#genuinely my mom is so weird
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cant wait to move out so i can have bangs. (im not allowed to have bangs for as long as im living with my parents bc my mom thinks they "look unkept" bc i have curly hair. im not even joking.)
#rose rambling#not a vent moreso an AURGRHRVRHGEHEHSJSB moment#genuinely my mom is so weird#this is sparked by her being annoyed about me having side bands/layered bangs for my hair and getting annoyed w me about it today#idek tbh#shes just like that#:/
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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every time i talk about politics my mom keeps reminding me that she used to vote republican and still sorta considers herself one, and its so funny i keep having to find delicate ways to tell her that mayhaps...the party has not been uniquely bad in the last 15 or so years, she just divorced my dad and her kid came out as gay (to her, my dad didnt find out until like 3 years ago lol) so she's paying more attention instead of voting the way she's been told is correct.
anyway she literally hasnt voted red since then but sure, its just coincidence that all the red candidates suck shit.
#my mom is very sweet#shes also autistic#and so very much like....never got the subtext?#like people said 'think of the children!' and she just. very genuinely is extremely caring about kids#i dont think she realizes how fake a lot of these people are. that MOST of them. at least the ones ive known. are talking out their ass#and paying lip service to being anything other than assholes.#now she's paying attention and is like 'wait i dont like abortion but that bill seems weird and excessively cruel'#or w/e
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Had a weird dream about Free Willy but trying to break an Angel(?) out of a government facility and honestly now I’m attached to this big anxious bird. Learning to fly is hard when you’re a gangly preteen.
#genuinely man(?) is living in my head rent free now#I imagine if I was ever going to turn them into a novel it would be structured sort of like a child star tell all#since the human kid’s mom kinda became a stage mom#since keeping her kids in the spotlight was the only way to keep enough attention on them so the government wouldn’t try something#+ to pay for the various expenses of adopting a weird abused bird child#so the Free Willy part of the story is just kinda the opener for a lot of hurt/comfort with these two#then the actual plot would start because while writting as young adults some Abrahamic nonsense finally showed up#so unfinished child star tell all into diary/tell all about some adventure nonsense#but honeslty I just wanna figure out these goobers designs and draw them being cute#my art#my ocs#dream journal
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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)
#salmon jibberish#god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a#d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop 🔥🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy#i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down#the hill#i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it#it'd melt off every time i took a shower too#<- that was probably kinda gross sorry#scabs on both my knees#one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend#and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb#we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol#afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny#me when i yap in the tags#sorry gang#and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day#my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace#just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day#idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a#dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs#idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk#ANYWAY#good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO#IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥
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ok look, i don't normally do that because i just don't ship real people but since everyone is talking about this lately... i just read the forest fic for the first time ever.
#somebody kill me now please i feel like my brain is broken i don't know what's happening anymore#is josh even real#i wasted so much time on this and i don't know what to think#it's kinda good tho?#like... i absolutely loved all those forest references#it's one of my favourite songs ever#the entire concept was really interesting and ngl i actually had fun and it was beautifully written#but jesus was it weird#wild even#like genuinely what the fuck#i'm confused i need help mom come pick me up#in my defense i only did that becase all of you were saying it's a part of navigating mv now so i had to check what's the big deal#and boy#you were right#they truly did that and i hate them for it#i bet tyler read it and fucking loved it lmao#i'm gonna. die now#twenty one pilots#the forest fic#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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i finished yokai gakuen
#jinpei jiba#yokai gakuen#yokai watch jam#y gakuen#DO I THINK JINPEI IS GENUINELY QUEER-CODED?#NO.#AM I CONVINCED HE IS THOUGH?#YES#can't believe i went 'jinpei's thing with older ladies is because he has mommy issues. he's actually gay'#AND THEN THE#THE HEALING THING WITH LANA HAPPENED...#then there's the third opening it's. so funny#it's talking about mysteries UNTIL jinpei and raimu are together#then it switches to romance#then it switches to mysteries again#AND THEN ROMANCE WHEN JINPEI AND RAIMU ARE TOGETHER AGAIN#OH ALSO THE THIRD OP IS NAMED ANCIENT ROMANTIC. LANA SAYS SHE'S AN ANCIENT. THEREFORE RAIMU IS TOO. HOW IS THAT NOT ON PURPOSE#also i'm very sure he has a crush on matarou too like come on#which is really sad because raimu left and then matarou left. the poor guy gjrhbgrg#anyways my review is that wow that was a mess. i mess i'm attached to sadly#also i need to edit the post on haus-mom where i got some things wrong#the way of the alma is that i get into a popular-ish franchise and instead of staying on my lane#i get into the weird spin off nobody has ever heard off. why does it keep happening#it's really funny because i kept calling jinpei my cat son (my stupid cat son to be more specific)#and there are two (2) characters i currently call my children (i do not call myself hau's mom even though it's still my url fjebhgher)#and those are jinpei and yuuichi mizuoka. which is really funny. because yuuichi would kill him on sight i'm sure. or they'd be besties#no inbetween#hold on... isn't that the true spirit of brother-ness?#anyways i will maybe post my liveblogging to my liveblogging blog it has been. a trip jebgher
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not an objectum but i believe their beliefs
#d#surprise this is a hidden vent post#i hate my autistic hyperempathy for objects bc like it unironically can just ruin my mood extremely quickly#like i thought abt ppl physically hurting the remote control r2d2 u can buy at star wars land in disney and like#it made me genuinely like upset upset? those videos of like toilets on strings sloshing into each other are like corpses to me#it bothers me like highkey deeply if i don't just like. dissociate my way through it and it makes me feel so weird like#idk why i'm like this like. basically any object being hurt or intentionally broken/warped to me is like bothersome#my mom used to have me throw away unwanted / expired things and it'd make me genuinely upset thinking abt how much time and effort#went into these things just for me to be tossing them to a landfill and like yes some of this is capitalistic guilt for like the gluttony#but like also i do just have a genuine problem with like. i don't want to see things get hurt#i can get hurt bc i'm me and i'm different but like other things being hurt deeply upsets me#i need to go shower and quit thinking abt this#there are some exceptions tho like packaging doesn't rly bother me all that much bc it's intended to be torn open#but like random other objects that Aren't bothers me deeply
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i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo.
#and also. not enough#that one big summary of his Deal was like . 1k words.#and it brushed over so much shit#like his trust issues and the vacation arc and his criminal background (on qsmp) and the way he was the first to take protecting the#eggs seriously and i dont even KNOW enough about his relationship with maxo and the french that is a big blindspot for me but bad and max#(and foolish?) og founders of the theory bros the first people who started questioning cucurucho and then the french his family the people#who keep proving to be on his side over and over and i love it when he hangs out with pierre and talks create#and when he chills with antoine and helps fix the big spinning ring#and his WEIRD warrior's bond with etoiles (bad always gets along with the protectors have you noticed that#forever was the second big egg protector and baghera took care of pomme from the start and cellbit threw himself to the feds to try to help#the island and etoiles took the weight of the code attacks from bad's shoulders to his own in entirety. he respects them all a lot and i am#chewing him to pieces)#and his relationship with baghera!!!! she can read him so so well and he fucking trusts her enough to be dapper's mom#he may have felt weird about it and was jealous and :c because tahts HIS dapper but#he didn't kill her about it#or really do anything to discourage it#and he noticed her tear streaks and her leg and got Worried about the federation 'fixing' her and#genuinely he was so so happy when he realized she was back he went !!! mode#look. LOOK at these fucking tags. look back at the post. i can Keep Talking.#my point remains i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo#shit and i didn't even TALK about his weird bullshit with foolish#i need a giant corkboard
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7 days sober wtf !!!!!!!!!!! :D
#genuinely would’ve thought this would’ve been IMPOSSIBLE last week#but im sleeping better anxiety is soooo down confidence is higher#and im not unbelievably unintelligibly fatigued every second of every day which is genuinely INSANE & so nice 🙂↕️😭#my emotions are a lil weird like im not in peaks & valleys anymore like I don’t feel BIGLY anymore#but tbh id rather feel a little less than feel so anxious & depressed & just like a walking zombie 99% of the time#so it’s a good trade off lol#& still a learning process too who knows what will happen as my brain adapts!!!!#the more I’m sober im like ohhhh yea i am 50% addict on my mom’s side like should’ve done this a minute ago😭😭😭😭#sorry for the rant just excited !!!!#hope y’all are having a good week ❤️
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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am i the weird one for not wanting to hear about how long people have been "trying for a baby" ? like does that make me weird? or is everyone else weird for being so fixated on it
#i'm in an emotional tailspin for unrelated reasons#but tldr my mom was saying something about a close friend of mine#because she met up with said friend's mom#and apparently this friend is pregnant again but having complications#and like. seemed genuinely offended when i was like 'oh these are details i don't need to know'#re: how long they'd been trying#like. ??? why are you offended? why should i care about that#am i insane?#like i want to be clear this is not puritanical. i know what's required to have a kid and i don't care#but other people get so weird about it??#is this the only acceptable way for women to acknowledge they have a sex life or?#my mom has always been strangely focused on other peoples' pregnancies so maybe it's just her
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.
#zoe.txt#i’ve had a problem since high school where i Cannot sleep the night before a funeral#& i do genuinely wish there was like. a pin or something i could wear#that says ‘i promise i am not being distant & removed on purpose!’#‘my body anticipates funerals like a six year old anticipates christmas mornings!’#‘i have not slept in twenty four hours but i promise your condolences mean a lot!’#family is just so weirdddddddd like my dad’s my grandfather’s only living son#& given that my aunt is Very Much Estranged he and my cousin were the ones dealing with him towards the end#but my dad and him have had such a strained relationship so my DAD is mourning weird#and his side of the family is weird towards my mom and so I’M in a weird grey area & neither of my siblings came down for the funeral#even without the no sleep i should be allowed to react a little removed to my aunt’s histrionics 😭#i want to take a nap in the pews but i can’t & also it will be such a STRUGGLE not to get lulled by the rosary
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a worse show would make zeke and chelsea love interests bcuz theyre both kinda tough kids and get into trouble a lot at school. but i have faith bobs burgers would not do that to us
#or zeke and tammy and then jocelyn and jimmy jr#jocelyn and jimmy jr are LITERALLY siblings so them being in a romantic relationship would be so funny actually. genuinely cant imagine it#tammy did have interest in zeke when she first appeared but im guessing that kinda went away when she uhhhh met him?#jimmy jr and jocelyn definitely have the vibe of childhood friends who have known each other since they were babies#bcuz their mom's were friends and went to the same playgroup but they would find it so weird to be in a relationship#like..... thats basically my twin sister wtf#txt#bob's burgers
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i'm so fucking stressed out
#dude my dog had acl repair surgery in march#she's healed fine with that but developed stomach issues#so she's been back and forth to the vet with that#and now when i was at work she just randomly started walking weird as fuck. she kicks her leg that was operated on backwards as she walks#and sometimes looses balance in both legs#and then when i pick her up she acts like it hurts her spine or something#i'm gonna wake up in 4 hours to call the vet and see if they can see us today and pray that this isn't something that she'll need surgery#for again#i also am supposed to work tomorrow and then friday we have a rehearsal dinner and then saturday the wedding which is two hours away.#vets closed on sunday so if she can't get seen tomorrow it'll be a whole new fiasco trying to get her helped somewhere else#this dog is my lifeline like it#ruins me#seeing her like this#genuinely if i didn't have her i wouldnt be here#it's so hard to watch her not even be able to walk#but it's so fuckinf weird bc my mom said she was just laying in her bedroom and she came back out doing it? there's nothing she could've#gotten into it just makes no fuckinf sense#like it's possible either her kneecap or her acl implant thing popped out of place but#she stiffens her entire body when i pick her up#and she acts like she's losing balance#it's so fucking weird#i'm also terrified that i'm about to get told she has some kind of onset of neurological problems and she'll have to get put down#or something along those lines#it's just too much rn#pls keep my doggy in ur thoughts#we just spent 3k on her surgery in march if she has to get operated on again first of all the recovery process all over again sounds like#a nightmare#but just the cost alone#i'm gonna FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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📓🖊️🧸
#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk#my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me#nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her#so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333#anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :((#but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol)#then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude#they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he#pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole??????#got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :((#it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back#hurt so bad too sksksks :<#but i managed to write a little but on my assignment#then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad#wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk#felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣#now a few hours later i feel better physically#buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding#idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better#like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T#im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :((#and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all#im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks#i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!!#i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :(#but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all#mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk
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