. . . I'll definitely watch it now !! :D I've never heard of the end of the fucking world, what is it ?

I know total drama too !!! I know what happens because me and my sibling watched it together earlier this year, after getting really invested in the roblox game based on it ! My sibling got a lot more into it than I did, but I know the characters !! Cartoons I liked a lot as a kid, and still like, are gravity falls, mlp, winx. . . As well as other animated movies ! Winx club is supposed to be getting like, a re-make ? so I'm quite excited for that !! From what I've seen, it looks good !! I also like watching people play games, talk about games or other things in general ! A video I really liked a lot is someone talking about Omori on youtube titled 'I played Omori after I lost my daughter to suicide' it made me feel really emotional and cry a lot . I also love rewatching Slimecicle's 'We spent 100 days in a hardcore minecraft apocalypse' and minaxa's video on Lacy games !!

oooo ! It sounds very cool, I'll give it a watch !! I think it's really awesome that theres someone that looks just like you, too ! I understand how you feel, they make me really happy ⪩(ᐢᗜᐢ)⪨ ! I'm sorry people don't. . . I also don't have many people I can talk about it with so I can understand you

[sauriansolutions]

God dammit God damnit

Tw... bad irl stuff, dead animal/dead pet tw's, severe depression/abuse/suicide tw's. Please I beg you to just scroll past this if you think you don't have the spoons to handle seeing it. Trust me I get it, if it wasn't my stuff I wouldn't want to know about it either.

Fuck I'm really not doing okay.

I just got back from my typical overnight shift, then went grocery shopping for the the 5 things I could afford, and finally came home to find

MY FROG DIED.

She was a little, underweight, green tree frog I got at one of the horrible chain pet stores because they had "boring, normal" tree frogs on sale, and this poor girl was underweight and had only one eye. (I called her Odinna.)

I had her for almost two years. I brought her with me, as one of my few possessions I wasn't forced to just abandon due to lack of space, when I moved cross-country after I couldn't afford to stay as a resident of the state I used to live in anymore.

I found her dead body while receiving a string of texts from my boss chewing me out for apparently stocking a product incorrectly. Some highlights:

"Don't ever (do task I previously claimed I entrusted to you) again!"

"All of (task) has to be redone because you fucked up!"

"If my boss would have seen this. Or his boss. Holy hell."

*also, photos of the hours of work I did last night being angrily undone, just to push the point home?*

I *put a product on the shelf wrong.* (I was never told the correct way.) Call the fucking firing squad, I guess.

It's not even these specific things, it's.

I don't have anybody I feel like I can safely talk about things like this with, otherwise I wouldn't be dumping this on the blog I tried to make for happy escapism.

I've been in so many long-term abusive relationships, I guess I don't know how to NOT be treated like shit. I've been trying though? I'm worried I might be too autistic and cptsd to even recognize what is a toxic relationship versus, I don't know, a normal snag between folks?

Pretty sure my boss and my roommate have been treating me like shit for awhile though. And I'm so dumb, I'm only just starting to recognize the patterns. Again. AGAIN. The same ones that--

Oh but, idk, maybe it's just me though? Maybe I am in fact so annoying, I deserve to have eyes rolled at me, to be cut off every time I try to talk, to be spoken to in this clipped, exasperated tone. Spoken *at*, more like.

But?? I don't think literally everything I say is stupid. I don't think literally everything I do deserves to be ignored if done well; and don't think I deserve to be excessively, humiliatingly berated if I make, (what seem to me at least? it's entirely possible I am the idiot?) really small, ultimately unimportant, and understandable mistakes??

Maybe I'm also insane to think this, but oh no I'm going to go THERE. Yeah so um... I feel like maybe I should be making a living wage? Hey, that would be cool. Maybe I should get at least like, ONE 15-20 minute food break on my "8 hour" overnight shifts? Maybe I should be getting healthcare (and maybe like what, 401k? Other kinds?) of benefits too, (what other kinds of benefits even exist? Dental? Vision?? Who the fuck has ever had their employer buy them glasses that sounds crazy!), esp considering I'm continuing to work my ass off while raw dogging it through venlafaxine withdrawals (lost my health insurance so fuck me I guess!!) and basically destroying my mental health, working anytime, all the time, full-time, with mandatory overtime--

That's only the tip of the goddamned iceberg, but enough, enough, I'm depressing myself too much to go on even just writing this.

Writing this is an exercise in acknowledging that it's all stuff that happened, not some nightmare. And had an effect on me. I had gotten so good at drugging and drinking myself to sleep, and ignoring, and ignoring,

I feel so trapped. I've been trying to like myself more, and there's a certain point that means you have to actually act on things like this, or else you... don't really like yourself that much, do you?

So, even though it is the most anxiety inducing thing ever, I have dipped my toes into "acting on it." To the extent that, recently, for the first time in my life, I've been willingly leaving jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships--if they feel like, if I told my therapist (who exists in my head, I can't afford one) about how they treat me, I can easily imagine them being like, "Wow okay so first of all, red flags all over the place!"

I've been doing this to my own detriment. I'm alone and stuck, unable to afford solo housing, or appropriate medication, or even food and other basic life necessities some of the time.

And here's the kicker.

I really, really don't want to die. In that sense, I'm not suicidal! But, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep existing like this without imploding or exploding in some way, though.

The worst part is just having no time, space, or resources to even start trying to heal. Nobody to even talk to safely... or, imo, ethically. I don't want to inflict this sadness and hopeless on some innocent bystander.

I'm sorry if you are the person reading this right now.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hiya. Question regarding the post ab ppl DMing u for intentions that benefit only them. What did u mean by art stuff and baking? Do ppl try to be “friends” with u to commission art or something? And make requests on what u bake? That’s pretty messed up

sorry if this is a personal question

Also, now that u remind me, I was kinda curious ab ur baking. I know this isn’t a baking blog or something, but each time u bake something, could u post ur results? Sorry if that’s weird. U don’t have to do it if u don’t want to ofc. Idk why I request this, but maybe it’s because I kinda wanna do something with myself and seeing someone do it gives me motivation. Does that make sense?? Sorry if this whole thing sounds weird when I can just go to food blogs, but I just think u’r genuinely a cool guy

U could DM me to answer if u wanna which is why I’m not doing anon even tho I freakin want to so badd sorry

Tackling the bamjng real quick!! I gotta admit I totally forget to take pictures of a lot of my stuff unless it's for a client SOBS <\\3 but I'll definitely keep this in mind next time I get the energy to bake something/get an order ehehehe!! Only real reason I haven't started a baking blog yet is because I'm terrible at talking pictures 90% of the time and I already going through it running my main and this blog (/lh I know I can lighten the load and I have done so in the past)

Regarding the first part

Unfortunately I've had people try to form relationships with me with the sole intention of getting art/baking/writing out of me, which no genuine.. well intention of actually being friends/caring, they just want the thing but they don't want to go through the channels others have to.. which has unfortunately made me put the same rules I put on strangers on to my friends in regards to my art n stuff (gifts are a whole different matter, though!!)

It sucks, its happened to me dozens of times. Sometimes people will dip when they get what they wanted, other times they stick around in an attempt to get more. And I've gotten fairly good at telling when people are being genuine and when people aren't (more often than not fake folks feel/sound more like they're talking at me rather than with me, if that makes sense?)

Baking is a little less common though since its tied to irl stuff so while it does happen its extremely rare. ESPECIALLY since I've been selling stuff on the side (though I'm more lax with giving stuff to friends in terms of treats.. but that's usually saved for experimental stuff + people who refused to pay/pick up their order/cancelled)