#i know shit fuck about the owl house but i assume I haven’t made any horrible misrepresentations in my two sentences about it

[megamindsupremacy]

Post-canon road trip where the entire premise is Stanford and Fiddleford want to get married but first they have to track down their respective ex-wives and actually have them sign the divorce paperwork. Mildly difficult for Fiddleford, who has to explain The Everything to his unamused ex-wife (soon to be legal ex-wife). Wildly hilarious for Stanford, who was not the actual person to marry Eda Clawthorne, but nonetheless his name is on the paperwork so first they have to actually find the woman and then convince her to sign a piece of paper that divorces her from a man she does not recall ever marrying.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Doctor Who: Rogue Review (Doctor Hoot. I Swear That'll be Funny the End of this Review)

You know, I never thought I’d be this grateful to see a murderous owl-person kill someone with lightning and then steal their face, but here we fucking are! Six episodes into an eight-episode run and I’ve never been happier to see Regency ponces get fried with space-electrics. Y’see, Rogue is yer basic bread-and-butter Who episode: a confined environment with a colourful cast of characters who serve as cannon-fodder for a quirky monster-of-the-week with a batshit crazy motive. The Doctor and Insert-Companion-Here show up for a good time then realise there’s a monster-of-the-week at work (because the Doctor is a man who can’t go five minutes without running into something that wants to eat human bones or enslave a planet or whatever) and then they Do A Thing that solves the problem. Along the way, there’s some romance, some cheap shots about how shit and unequal the past was (yeah, ‘cause the 21st Century’s a fucking rose garden- people in glass houses should probably learn to jack off in the basement, etc.) It’s all very funny and energetic and entertaining but at the end the status-quometer has moved maybe one quarter of a degree. In any series of Doctor Who from 2005 to 2015, Rogue would have come and gone largely unnoticed: an enjoyable bit of filler rounding out a twelve-to-thirteen episode run because it can’t all be Daleks and Weeping Angels and meditations on man’s inhumanity to man. Here, in the year 2024, it arrives like a cool, refreshing glass of water in a desert, brought to you, the viewer, by a sexy little butler in very formal hot-pants.

See, aside from Boom! (which had a very good point to make and made it very well), this series of Who has been… well, it hasn’t been bad. Russel T. Davies can write a diverting 45 minutes of television and nobody can take that away from him. But it hasn’t reached the stellar heights of certain the original Who come-back either. Between the Space Babies being creepier than that episode’s monster-that-wasn’t-really-a-monster (NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! unsurprising twist is unsurprising!), Jinkx Monsoon not getting the acting direction she needed to make Maestro properly terrifying, the giant slugs that literally didn’t move the entire time they were on screen and a woman in black whose power was making people run off in a surprisingly camp way, this series has felt very short on effective antagonists. I mean, I get that the vibe we’re going for is ‘the real monster was mankind all along’ chic, but that’s The Twilight Zone and Black Mirror, not Doctor Who. It’d be like if Red Dwarf suddenly came back as a serious drama (aside to whoever’s making the upcoming three eps of Red Dwarf: PLEASE DON’T DO THAT, THERE ARE SO FEW THINGS LEFT THAT I LOVE THAT HAVEN’T BEEN RUINED). So, when, within the first few minutes of Rogue, one Regency Ponce grabbed another by the lapels and fried him with lightning before assuming his form (and then we got a shot of something with a beak), I was like “Oh thank fuck for that! I thought the death-ambulances from Boom! were going to be the only interesting villains this season!”

So, you probably already know (because why would you be reading about Doctor Who if you’re not also watching Doctor Who? It’s not like its a monolith of cultural relevance any more), there are two plots going on in Rogue. The A-plot is that shapeshifting Murder-Owls (the episode calls them ‘Childer’, but they’re fucking Murder-Owls and I will fight anyone who says otherwise) are killing people to assume their form and ‘cosplay’ as human beings. They’re bored: it’s how they pass the time. The B-Plot, meanwhile, involves the Doctor having a whirlwind romance with the titular Rogue, who is a bounty-hunter from the future sent to capture or kill the Murder-Owls. Ultimately, the two plots tie together in a way that gives the episode its emotional heart. Without spoiling anything, the Doctor must sacrifice his budding relationship with Rogue in order to save the day from the monsters-of-the-week, while Rogue, whose been playing the heartless vagabond all episode, must knowingly sacrifice the same in order to save the Doctor’s companion, Ruby, knowing that that friendship and her wellbeing is more important than his own, thereby proving that he was worthy of the Doctor after all, even though proving it means they can’t be together. On paper, it makes perfect sense. In practice… it has some flaws. See, there’s a lot going on in Rogue and the generally fast pacing of Fifteen’s adventures is much in evidence here, but a compelling romance- even a compelling flirtation- takes time to execute properly. It kinda feels like the two don’t really have enough breathing room: they fall for each other in record time because the plot demands it and then get irrevocably separated at the end, also because the plot demands. There’s no sense of slowly building attraction and mutual chemistry, which is a shame, because Rogue himself is an interesting character who, in an ideal universe (one where, for example, season lengths didn’t keep shrinking and squeezing out grace notes) he might have come back and developed properly. Now, even if he does come back, they rushed through so much of his relationship with the Doctor, I’m not sure how they’d salvage it.

I suppose I should mention the fact that it’s the Doctor’s first gay fling. Oh, would you look at that, I just did and now we can move on. Joking aside, I do have some thoughts on the Doctor’s signwaving sexuality, but since none of them are dementedly homophobic or, conversely, overtly Pride-y, they’re not really relevant to this specific episode: they’re more general notes on characterisation and how to do it well from the perspective of a budding professional writer WHO IS GOING TO BE READING AT A PROPER LITERARY FESTIVAL LATER THIS YEAR LIKE A FUCKING BOSS, BY THE WAY! Really, I think the pacing issues here would kill the flair regardless of the gender of the other person involved and that’s kinda all I can add for now. I feel, however, that I can’t really blame writers Kate Herron and Briony Redman. They’re working within the constraints of a shortened season part-funded by an American corporation that doesn’t understand it and produced under the aegis of a showrunner who, while perfectly competent, seems to have lost the magic he had when he brought the series back in 2005.

If all this sounds a bit negative… well, it is and it isn’t. Yes, my opinion of this season of Doctor Who isn’t high compared the show’s heyday, but I am enjoying it enough that I want to see it improve. I don’t critique out of hate, but out of love; out of a desire to see something I cherish learn and improve. We know Doctor Who can be better, so why isn’t it?

But this episode, specifically? Yes, it’s good. The problem is that in most previous seasons it would have been below-average good, whereas in this season it’s above-average good. On the one hand, that’s a bit sad. On the other hand, it’s proof that there are still people around the BBC who know how to write an episode of Doctor Who in the classic mould, and that seems like a good foundation to build on.

[pies-writes-and-more]

Haikyuu boys and wearing their clothes

Characters: Asahi Azumane, Kageyama Tobio, Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kotaro, Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a gender-neutral reader :) (let me know if I missed a pronoun change or made something too femme! I very much so did not proof read this lol)

Warnings: Probably some swearing

A/N: This might be an overdone topic but I love it so much soooooo no regrets :) Let me know if you’d like more!

Asahi literally carries a picture of you in his phone case because he loves you in his clothes so much. He also has a pic of you wearing his hoodie as his wallpaper, and another printed pic of you framed in his room. I don’t care what size you are, his sweaters still manage to feel gigantic on you. It is like a hug FOREVER. 

He literally could not care less that his closet is slowly growing smaller because it means that he gets to see you in his clothes. Eventually, you’ll carry them all back to him in a bag so that he can make them smell like him again. But this is his favourite part, because now his favourite items smell like you. 

Daydreaming in class? Thinking of you wearing the sweater he has on. 

Gets smacked by a volleyball during practice? It’s cause the smell of you is still on his jersey. 

This man trips over his own two feet cause he’s trying to find you in the halls and you wave at him wearing his volleyball jacket ”So that’s where that went. I thought I forgot it somewhere...”

The two of you would trade sweaters before he went on any overnight trips and you’d send him snapchats of you cuddling with the sweater over a pillow or just you snuggled in bed with it on. He’d screenshot all of them, regardless of if you thought you looked good. 

He has an album of you. He will never delete them because they’re all precious.

His teammates have accidentally caught him looking through it before a game because it really de-stressed him if you weren’t able to attend the game in person (though you made it to most of them). Tanaka would burst into tears over not being able to have a significant other with cute photos of and would make Asahi promise to always treat you right. And Asahi would just stare at your photos with his cute little smile and obviously promise because his least favourite thing in the world is seeing you sad.

(Look at how cute he is omg)

Kageyama is confused when you ask to wear his sweater. You probably did it at a time that made some sort of sense. Like it was late at night and you were studying in the gym while Hinata and him were practicing. 

The cool breeze into the gym made you shiver a little and you noticed that his sweater was just sitting there on the ground so when he came over to grab some water you just looked up at him with your signature puppy eyes. “Can I wear it?”

“Why?”

“Oi, stupid head. They’re probably cold!” 

It would probably annoy him so much that Hinata figured it out before him. He’d kneel down and help you put it on, pulling it over your head and giving you a little smile cause you looked so damn cute in his sweater. 

But now that you’ve started wearing his things, he’s still very confused as to why you ask for them. “Should we go shopping?” He’d ask you randomly on a weekend when there was no volleyball practice. And you’d just stare at him because why would Kageyama want to stand somewhere that wasn’t a gym. “Aren’t you running out of clothes to wear or something?”

It would take a while and some conversations before you realized he was asking cause you had like 3 hoodies, a t-shirt, and some track pants in your room that were very much so his. “I just like having a piece of you with me,” you’d explain. He would have to think it over but he was very happy with this idea.

There’s only one shirt you’re not allowed to take and it’s this cute little graphic tee you got him for his birthday that has a nice drawing of a milk carton on it. He loves it. He will kill anyone that laughs at it. And no, you cannot wear it because if you’re wearing, what is he supposed to wear.

Sugawara and you regularly switch clothes because this man gives no fucks for your gender roles thank you very much. He shows up to practice one day wearing a dark pinkish basic, or some floral print shirt that you had in your closet and the boys are like “um Suga what are you wearing?”

And he’s probably just like “it’s call fashion, look it up.” (Like Suga sweetie, it’s just a shirt lol)

If you own any tighter pants like yoga pants or leggings? Suga has worn them because his legs and ass look great in them and he will strut around fully confident with that knowledge.

Honestly, he probably steals your sweaters more than you realize. You guys are baking at his house one day and you’ve made a mESS of your clothes and he’s just like oh it’s okay I’ll get you some new clothes.

And you’re expecting this cute little pj set that he has that might fit you or some comfy clothes that he’s lending you. No. He legitimately has some of your clothes and gives them to you and you’re just like.... “Suga I’ve been looking for this shirt for weeks. I even asked you about it.”

And he is suddenly deaf, little shithead.

He likes you in any clothes but they have to be his comfy clothes or he will set that shit on fire. Ennoshita once offered you his gloves because it was fricken cold out and you forgot yours at home and Suga literally threw him across the road and was like “hello angel I have gloves for you”.

You’re just like “um... Ennoshita are you okay?” Boy probably has a concussion and Suga’s just like “who’s Ennoshita?”

Tsukishima will kill you if he finds you raiding his closet. Like if he walks into his room when you two are supposed to be studying and you’re just casually picking out a sweater, he will throw you on the bed and tickle you until you call for mercy.

Will he offer his clothes to you if you’re in need of something? Most of the time, yes. But you have to ask. No stealing allowed in this household.

Except one night you stayed over and totally forgot a night shirt. Tsukishima is already like half asleep because he woke up way too early for practice that morning, so you just sneak into his drawers and pull out the first shirt you can. You can’t even see what it has on it cause it’s fucking dark. Then you crawl into bed with him, figuring you’ll accept your punishment for stealing tomorrow.

And when he wakes up, you best believe he was annoyed. First off, who plans to stay over and doesn’t bring a shirt? Stupid, can’t you remember anything? But then he realizes, you grabbed this cute little dino graphic shirt and his face is RED. Pasty boi so bright, he might as well be Hinata’s hair. And he’s desperately trying to get out of the bed and run to the bathroom before you wake up because holy fuck you’re PRECIOUS?

But all of his squirming just wakes you up and you see him all flustered, and just assume he’s mad and you’re like I’m so sorry I just didn’t have anything else and was stupid and forgot. And he just hits you (lovingly) on the head, mutters some sort of insult, and moves on.

From then on, that is your designated shirt. It’s a comfort item almost. He’ll only really wear it when he has to be away from town overnight, in which case he’ll wear it as a reminder of you (he won’t admit to it but you tried to take the shirt as a keepsake for while he was gone and he only had a heart attack. Tsukishima Kei does not believe in lucky charms. But he has yet to lose a game when he wears that shirt the night before).

Bokuto has been WAITING for you to wear something of his, but you haven’t yet. And it’s been stressful. He keeps trying to find a good excuse to see you in his clothes but you’re always too well-prepared.

“It’s kinda chilly out, Y/N, want my sweater??”

“I brought one, don’t worry!”

-.- *cue owl boi pouts*

And he doesn’t want you to wear something of his just because he asked. He wants to you want to wear his things. So he just waits. And pouts. And waits some more.

The day finally came when he was least expecting it. The gym that his game was in was freezing and you couldn’t imagine why. Most of the gyms they had played before in were pretty standard temperature but you were going to die if you stayed in the clothes you came in.

You had snuck onto the court while the boys were stretching, Akaashi smacking Bokuto in the head and interrupting his hype session to help him notice you.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a sweater with you, would you? It’s freezing!”

His eyes would widen. The day has finally arrived. He would finally get to see you in his clothes!!!!

But of course he has no sweater because he had not planned on needing one. Cue more sulking. Of course Akaashi comes over and offers his sweater and Bokuto almost bites his hand off.

“Well offer her your jacket then, idiot.” Akaashi just needs this man to hold off pouting till later. 

Bokuto’s jacket just looked so perfect on you and it was a nice way to keep warm. You cheered him on during the games and after some jaw-dropping move of his, he would turn to your direction and send you a kiss. Embarrassing? A little. But he was such a cutie, how could you deny his air kiss?

Wearing his clothes became more common after that and he will literally bring you his whole closet so you can pick your favourites.

Ushijima didn’t even wait for you to ask to give you his clothes. He probably folded up his hoodie or jacket for you before a game and placed it awkwardly on your lap or in your arms and you’re just like um... do you want me to put this away for you or?

“Would you wear it for me?” How can you say no??? His cheeks are just slightly going red and he’s avoiding your eyes a bit so of course you have to wear it.

Ushijima thinks you look so nice in his clothes and he really likes how happy you look when he asks you to wear something, so he keeps doing it. That and he knows that sometimes people ask you out during his matches and he likes knowing that they’ll recognize his school colours or his jersey number and at that moment, he will send a calculated glare in their direction. And they will run for the hills, never to bother you again :)

I feel like he’s accidentally shrunk his clothes in the wash before and he just keeps them in a small pile in his room so that you can wear them when you come over. He also buys you proper house slippers that you can wear around his home because he wants you to be as comfy as possible.

Sometimes when you guys are just standing around waiting for a game to start, or if you’re all done eating lunch, he’ll unzip his track jacket and open it up so you can stand there and hug him, and he’ll hug you back with his hands in the pockets so it’s like you’re in the jacket with him (Tendo has definitely zipped it up before and trapped you guys in an awkward hug like stance and he will continue to do this because he thinks it’s hilarious. Has definitely snapped pictures of it and sent it to Ushijima. Ushijima saved it because it was kinda cute).

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE  FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks. 

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this. 

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air  May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this. 

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time.  Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay. 

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished? 

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW.  And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order. 

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close. 

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss. 

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds. 

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “ 

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was. 

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon. 

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well. 

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass. 

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why. 

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won. 

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out. 

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives 

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again. 

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day. 

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

 The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy. 

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it. 

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has. 

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying. 

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE? 

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself. 

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face. 

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan.  Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick. 

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”. 

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia: 

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back. 

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things. 

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man. 

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back. 

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing. 

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD. 

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her. 

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home. 

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING. 

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes. 

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”. 

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale.  This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here. 

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #440

from a day or two ago.

Do you drink a lot of soda? I definitely do. :/ I'd lose weight so much easier if I could drop the habit. Are tomatoes the best food in the world? I don't like tomatoes unless they're very fresh and on a mayo and bacon sandwich. Have you seen The Blindside? I actually haven't. Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Not really. There's a place I like that isn't huge, but I don't have like, a serious passion for or loyalty to it. Would you date someone 10+ years older than you? Meh, I think ten years is my cut-off. Are you due for a haircut? For sure. >_< Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Yeah. Even with my APAP mask, because I apparently move it too much in my sleep, I'm struggling with my sleep apnea nightmares/terrors. Do your parents like the music you listen to? Most of it. Do your parents approve of your beliefs? Not all of them, no. How many different digital cameras have you owned in your life? How about cell phones? Cell phones, idk. I've had two "pro" cameras. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's pretty much always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Mom. We worked together on my room. What do you usually order at Subway? Turkey, bacon, American cheese, pickles, banana peppers, and chipotle on I want to say Italian bread. How long is your mother’s hair? It's hard to say, because it's all poofy now versus wavy like before it had to be shaved off. Don't repeat it to her ever, but she has, uh... "old lady hair" now, ha ha. What is your favourite car brand? I don’t care. Whose chore is it to clean the bathrooms in your house? My mom does it. Pick your three favourite fruits. Strawberries, kiwi, and uhhh... apples. Or pineapple. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Yeah. We used to play that a lot at Colleen's house on nights we had some drinks. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Oh jeez, idk. I haven't hung out with a friend in a long time. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? Zero. I'm in my bedroom. Are you bored right now? I'm bored almost every waking hour of my days. Have you ever seen a pelican in real life? I'm actually not sure. What’s important about April? My younger sister's birthday is in April. Is there anyone who hates you? Jason probably does. Would you consider adoption? Not for me personally. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Our late boxer mix. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? Noooo. How do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? My younger sister comes over here and we open our presents with Mom, who also cooks a nice breakfast. We then go to my older sister's house for the day to watch the kids open presents from their extended family. I say "extended" because the kids obviously aren't going to wait for us to get there to open the majority of their gifts from their parents, ha ha. What’s a few facts about the last person that talked to you? She's from New York, has five kids, has survived cancer (one almost advanced to a fatal level) twice, she loves owls, and recently graduated with her bachelor's in social work (it's never too late, people). What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both cisgender females. Where is the biggest scar on your body? It's probably where I had a cyst removal, which is in a spot I can't see. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Absolutely not. I am NOT getting involved in that. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I'd go to the gym sooner. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tattoo? Hmmm... I think Tyler actually may have had a The Legend of Zelda tattoo? I can't really remember. If not him, then no. Have you ever kissed someone you weren’t dating? No, but I've been kissed by someone I wasn't dating. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? Yes. What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? Being separated from/losing my mom. Do you like to make the first move? No. When was the last time you completely broke down? A few weeks ago when I was having a PTSD episode. Are you listening to any music? No; I'm watching Gab play Final Fantasy X. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? No. Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? Hm, it's funny, I don't see him anymore. Have you ever peed in the woods? No. Have you ever played Twister? Yeah, I liked playing it as a kid. Are you looking for a boyfriend//girlfriend? Not actively, no. I really don't need one right now. Out of all of your friends who have you gotten in the worst fight with? Of all friends I've EVER had, probably Colleen. Of the friends I still have, maybe Sara. What is the last microwaveable meal you had? I've been on a SERIOUS grilled chicken pesto kick lately. Mom buys these small Healthy Choice (or some brand like that) bowls that you put in the microwave and then pour the noodles and chicken into the sauce after and mix, and oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD it is so good. What would you consider a talent of yours? Assuming the worst out of every imaginable situation. If Hogwarts was a real place and you were able to attend, what class do you think you’d excel at? According to those little quizzes I've taken, I lean mostly towards Hufflepuff, but with Gryffindor traits as well. Would you rather learn more about space or more about the ocean? Well, ideally, space, but I think learning much more about our ocean would be more beneficial to our planet and our prosperity on Earth. Do you have a mental illness? If yes, how have you learned to cope with it? If no, do you ever suspect you may have one? I have a lot. My bipolarity, OCD, and PTSD are *mostly* under control, but I most certainly still have trouble sometimes. My anxiety and AvPD are still rabid fucking hounds. My depression was well-managed not even that long ago, but life circumstances have it so it's been more aggressive than what was usual. Do you have a favorite character from The Avengers? I dunno, I like Loki ig. Thor is cool, too. It's been WAY too long since I've seen that movie. What type of cake would you like right now? Double chocolate cake sounds great rn. @_@ What was your dream job when you were a child? Are you going after that dream or not? Why? Paleontologist, and no, because I don't want to travel for work, and I could also never handle the heat during site excavations. Even though it may not work all the time, what usually helps make you feel better when you’re upset or down? Watching one of my comfort series on YouTube from channels I enjoy. Why do you personally take surveys? It's a method to just get all these thoughts out of my head and to vent when I need to without actually directly burdening someone with my problems. No one has to read 'em. It's purely for my benefit, and also to pass the time, which I have too much of. Are there any words that you can’t stand? Derogatory terms for certain groups of people. What are words that you love? Words like "serendipity," "bliss," joyous, bubbly words. I'm blanking on actual terms. If you had an endless supply of money for clothing only, what would you load your closet with? Ohhhh, lots of shit with studs and spikes. :') I've wanted a studded leather jacket since I was in middle school. Have never gotten one because of how pricey they are. :( I'd also get some KILLER boots and just obtain a more gothic wardrobe. I'd love corsets too if my body ever shrinks back to a point I'd be comfortable wearing well-made ones. What is your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite type of candy? Strawberry Sour Punch Straws. What color would you like to paint your nails next? I don't paint my nails. Realistically, they probably won't be 'til my entirely hypothetical wedding, in which case they'll probably be black. What do you think is creepy that society accepts as normal? Urinals, alsdkfja;klwejr. Like I get men's bathrooms give the option of using a stall, but still... side-by-side urinals are so weird and a breach of privacy to me. What is the silliest secret about yourself that you sometimes feel the need to hide? That I enjoy forum RP. I tell NOBODY because I fear being judged and found as weird. Like seriously, in my "real" life, maybe two people know. What do you think is a good date other than dinner and a movie? I want a picnic date really bad kalj;dkl;jwe. Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? No. They're all very similar. Do you ever give money to homeless people? No, admittedly. Mom instead likes to sometimes offer them bottles of water or if she's really feeling generous, a cheap meal at like McDonald's or something. She doesn't like to hand out money because, well, we know what a vast majority of homeless people spend it on. Do you like to brag or are you modest? I get really uncomfortable bragging, so I try to be as modest as I can be. What your favourite thing to have on toast? I love giving it a light toast, then adding a thin layer of butter, cinnamon, and sugar. It's bomb. Do you know how to surf? Would you ever like to learn? No to either. If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I love sprinkling some sugar in there. Would you prefer to spend time with your whole family all at once, or would you rather quality time with one family member at a time? Depends on what I feel up to, but I tend to enjoy family time as a group more. That way, I don't have TOO much pressure to be constantly social. I can just listen sometimes. What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? I have no idea. I worry what people have heard ME say/scream in my sleep. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, they're meerkat ones! :') Choose one: Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Absolutely a Milky Way. Who was the last person to comment you? My mom. I'm cool, I swear. How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? A lot over all these years, but I'd say that's normal when you've been friends since you were 8 and 10. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. What are you planning on doing after this? When I'm done taking this survey, I'll probably either go to bed or play a bit of WoW. Idk. Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? I have my alarm set for 7, actually. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? Mhmmmm. -_- What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? The case that came with the phone got a big crack in it. Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up? Absolutely not. I would start vomiting. I can't handle the sound or the act in general. Have you been to the beach this year? No; I haven't been in a long time, and I am noooot complaining. Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? Yes. Are you tan? God no. Do you own any leather? No real leather, no. I never would. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Yes. We actually just talked today. Well, technically yesterday. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She doesn't really call me bad names. Have you ever listened to Christian music? Not of my own volition, but I've heard it because of other people controlling the radio. Are you the ‘creative child’? Yes, I'm considered that one. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? God no. That's when everything started going downhill. Have you ever been 'popular’? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Are you a fan of muffins? I LOVE muffins. What’s your most recent obsession? It's kinda chilled out now, but when Resident Evil 8: Village released, I was CRAZY over it. I watched SO many different let's plays of it. I think it's safe to say it beats out RE4 as my favorite installment.

[gamernovellist]

A Brother’s Regret

Hey everyone, guess who’s reviving their Tumblr just to post this short story. So this is one of my D&D character’s backstory that I shared with my group and they praised it, so I decided to share it. I’m actually pretty proud of it because it’s the first short story I’ve written.  Anyways, sorry for stalling.

TW: Suicide and Bullying

Caden put on his left shoe again and tied it. He was already running late for work before he noticed the sole of his shoe tearing away. It only took him a couple minutes to fix, but those were minutes he couldn't afford. He stood up from his bed and patted down his clothes, taking one last look at himself in his bedroom mirror to make sure everything was ok. He started to leave his room, but his sister stopped him at the door. ”Hey Cade, can we talk?” Lyra asked, looking at the floor, her black hair covering her eyes. "I'd love to sis, but I'm really running late, and Mr. Walsh will kill me if I slow him down again." "Oh, alright." Lyra rubbed her wrist, she still hadn't looked up, but Cade could see her frown. "Oh come on, Lyra, don't be like that, smile a bit." Cade poked his twin's side and started tickling her. Lyra started laughing. Her tickle spots hadn't changed since their tickle wars as kids. Cade stopped and stepped around her. "I'll be back in a couple hours, we can talk then ok." "Ok." Lyra said, she was still giggling a bit, but was calming down. "I also made you lunch." Lyra pointed to a bag on the kitchen counter. Cade grabbed it and smiled at her. "Thanks Lyra. You didn't have to though." Lyra shrugged. "Hurry up. Mr. Walsh is already going to rip you a new one." Cade widened his eyes. "Shit, you're right." He kissed the top of his sister's head. "Love you Lyr." "Love you too." She said as Cade left the house

Cade ran from one end of the kitchen to the other, chopping vegetables and doing any other little thing he could to speed up Mr. Walsh's cooking. He was extremely lucky Mr. Walsh offered him this job as a cooking aide. While there were places that would hire a fifteen year old, not many of them would accept 'that half elf'. One of the downsides of living in a small human village. But there was nothing he could do about that. Luckily Mr. Walsh didn't care, his customers on the other hand did. To continue working there all Cade had to do was try to stay unseen as much as possible. If someone saw him from time to time it was fine, Walsh could talk his way out of it. But people could spread rumors if they learned Cade helped prepare most of the food. Cade had just finished up chopping an onion when Mr. Walsh came into the kitchen. "Hey kid, we slowed down a bit, go ahead and take a break." "Thank you Mr. Walsh." Cade said, pushing the chopped onions aside and putting down the knife. Cade walked to the table in the corner where he took his breaks. He let out a deep breath as he sat down. Not a second later his stomach started rumbling. He grabbed his lunch and took the container out of the bag. On top of it was a letter. On it, it read 'To my dearest brother'. Cade smiled at his sister's handwriting. He set aside his lunch and opened the letter and read it.

Dear Caden, First of all I want you to know that I love you. You and mother are what I cherish the most in all the world, at least the moments when mother isn't distant. But even with all the love we share, it is not enough. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Everyday I live is pain. We don't belong in this town, and I'm starting to believe there is no place for us in this world, no place for me. You got lucky with Mr. Walsh's inn, and the bullies at school have even started ignoring you a little. But for me, their insults have only escalated, and I can't do anything about them. If I talk back to them, they redouble their forces. If I retaliate, I'm in the wrong. But everything they say is true. I am worthless, I'm only a burden. Even father knew I wasn't worth the effort and that's why he left us. Mother sees it every time she looks at me  and it drives her to drink. And you, we haven’t spent as much time together, I can only assume it’s because you’re also starting to realize how worthless I am. I tired to make it all better, but there is no solution. But one. I love you brother, and thank you for all the memories we've shared. But this life is only torment, and it won't get any better. My last memory is going to be of the only happy place I had in this world, and let my last thoughts be of all the memories we had there. Goodbye Caden. Love, Lyra

Cade stared at the end of the letter. He only broke out of the trance when a tear fell on the paper. He noticed his hands trembling. Cade thought this had to be a joke. A very sick, distasteful joke. It was payback for Cade not talking to her before work. Cade shot up out of his chair. Lyra wanted to talk today. Maybe this is what she wanted to talk about. Maybe he could've, helped her. Cade felt more tears fall down his face and guilt build up inside him. "Caden what's wrong?" Mr. Walsh asked. Caden hadn't noticed him approach. "I'm sorry Mr. Walsh, I have to go." As soon as the last word left his mouth Cade took off out of the inn, not waiting for his boss's reply. He ran through the streets, hoping he wasn't too late. There was no way any of this was serious. No way Lyra would actually, would actually… His mind brought back the image of her face that morning, how she couldn't even look him in the eyes. Cade ran faster, he had to get to her before she went though with it. Cade was too in his mind that he didn't see the group of people in front of him until he'd ran into them and lost his balance. "Watch where you're going knife ears." Cade heard an familiar guy's voice say. "You'd think with ears that big he'd have echolocation." There was laughter all around him, and he knew he ran into the last group of people he wanted to run into. "Fuck off Luther." Cade said, getting off the ground and facing the group of bullies. Cade tried to get through, but Luther and one of his goons blocked his path. "You're not going anywhere mutt. Not until you apologize." Cade glared at him. "I don't have time for this." Cade knew it wouldn't stop at an apology, Luther would keep making up things he'd have to do before he let him go. It' been that way since grade school. "Do it or else we'll make Otto set up another date with your sister and leave her hanging." The group laughed at that threat, as if remembering a good joke. Cade stared blankly at them. "You did what?" He snarled. "You should've seen the look on her face." Jolene, another of Luther's posse, said. "She was so depressed after waiting a whole hour for Otto to show up. As if he'd ever date an ugly bitch like her. Just for good measure we dumped buckets of mud on her." Anger rose up inside Cade's chest, but it was also joined by guilt. Lyra had the biggest crush on Otto, and if something like that happened, and he hadn't heard of it. Lyra must've been holding it in, and Cade grew even more worried. Cade shoved Luther and his lackey out of his way and ran towards the forest. He ignored Luther calling him a "Stinking half elf." behind him and kept running. Lyra had written that she was going to end it in the only happy place she had, a place they shared many memories in, and there was only one place that matched that description. Their secret base in the woods. Cade turned left at the Twisted Tree of Mystery, and then a right at the Mighty Fallen Tree Warrior. "Lyra!" He called out Cade thought back to when they first found the spot, how happy they were to have a place away from everyone that would call them names, and how they came up with the names for the places they had to pass to reach it. "Lyra! He tried again. He remembered all the games they would play, and even all the little animals they befriended. There had to be no way Lyra really wanted to kill herself there, this was all just a sick ploy to get him there. "Lyr-" Something snagged Cade's foot and he was sent tumbling down a small hill. Cade scolded himself for forgetting that tree branch. Lyra and him would say that was an intruder trap. Cade found it ironic he'd fall for it. Cade got up and ran the last stretch to the base. When he saw the giant tree, he knew he was there. "Lyra!" He called, looking around to see if he saw her. He couldn't find any trace of her, only the toys they'd left there from their childhood and never put away. Cade checked inside the little house that was against the tree. They'd always found it weird how it was just sitting there in the middle of the woods. They even thought it was haunted for a while. But eventually they used it almost everyday. The house was empty, just like Cade's hopes that his sister was ok. He turned around in a circle, wondering where she could've gone. That's when he heard a hoot. Cade stopped and locked eyes with the owl perched on one of the tree roots. The area was always inhabited by a bunch of owls, but Cade had never seen one perched so low when he was there. The Owl hooted again before flying off around the tree. Cade sensed a sort of intelligence in the bird and decided to follow it. But he soon wished he hadn't. Around the tree, a couple feet away from it, hanging from a branch, was Lyra's body. Cade stopped in his tracks, all the feeling in his body left him. All he was left with was sadness, and guilt. Cade's legs trembled, but he took another step forward, and another. Somehow he made it a few steps away from Lyra before collapsing. Tears streamed down his face. He wasn't sure if they'd just started, or if they’d been going for a while and only now he was feeling things again. Cade saw a glint on the ground below Lyra and walked to it. He picked it up, and the tears intensified. It was Lyra's ring, the one she saved up to buy. It wasn’t super pretty, nor was it expensive, but Lyra loved it because she earned the money working with their mom. Lyra held on to the ring as a dear memory. Cade held the ring close to his chest and let out a painful yell, and sobbed. Cade heard the sound of wings flapping away in fear, and wings flying close. He heard a hoot, but ignored it. He was such an idiot, how could he not see how much his sister was hurting. How could he not see that she wanted his help. If only he'd been a better brother. If only he'd stayed and listened to what she had to say that morning. "Oh sweet child, how dour this is." A voice sounded around Cade, but he didn't look up, he didn't care. "Don't blame yourself child, you were no more at fault than she was." The voice continued. It sounded almost motherly in nature, like how his mother sounded on her good days. Cade heard more hooting, and more wings flapping around him. But he didn’t care. His sister was dead, she'd killed herself and it was all his fault. There were even more hooting and Cade couldn't help but think of how they reminded him of the bullies laughing at Lyra's situation. That's when Cade realized they were just at fault as he was. Lyra wouldn’t be gone if they hadn’t bullied her into it. "I'll make them pay." Cade said to himself. "Revenge is never a good path to take, child. Your sister would not want that for you." Cade opened his eyes. He stared at the grass underneath him, at the crumbled leaves on the ground. There was something odd in their color, they were more vibrant than they should be. "But they have to pay for what they did." He told the voice. "I have to stop them before they do this again. This shouldn’t happen to anyone, and I won’t let it happen ever again." "You are not strong enough child." The motherly voice said. "But I have to be." Cade looked up and his mouth opened. The area he was in seemed to have shrunk, and tree branches grew where they hadn't been before, encircling him. But on those tree branches were owls, dozens of them, probably even hundreds. Lyra still hung above him. And while he still felt guilt, he also felt conviction. "Very well." The voice said. Cade couldn't figure out where it was coming from. "I can help make you stronger, but only if you agree to help me when I ask for it." Cade was worried. He knew better than to make deals with strange voices in the woods, but he also knew the voice was right, he wasn't strong enough to face the bullies. He'd go back to face them and they'd beat him up like they’ve done so many times before. Besides, there was something behind the voice that made it seem like Cade could trust it, as if the voice truly cared for him. "Why do you care so much?" Cade asked. "Because I feel your pain, child." The voice said. "I've watched the two of you play and grow in these woods. It feels like I've lost someone as well." Caden remembered all the owls he's seen in the woods over the years. Caden and Lyra were always alone in the woods, but Cade realized they weren't ever truly alone. "Ok." Cade said. "I accept." The roots and branches in front of him parted way for a hand to reach out. It wasn't quite a hand, it was more like a talon, and the arm was covered with feathers. Cade hesitated but a moment before grasping the talon and shaking it. The roots and branches opened up even more and the hand's owner stepped forward. The figure was an owl with an unusually expressive face. She was much larger than an owl should be, larger than anyone Cade had seen. Atop her head were white vines that descended like dreads. Simply through the handshake Cade learned the entity's name. The Owl Mother. "Come, my child. You have much to learn."

[anteroom-of-death]

Life, for Dummies p7

a/n: this motherfucker was written and edited on google docs mobile shit app, i am sorry, but lookie!!! masters back!!!

  Life petered out into a pattern, you moved, you got a job as a clerk in a small town far away and set up shop. You had to scrounge for parts and made your own little cobble-stocked detectors and screwdriver. It couldn’t kill- yet, but it could maim. At the moment, that was all you needed.

The change of scenery was welcome. It wasn’t the place that it all started. A new place to feel new emotions. It was wonderful to heal. The subtle chains of longing and want for that exotic lifestyle and all the trimmings started falling away. 

You’d even taken a cheeky plot. Some aliens went to draw resources from the Earth to sell, you promised them you wouldn’t kill them all, if they gave you a cut of the profit. In gold. 

You got a pretty continuous penny. Kept you in shoes. And black market tech stolen from invaders past…

You’d fallen into a bit of a routine, 7 AM, wake up, get ready. 8 am, scan for extraterrestrials and other signs of life, 9 AM till 5 PM work, then home, relax, tinker, in bed by 11, refresh repeat. 

The routine calmed you and brought you an air of stability and joy. Nothing could be better than knowing what you were doing, and the job was routine. Knowing what the day brought stopped you from any freakouts that might occur. Prevented any poor saps coming in from unexpectedly being a victim of your grasps for power and control. You even used your paychecks from this job to make your small rented cottage into a true palace and spa. Fit for a fallen queen. It wasn’t like you had to answer to anyone but the tax collectors and your boss. Though both, hypothetically could be thwarted if you knew how to use psychic projection. That would have been fun- no gods, no masters, not even normal citizenship. 

Though you liked the cover. A good cover was good.

One balmy summer night you sat on your patio, stoking a small fire and indulging yourself in a marathon of one of those 90’s sitcoms that were overhyped and popular on your laptop, a stiff drink in your hand. It was a perfect night, the bugs were chirping, you heard an owl in the distance hooting to the crescent moon. You were so relaxed and flexing your feet muscles and considered sleeping out here, it was a weekend, you could afford such simple luxuries. You enabled your scanners up and turned on your night system and settled in, the familiar theme song dragging you into sleep…

You heard the urgent beeping of your system and it jarred you from your dreamless slumber. You were groggy and a tad sore but still trying to spring to action. You grabbed from the side table your makeshift screwdriver and your flyswatter, if whoever was unfazed by your laser beam  they’d have to deal with that, then possibly you would die. 

It wasn’t the best protection, but it was a little comfort. 

Assuming a general position of what you’d assume was a good self-defense you turned and saw the TARDIS struggling to both get through and figure out a shape. A tree? A shed? Something else? It finally settled on a tree and broke through your barrier. You didn’t exactly relax, in turn you rubbed your eye and exhaled sarcastically. Him? Now?

A little frustrated noise, not unlike a cats meow escaped from somewhere deep inside your chest as he walked out.

“There you are!” He smiled but seemed very frustrated and something brewing deeper. Yet he seemed like he was honestly so glad he found you, like when you misplace your hair tie, but realize it’s on your wrist. 

“I thought I lost you! I went to your place and found a very confused family. Had to wipe their minds. Poor idiots.” He grinned and shook his wrists a bit. 

“The fuck you want?” You spat out and turned your neck up as the sky and shook your head incredulously. It was over a year for his disappearance and dumping you at your old house. You were miles away and settled into a new life. He was at the very last thought, a painful memory.

He sauntered over to where you were. “I’ve thought it over!” He raised a probing finger towards your face after pointing to his temples. You grabbed at his wrist and twisted it before kneeing him in the groin and letting him fall down. You tutted and turned around.

How dare he? 

“Oh, hear me out.” He said in a velvet tease, some hostility creeping in. You snapped in a second. You shoved him down, pinning all your mass on top of him and pulling up like you were going to punch him. He was laughing like he was positively unhinged, his eyes glittered dangerously, a bit of pride and fear mixed with mania. 

You punched the ground directly above his head and got off him. You chided yourself for being a coward, lips puckering inward. 

“So you ‘had your time’?” You used grossly huge air quotes and went to massage your neck. You had slept on it funny and it was a huge jostle to wake up in such a hurry.

What was originally a banner night turned sour.

He got up and sat on your chair and immediately made himself comfy. “It was barely a week.”

You crossed your arms around your stomach and hissed, as your eyes slit shut. “Try a fucking year, Einstein.”

“See! No time!”

Your anger spiked and a throbbing pain entered your temple sharply. 

“Yes, yes time.” You dignified him with a response, though every instinct told you not to. You kept slowly shaking your head and rubbing at your head and neck. 

Quietly, you half looked him in the eye and went glassy, “I should just kill you and keep killing you every time you regenerate.” You sat down numbly on your outside coffee table. He made a little noise like he had a bout of indigestion. His lips puttered a bit out. He gave a dopey half-grin. 

“Nice set up.” He twirled around his finger at your whole situation. “Rudimentary, but clever. You really are such a smart one.” 

“Go, I still haven’t made up my mind about execution.” You twisted his age-old words back at him like a knife, “But I need time.” 

You crossed your legs and your arms again and sat in silence, your anger visibly radiating from you like a bad case of the shakes. Your chest ached dully as old wounds got ripped open. The emotions you worked through came out of the woodwork in droves. You were positively bewildered, you were abandoned and now he danced back in to grace you with an appearance and words said ages ago that cut you deeply. 

You tapped your finger on the corner of your table and tutted again. Silence echoed louder than any screaming match ever could. 

“It wasn’t that overtly long…” He reasoned gently.

“Fourteen months, ten jobs, four therapists and one new place later.” You ground in your jaw and teeth.

He genuinely weighed those words in his mind, he finished the rest of your drink gone warm, you figured to add a few woodblocks to the fire’s embers, it was past midnight so a chill had graced the cloudless night. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but in the low lighting made him look especially attractive. 

You continued to shoot daggers out from your eyes and quietly sulk. You said your peace and were waiting until he learned it and left. You were really starting to get sleepy and your face had been a little ruddy due to the humidity, you probably weren’t at your best for wit or anything garnering intimidation.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Sorry don’t change the past.” 

His lips twitched at that. For a brief second you nearly joined him in it. 

“I know. I accidentally made a fixed event. I regret it. I lost track of time. Rather not like me…” He mused, half justifying his actions.

Your eyes glazed over and you focused on the fire and it’s cracks and warmth bathing your skin. He was swallowing hard, you could tell his mind was working out a trillion little clever things to say, or maybe the best way to organically force you to drop your defenses. 

“I thought of you every day. I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I can’t eat. I keep forgetting to drink something. You-” You cut him off, “Oh, so your inability to take care of yourself now...suddenly is my fault?” You crossed your arms again. “It’s been a week for you, in your lifespan, a weeks nothing! I blink my eyes and that’s a Time Lord’s week! Meanwhile, I’ve had to deal with all the fall out of learning to be a normal fucking human!” 

He weighed your input more. It was uncomfortable and you didn’t trust the scent of black locust wood and a few twigs you found in your yard, the leftover alcohol in your system, or the pretty man in front of you. You needed your resolve and to keep irate and upright.

“I know when you’re scared, and you have and had every right to be. And angry. I know you. I know I was rash and made poor choices. It doesn’t cancel out this, but please, give me a chance.”

“So the next time things cut a little too closely to the bone, you dump me somewhere else?” You added the tune.

“No…” He went to defend himself. “I’ve decided I can’t do that.”

“Whoopdiedo!” You tossed your hands up in the air. “What a goddamn epiphany to have now.”

“I can leave you to your dramatics and come back at a better time…” He shifted forward in your chair. You rolled your eyes and tapped your crossed ankles a bit before relaxing. You hated it, but you wanted to hear him out. He definitely was being patient and not blowing you to dust for your actions, so obviously, he wanted something.

But what?

“Fine. Say what you got to, then let me think.” You tried out giving yourself a bit of backbone.

“I think I care for you.” He started. The words came out like he was a school boy and much younger and naiver than you knew him to be. “No, scratch that. I do care. I’ve always cared. I...other than care.” He shook his head vertically like he didn’t exactly expect to get this far or word things out to you. He was twitching a bit and it made you inhale, almost laugh. It was kind of pleasurable that the great and terrifying Master was on your property, struggling to get a sentence out.

You scratched a spot on the bridge of your nose.

“I need you. You’re more to me than just something or someone. You’re mine.”

“Oh, okay. So just because of all that I can just forget the hell you put me through?” You said the words softly. “I wanted to kill myself.” You swallowed then in the tiniest voice, “I wanted to kill you…” 

“Master, you left me, for what I presumed after a few weeks, for dead. Like you’d gone on, someone waved something shiney or you’d gone off and decided that thinking wasn’t worth it. I understand that you care, but I need assurance and to just...rebuild trust.”

You gestured with your hands making little rebuilding remarks. You staggered out a difficult breath.

“I understand...but I want you near me. You’re my pet. And I can’t go anywhere without my pet…Mine..”

You must have looked like you had been having a seizure, because he asked, “Are you having a seizure?” 

“And the punches keep coming.” You made a mental note to if any deity existed, when you died, you’d personally make them pay in sheer annoyance for not giving you a chance here. He looked so vulnerable and caring, positively lamblike. 

“Lay it out to me straight, no snowjobs here.” You said, the night close to taking its total toll on you. You were just drained and exhausted. No other way to put it. 

“Please come back with me?” He went out to touch you as you infestimely pulled away. “That’s all I want, for now.” He was so earnest, so against your better judgment you rubbed your eyes and groaned loudly into your palms. You gave in and buckled your will. 

“I’ll sleep on it, come back tomorrow, I’ll have your answer.” 

“Thank you, Y/N.” 

You walked him back and saw him inside and off, before heading into bed.

For the first time in a while, you felt yourself cry. 

[scribblescrabblebabble]

RoyEd Week 2k19 Day 3

   Title: Seven(?) Days

Rating: T+

Relationships: Roy Mustang/ Edward Elric

Chapter: Day 3- (Fantasy AU)

Cross- Posted on AO3 and Fanfic.net links- Fanfic.net   AO3

Best quality reading will be through the links, not on Tumblr itself because I’m too lazy to do italics and shit right now. For @royedweek2019 ‘s RoyEd Week!

pasted late bc I have other work to do oops!!

-------------------------------------------

Roy had never seen the Great Hall so beautifully decorated; it was hard to tell where the school hall ended, and wintry palace began- the decorations were so wonderfully chosen! As he spun around with his dance partner, his long-time best friend Riza, the two other Triwizard Champions and their dates twirling similarly, Roy both admired the wonderful mix of glamour and dance and wished he wasn't dancing at the moment.

At least, he wished he was dancing with a different blonde, although Riza was definitely a close second choice. In fact, if he weren't required to take the first dance as a Champion, Roy probably would have shirked it off to go find Ed the moment he realized that his boyfriend's distinctive hair was nowhere to be seen in the crowd.

Over the snickers and awes of the crowd, supposedly assuming that Riza and Roy were something more than childhood friends, the blonde woman must have heard Roy's faint sigh, for she sighed as well and discreetly stomped on his foot as they changed direction, "Can you pretend for five seconds that you actually want to dance with me? I know it means nothing to you, but I tortured myself with wearing this monstrosity just because we're the center of attention."

Despite her disdain towards it, Riza looked quite stunning in her pale blue dressing gown, and Roy had just enough self-preservation to point it out before responding quietly, "It's not dancing with you that upsets me and you know it."

He knew that, even though he was half-assing it at best, they were still by far the best dancers out there, as years of ballroom dancing classes together would not be proven futile by their muggle parents.

Roy remembered the both of them receiving their Hogwarts letters and thinking it a big joke until two owls stampeded them in the park, and they looked at each other with such excitement that their parents knew their lives would never be quite normal again. His muggle mother had been at the school until recently, given a brief let-in to watch her only son compete in the dangerous Triwizard Tournament. Having never seen her son use magic before, it was a very… interesting time for her to watch him wave a stick at a whole-ass dragon and manage to stupefy it to unconsciousness (he chose to ignore his currently sprained and splinted wrist, and the several bandages that scratched against his shoulder and chest).

Back in the present, Riza rolled her eyes, "After this dance, you can go find him, I'm not stopping you. I think Jean's called dibbs on my next dance, anyways.

Roy smiled at the girl gratefully, and picked up the dance, noticing they were worryingly close falling out of step with the tempo of the spritely violins. After a few more laps around the dancefloor, the music finally died down to silence, and the audience clapped lightly, more eager to join in than pay mind to the current dancers.

Bidding Riza good luck with Jean, Roy quickly wove his way through the crowd, keeping an eye out for Ed. He found, instead, Al dragging a less-than-willing Winry out to the floor. The younger boy stopped when he saw Roy, and Winry sighed in relief.

"Roy, you and Riza danced so well!" He chirped.

"Thanks, Al. Hey, do you know where your brother is hiding? I haven't seen him around." Roy asked.

Al giggled, "Check around the food. He's probably afraid you'll ask him to dance."

"Well then, he's got a right to be afraid. Have fun out there." He turned from the betrayed look Winry cast him and started for the tables piled high with food. Ed's brother and closest friend (as well as Riza and Maes, of course) were practically the only ones who knew of his and Ed's relationship. Roy had no problem with making them public, but Ed had expressed his concerns enough for the other to hold off from straight-up snogging him in the halls. The blonde, for all his vivaciousness, was terribly shy about showing public affections, and didn't know how his fellow housemates would take his dating a boy- a Gryffindor boy at that!

Ed was nowhere to be found around the food, and Roy furrowed his brow in contemplation. He did see Lust, a fellow Slytherin classmate of Ed's, and decided to test his luck.

"Lust!" He called, and the aforementioned looked at him boredly.

"Mustang, what do you want?"

"Have you seen Elric anywhere?"

"The sweet one or the obnoxious one?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"The one you share a house with." Roy gave in a dead-pan, and Lust's unamused eye-roll did little to help him believe she would actually tell him.

"Well if you need to know, Envy said that he saw Ed on the staircase to the left of the Hall entrance reading.

Roy nodded, "Thanks, I guess." Lust shrugged and walked away.

Roy, thinking ahead, piled two plates with pastries and made his way out of the hall and to the left. He quickly found his boyfriend sitting on the second step, a book rested lightly between his bent knees. He looked up when Roy sat beside him, their legs bumping.

Roy handed over Ed's plate, which he took gratefully, "What're you doing out here? Already abandoned poor Riza to fend with Havoc on the dancefloor?"

The Gryffindor responded as Ed took a large bite of a particularly flaky little pastry the Beauxbatons cooks had prepared, "Riza quit on me. Said I was 'too distracted looking for you' to dance right."

Ed shrugged, "You know I don't like dances, shoulda guessed I wouldn't be in the ballroom."

Roy smiled lopsidedly, "Not even to watch me dance? I looked amazing out there; Al said so!"

Ed snorted, "First of all, watch your ego. Second, Al would tell the worst dancer out there they were great. Dances are just dumb, is all. Shouldn't just having the stupid tournament be enough celebration of inter-school comradery or whatever shit they're promoting?"

"I think it's sweet." Roy commented, not very forcefully. They'd had this same conversation hundreds of times, it seemed, "Either way, if you didn't want to be here so bad, why not just go up to your common room? I'm sure even the dungeons are more comfortable than these stairs."

"The Slytherin common rooms aren't just dungeons, I'll have you know!" Ed retorted, flicking a pastry he was holding slightly at Roy for emphasis, "They're actually very nice, it sucks you don't get to see 'em. I'm here because I didn't get to see you much after the challenge 'cuz of all the press commotion and shit." Ed frowned slightly.

The dragon challenge had been the day before, the three schools deciding that the dance and challenge should follow each other closely to 'lighten the mood' after such a frightening task. True to Ed's words, Roy had been swept away by several Prophet reporters following his close win (after his more serious wounds were treated first, of course). He'd been tired, bloody, and sore all over, so by the time they were done pestering him, Roy had barely the energy to fend off his mother's crushing hugs and frantic words. He had walked her back to the portkey once she was satisfied that he was safe until the next challenge, and from there went straight to his dormitory to sleep, Riza breaking the sea of students for him. The next morning, he had been wholly unamused to find his miserable face headlining the reports of the tournament.

He bit into his food, keeping a smile on his face in spite of Ed's fouled expression, "Well, you can see me all you want right now."

Contrary to Roy's intentions, Ed's face darkened further, "Until the next challenge."

"Ed, What's really the matter?" His proffered hand stung when Ed swatted it away, twisting in such a way to disturb several sore spots.

The Slytherin caught the other's wince, "THIS is the matter, Roy! Look at you, it's like you've been through a goddamn warzone or something! They carted you off the arena; I had to sit through two other dragon-themed ass-whoopings before I even knew you weren't dead. Your mom was in hysterics!"

Roy sighed, "Believe me, I know. I got her earful yesterday."

"At least she got to go down and see you immediately. I've barely seen you since Charms this afternoon, and that was the first time today!"

"So, you've been worried this whole time?"

Ed looked bewildered, "Of course I've been worried this whole time! I fucking lo… li… uh, care about you, you complete asshole!"

Roy, setting his plate aside, took Ed's plate quickly and ensconced the other boy in a tight hug, feeling the tension in the blonde's body coiled up in his shoulders. He relaxed a little in the Gryffindor's hold, huffing out a frustrated breath. When Roy felt a pair of hands gently wrap around his waist, he said, "I'm sorry I made you worry. If it's any consolation, I tried to find you after the challenge and at our meals today. I was too exhausted to really think yesterday, but when I looked today I didn't see you anywhere."

He could feel Ed rolling his eyes in his shoulder, and a second later he heard a muffled, "Had extra credit work in a few classes."

He hummed in response, and they stayed in their embrace for a while. Roy could feel Ed relax the longer he sat against the other, as if the constant assurance that Roy was there made his anxiety lessen. This said, it surprised Roy that Ed was the first to break the hug, standing up at the bottom step with a hand extended.

At the Gryffindor's confused look, Ed blushed, "Well, affection is sort of your thing, so I guess it wouldn't hurt me to dance, at least to make any lovesick Hufflepuff girls aware that you're unavailable." Roy sat, astounded. As far as he knew, Ed kind of hated public affection like this. Ed's blush intensified, probably because he knew vaguely what Roy was thinking, "I- I don't love this, but watching the challenge made me realize that I didn't want to waste my time across the room from you, watching other people try and get in your pants when I could just fucking suck it up and let myself have this, ya know? Shit, I'm embarrassing myself, just take my hand already, yeah?"

Roy grinned broadly, following Ed's orders. He led the way into the dance hall, noticing Ed stiffen when they were at the doors and Roy made no move to release his hand.

"Ed, you don't have to force yourself to do this if you're uncomfortable."

The blonde shook his head, "No, Roy, I want this. I want people to know we're a- a couple. This is a pretty good way to do that, right?"

His smile widened, "It's a great way!"

The brightness of Roy's smile caused Ed to smile as well, and they entered the hall to the vibrant sounds of an ending orchestral piece. They hurried to the floor before the next one started, and Roy had enough time to flash a wink at a confused but excited Al and Winry before the next dance began.

With Roy leading, there wasn't a chance they would mess up, and Ed seemed to trust their steps. Of course, he was flustered at first, glancing around at the other students too much (and sending dirty looks at Winry's smirk) and continually tripped up, but Roy got the other's attention back to him as the dance picked up with a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Roy could feel eyes on them and heard quite a few girlish voices chirp their names, but he kept them out of his mind. He didn't care a bit about their judgment.

Once Ed was comfortable enough with the movement, he and Roy began chatting amid their dance, mostly about the other dancers.

"You know…" Ed mumbled, his sweet blush never having left his face, "You and Riza did dance very well together."

Roy laughed, "So you did see us! I didn't see you in the crowd!"

Ed mock-glared, "Well it's not because of my height, I know what you're thinking Roy Mustang!" He laughed a bit, "You probably dance better with her than with me."

"Well, I like dancing with you better." Roy murmured, leaning down to speak directly in Ed's ear.

"Oh, shush." Ed huffed, embarrassed. The song slowed to an end, and Ed pulled them off the floor with a small smile, "C' mon, we left our food on the stairs. I'd hate to waste it." His pull wasn't at all in the direction of the stairs, but to a table huddled away from the crowd, absolutely heaped with decorations and food. They could get some good privacy behind that heap…

Roy chuckled, Ed smirked, and they hurried to the table, not seeing the knowing looks of their friends and swelling gossip circles of those newly exposed to, possibly, the most unexpected coupling at Hogwarts.

~End~

[adorealeclightwood]

SH Live Review, 3x06: A Window Into An Empty Room.

I’m back with another live review! 

As you know, I try to avoid spoilers (minus promos), and haven’t read any of the books. I’ll pause to address any questions or concerns I have about the episode, and I’ll definitely scream over Alec at least twice. Feel free to watch along, or read after you’ve already seen the episode. 

The character analysis will follow soon after (by popular demand) and then I’ll be free to answer all your wonderful questions and provide thought-provoking discourse.

Here we go!

Who is this?

Oh, Heidi’s crazy ass. Yawn.

Who the hell is that behind her??? 

Simon and Kyle training? I’m going to enjoy this. 

Come on Kyle, you should’ve known that was going to happen. His magical mark is still effective. 

And this is why I always leave at least one light on before I leave the house! 

Heidi is so annoying jwjnvfinvs I just don’t like her. 

Is it bad that I wanted her to make a move and be blasted across the room by the mark? No? Okay. 

OHHH, THE MALEC SCENE. 

SALTY ALEC IS MY FAVORITE ALEC.

Matt’s lips look incredible in this scene, fyi. 

And his hair, too. Whew. 

Yikes. Alec does have a point though. 

I like the fact that he went to Izzy afterwards. The purest siblings. 

Yes, Alec! Let them know! Clearly, I’ll discuss this later.

Maryse always looks so good, that must be where Izzy gets her fashion sense from. 

Her runes are gone ):

Clary is so stressed. I’m still shook over Ithuriel’s death. 

PAUSE. Lilith is creeping me the hell out. It’s started to look like she’s got some creepy obsession with Jace. Using him to help get her son back is one thing, but again, this is getting creepy. Well, creepier. Pressing play.

Maia coming through with the realness. To be fair, Simon didn’t mean to turn Heidi. If anything, Raphael is to blame. 

I live for mother daughter scenes. 

PAUSE. I feel for Maryse! Being a Shadowhunter was such an important piece of her lifestyle. To have something so prevalent be torn away has to be heartbreaking, even if she’d done something to “deserve” it (which I’m still calling BS on). Pressing play. 

Strong, brave, and beautiful, but no longer a Shadowhunter. That hit me right in the feels. 

A family outing? Yes please! 

Ah, I love the growth. From disproving Izzy’s choice in men, to being happy someone has made her daughter smile. My heart is about to burst. 

I don’t know why I almost forgot about Ollie. 

Aw, Luke. Can we give him a girlfriend or something? I’m tired of seeing him alone all the time. 

Alec doesn’t believe a word he’s saying LMAO.

Taking a walk??? BULLSHIT.

Jace is so fucking fake, I’m hollering. 

THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN CLARY HUGGED HIM. LORD

Now Clary knows how Alec feels when he can sense something is wrong with Jace. Oh, how the tables have turned! 

Sweetie, Raphael is gone. 

Ugh, Heidi again? I’m bored. 

Who cares? Obviously Simon, since he’s asking. 

Simon is so sweet. 

The way he ducked that kiss euifreivieg I need someone to make a gif.

Magnus and Clary? This is new. I dig it. 

Magnus should be a detective! 

Biscuit! Ah!

Magnus and his patience. Not everyone has that kind of time, honey!

Simon being concerned about Maia. Aw.

Jace looks so out of place.

Alec is the most adorable son. 

“Why am I the last one to know about this?” ALEC PLEASE.

DAMN IT JACE.

Pediatrics! My friend is going into pediatric surgery! 

Alec is like “jewelers? that’s the best she could do?” 

From wincing at a sip, to ordering a double. Started from the bottom, now we’re here.

LUKE AND MARYSE. THE PAIRING I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED.

Luke really is the right person to go to for something like this. I forgot he was a Shadowhunter before becoming a wolf. 

Ooooh, cue the cute memories. 

THEY’RE SO CUTE? I’M BEAMING. 

Clary checking up on Magnus. Cuteness overload. 

I love how everyone just knows he and Alec will get through this. 

Brother Zachariah is lowkey fine. 

Helping out a warlock and a Shadowhunter without the rest of the brother’s knowing? I like him already. 

OH SHIT. THIS JUST GOT INTERESTING. 

Simon is the SWEETEST, holy shit. 

Drunk Alec! Yes! 

Underhill is me at every party. When I’m not the one that’s drunk, that is. 

Heidi again? Can someone kill her already?

Izzy was ready to end it ALL.

She’s going to take all of this the wrong way and think Simon loves her or something, I’m calling it now.

Charlie, don’t do it! 

PAUSE, PAUSE, FUCKING PAUSE. Alec in this leather jacket? With this hairstyle? Even the way he’s leaning is attractive? Jesus. Alright, pressing play. 

My poor son. 

Finally someone tells him not to be so hard on himself! 

Alec refusing help even when he’s drunk like the subtle control freak he is. 

Is no one noticing how strange Jace is acting right now? I mean, look at him!

For a second, I thought Simon had turned her in to the clave himself. I’m pleasantly surprised. 

“You don’t lie to someone you love” But...sigh.

Oh shit, now Magnus is figuring it out. 

Off topic, but isn’t that the same alley him and Alec reunited in? The lanterns look familiar. 

I ALMOST DROPPED MY DRINK. 

A fight scene! That’s what I’m talking about!

LMFAOOOO LUKE SAID FUCK THE MAGIC, I’M FIRING.

OH MY GOD. 

NOW OLLIE IS GONE TOO. 

WAIT, IT’S OVER? FUCK. I wanted more.

I have! I will definitely be watching this over again. For science reasons, of course. I must say, I expected a little more from that owl reveal scene, but maybe it was underwhelming because they were in shock. I’m assuming we’ll get more of a reaction from them in the next episode. If they don’t tell Alec in 3x07, I swear...

Anyway, thanks for reading! See you in a bit.  

[inkandblade]

Hello!! I love your work!! For the prompt thing, Stiles is used to his friend living in the apartment below him. He's still a little tipsy and forgets that death eyebrows Derek moved in downstairs, and breaks into Derek's place so he can make a greasy carb-loaded breakfast to share. If this is too involved maybe Derek waking up to Stiles drawing/writing on his back?

Stiles was being very quiet. Very, very quiet—as if he was hunting waaaaabits. He stifled a snort and felt his magic tingle out into his nose and fingers and feet to help muffle the sounds he was making. The floor in Jackson’s living area, unlike Stiles’ in the apartment above, was polished wood. Stiles slipped his shoes off and almost fell over as he bent down to put them as neatly as he could near the door. Jackson had a strict no shoes in the house rule.

Luckily he also had a Stiles makes the best breakfasts on the planet rule, and kept his fridge stocked accordingly. Who could say no to their handsome, magic upstairs-neighbour making them a handsome, magic breakfast on a Sunday morning?

Actually, someone who’d pulled last night could: Stiles screwed up his eyes and thought very carefully and reached his magic out towards the bedroom… Just one heartbeat. He managed to stop himself from crowing, ‘All is clear!’

Stiles couldn’t resist sliding in his socks towards the kitchen, though. He collided with the counter top with a resounding oomph. He didn’t manage to retain his snort this time, but he was pretty sure the sound didn’t travel; a Spark was an awesome thing to have when trying to hide your tipsy shenanigans—no matter how delicious—from a grumpy werewolf.

Stiles pulled the one of the blinds out a bit and saw that there was a tiny slip of sunlight just showing through the long lines of the high rises outside. He turned around and focused very carefully on the clock on the microwave. He had approximately fifty-five minutes to make his mom’s from-scratch hash browns, bacon, and chocolate-chip pancakes. The coffee machine for some reason looked different to the last time Stiles had broken in to cook breakfast, but it was set to the usual time.

Jackson was going to loooooooooove Stiles to the moooooon and back.

Stiles didn’t even try to stifle his giggles this time.

He did what he had to with the potatoes and extra fancy cheese, figured that the super-duper sourdough would make super-wonderful toast, and mixed a little extra something-something into the pancake batter in the form of a pick-me-up spell. Even if Jackson hadn’t had a big night last night, and even if he was still a bit of a prick, he worked hard. Even assholes deserved nice surprises sometimes. Stiles’ mom had always said that being kind didn’t hurt anyone.

Stiles set everything in the fridge to keep—naked as the Saran wrap wasn’t in its usual spot—then put his ass on one of Jackson’s stupid, designer kitchen stools and his head on the marble bench-top. It was far, far more comfortable than usual. Ten or fifteen minutes worth of sleep wasn’t enough, but it would do for now.

♠

The growl was expected, but didn’t sound right. Stiles opened his eyes and blinked into the morning sun and was certain that Jackson would have told him if he’d become an Alpha in the last couple of weeks. They hadn’t seen each other since the beginning of the month, but hell, that wasn’t the kind of thing you kept from someone who relatively-regularly broke into your kitchen.

It might have been the Alpha in the voice that cinched Stiles’ understanding, though. “Who the fuck are you?!”

But, really was it the voice? It was probably that this guy was, and no offence to Jackson ‘cause even if he was hot, and he was, he had nothing on this guy. Stiles sucked in a breath and tried to make his thoughts come back to something that resembled coherent. The hot Alpha in front of him was wearing designer jockey-shorts and a murderous scowl. It was entirely possible that Stiles was still quite drunk, because both of those things seemed absurdly sexy.

Stiles tried for a smooth introduction, but all that came out of his mouth was a squeak. The werewolf’s eyebrows rose in tandem and all of a sudden Stiles understood. He sat back a little too quickly and was lucky that the wards he’d put into the walls hadn’t been taken with all Jackson’s stuff—the magical safety-net righted him back onto the stool and Stiles was glad the counter was there between him and the Alpha.

He couldn’t understand how he’d forgotten that Jackson got that out-of-the-blue transfer to the other side of the country. Well, he could, but he couldn’t figure out how he was going to explain to hot-and-murderous-red-eyes that his magic sometimes fucked with his memory if there was tequila involved.  

The Alpha was still glaring, but hadn’t moved, so Stiles decided he should probably try to speak again, before the guy did come closer.

“I’m,” Stiles swallowed as the Alpha wrinkled his nose. Morning-after-tequila breath was likely not an attractive thing to such a sensitive scent organ. “I’m your upstairs-neighbour, and I seem to have made what I’m hoping isn’t actually a fatal error.” One of the eyebrows dropped, just slightly. Stiles’ brain declared that a good sign. “Full disclosure. I’m a Spark. I set up the wards on this place for the previous tenant. We’ve known each other since kindergarten. I’ve been breaking in on every other Sunday morning for breakfast for a couple of years. The amount I drank last night,” the ‘wolf’s nostrils flared again, “must have short-circuited my brain? I honestly forgot there was no Jackson here to eat my happy-face pancakes and drool over my hash browns anymore.”

The Alpha’s stomach made a very distinct noise, and his eyes faded from red to something Stiles wished he could describe. The guy glanced at his stomach and back up again, a look of betrayal pinking his cheeks. He breathed in quickly and seemed to regain his composure, saying with a stone-like face, “It’s your magic in the walls.”

That was possibly, Stiles thought, supposed to be a question. He should at least make an attempt to answer it.

“Yes. Wards. It’s what I do for a living. I can have them removed for you?” It was not something he should be doing after someone moved into a place, it usually had to happen before someone moved in, or they wouldn’t be able to stay in the apartment or house. That, well. That confused Stiles enough that he felt his brain starting to try to claw its way out from underneath the remaining fog of the alcohol.

If the Alpha hadn’t had the old wards removed, he shouldn’t be able to be here. If he had had them removed and replaced, then Stiles shouldn’t have been able to break in.

Stiles reached out with his magic again. They were definitely still his wards, and they hadn’t been altered. The Alpha huffed and Stiles realized that he must have his drunk thinky-face on.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” The Alpha looked far too amused for Stiles’ liking. If the wards on this place had failed and Stiles couldn’t feel that, then he had a major, major problem. “Hey,” the guy had taken a step closer and was waving a hand in Stiles’ direction. His nostrils were flaring in and out. “Breathe. I’m not going to hurt you, and there is nothing wrong with your wards.”

That snapped Stiles out of it, but not enough to form a coherent sentence. “But—”

“Jackson Whittemore is my cousin. He was born human, and then bitten by my Alpha mother.” He paused a few moments, possibly to let that sink in, then restated, “We share both our bloodline and biteline. That’s why your wards haven’t caused me any problems.”  

This time Stiles’ brain caught up with what was being said. He breathed out a sigh of relief and decided not to dwell on the fact that the Alpha’s nose screwed up again. Instead, Stiles decided he should probably introduce himself.

“I’m Stiles Stilinski.” He swallowed and figured that he should try to exit, stage-left, as quickly as he could. He let his mouth move as quickly as it would. “I’m very sorry for breaking into your apartment, and I promise I won’t do it again. I made pancake batter and cheesy-hash browns. The spell on the pancakes is benevolent, I swear. The potato should be fried in a mixture of butter and olive oil or they won’t taste right. I’ll replace everything, I promise.” He glanced back at the fridge. “I will need to know where to buy that cheese, though, ‘cause I have no idea.”

“You made hash browns with Cacio Bufala?” The Alpha, who Stiles still didn’t know the name of, blinked like a stoned owl. He didn’t actually look angry, though, just incredulous.

“I,” Stiles hoped his smile looked sincere, not snarky. “Yes?”

The guy laughed, and Stiles really, really wanted to know his name now. He had the most amazing smile, and his eye were lit up with something other than the Alpha power they’d had before. The fact that the man was basically naked wasn’t helping any—chiselled abs and power-house thighs and a thick treasure trail and lickable clavicles, and that was all without thinking about the dude’s face. Any moment now the guy was going to smell Stiles’ arousal over the stink of his morning-after-tequila breath. The guy twisted around as he reached for another one of the blinds and shit.

The tattoo on the guy’s back. Jackson’s Alpha was Talia Hale. Talia Hale only had one son. Stiles’ brain was definitely in danger of exploding. The man in front of him was pretty famous. He was an Alpha because he had, at the age of fourteen, ripped out the throat of the guy who’d tried to assault his older sister. Stiles was, quite possibly, lucky to be alive. Then again, the traitorous part of his brain supplied, Jackson always maintained that his cousin was a fluff-ball in disguise, once you got to know him. Stiles always assumed that Jackson was down-talking the guy ‘cause he was jealous of his cheekbones or something.

The Alpha turned back and sniffed again just as the coffee machine beeped that it was ready. He flicked his eyes down over Stiles’ stale clubbing outfit and back up, hovering a moment over Stiles’ neck. “I’m going to get you a cup of wake-up coffee, and then you are going to make me pancakes and absurdly expensive hash browns, and once we’re eating you can tell me more about the wards. If the food’s good enough, I won’t have you spell yourself out of them.”

Stiles nodded and managed to squeak out, “Deal.”

“I’m Derek, by the way.”

♠

Expensive cheese name brazenly lifted from a Mental Floss article. Prompt me or Tempt me.

[thedappleddragon]

last night I dreamed that I was an archeologist tortoise and I was looking at dozens of “human” skeletons in Buckingham palace that was also my backyard. the skeletons all looked like combo human and turtle because the whole torso looked basically like the first google image result for sea turtle skeleton. then my sister woke me up, giving me a comforter and telling me my mom need help with some things.  cleaned up around the living room and did some laundry and boiled some eggs and made meatloaf and swept the floor. the meatloaf turned out surprisingly good, idk what I did differently. I evemtually went back to my room and tried to remember what I wanted to do today. last night as I was falling asleep I told myself that I was gonna clear off my desk so I could finally use it, so I moved some stuff around and set up my laptop. I havent been able to sit at a real actual desk in SO LONG and its SO NICE to have just like a space where I can sit down and work and have a chair that will support my back instead of sitting cross legged on my bed or laying down while doing stuff on my laptop. it almost makes me feel productive even I'm just playing the sims. I feel especially cool when im just typing out whatever bullshit because it makes me feel like im at an office job typing up ~important documents~ :) idk man I think quarantine has changed me lmao. if im getting this many emotions from just being able to sit down at a desk and do ANYTHING idk how im gonna handle collage. I keep calling whetever im doing (playing the sims, scrolling through Tumblr, typing up this summary of the day) work because it just. feels nice sitting at a desk and typing. even if it’s dumb bullshit!! idk how to describe it I just feel amazing. it makes me feel like im writing a paper with all the horrible parts like research and thinking. the sound of typing on my MacBook makes me feel like im in school again, but without the horrible stressful parts. idk mn I know I've been going on about this desk and stuff for too long and im gonna hate it if I eventually read back through these daily logs but I just feel so nice. ill change topics anyway. I hung up my calendar again! I literally didn't have any open wall space aside from maybe the wall behind my bed but why the hell would I put a calendar where I can't see it. instead its kind of hanging above my closet. I pinned it to the wooden board in the “doorway” (idk what other word to use) where there would normally be sliding doors that open and shut if they hadn't been taken off YEARS ago. I also played a lot of the sims 4, juggling aspirations for 5 sims. I quit because I got frustrated that all my sims are dumb and the ai Is buggy and doesn't let me do what I want them to do. I also plopped in a house on my family’s old lot and spent some time adjusting the colors and the trees and adding those paper craft cieling things that can either have stars or leaves or snowflakes that came in the free winter holiday stuff pack and holy shit as soon as I found those I think they became my new favorite decoration item. I threw them everywhere but eventually took down most of them, leaving some leaf ones in the bedroom. I was gonna move in a family of a bunch of young adults and children to help with the first kid’s serial romantic aspiration and one of the twin’s social butterfly aspiration, but I ended up not doing that in favor of just decorating more and playing with the family some more. one thing I realized while playing is that there are fucking MICE in my CIELING. well not really in the cieling, in the attic, but I can hear them chewing on shit and its sucks. I would turn on a fan to drown out the noise but my room is fucking FREEZING. I threw the blanket back over my window hoping that it would keep heat from escaping but I don't think that really did anything. so after freezing my ass off I got fed up and put on fluffy socks under normal socks, wore my owl onesie as pants over my shorts, put on my comfy (oversized hoodie), and threw a fluffy blanket over my shoulders. thankfully I was pretty cozy after that, but as I type this after taking off the cosy and blanket, I can feel my toes getting cold again. damnit. ANYWAY after quitting the sims for the night I ate some salad and got a heart shaped crouton :) and I scrolled through Tumblr for a bit. then I decided to finally work on the paws my friend wanted. but I couldn't find the pattern so I instead worked on the brown paws instead. I could only work on them so much, since I still have to finish the lining before I can do much else. I attached the backs of the fingers to the back of the hand. I didnt get much down but what matters is that I did SOMETHING. I'm gonna keep an eye out for that pattern that I need, and if I cant find it, I'll just make a new pattern. tbh I think thad’s be the better way to go anyway since I wouldn't have to figure out how the fuck the old one goes together and I can also have a pattern that perfectly fits the foam underneath. also tbh i have mixed feeling about the white paws my friend wants. I like how dextrous they are and how easily you can emote and move your fingers, but I dont like how ovular I made the paw pads and the hints of black thread peaking out where I sewed the pads from the back. I WOULD just remake them with the free curl works pattern im using for the brown paws but I figure I might as well finish this pair since there’s already one done and the foam interior is already made. whatever. I dont wanna think about it too much. I also dont like the head that goes with the paws, it was a fish job in comparison to my first head and I kinda hate it. but I think I'll eventually get some longer fur for the neck and a hair poof and cheeks (maybe) and do a little refurbishing and give it to my friend if she ever wants it, since it matches the paws and all. I have lots of plans for my 2 WIP heads but not all the materials/motivation. plus I just need to let the ideas stir before I do unything, making sure they’re goof before I act on them. I'm exited that I can shave down fur relativey easily and evenly without an electric dog shaver, which opens up a lot of opportunities. anyway as I was working on the brown paws I had TAZ on in the background and it still baffles me a little bit how different griffin and Matt mercer operate as dms like holy shit. its really funny. and it got me thinking about how I wouldn't mind dming for my friend group if he chance ever arose. I DO have the forgotten realms campaign setting book. I haven't actually looked at it but I assume it has a few pre-built quests and plot lines n stuff in it. I'll probably take a better look at in the morning when it’s not 1:40 am. dang now I'm thinking about my Minecraft dnd idea again. I think the real problem keeping me from being a dm is that I CANNOT keep a straight face when doing improv/roleplaying, so I dont know how well I could hold together a world for them to play in. I would love to give it a try tho. not with the Minecraft idea at the same time, fuck no. I would need to do like. a classic vanilla dnd experience the first time, maybe even using our tiefling family characters since I'm at least a little familiar with them. can you dm and also play your own character? is that fair? is that a think you can do? I think that could be fun but also hard to juggle and also maybe kinda suck because you’d already know all the answers to all the puzzles. meh. actually now I kind of really want to look through thet book tonight instead of in the morning. also I mentioned overnight oats a few days ago I think, and the first morning it was kinda gross, the second time I ate it was still a little gross texture wise, but I finished it off tonight and it was pretty good. maybe next time I'll try it without the banana and a little less milk and maybe slice up an apple into little cubes for texture. hell yeah peanut butter apple cinnamon brown sugar overnight oats. that sound pretty dang good actually. I'll try that some time, but I dont think I can right now because I dont think we have any apples in the house. phooey. I should also probably put this oatmeal cp in the sink before it becomes impossible to clean. holy shit how long have I been writing? SEE THE DESK MAKES ME JUST WANNA KEEP WRITING AND WRITING FOREVER I FEEL SO PRODUCTIVE EVEN IF IM NOT DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE!! I love just typing and typing forever its so soothing just hearing the tapping of the keyboard and getting my thought out without actually having to think that hard about it. goddamn im never gonna read back through this this is a nightmare lmao. no paragraph breaks no capitalization no nothin. I dont even wanna stop typing even though my arm is starting to hurt a little but from leaning the edge of the desk. now im thinking about the movie soul again and the cat as it rides on the escalator to the great beyond and how that dude in the band was the main characters student and how that scene with the girl trying to quit music and then immediately changed her mind didnt make any sense. like what the hell I dont understand that scene at all. also thinking about the transition where he’s like “ok repeat after me” as he’s in the cat and the camera goes over the mom’s shoulder and it’s just him talking, I like how they did that instead of doing dialouge between him and the cat. idk man. I think maybe I should stop typing now since my body is starting to hurt. sorry for putting this H U G E wall of text on your dash but I just like typing out my thoughts :) goodnight!

edit: OH I forgot to talk about something else!! last night I was thinking about valentines day and how cute it would be to have a little overall dress in the pattern on one of my childhood blankets, its like a light pink with white hearts on it so I looked up some fabrics and none of them were the right pattern. I also looked up a sewing pattern that I think would look nice and its on sale right now! I totally want to try and make it, but fabric is expensive so I think I might look at dollar tree for fleece baby blankets because I know they have them there, I bought a few a while ago for some plush sewing projects. they’re decently sized so I think I could do it.idk how many I would need to buy tho. or I might go to goodwill and look for a pink sheet? I have a thin pink blanket that could theoretically work but I want to use a planet im not attached to. or even just find a few big shirts in the same shade of pink? then I could maybe line it with something. I have red purple and white satin but that’s literally the worst fuckin fabric in the world to work with. my first experience with sewing was trying to make plushies out of satin and holy hell idk how I did it. anyway even though I literally never wear dresses I think it would be a fun project to try and make myself a cute little valentines dress. :) I could even give myself POCKETS >:)))

[goddesssword]

I've actually been tagged for real what is this

Shoutout to @bitchcookies for the tag :0c

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag blogs you would like to get to know better.

Nickname?

I usually go by Garnet (or Brielle on my more feminine days). My real name isn't even close lol. Sometimes people shorten it to Gar. I also know one person who referred to me as Garry Oak. It was something haha

Star sign?

Sagittarius ♐️

Height?

About 5′4″ last I checked.

Time right now?

10:12 AM

Favorite music artist(s)?

Implying I don't just listen to one song on repeat for days/weeks on end lmao. I’m pretty consistently a fan of Owl City, Paramore, and Mystery Skulls, but honestly my taste is all over. Except country I don't really do country my mother blasts it when we get in the car and I lowkey want to die this is why I just take the bus

Song stuck in your head?

We Are The Hearts by EXGF. It's really good I love it. Also currently highkey relatable with some of my Splatoon FCs I think I might use it in the webcomic I'm planning assuming the characters in question are still compatible with the plot once Splatoon 2 comes out :0c

Last movie watched?

Okay I'm gonna be honest I've watched Song of the Sea like twenty times since I first saw it last fall and I need to be stopped

Last TV show watched?

Not including anime? Probably the last round of SU leaks a few weeks ago lol. Including anime, Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon. It's better than I expected from the previews :d

What are you wearing right now?

The jeans and noisywyvern’s legendary bird trio tee that I fell asleep in last night. 

When did you create your blog?

This one in particular? February 27, 2015. I've been around much, much longer tho. The first blog I remember was made in late December of 2013, but I know I had others. Please don't go looking for them. They're bad and the first one I remembered was run together with my ex.

What kind of stuff do you post?

Fucking garbage don't follow me

Do you have any other blogs?

Too many. Most of which I haven't touched in a long long time. Please yell at me to actually get my shit together.

Do you get asks regularly?

Occasionally, but usually not lol.

Why did you choose your URL?

Okay so originally I had the shittiest memeiest URL for this blog under the name of snoo-pingas-usual. It was bad. Anyway my ex’s sister started stalking me and it was creepy so I put up that fake deleted code for a month or two and during that time I switched over to sporj, which was a running joke of a typo between me and my ex. And then Pocket Mortys came out and I was like ‘oh shit I might be able to snag a canon url’ so I went through the list of Mortys I encountered and found which ones weren't taken and thus I became spoonmorty.

Gender?

Demifemale.

Hogwarts house?

Puff as fuck

Pokemon team?

Okay honestly I play through these games too often and with too different rulesets to give a solid one but I will say that in the normal Sun run I last did I had Decidueye, Crabrawler, Midday Lycanroc, Mudsdale, Salazzle, and Lapras, with the event Snorlax on my team up until Poni. However my favorite teammate has to be my first random shiny, my Audino. Listen I will yell about him for days and how he saved me in a Nuzlocke.

Favourite colour?

Blue da ba dee da ba die

Average hours of sleep?

Shrugging noises

Lucky number?

Implying I get lucky lol. I guess maybe 3?

Favourite character?

Okay listen... It’s hard to choose cause like. I have so many faves. But look at Franziska. She could whip me into submission. I would let her kill me. She wouldn't cause yknow. She’s the prosecutor and her father tried that and fucked up horribly but still. I would let her if she did.

How many blankets do you sleep with?

Varies. Recently I've been too lazy to put on another comforter so I'm just sleeping with a sheet lmao

Dream job?

Anything with game design, especially the art and writing aspects.

Following: Too fucking many. 913 after a cleanout the other day.

i don't really have anyone to tag but if you want to go for it :0c

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #351

“the writing on the wall  /  a psalm of napalm  /  abandon all hope, but try to stay calm”

Do you have bad posture? Oh yeah. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY. How many miles can you run without stopping? An astonishing zero miles. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? My high school friend Alon, probably. Have you ever dated someone who was very vastly different from your “type”? No. When was the first time you said "I love you" to a significant other? When I dated my first real boyfriend Jason at 16. I actually said it very early in because I thought I was "supposed" to, and I did REALLY like him. How old were you when you first lived alone? If you’ve never lived alone, how old do you think you’ll be? I haven't yet, and idk. What do you wish you had been better prepared for? Ha, adulthood. Is there anything about you (physically) that you think turns people off of you right off the bat? My weight. Do you know anyone with a semicolon tattoo? I have a semicolon butterfly tattoo on my wrist, and while it's very subtle, my Mark tat features a semicolon, too. It's outlined by a quote he's said ("you are important, never forget that"), and the "i" is a semicolon. Idk if I know anyone else with one. Have you ever overdosed on a drug? Once accidentally, once purposefully. Have you ever kissed a guy you didn’t want to kiss? Yes. Who was the last guy you cuddled with? Girt. What is something you’ve had a toxic reaction to? The breakup with Jason. In the last picture taken of you, how did you pose? I just tilted my head, smiled, and gave a peace sign, haha. Mom wanted to show my sister how I looked with a dozen wires and other shit attached to me for my sleep study. Have you ever made a fake Facebook account? If so, why? No. If you were an Eevee, what would you wanna evolve into? Probably Espeon? They're so, so majestic and beautiful. I'd love to feel like that, lol. What flavor was the last piece of gum you chewed? Raspberry lemonade. Did you ever used to watch the show Teen Titans? Nah. When you were in school/if you are in school, do you actually share your grades with your parents? If you got/get a bad grade, do you hide it from them? My mom always stayed up-to-date with my grades. I never really had anything to hide. Have you ever been the designated driver? Once or twice, yeah. Were you obsessed with Webkinz when they first came out? "Obsessed" is an understatement. I was that kid with dozens upon dozens. They were pretty much my favorite thing. Who do you subscribe to on YouTube, if anybody? Oh Jesus, looooots. Are you wearing nail polish right now? What color? No. Neon colors, or pastel? Pastel. Are you currently pregnant? Do you wish you were/weren’t? I'm not and have zero desire to be. Have you ever had a dog? A good number of them throughout my life. Is there any drama going on right now in your life? No. Does your hair fall out a lot? No. What’s your favourite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens and crows. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 126. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Pb&j. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same as I do now: metal and its various subgenres. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. How far away is the closest store to your house and what is it? I'm actually unsure which is the closest. We live in a cul-de-sac with a bunch of houses, and the street opens into just outside the main city, so there's a lot of stores. What is your favourite Thai dish? I've actually never tried Thai food. How many contacts do you have in your phone? Very few, but I don't feel like counting. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single. Do you have to wear a name badge where you work? I don’t have a job. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah, I'm watching Gab Smolders play Skyrim. It's a game I've always wanted to play myself. Is there anybody else in the room you’re currently in? No. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Walmart. Does your house have a porch/balcony? It has a very, very small porch. What is your mother’s first name? Donna. Did you have a tree house as a kid? No. Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences? I'm terrified of it. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Oh yeah, it's very common for me to cry when I'm mad. Have you ever taken a bath with someone? As a kid, yes. Do you have any brothers? One older one. Does your family use coasters? Is anyone in your family excessively tidy? No. Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house? Ha, yeah, just depends on where. Do you take showers in the morning or at night more? Morning. I used to be ALL about night showers, but I just love how refreshing they are in the morning. It's a good start to the day. Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I steal the covers SO bad and roll around a lot. God bless whoever marries me. You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? I can guarantee I'd be a total deer in headlights and probably tear up or just straight-up cry. Have you been/are you depressed? It's nowhere near as bad as it was once upon a time, but I honestly am depressed these days. Who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? I only feel entirely "safe" doing that around Sara. Are your popups blocked on your computer? Yeah. Are your parents night owls or morning birds? My mom's a total night owl. She absolutely hates sleeping because it's "such a waste of time" to her, but of course she does it anyway. I haven't lived with my father since I was like 16, so idk what he's really like with this stuff now, but I'd call him an early bird, particularly because his job has him up early anyway. Do you have high blood pressure? No; my blood pressure is actually extremely low, so much so it scares every doctor who hasn't treated me before. It's a medication side effect and seriously sucks, because I am absolutely always light-headed and dizzy. Have you ever pumped gas? No. Are you affectionate? Very. What would a perfect yard look like for you? Hmmm... I'm going to include things I know I won't realistically have for maintenance reasons, but what's ideal. I would loooove love love at least one really big tree with maybe a birdhouse and like a bat box (is that what they're called?), and I'd love tons and tons of flowers to feed bees and other wildlife. A koi pond would be amazing, but that's one of those things I know I won't actually have. A pool would be really nice, preferably inground, and having a spot in the shade would be perfect. Some berry bushes would be cool, and grape vines... Man, I'm really fantasizing now, haha. What is a topic that you have just recently become interested in? Nothing very recently, but I'd say the most recent would be uhhhh tarantulas, though that's been a thing for many months now. What is a feel-good song that you’ve been listening to lately? None lately, anyway. I can tell you "Jump" by Van Halen is the staple "feel-good" song for me, though. What are some things you enjoy seeing pictures of? Meerkats... Mark... more meerkats and Mark... oh also meerkats and Mark... Is there anything you are scared/awkward about talking about in life? Don't talk to me about sex. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it? AS I was eating it, no. What is the weirdest compliment you have ever been given? I have no idea. What’s stronger - your upper or lower body? Jesus, I couldn't tell you. I'm just weak, period. Women tend to have more lower body strength, so I GUESS maybe that, but given the fact my legs are horribly weak, I don't know. My arms aren't strong, either. Are you very careful with your technology (phone, laptop, etc) or do you take risks that could damage them? I try to be mindful and careful, but you could say the way I pick up my laptop sometimes is risky. Have you ever been in the newspaper? What for? I think so, as part of my graduating class? But that would be a LOT of people... so I actually don't know. I have this faint memory of being in it with other people, but idr. Would you say that the area you live in is particularly picturesque? Ew, no. What is your favorite type of cat? One does not simply pick ONE favorite kind of cat. I love Persians, Ragdolls, Siamese, sphynxes, bengals, Abyssinians, and I could go on and on. If you had your way, what color(s) would you dye your hair? I have A LOT of colors I want to dye my hair, but the ones I'm currently most interested in are pastel pink, creamsicle orange, and lilac. Do you like seafood? If so, what is your favorite? If not, what is your favorite type of food? I only like shrimp. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Paganism. It's the one I think is closest to what I believe in, and I just find it all very interesting. I love the nature focus. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? Nooooo. How many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? None anymore. :( I miss all my piercings that closed while hospitalized. Have you ever had a pet bird? Nah. It'd be cool, but I don't want one enough to actually get one. Do you like dinosaurs? I looooove dinos. They were my obsession as a kid. My first dream career was even a paleontologist. Do you like going for long walks with friends? If my legs worked like a healthy fucking human's, I would love to do that again. I would literally collapse if I tried to go on a long walk now. Do you miss anyone from school? I miss a lot of people from school. I'm thankful for Facebook for that, but even that's not enough, really. What is your favorite flavor of Jolly Ranchers? Watermelon, I think? Was there a strawberry one? How are your parents right now? I'm assuming Dad's fine, and Mom's okay, just stressed as she always is. Can you take naps, or does it make you feel horrible? Man, I love naps. They're like, mandatory for my existence, lol. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? A fake one. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Yeah. Do you watch music videos? No. Do you own an account on Club Penguin? Haha awww, remember the worldwide heartbreak when that site shut down? Anyway, I did as a kid. Do you like lemonade? Sure do. Was your first kiss perfect? To me it was. How do you feel about the first person you kissed? I feel a lot of things about him. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? Nervous. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? *shrugs* Is sex something special, or just for fun? It has to be something special for me personally. Do you follow fashion? If so, why? Not at all. Have you ever played a real pinball machine? No. Do you like the smell of BBQs? I love the smell, but don't like the food. Do wasps scare you? Yes. Are you currently trying to get over someone? I mean, yes and no. I don't think I'll ever be fully over Jason, but I feel like I'm as "over him" as I'll ever be, maybe. I hope I can even further let him go, but we'll just have to see. Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yes. Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? HA, oh yeah. If it's only a dusting, I don't care at all. I pretty much always wear flip flops. How old were you when you met your first love? I was 15. If you could have one more pet, what? JUST one? Probably a Brazilian Black tarantula, ideally. I technically want a western hognose snake more, but given I already have a snake, in this hypothetical situation, I'd take the spider. Would you rather have an owl or a snake? Ha, speaking of snakes. A snake, even though I adore owls. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I don't give my business to Chick-fil-A. They're reigned by homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit that have given monetary contributions to anti-LGBT foundations, including most disgustingly those that support conversion therapy. I admittedly looooove their chicken sandwiches, but I just can't in good conscience go there. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No, given I've never smoked and will never. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yeah. Do you like '80s music? '80s metal is great. Something you would NEVER buy? Drugs. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? I first questioned if I was bisexual in middle school, 8th grade I think, but I went into denial about it given I was Christian at the time. Looking back, there were many clear signs of me liking girls too, I just didn't notice them until a few years ago when I came out as bi. Do you like Star Wars? No. What is the best thing about life? Experiencing love, both platonic and romantic. Are you superstitious? No. What show/concert have you gone to that you didn’t like much? I haven't experienced a bad concert before, but then again I've only been to one. Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Have you watched porn alone before? I've never watched porn period. I have absolutely no desire to watch two random people go at each other. What do you think about weed? It should be legal everywhere, but treated similarly to alcohol in that there are legal repercussions to doing certain things, like driving, under the influence. There are just too many benefits for many health conditions to ignore. Have you read the entire Bible before? No. I've started to before, but I didn't get far.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 042620

6 April, 2020

Dear Dad--

I am pleased to report yet another week of not dying from the coronavirus! This trailer is beginning to feel more and more like a submarine, though. I’m taking lots of pictures through the windows, mostly of birds. Now that we’re feeding the birds some good bird seed (found some primo shit at the grocery store!) it’s summoning all the avians to our yard. We’ve seen so many kinds of birds we’ve never seen before that, on the advice of an internet friend, I purchased a Maine guide to birds. It’s this laminated, fold-out thing that shows the hundred or so most common birds in Maine. Here’s what we’ve had show up to visit so far, along with a brief description of the good qualities/things that annoy me about each one. 

Common grackle - Big. Black. Iridescent blue heads. I assume their large blackness causes discomfort in more privileged, lighter-hued birds.

American goldfinch - My favorite so far! They’re kind of small birds, could fit in your cupped hand, but they’re such a bright yellow, they almost seem fluorescent. We call them highlighter birds. Really gorgeous.

Brown-headed cowbird - Black birds with brown heads. They do not, as their name suggests, summon cows, or resemble cows. 

Downy woodpeckers - These are black and white woodpeckers with little red hats on. We have some food out just for them, and they seem to have discovered it finally. 

Mourning doves - Basically, brown pigeons. They make a “who-who-who” sound that could be mistaken for an owl hooting. These are those beatnik birds I mentioned a few letters ago that make minimal-effort, shitty-looking nests. 

Gray bird X - This is something we’ve been unable to identify, because you can only really describe it as a small, grayish bird with bits that are slightly darker gray. Might take a while to identify this one. 

We know that, as the weeks progress, and things warm up, we’re going to start getting some new and different visitors, and (at least until the pandemic is over) I’m going to try to photograph and identify everything that comes by, birds, butterflies, other critters. Also I got a Maine guide to flowers and trees, and another for wildlife. Apparently black bears and humpback whales call Maine home. Thanks to the black bears, I’ve already seen information on the internet saying that we need to keep bird feeders, including hummingbird feeders, out of sight, because they attract the bears. At the risk of tempting the hubris gods, I choose to believe that this is bullshit. I believe a black bear might decide to stroll by my trailer some day, but if it does, I don’t believe it will be because of the sugar water in my hummingbird feeder calling out to the bear, like the mythical sirens, luring the bear into drinking my hummingbird water and then killing everything in sight because of the resulting sugar high. Now I’m probably going to end up in a news story about a local hummingbird enthusiast who’s trailer got raped by a bear. 

If I’m deriving that much excitement just from our bird feeder, you can tell that even I am starting to get a little stir crazy. I didn’t do much partying or socializing before the pandemic, but I did SOME, dammit. I’ve now made several good friends in this area, and I can’t visit or spend time with any of them, because we’re all making sure we don’t become disease vectors. No one wants to visit harm on a new friend before one’s even had a chance to visit his home and belittle his cooking, and his interior design decisions behind his back. Plus, there’s always the chance that the new friend can actually cook well, and has a cool house, that even a misanthrope could be comfortable in. We really don’t ever leave the house unless it’s to get food or other consumables. Life with the Andromeda Strain!

Zach got some little starter pots, so we’re starting some of our seeds sprouting for our garden. The pots are the kind that you can plant directly into the ground; they’re made of coconut husk and break down once you bury them, and the plant roots just grow right through them. The first things to sprout have been catnip and tomatoes. The way in which the kitty responded to the packet of catnip seeds was something to behold, because he began vigorously flopping and spasming around the seed packet, trying to hold it in his claws while mashing his face into it, trying to chew the packet open. I think kitty may have a nascent substance abuse problem! I suppose we’ll know more after we’ve had a chance to grow some of the catnip to maturity and let the kitty play with it. I think my kitty secretly wants to be Dennis Hopper.

I think I mentioned in my last letter that I had purchased a popcorn machine. One of the obstacles I faced in purchasing it was the shame in knowing that I spent actual money on something frivolous and fun, while I’m not working, simply because I’ve always dreamed of having a house that smelled like a movie theater, and because the government gave me $1200. Well, I decided to spend the $69 and order it. When it arrived, I assembled it, put in some vegetable oil, and some popcorn kernels I’d got at the store, and made a batch of popcorn. The act of making the popcorn is supremely enjoyable. It starts exploding in the kettle, and forcing its way up through the lid, with all the steam and noise, until it’s done, and you bring the little slot-machine arm down to rotate the kettle and dump its contents. There’s a light inside that might keep the popcorn warm if it were meant to, but this is just a very small light for illumination. 

The popcorn tasted like shit! This was only because plain white popcorn with nothing on it is bland as fuck. Two days later, the little popcorn machine packets arrived in the mail! These are little packets of pre-measured popcorn kernels, with popcorn salt, in one portion of the packet, and yellow popcorn oil in the other part. When you pop one of these guys, you achieve popcorn perfection. It smells just like a movie theater. The popcorn has flavor, and that yellow and white appearance. It gives me a sense that my desire to own things has drawn to a close, because I now own everything my stuff-craving heart ever wanted. Did the seventy-dollar popcorn machine actually improve, and give so much meaning to, my whole life? Yes. Yes, it did, goddammit. In two days I have made popcorn nine times, and I haven’t even tried putting butter on it yet. And I can’t stress this enough: you know how a smell can trigger the strongest emotions and memories? The smell of my house after making popcorn in the machine just does something to me. I’m back in the (bear with me here) magical place where the movies happen and the popcorn is really expensive, but so much more delicious than the stuff I make at home in the microwave. I think the only thing that could improve the experience is if I found some of the same artificial butter-flavored grease they use in theaters to butter your popcorn. Thankfully, the internet makes it easy to find this product.

So that’s my life over the past week! Birds, gardening, and popcorn. I did some sit-ups yesterday, and I’ll be attempting a few more today! (I thought it might be easy to do sit-ups in the living room if I stuck my feet under a particular piece of furniture, and dangit, I was right.) I’ll include a pic of the popcorn machine. It’s actually quite small, and plastic, and the wheels are decorative, but fuggit, it works wonderfully. If I ever become rich, I’m buying one for every home in America, at least if the movie theaters are still closed. 

To sum up everything, I am well. Zach and the kitty are well. I’m still concerned about the stupid coronavirus, but I’m not too concerned. I’m still scared about having to start my new job, whenever that happens, but I’m not too scared. I’ll get past the first-day nervousness and start working at the new job whenever I’m required to, and I’m sure I’ll do it well. We’re keeping the bills paid. We’re even enjoying life every now and then, and that’s most everything I require out of this existence. I hope you two are safe and sound, and all my love to you both!

[astersuite]

CHAPTER 4 EVENT

Daisuke meets someone unexpected at the Hall of Mirrors after the motive was released.

A transcript is pasted under the cut.

The house of mirrors sounds like an alright place. Better than the other options he had, at least.

As he entered, Daisuke smoothed out the photos that had previously become crumpled in his hands. He looked at them wistfully, thumb brushing over both his father and Edurne's faces.

"At least they're safe.." For now.

The thought made his stomach churn, and he forced his eyes to rip themselves from the photos in favour of looking around.

You begin to wander around, seeing the wacky distortions of yourself coming from the mirrors. Some were even funny, like one mirror made you look like a dwarf. Hopefully that lightened up the mood from this motive.

You kept wandering around, seeing more and more mirrors.

...

You've been wandering around for a long time...

...

You feel like you keep seeing that same reflection again.

...

Now you've really been walking in here for a long time.

"Shit, am I lost?" That was likely, considering how little he had been paying attention to his surroundings.

He began to walk slower, pace crawling to a snail's pace. Looking around only netted himself another look at himself from multiple directions, sadly.

He looked less pissed than he had before. The more humorous mirrors near the front had gotten a couple chuckles out of him, at least, but now he was back to square one (albeit more calm).

Daisuke groaned, rubbing at his head. He..should probably go and try to find his way out, now.

HOOT HOOT!

Out of nowhere, an animatronic owl pops loudly out of a tree, flapping its plastic wings.

You didn't see that there, but still, there's currently no signs of a way out.

Oh Jesus, what was it now--

Okay. Just an owl. He can deal with that.

He places a hand against his chest, heart beating quickly, and lets out a breathless chuckle. "I must be really keyed up to be scared by that."

Why was there even a 'tree' in the house of mirrors? He squints at it, pausing his search for the exit.

The plastic owl retreats back into its slot.

It's a wilted, plastic tree. It looks black, either its painted that way or it's really dark. Probably the latter.

There's nothing special that comes from this tree-

VRRR-

...the lights are now out. It's nearly pitch black.

"Fuck- What now?" Great, the lights were out. Were there even any workers in this place to turn them back on? He hadn't seen any, if that were the case.

He doesn't have a torch or anything, so his ID will do. Daisuke turns it on, using it to guide his way.

"Seriously, what gives....Now I'm just gonna take even longer to get out of this place.." He lets the whine slip out, no one around to hear him complain.

The flash from the ID glimmers from mirror to mirror, you might even shine yourself in the eye.

...

It's very quiet as you navigate around the place.

Very...

Very...

Quiet.

... You feel a presence behind your back-

"Mr. Yoshimasa," came a familiar voice.

The flinch that Daisuke does is hard enough that you could assume someone had just hit him.

".......Who's there." His voice isn't quite steady, but it isn't really a concern as of right now.

He refused to turn around. This can't be happening, it's just a byproduct of all the stress that's been accumulating these past weeks-

But the voice is so similar.

"It's me, Mr. Yoshimasa!" He says in a cheery way that it's sickening, hearing footsteps approach you.

"Your old man."

No. No no no no no no no-

"As if," He snorts, ignoring the way his hands begin to shake as well as he unlocks his ID. "I'm sure the rest of us would be happy to see you as well, if that's the case."

Dead people don't come back to life. They don't. They can't.

'But what if Joseph was never dead to begin with?' A small voice in his head taunts. 'You know it's a possibility.'

He ignores it. There's no way.

"Well, I'm sure they would!" He exclaims.

"They miss me a whole lot, haven't they? Wouldn't you say they'd be quite chuffed if they saw me right here?"

A hand quickly reaches over you, snatching the ID out of your hands.

"You know, I never understood the point of these things. Most clues often have handwritten notes to and 'fro, so what's the bloody point of all of this? Makes me a bit tired just looking at it for a while."

You hear a click of an opening stopwatch, then a click to close it.

"Wouldn't you say so too?"

Oh shit, there goes his ID. Fuck.

"Heh, don't be like that. You need to catch up with the times, old man! How else would we communicate?" His voice is clearly strained, trying to keep the cheery tune. This is making him feel sick.

Daisuke takes a sharp inhale when he hears the stopwatch. Wait-

He turns around, before he even has time to debate his decision.

You look up at the figure towering over you...

...and see the faint glow of Joseph's face being illuminated by the screen light, eyes and glasses accentuated.

"By talking face-to-face, of course." His tone is now more stern as you face him, his gaze seems blank, not even his eyebrows are furrowed. There was... an eerie aura to him.

"......Yeah," He said slowly, frozen in place by the sight, "But what about the situations where you can't do that? And want to....communicate regardless of the distance."

It...really did look just like him, but at the same time it didn't. There was none of the energy or vibrance that Joseph had held in life, in whoever this was.

Even as their tone had shifted, their face had stayed flat.

Daisuke gritted his teeth. "Of course, nobody can communicate with the dead. So: who're you supposed to be?"

Slowly but surely, the fear was giving way to anger, his previous mood bubbling to the surface.

"Must I introduce myself again? Oh, well I am a polite man."

He brings his hand up towards you—the hand that's free from the ID—and says with his conductor voice, “Joseph Bernard! Former Trainer Conductor, at your pleasure!”

"But of course you recognize me, right young boy?"

...What, did this impersonation think he was going to shake his hand?

"Of course I do, you look the exact fucking same-" Daisuke cuts himself off before he could say anything else, slapping away the offered hand.

His heart begins to thud in his ears once more. "If....if you're really the old man. Tell me. Tell me something only he would know."

There's no way, right? The imitation was uncanny, but there was absolutely no way this was him.

He retracts the hand back, looking offended as his face fell.

"Fine,"

"I remember the dinner that killed her."

"You remember too, right?"

...

...

What?

"How- how do you know that?" He stumbles back, and he hopes to God that the darkness surrounding them hides the fear that appears on his face. "There's no way for you to know that, unless-"

"Unless you were there too." He breathes it out, eyes widening in a mixture of fear and shock. "That can't be possible, though."

His head hurt, from how much it was thinking. It couldn't be Joseph, but this was....evidence. Good evidence too, but... "You could know that if you were working with the mastermind," He snorts, masking his nervousness, "That makes you suspicious, but it doesn't confirm that you're the old man."

"Of course it's bloody possible!" He says sternly, stepping forward towards Daisuke.

"What else is there to prove about me? I'm in front of you, and I can claim what I can claim."

"Then you'd be fine with coming out of here with me, to meet everyone else?" He tilts his head cautiously, not taking a step back. "How do I even know that I'm not just hallucinating?"

Even though he's never had any past cases of that sort of thing.

"This...stuff doesn't just happen," As much as he wished it did. "I saw you, old man. Dead. On the floor of the lounge."

"Aha, I would be happy to, but I have duties to be attending to."

"I'm sure you have some as well, son."

"But do you want me to pinch you, just to reaffirm that this is reality?" He chuckles.

Yeah, like surviving. He grumbles a bit. Even he doesn't know what he's doing, anymore.

"No need for a pinch. 'm good." And a bit afraid of the result, but that's his secret to keep. "But tell me one thing. The new motive; I'm guessing you know it?" He sneers. "Is it genuine? The photos."

He already knows the answer, but the confirmation would help root his feet in reality. Properly.

"Do you want the good answer or the truthful answer?"

...

"Truthful would be appreciated."

He's way too sick of lies, even if they're ones that give people hope.

"As genuine as they could be." He says with a dark smile on his face.

About what he had assumed. Daisuke lets out a chuckle, but there's no humour in it.

"Y'know," He points out, a weak grin on his face, "You don't really sound like the old man anymore. Should I take that as a sign that you're giving up?"

...

For a moment, his face cracks a bit, showing a small sign of disgust towards you.

He reverts back to his signature smile with confusion added into the mix, pushing up his glasses. "Whatever do you mean, boy? This old man still got it!"

"Perhaps I'm just tired... and need to do my duties soon."

Even with the darkness around him, Daisuke's heart begins to slow to its normal rate.

"Sorry buddy, but you're not foolin' me anymore." He lets the small smile spread across his face. There's no way that Joseph would be so cruel.

It's a small comfort, in this situation.

Then again, the other option was that he may be going crazy. So that isn't great.

"Are you gonna let me go?" Though it wasn't like he knew where he'd be going. Especially with the lack of sight.

There was a face of vexation spread across his face, an expression not normally seen by him.

No words came from his mouth as he looked down on you, fists balling up.

There was a pause in between the question and-

With a swift movement, he grabs into his pants' pocket with brings something in his fist, an audible click coming from the blade as he lunges after you.

BAM!

Your back slams against the nearest mirror, rattling it for a bit. His fist is holding a switchblade, and it's against your throat, pinning you.

"Under one condition, son."

Despite all of this, his accent and voice has remained consistent, despite the juxtaposition between mannerisms.

The next few moments happen so fast, that Daisuke barely registers what has happened until it already did.

He swallows heavily. This would be way less terrifying if this person wasn't still wearing Joseph's face.

".....What? And don't call me that." The word 'son' made his skin crawl, with how coldly they said it.

So much for having a calm heartbeat.

"Fine, Daisuke," He says bitterly. "Keep this-" He draws a circle with the point of the blade in the air, "Between us, okay?"

"I'm just here to keep you in check, that was my duty."

His eyebrows raise. "Really? That's what you'd been tasked with?"

He....sees the sense in it, he supposes. Even if it hurts just a tinge.

His eyes stay glued on the knife between them as a thought occurs to him.

"You....won't do this to her though, will you? This whole....fucked up interrogation thing?"

"..."

The ID momentarily flashes on with a notification, he glimpses at it for a second and looks back.

"Not unless she gets in my way."

He pulls his fist back, then fixes his hat and switches the blade back in at the same time.

After stepping back, he says, "Got it?"

Before Daisuke could answer, his head made a gesture to go to your left. "Follow left, and you'll get out."

…

"Oh, how could I forget."

He tosses the ID back to you.

"..You better keep to that-" He cuts off in a yelp as the ID is thrown back to him.

Daisuke takes a glance back at.. whoever he's been talking to. "..Thanks."

It makes him a bit nervous, to turn his back to someone he knows has a knife. Still. He has to leave eventually.

Slowly, he begins to follow to the left, keeping an eye on the figure (which isn't for long, considering the darkness).

The man turns his back to you and walks in the opposite direction, into the darkness.

You hear a door shut, the same sound of the mirror rattling echoing through the halls, then suddenly the lights turn back on.

You don't see the man in sight, but you are able to make your way out.

....Hm.