#how can a person be this oblivious ??? this has to be a troll i literally cant handle this

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP hope you are doing great. I’m a jikooker but there’s something that’s been bothering me a little bit and i would like to get ur opinion on it. So after Jimin posted that photo of himself and Jk, i saw some people making comments about Jk’s body language and how he kept his elbow out to keep a distance between him and Jimin. I’ve also seen other instances on original content when Jk’s body language with Jimin was kinda off or negative and the barely looked relaxed around him. When u see him with literally anyone else, he looks really relaxed and does not mind sitting really close to them but with Jimin it looks like sometimes Jk wants to intentionally keep a distance. Now I don’t even for one second believe the nonsense tkkrs and antis spew about Jk hating Jimin. Anybody with eyes can see how much Jk cares for and loves Jimin. So why do you think his body language is like that? And is this something you’ve noticed too? I would really like to hear what you think.

***

Rant incoming.

Hi Anon,

I'm going to make an example of your ask to show something I keep repeating from time to time, which is that the majority of the problems, 'discourse', and source of angst in k-pop spaces, is manufactured by k-pop stans themselves and has almost nothing to do with reality or the members.

One of the biggest tells that something is fan-manufactured BS, is if the narrative is riddled with contradictions, because cognitive dissonance can only take one so far.

For reference, to be sure the whole class is all on the same page, here's the picture Anon is referring to:

*

Anon, let's pick apart your ask a little bit.

"So after Jimin posted that photo of himself and Jk, i saw some people making comments about Jk’s body language and how he kept his elbow out to keep a distance between him and Jimin."

Let's first talk about why you're listening to anybody trying to read body language from one still picture showing two Busan Bros and their backs.

The person most able and likely to fully read Jungkook's body language in this scenario, is Jimin. You know, the person who was beside Jungkook, actually with him in person, when the picture was taken. Not some random internet stranger sitting on their sofa looking at a still, pixelated image of jikook's backs.

Following that logic, if Jungkook was in any way uncomfortable with Jimin or wanted to get away from him in this instance, you'd have to first assume Jimin is inconsiderate, oblivious of Jungkook's feelings, or being something of a troll to JK, to then assume he'd go ahead and force JK to take this picture and then post it (assumed by some people to show JK was uncomfortable with Jimin in this case) on Jungkook's birthday.

Which is the end goal of that narrative. It takes an innocuous picture, and forces an end conclusion by first introducing a harmful assumption but one necessary to reach the end conclusion, in this case that assumption is of Jimin's character. So that's how a picture of Jungkook having his hands clasped in front him and likely holding something, which is obvious from the picture and which easily explains his posture, and shows JK actually leaning into Jimin - an obvious contradiction to the end-claim, then becomes fodder for the narrative of 'JK's body language around Jimin is "kinda off or negative and the barely looked relaxed around him."'

Like, that's a whole bunch of words pulled from the ether that have no bearing or relationship to the actual picture we're all looking at. All of those words came from the imagination of someone else who has nothing to do with jikook, and now I'm sitting here in my hotel room having to explain why it's bullshit.

Actually I didn't have to answer this, normally I'd delete it, but you started off your ask nicely and it's a good one to pick apart.

Because it shows the thing that really gets me about the kind of theories that drive discourse in BTS fan spaces. It's that every time, there's far more accessible and simpler explanations to explain what you're seeing, than anything you get from antis, shippers, rival shippers, akgaes, mantis - the usual suspects for this disease of a hyper-active imagination that for some reason always follows the plotline of a Fernando Gaitán telenovela. It's almost like the members are not treated as real people, but as fodder for drama and sensationalist conspiracy theories for that fan's entertainment, self-fulfillment and actualization.

It's what makes fandom such a self-sustaining system. It's that even when there are no problems or drama, you can count on some fan somewhere who will eagerly create them out of thin air, just to get a reaction from other fans who perhaps subconsciously have the primary motivations of the initial fan: treating the members first and foremost as a means to explore unresolved anxieties, insecurities, and boredom.

Now, this doesn't mean that Jungkook can never be uncomfortable around Jimin or want to keep his distance. We know it's possible because Jungkook is a person, and it's human to sometimes want your own space or to want to not always be in physical proximity with people around you, and that this can happen for a whole bunch of reasons. But what you sent me Anon, is an ask that's about a theory where the source of the theory itself (the picture), contradicts the end-claim of the theory, just to feed an underlying fan narrative that's often found in spaces that don't treat either Jimin or Jungkook as real people. The picture doesn't actually show Jungkook pulling away from Jimin. It shows Jungkook with his hands clasped in front of him, leaning into Jimin so Jimin's arm can get around his shoulder, Jimin standing with an upright posture, and both Jimin and Jungkook looking in the same direction.

The only thing possible to infer from this picture, is that jikook are jikooking.

It's possible this is a reality that makes some people so uncomfortable they'd look for any explanation to take away from that fact, including believing theories that are inherently self-contradictory, but there's no reason you need to play along with that BS. It wastes everybody's time and does nothing but dumb down the conversation in fan spaces.

[dededaio]

What character dynamics, not including anyone with Kirby, would you like to see explored more?

Personally, I think it would be cool to get more interactions between Dedede and Taranza, Bandana and Meta Knight, and Susie and Magolor.

agreed to all of those. honestly i'd like more character interactions of susie with everyone else.

mainly, (hot take?), i still very much see her as an antagonistic figure with twisted sense of priorities and morality (probably would make magolor pre-epilogue blush), so her being completely oblivious to how fucked up her worldview is while she interacts with people who can blatantly see it and not just tilt their heads at it like kirby is such a hilarious thought.

i WANT dedede to confront susie over what HWC did to Dream Land and his castle. i WANT magolor to troll the hell out of her due to lacking in respect towards her practices. i WANT taranza to just be baffled that a person with such disregard towards nature even exists.

susie is such underutilized character, i'm genuinely shocked how little was done with her, despite her being so fascinating. she's only kirby antagonist in modern times (except elfilis, i guess, but their story is resolved by this point), that didn't get *any* redemption arcs or arcs period. she just remained herself and that self is very questionable! i want to see that being used! come on hal!!

on other hand id like to see adeleine and meta knight interact. adeleine is main cast-adjacent character but whenever she was the part of the main group, meta knight wasn't there and vice versa. i just think it would be fascinating to see them literally just talk. maybe meta knight tries to help her learn some actual self-defense so she could come along kirby's adventures more often or something.

other dynamic i'd like to see is dedede and gooey, honestly. mainly due to hilarity of the fact that gooey is dark matter and dedede has dark matter ptsd. yet gooey is such a precious boy and no one really knows he's a dark matter. it's just a hilarious image.

and taranza needs more friends. give him friends, hal.

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 6 react

oh please let this chapter be celty and shizuo focused i love the besties

i think they should hang out and play smash bros and talk in sign language and terrorize gangs together

awww :(((

although him smoking reminds me of this one scene from omniscient reader's viewpoint where joonghyuk stares out a window dramatically trying to appear cool when he's actually super embarrassed

people are also more likely to smoke when they're upset because they feel like it helps them calm down

shizuo 🥺

ohhh he doesnt have the chibi and the usual 'normally this size, now this size!' thing :( this chapter probably wont be that sad because it's literally a gag series but still. not getting the greatest vibes

shinra step aside celty is my wife now

she's so sweetttttt ughhhhhhh

but yeah uh. there IS a reason they're afraid of him

i just had the horrible idea of 'what if they ran a shizuo campaign that just gave speeches about what a nice guy shizuo is' and that devolved into 'signing shizuo up to run for president' even though japan has a prime minister not a president

yk what fuck it SHIZUO FOR PRESIDENT LETS GO BABY

oh. suddenly im worried. shizuo's reputation is probably gonna come out of this even worse than it was before

THEY'RE SO TINY

celty is a horrendous actor godbless

crying. this isnt gonna go well

heiwajima shizuo serial old lady helper

i dont know how this is gonna go wrong but it's definitely gonna go wrong

is she gonna like. run from him or something?? or maybe izaya appears and shizuo just throws the package at him

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

was NOT expecting that

i keep forgetting i havent published my post about isekai shizuo but like. the truck instinct to just ram into shizuo no matter the circumstances is hilarious actually. he beckons them to him with his shizu mating call

HE'S HELPING!!!! i dont know what the citizens are so scared of smh

shizuo asking 'what's next' obliviously like he's enjoying helping 😭my beloveddddd

how the hell can he mess up saving a puppy though. like. there's no way

I CACKLED OUT LOUD

THERE IS A WAY

SHIZUJESUS LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HE'S HELPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is so sad actually like he's only done good things!!! he's been using his strength for good!!! man

oh lets go!!! actually why wasnt shizuo able to find a job as a construction worker or mover 😭 i assume something with izaya but still. he's so overqualified

awwwww it's working out!!!!!

AWWWWWWW

WHAT THE FUCK

thats actually nightmare fuel jesus christ asdjkhGKJSgd

shizuo looked so touched at the beginning too 😭leave it to izaya to ruin everything

was izaya the old lady at the beginning too?? did he hire the truck driver (again) to hit shizuo?? or does he just have a picture perfect costume of the old lady from before down to the wrinkle because ?????????

he probably wasnt at the beginning because all the stuff with helping people happened in one day and there's no way izaya could come all the way to ikebukuro to be the first person they tried to help or even know to come PLUS the lady actually looked shocked but. idk man izaya is unhinged when it comes to trolling shizu-chan so you never really know with him

i imagine his voice changed from old lady impersonation to regular smarmy izaya voice in the 'you know' too which is so. evil

although it does make me question how good his old lady impersonation is and why he can do one??

plus he said 'i dont crossdress' in that one ova but that has now been proven to be a lie! diversity win!! the cringe information broker from shinjuku crossdresses as old grandmas sometimes!!!

MAN

i had hope there for a second but this is in line with canon so 😔no change can actually happen hhhhhh

izaya jumpscare/10 chapter

[kaelyn-stocktonmil]

Depressed/Lonely Self-Rant

Ok so...I don't really know what I'm doing at this point, pretty sure I'm just doing whatever my mind says is right, alongside hoping maybe there's someone out there who gets it who might be kind enough to give anything from encouraging words, to an offer to be friends.

And I know that's asking for a lot in this world. So this is basically just me venting so...if you stick around to the end of this, congrats...if not, I don't blame you.

So, everybody knows what depression is. Seasonal depression, chronic depression, temporary, etc. And believe me, all of them get overlooked in a lot of ways. People always say that it's just depression, things will get better, it's just in your head, etc. But it's still someone going through a hard time. Sometimes anti-depressants help, sometimes they won't make a dent in the things people feel.

I'm beginning to think I might have some form of chronic depression. Most days I'll seem fine for the majority of the day, and next thing I know, a cloud just falls over me after I do, or see something...most of which relates to how lonely I am. My friends have all but disappeared, or distanced themselves from me...my best friend has had enough of being the middle-woman between me and the others, to help work things out and said it in probably the nicest way she could that I'm on my own in terms of figuring things out with the others...even though I just wanted to hang out. The worst part is that whenever I'm with my best friend, and the others are on, they suddenly aren't against spending time with me...but the moment my bestie is gone, so are they. I reached out to ask to hang out, and they quite literally told me they weren't trying to be rude, but none of us want to hang out with you, so kindly go fuck off... I haven't bothered to reach out since, and that was at the start of January...

I get it, I'm a hard person to be friends with. I suck at reading social ques, I'm stubborn, I'm clingy, and yes, I can be oblivious, and sometimes I hurt the people I love without realizing to or meaning it...but I never meant to do any wrong by my friends. I was the one to introduce my bff to my other friends, because I wanted to be polite and friendly...and now my friends don't want anything to do with me, unless I'm with my bff...

So, what am I supposed to do? Keep burying my head in the sand and asking what I did wrong or wait? Because while I know the logical answer is to wait, my emotional mental state can't keep taking hits like this! I was so desperate as to get on my Xbox and start looking for posts, and both times I've gotten accepted, because it's ONLY BEEN TWICE, I got accepted by a little twerp who finds joy in trolling his SMP members with his Admin abilities by killing us 100 times, and thinks everyone is enjoying it and won't take no for an answer, and someone my age who kicked when he asked how my day was and I said repetitive, and he didn't hear it the first time, for what I assume he thought I was a damn kid! I HATE MY VOICE!

I'm depressed, I'm alone- because at this point "lonely" isn't what it is, my friends want nothing to do with me, and my best friend probably wishes we had never met with how tired I've made her

, and apparently according to her, I’m depressed for nothing. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost everything important to me, and I have no Idea if I can get it back. And I’ve tried to find an alternative, I told you! We all know how well that went! I feel like I’m stuck in the movie “Groundhog Day”, but 1000 times worse. I’m living like tomorrow might be better, but it never is! 

I don’t know what to do...no one listens, and no one hears. No one sees that I’m NOT OK...and if they do...they don’t care. 

[tsukkismoonlight]

yup! here so you don't forget it til your grave!! bloomic xyx and the song Courtside by Tim Atlas !!!!

Tysm!!!! Luckily i did not forget,,,, but i did have work hella this week so this is a little late 😭 but I've got the song on rn and 👀👀 here's what im thinking

So, xyx, not big on love, as we've learned, and if we go based off his route, boy does he fall HARD

Man is literally fighting his inner demons trying to deny feelings,, and you/reader is just like, oblivious cause there's a LOT goin on. You've got work, the server zine, random events here and there, but you /always/ make time to indulge xyx in video calls

He tries to learn about you in subtle ways, which he's very good at, lawyer and all, and you're not used to telling someone so much about yourself, and you're certainly not used to them being so interested in what you've got to say

And for this we will say that bloombot accidentally let some personal information slip past her filters, and it turns out, you/reader and xyx live in the same area

But rather than outright tell you how to meet up with him, xyx makes a bet

Who can find the other first? You've seen each other's faces, you've heard each other's voices, you know what his job is, and he knows some about yours as well

And you/reader take the bet, the cost of losing is one fancy dinner, and a chance to meet Cat

So, in your free time, you get out of the house,,you try looking up nearby law firms, and try to look at their staff pages, you look at those billboards that advertise help for accidents and other unfortunate events

Meanwhile, xyx does what he does best, he hits the books. He's researching the information on your vague company, easily finding the one that you mentioned a while ago over a vc

He goes through all the departments, taking time to make sure that there isnt any nonsense with the higher ups. He wants to know if this company that makes you work the longest hours is actually a good company and not some shithouse place yk

So then, when he finds you, he has to stop and question if he really wants to see this through, but he has been so over his head about you, like he has had dreams about you, he will get random thoughts while he is working about you, wondering how your day is going, wondering if you're working just as hard to find you as he is

So he works up the courage to go into your work, dressed in casual clothes, coffee in hand

And he greets you with the usual cheeky greeting of "hello little troll" and you're like ?! Who is speaking from behind my tall as stack of papers that i need to do, wait i know that voice,, xyx what the fuck why are you at my work, is thst coffee ???

And he would do that little smile that he gets and be all like, "guess who owes me dinner"

And ofc at the dinner it's pretty nice, and you guys are having a grand time, its hard to be awkard when xyx is just so smooth and charming

And a little ways through the dinner you guys get some drinks to go along with it, and like no one gets drunk or anything, just like i dunno a little tispy/buzzed and you/reader is just babbling about work and your interests and xyx is sitting there like ohmygodimactuallyinlove

And all he can think about is wanting to wake up with you each morning, by his side

And yeah,,, thats what i would write with xyx+courtside jdjeke i didnt wanna go on and on cause i def could omg

[warrenkoles]

absolutely wild thing ive seen: a truscum blog with a part of their bio that says "dont follow if ur a terf, yall got brainworms"

like hello ?????? heeeelllllooooo???????? buellar ???????? the call is coming from inside the house !!!

[captainlevisteacup]

Can I request some headcanons of the demon brothers meeting That Vegan Teacher? Hehehehehe

HAHAHAHAAAA I AM ACTUALLY CACKLING HELL YEA YOU CAN

Thank you SO MUCH for requesting this😂😭

The Demon Brothers meeting That Vegan Teacher

Warnings: violence (of course)

God I hate her

Anyways

Lucifer

That....that what?

Has nothing against vegans, though he doesn't think humans are quite meant to live without meat

Mc shows him some of her videos and "songs"

He is instantly reminded why he used to think somewhat lowly of humans

Gets super angry when she compares LGBTQ+ discrimination with vegan discrimination

"People aren't discriminating against you because you're vegan, Katie. They're discriminating against you because you're an awful human

Actually comments this on one of her videos

She insults him right back

Wrong move, lady

Goes to the human world with a smile and brings Cerberus

Hehe

She tries to feed him tofu like poor Bella

He immediately spits it out. Lucifer rewards him

Feeds him a whole cow in front of her

Cerberus decides that's not enough and just eats that vegan teacher

Problem solved

Mammon

Immediately pretends to be vegan to get a shout-out from her to get clout bc clout=money

Fails, of course

That vegan teacher makes a diss video

Pretends to be religious and say "this demon attacked her"

Ha. Ha ha.

She just gave Mammon what he wanted

Immediately yeets off to the human world while filming (for views)

Mammon bursts into her house somehow

Throws Bella a steak

And improvises a terrible love song to a cheeseburger

Starts a terrible, ear splitting singing battle

Katie ends up throwing her ukulele at Mammon

She just gave him ammo hehe

Strums the ukulele better than she does (not saying much) and dances while singing cheeseburger in paradise

Katie screeches about discrimination and faints

Bella then eats her.

The end

Satan

Ha.

No. He refuses to watch any more of her videos because the SECOND he hears "why the fuck aren't you vegan yet" he has a Pavlovian response and shifts into his demon form

"Idk, Miss Katie, why the fuck aren't you dead yet?"

Avoids her, along with any and every mention of her, because he KNOWS he has no patience for her

So when Solomon transports her to the Devildom as a joke

Ohhhhhhh boy

He's not even anywhere NEAR her and he immediately stiffens the second she appears

Can't figure out why he's perpetually in his demon form

Until he hears the word tofu

Makes a mental note to kill Solomon

Calmly requests an audience with her while smiling

Katie thinks he's being friendly. Mc knows someone is going to die.

Absolute silence comes from the room they're in

Then, that vegan teacher screams while sprinting away and begs Solomon to take her back

Then, she hears a demonic screech

No, more like.....

More like a moo

She gets trampled by demon cows

Barely makes it out of the Devildom

Her accounts suddenly disappear

Nobody ever hears from her again

Only Satan knows where she is

Although, rumor has it that she resides in an insane asylum because she gets terrified at any mention of cows....or any sight of a blonde man.

Oh, well.

Levi

Is already her biggest troll

Has SEVERAL tiktok accounts all dedicated to leaving random comments

Usually steak emojis or pro- LGBTQ+ stickers

So when he finds out she's organizing a vegan meet and greet?

Its free real estate.

Buys literally half the tickets

Consistently interrupts her using different voice impressions (a skill gained from cosplay)

When Katie finally gets a word out, its to ask if anyone has questions for her

A lone voice rings out, a ray of sun among the tofu-scented clouds

Its not Levi.

No. Its....

GORDON RAMSEY

Needless to say, Levi caught the whole thing on a live streams

It got the most views ever

Asmo

Bothers him on a personal level

He's been vegan before

He's rather fond of the vegan lifestyle

But it irks him how she's tainting it

But, he isn't one for violence on the same levels of his brothers

So, he does what only he could do

DISS VIDEO

"Miss Katie? More like Miss Cakey. What did you do, smear tofu on your face?"

"Honey, the only thing you're teaching is how NOT to exfoliate"

Go off, queen

One day, runs into her at a makeup store

Apparently, his videos got to her

Goes up behind her and points out a vegan line.

"I suggest this one. Its vegan, but, y'know, without the bitchiness. Oh, I mean itchiness haha silly me. Ta ta!"

*flounces away without another word*

Asmo: 1 Katie: -10

Beel

FOOD IS FOOD

Doesn't understand why that vegan teacher has to criticise people for eating what they want to

Gets seriously upset

It scares the other brothers

Beel decides to meet her to talk about this

Beel...poor baby

He's just so oblivious sometimes

He's too pure

Didn't realize Katie, despite likely being a demon herself, isn't accustomed to seeing a literal 7 foot demon wherever she goes

Goes to her house. She sees him outside her window

Screams

He leaves, goes to her lake instead

She gets so scared she has a heart attack and falls in

The ducks eat her

Belphie

Doesn't care

That vegan teacher follows him on social media because, y'know

Belphie and the cow thing

Somehow thinks he's a vegan activist

Wants to meet him

He agrees only to fuck with her

They meet at a restaurant

Belphie orders every single meat item on the menu

Wolfs it down and offers her some with that trademark evil smirk, you know the one

That glint in his eyes

Oof

She calls him a fake and demand he takes off all his "cow accessories"

When all he does is smirk, she tries to forcibly take his horns off.

Of course, they don't budge

"Now, what is it you say about cows, Miss Katie?"

[haesi-perpetuo-in-r2]

16, 28/9, and 32 >:3c

16. What confuses you abt typical romantic relationships:

a lot honestly, but for me I really don’t understand how fast allos can just jump into romance. for me I feel I like I need at least a couple months if not longer to actually bond with the person before even thinking about romance (yes demi vibes I know)

28. Have you experience aspec obliviousness when someone flirts w you? Innuendos?

Well the first question is interesting, because I don’t think anyone has flirted with me before? But then again if I were oblivious, would I even know???

But the second part, oh most definitely. I say so many things which can mean other sexual things. In a convo, @sapphire-droplets was bragging about how she made her bed and I was like “I’ll mess it up then”. well turns out that could mean smth else ! not me threaten to go over and flip the sheets over to troll her!

29. Were you confused by love/romance as a kid? What abt now?

As a kid I saw live and romance literally everyone like in songs and ads and tv shows and movies. And I honestly thought that people were exaggerating and surely this isn’t smth that actually happens that often. god was I wrong. And now I’m just confused where the line between platonic and romantic is. Cuz allos don’t seem to fucking know either!

32. Stupidest way to ask someone out?

Vivāmus, mea [insert their name|, atque amemus.

Translation: let’s live, my [name], and let’s love

outcome: either they love Catullus poetry and yes or they hate Catullus poetry and say no. both outcomes work for me. I’m sorry, you’re not dating me if you don’t like Catullus.

[adhoption]

I’m reading another book with a protagonist in the ‘gentle giant’ mould, and I’m realising how it’s gone from being a something I vibe with to something that rubs me up the wrong way.

You know the type. The guy is a himbo. He’s built like a man-mountain, but he is generous and kind and considerate to the ladies in a setting whilst others aren’t. He’s in a world where strength is power, and plenty of men are willing to start fights, but he can step in and sit them down. He could beat everyone up if he wanted to throw his weight around, but he doesn’t. He only fights when he has to.

That’s pointed out like some sort of contradiction: look, this guy could be violent like the others and be great at it, but he’s decided to be good instead. Isn’t it great, how he's overcome his nature? Born into the body of a thug, but choosing to be a decent person? He is always pitted against cruel, bitter little men, and that contrast is also pointedly made. See, they are born into pacifist bodies and choose to be violent, whereas he is born into a violent body and chooses peace. Isn’t it a miracle?

Except that it’s really the other way around.

Perhaps it’s easier to be violent when you’re a giant, but it’s also easier to be gentle. If everybody already respects you as this hulking presence and backs down when you stand up to them, you don’t need to fight. People only need to fight when they aren’t respected as a threat, and need to prove it. When you’re walking around in a big happy cloud of strength and confidence, it’s also a lot easier to be kind and patient than if you were downtrodden and miserable.

I’ve always found that it is far easier to be magnanimous in victory than gracious in defeat. It’s much easier for the person in the privileged, happy position to extend a hand to the person hurting than the other way around. We cover that in social justice discourse all the time. It’s easier for the person on top of the oppression dynamic to say they are being rational rather than emotional. It’s wrong for them to tone-police someone who is understandably angry and fed-up with what they have to deal with every day, just because they’re shielded from those issues and can talk about them casually.

But it’s something that social justice adjacent spaces also struggle with. I’ve seen too many Hollywood actors paraded out to lecture men on how to be a feminist ally, as if these handsome, rich, famous guys have any shared life experience with the incels who actually need their words. As if they have any idea how their hatred is formed in insecurity and jealously, desperation for affection and validation life has never given them, when they have lived a life beloved and showered in more attention - including romantic and sexual - than they know what to do with. 

Or you get a similar thing with popular, mainstream celebrities coming out to condemn online trolling. It reminds me of a high school setting, where people are oblivious to the various forms of bullying. Imagine there’s one guy in a class who is perhaps neuroatypical, perhaps from a poor household, always seen as a bit shabby and weird. The other kids exclude him. The popular kid invites everyone in the class to a party apart from him. There is one empty chair in the classroom, and it’s the one next to him. Nobody wants to sit with him at lunch. At breaks they gossip in closed circles, occasionally laughing and turning around to look at him.

Nobody ‘bullies’ him in any tangible way that can be shown. But it hurts, day after day after day, being the creepy gross guy who nobody wants to talk to, the guy with no friends. Perhaps he starts acting out for attention. Perhaps, not able to be socialised properly, he lacks tact and hasn’t had his rough edges smoothed off by human company. Maybe he becomes a real edgelord and starts making offensive comments and lashing out because it’s the only way people will listen. He will then be called the class bully, when in fact the whole class are also sort of bullying him through exclusion.

Having some pop darling come out and criticise the online versions of these people is about as much use as having the high school prom king, the guy who hosted that party but everyone but one, come out and condemn this loner: the person people like him helped to ostracise in the first place as a weirdo who didn’t fit in. Again, they have no shared life experience they can judge them on, and coming out to gloat that they have the privilege to be magnanimous in victory is... well, literally adding insult to injury.

But that’s the dynamic stories seem to love. Villains who are pathetic and friendless and have no love in their life, small ugly men with a deformity or disability or just neurodivergence, compared to our hero who is handsome and popular and who then lectures the villain on the power of friendship! But he villain is probably the way they are because they have never been properly loved and always felt like an outcast. it’s criticising the upset loser by praising how well behaved the winner is, when it’s easier for them! In fact, if their lives were reversed, just as with the incel and the Hollywood hunk, they would probably have radically different attitudes and personalities.

I used to buy into the idea that this gentle giant was some sort of contradiction in personality and form, but as I’ve gained life experience I’ve found that the two are basically aligned. What would be more interesting is a character who is feeble, vulnerable, trampled by life, and who still finds the inner strength to be kind. A character who is judged and scorned and mocked and belittled, but who chooses peace. A character who is rejected and excluded, but who still chooses to smile and be friendly. 

That’s what takes real steel, to wake up every day and choose to be kind when you get nothing in return. Not being a strong, charismatic hero surrounded by love interests and sidekicks, getting patted on the back that they somehow manage to be a decent human being despite all of that privilege and love and validation. When that’s contrasted with those villains, it just feels like punching down.

[zosonils]

what are some random papyrus headcanons you currently have?

ooughwhhghgh anon you know the EXACT way to my heart. got a map to it and everything. a real good and fancy map. the ones with sea monsters in the corners

autistic adhd papyrus real

he tends to think of anything he doesn’t understand [and even some things he does!] in terms of puzzles, since they’re a lifelong special interest and they help him contextualise things! for instance if he’s navigating someplace he’s never been before it’s easier for him to visualise things as an incomplete map that he has to find the pieces [landmarks] of than it is to just wander until he finds his way or go up to someone and ask for directions [talking to people he doesn’t know very well is also a puzzle and he has more trouble solving that one because sometimes the clues lie to you]. this approach to things makes him astoundingly good at working through things logically, although between the difficulties applying this sort of thinking to unpredictable social situations and his occasional penchant for insane troll logic he doesn’t have a 100% success rate

in addition to this he’s a really visual thinker and can understand almost anything really quickly if he has a way to visualise it, whether it’s explicitly given to him or he thinks of one himself and suddenly goes OH I GET IT NOW. anything that doesn’t come with a coherent visual metaphor is borderline impossible for him to grasp, though. dude needs his diagrams

he likes playing video games, at least when he isn’t hyperfocused on his duties as a royal guard in training, and he tends to get an insane amount of mileage out of them because once he beats whatever objective the game explicitly gives him he’ll start making up his own self-imposed challenges or ‘puzzles’ instead. like if you gave him tetris he’d be super into the standard a-type and b-type modes, but once he gets tired of those he’ll start doing stuff like trying to play in time with the music, or without rotating any pieces, or painstakingly arranging incomplete lines so that the empty spaces form some kind of intricate pattern

gloves and especially scarves are a comfort accessory for him! even before/after the battle body is a thing and he’s wearing different clothes from one day to another pretty much every outfit he wears includes those accessories. if it’s too hot for a huge warm tightly-wrapped scarf he just grits his teeth and wears it anyway

the reason pap hates grease so much is that it sets off literally every single sensory issue he has. it sticks to you when you touch it just a little, it feels just as gross through your gloves, it’s hard to wash off, it stains your favourite scarf so you have to put it through the washing machine twice to make absolutely sure it doesn’t smell weird later and stress you out again, it has a gross taste that stays in your mouth for ages, it’s just the worst! how his brother stomachs the stuff he’ll never know [and it’s not because he doesn’t have a stomach, that doesn’t mean he can’t have standards either]

papyrus knows that sans suffers from depression, and he understands what that actually means as opposed to just having a surface-level grasp on ‘sans isn’t happy as often as he should be’. the issue isn’t that he doesn’t understand or desperately want to help, he does, but the sheer magnitude of sans’ issues is just substantially more than papyrus has any frame of reference for. the best he knows how to do is to be as blisteringly positive as possible in hopes that some of it will rub off on sans, while also refusing to enable any of the lazy or blatantly self-destructive habits sans has that papyrus can tell aren’t making him feel any better. short motherfucker needs a trained therapist and/or antidepressants more than anything but papyrus is doing everything he can, and while papyrus being papyrus is already enough to keep sans going he’s helping as much as he does specifically because of the deliberate effort he makes to beat sans’ depression over the head with a bone until it runs off hissing

wow that one got long lmao sorry i just really hate when people portray papyrus as completely oblivious to sans’ problems when he’s pretty strongly hinted to understand them to at least some degree and 1. it literally makes for such a better story on both the heartwarming and crushingly tragic ends of the spectrum if pap knows and is doing his best to help 2. even if it didn’t people are still deliberately ignoring huge chunks of papyrus’ characterisation in favour of portraying him as the smol little innocent cinnamon roll uwu bean who doesn’t understand anything and y’all have got to realise the implications of forcing this personality on the most heavily autistic coded character in the game :|

on a more lighthearted note, papyrus can reluctantly but wholeheartedly appreciate a good pun or cleverly-planned prank, he just knows that sans likes getting a rise out of people with them and goes with his instinct to groan over his instinct to laugh because it makes sans happy. sans is completely aware that papyrus is doing this, so there’s an unspoken self-aware undertone to their whole routine lmao

whenever papyrus, sans, and undyne are together they have this wacky dynamic where they’re all constantly tossing the straight man role around like a hot potato and i want a dumb sitcom about the three of them living in the skeleton household that goes absolutely mental with this wacky dynamic and god damn it i’ll write it myself if i have to

papyrus gets to kin me for this one, there’s like a single phineas and ferb dvd that fell into the underground a few years ago that made its way to him in one way or another [sans probably gave it to him with no way of predicting the special interest hell [positive] he was about to unleash] and he immediately became obsessed. he can recite entire episodes from memory because he watched them so many times the audio got burned into his brain. his favourite character is doof and he considers the annoying dog his personal perry the platypus. when he gets to the surface and finds out that there’s like 200 more episodes he cries with happiness

aroace papyrus also real

it’s getting late so i’m going to leave this here but i am always down to talk about papyrus. i fuckin love papyrus so much guys

[onmywaytohogwartsrn]

Why I Hate Dumbledore

I recently reread the books, and whilst doing so I compiled a list of reasons as to why I hate Albus Dumbledore. I am also writing an essay where I go into more detail but that will take a while because I procrastinate a lot sorry

Leaves Harry, a one year old, on a doorstep in the middle of Autumn

‘Troll in the Dungeons’: Sends Slytherins to the dungeons- (stupidity- despite being one of the greatest wizards in history?)

Takes the house cup away from the Slytherins

Allows Snape, a bully and asshole, to teach at school despite being an absolutely shit teacher and literally turning out to be a students biggest fear

Puts defenses in place for incredibly powerful people that eleven year olds are able to get through without too much difficulty- definitely would not have kept out Voldemort/Death Eaters

Literally does not tell anyone anything ever

Tells Harry and Hermione to go back in time, but like, indirectly? Doesn’t even tell them what to do? Despite the fact that there are lives on the line? They are children?

Left Sirius in Azkaban without even pushing for him to get a trial

Set Harry up like a lamb to the slaughter

Left Harry in an abusive household- ‘I knew I was condemning you to ten dark and difficult years’

Tells Harry he must play in the Triwizard tournament despite being underage. Hardly even investigates who put his name in, even though it could be potentially dangerous

Lets teenagers fight dragons- sensible

Leaves school for days at a time with very little instruction, whilst in the middle of a war, when he is in charge of protection hundreds of students

Makes Sirius stay in Grimmauld Place, a place where he was abused for years. (This can be argued as necessary protection, but still)

Possibly killed his sister

Allows Hagrid to be expelled for pretty much no reason. Did keep him on as groundskeeper though, so I must give him points for that. 

Sends Harry to greet Harry, instead of an actual teacher like all the other students. So Hagrid can feed Harry incredibly bias views of the Wizarding World, especially Slytherin and Dumbledore, which was a part of Dumbledore’s plan so Harry was his perfect little pawn

Harry is given such little information that it leads to Sirius’ death- his death could had been prevented if Dumbledore wasn’t such a manipulative bastard

Trelawney becomes an alcoholic, Dumbledore offers her practically no help and allows her to continue teaching, despite not being in a good state of mind to be teaching literal children. Even Harry, Mr Oblivious, notices this, despite not taking divination at the time she became an alcoholic. 

Takes Harry, sixteen years old, on a potentially life threatening mission, despite the fact that Harry cannot legally do magic outside of school or apparate. Literally has the entire Order behind him, but chooses to take an inexperienced sixteen year old, because that is of course, very smart and responsible

Makes Harry watch him die

Is aware that Draco is trying to kill him and does nothing. ‘Feeble attempts’. Students get hurt because of Dumbledore’s lack of action. 

Kept the fact that Harry and Dumbledore shared a Godric’s Hollow link a secret. (Insignificant, but still something that would have been nice to mention I guess)

Gave Harry literally no information about horcruxes

Hid the sword of Gryffindor and ‘forgot’ to tell Harry where it was

Is a general idiot and manipulative asshole

Grindewald, the second darkest wizard in history, got his slogan from Dumbledore. (’For the Greater Good.’)

Supposedly kept his sister ‘locked up’

Intended on taking his mentally unstable sister on a tour of the world with him and Grindewald, for the ‘greater good’ *sigh*

Hated Slytherins, was very bias towards Gryffindor. *to Snape* ‘You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we sort too soon’

Never got around to telling Harry about the Voldemort-Harry connection. ‘”We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength.” Said Dumbledore, his eyes still tightly shut, “meanwhile the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth, sometimes I have though that he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does meet his death, it will, truly, mean the end of Lord Voldemort”’

J.K Rowling likes him- she cannot be trusted. 

Goes after the Hallows himself because we all know that he is an egotistical power maniac :))

Won’t let Arabella Figg be nice to Harry when he visits her??

Realises in OOTP that Harry is human, and does not want to bond with him for then his selfish and stupid plan will not work because Harry has to die

Knew he was gonna die but did not prepare Harry or literally ANYONE other than Snape? Snape? Who would have had to have fled the OOTP after he killed Dumbledore anyway? Who was not that trustworthy? Like he literally left zero information with OOTP, instead choosing to leave it on a creepy as fuck, not trustworthy person and a child. *Slow clap for Dumbledore*

Empathy? What’s that? Has very little care for anyone except his stupid plan and is so emotionally distant it is kinda scary ngl. Very cold and distant at times, did not give a shit unless something benefited his plan or himself in someone. Like I’m telling you now, as a Slytherin, Dumbledore is literally more cunning than 90% of Slytherin, how is he not one of us? (It’s fine we don’t want him anyway)

You can argue that he cares for Harry I guess, but lets be honest, he literally only cares about success and power, I actually cannot with him right now 

Uses his power to emotionally manipulate Harry into becoming his ‘weapon’

His plan wasn’t even that good. Literally failed all the time, and all he does is drop hints. 

That’s it. Sorry, I know that the ordering of this is not very good, so I apologise, I had to turn these all from my notes into actual discernible sentences. I know that I am grappling at straws at some point, but I hate Dumbledore so much. Feel free to add your own! Thanks :D

[bellesque]

Sweet Dreams (Loki x Reader)

Part 7: Sight

Read on AO3.

Spotify playlist here.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4.3K

Warnings/Tags: Mirror Sex, Fingering, Dirty Talk, Bondage, Masturbation, basic filth y’all know, and some Angst gasp

A/N: This was a beast to write. Can’t believe there’s only one chapter left after this. Thanks for being along this filthy ride.

* * *

“HEY. SEX EYES.”

Your attention snaps up immediately. “Hm?”

She gives you a look. Shit. Busted. You plaster on a look of feigned obliviousness.

Isla sips her margarita, eyebrows lifted, and then takes extra interest in setting it down. Guilt gnaws at you. Did you pay attention to anything she just said? No. Are you going to let her know? Not if you can get away with it.

You don’t, though. Barely anything slips past Isla, from information to a change in energy. The prolonged pause makes you nervous, but you do your best not to show it.

“Sex eyes,” she says simply, examining her nails. Her gray irises flit to you, and she cocks her head to the side. “You’ve got the sex eyes.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You’re thinking about a good lay. Or getting laid. You literally just zoned out because you were thinking about sex!”

“Isla!” you shush her quickly, before the elderly couple a few tables down has a chance to throw you a dirty look. Your cheeks burn, and Isla’s eyes widen as she realizes she wasn’t off the mark.

“Oh my gosh. Wait, I was like, half-kidding.” Her face splits into a grin and she slaps your leg under the table. “I knew it!” she hisses.

“Isla!”

“So who is he?”

It’s a little amusing to see her cool, calculated façade crumble as soon as she discovers you’ve been seeing someone—well, you’re using the term loosely here. But. Still.

She doesn’t even let you speak before she barrels on. “He’s gotta be like. A total hunk since you turned down Jake for him, right? Right? Holy shit, woman, tell me!”

Tell her what, exactly? That you’re “seeing” someone who only comes at midnight, specifically when you’re asleep?

“It… he’s a… secret,” you mumble.

“Secret?” Isla lets out an exaggerated gasp. “No way. Nuh uh. No secrets between us.”

“He’s a little… bashful,” you try, shrugging your shoulders. Is it hot out here? You specifically picked a table with good shade, but you’re heating up. You grab your drink in the hopes of cooling off a bit.

“Doesn’t mean you have to be,” she pouts childishly, crossing her arms as she leans back against the wicker lawn chair. “Fine.”

A pause.

“Is the sex good?”

“Isla!”

“What? Can’t blame me for trying. For all I know you’re a kinky bitch under all that office wear.” She wags her eyebrows at you suggestively. You roll your eyes in response. Another sip. Another hope that she won’t notice that she, once again, has hit the nail right on the head.

“He is real, right? You’re not just messing with me?”

“Of course,” you reply instantly, a thin wall of defensiveness going up. “What makes you think he isn’t?”

“You’re literally telling me nothing.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Yeah, but I tell you everything!”

“Even the things I don’t want to know,” you mutter. Isla pouts again.

“Fine. It’s fine. My best friend knows that she can tell me when she feels ready. And I, as her best friend, will be just as welcoming and accepting as I always am. Unless of course. He’s a troll or something. Then we can hide his body together. But one day, my best friend will tell me. Every little kinky, pornstar-worthy detail.” She wrinkles her nose in afterthought. “Ew. Okay maybe not every kinky, porny detail. But you get it!”

You manage a weak beam, but your lunch date with Isla goes on with a rock in the pit of your stomach. It’s only on your way back to work that you acknowledge and confront the feelings you’ve been suppressing for the longest time. Not the ones that surfaced because of Isla’s prying—but the ones that have been swimming just beneath the surface, opening up into a vortex of heavy thoughts.

It’s like you’ve grown… attached. There’s an emotion somewhere, one whose name comes closest to yearning, and it’s tearing you apart. On the one hand: he’s an incubus. He’s somewhere between fact and fiction, and obviously having the hots for a something rather than a someone proves to have its issues… but what if?

What if he were real, more than just a sex demon? More human, more capable of emotions other than lust and desire?

Damn. Get it together. No need to get all soft. It’s just sex.

(But it lingers: what if it could be more than that?)

 --

The silk ties are gone.

The corner where they usually sit is bare. You don’t consider yourself an overly observant person by any means, but you’ve gotten so used to seeing the smooth shine out of the corner of your eye that it feels just the slightest bit off when it’s not calling out to your subconscious.

Where… where did they go?

A sharp shiver runs down your shoulders when you realize it could be because you won’t be needing them tonight. You’ll be seeing him.

How is he going to go about it? Surely as teasing and drawn out as he always is, but where would he even begin? Would he ask you to undress for him, peel off each garment layer by layer? Would he be the one to do so?

Tonight feels like such an occasion that part of you wants to prepare somehow. It’s been a while since you’ve gotten excited to get ready for something.

Ah, fuck, if you’re too excited again, does that mean you’re not going to sleep?

It’s whatever. You’ll deal with it later.

Along with the possible emotional repercussions you dread will arise.

-- -- --

Surprisingly, you’re out like a light. The lightest shifting of your duvet is what wakes you.

“Just as I suspected.” Loki’s silky voice is right by your ear. “You really are a vixen, sleeping naked like this.”

Your eyelids flutter open to see Loki kneeling over you, a seductive smirk on his face. His green eyes rake over your figure hungrily, flitting from the duvet that covers your lower half to the halo of hair around your head. He trails his fingers along the curve of your jaw. “What were you planning to do, pet?” he murmurs. “Seduce me into your bed before I’d had my fun?”

You give him a sleepy smile, sleep-hooded eyes fixated on his mouth. “I’m the fun,” you counter boldly, slowly pushing your bare breasts towards him.

“That you are.” He trails his hand down to your breast now, giving it a gentle squeeze and a tug. “But. It’s so much fun to play with you, sweet.”

Your breathing shallows, eyelids dipping to where his fingertip lingers on your peaked nipple. It’s so easy. So natural for you to slip into this hypnotized, seduced state, willing and wanting for lack of a better description.

His touch ghosts back up over your neck, skimming lightly over your jaw as he leans towards you. “Are you ready?” he asks, his head tipping to one side. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his nose against the hollow of your cheekbone. “At long last.”

You crane your neck to the side, back arching, rising up to feel the length of his body closer to you. You will have him skin-to-skin tonight, eyes open through all of it, and a fiery bolt of excitement floods your core.

His silk suit has never felt more irksome than it does now. A barrier between you that you wish you could just rip away and have him then and there. He’s made you wait long enough, damn it. You need his cock, now.

But Loki loves to leave you in that state of anticipation, it seems. His fingers dip beneath the duvet and trail all over your naked flesh, purposefully avoiding your sopping cunt, but stimulating you just enough to make your chest rise and fall faster.

And fuck, if his expression isn’t intoxicating as it is. The way he studies you so intently—the darkness in his eyes, the way his tongue darts out when he sees how hard your nipples are. He’s barely even begun, and he’s already ruining you.

“I’d like to kiss you now,” he says lowly, darkened eyes flicking up to meet your own. “May I?”

Your answer is an urgent pressing of your mouth against his, warm and desperate and longing.

And Loki doesn’t kiss you—whatever he’s doing now, calling it mere kissing would be a disservice. It’s dizzying, consuming, possessive, every bite on your lip and suck on your tongue. There’s no way you can hold it in when you moan into his mouth.

Loki pulls away, his grip tightening around the base of your neck—fuck, when did his hand end up there?—and breathlessly he mutters into you, “Do that again. Moan for me.”

His mouth captures yours in another earth-stopping kiss, and you oblige him.

And he moans too.

By the time he pulls away, finishing with open-mouthed pecks and his tongue swiping against your mouth, you’re positive your lips are swollen and flushed the deepest shade of red. The look in his eyes tells you plainly tonight has just begun.

You reach out for him, eager for another kiss, maybe two—

The bloody fucker has restrained you. Both hands, tied to the headboard.

You say his name in what is supposed to be mild confusion, but it comes out more breathy and wanton. Damn him.

“I want you to watch me.”

Oh, fuck.

Loki gets off the bed, transfixed on your naked form all the while, and… and, well, begins stripping.

“Watch me,” Loki says sharply when he sees your eyes nearly roll back when you shudder.

And so you do. Maybe it’s because your breasts rise and fall in your periphery while you’re fucking tied up—which is somehow super fucking erotic—or because he’s watching you watch him with such a burning intensity, but even without showing an inch of skin, Loki has you, a whimpering mess, in the palm of his hand.

And then finally—fucking finally—you see him in all his bare glory.

Your jaw drops when you see his cock: swollen with blood, erect and leaking copious amounts of precum it’s obscene.

“I want you… to watch…”

His fingers clasp around his shaft, stroking himself in long, languid pumps. Your mouth waters, your tongue darting out to wet your lips.

Wet. It’s what you are, it’s what Loki’s dick is. Somehow you don’t know where to look—into his eyes that seem to fuck you, or at his mouth that’s slowly parting and moving soundlessly from his restrained groans, or at his flushed and leaking cock that hangs heavy in his hand. You squirm, your cunt fluttering in need.

Your attention eventually focuses on his ministrations, the mesmerizing way he touches and strokes himself. Loki drags his hand over his shaft at an excruciatingly slow pace and keeps it up for a good while before he starts speeding up, his quiet breaths growing more labored and his abdomen visibly tensing as he ruts more firmly into his fist.

“Fuck,” you say softly, your core muscles rhythmically clenching now as you imagine it’s your cunt. Have you been clenching all the while Loki pleasures himself in front of you—for you?

“I would love to,” he husks. Loki advances, radiating pure sex.

And then he cums—hard. Spurt after spurt of white rope splattering warmth over your bare stomach, and it’s only when he rubs over the head of his cock do you realize your breathing through an open mouth.

“Did you want it in your mouth, sweet?” Loki smirks, caressing your cum-smattered stomach, drawing a line between the valley of your breasts. He holds out his finger in front of you, and suddenly it’s like his cum and your mouth are the only thing in existence. “Do you want it?”

Words don’t come easily to you; instead you battle the restraints, uncaring of the wanton way your tongue stretches out of your mouth, desperate to taste him. Loki pulls his finger away for you to huff in need, until he’s decided he’s had enough torturing you and shoves his thumb into your mouth.

You suck on it greedily, tongue swirling around him, keeping your eyes locked on his. Eye contact. You want him to want you. You want him to see how much you want him.

Almost reluctantly, his finger leaves the warmth of your mouth, dragging your lower lip down subtly before he brings the pad of his thumb back over his slit. Loki hisses, eyes snapping shut as he thumbs his hard cockhead.

Fuck.

“I cannot wait,” he says hoarsely, fingers rubbing his head, “I must have you now.”

The anticipation within you is almost like an out of body experience. Your limbs move of their own accord as soon as they’re let out of their restraints, and fuck when your bare bodies touch, it’s fucking fire. Your blood is fire, your skin is fire.

And the best part is, you can see him. Through the haze of your eyelashes as you kiss his mouth fiercely, it’s evident he’s enjoying this just as much—if not more—as you are. Eyes shut, cock hard, hands needy. So fucking needy.

Loki starts necking you, bringing you flush against his (completely and deliciously naked) skin with a hand kneading your ass. And there it is, that stimulation—the way he palms the flesh and smacks it to deliver the most sensual and near illicit shockwaves to your clit.

You’re panting pretty heavily now, hands fisted tight in Loki’s dark waves. The moment you tug on it unconsciously is when he seems to break from whatever spell he’s under. He kisses the bruise that’s now forming on your neck, thumbing your nipples as he smolders up at you.

“Turn around,” he rasps, and the breathiness in his voice makes you a little proud.

Being on your knees, it doesn’t take very long for you to do a 180. At least, it shouldn’t. But the sex-crazed part of you puts on a show for him: a subtle jut of your ass, an arch of your back to let your breasts bounce enticingly for him. And it works, sort of—the corner of Loki’s mouth lifts up in a challenged smirk and he pulls your hips, your back colliding with his chest.

“Look at you,” he says, nose brushing the helix of your ear. “At us.”

At first, you aren’t sure what he means… until you see the mirror on the side of the room, reflecting your flushed and naked body pulled against his. It stretches from the ceiling all the way to the floor, displaying in crystal clear quality, you and Loki entwined in a tangle of sweat-sheened limbs.

Loki straddles you from behind, his head angled intently towards you as he strokes the sides of your breasts. “Open those legs, sweet, and eyes on that delicious cunt.”

You spread your knees wider, half-kneeling, half-saddled against Loki’s lap, inching apart until the flushed rosy pink of your cunt peeks between your legs. Instead of embarrassment flooding you as you thought it would, you’re simply turned on.

“Would you like to touch yourself?” Loki nips at your neck in the reflection, eyes shut as his lips brush against you, barely pulling away when he speaks. His voice is nothing more than a deep resonance in your chest. “Or shall I?”

“Please,” you whisper, entranced at the vision of Loki sucking another bruise into your neck, that sweet spot that makes your legs turn to jelly.

His hands begin to toy with your breasts, and you shudder, folding into his touch. “Please what?”

“Touch me.”

Loki says nothing. At this point, you just want to cum. From his cock or his fingers, right now it doesn’t matter—all you crave is release that comes from his doing. After being blindfolded for so long, you finally get the chance to memorize this moment, imprint it into your consciousness forever.

His hands roll and tease your nipples until you let out an impatient whine, to which Loki punishes (or rewards?) you with a sharp squeeze at your breast. And then his palm slides down, down, centimeter by centimeter, your knees fruitlessly trying to get even further apart.

You’re on the verge of babbling sexual pleas, you’re sure of it. Close to begging for his fingers, his touch; his tongue, his cock. Loki chuckles—shit, did you say all that out loud?

Without so much as a warning, Loki slips a finger inside you. Entirely finesse, like it’s the most natural response to babble in the world. Like it’s the only way to shut you up—which, probably, if your moan is any indication, it is.

It becomes increasingly difficult for you to keep your eyes open; they insist on rolling back whenever his fingers brush against your clit. But it’s so hot, so fucking hot, to be riding—when did your hips start moving?—his fingers, watching how they disappear into your cunt with a soft squelch.

And then his fingers curl into your G-spot, and you convulse involuntarily.

“Stay,” Loki orders roughly, mouth closing around the index finger of his free hand. He stimulates your clit further with the heel of the hand that fingers you, and rolls your nipple in his spit-covered fingers.

The crescendo of pleasure in your body is barely containable; your moan is throaty as you buck onto his hand, and Loki rewards you with another pleasurable squeeze. So hot. Your body is consumed by the wildfire of pleasure, chasing the white hot flame of release.

“Loki—” you can’t help it, you tilt your head and give him a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, “—Loki, fuck, I’m gonna cum like this—”

“Then cum, sweet.” Loki’s fingers pump you deeper, curling inside you. His breath is so warm, so hot against your neck. “Cum for me.”

And you do. Shockingly fast, and strong, your body spasming so much that Loki has to hold you close. You watch, dissociated from yourself, as your body jolts with the aftershocks of pleasure. Like the image that’s in front of you isn’t actually you—spent and panting and wanton, pussy dark red and fluttering and proud.

Loki kisses you as you ride out your high, just barely moving his fingers inside you. It’s never been like this. Multiple orgasms are achievable, but with Loki… oh, mercy. How is he able to keep you in such a constant state of arousal, hungry even when you should be sated?

And then… then you register it. You don’t, not at first, too blissfully unaware of whatever else is happening outside your mouth slotting against his, his lips suctioning around the tip of your tongue—but when it happens, you freeze. You can’t believe—is it happening, you really ask yourself, as Loki shifts behind you and positions the head of his cock at your sopping entrance.

Fuck, his precum mingles with your cum, and it’s the fucking hottest thing you’ve ever felt, your body buzzing in preparation for what you’ve been daydreaming about for the longest time.

Your eyes are hyperfocused on the shadow of where your sexes meet, mouth hanging open as you watch in rapture the way he disappears into your folds.

It’s only when he bottoms out, does the way he stretches and fills you so perfectly actually register in your mind and body.

Fucking full is what you are.

Loki’s face is buried in the crook of your neck, breathing heavy as his cock fucking twitches inside you. You stay that way, both of you still as a statue, until Loki commands in a hungry whisper, “Ride me.”

And you do, all the while watching your body and the way it molds against his. His cock disappearing inside you, your walls fitting and dragging against the contour and ridges of every part of him. It’s fucking hypnotizing. Up. His cock glistens with your mingled juices. Down. Your pussy swallows him inch by inch. Up. You clench as you rise, particularly unforgiving when you’re around just his cockhead. Down. You add a little swivel to your hips as Loki bottoms out.

He growls a curse underneath his breath.

I want to make you cum. You gyrate more forcefully now, movements losing whatever elegance they held before. I want you to cum inside me.

“Keep thinking that, and I just might,” Loki groans, fingers rubbing tight, short circles your clit.

“Then do it,” you whisper, clenching as you caress the side of his face. Loki lets out a guttural noise, and then he does something you don’t expect—he shoves you.

Not off of him. Thank fuck he doesn’t. But he forces you forward, firm and dominant, and you fall on your chest with a soft oomph.

“On your hands and knees, pet.” Loki's ceased all movements inside you, save for the brush of his fingers at your hips. But for some reason, you’re sure you can cum like this. Simply wrapped around him, snug and warm, tightening your muscles as the way to release.

As if he’s read your thoughts, Loki pulls out of you and then buries himself to the hilt. You cry out, Loki’s pace now a battering, brutally delicious fucking from behind.

You could stay like this. Face down on your bed that smells like sex, mouth hanging open, being fucked so good you’re fucking drooling. You close your eyes, focused on the sensation of his cock gliding, massaging, pounding into your walls at a speed you can only describe as ungodly.

Your hair is yanked up, not too hard to be considered anything more than pleasurable pain.

“Look at yourself,” Loki spits out, a restrained grunt following after. Your eyes flutter open, and you’re thoroughly turned on by the sight that greets you. Loki’s beautiful face contorted in a sex-crazed snarl, hips slamming into yours. Your ass jiggles with every thrust, and your breasts sway back and forth while you’re barely propped up on your elbows. Your mouth still hangs open, as if awaiting Loki’s next load. Shit. You want that. His cum down your throat.

Loki gives another tug at your hair. “Look at you, my little cock slut. All your dirty desires, all your fantasies and sex—brought to the surface. Here, with me.” Loki groans again, speeding up his thrusts. Slap. Slap. Slap. “Do you like how I fuck you? Hmm? Answer me.”

Loki spanks you. A short, pleasurable sting that pushes you closer to release. Your eyebrows crease together—fuck, you won’t last long, not with the way his hand rubs soothing circles over where he slaps you. “Yes,” is your breathy answer.

Another slap. Another caress. “Louder, pet. Do you like—” he rolls his hips deeper into you, his cock riding just right along your G-spot, shit, “—how I fuck you?”

Fuuuuuck. The pleasure builds, and builds, and you buck against him as you moan another yes.

“Then cum,” he orders. Slapslapslapslap—Loki grunts, plowing into you at a such a precise speed, you can barely keep up. “Cum now, for me. Only for me.”

With a wail of his name and your head falling forward against the mattress, you cum, whole body convulsing as you pant loudly through an open mouth. So good. You clench around him as you come down from your high, and his cock sliding in and out of you in a deliciously lazy rhythm sends you into the precipice of release once more.

“Loki—” you can’t keep your eyes open anymore, but you grind against his hardening length, “—I’m gonna cum again.”

“Wait for me.” He grunts, his chest falling on your back as his hands find and knead your breasts. “I’m close.”

Somehow. Something in those two words—or maybe in the way that he says it—makes you pause in your movements. He doesn’t stop, not in the slightest, chasing his own release while you stave off yours. But… there’s something that strikes a chord in you. One that unravels a thread of thoughts and emotions wound tight, tucked away in some deep corner of your mind in favor of enjoyable, no-strings-attached sex.

But you want strings.

You want him to be more than just a sex machine. More than just a dream. Someone who actually fucking exists and hopefully, has a heart that loves as well as he fucks. But the reality is—this isn’t. This isn’t your reality, just some dream-sexcapade for a week.

You’re not gonna cry. Fuck it, you’re not going to. You’re going to enjoy every bit of tonight, damn it, have as many orgasms as you can, and you’re going to feel nothing but lust and pleasure and wake up with the glow of sex.

Loki slaps your ass again, jolting you back to his steady fucking behind you. Your hands gripping sheets, knuckles white, you say in a surprisingly steady voice, “Fuck me harder.”

His breathing hitches, and he spreads your legs further apart, bending you so it’s just your ass in the air meeting him thrust for thrust.

And fuck, does he thrust.

He’s muttering, quiet affirmations, dirty nothings, hands traveling up and down your spine—and when you clench, the first ropes of his seed sear a blaze of fire within your walls, making it easy for you to follow in release.

Before he can pull out completely, though, you summon your strength, and push Loki on his back while you swivel on his cock—earning another groan from his end—plant your hands on his chest, and look at him.

Memorizing.

Burning it into memory.

You bend forward to kiss him, hips circling over his still-hard cock.

One more night.

Just tonight.

Tonight, you’ll have the sweetest fucking dream you’ve ever had.

* * *

Masterlist

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[gold-kobold]

ok so i decided to write out every single passing thought as i watched the show, so this post turned out EXTREMELY long of literally just me screaming, here you go, take my pain, all episodes under the read more lol

Episode 1

i’ve heard merlin say douxie’s full name like five times now and i STILL cannot pronounce it lmao

i CANNOT get over archie and his beautiful cat-dragon form!!! love it (also, seeing him without his glasses for the first time was EXTREMELY disorienting asfghdgfj-) double also, i love how they’re using the arcadian monsters’ love of eating cats as bait

i’m like five minutes in and i already love douxie and archie’s relationship SO much, i would die for these absolute bros

douxie you’re yelling about magic in the middle of the street, you are SO lucky everyone in arcadia is oblivious and stupid or you’d have been caught ten times over by now-

i LOVE that i’m seeing steve and aaarrrgghh and toby right now but i’m also laughing SO hard at their conversation because i’m trying to imagine how the people who haven’t seen trollhunters/3below are gonna react to those opening lines of “it’s hard to top destroying an alien god” and “i lost my butt-stomping, ninja-space-angel girlfriend and my creepslaying partner in the same afternoon”

HOLY SHIT THE THEME SONG IS ACTUALLY AMAZING THIS TIME????

archie setting some clear boundaries with aaarrrgghh, i see... lmao

why is there a painting of a dog in a knight suit in the bookstore? is this undertale now???

“did you lead them here?” “No!” “yes we did” ok it’s official archie is my favourite so far-

“ship just got real” STEVE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

aghsgfdfjgk archie does the go-on-the-shoulder thing i LOVE THAT they’re so cute alsO I SEE CUTE ELF FAIRY GIRL PERSON IDK WHAT SHE IS BUT NARI’S ALSO SO CUTE-

i am EXTREMELY loving how toby is already hella in murder mode towards green knight binch who hurt his friend, nobody messes with jimbo bean without facing toby’s wrath y’all

“oh, i hate that lady” you and me both, toby

rest in hecking pieces galahad (i’m sure he’s fine)

ok i SWEAR, that ice person of the arcane order HAS to be an akaridion, right??? right?????????

oop, never mind, ice person has normal feet, definitely not an akaridion lol

i love how the last episode of 3below ended on steve screaming, and now the first episode of wizards continues that trend lmaooo-

bro the end credits art is SO GOOD what the heck-

well that was one hell of a start... time to binge the rest of the episodes and die!!!

Episode 2

DID LANCELOT REALLY JUST PULL THE PRINCE CHARMING HAIR FLIP FROM SHREK. IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. i am both appalled and thrilled

steve being a bi icon as usual... nice. (though i can’t tell if this reaction is just because lance looks like him or what lol)

steve i love your bi energy, i feel it in my soul, but can you stop being gay for a second, these racists boutta hang you all for having a troll friend oh my heckin god-

“thanks for always tipping, by the way” jim may not like douxie but he RESPECTS RESTAURANT STAFF LIKE THE 10/10 GOOD LAD HE IS, i love jim so much

i’m very much relating to claire’s reaction to morgana right now, but i understand that this is the past, and she technically hasn’t done All Those Horrible Things yet... still salty, though

i’ve known arthur for like two minutes and i hate him. like i get that trolls have definitely murdered his wife or something. but like. bruh i’m willing to bet cold hard cash that some humans in camelot have murdered each other at some point or another BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN 100% OF HUMANS ARE MURDERERS SO STOP USING THAT STUPID LOGIC ON TROLLS, ARTHUR

i’m not disagreeing with morgana in this episode at all but my fight-or-flight instincts are still being very much activated whenever i see her lol mostly fight

claire’s such a mood right now asgfhdfj

callista has so much salt and i am living for it, because mood

steve is taking this whole time-jump thing unsurprisingly well

D U M B L E D O R K

“well, here’s to hoping this doesn’t break the time-space continuum” -douxie, the least frustrating time-travel protagonist i’ve ever seen so far

watching morgana and merlin arguing (but while they’re still friends(?)) is so unsettling in the weirdest way... this show is going to destroy me, i just know it

douxie’s face when the vault got locked. omg

i definitely don’t think lance is steve’s dad, because like... time frame, obviously. but i feel like he’s gotta be at least SOME sort of ancient ancestor? the resemblance is too uncanny

slorrs terrify me more than any nyarlagroth ever did

claire looks SO uncomfortable with morgana right now, poor girl’s still traumatized from the whole possession thing and morgana doesn’t even KNOW, this is already messing with me oh no

... is morgana missing her hand already, or is she just wearing a glove...? i feel like she woulda gone apeshit if merlin took her hand by now, and i’m pretty sure she had both hands in one of the teasers???

ARTHUR YOU ARE TAKING ENTIRELY THE WRONG MESSAGE FROM THIS CONVERSATION

oh god, you guys are ALREADY gonna mess up history??? my heart can’t take this

steve finally getting the appreciation he deserves for his rapping

“your squire seems touched in the head” b r u h

go claire go, shadow-magic all their butts-

what thE FU- GUNMAR JUST??? SAVED JIM???? EXCUSE??????? WHAT??????????

ahh, it’s just a power trip for him, that makes more sense

i am VERY unsurprised at how fast merlin caught them lol

Episode 3

“my planning is flawless” merlin you and i both know that’s not true, i’m sorry dude but you mess stuff up just like everybody else

arthur. dude. why are you like this. “hurdehur i lost my wife so let’s kill my sister too” arthur you’re a dumbass

OH MY GOD I SEE BESSIE. OR BESSIE’S ANCESTOR. BUT S T I L L

eeeuuuggghhhh i’m not sure i like the possibility of this new timeline thing. this is what i was worried about, making the plot of trollhunters and 3below irrelevant... but i wanna trust this will work out somehow while not making all the previous stuff irrelevant 

my heart is hurting for jim

and jim’s heart is just hurting, like in general lol

why is callista SUCH a massive mood every time she says anything oh my GOD-

OH MY GOD CALLISTA R U D E, NEVER MIND I GUESS-

“hug and make up and not die” is like. the ideal life goal. lol

i love how morgana’s name is just. chillin’ under arthur and gwen. lmfao, the big third wheel mood

arthur you bitch, leave cute child nari alone

STALKLINGS!!!!! also, oh nooo gwen, oh heckerdoodles

both morgana and arthur have VERY pretty eyes, it must run in the family

oooohhhhh no, they’re attacking a gumm-gumm, you IDIOTS-

BULAR HECK YEAH- i mean this is bad but yo i LOVE seeing bular again lol.

oh no you attacked gunmar’s SON oh heck he is going to get y’all’s asses, aaaAAAAAA

i’m already in so much pain you guys

OH YAY THEY’RE GOING TO OLD TROLLMARKET I’M SO EXCITED AM I GONNA SEE DICTATIOUS????

oh gosh... steve... you poor idiot omg how are you not dead yet

oh, we not in old trollmarket, we in tombro... i feel so bad for callista. :(

“he was tall for his age!” shgfdjfgkhj jim omg-

stuff is happening to jim and i CANNOT handle it, stop HURTING my BOY AAA A A AA A A A A A

uh-oh, i’ve seen THIS clip already... shadow clone jutsu time lmaooooo

steve is REALLY mvp in all these scenes lmfao

i’m liking these episodes, but this arc between morgana and claire feels a little rushed. like i get the general message and that the timeframe doesn’t allow for a lot of fleshing out, but they both seemed to trust each other a little too quickly, it makes the whole “betrayal” thing less heavy as it could be 

 “oh hey, feelings lol” callista is literally just all of us but saltier lol ... 

OH HER HAND

W H A T

WHAT JUST HAPPENED

i was JUST talking about how things didn’t feel as heavy as they should’ve and then morgana got her hand sliced off and died holy CRUD what IS THIS

BLINKYYYYYY AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH YES HERE WE GO

Episode 4

oh dang, we starting out with claire’s trauma nightmares, why must you DESTROY ME LIKE THIS, WIZARDS?????

ok i gotta say it... merlin is a simp for arthur

“that doesn’t sound like a REAL problem steve” well if you take into consideration that steve’s dad probably gave him crippling self-worth issues, then it kinda could be

this ride to the lady of the lake is making me think of that one scene from half-blood prince with all the creepy water goblins... same cave/water aesthetic

AAAAAHHHHH DICTATIOUS THERE HE IS!!!!! HE LOOKS SO CONCERNED AND ADORABLE I LOVE HIM

dwoza!!!!

dictatious is being SUSPICIOUSLY nice during this scene lmao... i’m used to him being such a petty bitch

i love seeing archie transform omgggg he’s so beautiful

i knew merlin was going to have some angst, but i was not expecting this dark turn so early asgfhfjgk (i don’t blame him for not wanting to lose douxie after seeing morgana just die though tbh)

aaarrrgghh!!! AAARRRGGHH!!!!! kick gunmar’s ass bby

i very much do not like gunmar touching my boy aaarrrgghh

evil aaarrrgghh makes me so uncomfortable. but like. in the good way. this was the intended effect, i think. lol

“open up!” *steve starts talking about his problems and the doors actually talk to him about it* - this is the best play on this joke i’ve ever seen ashfgdgjfgkh it’s literallY LIKE THAT ONE FREAKIN’ VINE-

steve is CRYING oh my GOD lmao-

that was a REALLY ghostly flashback of morgan- oH SHIT THERE WAS A GHOSTIER ONE HOLY HECK I’M SLIGHTLY SCARED OF THIS-

oh god claire i am SO SCARED FOR CLAIRE RIGHT NOW WHAT THE F UC K

oh hey morgana’s... alive???

HOLY SHIT ARE THEY TRYING TO TRAUMATIZE KIDS WITH THIS SHOW???? those soulless black eyes, the way she turned her head, it was legitimately terrifying what the HECK YOU GUYS-

this episode is feckin me up you guys

!!!!!!! my boy dictatious again!!!!! i love him so much lol (i mean i know i’ve seen this scene already but i just love these stupid galadrigals so much aggshfgdfjg)

blinky you are RUDE my dude

oooohhh, i think i’m starting to see why dic switched sides. the whole “join gunmar or die” ultimatum makes that kinda clear now sgfhdgjgdhfsgdg

NIMUE!!!!!!! she’s so tall and pretty!!!!!

nimue is literally just calling out the whole team right now lmaooo

oh yay more nightmare fuel, thanks toa nowhere near as terrifying as claire trauma visions but still

“oh hey, merl” steve p l e a s e

FIRE-BREATHING ARCHIE IS MY FAV THING

merlin, why must you constantly incur the wrath of hyperpowerful beings

scary monster lake lady has departed. godbless

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD I RECOGNIZE THAT ARM

OH MY GOD

MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANGOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANGOOOORRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

oh hey morgana’s back

A N G O R R R R R R R!!!!!!!!!!!

this is my favourite episode so far, holy shit

Episode 5

nari you’re adorable

bellroc’s voice is freakin’ dope

mmmmm not sure how i’m feeling about this turn of the morgana arc so far

but oh GOD her design is still so cool and beautiful, even i have to admit

i’m very scared for angor though

like as excited as i was to see angor i physically cringed at him touching morgana, knowing the future shit that happens

OH SHIT HERE WE GO

dammit morgana LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE

oh shit, there goes morgana’s hand

suuuure, so long as magic’s healing his precious SWORD, it’s toootally fine

oh shit bular’s about to die(????)

dictatious!!! :’)

dictatious and blinky’s relationship here is GREAT, the sibling energy is high lmao

BULAR LOOKS SO TIRED OF THIS CRUD ASFGHDFJGKH

poor guy omfg

are they literally about to basically treat bular like a bear fight right now??? y’all suck

toothache is a great name for steve’s axe though lol

.... rest in feckin pieces, steve

AFDSGHDJF HE’S CRYING FOR ELI OMFG- gay

claire PLEASE don’t go making assumptions about edgy knights, he’s not necessarily a morgana person just because he’s edgy my girl

aaarrrgghh and jim fighting omg i’m LOVING this (also, y’all galadrigals are being useless af lol)

“blinkous, you know how we’re both complete cowards?” “you more than me” OK BUT THIS IS LITERALLY HOW MY BROS AND I TALK TOO ASFGJDHFJ

i am still SO suspicious of dictatious right now, wtf is going on-

callista is literally the only useful troll right now lmfao

DICTATIOUS AND BLINKY YOU ABSOLUTE SCRUBS

“we’ll torture him!” BLINKY DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND LIKE THAT

omg young vendel!!!! also vendel totally ships blaaarrrgghh already

oooohhhh claire gets to fight edgy skull knight boy!!!

CLAIRE GODDAMMIT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU IDIOT

CLAIRE I TOLD YOU THIS WAS STUPID

well... that escalated quickly

oh shit that changeling actually looks really cool???? this fight is awesome?????

DVARKSTONES YEEEESSSSSS

DVARKSTONES NOOOO-

i am REALLY loving changeling dude’s troll form though like for REAL that is an AWESOME design

past douxie you are NOT helping

merlin what part of “we have to go” do you not understand-

oh yay archie isn’t clipping through doux’s leg anymore in that one frame!

well... goodbye, cool changeling dude

arthur i still very much don’t like you

dammit angor why did you have to go and save her. i know she wasn’t evil yet but things went SO BAD SO QUICKLY

YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE TO THOSE GOOD TROLLS WHEN YOU GO BEGGING FOR HELP, YOU BITCHES

hoo boy here we go Eternal Nighting again i am DYING

merlin is a simp for arthur and gunmar is a simp for morgana no you cannot change my mind

Episode 6

yay, vendel helping jim time!!!

yeah, you better feckin’ bow to vendel, you absolute bastard

only equals when they’re serving you, huh arthur??? HUH????

every time dictatious or angor is on screen my heart soars

dictatious i love you but stop being rude to callista

!!!! blinky and aaarrrgghh time! i’m so excited (also those other trolls are absolute jerks wtf)

this is THE BEST blaaarrrgghh canon situation i’ve seen yet omgggg

i’m a sucker for developing relationships i’m sorry

oh shit callista IS deya isn’t she??? i saw theories, but i wasn’t sure if it’d actually be true or not

OH HEY IT’S DRAAL

SHUT UP DRAAL, IT’S TOTALLY GONNA BE CALLISTA

gunmar, morgana could beat your ass, don’t test her, man

this training montage is killing me jfc-

aaawww this is a sweet jlaire scene :’) date night!!!

A M U L E T  T I M E

“at least she can lend a hand eh???” DOUXIE OMFG

i actually really like how merlin and douxie’s relationship’s been developing, it’s been frustrating at times but i like how it’s going

oh callista you have NO idea what’s coming lmaooo-

DEYA TIME HELL YES

DAMMIT DRAAL THIS IS NOT THE TIME

GODDAMMIT DRAAL YOU RUINED EVERYTHING

GODFREAKINDAMMIT

i’m so upset

“these creatures will never trust me” YEAH NO SHIT ARTHUR

wait deya was the FIRST trollhunter???? book and comic canon is garbage lol

aaawwww aaarrrgghh and blinky oh my GOD they’re adorable

IT’S ABOUT TIME, ARTHUR YOU TURD

YES SHE’S DEYA, Y’ALL WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG

fuck you gunmar you binch

“today’s as good as any to die, though i never learned to read” galahad channels his inner angor

will somebody GET THAT ROCK OUTTA JIM’S CHEST ALREADY IT’S STRESSING ME OUT

i’m not ready for this war you guys

Episode 7

poor jim is having such a tough time SCREW THAT DAMN GREEN KNIGHT AND THAT DAMN ROCK

oh shit here comes the eldbitch queen-

morgana you look SO COOL but i wanna FIGHT YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE HECKER

is... is merlin gonna die???

oh wait, merlin’s tomb, i guess that’s to be expected lol

oh shit is jim gonna die??? what the HECK???? DON’T DO THIS TO ME???

sfgghgdjhfgj they made morgana REALLY creepy in these things... i love it and hate it at the same time lol

STEVE VS BULAR OMG

STEVE VS LANCELOT OH BOY

... is it bad that i didn’t realize nari was that one girl on the poster until literally seeing the frame that was on there? lol

WHAT THE FUCK???? BULAR JUST SLICED LANCELOT??? IN FRONT OF STEVE???? OH MY GOD THAT POOR KID’S SO TRAUMATIZED

that was brutal, but it also doesn’t surprise me

OH SHIT

ARCANE ORDER WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS????

welcome to wizards, where everything sucks all the time (but in a good way)

rest in fucking pieces, pendragon family

JIM NO

OH HELL YEAH, DEYA YES

and dictatious... still hasn’t switched sides. huh.

GO DEYA GO, YOU BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL TROLL, YOU!!!!

GET BULAR’S ASS, STEVE

ASGHFDFJG OMG LADY OF THE LAKE, EVEN BETTER LMAO- just yeet bular into the void why don’t you, lmao

oh god, these poor pathetic galadrigals lmao

:D aaarrrgghh!!!! this is the best!

hhhhhh dictatious is gonna turn, isn’t he??? i’m still SO suspicious lmao

“spellcaster guitar, darling” DOUXIE OMG YOU ABSOLUTE NERD

this is a SICK battle jam though ngl

archie and douxie battling together is THE BEST THING!!!!!!

aaaaand back to the shadow realm the eldbitch queen goes... wow....

merlin get back up you old dramatic fart

i REALLY love how incredibly bi steve is for ANYBODY that can kick ass lmao

where did my coward boy dictatious go

oh my god bellroc cries lava-

GET GUNMAR’S ASS, DEYA

also i’m seeing a major lack of akaridions in this “everybody returns for the world of magic” thing

deya you’re amazing sweetie aaaaaaAAAAAA

how is lance’s face still in one piece

i know this is a kid’s show but bular LITERALLY SLICED HIS FACE

nari why are you with these assholes???

aaahhh so the book canon about dictatious was right after all

i always preferred the “he was a sympathizer/with them all along” theory, but this one probably makes more sense lol

YO IS JIM SERIOUSLY GOING TO DIE????

i DO NOT believe they would actually kill jim lol

so i guess the future still happens normally??? but nobody remembers jim at the battle???

“why don’t they ever talk about that in the history books?” “my burden to bear” oh boy looks like i’ll get my answer to that soon

Episode 8

back to the present we go!!!! i wish we had seen more angor rot, there was only like ten seconds of him :(((

OH NO, JIM D:

well, the future LOOKS normal so far...

“took you long enough” BRUH THEY WERE GONE LIKE TEN SECONDS TO YOU GUYS, CUT DOUX A BREAK

!!!!! shannon!!! be careful what you wish for girl omg

“i have magic powers!” AHSGFDJFGKHLJLK

so merlin remembers the past... i’m so confused about this

LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE, YOU GREEN-KNIGHT BASTARD

JIM NO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?????

WHAT IS GOING ON WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT????? LEAVE MY JIMBO ALONE!!!!!!!!!

i love how incredibly used to the world-ending shit the arcadians are lmfao that is the BEST reaction

... will somebody please get steve out of the outhouse. please.

!!!!!! is it akaridion time???

KREL! KREL!!!!!!!

MY BEST ALIEN SON!!!!!!

zoe is doux’s wizard friend!!!! fandom also called it lol

or... is zoe an akaridion??? 

aww, poor uhl lol

oh, she’s a tech wizard!!! cool

THE GAY GIRL SHANNON KISSED IS A TECH WIZARD OMG!!!!

zoe has DEFINITELY dealt with her fair share of stupid customers

ohh, so these genesis seal things, was one of them that thing in the deep? it looks like that door that they used to get to gaylen’s core

jimbo :’(

SON of a BITCH is morgana coming back AGAIN???

GODDAMMIT YOU GUYS

i’m getting real tired of this arcane order, screw you guys

even morgana is sick of your bullshit lol

w

W H A T

ARTHUR IS THE GREEN KNIGHT????

not gonna lie i NEVER saw that coming, not in a million years

“PLEASE! YOU BOTH HAVE VALID POINTS” douxie is literally me trying to reason with fighting people jfc, big mood

“even I know it’s dumb and we’re STILL gonna go inside???” why is EVERYONE in this show SUCH a MOOD

come ON jimbo let’s GOOO don’t do this to me

GODDAMMIT ARCHIE WHYYYY

nari is so precious i love her

WIZARD DAD??? DID STEVE JUST CALL MERLIN WIZARD DAD??? WHAT

skrael’s little chuckle at steve lmfao, i died

okay, now that we’re back in the future, i don’t know if i can get behind a morgana redemption arc, but i know it’s what’s probably coming :/

i still feel bad for her, but she’s done so much extreme things of such a horrible degree

sfghdjfgkhl ARTHUR, HOE, YOU GOOD???

arthur needs to moisturize more

get their asses, merlin. i’m so tired of this arcane order

holy shit, merlin DOES die???

oh my god-

GET THEIR ASSES, DOUXIE

oh dang, good catch doux

he still gonna die though, oop-

this scene hurts, how DARE everybody toy with my emotions like this WHYYYYY

for real though the relationship between merlin and douxie was done amazingly in my opinion, even if the timeframe is a little tight, but i see what aaron meant by this being like a full-length action movie now (though obviously longer lol)

Episode 9

are we?? back in the past????

oh douxie, what are you doing...

oh, this is a flashback, i get it now

oof, my heart

omg the music here is KILLING ME you guys, my heart can’t take this

my heart is broken like the heart of avalon

ARE WE GETTING DRAGONS??? YOOOOOOOO

DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS!!!!!!!!

shut up skrael you bitch

morgana are you ACTUALLY sad about merlin’s death when you just had a major murder boner for him at the eternal night in arcadia????

nari’s eyes are SO beautiful omg, the detail in her design is AWESOME

no jim soul :’(((

maybe jim soul????

DRAGON TIME

ooo, BIG dragon time

that is... not the face i was expecting for a dragon. but i’ll take it lol

awww, archie’s dad! :D they’re both stupid and adorable hsfgdhfjgkh

does... does morgana remember the past stuff too???? like, of claire?????

mmmm not trusting this team-up yet

GODDAMMIT CHARLIE.

oh shit, we have another “destroy the amulet” situation

JIMBO!!!!! OH NO MY SON D:

dammit morgana please don’t poke fun at claire’s trauma you gave her

AGH WHY DOES THIS SHOW HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH

archie has the same reaction to his baby pictures as i do to mine lmfao

my heart hurts for douxie :’(

OH BYE, I GUESS-

this cool blue weird room is hella aesthetic

OH, MERLIN’S SAFE HAD THE SEAL THINGIES

funky

oh shoot, arthur/morgana angst time

“i fought for magic’s freedom, not destruction” hoe you tried to kill a bunch of people AND killed a bunch of trolls don’t pull that card on me-

i’m still slightly sad about this though

ADSFGHDJFGKHL THEIR REACTION TO MORGANA LMAO-

yet ANOTHER episode ending on steve screaming, omfg i’m dying here you guys, i am a simple lady and that dumb scream cut-off makes me chortle like an idiot

Episode 10 (LAST ONE!!!)

gettin’ REAL TIRED of these arcane bastards

ALIEN KREL TIME YAYYY!!!!!

WHAT, WE MISSED THE AWESOME MAGIC FIGHT??? AWWW

of COURSE krel got his ass beat lmao

krel you are NOT helping-

are we boutta pull more time shenanigans??? i’m scared

“she’d leave any of you for dead if it meant her freedom” i don’t know if i should be annoyed or excited that i have a line EXTREMELY similar to this in htfas... different context though, obvs

not liking bellroc’s voice so much anymore

shut up skrael i wanna fight you

... uh. doux. what you doin. i’m. i’m scared.

DOUXIE YOU ABSOLUTE NERD

hisirdoux casperan!!!! we finally got a full name!!!!!!!!!!!

AHAHAHA USING TIME LOOPS AGAINST THE ENEMY OMG

that is GENIUS

“sorcerers give me heartburn” GATTO WHAT OTHER SORCERERS HAVE YOU EATEN MY DUDE

a+ for effort steve. lol

we got aaarrrgghh and jim fighting again, like at killahead... except it hurts more now :’(

GO DOUXIE GO HECK YEAH!!!!

mmmmmmstill not sure how i’m feeling about the morgana thing. i’ll never forgive her for the angor stuff, i’m sorry

“neither of us can escape gravity!” excuse me morgana but yOU CAN FLY FAM

adfgsdhjf they almost got eaten by a nyarlagroth omggg

ah crud, those arcane jerks are back YET AGAIN UUUGGGHHH

did douxie just call the arcane order BUTTSNACKS

iconic

oooooh, purple-eyed claire!!! very cool!

claire using beautiful magic powers gives me LIFE

oh shit, there goes morgana AGAIN

she must be getting real sick of dying at this point lol

i’m kinda sad toby has gotten swept under the rug yet again for another series

GOD, THIS MUSIC

SO good

JIM PROTECTED CLAIRE FROM THE BLAST AAAHHH

FINALLY GOT OUR FREAKIN BOY BACK

WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY ACTUALLY JUST KILL JIM???

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

oh nvm he’s fine

wh

WHAT

he’s human again???

uuhhh

hmm

well that’s something i know is gonna be a topic of... possible disagreement in the fandom. lol

i’m not sure how i feel about that either...

rip douxie you shall be missed lol

this scene with doux and merlin is great

i really love that toa just. lets its male characters cry all the time. LET BOYS CRY, THEY DESERVE IT

ooo i like morgana’s death dress a lot. damn girl where do you get your afterlife clothes???

DID MERLIN JUST PEACE TF OUT WITH THE PUNK ROCK SYMBOL OMFG

archie is adorable i’m going to cry

i’m still VERY VERY unsure how to feel about the human jim thing. uuuhhh i’ll comment on that after some more thought, i think

JIM YOU ARE DEFINITELY STILL THE TROLLHUNTER YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAN DON’T YOU DARE DOUBT THAT

DOUXIE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT

this music keeps absolutely murdering me every time it plays oh my GOODNESS

nari’s human clothes look SO cute *sobs* why is she so cute

i want to fight these arcane order jerks so bad come ON YOU JERKS

okay... wow. that was... a lot.

i need some processing time. (and a pee break)

i’ll try to collect my thoughts soon but god knows they won’t be coherent lmaooo

[douxie-casperan]

[So last night somebody off hand mentioned Trollhunter!Douxie and for the heck of it I did a quick messy sketch, then did a better armour design earlier on. This has been rattling in my head since because the entire concept is a hilarious mess so lets have some ~details~ Huge thanks to @flamekeeperbellroc​ Mun for letting me go off on one:]

When the previous Trollhunter dies (Presumably it’s still Kanjigar in this disaster of an AU), the amulet turns up at GDT Arcane books where Archie will find it. Douxie’s initial reaction to this is “ Huh not seen this old thing for a few centuries wonder what it's doing here.” It’s when it starts following him around he gets suspicious but equally he’s the LAST person the stupid thing should be harassing in the first place.

The trolls still find him as they have a tendency to do no matter the AU leaving poor Douxie having to pretend to be a totally normal 19 year old human, has no idea about trolls/Trollmarket, absolutely doesn't understand a little bit of trollish (Even if it’s centuries old at this point) though having a bit of a ball seeing what happened after they were driven underground after the original battle of Killahead. Makes sure at the concern over later nights to say, “No no you're good I barely get enough sleep anyway but I have to open up in the morning and I'd like to not pass out while serving someone.”

They notice Archie hanging around so much so he claims that his familiar "attached” and “like a good luck charm”. Puts his foot down very quickly about anyone or anything trying to eat him or if they even so much consider it, the first hint of this being someone other than pretty chill and laid back about everything.

Immediately goes to tell Zoe because “Hey you know that keep out of troll politics thing? Guess I don’t get a choice now :D” This gets her dragged into proceedings as well being the third member of team fake being oblivious.

"How strange! The armour seems to have altered the bracer somehow though I cannot say I recognise these particular runic symbols..."  Douxie, internally: Sweats nervously

Plays off Daylight changing into a staff if one that can be turned into other weaponry much like a Wizard one can as a “Huh must be a weird human thing!”

The constant battle of trying not to sass back such as when told "You are now the protector of two worlds", the temptation to say "Three, actually. The mortal plane doesn't police it's self yanno" is incredibly strong. Demons don’t dispose of themselves after all and he’s still got his regular duties on top of this.

"We think there may be changelings in Arcadia!"  Douxie, internally: ... There has for a good couple decades how did you miss the memo?

Upon finding out Killahead is being reconstructed by the changelings @ Strickler in particular:

Literally sends him an anonymous letter with CAN YOU NOT

"I like this century! Just want to chill out eat some good food, save up for a few things maybe hang out with my girlfriend without having to deal with you tossbags trying to kill everyone. Is that too much to ask?!”  

At some point heads to Merlin’s Tomb being one of exceptionally few who knows of it’s location just to rant at his sleeping Master demanding to know what he’s playing at making HIM the Trollhunter as really? REALLY???

[Bonus: A very messy sketch of being very done with life and society.]

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Sakamoto, Episodes 1-3

And so we begin! In which Sakamoto is literally The Best, and that’s really the one joke going on, which doesn’t give me much hope in this show’s staying power.

Apollo Boy

Sakamoto is the best. That is the point of his character: he is literally the best. He’s naturally cooler, nicer, smarter, more talented, and more popular than everyone he comes across. He is simply the greatest dude you could ever meet, with no qualifications or flaws. And on the surface, you think a character like that would be unspeakably boring. How many times has the anime community collectively raged against bland wish-fulfillment protagonists who can literally do nothing wrong? Characters like Kirito, Ayato, and any other bargain-bin light novel protagonist you could name are harshly criticized for a reason. They’re boring to watch because you know they’ll never fail or be significantly challenged in any way. They come off less like characters and more like the author masturbating his audience. And yet, Sakamoto isn’t boring. He’s actually pretty charming! In fact, the genius of him as a protagonist is that the way he goes about being perfect isn’t just endearing on its own merits, it actively gets you swept up in the same fervor that everyone else feels for him. You legitimately believe this guy’s the coolest motherfucker in the room, and you don’t mind a bit as long as you get to keep seeing him be awesome.

The trick, I think, is that Sakamoto isn’t just unrealistically perfect: he genuinely enjoys being himself. He knows he’s the coolest dude around and enjoys the attention, but nothing about him is put-on or phony. He’s just naturally that amazing, and he goes about doing amazing things as if he never considered those acts anything less than natural. Someone pulls a chair out from under him as he sits? His body instinctively sinks him into an air-sit without so much as a stumble. Water bursts in his face? He effortlessly transitions into a hot hunk getting his shirt soaked. He presents prepackaged cafeteria sandwiches as if they’re fancy finger food just to make the act of eating them more enjoyable. He turns the school vending machine into a goddamn cocktail bar. He slips into serving as a bully’s lapdog with the regal grace of playing butler to a noble lord: ”That melody beckons me.” No matter what situation he’s in, he finds a way to make it cool as if it’s second nature to him. It’s not an affect or a posture, it’s just who he earnestly is. And despite how unrealistic someone like Sakamoto is, the fact that he owns it so well kinda makes you buy it in spite of yourself. Of course he’s just that perfect; what else could he possibly be?

Cool, Cooler, Coolest

This is the foundation for pretty much the show’s only joke: somebody tries to treat Sakamoto like a normal, flawed person, but Sakamoto scuttles their efforts by being so gosh darn perfect, and in doing so makes them want to overcome their own flaws to be a little more like him. Really, that’s the basis of every single gag in this show. And a lot of the time, it works! Sakamoto’s inhuman perfection is so far removed from how everyone else sees the situation that it’s sometimes hard to tell if he’s purposefully trolling his enemies with kindness or if he’s really that oblivious to how he’s turning their ill intentions against them. When he takes the fall for the thugs who try to jump him in the first episode and proposes writing his apology note in calligraphy, was that to rub it in their faces a bit to make sure they got the point, or was he simply eager to go the extra mile? Certainly, clobbering the bullies in episode 2 and leaving their victim to deliver the finishing blow himself felt deliberate. And then he takes a posturing girl’s attempts to flirt with him and flips them around to make her true self shine through so she’s able to make friends with her other classmates instead. You get the sense he’s more of a “teach a man to fish” kind of guy, putting people in scenarios where they’re able to solve their problems for themselves rather than just fixing them and failing to solve the root of their issues. See how far overboard he goes showing kindness to his punk boss in episode 3 that he treads into horror villain territory (”Please. Your carriage awaits.”), teaching the guy a karmic lesson about making everyone else do his chores for him. But there’s never any malice in his actions; he just wants everyone to be their best self, and everyone's obliviousness to how well he’s guiding them down that path definitely got some chuckles out of me.

Lesser Fishermen

On the other hand, I fear that this isn’t a joke the show can sustain for the entirety of the show. Even just three episodes in, it’s already running the risk of growing stale. A big part of the issue is that I find most of the side characters completely uninteresting; they’re just there for Sakamoto to bounce off of and prove he’s better than them. Yeah, Sakamoto being cooler and more interesting than them is The Point(tm), but I don’t find myself particularly eager to see anyone else on screen other than our titular hero. Well, okay, the punk voiced by Tomokazu Sugita I enjoy, because Sugita is always a welcome presence in my house, and his instant gay crush on Sakamoto warms my cold dead heart (”Don’t tell me he stole your heart?” “HAHAHAHAHA!”) But no one else really interests me, and I’m not really a fan of most of their performances. They’re so self-consciously “I’m a gross, awkward normal person” that they ironically circle back around to feeling more fake than Sakamoto’s effortlessly gentlemanly dulcet tones. The production isn’t the best either; character animation is stiff outside the punchy gag moments, and the faces/facial expressions lack the kind of detail you want to help sell all the exaggerated reactions. They feel like lesser versions of Prison School’s excellent shit-eating expression work. At this point, Sakamoto’s running on the strength of just this one gag, and I’m not sure how much gas it really has in the tank. But I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.

Odds and Ends

-”I-I mean, your blonde hair is stylish too.” In this house, we stan guys appreciating each other’s fashion sense.

-Also, this extended long shot is an effectively silly way to deliver exposition.

-OKAY BUT WHERE’D THE WATERSPOUT COME FROM

-Today, I have seen someone duel a bee’s stinger with a compass, and it was good.

-”...though the routine requires you actually hit the other person.” Okay, Hi-Dive’s translator notes are popping off today.

-”Dude, how long are we gonna keep playing volleyball?” dskjfhskjdfhds

-”One smile. Takeout, please.” sdkjfhsdkf GOD DAMMIT I SHIP THEM

-”It can’t be used on air?!” who even are you

-”Humans are so fascinating.” At this point, I half-suspect he is an alien.

-”Sorry! I’ll buy something moist right away!” ...no comment.

-”Perhaps I’m somewhat out of sync?” is he getting self-conscious oh my GOD

And with that, we’re on our way! Here’s hoping this turns out a pleasant surprise. See you next time!

[smokeybrand]

The Final Troll

I had to step back from the world for a few months because, ever since Trump got elected, the US has lost it’s f*cking mind. I am just overwhelmed by the abject delusion, the aggressive self-sabotage, and the overwhelming stupidity of my fellow man. COVID has exposed the US for what it really is; A crackhead in a Gucci belt. I’ve been trying to process that for the last two years and it is not working. People keep upping their stupid and i can’t get ahead of it. I am literally drowning in willful ignorance and proud idiocy. The United States touts itself as the greatest country in the world and we are a bunch of cruel, manipulative, idiots who refuse to adhere to science and put all faith into an imaginary deity who has been indifferent to our plight for, at least, two thousand years, if any at all! Now, i said all of that to clarify my mindset when all of this Chris-chan sh*t came out. I was right there on the edge and then this nonsense f*cking happen and, like, bro, wat.

Chris-chan, for those of you that don’t know, is a severely, severely, autistic man who claims to be high-functioning but is so very obliviously not. Dude has a bunch of mental issues that go untreated because he has no caretakers. In fact, he cares for his elderly, dementia riddled, mother. We’ll circle back around to that in a second. That’s going to be a real f*cked up situation right there but well get there. Christine Weston Chandler is a trans lesbian woman because she thought it would be easier to have sex with straight, boyfriend-free, preferably White women. That’s right, Chris-chan is a whole f*cking racist! That probably has more to do with where he grew up and the fact that his parents are old enough to be his actual grand-parents when he was born. Probably contributes to the whole Autism thing. Chris-chan is not a sympathetic character. He’s actually a pretty terrible person, disabilities be damned, but the constant internet assault upon his person is f*cking cruel. They have been tormenting this man since he was a teenager. Dude is in his Forties now. How f*cked up is that?

Again, and i can’t stress this enough, Chris-chan is a terrible f*cking person. There’s a myriad of f*cking reasons why and if you really want to know, a cursory search on any legitimate internet platform will give you a wealth of information about dudes many, many, problematic f*ck-ups. However, the unrelenting cruelty inflicted upon this cat by the internet is absolutely disgusting. The had this woman doxx herself which lead to so much stress, that her father had a heart-attack. They bamboozled this woman into created several sex tapes and leaked them online. They tricked her into signing over checks, bank accounts, and possessions, under the guise of false friendships and feigned romance. The trolls have been terrible to this woman and left her exposed to the world, all for the lulz. Admittedly, i got into this who weird sect of the internet long ago, also for the lulz, but after that first sex tape got leaked, i was over it. As sh*tty a person as Chris-chan is, they don’t deserve that. They don;t deserve to be taken advantage of simply because of their intellectual deficiency, naive nature, and debilitating loneliness. Enter this b*tch, Isabella Loretta Janke.

Up to this point the trolling of Chris-chan has been cruel but not life threatening. Janke changed all of that. This psychopath set out to be the number one troll and she went about doing that by tricking Chris-chan into f*cking her mom! Barb, Chris-chan’s mother, is octogenarian with an aggressive form of dementia. She literally confuses her son for her husband who has been dead for almost a decade. Barb has no grasp of reality and should have been in some sort of assisted living situation or, at least, have a government welfare worker on hand every day, for at least the last three years. There is no way that someone as mentally depleted as Chris-chan should have ever been left alone with Barb, especially with a monster like Isabella preying on him like that. Seriously, look this crazy b*tch up! Boiling hamsters alive, neglecting dogs until they die, posting CP on public forums, outing people transitioning into who they really are all around her college campus; The b*tch is out of her f*cking mind! She convinced Chris-chan to f*ck his mom several times, recording his confession in excruciating detail, with intent to blackmail him later. Fortunately, those tapes got leaked because what the f*ck, and the authorities got involved. Barb was removed from the home, finally landing in a place where she can get the care she desperately needs without all of the actual sexual abuse, and Chris-chan is going to pay for his crimes.

As f*cked up as it is, Chris-chan chose to f*ck his mom. Isabella definitely manipulated him into thinking doing so was fine, but, ultimately Chris-chan pulled the trigger. Repeatedly. I’ve read a few transcripts of his first court appearance and they are heart breaking. Chris-chan literally doesn’t understand why she’s in trouble, which makes me think she didn’t understand what she was doing to her mother was a felony. She seems to think that her internet fame is enough to nullify the horrible actions she’s committed and believes this is all just an elaborate troll, like so many others. The fact that she would go straight to troll, while in cuffs, while standing before a judge, while sitting in a cell, speaks to the impact all of these internet assholes have ad on her. Even is she had all of her mental faculties, what would this unrelenting punishment do to a person? Chris-chan is a terrible f*cking person, for sure, and deserves to do time for what she did to Barb but Isabella is so much worse. You can hear it on those leaked tapes. There no way Chris-chan does any of that loathsome sh*t without the aggressive and repeated pushes from Janke. If Chris-chan goes to jail, then Janke needs to swiftly follow. That b*tch is a straight up psychopath that needs to be culled.

Bella does have fantastic tits, though. Probably her only redeeming quality.