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triplexdoublex · 9 months ago

Text

Chlorine and Nicotine

Pairing: Jaden Hossler x Reader

Warnings/tags: Smut , Age Gap (reader is in her 30’s) tipsy hookup (consent implied) mentions of prior divorce, pregnancy, c section and children. Body image issues /self conscious reader . Mention of coopers death/fentanyl poisoning.

A/N: 5.5k words! This one’s for the self conscious and tired mamas on this app. Go find yourself a Jaden lol

You and your two other friends, Ashley and Liz, had planned the perfect getaway to celebrate your messy divorce being finalized: A child-free, 7 day, all-inclusive, 21+ cruise to the Bahamas. Tickets were purchased, excursions were selected, trustworthy babysitters were hired and bags were packed, there’s only one thing you all forgot…

“Is it just me or are we like the oldest ones here?” You ask your friends, looking around as you all board the cruise ship.

“Yeah, I noticed that too— seems like mostly college kids for some reason?” Liz responds.

Just then you all notice the banner on the side of the ship ‘Spring Break 2023’!

The three of you, having been out of school for close to two decades already, had completely forgotten this week was usually spring break.

“Ugh,” Ashley groans, “I can’t believe we forgot. I was hoping we could all get some much needed rest and a full night's sleep this week without our kids, not be kept up by a bunch of frat boys and sorority girls partying.”

“Hey, you know what? As long as I’m with you guys I’m sure we’ll still have a great time, even if they do keep us up. Besides you know the saying ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. When was the last time any of us got to let loose and party a little?” You reply.

“True,”

“Yeah, you’re right,” your friends answer in unison.

“Ok,well now that that’s settled, first order of business is finding our cabin, changing into our bikinis, and working on our tans while we sip margaritas pool side.” You instruct. “Let’s go!”

**********

“Whooof!” You exhale. “I’m getting hot. I’m gonna go take a dip in the pool and cool off real quick. I’ll be right back.” You head into the pool.

“Ash, do you hear that? I think those guys next to us on the right are talking about Y/N. Listen,” Liz says, keeping her voice low..

“— yeah the one in the yellow floral two piece… right there … she just got into the pool… she’s a total MILF bro—“

“Okay, I’m back, mmmn that cold water was refreshing. Did I miss anything?” You joke, knowing you were only gone for a minute.

“You did actually,” Ashley speaks in a whisper “Apparently you’re a Milf!” Liz adds.

“Says who!?” You laugh.

“Shhhh! Liz warns. “That little cutie right over there,” She nods in his direction. “The one in the black swim trunks.”

Descretly, you turn to see who your friends are talking about.

“Oh my god, I’m pretty sure I have jeans in my closet older than him! You scoff before taking another look. “I mean… he is pretty cute though— solid body, lots of tattoos.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you actually do,” Ashley laughs. Which reminds me we need to go shopping and update that wardrobe of yours, I haven’t seen you in anything but leggings for the past 6 years.”

“Ugh I know! It’s because nothing fits! It’s been 6 years since I had the twins and I’m still not back to my pre-baby weight,” you sulk. “Plus I’ve been so busy taking care of them and putting them first, I haven’t even had time to think about me. And now with the divorce and paying my lawyer— money’s tight. If it wasn’t for you guys paying my share of this trip, I wouldn’t have been able to go, and lord knows I need the break. I can’t thank you guys enough.”

“Aww you’re so welcome,” Liz hugs you.

“You deserve it,” Ashley says, patting your shoulder.

“Sorry, I’m being a negative Nancy. Fuck all our problems! We’re here to escape them and have fun!” You state. “Anyone else getting hungry, I could totally go for a burger?”

**********

At night, the pool area transforms into somewhat of a night club, with drinks, dancing, swimming and fun events— tonight’s is a singles lap dance competition.

“Good Evening,cruisers!!! The lap dance competition is about to begin,” the event organizer announces. “I need three single people to volunteer to receive a lap dance, raise your hand if your single and would like to receive a lap,” he shouts loud and enthusiastically as if announcing a wrestling match.

“Oh my god y/n! You should totally do it!” Ashley squeals, trying to raise your hand for you.

“No way, are you crazy?” You laugh pulling your hand back down.

“C’mon y/n, you’re single now , and when was the last time you had a hott guy on top of you?”

“Not within the last eight years, I know that much!” Liz sasses, wide-eyed taking a sip of her drink, and making you spit out yours.

“Fair enough,” you cough out after practically choking. “Fine I’ll do it,” you agree,the liquid courage you’ve been sipping on, helping to release your inhibitions.

“Alright, I just need one more volunteer!”

You adjust your bathing suit and raise your hand.

“ Ok pretty lady, c’mon up,” the DJ calls out. You head up onto the stage, your friends laughing, screaming and cheering you on. “Now I’m gonna need some volunteers to give the lap dances. Let’s start with this pretty lady right here,” the DJ motions to you. “Who wants to give this beautiful woman a lap dance?”

You look out into the crowd watching as a few hands go up. One in particular catches you eye, and you try to place why he looks slightly familiar, and then it hits you; it’s the young guy your friends overheard calling you a MILF earlier in the day.

“Alright, take your pick,” the DJ tells you.

“Him—the one with the dark hair and tattoos,” you point into the audience, before taking a seat on the folding chair on stage.

“You heard her, my man, c’mon up,” the DJ calls him to the stage.

He stands in front of you wearing his black swim trunks from earlier but is now also sporting a white tank top and a forward facing baseball cap. You can feel his eyes looking down at you, checking you out while waiting for the other contestants to choose their lap dance partner.

“Let’s get it started!” the DJ announces. “At the end of the song, y’all are gonna help me decide the winner,” he says, speaking to the audience. “Let’s gooo!!”

Sam Smith’s ‘Unholy’ starts bumping from the speakers and your tattooed partner throws his head back in a brief laugh at the song choice, before locking eyes with you. He wastes no time getting close; stepping forward so that both of your legs are sandwiched between his wide stance. With one hand on your shoulder he begins rolling his body in your lap, his free hand quickly grabbing his hat and turning it backwards so the brim doesn’t hinder his view of you. He glides that same hand down his torso over his white tank to its hem, bunches the material in his hand and slides it up, exposing his perfectly toned abs. You smirk, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight. He removes his hand from your shoulder and uses both hands to peel his tank off completely, tossing it down on the stage. Then he slides his thumbs into the waistband of his swim trunks purposely lowering them, his prominent V-lines on full display, along with a fuzzy line of hair descending from his navel. Your eyes follow the trail down until it meets a small patch just barely visible peeking out the top of his swim trunks. Your mind wanders, imaging what’s below—imaging what he’s working with. The trance you’re in is broken when he places one of your hands flat on his chest, inviting you to touch him while he moves in your lap. You let your hand glide down over the topography of his body, your fingertips exploring the hills and valleys of muscle as you go, stopping when your hand reaches the horizon where flesh meets material, even though your hand craves to continue its descent. As if he can read your mind, he pushes your hand lower, pressing his half hard bulge against your palm as he rolls his hips insync with the last ‘unholy’ of the song before it ends.

“Alright it’s time to vote. Let me hear you give it up for couple number one,” the DJ instructs. The audience claps, cheers and hoots. “Alright, a alright, now make some noise for couple number two.” A slightly louder roar of cheer and applause echoes under the night sky. Your sexy partner stands behind you with his hands on your shoulders as you both await your turn.“And last but not least couple number three.” The crowd goes wild with thunderous clapping,and high pitched whistles —your friends cheers the loudest of them all. “We have a clear winner here tonight, folks,” the DJ announces. “Winning by a landslide…couple number three!”

Tattooed arms unexpectedly scoop you up off the chair, running bridal style off the stage and towards the pool with you. You playfully shriek and laugh the whole way until … splash... he jumps in the water with you. When you both surface again, your hungry mouths are attacking one another like prey: desperate and determined. He moves forward in the water, pinning you against the side of the pool with his body as you devour each other— all lips, tongue, teeth and flesh. His skin tastes like chlorine, his kisses- a hint of nicotine; and just as addictive. Underwater, he teases a hand up your inner thigh and begins gently rubbing you through the fabric of your bathing suit. You allow it, encourage it actually—rocking your hips to press yourself firmer against his fingertips. You can feel how hard he is through his swim trunks and you opt to help him out, grasping his hard cock through the thin veil of fabric. You work each other into a sexual frenzy and it’s not long before his fingers transcend the boundary of your bathing suit bottoms, pushing the fabric aside and inserting two slender fingers inside of you. You follow his lead, sinking your hand into his swim trunks and wrapping your fingers tightly around him.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a complete stranger who’s name you don’t even know, or that he’s much younger than you, or perhaps even because no one besides your ex-husband has touched you this intimately in years, but you feel a familiar sense of heightened arousal that can only compare to the giddy exhilaration of your first sexual experience. God the nostalgia!—Back when just the novelty of making out, and touching each other was enough. Back when foreplay still existed, before the busyness of life and motherhood had you trading sex for sleep. Or swapping making love for quickies during naptime.

Every swirl of his tongue, curl of his fingers, and flick of your wrist has you feeling renewed, awake and alive again. You never want this to end but your body is chasing after the high it so desperately wants bucking against his palm while his fingers caress that sweet spot inside of you. As your orgasm begins to build, your grip on him falters so he places his free hand over yours, helping you stroke him. The feeling of your walls squeezing his fingers as you cum is so sexy to him that he finishes shortly after you.

Since the moment he jumped into the pool with you in his arms, you’ve been in your own world, oblivious to anything or anyone around you. It’s not until you start coming down from your high that the outside world starts to trickle back in: the music, the people, the sounds of your friends cheering your name. You turn to the direction of the noise in search of your friends, but a series of cannonballs by a group of guys momentarily blocks your view before you finally spot them. When you turn back after locating them, the boy is gone.

***********

The next morning in line for the breakfast buffet you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, sorry about last night. My name’s Jaden by the way,” he holds out his hand.

“I’m y/n,” you shake his hand. “What exactly are you sorry about? I may have been a little tipsy, but I remember having a great time.” You give a small smirk.

“Ok, good,” he smiles “I was worried I got a little too caught up in the moment and took things too far,” he admits. “But mostly I’m sorry I disappeared on you like that. My buddies almost drowned me with their cannonballs and I wanted to spare you from having to see me choke to death and squirt water out of my nose.” He laughs.

“Fair. You’re forgiven,” you joke. “Can I ask you something?

“Of course, ask away.”

“How old are you?” You brace yourself for the answer, but at least you know he’s at least twenty one.

“Twenty two, you?”

“Oh god, umm let’s just call it mid 30’s” you answer, slightly embarrassed, and worried about how he might react.

“Can I ask you a question now?” He asks.

“Sure.”

“I’d like to spend some more time with you today. Would you like that?” He asks.

“Wait, so your not bothered by me being much older than you?” You question.

“Not at all,” he smirks. “Sooo is that a yes then?”

“I-I dunno..” you're sure he just wants to hook up again , and you don’t want to give him that impression. Last night was just a heat of the moment thing.

“I just wanna talk, get to know you. Hands to myself this time, promise,” he replies as if he’s read your mind.

“Okay,” you agree. “My friends and I have a dolphin excursion during the day and dinner reservations at 6:00, so why don’t we meet somewhere around 8:00?”

“That works for me. Meet at the hot tubs?”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you then.” You answer.

**********

You head down to the deck with the hot tubs after dinner; bathing suit on and towel in hand. You know you’re going to be a few minutes early but you figure you’d get there before they get crowed. When you arrive however you see Jaden already in one of the hot tubs; his elbows resting on the edge, and a cigarette between two fingers. You know it’s a nasty habit and not good for his health but fuck - why does he look so good doing it.

“Hey,” you say, grabbing his attention.

“Shit!” He blows out a mouthful of smoke and ashes the cigarette out on the edge of the hot tub. “Sorry, bad habit, tryna quit. I wasn’t expecting you for like another ten minutes, thought I could sneak one in.”

“No worries,” you smile, stepping into the hot tub with him. “I expected there to be more people out here, thought I’d come early before they filled up.”

“Yeah, same,” he says as you scoot over next to him . “But apparently there’s supposed to be a rainstorm some time tonight, so maybe that’s why. Although I don’t really see why it would matter, like you’re in a bathing suit literally sitting in water anyways.” He shrugs. “So anyways, tell me about yourself. I’m guessing you’re not here on Spring Break too.” He laughs.

“Nope, celebrating my divorce actually,” you admit, holding up your left hand and wiggling your ring finger— a lighter band of flesh, where a ring once sat.

“Ooh brutal, sorry to hear that. Did you guys have kids together?” Jaden asks.

“Dont be. I’m glad it’s over. And yeah twin boys actually. They’re six. My moms watching them while we’re gone.”

“Aww, sweet” he smiles.

“How ‘bout you? I already know you’re here on Spring Break. Sooo ummm—ooh I know, tell me about your tattoos, do they have any special meaning or anything?

“Some I just liked, and some have meaning but this one’s the most important to me,” he points to a scrawling of repeated sentences that goes from his chest down his side. I got it for my best friend Cooper who passed away from fentanyl poisoning last year. I just didn’t know what say, didn’t know what to do after he passed , ya know, it’s like — “ he pauses a moment and swallows hard . “Fuck, I’m sorry. Let’s just talk about something else,”

“Sure, no problem. I understand” you say supportively, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The rest of your conversation is much more happy and upbeat —sharing your favorite movies, music, and books, where you both live and what you do for work. Also telling silly anecdotes about your childhoods, college life, motherhood and so on.

And then the rain starts; which you both agreed was no big deal but, unfortunately this rain is accompanied by thunder and lighting.

“Ugh, I was having a great time talking with you. Sorry the rain cut our little date short.” You say, sounding disappointed as you both quickly exit the hot tub.

“Is that what this was?” He smiles.

“Maybe,” you answer coyly with a shrug and flirty smile.

“If you’re okay with it, you can come back to my cabin and talk a little more, hangout, watch a movie or something,” he suggests. “But I totally understand if you're not comfortable with that. No pressure.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you agree.

***********

“Shit, I just realized I don’t have anything dry to change into” you state upon entering his cabin. “And my rooms like on the complete other side of the ship. Do you have anything I could just throw on for now?”

“Uhhhm, sure,” Jaden looks around the room for something to give you. “Here you can wear this bathrobe,” he says, tossing you the white, terry cloth covering before sitting down on the bed.

In the corner of the room you turn, facing away from Jaden, put on the robe, and then descretly remove your bathing suit from under it.”

“What, no show?” Jaden jokes.

“You don’t wanna see, trust me.” You say, sounding down.

“Oh, but I do,” he laughs, but then stops when he notices you aren’t laughing too. Hey, what’s a matter. I’m just joking.I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable that wasn’t my intention. I don’t want you to think that’s why I invited you back to the room. You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that. I’m just really not comfortable in my own skin these days—haven’t been for a while actually. I love my kids to death but let’s just say pregnancy didn’t do my body any favors. You're young, you can have any hott girl with a tight little body. Why would you wanna see mine, it’s nothing to look at, I promise you.”

“I promise you you’re wrong. Let me show you how beautiful you are.”

You’re not sure what that consists of exactly, but you nod in agreement anyways. Jaden makes you feel so safe, and you could definitely use a confidence boost.

“C’mere,” Jaden leads you by your hand into the bathroom, and positions you in front of the mirror. “Can I take this off?” He whispers in your ear from behind you, as he places a hand on each of your robe covered shoulders. You meekly nod yes and he slips the garment off your shoulders, letting it pool at your feet, leaving you completely nude. You fight the urge to cover yourself but the look of awe in Jaden’s eyes as he surveys your naked body helps melt away some of your insecurity. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he breaths against your our neck. “Now what I want you to do is look in the mirror with me,” he instructs. You flick your eyes up to the mirror meeting his in the reflection. “I want you to tell me what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror—give it all to me, the good, the bad, the ugly, then I’m gonna tell you what I see.”

“I see someone I don’t recognize anymore. I used to be pretty, but now I have crows feet by my eyes, and my breasts have lost the perky fullness they had before breastfeeding two kids. It’s been six years and I still haven’t lost all the baby weight,” You poke at your stomach. “And I have this C-section scar from when my body failed to do the one thing it was literally designed to do!“ You start getting emotional. “My hips are so wide now, and my ass is huge , and don’t even get me started on the stretch marks on my inner thighs,” you sigh, holding back tears.

“First of all, you ARE pretty, I think you’re absolutely gorgeous. When I look at your eyes I don’t see crows feet— I see a million smiles and childhood summers spent having fun in the sun,” he says, making you smile. “That’s a million and one now,” he teases playfully. “Now, before I continue, do I have permission to touch you?”

“Permission granted,” you snicker “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to feel your hands on me again,” you admit, blushing.

“And my lips too?” He begins kissing slowly up the side of you neck, making every hair on your body stand on end with arousal.

“Mmmhm, yeah, that too.” You giggle coyly.

“And these,..”he continues, cupping you from behind, “I see breasts that nourished two beautiful babies,and still look plenty perky to me, especially these nipples,” he rolls the buds between his thumbs and pointer fingers. “I love how erect they are for me.” He tugs on them gently before moving his hands to your stomach. “You don’t need to lose a single pound, all I see is curves and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not the 90’s anymore where women had to be rail thin to meet some ridiculous standard of beauty— all bodies are beautiful. And besides you don’t give yourself enough credit for growing two human beings inside you, this was their home for nine months!” He grips your soft belly tightly as he speaks. “And this scar,” he traces his finger over it, causing a ticklish chill to run through you at the ghostly sensation— you still don’t have much feeling there. “This is not a failure, it’s a reminder of how your babies were able to safely enter this world when things didn't go quite as planned.” Your eyes begin to well with tears again, not with sadness, but from the joy of a guy you met less than twenty four hours ago helping you fall back in love with your body and realize all its accomplishments. “And your ass and hips— fuck, that might be my favorite part of your body. Do you know how many women literally pay thousands of dollars to make their hips and ass look like this?” He rubs his hands over the swell of your backside. “It’s literally perfect.” He says with a firm squeeze. “And these—” he places his fingertips on the jagged pink and white lines on your inner thigh and begins to trace them upwards. “These are a map, leading me to where I wanna be the most,” he slides his middle finger through your wetness, “God damn you’re soaked and we’re not even in the pool this time,” he teases. “I think you want me here too, huh?” He begins rubbing slow circles on your clit, “and I mean more than just my fingers this time,” he smirks at you in the mirror before pressing his growing erection against your backside, and his mouth to your neck.

“Mhm, fuck—“ you moan, tilting your head and reaching back to run your hand through his dark hair while he marks you. “Mmmm, Jaden… do you… do you have a condom? I mean, my tubes are tied but—”

“I just got tested before the cruise baby—I’m clean.” He states breathily, before reattaching his lips to your neck, and pulling himself free from his swim trunks with his free hand.

“Okaay,” you moan. “I-I trust you.”

He slips in with ease; both of you releasing a shaky breath at the feeling. And while you haven’t exactly seen his dick yet, you can tell that it’s big.

“Fuccck, you feel incredible!” He nips along your jawline as he begins to thrust — one tattooed hand on your hip and the other, full of your breast, holding you against him so you can watch. He begins with a slow, gentle rhythm, taking his time to fully appreciate your warmth and tightness with each lengthy stroke.

“Ohhhh, Jaden!” You moan breathily.

“Mmmh yeah—am I making you feel good, baby?”

“Ss-so good.” And you mean that in every way- not just sexually.

“Keep your eyes on the mirror. I want you to see how beautiful you look while I fuck you,” he rasps in your ear.

You watch Jadens thrusts grow more urgent, his hands more hungry as he claws and grabs at every square inch of flesh he can get his hands on. Because of him you’re able to watch unashamed, as your soft body jiggles everytime Jaden’s hips crash against your backside, the movement spurring him on even more. You’re able to see the undeniable desire in his eyes, hear the truth of his words.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy!” He grunts through clenched teeth, increasing the intensity and depth of his pace even more, as he grows close to orgasm.

You grip the bathroom counter in front of you and let your head hang down in overwhelming pleasure. With a firm but gentle hold of your throat, Jaden lifts your head back up to face your reflection.

“Don’t want you to miss the best part,” he teases.

And with one final thrust, he cums hard, filling you to the brim. The warm eruption triggers your own orgasm, splashing against Jaden’s pelvis and dripping down his tattooed thighs.

“Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever came that hard before,” you admit after finally catching your breath, your legs still weak and trembling.

“I can believe that,” he laughs looking down at the mess you’ve made of him. “It was so fucking hott though…Shower then room service?”

“Sounds perfect” you smile, stepping into the shower with him.

The shower starts off innocent, with the intent of actually washing up and getting clean but when Jaden asks if he can help wash you, things heat up rather quickly. As he soaps up your breasts you feel something brush press against you and look down.

“Are you really hard again, already? You just came!”

“I’m young, I got the drive and the stamina to go all night if you want,” he smirks.

“I just might have to take you up on that,” you smirk back, reaching to grasp his cock. You give it a few teasing tugs before dropping to your knees.

He watches with his bottom lip between his teeth as you tease your tongue along the underside of his shaft , tracing the vein from hilt to tip. He lets out a low and breathy “Fuck” as the head disappears inside your mouth— the rest of his length soon to follow. He tastes of you, and the scent of chlorine still lingers on his skin, especially when you take him deep, your nose pressed into the neatly trimmed patch of hair on his pelvis. The same patch that was just slightly visible last night above the waistband of his low hung swim trunks. You remember the way your eyes followed his happy trail to it, your mind wondering what was below it. Now just barely twenty four hours later it’s been inside of you; first your pussy and now your mouth. Every bob of your head brings him closer, his pleasure building so much he can’t help but buck his hips, gently fucking into your mouth.

“Ohh, shit —Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” He moans out, grabbing the back of your head with both hands holding you in place as he spurts down your throat. “Mhgmmmmmmmmm” he lets out a long and pleasure-filled moan, still pumping his hips in short stokes, enjoying the last tendrils of his orgasm before pulling out. “God damn, that was so good!” He praises your skills, making you blush. “Ok” he starts with a laugh “let’s try this again, shower then room service”

*****************

By the time room service arrives after your shower, you’re at it again, this time riding Jaden in bed— a position you haven’t been brave enough to do in quite some time. You’ve already cum and Jaden is dangerously close when you both hear the faint knock followed by “Room service.”

“Shit, don’t stop,” Jaden whispers to you before shouting to room service “Just—fuck, j-just leave it by the door!”

Another roll of your hips and he’s done for, eyes rolling back, chiseled body twitching under you, calling out your name as he cums for the third time tonight.

*********

“We definitely worked up an appetite,” Jaden laughs looking at all the now completely empty pile of dishes on the room service cart. “You save any room for dessert?”

“No way, I’m stuffed,” you answer.

“Well I did.” Jaden smirks pushing you back down on the bed, and spreading your legs, his head disappearing between your thighs.

“Ohhh Jaden …”

**********

In the morning Jaden wakes before you, he can’t help but watch you sleep, sofly swiping a single knuckle along your cheek as he admires your beauty. The sensation stirs you from your slumber. Your eyes still heavy with sleep blink open and Jaden’s face comes into focus.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Jaden says, his husk, sleep laden, voice sounding so sexy. “It’s just that you're even beautiful when you sleep.”

“S’ok,” You murmur, with a smile. “Gotta get up anyways,my friends are probably wondering where the fuck I am.”

***********

You put your key card to the door of your cabin and the door clanks open rousing your friends from their sleep.

“Shit, what time is it?” Ashley asks, squinting at her phone. “Ten thirty two, sorry we woke up so late. I think me and Liz had a little too much to drink last night. I hope you weren’t bored waiting around for us.” Ashley apologizes. “Have you already been swimming this morning?” she asks noticing you're in a robe with your bathing suit dangling from your hand.

“Wait!” Liz interjects, “That’s the bathing suit you had on when you left for your date with -with that college boy, what’s his face—“

“It’s Jaden” you remind her.

“— you’re just getting back now, aren’t you!! You spent the night!?” Liz exclaims accusingly.

The hue of your cheeks and your guilty smile give you away. You take a seat on the edge of the bed and wait for the slew of questions you know you’re about to get pummeled with.

“Oh my god, did you sleep with him?” Ashley asks.

You answer wordlessly, pulling back the collar of the robe, exposing the numerous wine colored markings that decorate your flesh.

“Jesus! I haven’t seen that many hickeys since highschool” Liz teases. “Ok, spill, how bad was the sex? I’m cringing just looking at your neck.”

“It was honestly the best sex I’ve ever had,” you blushed. “He made me feel like a fucking Goddess!”

“ There’s no way,” Liz scoffs. “How much experience can he even have.” She says with an eyeroll.

“Yeah I’m not buying it either,” Ashley laughs. “C’mom you don’t got to lie to us. We’ve all had our subpar hookups, especially when we were in college. Guys that age are all confidence and no skill.”

“No I’m dead serious, it was amazing!!!” You gush. “And not just his dick, but the way he made me feel…”

You proceed to tell them every detail of last night, from how he praised and appreciated your every flaw and gave you your confidence back, to just how good his dick felt inside you and how talented he was with his mouth and fingers. When you're done talking Liz gets up and starts walking towards the cabin door.

“Where are you going?” You ask perplexed.

“Going to find me one of these college boys” Liz laughs. “Does he have friends?” She jokes, making her way back to the bed. “Seriously though, sorry we teased you, that sounds amazing.”

“Yeah,” Ashley agrees. “I’m a little jealous— good dick AND body positivity, sign me the fuck up!”

“What are you guys gonna do when the cruise is over?” Liz asks, “You’ll probably never see eachother again.”

“Oh my god, that’s right! I forgot to tell you guys the best part! Earlier in the night when we were just talking in the hot tub we figured out that he only lives an hour away from us!”

“Holy shit, what a small world, that’s awesome.” Ashley exclaims.

“I’ll tell you what’s not small,” you smirk.

#jaden hossler smut #jaden hossler #jxdn #jxdn smut #Jaden Hossler x reader #jxdn x reader

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cloudy-caspirations · 4 months ago

Note

Hey cas!! I wanted to ask you how to make the most out of notions (cuz its kinda complex app) + how to make notes omg im struggling w this YELPP😭😭

Hi !! I started using notion last year to try and organize my school life and still haven’t completely figured it all out, so I get what you mean with it being a little confusing 😭. I’ve been mostly using it as a planner, but just started writing notes on it over this summer break and am kind of loving it. I’ll include screenshots and stuff under the cut, but if you need more specific details or a tutorial for a database or something feel free to send another ask or dm!

My Notion Setup ⬇️⬇️

(Sorry if the formatting for pictures is weird, I’m still trying to figure out how to use this app 😵‍💫)

For Planning:

Here is my notion dashboard! It’s a little barebones compared to others that I’ve seen on Pinterest, but it works for me because if I include anything else my ADHD brain will get overwhelmed and won’t keep up with actually using and updating it.

I have two databases: one being used as an assignment tracker that sorts my assignments into To-Do, Overdue, and Done sections based on dates and the other has pages for my classes for the semester. (I just realized that I forgot the change the heading from Spring 2024 to Fall 2024, so please don’t mind that 😭) Along with the databases I have a simple to do list for things that I need to get done that aren’t assignment related.

You could also add a calendar view to the assignment database if you prefer seeing it in that format, I just choose not to because I use Google Calendar to see it in relation to my other plans for the day.

I don’t use the class pages for much because I preferred writing my notes in either Goodnotes or a physical notebook last semester, but I’ll probably start using them more because I like using notion to keep track of all of my code snippets and stuff along those lines that are easier to type than write out. It was also pretty helpful last semester for creating drafts and outlines for essays.

For Note-taking:

Here are two examples of pages that could go in the classes database if you prefer to take notes digitally. I like to use databases to create pages to take notes in for each chapter/section of the textbook or material for the class.

My favorite way of viewing it is the board view because I like having my progress visualized (and clicking and dragging chapters to the “Done” section is satisfying), but the table view is also nice if you want to include more details such as quiz scores or dates.

Here are some photos of my notes for a single chapter. I use section headers to separate the actual notes from other stuff like chapter-specific exercises or links, and use toggle headers for sub-section notes to make it less cluttered. Other than the formatting it’s nothing too fancy, my typed notes are similar to how you would take notes in any other software like GoogleDocs or Word.

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thegloomybat · 1 month ago

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TW 3D INTRO TO MYSELF HEYY

Hey guys :3 this app is my library lol but i wanna start posting too bc i could really use some tips & advice for d13t1ng and wl. To give some background info, i’ve had b0dy dysmorphia for like, 7 years at this point. I never really did anything about it except h4te myself. Until about 2 years ago, i bought wl p1lls online, i took them for aboht a month along with heavy exercise. I lost a lot of w31ght in that time, but unfortunately i was dumb and told my mom about it bc i lowkey felt like i was dying😭. And from there on i was always being monitored. Mostly. I had really bad 6u1imia, like i would 🤮 3+ times a day, everyday, the entirity of last year. I had a lot of w31ght fluctuations tho, but for the most part i was sk1nny, my lowest was 100lb. I was doing so good until i switched doctors and as soon as he weighed me he put me on wg medications and i didnt know :( so all my progress was just gone. I gained an embarrassing amount of weight… i was in the 130’s almost 140’s lb. EW it nakes me feel GROSS just thjnking about it. My height is 5’6. But earlier this year i started 🤮 again, got down to 115, but then i stopped and started going up again :( i went up again to around 130, disgusting. Now for the past few months i’ve been STUCK in the 123-126 range. Idk why i let myself be so gross and ugly i let myself go sometimes and ate too much, like 1k cals. I usually try to stay equal to or less than 800, but it’s not even doing anything anymore. I haven’t been l0s1ng. I’m just SO tired of hating myself and being so ugly and f4t and stupid, i want to be 100 again or lower :( but i’m really happy bc i’ve lost 4 lb recently, i w31gh3d myself this morning i was 119! FINALLY going down. I’ve been 34ting 700ish cals, i’ll have a bigger meal in the morning (around 11am-12pm) and i won’t have anything until around 8-9pm. I’m gonna make a seperate post because i really need advice or tips on a specific situation. But yeah, i’m happy i’ve gone down to 119, i’m finally making progress🥹but i need to keep going, pls help me out with anything!! But i’ll update :3 sorry for typing so much i talk way too muchhh😭

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ofdogsandwriting · 2 years ago

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I wish this could happen, actually

so uhhh in the event of a tie, what happens?

A dramatic-ass rematch?

WAIT NO. what if. what if we did the team up thing that one poll did. Where the tied two join forced and they can 2v1 until someone stops them

#i haven’t updated my app and i’ve been out all day so I haven’t been able to see much andhdjajfj #this is the ideal outcome #they should be friends.. not enimies #brothers even #fracturing time #peepaw polls #sorry im everywhere with this i never thought my accounts would need to cross like this before akfnsjfjkf

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gaysindistress · 1 year ago

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Update!

I’m 6 followers from hitting 600!!!!!! It’s so wild to me that (basically) 600 people found my work and decided to follow me!! I recognize so many of the same usernames in my notifications and I can never say thank you enough for those I see consistently as well as those I see every now and then.

Anyways I’m planning on doing the celebration November 11 - November 21 to give myself time to finish Van Helsing Retold; which leads me to my next point. I’m only planning on two more parts, making it a six part series. The posting schedule for the next two weeks is as follows:

Oct 31: final day of Halloweek Demise of a Nation

Nov 4: Van Helsing Retold part five

Nov 10: Van Helsing Retold part six

Nov 11: start of my 600 follower celebration

Blood // Water, a winter soldier x former hydra asset!reader, is on hold and will not be posted until I find inspiration again. It was sadly one of my “I’ve listened to this song for the past three days straight and I daydreamed an entire fic but never finished writing it” fics but hopefully the inspo comes back.

Sad Girl turned Divine Violence is still in the editing stage BUT I promise I haven’t forgotten about my first born. Writing is my hobby and while i would love for it to make me rich, i know that’s not realistic and i don’t want to burn myself out because it’s been such a huge blessing for me. With that said, i hope to get it as soon as I can via the least stressful route possible so I’m leaning towards either self publishing or finding a smaller publishing company. If anyone has any suggestions or advice, my inbox is open and i would greatly appreciate any help. 💕

As for after the celebration, that’s for future Rose and she can deal with that then. I have some random moodboards sitting in my drafts that I’m going to post as well but that’s all for now!

My lovelies 💕 that I see constantly: @vonalyn @tfatwsoldir @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @winterslove1917 @missvelvet @buckets-and-trees @bucks-and-noble @kandis-mom @teambarnes72 @goldylions @jobean12-blog @valhalla-kristin @wonderlandfandomkingdom

There are of course more but the app gods have decided that I can’t tag them or I forgot to add you but I STILL LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH

Here’s my apology gif:

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chershare · 1 year ago

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AI BS because WTF guys

So like, I know I have a lot of WIP out there. A lot of fic I haven’t updated in a long time but have no plans of abandoning because I love all of my writing and I do have plans for all of my works. It’s just finding motivation that’s the issue, not the intent to finish them.

If I’d planned to never work on something again, I’d do what most people do these days and label it as Abandoned. Hell, if I hated it and decided to axe it completely, I’d just remove it.

There are plenty of fic I follow that haven’t been update in a long time - some over a decade, and that’s fine - and I love to reread and daydream about potential endings. A fun way to pass the time, because I can come up with the endings or continuations in my own way even if they never get finished.

I don’t, however, contemplate stealing them.

There are authors that I follow that have abandoned some of my fav of their works or left fandoms entirely, and that’s fine. I have never once thought while rereading a fic I know will never be continued “hey, what if I steal this and feed it into a capitalist machine for my own amusement?” because that’s not what decent people do. We don’t steal from people, even if they aren’t doing things in the fandoms or fic that we love, because why the fuck would we.

Who the fuck does that? No writer would thank you for it, and there is no doubt that you would know it’s wrong to take someone’s work like that.

Fandom isn’t perfect, but I want to think that the vast majority aren’t the kind of people who are so selfish and uncaring as this.

I haven’t removed Tsundoku from ffnet despite the many issues I have with the site, even though I haven’t updated it in an age, because someone who uses a text to voice app that works with ffnet better than Ao3 asked me not to. I could have done so despite the toxicity that I’ve known with the fandom on that site, but for someone else’s comfort I’ve left it up.

I haven’t stopped writing despite some truly unpleasant people trying to start shit in comments for their own petty, small minded amusement, even on Ao3. Where it is infinitely better than on ffnet, in my personal experience. I haven’t stopped updating and haven’t removed my works from the web even though trolls and shit stirrers exist.

But if I find out that someone has stolen my fics - no matter how long it’s been since I updated them - and fed them to a fucking AI of any kind, I will remove all my works and never post a goddamn thing again. I changed my settings on Ao3 to users only to potentially avoid the chance of being mined by some AI bullshit, and if I’m betrayed by even the fellow users of Ao3, I’ll just quit. I won’t like it, but I’ll fucking do it.

What else can I do? At that point? Where even real, live people in fandom just... steal from me to go expressly against my wishes? Who don’t respect my time, effort and creativity?

What would be the point of writing if someone doesn’t appreciate the time, effort and goddamn passion I’ve put into my works? Because feeding fic into an AI to get “an ending” - so fucking insulting - says that you don’t respect the authors writing and you don’t respect them as people. I’m sure there are some people - I can’t picture it, but I’m sure they might exist in some fictional universe - who don’t care.

I care. I really fucking care.

This isn’t about plagiarism or anything. I don’t make money from writing fanfic, I just have fun and like to play in sandboxes and share those ideas with my readers, hoping in good faith that they also enjoy and respect my efforts. There are plenty of fics and art that I’ve seen that are similar to my own works, and that’s fucking awesome. I’ve got some other authors who link me as inspired by, and so far I haven’t had any issues with people wholesale stealing my fics.

Who cares about a few similar lines or paragraphs in the grand scheme of things, because holy shit two cakes yaaaassss am I right? That’s just the way of things. If it’s like a whole chapter or more, then it’s like “hey bro, uh, nani the fuck” but I haven’t had the actual plagiarism issue. I’m flattered when someone has a style or idea that is similar to my own, because that means I’m at that point in my writing where someone is learning their own writing style based on mine.

That is nice. Flattering. Makes me feel like some kind of fandom parent or whatever, patting the little fandom babies on the back as they grow into themselves. You use that culture and world building I started - do it child! Expand! I’m so proud of those little shits.

This AI shit? That is not flattering.

That just makes me feel sick. Violated.

The thought that someone would just throw out that bridge - that trust - between writer and reader, just fucking burn it down, is so, so fucking horrifying. I don’t know how to express it, but my hands literally started to shake when I first learned that someone would steal work because it wasn’t finished and feed it to an AI without so much as a by-your-leave.

I have so many WIPs guys. So many beloved fic that I wanted to share even if they weren’t near done. I’d never thought I’d be afraid of posting something unfinished, but now I’m pretty fucking terrified.

And angry. So, so angry.

There are authors who stopped writing their fic for various reasons, who have disappeared from fandom, not because they don’t have inspiration or are experiencing burnout, but because they died. That’s right, you’re potentially whining about someone not finishing their WIP because their lives ended. I can’t even express how much writers not finishing their fics more than likely doesn’t have a thing to do with you.

Unless you harassed someone off a platform, then more often than not people don’t care about you when it comes to updating. Funnily enough, more often than not, it’s not about you.

If you’re upset about someone not finishing a fic - something that’s done for free and fun, shared without expectation - I would like you to think of that potential worst case scenario and take a goddamn chill pill. Sure, that’s not the result in some cases, thank all the gods, but it could be. It could be someone that didn’t just dip out of a fandom or abandoned a fic; it could be so much worse, and you’re stealing from them. They don’t even have a chance to consent - not that I think they would - and you stealing their hard work because “wah, I want to see the end boohoo” is just the epitome of being a giant, entitled piece of shit.

Why the fuck would you disrespect someone’s work by stealing it to give it to a machine that is literally built to be a capitalistic feeder? Why do you care so little about writers that you would do something like this?

If you don’t like that something isn’t finished, you can always ask to write a continuation. You can link as “inspired by” and write your own, if you’re that desperate. You don’t want to/think you can’t write? Live with it. Professional writers drop series or go on hiatus for decades all the time. And they get paid.

We don’t have to share our work with you. Honestly, I have plenty of people outside of wider fandom that I can share my work with privately and never worry about someone stealing my shit again. The fact that I’m contemplating that eventuality of someone going against my wishes, violating my contribution to fandom and the love I have of my work is just - awful.

It feels awful. Like, I have angry tears of frustration in my eyes as I’m writing this.

Writing for people who enjoy it is a joy! Interacting with people about my fics is one of the highlights of fandom! Getting comments - even the dreaded wall of emojis or “update soon” right after an update - is enough to brighten even the worst of days!

People who decide that their personal wants with an author’s work is more important than going on that journey with them? Deciding not to respect the author? That kills the joy.

The trust.

The drive.

I have less desire to write and post since learning about this, and I’m trying to fight back against that depressive wave of “what’s the point?” but it’s so fucking hard guys. If someone is going to decide to steal my shit anyway, what’s the fucking point in trying to continue or find inspiration?

I don’t want to have to leave fandom as a creator. I don’t want to take away my fic from the people who love it, who have been following my fics for years and respect that I can’t always wrap my soggy brain meat around a fic and leave it for a while - sometimes years - to work on other things. I don’t want to.

But I will.

To protect myself, my choices, my writing? To protect myself? I’ll leave.

It won’t be the first relationship that’s soured and gotten bad that I’ve needed to drop like hot coals, but it will be the longest lasting one. It’ll hurt, and maybe I’ll have regrets, but I’ll fucking do it because I won’t be disrespected and have my writing used like this.

Outside of fandom there’s already so much shit that I cannot stomach having to deal with this kind of fuckery here as well. Fandom isn’t necessarily a “safe space” but it has always been an escape and somewhere that I can have fun. That I can at least trust people to appreciate my writing when I manage to update someone after a while, even if it’s a small thing.

I don’t know what kind of asshole you have to be to decide to steal someone’s work, someone’s joy, and do something like this - at least outright plagiarism is almost flattering. I’m not the most popular writer out there, but I’ve been in fandom for a while, and it takes all kinds. All kinds does not include the AI that we’ve been suddenly having to defend ourselves against since they became a real problem.

This is just a slap in the face.

The fact that maybe there are people out there in fandom who are acting like the AI Trojan Horse, stealing our works - our time, effort, creative process and enjoyment - and doing things like this? It’s so fucking disheartening and hurtful and just downright cruel.

So yeah. Please don’t steal my shit. Don’t steal anyone’s work and do something like this. You’re doing more damage than you seem to think. Not that I’m sure you’re thinking at all.

Maybe you - the people who do this - don’t care. Maybe that’s why you did it in the first place. Maybe writers don’t count as real people to you, not when it comes to fanfic or anything. Maybe you are just that selfish that only your own wants matter.

Maybe you don’t care about how I, we, feel.

But I do.

#cher shares #fandom #ai bullshit #fanfic writing #My writing #fanfiction #stealing #be a decent human being

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silawastaken · 7 months ago

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the way it genuinely brought tears to my eyes as i finished the last chapter of the soulmate au. like??? this fic has been my LIFE for the past couple months and seeing the update always made my week 😭.

though I actually cannot wait to see whatever else you write, especially the spinoff and two slow dancers!!! (i haven’t read chapter 1 of the spinoff yet but i WILL right after i finish writing this)

and i’ve also met some amazing people through this fic which is crazy to me because if i didn’t click on this work that one day i was scrolling through ao3 what would’ve happened?? it’s just so insane to think about honestly…and the discord?? everyone on there is so nice it feels like such a welcoming little community. even just going through and reading all the messages brightens my day.

I SWEAR one day i will bind this fic and dedicate some sort of shrine to it on my bookshelf. i will recommend it to anyone and everyone i come across. i will think about it from years to come. i will dedicate my future successes to this beautiful piece of literature.

maybe i’m a little obsessed but hey. the emotions i experienced whilst reading this were unparalleled and it HAS made an impact on my life and myself as a person. (me and my bsf make a bunch of inside jokes and refs about this all the time like ill fall asleep on call and she’ll go “omg dazai and chuuya from the soulmate au!!”)

just sayin people can shame fic readers/writers all they want but some things i’ve read on ao3 are literally published book quality and they have NO idea what they’re missing out on.

ahh sorry for my rant i just wanted to get this out there :D time to go read the spinoff!!

I'm surprised I'm not completely emotionally wrecked like ??? This has been my life for months as well, I've spent so much time on this it's insane, updating was always my favourite part of the day. I really do hope you like the rest of what I write, as much if not more than the soulmate au, though I don't think I'll ever get better than this tbh 😭

I also think about it a lot, what would I be doing if I hadn't posted the first chapter of this? If I had given up halfway? Genuinely, if it weren't for this fic, and the people I've met through it, I wouldn't be who I am, and I wouldn't be as happy or content as I am. I'd be positively miserable. Genuinely, the little community we've gathered is the best thing ever <3

If you bind this fic I'd love to see how it turns out, though a shrine does seem a little excessive lol 😭😭 but hey if you wanna recommend it I will not complain!!! You're not the only person who this fic has changed- surprisingly, because in my mind it's still the like four sentence idea in my notes app- and I also get it, I'm making references all the time 😔 i saw a tub of strawberries in the store and was jumping around in glee.

I don't think this was quite book quality, but I appreciate the sentiment 😭 I'm so glad you liked this so much, and I hope you like the spin off too <3

#silas yaps #bsd #ao3 fanfic

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thetravelingbard · 2 months ago

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A Weekly Aside

09/14/2024

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was. Likewise, I never imagined that home might be something I would miss.”

― Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

I have, historically, found new chapter’s rather terrifying. Don’t get me wrong, there is so much excitement in starting something new. There’s new people and experiences and places. However I believe that somewhere underneath it all, there is a fear of failure and the unknown. I don’t think this a unique experience or that this fear should stop you from reaching ‘onward and upward’ (as Meet the Robinsons so aptly says). In my experience, when you reach you eventually find something concrete to hold onto.

All that aside, we all know that life is an endless twisty road. A road that is littered with infinitely deep potholes, gold-standard food stalls, and a significant lack of signage. Never in a million years did I think that this path would have led me to Scotland, of all places. In case you missed the subtle change to my instagram bio or if we haven’t spoken in a while, I am just beginning a year-long Masters of Science program in International Relations at the University of Edinburgh. Tada! Major life update!

I did know, ahead of climbing onto the United Airlines flight from Newark to Edinburgh that this was a city that I loved. When I studied abroad from January to July of 2023, I had the absolute privilege to visit Edinburgh with my parents. Somewhere between the buildings that looked right out of a fantasy novel and the abundance of stunning green landscape, I knew I really loved the city. God, I had no concept of how true that could be. I have found myself living in student accommodation just north of a large park and a quick walk to campus.

My room is rather small, but I have somehow managed to grab a room with 2 windows (which has been an absolute blessing). While I do not love the abundance of BEIGE on literally everything in this room, I have managed to brighten things up with my linens and some fake plants. Fun story (not), one of nicer days we’ve had I decided I wanted to leave the windows open to let some air in. I’m reading some emails when I see a WASP fly next to my head. So, obviously, I lost my mind and headed to the kitchen to try to find something to remove the wasp. I venture back, glass cup in hand, and carefully prop open my room. I kept trying to muster the courage to confront the horrid creature when it, luckily, flew right out the window. It was rather traumatizing. I haven’t opened my windows since. Speaking of accommodation, I have also managed to meet all of my flatmates. They are all so very nice and I am very optimistic about living together for the next year.

So, what all have I been up to this last week? Where do I even start? This week has been a crazy whirlwind of social events and introduction talks. Coming from ODU (Old Dominion University...where I studied for undergrad), I have never experienced a ‘Welcome Week’ quite like this. For a modicum of context, Old Dominion was a rather small campus with a significant percentage of the 24,000 student population studying online. In comparison, 49,065 students in total. The postgraduate student population alone (around 19,500) is about the size of my entire school. There are so many students and opportunities here. There is an entire app simply for events this week. There were, no joke, 4 or 5 events EVERY HOUR. I’m not going to lie, it was overwhelming at first. Once I got the swing of things I managed to get a handle on things. I think I’ve attended more social events this week than the entirety of my undergraduate degree.

Many of the information sessions I have attended have warned about the difficulty of the courses and dissertation I am about to undertake, but I am cautiously excited for everything. If anyone seems at all interested in my ramblings, I thought it might be nice to share what all has been going on not only in Scotland as a whole, but in my studies as well.

I wish for all of you to find tentative excitement in your new chapters as I have.

<3 Serena

#scotland #postgraduate #university of edinburgh #international relations

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trendywaifus · 2 months ago

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🔥 anon here! i hope you've been well!

yeah :( i don't want to miss the new march though, idk if i can even get the eidolons if i don't have her yet? idk how that works.

i'm sure i'll be pulling for her! i love the kind of that can kick my ass sfhdhf

i'm only familiar with hsr himeko but i don't think it's something she'd say sfhdgf

i feel like they should update itto's model? since they made a buffer male model after him? how they can have him be a completely different character than his drip marketing shows...

nahida oh my gosh yes she's got some awesome redesigns as well i love her but she deserved a much better design.

totally fair i'm struggling to manage both genshin and hsr so i will have to admire the pretty ladies in zzz and wuthering waves from afar 😔 maybe i'll just watch playthroughs at some point.

OKAY SO. 5.0 DROPPED i haven't finished it yet but oh my gosh. mavuika's introduction cutscene made me swoon so hard and i have just been rewatching it over and over and over again i am so very much in love and will need 3-5 business days to recover (there are some 😳 angles in the cutscenes she's been in so far too. like there's one where she's sitting down crossing her leg over her knee but the camera angle is lower like stop i am already on my knees for her-)

sorry this got so long lol

no you’re okay, ramble all you want, ill read it anyways 😋 I’ve been working on my application to get into a nursing program so it’s been busy. I hope you’ve been good!

i haven’t played hsr after I got firefly so im pretty sure im also missing out on her too.

I was thinking of hi3 himeko lmao hsr himeko is a sweetie

they honestly should but I doubt they’ll update itto’s model. like damn they really gave him cardboard thin abs like cmon.

they had so many designs to give to nahida and they chose THAT out of everythingggg broo I was so sick when I first saw her.

ngl, it’s hard to maintain all 3 gacha games at the same time. like I played wuwu to get yinlin and when I couldn’t get her, I deleted the app. got bored of genshin, deleted the app. havent been on hsr but I will for fei. zzz is what im kinda on rn. (I need Jane and burnise.)

I seen mavu’s cutscenes and she’s amazingly cool?? like fighting the strongest fatui member toe to toe is dope. ei finally has a rival.

#trendy #🔥 anon

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redactedshapes · 2 years ago

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Ad-free/Private/Anonymous Email services

Disroot.org is a free email service located in the Netherlands.

In addition to [email protected] you also get for free [email protected] and [email protected] addresses! Consider making an account and tossing a few bucks their way.

They also offer a plethora of apps/services for free (and for some you don’t even need an account!)

Their cloud service is powered by NextCloud which works exactly like Dropbox. Sync a folder on your pc, right click on a file to get the link and share it! It’s perfect for sending WIP updates to commissioners. Disroot is run by volunteers and you get a grassroots vibe from their site. I asked them if it was okay if I sold commissions using their email service, they say on a personal/occasional/hobby level it was fine, but not to use their service if I plan to move my entire business there. So I’m only using it for personal stuffs.

They don’t ask for a phone number, a real name or physical address, just a nickname for your account/email address.

Mailbox.org

Is what I’ve been using for about four years now. They’re located in Germany.

It’s a paid service, starting at 1 EUR/month. It costs 3 EUR per month if you want to link your personal domain. The only downside is their drive/cloud app which is clunky for the use I need, so I really don’t use it. They offer A LOT of additional email addresses as well as disposable email aliases.

Do you need an email address to check out a free service you probably won’t use? You’ve got it! The address will be gone in 90 days or less, you can delete it and never see an email from them again :D

Do you want one email address per social media account in case one suffers a data leak so no one can try hacking your other profiles? SURE

Do you want a different address for your banking stuffs separate from your shitposting emails? Very much possible here.

Same as Disroot, they’ve never asked for a phone number or physical address. Only one email address has my real name which I use for banking/real life stuffs. All others are under nicknames.

Overall I love mailbox.org and I would just stay with them if it wasn’t for:

Tutanota.com

Located in Germany! They have a much better entry pricing for linking custom domain (1 EUR/month) but only work with their proprietary email client.

It offers end-to-end encryption if you care about that sort of thing. They are truly anonymous as they don’t even ask for a name when you make an account. You’ve gotta set that yourself later. Also everything is encrypted, you can’t recover your password, so don’t lose it :)

I’ll move my email with them as soon as their email client starts grouping conversations in one thread. It’s a bit messy at the moment.

They do offer a free tier too! You’ve gotta use it however because free tiers get deleted after a while. Don’t litter!

For desktop email client I purchased an emClient license some years ago, they offer ONE TIME PAYMENT purchase. Crazy isn’t it? Everyone wants to bleed you dry with subscription even if you don’t need updates.

I know Thunderbird exists but holy shit it’s clunky. I haven’t looked into other free email clients so I guess this one you can ignore.

You can get rid of google and outlook and their tracking advertising bullshit. Their email is free because you’re the product.

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blueberry-lemon · 8 months ago

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Five years in, finding a routine

Although mostly on accident, I’ve been working as a game developer and freelancer for the past five years.

That means that I work from home, and have to “be my own boss” on a day-to-day basis. I kept myself chained to my desk long before the pandemic came along, which meant I didn’t get the whiplash that a lot of people got from having not choice but to start working from home

That said…in all this time, I still haven’t found a very good routine for actually making it all work for me in a healthy way. Yikes.

I’ve always struggled to find the right rhythm for work-life balance. How to focus (maybe there’s some anxiety or attention deficiency secretly at play), how to avoid wanting to take breaks, how to find time for hobbies without feeling guilty, how to structure my “schedule.”

It probably doesn’t help that because our team is all around the world, we get up to all sorts of inconvenient time zone tomfoolery. Big bursts of work that has to be done immediately upon waking up or right before bed.

Now, in 2024, I am trying to finally put a structure together. I recently moved to a new apartment in a new town, which felt like a good time for a fresh start. Here’s what I’m up to so far.

I’m trying to wall off “weekends” as time for leisure as best I can. Even within that, it’s even better if I can wall off a little segment of time for a “hobby,” like drawing purely for my own fun instead of drawing for work. Obviously, sometimes work emergencies crop up and you just have to do them on the weekend.

I’ve dabbled with a Virtual Assistant for about 10 months to keep me organized (which went okay) but I’ve scrapped the whole thing and swapped over to an eight buck paper calendar pinned up next to my desk. Less fancy, but less pricey. My parents were great at keeping a huge calendar updated on the fridge when I was growing up. I was a fool to try to live without a physical calendar after high school. It’s made planning for the future “feasible” instead of “overwhelmingly impossible.” Google Calendar was never cutting it for me.

I use a really simple to-do app called Tasks (from Tasks.org). I had thought that maybe I could keep all my to-dos organized this way, but honestly it’s better for things that I need urgent phone notification reminders for. Like “do this right this second.” The rest I’m trying my best to track on the paper calendar.

I’ve started music lessons, going to the gym, and therapy weekly at the start of 2024. Not only do I love this trifecta, but it has also helped structure my weekdays for better and for worse. Can’t get work done while I’m doing those things, but it’s hopefully improving my life in a general sense.

And lastly…I’m writing this right now from a co-working space. I’ve always considered finding a place where I could take a laptop and get work done outside of my apartment, to try to separate “home” and “work” just a little bit more. A place to ignore distractions. Or, honestly, a place where I can’t do household chores or go grocery shopping as an excuse to not do work while feeling productive.

I considered libraries and cafes, and am still open to those as options, but this co-working space is actually really great so far. The vibes are immaculate. It’s peaceful and quiet without feeling lonely. There’s free snacks.

Hopefully this is the beginning of something like a healthy, productive routine. Definitely trying to prioritize finding something sustainable so that I can at least make it another five years in game development without going crazy.

The secret to getting out of my head and out of my bad habits could be getting out of the house.

#blog #blogofkylelab #productivity #gamedev

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toomanystoryideas · 1 year ago

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Alright I’ll be ✨nosy✨ if you’re still willing to talk about it— what’s going on with your roommate?

yeah i’ll talk about it!! i haven’t moved out yet so i guess i’ll update if anyone is curious how that goes. here’s the story because it’s kind of long:

anyway i’m a trans man right, but i’m closeted because it probably wouldn’t be safe to come out to my very republican family, so i basically live my life as a woman. and because it’s not safe for my parents to know this, i keep a list in my notes app of everyone i’ve come out to that i know irl. i made it when i was like sixteen and jokingly called it my “hit list” and never really thought much about it after that except updating it whenever i trusted someone enough to open up to them about my identity

i now attend a university in chicago and i have two roommates and two other suitemates who are all women. i’m not out to them because it just didn’t really come up and i didn’t want to make them uncomfortable rooming with a man yknow? i’m used to being closeted it was okay

anyway about two weeks ago now, on the sunday before halloween, i’m in the common lounge area of the floor we live on talking to a few people i’m out to and i told them about my “hit list”. i was being vague because one of my roommates was there but not really listening and i didn’t want to out myself, but regardless i was saying this in a very jokey and lighthearted way, like, a way that should have made it extremely obvious that i am not going to actually kill anyone. because duh? should be obvious it’s just a joke

fast forward to halloween (tuesday); it’s like 11:30pm and i’m alone in our room almost done with my homework. i get a knock at my door and go to open it to find it’s an RA i’ve never met before, who says we have to have a conversation in the RA office downstairs. he tells me someone who heard me saying this (i have a sneaking suspicion it’s one of my “friends”) reported me and i have to explain myself to a worker on the protocol phone line. so i have to vaguely and very uncomfortably out myself, and i’m really emotional and pissed off, but whatever, i’m told the situation is cleared. (my roommates don’t sleep in our room that night and they told me they just didn’t wanna wake me so they had a sleepover with some of our friends.)

anyway the next morning i’m on the train to come back from a class i have in another part of the city and i get an extremely rude email from a dean of students telling me we have to have a meeting at a specific time; he didn’t even ask for my availability. i think the situation is cleared already but i go anyway, really mad about it. so we meet and he’s SO condescending, talking about how what i did is like yelling “fire” in a crowded theater (not true at all?) but eventually i get through to him and he resolves the situation.

but my roommates don’t sleep in the room that night either, which is when it starts to get weird, so i try to ask but they’re kind of icing me out of our entire friend group. eventually one of them tells me they’ve been told to stay in temp housing and they can’t sleep in our room. they tell me they’re not even supposed to talk to me or know the situation.

so i send an angry email to the dean and he calls me on the phone the next day—patronizing as ever—and i tell my roommates they can come back as soon as they’re back from their weekend trip back to their hometown (because, oh yeah, they’re childhood friends from a small town, and i’m their randomly selected third person)

so they do and everything is normal for a little while, but weirdly they don’t ask about it and don’t want to hear about what happened when i offer to tell them. whatever i just don’t talk about it then and we pretend nothing happened.

until about a week ago when our building’s RD emails all five of us saying we have to have a meeting to “process feelings and impacts” or some shit. none of us can agree on a time until we finally meet two nights ago. and that’s when everything goes to shit, because as soon as i re-explain the situation everyone starts freaking the fuck out

basically they are shaking and/or crying saying shit like “you can never say that in a joking way” “that’s never something to joke about” “i’m just worried l like what if it’s real” “so there is a list” “i’ve had panic attacks” “we all lay awake at night wondering if something will happen” “[other roommate] and i lost a pair of scissors and we were freaking out”

the conclusion of this meeting is that they all want me to leave. over a joke i made one time. and the fucked up part is because the dean cleared me, i don’t have to do anything and nobody from admin can make me leave. but my roommates avoid me at all costs and haven’t even been sleeping in the room or coming in more than like for one second once a day to grab something since that meeting happened. so now i don’t want to stay here anyway, since our whole friend group also lives on this floor of this building and i can’t stand to see them all hanging out without me all the time it’s horrible. but i also live in the best freshman residence hall and we’re all in a living learning community so i don’t want to leave this building

the three options i have right now:

move right now into an open spot on a sophomore-only floor of this building (i want this the most but it is NOT likely admin will let this happen)

move into temp housing in a worse building and then move back into a spot on a freshman floor that will only open up after the semester is over (i want to stay in this building so i’d hate the temp housing plus it’s like moving twice within one school year which sounds like torture)

stay here for the rest of this semester and then move into that spot that will open up after the semester is over (i just want to get out of here atp since half the people that live here are either avoiding me or being avoided by me)

sorry for how long this post is lmfao. i’m having a meeting on monday or tuesday probably to discuss the options and see which one i will go with

#asks #anonymous #long post #like. pretty long. lol

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cindylouwho-2 · 7 months ago

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